Chapter Text
« Are you fucking high? »
« Blitzø! » Moxxie exclaims indignantly, throwing a pointed look at Loony. « That's hardly the kind of language you should be using in front of your daughter. »
« Fuck you, Moxxie », declares Loony, without even bothering to raise her eyes from her homework.
Blitzø beams with pride, Fizz lets out a little snicker and even Millie tries (unsuccessfully) to disguise her laughter as a cough. Moxxie gives his wife a hurt look and she wraps her arms and tail around him, rubbing her nose against his with a low purr.
Even though Blitzø rolls his eyes at their displays of affection, he's secretly jealous of how close these two are. With his looks and personality, most of his hookups never bothered to stay for breakfast, let alone for any attempt at a relationship. Apart from Verosika, of course, but the two of them tended to bring out the absolute worst in each other. Plus, she was out the door the moment he'd mentioned his intent to adopt.
He doesn’t care. It's not as if any of those demons meant anything to him. And he'd rather stay celibate for the rest of his days than not have his Loony Toony in his life. It's just that, sometimes, Blitzø would like to have M&M's complicity, to have someone in his life who'd cheer him up when he felt down and look at him like he was more than just a good dick.
(Fat chance, despite what those three fuckers claim.)
« He's right, though. The guy was clearly into you », Fizzies declares with a shrug.
Once again, Blitzø rolls his eyes, adding a little snort for good measure.
« Of course he was. The tall, hot, educated Goetia was secretly interested in this low-life imp… »
Millie punches him in the arm, hard enough to leave a bruise.
« Ouch. What was that for? »
« To belittle yourself. Besides, that Goetia wasn't very subtle in the way he showed his interest », she declares, putting her fists on her hips.
« Basically, he looked at you like you were birdseed and he wanted to gobble you up », Fizz adds with a suggestive smile.
Moxxie looks at Loony, throws his hands in the air with an exasperated huff, but makes no further comment.
(What Blitzø won't admit to in front of the freckled little dork is that Loony somehow got into trouble for emulating his crude speech. Blitzø was called before her teacher three times in the past couple of months. After the last one, he made a pact with his daughter: if she does her best not to say swear words at school, she can say whatever she wants at home. So far, it seems to be working. In any case, he hasn't been called to school in three weeks.)
« He’d been watching you all evening », Millie declares.
Blitzø groans in exasperation.
« It's almost as if... I don't know... it was all about me signing my books and making a public reading… thanks again for that, by the way, Moxx », he adds, shooting his publisher a venomous look. « If you ever pull a stunt like that again, I swear I'll dissect you alive. »
« I’ll give you the scalpel, Dad », Loony promises.
She still doesn't look up from her homework, but a small smile plays on her lips.
« And you find that normal? » Moxxie sputters indignantly.
« Of course not! » replies Blitzø, crossing his arms with an offended pout. « My Loony Toony knows what tool to use for vivisection. She really is a little prodigy! I'm so proud of her! »
Loony grins at him and he winks back while Moxxie looks like he's about to explode. Millie narrows her eyes at Blitzø, but it's not his fault if her husband is so easy to rile up. Besides, Blitzø considers that the freckled little fucker got off lightly for making him read in public without warning.
Blitzø is nonetheless aware that his Loony is only pretending to do her homework and is actually listening to every word spoken by the adults around her. This means she's probably figured out that her Uncle Fizz and Aunt Millie are determined to convince her dad that the Goetia hottie from yesterday was interested in him. Not only is Loony a very smart kid, but the fact that she's been in foster cage since she was a toddler means she's had to grow up a lot faster than other kids her age. That's why Blitzø gives her so much leeway.
Not that her behavior is problematic in any way. For the most part, she's a happy, well-adjusted kid. She gets good grades, stays out of trouble and helps with household chores. But she still has awful nightmares from time to time, and sometimes has outbursts for no apparent reason. That's when Blitzø does his best to give her space and let her know he's there for her if she needs him.
