Chapter Text
Holidays always brought a wealth of emotions to the surface.
It was exciting to see everything festively decorated for the season. Bright twinkling lights, elaborate trees, and cute lawn ornaments. Even if some of the frat houses took it too far. Jungkook was pretty sure he’d seen one on his way to class that arranged their giant reindeer inflatables to appear as though they were humping each other. Classy.
Of course, there were also moderately hectic parts. Braving stores to find the perfect gift or simply ordering everything delivered to one’s door with a few mouse clicks. He usually did a combination of both. Online for the easy ones and hunting in person for more niche presents.
Endless cooking. Turkey and ham and sides and desserts. Bars and pies and miniature tarts. Dozens of cookies of every flavor, some decorated like they were set to display in the window of an artisan bakery, others resembling preschool crafts. Jungkook didn’t care as long as it tasted good.
Time with family and friends could be especially stressful, depending on a variety of circumstances. Jungkook was fortunate to come from a loving and supportive home, but he’d elected to stay behind at university that year, in solidarity with a couple of friends who weren’t so lucky.
He rolled over in bed at the dorm suite he shared to glance at the clock. Damn, after ten already? Really, it was ten forty-five, which was almost eleven. Another late night in the rearview. It was Christmas — no, it had been Christmas. Now it was the twenty-sixth. Only a few more days until New Year’s Eve and the enigmatic future.
Jungkook stifled a yawn and flopped onto his back. As he stared at the ceiling of his room, a few memories of the previous evening drifted back to him. There had been a meal. Him, Yoongi, Jimin, and Taehyung.
They’d gone to the Korean barbecue place downtown and ordered so much meat. Brisket and steak and Jungkook’s favorite pork belly. Beer and soju flowed like Dionysus himself was hosting the feast. Yoongi had been quick to point out Dionysus was the god of wine and it was more fitting to be praising Silenus, who was apparently the deity associated with beer. Jimin shushed him by ferrying a bite of pickled radish into his mouth with an amused giggle.
The four chatted about their holiday plans, or rather lack thereof. Jimin and Yoongi had found a family in each other, both distanced from their blood for different reasons. Taehyung’s parents were spending the winter in Europe, somewhere in the south of France. Though he’d initially considered joining them, in the end he too elected to stay behind. Jungkook couldn’t understand why. He’d have picked Europe instead.
Well, maybe that wasn’t quite true. He wouldn’t pick Europe if the alternative was Taehyung.
It was a dangerous thought, especially when he remembered the conversation that followed, fueled by smokey meat and crisp alcohol. Taehyung lamented that he hadn’t been able to find a boyfriend for Christmas, and Jungkook’s stomach soured as it always did when such a topic surfaced. He knew Taehyung was well liked. Handsome. Smart. Funny. Talented. There were all sorts of takers eager to date him, guys and girls alike. It wasn’t new, wasn’t unexpected, but it still hurt every time.
Jungkook knew he should confess, but he always hesitated. What if he ruined their friendship? What if Taehyung grew distant, unable to remain close with someone, knowing they had a crush on him? Jungkook didn’t think he could bear it. He didn’t even consider what he felt to be a crush. He was in love with Taehyung, and that made him feel even more pathetic.
A grey cloud settled over Jungkook’s place at the table. He slouched in the corner of the booth, sipping the beer that no longer tasted good, relieved to have something to partially occupy his hands and mind while the dialogue continued. Acutely aware of how close Taehyung sat next to him, the man's arm brushing his when he reached for the dish of tteokbokki. He smelled like grapefruit shower gel, bright and citrusy. Jungkook started counting the grains of rice left at the bottom of his bowl.
Yoongi argued a new relationship over the Christmas holidays could be difficult to navigate. There was pressure for gifts, and how much was the correct amount to spend on someone you just started seeing? Would you visit the other person’s family or take them to your own celebration? The list went on with a few more highlighted points before he suggested it would be much better to try and secure a date for New Year’s Eve instead. There was definitely a more relaxed air surrounding the occasion. Less formality and pressure.
Jungkook drained his beer and Jimin elbowed Yoongi in the ribs. They moved on to a different topic before requesting the check. Bundled in their coats and scarves, the group left the restaurant to discover it had begun to snow while they were eating. A thick dusting covered the sidewalk, fat flakes swirling in the air. It haloed in the beams of the street lamps, caught the headlights of the cars trundling by, tires churning the white powder into filthy slop.
They ended up in another bar. A classy establishment a few blocks over with a flashing vintage sign welcoming them in red neon letters to “The Fat Cat”. Inside, it was small and crowded, but they managed to find a table near the back. Jungkook took the seat closest to the wall, partially obscured by the shadows.
