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James sits in between Remus and Sirius against the far wall of the Slytherin dungeons, the cloak doing little to nothing for the coldness surrounding them. The trio has been waiting there for almost a half hour now, awaiting the arrival of the Slytherins—more specifically, Regulus.
Remus huffs and turns to Sirius, “They might not be coming, Pads. They could be anywh-”
Remus’ thought was instantly interrupted by the loud crash of the common rooms door being swung open, and in come parading Barty Crouch Jr, Evan Rosier, and Dorcas Meadowes. While Dorcas walks over to the fireplace and leans against it, Evan falls dramatically back against the forest green couch, closely followed by Barty. “Where’s Reg and Dora? It can’t take that long to find some bloody flowers,”
Sirius turns to James and Remus and mouths “ flowers?” with a raised eyebrow, and James and Remus just shrug, equally as confused.
Dorcas leans forward and promptly sticks out her hand, “Not sure. Pass me my bag, will you?”
Barty scrunches his face playfully but snatches a beige messenger-bag from where it lays on a side table and passes it to Dorcas, but his train of thought is still on the flowers. “Here,” Dorcas nods appreciatively and fishes her hand in to search for something while Barty continues, “but then again, I guess there aren’t that many flowers nearby that are worth grabbing, especially for Dora.”
Evan nods and hums in agreement, kicking his legs up to rest on Bartys lap as he does so. “They will be back any minute, Buzz.”
As soon as the words leave Rosiers mouth, the entrance opens again, this time with Regulus Black and Pandora Rosier, whose arms were wrapped around his neck and legs dangling around his waist as she piggy-backs him, giggling all the while.
James feels warmth spread in his chest at the sight of Regulus being so… human? He turns to Sirius to see his reaction, and is met with his face filled with shock as he gawks at them.
Regulus greets his friends and Pandora jumps off his back and sits down on the floor with her back to the couch, her hands instantly sorting through a large assortment of flowers; ranging from soft lavender chrysanthemums to vibrant roseate marigolds.
Barty immediately hops down to the ground to admire the flowers, oohing and aahing as she names the different flowers. James can see Remus in his peripheral, desperately trying to suppress a laugh, and he even resorts to biting his sleeve to do so.
Sirius swats Remus from James’ other side, and due to the lack of space, he hits James instead, earning a death glare and a stuck-out tongue.
It seems that Regulus moves to sit beside Pandora, but she absentmindedly shuffles forward, giving Regulus space to slot in between her and the couch. Regulus shifts to a comfortable position then slowly gathers Pandora's long hair and sections it off into three parts before meticulously braiding it, his brows furrowed in concentration.
Evan watches his hands as they work quickly and efficiently, “Can you teach me that, Gigi?” Regulus doesn’t even lift his gaze, but he hums, and it seems that Evan is satisfied with that answer, because he goes back to the couch and theatrically flops on top of Barty, who smirks. “Getting cozy, are you?” Evan rolls his eyes and kisses his jaw, “Shut the fuck up,”
Barty grins and wraps his arms around Evan’s body.
James can hear Sirius gasp softly beside him, “I knew there was something going on!”
James snorts quietly and Remus nudges him, “Do you want us to get caught?”
Rolling their eyes, they go back to watching the Slytherins, specifically Barty and Evan, who had now started wrestling on the floor, but every couple seconds they would pause to snog each other. What is going on?
James’ eyes trail Regulus’ hands as he ties the bottom of the braid up with a colourful scrunchie before tucking a loose strand of hair behind Pandora’s ear. Pandora turns to face Regulus and scooches back so she can rest comfortably beside him, his arm resting over her shoulders. She smiles at him softly, and much to the Marauders shock, he smiles back, completely unaware that Barty and Evan had stopped wrestling to watch, as well as Dorcas who had stopped reading.
Dorcas snaps her book shut, and her lips curve into a radiant smile. “That’s the best one yet, Gigi. I love the flowers you guys chose,” Dorcas leans closer to admire the flowers Regulus has carefully weaved into Pandora's braid, “where’d you learn this, anyway?”
James can see Regulus blush as he looks down to his lap, “My cousin—Andromeda taught me how. Well, I suppose she’s not my cousin anymore, but yeah.”
