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“Hey…V…”
The sound of Johnny’s voice reverberated through V’s head, accompanied by the faded yet present touch of the rocker’s chrome silver hand on the nape of his neck. Johnny’s voice and odd touch was something V was used to. He remembered how he very much despised hearing this man’s voice pierce his skull. As well as looking in disdain whenever he would get shoved or poked with no way to retaliate at times. Of course, overtime he got used to it. Learned how to workaround it even. But sometimes, even the workarounds wouldn't exactly work. Johnny always knew how to slip past it to annoy him. This is just one of those times Johnny managed to sneak up on him and push past his “defenses”. Or at least it should have been one of those times. Now why wasn't it one of those times? Surely he should be used to Johnny's actions, which the surprisingly fond feelings he had for him helped him do so.
Well…that was because Johnny wasn't supposed to be in his head anymore. His voice. His touch. The sight of Johnny's face there for a split second in the corner of his vision, soon vanishing like chalk washing away in the rain when he whipped his head around. A reaction, no doubt, to being touched and hearing the voice of a man that shouldn't be there. A reaction that not only left him confused, but annoyed. He should know by now there was going to be nothing there. He knew Johnny wasn't in his head anymore, having been separated from the chip in his head. The rocker was probably doing something reckless or relaxing at his apartment with his returned control of his old body, no inbetween. So of course that said rocker wasn’t there when he turned around, making him sigh and shake his head at himself as if to scold himself for thinking something so stupid. Yet he couldn’t help but slowly bring up a hand, rubbing at where he had felt that phantom touch.
Despite trying to convince himself that this was nothing like he usually did, V had decided that maybe he should call it a day and rest. He might as well try to chalk this all up to not getting enough sleep, as he was constantly on the move even after getting everything somewhat situated with Johnny and the chip. Even if the said chip was still slowly killing him. But he’ll deal with that on a different day as he quickly begins making his way to his apartment, thankfully not hearing, feeling, or seeing anything Johnny related on the way.
*****
V walks into his apartment with a small sigh, his gaze soon landing on Johnny as his earlier wonder on where the man was had been answered. For he now saw that Johnny was sprawled on the couch, one foot and arm hanging off the edge while the other was greedily taking space from being stretched out on the couch as his other arm rested on his stomach. Johnny’s aviators were even pushed up a little in a crooked fashion, just enough to see that his eyes were closed. As for why this man was sleeping on the couch instead of on V’s bed was something V couldn’t answer. But he could guess he came back from going just a little wild on the drinking. Not too wild based on how Johnny was sprawled on the couch. Then again, that was just a guess. It was hard to tell at times if the newly revived rocker was sleeping off a night or day of fun or if he was actually just taking a nap.
Though V supposed it didn’t matter. So long as Johnny wasn’t overdoing it to the point V needed to make sure he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit in his sleep, then V was fine with whatever he did…mostly. However, that would be a problem for another day as he went to the bathroom to wash up as he decided that the rest of the day was just going to be a lazy day. So why not wash up to dress down in his pjs? It was the best combo in his opinion to fulfill a lazy day. So off he went.
He felt himself relax after he had begun washing up, his tense muscles relaxing under the water. If he was being honest, this was probably one of the better decisions he has made amongst questionable ones. Though he wouldn’t think much of his poor decisions, letting those thoughts wash away as he shut his eyes to really focus on the sensation of the water droplets hitting his face.
“Hey…”
His eyebrows furrow a little. He could have sworn he heard something. Though he was quick to second guess himself as the noise he thought he heard sounded faint, easily drowned out by the sound of the shower he was taking. With that in mind, he overlooked it for now as he continued on what he was doing.
“V…”
There it was again. That faint sound that made V pause once more, eyebrows furrowed. It was still very much hard to hear what that sound was, but V knew it was just a little louder than before. Either way, he would overlook it once more with a shake of his head. Even letting out a huff as he tried once more to focus on the shower. That seemed to silence his doubts of hearing something, as it was relatively silent from there on forward. The lack of sound is only accompanied by the sound of the shower running as he lets out a pleased hum at finally being able to relax once more. Alas, that wouldn’t last as long as he hoped.
“Veeeeee~...”
The voice, now ever so present in a playful singsong tone, had easily gotten V’s attention. If it weren’t for the odd way Johnny had said his name that got his attention, then it surely was the way he felt the ghostly fingertips brush against his skin, almost akin to being hugged from behind. He felt Johnny’s chrome silver hand brush against his chest while his organic hand brushed his stomach, the warm breath against his ear when Johnny spoke in that singsong voice. It made him shiver, his eyes shooting open as he quickly looked over in an attempt to see a little bit of where Johnny’s face would be. But just like last time, he was nowhere to be seen. He would do a double take, looking down at where he felt Johnny’s hands to see nothing before glancing around the shower he was in, also seeing nothing.
“What the hell…” He huffs under his breath to himself as he turns off the shower, grabbing a towel to dry himself off.
“Johnny?” He would call out, thinking that maybe this man was ungodly good at being speedy and quiet even if that definitely did not make any sense.
For how could Johnny leave quickly without him seeing? And let’s say he had managed to do so by being quiet and fast enough to rush out the bathroom the moment he touched him, how on earth would he leave without at least leaving a trail of water from the shower? There was no way he wouldn’t be a little wet if he had joined him to annoy him a little. Yet despite all of these possibilities, V couldn’t help but call out to him. Just to be really sure.
So he waited outside the shower with his towel wrapped around his waist, straining his ears to listen for any indication of Johnny’s voice once more. Instead of hearing anything, he was met with silence. The silence made his eyebrows furrow once more, lips thinning as he now was worrying the possibility that his brain was all the more fucked up than he had wanted to imagine. He didn’t want to think of the worst, even if everything pointed to his brain being a mess.
“V…come here..”
“Okay. Now I can’t just be hearing things.” V would mutter to himself at how real that sounded, even if the other times he’s heard Johnny also felt real.
Maybe it was denial. Maybe it was his brain tricking him into believing that Johnny was awake now and beckoning him for whatever reason. Probably pent up for a smoke or for other reasons. With that in mind, he slowly walks towards the bathroom door, placing a hand on the frame of it.
