pretend you love me

by justuravgeek (Compulsory)

Summary:

“This may come as a shock to you, but I’ve liked you since high school. I’ve always admired your positivity and I think you have a gorgeous voice. I also think you’re really pretty! Please go out with me!” Till exclaimed, pushing the roses towards Mizi.

“Thank you, but I’m already dating someone,” she lied.

or

In an attempt to let down Till lightly, Mizi tells him she's dating Sua. She's not. The two get wrapped up in a fake dating scheme while they grapple with their feelings for each other.

Chapter 1: blood stained roses

Blood was dripping down Till’s hands, his palms digging deep into thorns. He was tightly gripping a bouquet of roses, his head facing the ground as he tried to hide his deep blush. Mizi started to panic, she knew what was coming next. He had pulled her into a secluded alleyway between buildings, mumbling that he “needed to tell her something,” and she’d seen how he flushed at her smallest touch. She had an inkling of his crush on her, but she wasn’t expecting he’d ever say anything about it. She thought he understood that his feelings would never be reciprocated. 

 

“This may come as a shock to you, but I’ve liked you since high school. I’ve always admired your positivity, and I think you have a gorgeous voice. I also think you’re really pretty! Please go out with me!” Till exclaimed, pushing the roses towards her.

 

Mizi froze, her heart breaking for Till. He was a close friend, and he had taken a great risk to confess to her. She was desperate not to hurt him with her rejection, and her mind raced for an excuse. 

 

“Thank you, but I’m already dating someone,” she lied. It was a stupid lie, she didn’t have to lie. Why didn’t she just tell Till she wasn’t attracted to men? She had tried too hard to protect him and had glossed over an easy solution, digging herself into a hole. 

 

“You’re dating someone?” Till questioned, dropping his arms down, the roses thudding against his paint stained jeans. “Who is it?” 

 

“Um,’ Mizi’s heart thumped. Someone she’d date? She knew the answer, but it hurt to think about. There’s no way they’d ever end up together. She’d never like her back. She was too perfect to like her back. They were. Just. Friends. Her mind buzzed like static; she couldn’t think of anyone else. “Sua,” she said quietly, her mouth going dry. 

 

“Oh. I knew you two were close. I just thought…I thought you were just childhood friends.” Till said, wrapping his mind around the new information. 

 

“We just started going out,” Mizi lied again, swallowing thickly. She looked towards the ground unwilling to face Till as she failed to protect his heart with falsities. She could hear her heart beating against her skull like a drum. What was she doing? “I’ve liked her for a long time so I was super happy when she reciprocated those feelings. I really love her.” Mizi confessed, her voice was shaky and her cheeks burned bright red. She was trying to make her story sound more believable, but as much as the words she was speaking were true, they also hurt. Her lie wasn’t just an embellishment, but her deepest desire. 

 

She glanced back up at Till. He looked both shocked and sad, the realization that Mizi truly loved someone else, and that he’d never be with her, settling in at the same time. 

 

“I’m sorry for getting in your way. I hope we can still be friends,” Till said as he scuffed his sneakers against the concrete. 

 

“Of course we can still be friends!” Mizi jumped to clarify. “You’re one of my closest friends, and nothing could change that, Till.” 

 

Mizi glanced at Till’s hands; they were caked with blood. She took a step closer to inspect them more closely; he glanced at her, confused. She gestured to his hands, “Let me help, that looks like it hurts. I have a first aid kit in my backpack.” 

 

Till nodded gently, and Mizi swung her backpack around, fishing for the first aid kit inside. She pulled out a band-aid and an alcohol wipe, then gently peeled the thorny stems out of Till's right hand. He winced in pain as she dabbed his palm with the wipe. “Why are the thorns so low on these roses? Don’t they normally de-thorn the bottom at the florists?” Mizi questioned as she continued to patch Till up. 

 

“I picked them myself,” Till said, blushing again. 

 

“Thank you,” Mizi said, still feeling for Till. She understood the pain of unrequited love. “And I’m sorry.” 

 

“It’s okay,” Till said somberly.

 

Till glanced at his hands as Mizi finished placing down another band-aid. He suddenly became self-conscious of their proximity and took a step back. 

 

“Please don’t tell Sua about this. I get the feeling that she’s a pretty protective girlfriend, and I don’t think she’d appreciate me asking you out or you patching me up. I’m really not in the mood to get beat up today,” Till said through a shaky laugh. 

 

Mizi opened her mouth to reply, but her phone buzzed instead. She pulled it out of her back pocket and glanced at the notification. 

 

“I’m so sorry, I have group voice in fifteen minutes. I have to run,” Mizi said, glancing down the alleyway, toward the direction of her next class. “Please don’t toss the flowers, and I won't tell Sua. You’re right, she can be a little possessive, but I love it.” Mizi said as she backed away from Till and towards the building across the quad. She gave him a little wave, then left him standing in the alleyway with a broken heart, his hands patched with bandages, holding a bloody bouquet of roses. 

 

Mizi sped across the campus, her fast walk breaking into a jog. Her head hurt, and her eyes were stinging. She had gotten accustomed to burying her feelings for Sua. Pushing them down and sealing them away was the only way they were able to stay friends, live with each other, and hold each other close. She’d considered it before, telling Sua that she wanted something more, but there was more at stake than just their friendship. She didn’t think that Sua would shut her out if she confessed, but if Sua didn’t reciprocate, there would be a new wall between them. Each time their hands brushed or Sua gripped her arm, there would be a new uncertainty in the air. “What does this mean for you?” would be laced with every touch; their friendship forever remade. That was the scariest thing of all, and it wasn’t worth the risk. 

 

It was class change and students were filing out of the building, congesting the entrance. Mizi’s breaths were rapid, and her eyesight was blurry; she was almost certain her mascara was starting to melt. She could feel stares as she pushed through the crowd, desperate to lock herself in the bathroom. She rushed down the hall, into a stall, dropped her backpack to the ground, sat on the toilet, and buried her hands into her face. She let the tears flow, her face dripping with black as the mascara swirled into the salty drops. 

 

Years of pent-up feelings were pouring out, dripping onto the tile below. She’d messed up. She couldn’t tell Till she lied now, he was already hurt. She had to tell Sua somehow, play it off as a joke, and re-bottle her feelings. She could salvage this, she would salvage this. Till would be okay, and Sua wouldn’t find out about her feelings. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. She could play pretend just for a little. 

 

Her phone buzzed again, this time with a message from Sua asking where she was. They were in the same vocal class this semester, and she was now running late for it. She typed out a quick text telling Sua that something had come up and to let their professor know that she would be just a few minutes late, then placed her phone in her backpack. She walked out of the stall and looked in the mirror. Her face was streaked with mascara, and her nose and eyes were red. It was clear she’d been crying heavily. She wiped her face, pulled out a small makeup bag, and quickly reapplied the basics. Her eyes were still lightly red, but she no longer looked mid-breakdown. She took one more deep breath and then exited the bathroom. 

 

She walked down the hall and turned into her classroom. She was only a few minutes late, and the group had just started to warm up, their voices vibrating out the door. She crept into the room quietly, then took her spot right in front of Sua. They were configured like a choir, with sopranos in the front, altos in the middle, and baritones in the back. Sua was a mezzo-soprano, placing her right behind Mizi. 

The small bleachers in the classroom gave Sua a little extra height, so she leaned down to whisper in Mizi’s ear, “Are you okay?’ 

 

The light touch of Sua’s hands on her shoulder, and the gentle puff of Sua’s breath in her ear, made Mizi shudder. She could feel heat creeping up the back of her neck, flushing her cheeks and tips of her ears. As much as she wanted to re-bottle her feelings, she was now hyper-aware of Sua’s every touch. 

 

“I’m fine,” she mustered out. 

 

“You’re warm,” Sua stated. 

 

“It’s nothing.” 

 

Sua pouted. She couldn’t even see Mizi’s face, but she could pick up even the lightest strain in Mizi’s voice. “I don’t like it when you lie to me.” 

 

“We can talk about it after class,” Mizi hissed. 

 

“Did something happen? Because-” 

 

“Girls!” their professor interrupted, “You’re supposed to be warming up, not chatting. Is everything okay?” 

 

“I thought Mizi looked unwell. Sorry,” Sua said. 

 

“I’m okay. I’m just a little congested today.” Mizi said. She wasn’t lying, the crying had congested her. 

 

Their professor glanced back and forth between the girls. “Okay. No more talking, and Mizi please take care of your health.” Mizi nodded, then found Sua’s hand and squeezed it lightly as an apology. 

 

The rest of the class passed relatively quickly and it wasn’t long before they were packing up. As Mizi was putting her folder back into her bag she noticed Acorn approaching in the corner of her eye. She paused and watched as he handed Sua a small box of chocolate with a small note, then scampered back to his belongings. Mizi frowned but hesitated to say anything, there was already too much she needed to handle. Acron could be dealt with later.  

 

“I can see you staring, you know,” Sua said from behind her. 

 

Mizi turned away, embarrassed, and finished putting her things into her bag. She picked up her backpack, and Sua hopped down from her spot on the bleachers. Sua threaded her fingers between Mizi’s and the two exited the classroom, walking towards the bus stop. 

 

“I’ll tell you about Acorn later,” Sua said, aware that Mizi was unsettled. 

 

Later. Later…Everything was going to happen later today. Mizi could feel her palms start to sweat as she thought about how she was going to explain everything to Sua. Sua squeezed her hand gently, and Mizi turned to face her. The sun was starting to dip behind them, and the light reflected around Sua, wrapping her in a hazy glow. She smiled sweetly, and Mizi felt her heart pound against her chest. Sua was perfect. 

 

It was only a ten-minute commute to their apartment, but the emotional afternoon Mizi had left her drained. She drifted off quickly, slumping against Sua’s shoulder as the bus slowly rocked back and forth. As she slept, Sua took a small section of her pink hair and braided it quietly. 

 

When they arrived at their apartment, Mizi was still groggy, half-asleep from her nap on the bus. Sua tugged her along until they collapsed on the couch. Instinctively, Mizi curled around Sua, holding her close. 

 

“Sleepy,” Mizi muttered.

 

Sua brushed a few strands of hair off Mizi’s face and tucked them behind her ear. 

 

“If you take a nap, you won’t be able to fall asleep tonight,” Sua said. 

 

“Mmm. I know,” Mizi grumbled against Sua’s shoulder. 

 

“Did you want to talk before or after dinner then? If you want to talk after, you can nap a little now,” Sua said. 

 

The tiredness dissipated from Mizi's body as the anxiety bubbled back into her chest. She would be too anxious to eat dinner if their conversation was looming over the meal. 

 

“Before dinner. Let’s talk now,” Mizi said as she straightened up on the couch. 

 

They sat on the couch face to face, an unusual tension settling in the air between them. Mizi looked at her hands as she twisted her fingers gently, searching for the right way to broach the topic. 

 

“Why were you late to class today?” Sua asked, starting the conversation for Mizi. 

 

“Um,” Mizi hesitated. She had promised Till she wouldn’t tell Sua about his confession. While Sua wasn’t her girlfriend, she was still a little possessive. “Promise you won’t get mad.” 

 

Sua frowned. That was never a good start to a conversation. “Okay…,” she said. 

 

“Till asked me out,” Mizi said. 

 

Sua’s face twisted into a frown. Mizi could tell, as much as she was trying to hide it, that Sua was angry. It was inevitable, still, Mizi didn’t like to see Sua pout. 

 

“And what did you say?” Sua asked.

 

“I told him,” Mizi winced, before finishing her sentence, bracing herself for Sua’s reaction, “I couldn’t go out with him because we were dating.” 

 

Sua was quiet, and the silence was causing alarm bells to chime loudly in Mizi’s head. She opened her eyes from a squint and found Sua stifling back laughter. 

 

“I thought you were going to tell me something serious had happened. Like you started going out with him,” Sua said. 

 

“Go out with him!?” Mizi sputtered. “You know I don’t like men,” Mizi said, curling her knees up into her chest.

 

“I know, but you’re 22 and you’ve never gone out with anyone . I think I had the right to be scared. Maybe you discovered something new about yourself. I don't know,” Sua said. 

 

“I don’t like men, and I don’t need to have gone out with anyone to know that won’t change. And you’re one to talk! You haven’t gone out with anyone….” Mizi trailed off, her mind going back to Acorn. 

 

“Now you’re just being hypocritical,” Sua said. “Acorn has been gifting me things lately. I think he’s trying to build up the courage to ask me out.” 

 

Mizi pouted; she hated imagining someone else confessing to Sua. 

 

“I don’t like men and I don’t need to have gone out with anyone to know that won’t change,” Sua echoed back, gently poking Mizi in the cheek with each word.

 

“It is serious,” Mizi said. 

 

“What?” Sua asked, confused. 

 

“You said it wasn’t serious! But I told Till we were dating and I think that’s pretty serious!” Mizi exclaimed, shifting the topic back. 

 

“Why?” Sua said with an edge to her voice. 

 

“Because I lied to him! He just looked so nervous, I didn’t want my rejection to hurt him. It was the first thing that came out of my mouth. Now….now we’ll have to pretend to be something we’re not. We’re all friends, things are going to change now,” Mizi said.

 

“Hmm. I don’t think it’s that serious,” Sua stated as she leaned into Mizi’s personal space. “I mean, I don’t think it’ll take much extra effort to pretend we’re dating, and it would help me let Acorn down gently, just like you did with Till. It’s a win-win situation.” 

 

Sua was now resting her chin on the tops of Mizi’s curled-up knees, her head tilted up so she could lock eyes with Mizi. Mizi felt heat tingling her cheeks at Sua’s proximity. Her now unrestrained feelings, combined with her tendency to blush, were not going to fare well with this fake dating scheme she had created. 

 

“You’re really okay with this? With pretending to date me?” Mizi asked, her mind still struggling to imagine a world where her feelings were reciprocated. 

 

Sua perched her head up from Mizi’s knees so they were now fully face to face and locked eyes with her. 

 

“You were already mine alone. I don’t mind gripping you a little tighter for the sake of a good deed,” Sua said. 

 

Mizi wrapped Sua into a hug, pushing her backward, and toppling them both over on the couch. 

 

“Thank you,” Mizi said, her mind completely at ease as she wrapped herself around Sua. 

 

“You’re my best friend,” Sua said. “I’d do anything for you.” 

 

Best. Friend. The words cut into Mizi like daggers and she slowly pulled herself off Sua. Sua frowned, missing Mizi’s weight on top of her. 

 

“Let’s eat dinner now,” Mizi said, swallowing down the pain. 

 

“Okay,” Sua said as she climbed off the couch then walked over to the kitchen where Mizi was standing, and wrapped her arms around Mizi’s waist. “What’s for dinner, babe,” Sua muttered into her ear.

 

Mizi stilled. The feeling of Sua’s arms around her waist was new, but Mizi could handle the extra proximity. After all, she had restrained her feelings to preserve her ability to touch and be touched. But the pet name was enough to cause Mizi’s mind to melt. 

 

Sua stepped away, afraid her advance had been too much. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-” 

 

“No! It’s okay, you just caught me by surprise,” Mizi said with a laugh. “I wasn’t expecting us to start until we ran into Till, and he probably wants some distance anyway so…” 

 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have played into it,” Sua said. 

 

“It's fine. I think we’ll have some time before we see him, so we can plan out our story how we got together and stuff, and then choose a good time to break up so we cause the least amount of drama. Okay?” Mizi said. 

 

“Yeah. Sure.” Sua said, her voice tight. She looked disappointed, like the thought of breaking up with Mizi was enough to bring her to tears. 

 

Mizi stared at Sua, trying to decipher her reaction, when their phones buzzed in sync. A message from Ivan popped up in their group chat stating that he had a football game on Friday and they were all required to come. 

 

Mizi and Sua locked eyes once more. They were going to have to see Till much sooner than anticipated.

Notes:

hello everyone! thank you so much for reading! this is going to be the beginning of a fun journey so i hope you stick with me. I'm estimating chapters will be updated every sunday at 10 pm EST going forward.

you can find me on twt! @justuravgeek

next week: mizi and sua grapple with relationship boundaries as they pretend to be dating for the first time :P

Chapter 2: five rules to prevent heartbreak

Summary:

“I just have one rule,” Mizi said as she pulled the pen and notebook towards her, flipping to a new page, “The fake relationship stays outside of the apartment,”

or

Mizi and Sua iron out the details of their fake relationship, then put it straight to the test.

Notes:

hi hi! sorry for the late update! i will be on spring break soon so definitely no delay for chapters 3&4! i hope you enjoy the read!

Mizi gripped her small black bunny plush close to her chest. Its fuzz tickled the underside of her chin, but she was too distracted by Sua walking back into the kitchen to notice. Sua’s hair was damp, the moisture darkened the straps of her grey tank top, and her blue sleep shorts were… short. It was her usual sleepwear, but Mizi felt her eyes linger. 

 

“I thought it would be helpful if we wrote everything down in a notebook,” Sua said, shaking the spiral-bound book in the air as she sat at the kitchen table across from Mizi.

 

“I don’t think people will ask us too much,” Mizi said. 

 

“You underestimate your popularity,” Sua grumbled. 

 

“I just think most people will be respectful!” 

 

“Still, we should expect some questions from your acquaintances and an interrogation from Ivan and Till. We’ve known each other since preschool and are just now getting together? People will be curious,” Sua said. 

 

Mizi squeezed her plush tight. She knew Sua was right, and they needed to iron out a clear story, but she was stalling. Formulating their fake love story was going to be incredibly bittersweet. 

 

“Right,” Mizi said, clearing her throat.

 

Sua flipped open the notebook to the first page and started writing. “Who confessed first?” Sua asked as she scribbled the question onto the page. 

 

Mizi and Sua both paused for a moment, thinking. “You,” They said in sync, “Me?” They echoed back. 

 

“I think I’d get too flustered by your advances, and you’d have to be very blunt about it,” Mizi said. 

 

“You’re more open with your emotions, I think it’d be more likely that you realize your feelings and tell me,” Sua rebutted. 

 

Mizi hesitated. She knew Sua was wrong, she wouldn’t confess, she hadn’t confessed, but it was a more believable story. 

 

“Okay. I confessed first,” Mizi said. 

 

Sua jotted down the answer, then looked back up at Mizi. Her breaths became shallow, her eyes softened and she leaned in, rested her chin against her palm, and closed some of the gap between them. The air suddenly grew thick with tension. 

