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With a whine, he falls with a loud thump against Iwaizumi's bed.
Iwaizumi gags somewhere next to him. "I swear I'm going to fucking end you if you get spit on my pillow, Oikawa."
He huffs against said pillow. Stupid Iwa-chan and his stupid grudges, you fall asleep on your best friend's bed one time during junior high (because he had been too busy watching Godzilla for the nth time that day to pay attention to you, mind you) and so you drool on it a little, because it's normal and it's not something that gross- and suddenly, every time he sees Oikawa on close proximity to his precious forever unmade bed, he needs to remind him to not do something he's spent the last years not fucking doing.
"...worst."
Moving around the room, he hears him open his closet, meaning he's probably putting away his dirty clothes, meaning, he will forget about them as they're no longer within sight (meaning his mom will probably come to shout at him some time later for not getting them to the laundry room like a normal human being).
Iwaizumi hums. "What?"
"...the worst..."
"I can't fucking understand you when you mumble like that." Iwaizumi snaps. "And I mean it, Shittykawa, don't drool on my pillow! I'll have to burn the whole thing if you do."
"You're the worst, Iwa-chan!" He finally says, no longer speaking directly into Iwaizumi Hajime's beloved pillow. Seriously, it's like he loves seeing Oikawa suffer. Which, yeah, he probably does. "No wonder you're still single. Your girlfriend could be talking to you about how she had a horrible day and you'd be all on her case about it. You're so insensible!"
Iwaizumi crosses his arms, staring at him the way someone would stare down a cockroach. "Since when do I have to treat you as if you were my girlfriend?"
"That is not what I'm saying, and you know it." Oikawa complains, sitting up cross-legged as he regards Iwaizumi with the nastiest scowl he can muster. "Would it kill you to be a little supportive every now and then, Iwa-chan?"
Rolling his eyes, Iwaizumi does what he does best in life apart from being an asshole and the best ace a captain could ask for: he punches him to shut him up.
"You're so violent, Iwa-chan." Oikawa mumbles, rolling around the bed just to mess it up even more.
Leaving his blazer behind his door, Iwaizumi rolls up the sleeves of his shirt. Oikawa is tempted to joke about the "gun show" but decides against it when Iwaizumi narrows his eyes at him. "What else do you want me to do, though? I already spent all of our way to my house listening to you rant about it, I comforted you-"
"Comforted me?! Iwa-chan, you're such a liar, all you did was kick me and call me a crybaby!"
"-and I bought you milk bread even though it was your turn to pay this time." Iwaizumi finishes, crossing his arms with a satisfied look on his stupid face, as if Oikawa should actually thank him for not even doing the mere minimum.
He sighs, combing through his hair. Ugh, he should take a shower and call it a day, Iwaizumi's mother is already used to him staying overnight without prior notice, so it won't be a big deal if he does it today. Iwaizumi won't be thrilled about it, but when is he ever. "Iwa-chan, are you a sadist, by any chance?"
Stopping mid-step, Iwaizumi closes his eyes.
For what he thinks might be the longest ten seconds of his life, Iwaizumi stands right in place, almost as if he died while standing.
"Someday..." he says as he slowly opens his eyes, looking out his window like a cheap coming of age protagonist, Oikawa wouldn't put it past him to start a speech about the importance of friendship and honesty, "I will kill you someday, Oikawa."
He nods, lenient. "Of course you will."
Iwaizumi sighs, spares him a last glance before he takes both his backpack and Oikawa's to put them next to his desk, opening Oikawa's to get most of his books out of it, doing the same thing with his.
"Whatever," he tsks, settling on his desk chair so he can start browsing through pages of homework Oikawa couldn't care less about right now, "go to Makki's if you're going to be this annoying over something so stupid-"
He groans, raising his arms. He's said it over and over again, and Iwaizumi still has the gall to refuse to see why this is so important to Oikawa?!
"What do you mean 'stupid'?! Don't you see just how horrible this is, Iwa-chan?!" Maybe he should have gone to Hanamaki's house, not like his other friend would be of any more help than Iwaizumi, but at least, he would try to pretend to be interested on what Oikawa is going through. "Don't you understand the severeness of the situation your dear Oikawa-san finds himself in?!"
Iwaizumi sighs again, long-suffering.
"Fucking fine, I'll bite. So, what if Sasaki-san dumped you? It's not the first breakup you've gone through and it definitely won't be the last." He scratches his cheek, spinning his chair so he's facing Oikawa instead of the (is that his Chemistry notebook? He thinks so) homework he most definitely doesn't quite understand and will need help with. "You've never been this annoying about it, so what's different this time?"
"How many times do I have to say it, Iwa-chan, I can't-" A shudder makes him pause, and he falls back against the bed miserably, hiding half his face against Iwaizumi's comforter, "I cannot, and I will not, be alone during Valentine's Day, specially not on my last year as a high schooler. Just how pathetic would that be?!"
"You're pathetic enough already, if that's anything to you." Iwaizumi responds, with so much sincerity to his words he could almost be fooled into believing they're meant to be a compliment. "And if the only thing bothering you about the break up is that you're single now, then there's nothing I can do to fix your rotten personality."
At this Oikawa frowns, as much as he'd like to think that's all there is to it, a simple matter of keeping his reputation intact, that's not the only reason why he's so appalled by the break up.
"Okay, fine," he starts, while annoying Iwaizumi has made his day better, he guesses it's time to actually get some helpful advice. As long as he actually gives him something to work with, his best friend will try to find what Oikawa's missing from this whole thing, "maybe it's not only my new relationship status that's bothering me."
Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow. His leg going up and down as he accommodates on his seat. "Well, even someone like you can say stuff worth listening to every now and then, Oikawa."
He huffs out a laugh, regarding his friend with a look of amusement.
From the way the clouds in the sky looked down to the expression on Riko's face during their talk, Oikawa remembers every little detail to a T.
"Alright, promise you won't be mean anymore after I tell you, Iwa-chan!"
...
