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and you call me up / i can’t believe my luck /
the ghost i love’s in love / with someone else
The day was fated to piss him off since it began, and it only made the taste of the air even more bitter.
It’s cold as hell outside, and typically there would be an avoidance of the freezing temperature, but tonight, Leon felt like he could breathe fire. First, he’d been corralled by his boss, Krauser, to work the fucking night shift and it’d left him cranky and irritable in the morning. That had been the start, because the exhaustion had clung to the edge of his eyes and made them dry, burning with his resentment at such hours. At least Chris had made it somewhat easy, meaning Leon didn’t have to pick up any slack for other people the way he might need to on another day. Small mercies, or whatever the fuck, and Leon had been set on using that relief to carry him into the next day with some tact.
That had been killed dead when he’d run into his roommate in the kitchen before heading to his room for bed, the sun hitting him directly as if to add insult to injury: Leon had been forced to look at him, which made the words process and press into his muddled, aching brain with no mercy. Listen, Sancho, Luis Serra had said, his shirt well ironed and buttoned up, meaning that he had a lecture where he worked as a part-time professor at the local college, I have plans tonight, so I won’t be back until late. Don’t wait up for me.
That would have typically just been fine and dandy, except that it was Wednesday. Thing was, that particular day had always been reserved for the two of them to laze around their apartment, watching old movies and going tit for tat on who knew more trivia. Luis liked old movies and horrors, and Leon liked action movies and heartfelt movies ( romances , Luis had teased him with once), and they both had enough crossover with them to have a good conversation. It was nice, it was right, and Luis just gracefully canceling their time together like it was a passing thought before slipping out the door had really spit in Leon’s fucking coffee. He’d spent the entire day determined to make the best of it, going on a run when he woke up at midday, making himself lunch, but every tick of the clock just made him so irritable that he’d been tempted to smash the damn thing into smithereens.
Sure enough, the night came and Luis did not return: the hands kept advancing in their drolling circles on the clock face – past seven, eight, and nine. He called his friend Claire, Chris’ sister, to kill some time to make himself less aware of the minutes that seemed to be crawling by. Leon had been drinking water in the kitchen as he watched the tick, tick, tick go past eleven, and something inside him simply snapped under the weight of his bothered mood. Leaning over the note that Luis always leaves on nights he goes out, Leon reads with quick precision: the address of where he was staying, just in case anything happened, accompanied by things that needed to get done for the day and any other anecdotes that Luis wanted to leave. His eyes fit to the last line – try not to miss me too much! – accompanied by a winky face.
“That right?” Leon says to himself, his voice coming out cruel as he walks to the coffee table in the living room to pick up his keys, “don’t worry, Luis, I’ll show you exactly how much I miss you.”
So there he was, in the freezing cold of early winter, unlocking his car and sitting heavily into the driver’s seat. His brain continues to repeat the address like a feedback loop so he doesn’t forget – it was an apartment complex that was across town, so his drive was going to be much longer than he felt like. However, it was very late, and there was no sign of Luis, and who knew if he wasn’t being cut into a thousand little pieces to be thrown into a nearby river. It made Leon jittery, only added to by his teeth chattering, and he turned the engine over to begin blasting the heater. It comes out frigid on his face, making his cheeks a little numb, but it made it easier to focus somehow: he needed to go get Luis and bring him home, so that he’d be able to get some semblance of relaxation tonight. He gets about halfway and his phone chimes, his eyes flashing over to the device at a red light.
Claire: Please do not do anything stupid tonight.
Too late, Leon thinks to himself, hitting the gas at the first opportunity. It wasn’t that simple, outside eyes just didn’t understand how they worked. Luis, for all intents and purposes, was Leon’s best friend. They’d met when he’d done his associates at college and immediately bonded – they moved in together within the first year of knowing each other and had been practically attached at the hip ever since. It’d been over five years now, and they’d built routines around each other that were hard stuck. Leon knew all of Luis’ secrets, including that he favored men when it came to his relationships, and although he didn’t understand it, he still respected those choices. What he struggled with, however, was the means that Luis followed of obtaining it felt strange and foreign to him. These guys seemed so uncaring for his feelings, like Luis wasn’t the smartest man that Leon knew, and also one of the most caring. It seemed like he had a habit of intertwining himself with guys that couldn’t give two shits about him, and it was a sour thing to think about because it reflected how Luis viewed himself.
It infuriated Leon, and tonight, the anger had reached its boiling point.
He pulled into an apartment about twenty minutes later, and it wasn’t the worst place on the planet – at least it didn’t look shady or rundown, but it was considered middle of the road, to him. The kind of place that one rents when they’re looking at their first apartment in their early twenties that they have until they find something better. There’s music playing out of one of the windows, with changing flashing lights – Leon can feel the base when he walks up the stairs, and it was a weeknight , and nearing midnight no less, did these people have any consideration? Obviously not, though Leon might be the pot calling the kettle black with what he was here to do. He peeks on the second floor to get an idea of the numbering system before going up another, knowing that the apartment would likely be on the third floor, since the number was in the thirties.
Watching the numbers pass, he keeps track of each one, counting in his head until the fated door, apartment 38F. He stares menacingly at the number, as if he could burn a hole through the wood just by looking at it and projecting his wrath. A deep breath inflates and then deflates out of his lungs, and his hand comes up with a swift movement, knocking with urgency on the door. There’s shuffling on the other side, and the air fills with uneasy tension as it finally cracks open, a man’s face peering out. Firstly, he’s somewhat similar to Leon in looks: he has blonde hair, though his is obviously bleached in comparison to a more natural dishwater blonde, and his eyes are a glimmering and vibrant green in the light from the hallway. He’s very obviously confused, an eyebrow creasing as he opens the door more to look at Leon with a dumbfounded expression.
“Uh, who the fuck are you?” The guy says, and now that Leon can see him, he realizes rather quickly that the guy is shirtless. Annoyance pulses at his temples, teeth gritting in reaction, and if the dude wanted to be a prick then Leon could be one right back.
“Luis here?” Leon asks, ignoring his question entirely, as if the stranger had said nothing at all.
“Yeah,” the guy responds, stepping back and giving him an open path that is immediately taken. His place smells like beer and lysol that was obviously being used to cover it up. It’s rankly chemical, which makes Leon’s nose immediately scrunch in displeasure. His head would start hurting any minute now, too alert and on edge for comfort, and the unpleasant atmosphere was only threatening to worsen it. The place is a total mess, and that was a polite way to put it: there were beer cans lingering around and plates that still had food stuck on them on the coffee table, and clothes strewn about as if the whole place was the laundry basket. He may as well have walked into a radioactive wasteland, and it takes careful steps to avoid putting his boot in anything gross . Leon walked a bit into the living room, until he was in the middle of the space, with enough room to raise his voice.
“Luis,” he calls, tone breaching no argument, “c’mon, we’re going home.”
