Chapter Text
The sun, finally released from its prison among the clouds, shines down softly glittering across the puddles of water left behind by the storm. After a few days of continuous rain and gloom, Mondstadt’s people poured into the streets to enjoy the pleasant sun.
But Kaeya does not get to enjoy it, no. He’s hunched over the table outside Good Hunter’s, the heel of his palm pressing down on his right eye through his eyepatch, as if that action alone will somehow subdue the tendrils of pain shooting through his eye.
He had been leaning back in his chair, idly watching the family on the table next to his, coaxing their daughter to eat the carrots sitting abandoned in her plate, when the sensation returned, in all of its glory. It felt like Klee had let loose little explosives in his eye. Of course, she would not actually do such a thing to him, but in the hypothetical situation it happened, Kaeya thinks this is how it would feel.
Even though this pain had been a recurring event in the past week, it still manages to catch him off-guard, by sheer-intensity alone. Gripping his head, Kaeya almost accidentally slams his head on the table before him. This sudden movement startles the cat lounging near his feet. She springs up and bounds away not before swiping her claws at his feet.
Kaeya lays his head down trying to control his breathing, and his composure, hoping he could pass off as sleeping on the table or something.
Good Hunter’s was packed. It was a Monday morning after all. The Monday morning he had been hoping would be a pleasant start to this week. It had proved him wrong real quick.
Last week, had been terrible.
Kaeya had woken up from a troubled sleep in the morning with a small hope that this week would be different. Last week was just an anomaly. This week- it would be a new, fresh week, and all the weird things happening last week would be buried in the past.
Kaeya knows full well optimism isn't a reliable feeling to resort to, yet desperation led him to entertain it.
He had naively held on to the hope after waking up, he’d even decided to prepare an elaborate breakfast for himself and Rosaria, who had crashed on his couch last night, to kickstart the new week.
But as Kaeya had sunk to the floor clutching his right eye, sparks of sudden pain clouding his vision, the hopes had shattered just like the eggs that had rolled off his hands.
He had stayed on the floor for a while, even after the pain had fizzled out minutes later– like it always did, like it had been doing the past week, like it was never there to begin with.
He sat there, eyes squeezed shut and fingers pressed against his eyes, wondering if he was finally losing it, until Rosaria tapped him on his shoulder, asking him why he was meditating before broken eggs.
When cleaning up the floor, he’d wondered if the pain had stayed a little longer this time compared to all of its previous visits.
New, fresh week, my ass, Kaeya thinks, as the pain fades away, leaving behind a buzz of hollow nothingness in his head.
He lifts his head only when something is kept in front of him with a loud thud. He looks up to see Rosaria’s face scrunched up, lost somewhere between a frown and wary concern.
“What’s with you?” she asks, as she places one hand on her hip, eyes narrowing.
"Ugh,” is all Kaeya offers.
The Calla lily soup placed in front of him, in theory, should be delicious- anything from Sarah is. But at the moment, he doesn’t think he could stomach anything and enjoy it. Still, he grabs the spoon and begins drinking, otherwise Rosaria would only get even more suspicious. He was already having a hard enough time convincing her that he was doing just fine, nothing was odd, and nothing was bothering him at all.
She sits down across from him sipping her coffee, giving him some time, and peace to drink his soup. Kaeya enjoys the silence while it lasts.
Inevitably, she speaks up just as he was getting done with the soup. “So, what was that? This morning.”
“I told you,” he says, setting his spoon down tidily. “I was mourning the eggs. It was a devastating turn of events.”
He doesn't have to look up to know she's rolling her eyes.
“You’ve been behaving loony the past few days,” she states conversationally.
“Well, aren't you kind Rosie, calling me loony the first thing in the morning.”
“Loony fits you in the entertaining story Master Diluc told me yesterday.”
Kaeya holds her gaze, expression strained with poorly masked irritation.“Since when did that asshole become so chatty?”
“Since you started doing dumb shit, probably.”
Ugh, Kaeya does not want to deal with this right now. He doesn't want to snap at Rosaria so early in the morning because she will not hesitate to snap back at him and he doesn't have the energy for all that.
Either way, he does not have the time. He’s got a mission to complete today.
“I’m getting late,” he declares.
“Kaeya,” Rosaria starts, tone sharp.
“Thank you,” he gets up, not giving her the time to finish. “I’ll pay on my way out.”
He heads out, leaving Rosaria glaring at his back. She won’t pester him, won’t come behind him demanding answers. She usually did not bother enough to meddle with his personal issues. So what was different now? Why was she concerning herself with this so much?
“Sister Rosaria already paid,” Sarah tells him when he hands over the Mora, busy cracking eggs over a pan. But she stops all that to add, “Did you not get any sleep, Captain? You look a little ill.”
Kaeya climbs up the stairs leading to the Ordo Headquarters, unable to hide the sour expression forming on his face. If people are coming forth asking him if he’s doing alright, it’s already become a problem. Is that why Rosaria wouldn’t just let him be? Did she think he was now incapable of handling himself?
But, frankly speaking, how is he going to handle this? Clearly, ignoring it until it goes away didn’t do any; if anything it worsened everything. His avoiding everyone tactic was just making everyone pay more attention to him.
Again, what was he to even do? He has almost no idea what on earth was going on with him and why in Teyvat his bloody right eye, after all these years, was giving him all this trouble.
Kaeya mulls over this growing catastrophe as he weaves through the busy roads. On the way, he catches the eyes of a little boy playing in the garden of his house. He waves at Kaeya enthusiastically, which he returns with as much enthusiasm as he can muster up.
Which probably wasn’t a lot, looking at how the boy deflates, giving him a put out expression.
Kaeya speeds up.
This would never have been a problem for him any other day. When was pretending ever hard for him? Was he that tired? He can’t afford to be tired enough to not pretend.
Kaeya tries to distract himself by observing what the people were up to this morning. He sees a man water his already overwatered pot, a girl secretly leaving her house from the backdoor as her mom watches her from the window above, unimpressed; and he sees a blond haired man with his back turned to Kaeya, minding his own business in front of a fruit stall.
Seeing the man, annoyance bubbles up his chest.
Not at that man, but another one with similar blond hair.