“Johnny?” V would call out once more, “You called?” He would add, peering out of the door frame only to see that Johnny was still in the same position as when he first arrived.
“Johnny…are you fucking with me?” V would find himself asking, still somehow not convinced that all of this might be in his head.
As should be expected, he didn’t get a coherent snarky response from the rocker. Instead, he got a body twitch that he had grown accustomed to seeing, as well as feeling, from Johnny’s sleeping self and an incoherent mumble as his head tilted away from facing the apartment to the back of the couch while he still slept. The mumble was to be expected as he knew Johnny talked a bit in his sleep. Maybe that’s what fed into V’s delusion that Johnny was just messing with him. Did it explain the feeling of Johnny’s hands on him not only from when he was outside, but just now in the shower? No. But maybe the talking at this moment was solved but just hearing Johnny speaking just-
“Fucking gonk…”
The sudden vocal intrusion made him nearly flinch, were it not for him already being used to such intrusion when Johnny was in his head. Now he knew for sure he couldn’t keep up this delusion for any longer. Sure, Johnny’s face wasn’t facing him anymore. But he was sure he would know he spoke by the way his chest and what little of his face he could see would move. Fuck, maybe he really was going crazy.
“Shit..” V curses under his breath before he goes over to Johnny, leaning down just a little to gently shake the man.
“Johnny..Johnny, wake up.” V says urgently, keeping his voice low as he didn’t want to yell at the man, but loud enough for it to be at least a decent attempt to wake him.
“Mmngh…f’ck ‘ff…” Was all Johnny said with his slurred, sleep drunk speech.
“You never fucked off when I asked, now wake up.” V huffs in slight aggravation as he shook him once more, even if he knew most of his words wouldn’t be processed when Johnny was still relatively asleep.
Though he supposed he was getting somewhere when Johnny shifted, his expression pinched as his eyes stayed shut. Instead of cursing him like last time, he would mumble a simple “Five more minutes..” as he limply brought his hand up in a weak attempt to push V away as he sleepily turned his body to face a little bit away from V. Though all it did was annoy V a little as Johnny’s hand gracelessly smushed against his face. V refrains from biting at Johnny’s hand, even if the hand was the organic one. He rather not hear Johnny curse him out more as he decides to gently grab Johnny’s organic wrist so he could move his hand off of his face. He then moves Johnny’s hand down, his other hand grabbing at his body so he could turn him back to face him much to his sleepy displeasure.
“Johnny please. This is important. I need to talk to you.” V says, changing tactics from being annoyed to somewhat begging the man to just listen to him.
That seemed to have done it as Johnny finally began opening his eyes. Though V could tell Johnny was still a little annoyed to have been woken up with how his brows were pinched together and his lips turned downward into a tight frown as he was trying to blink away sleep. Johnny mumbles a little “okay..okay give me a sec…fuck..”, raising his free hand to rub away any left over sleep from his eyes and the possible headache and/or drowsiness he had from whatever Johnny had decided to do today. V decided to let Johnny go, allowing him to slowly sit up and fix his messy hair a little before straightening out his sunglasses. After that, he seemed relatively awake enough to pay attention to V.
“Alright. ‘m awake. What’s up? Ya fuck up or somethin’? I assume so if you forgot to put clothes on.” Johnny questions and even decides to tease him a little for being in just a towel, still just a little out of it but not enough to not be able to understand what V wanted.
“Jesus Johnny. The fuck did you..” V sighs and shakes his head, “Nevermind. We’ll talk about that later.” He quickly adds, making Johnny roll his eyes.
“V, if you woke me up just to scold me-”
“No, you gonk. I literally said nevermind. Just listen to me.” V snaps a little as he moves away from Johnny to finally put on some clothes.
“Alright alright. Chill a little, okay? Got enough of a headache as is.” Johnny retorts back, not exactly happy about being snapped at.
“Yeah. It must be so hard for you. You’re out doing fun shit while I feel like I’m going fucking crazy seeing, hearing, and feeling you when I’m not supposed too. So forgive me for not being chill.” V snaps once more with a huff, leaving Johnny to go silent for a few moments to try to process what V said.
“I...what?” Was all Johnny could think to say as that seemed to wake him up more, making him sit up more so he could listen a bit better.
“I uh…shit..” V stutters a little, realizing how weird that sounded out of context even if he hadn’t meant to snap like that, he was just getting annoyed now with everything that was happening.
“I’m sorry, Johnny. That uh…let me start over.” V says with a sigh as he takes a seat on his bed after getting dressed.
“Alright…” Johnny mutters somewhat slowly as he was still confused while he stood up from the couch so he could sit next to V, “Go on then.”
V wasn’t exactly sure where to start or how to explain himself. He wasn’t sure why he struggled with this. Out of all the things they’ve been through, this wasn’t exactly odd. Well, it was odd but nothing they couldn’t handle, hopefully. He supposed he just wasn’t in the mood to hear Johnny not take this seriously, not wanting to hear the man make a stupid joke. But he knew he’ll have to bite the bullet and explain himself. Especially when he could tell Johnny was growing a little impatient, knowing that Johnny disliked being woken up from a nap even when it was about something important. Granted, he knew Johnny would be a little nicer about being woken up when it was about something important.
“You’re still…around, Johnny. Even when you’re not supposed to be.” V says, making Johnny quirk a brow at him.
“Ouch. That’s a little hurtful. Why’d you bring me back if I’m not supposed to be here?” Johnny replies just like V had expected, being not completely serious and a little sarcastic.
“You know what I mean, you gonk.” V retorts back in slight annoyance, his eyebrows furrowed and lips curled into an annoyed frown.
“Alright, fine. Just trying to lighten the mood a little.” Johnny says in defense of his usual attitude.
“Well you’re doing a shit job at it.” Was V’s quick response, still feeling moody about the whole thing so it made it a little easier for Johnny not to take offense to it.