"Riko-chan." Oikawa wets his lips, trying his best to appear as calm and collected as he always is. Maybe he heard her wrong? Surely. "I don't understand. Did I do something?"
She's quick to shake her head. Eyes downcast, she takes a deep breath before she starts talking.
"Tooru-kun, you're an amazing person," nervously twirling around a lock of blonde hair between her delicate fingers. He's always been enamored by that aspect of hers, the way she can make the simplest of actions look so effortlessly gracious, "and you've been, by far, the best boyfriend I've ever had."
Stupidly, something like pride swells inside his chest. Even so, there's a bitterness to it, as the words feel a little shallow.
If he truly has been so good to her, why is she leaving him in the first place?
"Then," Oikawa says, smiling softly, gently. The smile he knows won her over once upon a time, "let me keep being that boyfriend for you. What we have is important to me, I've never felt this type of connection with anyone before, Riko-chan."
"It's the same for me, but..."
"But?" Taking her hand, he squeezes it. Her skin is soft to the touch, and if the circumstances were different, he would have loved to trace the lines inside of her palm as they both drift to sleep, just like they've done countless of times. "If there's a problem, or something you don't feel comfortable with... we can work it out. We've done it before, haven't we?"
She closes her eyes, taking her hand from under Oikawa's and putting it on her chest.
"I don't think this is something we can overcome together as a couple, Tooru-kun."
Oikawa frowns, unable to comprehend what could be so terrible that there's no solution to it.
A constant reason for fights between them had been not spending as much time together as Riko wanted. With practice and both the Interhigh and Spring Tournament, Oikawa's sole focus for months on end had been Volleyball. Wake up, eat, practice, sleep and repeat. He tried to make time for her, and on some instances, she had been as busy as him with her own club activities and studies.
But then, when both tournaments left him with bittersweet loss, all of his free time went to her. For months, now, Oikawa had planned and executed the most perfect of dates, walked her home when they both left at the same time, visited her on weekends and more.
Could it be she's just, sick of him?
Oikawa studies her face, and while she's visible upset, there's nothing even close to hate or resentment on her eyes.
She licks her lips, pondering her words. Carefully, she continues. "You're not easy to read, Tooru-kun. I understand why most people think you're an open book. You're charismatic, and whatever move you make demands everyone's attention at all times. But that's what you let them see, this carefully put facade."
This time, he stays silent, hanging on her every word. Allowing her to explain what's on her mind, he doesn't want to put words on her mouth, to paint her on a wrong light thanks to his brain jumping to conclusions on its own.
"Sometimes, though, you slip up. You let yourself be seen as vulnerable," She says, voice steady, "and you really have no idea how much I appreciated every single moment you let me see this part of yourself. But it showed me something else, too."
Oikawa frowns, confused. "I don't get what you mean."
"Like you wished I was someone else with you, in that moment," she sighs, "like I wasn't the one you wanted to show yourself to."
"Riko!" Oikawa says, scandalized. "I never- You're the only for me, you know that. I would never hurt you like that-"
"I know you haven't been cheating on me, Tooru." She says, instantly shutting him down. "No, I don't mean it in that sense. But you have to understand, it's as if I can't live up to whatever image you have on that mind of yours, of this person you obviously are waiting for," Riko offers him a small, frail smile, "eyes don't lie, Tooru-kun, and I know, that every time I gazed into yours, it was only my reflection staring back at me. You saw through me, looking for something that just wasn't there."
She stands up, gathering her things as quickly as possible, her words still hanging between them.
"I'm really sorry, Tooru-kun."
And just like that, Oikawa Tooru had found himself alone and astonished in the middle of their favorite park, silence so heavy, he feared his own breath would sound like a gunshot to him.
...
As morning arises, Oikawa is allowed a gleeful ten seconds of full ignorance of his surroundings and memories before it all comes rushing down again. Center and front, the memories of Riko standing up and walking away wash completely over him.
He sighs, getting up with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.
While his talk with Iwaizumi didn't magically make him realize what Riko meant by what she said, it did help to talk about it aloud, he felt lighter afterwards. He didn't say anything Oikawa hadn't thought about before- no, he hadn't been cheating on her, he made sure to tell her that- no, he didn't flirt or hit on, on anyone while they were dating- no, Iwa-chan, I'm not lying just so you don't sock me.
In the end, he concluded maybe she was just projecting on Oikawa, a bad relationship from her past maybe left her with some insecurities she still needs to work on.
Plausible, but Oikawa knows that couldn't be all, she was serious when she told her this reasoning of hers, it didn't feel like a dumb, false excuse to dump him just because. She said they couldn't solve it together because she truly believed there was no future for their relationship if Oikawa was present just on the surface, if his heart wasn't truly in it, it would just hurt both of them even more on the long run.
He knows he never envisioned a future in which they got married and settle down with kids in Miyagi, but he trusted they had a good enough bond to still date after graduation. They were a good match, and he thought they could do long distance, but he never really talked about it with Riko, both had plans for when they started adulthood, but the details of what would become of their relationship never were included along those, though.
Maybe that's the thing, Oikawa simply took her for granted. She felt safe, comfortable, the 'right' choice, but if he really thinks about it, that was what he liked about them, together. They were simple, Aoba Johsai's golden boy and everyone's dream girl together. He loved her, respected her, but maybe, he just didn't enough.
At the end of the day, even though what they had was special for him, it couldn't be all he had, all he could prioritize.
(He's never chased anyone, has never waited for what he wants to fall right onto his lap without fighting, people have always flock towards him, and in the grand scheme of things, attention isn't even his final goal in life.
That's why everything else has come in second place for him, Volleyball being the only thing that can make him feel whole.
Pathetic, maybe, but the sport, his sport, he knows where he stands with it, knows he will always aim for the top, he knows he's never going to stop trying to be stronger and better just so he can be a little longer on the court, right where he belongs.
Riko said she felt like he always saw through her, that he's, unknowingly, looking for something, so what could possibly be he's so desperate for, that could rival the one true love he's always had?)
When he finishes getting ready, he glances at himself one last time. His own brown eyes stare at him, and the question hangs in the back of his mind, what did she see in them?