All of Kaeya’s current misfortunes had started when Kaeya had laid his eye upon that blond bastard, roaming around Mondstadt city like it was the most normal thing to do. It wouldn't be, if people knew who he was and where exactly he was actually from.
But Kaeya does the same thing everyday, so he doesn't have the right to say anything.
That man was also to blame for the whole scene happening in the tavern that day, which now apparently even Rosaria knows about. It was already embarrassing enough, with just Diluc witnessing everything. Did the word somehow reach Jean too? Why is it that when Diluc decides to become talkative it’s about the worst topics?
That’s it, Kaeya’s avoiding Jean today. Not just because he doesn't want Jean asking him about that day but also because, if he looks ill to Sarah’s eye’s,there is no way Jean- who would notice even his slightest troubles- would not see it. And Jean wasn’t like Rosaria. She wouldn't just let it go. She could be as stubborn as Kaeya could bebif she wanted to. Today is also supposed to be the one miraculous day Jean has nothing to attend to. No paperwork- Kaeya and Lisa had finished up with the remaining trade permit approvals just yesterday. No cases as of now, no meetings or anything else of importance.
If Jean saw him and decided he was the one who needed a day off instead of her, she would try to take on his mission and do it herself.
Not happening, he decides. He’s not taking the one day off away from her. She deserves that much, at the very least.
Kaeya glances at his reflection in a store display window as he passes by it.He stops, to take a proper look at himself.
Does he actually look ill?
His hair is a little unruly, not as well-kempt as he usually maintains it, pulled back rather carelessly. His visible eye looks watery and red, the blue of his eye is as dull as his face. Contrary to the usual cheeriness dancing on his face, the expression he wore was borderline unapproachable, like there were metaphorical clouds of gloom looming over his head.
Not in his uniform, but dressed casually in just a loose white shirt and trousers, and without all the jewellery and adornments he liked to wear, he did look. Off.
“You want something?” the voice of an old lady jolts him back to reality.
He realises he's been standing there staring at his reflection for much too long. She peers at him from the shop’s entrance with a bored expression.
Kaeya turns to her, masking his surprise with a cordial expression. “Oh no, it’s just–” he waves at the display window, at whatever was kept there, “–very beautiful.”
The woman raises an eyebrow at him and slowly looks back at the window, at what he was pointing at. Kaeya follows her gaze to... a jar of eyeballs? Eyeballs the size of his fist. He can’t even make out what creatures those eyeballs belong to.
“Ah, hahaha,” Kaeya plays it off but he is slapping himself inside his head. Rosaria was right, he is loony. “I just really love science.”
He leaves before the woman has the chance to say something. He hears her mutter something about young people and their abnormal behaviour these days.
Kaeya speeds up his journey to the Ordo Headquarters. Since his mission is an official one, he has to have some element of uniform on him and since he’s dressed casually, he needs to go get his uniform coat, which he had unfortunately left behind in his office.
He also needs to avoid as many people as possible while doing this.
He walks into the Hq, sneaks up to the second floor, and Lisa’s standing right outside his office.
“Oh, there you are,” she says merrily, spotting him before he can even process her presence. “I was looking for you, dearie.”
“How may I assist you then?” he asks, forcing a smile. It doesn’t feel as natural as it should– because he is annoyed. He doesn’t want to smile. He just wants to exist and be annoyed.
So much for avoiding people.
“Do you happen to have the inventory lists?” she asks, leaning on his door, twirling a pen between her fingers.
Kaeya tilts his head in thought. “Only the infirmary’s. The rest are with Jean.”
“Well, isn't that perfect? That is just what I need. I would hate to take this up to Jean today.”
Kaeya nods in agreement. “Why do you need it?” he asks, walking towards her.
“A foolish mistake, is why,” she shakes her head with a sigh. “All the restock supplies intended for the Church infirmary got delivered to the Ordo infirmary.”
“Why wasn’t it sent back immediately? We restocked last week, they should know.”
“It wasn’t, and now it got mixed up with our own stock,” she huffs. “What a bother, I can’t even say it was worth watching Cardinal Calvin blowing a fuse over this. Dealing with inventory is just, too tiresome.”
Suddenly she looks up at Kaeya, a wily smile appearing on her face. “But I’m sure you're more experienced with inventory than I am, aren’t you sweetie? Growing up in the Winery and all.”
Kaeya returns her smile, crossing his arms. “Your efforts to offload work onto me is futile, my dear Lisa. I have a mission to finish today. Unless you want to deal with the Fatui instead?”
“Oh my,” she states, solemnly. “Suddenly, I find myself yearning to do some organisational work. Inventory management should satiate my desires.”
Kaeya chuckles, shaking his head. “How did this get past Hertha? Doesn’t seem like a mistake she would make.”
Lisa cocks her head, an amused expression settles on her face. “She’s in the infirmary. Surely you know this?”
Oh, right.
He does know it. He was here, with Lisa, when they brought her in.
“Ah,” he brushes it off with a laugh. “Slipped my mind.”
“Did it now?” she laughs too. There’s a glint in her eyes. “It is unlike you to forget things like this,” she looks him up and down, deliberately. Crossing her arms, she brings one hand to her chin thoughtfully. “Figures. You look worse than you did yesterday, my dear. Mishaps are bound to happen.”
“People have such nice things to tell me this morning.”
Lisa laughs again.
“You needed the list, yes?” Kaeya asks, turning around and pushing the door to his office open. “I’ll fetch it right away.”
“When are you leaving for your mission, again?”
“In about an hour.”
Kaeya gives Lisa the inventory list, grabs his coat and leaves before he somehow manages to end up in front of Jean next.
Before he gets out of the headquarters, Lisa stops him to tell him she’s sent Wyratt off to inform two trainee Knights, Mia and Falco, to meet up with Kaeya by the city gates in an hour.
“I know you’ve been training them,” she says, cheerfully. “They lack non-hostile, on-field experience. This mission will do them good.”
“You think I can’t get this simple mission done by myself?” he asks in mock offence, although he does feel a little patronised. Really? Siccing trainee knights into him, like he couldn’t handle himself just because he looked a little off. What was this, some sort of two-way babysitting? How did she even know what his mission was about?
Lisa gives him that deliberate look again, in answer.
✦✧✦
The mission was, indeed, simple enough.