She's made so much progress since he adopted her, he couldn't be prouder. It's hard to recognize this pretty girl with braided hair as the snarling, matted hellhound she was when he first brought her home fifteen months ago. That's why Blitzø doesn't mind if she sometimes breaks a glass or a plate in anger. The only thing he hopes is that one day, the nightmares will finally disappear and Loony will be free to live her life as she pleases, without ever looking back.
« Don't change the subject, B », Millie says, and her expression makes it clear she's not joking anymore.
« Yeah, it's not like we don't know all about your avoidance techniques », adds Fizz. « Especially since they're as subtle as the Goetia who's been looking at you longingly all evening. »
« Oh, please! » exclaims Blitzø. « He wasn't looking at me longingly. He was lusting after me, which is hardly the same thing. I'm not going to get involved with some rich fuck who would only use me once or twice to ease his boredom. »
There. He said it. It didn't feel good, but at least they should leave him alone now. And indeed, Fizz and Millie look at him with sad eyes.
Blitzø shrugs. He doesn't want to be pitied. But he's certainly not going to dream about things that are beyond the realm of possibility for an imp, and him in particular. Making enough money with his writing to afford a cozy two-bedroom in Imp City's nicest neighborhood is the best life has to offer someone like him.
« I’m not so sure », says Moxxie, frowning. « If it was just about lust, he wouldn't have looked at you so tenderly when you interacted with his daughter. »
Blitzø scoffs. He's pretty sure no one has looked at him with tenderness since his mom died in that horrible fire almost ten years ago.
(And that's a nasty can of worms he'll never open if he can help it.)
« Stop, okay? Stop. He wants to fuck me... or for me to fuck him and there's nothing more to it than that. Don’t », he adds when Moxxie opens his mouth, obviously ready to protest. « I know you have good intentions. All three of you. The problem is, you guys are in loving, committed relationships, which is great and I'm happy for you, but you've kind of forgotten what it's like for the rest of us. Sometimes all we have is lust. »
« Why couldn't you have both, Dad? » asks Loony, stopping all pretense of doing her homework. « Why can't you have lust and love? Uncle Ozzie says sex is so much better when you mix the two, and since he's the King of Lust and all that, I'm sure he knows what he's talking about. »
Blitzø opens and closes his mouth in stunned silence, feeling a furious blush spread across his face.
« I hope Uncle Ozzie didn't give you too many details, otherwise he and I are going to have a little talk he won't enjoy… » he groans as he finally regains the ability to speak.
« Oh, how the tables have turned », Moxxie sneers, to which Blitzø responds by flipping him off.
He imagines that in the distant, distant future, when Loony is well into her thirties, it would be nice for her to have a happy, healthy relationship, like what Fizz has with his King or what M&M have with each other, but she's not even ten. It's far too early for her to be thinking about sex!
(But that's what Blitzø gets for asking the boyfriend of the literal Embodiment of Lust to be her Hellfather, he supposes…)
« He just said that, when I'm a grown-up, it would be best if I had sex with someone I love, but that, at the very least, I should be attracted to that person and consenting to take the next step. But you didn't answer my question, Dad! »
(This is good and valid advice, which doesn't stop Blitzø from foaming at the mouth a little, because he's not ready to see his baby grow up.)
As her beautiful red and silver eyes dive into his, expression open and waiting, Blitzø realizes that he can't tell Loony the truth: that he doesn't deserve nice things because, deep down, he still feels like the piece of garbage his father always saw in him. His precious Loony Toony doesn't deserve to be sullied by Cash Buckzo's fucked-up parenting. So he forces himself to smile and say:
« You're right, my Loony. Tell you what: if I ever see him again, I'll give him my number. Okay? »
She nods with a satisfied smile and returns to her notebook.
« Don't imagine for a second that we won't force you to fulfill that promise », declares Fizz with a little smirk.
Blitzø rolls his eyes.
« If it makes you happy », he grunts with a shrug.
After all, what are the chances of that happening, eh?