Work Text:
March 29th, 1985
03:43 AM
Billy could read the warm red hue of numbers lit up clear enough even from across the stretch of his room, the sight alone enough to bring him to release a sigh, one of many that’d escaped him during the creeping hours of early morning. He swung an arm up instead, forearm coming to rest over his eyes as though that’d help convince his brain to shut off.
He should’ve been asleep by now. Or really, he should’ve been asleep a good few hours ago, but as things often tended to go he wasn’t exactly getting what he wanted. Certainly not today at least.
Billy was sure as shit tired, had been completely exhausted for most of the days leading up to his birthday. Things were always tense this time of year, always had him on edge and so very done with everything. He’d long given up the part of him that’d try his best to stay on Neils good side, whatever false hope he’d found that told him if he did, just maybe things would have a chance to go right this time.
It never did of course, not when Susan and Max lingered around as if things would ever actually get better, keep pretending as if Neil wasn’t the way he was. His day to day life stood as a constant reminder of how fucked up everything was now time and time again, and at the end of it all? He didn’t really know who to blame anymore.
Every so often his hand would come to brush fingers against the pendant ever chained around his neck, thumb carefully stroking over the engravings that had long become memorised with each sleepless night like this.
Billy had done a lot of blaming, had directed his frustrations towards anyone in his path including himself, yet every time his thoughts ventured too close to the woman at the start of it all he couldn’t find the fight in him, couldn’t stop the pinpricks of tears forming in his eyes and the swirling pit of despair that clouded his mind. He refused to even acknowledge them enough by drying eyes because somehow doing so meant everything his father had to say about him was true.
Maybe they were true, Billy didn’t know anymore. He was yet to feel much of anything towards any of the girls he’d kept around long enough for them to consider dating, he’d sure tried but maybe that was just it, Billy couldn’t love? He never felt it after his mother walked out of his life. He liked to think that he was a man of particular taste, not really interested in the girls who went around running their mouths, spreading gossip and drawing attention to themselves. He didn't like it when they threw themselves on him, gave him too much of an easy approach, though he could not find himself enjoying it when they played hard to get either.
It wasn't hard for him to find a flaw, or several. Either too quiet or too loud, too clean or just a little too grubby. Something was always there, stopping him from trying anything further, or caring enough to try. In the end they all were just fine, good enough to lay in bed with for a night of entertainment but anything past that had always been out of the question, and he made that painfully clear.
He didn't really care about the last name, her interests or what she likes, if she had a boyfriend or not. At the end it all meant nothing, hearts broken or not it was no sweat off his back. No matter how much he despised the idea of being compared to those kinds of people, he found it easy to believe when Neil forced it on him. One of the many things he could say that sent Billy into a much deeper, darker train of thought than he would have ever liked to admit.
Yet here he was all the same. He knew the worst part of it all was that there was still something deep, deep down within him that prayed for his mother’s return, hoped that she’d finally show up out of the blue with her usual happy go lucky attitude and warm laughter, ready for whatever came her way to take him away from it all. Take him away from Neil and back to California where he could feel safe again, where she’d ruffle his hair up like nothing had changed.
Billy tossed and turned over the idea enough times and then some that even as her face started to fade from his mind over the years, her voice rang true. Always repeating the last words she’d said to him when his train of thought began to linger too long.
It stung no less than it did back then, but he couldn’t bring himself to resent her for leaving, even if that had meant leaving him behind too.
He remembered the day all too well, the exact date and time, the way he felt as though he was going to collapse right there on the spot. The tears persistently blurring his vision no matter how hard he tried to wipe them away, the desperate attempts to catch his breath as he broke anything he could get his hands on, the trembling of those same hands the moment his father struck him properly for the first time and it solidified in him that everything had changed for the worse, whether he liked it or not.
He’d wear himself out fighting at school most days, staying out as late as possible after. The only alternative was to hide in his room, wait as long as it took for Neil to drink himself into a coma, if he got lucky. Next to witnessing the man he was forced to call his father raise a hand on the woman he loved most, her leaving was one of the biggest betrayals he’d ever experienced. As he grew up he just accepted the rage, the lack of any self control whatsoever.
The confusion was overwhelming, suffocating. It brought on a series of questions as to why, how and when feeling human became so difficult. A series of questions that always ended with eyes full of tears, nothing but a kid alone in his room trying to muffle his own cries to prevent something much worse. Because clearly he was nowhere near a good enough reason for her to stay, to try .
He didn’t really know how to be free. Every time he tried to run away from it all there was something lodged deep within him that told him no, that even as fucked up as it all was and as much as he hated it, the option just wasn’t realistic. Where would he be without his only family? He couldn’t rely on his father for anything outside of being an asshole, it shouldn’t have been so hard.
Maybe it was the part of him that knew Max was just a kid. That she’d been dragged into all of this by default, just like him. She annoyed the hell out of him for the longest time but in the end she was still a kid, one that he had to look out for and take the blame for because Billy knew exactly what his father was capable of. Because he knew it wouldn’t have ended with him.
At the end of the day he was never able to fight back the way his mother could, take the stand and walk out as she had. He’d done everything in his power to make sure he was strong enough to fight back when the time came and yet still he remained. He’d took everything that came his way when it came to the man that was supposed to be his father and Billy still couldn’t figure out why, didn’t have it in him to care enough to try and figure it out anymore because each and every time he did spare a thought on it all he felt fucking insane. He felt weak. That only made it worse.
What if she’d moved on, found a new family? Did she think about him as much as he did her? Hell, was she even still alive? He wanted to believe she was, but what did that mean for all the time she could have reached out? He never knew where she went, but why didn’t she just take him with her?
Above all, Billy hated the reminder of the pain. Hated the feeling of losing control of himself, of his emotions. He hated his stupid birthday and every other constant cause for reminder in his life of how things so quickly crumbled.
When was the last time his birthday had actually meant something good to him?
The breath from his lungs felt as though it’d been ripped right out of him, like a punch to the stomach that’d left him winded and aching. He couldn’t stop the shake of his body as the growing static slowly enveloped his ears, only serving to frustrate him further. Sniffling to try and clear away the growing stuffiness of his nose as exhaustion eventually ate at him enough to dampen the noise in his head, breathing long and slow until he finally turned over to press his face into a pillow, wiping away the wet on his cheeks with the cover as he scrunched his eyes shut tight.
After trying to do his best to keep the woman at the beginning of it all in the back of his mind, Billy still knew that time of year would come with the passing of every season, that he would unavoidably be reminded of her. Her words and lullabies, laughter and sunshine and broad, radiant smiles on beaches where seashells would sing the songs of the ocean. He cursed out whatever sacred things existed out there that she'd left him. With the void in his chest getting bigger and wider each time, he foolishly hoped that something was somehow different.
If she did suddenly show up? He didn’t think she’d like the person he became.
The shoreline had a calling to it.
A lure that was too irresistible not to bite. It’d beckon him closer, seeking none to tame it but to embrace and thrive amongst its busy currents. It held the promise of things he couldn’t grasp on land, hidden from the eyes of the world. Out there he could feel at peace, feel purpose.
His mother heard its whispers too, always dressed in her best sundress fighting to keep a hat atop her head, never once did her smile falter each time she’d walk down its banks with him. She told him tales of the mighty blue, wondrous and magical beings that swam amongst the waters, selkies and merfolk alike who glimmered under the sun and moon’s rays as they played in tidal pools.
She told him they shared secrets with her, sending their whispers through the glowing water, he’d seen it with his own eyes and it was all the magic in the world. For a while he’d been convinced his father was the fisherman in those stories, the one who’d stolen the selkies pelt to make her his bride, he wished that one day he’d find it for her and she’d take him home to the deep blues cities.
Billy could see her out there amongst the waves now, waiting for him. She had to be waiting for him, afterall who else was here?
Each wade into the water only felt as though it brought him further from her, the waters embrace too thick to push against and leaving him hesitant to brave it further as it rippled around his waist. Billy had to reach her, he had to try.
There was static in the wind, the noise echoing a ticking too distant for him to find the source of, barely there over the crash of waves. The clouds darkened with each press forward and his mother looked back to him as she stood atop the water's face, an arm outstretching to hold out a hand for him as he felt something snaking around at his feet.
She’d been searching for him, and Billy could finally reach her. She was right there.
But the ocean wouldn’t accept him, fighting him back and trying to drag him down. The water had never forsaken him before, but now it deemed him unworthy. Perhaps it was his mother who told it to keep him back, whispering to it from afar. Billy watched as her arm dropped at her side, witness to his failure as the water pulsed with its cerulean luminescence, carrying her message across to him.
Her smile hesitated, slowly falling to reveal an empty expression. No love nor joy, not even pity. Billy couldn’t hear her words, and didn't need to in order to understand them. He was nothing to her, she didn’t want him.
She turned, making her leave into the ocean's depths as she waded her way in. Leaving him to the waters blight. Billy resigned to its will as the noise in the air grew louder in his ear, even as the current claimed his form, the something beneath the surface dragging him down as he gasped in his final lungful.
The tide raced against his skin, marking his belonging with jagged edges until he accepted its gaze, eyes opening to reveal his new world.
Except his new world was cold and dark, things just beyond recognition writhing around in the thick fog clouding the ocean around him. It struck fear, forcing him to make the mistake of gasping out with a scream, the water quick to try and fill his lungs. Billy felt his binds tighten, dragging him further down at a rapid pace.
Then he was falling through what he thought was the seafloor, dropping through into the world before. But now twisted and vile, the sands ashen and charcoal and rough that lead into bloody waters which sat eerily calm with the empty sky. There was barely a ripple as he coughed and choked his way back to land, stumbling around on his knees before he found his balance and pushed to a stand.
Only silence, one that struck him at his core and Billy couldn’t bear it. His eyes darted around, searching for something, anything. It was nauseating, hearing his steps and breathing so crisp and sound. He didn’t want to be here, knew he couldn’t return to the bloodied tides but all he could see were bare stretches of land where the water was absent.
He started running, anywhere that wasn’t here. It didn’t matter how long it took or how tight his lungs got, he was getting out of here as fast and as far as his legs could carry him. Following the land in the opposite way of the water's edge. He had to get far from it.
Every other step he felt the world shift around him, warping and changing until he began to stumble over himself, tripping up with each tremor and doing everything in his power to keep himself going, just one foot in front of the other again and again.
That too he’d failed at, that irritatingly not-quite-there ticking returning and now following behind him, Billy couldn’t stop himself from looking back, he had to see it, find the source.
In the end it meant nothing, his feet trying to move too quickly against the coarse sands, doing little to grip his force as the ground hummed and then his feet were catching one another, bringing him down like a shot buck.
The noise around him sang out, reverberated with a cacophony that felt as though it was trying to make its way into his very bones. As he felt it finally loom over him a hush fell all around.
“You’re pathetic.”
Turning his head to the sound Billy spotted a pair of shoes and as he rolled himself over to try and sit up, to get a better view of what had hunted him, his throat tightened.
There she stood, his mother. All pristine and perfect and right in front of him just as he remembered her but with a hatred in her stare that he’d seen time and time again on so many different faces in his life.
“...Mom?”
She scoffed, shaking her head. “I was right to be rid of you, nothing but a nuisance.” Her words echoed in his mind, rang out like the clockwork that’d been chasing him all this time. Billy’s heart sank, fraying around the edges as he looked up at her from the ground, struggling to find the purchase he needed to get himself up as each time he did it felt like the sand would move away from beneath him, refusing to support his weight enough. The woman he’d missed so dearly all this time only waved a dismissive hand at him, the way Neil would when he finally grew bored of disciplining him.
Billy shook, now flinching as she stepped closer to him, shaking her head as though she were scolding a child and staring right through him. “When are you going to grow up William? Become a real man?” He couldn’t find his words, stuttering for a moment as he tried to say anything at all in response. He just couldn’t, the tears in his eyes overwhelming his face as they began to pour and tightening the invisible clamp around his throat.
He pushed back on the sand, for the first time in his life trying to get away from her.
“No, I know you better than anyone… You’re broken, aren’t you? Your father sees it too, you can’t hide from it. Everyone will see eventually, Billy.”
Her words fell into silence. She was right, he knew she was but he just couldn’t accept it, had to shake his head no regardless, because he didn’t want her to see him like that.
Finally finding his words as he stopped fighting the sand below, Billy's anger and rage towards the world consuming his being like tar, like it was trying to pour out of him. “I’m not! You don’t get to say that shit to m-”
The sound of her hand connecting to his face rang out, fast and sharp and silencing him quickly. Not once had she ever laid a hand on him like that, until now. And it stunned him, had him slumping in place as his hands clenched into fists at his thighs, body trembling with the fright that came from her venomous words.
“It is you who doesn’t get a say! How was I supposed to love this? Look at you, can’t even stand for the sake of your own good.”
She pressed closer, loomed taller and Billy felt so small beneath her.
“How could anyone love you?”
He was too afraid of what might happen if he ventured to look away from her now, even as the world seemed to twist and sway around them. His cries clouded his vision while he tried to swallow down the lump that was almost choking him, his trembling hands fighting against the seaglass below, his legs kicking out with them in his desperate attempt to drag himself further away. “Stop.”
But his mother wouldn’t listen, just continued creeping closer to him inch by inch until he could feel the cold chill radiating off of her, that followed her every movement and ate its way through his skin like a wound.
“What a curse that must be, loving a monster without a heart. I could never have handled two of you, but at least your father had a backbone.”
It was a thought that’d plagued his mind for years, his biggest fear above all else. The last thing he ever wanted was to turn into that man, to be anything close to similar to him. He knew that was too late, her words only confirmed it.
And just like that he felt the dam breaking around him, his gut tightening the same way it would when Neil would corner him, when he’d do as much as look at him. He felt just as stuck and more in front of the woman he still foolishly loved so much. The woman he’d taken a generous amount of punches for, the woman he was willing to defend with his own life even when he was a dumb kid. When he was supposed to have the right to hope and dream. The very same woman who broke his heart at the end, more than anybody ever could.
"Why do you think I left? You're a lost cause, William."
He wanted to speak, wanted to be harsh with his words just like he usually would with anyone else, it never seemed to be a struggle before, he thought Neil was the only dreadful exception. But no, he couldn't utter a word to the mother he wished so hard to come back for so many nights, he couldn't defend himself, explain himself in any way. He wanted to beg for forgiveness.
All he could do was keep moving backwards, eyes glued on her as his heartbeat pounded with each breath he took, with each step closer.
It felt like her words echoed around the endless stretches of bleak world around him, each and every one hitting him just as hard as the next one until he couldn't crawl away anymore, until his wrist was slipping into nothing and he was stumbling to catch himself. He couldn't look, couldn't take his eyes off her but he felt enough to know that he had been pushed right to an edge. Where had that come from?
Billy felt fucking pathetic, the fact alone that he was even in the process of considering launching himself right off to shut her up and tune it all out only amplified the feeling. Though he couldn’t bring himself to do it, as much as it hurt and as weak as he felt right now looking at her, hearing her voice kept him frozen in place.
For just one moment, a peaceful one at that, Billy felt able enough to zone out; stare right at her as she continued to spill out nothing but the most gut wrenching truths that had been eating at him since forever ago. He watched her crouch down, a hand moving over to the side of his face to brush a finger against his cheek; her expression had softened for just a moment and it was enough to allow him to lean into it. Though just as he went to place his own hand over hers she moved it, setting it on his shoulder instead, grip hard enough to push him off herself with what seemed like all the strength she had.
And that was it. He could see her looking down at him with the same disappointed expression, could feel the gasp leaving his lips but everything after that went unnoticed. He didn't know where he was falling, or how long it’d been since he got pushed off, all he knew was that she threw him away again and somehow that hurt more than any of the words she had to say.
09:06 AM
He remembered getting up when his alarm blared at five thirty, quickly shutting it off after standing up and crossing the room where it sat on his chest of drawers. He kept it far enough away from the bed that by the time the noise had stopped echoing in his ear he was awake enough to need to go to the bathroom, so awake enough to start getting ready for the day even on the little sleep he’d had, still all bleary eyed and stinging cheeked from the night he was quickly trying to forget. The horrid whirlwind of a nightmare he had to forget, for the sake of his own sanity.
It took about twenty minutes of him styling his hair for Max to come and complain at the bathroom door, reminding him that they did not in fact need to go to school today, whatever small grace there was freeing him of the kind of day he’d mentally prepared himself to handle. The blonde didn’t care to listen as to why, just immediately dropped the task at hand and returned to his room to collapse back into bed. He hadn’t even bothered with removing the clothes he’d already pulled on, the layers serving him by retaining the warmth he’d somehow managed to muster together.
The only downside of being able to fall back asleep was that he hadn’t gotten the chance to haul ass out of the house before his father inevitably woke up for work, but at least his dream was a distant memory. Brows furrowed as his eyes focused on the red glow of the number nine on his alarm, a voice booming through the house louder than any annoying beeping or ticking could be.
Weighing his plan of action options over, Billy found that as he glanced over to the sill of his window the prospect of crawling through the thing didn’t seem all too cramped a fit, though it was immediately dismissed as his bedroom door creaked open just enough for a head of hair to pop through.
Blinking through the sleep in his eyes Billy brought himself to sit up, only tuning in halfway through Susan relaying the message that his father expected him presentable and at the table, her usual manner of sending him a sympathetic smile without even being able to maintain eye contact in play, although after a moment her eyes flitted up to him, the blonde having expected her to be looking for his response of acknowledgement yet as he spoke up to do so her voice met his ears again, only just catching her giving him a quiet mutter of “Happy Birthday.”
A moment passed before he was unable to resist offering her a harsh scoff in response, combing a hand through his hair before standing and making his way towards his drawers. For whatever reason the words only annoyed him, they felt empty coming from her, she wasn’t his mother. He didn’t consider her family no matter how hard his father tried to drill it into him yet every year she still insisted on playing this game. “Right. I’ll be there.”
The falling footsteps trailing away down the hallway told him that was good enough for her, his teeth grinding as a hand came up to rub at his eyes some. The last thing he had the energy for was passing niceties with these people.