 

“How would you do it? How would you confess to me?” Sua asked, her voice low and inquisitive. 

 

“Um,” Mizi swallowed thickly, she’d thought about it countless times before, “I’d take you on a picnic by the river we used to play in. I’d bring you a bouquet of white lilies and your favorite pastries- the ones that aren't too sweet- and then, as the sun began to dip below the horizon, I’d sing you a love song I composed. When it was over, I would take you by the hands and tell you that I have loved you for as long as I can remember.” Mizi said, her voice shaky. She’d meant every word. 

 

Sua’s cheeks burned a deep crimson, and she glanced away from Mizi, trying to hide her blush. Mizi’s confession was everything she dreamed it’d be. 

 

“It sounds lovely. Of course, I said yes,” Sua said.   

 

Mizi stared as Sua began writing her confession into the notebook. Her head was pounding in disbelief at what she had confessed, so she stared at Sua to ease her mind. It was ironic how the very thing that caused her heart to race and her breaths to quicken was the same thing that calmed her down the most. Sua’s hair had already quickly started to dry, but it wouldn’t be fully done before bed; she’d have to offer to blow dry it when they were done. Sua was especially warm after her hair was dried; the heat seemed to linger on her. Perhaps she could crawl into Sua’s bed while she read tonight and cling to her. 

 

“Mizi! Mizi,” Sua said, lightly kicking Mizi under the table, trying to get her attention. 

 

“Sorry!” Mizi said, jumping out of her daze,  “I zoned out. What did you ask?” 

 

“How long have we been dating?” Sua asked. 

 

“Just a few weeks. I told Till we just got together,” Mizi said. 

 

“That also explains why we haven’t told anyone.”

 

Sua pulled her eyes up from the notebook. “That should be enough for the story,” she said as she set her pen down. 

 

“I just have one rule,” Mizi said as she pulled the pen and notebook towards her, flipping to a new page. “The fake relationship stays outside of the apartment,” she said as she jotted it down.

 

Sua reached her hands out and Mizi slid the book across the table again.

 

“Our breakup will be amicable,” Sua said, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

 

“We only kiss on the lips when we need to,” Mizi squeaked. “Most other touching we do already.” 

 

“We only tell our friends here; there is no need to rope in our families,” Sua continued. 

 

“Our relationship will only last as long as it needs to,” Mizi said, writing down the last rule. 

 

Mizi slid the notebook into the center of the table. It was selfish, but all her rules had been there to protect herself, especially the last one; the longer this went on, the more prone she was to lose herself in the romance. If that happened, their fake breakup would shatter her beyond repair. 

 

Sua stood from her seat and stretched; her shirt rode up, exposing her midriff, and Mizi found herself staring again. It had only been a few hours since she had confessed her love for Sua to Till, but she already felt a desire she had buried in high school bubble to the surface. She wanted far more than Sua’s reciprocated love, she wanted Sua to feel how much she loved her. 

 

“We should go to bed,” Sua said as she started to move away from the kitchen table and towards their bedroom. “The game is going to keep us up late tomorrow and you were falling asleep earlier.”

 

“Oh! Let me blow dry your hair,” Mizi said, hopping up from her seat and quickly chasing after Sua. 

 

Sua squeezed her hair gently, feeling for moisture. “Okay. It’s still a little damp.” 

 

The bathroom in their apartment was small, too small for the both of them. It was an organized mess; Mizi’s beauty products took up most of the counter space, though they were placed in specified spots categorized by Sua. While their living habits differed immensely, they worked hard to live together in harmony. 

 

Sua sat down on a small, cushioned stool in front of the mirror. Mizi handed her the bunny plush she had been carrying and reached under the cupboard for the blowdryer. 

 

“Hold onto her while I do your hair. She’ll get nice and warm,” Mizi said, her voice muffled under the cabinet. 

 

“Okay,” Sua said, gripping the plush bunny tight. They had found the stuffed animal at the mall together a few years ago and Mizi had squealed the minute she laid eyes on it. “It looks just like you, Sua! We have to buy it.” She said, pressing her face up against the glass like a little kid. They shared custody of Sua, the bunny plush, though she spent most of the time in Mizi’s bed. Sua buried her chin into the stuffed animal; it smelled like Mizi.

 

Mizi turned on the hairdryer and ran her hand against the hot air, testing the temperature, careful not to burn Sua, and then began blowdrying the top of Sua’s head. It was important to start at the roots as they would take the longest to dry. She ran her hands periodically through Sua’s silky onyx hair, checking for dampness. Their day had been long, and Mizi could see Sua’s eyes begin to flutter shut as she worked on her hair. Mizi could feel her heart beating against her chest as she watched Sua struggle to stay awake. It was simple moments like these that really reminded Mizi just how deeply she was in love. She wanted to live like this with Sua, forever. Sua’s hair was short, so it didn’t take long to dry. Mizi powered off the blowdryer, and Sua’s eyes snapped open, noticing the lack of Mizi’s gentle hands against her scalp. 

 

“Thank you,” Sua said through a yawn. 

 

“It was nothing,” Mizi said as she placed the blow dryer back under the cupboard. “I had to make sure you didn’t get sick.” 

 

Sua stood up from the small stool and began heading towards their room. Realizing Mizi wasn’t directly trailing her, Sua popped her head back into the bathroom. Mizi was doing her skincare routine, quietly humming to a song. 

 

“I already brushed my teeth, so I’m going to go read before bed,” Sua said. 

 

Mizi turned around to face Sua. “Okay, I’ll be quick. Don't fall asleep.” 

 

“I won’t,” Sua said before heading back into their room. 

 

Their apartment only had one bedroom, the cost for staying near campus, but it was enough space for the both of them. They each had a twin mattress on either side of the room, along with a nightstand and a desk. It was laid out similarly to a dorm, but it was homier and much more comfortable. The fact that the space was theirs made it special. 

 

Sua had only been reading for five minutes when Mizi squeezed into the bed next to her. The twin beds were small, so Mizi was flush against Sua. 

 

“You’re so warm after the hair dryer. You’re like a little hot potato,” Mizi said, squeezing around Sua’s waist. 

 

Sua felt her whole body heat up, from her chest to the tips of her ears, her blush ran deep. She was accustomed to Mizi’s touchiness, her desire for the physical, but her mind had been unfocused since Mizi’s proposition. Mizi’s hand slipped under her tank top, and Sua found herself frozen, reading the same line in her book over and over again. It was well past midnight, and Sua turned to nudge Mizi away and into her own bed, only to find her fast asleep. Sua sighed, then turned off her light and rolled to the side. They would have to squeeze into her bed for the night. 

 

***

“I don’t want to be at this game for very long,” Sua groaned as they shuffled through the bleachers.

 

“We skipped tailgating, and we’ll leave as soon as Ivan comes out after the game,” Mizi said. 

 

“Fine,” Sua said deadpan. 

 

They found Till in the crowd quickly; his black shirt and paint-stained pants stood out against the sea of red. They waved to him, and he motioned for them to come up. 

 

“I saved you a spot,” Till said, scooting his jacket off the bleachers. 

 

“Thank you!” Mizi said as she slid into the spot next to him. 

 

Till glanced back and forth between Mizi and Sua before clearing his throat to catch their attention. “I just wanted to congratulate you two on getting together,” Till said. 

 

Sua glared at Till, then pulled Mizi close. “Thank you,” Sua said. 

 

“Woah, you two got together? Are you okay, dude?” One of the girls behind them, Bari, said. 

 

Mizi and Sua turned around to find a small group of their friends in the row behind them. Bari, Luna, and Sien were their own group of three, but they got along well enough with Mizi, Sua, Ivan, and Till that the seven often found themselves together at outings. 

 

Till winced at Bari’s comment. 

 

“I mean, you’ve been crushing on her since we met,” Bari continued. 

 

“I’m fine,” Till snapped. 

 

Luna jabbed Bari in the side with her elbow. “Can’t you read the room?” Luna whispered. 

“Sorry,” Bari said, patting Till on the shoulder. “So, how’d you two get together?” 

 

Mizi answered the bombardment of questions from Luna and Bari while Sua slowly began to latch herself around Mizi. She wasn’t opposed to Mizi having other friends, she knew Mizi was friendly, naturally flirty even, but she wanted her attention the most. Maybe it was childish or selfish, but she was going to use the fact that they were “dating” to the fullest extent. She was wrapped around Mizi’s left side like a koala clinging to a tree, her face was pressed lightly against the side of Mizi’s breast, wrapping her in a side hug of sorts. She looked like a little kid hiding from a stranger behind their mom. She tugged lightly on Mizi’s shirt, and Mizi glanced down at her. 

 

“Can we get popcorn?” Sua asked. 

 

“Yeah, of course,” Mizi said, placing a small kiss against the top of her forehead. The kiss was new, and Sua felt the spot where Mizi had kissed grow warm. She was used to the hand-holding, hugging, and clinging, but the kisses, no matter where they were, were a sign of a development in their relationship. It was part of the show, but Sua felt her heart speed up a fraction. 

 

“We’re going to go get popcorn,” Mizi said to the group. 

 

They walked hand in hand back down the bleachers and into the stadium. Sua took a quick look at Mizi and saw her face was bright red, she knew her cheeks bore a similar shade. They stood in line for the popcorn, and Mizi glanced around before spotting a small stand selling drinks. 

 

“I’m gonna go buy a beer,” Mizi said, pointing to the stand. 

 

“Okay, I’ll come to you after I get the popcorn,” Sua said. 

 

Mizi slowly detached herself from Sua’s koala grip and walked to the nearby vendor. The line for refreshments was fairly short as most people were enthralled in the game, and Sua had collected two small bags of popcorn rather quickly. As she turned her attention toward the stand where Mizi was buying her drink, she noticed a man flirting with Mizi. 

 

Sua slid next to Mizi, stood on her tiptoes, and planted a light kiss against Mizi’s cheek. 

 

“Here’s your popcorn, babe. Did you get your drink?” Sua asked, glaring at the man in front of them. 

 

“You know, I can handle the both of you if you’re interested,” the man said with a smirk. 

 

Mizi glared at him. “We’re not interested,” she growled. 

 

Sua flipped the man off, then tugged Mizi away. They weaved their way back to the bleachers in time to watch Ivan land a touchdown, pushing his team into the lead. They were not yet at half-time, and Sua was already tired and ready to go home. She sat on the bleacher, the metal cold against her legs, while Mizi continued to talk to the group behind them. Sua understood the basics of football, but watching Mizi was far more entertaining. 

 

Mizi could handle her alcohol, and one beer wasn’t enough to get her drunk, but she was a little tipsy. And when Mizi was tipsy, she was handsy. Sua watched as Mizi slowly sipped away, her hands found their way against Sua’s knee, gently tracing hearts against her kneecap. Her soft touches were just for show, and Sua once again wished they were home so Mizi could be hers alone. 

 

Half time started, and Mizi stood up from the bleachers and shook her empty can back and forth. “I’m gonna toss this and go to the bathroom,” Mizi said.

 

Sua hopped up immediately. “I’ll go with you! You shouldn’t go alone.” 

 

Mizi grabbed Sua’s hand, and they began to file out the bleachers when suddenly, Till grabbed Sua’s other hand, “Wait,” Till said. 

 

Mizi and Sua paused and turned around, confused. 

 

“I want to speak with Sua alone for a moment,” Till said. 

 

Sua frowned then glanced back at Mizi, “I’m taking Mizi to the bathroom,” Sua said. 

 

“It’ll be quick. Bari and Luna can go with her,” Till said. 

 

Sua glanced back up at the pair, and they nodded in agreement. 

 

“It better be quick,” Sua said, letting go of Mizi’s hand, “And make sure nothing happens out there. There were some really annoying men out there earlier.” 

 

“You know I’m not drunk,” Mizi said. 

 

“I know, but you get…touchy when you’re tipsy. I don’t want anyone talking to you to get the wrong idea,” Sua said. 

 

Mizi frowned, then leaned in and whispered in Sua’s ear. Her hot breath tickled against Sua’s ear. “I only get handsy with you,” Mizi said. 

 

Sua’s cheeks tingled with heat. “Okay,” she said quietly. 

 

“Alright love birds, time to break it up. Half time will be over by the time we go to the bathroom,” Luna said, pulling Mizi away and into the crowds filing out. 

 

Sua placed her hands against her cheeks, trying to cool them down. She knew Mizi was playing into the act, just as she had been earlier, but they were already so close that moments like these almost felt real. 

 

“I’m going to be straightforward,” Till said. He wiped his palms against his jeans, and it was clear he was nervous to be talking to her like this, but he was trying his best. “You can’t mess this up with Mizi. She’s the most amazing person I know, and she loves you so much. If you break her heart…I’ll make sure you pay!” Till said, his threat empty. Sua knew she could beat him in a fight. Though, Till’s devotion to Mizi was admirable, and for that, he got a pass. 

 

“Mizi is the most precious person to me. I have never known anyone so beautiful and sincere, I would rather die than break her heart.” Sua said. 

 

“Good,” Till said, nodding. 

 

Mizi and Ivan held their group together; without them, Sua and Till didn’t have much in common except for their shared admiration for Mizi. They waited for the girls to return in silence.

 

Half-time ended, and the second half of the game passed slowly. Both teams struggled to score, leaving Ivan’s team well in the lead, and the sun dipped down, drowning the players in darkness. The energy of the crowds came to a lull, and Mizi rested her head lightly against Sua’s shoulder. 

 

“Thank you for today,” Mizi whispered. 

 

“Anything for you,” Sua said. 

 

Ivan’s team scored once more, and the game came to an end. They waved goodbye to Bari, Luna, and Sein. Sein hesitated then spoke quickly, “Tell Ivan I thought he did great today!” and rushed away without a response. Mizi and Sua giggled quietly. “He has a crush on Ivan,” Mizi said. 

 

“I can see that…” Till replied. 

 

They waited on the bleachers until the crowds filed out, giving Ivan time to change. When they finally filtered out of the stadium, they found Ivan standing by the entrance waiting for them. He immediately wrapped Mizi in a hug, lifting her off the ground. She squealed lightly, and he set her back down. 

 

“Thank you guys for coming!” Ivan said as he embraced Till from behind. Till flailed against him, trying to escape his hug, but Ivan just smiled as Till thrashed. 

 

“You did a great job! This season is going to be great.” Mizi said.

 

Sua clung to Mizi once more, eyeing Ivan up and down. He knew she didn’t like it when he hugged her like that. Ivan glanced at Sua glaring at him, then waved with a light smile. 

 

“Don’t come to the student government meeting hungover,” Sua said. 

 

Ivan released one hand from his lock on Till and used it to lightly ruffle the top of Sua’s head. 

 

“I never let my extracurriculars interfere with my academics or my position. Don’t think I’ll slip now,” Ivan said. 

 

Sua just hummed quietly in response, unconvinced.

 

Ivan whispered something into Till’s ear, and Sua watched as he turned a deep shade of red. He seemed flushed with embarrassment more than anything else. 

 

“Our band has a concert on Wednesday. Would you like to come?” Till asked.

 

Mizi glanced at Sua, who reluctantly nodded. “We’ll be there!” Mizi said. 

 

“Perfect!” Ivan exclaimed. “Well, we have to run, so I’ll catch you on campus. And Mizi, let's get coffee on Monday. You have a lot to fill me in on.” Ivan said, glancing between Mizi and Sua. 

 

Mizi blushed and nodded her head. They waved the boys goodbye and then shuffled to the bus stop, exhausted from their night out.

 

Memories of the evening flashed through Mizi’s mind as she got ready for bed, her mind replaying Sua’s light kiss on her cheek. Sua had been so clingy she had needed to buy a beer solely to blame it for the shade of her face. 

 

Still in a daze, she walked over to Sua’s bed, placed another light kiss on her forehead, and muttered, “Goodnight,” before climbing into bed. 

 

She flicked off the light, then her eyes snapped open. She’d broken a rule.

Notes:

thank you all for reading!! we finally got to explore a little more about how sua is feeling and see their relationship finally put to the test! everyone seemed to buy it but the lines have already started to blur...

next week: mizi and ivan have a chat, sua gets drunk at a concert.

edit: hi all! tonight’s chapter will be moved to tomorrow (monday) at 10pm instead of tonight. sorry! i got caught up with midterms, travel, and family visiting this week.

Chapter 3: drunken posession

Summary:

Mizi needed a drink. Or three.

or

Ivan and Mizi catch up. Mizi and Sua go to Ivan and Till's concert, where everyone has gotten word of their relationship...

Notes:

hi hi hi! SOOOOOOO sorry for the nearly week delayed chapter... i really did think i was not only going to be super on time but i planned to get an entire chapter ahead over my break and i did NOT. i was much busier than anticipated and struggled to find a peaceful place to write lol. hopefully (fingers crossed guys) chapter 4 will be out around Monday night and I will get fully back to sunday updates come chapter 5!! i will ride this thing through to the end! i hope you enjoy chap 3!

Mizi stood in a daze outside the coffee shop. She hadn’t slept well since she’d accidentally kissed Sua on the cheek the night of Ivan's football game. She’d apologized the next morning, blaming it on the beer and Sua had shrugged it off, saying it was okay. But Mizi could tell that Sua had read through her white lie– that there was another reason for her kiss goodnight. She hadn’t been able to rest thinking that, maybe, Sua had figured her out and was waiting for the right moment to confront her. Their friendship as she knew it would come tumbling down around her.

 

A peck on the cheek wasn’t anything substantial. Some people even used it for greetings between friends, it didn’t have to mean anything. But for them, it was something different, something new. She had placed a light kiss against Sua’s forehead for display, for further proof of their relationship. For her to subconsciously bring that back into the apartment and break the first rule she set herself was a bad sign for the rest of their fake relationship. They’d only been fake dating for two days at the time of her misplaced affection; what would she let slip through after a week? A month? They were only five days into their fictional romance, and she was already reaching her limit.

 

Reverberations from a pair of dress shoes clopping against concrete sounded distant in her daze. 

 

“Woah, you look like you haven’t slept in days,” Ivan said.

 

Mizi snapped out of her tired haze and found herself staring at a clean pair of black, leather, dress shoes. She lifted her head up and locked eyes with Ivan. He was wearing slacks and a button-up with his red letterman jacket instead of a blazer, his backpack hung off of one shoulder. 

 

“What are you all dressed up for?” Mizi asked. 

 

Ivan glanced down at his outfit. “I have a student government meeting with your girlfriend after this. The blazer is too uncomfortable. I’ll put it on after our coffee,” Ivan said, tugging at his letterman.