What terrible truth is there that he can't see for himself?
Iwaizumi is already settled at their dining table when he comes down the stairs, looking like he's not supposed to be anywhere else as he gulps down his breakfast like it's the last time he's ever going to eat.
It still remains a mystery to Oikawa whether Iwaizumi knows that Oikawa's mom will give him seconds if he just asks, or if he's somehow convinced the only way to get her to give him more food is to act as if he's been starving for weeks with the way he devores whatever she puts in front of him at any given moment.
"Hey." His friend says in between bites when he sees him, allowing a horrifying sight of what used to be scrambled eggs and white rice inside his mouth for Oikawa to see.
Oikawa smirks. "You have a little something on your face, Iwa-chan." Then, he takes a napkin, scrubbing hard on Iwaizumi's cheeks to clean off imaginary stains.
With more force than necessary considering Oikawa's choice of weapon has been a napkin, Iwaizumi grabs him by the wrist.
Thankfully, his mother turns around at the sound of his voice, saving him from his imminent demise at the hands of one Iwaizumi Hajime. Truly, his mother should be a Saint. "Happy Valentine's Day, Tooru!"
"Happy Valentine's Day, okāsan." He rushes to her side, Iwaizumi easily letting him go now that he lost the opportunity to murder him without witnesses around.
"Here," she says, handing him his breakfast, "make sure to eat it all."
Oikawa smiles, "even if I can't finish it," he states as he takes a place next to Iwaizumi, "I can always give the rest to Iwa-chan! Consider it my Valentine's Day gift."
"As if I'd accept to be your Valentine." Iwaizumi huffs out, eating away his remaining anger. "But I won't say no to more food."
"That's the spirit, Iwa-chan!"
Doing the dishes is probably his least favorite part of every meal, but with Iwaizumi there, he can at least enjoy splashing him with water and then reprimand him for not drying the plates fast enough right with the same breath.
"Don't be mean to any girl, Tooru." His mom chastises him once they're biding each other goodbye for the day, pulling at his cheek as she turns to look at Iwaizumi. "Hajime, make sure he behaves today, yes?"
Swiftly, Iwaizumi salutes his mother. Oikawa, like any normal person would, rolls his eyes at the cheesy gesture. "Of course, ma'am."
"I've never been anything but a gentleman to them!" Oikawa whines. How come Iwaizumi, the brute, is to be considered someone who knows anything about chivalry?
"Yes, yes, dear." She says, blowing them a kiss as they step outside. "Have a great day, you two!"
It takes him less of a second to regret stepping outside of his house today of all days, when they pass by at least three couples handing each other gifts and letters before they've even made it through half the way to school.
"Iwa-chan, I've decided I'll spend the day with you three," Oikawa declares, heroically ignoring two giggly girls that pass next to him as they shout about confessions and boyfriends, "as corny as I find it, I guess Valentine's Day is about friends too. So, today you'll be graced with the presence of your dear Oikawa-san. Make sure to be grateful, okay?"
Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, the movement so obnoxious he can almost hear the sass in it.
"Whatever, not like I can pretend to have a date all of a sudden to get rid of you." At that, he claps his hands, almost excited. "Ah, now that you mention it, I forgot to tell you. You need to conform with just two of us today, 'cause Makki is going to ask out Minami-san today. Hopefully, that means he's going to have a date with her."
Oikawa hums, mind already craning what they could in such a romantic-centric day, what are place where couples wouldn't want to spend the day in? With four of them, maybe they could-
"Wait, wait! He's doing what?!" Ignoring the stinky eye a little old lady watering her plants gives him, Oikawa furiously shakes his head. "That's so not fair! What happened to spending time with your friends?! Is love all you hooligans can think about?!"
"I'm sure you can see the problem of what you just said on your own, you're smart enough for that, Shittykawa." Cracking his fingers, he raises an eyebrow as he studies Oikawa. "It's a little too early to be beating sense into you."
"Tell him he can't ask her out!" Oikawa demands, shaking Iwaizumi's shoulder with as much force he knows won't get him in trouble. "He can't have a date! I forbid it!"
"I'm really not in the mood for your bullshit today." Iwaizumi tells him, kicking him in the shin.
Oikawa huffs, sticking out his tongue at him. "Oh, come on! You ate like three servings for breakfast today, you know you are in a good mood!"
They spend maybe ten minutes bickering before the man of the hour and their other friend run to them when they get to the intersection of Hanamaki's and Matsukawa's neighborhood.
"Hey-" Hanamaki starts once he's in step with the rest of them, looking all sorts of excited and happy.
Not if he has to say anything about it, though.
"No!" Oikawa animatedly tells him, patting him on the back with enough force to make him stumble a little. "I don't want to hear it, shut up, Makki." And to tie it all together, he winks at him, doing his familiar peace sign too.
For a second, the four of them stay silent, not because they're following in Oikawa's wish for today, but purely out of shock at his audacity.
After a beat, Matsukawa guffaws next to him, leaning onto Iwaizumi to stay upright as he laughs.
"Wait, what?" Hanamaki snaps out of his astonishment, flipping him the bird as he accommodates his blazer. "Fuck you, Oikawa, I haven't spent the last three years listening to you ramble on and on about your girlfriends to be silenced when it's finally my turn."
"Oh, so when any of you tell me to shut up, it's expected of me to comply without any resistance, but if I'm the one so graciously asking for some peace and quiet, I'm met with defiance?" Oikawa complains, he points at Iwaizumi, hoping for back up. "Tell him, Iwa-chan!"
"See? That's why I told you it wasn't a good idea to tell him before he asked her out." Matsukawa says.
Not one to be treated as an ally by his best friend, Iwaizumi socks Oikawa before he turns to Hanamaki. "Just ignore him, Sasaki-san broke up with him, so he's decided he needs to bitch about it every chance he gets."
"Damn," Matsukawa winces, and it'd be a nice sentiment, like he's actually sympathizing with Oikawa- if he wasn't smirking like a goddamn buffoon, that is, "just before Valentine's Day?"