“Sorry.” Johnny apologizes, not sounding completely sincere but still deciding to say it before continuing, “You said somethin’ about seeing, hearing, and feeling me, right? What’s up with that?” He’d ask, biting his tongue to hold back a joke he had brewing in his head as V sighs heavily.
“Fuck if I know. But it’s making me feel crazy. I thought I was just…I dunno.” V tries to explain, but he honestly had no clue how to explain the delusion he had on believing he was fine.
“How bad is it?” Was Johnny’s next question, making V pause as he clearly wasn’t expecting Johnny to ask something reasonable.
“What? No snarky response?” V couldn’t help but respond with a snarky tone of his own as he rested his elbows on his knees and rested his head in his hands.
“So you bitch at me when I joke around and you still bitch at me when I don’t? What do you want from me, V?” Johnny snaps back with his arms raised a little in exasperation as he was still a bit upset at being woken up.
“I-..” V soon sighs as he rubs at his eyes before leaning back on his bed so he could at least be comfortable as he spoke, “I’m sorry. I’m moody…that’s all.”
“Clearly.” Johnny retorts back with a slight attitude now while he follows V in laying down beside him, his elbow resting on the bed so he could lay on his side and prop his head up.
They lay there in silence for a few moments with V shutting his eyes, his fingers interlocked with one another as his hands rested on his stomach. Despite not sharing a body anymore, V felt like they were still pretty connected in moments like this. For they both seemed to understand that the two of them needed a moment to themselves. Just a small moment to quell the sour mood they were in. Since it seemed like they weren’t getting anywhere with both of them, mostly V, snapping at one another. Which V felt a little bad about, even if he was still a little annoyed that he found Johnny in a near drunken coma when he came back to the apartment. What was the point if reviving the man if he was just going to drink himself to death or do other things that fucked with him? He wouldn’t even be surprised if the man was sleeping around again. Though those were topics saved for a little later. Preferably after handling whatever this was. But only after they took this moment to relax a bit longer.
Unfortunately, that seemed like it would be a hard possibility when he felt something touch his arm. It felt light, as if someone was ghosting their hand over his shoulder, their thumb ever so gently caressing it. It made his eyebrows furrow as he was a little annoyed by the touch.
“Johnny, quit it. I’m not in the mood.” V says somewhat firmly.
“Quit what? I didn’t even say anything.” Johnny says with confusion etched in his tone, which threw V off a little as Johnny usually had a playfully bratty tone whenever he was fucking with him. Which made V wonder if Johnny was really good at acting right now or if this was another hallucination.
“Don’t fuck with me. You’re touching me.” V huffs, though his firm tone faltered as he wasn’t sure if that was true.
“I’m…not though?” Johnny would respond somewhat slowly, making V open his eyes and look over at Johnny to see that he was in the same position as before, but now with a phone in his hand that he was probably just mindlessly scrolling through.
In that moment, he felt the touch slowly fade. Which made him realize that Johnny was, in fact, not the culprit touching him. It made him let out a somewhat annoyed “Jesus Christ” as he lifted his hands up to rub at his face. All while Johnny sighed and set his phone down.
“Now are you ready to talk about it?” Johnny asks, his fingers drumming rhythmically against the back of his phone as he waits for V to answer.
“Yeah, sure. I’m…calmer now.” V responds simply before lowering his hands to rest on the center of his chest now as he spoke, “This started happening a few days after we got you into your body. But it only started off auditory. Thought I was just…hearing shit like some people do whenever they think they hear their name being called.” He begins to explain as he shrugs a little.
“Only somewhat recently I started feeling and seeing things. Started..seeing you out of the corner of my eye. In places I shouldn’t be seeing you. But you’re like a blur. Gone before I could see anything more specific. Honestly..” He trails off just a little to chuckle as he shakes his head, “I only know it’s you because of your hair and those out of style aviators you wear.” He says with a light snort, making Johnny roll his eyes behind the said out of style aviators.
“You’re just jealous that I look so cool.” Johnny retorts jokingly and for once, since this conversation started, V chuckled at what he said.
“There we go. Finally got a chuckle out of you.” Johnny says as he playfully nudges V with a grin as V retaliates with a light and playful hit to the hand that was used to nudge him.
“What about the touching? Do I have to fight off my hallucination for touching you in places only I should be touching you?” Johnny asks with a quirked brow as he seemed to be relatively joking.
Even so, V couldn’t help but roll his eyes at Johnny as a smile was stuck on his lips even when he wanted to seem annoyed by what the rockerboy had said. Before he probably would have had an easier time being annoyed. But that short silent break had actually helped him more than he thought. Even if it was interrupted by the ghostly touch of whatever the hell was happening.
“God is that all you think about?” V rhetorically asks as Johnny’s grin merely widens at the question.
“V, you wound me. It’s as if you don’t like it when I can’t keep my hands off of you.” Johnny retorts back playfully before adding, “And since that is the case…I don’t want this hallucination of me getting too grabby with my beloved.”
“Your beloved? Ugh. You know pet names like that don’t work when it comes out of your mouth, right?” V responds back in playful sarcasm as he playfully shoves Johnny, making the rockerboy chuckle before letting out a soft “Oof” when he falls onto his back.
“You still haven’t answered. How touchy is this ghostly me being?” Johnny asks, now curious how far these hallucinations were going.
“Your “ghostly self” wasn’t as touchy before. Only ever felt a quick brush on my shoulder or arm.” V responds back, “It’s gotten worse today. The hallucinations are more talkative and touchy. Fucking hugged me from behind and caressed my body in the shower just now. That’s why I was kind of freaking out when I was waking you up.” He adds, which got a gasp of mock surprise from Johnny.
“How crude. To touch you like that at your most vulnerable. Who would do such a thing?” Johnny would ask, almost sounding serious were it not for how easy V could hear the joking irony in the rocker’s tone.
Which in turn made V give him a sarcastic look as he responds in an equally sarcastic tone via a question, “Why yes. Who would ever do such a thing?”
“Not me, that’s for sure.” Johnny retorts back, seeming serious but V could tell Johnny wasn’t actually being serious.
“What? You don’t believe me?” Johnny would question with his playful smirk and quirked brow, making V roll his eyes at him again.