Doing a quick job of making himself look a bit more presentable, if only tidying up the clothes he’d fell asleep in and spraying himself down with the first aftershave he could grab, Billy was making his way to the kitchen, sitting at the dining table and keeping his gaze focused on his plate. As soon as his fathers mouth was open Billy felt himself completely shut down, the man immediately complaining about something or other that Billy couldn’t care less about, so long as he wasn’t directing it towards Billy himself he was quite happy keeping his mouth shut.
It was working for him smoothly enough for a bit, Susan finally finishing up breakfast and plating everyone’s seat before joining them at the table herself. This was the easy part, muscle memory taking over as he stabbed at his food, trying to focus on the growing static in his ear and not the poor taste of Susan’s cooking.
From the comments Neil was making and the worried glances Max and Susan were shooting between one another, Billy gathered enough to figure that the morning chaos he’d heard earlier was down to something going missing, what exactly it was he couldn’t catch but the entire interaction had his leg bouncing in place like it was eager to carry him away from there. Every so often he’d glance towards his father, expecting him to start screaming at him, say something about it, anything really. He was almost always the first to be blamed for shit like this but somehow the silent treatment was worse, kept him on the edge and waiting for the inevitable that never came.
Dinner carried on like this, Billy trying not to grit his teeth too much as he got through each bite until eventually they’d all finished and his father was abruptly leaving the table first, barking an order for him to stay put on his way out. He watched after him and was quick to realise that the man had headed straight for Billy’s room. There it was.
Max quickly scampered off to her own, leaving Billy and her mother sitting at the table in a standstill until Susan began collecting the dishes.
With a slow breath, Billy collected his own and the ones closest, ignoring the woman's insistence that he didn’t need to do it and instead just made his way to the sink to dump them in, a hand coming to swat at the tap to turn it on as he made a start. He needed something to focus on, anything to avoid the twist of dread in his stomach that dropped with the sound of something clattering to the floor a few rooms over. He just tried to force himself to tune it all out, blur through the motions of washing up, the water near scolding but enough to help keep his mind elsewhere for at least a little while.
Once he was done, Susan having stayed to do the drying and putting away of said dishes, Billy’s father was returning to the kitchen with his brows tightly furrowed, gaze meeting Billy’s with a scowl and the blonde could only hold his stare like a deer caught in headlights, swallowing the forming lump in his throat and just waiting for it. The older man only scoffed, pointing an accusatory finger at him.
“You make sure you’re here when I get back, we’re having some well needed words.” Then he grabbed his coat and hat from the rack, stormeding out the house with a harsh slam that made Susan jump.
He hated it, anticipating the shouting or fists. Hated how normal it’d become for him to just constantly expect something to come his way, because the feeling that overwhelmed him after preparing for it and getting nothing? Somehow it made him feel worse, had his skin itching for it and he was ready to scream. He needed to scream. Instead he was now resigned to wait for it, hang on the edge of himself, for him. It at least gave him some time to prepare.
Billy heard Susan’s small sigh of relief, looked over to see her shoulders grow lax as she dried her hands on a dish towel before folding it over the arm of the oven. She turned to him to speak, but Billy wasn’t about to give her the chance and made a move out the room, trailing through the hallway to his bedroom to take in the unnecessary damage.
It would’ve appeared much worse had he actually owned more things, eyeing up the littering of his belongings on the floor from his drawers, the contents atop and within it strewn about. Figures Neil hadn’t found anything, Billy was smarter than to keep the things he wanted to hide in his room. He wasn’t about to bother with it now, he could tidy it up later, for now he needed to get the fuck out of this house.
Picking up the bottle of Aramis aftershave from the floor, one of the few that’d survived the fall, and giving himself another spray down Billy was wasting no time booking it, slamming his bedroom door shut behind him and making a beeline for the front door.
Or he would have been, but he caught Susan at the coat rack with her hand in one of his denim’s pockets. She’d turned as he stepped closer, jumping some and relaxing again after a moment, clearly sheepish being caught in them before she was picking it off the stand and offering the thing over to him with a pained smile on her face that only made him frown further, snatching it from her with a grunt and shrugging it on before finally making his way out the door.
The day had already been too long for him and it wasn’t even noon. Billy shouldn’t have been surprised, wasn’t all that much really but it was still just too much for him. He needed a smoke, so he supplied himself with one as soon as he’d clambered into his Camaro, gripping at the top of the wheel tight as he fought to light the tip of the cigarette hanging from his mouth. His eyes slipped shut as the smoke finally began to circle in his lungs, breathing in slowly and giving himself just a few moments of silence before he was shoving the keys in the ignition, cranking up the radio and speeding off.
10:47 AM
His goal of finding a distraction for the day hadn’t exactly been the most fruitful for him thus far.
Hawkins was bland, the people that lived here were just as bland and it was all just so fucking bland. It drove Billy crazy, six months in and nothing interesting had happened, not really. Not unless he included whatever the fuck went down at the Byers house, which he didn’t. He’d heard about other events in recent years, a ghost boy and weird government schemes that were always a touch too wild for him to actually believe, yet they were things that seemingly always involved the same group of freaks.
When it came to stealing what was left of Steve Harrington's crown he quickly scaled to the top of the hierarchy with little to no challenge. More than half of the women in the godforsaken town were like putty in his hands if he even turned in their direction and on top of all that? Whatever magical wonder he’d brought back from California seemed to be ever present with everyone he met; invitations to parties were sent out in droves. And yet it was still blatantly and simply so fucking bland.
Hell, he hated the fact that that night at the Byers was the most interesting thing that had happened to him in the town so far, and that was only based on the fact that he could barely remember what the fuck had actually happened that night, the majority of it was just a big messy blur and an even bigger miserable fucking mystery.
He recalled everything that had happened before, including the date, his father and the words that escaped his lips. He even remembered Susan turning away from what she knew was about to happen, as she often did when Neil felt the need to discipline him for something he couldn't control. He recalled dropping what he was doing, going out to start searching for Max since, of course, she was his responsibility over any of the grown ass adults they shared a home with. And on the one occasion he would make plans, she would sneak out like the rat she was. Inevitably he was always the one stuck with the responsibility of her, over her own goddamn mother.
Some later pieces were there too, Billy remembered Harrington. Could remember all the flashing answers his brain prompted to the question of why his kid sister would be out in the middle of the woods in that house with Harrington in the first place. He’d heard about Byer’s history of taking photos of unknowing chicks straight from one of the broody hens herself, even if Carol Perkins’ word wasn’t anything close to gospel, even if the other ‘chick’ was Nancy fucking snob nose Wheeler.
Whatever weird relationship that there was between her, Byers and Harrington, Billy didn’t care for it, he just knew that it was weird as shit and he didn’t trust anything about them, didn’t want Max caught up in any of their bullshit. So why did Max trust them?
He still couldn't forget the pain in his neck and how overpowering the taste of blood was against his tongue. He hadn’t taken a beating like it in a while, at least not since California. Harrington sure could put up a fight, which was exciting enough while it lasted but at the end of it all? He’d just needed Max home where he knew she’d be safe, where Susan wouldn’t have to worry about her so he didn’t have to worry about her. So he wouldn’t have to worry about Neil.
The broken apart pictures and threats of the kid with a bat full of nails ready to swing at him still flashed in his mind at times, whether that part was real or not he couldn’t really say but he knew he hated every second of it, whatever he’d been given sending him down an even darker tunnel than anything he’d ever popped at the beach parties back home. Even his early morning nightmare he’d prefer reliving a thousand times over in favour of replacing that in his mind.
Most of all he could remember how pathetic he’d felt stumbling his way to the nearest telephone to call up the one person he’d even consider letting see him like that, one Tommy Hagan who’d stolen his fathers car and driven all the way out to collect Billy, the guy had gave him a place to sleep and patched him up even though Billy refused to explain anything. They’d barely even known each other long back then.
The blonde couldn’t put together much more night without giving himself a headache. Because really, what the fuck? Now he couldn’t even talk Max without immediately needing a smoke, which wouldn’t have been much different than normal had it not been for the fact that for whatever reason they talked more after that night, more than he could ever possibly afford the smokes for which was enough for it to be a major fucking problem, actually. Kid really didn’t know when to quit.
Whatever the case, he’d found enough clarity to make the decision that as soon as summer break rolled around he was getting a job and starting his savings up to get the fuck out of here. No matter how long it took, no matter what it took, he had to leave. He hoped Maxine would be off to college by that time. Maybe he’d even make enough one day to afford moving back to California, maybe he’d find his mother himself. He wasn’t sure, the idea felt too far away to become real.
Anywhere else would have been an unsurprisingly better option than Hawkins. The entire town was a whole load of horseshit. Empty but packed, busy but eerily quiet and so completely unlike the city, so nothing like what he had been accustomed to all his life and missed so much. Moving to begin with was one thing, but was it really necessary for Neil to drag them all the way out here of all places? It was too much all at once, even for him. Not even his fucking birthday seemed to be an exception to the relentless nonsense that was Hawkins and its people. But when did he ever get a break from the constant bullshit?
Driving around was the only thing that felt familiar, comfortable even, it helped him dull the noise in his brain and keep his focus far enough away from the night he’d had. Billy needed this, needed it like he needed each cigarette he’d savoured throughout the morning, the taste doing wonders to replace the weird dry feeling left in his mouth from Susan’s poor excuse for breakfast.
He’d needed every single smoke that followed too, from his journey across farmland and back into town, hands just itching for something to do, ‘cause there was only so long he could look through the window of the vinyl store before getting bored and taking off again.
He ran into a few familiar faces on the walk back to his car, Tina something or other with her gaggle of powdered rich girls. Billy only really remembered her for her Halloween party back in his first year here, surprised to see one Carol Perkins wasn’t at her side with the rest of them. She’d done nothing but eye him up since they’d first met and Billy would never have given her the time of day had it not been for the fact that he was eager for anything to make the day go by faster. So with plans to swing by her place later and something to have finally come out of his aimless wandering, Billy continued to his car.
When it came to driving Billy could trust his instincts and embrace the blasting music coming from his radio, listening to the same tracks on the same albums he’d been listening to since driving away from his promised land, because the shitty stores around town offered nothing but fools gold when it came to decent music. He didn’t mind it as much, the considerably emptier roads being almost soothing when he could speed around far more carelessly and actually risk the consequences of getting pulled over when the authorities were already so lax, or more just shit at their jobs.
Shit enough that he was brought to surprise by the sudden stirring of sirens nearby the lot he was once more smoking in with a fresh box tucked away in his pocket, head snapping up from whatever focus he’d had on the glovebox as he stretched out an arm to flick carelessly out the window, prior task of trying to figure out just where exactly the extra box had even came from swiftly forgotten.
Whatever was going on didn’t sound close enough for him to get a good peek at, but the wailing sirens didn’t seem too far off from where he was parked. Sure wasn’t anything to do with him, but that didn’t stop the itch of curiosity in him, because God forbid anything remotely interesting was allowed to happen in this shithole.
Drawing in another lungful of smoke and letting his arm rest loosely out the window Billy grinded teeth together, already growing annoyed with the sound as it only seemed to draw closer, ring louder. Bringing the hand that’d been toying with his lighter to turn up the dial on his radio, dulling the noise and Billy managed to settle back into a more relaxed posture.
Though, the moment was only fleeting as the blonde felt a sudden, much more real surge of surprise that made him twitch in his seat. The sound that escaped him caught on smoke and triggered a light bout of choking as the passenger side door suddenly flew open, a bag speeding past his head and into the backseat all while a shadow in the corner of his eye practically flew in next to him.
He felt the butt of his cigarette slip from his fingers, his fist immediately clenching at the ready to swing before he’d even properly processed just who it was, hissing through his teeth as he turned around to take in the sight of his intruder only to be met with an incredibly familiar freckled face.
Billy paused and blinked. Once, twice. Then he was seething.
“What the fuck, Hagan?”
Giving an annoyed scoff as he eyed up the other Billy felt his jaw clench, taking in the sight of none other than Tommy Hagan breathing fast and deep with a manic delight behind big dog eyes. A Cheshire grin was stretching across his face and it was setting off Billy’s fight response even further, his fist tightening more before his stare caught on the trailing smoke coming from below, cursing out and quickly snatching the cigarette butt off of his thigh before tossing it out the window with an irritated glare to the small burn hole it had caused in his jeans.
Once he was looking back at the other Tommy had the nerve to hold a finger up in pause, panting away like some dog that’d just ran a marathon. He wouldn’t have been surprised if he was about to pull out an inhaler with the way he was breathing so Billy found some patience to let the brunette catch his breath, familiar enough with his bullshit from the past few months to know he’d get some kind of entertaining explanation by now, but far too miffed not to stare with a warning.
Tommy was something else, out of place in Hawkins and far too aware of that fact that he was always taking advantage of it. Old news yet still always able to insert himself into everything, the guy had all the gossip. But, he was decent enough company that Billy let him stick around and, for whatever reasons, the dumbass actually seemed eager to do so whenever he could get the chance. Billy didn’t exactly make himself the approachable type but Tommy was always up to some fuckshit and it was generally amusing enough to continue to entertain. At least, that’s what he told himself.
If he had to be honest Tommy was a total mess of a man, Billy had witnessed him do so many dumb things it was a real wonder how the guy hadn’t accidentally killed himself by this point. Shit, Billy was usually joining in on it if it involved a good drink or smokes. He wasn’t about to think too hard on the subject, but the freckled male had a lasting impression on him and Billy never found himself tiring of it.
The brunette heaved one last time before the air seemed to finally return to his lungs, settling into the seat with a familiarity only he and Billy himself could have. Billy could see the tension in the other's body grow slack with a deep exhale as he glanced over with a tilted smile, sure to talk over the music Billy had made no effort to turn down, the brunettes head bobbing along to the rhythm as if it was anything close to the kind of music he listened to on the regular.
“Hey Tiger, how’s it going? Was hoping I’d run into you.”
Fucker had balls, he’d give him that. He’d only just started regretting not punching the guy instantly when the call of sirens growing even closer came to distract him from the task and almost simultaneously the duo were turning their heads to chase after the noise, finally spotting the source of the echoing sound and after a momentary glance Billy shared with Tommy, things clicked into place and he was really ready to swing.
Yet even so his tightened fist relaxed and against his own desire as Billy let out a chuckle he tried to pass off as disbelieving when Tommy’s expression turned somewhat pleading, because of course he’d finally taken his antics far enough for the authorities to get involved.
“Come on man, you gotta hide me. Pretty please?”
After a temporary stalemate of silent argument, Billy could only roll his eyes in response to the man's desperate baby doll eyes, apparently a signal enough for the brunette to start clamouring between the seats and hopping into the back. Billy wasn't going to state that it undoubtedly wouldn't work, no matter what the fuck he thought that would do for him.
All things considered he would’ve been more surprised if the cops hadn’t immediately connected the dots on just where to trail next on their manhunt. He watched the vehicle slow as it drove further into the lot, slowly circling the area. The place wasn’t exactly packed and Billy recognised the guy behind the wheel in particular, knew the old geezer was smart enough to know what idiots hung around who.
The impulse to shrug off his jacket came and went without much thought, more turning on automatic as he tossed it back and was at least pleased this idiot in particular got the memo, taking to lodging himself as best he could on the floor and covering himself up with the denim. While it was a pretty shitty job all in all, so long as the Chief of Police himself didn’t get too nosey Billy had the confidence there’d be little to no issue.
So much confidence that when the car did another easy circle of the parking lot and found its way over before pulling up a few spaces away, Billy stayed put and held his ground as he stared at the other driver, he even pulled out another Marlboro from the box sitting within his pocket and lit it up to resume his prior positioning with an annoyed quip down at the shuffling sounds behind.
“Got a whole lotta explaining to do later, Freckles. Now quiet the fuck down.”
Jim Hopper, seemingly deciding in taking the fiasco on himself, or merely lumped with babysitting duty judging by the expression on his face, flicked off the awful crying of sirens and made a big show of reluctantly peeling himself out of his vehicle before nudging the door shut.
Heaving out a visible sigh as he zeroed in on Billy’s Camaro and, taking his sweet time approaching for a man that was supposed to be chasing someone down, provided what Billy assumed was supposed to be stern glare behind a nod of greeting as the Chief of Police halted at his window. Guy looked more like he needed a joint and a nap than anything, by the smell of things he wasn’t long from it, his brow rising expectantly for the blaring noise of the Scorpions to be turned down to a more respectable volume to hold a conversation.
Billy only stared back, offering a questioning brow in turn and waiting a few seconds before finally twisting it down a few notches, just enough to be slightly more reasonable as he flashed the man a bright smile that anyone with half a wit would see through. “There a problem, Chief?” The immediate pinch of brows was enough to make testing the waters worth it, tugging out another inhale of smoke from his cig and letting it cloud out of his nostrils.
“Why don’t we skip the bullshit today, yeah? I know you must’ve seen Hernandez running through here, you kids swarm like flies.” Billy pressed his tongue to his top pallet, brows furrowing some as the question genuinely stumped him. “Where’d he run off to?”
“Who?”
The Chief gave a gruff noise, clearly caught off guard by his expression and shaking his head before he brought up a hand to try and convey whatever was going through his brain through a rolling wave of his wrist. “Your little school buddy, er- Hagan? Yeah, Tommy Hagan. Have you seen him?” Well that was new, sure something else he’d want an explanation for later.
Billy made a point of taking a moment to survey their surroundings, gaze lazily scanning over the lot around them and on nothing in particular, just because he could. Then he was looking back at the older man and offering a small, slow shrug. “Can’t say I have.” The glare he received in response from Hopper was enough for him to breathe an airy laugh, head shaking as he brought the cigarette to his lips once again. “I ain’t his babysitter.”
“Course you ain’t, the kid couldn’t make one last this long.”
The sentence made something in Billy tick, flicking the cigarette ash out of the window far more purposefully towards the Chiefs shoes as he slowly exhaled a plume of smoke from his nostrils, bringing his free hand to the wheel just to give the limb something to do. “I’d say the guy’s pretty fuckin’ competent without one. Managed to give you the slip.”
Billy watched the irritation on the man’s face in the form of a twitching brow, pleased the Chief already seemed about done with their conversation. “Listen, I got shit to do. Sure you do too, right Kid?” A nod. He really didn’t. “So, let’s make this simple shall we? Where is he; know you must’ve seen something. Really ready to get yourself in trouble for him?”