Reluctantly, Oikawa nods. "Yeah, she called me when I got home after I dropped off Takeru on Friday, asked if I could meet her at the park close to her house. I thought she missed me and that's why she had rescheduled our date a day earlier- turns out, it was the opposite of that, seeing as I left to my house that day as a newly single man."
"Tough shit." Matsukawa says, patting him on the back. "Look on the bright side, though, now you get to know how us mere mortals felt every time you went out with a girlfriend."
"Yikes." Oikawa shudders, frowning at his friend. "How can you live like this?"
He shrugs. "I try not to think much about it."
"Well," Oikawa sighs, eyeing with disdain the path ahead of him, "I guess I'll try that."
The day goes by in a series of mocking people inside his head and trying his best to stay charming whenever a girl approaches him with a letter and gifts.
Finally, when it's time to have lunch, he's grateful to sit down in Hanamaki's classroom and whine to his heart contents now that he doesn't have to pretend in front of anyone.
As usual, he's ignored, and they quickly pass onto the important situation at hand for today.
"What if she says no?"
Look, anyone knows ranting about your problems help you to make you feel lighter, but this just isn't it, considering Hanamaki has been stuck on the same 'what if' for the last fifteen minutes.
There are only so many lunches they're going to share together now that graduation is right around the corner, and while he won't ever say it to their faces, mostly because he would rather not be made fun of, he values these lazy and tranquil moments they get to spend as a group, so, even though he's dying to tease his friend, or to force him to drop it and share his fate as a single man, he knows that's not what he needs right now.
"I don't think it's wise to start worrying so much before you've even asked her out." He steals a sausage from Matsukawa's bento, waving him off when he complains. "Come on, Makki. Women like it when you're confident! If you look like you're about to collapse when you talk to her, then that's why she won't say yes."
"Look," he tsks, looking weirdly embarrassed. "I've liked her for ages, now, so this a big thing for me, alright?" He puts his head between his hands, worried. "I want this to go as perfect as possible. At least, perfect enough so she doesn't hate me by the end of it."
"That's why I'm telling you this. If there's someone who can give you love advice, that's definitely me. And what happened, anyway? You were so enthusiastic this morning!"
"It's because it's getting real now." Matsukawa pinches his cheek, laughing as he fusses over their friend. "Takahiro-kun, look at you! All grown up, one day you're failing your Biology exam, and the next, you're asking out your ever first love to a date."
Iwaizumi asks, curious. "First love?"
"Exactly as you hear it," Matsukawa mutters, "this dork right here has been picturing a life with Minami-chan ever since he met her in elementary school."
Oikawa laughs, staring in great disbelief at his friend. He can't believe something like that.
"What? That can't be true. You're telling me you've been in love with this girl since elementary school?"
He sheepishly lowers his gaze, rolling his eyes. "I mean- I wouldn't say I've been 'in love' with her ever since, but you know-"
Oikawa continues staring at him, words failing him for a moment.
"Oh, come on." Matsukawa rests his chin on his outstretched palm, raises an eyebrow as he gestures with his free hand. "Why are you so surprised? Everyone knows you never forget your first love."
He rolls his eyes. He's all for romance and clichés, but even someone like him has his limits. "As if."
"I'm serious!" Matsukawa argues. "Like, maybe you don't end up dating your first love, and you're bound to get over them at some point, but a first love is everyone's first interaction with love! You don't forget them. They're important."
Sakura-chan, a pretty girl with brown hair and chocolate eyes, and the captain of the girl’s baseball team, was his first girlfriend. He knows he loved her, but they couldn't make it pass the first month mark before they broke up.
They ended things on a good note, but he can't say she was the first of anything 'important' as Matsukawa says.
There he is, sitting across him, a man who knows exactly what his love for a girl means to him, how far he'll go for her.
And there is Oikawa, who finds it hard to understand how you can differentiate between a gaze without honesty in it from the eyes of someone whose heart bleeds itself dry for you.
"First loves aren't that serious." Iwaizumi scoffs, immediately attracting Oikawa's attention. He's staring at his English workbook as if he suddenly understood every single word written in it and was promptly sucked in the fascinating world of adjectives and verbs. Oikawa analyzes him for a second, it's obvious he's trying to act uninterested and relatively against the topic they're discussing, which only makes him a bigger target to pick on. Why, though?
"Not that serious, he says." Matsukawa gasps, burying his hands in his hair. "Aren't you still, like, crazy obsessed with the actress from that show your mom used to watch?"
"I'm not obsessed with Kaho-san." Iwaizumi growls, cheeks subtly red. "I just think she's a great actress, alright? And, well. It's not like I could ever pursue her, could I?"
"Have you even been paying attention? Not everyone's first loves are meant to be pursued, Iwaizumi." He responds. "For one, my first love was Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. See what I mean?"
Iwaizumi opens his mouth, ready to say something, but quickly realizes that would just be a waste of time, considering how ridiculous their argument is starting to sound.
"Not that I'm siding with Oikawa," he says instead, "but I feel like he has a point this time."
"Seriously?" Hanamaki whines. "You too?"
Iwaizumi shifts uncomfortably. "You're making it sound like such a big deal, I'm just saying it can't always be, right? Sometimes you just like someone for the first time and then probably forget all about it."
Then, it clicks. Why he's been so weird about it.
It's not about Iwaizumi, not completely, he's worried about someone else's first experience with a first love.
"Wouldn't you know, Iwa-chan." And he means to sound playful, teasing. Except, to both his and his friends surprise, the words come out harsh, accusing.
He won't say the memory is a pleasant one, considering how much he suffered beforehand about it, but he's not mad about it anymore, there's no reason to talk to Iwaizumi like he's still fourteen and bitter about something as stupid as a underclassman confessing to him.
His best friend frowns, visibly taken a back. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't tell me you've forgotten all about your first ever admirer." He clears his throat, smiling amusedly. That grabs their attention, and he's grateful Iwaizumi didn't get immediately angry at his tone.
There's nothing else he could mean with his phrasing, so realization quickly dawns on his friend.