Noise erupts from behind the closed door across the room immediately, and it takes no more than a moment to open, Luis emerging through with the button up he had earlier completely opened, leaving his chest and abdomen exposed. Said torso is moving very fast with harsh breaths, and it’s distinct on the Spaniard’s features that he is fucking furious. Leon almost felt like gloating just from the sight of it.
That makes two of us, he thinks, still steeped in his bitterness, you get to be just as angry as me. An eye for a fucking eye.
“Leon,” he starts, practically spluttering the word with how quickly he tries to get it out, “what in God’s name are you doing here?”
“What’s it look like?” Leon returns, unmoving, because on this subject he simply would not budge, “I’m picking you up to take you home.”
“Take me home,” the words are echoed, followed by an unhinged laugh that said that Leon was really ruining his night. Oh well, because Leon’s night had also been ruined so now they got to be miserable together, “you think you can just show up and demand this of me? Do you hear yourself?”
“This guy your boyfriend?” The stranger interrupts, and frankly Leon had almost forgotten he was there entirely. Still, the statement makes him turn with an icy, threatening look over his shoulder, being sure that eye contact is made.
“So what if I was?” Leon presses, because he so desperately would like to punch somebody just now, and the guy’s stupid face was starting to look mighty tempting.
“ Puta madre, ” Luis curses, walking past Leon in a fiery, pulsing wave of heat as his fury seems to roll off of him, “he’s not my boyfriend. He’s my roommate.”
“Your roommate comes to get you when you stay at dude’s apartments?” The idiot in the room continues, watching as Luis stops at the doorway to stuff on his shoes.
“No, he doesn’t,” Luis spits out, “just when he’s deciding to be an absolute nuisance.”
“Not my problem,” Leon says defensively, because the logic makes total sense to him , “you didn’t come home, and it’s late , and didn’t you promise exactly that in the note you left me?”
“ Callate,” The response is lightning fast and cuts the room like a knife, “not another word from you. I have my shoes on, I’m going home, see? My demand from here is that you don’t speak again.”
Fair enough, Leon supposed, so he dutifully walks back through the door he came in to wait in the hall. When Luis reemerges, his shirt is fully buttoned up and shoes tied, and he gives a look that could almost kill before starting to walk down the hallway without any speech at all. There’s nothing to do but trail him, so Leon does, the silence deafening as they make their way back to the parking lot. There’s so much tension in Luis’ spine that Leon almost feels guilty, but after thinking back about what kind of horrible apartment that was, he ultimately can’t bring himself to. Luis walks to the passenger side of the car and then slows to a stop, his face turning away and his hair shifts a little as he shakes his head in disbelief. Then, his eyes turn back, like wood on fire , sharply assessing Leon over the hood.
“ You ,” Luis begins, a visible puff following in the frigid air, “are the most selfish, invasive, unintelligent, and stubborn man I have ever met. Mierda. I may be coming home with you as you asked, but you’ll be lucky I don’t strangle you when we get there.”
Leon simply unlocks the door, blinking in response and letting the words wash over him, “Okay.”
There are several obscenities muttered in Spanish while Luis gets into the car, slamming the door behind him and cutting the conversation off entirely. With that out of Luis’ system, Leon follows into the driver’s seat, feeling how much the cold has invaded the space in his absence and moving quickly to get the engine running so that he can blast the heater. The whirring of the air coming through gives a noise to focus on at least, ambience to keep Leon company because he had a feeling this ride would be very quiet. The road feels longer and more winding than when Leon had shown up, but he doesn’t make a comment on it, only letting his hand sit heavy on the wheel with no intention of moving.
Halfway through the drive, Luis lights a cigarette, and Leon’s hand moves out of habit to roll the window down to give somewhere to blow the smoke. The air becomes bitter and smells of ash, and the cigarette hisses a bit when heavier breaths are pulled. Out of the corner of Leon’s eye, he can see the shimmering along a tanned hand when rings catch a streetlight, pulling the cigarette down to twirl it nervously.
“I understand you were worried,” Luis finally says, notably less tense than before, “but you can’t do that again, Leon. I give you those addresses in case of an emergency, not to come find me and berate me like a child.”
“Fine,” Leon grumbles, his mouth twitching down.
“Or was it that you showed up because you missed me that much?” It’s clearly a tease, and self assured in its speech, but it was unfortunately true so there was little Leon could say. It was hard hiding behaviors from someone that had lived in close proximity for so long.
“Hmph,” he huffs instead, but he knows that Luis is grinning, he can feel the change of his face physically in the air.
“ Ya veo, ” Luis says, amused, and finally the regret dawns as Luis was going to use this information to torture him later – that was fine, Leon supposed, since at the end of the day he got exactly as he wanted: Luis back home, with him , every piece falling rightfully into place. By the time they’re home, things feel somewhat normal considering how Leon decided to approach it, and it’s stretching closer to being the middle of the night. His jaw opens in a yawn when they walk through the door, and Luis stifles a laugh which makes Leon’s face snap into a glare.
“Look,” Leon finally starts, “I just – I don’t get why you need those assholes. Did you see that apartment? C’mon, Luis, you deserve better than that..”
“You really want to know?” Luis pushes, turning on his heel to make eye contact directly, which stops Leon in his tracks. The curiosity was brimming, yes, but the thought of actually inquiring made him nervous. He thinks back on how Luis’ shirt was open, and how there was shuffling before he emerged, which said that it was likely he was nude beforehand. Obviously, that had some goddamn implications, and Leon wasn’t stupid, he knew that Luis was sexually active. Still, knowing the details was daunting to say the least, but Leon knew this was likely said to try to get him to leave the subject alone. Fat chance.
“Well, I mean, I don’t understand what they’re providing you ,” he grumbles, “what are they doing for you that I’m not already doing?”
“You know how it’s different, Leon.”
“Yeah, I get it , but is rummaging around in that kind of garbage dump really worth getting laid? Seriously?”
“What do you propose then, hm? Dimelo,” Luis responds, putting his hand up in exasperation, “how are you going to fix this for me?”
“I.. I could do the same,” Leon blurts, before thinking at all , “it’s better than putting yourself in shitty apartments and rundown motels, right?”
There’s no way to describe Luis’ expression except dumbfounded. His entire visage goes blank, eyebrows raising with a notable silence that definitely wasn’t like the Spaniard, examining him with sharp amber eyes as if he could peer into the words and decipher some hidden meaning. Leon’s fingers play with a loose thread at the seam of his shirt.
“You’re not serious,” The response finally comes, steeped in disbelief.
“Sure I am,” Leon confirms, because the idea of watching Luis leave again for hours the way he had since they’d started living together felt unpleasant. In truth he never liked it much, and seeing the kind of places he was going made him like it even less. If he could protect Luis from those kinds of guys, then Leon would do what was needed to keep him safe. Even if it came at his own expense, because frankly this was bound to be awkward, and he wasn’t even sure why he suggested it except to keep an eye on Luis. That was something for later, he could unpack this on his own time, for now it was detrimental that his roommate agreed so there was a chance at being able to fucking sleep tonight.