Talk to the Fatui group who had set up their camps a bit too close to Springvale. A negotiation, no fighting; Jean’s voice echoes in his head. The Fatui have recently been tame and disrupting the fictitious peace between them and the Knights was to be avoided because, well, politics.
His boots clack against the cobbled roads of the lower market street as he makes his way through the thickening crowd. He needs to hurry up. Carol isn’t going to be forgiving if he’s too late, which he fears he already is. She’s probably going to demand more mora for making her wait, even though she’s already asked him to bring more than he usually does.
Oh well, at least he’ll get some useful intel.
He enters an unassuming alleyway, walking by rows and rows of small houses. The further away from the main street he goes, the closer the buildings lean in– quiet and run down remains from the past. It’s an old neighbourhood. Not many live here anymore since the nasty fire that broke out a few years ago, burning down more than half of the houses. The perfect place for meeting up with informants; not too shady but yet hidden away from the eyes.
Kaeya slips into a gap between two buildings, both of which have top halves missing.
He goes further inside and comes to a stop in front of Carol, who’s sitting atop an old, half-broken merchant’s cart stuffed inside the space. She’s leisurely leaning back on one hand as she puffs out curls of smoke.
She slowly looks him up and down, judgment reeking from her gaze.
Kaeya sighs. She was going to ask him for more Mora, wasn’t she.
“Took you long enough, Captain.”
Kaeya crosses his arms. “Apologies.” Frigid air swirls around his nose. It was much colder inside these uninhabited alleyways.
She waits for him to give an explanation and when he doesn't, she shrugs and tosses the cigarette on the ground, snuffing it out with her foot.
“I am a busy person, you know,” she says. “Who knows how much valuable information I lost just by sitting here in this god-awful, dingy alley, waiting for you.”
“You picked this spot,” Kaeya says dryly. He reaches into his coat to grab a pouch of Mora. And then grabs one more smaller one. There is no sense in keeping your informants unsatisfied with you.
He drops the pouches of mora into her awaiting hands.
“I have some very interesting bits and pieces,” she says, as she peers into the pouches.
“I sure hope you do. You asked for twice as much as usual.”
“It’s not like you struggle financially anyways, Young master Kaeya,” she says snidely, lips curling in mockery.
Kaeya rolls his eyes at her.
“Whatever, you were right about that new merchant in 1st district,” she says, slipping the pouches into her coat, patting it in satisfaction. “He’s a con artist, his herbs aren’t even medicinal, forget about it being freshly imported from the rainforest. They’re just modified grass.”
Kaeya shakes his head with a sigh. He’ll have to assign someone to deal with this. That fool seems to think the Knights are absolutely useless if he thought he would last even a week, especially considering how he set up the stall in the 1st district, a location highly noticeable.
“And you were also right about Hertha,” Carol continues.
Kaeya smiles. Ah yes. “When am I not right?”
She ignores his comment. “It was a little obvious. A captain, ambushed by Hilichurls? Clearly odd. But what actually happened is even more odd.”
Kaeya leans one shoulder against the wall, arms crossed. “How so?”
“Only one person saw it happen, and it was a child. Kids embellish things like no one else. He said, to quote, ‘The cool Knight swished and swooshed her sword, but the Hilichurls blasted the barrels and they all flew away.’
“Hertha was indeed involved in a scuffle with Hilichurls but she wasn’t ambushed by them. It appears that, out of nowhere, one of the Hilichurls lit their pyro slime barrels on fire.” She sits up straight, face scrunched up in thought. “And what is odd, is that none of the Hilichurls survived, because the barrels were too close to them. Hertha managed to make it out only because she grabbed a fallen Mitachurl shield, and she was the furthest away.”
Kaeya raises an eyebrow. “Why would they light the barrels on fire instead of throwing it at Hertha, if she wasn't even near the barrels?”
“Exactly. Odd,” Carol shrugs. “This is what I pieced together from the information I had, and after looking through the wreckage. Matches what the boy said. You can ask Captain herself what exactly happened, once she wakes up.”
That is certainly... odd. Hilichurls aren’t known to be necessarily suicidal. And they aren't stupid either.
“And weird Hilicurl behaviour brings up the other thing, oh boy, this is even more odd. I’m making good Mora thanks to all of this.” She grins, patting the pouches in her coat. “One and a half weeks ago, a lot of Hilichurl activity was reported to be seen near the Chasm. Really strange Hilichurl activity. And guess who was said to be spotted down in the Chasm a few days ago?”
Kaeya tilts his head questioningly at her. Logically, it could be so many different people, but why does Kaeya’s intuition give him a name that he fears is the exact answer to this question.
Carol smiles, like she knew Kaeya has a name to match that question. “I was confused at first, because that odd man, Dainsleif– I saw him in Mond city around that time! How did he get there so quickly?”
Kaeya huffs. His intuition never fails him.
She continues. “So I figured I should go check everything out myself. I was lurking around, and I overheard some miners talk about how they’ve been seeing groups of Hilchurls flocking into the chasm, like they were in a daze or something. They walked right by the miner’s camps, sparing not even a single glance towards them. Seems to be a one-way trip. None of them saw any of the Hilichurls come back out.”
If that doesn’t sound ominous. Go in and never come back out? What could be going on down in that abandoned mining site?
“Did you confirm it?” he asks her.
“Of course. Every Hilichiurl that went into the Chasm, seemed to be.. I don't know, suffering? Like they were in pain, clutching their heads and all. Some of them were laying dead by the sides of the roads, with no exterior wounds and almost all of them looked like they would follow them and drop dead any moment.”
Clutching their head, in pain? That’s… certainly odd.
His right eye twitches behind his eyepatch.
“I head further into the chasm, make it to the camp on the first base, and to no one's surprise,” Carol shakes her head, “There I see the traveller and her companion, on some guild commission. Trust the traveller to be involved when the most strange things happen. Her commission was about the Hilichurls, and she seems to think…” Carol trails away, giving Kaeya a delicately cautious look.
Kaeya knows that look.
“A certain group is involved,” he finishes for her in annoyed resignation. Ugh. Everything was so troublesome these days. Kaeya hated having anything to do with the Abyss Order. Should he just let it be? But it was far too suspicious to just ignore. Anything relating to the odd behaviour of Hilichurls, he thinks, he shouldn't make the mistake of ignoring.