As infuriating as the guy's stubbornness was, Billy supposed he wasn't Chief for nothing. He let out a long, slow sigh, took slightly longer to suck in an inhale of his smoke before pointing the burning cherry at one of the cuts between the stores on the right side of the lot. “Might’ve seen someone running that way, who’s to say? Don’t really pay more attention than this place is worth.”
The response seemed to appease Hopper, who’s head turned towards the offered direction and nodded with his usual air of annoyance. “Jesus… Right, thanks. You’re a good kid, be smart to stay away from his antics.” After a nod of acknowledgement from Billy that was that, the Chief was turning on his heel and making his way back towards his car, pulling the door open and Billy barely managed to shift into gear before Tommy, the idiot, was popping his head up in a false sense of security.
Billy watched Hopper’s eyes trail back over at the sound of his engine, falling on him and he was certain there wasn’t a single possible way the man hadn’t spotted the brunette from the window considering the small distance between them and all.
They were at a momentary standstill, Tommy yammering on about something that fell on deaf ears as Billy focused in on the Chief, the man wavering for a moment before his expression twisted into something more unfriendly and Billy barely missed a beat as he heard a yell of "Drive!" from Tommy before slamming his foot and swinging out of his space, making a beeline for the nearest exit.
The sound of sirens kick-started once more just as he’d made it to the main road and at that point the sudden bloom of adrenaline hit him so hard he’d just about forgotten the whole reason for him initiating a chase to begin with, Tommy.
Tommy, who was cackling wildly behind him, still on the floor from what little of his head he could spot in the rearview mirror, hand slapping against the leather of the backseat and offering up a whoop. “Holy shit! Fuck B, who knew you had it in you?" The idiot was barely getting his words out through his fits of laughter, Billy could hear him shifting and shuffling about as he pulled himself clumsily up onto the backseat and poked his head through into the front, glancing at him with a wild look in his eye. He noticed his jacket resting over the others shoulders, figured Tommy probably thought he looked cool with it like that. He sure as shit didn’t, but Billy wasn’t about to stop him now.
After a moment he caught that smile flashing at him through the reflection of the mirror, able to see it matched in his eyes and Billy grinned. Tommy had this weird ability to bring out a smile in him, the brunettes own dangerously infectious just the way his laugh was, the way everything about him was.
"Shut the fuck up and keep an eye on our ass." The blur at the corner of his vision shifted and with a quick peek at the rearview mirror Billy watched Tommy settle himself quite comfortably in place as he stared out the back window, fucking waving through it at the Chief, who was already too close to catching up for Billy’s comfort.
He figured whatever trouble Tommy had himself in must’ve not been all that big a deal, surely not when he was acting like this was all some sort of game. That or he’d finally cracked, Billy couldn’t say. But he’d be lying through his teeth if he didn’t get some kind of kick out of it.
So with that, Billy slammed the brakes as he shifted gear and spun out in a definitely far too risky U-turn, flooring it in what felt like a sudden burst of his own mania. Everything about this guy was fucking infectious, a smirk plastered across his expression as he snickered out a sound, his adrenaline spiking further with Tommy's whooping cackles after successfully not sending them rolling.
"You tryna kill me back here, man? Coulda warned a guy!" With a snort Billy shook his head at the dramatics, pinching his cigarette between teeth as he went in for another pull and cranked up the music loud enough to finally drown out the noise of the sirens.
"You wanna argue about warnings after pulling this shit, or do you wanna pipe down before I let him have your ass?" The stammer of response was enough for him, at least until it was followed by a muffled giggling. But Tommy listened, only commenting over the music to let him know Hopper had turned to start after them once more and with a check of the side mirrors Billy scoffed, trusting his instincts to take over.
Billy zipped down the road, grateful for how particularly empty it was and pleased to feel the rush of wind slapping through the open window. He puffed at the remaining embers of his smoke before holding it out against the breeze and allowing the wind to claim it. Settling both hands on the wheel now Billy found himself lax and content even as his heart raced wildly, could feel his pulse amping up the faster he drove, music blaring loud enough to vibrate in his chest and each time Tommy offered a grunt or groan from sharp turns it brought a snort of amusement out of him.
He was pretty sure he'd driven across all of Hawkins by the time Tommy informed him Hoppers car was out of sight for the briefest of moments, reaching an outcropping of more open land and sharply turning down a back road into the woods, head sticking out the window to better see how tight the space would be before he found a decently hidden alcove in the shrubs, taking to pulling into the flat of land there and killing the engine.
The sudden silence from his radio was abrupt and near deafening, finding himself unable to focus on anything other than the harsh panting of his and Tommy's breath, as if they’d run the entire stretch on foot themselves. Tommy was still cackling like a hyena after every other huff, leaning over between the seats once again and grinning wide at him, a hand reaching through to clap over his shoulder.
"You're a fucking beast , B."
Billy gave a short snort of response, eyes rolling and falling to his mirror again, watching Tommy shift once more as his head fell back against the rest of his seat with the biggest, dopiest smile on his face. For a moment all the blonde could do was stare, keep watching him breathing in and out with a heavy chest and give a chuckle here and there. After a moment there were a pair eyes staring right back at him, both caught in the reflection and the seconds they stayed glued to one another felt far too long for comfort. So he snapped his vision away, turned some to stick his head out of the window again and listen out for the wailing that was gradually growing further and further away.
They’d done it. That or Hopper had given up on them, but they’d done it all the same. It wasn’t like the guy didn’t know where they lived, which he was near sure would become a problem later down the line.
It was then he remembered he was supposed to be angry, but he couldn’t wholly find it in himself like before, twisting out of his seat as he flung the door open to climb out of his car, leaning against the frame of the door and preemptively grabbing out another smoke from the box tucked away in his pocket as he awaited his passenger to follow after him. Tommy did, as soon as he was up on his feet and nudging the door closed with the lean of his hip, one of his hands snaking towards Billy’s for his smokes.
The blonde just let him take them from him, watching as the brunette pulled one out only to put the box right back in Billy's pocket as he always did. He smirked as Tommy dug into each of his own pockets as he hunted for a lighter, which Billy eventually prompted for him, lighting his own cigarette first before giving it over and they stood in silence smoking, enjoying the simplicity of the moment as nature called all around them.
It would’ve been nice, if it was anywhere else. If it didn’t smell like cowshit.
Billy could only offer up so much patience before it ate at him too much, before his curiosity grew too far because no, he didn’t give a shit what Tommy got up to on his day to day, he was curious sure, but now he was involved so he had to give a shit. There was no way in hell he’d just stuck his neck out for the guy and he wasn’t going to expect some kind of how or why as to what had just happened.
The expression Tommy wore tightened as he looked to Billy’s glare, telling him that he very well understood the memo. Billy watched him purse his lips a little and after some time, something seemed to spark up behind his eyes. When the words finally came out of his mouth, the blonde's brow rose up at the other, only to narrow again
“We’re not far off Skull Rock.”
Skull rock? Why the hell did he want to bring that up right now? Billy followed after his gaze and huffed out a breath, tongue curling around each draw of smoke before eventually frowning at the end in his hands and tossing the burning embers down into the litter of plants and leaves by his heel, shifting his foot enough to crush it into the ground further.
With a clicking noise at the back of his throat Tommy's attention was refocused back on him, a sheepish look to his expression with something else Billy couldn’t quite place and after a few seconds Tommy returned the noise with one of his own, something of a habit Billy had noticed. Odd but not the most annoying thing in the world, it let him know he was actually acknowledging him and understood Billy was waiting for anything about what had just happened.
It seemed like forever went by until Tommy was dropping his own smoke to stub out with a shoe, mouth finally falling open to speak. But that was all it really did for a moment. Snapped shut only to bob open again like he was doing some sort of impression of a fish before a frustrated sound came out and Billy wasn’t entirely sure what to do when he caught the sheen of tears just making their way to the surface on the brunette's face.
“Shit man I- fuck! Sorry just- give me a minute.”
Billy figured he had given him enough minutes by now, but he swallowed that thought and instead watched the slight shake of Tommys shoulders as he turned his head, as though turning away would prevent Billy from seeing that he was crying. He wasn’t even sure where it came from; only a few moments prior to this everything seemed to be perfectly fine. If Billy had ignored the reason behind why the cops had gone after Tommy in the first place. That didn't seem to be the specific thing that suddenly caught up to him, though.
Tommy was by far not a sensitive type, sure Billy had seen him grow easily and quickly frustrated with himself from time to time, but he wasn’t sensitive. Hell if he was Billy wouldn’t have managed to keep him around this long in the first place, but this?
Billy didn’t like this, felt an overwhelming urge to punch the shit out of whoever had made the moron feel like this because it was… Sad to watch? He didn’t know, just knew that he wanted it to stop and he refused to think about it much more than that.
Which was hard considering he was just awkwardly standing there while Tommy slowly collected his shit together. He couldn’t think of a time he’d seen Tommy like this, crying, not really. He’d seen maybe a glimpse into it the night of Tina's Halloween party, but that had been short lived and quickly distracted from with the promise of kegs and something or another about showing Harrington up.
And that was the thing, it seemed as though Harrington was just about the only thing that Tommy ever really got uppity and upset about when conversation got deep enough into it, when it wasn’t whatever the fuck was going on with him and the Perkins girl. And that was never like this.
It irritated him to no end just why he was so caught up on thinking about all this, so much that he let out a sigh through gritted teeth and quickly took another cigarette out of his box. He made sure to grab an extra, prodding the freckled man's shoulder with it who, in turn, laughed softly and took it while a hand was up wiping against his eyes, only making them redder. Were they red before? He couldn't remember.
Halfway through and Tommy was swallowing whatever lump seemed to be stuck in his throat, Billy offering him an uncertain look as he ducked through the window to grab his backpack, tugging out a pair of beers which Billy was more than pleased to see, quick to grab the one offered over in return and crack it open with a heavy swig.
This was another thing about Tommy. Billy didn’t usually share his things, didn’t ever really, but Tommy was the exception. They had a sort of mutual exchange between one another that Billy could appreciate, even if the guy was always offering more than Billy could even keep up with, it wasn’t like he’d ever actually expected or asked for it and he wasn’t in the position to return anything more than his smokes, but who didn’t love free beer? He sure wasn’t about to complain and it didn’t seem like the guy was doing it just to buy his time.
The hiss of Tommy’s can opening brought his focus, he watched the other chug down a few mouthfuls before life seemed to finally return to him and he was all but collapsing to the ground, taking to sit on the dirt without a care in the world. It only took a few seconds of thought until Billy was joining in and settling at Tommy’s left, it wasn’t like it was damp or anything so what harm was there?
It was funny, Billy couldn’t really remember the last time he’d allowed anyone to pull a stunt like that, get away with scaring the shit out of him and dragging him into some bullshit. But that was just it, Tommy was different. He didn’t really know what to call it exactly, just… Different. Always had him feeling indestructible and ready to get up to whatever shenanigans the guy had in mind. Hell, the brunette had convinced him to swim in a lake one time.
Tommy was addictive, a dangerous thing for Billy to keep around but he couldn’t find it in himself to hate it all too much, after all what else was there in Hawkins to enjoy?
((AA HOLY FUCKING SHIT LOOK AT THEM THANK EVERYONE SAY YOU DISTERRA!!1!!!1!1!))
For a brief moment, the brunette's voice came through and Billy couldn't help but let out a snicker as Tommy choked on his smoke, watching him cough a little and pound a fist against his chest. Tommy looked back at him after he finished taking another swig, his eyes flickering away from him to the floor and back again as though he was having a difficult time spotting Billy's face.
“I had a fight with my abuelo.”
Billy slowly nodded, as if that cleared anything up whatsoever. He hadn't met the guy, or heard all that much about him aside from Tommy telling him he'd be away some weekends to visit, and knew he had some farmland not a long ways west of Hawkins. Billy always imagined one of the shoddy barns and tucked away cottages that he'd passed on the drive into town when he'd first moved, the endless rolling fields that smelled even more like cowshit than Hawkins itself. Tommy always talked highly of it though, made it out like something like that could actually be nice, fun even.
“You kick the shit out of him or something?”
“What? No! Christ-” Tommy gave a weak laugh, shaking his head as he decided to focus his gaze on the floor, arms hugging into himself as his hands begun playing with the tab of the can he still held, finger gently pulling at it so it’d make a sound that the brunette would repeat a few times over before kicking one of his feet out and tapping the toe of his shoe against a rock. “He’s? Fucking crazy, old school kinda guy but like? I don’t know.” His head swung back, a hand coming out to wave around in the air with some kind of spinning motion. Billy hummed, nodding once again.
“He just acts like he hates me now. We used to be so close, but over the past few years he's all fucking- high and mighty or some shit. All because I… Uh? ‘Decided to be different,’ or something?” The brunette paused to take a few audible gulps from his can and Billy couldn't stop his huff of amusement. It shouldn't have been amusing, not really. But it stuck him a certain way.
It felt refreshing to be around Tommy, and he could never figure out why. Tommy was far from normal; he had such an unusual way of thinking and doing things, and usually that kind of shit drove Billy insane. Billy was sure that he could have just about any company he wanted, but Tommy made friendship seem effortless. He was the one person Billy wanted to see on a regular basis and even during all that time they spent together, the blonde had never considered his differences to be anything but positive. In some ways he even envied them.
He didn’t know how to help the tight feeling in his throat, washing away the rest of his own can in quick fashion in hopes it'd wash the feeling down. He wanted to just call it awkward, it kind of was in a way. Though he wasn't about to pretend he didn't get it to an extent. So he remained silent, waiting for Tommy to take it in his own time with a patience he wouldn’t often find for others.
“My parents don't give a shit about his opinion, always tell me he's full of shit and that they don’t believe the things he says, but then they don't fight back for me or anything when he’s being an asshole. It just? Fucking sucks, I guess. But when I say something about it to him all hell breaks loose, I cant fucking win with the guy.” Billy watched as more tears broke to the surface, taking longer than he'd have liked to pull his stare away and focus it instead on his hands crushing his can, tossing it aside once he was satisfied with his work.
After a few more long moments of waiting, the blonde sighed and dug his heel into the soil; finally speaking up. "Sounds like a real asshole." He didn't really know what else to say other than that. The last thing he wanted or needed was to hear other people's problems and play therapist, he’d normally shut down anyone who tried to drop their shit on him at first sight. But it was Tommy, and Billy actually felt a part of himself feeling worried for the guy, too caught up in what was happening to put a stop to it. "The hell's got him all sour?”
The question brought Tommy to freeze, something that didn't go unnoticed by Billy but the other was almost just as quickly snapping out of it, groaning as he leaned his head back and softly thumped it against the car door, flailing a hand around some more. “Everything? Beats me, man.” There was something to Tommy's tone that had Billy questioning the truth behind the response. “I'm not doing what was expected of me, I guess. Keeps going nuts about it and today I just kinda… Snapped? Trashed a bunch of his shit. So of course Hopper got called for a personal fucking favour.”
Tommy fell quiet after that, coming to what Billy assumed, judging by the expression on his face, the realisation of said words once they were out in the air. Billy laughed, short and airy, but he still laughed at that. This time he did actually find it funny, shaking his head some as he shrugged a shoulder in response to Tommy's sudden offended glare at him.
“What, you really give a shit about that kind of crap?” The freckled male just blinked at him, all dumbstruck and confused as if Billy hadn't just pointed out the obvious. Tommy eventually huffed out a sigh, Billy watched his shoulders relax some and then he was staring at Billy with the same something behind his eye that the blonde couldn't quite place.
“I uh, no? I guess not. I- I can't just change who I am, but he's family y'know? Feels like I have to just cope with him being a piece of shit. The guy wants to decide everything for me, hell he doesn't even agree with the college I picked out, wants me close to home so he can keep an eye on me and all that. My parents aren't even that weird about it, and they’re… Them! He just wants to run the family his way and everyone plays into it whenever he's actually around, its so fucking stupid. I can't stand it anymore.”
Billy frowned at that; there was something about it that cut deep, and for just a moment it brought back memories of his morning and the whole emotional roller coaster he had managed to brush off up until this point.
Did his mother feel like that?
The thought sunk into him, set him back some and kept him quiet for longer, long enough that even with the hot summer sunbeams coming through the shrubbery of tree leaves above, his skin began to prickle with the oncoming chill in the air.
And then it dawned on him, Tommy was looking at colleges outside of Hawkins? He shouldn't have been surprised by the concept, since he'd arrived and made it clear he never wanted to be around in the first place Tommy had always agreed with him, had in more recent weeks even proposed going with Billy to California sometime, though they had always been stoned to high hell talking out their asses about all sorts of dumb shit Billy couldn't even properly remember. But the guy was actually planning on leaving?
The feeling it presented him was crushing. What the fuck was Billy supposed to do then? His feelings on Tommy had always been complicated in a way he refused to look too deep into, simply leaving them at that. But the way the idea turned his stomach felt familiar and uncomfortable, it made him angry in a way, hurt and overall miserable.
But he just nodded in response. Sure, he knew how that must’ve felt. It'd be hypocritical if he didn't, but he wasn't about to put too much thought into it now. Instead he brushed a hand through his hair, sucking in a sharp inhale of air as he thought about his words carefully. “Christ, T. Yeah, I mean? The guy doesn't sound all that worth your efforts to me. Ain’t like you live with him anyway, you don’t owe him them. He’s just making it difficult for no fucking reason.”
Billy shrugged. He’d never been the most insightful with these kinds of things, but his response seemed to get Tommy thinking and Billy was sure he was going to continue the topic until the brunette was downing the last of his beer and tossing the can aside, something of a forced smile finding his face as he brought a wrist up to wipe away any of the remaining stains trailing from his eyes.
He knew there was more to it than that, after everything that had happened so far there wasn't a question about it. If Tommy wanted to omit some things then Billy wasn’t about to stop the guy, he’d done the same often enough. So he wasn’t going to be the one to prod and pry when the brunette clearly wasn’t prepared to dig into it deeper.
Billy picked himself back up to a stand, dusting off whatever dirt that might’ve clung to his rear and the backs of his thighs. “So what if you’re a bit different. He’s a fucking corpse compared to you, ain’t gonna matter for long anyway. That’s his loss, not yours. So he can either get with it, or crawl in a hole early.”