“No.” V replies simply before adding, “Before we stray too far into our jokes, what the hell am I supposed to do? This shit is getting annoying now.”
“Hmm…” Johnny hummed in thought as he looked up at the ceiling, pondering what they could do even though there weren't really many options he could think of.
“Why not go to your usual guy when you have a problem?” Johnny asks, wondering why that wasn’t V’s first choice when Vik had come to mind.
“Um..” V mutters before sighing heavily, expression changing to a more somber one as he spoke up once more, “I dunno. Been asking too much of him.”
“V…that man does not care that you keep asking for his help. He welcomes it. Besides, he’d kick my ass if you don’t go.” Johnny says, almost exasperated that V was thinking of not going to him, all while V seemed confused by what Johnny said near the end.
“Don’t you mean he’d kick my ass if I don’t go?” V asks in a little bit of amusement with a small amused yet confused smile and raised brow.
“No. I meant what I said. He wouldn’t hit you. He’d transfer the ass beating to me for not pushing you to go to him. And I won’t lie…” Johnny explains before trailing off as he looks over at V to show he was serious, “I’m more scared of that man’s punches than I could ever be scared of Adam Smasher’s punches, or any other chromed up fucker’s punches.”
V snorts before laughing softly even if Johnny was being a little serious, “Haha! You’re so dramatic. He wouldn’t…well…” V starts to second guess himself as Johnny gives him an almost sassy sounding “mhm” before speaking up.
“That’s what I thought.” Johnny says simply before he grabs his phone and sits up, “Now come on. We got a check up to go to.” He adds on, grabbing V and pulling him up.
*******
“So let me get this straight...” Vik would start off speaking as he straightens up, taking his eyes off of the TV to look at V and Johnny.
“You’ve been having auditory, visual, and tactile hallucinations for a while and only now did you think to see me about it?” Vik rhetorically asks, looking and sounding just a little bit miffed that V had waited even if there was a chance he couldn’t help him.
“Hey, don’t look at me. He only told me about it today.” Johnny speaks up before V did, raising his hands in a bit of surrender as if he was being accused of hiding this too, even if that wasn’t the case.
“Gee thanks for backing me up, Johnny.” V mutters as he rolls his eyes a bit when Johnny merely responds back with a playfully sarcastic “Love you”.
“I’m sorry Vik. I’ve been busy and they haven’t been bad. Just a little annoying now.” V says with a shrug as he attempts to undermine this issue.
“Right…” Was all Vik said, clearly not buying what V was saying.
V knew Vik wouldn’t buy his dismissal. Honestly, V should know better than to keep trying. For he knew Vik knew him well. Though he supposed he should be grateful that Vik wasn't being stern with him before he had decided to infiltrate Arasaka. So that was a big plus as he watches Vik stare at him a little longer before speaking.
“C’mon kid. Let’s see if we can fix you up.” Vik says, motioning him to walk over to the operating chair as he walked over to the stool he kicked over so he could sit down.
V didn’t hesitate to walk over, soon taking a seat in the chair he had grown accustomed to sitting in. As he sat down, Johnny would sit down on a spare stool that Vik had on the side before using his legs to push off the floor so he could roll over to the other side of where V sat. The sight of Johnny smiling a little like a little kid that acquired the only rolling chair in a class made V snort and shake his head in amusement before he focused on the check up.
“Alright V. You know the drill.” Vik speaks up, catching V’s attention as he looks over to see holding up the link for him to connect to his head, to which he promptly does without question before resting his head back against the chair.
“Whatd’ya plan on doing, doc?” Johnny asks, curious to know if Vik had an actual plan or if he was going to freeball, even though he could guess that Vik would never try to freeball a problem even if he didn’t know the doc as well as V does.
“Johnny. Just let the man work. He knows what he’s doing.” V says as he knew Johnny wasn’t merely asking that out of just curiosity, more so out of wanting to know for a peace of mind.
“It’s alright, V.” Vik speaks up on behalf of Johnny’s worried curiosity since he understood being nervous and wanting to know what was going to happen to their partner, so he took no offense to it as he stood up while tapping away on the screen V was connected to, just so he could focus a little more.
“I’m going to do a full scan of the neural networks in his head. There will be two main issues that I’ll be looking for. One, is some hidden malware that V could’ve gotten from jacking into something riddled with said malware. The second will be the relic. If the damn thing is starting to act up again, then maybe I can stabilize it like I did last time.” Vik explains in hope to make Johnny relax a little.
“You think hidden malware or the relic are the cause of these hallucinations?” V asks, now curious as to what Vik was thinking as he and Johnny watched him work away at his screen.
“That’s what I’m hoping for, in all honesty.” Vik replies, eyebrows knitted in concentration but clearly showing that something was troubling him.
“And if what you’re hoping for is not there?” Johnny asks as he grows more worried at Vik’s more recent answer, soon bringing an uncomfortable silence among the three of them.
Vik opens his mouth for a moment, but soon closes it. His lips thinned into a tight frown, eyebrows still knitted as he stared at the screen. He was clearly struggling to answer that question, probably wanting to at least try to answer it in the least hard hitting way possible. Most likely to avoid another repeat on having to break the news to V dying from the relic in his head. But in his attempt to try to find a lighter way to say it, the silence from him was also clearly making the pair grow tense while they looked at him expectantly. Vik had to not look at them as their worried puppy eyes, which Johnny definitely stole from V when they were connected, would make him feel worse.
“If what I’m hoping for is not there…then there might not be anything I can actually do.” Vik starts off before finally getting the courage to look at them, mostly at V, “Because that means your brain is deteriorating faster than expected. Which could be causing these hallucinations.” He adds before going silent to give them a moment to process, to which Johnny took this moment to get angry.
“That’s bullshit!” Johnny shouts as he stands up and looks at Vik angrily, even though the anger wasn’t actually directed at him.
“Johnny, calm down.” V speaks up as gently as he could despite the fact he too was upset by this possibility.
“No! No no no!” Johnny shakes his head, “Alt said that you have six months left to live! It’s only been almost two! Your brain shouldn’t be dying so soon! It’s the goddamn malware or relic acting up! It has to be!” He adds, almost desperate for the first thing to be true.