“Yep,” Carol nods solemnly, at his words. “So I left. I don't want anything to do with them,” she grins, all tooth and no sincerity. “You should ask your dear brother to look into this. I’ve heard his, ah– connections, stretch wide and far.”
Kaeya returns her smile. It’s sharp and just as insincere and he hopes Carol can see that. “Thank you Carol, I’ll make sure to do just that.”
She shifts her gaze around nonchalantly, her smile doesn’t budge. “I’m sure he has much to say about that Dainsleif guy too. You too can have a riveting conversation about it, and then you can tell me all your new findings.” She cocks her head at Kaeya, bright blue eyes glinting with amusement boring into his singular one.
She leans back on her hands again, without a care. “You and Dainsleif have very similar eyes, now that I think.”
“Is that so?” Kaeya asks lightly, bringing his fingers near his chin like he’s deep in thought. “Blue eyes? They aren't something uncommon. You and I too share that trait.”
Carol studies him for a moment, and Kaeya holds her gaze coolly. She then huffs, grinning like he said the funniest joke.
“Anyways, Captain, do you know that man?”
“Dainsleif?”
“Dainsleif.”
“Not one bit.”
“Is that so?” she parrots him, looking thoroughly amused. “The way you say his name, it reeks of familiarity, you know? In a way you probably don’t even realise. It sounds much more natural than when I say it, see– Dainsleif, don’t I have a little bit of an accent?”
Kaeya pushes himself off the wall. The frigid wind nips at his face. “Maybe you’re the one who’s correct, and I’m wrong,” Kaeya muses. “I’ve never met him before, after all.”
Carol only smiles wider.
“That was useful, as usual,” he clasps his hands together as if he’s concluding some speech. “Do inform me when and where we meet next.”
“Of course.”
Kaeya can still feel her shrewd eyes on him, even as he slips out of the alley.
His next stop is at Wagner’s. He still has some time left before he has to meet up with Mia and Falco. He could always ditch them, and leave before they arrive, just to spite Lisa but he liked those two, and finds himself not having the heart to do that. He’s sure Lisa picked them knowing this.
How annoying.
He mulls over all the information he received as he walks towards the lowest district.
Hilichurls behaving oddly, flocking to the Chasm? Why the Chasm?
And they were in pain? Exactly when Kaeya’s right eye was giving him all the trouble, lighting up with unbearable pain at random times?
He entertains an irrational thought of, Am I turning into a Hilichurl?
Dainsleif, that man. Kaeya knew seeing him was not a good thing. It was a bad omen if anything. He’s immensely glad he managed to avoid him in the tavern that day, even though he made a fool of himself doing just that. What things he would have spouted, that too in front of Diluc, only the stars know.
Or maybe, that's the mistake Kaeya is making. Maybe avoiding Dainsleif is the wrong way to do it. He probably– no, he most likely has answers to what in Teyvat is happening to Kaeya right now. It's totally not a coincidence that weird things start happening to Kaeya’s eye and then he sees Dainsleif hanging around Mond.
Hah, but confronting Dain? Now that, Kaeya doesn’t know how he’ll pull that off.
There’s a weird constricting feeling in his chest when he entertains that idea. A heavy, encompassing feeling. It prickles at his skin, trips his heartbeat. It makes him feel exposed, like under a stagelight.
If it is fear, Kaeya doesn't acknowledge it.
The smithy comes into view as he turns the corner, and Kaeya forces the feeling down. He stomps at it with all his willpower, and quickens his weighed down footsteps. He can worry about this later.
“Good morning,” he greets Wagner with a smile that slips onto his face easily.
“Captain Kaeya,” the ever busy man responds without even looking up from the polearm he was meddling with. “Is it your sword again?”
“I’m afraid so,” Kaeya confirms, sorrowful. “It’s become slightly brittle again. I don't want it to deteriorate any further.”
“Considered my suggestion of changing the sword?” Wagner asks, looking up. “I can make you a better one.”
Kaeya shakes his head, summoning his sword. It glitters into existence, in a flurry of frost and shards of distorted light. He hands it over to Wagner.
“It's not the sword. The fault is on my side, I suspect. The cryo energy from my vision, it just comes out a little too strong these days. I just need to get it back under control.”
Admitting it out loud leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Which vision user who’s not new to the concept of having a vision, loses control of it?
But of course, when it happens, it happens with Kaeya. Someone who’s not meant to possess a vision. Someone who isn’t even supposed to be under the gaze of the gods.
But he does possess one, so now he has to deal with such misfortunes, and hope Wagner can fix it.
Wagner finishes inspecting the sword, and sighs. “You’re right. The blade’s fine, it's your elemental energy. It seems too potent, almost ripping open the blade from inside when you manifest cryo with it. I’ll need to make it more resistant. Infusing it with some Hoarfrost core should do the job.”
“Do you have them in stock? Otherwise, I’ll fetch them for you.”
“Nah, I’ve given out a commission for materials. I should get them by tomorrow, just stop by in the afternoon,” Wagner says, handing Kaeya’s sword back to him. “Until then, don’t use your sword to channel cryo.”
He eyes Kaeya up and down once. “Are you ill, Captain? You should take a break every now and then.”
Stars help him, not this again. “Oh Wagner, if anyone here needs a break here, it’s you,” he says, lightly. “You should leave the side of the work table sometimes. Otherwise one day I’ll come and find you fused to it.”
Wagner scoffs at him, shooing him away from his smithy as Kaeya snickers.
Quarter to nine, and he’s waiting by the city gates. He plops down on a bench under a tree, idly twirling his sword around.
He hadn’t considered Wagner’s suggestion about changing the sword at all. Nothing against Wagner’s craftsmanship, not at all, it was just that Kaeya doesn’t want to replace his sword; anytime soon. Of all the things he had left behind, this sword that Master Crepus had crafted for him from Inazuma, for his 16th birthday, was something he just couldn't let go of.
Father had told him that the Craftsman had talked about the legends behind this particular sword.
They say that this blade was crafted for the first ever time, it was so sharp, it could cut through mortal fate.
And what an irony it is, that this is the sword wielded by Kaeya, whose life was trapped and crafted around fate ever since he was born, taking him down the path that leads to the inevitable life of a traitor he cannot avoid whatever he does.