 

The tips of Mizi’s ears tinged at the mention of Sua, and she glanced away, trying to hide her blush. 

 

“Oh, so you really are in the honeymoon phase. Turning all red and I didn’t even mention her name.” Ivan teased.

 

Mizi playfully slapped his arm. “Let’s just get coffee. I’m exhausted.” 

 

“Oh yeah? I wonder what you could’ve been doing that kept you up all night?” Ivan questioned with a suggestive smirk and a quirk of his eyebrow. 

 

Mizi shoved him lightly backward and sped into the coffee shop. The cafe was empty, and she quickly ordered a drink and sat down at a table. At best, she was only a minute ahead of Ivan; he had been right behind her in line, but she needed the extra time to collect her thoughts. Ivan knew almost everything about her, down to her long-held crush on Sua. She didn’t want to lie to Ivan, and telling him would allow her to organize some of her rampant thoughts. But, their fake relationship was fresh and vulnerable, and anyone knowing could put it at risk. As much as she trusted Ivan to keep her secrets, there was no guarantee the truth wouldn’t get out. She was also aware of his feelings for Till and telling him about Till’s confession could hurt him. She would have to stick with the lie, for now. 

 

“Could you not have waited a singular minute for me?” Ivan asked. 

 

Mizi glanced back at the line, it was now full with students pouring in after their afternoon classes to get coffee. 

 

“It gets busy around this time. I had to make sure we got a seat,” Mizi said. 

 

“Sure…” Ivan answered skeptically. 

 

Ivan took a long sip of his coffee, then set the cup down on the table. His playfulness faded as he looked at Mizi, preparing his words. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Sua got together? I had to hear it from Till, seriously?” Ivan said, hurt pricking his voice. 

 

Mizi’s smile dropped. She should’ve told Ivan before the football game, but she had been too preoccupied with Sua, Till, and her own feelings. In trying not to hurt anyone, she had managed to forget about her best friend’s feelings. 

 

“I’m sorry. It all happened so quickly, and we had wanted to keep it a secret for a little while. I didn’t expect the word to get out so soon,” Mizi half lied. 

 

“It’s okay,” Ivan said, smiling bittersweetly.

 

Ivan watched as Mizi took a drink of her coffee. She looked exhausted – the Mizi he knew would be invigorated from being with Sua. Something was off. 

 

“Mizi, are you feeling alright? You know you can tell me anything, right?” Ivan said, concern running through his voice. 

 

The bottom of Mizi’s lip quivered at the question. She was good at reigning in her emotions, but Ivan asking her outright if she was okay was enough to shake her. She took a deep breath, steadying herself. “I’m okay. Thank you for asking, Ivan,” she said. Her voice had a bit of an edge to it, deflecting the waver from her threatening tears. 

 

Ivan’s phone buzzed against the table. He picked up and frowned. “I have to get running to the student government meeting.” Ivan slipped off his letterman jacket, then pulled a neatly folded blazer out of his backpack, put it on, and shoved the letterman away. “You can tell me anything. I’m always here for you.” Ivan said. 

 

Mizi nodded her head. “I'm okay. Thank you for checking up on me.”

 

“I’ll see you on Wednesday then? At the concert?” Ivan asked.

 

“Sua and I will be there,” Mizi said as Ivan walked backward out the door, waving at Mizi the whole way out. 

 

***

 

Mizi needed a drink. Or three. The word about their relationship had trickled in their circles, and almost everyone going to Ivan and Till’s band concert had learned about their relationship. It was more than just Till and a few acquaintances they would be putting on a show for, but a nearly packed bar. 

 

Mizi paused at the door to the bar and glanced down at Sua clinging onto her arm. 

 

“Are you ready to go in?” Mizi asked. 

 

Sua nodded her head. “Friday went well enough. I’ll keep a closer eye on you this time, though,” Sua said, tightening her grip on Mizi’s arm. 

 

“So you won’t be drinking tonight?” Mizi asked.

 

“No, you know I’m a lightweight anyway,” Sua said. 

 

Mizi let out a sigh she didn’t realize she was holding in. While Mizi was a handsy drunk, Sua was needy. The times when they drank at the same time often ended with them tangled up in each other at a booth, needing Ivan to pull them apart and out of the bar. 

 

Drunk and needy Sua was exactly what Mizi wasn’t prepared for tonight. Mizi was still on edge after her misplaced kiss, and having an assertive Sua around her, begging for her touch, would’ve been a disaster. 

 

They walked into the bar and slid into two seats by the counter. The venue was small, and most people were standing around waiting for the concert to start. They had barely begun to settle in when Mizi noticed Acorn making his way towards them. His steps seemed uncertain, and Mizi was almost positive he was drunk. She wrapped her arm around Sua’s waist, tugging her in possessively. 

 

Sua stiffened at the unexpected change in position, then relaxed into Mizi’s touch. She moved her stool closer to Mizi’s so their sides were flush against each other. Acorn approached them and turned to Sua.

 

“You’re angelic, Sua,” Acorn slurred. “I always wanted to go out with you.” 

 

“She’s taken,” Mizi said, her voice near a low growl.

 

“I know. I just thought it was better to say it at least once. ‘M sorry.” Acorn said before slumping his head in defeat. 

 

“Thank you, Acorn, but Mizi’s always been the only one for me. If you had asked me two months earlier, or even last year, I still would’ve said no because my heart belonged to Mizi,” Sua said, her voice toeing a line between sweet, possessive, and cold. 

 

One of Acorn's friends came and steered him away, apologizing for his rudeness. As soon as they left, Mizi called over the bartender and ordered a shot. Her face was suspiciously red after Sua’s declaration of love, and she needed a cover – again. Sua had just turned Acorn down, but her words ran through Mizi like electricity. Her body tingled as heat crept up her neck, and she wished for Sua to say the words again over and over, energizing her with each repetition. She wanted it to be true, that she was Sua’s. She needed another shot. 

 

Suddenly the lights dimmed and Mizi and Sua spotted Ivan and Till on stage. Their band was called The Cure and they were the lead vocalists, though Till played the guitar as well. The crowd cheered, and Till strummed his guitar, kicking off the first song. It was fast-paced, and Till’s vocals reverberated through the venue. It was a good start to the concert, but as Mizi listened to the lyrics, she realized the song was about her. She glanced over at Sua and found her glaring daggers at Till. 

 

“Why would he perform this?” Sua whispered into her ear. 

 

“It can’t be a love song, I mean…” Mizi said. They both turned their eyes towards Ivan.“That would just be cruel,” they said in unison. 

 

“If I had to perform a song in class that you wrote about someone else, I would shatter. I don’t know how he’s up there right now,” Mizi said.

 

“I wouldn’t,” Sua said.

 

“You wouldn’t what?” Mizi asked. 

 

“I wouldn’t perform a song you wrote about someone else. I’d take the zero.” Sua said. 

 

Mizi stared at Sua, her jaw dropped slightly. Sua had a full-ride scholarship, Sua had straight A’s, Sua was president of the student government, Sua never got a zero. It wasn’t that Mizi was surprised that Sua would risk her grades for her, but there was a weight to Sua’s words. Taking a zero was risking her scholarship and position in the student government; it was serious, and she could tell Sua was serious. 

 

“Thank you,” Mizi said, struggling to muster out anything else. 

 

“Anything for you,” Sua said.

 

The air was thick between them. They were speaking in hypotheticals, but the scenario was removed from their muddled relationship. It was about them, now, as they were. It carried more weight than any confession or act of love that had bubbled to the surface in the few days. Mizi ordered another shot.

 

The Cure played a short set of only four songs, ending with their namesake, Cure, and the bar began to buzz back to full volume. Ivan and Till came out from backstage, and the four slipped into a booth. 

 

“You guys were amazing!” Mizi complimented.

 

“Thank you!” Ivan and Till said in unison. 

 

“It was good,” Sua said, a little too deadpan. Ivan and Till stared at her with a blank expression, 

“Really,” Sua said, her voice both serious and sincere. 

 

“Thanks!” Ivan said while Till just nodded, still a little afraid of Sua. 

 

“You guys have come such a long way since high school. I’m blown away every time I see you guys perform.” Mizi said. 

 

“I still think you two should hook up-” Mizi kicked Ivan’s shin under the table, stopping him mid-sentence, “ Musically. I’d love a little more competition.” 

 

Mizi glanced at Sua, and she was glad the alcohol had already tinted her face red. They’d thought about doing it before but always decided against it. The only songs Mizi had written were about Sua, and the only ones she was going to write would be about Sua. She couldn't risk performing in front of her, let alone with her. 

 

“It wouldn’t work.” Mizi and Sua said in sync. 

 

A bartender approached their booth, carrying a platter and a single drink. The group turned and watched as the bartender deposited the drink in front of Mizi’s spot on the table.

 

“A drink from the young lady over there,” The bartender said, pointing to a girl sheepishly waving from the booth across from them. 

 

“I- Oh. Thank you but-. Yeah. Ok. Maybe I should-” Mizi sputtered. She was used to being hit on, by men, so moments like these still made her stumble. Suddenly, Sua slid flush against her, wrapped her arm around her shoulder, then picked up the drink she had been gifted and chugged it. She wiped her lips sloppily with the side of her hand, then placed a sloppy kiss on the side of Mizi’s cheek. 

 

Overwhelmed by Sua’s aggressive approach, Mizi glanced around the room, desperate not to make eye contact with Ivan or Till. She accidentally locked eyes with the girl and then quickly turned away, embarrassed. 

 

Ivan let out a low whistle. “And I didn’t think she could get any worse.” 

 

Mizi furrowed her brows; she hated it when Ivan and Sua fought. "What is that supposed to mean?” she said coldly. 

 

“So defensive!” Ivan said, raising his arms in submission, “I mean, she’s just even more possessive than she was before you started dating. 

 

Mizi relaxed. “Oh.” 

 

“I can hear you, you know,” Sua slurred. 

 

Sua’s tolerance was two shots, and she had downed a whole drink; her whole body was practically flushed from the alcohol. Mizi glanced down at her, concerned. 

 

“I wasn’t being possessive,” Sua said, scooching in closer to Mizi. “I was protecting her. That girl was bad news I could just tell.” 

 

“Sua’s right. That girl definitely knew you two were dating.” Till said. He was fully present, despite being six bottles deep. 

 

Sua drunkenly climbed into Mizi’s lap and straddled her. Ivan and Till looked back and forth hesitantly. This wasn’t entirely new to them, but considering the new nature of Mizi and Sua’s relationship, they felt like they were invading. 

 

“We’re going to give you guys some privacy,” Till said, a hint of pain in his voice, 

 

“Don’t have too much fun,” Ivan said with a wink, “You’re still in public.” 

 

Mizi intended to roll her eyes and brush Ivan and Till away, but Sua was breathing deeply into her right ear, and her focus was shot. 

 

“I wasn’t being possessive,” Sua muttered again into her ear.

 

“You don’t have to defend yourself. They’re gone,” Mizi said, swallowing thickly, 

 

Mizi felt a warm wetness against her earlobe, and then teeth, Sua was nibbling on her earlobe. Mizi stifled back a low moan. 

 

“I don’t need to be possessive. You’re already mine,” Sua said. 

 

Sua moved down from Mizi’s earlobe, onto her neck, and began sucking a small spot. “I want to show them you’re mine,” Sua said between breaths. 

 

Mizi’s mind was buzzing, she was unable to focus as Sua slowly licked and sucked on the side of her neck. Desire thrummed through her as Sua bit against her skin. Sua was warm against her and she wanted to feel more, she wanted to return the favor with slow, languid kisses down Sua’s neck. She wanted to worship her and praise her while their bodies intertwined. Sua scraped her teeth against Mizi’s neck, and Mizi jolted out of her fantasy. She pried Sua’s face off her neck, panting. 

 

“Not- not yet,” Mizi said. 

 

“Mmm. But there are so many people watching us?” Sua said. 

 

A pang of sadness struck Mizi. Even drunk, Sua was only thinking of their relationship as fake. It was just another show. Though this time, fueled by Sua’s drunken neediness. Sua claimed she wasn’t being possessive, but Mizi knew better. They’d known each other since they were children, and Sua had been just the same. She didn’t like it when Mizi made other friends or grew close and affectionate with them. She had to learn to adapt when Ivan and Till joined their friend group, she’d gotten better over the years, but at her core, Sua wanted Mizi’s smile to herself. Possessiveness was never a sign of affection deeper than friendship, and she had been a fool to let herself get lost in Sua’s most recent grip on her. 

 

She pried Sua off her, uncertain whether her desire to touch Sua outweighed her current need to distance herself from Sua. Mizi sighed. Sua getting drunk was exactly what she hadn’t wanted for the night.

 

“Come on, let’s get back to the apartment,” Mizi said, tugging Sua out of the bar.

 

The cool night air pricked against Mizi’s skin as she wished that it had all been real. That Sua loved her and wanted her. That the mark Sua had left against her neck was a sign of desire and not for show. She wanted it all so badly, and it was getting to be too much. Maybe this had all been a mistake. 

 

“I don’t know if-” Mizi started. Words had tumbled out of her mouth before she had a chance to think about what she was doing.

 

“What?” Sua slurred, cutting her off. 

 

Mizi glanced down at Sua, who was gripping her arm tightly for balance. This wasn’t the time or place for this discussion.

 

Mizi pinched the bridge of her nose. “The bus is almost here.” 

 

“It’s not too late?” Sua asked. 

 

“Last bus is at 1 am, it’s only 12:30.”

 

Mizi took a deep breath. She couldn’t do it anymore. They were only a few days in, and she was pushed well beyond her limit. Till had still looked plagued with sadness by her relationship with Sua, she had lied to Ivan, and she was reaching her breaking point. She loved Sua too much to pretend they were something more. She’d dug herself into a hole, and the only way out was to be honest. For once. 

 

She would tell Sua it wasn’t working. Tomorrow.

Notes:

thanks soo much for reading! i hope you enjoyed.

fun fact! in my outline, mizi was the one who got really drunk and this was a more sua-focused chapter: "Mizi gets drunk and clingy and tries to kiss sua" (my chap 3 notes lol) BUT after everyone's tolerances were revealed and the influx of drunk sua content i just HAD to make sua the drunk, needy, and possessive one. it meant i had to rework some of the chapter, but the characters have all ended up in the same place as originally intended!

next week: mizi grapples with ending things. sua gets a call from her sister...

Chapter 4: rule number four

Summary:

"But instead of a true confession, Mizi offered up a fake relationship, and Sua thought, maybe, it was better this way. Maybe, this was the way she could have Mizi love her the way she craved, but keep all the hurt out."

or

Sua talks with her sister. Mizi talks with Ivan (again). They both grapple with their fake relationship and the good (and bad) it has brought them.

Notes:

HIIIII EVERYONE!! woot woot back to a sunday release schedule! i just want to thank everyone so so much for all the support I've received in the last week. it has really meant a lot! we're almost half way through!!!!

I want to give a special shoutout to OWN (@Own_GL) on twt for the amazing fanart of chapter three!!! everyone PLEASEEE check it out here

I hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Sua’s head was pounding– a consequence of her rash decision to chug the drink Mizi had been gifted. She rolled over in bed, searching for some relief from the banging against her skull, and found a bottle of water and two pills of ibuprofen on her nightstand. Mizi had been kind enough to prepare them for her. Her recollection of the night was hazy; the only memory that remained clear was her drunken attack on Mizi’s neck. 

 

She could tell from the pain in Mizi’s eyes that she had pushed her too far. But she had been drunk, and she could see eyes preying on Mizi from afar. She also wasn’t oblivious to the hungry stares Mizi was giving her. She wanted Mizi to want her, to mark her, to use her, but she could tell Mizi was holding back. So, in her inebriated daze, she did the next best thing– she crawled into Mizi’s lap and left a mark of her own. She claimed Mizi in front of the onlookers, and with each slow lick and bite against Mizi’s neck, she hoped the wall between them would shatter. But Mizi had pushed her away, so, she fell back on their fake relationship. 

 

The solution seemed simple. Confess. If she had picked up on Mizi’s feelings and reciprocated them, what was she waiting for? She didn’t really know anymore. Her thoughts had become muddled since Mizi had sat her down and nervously explained she had told Till they were dating. She had been holding back for years, keeping a promise she made to herself as a kid, to protect Mizi. Mizi wasn’t naive; she knew there were people who didn’t approve of same-sex relationships, but she chose to see the good in people and lived with the assumption that more people would be kind than not. While Sua struggled to imagine a world where her sister didn’t utter the words, “I’ve worked so hard to give you a good life, I won’t let you throw it away,” in response to her declaration of love for Mizi. 

 

Sua couldn’t bring herself to confess, knowing her family would likely tear them apart; they’d been pushing her to mingle with the boys at company parties for years. She couldn’t tell Mizi she loved her, knowing it would only eventually bring her pain. So she swore she would never be the one to pour her feelings out, and she waited and waited, and waited, for Mizi to declare her love first, knowing she would never turn her down. If Mizi confessed, she couldn’t blame herself for any of the hurt that came after. In some ways, it was selfish, a way to run away from her problems, but at its core was a desire to protect. And the only way to protect her was through silence. But instead of a true confession, Mizi offered up a fake relationship, and Sua thought, maybe, it was better this way. Maybe, this was the way she could have Mizi love her the way she craved, but keep all the hurt out. Only, it wasn’t enough, and pain was creeping in. She needed to apologize to Mizi. 

 

Sua gently rubbed her eyes and rolled out of bed. The thumping in her skull had subsided with the help of the ibuprofen, and her footsteps padded lightly against the hardwood floor as she made her way to the kitchen table. Mizi sat at the table, keys clacking as she worked on homework. Sua stood behind Mizi and delicately ran her fingers through pink hair, separating out three strands to braid. Mizi startled at the contact and turned toward Sua. Her eyes were faintly red, and Sua could tell she had been up all night. 

 

“You startled me,” Mizi said, her voice thick.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sua said. 

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“No, I’m sorry for last night.”

 

 Mizi reflexively pulled her hand up to the now makeup-covered hickey. “You were drunk.” 

 

“I was too…aggressive. I didn’t need to put on a show.” 

 

“You were drunk . It’s fine. You get like that when you’re drunk,” Mizi said. Her voice had an edge to it, like she was half-convincing herself. 