“Think you can handle me?” Luis challenges, moving from being perplexed to being smug, the bastard.
“You bet,” Leon says, feeling both anticipatory and relieved that Luis had agreed with him. At worst, he could have shot him down entirely, and it would have been a tough bruise to mend on his ego. For now, it looked like his luck was good. There’s a shaking of Luis’ head, eyes lingering before he heads toward his bedroom door and opens it to slip inside.
“We’ll see about that, won’t we?” He says as a parting word, stepping into the room and beginning to close the door, winking in a suggestive manner before it shuts, “goodnight, Sancho.”
Then, Leon’s alone with himself and the realization of what he had just signed up for. Breathing out harshly, he attempts to calm his heart rate that spikes the more he thinks, his tongue pulsing and feeling large as ideas float in his head but he can’t picture them. In the end, Leon goes to his own room, shutting the door with swiftness, as if he could escape his own thoughts.
“Whatever,” he mutters to himself, falling onto the bed and hoping sleep comes quickly.
–
They don’t talk about it again.
Leon’s not sure if he’s grateful for the absence or not, but what has changed since is that there’s a charge between them that wasn’t present before. For the most part, everything continues as normal: they have dinner together, they discuss their daily lives, they stand next to each other while they split dishes so that it’s an easier task to tackle. Luis’ eyes were on him much more than usual though, even though Leon pretended not to notice. The next week passes at a slow crawl, and before Leon knows it, they’re back on the couch watching an old black and white film. In honesty, he’s not really paying all that much attention, because Luis’ closeness was making him distracted.
They’d decided to drink a bit, which made him more relaxed than he’d be sober, because Leon was bordering on being wound too tight. Thinking about the previous Wednesday, he goes over their conversation for the thousandth time, like a tape stuck on replay even as the film was threatening to wear down to nothing.
He hadn't been exactly planning on doing anything about it, or at least, he thought he wasn't until the fateful gathering that occurred every week – Leon was about three beers in and feeling a little hazy, and was even debating drinking a fourth, just to get the nerves to stop fizzling and make his brain run at a thousand miles an hour. The reminder of how Luis had spent time with his sneaky link was troubling, and that had been weighing on him heavily the entire time. What was the guy like, outside what he saw for a flash of a moment? Did he tell jokes that make Luis laugh, or did he even bother taking his roommate out to dinner first? Or was it more of a business transaction? Luis made it clear that kind of questioning wasn't welcome, but Leon remained desperately curious, probably the most he'd ever been about anything in his life.
If Leon planned to make a move, it had to be soon, and despite the alcohol making his blood run hot and his stomach bubbly -- he'd decided that dancing around each other forever wasn’t an option. If there was no attraction there for him, really, then what difference did it make? Carefully, he reaches over during a long winded scene and rests his hand on the inside of Luis' thigh. This wasn't exactly unusual, Leon had grown to be touchier with his friend over the years, but never first, only after the contact had been initiated. There was no response to his boldness, so Leon guessed it was okay, since Luis didn't fight him on it. Now, for the hard part: getting closer without being spotted. With caution, he tilts his weight, closing the distance with hopes of not having to make direct eye contact yet. He gets a good amount over, then tilts his jaw, starting to cut into Luis' peripheral.
That's when he's caught, the warm amber of Luis' gaze snapping immediately to look at him, his brow twitching a little with what was surely confusion, "Need something, amigo ?”
"No," Leon breathes, leaning closer, thinking that it might be a little too presumptuous of him to kiss him dead on. Maybe he was a coward, because refusal felt a little too stinging, even to the part of him that was more floaty rather than weighted down by the nails of anxiety. In the end, he chickens out, pressing his mouth against the scruff of Luis' throat because for some reason he thought Luis might like that kind of thing. There's an influx of breath, sharp, and then a hand reaches to grasp at Leon's hair as if to halt him.
"What are you doing?" Luis asks, and Leon doesn't really feel like answering, opening his jaw instead so he can suck at the heated skin under his mouth – immediately his senses are overwhelmed with the taste of Luis' skin -- heated and scratchy and slightly musky with his scent. There's a noise that gets half bitten off, and Luis pulls on his hair, which only makes Leon bite down, and there's a jolt that follows as if Leon just electrocuted him. Without thinking much about it, Leon's hand follows the seam of Luis' jeans inward, pressing over the fly.
"Wait," Luis desperately says, but Leon's ears have suddenly closed, choosing to kiss over Luis' adam's apple, with stamped affection, “ joder . Leon, wait–"
His hand squeezes on complete instinct, just to feel the heat of Luis' body, of his arousal which felt like it was getting more obvious. A strained noise slips out, half a gasp and half a groan, and it makes Leon's heartbeat pick up. Thump, thump, thump, and his belly feels hollow only to build to a simmer.
"What?" Leon prompts, "I thought you liked it when guys touched you like this."
Maybe that was out of line to say, because it wasn’t some other person doing it, it was Leon , so that might cause anxiety. Hell, Leon felt somewhat anxious: his limbs were getting tingly, and it felt like he might throw up from the uneasiness, but Luis was so warm that he couldn’t resist the urge to not keep his hands to himself. Though, there was some truth to his statement, because Luis was hardening against his attention, and his breath was getting heavier where it curled over the side of Leon’s face with scorching humidity.
“All this talk,” The Spaniard forces the words out, breathless, “you wouldn’t even know how to go about it, guapo .”
“Oh yeah?” Leon responds, surprising himself with how much Luis’ raspy, pleased voice is doing things to him, “try me.”
The words are immediately followed up on, because Luis’ hand moves from Leon’s hair to the back of his neck, pulling him in like gravity to kiss him on the mouth. The first thing that comes to mind is that it’s odd, after all Leon had only kissed women , and their lips were usually soft and plush. That wasn’t to say that Luis’ weren’t those things, they were, but his facial hair scrapes when Leon pushes closer to deepen their affections. He’s never kissed someone prickly before, but it wasn’t in a bad way – just different. They break away with a wet noise, and there’s a warm, buzzing feeling on Leon’s mouth that makes him crave to do it again, and then again, if Luis would let him. Speaking of, his roommate looks rather starstruck: his eyes are dilated and his mouth is getting worn by teeth as Leon’s hand has started to rub between his legs instead of squeezing mindlessly.
“More?” Leon asks, hoping with desperation that the answer would be yes.
“With you?” Luis responds, “ si .”
There’s no reason to resist with that response, so Leon leans back in to steal more kisses, and Luis opens up to his invitation, his tongue hot when it swipes with intention. There’s a return of insistence, and then they’re making out lazily in the glow of the television screen. Leon thinks he’s aware that time is passing, but he’s not really paying any attention whatsoever, because kissing Luis like this was surprisingly addictive and the smoldering heat between them felt good. So much that Leon pushes all of his weight over, making Luis lay down against the cushions, crawling atop him so he can be more indulgent. There’s little separation, only to breathe with gasping, shallow inhales until they can be back together again. Warmth spreads along Leon’s spine as hands drag over his back, legs wrapping around his hips, locking him in place.
