Chapter Text
Of all the things Eddie expected to see when he woke up that morning, it definitely wasn’t a missed call from Buck. His nails dig into the steering wheel just thinking about the panic that struck him, worst case scenarios running through his head faster than the memories of the lawsuit, the way he’s told Buck for weeks he needs space.
All thoughts of the call being life or death flew from his head the second he saw the follow-up text. He asked if they could talk when he got to work. As if Buck had any right to demand anything from him when he’s the one who shut them out.
By the time Eddie pulls his truck to a stop, the joints of his fingers ache, skin taut from their white-knuckled grip. He takes one slow breath, then another, reminding himself that this isn't like the lawsuit. Now, Eddie decides when Buck gets to speak to him.
That doesn't stop Buck from trying.
“Eddie–” Those bright blue eyes fade from view as Eddie zeroes in on the gym. He has a sudden urge to punch something. “Eddie, please wait! I really need to talk to you.”
The desperation in Buck’s voice can’t shake the rage building in his gut, but it’s enough to get him to stop.
“I-.. I’m sorry. I know you're still mad, but I wouldn't bother you if I didn’t think it was important.” Eddie rolls his eyes with a huff, snatching his gloves and shoving them on as he stomps towards the punching bag. “W–Wait!” Buck hovers a little too close as Eddie launches swing after swing. “Look, I got a text this morning and it really freaked me out, ok? I don't want to talk about this with anyone but you. Please, Eddie, I need my best friend right now.”
Eddie can’t help it; his mind starts to whirl. “Are you sick?”
Buck blinks. “What?”
“Are you actively dying? Or is someone trying to hurt you?”
“I don’t– No? I mean not exactly–”
He rips his gloves off, raking a hand through his hair as he tries to breathe past the venom pumping in his veins.
“Really? Because I can't think of another reason you would keep bothering me when I specifically asked you for space. I need time to process this, Buck. You don't get to half-ass an apology and pretend everything is back to normal.” He grits his teeth, a hiss slipping through as he fails to reign the next words in. “You need your best friend? What about when I needed mine? It's like you’re only willing to talk when it’s convenient for you. So, no, Buck, I don't want to hear about your stupid problems right now. For the last time, just leave me ALONE!”
“Enough!” Bobby glares at them from above. “Diaz, upstairs! Buckley, stay there until I call for you.” Buck dunks his head, nodding mutely.
Eddie growls as he catches the faint tremble of Buck’s lips. He can't handle the ugly feeling it turns in his stomach on top of everything else, so he storms up the steps without another word.
“Sit,” Bobby barks, and Eddie does. “You’re gonna take a minute to calm down. Then, I'm going to call Buck up here to settle this. You don't have to forgive him, but I can't have a hostile work environment in my station.”
A twisted laugh bursts from the couch, Hen flipping the page of her magazine with a loud thwip. “You’re gonna call Eddie out on his behavior? Don’t act like you’ve been any better, Cap. You two have been nothing but hostile to Buck since he got back.”
Bobby doesn't flinch at the comment, but he doesn’t deny it, either. Chim frowns in the silence, speaking over the lip of his coffee mug.
“It has been pretty tense the last few weeks, Bobby. Don’t you think it’s time to move past this? I mean, are you two gonna be like this all through Thanksgiving, too?” Eddie's head twists up at the sudden shift in the air. “You are inviting Buck to Thanksgiving… right?”
Bobby drops his eyes to the floor, muttering, “I'm still thinking about it.”
And that... That jars something in Eddie's mind, a jammed gear screeching out before finally turning.
“Are you serious?” Hen throws her magazine down as she stands. “Then, what? Are you going to exclude him from Christmas, too? He's family, Bobby.” The man doesn't move. “Unbelievable… How long are you gonna keep punishing him?”
Bobby spits, “As long as it takes for him to learn his lesson.”
“There is no lesson! He couldn't sue the department again if he wanted to. He does all your chores and hasn’t complained once about being the man behind. Worst of all,” Hen jabs her finger at both of them, “he’s endured all the bullshit you two have spewed at him, and he's still the one who apologizes afterwards! What more do you want from him?”
When Bobby refuses to meet her gaze, she turns to him. Eddie cracks under her glare, guilt seeping into his chest in sluggish streams... What does he want?
“I want-… I want to be able to trust him again.”
Hen rests her hand over his and takes the seat beside him. “Then stop pushing him away. If you want to trust him, you have to let him close enough to prove that you can.” When Eddie’s shoulders slump, her eyes trail back to Bobby. “And you?”