 

“Still, I should’ve been more considerate. We’re not actually-” Sua was cut off by Mizi abruptly standing. She ran her hands through her hair, unfurling the braid Sua had begun and picked up her backpack. 

 

“I have some work to do on campus, I’m heading there early. I’ll be back late too, so you can just eat dinner without me,” Mizi said before rushing out the door without giving Sua a second glance. 

 

***

Mizi took a deep, shaky, breath. She really didn’t want to cry on the bus. The minute she had glanced at Sua, she was immediately reminded of the evening before. She had spent most of the night awake, weighing the pros and cons of continuing their fake relationship, only to end up nowhere. The pros to ending their relationship were almost entirely selfish. It was her emotions that were causing this turmoil. There were plenty of cons, Till would be heartbroken for one, her relationship with Sua would be different as she had no concrete reason to end their fake relationship now, and she would have to come clean about lying to Ivan. She’d currently messed up nearly every single one of her friendships, and the only way through was to tough it out. Fake date for a few more months, and then break up amicably, leaving everyone happy. But then, she remembered Sua’s voice slurring, reminding her their wants were oh so different, and being selfish suddenly seemed to outweigh every other con. 

 

She felt nauseous. The reality of their differing desires made her stomach churn. Mizi felt a thick weight against her chest as she experienced a plethora of different emotions at the same time. She loved Sua so much, yet part of her hated Sua for not loving her back. She felt jealous of whomever Sua would choose to love over her. She felt shame for feeling any animosity towards Sua at all. And she felt sad, because she had wanted so much more than friendship for so long, and Sua wanted nothing to change. 

 

The bus pulled to a stop, and Mizi numbly wandered into campus. Her mind almost felt disconnected from her body as she walked past buildings in a haze, her head clouded with overwhelming emotions to the point of nothingness. 

 

Her body thunked into something hard, and a pair of hands gripped her shoulders upon reflex. 

 

“Woah! Watch out- Mizi?” 

 

Mizi pulled her eyes up from the ground and found herself face-to-face with Ivan. 

 

“Are you okay?” Ivan asked, concern running through his voice. 

 

Mizi wrapped her arms around Ivan tightly and sobbed into his chest in response. 

 

“It’ll be okay,” Ivan said while gently rubbing Mizi’s back, “Let’s go to the bleachers. I just got out of morning practice. Did you come looking for me?” 

 

Mizi nodded her head no, unable to speak as tears dampened Ivan’s shirt. She gently pried herself out of his arms, then glanced at the football field nearby. She had wandered quite far in her haze. 

 

“Let's go,” Mizi said, her voice gargled with congestion. 

 

Ivan took her by the hand and led her to the farthest row of bleachers in the stadium. 

 

“Nobody should be able to hear us up here,” Ivan said.

 

Mizi gently twisted her fingers. She was unsure how to start. Just Monday she had mustered up enough courage to lie to Ivan, and now she was planning to undo it all only four days later. She didn’t want to hurt him, but he was the most disconnected in her scheme. If she didn’t talk to somebody, she was sure she was going to make a poor decision, and the whole thing would blow up in her face. 

 

“Sua and I aren’t in a real relationship,” Mizi said softly, her eyes pointed toward the ground, unable to face Ivan. 

 

A series of emotions flickered across Ivan’s face, and he stuttered for a moment, unsure what to say first. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

“Some days, it’s so clear she doesn’t want me the same way, and I can’t do anything about it but grin and bear it. And then I imagine a world where I don’t get to love her like that at all and I think it’s better than nothing,” Mizi said solemnly, tears still dripping down her face. 

 

“Is it? I knew something was off on Monday, you looked so tired . Being with her like this, it’s eating you alive. You can’t keep living in this undefined limbo. You need to end it.” 

 

Mizi glanced back up at Ivan, worry flickering her eyes. “I can’t.” 

 

“You can’t? 

 

“Other people will get hurt! And…it’s the only chance I could have to be with her like this,” Mizi said, her voice cracking. 

 

“Mizi, she loves you.” 

 

“As a friend. You didn’t hear her yesterday,” Mizi bit. 

 

“I can see it in her eyes. You need to snap out of this.” Ivan said curtly, “You either grin, bear it, and take what you can get, confess, or end it. But right now, you’re hurting yourself. I don’t know who else could get hurt, but you need to stop being so self-sacrificing. Choose the option that will make you the happiest. And consider that, maybe, she loves you too,” Ivan said, placing his hands against Mizi’s shoulders, jostling her slightly. 

 

Mizi cracked a light smile, and let out a deep sigh. Despite Ivan’s insistence, she didn’t believe Sua loved her as anything more than a friend. She had been completely unphased, and consistently acting in the best interest of their fake relationship, for the entire week and a half. She never once looked wary or unsure of anything. Their fake relationship seemed so easy for Sua, and it only added to her belief that Sua didn’t want her in the same way. Confessing was entirely out the window. Leaving her only two options: she could keep suffering in their fake relationship or break it off.  

 

“During break, you don’t have another game, right?” Mizi asked. 

 

“Right.” 

 

“Another concert?” 

 

“Nope,” Ivan said, popping the P.

 

“A student government event?”

 

“Not until we get back.” 

 

“If there are no events, I can handle it,” Mizi said, her voice unsure. 

 

Ivan looked at her with concern. “You’re going to keep hurting yourself like this?”

 

“I need time to come up with something. I need time to set my story straight. If there’s nothing going on, we won't have to play pretend, and I’ll be okay. I’ll use break wisely. One week for me to remember how it used to be like before, reset my mind, and come up with a story. Some way to explain why we have to call it off so early. Then, I’ll break it off. As much as it hurts now, I think I need to pretend for a little bit longer. 

 

Ivan rubbed his forehead, frustrated with the direction Mizi had gone in.“You’ll end it in a week?”

“I promise,” Mizi said. 

 

Ivan sighed, then lifted Mizi off of the bleachers and into another hug. 

 

“Don’t forget she loves you, don’t hurt yourself, and talk to me whenever you need to.”

 

Mizi squeezed Ivan tightly, returning his hug. “I promise.” 

 

***

Sua tossed her backpack into the corner by her desk and flopped onto her bed with a deep groan. She was exhausted from her night out, classes had been unbearable hungover, and she had failed to have a proper conversation with Mizi in the morning. Mizi had also spent the entire day avoiding her, skipping their usual meetup for lunch and coffee. She wasn’t sure there was anything that could’ve made her day worse. Then her phone began to vibrate. She flipped it over eagerly, hoping for a call from Mizi, only to find her sister calling. 

“How are you doing, Sua?” Her sister asked. An air of uncomfortable formality around them. 

 

“Fine,” Sua grumbled. 

 

“And classes are going well, too? Still earning your scholarship money? You know I can’t afford to pay your tuition in full-” 

 

“My grades and classes are fine. Why did you call? Is everything okay?” Sua asked. She was a little concerned, it wasn’t often her sister called out of the blue like this. While they didn’t get along perfectly, Sua still cared for her. 

 

“I’d like you to come home for break next week.”

 

Sua’s mouth went dry. She hated going home. The invite always came with a secondary need. “What do you want this time?” She bit. 

 

“Can I not invite my baby sister back home for fall break?” 

 

“Just spit it out already,” Sua grumbled. 

 

“Your brother-in-law is hosting a large party for his company. One of his bosses has a son around your age. Friends and family are invited; we think it would be beneficial for you to mingle. It would help your brother-in-law out greatly, and his boss's son is quite dashing. I’m sure you two would get along swimmingly.” 

 

Sua clenched her fists, her hand gripped her phone so tightly she was almost scared the glass would shatter. Sua moved out of the bedroom and walked into the kitchen, pacing. She hated it when her sister got like this. 

 

“I can’t.” Sua blurted out. She immediately slapped her free hand over her mouth, surprised at what she said. She wasn’t one to refuse her family like this, but her mind was still out of sorts. She missed Mizi like crazy and she could feel anger bubbling up at her sister’s line of questioning. 

 

“Why?’ Her sister questioned. She could feel the cold stare through the phone. 

 

“I’m already dating someone,” Sua said. She was surprised at how fast the lie slipped out of her mouth, and she suddenly understood how Mizi had started their fake dating scenario in the first place. But she refused to let Mizi get caught up in her lie this time. Anything involving her family was off-limits she knew how they’d react. 

 

“Oh?” her sister questioned suggestively. “Who is it?” 

 

“It’s a girl,” Sua said coldly. She wanted to push her sister’s limits and fill her with the same anger she was brimming with. She braced herself, not for shouting, but for a cold disappointment and a demand to come to the party. Her sister had been trying to set her up with somebody for years, and she was certain that when the person she was dating wasn’t a wealthy man from a respectable family, she was going to hear it. 

 

“Oh,” her sister said. 

 

Sua was holding her breath. Oh. Just…oh? 

 

“I’m sorry-” Sua started, suddenly feeling guilty for trying to push her sister's buttons. 

 

“Is it that girl Mizi?” Her sister interrupted. 

 

Sua’s face went pale, this was exactly what she had wanted to avoid. 

 

“Why? What if it is?” Sua said quietly. She felt like a kid again, small and uncertain, yet accusatory. 

 

“You’ve always been close with her. Was it wrong for me to assume? I don’t care who it is.” Her sister said softly and sweetly.

 

The room around Sua began to spin and she could feel tears pricking the corner of her eyes. Had she really been mistaken this whole time? It didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel real.

 

“You don’t?” 

 

“I’m hard on you because I love you. I’d never shut you out because of who you love.” 

 

“I love her so much,” Sua cried, slumping into a chair at the kitchen table. Aside from whispered promises at night, she’d never once declared her love for Mizi out loud. 

 

“Why don’t you both spend all of break with us? I’d love to meet your girlfriend.”

 

“It’s Mizi. I’ll bring her,” Sua said before giving it a second thought. 

 

“Then, I’d love to meet her as your girlfriend. Bring some nice attire for the party, but we can spend most of the week relaxing. I know you both have been working hard.” 

 

“Thank you,” Sua said. 

 

“I’m glad you told me. We can talk more about it next week. Love you.” 

 

“Love you too,” Sua said before hanging up the phone. 

 

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, clearing away the tears, then gently splashed her face with cold water, cooling her down and calming some of the redness. 

 

The events of the phone call with her sister happened in such a rush that she had barely wrapped her mind around it. She had told her sister she was dating a girl in retaliation but ended up confessing her love for Mizi. Only, she wasn’t actually dating Mizi yet. The only obstacle that had been keeping her from confessing was torn down, and the realization that she could actually, finally, confess to Mizi was setting in. She needed it to be perfect, like Mizi’s story about confessing to her by the river. But perfection took time. And she was still on edge about her sister and her brother-in-law. She would test the waters next week with Mizi as her fake girlfriend, and if the week went well, she would confess. If her family was indeed harsh, they could hide behind the fake nature of their current relationship. If all went to plan, she would confess in just over a week. 

 

***

Mizi opened the door to her apartment and found Sua standing in the kitchen, tightly gripping her phone with a peculiar smile across her face. She had mostly calmed down since the morning; her decision to end things with Sua after a week had calmed her down. She wouldn’t need to suffer much longer, but she didn’t quite have to let the Sua who pretended to be her girlfriend, go yet. 

 

“Did something good happen?” Mizi asked, curious about the light grin on Sua’s face. 

 

“My sister just invited us to her house for break.” 

 

Mizi cocked her head to the side, Sua didn’t have the best relationship with her sister. It wasn’t bad, per se, but it wasn’t amazing. 

 

“She didn’t ask you for anything this time?” 

 

“She tried to set me up with someone, but this time, I told her we were dating.” 

 

Mizi’s smile dropped. This week was supposed to be easy because they weren’t going to have to pretend. Now, Sua’s family knew? They weren’t going to have to pretend for just a few hours but for a whole week on top of it all. 

 

“Rule number four,” Mizi muttered. “What about rule number four?” 

 

Sua’s smile dropped. “I’m sorry. I was the one who made that rule. But, only because I thought my sister wouldn’t accept us. And, you already broke rule number one. Are we really using them?” 

 

Mizi felt her face go pale. Despite their decades-long friendship, she didn’t know there was a chance Sua’s sister wouldn’t be accepting. She knew she was strict to a fault, but assumed she was still kind deep down. The mention of rule number one jostled her too; the lines were getting blurrier. Sua seemed to pick up on this and worked to ease her racing mind.

 

“My sister seemed genuine today. Like I said when we first started this, we’re so close already that we won’t have to act much differently. It’s not like my sister is going to ask us to kiss or anything. It’ll just be a relaxing week. I promise. I should’ve asked you; I’m sorry. I thought I was going to make her angry. I didn’t mean for us to get invited. I didn’t know she’d let us come,” Sua explained. 

 

Mizi smiled lightly. It was rare to see Sua like this, and she was right. It wasn’t like the football game or the concert where they had to prove to groups of their peers that they were together. It was a group of adults who probably wanted nothing more than a clasp of hands as proof. She needed the week to collect her thoughts, and Sua seemed so excited about the way her sister had reacted. It was worth it. She would break it off after break.

 

“Okay,” Mizi said, “Let’s go to your sister’s house for break.”

Notes:

thank you so much for reading everyone!!! sorry for the ANGSTTTTT !! finally insight on sua though :P this was a lot of set up for next week and the entire rest of the work, but it's about to get REAL FUN.

just a quick note, along with chapter five i also plan on making edits to the work as a whole to ensure it reads smoothly in one go. i don't expect any major changes but if there are i will let you know!

next week: mizi and sua spend fall break at sua's sister's house, all while mentally preparing for totally opposite confessions??

Chapter 5: just outside the bedroom door

Summary:

“We’re only a few minutes out. Are you nervous?” Mizi asked.

“A little. I know she said she was okay with this- with us- but I don’t know.”

or

Mizi and Sua spend a week at Sua's sister's house, and lines begin to blur even more.

Notes:

HELLO!!! WE ARE HALF WAY THROUGH GUYS!!! i hope you enjoy this chapter! it was a really fun one to write :)

note: updates to all chapters have been made. they were all very minor, mostly grammatical, and a few better word choices. one minor change to chapter 4 that's semi important is sua now briefly mentions to mizi that she didn't think her sister would accept them. it's quick, but mizi catches it.

Saturday

 

Sua gripped Mizi’s hand tightly. A thin layer of sweat had begun to accumulate as her dainty fingers threaded between Mizi’s. She’d never noticed it before, but Mizi’s hands were much larger than hers. If she were a flirty high school girl she probably would have asked Mizi to place her palm flush against hers to truly visualize the difference, knowing well that it signified a greater want. Maybe, if they were on the bus ride home, she would have let her new, uninhibited self slip and whisper softly into Mizi’s ear that she never noticed how big her hands were while slowly unthreading her fingers from their grip, egging Mizi to place her palm against hers. But they were sitting in the back of a rideshare, and Sua’s hand was lined with sweat because her heart was lightly thrumming with anxiety. Mizi squeezed her hand gently, sensing Sua’s unease. 

 

“We’re only a few minutes out. Are you nervous?” Mizi asked. 

 

“A little. I know she said she was okay with this- with us- but I don’t know.” 

 

Mizi unthreaded their hands and gently tilted Sua’s head to face her. “I’ll be by your side the whole time. No matter what happens.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Sua could tell Mizi was holding back a layer of disappointment. Despite all their years together, she’d never once confided in Mizi about the fears she had of her sister's acceptance. She could tell that the fact that there was something she had been withholding was letting unease fester in the back of Mizi’s mind. 

 

The car pulled into a long driveway, and Mizi and Sua thanked the driver before slipping out with their luggage. The ground vibrated as the car pulled out of the driveway, leaving them alone in front of Sua’s house. 

 

Sua took a deep breath, then glanced at Miz, who nodded affirmingly, before ringing the doorbell. The door cracked open almost instantly, and Sua’s sister winced as the setting sun hit her gaze. “Quickly, quickly inside!” she said, ushering them through the door. 

 

Sua set her luggage in the foyer and was instantly wrapped in a hug by her sister. “I’m so glad you came!” she said, squeezing Sua tightly. Sua tensed under the unexpected contact but allowed herself to relax into it. She was still wary of anything her sister might pull, but for now, she seemed genuine. Even if it was only a greeting. 

 

Sua pulled out of the hug, and her sister immediately turned to Mizi, outstretching her hand, “Sua used to spend so much time at your house growing up. I’m glad we can finally host you properly this time, Mizi. And please, just call me Jina. We’re all adults here, aren’t we?” 

 

Mizi smiled and shook Jina’s hand firmly, “Thank you for letting us stay here. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.” 

 

“Oh it’s nothing. Sua’s bedroom is just down the hall, I assume you won’t mind sharing the bed; go settle in, and then we’ll sit down for dinner. I’d love to hear what you two have been up to.” 

 

Sua, with Mizi trailing behind her, turned down the hall and into her childhood bedroom. It was just as sterile as she remembered it. The walls were white, barren, and lined with bookshelves stacked with academic texts. The only spark of color was from the corkboard hanging above her desk. Pictures of her and Mizi were pinned all over the board. It almost seemed embarrassing to look at now, a clear declaration of her obsession. Looking at her room, she realized it was also a reflection of her life, empty and bleak if not for the color Mizi brought in it. Without her, she probably would have drowned in isolation. Shuffling from class to extracurriculars to bed aimlessly in a cycle. Mizi was the light in her eyes. She glanced at Mizi and found her staring at the board, her cheeks tinged a light pink, and she felt caught. Her feelings seemed so on display, but for once, she didn’t care. If Mizi figured her out, all the easier for her. 

 

Sua glanced at the bed. They’d squeezed into Sua’s twin bed just over a week ago, but her heart was pounding at the thought of cuddling next to her now. With her decision to confess came a new intensity to her emotions. And while Mizi seemed to have calmed down after the concert, there was still an air of unease.

 

“You should take the bed. I can set up some blankets on the floor,” Sua said. 

 

“What? No. Let's just share. It’s not like we haven’t before,” Mizi replied defensively. 

 

“Are you sure? You were already hesitant to come. This is outside our rulebook. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” 

 

“We’re here a whole week. You’re going to be the uncomfortable one if you spend it all sleeping on the floor. We’ve shared your twin before, this will be nothing. I promise.” 

 

“Okay. If you’re alright with it,” Sua said. 

 

Sua cleared out a drawer in her dresser for Mizi and the two began to unpack their suitcases quietly. They were nearing dinner time, and Sua could sense Mizi’s growing nerves. She helped Mizi unpack the last of her belongings, and they sat on the ground by Sua’s bed. They both had a strict “no outside clothes on a clean bed” policy. 