“Johnny!” V says firmly as he reaches up to grab his chrome wrist and tugging it a little in an attempt to silently beckon him to sit back down or at least listen to him, which only worked in making Johnny listen by looking down at him as he was too wound up to sit down.
“Breathe, Johnny. Just breathe. We don’t even know if that’s the cause yet.” V tries to reason with the now tense and aggravated man.
“Just sit down, okay? Please?” V asks softly, almost begging since he didn’t want to be more stressed than he already was.
Thankfully, that seemed to work as Johnny took a deep breath in through his nose before heavily exhaling through his mouth. He then slowly takes a seat once V lets go of his wrist. V would let out a sigh of his own when Johnny finally sat back down and…well, he wouldn’t say Johnny was entirely relaxed. He could tell his frame was still tense, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows knitted to the point they nearly disappeared under his aviators. But V would take that as a bit of a win, so long as Johnny wouldn’t have another outburst like that.
“Sorry about that Vik.” V mutters, apologizing on Johnny’s behalf.
“It’s fine. I get it.” Was all Vik said in response to V’s apology before moving on after a long moment of silence between the three of them, “I’ll give it to you two straight, I’m not seeing anything right now. Then again, the scan could just be taking its sweet time.”
“Of all the times…” Johnny trails off, deciding to not finish his complaint as he merely ends it with a sigh and a shake of his head.
“Your stuff acting up, Vik? Doesn’t sound like you to let that happen.” V questions almost playfully, wanting to lighten up the mood a little.
“Heh, you’re right about that.” Vik replies with a small snort before looking over at V, “I’m just hoping it’s not my tech being screwy and just your little problem being a little stubborn.” He adds as he looks back at the screen.
“Gee. Thanks, Vik.” V retorts back in playful sarcasm, making Vik roll his eyes while smiling a little at V’s playful demeanor despite being worried about this.
“You know what I meant, kid. Now relax. This might take a bit.” Vik says and while V knew he meant it when his doc told him to relax, he knew it also meant that he would like some peace and quiet while he worked.
So he would abide by the hidden request behind what Vik said by leaning back in the doc’s chair to relax, or at least try to relax. Relaxing after everything that was happening was a pretty difficult thing to do. Especially difficult after being told that these hallucinations could just be his brain dying sooner rather than a little later. He really hoped that wasn't the case. He didn't want to die yet. Not when he was still in the process of trying to find a cure for his ailment. A way to get rid of the chip. Just something so he could actually live past his 20s. Hell, he'd even be happy if he lived to his late 20s instead of dying in his early 20s. He'd take anything to not die now or a few months from now.
Damn it, he knew he was beginning to spiral. The tightening in his chest, the burn of tears threatening to form in his eyes. He knew he was going to spiral more into panic and depression if he let himself think about this for too long. Not to mention he'll probably get some attention from Vik and Johnny if they notice. He didn’t want that. Nor did he want to look at them right now, not wanting to see the worried looks on their faces. It would just make him feel worse. So he closes his eyes, deciding this was the best action to do in order to avoid any worrying gazes. Now he needed to figure out how this would make him relax. Meditation, perhaps? He supposed he could try, as he had nothing else better to do. Though honestly, he didn't exactly know where to start. He wasn't even sure when the last time he meditated was, if at all.
‘Breathing. Breathing is a good start.’ He thought to himself.
He breathes in deeply through his nose, unsure about the correct number to count to but ultimately decides to count to four. Four seems like a good number. Yeah, yeah he’ll go for four.
“V, you okay?” V would hear Vik ask with concern in his tone, making V realize he had been holding his breath for just a little longer than intended as he suddenly exhales sharply.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” V replies simply as he keeps his eyes closed to keep himself in the zone, “Just…trying to meditate.” He adds.
He breathes in once more for four seconds, nearly getting to the next step only to be interrupted by Johnny letting out a snort.
“Meditate? Since when do you do that?” Johnny asks, amusement present in his tone.
“Since now. Now shush.” V retorts quickly, shifting a little in his seat to try to get himself comfortable again.
“Alright. Good luck with your..meditation, I guess.” Johnny responds, trying to be a little supportive but still clearly bemused and amused by what he had said about meditating.
“Shhhh!” V shushes Johnny one final time.
“Okay okay. Damn.” Johnny replies back with a huff, the room falling silent once more.
V breathes in once more, counting for four, holding for four, then exhaling for four. His eyes shut, focusing on the ambience of Vik’s clinic with no voices. The ambience along with his breathing. He focused on them, on the lack of sound there was to fall back into a rhythm. A rhythm of breathing by fours, listening to his heartbeat in between these breaths. Each breath relaxing his body more and more, his limbs feeling heavy but in a good way. He felt like he could sink into Vik’s chair, his body and mind now as relaxed as he could be. No further distractions. Just himself. Just the feeling of the arm rests against the tips of his fingers. Just him in his own body. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else, just him…
“Hey…V…”
V could feel his heart skip a beat, a sharp inhale interrupting his meditation, when he had heard that familiar faint voice. Yet despite how faint it was, it still felt like it pierced his ears violently, sounding both in and out of his head. But he wasn’t going to let whatever this was get to him. He wasn’t going to let the possibility of this being yet another hallucination ruin his meditation. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Continue by fours, do not let him get to you, is what he would tell himself internally. No one should be talking. The only sound being his breathing. Nothing else.
“Veeeeee~…”
V’s jaw clenches hearing that sing song tone again, still faint but still ever piercing. He keeps his eyes tightly shut, still ignoring the hallucination as much as he could. He tried his damndest, yet he was beginning to find it a bit hard to focus on his meditation. There was a dull buzz in his ears, in his head. Familiar to the droning he’d usually hear when he was about to have a relic malfunction, but different enough to guess it wasn’t one. Or at least he hoped it wasn’t one. He didn’t want to have one in Vik’s clinic again. He couldn’t afford to-
“Stop ignoring me…”
‘Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shut up’ V would repeat in his damaged head over and over and over again, nearly shuddering when he could have sworn he felt someone’s breath against his ear when the hallucination spoke.