Taehyung ordered wine and thankfully didn’t revisit the earlier discussion. A few jazz singers were performing on the small stage at the front of the room, which explained Taehyung’s desire to check the venue out. Excitement glimmered in the man’s eyes as he watched, reflected in the flame of the small candle at the center of their table, a soft smile on his face.
Jungkook loved that smile, the one Taehyung got when he was most content. His hands were in full view, one of them fiddling with the stem of his glass, the other resting on the table. Slender fingers curled, tapping along as though mimicking the movements of the pianist. Beautiful. The desire to reach out and hold one was strong, but Jungkook resisted, choosing instead to swallow down more crimson liquid.
Jungkook was almost enjoying himself again by the time they left, belly now sloshing with Cabernet Sauvignon in addition to the previous indulgences. He felt light and airy, as though his earlier issues had floated to the far back of his mind like the flurries in the wind. They hailed a taxi to head home, stuffed to the gills with food and liquor and the inherent, almost infectious joy of the season.
Now, in the glare of morning, Jungkook felt a bit less full.
God, what was wrong with him? He groaned as he threw an arm over his eyes. The sunlight creeping through the gaps in the blinds felt overly bright, courtesy of the newly fallen snow. A distant rumble of traffic drifted up from the street, indicating that the world was awake and moving.
Maybe he could stay in bed all day. He could do that, right? Remain curled in a ball beneath the covers and nap or scroll his phone. There were some television shows he wanted to catch up on. Maybe he’d even pick up that book Namjoon had given him three months ago for his birthday. Now would be an excellent time to read it.
Jungkook’s plans to be a potato rotting under the blankets were thwarted by a knock at his bedroom door. He raised his head slightly but didn’t move further. He should stay quiet, close his eyes again. Whoever it was would go away. Whoever. As though there were anyone else it could be.
“Kook?” a voice asked from the other side. “You awake?”
Of course, Taehyung was conscious. Probably had been for hours. Even when they stayed up late, even if he might be hungover, Taehyung always woke first. He was a morning person in the way Jungkook preferred the night, though he was respectful to keep his noise level down to a minimum before noon on the weekends.
There was another knock. “Kookie?”
Jungkook made a noise. The door cracked open. Taehyung’s head poked around the corner. He looked tired but happy, hair a mess of black waves, lips still slightly stained by the previous night’s wine.
Jungkook propped an arm behind his head. “What’s up?”
“Checking to see how you were feeling,” Taehyung said. “Didn’t expect to drink so much.”
“Ah, well,” Jungkook mumbled. “Happens.”
“You want to get breakfast?” Taehyung asked. “We can go to Dimple’s — or stay in and make something. There’s eggs and stuff.”
Jungkook considered the options. Dimple’s was the old diner near campus frequented by many of the students and faculty alike. A certified greasy spoon, the flavors were unmatched no matter what time of day. And the entire, extensive menu was available all day. His mouth watered at the prospect of a fluffy omelet, or hashbrown casserole, or giant golden-brown waffles topped with butter and syrup, or…
The second option was less desirable. Jungkook knew for a fact that between all of the holiday merrymaking, they had very little in terms of leftovers. The fridge contained an assortment of sauces and drinks, but not much else. Taehyung was right, there were eggs, but no meat and he was pretty sure he’d thrown out the last of the bread the day before due to mold.
“Unless you’d rather go back to sleep,” Taehyung said, placing a hand on the doorknob. “It’s a bit early for you. After a night out, during break and all.”
Jungkook stared up at the ceiling a moment. Already, he could tell he wasn’t going to be getting any more rest, whether he wanted to or not. Breakfast sounded good. Spending time with Taehyung sounded good.
“Sure,” he said. “Dimple’s sounds tasty. Give me a few.”
Taehyung nodded before retreating, pulling the door shut behind him. Jungkook rolled out of bed and reached for the first pair of jeans and hoodie he saw. Tugging a beanie over his head, he didn’t bother to glance in the mirror before heading out. It wasn’t as though they were going anywhere special.
“Thought we were eating,” Jungkook said as he entered the common area.
Taehyung stood against the kitchen counter in sweatpants and a flannel, nibbling at a cookie. Shaped like a snowflake and covered in a smear of blue frosting and crunchy sprinkles, it was definitely one of the elementary student art class variety.
He paused mid-chew, then licked a sugar crystal off his lip. “Was having a little snack for the road.”
“It’s a ten-minute walk,” Jungkook rolled his eyes, trying not to think about Taehyung's tongue.
“Damn,” Taehyung said. He shoved the rest of the cookie in his mouth and wiped his hands on his pants. “What’s wrong with you today? So grouchy.”
“Nothing,” Jungkook murmured. “Let’s go.”