He wonders often why this was the blade Father had decided to gift him.
Either way, It's a perfectly fine sword. Truly, one of the best he’s ever held. Light and sturdy, it fits in his hands seamlessly, matching blade work style. A beautiful piece of work. Kaeya thinks Wagner is so persistent on changing it only because he’s annoyed Kaeya’s using a sword that's not made by Wagner himself.
Lost in his thoughts.
Kaeya almost doesn't hear it.
A faint voice. A whisper in the wind.
Why do we deserve this fate?
Kaeya sits up straight, alarmed. The voice–
–is accompanied by the prickling sensation of pain in his eyes.
It somehow feels worse this time.
“Ack–” Kaeya curls into himself, clutching his eyepatch. His sword clatters to the ground.
The waves of pain don’t last too long this time. Barely a minute.
Kaeya continues to stay hunched even after it stops, blinking harshly to get back some coherence.
What–
What was that voice?
It takes him a moment too long to notice a sudden shadow falling over him.
He looks up sharply, to see Diluc’s perpetually displeased face. Caught off guard, Kaeya only stares.
“Sleeping,” Diluc states, deadpan. “Here?”
“I’m not sleeping,” Kaeya snaps. Diluc’s infuriatingly condescending tone does the job of wiping clean the fog of lingering ache.
Kaeya snatches his sword off the ground and lets it vanish into the air as gets up, so that he could glare back at Diluc from a more respectable height. “What do you want?”
Diluc says nothing, just watching him, arms crossed. He has a small bag hanging off one arm.
“What,” Kaeya repeats impatiently, “Do you want?” Usually, he would have preferred to talk to Diluc with more composure and grace, but right now he just doesn’t have much patience in stock.
Diluc and his scrutinising gaze is the last thing he needs to be subjected to right now.
And Diluc probably has some questions Kaeya doesn't want to answer now. Or ever.
“You have been avoiding me,” Diluc states, straight to the point.
Kaeya huffs haughtily. “Who said I am?”
Diluc clicks his tongue in annoyance. “I saw you, just once, last week. And that was two days. In the tavern. And then you left without a word after that inane display.” He looks down at Kaeya judgmentally. “What was that about?”
“What was what about?”
“Do I have to spell it out?”
“If you’re asking me something, you should at least ask nicely.”
This was supposed to have irritated Diluc, leading him to abandon what he was asking. He was supposed to hmph at him and stomp away, but instead Diluc narrows his eyes and does what Kaeya had asked.
“Kindly tell me, Sir Kaeya, what that tomfoolery you showcased in my tavern two days ago was about? Jumping over the counter, hiding under it like a child–”
“You know what?” Kaeya cuts him off. “Shut up. I don't want to hear it. I’m getting late.”
Diluc lets out a derisive scoff. “Late? You were sitting here, whiling away time the Knights somehow always seem to have in abundance to waste.”
“I was waiting for someone,” Kaeya says in mild offense.
Diluc eyes him dubiously. After a beat, he speaks, “I need to talk–”
“And they are here,” Kaeya cuts him off before Diluc can get any more words in. He lets his gaze move behind Diluc pointedly, at Mia and Falco hurrying towards them. Kaeya waves at them cheerfully.
“Captain Kaeya! And Master Diluc!” Mia exclaims, coming to a stop beside them.
“I hope we are not interrupting anything,” Falco adds uncertainly, noticing Diluc’s sour expression. .
“You are–”
“Not at all! Perfect timing!” Kaeya exclaims, hurriedly. “I was just bidding my farewell to Master Diluc here, right? See you later, Master Diluc!”
Which he will not be, if things go his way. He will not be seeing Diluc later. He will continue to avoid him like he did last week because Kaeya doesn’t have answers to the questions Diluc will have.
Is it that you don't have answers, or that you are afraid of the questions? His own voice whispers to him inside his head.
Kaeya has to refrain from scowling at himself. Afraid? He’s not afraid. He’s just... careful. Sure. Kaeya and Diluc can hold cordial conversations these days but never once had Kaeya dared to breach that topic with Diluc again.
The memories, the resentment, the hurt. Four years later, it’s all still too fresh. The feelings all claw up his throat when he just thinks about bringing it up.
Diluc’s glare prickles at his back as he ushers Mia and Falco away.
“I will see you later,” he hears Diluc say, and it sounds more like a threat than anything.
✦✧✦
They ride to Springvale, and leave their horses there deciding to walk up to the camp. He briefs the two of them as they walk. Even when he’s done, he continues talking about mundane things, just to keep himself from thinking about the mess he’s found himself in.
But yet, his thoughts stray against his wishes.
The voice he’d heard before Diluc appeared– it was not a real person. It was, all in his head. Like someone had connected into his mind and spoke to him.
Everything about this situation screams, ‘volatile grounds, proceed with caution’.
Either he’s having hallucinations, or he’s cursed, or it's something even worse.
Kaeya stops the building agitation before it can materialise in the form of carelessness and incompetence. He’ll look into this after the mission. He’ll even confront Dain if he has to.
Right now, the mission.
“No fighting,” Kaeya reminds the two trialing alongside him as they near the camp. “Sheath your sword Mia, this doesn’t require our weapons to be out.”
“But Captain, it's the Fatui–”
“Peace, Mia, we’re going in peace. Flashing our weapons first will defeat that purpose, will it not?”
She sulks, but does as he says. Lisa was right. Mia especially really lacked ‘non-hostile’ experience. She was itching for a fight; he could sense it. He sighs, and hopes everything goes as planned.
They reach the camp, confront the Fatui. As Kaeya spoke to them, it looked like it was indeed going as planned. Although barbed words were exchanged, he was almost sure he could end it without blades being drawn, convincing them to just get the hell away from Springvale.
That was until one of the agents said something pretty rude about Kaeya. He’d only smiled wider in response, but the ever impetuous Mia rose to his defence, with equally rude words.
On a different day, a different situation, Kaeya would have been impressed at the creative insults she spit out, but as words were quite quickly abandoned and weapons were drawn, the only thing Kaeya was actively thinking was, Well, shit. Really sorry, Jean.
Mia and Falco were adept enough with their swords to not be a liability, and with Kaeya it would have been easy enough to toss them on their asses.
Three Fatui agents.