Another swipe of Luis’ tongue makes the temperature of Leon’s body push to boiling, so much pressure in his lower belly, growing hotter than an open flame. It was too much tension, he needed to relieve some of it, so on instinct Leon shoves his hips down and there’s a muffled groan against his mouth. Sparks flood through his blood stream, and his anatomy is compelled to follow the feeling, repeating the movement with a more lavish drag. Separation happens after, even though Leon found he was rather disappointed with that, so he mouths along the length of Luis’ throat with the same path he took earlier, grinding against him like some needy, deprived thing that he didn’t recognize.
“ Coño, ” The words feel like a physical touch, brushing through Leon’s hair, “Leon, hold on. ”
“Is this doing it for you?” Leon asks, not letting up at all, keeping the intensity just as inescapable as before.
“I need – I need a moment, por favor, ” The Spaniard’s entire body is shaking against the press of Leon’s lips, his skin going salty with sweat, “ un momento, Sancho, please .”
Every nerve confined in his body says not to, but because Luis asked , Leon decides he should and stops his movement, pulling back and keeping himself propped with his hand spread in the space between Luis’ neck and shoulder. When their gazes meet, it’s surprising how disheveled Luis looks – his hair is a little wild, and his mouth is swollen from being kissed with so much enthusiasm. His chest is heaving, rising heavily and falling with harsh breath, the warm whiskey of his eyes dark with his desire. It feels like the first time Leon is looking at him, the new light that paints him so entrancing that he’s struggling to look away.
“Are you sure?” Luis breathes, “that you want to do this? It will change things.”
“Will it?” Leon prompts, “seems like you’re the one that’s unsure.”
“ Mierda. If only you knew how sure I am,” It seems the nerves have passed, at least temporarily, because Luis’ nails dig a little as they scratch up his back. Leon hisses under his breath, little paths of fire burning in wake of the touch, which pushes him to go back to pressing his lips against Luis’ heated flesh, feeling the way the Spaniard arches up into the feeling, “should we take this to my bedroom, hm?”
That was certainly an invitation, so Leon encourages the circle of Luis legs and arms to lock around him, leaning up and taking on both of their weight. At least being active served his purposes, because it made the movement easier than it would have been if he simply wasn’t. He takes their living room at a widened, quick stride, crossing to Luis' door and moving one hand from the warmth of his roommate’s back to push open the door and walk through. Their rooms were ironically opposites of each other: Leon himself was more fond of clean, sparse spaces because he didn’t really have much in terms of owning things – Luis had framed photos in extravagant frames, and books littered everywhere, tabbed with notes. His bed spread is velvet and a deep burgundy, and it’s soft when Leon’s palms press flat to crowd Luis against the mattress.
They kiss again, with warming attraction and only getting hotter with the implications as to why they were both there. All of the bedding smells like his friend – spiced, sharp, and musky in a way that was tantalizing, like Leon wanted to press his nose to the fabric and inhale deep. Luis tastes like it too, and the bitterness of cigarettes, but somehow it added to the experience rather than souring it. When his hands move down, pressing up under the hem of Luis’ button up, he hears it crumple when he drags his palms across the flesh that’s accessible to him under the garment. Leon’s fingers tremble a little at the feeling, because it feels like a direct shock to his system: he was touching Luis, intimately, and the weight of the revelation feels massive. His mind diverts back to other sexual experiences to gather his bearings, but it’s difficult because they weren’t men.
Luis didn’t have breasts, but his skin was just as soft, with some scratch from the coarse hair that lined practically every inch of his tanned flesh. It’s a little abrasive against his nails, but it didn’t feel bad. Especially when fingers are playing with the hair at the back of Leon’s neck, stroking through it with what could be affection, but he wasn’t entirely sure. His teeth nip at Luis’ mouth, a bit harsher than he means, and those digits pull which makes him groan into their necking. He feels more than sees Luis’ responding shiver, and – the guy was really into this kind of thing, wasn’t he? Since Leon was already obviously hitting the right buttons, he reached to undo the shirt that was keeping the length of that shivering chest hidden, pushing the ironed cotton off with as much coordination that he can as Luis was kissing him more insistently now. They only separate for a fraction of a second so that they can both work to wriggle his arms out, and that movement makes Luis laugh under his breath, the melody practically hitting Leon physically on his face. It makes his lip tilt up, because it was kind of endearing, but he doesn’t make a comment on it.
There’s a grasp at the back of his neck again, but this time, his shirt is pulled with tension and Leon realizes that it’s his turn to get undressed now. Pointedly, he leans up to reach and pull it off himself, the cool air of the apartment hitting his skin and making gooseflesh raise. It feels tingly and makes him shake a little bit, only stopped by the warmth of Luis’ palms running over his stomach in an appreciative manner, and when Leon sneaks a look, there’s a heated gaze glued to the lines of his stomach. Well, that was certainly an ego boost, since it’d been a long while since Leon had been seen as an object of desire in the manner he was at present. It dawned on him that perhaps Luis had been attracted to him before, though he’d never had the opportunity to consider the notion – it would make sense since he was involved with guys that way, but taking on the weight of his hand touching was different.
Fingers press to the button of Leon’s jeans, and all moisture promptly leaves his mouth, his next swallow clicking in an embarrassing manner that makes Luis’ eyes flash up to his. A quirk of his brow comes, a curious humming noise echoing while a forefinger pets over the metal of the fastening.
“ ¿Estás bien ?” Luis prompts, “we don’t have to do this if you’re nervous.”
“I’m fine,” Leon responds, feeling his pulse in every part of his body like a pounding drum, “it’s just – I’m not used to it. Keep going. It’s alright.”
“If you say so,” There’s a note of teasing, as if this entire thing was a massive joke, and that makes Leon double down on the idea of continuing. He’d teach Luis a lesson about doubting him, since he seemed so keen on the idea. Entirely too stubborn, Leon reaches to do the damn thing himself, undoing the button on his jeans and pulling down the zipper, slipping them off with his briefs in one go. He tries not to think too much about being naked in front of the man he’s lived with for the better part of half a decade, his hands moving to grasp at Luis’ slacks so they can be evenly matched. It feels like he fumbles more with Luis’ pants than his own, but he manages to get them off and slips the material down warm, scratchy legs until they’re both bare. He’s forced to lean up with the angle, and Leon’s eyes absorb Luis in all his glory: his body is tanned under his clothing too, as if it were kissed by the sun, and his body hair accents it. Between his legs, his cock is hard and heavily bobbing over his belly, and it feels like there’s a pulse of heat from just looking.