Pandora raises her head to look at Regulus’ eyes, “Thank you, my star,” she scrunches her nose playfully and rests her head on his shoulder. Regulus smiles again, (And James memorises it, even if he’s only seen it twice) and he leans down to softly kiss Pandora's head.
James is shocked, but he can’t even imagine what Sirius must be feeling, and he doesn’t even dare to turn to look.
Barty shifts Evan off of him, who complains but complys, to sit on the floor across from Pandora and Regulus. “I knew you had it in you, love!” Regulus cocks his head in question at Barty’s growing smile, “You are a softie!”
Regulus is quick to protest, but Dorcas cuts him off, “C’mon, Gigi, we all know it. But then again, everybody has a soft spot for Pandora.” She chimes in with a genuine smile and Pandora chuckles softly. Regulus scoffs but decides not to reciprocate, which, in James’s opinion, would have been interesting to watch.
Evan grins mischievously and rolls onto his stomach beside Barty, “Oi, Gigi, arm wrestle?” Regulus narrows his eyes, “Why?”
Evan raises his eyebrows dramatically, “What do you mean, why? You're just scared I’m going to kiss your ass!”
James knows that Regulus isn’t one to take bait outside of his close-knit friend group, but he is shocked to see that he is the very opposite when it’s just them and no prying eyes.
“Fine, but don’t be upset when I beat you and your overly large ego,”
Evan scoffs playfully, “Yeah right, says the guy with less muscles than a flobberworm!”
Regulus raises one eyebrow and pauses for a moment before he lunges at Evan, starting a full-on wrestling match in the middle of the common room.
Pandora tuts and turns to Barty, “Who are you cheering for?” Barty grins wickedly, “Well, Dorcas is going for Reg, you probably are as well, so I’ll cheer for my dear Evan,”
Pandora nods and her chuckle turns into a loud, unrestrained laugh as she watches Regulus methodically flip Evan and slam him on the ground, his knee resting on his chest in victory, a smirk playing on his lips. “I won, you rabid-fucking-feret, better luck next time.” Barty and Dorcas howl with laughter, and luckily, due to how loud they are, nobody can hear James, Sirius and Remus laughing as well.
James turns to Sirius, who is wiping a tear from his eye, “We came here looking for a death-eater, not a bloody comedy show!” Sirius looks as if he is about to start laughing again, so Remus chimes in, “Did you know he’s like this with his friends?”
Oh, that was a good question. James studies Sirius’ face, which twists as if he’s remembering a foul memory.
Then again, he very much could be.
“I mean, he used to be like this but even more before we left for Hogwarts. It’s crazy to say now , but he used to be pretty extroverted as a kid, but only when it was just me and him,” Sirius sighs, a faraway look clouding his face, “he also used to be really sweet, y’know? He used to write goofy songs and play them on the piano whenever I was upset—and it’s crazy now, thinking about how young we were, especially with how bloody skilled he was at playing it, but it seemed normal to us at the time.”
Sirius meets James and Remus’ gaze, and James can instantly see the way his eyes are glossing over. “Well-”
James is interrupted by a loud and dramatic groan coming from Evan. “Please, no more of those questions. My brain physically hurts from boredom.”
Barty and Regulus share a look, and Barty instantly starts talking, leaning back on the palms of his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him. “It’s not boring if you ask the right questions, my dear Evan. For example, I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of existence. You know, like—what is the point of it all? Why are we here, really?”
Regulus smiles thoughtfully, “Well, if you’re asking about the meaning of life, I can show you some of my favourite philosophers essays,”
Barty nods excitedly, “So, you know about Descartes, right? He basically says ‘I think, therefore I am,’ which is fine and dandy, but then you have to ask—what is thinking? Is thinking the same as being? What if our minds are just some weird illusion?”
Regulus nods, “Exactly. And an even crazier thing to think about is the fact that we just assume our minds and experiences are authentic, but how do we really know? And how can we trust our thoughts if we can’t even trust that what we live in is real?”
“That's exactly it! That’s the problem with most philosophers; they assume that it is somehow guaranteed that we all have a concrete place and experience in this world, but what if that is just part of the absurdity of human nature? What if our bodies are wired to see and feel these things as if it’s instinct, but none of it is real?”