Kaeya had made sure he took two of them, while Mia and Falco dealt with the other one.
They would have come out unscathed, that is, if Kaeya had done his part well. But of course, when the stars decide something terribly wrong should happen to Kaeya, they always send it towards him in a terrible situation.
Mid-fight, when the greatsword slashes through his arm, he wonders why his eye burns more than the area the weapon cut.
The woman swings her huge sword in a wide arc, he deflects it a little too last minute. His arms rattle from the force of it. He focuses back, right in time to see the catalyst guy aim at him. Kaeya skids his feet back and sends spikes of ice towards him, throwing him back against a tree.
Frost crawls up his own leg.
She seems to have taken note of him being distracted, and swings again.
He loses his footing, but stops himself from skidding back further by raising ice right behind his boots. He sends ice crackling up her sword, but she shoves him away before it can reach her arms.
Pain suddenly sparks alight like fireworks in his right eye, shooting all the up his head. Kaeya staggers, his hand twitches to grip at his eyepatch, but it would be too big of a tell for the agent in front of him who appears to have already caught on to the fact that something was bothering him.
He grips his sword tighter.
“What’s wrong Captain?” the agent taunts, grinning like she already has the upper hand, that pisses Kaeya off enough to gain his focus back. “Shouldn't have challenged us if you couldn't take us on.”
No fighting, just a negotiation, Jean’s voice rings in his ears. His original plan to subdue them, knock them out cleanly, to avoid Fatui breathing down their neck saying the Knights attacked their agents despite the agreement of peace, is not happening now. He cannot end this without injuring any of them too much.
So Kaeya decides he’s had enough, political restrictions be damned. He’s not letting anything happen to Mia and Falco under his care.
Just as he takes the decision, he feels heat barrelling towards him from his right and ducks fully on adrenaline fuelled instincts, narrowly missing the flames the catalyst nuisance sent towards him. Kaeya pulls a knife out of his belt, throws it at the agent and it pierces through his raised hand.
The man drops to the ground with a howl. Kaeya prepares to send a wave of ice towards him to freeze him to the ground but seizing the opening he left when he had looked around, the woman lunges at him, greatsword aimed right at his neck.
Kaeya lifts his sword on instinct.
Wagner’s words of not using his sword to channel cryo comes to him too late.
A small, precise burst of ice to throw her back, knock her off her feet–
Is not what happens.
He raises his sword, and a blast of ice lurches out wildly, enclosing the shocked agent, trapping her inside thick, spiked ice at least fifteen feet tall. He’s thrown back from the force of it, head slamming into the forest floor, hard. His vision is filled with bursts of colours, and the pain in his eye jolts at the impact, like an electro shock running through him.
For a few seconds, Kaeya cannot move.
The moment he gains some coherence, he immediately pushes himself off the ground ignoring a wave of dizziness. His vision sparks at his side, like metal in a furnace, angrily hissing at him.
Looking at the spiked wall of ice, he hopes the agent is able to breathe inside all that ice, because she isn’t going to do him any good being dead.
He twists around, trying to find Mia and Falco. Blood drips down his eye. He wipes at it hastily, eyes darting around for the two of them. A few feet away from him, he could see the third agent on the ground, with Mia on his back, arms tightened around his neck. She jerks him back with vengeance and a grin, as Falco ties up the agent’s hands behind him.
Kaeya, despite everything, lets out a strained chuckle. They were doing fine, they had done their part.
It was Kaeya who was fumbling, big time.
His eye hurt, and it hurt bad. This wasn't like anytime before. It felt like his eyes were lit on fire, melting and dripping out, pulling along with it the veins that go up his head. His skin felt clammy, his head felt like it was being hammered.
But there was something else, something else that was echoing around him, something faint and intangible.
Like voices.
He could hear faint voices coming from all directions, and simultaneously from nowhere at all. He could hear it, but not distinguish it. Harsh whispers, distant wails.
It takes him a moment to realise, the voices are entirely inside his head.
Someone yells something at him, louder than the voices.
“Captain!” he barely makes out what they say. “The edge–!”
Blood continues to pour down his eye, obstructing his vision. He presses blindly at the wound, hoping to stop the blood flow and gets up, gritting his teeth against the wave of pain.
And voices.
He shuts his eyes, trying to block them out, trying to focus on what’s going on around him, but at the moment Kaeya can feel nothing other than the pain that strangles him. Everything blurs around him as he desperately tries to do something, anything– but it’s all just– just too much.
Kaeya takes a few steps forward, but something slams into his shoulder. He almost doesn’t feel it, over the pain, but the force of it makes him stagger back.
He belatedly realises it’s his own knife the catalyst agent threw back at him.
He also realises too late that he was standing just by the edge of the cliff, until there’s suddenly no ground beneath him.
And then he is falling off the cliff, consciousness drifting before he even hits the ground.
/
He wakes up to a bright flash in the sky. Thunder rumbles in the far distance.
The sky is grey and the trees are a vibrant green, like it is after a storm, fresh and clean.
Kaeya is confused for a moment why on earth is he waking up out in the wild, and not in a room or something more explainable.
He blinks.
He tries to think.
But his mind buzzes with an uncanny silence.
He blinks again, and suddenly two people are kneeling in front of him. Mia and Falco. They’re looking at him, one calmly panicked and other outright panicked.
They say something, grip his shoulder, then say more things. But when Kaeya doesn’t reply, Mia looks even more panicked, while Falco tries to make himself calmer. They speak to each other, shuffle around for a bit, and come back in front of him again.
Kaeya watches, feeling almost detached from his body, as Falco dabs at his head with a bunched up piece of cloth and Mia starts ripping off pieces from her uniform. They tie it around Kaeya’s head and his shoulder, and all the other places blood leaks out of. Kaeya stares blankly at them as they try to talk to him, not comprehending a word. Why is that? Why couldn’t he make out the words? Were they speaking a different language?
When Kaeya doesn’t respond, they speak to each other.
Which turns into an argument.
The world is tilting around him and Kaeya cannot find it in himself to bother and listen. Instead, he tries to think, to understand the situation a little better.
Mia and Falco get up, going a few steps ahead towards the road. They seem to be looking out for something.