It feels like Leon’s body operates without his active thought, reaching to wrap around the length, and Jesus, the heat of it – like an open flame against his palm, and pulsing . He strokes up, similarly to how Leon would touch himself, and revels in the hiss Luis lets out from between his teeth. Pushing his thumb over the tip, there’s stickiness from Luis’ cock leaking precome, and the next breath let out is gasping.
“What did you say before, about me not being sure what to do?” Leon asks, just to be cocky, and Luis huffs out a half laugh.
“Ah, well, are you planning on just stroking my cock? Or were you going to fuck me?” The words process and Leon can’t believe he just said it without so much as a second of hesitation.
“Do other guys fuck you?”
“Sometimes,” Luis’ response is coy, his lashes fluttering while a handsome smile stretches across his features, “I like it when they do. You think you can do better?”
“I know I could,” Leon responds, even though he wasn’t entirely sure. At least he was dedicated instead of being some frat douchebag that just wanted to get off. He supposes that it would be nice, but that wasn’t really his focus here. It was to prove to Luis that he was better suited for handling every single one of his needs, rather than going elsewhere.
“Then you should make good on it,” Luis purrs, “unless you don’t know where to start?”
“Uh,” Leon blurts, because he had the concept, obviously he’d be inside Luis , which was a thought that he never thought he’d be having. Still, there was the subject of doing that, which was hard to conceptualize, but Luis seems to take no offense. He merely reaches to his bedside table, producing a tube of lubricant, which he squeezes onto his fingers.
Holy shit, Leon thinks, watching him move as if he were frozen in place.
“Let me help you get started,” Luis offers with a wink, his legs spreading to accommodate, and then his fingers press to his entrance, pink and alluring. All Leon can do is stare while Luis insistently pushes two fingers inside of himself, and they sink in with no resistance at all, causing the Spainard’s breathing to become labored. Each movement makes a telling squelch, and Leon’s heartbeat is thundering, heat gathering between his legs. A few more ministrations pass and it feels like something in Leon becomes overloaded, and he forgets himself, moving to grab the tube and wet his own fingers. Then he reaches with his free hand to pull at Luis’ wrist, to replace his fingers with Leon’s own. His middle and ring finger slip right in, with a jolt and all Leon can think about is how slick he is, how hot – it was all but reaching into the earth’s mantle. He pulls his hand back and then pushes back in, and Luis’ next noise is wounded .
“ Hostia ,” Luis wheezes, “just, take it easy, cowboy–”
“What? Is it bad?” Leon is anxious he’s doing this whole damn thing wrong, so it was a valid question in his eyes.
“Quite the opposite,” Luis gasps out, his hips jumping when the action repeats, and the wet sound that follows makes Leon feel heat in waves all over his body, “your fingers are – different. It’s too much.”
“Then that’s good, right?” Leon prompts, not letting up and pressing inside harder , which only makes Luis’ legs tremble. There’s a stinging in his bicep when Luis’ hand settles and digs in with nails , evidence of his desperation and the truth of his statement. With that in mind, Leon simply speaks without another thought, “do you want me to… go further?”
A desperate nod is the only response, and his hand pulls back, tacky with lube, so he can settle between Luis’ legs. His roommate produces a silver packet, obviously a condom, and Leon takes it from his grasp to rip it open. In all honesty, Leon’s surprised how hard he is, because frankly he’d almost entirely forgotten about his own anatomy – his cock is swollen and heavy when he stretches the latex over his length to prepare himself properly for sex. He squeezes some lube in his palm to wet his cock so that it’s easy, and he pushes the head against the rim of Luis’ body, watching the way that the movement seems to reverberate through his lover for the night. There’s a deep breath, almost as if Leon could prepare himself for what was about to occur, but it was completely separated from any reality he could come up with – so it was better just to start and let the rest fall into place. Shifting his hips, Leon presses forward, and he slips into the devouring, all consuming heat.
Luis groans when he finally bottoms out, fully encased in burning, slick heat that squeezes so tight that Leon hisses out a heavy breath. He rolls his hips on instinct, because the feeling alone was so addictively hot that he can’t control himself even if he tried. Every inch of skin is sweltering, he can feel sweat already starting to drip down the back of his neck, in boiling rivers that drip in scratchy lines. His hands don’t move to remove it, instead they run over the length of Luis’ legs to pull them apart, holding them open so that he can thrust deep, and that’s when Leon moans, sounding loud in the enclosed room where they’re entangled.
“Fuck,” he pants, getting himself into a proper pace, reveling in the way every sense is narrowed except where they’re connected, “you feel so – Jesus, Luis.”
“ Mas ,” Luis breathes, pushing up against the movement all that he can, “ por favor, I – I need harder. ”
“Is that right?” Leon asks, unsure if he could even handle it, but he pulls Luis’ leg up to his shoulder , to give a better angle. Stroking over his calf in an affectionate slide, helping with the stretch of it before pulling back and pushing forward hard . It seems good, because Luis’ back arches, moans coming unleashed immediately. It only makes Leon more devoted to trying to get him to make more , which is strange, as every time he’d had sex before with women, their noises felt rather grating at times. Instead, Luis’ sounds only seem to make his stomach clench, and his muscles burn with the exertion, but it’s so blindly appealing that Leon keeps chasing it. Over, and over again, until there’s wet slapping with their skin connecting. When Leon shifts and presses forward ever harder , Luis moans so loud it echoes off the wall, and the noise is repeated from Leon’s own lungs.
“Yeah, baby?” It wasn’t intentional to call the Spaniard a pet name, but it just came out without any will of his own, and it feels right, “this how you need me to take care of you?”
Luis murmurs something in Spanish that Leon doesn’t understand, breathless and needy. For some reason, it makes the fever push even more manifest and take over, and Leon thrusts like some kind of possessed animal. He’s gone completely rabid, shoving into the confines of Luis’ body that flutters and presses in from all sides like he wants to keep Leon there, permanently. At this moment, it comes to his brain that Leon wouldn’t mind being like that, if that was what Luis wanted from him. This must feel like discovering a new addiction, to have it pulse and live within one’s veins, because it’s already rewiring the way Leon’s brain considers Luis. It would be impossible to not want all this again, to feel the way that Luis fits him perfectly, and swallows his length deep inside.
“Oh god,” His roommate groans, his fingers grasping desperately at Leon’s hips, as if he could shove him even further into his thrusts, “yes, yes .”
“It’s alright, sweetheart,” Leon whispers, turning his face to kiss the skin at Luis’ ankle because his entire leg is trembling and flexing with the force of each push in, and Leon’s hand is attempting to massage the tension out but it’s hard to focus with how distracting the physicality of Luis’ body was. This was going to end soon, Leon could feel the winding of his body, the throb of his blood in every inch of his cock where it twitched inside, “touch yourself for me.”