Tommy laughed at his words then, a more genuine smile surfacing that made it all worth it as he followed Billy up. “He does kinda look like one.” Billy snickered, elbowing the other's arm and Tommy paused to meet his gaze before elbowing back. There was still something so sad in his eyes. Billy hated that he knew the guy well enough to notice it, to notice anything about him really, but it was there and he wanted to ease it.
Billy couldn’t even really process what was happening until it was already happening, he’d meant to put an arm on the other, some attempt at being comforting in his own way, but he didn’t know if he just hadn’t stopped there or if Tommy had misread what he was doing. Either way they ended up loosely embracing the other, Tommy’s hair tickling at his nose and smelling of whatever coconut products he’d used to wash it.
It was uncomfortably nice, the smell, the hug. How warm Tommy was against him. He was holding onto him like he was afraid Billy would kick him in the gut for this. Honestly, it wouldn’t have been too wild an assumption about him, they were guys and had anyone else done the same he just might’ve. But this was Tommy, someone who’d become the only good exception to anything in his life and there was a part of Billy that knew they both needed this, no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it.
So he pulled Tommy in tighter and in turn the brunette did the same, both breathing in slowly and revelling in the contact. He thought he could feel Tommy begin to tremble and shake again, just for a moment until it was gone and Billy understood it in his own way. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been held like this and it was weird. But he didn’t want it to end, not yet at least. It felt like dousing a wound in alcohol.
Eventually one of them withdrew, the pair exchanging sheepish glances that guaranteed Billy didn't have to worry about it being discussed again; it could remain a little secret between them, only out here where no one could see them. The blonde took to opening up the car door to his seat, leaving it hanging open as he sat down, sure to crank the volume on his radio down before turning the keys in the ignition to get her purring again.
“Oh, shit!” Billy startled some at Tommy’s exclamation and sudden twist in the corner of his vision, eyes snapping to him as the freckled male made a grab for his backpack off the ground, dragging it up and feeling his way inside to quickly pull out a box wrapped up in gift paper, all done up nice and proper with a ribbon around it and everything. Then he was shoving it towards the seated blonde, bright grin back in place as though it’d never left.
“Happy Birthday, Tiger.”
A few beats passed by before Billy was shaking his head in disbelief, bringing a hand up to drag through his hair before reaching for the offered present and taking it with uncertainty. “Oh. You really didn’t have to get me anything?”
“Nah, but I wanted to. Besides, it's a gift so you have to accept it. Them’s the rules.” Billy just stared at him for a moment before breathing out a sigh, shaking his head but tugging away at the ribbon anyway so he could get into it. Once that was gone he picked a corner to peel the paper from.
He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, some sort of box of biscuits or a fancy set of socks, any normal gift he’d received over the years or something, but even as all the paper had been torn and littered away Billy was utterly baffled at just what he held in his hands. “What the fuck is this shit, Freckles?”
“They’re sea monkeys!” Tommy said it with all the delight his voice could muster, as if he couldn’t read the fucking label right there on the box.
He couldn’t even begin to resist the hearty burst of laughter that escaped him, grinning all stupid like because really, Tommy was like nothing else he’d ever known. He couldn’t even sit up straight anymore, having to lean forward and prop up an elbow against his leg so his hand could catch his head falling, rubbing it down his face and pinching at his bridge as Tommy lost his ability to keep it together and howled with his own bursting laughter.
Christ, Billy was gonna miss him. It was so stupid and small but so Tommy of him to do and he knew there was no way in hell his father would actually allow him to keep something like this but he didn’t care, shit he’d keep it in his car if he had to.
“The real gifts inside, but y’know, who doesn’t love sea monkeys?” Billy quirked a brow, he could think of a lot of people that probably didn’t actually. He’d never had them before so he didn’t really have much of an opinion on them himself until just now, but the added comment had him curious enough to calm down and sit up some, opening the box and peering inside.
There was a little cassette tape in there, Billy thought it was a blank one at first until he caught the white label on one side, Tommy’s messy handwriting on it reading ‘Happy Birthday Tiger’ with a goofy drawing what he assumed was supposed to be the brunette sticking him the middle finger. He picked it out of the box, settling the thing aside to inspect the tape further and look to Tommy in question.
“I know a guy, owed me a favour and uh? Well I know you’ve had shit luck finding any new music by those bands you like here, and he said he had their most recent stuff so I figured why not just put a bunch on there?”
Billy stared at the freckled male, dumbstruck for a moment before snapping his gaze down to the thing in his hand. Tommy paid attention to that shit? Hell, he remembered? The blonde knew his music taste wasn’t for everyone, didn’t really give a shit so long as he could listen to it in peace and while Tommy always seemed a bit uncertain about it he knew he had to cope, but Billy didn’t really think the guy paid enough attention to remember enough for this.
He’d seen what kind of prices new albums tended to be, knew how fucking hard it was to find it anywhere near Hawkins never mind the price on top of it. It made him so unbelievably happy, excited to hear it all and yet all the same he was guilty in a way. Tommy must’ve paid an arm and a leg to get this for him, favour or not.
But Tommy was just smiling over at him, watching Billy’s expression carefully and he had to try and tame the frown that tried to make its way there because shit, he was grateful, he wanted to express it but he wasn’t sure how without it eating at him. Instead he settled on huffing a weak laugh, shaking his head with a smile. “Hey, thanks T.”
Tommy beamed. “Anything, man.” Billy had to force himself to look away, pulling his focus to carefully pushing the cassette into the player and listening out for what he’d been itching for for months. He heard Tommy shifting, popping open the back door and rolling up his window before making his way around to the side.
Billy glanced to him as the intro began, Tommy handing him another beer from his bag and they both cracked one open as the music kicked off, the brunette reaching to turn up the volume a bit more just as Billy thought to do so and they grinned to one another, Billy letting his eyes fall shut as he took a swig and let the rhythm consume him.
They just sat like that for a while, an hour maybe? Billy wasn’t sure, but it was amazing. Drinking beer, listening to each song play out and vibrate through him as they drank and smoked through his Marlboros. He wouldn’t have changed it for anything.
As the time went on though, he noticed Tommy gradually grew restless, his hand that’d been consistently tapping away to each beat dying down to pick at the fraying skin around his nails once he ran out of beer. And Billy? He could’ve sat here for the rest of the day, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a break, he didn’t want to wear the tape out immediately after all.
He reached for the volume dial, turning it down some and as he was about to talk Tommy’s stomach beat him to it, churning out a noise and the brunette gave him a sheepish smile that Billy could only huff at.
“Man, I forgot breakfast.” Billy wished he was so lucky, but the idea of food did strike his own hunger and it seemed as good an option as any. “Hey, we should grab some burgers on the way back to my place.”
It was all the convincing he needed really, Billy loved a good burger and fortunately for him the ones found in Hawkins weren’t the worst he’d actually had, which meant they were good enough for him right now.
Finally pulling his door shut and stuffing the box of sea monkeys into the glovebox, Billy was shifting gear and pulling out of the hiding they were in, hitting the road once again.
1:30pm
Tommy wanted to tell Billy the truth, he wanted to be able to talk about it properly because it was all driving him halfway to insanity. But the outcome of it? He wasn’t sure how that would look. Billy was so unlike anything he’d ever known and it was dangerous. Billy was dangerous, because after years of falling in love with Steve Harrington and supporting him through all odds, after everything they’d gone through together before Steve just tossed him aside? Tommy swore he’d never let himself fall for another boy, had promised Carol the same after all the years she helped him hide.
He vividly remembered the dark nights he’d end up under the sheets with Steve, when they’d drink just a little too much together and pass affections back and forth until sleep took them, a rare secret he hadn’t shared with even Carol. Steve always had some excuse the day after, not thinking properly or that he’d had too much to drink. There was always shame, regret. As if Tommy didn’t have just as much to lose. He’d just play into it, no matter how much it always ended up hurting.
Then Billy showed up, he didn't waste time pretending; he made his opinions known and arrived with his hackles already up and his teeth bared at the world. He never made room for people to feel comfortable around him, especially not when he wanted them nowhere near him. Tommy knew from the very start that he would be walking on thin ice around him and that it was a gamble worth far more than he could ever afford if Billy discovered who he really was.
Yet Billy had still picked him out of the crowds, put up with his erratic behaviour and continued to hang out with him. Billy had never once made him feel like he had to be anything other than himself and for the first time since Carol, Tommy could let down the mask almost entirely. Billy brought back a part of him that Tommy thought he’d lost after Steve, and the fear of history repeating itself was daunting. Billy felt like an equal, like an actual friend and Tommy was so desperate to keep that, enough that he’d tried with all his might to crush down any feeling surfacing.
As if that’d actually helped him before.
Tommy wasn’t stupid, he’d spent years at Steve’s side, even longer at Carol’s when they were younger just observing others, listening in on everything around him and learning how to interact with each person, how to tiptoe his way around certain topics he’d rather avoid for the sake of his own sanity.
He recognised it in Billy, saw the look in his eyes every time he was heading home, the way his body would tense around the topic of family that told him more than enough to understand things had been fucked up for him for a long time. But Billy was so much more than that. Over time Tommy had discovered his love for surfing, the ocean and hot sun, witnessed the way Billy eats his burgers from the top down and learned he had a taste for lemony flavours, he’d watched the way Billy could finally let his guard down a few notches after a good joint and the way he’d smile at all of Tommy’s dumb jokes. He got to know a side of Billy he knew he was lucky to experience.
It wasn't helping his feelings nor his resolve, but Billy had become an ongoing source of comfort for Tommy. Tommy could talk to Billy, and Billy would listen no matter how much he spewed on about some random bullshit; the man would genuinely sit and think about what he was saying, and not once was he told he was being too much. Tommy couldn't get enough of it. Wanted to show Billy how much he valued him, wanted to be able to shower him in all of his appreciation.
And he did, or he tried to at least. Tried to show and express how grateful he was to have the male in his life in any subtle, acceptable-enough-for-Billy way he could. Each time he gave it a shot he felt the concern, the fear settling into him with each word he spoke because he was more aware of how difficult it could be for him to think before he speaks than he let on. He knew how bad consequences could get, especially with somebody like Billy, someone who had no issue immediately jumping on the attack if someone even joked about him being a certain way.
Tommy was there for some of the insults he'd throw, the punches he'd land; shit he’d even cheered him on. He knew Billy was capable of getting rid of him and worse if he found out. The security Billy provided made it easy to forget the differences between the two of them, made it easy to have slip ups that he was lucky enough went unnoticed. As much as Billy meant to him he was no stranger to how far he could go.
And of course it wasn't his place to make assumptions, but Tommy knew there was a real reason behind Billy's behaviour, knew that he had something wicked that kept kicking him down and fueling the wildfire raging inside. Sometimes Billy would leave Tommy questioning if the blonde even believed in the things he’d fight against, could remember Billy expressing his frustration towards his sister's friend after a few drinks, the one who kept upsetting Max who Billy knew his father would’ve gone insane over. It was the first time Tommy had heard Billy express his care for the kid, in a way, had him wondering if Billy would get into trouble being around him and his family too.
Though, for the times they had, for the way Billy always put up with what Tommy foolishly threw at him when he could very well have told him to fuck off, for the day they had today so far and the food they got to tear down together, Tommy was willing to push everything else to the side.
He was supposed to not be thinking too hard about it, but that was just the thing; Tommy was always getting lost in his head, often enough that even now he was taking his sweet time coming back to reality.
If it hadn't been for Billy waving a hand in front of his face and the snapping of his fingers, God knows how long he would've sat there, thinking himself down a rabbit hole.
Peering around Tommy huffed out a breath, smiling to himself. Billy was parked up on the curb just outside of Tommy’s drive, leaving enough space for the car that usually occupied it and as he heard Billy pop open his door Tommy was quickly following suit, pulling himself out and stretching his limbs.
As they walked the short stretch of paving up the drive to the front door, Tommy's hand was coming to the handle automatically to test it, huffing out some as it did in fact appear to be locked. He figured his mama should've at least been around but it wasn't unlike her to spontaneously run some errands without warning, most things she did were spontaneous decisions that Tommy wasn't about to complain about. He shrugged his backpack off to shove his fist inside and fish around for his key. He could feel Billy's eyes on him, glancing up and meeting his gaze only to receive an amused smirk.
“Yeah yeah, hold your horses Tiger, they're in here somewhere.” They had to be, he could hear the jingle of them every other second and it took only a short moment more before he gave up on his blind search in favour of dropping to a squad to pry the bag open, getting a proper rummage around with the aid of light for him to finally find them. He figured it was what he got for carrying around so much shit all the time. Pulling it out, all his stupid keychains and all, Tommy picked himself and his bag up off the ground and unlocked the door, letting Billy in first and following in after to shut and lock the door, hanging his key up on the little key rack beside the door.
Once he tossed his bag on the island in the middle of the room, he took to hunting through the cupboards one by one, surveying his options. He could hear Billy shifting around behind him, presumably settling in his usual position of resting arms atop the island to watch Tommy at work, and sure enough Tommy turned just to prove himself right, catching Billy halfway there and snickering to himself.
Only, Billy’s head was turning this way and that, looking around for something and Tommy gave a snort after a moment, realising just who the blonde was looking for. Leaving behind his previous task he made a move toward a plastic box settled atop the fridge, giving a whistle that trailed through the house and it wasn’t long until the little pitter patter of nails on wood drew closer and closer.
Though Billy's head was moving this way and that, in search of something and after a few moments Tommy realised just who the blonde's obvious target was. He left his previous task behind and moved toward a plastic box that was placed on top of the refrigerator, giving a low whistle. Soon enough the little pitter patter of nails on wood drew closer and closer.
Tommy watched as Billy turned to look over the entryway, waiting for their little friend to join them. Eventually he joined him in watching his border collie scamper in, tail whipping around as if she was about to fly away with it. He saw her stop in the middle of the door, head snapping between the two of them and her excitement only growing, bouncing around a bit and barking her hellos to them both before finally settling on running over to Billy. He couldn’t find it in him to be betrayed, since she’d met him Aurora had fallen in love with Billy and he couldn’t blame her, the guy was always so sweet to her. He couldn’t see her properly with the island in the way, only the bounce of her head popping up as she tried to climb Billy’s leg, the blonde turning to face her, reaching a hand down to give her a good pat on the head. Tommy couldn’t help but smile at the sight, Billy’s own expression softened as he greeted the pup.
Walking his way around with the box in hand before cracking it open and settling it down, grabbing a few treats inside and passing one to Billy, he settled to lean on the island beside the blonde. Billy took it without pause, the canine immediately doing a spin of excitement before plopping down on her rear, paws slapping out some in her plea for the snack. As soon as she settled enough Billy gave her it and she took it so gently, her paws happily stomping at the ground before she dug in.
He’d had Aurora for about a year, she was still a pup but was growing into herself. The mixture of red, white and grey of her fur was a fair bit smoothed out now, though there were stiff tufts of baby fur here and there that made her look a bit silly when they were sticking out this way and that after whatever position she’d just been sleeping in. His Abluelo’s farm dog had the litter not long after Steve had completely crushed his world, Tommy remembered how long he’d been wallowing in it all, how miserable he’d gotten that when the opportunity to have a puppy was there it felt like a no brainer. She was the best decision he’d ever made, she was so smart and loving, everything he’d needed at the time, being able to focus on her training and bonding with her had pulled him out of whatever headspace he’d gotten himself in. She was Tommy’s pride and joy and seeing Billy get so soft around her made his heart swell. Watching them interact had quickly become one of his favourite things.
Tommy grabbed for another treat, crouching down as he clicked his tongue to catch her attention. She quickly snuck over to him, rubbing against him and lapping at his face while he reached to pet her back, roughhousing her a little to appease her energy before getting her to sit down again, getting up to move to the back door and toss it outside. He paused for a moment, watching her little dance on the spot in her excitement before giving her the go to find it, the canine bolting out the door at high speed. He hooked the door open on the latch protruding from the wall outside, watching Aurora sniff around before finding her treat crunching away on it, finding a new task in hunting for somewhere to piss.
Tommy left her to it, smiling to himself and making his way back inside to find Billy no longer in the kitchen but just out in the entryway of the hall. Coming to take a peek at what had the blonde distracted Tommy paused, frowning as he spotted the photo he was staring at on the wall.
It was one of him and his parents, all pampered and preened, standing smart and all dressed in black with painfully fake smiles. It was probably one of the oldest photos of him that he’d deemed acceptable enough to be displayed, the first time he’d got his hair cut real short and right before his abuelas funeral. All because Carol had gotten gum stuck in it the week before.
It had been one of the most defining moments of his life for a number of reasons, the first loss in his family that hit him hard and rough and Tommy didn’t know how to react to it at the time, it overwhelmed him and sent his emotions everywhere. So he found focus in other things, like how freeing it was to have his hair that short. He’d always hated the way it would get in his face and how it felt on his skin, hated how everyone just expected him to be okay with someone tugging at it for hours just to get it to look nice. It felt nicer short. When someone had mistook him for a boy at first glance he’d been happy.
He’d always passed just enough to get by, just enough to be able to keep up this whole facade and not get a one way trip to Pennhurst. It was a hard process, his parents went through hell and back to get a private doctor they could trust for him and Tommy knew he was lucky to get away with it this long. Lucky in having a family that didn’t understand but were willing to try, willing to help. Most of them, anyway. It was a miracle he’d managed to even get hormones to begin with, not entirely legal but it was something. Anything was better than nothing, even if it meant placing his trust in something he was only told worked through word of mouth.
The photo was a sore reminder of the loss, a reminder of who and what he was. But he looked like a boy in it and his mamá had been so sad to bring down all of the pictures of his younger self, even if it was what had to be done.
Tommy was regretting letting her keep it up now, staring at it for long enough now that he was only starting to see the feminine features stick out, desperate to find a way to pull Billy’s focus away from it, because what if he saw it too?
As he opened his mouth to speak Billy beat him to it, glancing over to him with a quirked brow. “This always been here?” Tommy sucked in a breath at the question, nodding slowly before shrugging his shoulders and grabbing the picture off the wall.
“Uh, yeah. Sure has.” Billy was watching him, sending him further on edge as the guy flickered his gaze between him and his photo’d self. “My abuela’s funeral, what a fun day that was.” He heard the other give a soft huff at his words.
“I see that. Your parents sure love their family photos, huh?” Tommy hummed, nodding before putting the photo back. “Must be a pain in the ass, can’t imagine you sitting still long enough.”