What had just happened? How had they ended up in this situation and why was Kaeya slumping against a tree while Mia and Falco patch him up and yell at each other? Kaeya was supposed to be the one assisting and helping these two out, not the other way around. He should be stepping in and helping them sort out whatever they were arguing about.
With this thought in mind, he decides to tune into their conversation with more resolve than before.
“–then you and Captain would have reached the village by now!” Mia is saying.
“You would have stayed back alone and what? Die?!” Falco grits back.
“There was just one agent left! I could have dealt with him!” she yells. “Doesn’t matter now, there are no carriages or caravans coming this way. The village is too far away, we don’t have supplies, Captain is bleeding out and it's going to rain again, for Archon’s sake—"
It’s too loud. They’re too loud.
His head hurts. He tries to brace his hands on the ground and push himself up, but they shake as he adds weight on them.
Slumping back, Kaeya glares at the grass.
Unable to move, mind muddled, he feels utterly useless.
And it’s the worst feeling ever.
As if to wake him up from his dazed state, a sudden jolt of pain shoots through his eye. Kaeya jerks forward, clutching his eye. The pain slashes through the fog in his brain, and Kaeya–
He remembers.
The Fatui, the fight, the pain– it comes back in full force. Hits him like a boulder rolling off a cliff. Kaeya struggles to keep his voice reigned in. He glances at Mia and Falco, who were still yelling at each other, but something else overwhelms him.
Voices. Again.
But, this time he can hear them clearly. Make out every single word.
The first voice is a whisper. A fleeting thing.
Why do we deserve this fate?
And then all together at once, a cacophony of voices explode. They overlap each other, yet he can hear each one clearly; too fast, too loud, too many.
Some scream, some wail, while most sob, heart-wrenching and agonised.
You forget us, one says.
Kaeya shoves himself upright with a burst of energy he didn’t seem to have before.
What have we done? someone screams. Why do we deserve this?
Why must we take these wicked forms? Another cries. Why must we live for eons like this?
How can you live there, in the land that worships the gods?!
You live among them, like you are one of them!
How can you? How can you walk past us everyday?
A pained gasp escapes through his clenched teeth as the voices bear down on him, heavy and encompassing. But he manages to latch onto one coherent thought that runs through his head.
Get out of here, his own voice says amongst the many others in his head, almost drowned by the intensity of the others. Get away from here, get away from everyone.
He slips away.
Mia and Falco, don’t notice.
He runs and runs, through mud and grass.
The world around him blurs into greys and greens, pain and voices, wind and rain.
He needs to leave, he needs to go somewhere.
Kaeya doesn’t think he knows what he’s doing– where he’s going. But something leads him a certain way. Something leads him down a certain path.
The wind nudges him forward, pulls him along as he runs, until his feet are aching and his boots are caked in mud. Droplets of water whizz across his face, sharp and biting. He runs until the forest vanishes and houses begin to appear, until he’s navigating through rows and rows of grapevine.
He runs until the wind lets him go, and he crashes against a tree, panting.
His vision is obstructed by the blood flowing down his face. Kaeya watches as it drips onto the ground, mixing with puddles of brown water.
Lightning strikes down from the clouds.
Where am I? He thinks, as he tries to catch his breath, watching more crimson swirl in the dirty puddles.
His breath came out in short puffs, the air he took in– even more unfulfilling. It did not satiate the ache in his lungs, did not calm him down. If anything, it left him more breathless.
Kaeya leans back heavily against the tree, sucking in a deep breath. He looks up to a scenery, that is so, so familiar. A scenery painted behind countless memories from the past.
Just as comforting as it is to be here, amidst the grapevine and the backdrop of looming dragonspine, Kaeya feels wrong to be here.
He shouldn’t be here. He isn't supposed to be here.
He needs to leave. He needs to leave before someone sees him, out here, in this state. What would he say? How would he answer the questions?
A strong gust of wind pushes at him, almost making Kaeya stumble forward. He scowls at it, like it’s a tangible being.
A shiver runs through him, but his eyes still burn searing hot. His gloved hand presses against his eyepatch instinctively, as if that alone would somehow push back the pain.
Light flashes in the sky, followed by a distant, yet loud rumbling.
I hate storms, he thinks with vehemence. I will never go to Inazuma.
Lightning flashes in the sky again, too close to comfort, as if in answer to his thought.
But Kaeya cannot be bothered by lightning because it hurts. Everything still hurts. His eye, his head, his arms. But thankfully, the voices are but a faint hum, lost amidst the blowing wind, that for some reason seems to swirl only around him.
He squeezes his eyes shut. Maybe he should just sit down, right here under the tree, and go to sleep. Maybe he’ll be back to normal when he wakes up, he’ll be back to his senses and then he can leave quietly. He can go back, find Mia and Falco, apologise to them, make it up to them for abandoning them and running away. Then he can go to Jean's office, deliver his report and she would let him sleep on her couch.
Or maybe, if the stars are so kind, this will all turn out to be nothing but a terrible dream.
But squeezing his eyes shut and ardently wishing for such things does nothing against the pounding in his head.
Before he can convince himself to open his eyes and accept reality, something collides with his legs.
Big and heavy.
With enough force that Kaeya loses his balance and topples right onto the ground.
He falls with a gasp, falling into a puddle of rainwater. No longer under the shade of the tree, rain descends down on him with extra vengeance. The fall makes a jolt shoot up his head, like someone had taken a knife and dragged it through his brain. The impact must have knocked him out for a good few seconds, because when he jerks his open, the sky is blocked by a big black furry thing.
The said big black furry thing tilts its head and ducks down to lick Kaeya on the nose.
He stares, a little shocked, as the old Ragnvindr family dog whines, a paw coming up and prodding at his shoulder. It brushes against his wound, and Kaeya jerks away, but his eyes don't leave the dog, baffled.
“Biene,” Kaeya breathes out after a beat, pushing himself hastily so that he’s sitting up. The big dog was dripping wet, fur matted in mud. What was he even doing out here in the rain?
Biene paws at him again, nudging Kaeya with his head. He bites his sleeve, tugging him towards the direction of the Winery.
Kaeya blinks, and something cracks in his chest. Something small and vulnerable. He throws his arms around Biene, squishing his face against his dirt covered fur.
Biene lets him do as he pleases, sitting down obediently. Kaeya, for the first time in a while, takes in a proper breath. As he clings on to Biene, breathing suddenly becomes a bit easier.