His heart racing against his chest and beating so loud it overshadowed whatever Vik and the real Johnny was saying, as he could faintly hear them speak. He wasn’t sure why his heart was beating so fast, his anxiety racing and making it hard to keep up with the breathing exercises. His breath stuttering, the droning in his head making it hard to count by fours correctly. Why was he so scared? Was it from how real that breath felt? Was it because there was something telling him that something was wrong? Something in his gut screamed at him that this was bad. If that was the case, what the hell was he to do? He couldn’t do anything but try to ignore the hallucination and let Vik do his job. He just had to try to keep calm. Keep calm and breath. Breath in for four, hold for four, and out for four. In for four, hold for four, out for four. In for four, hold for four, out for four. In for four, hold-
“VINCENT!”
A startled shout gets lodged in V’s throat as that once faint voice had become even more piercing. His eyes shot open and widening from not only that harsh call of his name, but from the feeling of someone having pounced on him, grabbing his shoulders and giving him one harsh shake. His body seemed to react, jolting up for a second before falling back into the chair as he stared at what had suddenly done that. To which he wouldn’t have to wonder for long as before him straddling his thighs was…Johnny?
‘No…no not Johnny…’ He told himself internally, as the Johnny before him was different.
This Johnny didn’t look like the Johnny he now knew. The Johnny he knew now wasn’t an engram anymore, his hair tied up in a bun now as he sported more modern clothing, having adopted the style nowadays to not look too off when he had come back. This version of Johnny wasn’t anything like that, more like his engram self with blue bits of code glitching off of parts of his body and fizzling out into the open air. It was the form he was supposed to be used to, leather pants and black tank top minus the bullet proof vest and aviators. He was supposed to be kind of used to it, even if Johnny wasn’t an engram now. But he looked…odd. Weird, even. His hair, which usually had some volume to it near the ends, was now flat, almost stringy as if he hadn’t washed it in a long while as it hung loosely past his face. Though he could easily overlook the hair as his face was what caught him off guard.
Johnny’s- the fake Johnny’s facial expression looked unhinged. His eyes wide, almost unfocused, with clear distraught in them as they darted around, possibly in an attempt to read V’s face. His jaw clenched, lips parted ever so slightly to somewhat show his teeth grinding ever so slightly, showing more of his anxiety. Maybe that’s why he was suddenly anxious? Because this supposed hallucination was giving it to him somehow? V wasn’t sure anymore. Nor was he sure what to do as this felt uncomfortably real with the weight of this fake Johnny sitting on him and the harsh feeling of him squeezing his shoulders. Now he was stuck, staring wide eyed for what felt like a long while but it was only a couple of seconds before a small grin twitched onto the fake Johnny’s face. A near breathless short chuckle leaving the fake, nearly sounding relieved as his grip on V’s shoulders loosened lightly.
“There you are…there you are V…”
V supposed this fake was trying to sound gentle. As if he was concerned before about V not paying attention to him. But in all honesty, it hadn’t changed how freaked out V felt. Especially when the fake still looked completely unhinged. He did not feel safe whatsoever, yet he couldn’t get himself to move. No matter how much he told himself to get up or say something, he couldn’t do it. It was like his body was stuck, the words unable to form and leave his mouth. The only sound escaping him were his shaky breaths as the fake drew a quivering breath of his own to speak again.
“I uh…I-I thought you’d..ahah..I thought you’d never..talk to me again…or look at me..”
The fake spoke, his speech pattern not like Johnny’s as his hands slowly slid off V’s shoulders before he swayed a little as he leaned a bit away from V. His movements didn’t help V’s freaked out nature, as they were nearly as unhinged as he looked and sounded. His movements were uncanny, drunk like yet they stuttered. If V were to really describe it in a way to try to quell his anxiety, it almost looked like the fake moved almost like a stop motion character. The correlation probably would have made V chuckle in a different scenario, but not this time.
“I don’t…I don’t like being ignored, V..”
The fake’s voice shook a little when he said that, his already unstable grin twitching and threatening to fall. His fingers twitching, aching to do something. What the fake wanted to do, V didn’t know. He didn’t want to know what this hallucination had in store, only hoping it was just going to be a rant as he watched the fake shakily brush his hand through his stringy hair.
“I-It’s dark, V…when you close your eyes…when you ignore me…it-..it feels like-”
“V...are you alright? I didn’t want to say anything before but…you’re kinda freaking me out.” The real Johnny’s voice would cut off the fake.
V finally felt like he had some kind of way out once he finally heard an outside voice. He wouldn’t think about the irony of having it be Johnny’s voice that managed to break him out of this, as he didn’t want to pass up an opportunity like this. So, finally taking in a deeper breath, he tried to speak up as he began looking over at Johnny.
“I-”
That was the only word V could get out before the fake viciously grabbed his face with one hand and forced his head to face him. This was supposed to be fake. A mere hallucination. So why did his body react to it? Why did he feel a bit of pain when his head was moved so harshly? The feeling of the fake’s chrome silver hand gripping his face so tightly it could probably leave bruises? The feeling of his hands gripping that said cold chrome silver hand as a subconscious reaction to getting grabbed so viciously? He couldn’t begin to understand, and now he was forced to stare directly at the vicious unhinged glare the fake had, the fake’s teeth bared almost like a rabid animal as his stringy hair nearly covered the crazed wide eye stare.
“Don’t look at him! Don’t fucking look at him! I am the only one you should pay attention to! ME! Only ME!”
The fake hissed venomously, his grip never faltering as he kept a hold of V’s face. His voice, while not as loud as when he shouted V’s full name, still felt ear piercing. Loud enough and real enough to get his heart racing once more, to the point he could barely make out Johnny’s concerned call out for V. Or maybe it was a question about what the hell was happening? Or maybe it was towards Vik to do something? All of the above? Once again, V didn’t know as his full attention was towards the fake, who seemingly calmed down just a little when he felt his grip on his face loosen a little. The fake’s expression fell a little too, almost looking like he was guilty for what he did.