"Are you- are you talking about Kitaichi?" Iwaizumi asks, more as confirmation that true confusion, raising both eyebrows.
"Well," Oikawa drawls, "considering how weird it is you're agreeing with me, it can only be because of that, right? You got worried about the poor little thing because now you realize how big it was for him, am I wrong?"
Before Iwaizumi can do either punch him or argue back, Hanamaki whistles, raising an eyebrow as he considers Oikawa with rare appreciation.
"My, my, what are you two talking about? Give us some context, won't you?"
"Nothing." Iwaizumi quickly interjects, pointing at Oikawa in warning. "It's nothing. Just Shittykawa being more of a dumbass than usual."
"It doesn't sound like nothing."
"Oh! That's right, you don't know." This is familiar, safe territory. Making fun of his best friend and ex-underclassman has always been one of his favorite things in the world. "He got his first confession all the way back in junior high. By his favorite kouhai, nonetheless."
"Kageyama wasn't my favorite- I never had a favorite in the first place." Iwaizumi growls, if there's anything Oikawa can count on is how quick Iwaizumi rages when it's him of all people provoking him. "And don't go around telling people something that happened when we were fourteen, Stupidkawa!"
"Makki and Mattsun are our friends, Iwa-chan! They deserve to know what a heartbreaker you used to be!" Though, it's not like it's quite true, the 'heartbreak' part, at the very least. Even though his feelings weren't reciprocated, he's sure if Tobio were to recall that day, it'd be with nothing but fondness and admiration for the upperclassman that was always kind to him.
(Even now, he can't help but envy Tobio a little. Is it really that easy to him? Not even his own feelings are sacred? What his own friends thought was a mistake at the time, wasn't anything grand or life changing for Tobio, he was sure he liked Iwaizumi, and he knew exactly what he wanted to do about it.
He remembers how the stupid idiot escaped when everything was said and done, and how Oikawa had been left staring at how easily he went away.
The itch he felt after that until his last day in middle school had been quite difficult to ignore.)
A wheeze interrupts their argument, both turning around at the same time to catch the exact second Matsukawa chokes on his own spit and Hanamaki's mouth opens as widely as its allowed.
"Kageyama? As in, Karasuno's setter?" Shock would fall short to describe the emotion painted on Hanamaki's face, he looks at Oikawa, a pure look of betrayal on his face, and then at Iwaizumi, almost like he's seeing him on a whole different way now. "There's no way that's true."
"Oh my God," Matsukawa gasps, "Oikawa's adorable little kouhai?"
Oikawa frowns. "Don't call him that." Whether he refers to the kouhai or adorable part, he can't be bothered to know, it's just the way Tobio's name sounds on Matsukawa's mouth that irks him somewhat. "And, yes, the one and only Kageyama Tobio, former tyrant and now current genius of those sly crows."
Still looking at Oikawa like he's speaking in tongues, they turn their attention to Iwaizumi.
"You're telling me he confessed?" Hanamaki asks, baffled. "Wait- and you rejected him?!"
Even though he looks like he's ready to kill them all and then himself, Iwaizumi does his best at self-control and regards them with an answer. "I didn't like him like that, what else was I supposed to do?" Iwaizumi grumbles, a sudden softness to his eyes as he continues talking. "He wasn't looking for anything anyway... he said he just wanted to tell me before we graduated."
"Wow," Hanamaki hums, "the less you know a person, I guess. He doesn't look like the type to do something like that. Because, well, not to judge a book by its cover, but if I had to take a guess, I would think he's the type of person that never falls for anyone."
"He used to be less, intimidating, if you can believe me." Iwaizumi laughs.
"I mean, he is actually kind of cute." Matsukawa admits, he strokes his chin, as if deep in thought.
That makes him pause, something heavy expanding across his chest. Something weirdly like anger.
Not because it matters to him, Matsukawa's stupid opinion about Tobio, just because there's no way someone could ever think the stupid brat with a permanent resting bitch faces is attractive.
Oikawa snorts, surprised. "What?"
"What?" Matsukawa fires back. "Blue eyes, black hair, athletic- come on, he's not even handsome, he's downright pretty." Then, he shrugs. "I'm just saying, I'd date him."
"I'd kill you first." Iwaizumi responds automatically, and while he's quite sure Tobio wouldn't date anyone like their friend, he guesses it's always been kind of cute, how protective Iwaizumi tends to be with those he considers are under his wing, even though those people are at least a head taller than him.
"Oh, boo." Matsukawa says. "Get off your high horse, Hajime-kun. You're not his senpai anymore."
"You might not get on my nerves as much as Oikawa, but that doesn't mean I won't beat you up."
He takes an egg roll from Hanamaki's, and considers the conversation has come to a natural end, until Hanamaki hums, eyeing Oikawa.
"You'd think he would fall for Oikawa, though." Hanamaki wonders. "You've said he used to follow you around everywhere, right?"
"Like a lost puppy." Oikawa agrees. How come they're still talking about Tobio? Maybe he should have ignored Iwaizumi's newfound chivalry, instead of teasing with the one topic that never fails to get on Oikawa's nerves. "And, actually, I did think he got a crush on me for a while there. I complained to Iwa-chan about it for months- in the end, he was actually completely head over heels over his sweet Iwaizumi-san!"
"Stop making fun of him." Iwaizumi frowns. "Like you weren't crying 'cause it wasn't you he confessed to."
"I never did that." He says, voice thick. "He's a stupid airhead, why would I care who he liked?"
Talking through a handful of onigiri, Hanamaki shakes his head. "You two are so weird, I can never understand if you actually hate him or like him."
"Ugh, you're so fucking nasty." Iwaizumi grumbles, putting -finally- an end to their conversation when he stands up and starts cleaning up after himself. "And I don't mind Kageyama, he was always good, at least when we were there, and he's a great player."
Matsukawa laughs, mimicking Iwaizumi's action.
"Valentine's Day has never been boring for you, uh?"