It’s like Luis was simply waiting for permission, because his hand instantly moved from Leon’s skin to wrap around his own cock, giving it a lavish stroke and – Leon was seeing how Luis touched himself, God help him. Unlike how Leon does it himself, there’s a smoother movement when the Spaniard does it, twisting his wrist at the end of his stroke. There’s so much fluid, precome drips onto his belly and wetting the skin there, leaving it sticky. Mindfully, Leon times his thrust in with Luis' hand twisting and the moan that Luis gives is so indulgent and sweet that the tension in Leon’s belly worsens.
“ Coño, ” Luis gasps, “Leon – I’m going to –”
“Go on then,” Leon encourages, “that’s the point, right?”
“It’s too much,” That was obvious, since Luis' entire body is palpitating and shining with his physical movement.
“It’s alright,” Leon whispers, continuing his pace with transfixed intensity, “do it. I’ve got you.”
Another stroke occurs and Luis’ orgasm comes with a full body shudder, his entire body tensing against Leon’s to try to stop him from moving, but it was too late now – Leon was close too, and he felt the need to come brimming up and overtaking every inch of his skin. The visual is helpful though, because Luis’ entire face crumbles into a look of pleasure, and his seed splashes hot on his belly. It translates to complete overload, and Leon’s eyes can’t flash fast enough between all the points to look , and with another pulse, he’s coming. He doesn’t mean to, but he shoves as deep as he can go and Luis gasps with the feeling, but doesn’t stop him from doing it. When the aftershocks are finally over and the haze of the orgasm fades, Leon is now faced with what he’s done for the first time since starting.
He’d just had intimate sex with his roommate that he’s known for years, and would consider probably the closest thing to a best friend that he has. Luis’ words from earlier float through, the admission of it will change things , and he hadn’t listened then but now somewhat wished he had. They both are relatively quiet as they clean up, and Leon throws away the condom in the bin and debates what he should do. Surely, it would be rude to sulk back to his room and be separated so soon after their encounter, so he ignores his urge to do it and crawls into bed with Luis, who looks pleased and relaxed. His eyes seek out Leon’s in the dark, and his teeth glimmer with his smile, and the anxious, flighty feeling finally begins to subside.
“That do it for you?” Leon asks, and Luis lets out another laugh, but his vocal chords are a little scratchy from being so loud early.
“ Si ,” Luis agrees, “I’d say it did. What about you, hm? You seem to have gotten off yourself.”
“Guess so,” Even though he most certainly had, though his coyness seems to make Luis only smile wider, in a self satisfied way. It’s entirely natural how Luis reaches out, stroking his hand up and down Leon’s arm like an afterthought, and if he was being honest with himself, it felt nice to be absently cared for. They lay together well afterward, joking back and forth and Luis hides his face into his pillow to muffle his laughter. It feels just like normal, but more vulnerable and intimate, on the account they’re both naked and sharing the same bed. After a while, the post coital exhaustion seems to hit Luis like a truck, because his eyelids get heavy and before long, he falls to sleep.
Leon stares at him out of the corner of his eye, watching the way his breaths fall off to be deep and at rest, and waits at least an hour before deciding to get up. He slides out of the bed, quietly picking up his clothes from where he dropped them earlier, before heading to the door. There, he pauses, turning to look at Luis sleeping in bed, his chest still rising and falling as evenly as it was when he’d been beside him.
Then, with a notable silence he opens the door and slips out into the hallway, closing it with a barely audible click.
–
That night sure changed things, alright.
For Leon, the most noticeable side effect has been the insufferable, cloying libido that seemed to haunt his every waking moment. When he used to watch romance movies with Luis, sprawled on the couch, he’d have to fight to roll his eyes when the couple always had to go at each other. He figured that this grandiose feeling around having sex was just a lie most couples told themselves, so that they could get through another day without killing each other. Through his adulthood, he’d never understood the fanfare, even after he’d had a dozen sexual encounters under his belt. It was just a chore, most of the time, and Leon considered that maybe he missed out on some great revelation, or maybe dodged a bullet.
In the aftermath of his escapade with Luis, however, he’d realized that he was painfully wrong, because he was so fucking horny every moment that it felt unbearable. The last time he’d come close to the experience was going through puberty, and that was twelve years removed at this point, but it came roaring back like the feeling had never left. He couldn’t be sated, the restlessness was borderline aggravating: he’d taken to going as far as jerking himself off in the shower in the morning, biting down on his knuckle so that he wouldn’t moan and let what he was doing be obvious. All kinds of filthy ideas would float into his mind, faster than he could stop them: images of Luis arching his back, or being face down, or even being on his knees and pushing his mouth over the length of Leon’s cock instead of it being his own hand. The last idea had made him come so hard that he’d almost bit through his skin, and he’d felt insane with the temptation of it all.
As far as his roommate was aware, nothing had changed – their routines continued as normal, they still did everything together and were practically inseparable, unless one of them had to work. Luis’ closeness was driving him mad now more than ever, the next Wednesday when they watched movies, his thigh brushed the side of Leon’s by accident and every atom in his body screamed to forgo the movie and jump his roommate’s bones. The problem was that Leon didn’t know how to initiate it, the situation he was in practically fell into his lap the first time, so repeating it didn’t seem likely unless he asked . And how the fuck was he supposed to do that, exactly? Hey, remember how we had sex recently? I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do it again, right now preferably, because you’re making me feel crazy? Surely that would go over well, so Leon had been keen on swallowing the temptation whole and forgetting it ever happened.
That was all well and good in theory, but in practice he was struggling, and by the third morning of waking up hard – he’d had enough. When he slips into the kitchen, Luis is already awake for the day. It’s a bit unusual because the Spaniard simply loved to stay up late, his light lingering under his door into late hours, which meant he usually slept in and would stay asleep long after Leon would leave for an early shift. Today, he was actually off, so it lined up with his plans well, which he found himself acting on: he creeps up behind Luis and presses up against his back, reveling in the sudden intake of breath. Leon must have startled him, but he didn't give Luis a chance to question him, merely pressing his lips against the side of Luis’ neck where it was accessible and following in a line down toward his shirt collar.
“Leon,” Luis breathes, his hand coming up to grasp at Leon’s hair.
“Morning,” Leon mumbles, his hands wrapping around to press them both against the counter, then one settles on Luis’ belly and starts to slide downward – a very obvious suggestion as to what he was looking for.
“Wait,” The Spaniard insists, “I – I have a lecture this morning. It’s nearly time for me to leave.”
“You should be late,” The words are accented by sucking at Luis’ jugular, which makes a soft, pleasured noise vibrate through the space.
“Really, I can’t. Lo siento. I have to go.”
“Fine,” Leon sighs, pulling away from him and letting Luis wander to the door to stuff on his shoes. Before he leaves though, he pauses, reaching up to press his hand against the side of Leon’s face in an affectionate gesture, a wordless apology, before telling him goodbye and slipping out the door.
Well, Leon thinks, soured, that went great.