“Why..? Why do you want to ignore me..?”
V could hear the fake’s voice have a bit of sorrow in his tone, a complete contrast to the outburst he had. He even looked hurt as he went silent for a bit, just staring at one another before he finally spoke up once more.
“Do you…want to get rid of me? Is that why you’re here?”
“N…No…” V finally spoke up, trying to appease the fake even though he should know better than to talk to a hallucination.
He could probably imagine that speaking up suddenly got the attention of Vik and Johnny. But either he was too focused on the hallucination or the beating of his heart was too loud for him to hear anything. Whichever it was, he wouldn’t hear anything if they did say something. Not that their words would probably matter as he felt like he had to choose his words carefully, now waiting with baited breath as the fake stared at him.
“I…don’t believe you..”
V knew this wasn’t Johnny. But he couldn’t help feeling a bit bad for lying. Especially when the fake sounded so hurt. So sad too. Of course, V still felt completely anxious. His heart is still racing despite feeling bad for the fake. But at least it got the fake to loosen his grip more, his hand almost defeatingly sliding down to rest on his chest to weakly grip at the fabric of V’s shirt.
“You wanted to get rid of me from the start…I’m just a parasite to you…”
“No, that’s not true.” V replies back, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he would try to comfort this fake.
“Liar…”
“I’m not-” V tries to argue back, only for the fake to interrupt him.
“You are. You wanted to get rid of me before. It’s no different now…”
“I…” V starts off, only to fall silent as he wasn’t sure what else to say now, leaving the both of them to sit in silence to stew over their conversation for a little bit.
“....if you want to prove you’re not lying…then pull the plug…”
“I-...what?” V questions for a moment before seeing the fake motion to the cord in his port.
“Pull it out.”
“I-I…” V wasn’t sure what to say to that, making the fake place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it tightly.
“Pull it out.”
V couldn’t help but shake his head a little, “I-I don’t…” his incomplete sentence gets the fake to squeeze his shoulder tighter, nearly making V wince.
“Pull. It.”
“I-I can’t.” V finally says, head shaking once more as the both of them fall silent once more, giving Vik a chance to speak through the deafening brain fog that surrounded V.
“I think I found the problem. I’m going to try to neutralize it. If that doesn’t work, I can stabilize it.” V would hear Vik say as he would assume the doc would begin working on it, since his gaze was still on the fake even if the fake glanced over at Vik for a moment before looking back with a blank look.
“V…please…”
V doesn’t say anything, only staring at the fake with a small shake of his head. As if to silently say he was sorry. Again, he wasn’t sure why he felt all these emotions towards a fake. Maybe it was because this hallucination still looked like Johnny? He wasn’t sure. All he knows is that he was going to at least try to get out of this, not wanting to fall into a conversation with him once more. Though it didn’t seem like the fake liked that, his blank expression falling into one of hurt.
“Am I…truly not wanted…?”
Again, V doesn’t say anything, continuing to stare at the uncanny Johnny. Watching as he sat there, seemingly defeated as Vik finally spoke up once more by stating he was starting the process. Whether the process was to neutralize or stabilize whatever the hell was happening, V didn’t know. Again, he was far too focused on the fake. He shouldn’t care. Not when this fake was nothing but aggressive and creepy to him. And yet, there was a burning question in him that needed to be answered. He needed to know.
“What…are you…?” V would ask, almost quietly as he watched the fake Johnny stare downward, rocking just a little as the blue bits of code began to form more before fizzling out.
“Me…?”
The fake’s head would drunkenly lean back a little, a stutter still present in his movement as his head soon tilted to the side while staring back at V.
“I’m Johnny. Johnny Silverhand..”
The fake answers, his now smiling mouth moving far too smoothly to match the lagging movements before. Not to mention that wasn’t what V had asked. Which made V thin his lips, shaking his head.
“No. Not who. You aren’t Johnny.” V retorts back, “What are you?” V would repeat his question again, making the fake’s mouth drop into a little frown as his wide eyed gaze never broke from V’s stern yet anxious gaze.
The silence stretched on for god knows how long as they stared into each other’s eyes, unmoving. V was beginning to believe that this fake didn’t even know. Which wasn’t a surprise. It was a hallucination after all. A hallucination made from his own mind. If V didn’t completely know what this thing was, then the thing wasn’t going to know either. He wasn’t sure why he even bothered. He wasn’t…
His attention would be focused once more on the hallucination once more after he heard him let out a light giggle. The unfamiliar sound leaving the fake made him feel uneasy, especially when it still sounded like Johnny. He focuses on the hallucination once more, watching as he giggles more and smiles maniacally as the glitches of blue, and now red, code begin to form much more. His body drunkenly sways back, his head now leaning back as he begins to laugh equally maniacally as his smile.
“What am I?! What am I, he says!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!”
V felt like he fucked up asking that question as he watched this fake repeat the question over and over again, laughing like it was the funniest fucking thing he ever heard. He laughed and laughed and laughed, the prolonged laughter piercing more into V’s head much louder than the droning noise that began once more. He wasn’t sure how long he could stand it until the fake had finally seemed to cease his laughter, ending it with a deranged sounding gasp before lurching forward to look at V once more.
“What am I?”
The hallucination would seem to ask V, as if wanting V to respond for him. But before V could even think of a response, the fake would interrupt him once more.
“What am I? What am I, you say? What am I?”
He would begin to repeat the question once more, minus the deranged laughter as he straightens up, his eyes downcasted towards V as his grin had never faltered.
“I AM…”
POP
CRRRRACK
The sound of what V could assume was of joints popping and cracking as he watched in horror as the fake’s body suddenly contorted, the pop sounding off from the fake’s back suddenly arching much too far for a normal arch before his head had slowly craned much too far. Yet despite how painful this would be for a normal person, the fake didn’t seem to react to the sudden contortion of his body as he kept his gaze on V, his smile never breaking.
“I…AM..”
CRACK
CRRRK
His body contorts more, the droning noise becoming louder in V’s ears as the familiar blues and reds of code begin to make itself known. But not in the way he was used to with it forming in his vision. But in a way where it formed out of the fake’s body, slithering down, writhing like dying worms before fizzling out as the fake’s body continued to contort like a twisted marinette caught in its own strings.