There’s the smallest chip in Bobby’s visage, but he stands defiant, arms crossed with his head turned away. “I don't know…”
“Well,” Hen throws her hands up, “until you figure that out, I'm done playing middle-ground. You can take the Wilsons off your guest list, Cap.” All eyes shoot to her as she rises. “I'm gonna go invite Buck to our place for Thanksgiving. Chimney, you and Maddie are welcome if you want to come. You too, Eddie, if you're willing to give Buck a chance. I'm sure Chris would love to see him.”
He’s not sure if she meant for the comment to cut so deep. If she did, he couldn’t blame her. God, every shitty memory from the past few months hits him one after another. It's like he's finally woken up from a bad dream, but it wasn't just his. It was Buck's, too.
Now, he has to deal with the consequences. Buck's made his apologies; it's time Eddie made some of his own.
“Y-Yeah. Yes. Uh… I’ll go with you. I think I need to talk to him.”
“And say sorry,” Hen smirks.
“Yes.”
“Like, a lot.”
“Like crazy.” Eddie sighs but Hen still pats his back, leading him forward with a laugh. A thundering voice booms from downstairs, the sound running like lightning down his spine until it's ramrod straight. The air rushes out of him in a whoosh, confusion overwhelming him. “What–?”
They race to the railing and spot Buck saluting three uniformed men as they walk through the bay doors. He's as tense as Eddie just was, something in his stance itching the back of his brain. It's wrong. It's all wrong, but he can't pinpoint how.
His feet carry him down the stairs behind everyone else, eyes locked on the papers placed in Buck’s hand. It's only when the stranger speaks that Eddie manages to tear his gaze away. He's older, probably in his forties, with an insignia Eddie can't even try to decipher right now.
“Gentlemen. Ma'am,” he greets. Eddie looks over the man's shoulder to see Buck unfold the letter, his face falling deeper into despair the further down the page he gets. “I am Lieutenant James Francis of the United States Navy SEALs. I have already spoken to your Chief, but I wanted to come here personally to explain the situation. As of this morning, Evan Buckley has been officially reinstated for active duty.”
Ac-… Active duty…
“The specifics of his deployment are classified, but I can assure you, this is a rare situation. We wouldn't have reinstated him unless he was absolutely necessary to our mission, and we will do everything in our power to make sure he comes home safely.”
Hen seems to be the only one capable of speaking, Bobby's blank stare growing farther away with every word. “When exactly would that be?”
“I'm afraid there's no way to know for certain. Phone communications should be established soon, then Buckley will be free to contact you in his downtime. I'd give that 3 months at the latest.”
Months...
Misery oozes from his very core as Buck’s gaze moves back and forth from the letter to the floor. Eddie finds himself waiting for the inevitable moment Buck turns his way. For them to share that look they always do when they’re about to face hell or high waters. It's the same one they've shared since their first shift– that moment they really saw each other outside that ambulance. With one look, they knew everything the other was thinking, what they were feeling, and it said ‘I’m with you,’ before they ran into fire.
But Buck doesn't look at him this time. Second after second passes and Buck never even glances their way. He wants to yell or scream, anything to show Buck they're there for him. And that's when it clicks.
Buck won't look at them – at him – because he doesn't think he can.
Why would he? The entire station has effectively shunned him since they first heard about the lawsuit– not that they made reaching out to Buck a priority before that. Eddie sure hasn't offered a shred of kindness since he was reinstated.
He even-... He even told Buck to suck it up and handle his own problems because Eddie didn't want to deal with them– deal with him. Who in their right mind would turn to a best friend like that? Of course Buck won't look at him. He thinks Eddie hates him. He thinks he's alone. He's doing exactly what Eddie asked him to do not 15 minutes ago, and Eddie has never hated himself more.
“Bu–”
“Evan!”
What little voice he has is drowned beneath that call. Buck spins towards the sound, face crumbling as he dives into the arms of another soldier. The lieutenant doesn't seem bothered by the sudden entrance and continues rambling on about the logistics of putting Buck on leave, how he'll still have a job secured when he gets home.
If he gets home.
Eddie shakes away the thought, focusing back on the whispers between Buck and the mystery man. They clearly know each other well based on that hug, but Buck has never mentioned anyone from the SEALs before. Then again, he never mentioned he was in the SEALs himself, so…
The soldier is around Eddie's age, maybe a year or two older, and Buck grips his arm like an anchor through every word. As much as Eddie wants to shove the man away and take his spot, he knows he can't. Buck wouldn't have the same steady determination he does now if he did.
The soldier motions his head over to the team with another whisper, but Buck shakes his head. Then, his eyes go wide, shock twisting into panic.