At that Tommy laughed, able to relax some as he elbowed at the other in defence of his words. “Oh yeah, my parents are a nightmare for it. Always gotta get every little detail right, it’s such a bore. They were at it for ages trying to get me to smile for that one.”
Billy snickered at his side and Tommy couldn’t blame him for finding it funny, it was in a way. Trying to get a child to smile for a funeral photo. It wasn’t like he’d been too young to understand the concept of death either, trying to force a smile out of him just made it harder.
There was a pause then Billy was nudging him back. Tommy wasn’t really sure when that had become a normal thing for them to do, but it brought his focus on the blonde as he spoke up once more. “You miss her?”
Tommy looked at him, smile faltering as he sighed. “Yeah, she was amazing. I used to love visiting her and my abuelo, she let me get away with basically everything all the time. Don’t think I ever heard her angry once, she was so cool.” Billy was staring at him with something soft behind his eyes, listening and Tommy felt his heart swell as memories of the woman in question flooded in. “Man, the lady was real sassy too, she woulda loved you.”
Billy chuckled at his side. “I’ll trust your judgement.”
He’d always wondered if she would’ve accepted him the way he was now, as a boy, as Tommy. When he was young she’d always tell him that he could do anything he set his mind to, that he could be whatever he wanted to be when he grew up. He wasn’t so sure she would’ve included ‘being a boy’ on that list. After all he hoped his abuelo would've accepted him too and that went the way it did. Who was to say she wouldn’t have reacted the same way?
It hurt not knowing the answers, that he’d never get to know them.
Clearing his throat Tommy stepped aside, waving a hand out to dismiss his own thoughts as he popped back into the kitchen to grab his backpack, slinging it over a shoulder and making his way back out into the hall with a nod of his head towards the back. “C’mon, can’t forget your birthday blunt.”
The blonde clapped him on the back, pushing him a step forward with a roll of his eyes. “Well shit, how could I say no to that.” Tommy led the way, heading towards the basement door and knocking the light on with a fist before taking the stairs two at a time on his way down. Billy followed, closing the door behind himself and taking the steps at a much more sensible pace.
Tommy tossed his bag across the room as he got to the bottom, watching it fall onto the busted pool table in one corner while he focused on turning on the radio that was simply sitting on the floor.
The basement was his space, save for the one corner of shelves littered in various tools and parts that rarely ever saw the light of day. It wasn’t the prettiest thing, but Tommy saw no need in decorating it up properly when he knew spilled beer and fallen ash was an inevitability. He was lucky he even got to smoke down here, he wasn’t about to test it by risking damage to anything bought with his parents money.
Of course, he needed something comfortable to sit on down here, entertainment and such things that didn’t take up much space, he’d even brought his parents old rug down to soften a section of exposed concrete.
Eventually he settled on the first radio station that wasn’t spitting out some boring junk, he knew Billy wouldn’t really care all that much once he had a smoke in his hand. So Tommy was quick to head for the little window on one side, cranking it open to keep at least some of the smell out.
As he turned back Tommy was pleased to find Billy already making himself at home, removing his jacket and tossing it besides Tommy’s bag before slumping onto the couch and getting himself comfortable, leaning into the rest as he swung an arm over the back, his head turning to meet Tommy’s gaze.
“Growing old here, Hagan.”
Tommy snickered, sticking Billy the finger as he paced his way back across the room, taking to a squat besides the pool table as he reached an arm into the pocket billiards would collect, taking a moment before he found the little ziplock baggy he’d stashed away, about a dozen or so joints inside that he’d preemptively rolled just for this occasion.
He picked two out from it, sticking one to hold between his teeth as he held out the other towards the blonde, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch and just moving his hand out of the way in time as Billy made a grab for it, grinning at the growl he received before tossing it at him.
“Fucking asshole.” Tommy just laughed at the words, fishing a hand between the couch cushions for the lighter he was almost certain was down there, letting out a triumphant whistle as he pulled it out and gave it a light shake. He heard Billy let out a scoff. “Christ, what else have you got down there?”
With a shrug Tommy sparked his joint aflame, sucking in a handful of fast inhales to get it going before offering the lighter to Billy. “Beats me, man.” He watched the blonde light his own and let his eyes fall shut, melting further into the couch as he exhaled slowly.
It was funny, really. How this became a regular thing for them every other time they would hang around each other, some kind of chit chat that would always end with the freckled male prompting a joint, then two, if he was lucky enough Billy stuck around for the third one. It was clear enough to him that the time they spent sitting around, letting the smoke flow in the air, heads too empty to form a proper sentence let alone move was healing in a way, cathartic. He liked to think Billy felt the same.
It was a small but important part of the day they both desperately needed, something about seeing Billy let his guard down fully even if it was simply because he was high as a kite brought Tommy so much joy, so much comfort and security even. Easy to get lost in and so incredibly hard to let go of when it had to be cut short.
Tommy wasn't even sure how much time had passed, for how long he’d even been staring at the blonde with God knows what kind of expression on his face until Billy opened his eyes, staring back at him with an unsurprisingly puzzled look. Before he could even open his mouth to make up some dumb joke to get himself out of the situation, he saw the other grab a pillow, reflexes not nearly good enough this time around to stop him from launching it right at his face.
He couldn't really blame the guy for the snickers that left his lips given how dumbstruck he must've looked, joining him with a fit of giggles before Billy took one last drag of the smoke; exhaling slow and using what was left of it to point to the pool table. "So we gonna use that piece of shit or what?"
The question brought a snort out of him, his own pair of eyes trailing over to look at it, gaze flicking between the object and Billy. "Well shit, you sure you’re ready to have your ass handed to you?" He didn’t even mean for it, but the uncertainty in his voice seemed humorous enough for the blonde to chuckle some more, Tommy beaming in return. After a moment of silence he could see Billy get up, hand flicking Tommy's head as he passed by and towards the pool table.
"Come on. Thing ain't pretty enough to just sit here for decoration.”
4:57 PM
Pool wasn’t his game, not by a longshot. Tommy had plenty of practice under his belt, had grown up with his old man teaching him the ropes and showing him all the tricks and tactics. Tommy could never really pay all that much attention to it all, didn’t understand why he had to go and make it complicated. He just liked being able to play the grown ups game, liked the sound the billiards made as they clattered together.
It was times like these he regretted not making the effort to learn something. The first game had gone great, having potted two of his balls accidentally in the first few rounds that kept him in the lead until he’d done the same again later on. A rare defeat against Billy who had swiftly knocked him back down from his podium.
The following games Billy hadn’t hesitated to give it his all. They’d been at it for long enough that Tommy had to call a timeout so he could run up and grab some snacks and beers for them, the duo taking the chance to piss before chaining their way through a few more joints, eventually getting back to it and even with the break he hoped would aid his performance, Billy still ended up winning the next games.
By the time they’d finished Tommy could see the sky had shifted some behind the window, could hear the birds chirping up a storm over the singing of the radio, Elton John’s voice belting through and Tommy couldn’t help but hum along to it, wondering why they’d play it when it wasn’t wasn’t a Saturday and that was the entire premise of the song, but it was catchy enough that it was helping Tommy shake away his defeat, pulling himself away from where he’d just finished peeling an orange at the end of the pool table to dispose of its skin in the bin near the stairs.
He caught Billy in the middle of pulling the thing apart, taking a quarter of slices and eating them in one go, sending Tommy the middle finger on his way to the couch after grabbing a beer as the brunette stood staring at him, completely appalled with what he’d just witnessed.
“I can’t believe you just did that in front of me?” Tommy brought his hand up to place over his heart, grasping at his shirt like he’d been physically wounded by the action.
Billy hummed through his mouthful of orange, one of his hands coming to lightly slap at the other mockingly before he was also grabbing for a new joint. Tommy let out a groan before continuing his way back to the table, shaking his head when the other finally regained the ability to talk. “Better believe it, Freckles. Expect less.” Collecting his remaining orange and leaning against the table Tommy popped a slice into his mouth, bobbing his head to the music as he watched Billy’s gaze window, watching something Tommy didn’t have the angle for.
He smiled after a moment, absently lighting his smoke like habit as Tommy made quick work of his snack and walked across the short stretch of concrete with a beer of his own, curiosity taking over as he returned to his seat on the couch to follow Billy’s gaze with his own.
It took him a moment but as he leaned in closer to the blonde Tommy realised he’d been watching Aurora out in the backyard, just in sight at the corner of the fence where she was plopped on her belly and gnawing on a ball, occasionally looking over at them before attacking the thing with more vigour.
Billy was so focused watching the canine, all relaxed with a lazy smile and Tommy snickered to himself, turning his attention towards the remaining joints left in the little baggy on the side table, having to reach across Billy’s lap for them.
“Man, we really needa slow down with these things.” As he sat back with the bag in hand, Tommy picked one out at random, sealing it shut once more and eyeing up the handful that was left. Billy only huffed out a sound, shaking his head as he took a few longer drags of his smoke just to spite his words. Tommy agreed, setting the end of his own aflame and breathing it in as he slumped into the arm of the couch.
Something else was playing on the radio now, not all that familiar to him and Tommy watched as the blonde's gaze shifted again, craning his neck back and looking at the clock hung up on the back wall, his brow furrowing in thought before something seemed to spark behind his eyes.
“Shit.”
Billy rubbed a hand over his face, sighing out a sound. Tommy didn’t have a clue what he’d found in the time but offered a hum of question as he tapped the end of his joint into the ashtray between them, slowly exhaling the plume of smoke from his lungs that had his brain starting to spin.
“Got a date with Tina, supposed to be at her place soon.”
The blonde mimicked his action, smoking through a good half of his joint in quick succession before flicking it into the ashtray, looking like he was about to stand up but making no move to actually do so.
Tommy felt himself scowl, unable to control his expression at the name. Tina? Of all the people for Billy to ditch him for, it was Tina? He hated the way the thought made his chest tighten, the way it hurt because yeah, he hadn’t exactly made plans in advance for it, but Tommy wanted to be able to spend the other's birthday together, they’d been having fun as far as he was aware.
The woman had always held a special place in his heart, a deep dark corner of growing hatred that’d become prickly even with as little as her name. He was used to the bitches of Hawkins, hell Carol had been the biggest one he knew and he still adored her with everything in him. So he figured it said enough when he’d found someone so completely unbearable it made his skin crawl.
Maybe it was the way she was always looking at people, like she knew something about them nobody else did. Or the fact that she’d always managed to find a way to belittle him in every way she knew how. He remembered the way she often questioned his intelligence around Steve and others, enough to get almost the entire team to take it upon themselves to treat him like he was stupid, an ongoing joke to everyone that he couldn’t escape from.
Billy didn’t even seem like he was all too eager about it himself, taking his time sucking down the last remaining embers of his smoke and stubbing it out into the ashtray before letting his eyes shut tight.
Tommy couldn’t even begin to try stopping the words that fell out of his mouth. “Didn’t think you were that desperate to get it up.” Billy’s brows furrowed at that, turning his head over to look back at him.
"Fuck's that supposed to mean?”
His voice came disbelieving, like he was offended with the statement and for a moment Tommy regretted his words, quick to shrug a shoulder and divert his gaze. “It’s Tina, I feel like that should say enough? I don’t know. “ Tommy could still feel the blonde's stare hold him, hesitant to meet his eye now as he focused on bringing his joint to meet his lips. “Y’know she’s gonna bitch at you for stinking of weed.”
"Your little quarrel has nothing to do with me." Billy picked his head up to look at him now with an almost puzzled expression across his face, like Tommy had missed the point. “She can bitch and whine all she likes, not like I’m going for her sparkling personality.”
Tommy rolled his eyes, thumb flicking at the tab of his can before taking a generous swig, the taste now too bitter on his tongue. Once he realised Billy was still waiting for a response he sighed, reaching an arm over the side of the couch to set his drink down.
“Shit, I know that. Just figured she wasn’t your type.”
The blonde scoffed at his words. "Christ. Enlighten me then, Hagan. What the fuck do you want me to do? Ain’t like I’m about to get my dick wet here.”
He was so ashamed of the answers his brain prompted, ashamed of how much they pulled on his heart and after angrily stubbing out the remainder of his smoke and discarding it in the ashtray Tommy was running a hand through his hair, thinking the question over even though he was pretty sure it’d only been sarcastic.
“What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Pretend I’m her?”
Tommy regretted his response as soon as the words slipped from his mouth and he was reeling, something shifting tight in his gut and suddenly that was it, he’d gone too far, said too much. He froze, staring at Billy with offence and hurt and Tommy hated the way his jealousy coiled, hated how quickly he could fuck up.
Even with the background noise of the radio the room felt still and silent, he watched as Billy’s face twisted into an array of emotions before settling on something pained and angry, exhaling through his nose like he was ready to pounce.
He still couldn’t move when he watched Billy’s expression tighten, the way his teeth almost sneered, biting into his lip and then he was pouncing, grasping onto Tommy’s shirt collar and pulling him in closer, barely inches from his face. Tommy just waited, holding his stare as every bone in his body told him to run.
“I should punch your teeth out just for that.”
But he didn’t. Tommy scrunched his eyes shut tight and waited for it but the punches never came, the cold spike of fear itching up his back only growing with every second that passed until nothing.
His eyes squinted open and while Billy was still right there, still had his hand on Tommy, his eyes were cast down. Tommy could hear him take a few shaky breaths and as his gaze fell to Billy’s lips they were both closing the distance.
It started soft, all hesitant and uncertain and Tommy knew right then and there that he’d reached a new level of too high, because surely he must’ve been hallucinating the entire thing. Surely Billy hadn’t pressed in deeper.
One of them must have, because he could feel a tongue sliding across his own for just a moment before they were parting and Tommy wanted to cry for so many different reasons, his eyes holding Billy’s for only a few seconds before he saw something scared, before Billy regained his anger and Tommy could feel the fist at his collar shake.
Billy didn’t give him long enough to talk, only dropped his hold and stood up, dragging a hand through his hair and tugging before releasing a growl of a noise, pacing away and back again before turning on his heel to point an accusatory finger at Tommy.
“When are you gonna learn to keep your fuckin’ mouth shut. Why the fuck would you do that?”
Tommy only stared at the blonde, taken aback by his words, confused. Billy had kissed him back, right? He couldn’t have imagined that “What?” His voice came out weak, breaking as he sat up, tried to stand but Billy was quick to get in his face and push him back down.
“The hell do you mean, ‘what?’ That's it then, huh? You some sort of fag?” Billy said the word with all the venom Tommy had always heard him say it with, but they struck out to him on a deeper level this time. Billy sounded betrayed, as if he didn’t play a part in this.
And Tommy? He was angry. With himself, with Billy. And he knew he could have tried to blame the weed, could’ve found some form of excuse or explanation or anything else. But he didn’t, instead huffing out a laugh that sounded broken even on his ears.
He was so much more than just that, so much worse. But he couldn’t say it, couldn’t risk it all even more.
“You tell me.” He saw red, slapping Billy’s hand away and shoving at him as he tried to stand again with enough force to send the blonde back a few paces. “Assumed you’d know all about that shit halfway through sticking your tongue in my mouth.”
All he could see was Billy's expression, the way he scrunched his nose up in disgust, the shift in his movement and before he could even begin to expect it the man was driving his fist forward right at Tommy's jaw. The punch landed with a sickening realisation, the reminder that he’d gotten too comfortable, let himself feel a little too safe. That even one mistake could cost everything. For a moment all he could do was stare at the other male, teeth clenching tightly together as he recognised the taste of blood spilling from his lip.
Everything felt slowed, his head spinning from just how hard Billy had hit him, the fact that he’d actually done it in the first place. He watched Billy’s mouth open, pause and then close again, could see the way he swallowed something down before flexing his hands.
Tommy was already swinging for him when his mouth went to open again, catching him off guard as Tommy went for the stomach and he couldn’t stop the nervous laugh spilling out of his mouth as Billy stumbled back once again, the hit leaving him winded with a breathless noise.
"You've got some fucking nerve."
The tone in Billy’s voice made it clear that he had no intention of stopping anytime soon and as long as that was the case neither did Tommy, just as headstrong and caught up in it all to stop now.
He watched Billy force away the leftover struggle to regain the oxygen in his lungs, seemingly full of enough adrenaline now to bring his fist up lightning fast towards Tommy's face, causing the brunette to flinch as it grabbed at his collar, using the other one to deliver a punch to his side.
Tommy let out a grunt as he fought against the blonde's grip, tangling their limbs up enough that they both came crashing to the floor, fists still trying to grapple onto the other. The panic of falling prone was overpowering but he had to do something, defend himself somehow. So writhed around, tried making it as hard as he could for Billy to get a straight shot at him.
The whole plan was quickly thrown out of the window as Billy growled down at him, his hands finally pulling away as he shifted to kneel down between Tommy’s legs only to suddenly grab at Tommy’s wrists, pinning them down against the floor with his force. And there he was, yet again waiting for the blonde to say something, do something, hit him some more.
Billy just kept him there, hands binding Tommy’s wrists tight, his eyes damn near piercing right through him. He just kept trying to pull his wrists free, fighting back the tears that kept threatening to surface. But the grip on him loosened then andTommy had to pause, had to stop and think as he felt something wet hit his face, looking up to meet Billy’s gaze only to find the man staring down at him in fear.
5:21 PM
Billy didn’t know what he was doing anymore. Couldn’t understand why seeing Tommy like that under him had him fucking crying.
He didn’t know why Tommy had prompted the stupid idea of kissing him, why he couldn’t pass it off as the joke it must’ve been, Tommy was always a sarcastic little shit like that. Billy hadn’t meant for it to actually happen. But it did, and he’d almost immediately forgotten himself, forgotten what he had to be.
And Tommy? Tommy tasted like oranges. Like cheap beer and weed and his lips felt like honey against his own. Billy knew deep down he chased the feeling, knew that he had just as much a part in it all as Tommy did.
Tommy, who’d been nothing but loyal to him all this time, who’d showered him in gifts and joy and everything he didn’t deserve, who’d softened Billy’s resolve more than he’d ever realised. Tommy, who’d kissed him back. The same guy Billy had shoved all of that aside to swing for.
The brunette’s eyes were glazed over from the pinprick tears beading up in the corners and Billy wasn't sure what to make of it, stunned and suddenly glued in place. And then it clicked, as though it’d always been that easy.