 

“It’s just the same story we’ve been telling for the past two weeks,” Sua said, threading her hands into Mizi’s. 

 

“I know it's just…I know they don’t talk much, but your family knows mine. If word gets out and then we end it so quickly, it could be confusing.” 

 

Sua frowned. “End it so quickly.” She knew they were going to have to break up their pretend relationship, but Mizi sounded certain it was coming soon. She shook her head, it didn’t matter, Mizi would be hers, for real, before they would break up. She was certain. 

 

“I’ll make sure my sister doesn’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re most worried about. It’ll be okay. It takes little effort to pretend you’re my lover.” 

 

Mizi nodded her head, then squeezed Sua’s hand, “Let's go eat dinner.” Mizi paused for a brief moment, contemplating, then whispered into Sua’s ear, “My love.” 

 

Sua’s ears burned, and she turned away to hide her blush. This was going to be a dangerous week. Mizi pulled her up from the ground, and they padded into the kitchen. 

 

“Perfect timing! I’ve just finished dinner. Hajin won’t be joining us today; he’s swamped with work before the holidays, but I’d love the alone time with you,” Jina said as she spotted the girls. 

 

They served, then sat at the dinner table. An awkward silence settled over them as they began to eat. Jina seemed unsure where to begin, and Mizi and Sua were hesitant to open first. Jina cleared her throat. 

 

“So, how are classes going?” 

 

Sua gritted her teeth. She hated the extra pressure her sister had put on classes, but now was not the time for an argument. 

 

“They’re going great! Sua’s top of the class, as always, the professors are good, the classes are enjoyable, school’s been amazing.” Mizi replied.

 

“Good. I’m glad you’re performing well,” Jina said before taking a long sip from her water. 

 

The silence settled back over them, and Sua almost felt guilty. She could tell Jina was itching to ask about their relationship but was hesitant and unsure how to bring it up. 

 

“You can ask about us if you’re interested,” Sua said. 

 

Jina seemed to deflate, releasing a tension she was holding in. “Thank you. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up myself. I didn’t want to make either of you uncomfortable.” 

 

Sua smiled; Jina seemed to genuinely care. 

 

“So, how’d you two get together?” 

 

Mizi took the lead and explained her story about her confession by the riverbank, and Jina gushed, then went down the line of questions they’d been asked countless times before. “How long have you been together? “Since you’ve been friends for so long, what changed?” “Etc etc.” It was a near carbon copy of every conversation they’d had the last two weeks. Then, Jina looked at Mizi with an intense gaze. 

 

“What do you love about Sua?” 

 

Mizi’s eyes widened. This question wasn’t particularly hard to answer, but it was new. 

 

“She’s my baby sister. I have to know you’re serious,” Jina said through a chuckle. 

 

Mizi glanced at Sua and smiled softly. 

 

“I love how smart and kind she is. I love her smile and her laugh. I love her angelic singing voice in the mornings while she cooks breakfast. I love how she clings to me in crowds. I love how she protects me. I love how her blush goes all the way down her neck, like right now. And I love her wholly. I don’t think she has a single fault,” Mizi said. It didn’t matter what they were. Friends, fake lovers, real lovers, the things she loved about Sua would never change. So it didn’t matter that the lines were blurry now; the fact she loved Sua was permanent. 

 

Jina smiled, “I can tell you really love her. Thank you for taking care of her all these years.” 

 

“It was my pleasure.” 

 

Sua stood up from her chair, her face still flushed. “I think it’s time we turn in for the night. We’ve had a long day of travel.” 

 

“Of course. I can handle the dishes tonight. We’ll find some fun things to do around town this week, but you’re here to relax. Get a good night's rest.” 

 

Mizi and Sua said their thanks and quickly returned to their rooms. They quietly got ready for bed, the weight of Mizi’s words resting between them. As always, Sua was in bed first quietly reading a book, when Mizi dipped in beside her. Sua set her book down, then flipped off the light switch. She should have been exhausted, but Mizi felt electric beside her. 

 

“Dinner went well,” Mizi said quietly beside her. 

 

Sua turned to face Mizi. She could barely make out the frame of her face in the dark. 

 

“Yeah. She seems…geniunie.” 

 

“I’m happy for you.” 

 

Sua stayed quiet. She was so close to Mizi she could feel the even, light, puffs of Mizi’s sleeping breath against her lips. 

 

“I love you too,” Sua said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

 

Tuesday 

 

Mizi woke to the smell of breakfast. She reached her hand to the side and found the space next to her empty. Sua was likely the culprit behind the scent. She’d let herself relax the last few days. The decision to end their fake relationship after the week was up had lifted a huge weight off of her shoulders, and she had really let herself play into the relationship. Sua was right in terms of touchiness; there wasn’t much of a difference between their normal friendship and fake dating. Despite this, there were still some relationship exclusive activities she let herself indulge in. 

 

Mizi walked into the kitchen, then slipped her hands around Sua’s waist, hugging her from behind. 

 

“Good morning,” she whispered into Sua’s ear, her morning voice slightly raspy. 

 

Sua turned to reply the sentiment, but was cut off by Jina entering the room. 

 

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. Please, don’t mind me.” 

 

Mizi’s eyes widened. It had looked like Sua was leaning in for a kiss. Jina had been working hard to gain Sua’s trust, and not acting comfortable around her could offend her. Alarm bells rang in Mizi’s head, unsure what to do next. Then, Sua leaned in and placed a chaste kiss against her cheek. 

 

“You know it’s okay to show more affection here. There’s nothing shameful about kissing. You two saw me kiss Hajin when he arrived from work yesterday. Please, don’t hold yourselves back.” 

 

“We’re not. I was just going in for a kiss on the cheek,” Sua snipped. 

 

“But you know it’s okay to kiss, right? I want you to feel welcome,” Jina said, concerned. 

 

Mizi watched as Sua glanced back and forth between her and her sister. She seemed to be contemplating what to do. Mizi hadn’t imagined her first kiss with Sua would be in front of Sua’s sister, but after this week, she’d never get the chance again. Nothing mattered anymore. Mizi mouthed, “it’s okay,” and watched as Sua’s eyes widened. 

 

Jina had opened the newspaper at the dinner table, but Mizi and Sua could still feel her eyes on them. Surprising herself, Mizi leaned in and placed a light kiss against Sua’s lips. It was more than a peck; she could feel Sua’s lips soft against against hers, but only for a brief moment before she pulled away, scared she would let herself go. Her lips tingled, and she was left wanting more. 

 

Sua turned away from her, flushed, and the meek look left Mizi aching to continue. Their first kiss may have been chaste, quick enough to almost not feel real, but at the same time, it felt like she’d kissed Sua hundreds of times before.

 

Suddenly, the smell of burn flooded the air, and Sua yelped as the eggs she had been preparing turned to charcoal in front of her. Mizi felt a light thump against her side as Sua elbowed her out of the way. 

 

“You two shouldn’t be so distracting, now breakfast is burned.” 

 

Mizi slipped around Sua again, “I don’t know, you don’t look burned to me,” Mizi whispered seductively into Sua’s ears.  

 

“Oh my god,” Sua squealed while shoving Mizi away again, “Go sit at the dinner table while I finish cooking.” 

 

Mizi stumbled back, then took a seat across from Jina. While she had been wary of Jina leading up to the trip, she was finding herself more and more thankful for the invitation to visit. This week had felt like a goodbye party for her relationship with Sua. She let herself indulge in the flirty jokes and careless touches, and she could do it all because it put on the right impression for Jina. 

 

“Thank you,” Mizi said, causing Jina to look up from her paper, confused, “For inviting us,” Mizi explained. 

Friday

 

“Can you zip me up?” Sua’s voice echoed from the bathroom. 

 

Mizi hopped up from the seat at Sua’s desk and walked over to Sua. The minute she saw her, she felt like a teenager watching their girlfriend come down the stairs on prom night. Sua was in a skin-tight black dress. It was short, probably too short for comfort, but it didn’t just look good; it looked sexy. Mizi was practically salivating, she’d forgotten what she had come to the bathroom to do.

 

Sua elbowed her from behind. “The dress.” 

 

Mizi shook her head out of her daze and took a step towards Sua. The zipper had blended into the black of the dress and she needed to be closer to find it amongst the fabric. She zipped up Sua’s dress gently. They were so close she could feel the heat radiating off Sua. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. When she reached the top of the dress, she gripped the sides of Sua’s shoulders and pulled her even closer, they were practically flush against each other. 

 

“You look gorgeous,” Mizi said, her voice low. 

 

“Thank you,” Sua managed to say, her voice dry with anticipation. 

 

They had kissed a few more times between Tuesday and Friday evening to appease Jina. They’d all been the same – a little more than a peck, soft, sweet, and gentle, but quick. A hunger for something deeper had slowly built between them, but there was no reason to kiss behind closed doors. 

 

Mizi and Sua walked into the bustling living room. It was flooded with businessmen and their wives. Many of them had brought their sons to network, leaving all eyes on Mizi and Sua. They stood out, and it made Mizi’s skin crawl. 

 

They started towards the alcohol when a man gripped Sua’s shoulder, stopping them. 

 

“You’re Hanjin’s kid, right? I’d like to introduce you to my son. He’s just about your age-” 

 

“I’m sorry, she’s taken,” Mizi growled. 

 

The man lifted his hand from Sua’s shoulder defensively, “I’m sorry! I wasn’t aware.” 

 

He had continued to apologize, but Mizi had dragged them away and towards the back of the party. A small bar had been set up for guests, and Mizi quickly ordered herself a drink. She didn’t want to get drunk, but she needed something to take the edge off from the discomfort of the prying eyes. She ordered one drink and sipped it quietly in the back, gripping Sua’s waist possessively. The drink was sweet, and Mizi could tell it was lower in alcohol content than what she needed. 

 

“Just one more, then we can mingle and quiety slip out the back,” Mizi said. 

 

Sua nodded. They’d only been at the party for half an hour, and she was already exhausted. It would probably go on for a few more hours. She’d been trained to last at parties like this before, but it required her to run on adrenaline and uncomfort. Now, with Mizi by her side, her will to last at the party left her. She’d much rather be snuggled in bed enjoying their last night in. 

 

Mizi drank her second drink much quicker, now eager to find a way out of the party early. But before she finished it off, she glanced at Sua. 

 

“Do you want the last sip? It’s a little strong, it’s probably enough to make you tipsy.” 

 

Sua nodded, then took the last sip of Mizi’s drink and returned the cup back to the bar. 

 

They returned to mingle and found themselves standing in a circle of young men, all around their age. 

 

“You are both quite stunning today,” one of the boys began. 

 

“Don’t even think about it,” Mizi said, pointing to all the men in the group. “She’s mine.” 

 

A few of them turned to each other perplexed, “What do you mean yours. ” 

 

“I mean, she’s my girlfriend,” Mizi said. She felt Sua tighten her grip against her, unsure what their reaction would be. 

 

A few of the boys immediately turned away, unistered now that their prospect of a date had vanished, a couple of the others whispered quietly, unwilling to start anything at their fathers' work party, and the rest just stared. 

 

With the group they were supposed to mingle with now uninterested in them, they slipped back down the hall. They were right outside the door to Sua’s room when Mizi stopped. 

 

They were hot, panting, tired, and a little tipsy from the party. Both their faces were flushed from the alcohol, and Mizi just stared at Sua in her sexy black dress. She glanced at the line that separated the hallway from Sua’s bedroom, then back at Sua. Then, she leaned in and kissed Sua deeply. It was hot, intense, and everything their previous kisses weren't. It felt real. Sua’s mouth opened to let out a moan, and Mizi took the opening to slip her tongue in, deepening the kiss even further. Their kiss was long and unbroken. Mizi thanked their trained lung capacity from singing as she moved to push Sua against the door frame. But Sua stumbled, breaking their kiss. And Mizi watched as she crossed into the bedroom.

Notes:

THANK YOU FOR READING!! lots of stuff going on in this chapter... but some nice fluff for a chance as they've both begun to accept their coming changes. i think i could've almost doubled this chapter in length, but alas I could not. maybe after i publish chapter 10 ill add another 1k words or so to this chapter, adding in a few conversations that got cut! this chapter was already so much longer than anticipated its cutoff point is earlier than originally planned, though i think this will work quite well. I'm really excited for the second half!

next few weeks: more fluff! more angst! smut!

next week: mizi and sua head back to campus. their boundaries completely out of wack.

Chapter 6: toe the line

Summary:

"The bedroom had been their neutral space. It had replaced their apartment in the last week, providing them with some semblance of boundaries, and she’d literally toed the line."

or

Mizi and Sua's boundaries turn to nothing

Notes:

HI EVERYONE!!! thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry for the late chapter this week, I've been absolutely swamped with finals and projects but i was determined to get it in early enough that it wouldn't mess up the schedule again! so we're still on track for another chapter this weekend. i hope you enjoy the read ;)

Mizi stared at Sua, eyes wide as the realization of what she’d just done settled over her. The bedroom had been their neutral space. It had replaced their apartment in the last week, providing them with some semblance of boundaries, and she’d literally toed the line. Kissing Sua right on the edge between the hallway and the door frame, tipping her desires past the edge. There hadn’t been anyone around, and they hadn’t been all that drunk.

 

She wondered how far she would’ve gone if Sua had landed flush against the door frame instead of stumbling into the room. Would she have kissed a trail down Sua’s neck, marking her the way Sua had marked her just weeks ago? Would her hand have slipped under Sua’s dress and glided it up the inside of her thigh, teasing her, till she whimpered, begging for more? Would she have had to tell Sua to be quiet, reminding her that people were just down the hall? Would her desire have ruined it all?

 

“I’m sorry!” Mizi said, stepping forward into the bedroom. “We’ve been kissing in front of Jina, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I didn’t mean it. I was just… a little too tipsy.” 

 

I didn’t mean it . Echoed in Sua’s head like a shout ringing out through a canyon. She’d been so certain Mizi liked her back, but the pressure of her coming confession made her thinking erratic. What if she was wrong ? She hadn’t considered that. It was likely that she was right; the way Mizi had initiated their kiss out of sight and so full of hunger should have been a telltale sign of reciprocation, but the seed of doubt was planted. Maybe, maybe, she needed a little more time.

 

“It’s okay. Let’s just get ready for bed,” Sua said softly. 

 

Mizi nodded her head and turned into the bathroom. She ran the water cold, desperate to calm the heat thrumming through her body. She loosed her tie and slipped it off her collar before shakily unbuttoning her shirt. She took a deep breath through her nose, then stepped into the shower. The cold water felt like ice against her hot skin. 

 

She’d spent the last week in a dream-like daze, greedily letting herself go and pulling Sua close. They were leaving tomorrow and she didn’t want to leave it behind. Her pain had numbed, and thoughts of keeping her fake relationship with Sua were starting to invade her mind. She knew the only reason she was okay this week was because she was going to end it, but her lip still quivered at the thought of letting it all go. She still didn’t quite know what to say. There wasn’t a good excuse to end their relationship yet. The only thing she could think of, that didn’t tangle her deep into another lie was to simply say “I can’t do it anymore.” 

 

There was a chance telling Sua the truth, that their fake relationship was too much to handle, would open pandora’s box. Queuing Sua into the fact that she wanted more than just friendship. But there was also the possibility that Sua would believe she was exhausted with the lying and that taking it to their families had been a step too far. 

 

Mizi’s head pounded; she was still at odds with herself. Deep down, she knew cutting it off was the best thing for her, but part of her was still clinging onto the fantasy the last week had been. She splashed her face with the cold water and decided she would give herself just one extra day and tell Sua on Monday. By the time Monday came, the fantasy would be broken, and she would know then that it was the right decision. 

***

Sua felt the bed dip as Mizi crawled in next to her. She had slipped into the guest room further down the hall to shower and had finished getting ready for the night much quicker than Mizi. She had been exhausted from the party, and her head was still reeling from Mizi’s “I didn’t mean it” Uncertainty had crept into her mind, and she found herself overthinking everything. What if all the times she could swear Mizi’s touch lingered too long, or Mizi stared at her with soft eyes, or whispered flirty jokes in her ear was just a product of Mizi’s natural flirtiness? What if they weren’t reserved just for her? The thought made her skin crawl. 

 

Then, Mizi’s arms wrapped around Sua’s waist from behind, tugging her close, and Sua’s racing thoughts subsided, replaced with memories of Mizi’s kiss. She wasn’t sure how far they would’ve gone, pushed up against the bedroom door, but she was left unsatisfied. She was left with an itch that Mizi’s arms around her waist were only making harder to scratch. 

 

“You looked really sexy in that dress tonight,” Mizi muttered in her ear. Sua inhaled sharply as Mizi’s hands slid under her tank top and ghosted against her skin. “But I think you’d look sexier without it. Can I touch you?” 

 

“Yes,” Sua gasped. 

 

Mizi brushed her hair to the side and began kissing slowly down the back of Sua’s neck while her hand traveled up towards Sua’s breasts. Mizi took her time, slowly groping Sua’s left breast before taking Sua’s nipple between her fingers and squeezing. Sua let out a whine, and Mizi groaned in response; the sound of Sua’s pleasure turned her on even more. Mizi continued stimulating Sua’s breasts, scratching and squeezing her nipples, leaving Sua panting, whining, and aching for more. 

 

“More,” Sua said through gasps. 

 

Mizi hummed in response, moved her hands out from under Sua’s tank top, then shifted their position so she was straddling Sua. She slid the tank top over Sua’s head, then kissed Sua on the lips. 

 

“I want to make you feel good,” Mizi said softly against her skin. 

 

Mizi trailed kisses down her body, marking her as she went down. She tugged at the waistband of Sua’s shorts, and Sua felt her thighs dampen. Mizi pulled her sleep shorts off slowly-

 

Bzz. Bzz. Sua’s phone vibrated against her nightstand, jostling her out of her dream. 

 

Saturday

She shut off her alarm, then turned to her left and saw Mizi sleeping soundly, fully clothed. It was Mizi who had initiated the kiss that had likely spurred on her erotic dream, but she still silently chastised herself for having a sex dream about her best friend while sleeping next to her . Her face was hot, and she was left even more unsatisfied than the night before. She needed a cold shower to clear her mind and cool down before their ride back to campus. 

 

Sua lightly shook Mizi awake. “We have to get going in a few hours. We should pack and get ready to leave.” 

