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“Everyone keeps saying we shouldn’t go to the same college,” Nasir murmured into the warm night sky, his head pillowed on his jacket, the rough floor of his truckbed digging uncomfortably into his back. Any extra layers of clothing had been made unnecessary by the lingering heat of the day drifting through the field in swampy waves. The only relief was a persistent cool wind blowing in off the lake beside where he and Agron had parked. They'd sprawled out in the back of Nasir's truckbed far, far away from town, eager to leave behind the nosy gazes of every old busybody on their porch.
“Fuck everyone,” Agron drawled lazily, hand drawing lazy designs up in the air. “Their opinion doesn’t matter shit to me.”
“Even your parents though,” Nasir tried to argue, shifting his head to try and catch Agron’s gaze – but his eyes were directed up at the star dotted sky, following the swirling movement of his own fingers.
“My parents know what I’m doing, they know what I want to do. It’s not their life, it’s not anyone’s life but mine, Nasir,” Agron said, his voice a little curt, enough to make Nasir shift uncomfortably, stung. Agron seemed to notice and leant up on one elbow to stare over at his best friend. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, and that was as close to an apology Nasir was ever gonna get. “I just meant that I want to make my choices and I don’t want to be made to feel guilty about ‘em just because some assholes think they know best for me, for us.”
Nasir snorted lightly, squirming a little bit closer. “You just called your parents assholes, y’know.” And you called the two of us an us, he thought.
“I know,” Agron said with a grin. “M’not sorry about it either.” Nasir huffed a laugh. “C’mon Nas, we’ve been friends since we could walk and the only reason we weren’t friends before that is because my mom was scared that even though I couldn’t walk yet, I would make somethin’ blow up if I was exposed to other kids.”
“She was right to worry,” Nasir murmured, grinning, but Agron continued on, unperturbed
“We were always in the same classes in elementary school and even though you kicked my ass in like, every subject-”
“Not true,” Nasir protested, “You’re way better at math-”
“Would you just lemme finish, asshole?” Agron scowled, and when Nasir made an appropriate cowed face, he continued, “Anyway, even though you were in all those honors classes in high school and I wasn’t, we still made sure we had the same lunch and free periods. And we took the same stupid electives-”
“Home Ec wasn’t stupid,” Nasir reminded him, “We made cakes like every day. And we got to eat ‘em.”
“I was talking about Pottery,” Agron glowered and Nasir couldn’t help but crack up, remembering just how much Mrs. Hutchins had hated Agron and just how fucking crappy Agron was at anything involved with the pottery wheel and how truly horrific some of the things he ended up making looked like. “Anyway, we took those stupid fucking electives and we bribed Coach Travers with coffee every morning so that we could have gym together and we made sure that there would be just enough chairs at graduation so that I could sit exactly one row behind you. And then, we finally got to senior year and we did it, we actually got into the same college, some place that your parents would be proud of you to go and some place that I could actually get into and it all worked out exactly the way we wanted it,” he gave Nasir a stern look, “and now you’re ditching me?”
There was a long silence, where Nasir just stared up at Agron silently, Agron’s face set into a firm frown. “Well,” Nasir said finally, rubbing his nose sheepishly, “when you put it like that, I guess not.”
Agron beamed, dimples visible probably from space.
“I guess I just mean, it’s not always gonna be like this,” Nasir said, nudging Agron until he was lying down again, their elbows pressed firmly against each other. “We’re gonna go to college and maybe they’ll let us room together-”
“They will,” Agron insisted stubbornly.
“Maybe they will,” Nasir continued, like he hadn’t heard him speak, “But either way there’ll be thousands of new people around us, not like a hundred people total like in high school, where you’ve known everyone since they were crapping in diapers and where everyone’s parents know everyone’s parents. But there’ll be so many new people to meet, from all over and, and…” Nasir trailed off, staring at his hands. “And you’ll find plenty of people way more interesting than me and you’ll, uh, we’ll start dating and we’ll grow apart, it happens, it always does. And eventually we’ll have to get married and move apart and find jobs and-”
“Are you trying to tell me we should stop being friends now because someday, in the way, way future, we might not be able to sit next to each other in class every day?” Agron looked on the verge of laughing and Nasir couldn’t stem the flush of humiliation and anger – he didn’t get it. Agron would never get it, he didn’t feel the same way about Nasir and he never would.
Going to the same college would just be more and more of the same painful stuff, Nasir knew. He’d pine after Agron for another four years and center his life all around him and what he wanted and it would be so easy because all he’d ever wanted was Agron to be happy. And if Nasir wanted to be healthy and normal, if he wanted to move on – well, then he couldn’t go with Agron to college.
“Fuck you,” Nasir grunted, shoving himself up from the truck bed, grabbing the edge to hop over and get away – where to, he didn’t know, but he couldn’t lie next to Agron under the stars for another second longer, not when this would be all he’d ever get.
“No, Nasir, c’mon, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that-” Agron scrambled to snatch at Nasir’s sleeve, grabbing him and tugging him back onto the dirty truckbed, shoving him so he tumbled back on his ass. “Stay there, I wasn’t trying to – I mean, I didn’t mean it-”
“That’s your problem Agron,” Nasir snapped, staring anywhere but at his best friend’s face. “You never mean it like you say it, you never mean it the way it sounds. How the hell’s a person supposed to ever understand you if you never mean what you say?” he bit out, the words feeling sick and sharp in his mouth. “D’you ever mean a damn thing? Why the fuck should I stay around when I don’t even know-” Nasir cut himself off sharply and wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing tightly, clenching his eyes closed. “I don’t want to spend four years watching you realize you don’t want to be friends with me anymore and it’s not fair for me to ask you to stay my best friend for the rest of time, so maybe it’s just better if we stop now.”