He wanted this, wanted Tommy.
The realisation made him hate himself, more than anything Neil had to say about him. Nightmare or not his mother had been right; he was a heartless monster. Tommy didn’t deserve this.
The normal noise in his head had finally dampened just enough, all the flashing thoughts of what this meant for him and how much it went against everything he'd known subsiding. There was a part of him Billy thought he'd left behind in California, the part that let him question and defy, that was open to the endless possibilities and enticed him into that kiss. Tommy always reminded him of that part himself, always brought him to do dumb shit and fuck around, have actual fun.
Hell, Tommy had been the only thing in Hawkins that was truly worth his time. Despite the fact they’d only been hanging out like they normally would, for the most part at least, Tommy had still managed to make this the best birthday he'd had in a long time despite the emotional ride it had been.
Maybe that was why he couldn't figure out if he hated the guy for this long. He’d wanted to convince himself for so long that Tommy was just entertainment, though the truth behind it was daunting. The haze lingering in his mind couldn't possibly stop all his racing thoughts at once but the sickeningly sweet and short noise that left Tommy's throat as he shifted caught him off guard, realising all the other’s wiggling around had brought their hips flush together.
Tommy looked frozen like a deer in headlights, his face warm and sweaty with the blood from where Billy had busted his lip still fresh. He looked embarrassed, such a clear flip from the earlier emotion that he’d been exhibiting that Billy didn’t know what to make of it, wouldn’t have been sure it had actually happened if Tommy hadn’t gotten antsy trying to move himself, only bringing more friction between them.
He didn’t even know why he was still holding onto him, why he hadn’t released the brunette from his grasp and moved away like he knew he should have. He just watched through blurring eyes as Tommy lay defeated, seemingly searching his expression for something before going lax beneath him and Billy didn’t want him to see his tears.
Billy was screwed.
He leaned down, still breathing harsh with brows furrowed in his confusion. He didn’t know what to make of anything anymore, of Tommy or himself. But he wanted this. He could feel the warmth of Tommys breath hit his face, could feel the warmth of his body radiating off of him, the fucker was always a furnace and Billy hated how much he wanted to embrace it, how much he wanted to fall into it and soak it all up. He knew the moment that called for it was long gone, only getting so close before his brain kicked into overdrive again and there were alarm bells blaring from every corner.
What was he doing?
All was quiet when Tommy did it for him, his expression so clearly torn between whatever thoughts were running through his mind just as he was before lips were pressing against Billy’s for the second time tonight and it was all his resolve needed to completely crumble away. For him to press back into it with meaning and relish in the feeling, it felt like lightning. He’d kissed a lot of people in his time but none of them had ever made him feel like this over it, he knew it was wrong in every way but he couldn’t get enough of it.
Billy could feel Tommy relax under his hold, how suddenly calm they both found themselves. It was terrifying, how right it all felt. Maybe this did mean he was gay? He sure as hell felt like he was right now. The blonde was so torn with it, the feeling holding him back that continued echoing that it was just the weed, just the beers and depression of the week he’d had all combined and that this didn’t mean anything at all, that they weren’t thinking properly. That it was just some weird dream and neither of them would need to discuss it in the morning.
Finally he released a hand to hesitantly touch at Tommys neck, letting his instincts guide him as he drove the kiss deeper.. Almost instantly Tommy was pulling his freed arm up and over Billy, draping it around his neck to pull him in closer and he could feel the others legs lock over his own, as if Billy was about to just try and walk out now.
Each time one parted to catch their breath the other kept kissing, chasing each other's mouths and growing more and more hungry for it until their tongues met again, until he was getting more sweet sounds out of Tommy that had his blood rushing. He didn't even know who initiated it, but Billy melted right into it. Uncertain of where to place it, Billy's hand shifted from Tommy's nape to rub over his shoulder, dragging it down to glide over the curve of his chest and to his waist.
Eventually he found that it was better to just keep the hand moving, slowly palming over Tommy’s torso and grasping against the soft of his hip because every other time he trailed up a certain spot Tommy would shiver into it, go all lax for just a moment before fighting back into the kiss with more desperation. Billy understood, kissing Tommy was something else entirely, a constant battle fuelled by redirected adrenaline that Tommy kept interesting enough for Billy to crave more of with every taste, all laced with chocolate and orange and his beer, a wild combination that he needed more of.
But Billy was still scared, more scared than he’d felt in a long time because he knew he couldn’t just fall right into it, it was still uncharted territory and he had no fucking idea what he was doing. How was he supposed to know? Things would’ve been easier if it were different somehow, if Tommy was a girl. If it wasn’t wrong.
Tommy’s hands came to each side of his face, cupping over his ears before slowly combing through his hair and Billy hadn’t noticed his eyes had even shut until the feeling settled at his shoulders. When had they stopped kissing? Tommy was just there, in front of him inches from his face and smiling that dopey smile he always wore when he was poking fun at Billy. But that look was behind his eyes again, something pained recognisable now and Billy actually felt hurt at it, though he couldn’t place why.
It brought Billy back to reality enough that he could finally let out a slow breath, pulling away some as a disbelieving laugh slipped from him. His shoulders loosened a little when Tommy mimicked the sound with his own burst of giggles and melted against the floor, arms outstretched as he rubbed his head into the rug underneath.
He looked like the air had been taken out of his lungs, all laboured breaths and winded. Billy felt his eyes itch with the need to freely roam Tommy’s body as it caught the slip of his shirt, revealing the soft of the brunette's stomach and dark hair trailing down into a waistband alongside the whites of stretch marks. Billy had to force his gaze away, not willing to allow his thoughts to linger too long before he did something even stupider.
Instead he settled back against the front of the couch, arms shifting to prop up on the cushions as his legs stretched out. Catching a few more longer breaths before Billy was reaching a hand for the little bag of joints on the side table, sure to pick up the lighter on his way.
Billy knew Tommy’s gaze followed him now, could feel his eyes with the pinpricks of his skin and the movement he caught in the corner of his eye as Tommy used an elbow to lean up on. He tossed the lighter over to him after picking out two rolls and lighting his own aflame, breathing in deep and slow as his head tilted back. He heard it spark a few more times as Tommy fought to get his own going, feeling a socked foot knock into his when he snickered at the others' struggle.
It took him a moment, but as he sucked in another few inhales of smoke he found it amusing enough to return, now hearing Tommy’s soft breath of a laugh and more shuffling until the other was eventually at his side. Billy opened his eyes just slightly to watch as Tommy relocated the ashtray between his open legs, so close to leaning against him and noticeable enough that Billy just wrapped an arm around the guy's shoulders, pulling him in close.
He could feel Tommy staring again but he couldn’t find it in himself to properly look back at the brunette, a hot warmth finding his face that made him feel all too awkward and out of place but the haze in his mind leaped, unable to wipe away the slight tilt up of his lip at just how right he felt in the moment. They just sat there in moderate silence for a while, smoking away and listening to the music still coming from Tommy’s banged up radio. Billy hadn’t even recognised the song at first but it stood out to him plain enough once it clicked in his brain, some Abba song he’d deliberately forgotten the name, one that he could recall his mother singing often.
Tommy was humming away to it, head tilting against Billy’s shoulder as he reached over to the ashtray, flicking into it and resting his arm atop the blonde's thigh. Billy could smell the coconut in his hair again now with the citrus on his skin, warm against his own and he didn’t know how much time had actually passed before he’d finished his smoke and stubbed it out, arm around the brunette shifting some to bring his hand up and comb it into Tommy’s hair. The reaction he received was unexpected, the other twitching into the contact and sighing soft and Billy gave a short laugh, repeating the action before nudging Tommy to sit up as he picked himself up and sat back on the couch.
The brunette's head leaned back, a grin on his face as his eyes peered at him. Billy watched as threw away what was left of his joint, moving the ashtray back to its home on the table before stretching his arms, leaning back until Billy was able to hear a few satisfying clicks of his spine. Then he was shuffling forward on his knees over to the TV, beginning to browse through the stack of movies he had precariously stacked beside the stand. Billy merely watched, raising his brow at the other as Tommy turned back to face him, holding a case and shaking it lightly in his general direction.
“Wanna watch a movie?”
Billy offered a disbelieving laugh, huffing out and shaking his head at just how nonchalant Tommy was even capable of being after all that. That those were the first words spoken after it all.
“Sure, why the fuck not.”
6:00 PM
They’d settled on Grease, a movie that Tommy had been nagging him to watch together since the brunette first discovered Billy hadn’t actually ever seen it. He couldn’t say no to the others whining, hadn’t regretted it when he’d seen how excited Tommy became at his approval. He managed to get through the intro just fine, even if it had him cringing until the music picked up and the animated sequence commenced. It seemed exactly like the kind of movie Tommy would enjoy and Billy found it amusing enough that he couldn’t really complain.
About halfway through, Billy started to realise that the brunette was consistently stealing his attention away, each time he laughed or sang along to the songs, or when he’d crack a joke and snicker to himself. Billy could feel his eyes aching to take it all in every time, like Tommy had some kind of magnet within him that would call to Billy.
Maybe he was just too high to care anymore, but he let his eyes roam. Tommy’s own would light up with glee every so often, his tongue darting out to wet over his lips or press against the gap of his teeth, hands constantly fidgeting with something when they weren’t holding his beer.
Billy hadn't even been particularly committed to the movie to begin with; he watched the actors sing and dance on screen, but his mind was so far away from it that he couldn’t have explained the plot. His brain was too busy repeating everything that had happened in the previous hour, trying to find some form of solid explanation for it all.
There was a deep seated guilt brewing inside him. Tommy had been by his side for this long, and was still here after everything. Hell, the idiot wanted to watch a movie with him instead of kicking him out like Billy knew he should have. Despite spending all this time together Billy was unable to comprehend how the other’s brain functioned in any way and he hated not knowing.
But looking at Tommy made him feel so much all at once, helped push aside the doubt as much as he hated the fact. Billy just wanted the noise in his head to fall silent once and for all, and wanted with all his heart that even if it was just for today, maybe he could set it all aside. All the hate and doubt and pain.
Tommy had single handedly turned his worldview askew and yet all Billy could think about was how he’d tasted against him, how much Tommy felt like something safe and right.
At some point Tommy must’ve also stopped paying attention to the movie, Billy didn’t know for how long but when he realised Tommy’s eyes were on him a wash of embarrassment passed through him. But then the other was smiling, all soft and warm as his eyes squinted with it, nodding his head at Billy as he whispered out “Hey, Tiger.”
The blonde swallowed, offering a slow nod back before being able to find his words. “Hey.”
Tommy stared at him, puzzled for only a moment before he was stifling a laugh with a hand, shaking his head and grinning all stupid like until he was patting the empty space between them. “Get over here.”
Billy didn’t hesitate, just moved in closer and closer until Tommy was meeting him in the middle, until Tommy was crawling into his lap and straddling his waist before kissing him again. And it was everything.
And he felt himself embracing it, embracing Tommy as their mouths continued to meet one anothers and Billy felt fire run hot through his veins as the other properly sank his weight down, practically vibrating out of his skin as he lost himself in all of Tommy’s being.
The thing about Tommy was that he took everything Billy threw his way with just as much fight, and as bad as he felt about it all? It only made him crave the brunette more, a thought that was daunting and all too much for him to focus on right now. Instead he let his hands wonder, naturally falling atop the meat of Tommy’s thighs and squeezing.
As their tongues met Billy felt the brunette sigh into his mouth with the contact, hips rocking into it and bringing enough friction between them that had Billy biting back a groan.
He was still scared, still didn’t know what he was doing but Tommy felt so fucking good rutting against him like that it would’ve been impossible for him to have stopped, to think about anything else besides bringing a hand to slip up into Tommy’s shirt and grasp at his waist to guide his hips, to lick over Tommy’s lower lip before shoving his tongue deep inside.
Tommy moaned, the sound unlike anything he’d ever heard from the brunette, unlike any of the times he’d mimicked the sound to mock the very thing. No woman’s sweet nothings could have ever competed with the rasp in Tommy’s voice, the way the muscles in his legs tightened around Billy as he rocked himself down and made the blonde gasp against him.
Billy could feel himself straining against the tight of his jeans, slowly growing uncomfortable with it the more aroused he became as their kisses became sloppy, panting out breaths until Billy was at Tommy’s neck, kissing at it before settling on a spot and biting down softly.
He could feel the other's body shake with the action, rewarding him with another sweet noise that had Billy quick to lick over the spot and nip again.
Tommy groaned out as his hands flew up to grasp at Billy’s shoulders, one gently banging against his, and it told Billy he was definitely doing all of the right things. So he switched to the other side, kissing at Tommy’s lips a few times on the way before latching onto a new spot that made the freckled male sing.
They were at it long enough that Billy couldn’t fight it anymore, hissing out as Tommy’s hips shifted just slightly the wrong way before he was reluctantly motioning the other to stop.
To his credit, Tommy looked genuinely concerned, eyes searching Billy’s expression as he pulled back like he didn’t have any idea of what was wrong.
“Shit, are you okay?” Billy huffed out a laugh, nodding his head as he brought a hand between them, flicking the top button of his jeans open to relieve some pressure. “Oh..!”
He didn’t know why it stuck out to him so much, but he watched as Tommy’s face flushed at the realisation of his discomfort. “Yeah, yeah all good, just getting a bit tight, y’know?” The guy had just been dry humping him, surely he must’ve felt the same?
Billy wasn’t sure, couldn’t really tell much at all if Tommy was hard or not with the angle, but his focus was quickly pulled away from the thought as Tommy dropped a hand down, hesitantly reaching in for the strain of his jeans. Billy didn’t move to stop him.
It didn’t take the brunette long to make up his mind, closing the distance as he cupped over Billy and gently pressed down, the feeling immediately making Billy’s skin prickle as a groan slipped past his lips. “Shit.”
Tommy rolled his wrist, sliding his hand up before his fingers were tugging at Billy’s zip and the blonde just watched him focus in on the task, his eyes meeting Billy’s every so often to seek permission which he more than eagerly offered as he began squeezing at Tommy’s thighs once again, a contented sigh slipping past his lips at the freedom.
He could feel as the brunette's hand slipped in, slowly grasping at him over the cloth of his boxers and Billy couldn’t stop himself from jutting up into it. From leaning forward to chase after Tommy’s mouth and bite at his lips, forgetting the wound he’d left there as Tommy hissed out a sound of his own, only rather than pulling back he pressed in deeper, licked into Billy’s mouth as he gripped him now and slowly stroked him through the fabric.
Billy felt like static raced along his skin, sighing against Tommy’s mouth as he let himself go to the sensation, his hands sliding back to grip at the others ass and Billy found himself pleasantly surprised at just how squeezable Tommy was, just how much the guy seemed to like him doing it.
As much as he refused to accept it himself, Billy was getting closer to the edge faster than he had since his first. It was almost thrilling, knowing they shouldn’t have been doing this, a rush unlike any he’d felt.
Tommy seemed to sense something this time around, his movements eventually coming to a slow pace before pulling his hand away altogether, snorting out a laugh as soon as Billy pulled back from their make out session to send him a glare. “Calm down, Tiger. I got a better idea.”
It took him longer than he’d have liked to figure out just what exactly Tommy had meant by that, the other carefully pulling his legs back to solid ground as he began to settle onto his knees at the floor, both hands taking to rest atop Billy’s thighs and after a moment he was sliding them forward, tongue darting out to wet over his lips like he was hungry for it.
Suddenly a whole new realisation dawned on him; this wasn’t the first time Tommy had fooled around with another guy, was it? When the fuck did he have time for that? Billy knew damn well he’d been dating Carol for a stupid amount of time until recently.
Tommy’s smile was sheepish as he stared back up at him, settling himself comfortably between Billy’s legs and he hated how much the sight amplified his arousal, how it had him waiting with baited breath as the freckled male leaned in just to kiss Billy again, like he needed it to breathe.
Billy tried to be as nonchalant as he’d always been with this kind of thing, tugging his jeans down just enough to free himself properly, leaning back against the cushioning of the couch and feeling the chill in the air meet his erection as it weeped.
For all it was worth, Tommy looked utterly bewildered, eyes raking up and down his body before finally being able to settle on his junk and Billy felt himself preening at the attention, grinning to the other as his voice came out coarse and toying. “Like what you see there, Freckles?”
He hadn’t expected it to actually get a real response from the other, maybe some sort of joke back or passive comment, anything but the slow nod he received. It had his blood burning impossibly hotter. “Christ, Hagan. You better hurry your ass up.”
It was all the incentive Tommy needed, hands fumbling to find where they wanted to be before settling on keeping one at Billy’s thigh, guiding the other to take his dick in hand and then Tommy was leaning his head down, slowly dropping it to lick a stripe up his shaft and Billy immediately had to clench a fist, digging his thumbnail into the skin of his index finger just to bring his focus anywhere other than the way his stomach flipped.
The trail of saliva Tommy left quickly grew cold with the air, not needing to worry about it for long as Tommy’s closed fist around him began to move, as it started to gently twist and stroke, pausing only for Tommy to spit into his palm before continuing and it drove Billy wild.
It didn’t take long until he finally felt the other's mouth on him again, tongue now sliding over his head as his hand kept working up the pace he was setting himself, licking over him again and again before sliding his lips around the tip and sucking.
Billy’s moan escaped through gritted teeth, only seeming to encourage the freckled male to sink further down onto him until each roll of his wrist met the seal of his lips, squeezing just the slightest bit tighter for only a second before pulling his mouth back off again.
Billy mourned the loss, feeling his release itching so embarrassingly close but he couldn’t do much to fight it, not when Tommy was shifting his hand to smooth over his sack as his mouth dropped down once more, taking him in deep enough to gag like some sort of dick sucking champion. And Billy?
He could only hold off for so long before he crumbled, head hitting back against the couch as he began rolling his hips up slowly, rocking into each motion so perfectly with Tommy’s that he hadn’t even realised he’d reached out a hand to tangle into brunette locks, gripping at it tight as he reached the back of Tommy’s head and the others moan around him in response had been enough to send him off the edge.