 

Mizi yawned, then turned to face Sua. “I’ll start getting ready in a minute.” 

 

Mizi looked tired, bags deep and dark rested under her eyes. Sua had fallen asleep early; the party, kiss, and racing thoughts that followed, tired her out. But her sleep hadn’t been sound either. They both looked exhausted, drained from the previous night.

 

Sua slipped out of bed and grabbed her clothes for the day. “I’m going to take a quick shower.” 

 

“Okay,” Mizi replied, shuffling out of bed herself. 

 

Sua let the water splash against her back, it was so cold it almost burned. She felt her body cool, but it wasn’t enough. She was still wet from her dream and could feel herself growing irritable from the lack of release. She moved away from the direct stream of the shower and gripped the notch in the tile where shampoo bottles were tucked away. Then, she took her right hand and slowly, seamlessly,  inserted two fingers into herself. Her fingers were cold from the water, and she could feel them clearly. She bit her own arm, stifling back a moan as she began slowly pumping her fingers. 

 

The walls were thin, and Mizi was just outside. She had to take extra caution not to be loud. Her juices were hot against her cold digits, and she huffed lightly as she curled her fingers. She wasn’t great at getting herself off, and she wished Mizi was the one fingers deep inside her. Images of her dream flashed in her mind as she thumbed her clit, finally pushing herself over the edge. She came silently around her own fingers, the shouts of Mizi’s name only echoing in her head. 

 

She finished rinsing off, and when she came out of the bathroom, Mizi had already packed up most of her stuff. 

 

“You took a bit of a long shower. Are you okay?” Mizi asked. 

 

“Yeah. I just didn’t sleep too great. Needed a cold shower to wake up.” 

 

Mizi nodded her head in sympathy. “It’s a good thing we didn’t drive ourselves.” 

 

“Did you not sleep well either?” 

 

Mizi shrugged. “I’ve had better nights.” 

 

Sua packed quickly, and they both rolled their suitcases out of the room and towards the foyer. Their ride share would be there any minute. 

 

Jina came down the hall and wrapped them in an awkward group hug. “Thank you both for coming this week. Remember, you’re welcome to visit whenever.” 

 

Sua pulled out of the hug, then shifted awkwardly before responding. “Thank you. For having this week go so well. It means more than you can know. 

 

Jina wrapped Sua, and just Sua, in another tight hug. 

 

Mizi’s phone buzzed, alerting her that their ride was there, and they trailed out the door, leaving the house and their week of bliss behind.

 

Sunday

Mizi woke to the smell of breakfast. Instinctively, she reached her arm out to pat the spot in bed next to her but hit the side of her nightstand instead. It was almost concerning how quickly she had gotten used to sleeping in the same bed as Sua. She groggily stumbled out of bed and walked towards the kitchen. She snaked her arms around Sua’s waist, then instinctively leaned in for a kiss. 

 

Sua’s eyes went wide with surprise, but she didn’t oppose. In fact, she leaned into it, kissing Mizi back. 

 

“Good morning,” Mizi grumbled, still half asleep, slumped against Sua’s shoulder. 

 

“Good morning. Were you able to catch up on any sleep?” 

 

“Mm. A little. Your bed was so soft, I missed it last night.” 

 

“Maybe after we graduate we can get a bigger bed,” Sua said. She didn’t realize what she’d implied till the words had already tumbled out of her mouth. We can get a bigger bed. A bed for both of them. To sleep in. Together. Subconsciously, she’d already started thinking about what their life would look like after she confessed. She anxiously looked to see Mizi’s reaction. 

 

“That sounds nice,” Mizi said. And Sua wondered for a minute if she was stupid for trying to find the right moment to confess. If she turned around right now and told Mizi she was in love with her, it’d probably go well, and she’d start the week with Mizi undeniably hers. But then, she thought about Mizi’s confession story about the river, the flowers, and the song, and she knew Mizi deserved a confession with the same level of care. She didn’t just want to blurt it out standing in the kitchen in her pajamas. She wanted Mizi to feel every ounce of love she had for her. If Mizi truly hadn’t meant the kiss, and she didn’t love her in the same way, she would know she at least gave Mizi the best confession of her love. 

 

***

Sua couldn’t focus on the movie Mizi had picked for them to watch. She was wrapped under a soft blanket, leaning against Mizi and absorbing her warmth. Mizi was subconsciously tracing circles on Sua’s thigh, and Sua’s skin tingled at the light brush of Mizi’s fingers. They truly felt like a couple, and Sua understood Mizi’s early instance at keeping their fake relationship out of the apartment. 

 

Mizi may have been the first one to break a rule, but Sua had shattered their boundaries completely and selfishly. This twisted boundary wouldn’t last a week; she would confess to Mizi before the student government party. 

 

“Do you have any plans on Thursday?” Sua asked. 

 

“I don’t think so. Why?”

 

“The student government is having a party to kick off the second half of the semester. I normally don’t go to their parties, but I’d be willing if you were up for it.” 

 

Mizi suddenly grew stiff against her, and Sua could feel her internal contemplation. 

 

“I’ll go,” Mizi said, a little uncertain. 

 

Sua expected the uncertainty; the last time they had gone out in public together, she had drunkenly left a hickey against Mizi’s neck. But now she had an extra push to confess to Mizi before the end of the week. She had originally planned to do it this weekend, after they came back, but she had gotten so wrapped up in their fake relationship that she had failed to actually plan her confession. But now, she had a deadline. Thursday. She would take Mizi to the student council party as her girlfriend. Her real girlfriend.

 

Monday

Mizi was practically vibrating in the line for her coffee. She was radiating happiness it was hard to believe how distraught she had been just a week ago. She ordered her drink, then slipped into a chair across from Ivan. 

 

“Someone looks happy today,” Ivan noted. 

 

Mizi beamed. “I’m just feeling a bit more positive lately.” 

 

“Anything you want to tell me?” Ivan said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

 

Mizi’s smile dropped a little, she could tell Ivan was expecting a confession. “I didn’t confess or anything. But-” 

 

Ivan’s face turned serious. “What,” he said, cutting her off. 

 

“There’s something different about us now, though. It’s not just about the performance anymore-”

 

“So you admit she reciprocates? At least to some degree?”

 

Mizi’s face twisted into a frown. “I told you, she doesn’t like me like that.” 

 

Ivan pinched his brow and sighed. Talking to Mizi about Sua was like talking to a brick wall. “What makes you still believe that?”

 

“I just know, okay?” Mizi said sternly.

 

“So what are you now, friends with benefits?” 

 

Mizi’s face tinged a light pink just thinking about it, but she shook her head no. “It’s not that. Our friendship is just so much deeper.” 

 

Ivan started, her eyes wide. “Mizi, this line of thinking is only going to get you hurt. Again. I’ve said this before, but you either need to confess or stop playing around.” 

 

“You don’t get it! I tell myself every day that it’s best to end it. That I will feel better and it’s not worth all the heartache. That the pain is too much. It was a lot before, when I was constantly reminded that she only pretending to love me. But now, now, I get to kiss her first thing in the morning, and even if it’s fake, at least I have the solace that it wasn’t for show.” 

 

Mizi had expected to be jolted out of the fantasy of the week before by now and eager to put an end to her suffering. But when she’d groggliy kissed Sua on Sunday, the fantasy lingered bleeding into their home life, and she found herself, once again, reluctant to let go.

 

Mizi moved to get out of her chair, desperate to leave, but Ivan gripped her wrist. 

 

“I’m sorry. Please, don’t go. I want to understand.” 

 

Mizi sat back down. 

 

“I just want to love her in the deepest way I can. However much rope she’ll give me, I will grab hold of it tightly. Even if she doesn’t love me, I can’t give up loving her. So I fight myself and the pain of uncertainty to keep loving her.” 

 

“I get it, but please, don’t disregard the fact that she could love you too, and you wouldn’t have to be in pain at all.” 

 

“I’ll try,” Mizi said, uncertain. 

 

***

Sua hovered her thumb over her sister’s contact, debating pushing the call button. She needed help with her confession, and she was backed into a corner. She wasn’t close with many people and anyone she would consider reaching out to was wrapped up in their scheme. Her most likely option was Ivan, but she was worried how his friendship with Mizi would be impacted if he found out they had been lying to him. 

 

She knew they were close; aside from her, Ivan was probably Mizi’s best friend. She was hesitant to do anything that would damage their friendship and get Mizi on her bad side right before her confession. That left the only option, her sister. It wasn’t great for her, considering they’d just spent the last week lying to her face, but it was the only option. She needed advice and she’d likely need help with the setup. 

 

She hit the call button and waited anxiously as the number rang. 

 

“Sua? Is everything alright?” Jina said over the line. 

 

“Yeah! Yeah,” Sua said. 

 

“Do you need something?” Jina said, still concerned.

 

Sua hesitated, unsure how to start. “I don’t know how to tell Mizi I love her.” 

 

Jina paused on the line, confused. “I think it’s a little early for marriage. Didn’t you just tell me you got together recently? At least wait until you graduate in a couple years.” 

 

Sua let out a dry chuckle. “I’m not talking about marriage.” 

 

Jina went quiet again. Sua was dancing around the topic too much. “I don’t understand. You told her you loved her just last week. You’re circling what you really want to say, just spit it out.” 

 

“Mizi and I have not started dating. I’m sorry. We were pretending last week.” Sua said quickly, the words almost stumbling over themselves.

 

“Pretending? What? I still don’t understand what you’re saying.” 

 

“We’d been pretending to date to help her reject our friend Till. And when you called, I’d expected you to get mad if I told you we were dating, so it slipped out. But you were supportive instead, so we just…kept up the act. And I’m grateful, I really am. Because now that I know it’s okay I want to tell her for real. That I love her. But I don’t know how.” 

 

Jina went quiet again, gathering all the information. Sua wasn’t one to ramble, so a muddled explanation was enough to throw Jina off alone. 

 

“You were…fake dating?” Jina asked. 

 

“Yes. The whole time, the relationship has been fake. The kissing, the flirting, it's not real. ” 

 

Mizi’s bookbag thumped to the ground, and Sua quickly turned around. She’d been so absorbed in her conversation that she didn’t notice Mizi had come home. 

 

Tears immediately flooded Mizi’s eyes, and she stumbled back to the door and into the night.

Notes:

tehehe teased you guys a little there :P the real stuff is coming i promise XD thank you guys so much for reading! we're in the end stretch now...4 more chapters!

next week: mizi makes assumptions...angst ensues

Chapter 7: to live on false hope

Summary:

“Sua…doesn’t love me,” Mizi said, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

“What makes you think that?” Ivan inquired, his voice tender.

or

Mizi and Sua grapple with their relationship apart.

Notes:

WOOHOOO chapter 7 LETS GO! thank you all for your patience on this chapter :) these chapters at the end of my semester have been a llittle off due to workload but im trying my hardest to get them in on time i promise! thank you so much for reading!

Mizi bolted out the front door and back towards the bus stop, tears streaming down her face. She could hear Sua’s shouts behind her, pleading for her to stop, but she didn’t want to hear what else Sua had to say. She’d already heard enough. The sting of Sua’s words hurt more than the frigid fall air whipping strands of her hair against her tear-dampened cheeks. She rounded the corner and stopped at the bus stop, then leaned against a pole, her broken sobs coming out as gasps for air. 

 

The bus rolled to a halt in front of Mizi, and she quickly slipped into a seat. She peered out the window, keeping watch for Sua approaching around the corner. Sua wasn’t as strong a runner as Mizi, but she couldn’t be that far behind. Mizi felt the bus rumble as the engine revved, then she watched Sua ran into view. The doors to the bus shut just as Sua approached the stop, and then the bus started forward down the road. 

 

Mizi locked eyes with Sua, and she watched tears well up in Sua’s eyes. Mizi broke her gaze, unable to watch Sua cry, and refocused her attention to the plastic bus seat in front of her. As much as she tried to hide it, Sua was sensitive. She hated when they disagreed, and Mizi was almost certain her tears were a product of Mizi running away. There was no other explanation. There couldn’t be. 

 

She got off at the stop closest to campus and numbly walked towards Ivan’s dorm room. His scholarship included room and board, so he continued to live on campus. She knocked on his door, hoping he would answer. She wasn’t nearly as acquainted with his schedule as she was with Mizi’s. Ivan cracked open the door, then took one look at Mizi before wrapping her in a tight hug.

 

“I’m sorry,” Ivan said as he gave Mizi a tight squeeze. It was clear she was in distress. Her tears and channeled clean paths down her makeup, and her hair was frazzled from her sprint to the bus stop. She looked as much of a wreck as she felt.  “Let’s go inside,” Ivan said as he lightly pulled Mizi out of his hug and tugged her inside. His dorm was neat and nicely furnished, a perk of living in a single in the Honors College (there were benefits to being an intelligent athlete). Mizi landed on the couch with a thump, and Ivan handed her a bottle of water, then sat next to her on the couch. 

 

“What happened?” Ivan asked. 

 

Tears welled up in Mizi’s eyes again, threatening to spill out. The kissing, the flirting, it’s not real. The words were stuck on repeat in her mind. Her worst fears were coming true.

 

“Sua…doesn’t love me,” Mizi said, her voice barely above a whisper. 

 

“What makes you think that?” Ivan inquired, his voice tender. 

 

Mizi looked away from Ivan, hiding her tears, and just shook her head no in response. It was too much to think about. She wasn’t ready to talk about it. 

 

***

 

Sua wasn’t sure how long she stood at the bus stop, imagining Mizi leave over and over again. The events of the evening had happened in such a rush she was struggling to piece it together. One minute she was looking for the perfect way to confess to Mizi, and the next she was running down the street chasing after her. She’d messed up, and Mizi had heard the one thing she didn’t want her to hear. While it was true that the kissing and the flirting, and their relationship was fake. It was all built on a preexisting love. To deny that was almost rejecting Mizi before she’d even confessed. 

 

Sua walked back towards their apartment slowly, still grappling with Mizi’s departure. She was almost positive now that Mizi liked her back. Her tearful reaction to the truth, that their relationship was fake, was just more proof added to the mix. As cruel as it felt to find joy in Mizi’s tears, the near confirmation of requited love sent a calming wave through Sua. 

 

She opened the door to their apartment and picked up Mizi’s backpack, abandoned on the ground, and carried it into their room. She dropped the backpack off at Mizi’s desk, then pulled out her phone and hovered her thumb over Mizi’s contact. She was desperate to explain herself, but she didn’t think it was likely Mizi would answer her. She hit Jina’s contact instead. 

 

“Are you okay?!” Jina said with worry. “You hung up so suddenly.” 

 

Sua felt tears well up again, and she failed to hold them back. She choked out a sob. 

 

“I messed up,” Sua sobbed. “She overheard us talking, and she ran away before I could explain. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I should have just confessed earlier. It’s all my fault.” 

 

“You’re right. It is your fault.” Jina said matter-of-factly. 

 

Sua stopped crying, the shock of her sisters’ frankness shaking her out of her haze. “What?” 

 

“If you had confessed to her earlier, this wouldn’t have happened. You would probably be together by now.” 

 

Sua stayed quiet, unsure what to say. 

 

“You’ve been selfish, Sua. Just how long have you loved her and known? Stringing her along to the point where even your sister couldn’t tell there was something off. I really believed you two were dating. How long have you known she loves you? How long have you been hurting her?” 

 

Sua’s mouth opened and closed like a fish. It was times like these, when Jina read her so clearly despite knowing so little, that she feared her sister. 

 

“I’m not selfish. I did it all to protect her!” Sua said, desperately clinging to her own lies. 

 

“Protect her? From what? Sua, you hurt her.” 

 

Sua bit back a ‘from you’. She had been wrong about Jina, and now wasn’t the time to bring it up. 

 

“Why are you being like this?” Sua barked back instead. 

 

“I’ve always been honest with you. I told you when you were younger that you would face hardships if your sexuality was different, because it was true. I tell you to work hard because your life will be better if you do, because it’s true. I’m telling you now, you hurt this girl, because it’s true.” 

 

“I thought you accepted us,” Sua said, choking back tears once again. 

 

“I do. I never once told you I wouldn’t. If you manage to fix this, you will both be welcome in my home with open arms. I would have helped you tell Mizi you loved her but, I won’t hesitate to tell you the hard truth. You called me back crying, but the more I hear you talk, the more I can see you dug yourself into this mess.” 

 

“I understand,” Sua said, not wanting to prod the conversation further. Jina was right.

 

“Good luck,” Jina said before hanging up the phone. 

 

Sua sat down at her desk chair and curled her knees up to her chest. She knew deep down that her selfishness was the root of this mess, but she didn’t want to face the truth. To think that her love would also be the cause of Mizi’s pain was too much. She didn’t know what to do. 

***

Mizi woke up feeling utterly broken. She had cried herself to sleep, thoughts of the evening sending her into a cycle of despair, and was left with a raging headache. Her body ached from sleeping on the small, stiff, college couch, her head pounded from a night of tears, and the faulty air conditioning left her running with chills. She almost felt sick. 

 

She found a note from Ivan on the coffee table next to her informing her that he had left for football practice and classes, but suggested she take the day off and rest. She picked up her phone and to check the time and found just one message from Sua asking if she was okay. Mizi scoffed and tossed her phone onto the couch. Some part of her was expecting a bombardment of messages begging for forgiveness. She was naive to think that. 

 

She stretched, then climbed off the sofa and began fishing through Ivan’s kitchenette shelves. He didn't have a kitchen with a stove or anything, but he had space for a sink and some extra space for small appliances. She pulled out a pack of instant noodles and heated up some hot water in a kettle. She was starving; she hadn’t eaten dinner the night before or breakfast this morning, but she didn’t want to risk going outside and running into Sua. Odds were, she was on campus both attending class and searching for her. 

 

Mizi brought her bowl of steaming noodles back to the couch and turned on the TV while she ate. It had only been one night of her avoidance, and she already felt like a mess. She hadn’t showered, changed her clothes, brushed her teeth, hair, or taken off her makeup since yesterday. She was normally meticulous about her appearance, but she had lost all energy to do anything. Ivan had offered a shower and some of his clothes the night before, but she politely rejected him, curling up under her blanket in distress. 

 

Now, she was still hurting, but was beginning to crave a warm shower, and the feeling of Sua in her arms as she fell asleep. As much as she couldn’t bear to face Sua, she missed her all the same. She was this distraught because she loved her so much. This was the longest they’d been apart in months, and her heart ached for Sua. 