Pandora hums and adds in with her soft voice, “It’s like we’re just moths flying toward the flame, right? It’s instinct, but ultimately futile.”
Remus turns to James and Sirius, pure shock in his eyes. “What the bloody fuck is going on?” James and Sirius shrug, both of them sporting the very same expression.
Regulus nods, “Yeah, and the more we understand about it, the more useless it becomes. Like, you can know everything about something, but it’s still going to destroy you.” James can tell Regulus is in his element, and James can feel his cheeks flush as he watches Regulus get excited over something he is passionate about, “And, if you think about it this way, what great artist didn’t go mad one way or another? What author didn’t get crushed under the words she wrote? The more we know, the more our understanding of the world—of our mind itself— shatters,” Regulus takes a breath and looks around the room, but his friends nod for him to keep going, so he does. “And the more you think about it, the crazier it becomes because almost all of these people had some sort of solid ground, a solid foundation on their beliefs before they learned more. I guess that’s what people always say about family though—a solid foundation to build you up.”
The marauders can feel the atmosphere change from light and warm to cold in an instant.
Barty nods, “I agree—like the people who are supposed to be your family, your… anchor , can actually be the reason for your destruction.”
Regulus brings his knees to his chest and breathes deeply through his nose, “Families are supposed to hold you close, not hold you captive . Families aren’t supposed to trap you in a cage and force you to pick the lock.”
Barty cringes, “Tell me about it. My father—he’s a bloody maniac . Not even the fact that he’s actually locked me up before, he expects me to be this perfect child—a miniature version of him. To him, I’m not a person, only a shortcut in his great plan. If I eat too much, no food for a week; “learn to save it” he says. If I make too much noise in the house, “sleep outside for a week”. And don’t even get me started if I break something—it’s just fucking ridiculous.”
Evan reaches out his hand and rubs it on Barty’s knee, “I feel you, mate. And in the ways I am like my parents, I get punished for it. I show them even a little bit of anger, of defiance, and they scream at me, acting like it is some foreign thing that is unnatural. But the thing is—it’s their anger inside of me. Everything I bloody am is just a reflection of who they are, and I honestly hate myself for it, because I see more of myself in my father than I do in myself.”
Silence fills the room, and James can feel Sirius sniff quietly beside him.
Regulus looks up, his glossed-over eyes meeting Barty and Evan’s, “My parents, they…they expect me to be who Sirius couldn’t,” James feels Sirius stiffen up beside him. “And the thing is, if Sirius couldn’t do it, how do they expect me to? An-and when Sirius left, he didn’t even—he didn’t even fucking thank me for pushing him in that bloody fire and sending him to the Potters. He just ignored me, like I was a sickly reminder of our parents,”
This time, Sirius actually gasps, along with James and Remus as well. They have spent all these years just assuming that Sirius had done it himself, and that Regulus hated him for it. They thought that the reason they stopped talking was because Regulus was selfish, but really, that wasn’t the reason at all.
Pandora silently moves closer to Regulus and takes his hands in hers. “Regulus, you don’t have to, but it might feel better to just let it out.” Regulus nods and continues, “But I know that’s what I am. I’m a reminder of my parents to him, to everyone , and I’m so. Fucking. Sick. Of just pretending I’m fine with it, that the things they do—the torture— it’s going to break me. It already has. ” James can see Regulus fighting the tears that are slowly rolling down his cheeks, and all he wants to do is hug him—he wants to save him from whatever is going on, but he knows he can’t.
Regulus heaves himself up, much to the confusion of the others, but simply stands there, staring at his hands. Pandora gets up too, and she stands in front of him, a hand on his shoulder for silent support. Regulus meets her eyes and nods, his hands shaking. It seemed as though Pandora knew what he was planning, but it was very evident that nobody else did.
Regulus slowly takes off his shirt, and a collective horrified gasp echoes from the group.
Regulus’ torso was covered with scars, some healed and some on its way. The skin over his ribs was a canvas of jagged lines—it looks as if a kid had taken a dark marker and drawn random lines, crisscrossing this way and that.