Tommy sputtered before swallowing around him, his tongue probing at BIlly’s head that only managed to entice another shot out of him. Eventually Tommy came up for air, panting hard like a dog with eyes all glazed over, looking just as dishevelled as Billy felt and after another few moments Tommy was just flashing him his signature grin, wiping a wrist over his mouth and standing back up with a few light slaps to Billy’s thighs, spinning on his heel to flop onto the couch and lay back in triumph.
Billy barely recognised up from down, his head spinning as he watched the other fighting to catch his breath, a forearm resting over his face and hiding his eyes. The blonde could only let out a disbelieving laugh, leaning forward to peel his sweaty shirt off his skin, using the material to wipe away the remaining wet on his cock before tossing it across the floor and tucking himself back into his boxers. He didn’t bother with the zip, figured it was easier to just leave it open as he moved closer to Tommy.
Billy couldn’t understand why he felt the need to reach out for him, why he suddenly craved Tommy’s release as much as he had his own and he refused to question the part in him that wanted to be the cause of it, just accepted the feeling. He was so far past the point of letting himself get caught up thinking about anything, too scared of what would happen if he lingered on his questioning thoughts too long.
He just crawled over Tommy, his movement bringing the other to finally shift his arm away and Billy recognised the need in his eyes, felt himself smirk because he had caused that look, and it felt so so right. In every way.
Tommy moved his arm over Billy’s shoulder, huffing out a quiet noise as Billy pressed in to kiss him, to trail his lips from the others down to his neck as he shifted his hand to rub up Tommy’s chest, to trail down and hook a finger on his waistband.
“Wait..!” The other's voice came out afraid as his hand snapped down to grab Billy’s before he could get any further. So he stopped, eyes flickering up to meet Tommy’s and Billy immediately felt his stomach twist at the expression the brunette wore.
He nodded slowly, pulling his hand from Tommy’s own and settling back some. Tommy looked like he mourned the loss of contact, going to reach for him and hesitating halfway through, his hand coming up to brush through his hair instead before both of his hands were coming to cover over his face, groaning into them as his neck hung off the side of the couch.
Once they fell away Billy noticed the wet staining the corners of his eyes, the way Tommy’s lip quivered as he sucked in a long and hard breath, exhaling in a similar fashion before his voice was quietly coming out again.
“I? Shit man, I want this. I want you, it's just…?” The words made his heart swell, made him feel something warm and uncomfortably familiar. “Look, there’s shit that you don’t know, and I- …I’m scared. ”
Billy frowned, nodding slowly. Shit, he was scared too, he understood. But Tommy seemed to be fighting something within himself, shame rushing all over him and for a second Billy contemplated what that could mean, thinking over his words carefully. “I don’t need to know, T. Not yet.”
Tommy swallowed and shook his head, his tears falling once more and Billy didn’t waste a second to lean in closer, his hand coming up to carefully wipe over one as it fell. “Tommy, look at me. I trust you.” Wide eyes stared back at him, only growing more watery at his words but Billy caught the way they crinkled at the sides with Tommy’s smile, watched them close as he let out an airy laugh and shook his head again, pressing his face into the contact and letting his lips graze the soft of Billy’s thumb.
“It ain’t that simple. I- I don’t want you to see me differently. ”
Billy didn’t understand. Tommy had just given him the best head of his life and now he was worried about that? Bringing his hand up to stroke over the other's hair and ruffle it up Billy sighed, Tommy’s eyes snapping back to him with the noise and Billy could only roll his own. “Don’t think I could even if I tried.”
The brunette just stared at him, eventually letting out another huff and nodding firmly. “Alright… Yeah, okay. I’m ready.” Tommy readjusted himself, moved a pillow under his head at the arm of the couch as Billy slowly moved both hands to his waist, looking to the other for any sign to stop.
Tommy still looked doubtful but his skin twitched as Billy softly grazed fingers over it, let out a contented sigh as he raced his hands up and down Tommy’s sides and nodded again when Billy looked to him for the okay as his fingers came to unfasten his jeans.
Billy could tell he wasn’t hard now and he didn’t really know for sure if he was offended or relieved, cause maybe Tommy just wasn’t packing all that much. His fingers caught on the elastic of briefs on the way down and Billy’s eyes flickered away from Tommy’s expression every now and then to follow the snail trail of his stomach down into dark curls.
After a moment Tommy forced his focus back up, pulling Billy in for another kiss with one arm as he shifted his hips around, pulling his pants off the rest of the way with his other hand and kicking the fabric off onto the floor, Billy settling in closer between his legs so their tongues could clash and lick into the others mouth.
He waited for Tommy to end it first, knowing the guy was still easing into it just as much as he was. It did strike him as odd. Billy was pretty sure sucking a guy's dick was just as gay as having it sucked by one, but Tommy seemed so torn over the concept that Billy was even willing to try and reciprocate.
Looking at Tommy one last time as his hands started sliding down his waist again Billy felt his heart race, nodding back at Tommy when the other repeated the action one more time before letting his eyes trail down to Tommy’s junk.
Billy didn’t know what to make of the sight he found.
Tommy didn’t have a dick. He could see where short curls ended into mound, where lips split all soft and wet. He swallowed, frozen in place as things finally seemed to click into place, just why Tommy had been afraid, what his words had really meant.
The realisation was overbearing. This was what Tommy’s grandfather was so ashamed of him for, this was what had him falling apart in front of Billy like nothing he’d ever seen from the brunette. This was why even in a house full of memories Tommy’s younger self was missing from practically all the photos.
It explained why he and Carol had always snuck off behind a locked door any time they’d start getting too handsy before they’d broken up. He figured Tommy was just uptight about others seeing his junk back in highschool, when the guys on the team would poke fun at him for always showering in boxers or an extra towel.
“Fuck.” Tommy didn’t have a dick and Billy felt the heat in his gut grow molten and hot, felt Tommy begin to move his legs around as though he was about to close them and Billy finally felt the cogs in his brain shift into gear, his hands smoothing up and down Tommy’s thighs, watching as the other shivered at the touch.
He sighed out a long breath he hadn’t known he was holding, biting at his lip as he hesitantly brought a hand further down, thumb grazing against folds to know if they were real, to hear the soft breath fall out from Tommy’s mouth.
The blonde kept his hands there for what seemed a lot longer than a moment, eyes scanning over every inch of skin before him, thumbs stroking over the surface. The way he felt right now was enough for him to know that no woman made him feel the same or even near as much. Billy didn't know how he felt about the way his thoughts collided right now, Tommy was a guy and being so certain of that just made him feel more nervous than he could comprehend, the evidence otherwise plain as day right there but the thought just didn’t sound correct, he couldn’t believe in it as much as knew he should’ve.
He didn't know what the fuck he was doing, didn't know why and how everything escalated so quickly, but he knew it felt right. Each sound of content and approval he got out of Tommy felt better than anything he'd had in countless experiences. It was a lot to take in, in the best and worst way possible.
Not finding what he’d been mentally preparing for brought him a strange mix of relief with the confusion, his hands itching closer to spread folds apart and reveal more. Tommy was hard, in his own way and Billy had never seen anything like it, the clit he began slowly thumbing over engorged and throbbing.
Tommy sighed softly at the touch and Billy finally snapped his gaze away, meeting the other’s gaze. He wasn’t even sure what kind of expression he was wearing, had to force away the furrow of his brows as Tommy chewed at his lip, looking about as close to scaring away as Billy felt.
Billy wanted to know what was going through the brunette’s mind, wondered if the same thoughts that had been plaguing him for years came anything close to whatever storm Tommy must’ve conjured up within himself to be who he was, to have spat insults that applied to him at others with just as much venom behind them as Billy had. The were both fucking hypocrites.
Everything they were went against the beliefs Neil had drilled into his skull, but Billy just couldn’t find the fight in him. Knew that it would all hit him like a brick later and simply didn’t let it stop him, riding on the high that was Tommy.
Tommy, who was looking at him with all the desperation in the world as he hesitantly slid a hand down, slipped two fingers between himself to spread open for Billy, his hand stretching the skin back some in such a way that had his clit masted up and it actually looked like a dick, a strange and unusual one at that but it had Billy swallowing as his mouth salivated.
Billy hadn’t cared much for oral as a whole, getting sucked off was one thing but he’d always found going down on a chick such a tedious task. Not to say he was bad at it of course, he had a reputation for a number of reasons. But he was alarmed with how much he felt the craving for just that seep into his soul, with how confident he was now that he could definitely suck Tommy’s dick.
His thumb caressed over the bundle of nerves again, dragging under it before his index finger hooked around the other side, simply experimenting with what he had to work with and immediately being rewarded with Tommy’s groan of relief, his hips rocking into it some as his voice came out barely above a whisper. “Fuck, Billy…”
When it came to sex Billy had never been much of a talker, was used to keeping his mouth shut and only making as much noise as he needed to before people started realising how uninvested he was in them, they’d never given him much reason to talk. But Tommy was different in that all encompassing way and each time he’d twitch against the blonde’s touch Billy found himself flooding with all the things he wanted to say.
He kept his mouth shut though, groaning now as his other hand came to dip two fingers behind folds and Billy couldn’t believe just how soaked through Tommy was. Their evening had really taken a toll on him, huh? Tommy shuddered into it, Billy slowly working his way inside, circling around his walls before pulling back, repeating the action a few times over to coat his fingers before pressing in further.
Tommy sighed with each breath, soft and airy and honey sweet, Billy couldn’t help himself, he needed more of it, his hands continuing to work in tandem as one fucked into the brunette, the other stroking at Tommy’s dick with softly pinched fingers in just the right way that had Tommy’s hips trembling.
Billy didn’t know how much time had passed until he finally spoke up, softly uttering out a “good boy” before he was feeling Tommy clench around him, his fingers curling in deep with every stroke as Tommy let out a whine, shaking and breathless as he convulsed, hips rocking into each press and riding Billy’s hands through it before his eyes rolled shut.
He just watched, trying to burn the image before him into his mind. Slowly, Billy pulled his hands away, stroking up and down the others thighs and relishing in how they shook beneath his touch.
The urge to dip his head down won him over, shuffling back some to readjust before letting himself kiss at Tommy’s thigh, his tongue coming out to roll over his teeth as Tommy’s head shot up, his arms settling back to prop himself up. “Holy shit, you don’t gotta-”
Billy didn’t wait for the rest of the sentence, saw the way Tommy squirmed at the prospect and it was enough for him to lay down across the couch, mimicking the other’s earlier movements as he dipped his head down, licking a short stripe over Tommy that had him keening. As he looked up he could see Tommy’s gaze cast down on him, shoulders shaking to keep him in place as he licked out again but Tommy seemed determined to watch.
He was more than happy to give the brunette a show, smirking up at him as his hands came to spread him once more, getting the angle he needed to trail his tongue across Tommy’s entrance, back over his dick again before letting lips wrap around it, sucking
It didn’t take much to get Tommy quivering under him, each gentle suckle he gave had Tommy riding on some kind of different high Billy couldn’t even begin to imagine, his voice taking on a deeper husk to it that had him groaning out for longer every other few breaths and when Billy brought a hand to slip fingers inside again it was all the stimulation Tommy needed to shudder out once more, whispering out Billy’s name over and over again like a mantra as his hips grinded, fucking into the blondes mouth and Billy could feel the way it twitched and strained as Tommy reached his a climax once more.
He wiped his face into the brunette's thigh, huffing out and slowly peeling himself away, looking Tommy up and down just to take in the sight of him. Tommy was gorgeous in all the ways Billy had never known. Sure, he’d always considered the guy on the attractive side, but the way he thought it over now had him feeling different.
Sitting up Billy found that he was straining hard once again, entirely unsurprised by the sight as he sighed, his hand coming down to softly palm over himself, realising just how appealing the idea of fucking Tommy was at the same time the brunette sat up and spoke out to him, his voice hoarse and hesitant.
“You uh… Want help with that?”
Billy met his gaze, huffing a laugh because really, there was nothing he wanted more in the world right now. “Ain’t gonna say no to you sucking my dick again.”
“Yeah?” Tommy paused, smirking as he nodded his head some, pushing up further to shift his legs beneath himself as he leaned over Billy, a hand carding through blond locks that had his scalp tingling at the sensation. “What would you say to me riding you?”
His brain came full circle, crashing to a stop right then and there because really, who was he to say no to something like that? So he nodded back slowly, swallowed down the lump that just wouldn’t leave his throat alone before finally speaking a response. “I’d say your seat’s getting cold.”
Tommy barked a laugh, snorting at him and all and Billy could only find himself smiling at it, repositioning himself better as he watched Tommy shuffle over on his knees, swing a leg over him and lean down to kiss him. They both fumbled around trying to find the ideal angle, Billy hissing when Tommy eventually gripped him in place and sank down, tight heat enveloping him and sending a rush through his body.
Billy’s moan slipped out before he could even begin to stop it, the fit warm and perfect and he didn’t want it to ever end. “Good boy.” He could feel Tommy grip firmer around him at the name, whimpering out as his head fell back for Billy to kiss and bite at. He took the offer more than willingly, delivering just that as his jaw opened, teeth barely closing around the brunette’s jugular as his tongue explored the skin. It had Tommy vibrating.
It was inevitable they wouldn’t have been at it for long, Billy knew he was already so close to the edge and as unreasonably unfair it was that Tommy didn’t seem to need a recovery period in between each orgasm, he could tell the brunette was still feeling it, combined alongside the days exhaustion. He knew with each stutter of hips and tremble of thighs that they’d both only last so much longer.
Billy felt his ears fill with some kind of static as he came, one that wasn’t unwelcome while he had Tommy wrapped around him, still mouthing at his neck and in a strange way it grounded him, helped bring him back to life.
Eventually Tommy went lax in his lap, sighing out long and hot against his skin and Billy couldn’t blame him, did the same as Tommy slowly started to shift himself, careful as pulled off of Billy and settled at his side, head coming to lean against his shoulder and Billy once he’d tucked himself away he couldn’t stop from leaning back into it, resting his head against the brunettes and breathing in slow, letting his eyes fall shut for just a moment.
At some point he had to move, had to wipe himself down before he started to feel gross and sticky and he knew damn well Tommy must’ve been thinking the same thing as he fidgeted around. So he brought a hand to gently push the other away before standing, ruffling at Tommy’s hair when the other looked offended as to why he’d moved away and snickering. “I’ll be back, Freckles. Wait there for me.”
Tommy just sat further down in place, puffing out a breath with a pout that had Billy’s heart warming. He wasted no time making his way across the room, pacing up the stairs one by one and making his way down the hallway toward the bathroom.
Once he entered Billy collected one of the hand towels hung up, wetting it just enough before taking a moment to wipe himself down properly, zipping and buttoning up his back jeans before giving the rag a half assed wash through with warm water, ringing the remaining majority out and taking it with him as he then turned on his heel, making his way back down the hallway.
When he made it back down to the basement after making sure to remember to lock the door again, he found Tommy in the exact same spot, the only difference being the fresh beer he held in hand, bringing it to his lips with a nod to Billy. He just smirked, rolling his eyes as he made his way over and stole the can right from the brunette’s hand.
Tommy tried fixing him a glare but it fell on blind eyes, Billy bringing the thing up to take a generous chug from before settling it down on the floor, standing in front of Tommy to lean down and bring the rag to his thigh, swatting away at the freckled males hand as moved it down to grab for the thing. Tommy just looked at him with some sort of puzzled expression. “Uh, I can do it? You uh- you don’t have to.”
“I know. I want to.”
The brunette just stared at him, all bewildered and after a moment he nodded slowly. “Oh.”
Billy raised a brow at him, his free hand coming to stroke over Tommy’s hair with a hum. “What, Perkins of all people can keep a secret but not clean up after herself?” Tommy gave a small laugh at that, shaking his head some before sighing softly.
“No? I mean, that was my job..? She didn’t really- uh, give back a whole lot in general. That was kinda our arrangement?” BIlly just stared at him, something more clicking into place there and after a moment he huffed out a breath. Fucking typical Carol. “Was kinda frustrating sometimes but she- Carol gave up a lot for me .”
Billy snorted at that. From the other guys around their age that he knew, Billy was positive none of them would’ve had the patience for the girl that Tommy did, but he also knew that it meant she must’ve known the brunette way before he was ever Tommy. He found the thought sad in a way, for a while he figured the duo were just about as close to what love looked like, ‘course till she dumped him. But all this time it’d been some lie?
That had him thinking about Harrington, how sour Tommy had been about the guy ditching him and the way he’d wince at even the drop of his name. Had Tommy loved Steve? He didn’t like the way the thought churned in his stomach, the way it made his heart sting just a little. But he kept his thoughts to himself, shaking his head instead and bringing his hand to lightly smack at Tommy’s thigh with the rag.
“Christ, well I ain’t her. So be good, spread your legs and let me do my job.”
Tommy bit at his lip, but nodded and did as asked of him, shuffling his thighs apart and letting Billy have at them. He was gentle with his touch, dragging the towel up the brunette's thighs and letting him adjust to it before continuing his way, sure to do a better job of cleaning Tommy up than he had himself before discarding the rag somewhere across the floor and smirking down at the blushing brunette in front of him.
“Was that so hard?” Tommy shook his head no and Billy huffed out a laugh, stroking his hand through the others hair one last time before sitting back down. Tommy bumped an elbow against his, smiling over at him for a moment before slowly standing up and stretching, giving Billy a real good look at his ass for the first time and Billy had to fight back the immediate urge to give it a slap.
He watched Tommy collect his bearings before beginning his search for clothes, eventually crouching down to grab at his boxers that all caught up through the leg of his jeans. The brunette just shook at them, letting gravity do the work as they slipped out.
The questions quickly came flooding back into his mind, becoming just too unbearable and making his head spin as all he could settle until he spilled out a “why?” His voice came out quiet as Tommy finished tugging his boxer shorts back on, making a grab for his jeans then and pausing in his movements at the word before raising a brow.
“Why what?” Billy could see the other frown after a moment, knew his question didn’t mean much of anything without further context, but Billy himself didn’t even know which question he was actually trying to land on.
It took him a short while longer to settle his brain enough, to find what he was looking for as he gestured to Tommy’s whole being with a hand. “Why put yourself through all of this?”
“Oh.” Tommy stared at him, huffed an awkward laugh as he stepped one foot after the other into denim, before pulling his jeans the rest of the way up, eventually rolling a shoulder with a shrug. “I don’t know… I had to do something for myself? To be happy, I guess?”