“We know this is sudden,” – Buck looks down at his watch, mumbling something with a frantic tap of the man's arm – “so we allotted some time for you all to say goodbye.”
The soldier nods, pushing Buck forward as they race out of the station, out of sight. The lieutenant does look back this time, checking his own watch.
“It seems Buckley has chosen to say his farewells elsewhere. It's nothing personal, I can assure you. His window is limited and family comes first. Captain Nash,” – Bobby returns the salute like someone yanked the strings of a marionette – “I’d like to wish you and the rest of your crew luck on your shift. You should expect a call from your Chief about Buckley’s replacement soon.”
Eddie barely registers them leaving, his entire being hellbent on answering one question.
The logical side of his brain tells him Buck rushed off to see Maddie. She's such a crucial pillar in his life and he knows how Buck feels about them leaving each other again. Of course he would want to say goodbye.
But more than logic – not just in his heart, but deep in his soul – he knows exactly where Buck went.
Christopher.
Eddie might not have deserved a backwards glance, but Chris means everything to Buck. This isn't something he could explain over the phone from a thousand miles away. He would never abandon Chris without a word, no matter how much Eddie tried to convince himself he did.
“Bobby?”
Eddie blinks, turning to see Chim place a hesitant hand on their captain’s shoulder. The touch seems to reel him back from wherever his mind took him. One moment he's a statue stuck in the middle of their bay, and the next he's sprinting off towards his office. They all follow, silently communicating as he clicks furiously at his computer.
“Bobby,” Hen tries, gently, “I think you should go home to process this.” It's like talking to a live wire. Bobby doesn't even seem to register they're there, eyes darting furiously from tab to tab. “Bobby, listen! You're not in the right headspace to be a captain right now. I'm gonna call Athena, ok?”
“Look!” Bobby shoves the monitor around, pointing wildly at the screen. “This is Buck's application to the 118. Nowhere does it mention he had any military background. This has to be some kind of mistake.” He flips the monitor back, scowling at it like it's the one who took Buck. “He mentioned his SEALs training, once. Right there, in the locker room… He told me he quit because he didn't want to be a robot.”
“Quit training or quit the SEALs?” Doubt latches on at that, round eyes fluttering as Bobby scours through his memories. “I don't think those forms actually require us to answer that section. Buck probably took advantage of that. It wouldn't have mattered because he thought he was out.”
“He was out,” Chimney corrects. “That lieutenant said so himself. This is a rare situation where they had to reinstate Buck and clear everything with the Chief. There's no way the Buck that filled out that form thought something like this could happen.”
“He didn't tell me…”
Chim shrugs at that. “He didn't tell anyone. I don't even think Maddie knows. Her knowledge on his life back then does have some major gaps in it. He could have served a tour during one of them.”
His fist rattles the desk. “He should have told me!”
“When exactly was he supposed to bring it up?” Hen snaps before taking a breath. “He left it off his resume for a reason and we weren't exactly friends with him for most of his probationary year. Then, you bring in Eddie, the army medic. What was he supposed to say? ‘Hey everyone, I'm ex-military, too! Look back at me!’ They were making googly eyes at each other by the end of their first shift anyways. There wasn't a reason to bring it up.”
Eddie's chest aches as that first smile flashes in his mind. He hasn't seen Buck’s smile in so long. Now, he may never see it again...
“I have to talk to him.”
His phone is dialing before he even registers unlocking it, and their heads swing towards the distant ringtone. It's a death march walking out of Bobby's office, that dumb song Eddie secretly loves echoing from Buck's locker. He hangs up, and the song stops.
“I'm too late…”
“Hey,” Chim elbows him roughly. “You’re not too late for anything. You just have to wait until Buck comes back or for him to contact us. Then, you'll get your chance.”
“I honestly don't think Buck will ever talk to me again. I screamed at him. Twice! Now, he’s run off with someone none of us have ever met. We don't know where he's going, when or if he's coming back–”
“He's not going to die,” Bobby hisses.
“I'm not talking about dying! I'm talking about coming back here! We broke him, Bobby. I could see it on his face when he refused to look at us. Why would he want to come back here when he thinks nearly everyone in the station hates him? That I hate him!” The tears he's been fighting finally fall, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I made my best friend believe I hate him… Now he might never want to come back.”
“Eddie–”
“I broke him. I broke us…”
The words weigh down on them until Bobby pulls out his phone. “I'm going to request that we be put offline until a replacement team can step in. We're in no condition to work right now. All of you-...” He sighs, looking every one of his years. “All of you go home. Get your heads on straight. I'll see you all on Thursday for our next shift.”
With that, Bobby turns around, his office door closing behind him with a click.