While it feels weird to not wait for any girl to take her to their favorite restaurant or to their house for an indoors date, he guesses he's come to terms with the fact he's alone today, the couples holding hands around him don't make him feel jealous, not much, at least.
That used to be him and Riko, just a few days ago, but now, it's a little difficult to picture them again, swaying their hands as she laughs of something he said, blushing under his gaze as he compliments her outfit.
"So," Iwaizumi voice startles him, he sits on Oikawa's desk, watching him as he arranges his things, "what are you going to do?"
(What is going to do? What does he want?
What is he looking for?)
"Like I told you, Iwa-chan. We're spending all day together! If you're good, we might even watch Godzilla when we get to your house."
He smiles when Iwaizumi's eyes sparkle, even though his face stays completely neutral.
"You're not my boss, Shittykawa, we'll watch it if I want to watch it." Iwaizumi states, then pats him on the shoulder, getting up from his sit. "Wait for me outside, then, I have to talk to Yamada-sensei about my application for California."
Oikawa nods. "Alright, text me when you're done."
He's on his way outside school, phone in hand as he writes a message to Matsukawa to meet up at Iwaizumi's house, when he hears it.
"Oikawa-san!"
Almost tripping on nothing but thin air, Oikawa looks up from his phone as he regains his footing. He recognizes that voice, and yet, he still finds himself surprised when he gazes to the side and finds Kageyama Tobio, sticking out like a sore thumb with his black uniform in an ocean of pastel colors.
Oikawa blinks, fighting the urge to pinch himself in a vain attempt at waking up from whatever weird dream this may be. He was making fun of him a few hours ago and suddenly, Tobio's right in front of him?!
"Tobio-chan? What are you doing here?" He asks, not bothering to hide how confused he is by Tobio's presence.
"I was waiting for you." And because he's ominous like that, stays silent without further elaborating.
Fucking hell, he had forgotten how aggravating it is to speak to someone so simple minded like Tobio.
"That's a little creepy, don't you think, Tobio-chan?" Where the hell is Iwaizumi when he needs him the most? Even though he'd probably take a look at Tobio and decide to be on his side right way, it'd be nice to have some company while he deciphers the best course of action to get rid of him. "I get that I'm your favorite senpai and all, but stalking me just seems a bit excessive! Is that how you knew where to find me after the Interhigh?"
Tobio frowns, shaking his head. "No. I found you by accident that time."
"Right." Oikawa sighs, already tired of the conversation. Is this some sort of curse someone put on him? To find Tobio in places where he shouldn't be? "Well, today is certainly no accident, why were you waiting for me?"
"I wanted to talk to you," Tobio answers. It's bizarre, to hear such a mundane thing come out of Tobio's mouth, like they're close enough for this to be a normal occurrence instead of a bizarre event that shouldn't be in the realm of possibility to happen, "it's important."
Oikawa laughs, all mean and snarky like he's used to when talking to Tobio.
"You came all the way to Seijoh because you wanted to talk to me? Come on, Tobio-chan. You've already lost your chance at Nationals," this year, he doesn't say. While he knows the loss from his last match might be fresh, it's not like it's already over for him, Tobio and Karasuno still have two more years to make it to the top again. A little cruelty at Tobio's expense has never damaged anyone, anyway. "Surely you aren't in desperate need of any more Volleyball advice from your dear Oikawa-san. That was a once in a lifetime kind of situation, maybe on your next life you'll be lucky again, Tobio-chan."
Tobio huffs, and Oikawa can almost guess what he's thinking, with the way his whole face turns down in a dissatisfied frown. "I don't intend to talk about Volleyball with you, Oikawa-san." He pauses, and nods almost imperceptible. "Not today, at least."
Pompous as always, he will always be the most annoying brat Oikawa has ever met, it seems. "If it's not about Volleyball, what could possibly be so 'important' that you decided to come bother me on such a wonderful day?"
"It's a private matter." Tobio says, bashful all of a sudden. It gives him whiplash, considering he was scrunching up his face like he was constipated not even two seconds ago. "I was wondering if we could talk over at my house?"
"Your house?" Oikawa repeats, enunciating every word very, very carefully. "Private matter... what do you- are you even hearing yourself, Tobio-chan?"
If this is some sort of divine intervention to show him, he needs to be a better person, more selfless or whatever, the message is loud and clear, he'll start to watch over Takeru without complaining, he'll make sure not to annoy Iwaizumi so much anymore, whatever.
"What I want to talk about," he says, avoiding eye contact for a second before he licks his lips, nervously, "is something I know you won't appreciate other people hear about."
Oikawa scowls, eyes trailing down to Tobio's hands, how he's fidgeting like he's dying to have something in them.
"Please, Oikawa-san." Tobio mutters after a moment, those disgustingly blue eyes of his suddenly staring at him head on. He recognizes what's in those eyes, that same stubbornness he gets during a match, he's not letting this go. "I promise I'll be quick, and after we're done, I won't bother you anymore."
He scoffs.
"Alright." He says. "Just so you can leave me alone, Tobio-chan."
It'd be wrong to say he smiles, but with Tobio, who the hell knows.
"Sorry for the intrusion." Oikawa mutters with a bow, stilling for a second in which he waits to hear some kind of response.
Before they left, he called Iwaizumi and told him he should go directly to his house and wait for him there.
The way to Tobio's house was spent in silence, the other stealing glances at him time from time when he thought Oikawa wasn't looking. As weird as it was, he can't say he was completely bothered by it, it reminded of when they were both in middle school and Tobio would sit close to the third years as they practiced, eyes always following Oikawa's movements religiously.
When Tobio closes the door behind him, he turns sideway to look at him when no one says anything back.
"No one's home." Tobio informs him as they both leave their shoes next to entrance's wall.
"Still," Oikawa tsks, he glances around the foyer, taking in the sobering silence they suddenly find themselves in, different from the quiet of the outside world, there isn't kids running to their houses or birds that do as white noise. They're completely alone. "It's something called manners, Tobio-chan, though I doubt you've ever heard of those."
"You weren't exactly the best role model, Oikawa-san."