He decides that he’ll wait for Luis to return to attempt again, because despite the rejection, Leon was already apt to be close to him again. The rest of the day would be killing time until he had the opportunity, so he makes himself useful – he spends the first few hours of his day cleaning, sweeping and mopping the floors, scrubbing the cabinets, he even changes his sheets and blankets on his bed. In the late afternoon, he starts dinner by marinating some chicken and boiling water for rice, and the day is reflected as productive and nearly perfect when thinking back on it.
The thing was, Luis didn’t return after the timeframe of a lecture.
He knew it wasn’t smart to go questioning his whereabouts, because the last time he did, that ended rather messily. Still, it was enough to garner worry , because a storm rolled in with clashing thunder and too illuminated lightning, which put Leon on edge. He felt too aware of the sounds around him because he was pointedly keeping an ear out for the door, which just after eight, clicks open and Luis walks through. All of the adrenaline of the situation hits Leon at once, because he stands bolt upright to meet him at the door, where Luis was soaked with the weather outside.
“ Oye, it’s coming down out there,” That seems to be his greeting, and Luis runs a hand through his hair afterward, and there’s a quiet tmp, tmp, tmp of the droplets hitting the hardwood.
“Yeah, it is. You wouldn’t have gotten stuck in it if you called me to come get you,” Leon points out, because he’s somewhat bothered that Luis went through the discomfort rather than just asking for help, “where were you?”
“My lecture,” Luis says easily, but there’s no way it would have lasted nearly ten hours, so it was safe to say that Leon was suspicious. Folding his arms defensively, there’s a pointed look returned because frankly, he wasn’t buying it , “and other places. Here, there, you know how it is, no?”
“I don’t,” His tone reflects his mood, which is turning more poor by the minute, because Leon had wanted to spend time with him today and yet , “I was hoping you’d be home sooner.”
“My apologies to you then, Sancho,” There’s too much of a casual tone with it, it doesn’t feel like he genuinely means it, and Leon could feel the sparking of his temper threatening to take flame.
“Look, can you at least explain why…” The thought dies out, because when Luis stretches to take off his jacket, there’s a darkened shade against his collarbone that stands out – it was a bruise, and suddenly, the lapse of time that Luis had spent away added up horribly. All bets were off, the stopper that Leon was keeping on his anger flies off as he grasps the collar of the Spainard’s shirt roughly to pull it down to examine it. Yup, as suspected, a hickey – one that certainly wasn’t left by him , and in Leon’s mind, all hell breaks loose, “what the fuck is this?”
Now Luis suddenly seems sorry and looks at him like a kicked dog, moving up to try to pull away the domineering grasp but Leon tightens it, refusing to let go, “Leon, please, not right now. I’m tired–”
“Oh, I’ll bet you are. You want to explain to me what the hell you were doing out there today? Or am I left to just figure it out?”
“Clearly,” Luis cuts in, his voice going flat and blunt, “you understand what’s happened, so what is the point of conversing over it?”
“We talked about this,” He means for it to sound meaner than it does, but instead it comes out how Leon really feels – which is hurt , because he starts to replay everything in his mind the last week and a half. He’d thought that he could keep Luis from going out and being in dangerous scenarios, and yet doing so had pushed his companion right back into them. As if being out there in uncertainty with strangers was better than being with Leon , who spent all his time trying to make sure Luis was happy. It tasted like failure, and he didn’t like it , how it made him wonder about what his place in Luis’ life was all over again, “I thought I was helping you out. Is that not what happened?”
“You did,” Luis says, sharply, pulling away from his grasp to hang up his jacket, “it’s just different, that’s all.”
“Different how ?” Leon asks, not letting him get away so easily because it was clearly Luis’ intent to shut himself in his room and ignore the conversation, and by extension, Leon’s existence and it was only making the knife twist harder , “can’t you explain this to me? Did I do something wrong ?”
“You did nothing wrong,” Luis says breezily, “I’ve already said what I meant. Can we please move on from this subject?”
“No. What’s the real reason? Is it just more fun with other people? Do you really hate being around me that much?”
“ Hate ? Mierda, ” Luis curses under his breath, reaching to rub at his eyes, “I am too exhausted for this conversation right now. All I ask is that we table this for tomorrow.”
“I’m not tabling anything ,” Leon is raising his voice now, and it all comes out, his frustration for days and the feeling of magnetism that he’s realizing was not returned, and that he spent all day acting like a fucking idiot when Luis didn’t so much as miss him for a second, “have you lost your mind? God, I spent all damn day waiting for you to come home so I could be with you, and you’re off parading around with some random asshole while I’m at home hoping you’d come back. Different my ass, more like you just enjoy their time more than mine. I’d honestly have more respect about it all if you could just admit that, instead of–”
“I love you,” Luis interrupts him, louder, and it feels like a gunshot going off with how Leon’s ears ring loudly afterward. Immediately his jaw hinges closed, as if he’d never spoken to begin with, and he blinked owlishly at Luis, who wasn't even looking at him, “ that is what I meant about it being different. Being like that with you was complicating things, so I stepped back. There. Are you satisfied?”
In truth, he was the farthest from it that Leon could be, because suddenly everything in his brain is getting crossed, the realization of what he was doing this entire time, how fucked up it really was knowing the context of it. It hurts to swallow, to think, to do anything other than just hope that he spontaneously combusts and dies. He realizes the silence is stretching because he’s supposed to say something, but everything inside him is rattling like a child spooked from an all too realistic nightmare, and the words are getting jumbled.
“Why… why would you say that to me?” He whispers, because he can’t make sense of it – that couldn’t be true , because what did all of this mean? Was Luis content with just pining this entire time, or was he tired of waiting so he started hopping from man to man, because Leon wasn’t worth the effort to tell ? In fact, Leon didn’t even know how he felt about it, which was only making the jumpy, anxious feeling in his body start to accelerate to hyperspeed.
“It is the truth,” Luis finally admits, twisting his rings on his fingers in a nervous tick, “I’m sorry.”
As whatever poet once said, the truth hurt, and Leon couldn’t sit with it. The ringing has overtaken every thought he has, and the only one he can actively think is he must get out, right fucking now, and go somewhere else. He doesn’t even remember the blurry movement to the door, but what he does register is that Luis calls after him, but not before he closes it and heads down the stairs of their building, out into the chilly downpour. It’s a shock to his system, he shivers and realizes that he wasn’t at all prepared for the weather – he was wearing his house attire, which were lounge shorts and a thin shirt, which saturate immediately with the onslaught of water, dripping all over and leaving him numb. Blindly, he walks, with no idea of where the hell he was going or what he was planning to do, but the alone time gives him some space to think.
The confession had forced many things into focus for him, one being that it was likely the reasoning as to why Luis hadn’t moved out from living with Leon, despite the fact that he probably could have had the option to many times if he’d gotten serious with somebody else. Though if he’d harbored those feelings for a long time, it would make even more sense as to why no relationship had ever progressed to that point: Leon was the center of his affections, so the only thing he could pursue was passing encounters that lasted for less than a night, so Luis could return to what mattered most to him. At least that bit pleased Leon, because his entire life and arguably mood revolved around whether or not Luis was in close proximity to him.