 

Mizi cleaned her lunch bowl, then returned to the couch. She was restless yet exhausted at the same time. All her schoolwork was in the apartment, and she was certain Sua would use it to bait her to come back. She couldn’t skip class for very long, and she needed her laptop. While she probably could survive the rest of the semester crashing on Ivan's couch, she could only skip class for so long, and she would eventually run into Sua. But she could stall as long as she could. 

 

Mizi pulled out her phone and began drafting emails to her professors informing them that she had come down with the flu and was unable to make it to class. It wasn’t wise to skip the whole week, but she was able to buy a few more days. Already exhausted again, Mizi rolled over on the couch and went back to sleep.

***

Sua perked her head at any flash of pink. It had been two days since Mizi ran off, and she was begging to grow restless. She’d called and texted, and was met with a simple “i’m alive” in response. Mizi being so curt and cold made her skin crawl. She was eager to apologize and desperate for their miscommunication to be over. 

 

Mizi had to come back to their apartment eventually, and when she did, she would be ready. After accepting the fact that she was largely at fault for this whole ordeal, Sua had begun working on her apology. She needed Mizi to understand that she had just been explaining the situation to Jina, not rejecting their relationship. That she had stopped pretending long ago. That she wanted more than just friendship. That she was deeply in love with her. Mizi needed to hear it all. Grand gestures didn’t matter anymore. The only way she could fix this was with a careful consideration of her words. 

 

As Sua walked through campus, towards her next class, she could feel a few eyes lingering on her. She knew the last few days were beginning to get to her, but it was becoming explicitly clear now. She was known on campus to have a cold personality. It’s not that she disliked other people; she just preferred Mizi. Her blank stare made her seem unapproachable and she didn’t go out of her way to befriend others. She came to camps poised, and the only time her cold exterior cracked was when she was around Mizi. But now, her perception of perfection was shattering to those around her. She had new bags under her eye,s and she was forgetting little things in class. The lack of Mizi was apparent to those around her. 

 

One of the other members of student government tapped at Sua’s desk. “Sua, class is over,” she said. 

 

Sua broke out of her tired haze. “Oh. I didn’t realize.” 

 

Sua shut her laptop and began putting in her backpack. Her classmate shuffled nearby, antsy. 

 

“Are you…okay?” 

 

Sua froze. Did she really look that rattled? 

 

“I’m fine,” Sua said, more uncertainty trickling into her voice than she had hoped. 

 

“Well, you can always talk to me if you need to. I know I can’t replace Mizi as a confidant, but I’d like to think we’re friends, being in student government together and all.” 

 

Sua glared at the girl. The fact that should would even utter the words “replace” and “Mizi” in the same sentence disqualified her as a potential confidant. Not that she would confide in anyone outside of her childhood friend group anyway. She understood that the girl was just trying to be nice, but she couldn’t help but snap back. 

 

“Mizi is irreplaceable,” Sua said as she stood up from her seat and swung her backpack over her shoulder. 

 

“I know- I said-” 

 

“Goodbye,” Sua said, clenching the straps of her bag tightly. 

***

“You need to go back to your apartment,” Ivan scolded. 

 

“I’m not ready!” Mizi snapped. 

 

 “You’ll never be ready,” Ivan said with a deep sigh, 

 

Mizi was curled up in a blanket on Ivan’s couch. She’d been there for three days now. Ivan had started bringing her food from the cafeteria and had bought a small travel-sized set of toiletries. After two days of Mizi failing to leave the couch, he had forcibly pulled her off the couch to shower and brush her teeth while shouting about the importance of hygiene. Mizi had left the couch reluctantly, but was ultimately grateful. She knew that if she were alone, she would have continued to fall into this pit of despair with not enough energy to do even the most basic of tasks. 

 

Despite his hospitality, Ivan had had enough. 

 

“You have to face her one day, and I suggest tomorrow.” 

 

“I already told you, I can’t see her.” 

 

“Maybe if you talked to me, I could help you understand. But you’ve been far to reluctant.” Ivan said. 

 

Mizi twisted her finger between her hands. She’d done nothing but runimante with her thoughts in the last couple of days. 

 

“Okay. I’ll tell you.” 

 

Ivan’s shoulders relaxed. He’d finally been able to somewhat break through to Mizi. 

 

“Sua is in love with someone else,” Mizi said softly. 

 

“I-” 

 

“I have enough proof,” Mizi said, cutting Ivan off. 

 

Ivan waited a beat, signaling to Mizi to continue. 

 

“I heard her telling someone over the phone that our relationship was fake. We swore not to tell anyone else. We just went to see Jina. The only possible explanation is that she had to come clean to her new lover.” Mizi said. 

 

Ivan stared at Mizi, dumbfounded. Then flicked Mizi in the forehead. 

 

“Are you stupid?”

 

Mizi frowned. She had expected Ivan to immediately understand. Sua had said it so clearly. 

 

“Are you in love with me then?” Ivan asked sarcastically. 

 

Mizi furrowed her eyebrows, “Of course not,” she said quickly and bluntly. 

 

“And have you told me that your relationship is fake?” 

 

“But that’s different!” Mizi rebutted. 

 

“You’re my best friend. Sua doesn’t have anyone else,” Mizi said. 

 

“Are you sure?” 

 

Mizi pinched her brow. “I can’t think of anyone else. She doesn’t have many close friends aside from us.” 

 

“Then perhaps you ruled out someone you shouldn’t have.” 

 

Mizi sighed. “I understand you’re trying to help, but I don’t want to live on false hope. I’ve thought this through thoroughly.” 

 

“I think you’re wrong,” Ivan said bluntly. 

 

“I don’t want to find out,” Mizi said, breaking her gaze away from Ivan and towards her hands in her lap. “What happens if I’m right. And Sua loves someone else, and she’s figured out I love her. Everything will change. At least, right here, right now, I can hold off the heartbreak.” 

 

Ivan reached out and squeezed Mizi’s hand. 

 

“But what if I’m right and Sua loves you?” 

 

***

 

Sua sat at the kitchen table and stared at the door to their apartment. She’d fallen asleep, slumped against the table, waiting for Mizi for the past four days. She needed to be there the minute Mizi walked through the door. She had started to wonder if Mizi was returning when she was in class, and she was missing her every day. But whenever she returned, their apartment was exactly the same as the day Mizi had left. Not a hair out of place. 

 

She was fairly certain Mizi was hiding out in Ivan’s dorm, but she was hesitant to go and find out herself. If Mizi wasn’t with Ivan, but with another friend, she’d have to explain their relationship and potentially expose everything to him, damaging his relationship with Mizi. She didn’t want to dig herself deeper into a hole and damage Mizi’s relationship with her best friend all in a desperate attempt to get her back. 

 

Mizi would have to come back eventually, and Sua would be there at the kitchen table waiting patiently. 

 

The door knocked, jostling Sua out of her slumber. She bolted up from her chair and ran towards the door. Mizi had left everything in her backpack aside from her phone. She didn’t have they key to get into the apartment. It had to be her. 

 

Sua swung open the door and found Ivan standing there. Sua immediately felt her eyes well with tears. She’d been so certain Mizi would return, that the sudden disappointment was too much to handle. 

 

 Ivan leaned against the door frame and extended a hand towards Sua, reaching to wipe a stray tear on her cheeks. Sua grabbed his wrist just inches before her face. 

 

“We have to talk about Mizi,” Ivan said. 

Notes:

3k words of AAANGST this week. these two messy lesbians just need to get things sorted! thank you for reading!

next chapter: ivan makes mizi and sua talk. finally.

Chapter 8: making up for lost time

Summary:

“Take me to her,” Sua commanded.

“It’s late, and she’s probably cried herself to sleep already. You should come tomorrow, I have a plan to make sure she sees you.”

or

mizi and sua talk. FINALLY.

Notes:

CHAPTER EIGHT LET'S GOOO!!!! ill keep quiet before this one :) i hope you enjoy this read, truly.

Sua released her grip on Ivan’s wrist, then walked back towards the kitchen table, inviting him in without words. He closed the door to the apartment and then slipped into the seat across from Sua. She looked more put together than Mizi, but Ivan could tell she had been just as much of a mess. Her emotions were unguarded, clear for him to see – a tell-tale sign of her distress. He’d known Sua long enough to have seen her cold facade shatter before; tears fueled by jealousy dampening the shoulder of Mizi’s uniform. He understood she wasn’t as untouchable as she looked, but seeing her sitting there, guard down, eyes tired, cheeks tear-streaked, and a deep sadness settling on the light downturn of her lips, was enough to shake him. He should’ve come days ago.

 

Ivan reached his hand out to comfort Sua. Her hand flinched and pulled back slightly at the contact, but she ultimately allowed his hand to settle on top of hers. His warm palm had likely rested against Mizi’s similarly, and that was enough for Sua to accept its placement on top of hers.

 

“You didn’t go to the party tonight. I was worried,” Ivan said. 

 

“Worried? That I didn’t go to a party?” Sua scoffed, then tugged her hand out from under Ivan's and rested it against her chin. She knew Ivan was trying to be delicate in how he brought up Mizi, but she was tired and irritable. It was easier to be snippy and cold.

 

Ivan pinched his brow, annoyed. “I thought I’d ease into this lightly, but I guess you want to get right to it.” 

 

Sua turned her head to the side, avoiding eye contact. She didn’t want to hear Ivan scold her for hurting Mizi, she was already well aware she had caused her pain. 

 

“You love her, don’t you?” Ivan said. 

 

Sua faced Ivan again, then nodded quietly. She hadn’t expected him to ask about her feelings. 

 

“We’re more similar than you think,” Ivan said with a wistful look in his eyes. Sua would’ve prodded, but she was too exhausted to think about anything else aside from Mizi. “You’ve hurt her by holding your feelings in.” 

 

Sua’s eyes burned as tears threatened to resurface. She knew she had hurt Mizi, but hearing it again and again the last few days felt like daggers in her chest. 

 

“I know.” 

 

Sua wiped a stray tear away. “I was going to tell her,” she said softly. 

 

“ Was ? You need to tell her now more than ever. She’s beating herself up, thinking you love someone else.” 

 

“She won't come home! She hasn’t come to class. Can’t you see I've been waiting for days? Ivan, I’m trying to fix this. You should’ve texted me the minute she showed up at your door.” Sua snapped, exhausted. 

 

Ivan scratched his head lightly. He’d considered texting Sua, but Mizi had been withholding too much information. He didn’t have the full picture until recently. “She was being guarded. I needed her to open up before I came to you.” 

 

Sua sighed, accepting Ivan’s answer.  “I had my suspicions. I would’ve come to you, but I was worried she hadn’t told you. I couldn't cause any more damage than I already had.” 

 

“I’ve known for weeks.” 

 

Sua’s eyes widened. Weeks. Just how long had Mizi been hurting? 

 

“The morning after the concert, she stumbled into me in a daze and told me everything. The blurry lines of your fake relationship were already too much for her then.” Ivan said, a little venom seeping through his voice. As much as he felt for Sua, he was still mad at her. 

 

“How is she now?” Sua asked hesitantly. She didn’t want to hear the answer, she was sure Mizi was in shambles. 

 

“She’s been crying for days. She barely eats, sleeps all day, and she has this twisted mentality that the only way your friendship will stay the same is if she stays holed up in my room. She’s so scared, Sua.” 

 

If Sua wasn’t already crying, she was sure she would have stared again. She had broken Mizi’s heart, and despite that, Mizi was still more worried about their friendship than her own well-being. She couldn’t do it anymore. She needed to see Mizi. 

 

“Take me to her,” Sua commanded. 

 

“It’s late, and she’s probably cried herself to sleep already. You should come tomorrow, I have a plan to make sure she sees you.” 

 

***

Mizi woke up to her phone buzzing lightly against the coffee table. She’d been sleeping on Ivan’s couch for three nights now. The firm, university-supplied furniture, had begun to take its toll on her body, and she ached as she stretched awake. Mizi grabbed her phone off the table, then curled her knees up to her chest as she read a series of frantic messages from Ivan. He had left his key in his dorm, locking himself out, and didn’t have enough time to call for an RA. 

 

Mizi let out a light giggle. It was such a freshman year problem, locking yourself out of your dorm, she couldn’t help but laugh at the image of Ivan panicking at the loss of his key. She texted back, stating that he should just knock when he was back and she would open the door for him, then set her phone back on the coffee table before making her way to the bathroom sink. She picked up the fresh toothbrush Ivan had bought for her a few days prior and started brushing her teeth. She had slept in late, and Ivan had morning practice, class, and then student government meetings back to back all day. She’d started to memorize his schedule these last few days, and she often found herself comparing his schedule to Sua’s, wondering where they were on campus while she stared into oblivion. He wouldn’t be back until late, hopefully, with dinner for her. 

 

Mizi barely heard the door knock over the sound of the rushing water. She closed the tap, then walked towards the door, the toothbrush still hanging out of her mouth. It was early for him, but he was more anxious than he let on. It wouldn’t surprise her if he had decided to pick up the key during lunch, easing his anxieties for the rest of the day. 

 

Mizi pulled open the door. Her toothbrush hit the ground by her feet, splattering a mix of spit, water, and toothpaste against the floor and her socks. Sua stood at the door, anxiously rocking back and forth, her fists tightly clenching the straps of her backpack. She looked both like a little kid and an adult who had worked overtime for weeks on end. 

 

“What-what are you doing here?” Mizi said, stumbling backwards into the room. “Ivan. He was supposed to pick up his key. You-you have class!” 

 

Mizi thought she would have burst into tears upon seeing Sua for the first time in days, but shock had overcome her first. She wasn’t prepared to talk to Sua in the slightest. 

 

“Ivan helped me meet with you,” Sua said, her voice wavering slightly. 

 

Mizi watched as Sua stepped past the doorframe and into the room. She was instantly reminded of their - not so drunken - makeout just a week prior. She backed up into the room further, increasing the distance between her and Sua. She felt her stomach twist in knots, and it wasn’t from the lack of food. Their relationship was going to change forever, and the thought of it made her sick. 

 

“We need to talk,” Sua said, her voice shaking with a false confidence. 

 

“I can’t. I’m not ready,” Mizi said. 

 

“We can’t hold off this conversation forever. I want you to come back home. I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too,” Mizi said, her lips quivering slightly. 

 

Sua stepped forward, and when Mizi didn’t take another tentative step back, she kept closing the distance between them. She landed a few paces away from Mizi, unsure what to do next. Then, Mizi took the last step forward and buried herself in Sua’s arms, tears streaming down her face, dampening Sua’s blouse. 

 

Sua felt her whole body tingle as Mizi’s arms wrapped her. She’d missed the weight of Mizi’s body against hers. Tears spilled out as she joined Mizi’s sobs. 

 

“I missed you so much,” Mizi said again through choked sobs. 

 

They’d only been apart for a few days, but it was the longest they had gone without each other in years. 

 

“I never want to you to leave me again,” Sua said, gripping Mizi tightly. 

 

Mizi stilled, the spell between them now broken, then pried herself out of Sua’s grip. 

 

“That’s unfair,” Mizi said, her voice breaking. 

 

Sua gripped Mizi’s wrist lightly, then pulled her towards the couch. They sat down and faced each other. A nervous tension filled the air. Sua slipped her hands into Mizi’s and squeezed them lightly, before letting out a shaky breath. 

 

“I love you,” Sua said as her thumb brushed across the back of Mizi’s hand. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for my whole life.”

 

Mizi pulled her eyes away from Sua’s. Her irises were like clouds of lavender smoke, swirling and pulling her in against her better judgment. 

 

“No. No, you can’t,” Mizi said, her voice gargled with congestion. 

 

“I’m sorry.” 

 

“Why, why didn’t you say anything?” 

 

Sua picked at her cuticles, drawing blood. “Why didn’t you?” 

“I couldn’t risk you not feeling the same, and me ruining our friendship,” Mizi said, glancing back towards Sua. “I buried my feelings to protect what we had, and you just let me?” 

 

“I thought Jina was going to pull us apart, not let us live together, and marry me off. I thought I was protecting you from eventual heartbreak. I couldn’t break your heart if we were never together in the first place,” Sua said, pulling at the straws of her old thought process. 

 

“That wasn’t your choice,” Mizi bit, anger rising. “We could’ve talked through it. Hid our relationship. Something! God, Sua, did you ever stop to think that maybe there was a chance we could have gotten through it together? And to think you’d break my heart anyway.” 

 

“I know. I messed up, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was doing it all for you. I thought if we were friends, it would be enough. Didn’t you think the same thing? That the pain was worth it if we could stay just as we were. You think I didn’t ache, not being with you? And knowing you loved me too? I was hurting too, Mizi.” 

 

“The minute you knew you were wrong, why didn’t you come running?” Mizi asked accusingly. “That whole week at Jina’s, you let the lines blur between our friendship and desires instead of telling me.” 

 

“I needed to know for sure that she was telling me the truth. I thought if she did something cruel to you, it would be okay because our relationship was fake. It was a failsafe. A fallback. I needed that week to test the waters.” 

 

“Were you ever planning on telling me?”

 

“God, of course. I was on the phone with Jina, asking for advice on how to confess to you when you overheard. I was telling her that our relationship was fake. There was no one else.” Sua clarified, remembering Ivan’s warning that Mizi had been under the impression she had fallen in love with someone else. 

 

“You were on the phone with Jina. Telling her about me?” Mizi asked in disbelief. 

 

“I promise,” Sua said, gripping Mizi’s hands once more and squeezing them tightly. 

The air stilled around them. Everything was in the air, from Mizi’s withheld feelings to Sua’s falsely placed protection. The anger and sadness had simmered down, and Sua could feel Mizi’s pulse beating rapidly in her wrists. 

 

“Let’s go home,” Sua said. 

 

“Yeah,” Mizi said, dazed. 

 

Sua folded the blanket Mizi had been sleeping on while Mizi collected the few items she had amassed in Ivan's dorm. Despite having little, Ivan’s dorm was already looking much cleaner after the removal of her things. The small space seemed to have doubled in size at the lack of Mizi’s presence. 

 

Mizi texted Ivan a quick note, thanking him for allowing her to stay and informing him Sua would be missing the student government meeting. Then the two left Ivan's dorm hand in hand. 