The silence was only broken by the group's quiet sobs. Pandora was lightly trailing one of the longest scars—from his hips to his shoulder—with the pad of her finger, tears streaming down her face. She raises both hands and cups her friend's face and pulls him close, their foreheads resting against each other. “Regulus, do you remember the first poem we wrote together?” Regulus nods. Pandora strokes her thumbs along his cheeks and lowers her voice, and begins to recite the poem. “*You sailed through seas of emotion, to wander a forest of scars, you are a dance of light and darkness, a galaxy of shadows and stars.”
Sirius is now silently sobbing beside him, and all James and Remus could do was hold him tight. Pandora sat Regulus down on the couch and pulled him into a tight embrace at the same time as the others crowd around him and hold him. James watches Regulus sag against them as he finally lets the tears fall, and heart-wrenching cries echo through the dungeons, only slightly muffled by Pandora’s shoulder. “ Why do they do this to me? Why?” Regulus sobs, his whole body trembling, “And the thing is, you need to mean it to use unforgivables. You have to want to do it. ” Regulus pulls Pandora in tighter and she lets him, her own cries mixed with encouraging words.
“All I wanted—all I ever wanted—was to be enough for my family. For Sirius,” Sirius turns and sobs into James' shoulder, he’s biting his hand so he stays quiet, “and when I pushed Sirius into the fire, I thought that would be enough. I thought it would be enough for him to stop seeing our parents in me,” Regulus’ body racks with sobs, “but he just ignored me. And I’m happy he’s safe—I am so fucking happy for him, but I just wish he would acknowledge me. And that night—after they watched me help Siri?” Sirius shudders at the nickname, a new round of tears flowing, “They tortured me for hours. And I had to stay silent—if I made a noise, they would start again, and-”
It was at that moment that James felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. Every cry felt like James’ heart was being ripped open, over and over again.
And he guessed that Sirius felt that way too, which is what prompted him to do what he did next.
Sirius suddenly pulls the cloak off and sprints to his brother, who only stares up at him with a mixture of shock, horror, and … anger on his face.
Dorcas breaks the silence with a deathly glare, “What the fuck are you doing here?” Her voice was cold and threatening, and the three Gryffindors shuffle nervously. Sirius speaks first, but only directly to his brother,
“Reg, please be mad at me another time, because right now I have so much explaining to do, and-”
“Sirius,” Regulus stands to his full height, and James can see Sirius practically wither under his glare. “how can you expect me to ‘ not be mad’ after I was just- after that, and you just pop out of nowhere? After not speaking a word to me for two years?” Regulus waits a second and studies Sirius’ face carefully, as if he had to remind himself what his own brother looked like. “You can’t . It’s not fair, Sirius.”
Sirius steps forward, his eyes pleading, “Please, just let me explain!” He reaches out, maybe to pull his younger brother in for a hug, maybe to take his hand, but Regulus recoils instantly. “Don’t you dare touch me. You have no fucking right to touch me, Sirius. Do you have any idea how bad it hurt? How bad it still hurts? I sacrificed my fucking life to get you out of there, and as soon as I see you after I did so, you walk away. Not even a smile.” Sirius opens his mouth to protest, tears streaming both of their faces now. “I needed you. I need you! You promised me you’ll always be there for me. You broke it-you broke our promise and how can I forgive you?” Regulus’ voice trembles, and neither brother even makes an effort to wipe their tears. “Sirius, just leave.”
Sirius steps forward, “Regulus, I’m not going to leave again! Please believe me!”
Regulus raises his arms and drops them again, “ Please, just leave.” tears roll down every single person's face. “ You’re hurting me, so please just leave.”
This time Sirius gets the message, and with tearful eyes, the Gryffindors leave the dungeons.
James and Remus act like they couldn’t hear what the Slytherins said for Sirius’ sake, but it broke them both to watch the brothers break. Barty’s voice travels through the halls,“The five of us— this is what family is.”
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
But maybe, just maybe, this will turn out good in the end;
Because for a star to be born, a nebula must crumble; It must break.
So maybe the brothers will live up to their namesakes? Maybe the Sirius Star has finally been born, and the Regulus Star was inviting it to the Leo constellation?
James knows, and you know, that everything and everyone must crack, because that’s how the light gets in, but could that possibly be referencing the birth of stars? Could the universe be entwined in so many ways, that even in the breaking and being built back up is universal?
But, among all the unknown, one thing was for sure:
The stars have been born.