What was hard to look at though, was the recent development of their relationship to one another – which up to this point, Leon had been treating like a challenge. It gave him a sense of fulfillment to be the center of attention and to provide all needs for Luis, no matter how big or small. It felt scummy in light of Luis’ words, because that meant that he’d been doing essentially the same as the other men he criticized: for all intents and purposes, he was taking advantage of Luis to make himself feel important, and that threatened to turn his stomach and make him keel over on the street to vomit his dinner up. He opts to walk it off, but when the feeling doesn’t leave, he takes shelter under a tree, where he shivers with teeth chattering intensity.
Sighing out a heavy breath, he reaches into his pocket and produces his phone, shakily maneuvering until he finds the contact that reads CLAIRE , dialing and pressing the plastic to his ear. The dial tone drolls once, and then again, before getting interrupted midway through.
“Hey you, ” she greets fondly, “staying safe during this storm?”
“Claire,” he begins, not sounding like himself, “I fucked up.”
“Hang on,” Claire says, moving from a loud environment to a quiet one, her voice coming evenly though, “ what’s up? You sound upset.”
“Luis and I were talking and things got out of hand,” Leon admits, feeling ashamed and more alone than ever, “for context, we.. uh, hooked up.”
“ I’m gonna stop you right there, ” she replies, voice full of surprise, “ let me get this right: you and Luis had sex ?”
“Uh.. yeah?” Leon doesn’t even know how to begin to answer that, even though it was undeniably what happened.
“ Wow. Well. That wasn’t I expected to hear. Good for you.”
“Jesus, please stop,” Her teasing would be welcomed in any other circumstance, but he wasn’t in the mood to hear it tonight, “anyway… we were arguing, I guess. Then he interrupted me and said he loved me, and I just – I feel bad. When I slept with him, I didn’t know.”
“ You didn’t know? Seriously? I thought his feelings for you were rather obvious. ”
“Wait, you knew ?” He can’t believe that it was so fucking clear to everyone except him, was he really that goddamn dense?
“ I had a hunch. I mean, he only really seems to want to live with you. Seems kind of weird if you guys were just friends, right?”
“I guess,” Leon relents, “anyway… I couldn’t handle the shock of it, I left and now I’m outside freezing my ass off. I don’t know what to do about it.”
“ How do you feel about him? ” Claire inquires, prodding as soft as possible, “I mean. I think if you didn’t feel at least something for him, this would be simple, wouldn’t it?”
“That’s… a good point,” Leon replies, because it was , even though he was somewhat begrudged to admit it.
“ Exactly. Maybe you aren’t as sure about it as he is, but that may be something worth trying? Since he opened the door with that, and all. I’m sure he won’t be offended if you try to explain yourself.”
“I’ll… do my best. Thanks,” He mutters, because at least he had a direction forward, and besides that – it was fucking cold. Leon wanted to go home, and feel comfortable there. Claire’s advice would have to come first, because he didn’t want to make Luis feel like he had to tiptoe around him because it wasn’t fair. They say their goodbyes, Claire ending hers with a let me know how it goes that was too gleeful, and the walk back home begins. He’d gone much farther than he meant to, or noticed, and the chill was starting to make his nose go numb, and by the time he reaches the parking lot of their complex, his fingers follow suit and they slip awkwardly on the door handle before he can get it open.
Inside, Luis is sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, still damp from the same rain that Leon was wet with, and he jumps up as if he hadn’t expected Leon to come back. His eyes are rimmed red, and it leaves a guilty, itching pit that feels like a blackhole within Leon’s stomach. The Spainard crosses to him immediately, eyes darting all over as if there was an injury to seek out, or something worse.
“ Dios mio, you’re soaked, cowboy,” Luis points out, and Leon messily sniffs as if on cue.
“I know,” Leon says, feeling his heart beating in his chest so loudly he wonders if its audible, “I need to talk to you.”
“Alright,” Luis returns, leaning down to untie Leon’s wet shoes, and at this point, the tenderness of it almost makes a sob manifest, “go ahead. Talk.”
“I… I’m bad at this, but I’m sorry I ran off like that. It wasn’t fair of me to do after you admitted something so personal to me, and… my response was shitty.”
“Quite alright. I understand,” Luis replies, fighting with his shoelaces and pointedly looking down , and it was making Leon feel like he was trying to accept rejection and move on.
“No, please listen to me,” he says, and that forces Luis’ eyes up, and the deep, mahogany shade of them feels so welcomed. Leon is so happy to see him, here, waiting and still being just as considerate of him as before. It made the next words flow easier, so he continues, “look, I um… I don’t know exactly how I feel. I’m not as good at that as you are. What I do know is that I never want to be apart from you. Maybe I don’t return your feelings as strongly right now, but I want to… try.”
Luis’ eyes seem to glitter like precious stones, his lips parting just so, as if every syllable was holy . He responds, voice full of such raw awe that Leon feels it bubbling inside him. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah. If you are,” Leon breathes, barely a sound, and suddenly the storm outside feels like a distant, forgotten dream. Luis nods with affirmation, and a great weight is lifted from Leon’s shoulders and he can finally breathe out, “alright. We’re both soaked. How about a shower? Y’know… together.”
Luis shrugs, giving a small smile, “It does save water, no?”
“Don’t be a smartass,” Leon says, and it makes Luis laugh, and the sound of it is so relieving and freeing – finally, for the first time in years, they were on the same wavelength. It’s taken way too long to get there, but at least it's finally happened.
The shower feels too small to share, but they make it work, and Luis takes the time to scrub the rain water out of Leon’s hair with gentle fingers. There’s extra time taken to knead into his scalp, and Leon sighs out a soft sound of pleasure, relaxing into Luis’ grasp with a soft hum. He returns the favor by scrubbing Luis’ body down, making sure to take just as good care of Luis to the best of his ability. They giggle under the spray, and talk back and forth about nothing in particular, and by the time they get out to dry off, Leon feels much better. He disappears momentarily to dress himself, but once there he wanders to Luis’ doorframe, leaning against it as casually as he can force himself to be.
“Can I sleep in here?” Leon asks, and Luis glances up from where he was pulling the sheet back.
“If you’d like to,” He actually would like to, thank you very much, so he walks to the otherside of the bed and crawls under the blanket to relax against the mattress. Luis follows suit, and there’s no hesitation to scoot over, curling around him and taking the time to inhale the comforting scent. Luis pets over his arm and it makes the urge to sleep grow and sprout, so Leon decides that he’ll try his hardest tomorrow to start on the right foot of making sure Luis was taken care of, and to sort himself out. It was what Luis deserved, after all.
“Sleep well, Sancho Panza,” Luis murmurs, and Leon kisses the side of his face, for good measure.
“You too, Don Quixote.”
Leon never believed in fairytales, but with Luis at his side, he’d try his best.