Taehyung looked for a moment like he was going to argue. Instead, he headed for the front door. Jungkook put on his boots in silence, aware of Taehyung zipping up his jacket and sliding on his sneakers in his peripheral. They left and walked down the hall to the elevator, shoes scuffing along the carpet.
The hum as it made its descent was only sound. Jungkook was grateful when they reached the lobby. Jackson, the security guard for the dorm, was at his post near the door, sipping coffee and reading a magazine. He gave them both a salute as they ambled past.
December wind smacked Jungkook in the face the moment they stepped outside. He squinted in the glare of the sun, then snorted, scrunching up his nose against the chill.
“Are your boogers freezing again?” Taehyung laughed.
“It’s fucking cold,” Jungkook mumbled, stuffing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie.
“It’s December twenty-sixth,” Taehyung laughed. “Of course, it’s cold. Come on Kook, let’s go, before you turn into a popsicle.”
Taehyung was the one that usually got cold, Jungkook wanted to point out. For the three years he’d known the man, during winter there’d always been a space heater, fuzzy socks, and blankets galore in the dorm. He’d suck down hot chocolate and tea (but never coffee) like he was Tantalus at last granted mercy by the gods.
Then again, Taehyung had put on weight within the last few months. He started working out more. Lifting. Running in the warmer months. The change was gradual, but noticeable. He filled out, shoulders bulking up, muscles appearing where there previously was none. One day, when they were sitting on the couch, Jungkook realized just how far apart the two moles on Taehyung’s bicep had become.
It was also around the time that Jungkook realized he was beginning to feel differently toward Taehyung.
Maybe the awareness was always there, lying dormant beneath the surface. Just waiting for the perfect occasion to poke its head up, waving a big banner that announced “Hey you’re in love with your best friend!”.
Jungkook reasoned that he wasn’t in love, but he was attracted to the other man. And love and attraction were not the same thing.
But he was wrong.
So maybe Taehyung didn’t get cold like he used to anymore. Jungkook fell into step beside him, concentrating on the sidewalk, their breath clouds of vapor disappearing in the crisp air. He was relieved when they reached Dimple’s and the cozy warmth it provided.
The two slid into opposite sides of one of the vinyl booths. Within seconds, a busser was bringing them glasses of water, asking how many of them wanted coffee. Jungkook lifted his hand, then questioned if he needed the caffeine. It was already too late. The man was back with a pot, pouring him a cup.
“Do you know what you’re getting?” Jungkook asked. He glanced at the perpetually sticky menus in a holder at the end of the table.
“No,” Taehyung said. “I probably shouldn’t eat something too heavy; I’m meeting Hobi in a bit.”
“Oh?” Jungkook raised a brow.
“Yeah,” Taehyung nodded. “At the dance studio. Just gonna mess around.”
“I see.”
Taehyung nodded again. “You want to come?”
Jungkook shook his head as he sipped his coffee. “No, I should get some groceries.”
“Good call,” Taehyung said, scratching the nape of his neck. “I realized after I said it this morning, we don’t really have anything. I could join you, if you wanted to wait until later.”
Jungkook took another sip. “No, go hang with Hobi. It gets dark so early, I’d like to get back before then.”
“You say that like I’m going to be gone hours,” Taehyung said.
“You might be,” Jungkook shrugged. “I know how you get in the zone sometimes. It’s cool. Besides, I know what you like. You can just pay me your half later. Oh, here’s the waitress.”
An older woman toddled over to the table. Ruth often joked that she’d come with the place, but the statement was probably not far from the truth. Jungkook watched Taehyung disregard his own earlier debate and order strawberry crepes with a side of scrambled eggs and orange juice. Jungkook went with a hash brown casserole himself. If anything could soften the edge of a sour mood it was potatoes and cheese. He downed his first cup of coffee, then nursed a second one as they waited for their food.
“Think you’ll be out late?” He asked, fiddling with the sugar dispenser.
“Probably not,” Taehyung said. “Why?”
“Just wondering,” Jungkook said. He chewed his lip, debating whether he wanted to say the next words or not. “You have to hunt for your New Year’s date, right?”
“Oh,” Taehyung huffed a laugh. “That was just the alcohol talking, I wasn’t serious. I’d rather it happen organically, you know? Find someone I really connect with. Maybe I’ll get lucky and that person will pop up soon. I don’t know if it’s going to be in the next few days. Cutting it a bit close, even for fate, don’t you think?”
Jungkook hummed, feigning indifference. Part of him was relieved that Taehyung had apparently been joking about the whole thing. Another part was disappointed it didn’t seem as though Taehyung considered him an option. “I guess.”
“Who knows, though,” Taehyung continued, smiling around the straw of his orange juice. “Stranger things have happened. I’m a big believer in manifesting what you want. Putting your greatest wishes out in the universe. It’s worked before.”