He steps aside to let Tobio guide him forward. Where did Tobio learn to talk back? What happened to the endearing brat that worshipped the ground he walked on? To the one from moments ago, begging him for a second of his time? In the good old days, he would let Oikawa walk all over him and even be happy about it. Puberty might have given him height and some muscles, but it gave him an attitude Oikawa doesn't appreciate much.
Kings and their bad habits, he supposes.
"Anyway, you didn't tell me you were luring me into your empty house, are you planning on kidnapping me? Is this your evil and genius plan to finally get me to teach you my jump serve?"
"I already know how to do a jump serve, Oikawa-san." He states, visibly offended by the simple notion of not being capable of doing such a move and not of his other accusation. Oikawa has to fight off the smile that threatens to take over his face, he fears it'd be fond instead of mocking. Okay, maybe the attitude is somewhat entertaining, whatever. "You've seen it."
Oikawa hums, delicately tracing the frame of photo that depicts the chubbiest and angriest baby he's ever seen in his life. Secretly, he wonders from which parent Tobio got his frown from or if it's just a him thing.
"Ah, yes, the jump serve you copied of off me, how could I ever forget."
"You never agreed to teach it to me, so watching you was all I had." He says, not ashamed in the slightest. It makes sense, considering he's not being defensive, he's not arguing, he's just stating facts.
He never taught him, and yet, just by watching, he learned how to do it. It's not as powerful as his, and it lacks the technique only experience can polish, but it's getting there, and when that happens, Oikawa will make sure to get better than that.
"Even though I didn't want to talk about Volleyball with you," Oikawa groans, eyes wandering to a different photo, this time of two kids with who he assumes must be a relative of theirs, "that's exactly what I'm doing right now. From this moment, everything that's Volleyball related is off limits."
It takes him back to their Kitagawa days, when that pout takes over Tobio's lips. Oh, he's disappointed, isn't he?
As they enter the house's living room, Oikawa takes everything in. It's dumb, but he's somewhat shocked by everything, logically, he knows Tobio has a life outside of Volleyball, but it's almost impossible to imagine him coming home and doing chores, instead of spending his every waking moment on the court.
"Do you-" Tobio starts, fidgeting with his jacket, "um, want something to drink? Water, maybe?"
He imagines he must not get a lot of visitors if this is how he behaves when someone's in his house.
"I could use some water." He concedes, maybe that can give him a second to get over whatever has him so nervous, and that way he can make quick work of whatever he wants to get off his chest. "Thanks, Tobio-chan."
"It's Valentine's Day." Tobio says once Oikawa has his glass of water and he's comfortably sitted on one of the living room's couches.
He nods, curious of where this is going despite himself. Who can blame him, really, it's not every day little Tobio-chan tells him something. "That it is."
"You... probably got a lot of gifts today."
He didn't, actually. Not as many as he's used to, at least. The news of his recent break up got to the ears of most girls, so they stayed respectful this year. "You know how it is for me, Tobio-chan. I can't help that everyone is so infatuated with me."
"Yeah, I remember, from Kitagawa, I mean." He says. "Well, um, what I wanted to tell you has a lot to do with that. Valentine's gifts."
From everything he could have said, that's the less likely thing he would have expected to come out of Tobio's mouth. As it's been established, Tobio is capable of feelings and isn't a robot, but to think he would go as far as to want to talk about it with someone...
And that someone just has to be him.
"Aw, does little Tobio-chan need love advice from his wise and handsome senpai? Is that it?" Oikawa condescendingly coos, watching with morbid fascination the way Tobio's cheeks flare up. He's spent his last Valentine's Day in Japan alone, and Tobio thinks he can brag about his seemingly, prosperous love life? "What, are you planning on confessing to a girl? Or a teammate, perhaps?"
"No!" He growls, shaking his head so violently Oikawa could almost worry about something snapping out of place.
"Oh!" He gasps, covering his mouth in mock shock. "Is it Chibi-chan?"
Tobio stands up, scandalized. "No. This isn't about Hinata! That's not- I don't need any sort of 'love' advice, Oikawa-san."
But it has to be something about romance, considering he wants to give someone a Valentine's gift.
The idea sickens him, Tobio falling for any poor soul that probably only tolerates him to be kind, but he wouldn't wish for that person for a bad gift. Surely, there are better people out there to give Tobio good advice.
"What a shame." He sighs, drinking a sip of water. "And here I thought you had-"
"Oikawa-san." Tobio interrupts, sitting down again now that he's gotten his point across. "You're not making this any easier."
"It's because you're just there acting like a little kid about to give a presentation you didn't prepare for." Oikawa tsks. It's seriously getting worrisome, what could be so severe to have Tobio of all people like this? "But fine, I'll shut up. Just do me the favor of actually saying whatever it is you want to tell me. Out with it, Tobio-chan. I don't have all day."
Fidgeting with his hands, Tobio sits upright, seemingly finding courage out of nowhere as he barks out his next words in a rush.
"I wanted to give you something for Valentine's Day, if you'll let me!"
Oikawa stays stock-still for a moment, processing the words but not finding any logic behind them.
Seeing they're not friends, hell- they're hardly acquaintances, and as far as he knows, they both hate each other-
Why would Kageyama Tobio want to give him something?
And with what kind of implications, exactly?
"I can't believe you still find ways to surprise me after all these years, Tobio-chan." Oikawa says, trying to coherently string together a sentence. "Are you serious right now? What, is this some sort of goal of yours, you tried to go for Iwaizumi and now it's my turn?"
It's a weird accusation, even to him, but what else is he supposed to believe?
"You- you still remember that?" Tobio mutters, looking all sorts of horrified.
"Well," Oikawa fumbles, "I was there when you confessed, was I not?"
Tobio huffs, hiding his face between his hands in a vain attempt at escaping Oikawa. Considering all of this is Tobio's fault, it's extremely disrespectful he's acting as if his embarrassment is Oikawa's fault.
He's dying to get some clear answers and not some vague statements from him once and for all, but this is Tobio in front of him, stupid and abrasive Tobio, they won't get anywhere if he forces him.