“Biene,” Kaeya whispers, after a few moments of silence. “It hurts.”
Biene nuzzles at his neck. The warmth coming from him makes Kaeya realise how cold he actually was. The fact that he was soaked to the bone didn’t help. Yet Kaeya stays put, pulling Biene closer. The pain laps at the edges of his mind, but sitting here at the moment, it's easy to let the loud rain wash it down into an indistinguishable blur.
The peace doesn’t last too long. Not even a whole minute, Kaeya thinks.
“Biene!” someone yells, from somewhere nearby. “Where have you run off–”
They don’t finish their sentence, breaking away with a loud gasp.
Boots splash loudly in the water, until someone is hovering above him. Kaeya doesn’t bother looking up, he’s too content sitting here. The person hovering above is saying something, but between the dimming pain, Biene panting right into his ears and the deafening rain, Kaeya cannot make out what he says.
But then the person grips Kaeya’s shoulder abruptly, shaking him.
Kaeya grunts, eyes flying open. The man before him is familiar, but Kaeya can only focus on trying to stop the man from shaking him. He says something hurried as Kaeya tries to shove him off, but he’s quicker, and pulls Kaeya’s arm over his shoulder and hoists him up in one swift motion.
Then the man begins to walk, dragging Kaeya along with him.
Kaeya doesn’t make it easy for him, not on purpose. It’s just– walking or even just standing up aggravates the pain pulsing through his head, and being suddenly pulled upright tilts the world in all different directions.
He staggers alongside the man, too overwhelmed to protest.
They come to a stop after an agonisingly long time, which probably was just a few seconds in reality, and then the man is hollering next to him, for someone to open the door. Kaeya cringes away from him when the noise goes straight into his head like a piercing arrow.
A door is thrown open and brightness from inside is such a contrast to the outside, it completely blinds him. Kaeya can’t see a thing for a few seconds, except swirling displays of shapes and colour.
He panics when he realises there’s people around him, but his clouded vision cannot make out the figures. He whips his head around, panicked, as more hands come to grip him.
Where was he? Why were there so many people here? Where was Biene–
He feels trapped, he needs to get out, he needs to go away–
There is a hand on his face, it makes all his thoughts come to a screeching halt.
It’s so.
Overwhelmingly familiar.
Kaeya’s eye flies open, he didn’t know he had it pressed shut.
He’s on the floor, on his knees, and right in front of him is Adelinde’s face.
Her eyes are blown wide, her eyebrows furrowed. Her lips are moving and Kaeya squints, trying to make out what she’s saying. He tries, but everything is still too loud, and all Kaeya can focus on was the fact that she was right here, right in front of him. Her presence burns off the tendrils of panic wrapping around his chest, it lowers his guard so much it probably has become non-existent. It drapes around him like a soft blanket, lulling him closer, pulling him away from every harmful thing.
If hands weren’t holding him upright, he would have let himself fall towards her.
“Kaeya?” he hears her say, voice calm even though her expression was anything but that.
Her hands on his cheek move away, and he protests at the loss, but she moves to support him on his other side and then he’s being hauled up, again.
He groans as the world tilts in an alarming angle. Couches go up the ceiling, chandeliers on the floor. It's terribly trippy, and he’s thankful he doesn’t have to walk on his own or he would have faceplanted somewhere. He vaguely thinks when he is back to normal, back to his usual aware self, he’s going to be feeling so embarrassed about this whole ordeal.
But that’s for future Kaeya to deal with, so he mindlessly lets himself stumble alongside them.
Hurried and hushed words are exchanged around him. The pain jolts alive again from movement, and when he is lowered onto something, his hands finally free, he rakes his hand through his hair, and pulls. He squeezes his eyes shut. If only he could rip the pain and the voices out of his head, if only he could somehow make it stop–
Someone grabs his hands, forcibly pulling them away. The hand is warm, too warm, it almost feels like it’s flames dancing over his cold and clammy skin.
Kaeya jerks his hands away, unexplained fear gripping his heart at the thought of flames.
They let go of him immediately.
They’re saying something, but Kaeya is so tired. He just– he just wants to sleep. He wants to pass out right here. Adelinde is here somewhere, so he should be fine, right? Maybe when he wakes up everything will be normal again. He can go back and report to Jean and apologise for all the mess he’s caused.
Speaking of Adelinde, where was she? Had he just hallucinated her out of desperation?
That terrifying thought makes him open his eye again, but it’s not Adelinde that he sees.
He goes completely still as he looks at the person before him. The blood, still stubbornly leaking down his one eye doesn’t make it any easier for him. Kaeya squints, because– because this can’t be it. It must be hallucinations. As if hallucinating voices weren't enough, now he’s hallucinating whole people?
There is no other explanation for why Kaeya is seeing his long dead father, alive and breathing, right in front of him.
He thinks he says something, but he doesn’t register it. ‘Father’ in front of him looks surprised, before one of his hands tentatively come to rest at Kaeya’s shoulder. The other wipes away the blood dripping over his eye.
“Kaeya,” says a voice that isn’t Father’s.
Kaeya doesn’t know if he’s disappointed, or he’s glad he’s not hallucinating people too.
You could be hallucinating him too, his mind supplies. Just like the voices.
“Kaeya,” Diluc repeats firmly. “I’m not a hallucination.”
“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say,” Kaeya mutters.
Diluc continues, unperturbed. “You’re at the winery. It’s okay, you’re safe, and you’re not– you're not hallucinating anything, what did you mean–”
“Master Diluc,” Adelinde cuts him off briskly, coming into view. “Later.”
She moves closer to Kaeya, gently pushing him down. Kaeya falls back into the cushions behind him, and suddenly, hallucinations or not, he doesn’t care. Kaeya just wants to bury himself in them. He wants to sink into them, get lost and not wake up anytime soon.
Exhaustion hits him like a landslide, and keeping his eye open takes a monumental amount of effort. But there is no need for it, is there? He’s tired. He’s tired and Diluc said it was okay so there was no need to stay awake anymore.
“No– Kaeya, stay awake,” he thinks he hears from somewhere. “I did not say it was okay to–”
Kaeya doesn’t manage to stay awake long enough to hear the end of that sentence.