Jungkook knew exactly what Taehyung was talking about. But manifesting a partner was a bit different than manifesting a new pair of shoes or a good grade on a test. He wasn’t going to point it out though. Not when Taehyung sat across from him flashing one of those boxy smiles, a hopeful glint in his sharp eyes. No, he would rather entertain the man. Anything to keep that smile going.
“I hope you find it,” Jungkook offered a small smile. He was spared having to comment further by the arrival of their food.
The next few minutes were lost to eating. Jungkook enjoyed every bite, and found himself wishing as he did every time, that there was more. Taehyung finished all of his breakfast too, scraping up the last bits of strawberry syrup with his fork. He set it down and leaned back with a satisfied sigh.
“Hobi is probably going to kill me,” Taehyung laughed. “I’ll be all sluggish.”
Jungkook laughed in spite of himself. “He won’t. He loves this place too. Probably just be annoyed he wasn’t invited.”
“Good point,” Taehyung said. “Maybe I’ll get him one of the donuts by the register as a peace offering. Should we head out?”
If possible, it seemed even more frigid than before. Jungkook pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, teeth chattering. He should have worn a coat. Taehyung walked beside him, nose buried beneath a black scarf, hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his puffer coat. A small plastic bag dangled from one wrist containing Hoseok's Bismarck. Perhaps that part of Taehyung hadn’t changed that much at all.
They parted ways at the next block. Taehyung hurried off in the direction of the university dance studio. Jungkook was relieved he had to stop and get the foldable shopping cart. He jogged down the street, regulating his breathing so he didn’t inhale too much chilly air.
His eyes were watery by the time he reached their building, hurtling through the revolving door into the lobby. Jackson was still at his post. He gave another nod as Jungkook strode past, the lights overhead catching the sunglasses perched on his head as he now bent over a paperback.
The suite always felt strangely quiet when Taehyung wasn’t around. Jungkook headed to his room firs and retrieved his thicker winter coat. Already, his hands were starting to gain life back in them. He shouldered it on as he headed back to the front door.
It took another few minutes to extricate the cart from the small closet beside the entryway. Hot, sweaty and with two pinched fingers from when it sprang open unexpectedly, he added “organize the closet” on the to-do list stuck to the fridge door and was off again.
Jungkook knew that for some people, grocery shopping was the bane of their existence. Taehyung was one of those. He suspected Taehyung might enjoy it if he cooked more. After all, it was less enjoyable to stroll the aisles, tossing in a bunch of cartons of instant food and packaged snacks, than to get fresh meat, rice, and vegetables. Sadly, the culinary arts were not one skillset where the other man had been particularly blessed.
Not that Jungkook didn’t get snacks too. He made sure to stock up on shrimp crackers and corn dogs and peanut butter trail mix. All the things he knew Taehyung liked.
Mission complete, he wheeled the cart over the sidewalk in the direction of the dorm for the second, and hopefully last time, that morning. Taehyung hadn’t indicated when he was going to be back, but Jungkook intended on spending the rest of the day as imagined earlier: lounging in bed with the door closed, pretending the outside world didn’t exist.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Jungkook slid one hand to the middle of the handgrip so he could continue pushing the cart, brows knitting at the text bubble on the screen.
Jin: We’re almost to your place.
Jungkook: ???
Jin: Don’t tell me you forgot…
Jin: The final details for Tae’s party!
The party. Of course, Jungkook hadn’t forgotten. The party for Taehyung’s birthday. The party the other man didn’t know he was having. Yet. Seokjin and Namjoon had been helping Jungkook plan the celebration for weeks. Hoseok and Yoongi were in on it too. The only other one in the dark besides the guest of honor, was Jimin because they knew he’d be most likely to spoil the surprise. Yoongi was instructed to tell him they were going out for the evening and only reveal the true nature of the occasion when they arrived.
Jungkook hadn’t forgotten the party, but he had forgotten that the two were coming over to work out the finishing touches. He picked up speed, the wheels of the cart rattling along the sidewalk, calculating how much time he'd spent at the store. It was unlikely Taehyung was back already, but what if Hoseok cut their practice short? Taehyung did sometimes get lethargic after a big meal.
Jungkook dialed Seokjin’s number, stuffing an earbud in his ear. He hated phone calls but it would be easier than trying to navigate sending texts and dodging pedestrians.
Seokjin picked up on the second ring. “You forgot, didn’t you?”
“I didn’t forget,” Jungkook insisted. “I just lost track of time. Had to go to the store, but I’m on my way back. I’m only a couple blocks away.”
Seokjin hummed as though he didn’t believe him. Jungkook could hear Namjoon saying something in the background. Then Seokjin’s voice came back louder again. “Sounds good. See you soon.”