V could only watch in horror, his body feeling paralyzed. As if he was stuck in a sleep paralysis like state as he watched the fake writhe, twitch, contort. Parts of the fake’s skin begin to bubble, melt even to a grotesque mesh of the code. The fake’s face wasn’t spared, as his face was affected the most. The code having overtaken it, making it barely recognizable other than the protruding wide eyes and teeth breaking passed the code that molded and melted his face like hot wax.
V did his damndest to move. To get his body to listen to him to get out of this paralyzing state he was in. To get away from the wriggling bits of code, afraid this grotesque state of this fake Johnny would melt away and overtake him. Drowning him in it to never see the outside world again, never hear the voices of his loved ones again. He couldn’t let it happen. Yet no matter how hard he tried to get his body to cooperate, even just trying to wiggle his fingers and toes, nothing seemed to work. But he kept struggling, his breath quick, his heart pounding as he could feel some of the wriggling mass of melted code drip down and touch his body like an unnatural intrusive touch. Almost feeling like it burned his skin despite having clothes on.
He can’t allow this to travel to the rest of his body. He couldn’t. He needed to get out. He needed to stop the droning in his head, overshadowing whatever noise was going on outside. Hell, he even tried to make a sound, but nothing worked as the fake uttered one last word.
“Absolution…”
A soft answer, soft to break through the horrid droning noise. Sparing V for only a second before what was left of the fake’s were suddenly on him once more, the fake’s body now hunched over V as his melted face was uncomfortably close to V’s. Finally, a noise came out of V. A strangled cry of pain as one of the fake’s hands was on his arm, the other gripping his shoulder once more. He could only screw his eyes shut from the burning and stinging pain that pulsates in the areas that were being held, feeling as if his fingers dug under his skin. The melted code from the fake’s face dripped down, falling onto his face before piercing under his skin as well. Digging and piercing under his flesh, worming their way into his veins like rabid maggots to make itself home like the parasites they were. His legs weren’t safe either, taking the brunt of the pain since the fake had been sitting on them the whole time.
His heart was racing against his chest, beating so hard he could swear that it would break out or even surpass the ear piercing droning noise in his ears. His throat hurt, raw from how harsh his gasps and short screams were as he finally could get his body to somewhat cooperate, but only to pathetically wriggle against the harsh grip. He couldn’t breathe, could feel how hard it was to breath with the burning in his lungs. He could feel parts of the fake in his body, trying to overtake him, trying to drown him. He couldn’t let that happen. He can’t. He didn’t want to go like this. Not like this. He can’t he can’t he can’t.
“Ple…agk-..gchk…” He tried to pathetically beg for the fake to stop, only to feel too choked up to form actual words, only able to let out unintelligible noises as he looked up at the fake through squinting eyes that were blurred with tears.
He couldn’t beg. He couldn’t shove it off. He needed a different approach. Something else entirely. Something with more firepower. Something to possibly get this thing to stop, even for a second.
His free hand twitched, struggling to move down to this waist where he kept his gun. But he didn’t give up no matter how much his body burned, how much his lungs ached for air. He fought this hard, he wasn’t going to give up now to this thing. He couldn’t give up as he forced his hand to slowly shift to his gun. He needed to go faster. He had to go faster. But it was hard, his body fighting with him as he finally was able to put his hand on the handle of his gun.
Alas, it seemed like the fake didn’t take too kindly to what he was doing as the intrusion that focused on his arm suddenly pulled off, making V let out a quiet yelp, sounding more like a whimper. But V didn’t have time to focus on that as his eyes finally widened seeing the fake lift it’s arm, as if readying itself to pierce into V again. It seemed like that would be the killing blow, which made V panic all the more in trying to force his hand to move faster. He just needed to get his gun out. He just…needed to…
The hand suddenly pierces his neck, letting him shout out in pain as his eyes shut tight once more. But the pain was enough for him to finally move. For the moment he felt his neck get pierced, he grabbed his gun and held it up and-
BANG
……
Thump
…………
The droning sound stopped finally. The pain was now gone and…V felt sluggish. Numb, even, when the painful sensation had suddenly vanished after he heard what sounded like something large falling to the ground. He slowly opens his eyes, his vision a little wavy as he sees no remnants of that melted creature on him. No signs of anything having pierced him either. All that was in front of him was his trembling body and…
His heart nearly stopped when he had finally looked around, seeing Vik on the ground with a pool of blood forming from…he wasn’t sure since Johnny was crouched beside him, blocking most of Vik. It was at that moment that he realized how much he fucked up, the grip on his gun slowly sliding out of his hand. He wanted to get up, but his body wasn’t responding to him anymore. He was tired. Really tired. Struggling to keep his eyes open.
“J..Johnny…” V manages to croak out weakly, getting Johnny’s attention as he could faintly see the wide eyed look of horror that had struck his lover’s face. The type of look that screamed that something bad had happened, making V feel choked up as he could only think of the worst that happened.
“What did I do…?” V chokes out, voice shaky as Johnny slowly stands up to be by V’s side, even holding his hand.
“What did I do…?” V asks once more since Johnny never answered, voice just as shaky as before as his lower lip trembles, his eyes fluttering as exhaustion was beginning to overtake him.
Johnny still wouldn’t answer him, only looking at him with a frown on his face. He could see the sorrow in Johnny’s eyes, his aviators having slipped down his nose a little from whatever happened. V wasn’t sure what would be worse, being told what happened or leaving it up to him to guess. But he didn’t care. He wanted to know. He wanted Johnny to tell him. Fuck, he wanted to scream at Johnny to tell him. But he was tired. Oh so tired. He wasn’t dying, that he knew. He knew the difference between drugged tired vs deathly tired. Even so, his eyelids felt so heavy, his brain foggy as he could only lightly squeeze Johnny’s hand. A futile attempt to get Johnny to answer.
“Wh…what d…did I..” V tries to ask once more, unable to finish his question as his world finally goes dark.