After a beat, he puts his hands down. His face is painted red, but it's those eyes that tell him he's ready to confront him.
"Iwaizumi-san helped me to realize a lot of things." Tobio starts, he licks his lips, exhaling shakily as he continues. "I'm not good at feelings. And I get frustrated when I can't understand my own most of the time. Back in middle school, Kindaichi and Kunimi told me what I felt towards Iwaizumi-san wasn't a crush, but it was one of the first times where I was completely sure about it. And when I told him, I felt better, I didn't really mind he rejected me, I was content just telling him. When you graduated, and what I felt for Iwaizumi stayed back in middle school, a similar feeling replaced it. It felt familiar, and I realized it's how I always felt when I saw you."
Oikawa Tooru has never chased anyone, instead, he's always been running, terrified of getting left behind, of not being the absolute best version of himself.
He's been escaping, ever since he met Tobio.
"What bothered me, was that if I didn't tell him then, I would have never had the chance again to," Tobio says, staring at him with that sparkle that he once knew was only reserved for him, “I knew Iwaizumi-san didn't like me that way, just like I know you don't, Oikawa-san. And the window to tell you about my feelings is closing, and I can't live knowing I was never honest with you.”
This is the moment he lashes out, starts shouting and breaking havoc, how dare Tobio make fun of him, uttering such lies, telling him to his face, to the senpai that never offered him a shoulder to lean on, to the rival that envies him for being talented, to Oikawa, who's always treated him like a time bomb waiting to explode and ruin everything he's worked for.
Instead, he stands up, and takes exactly three steps before he's hovering over Tobio. He puts his hands on the arms of the couch, and gets so close they're both sharing breath.
(You saw through me, looking for something that just wasn't there.)
Tobio opens his mouth, and not for the first time, he's already annoyed before he speaks. “Oikawa-san-“
"You have five seconds to tell me this is a joke, a dare someone from your team forced you to do, whatever excuse suits you best to get me out of here." Oikawa tells him, voice unwavering and full of authority. He won't leave any room for misunderstandings here. “If you won't, then what I'll do next is kiss you. Do you understand, Tobio?”
He counts with his fingers, stalling a little every single time he finishes with a number.
Tobio doesn't move.
It's him who closes the gap between them, hands holding onto Oikawa's shirt with enough force to turn his knuckles white.
But bravery dies off quickly, and it's Oikawa who has to take the reins. It's painfully obvious Tobio doesn't have any experience whatsoever, the way he just lets himself be handled however Oikawa wants, but he follows eagerly, trying to copy whatever Oikawa does.
Not experienced, but he's willing- where Oikawa bites, Tobio does the same a second after, where Oikawa moves, a hand on the nape of Tobio's neck, another on his cheek, Tobio stops holding onto his shirt to sneak both his arms around Oikawa's neck.
(A monster that falls in love looks like this.
Hungry, full of want. Of course he's spent most of his time knowing him scared of him, because this is what it's like. A black hole that will never stop consuming everything in its path.
Scared, well, maybe it's not so bad.)
“Oikawa-san.” Tobio mutters into his lips. “I need- I need a second.”
Right, as much of a monster he might be, he still needs to breath.
He licks his lips once they separate, and he hates -just slightly- how it makes him feel as if he was drunk, just to see how disheveled Tobio looks.
"Uh. That was my gift." Tobio mutters, breath hitching. Oikawa follows the movement of his chest, up and down, up and down, like he's just played the toughest match of his life. "Happy Valentine's Day, Oikawa-san."
For a second, he thinks he's heard him wrong. He cannot connect the dots, that is, until Tobio stands up and gets on his space, leaving a quick kiss on his lips.
Without meaning to, he snorts, all ugly. "You're so cheap, Tobio-chan." He says, laughing. Ah, fuck, he's delirious, maybe this is all a hallucination. Iwaizumi did tell him it was just a matter of time before he went crazy. "That's your gift? You couldn't even get me some flowers, chocolate, at the very least?"
Tobio scowls, annoyed. "I didn't think you would like any of that! You always get those things today, and then you give half to Iwaizumi-san.”
“But I kissed you first!” Oikawa says. “How come a kiss I gave you is my gift?”
“That wasn't part of my plan.” Tobio mutters. “I was supposed to tell you how I felt, then you would probably laugh at me, and then I would ask you if I could kiss you.”
So, Iwaizumi gets a box of chocolates, but Oikawa gets a kiss.
It's not winning, it's not.
“You're so goddamn weird, Tobio-chan.” Oikawa hiccups, smile wide and open. “What if I told you no?”
“I was sure you would say no, so I would just ask you, but even on the off chance you said yes, either way, I guess I just wanted to give you something to remember me by, I don't know what plans you have for after you graduate, but I know I won't get to see you as often as I did while we were both in school." Tobio says, effectively shutting Oikawa up. "I... just don't want you to forget me, Oikawa-san."
Is it selfish, that he wants this? Even though Tobio was sure today would end up with him getting rejected once again, ultimately, it was about leaving a mark, he wanted to be honest and at the same time, to leave an impression on someone he thought would never acknowledge him like that.
"Stupid Tobio-chan." He whispers next to Tobio's ear, drinking in the way he shivers the moment Oikawa's grip tightens around his arms. Who's stupid, really? When Oikawa's already so weak to this idiotic boy, he feels alive. "As if I could ever forget anything about you."
Tobio laughs, and it's such a melodious sound he doubts for a second it comes from him.
"...still."
God, what do you do when you cross a line you weren't even aware was there? How do you turn back from something like this? Is this love? Is this hate? He's used to regarding him as an enemy, an obstacle, but where would he be if Tobio wasn't there, if he wasn't a setter too, if they weren't both so in love with the same sport.
“Oikawa-san.” Tobio says, and it's somehow easy, when he takes his hand and points towards the kitchen. “Did you have any plans for dinner tonight?"
And in this moment, Oikawa can't find it in himself to worry about everything, for a second, he can stop, take a breath and see what's in front of him, truly look at it.