Billy didn’t like the way the response settled in his brain, how simple it was, how obvious. Something that felt so unobtainable for him even as a part of him knew it was right there, he just had to reach out and grab it.
“Are you happy?”
He could hear the brunette huff out another laugh, shaking his head before shrugging his shoulders and running a hand through his hair. “Shit man, I don’t know… As happy as I can be knowing I’m in the wrong skin, living this whole fucking- I don’t know.” He watched Tommy’s gaze drop to the floor, thinking it over before nodding. “Right now? Yeah, I am. Being like this is the only damn thing that’s felt right.”
Billy could feel something in his gut tighten at that, nodding slowly.
“What about you?”
Was he happy? He didn't quite understand what that meant. That was one of the questions he never dared to ask himself. Because he knew where thinking about it brought him, how it made him feel, how sick he felt acknowledging the fact that he will never be everything he's so desperately trying to be. He will never be the man his father wants him to be because no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he lies to himself one very significant part of him will always know the truth behind it all.
It had always been somewhere deep within his mind, always resurfacing during sleepless nights especially, since Tommy had been so persistent on enjoying his company despite his unapproachable behaviour. Thinking about it, this was the first time things felt natural, comfortable. He didn't have to convince himself to entrain it to pass his time or create a distraction, he actually wanted it. Every second of it. He was content with the idea of experiencing all of Tommy for as long as he could.
And that would have said enough if he didn't spend his whole life pretending, shielding himself because if anybody got too close it meant fleeing. He didn't know what the fuck, or who the fuck he was and this day did a damn good job at proving that; bringing the added concern of exactly how long it’d take him to fuck this all up.
“I don’t know, haven’t had the chance to be.”
Tommy nodded, slowly, thoughtfully. Billy knew he couldn’t have known exactly what was going through his mind, but he had the suspicion Tommy still understood in his own way, nodding as he reached out his hands to Billy. He reached out his own, hesitant at first but braving it until he could feel Tommy’s own holding on to his as he leaned forward, pressing a kiss atop the blonde's head.
After a few moments passed he heard Tommy swallow. “You deserve it. A chance to be.”
Billy didn’t know what to make of it, just sat there in silence for a good while longer before letting out a quiet chuckle. “You really don’t know when to quit.” Tommy pulled away, smiling softly at him as he nodded, leaning back some before letting go of the blonde’s hands and Billy missed the touch, missed Tommy’s warmth.
“Nah, guess not.”
Bringing a hand to rub over his face Billy sighed, leaned back against the couch and let himself relax into it as Tommy flitted about, grabbing his beer from the floor and having a good few swigs of it before settling it on the side table and clapping his hands together.
“Right, I gotta go piss.”
Billy rolled his eyes at the words, deciding to take up the rest of the couch once it was clear Tommy wasn’t returning to it soon, stretching out across it with a contented sigh as he sent his middle finger up over at the brunette. “Don’t get lost.”
He watched as Tommy immediately sent him one back, barking out a short laugh. “We’ll see. Your ass better have a new movie picked out before I’m back, or we’re watching Grease again so you can actually watch it.” Then Tommy was walking away, circling to the other side of the couch and after a moment Billy could hear him taking the steps two at a time, unlocking the door before shutting in behind him and suddenly the blonde was alone in the room, alone with his thoughts.
So he got up, acquired himself a new joint and beer, then made his way over to the television.
7:32 AM
Billy had picked out ‘The Outsiders,’ Another movie title he only recognised the name of because of Tommy, and boy had the guy been ecstatic to show him it. Billy had actually managed to pay most of his attention to it, enjoyed it even, his gaze only faltering each time Tommy would say something or other about the characters on screen. It wasn’t until his stomach was grumbling that the guy’s attention completely crumbled away and Billy was finding himself amused with how he’d heard the sound even over the intense music on screen.
“Man, why didn’t I bring snacks down? You should’ve made me get snacks earlier.” Tommy whined after his words, pouting as his head fell back to hit the arm of the couch and prod a socked toe at Billy’s thigh, as if he was actually at fault for the lack of foresight. As if Tommy didn’t always get the munchies after smoking that much dope.
In turn the blonde shrugged a shoulder, poking a finger at the sole of Tommy’s sock. The reaction was immediate, Tommy flinching and pulling the limb away as if he’d been burned, his head coming up to glare at Billy with an offended frown and Billy? He laughed in the other's face, snickering as he reached out a threatening hand towards Tommy’s foot again, receiving another louder whine.
“Don’t you fucking dare!”
He didn’t, instead breathing out a sigh as his stomach agreed with the prospect of food with a noise of its own. “Calm down, just tell me what I’m grabbing from where.”
Tommy mocked a moan at his words, causing Billy to roll his eyes in return as he swung his legs down from the couch and pushed up to a stand, rolling his shoulders in place as he stretched his neck from one side to the other, looking to Tommy who looked to be intensely thinking over his answer before letting out a long yawn.
“Uh… I don’t know?” His lips pursed, an arm flailing over the side of the couch as he wafted his hand around. Billy just shook his head at him, stepping over to reach down and ruffle at Tommy’s hair, the other snickering as he swatted Billy’s hand away and hummed. “Cereal. Like, just the box.”
“Shouldn’t have expected anything more.” Billy huffed out a laugh before nodding, having a quick go at Tommy’s hair once more as he rounded the couch to head for the stairs. “Don’t miss me too much, Freckles.”
He could practically feel Tommy sending the bird his way as climbed up the steps, chill lingering in the air nipping at his bare torso and after a moment of contemplating heading back down to find his shirt Billy’s attention was turning towards the open door of the laundry room next to the stairs, eyes falling on the familiar blue knit of one of Tommy’s sweaters.
Billy chewed at his lip as he stepped inside to reach for it, thumbing over the soft material before pulling it on. The thing was huge, Billy had only ever seen Tommy wear it at home and he always looked so damn comfy in it. It was comfortable, and Billy was sure he looked fucking ridiculous with it on. He couldn’t really find it in him to care anymore, at least not for now.
Billy realised that Tommy hadn't really told him where the cereal was, and he slowed as he followed the hall to the kitchen, his brows furrowing. Fucking typical. After breathing out a sigh and running a hand through his hair, Billy fruitlessly searched around the room for a glimpse of them before choosing to get started on browsing through each cupboard that seemed like the obvious enough options.
Eventually he found the right one, a handful of different options packed away neatly in there and as he inspected each Billy found most of them near empty. It wasn’t hard to imagine who the box of Count Chocula belonged to, figuring it was his safest bet to satisfy Tommy’s cravings as he shut the cabinet door behind him.
All his rummaging around seemed to catch the attention of Aurora, Billy could hear the canine before seeing her, her nails clicking through the hallway as she made her way through and into the kitchen, settling herself at his feet on the floor with a wag in her tail, immediately begging for whatever was in his hands.
He smiled to her, reaching for the box of treats he actually remembered the location of, grabbing one of the smaller treats out before putting the tub back on top of the fridge and crouching down to the pup’s level, a hand coming out to pet at her head as she leaned into the touch and Billy couldn’t help but snicker to himself as he remembered hearing something about how pets resemble their owners.
Billy gave her some scratches behind the ear for good measure before giving the treat away, watching her munch on it as he stood back up and grabbed for the cereal, leaning into the island in the centre of the room as he stuffed a hand into the box to grab a small fistfull, shoving them in his mouth before turning to make his leave.
He heard the door unlocking too late, startling against his will as his fight-or-flight instinct went into overdrive, too suddenly overcome with every bit of panic that had been brewing inside of him all day. He’d grown too relaxed, too comfortable, and right now Tommy wasn't there to cover for him. Hell, he wasn't even sure the guy would have accomplished that in this case; if Tommy hadn't actually lived here, they would have appeared to be just as suspicious as the other.
A woman who he immediately recognised as Tommy’s mother slipped her way in through the door, closing it behind her and settling the bunches of bags down in the entryway as Aurora rushed from Billy’s side to hers and alerted the woman of her presence, in turn bringing Elena to look his way and catch him standing in the middle of the kitchen with his fist in a box of cereal. A noise of surprise escaped her, a hand coming up to clutch over her heart and Billy could only imagine what must have been racing through her mind. He knew he looked a mess, a short step away from having broken in to anyone with a lick of sense to them and he couldn’t even salvage it, simply at a loss for words on how to explain himself even as reason told him surely she’d recognised his car outside.
“Ay dios mío, what a fright to give me.” Billy frowned, finally taking his hand out of the box and placing it down on the island, his eyes darting behind her to look for any indication Tommy was coming in order to save him from the impending awkwardness. He felt her looking him up and down, her eyes lingering on the pale blue of Tommy's unreasonably oversized sweater with a knowing look in her expression. “You’re alright, love, don’t let me stop you. Is Tomás here with you?”
Billy wasn’t sure how to feel about it, her knowing. Anyone knowing, really. Wasn’t even sure if she did, how could she? But if it got out he’d be a dead man, either by his father’s hands or most of anyone else’s in this town. He knew logically he was safe, Tommy was her son after all so it was only reasonable that she would’ve been accepting of… Well, whatever he was. But the fear was still there, the doubt and need to keep it the secret it needed to be. He didn’t want her jumping to conclusions so soon, even if those conclusions were somehow true.
His searching eyes fell back to the woman, watching her carefully reach down to clap Aurora over the head in greeting and surely to settle her own nerves. Billy nodded some, collecting his bearings and clearing his throat quietly before he was able to find his voice. “Uh, yeah... He’s downstairs.” A wash of relief seemed to flow over her, hands moving to cast some sort of silent thanks up to the heavens, looking like a woman on the tail end of worrying herself sick finally able to relax.
Then she nodded back at him, sighing out slowly as she picked herself back up using the wall as support. “Good, that’s good. I trust you’ve been keeping him out of trouble then?” The woman’s smile turned smirk as he huffed a laugh at that, beginning to pick up the bags she’d brought in and Billy wasted no time in making his way over to her to grab the larger load from her.
“Something like that.”
Elena chuckled in return as he placed the bags of groceries on the island, shifting the box of cereal he’d previously been devouring to one side to begin helping her unload everything. He didn’t have the foggiest where anything actually belonged in this kitchen, but it didn’t hurt to help just a little.
Tommys old woman was a sweet one at that, so short and plump with a face that he knew could rip into someone if they dared step too far out of line. Billy could remember a time he’d heard her chew out a drunk Tommy through the phone, the entire interaction had been in Spanish so he’d barely even understood half of it, but the tone alone had told him enough. It’d been beyond entertaining considering they’d been in the middle of the arcade using the staff phone, they’d sounded just as headstrong as the other during the entire thirty minutes it’d taken for it to end and Billy certainly hadn’t let Tommy live it down since.
Tommy actually took after his mother in many ways from what he’d witnessed of her so far, that and all the family photos he’d seen. He had his fathers eyes and nose, but his complexion and entire attitude seemed to come from her.
She too was good at relaxing his nerves, making easy conversation with him as they finished unpacking groceries and Billy passed her over one thing after the other, following her guidance as he put away what things he could. The whole thing was still entirely awkward, but nice in a way that he wasn’t all too familiar with.
Elena talked about how busy the store had been and how much she was looking forward to the holidays being over with, so kids would stop loitering around every corner of town too early and she could carry on her day to day in peace, no offence to him of course. She asked him some about Tommy, how he’d been and what they’d gotten up to. Of course Billy didn’t really have answers for that, knew she’d be able to smell the weed on him well enough to get an idea of some things so he just worked around the topic, omitted some information here and there to paint the picture of them running into each other in town and wasting the day away with this and that.
It did seem to please her, at least. Once everything had been put away she’d thanked him for the assistance and Billy was about ready to finally excuse himself when he heard her give a sound of contentment.
“Shepherd's delight.”
He looked to her in question, offering over a curious hum and following her gaze towards the door that remained latched open, where the sky’s horizon over the forest of trees lined the backyard. The sky had darkened some, a warm red and orange hue fading in from the blues and whites.
It was simple, like any other sky after a hot day. These ones always reminded him of home the most, the way it looked alongside its reflection into the ocean's surface. But there was something about it behind the trees, the way it cast rays of wild sunbeams here and there. Elena stood in place for a while just to admire it though, a sweet smile on her face as she breathed in and out all slow and peaceful.
Billy wracked his brain for the meaning behind the phrase as he turned his attention to Aurora, who was quite happily gnawing on her fresh bone out on the grass and for a moment he envied the canine's easy life. What a breeze it must’ve been to have such a small mind. She didn’t need to worry about who or how she loved someone, had found a good enough family to take her in and love her no matter what in return.
Shit, did he love Tommy?
In the end he couldn’t figure it out, where he’d heard her phrase nor the question in his mind. But sure, it was a nice sky.
He excused himself, taking the cereal with him as he made his way back down to the basement. The one thing he knew was that the sky was a signal for him, that he needed to go home soon enough and find out if the Chief of police had made a personal effort to fuck him over or not, that he needed to face the consequences of his actions regardless of what his father decided to settle on blaming him for.
As soon as Billy opened the door he could hear snoring, something that brought a smile out of him. Any other time he wouldn’t care, but he graced Tommy with the effort to keep the noise down this time as he made his way down the steps.
The fantasy had to end eventually, he knew that. How he would continue from this point forward he didn’t have a clue, but from here he could follow the motions. Billy knew there was no way to shake the smells coming from him before morning and he’d just have to deal with it, just another thing for Neil to berate him for.
Tommy was all cozied up on the couch, a thick fleece throw that’d come from God knows where wrapped around him with Billy’s jacket over his shoulders for the second time today and it was a sight that was starting to grow on the blonde.
Shit, Tommy himself was a sight that seemed to have grown on him, at a more rapid pace than he even let himself notice, but that didn’t stop it from happening. Didn’t stop him from carefully taking a seat on the same couch just so he could take in the sight a little better, the thoughts running through his head still suffocating him but somehow seeing this, seeing Tommy all him safe and warm, at peace with that stupid fucking expression on his face as he snored loudly, it made it all seem just a little more worth it.
He’d gotten closer than Billy would've thought he'd allow anyone, making a home for himself in Billy’s life and the blonde was still baffled by it, by how many warning signs there were that Tommy refused to listen to, that childish stubbornness that was there in mostly anything Tommy set his mind to.
Billy was more aware than anyone of just how much of a piece of shit he was, he was just as aware of the impact his actions and words had on others, he’d heard it too often from a wide range of sources for an extensive list of reasons. Fixing it seemed more appealing in his youth than it had in recent years, fixing himself. He hadn’t gave a fuck about what kind of way he made who feel, made his opinions everyone else’s issue in any ways he could. He knew deep, deep down it came from a source of envy, in their ability to just accept whatever the fuck they were no matter what it could mean for them. Billy was more frustrated with himself than anything, than with Tommy. But taking his anger out on others had been all he’d known for the longest time, the only manageable solution that made his brain finally shut down for just a moment, and it made him sick.
Billy knew he couldn't sit and stare forever, couldn't pretend that he didn't have Neil to deal with at the end of it all. He needed to leave, knew he was already late without needing to check the time for the damage.
So he tore his eyes away from the freckled male, letting out a quiet huff before rubbing his face in frustration at the way his heart twisted and ached at the mere idea.
Despite the tight feeling, Billy stood, quiet in his movements to not wake the other up, holding his breath just like he always would after every one night stand he’d get himself into. Though this time around it felt real, and incredibly fucking wrong. He took to cursing himself out with each time he had to lean down and pick one of his things up off the ground, because really, what the fuck was he doing?
Too occupied with his thoughts as he reached for his belt, Billy didn’t realise the sound of snores had stopped until he was stretching back up and suddenly feeling a hand catch his own, gripping him tightly before loosening some and then he was meeting Tommy’s gaze as he turned to him, watching as the other slowly frowned, all bleary eyed and panicked.
How right Tommy's hand felt against his own was enough for guilt to take over, because the guy was right to think that he would leave, hell- he was about to do just that. With how disgusted he felt with himself, with how far from disgusted he felt with Tommy? He had every reason to leave. That's what he did, what he was known for. He’d never had an intention to stick around, chit chat or exchange affections tamer than what led up to it. It all felt pointless, way too intimate for him. More intimate than sharing spit.
Nobody had ever made him want to stay, had never given him reason enough outside of a few more rounds. But Tommy didn’t have to do anything other than look at him like that, like Billy was about to make the biggest mistake of his life, and for a moment he believed it.
As much as every bone in his body told him no, as much as everything in his mind tried to cloud and taint his thoughts, Tommy made him feel real. Made him feel human and Billy didn’t want to give it up just yet, didn’t want to be the reason Tommy’s heart broke because he knew it meant risking his own.
Just as his mouth opened to speak Tommy’s hand was retreating from his, like he’d been burned. “Sorry… ” Tommy’s voice was weak and Billy watched as his hand moved to wipe over his eyes, uncertain if it was at the sleep or oncoming tears. He looked torn. “I just? Are we like- Are we cool?”
Billy couldn’t stop his sudden laugh, running a hand through his hair before looking at Tommy, for the first time accepting the way his heart swelled for the brunette with sobering clarity. Tommy looked offended at the sound, Billy huffing a sigh before reaching a hand out to softly pat at the others head.
“Yeah, we’re cool Hagan.”
“Right.” Tommy nodded slow, looking down into his lap and not entirely convinced, so Billy gave, peeled away a corner of the throw to climb back onto the couch, wrapped an arm around Tommy to drag him in close as he moved the blanket over them laid back, the brunette tensing against him for only a second before relaxing into it with a dopey smile beginning to stretch across his lips.
He looked like he wanted to say something more, but Billy could have never been too sure, settling into the cushions as the other pressed his face into his chest, a comforting weight over him that was so warm and inviting and Billy decided then and there that he’d face whatever consequences came his way in the morning gladly, because suddenly there was something more important.
For now his mind felt tamed, his doubt and questions of why’s and how’s slipping away with each slow breath he took, with each inhale of Tommy’s scent settling the dormant storm. He wanted to stay there forever, wanted to wake up to Tommy in his arms.
“Get some sleep, Freckles.”
Billy brought a hand to the necklace around him, thumb stroking over the metal as he let his eyes slip shut. Tomorrow would be a new day, whatever the outcome looked like Billy could focus on thinking then.