“Nasir,” Agron’s voice sounded so agonized that Nasir had to peel open his eyes and stare up at him, stunned by the utter confusion and hurt he could see there. “Nasir, what the actual fucking fuck are you talking about? We’re going to be friends until I fucking kick the bucket and even then, I’m going to wait at those fucking pearly gates until you show up because I don’t trust you to not get lost on the way, even with directions and a guide and GPS-”
“That was once-” Nasir muttered weakly, but Agron made a sharp gesture and he cut himself off.
“I want to be your friend til the universe fucking explodes and no girlfriend of yours, or any other people we might meet are ever gonna change that. You, you-” Agron stumbled, looking incredulous, “You’re the one who’s gonna leave me behind, you’re too smart for me, you always have. You’re smart and funny and all sarcastic and shit and you’re going to find tons of other people at college who are just as smart and funny and you’re going to find some girl and talk about all that philosophy shit I never understand but I pretend to be interested in for your sake, and you’ll get married and have tons of babies and there won’t be much room in your life for stupid, goofy me.”
Nasir just stared, utterly stunned, mouth gaping open. “You absolute fucker,” he murmured, “You couldn’t have just said all of that from the start? Of course I'll never leave you behind.” Agron flushed and Nasir kicked out at his ankle, pushing him off balance and sending him sprawling across the truck bed. “But no girls,” Nasir got out, now that Agron’s gaze was elsewhere. “I, uh, there won’t be any girlfriends. I mean, on my part,” he stuttered. “I don’t like girls. I like guys.” The words rushed out, and Nasir held his breath, waiting.
Agron craned his neck around, pushing himself back up off the dirty, rusty floor of the truck, staring at Nasir. “Yeah,” Agron said roughly, his voice sounding somewhat strangled. “No, uh, me too. About the guys.” Nasir’s eyes widened to a ridiculous degree and they stared at each other in absolute, breathtaking silence. Suddenly, every single goddamn thing clicked into place and as they stared at one another, Nasir could see every domino line up and fall down, every instance of protective assholishness on Agron’s part suddenly transforming into possessive jealousy, every too-long-gaze shifting from Nasir’s imagination to legitimate observation.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nasir got out sharply and lunged, tackling Agron back to the floor of the truck, their lips meeting in a fierce kiss. Suddenly they were both scrambling for dominance, rolling from left to right, hands pushing to shove away all miscellaneous objects and clothes. “I hate you so much,” he hissed, burying his hands in Agron’s hair, clenching tightly around the strands as Agron took to removing his shirt, his mouth pressed roughly to Nasir’s skin, which felt like it was burning. Nasir whimpered, offering his neck to Agron, moaning deeply at the pleasure-pain of the bites Agron was leaving behind. “D’you know how long I’ve wanted this?” he gasped out, before it was cut off by Agron’s lips sealing over his again.
“I could take a pretty educated guess,” Agron snapped back as they broke away, breathing heavily into each other’s mouths – before suddenly breaking into breathless laughter. “Fuck, fuck, I can’t believe this,” he wheezed out. “This is everything – this is just, I don’t even-”
“Shut up,” Nasir murmured against his ear, shifting so that he was laying on top of Agron, their hips aligning perfectly. “Shut up and take your shirt off.” Agron laughed again, wild and happy beyond all measure and Nasir couldn’t help but grin back. Agron tugged him back in, winding his arms around his waist for good measure, like Nasir was planning on going anywhere in the world that wasn’t here.
“I can probably manage that,” he growled out and flipped them again.
A minute later, Nasir pushed away from Agron, gasping in air, feeling his heart thud wildly in his chest, the roar of the bloodrush in his ears overwhelming all else. “We definitely,” he panted out, “need to make sure we room together at college.” Agron stared at him dumbly for a moment, as if waiting for the words to reorder themselves properly and register in his brain – before grinning wickedly, the sight making Nasir squirm deliciously.
“You are so right,” he muttered against Nasir’s lips, dragging him in again to lick into his mouth, rolling his hips upward to force a groan from somewhere deep in Nasir’s chest, “You’re so smart,” he continued, letting his lips trail to Nasir’s jaw and neck. “Must be why I keep you around,” he muttered into the warm skin behind Nasir’s ear, delighting in the shudder he managed to tease out.
“You keep me around,” Nasir gulped out, hands clenching and unclenching in the fabric of Agron’s undershirt, scrabbling to push it up so that he could lay his hands on the warm, smooth skin beneath again. “Because without me you’d have blown yourself up years ago.”
Agron chuckled warmly against Nasir’s collarbone. “Yeah,” he said softly, his warm breath sending shivers down Nasir’s spine. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He grinned down at his best friend (boyfriend?), who smiled shyly back up at him. “Guess I’ll have to keep you around forever then,” he managed to get out, trying to sound casual and cool and failing miserably by the looks of it – Nasir’s eyes were wide and his hands pressed firmly against Agron’s chest, every inch of him tensing for a swift moment, before relaxing all at once.
“I’ve got nothing planned so far,” Nasir murmured. “Forever sounds pretty damn good to me.”