 

For the first time in days, Mizi suddenly became aware of her appearance. She felt like everyone was staring at her as she walked through campus towards the bus stop. She knew, with their campus being so large, it was unlikely that they would run into someone they knew, but she was hyper-aware of every glance. It wasn’t that she cared too intensely about how she looked, but she prided herself on being an unwavering source of positivity, and the gloom that was still seeping off her dampened the image she had constructed. It’s not that she felt ashamed to be seen at a low point either, but in a world of hurt, she worked to be a beacon of happiness to those around her. She understood that while she had friends to rely on at her lowest points, there were those around her who didn’t have that her positivity was enough to change someone’s day. The fall air was cool, but her palms were still sweating against Sua’s as they walked.

 

They waited at the bus stop, and Mizi thought about the day Till had confessed to her, his hands shaking and covered in blood. They had returned from campus in almost the same way, hands intertwined under the setting sun. Her mind, then, had been churning, unsure of what Sua was going to say to her proposition. Now, her mind buzzed with a quiet uncertainty. Despite all the anger, frustration, and sadness, she loved Sua, and Sua loved her back. Nothing would change that. 

 

The bus rolled to a stop in front of them, and they found two seats easily, having beaten rush hour. This time, Sua’s head slumped against Mizi’s as she slipped into a quiet slumber. Mizi ran her fingers delicately through Sua’s hair. It was a little greasy, maybe two days unwashed, but Mizi didn’t mind. It was a sign that Sua had been in just as much turmoil as she had. 

Mizi jostled Sua awake at their stop, then tugged her towards their apartment. Sua unlocked the door, and they stepped inside. Mizi took a deep breath, she missed their space. Aside from Mizi’s moved backpack, the apartment looked almost untouched, like Sua was worried that if she shifted anything, Mizi would never come back. Mizi squeezed Sua’s hand. 

 

“I'm going to take a quick shower and freshen up,” Mizi said. 

 

Sua nodded and watched as Mizi padded down the hall and towards their room. Sua shifted uncomfortably, still wanting to talk more with Mizi, then opted to wait on the couch. She curled up under a blanket and found herself nodding off to the sound of the shower, rushing like a waterfall, just a few feet away. 

 

The couch dipped, and Sua stirred at the movement. Mizi had finished her shower and had curled up under the blanket next to her. The heat from Mizi’s shower radiated off her body and warmed the space under the fleece. Sua yawned, then turned to face Mizi. Her eyes were already closed, and Sua traced her hand along the side of Mizi’s face. Mizi’s eyes fluttered open and poured into hers. 

 

“Hi,” Mizi said softly. 

 

“Hi.” 

 

“I love you,” Mizi said, her eyes fixed on Sua’s. “I don’t know if I ever said it properly, but I do love you.” 

 

Sua’s breath hitched. She’d known for years that Mizi loved her, but to hear it so blatantly sent a shiver down her spine. She leaned in, butting her forehead against Mizi’s. 

 

“I love you, too,” Sua said. “So much.” 

 

They were so close, Sua could feel Mizi’s breath puffing lightly against her lips. They’d been this close before, inches from a kiss, but there was a feverish desire laced in their shared breath before. Now, Sua felt like she could cut the tension between them with a knife. Mizi’s eyes flicked down towards her lips, and Sua took that as a sign. She closed the distance between them first this time, emphasizing her reciprocated desire. 

 

Mizi’s lips were soft, and Sua cursed her previous semi-inebriated state for rushing into this the first time. While they had successfully, hastily, and eagerly made out right outside the door to Sua’s childhood room, Sua felt like a teenager, struggling to find her placement against Mizi’s lips. The slow placidity of their kissing was new. 

 

Mizi giggled against her lips, breaking the kiss. “We don’t have much practice at this, do we?” 

 

Sua let out a light laugh, then smiled cheekily. “We should make up for lost time then,” 

 

Mizi raised an eyebrow at Sua's suggestion, then leaned in close once more. 

 

“If you insist,” Mizi said, then tugged Sua in for another kiss. 

 

This one was deeper, and Sua’s lips slotted against Mizi’s cleanly. They kept their place slow, making out against the couch like teenagers. Then, Mizi’s hand slipped under Sua’s shirt and glided against her waist. Sua gasped at the contact, and Mizi took the opportunity to slide her tongue in. 

 

Sua moaned lightly at the new sensation. She could feel their kisses beginning to shift from slow and languid to something hotter, more intense. She could feel heat blooming in her core, then she pulled away. 

 

“I’m not ready yet,” Sua said through light gasps for air.  

 

Mizi nudged her nose against Sua’s, then placed their foreheads together. “I won’t do anything today,” Mizi said. 

 

“Eventually,” Sua said, shifting her eyes away from Mizi’s intense stare. 

 

“We can talk about it when we’re ready,” Mizi said before placing another peck against Sua’s lips. 

 

Sua nodded her head, then leaned back against the couch, exhausted from the day. “Are we really okay?” Sua asked. 

 

Mizi threaded their fingers together, then stared directly at Sua. “I’m angry and I feel I have every right to be,” Sua flinched, “But my love for you is stronger. I’d never stop loving you because you tried to protect me.” 

 

Sua leaned in and placed a quick peck against Mizi’s lips. 

 

“I love you,” Sua said. 

 

“I love you, too,” Mizi said, her lips breaking into a small smile.

Notes:

AND JUST LIKE THAT THE LESBIANS HAVE CONFESSED AND ARE IN LOVE YAAAYYYY!!! AFTER EIGHT (nine?) WEEKS!! HAPPY LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK GUYS!! STREAM HEART!!! THANK YOU FOR READING I LOVE U ALL!!!

two more chapters left ahhh!! i can't believe it.

next chapter: ....:P hehe

Chapter 9: it's okay if you hurt me

Summary:

“Things have been going well, then?” Ivan asked.

Mizi beamed, “Absolutely”.

“In all departments?” Ivan asked, his lips quirking up into a smirk.

or

mizi and sua treat ivan to dinner, then have an eventful night at home

Notes:

WOOOOOP CHAPTER NINE OMG!! actually out on a sunday what??? i hope you enjoy the read!!

2 Weeks Later

Sua’s hand was warm and clammy against Mizi’s; a thin layer of sweat accumulated between their palms. Their intertwined fingers were resting on Mizi’s thigh, tucked under the restaurant table. Mizi brushed her thumb over the back of Sua’s hand in an attempt to soothe her anxieties. Each stroke against her skin whispered unspoken phrases, “It’ll be okay” “Don’t worry” “I love you”.

 

The table vibrated, forming light waves in the water of Mizi’s glass, as the chair across from them pulled out. The setting sun refracted against the shifting water and bounced into Mizi’s eyes. She pulled her attention away from her lap and towards the person across from them. 

 

“We need to talk. Dinner tomorrow at seven P.M. Dress nice.” Ivan recited as he delicately unfolded his napkin and placed it on his lap. “How ominous. Whatever could this meeting be about?” Ivan inquired sarcastically.

 

Sua fished into her purse with her left hand, the one free from Mizi’s grip, and pushed a small, neatly wrapped, box toward the center of the table. Ivan picked it up and began inspecting it, turning it around and shaking it lightly. 

 

“It’s a thank you gift,” Mizi explained. 

 

“We wanted to treat you for helping us get together,” Sua said. 

 

“Anything for you two, I mean it,” Ivan said as he peeled back the wrapping paper on his gift, revealing a sleek watch. “It’s gorgeous.” 

 

“Now you have no excuse to be late to Student Government meetings,” Sua said, cracking a light smile. 

 

Ivan chucked, then slid the watch onto his wrist. “And when have I been late?” 

 

Sua scowled a little. Ivan was as notoriously on time as she was. Ivan took a sip of his water, his eyes fixed on Sua. 

 

“You seem on edge today,” Ivan stated. 

 

Sua shifted uncomfortably in her seat, tightening her grip on Mizi’s hand. “I was worried you would scold me. You had Mizi’s best interest at heart the last time we spoke, now, there’s more room for you to speak freely without her well-being at risk. I know I messed up.” 

 

Ivan glanced and found Mizi staring daggers at him; a clear warning to play nice. 

 

Ivan chuckled, “To be honest, I was a little angry at the both of you. Withholding feelings and bottling things up only led you to hurt yourselves and each other. But, ultimately, I just wanted you to be happy, and if Mizi is happy, and you’re happy, I’m okay.” 

 

Sua let out a sigh she didn’t realize she was holding in. Ivan had seen through her before, he had the capability to hit her hard with his words. A trait he shared with Jina. If he had held any resentment towards her for hurting his best friend, she was sure he could’ve shaken her in just a few sentences. 

 

She loosened her grip on Mizi’s hand, air rushed into the gap between their persperiated palms, cooling the space between them. Sua shivered lightly at the sensation, and Mizi glanced at her with concern. 

 

“Just a little cold,” Sua said, noticing the flicker of worry across Mizi’s face. 

 

Mizi broke their hands apart fully as she stood up from her chair and tugged the jacket of its back. She motioned quietly for Sua to stand up, then slid the jacket on her. The jacket smelled like Mizi, and Sua blushed a deep red. They sat back down, and Ivan flitted his eyes between them. 

 

“Things have been going well, then?” Ivan asked. 

 

Mizi beamed, “Absolutely”.

 

“In all departments?” Ivan asked, his lips quirking up into a smirk. 

 

Sua’s face turned a dark crimson, and Mizi kicked Ivan in the shin playfully. She underestimated her strength, and Ivan’s knee jerked at the contact, smacking the underside of the table. Their plates rattled, and a few other guests glanced over at the commotion. Ivan chuckled and waved the concerned guest's attention away, while rubbing his shin. 

 

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just…” he glanced at Sua’s neck. “I think some of your makeup rubbed off.”

 

Sua’s hand flew to the side of her neck, desperate to cover up whatever Ivan was seeing. Mizi frowned, then glanced at Sua. 

 

“I was careful not to leave any marks,” Mizi said with a pout. “Let me see,” she said as she tugged Sua’s hand away from her neck. 

 

Mizi stared at Sua’s neck, then turned back towards Ivan. 

 

“There was nothing there.” 

 

Sua glared at Ivan, “Seriously. What the hell.” 

 

“Sorry, sorry,”   Ivan laughed, raising his hands in submission. “But I can tell you wish I’d been right,” Ivan said, his voice cheeky.

 

Mizi expected Sua to quip back, annoyed by Ivan's relentless teasing, but instead, she stayed quiet, her cheeks burning with admission. Her eyebrows raised in shock as she stared at Sua. She’d been so careful not to hurt her, deliberately holding herself back in order to leave Sua’s body untainted and unharmed. To think it was something Sua had been craving the entire time left her uneasy. It was clear their communication was still flawed. Mizi frowned, unsure what to do with this new information.

 

Suddenly, Ivan cleared his throat, interrupting her train of thought. “I’m meeting with Till later, so I have to get going. Thank you for the watch and for dinner. I’m really glad it worked out between you two.” 

 

Mizi’s frown shifted into a light grin. His “meeting with Till” was a clear ploy to allow her to talk with Sua more, and in the comfort of their own home. They’d already been toeing the line saying so many innuendos in a public restaurant. They needed to be able to talk freely. 

 

“Thank you for coming,” Mizi said, standing up and giving Ivan a quick hug. 

 

“Yes, thank you. It means a lot.” Sua added on. 

 

Ivan left, and Mizi called the waiter for their check, eager to leave. There was an awkward air around them, and Mizi was desperate to get home. Fears of more accidental miscommunication had already begun to set in. Sua sensed this unease and gripped her hand once more. 

 

“It’s not a big deal. Let’s talk when we get home.” Sua said. 

 

The bus ride home was quiet, both their minds preoccupied with the intensity, or lack thereof, of their sex. 

 

It was true. Sua had wished her neck had been marked, that Mizi had left her riddled with declarations of her love. But instead, Mizi had worshiped her body slowly. Their sex was good, but Sua found herself aching for the feverish desire that had thrummed through them during the party. She was planning on telling Mizi eventually, but it was embarrassing, her desire to be manhandled, and she hadn’t been ready to admit it. Their sex was good, and that was enough. But now, Ivan had exposed her desires, and she was forced to come clean. 

 

They arrived at their apartment, still hand in hand, and Sua could feel Mizi’s nervous energy still radiating off her. Mizi began to tug her towards the dinner table, eager to sit down and talk, but Sua stilled. 

 

“I’m going to take a quick shower, then we'll talk. I want to get out of this dress,” Sua said, unlinking her hand from Mizi’s. 

 

Mizi nodded, then watched as Sua padded down the hallway towards the bathroom. She paced a little in the kitchen, unnerved, then Sua’s voice echoed out of the bathroom and down the hall. 

 

“Miz, can you come unzip my dress?” Sua asked.

 

Mizi cracked open the door to the bathroom, and her jaw dropped slightly at the sight. Sua had been wearing a white, skin-tight, mini dress. It hugged her body tightly, accentuating the slight curvature of her breasts and revealing her silky smooth thighs. She’d already looked fantastic, but the steam from the shower had accumulated in the room, and Sua was left in a hazy glow. She looked undeniably sexy.

 

“You’re staring,” Sua teased. 

 

Mizi blushed, then pushed through the door. Sua turned around, and Mizi gripped the small of her waist with her left hand, and she slowly unzipped Sua’s dress. They were silent, only the sounds of their increasingly rapid breaths intermingled with the rushing shower water could be heard. Sua’s dress hit the floor with a light clink as the zipper hit tile. Mizi stared at Sua’s back. Her shoulder blades seemed carved out of marble, and her spine cut a clean line down her body. 

 

She expected Sua to step into the shower, still facing away from her, but Sua turned around, and Mizi’s eyes dropped down to her breasts almost immediately. They looked like they were made to fit in the palm of her hand. Sua let out a light giggle, then tilted Mizi’s head up to face hers. 

 

“You’re staring too much, it’s embarrassing,” Sua said. 

 

“You’re the one putting on a show.” 

 

“I just asked you to help me unzip my dress. You let your eyes linger.” Sua said coyly.

 

“How could I not?” Mizi replied, her face now inches from Sua’s. 

 

“Mark me,” Sua commanded, her voice quivering with desire. 

 

So this was their discussion. Mizi closed the gap between them, eagerly capturing Sua’s lips against hers. The air between them was hot and heavy from the running shower, and their kisses were open-mouthed and feverish. Mizi’s hands were gripping Sua’s bare waist, sending vibrations of pleasure coursing through her body. 

 

Mizi began slowly pushing Sua forwards, towards any wall space, till her back hit the glass shower door with a thump. Mizi pulled away from Sua’s lips and began trailing kisses down her neck. She began to tease Sua, kissing and nipping at her neck with just enough pressure to not leave a mark, while her left hand gently massaged Sua’s tit. Sua squirmed against her, her body aching for Mizi to touch her in the right place just once. She was aching from the incessant teasing.

 

Then, Mizi’s hands dipped from her waist to her hips, and her kisses trailed lower and lower until Sua felt Mizi’s tongue swipe against her nipple. Sua let out a guttural moan; her body shaking from the direct contact. Mizi’s left hand was focused on her right tit, pinching and scraching at her nipple, while her mouth was firmly latched around her left tit, her tounge sending shivers down her spine with each warm stroke against her nipple. With each gasp and moan that she let out she could feel Mizi’s enthusiasm grow. Her eagerness to please Sua was building like the pressure low in Sua’s stomach. 

 

“I ’m-I’m close already,” Sua huffed.

 

Mizi hummed in response, sending vibrations coursing through her body. Mizi increased the pressure in her left hand, pinching Sua’s nipple hard, as Sua’s breaths became erratic. 

 

“Ah- yes,” Sua gasped. “Just like that,”  

 

Then, Mizi gently scraped her teeth across Sua’s nipple, and her whole body shuddered as she climaxed, waves of pleasure coursing through her body. Mizi pulled her mouth off of Sua’s nipple; a trail of spit hung from Mizi’s lip connecting her to Sua’s breast. 

 

“You look so pretty when you come,” Mizi said as she began trailing her kisses lower. 

 

“Ah- wait,” Sua said as she pushed Mizi’s head away from her body. “I won't be able to stand.” 

 

Mizi looked up at her, her eyes hungry. “I’ll carry you to the bed.” 

 

Sua quickly turned the shower off before Mizi scooped her up bridal style and lifted her towards their bed. They’d pushed their twin mattresses together while they waited to go mattress shopping. They used it primarily to cuddle in bed, but he larger size was convenient for sex as well. Mizi placed Sua on the bed gently, then leaned in for a kiss. She pushed Sua flat on her back, then hovered over her neck. She looked conflicted as she hesitated over her exposed neck. 

 

“Please,” Sua begged, “It’s okay if you hurt me.” 

 

Mizi shuddered at the though of hurting Sua, then looked at Sua’s pleading eyes and leaned in, sucking hard on the side of Sua’s neck. Sua whined, and Mizi’s confidence grew. With each suck and bite Sua’s moans got louder and Mizi’s hunger grew. She trailed hickies down Sua’s body till she reached Sua’s clothed cunt. She placed a soft kiss against her clit through the fabric, then Sua lightly pushed her away. 

 

“Don’t take them off yet,” Sua gasped, “It’s embarrassing if I have all my clothes off and you’re fully dressed.” 

 

“Mmm. Okay,” Mizi said before placing a slow lick along her entrance through the fabric. “I’ll just have to make you come with them on.”

 

Mizi shifted her attention to Sua’s thighs, marking them while her fingers teased Sua’s entrance. 

 

“You’re so wet for me already,” Mizi said, her fingers gathering Sua’s slick off the fabric.

 

Sua moaned, then lifted her arms to cover her face, embarrassed and how quickly she was reaching her climax again. Mizi tugged her arms down away from her face.

 

“You’re so pretty. I want to see you when you come for me.” Mizi said against her skin. 

 

Mizi kissed her way back towards Sua’s clit, then sucked on it gently through the fabric. Sua gasped as her body shuddered. She’d expected the sensation to be dulled by the fabric separating them, but, instead, it added another layer of friction. 

 

“Oh god,” Sua moaned as she shoved Mizi’s head in closer to her cunt. “Just like that.” 

Sua tugged on Mizi’s hair causing her to let out a low moan sending vibrations against her clit. Sua was already nearing her second climax and she still had her underwear on. Mizi continued teasing Sua through the fabric till her body shuddered once more, her walls pulsing around nothing. 

 

Mizi lifted her face up from Sua’s cunt and Sua’s eyes widened at the amount of wetness collected on Mizi’s chin. She’d completely soaked through her panties. Mizi moved back up towards Sua and kissed her. She could taste herself against Mizi’s lips. 

 

“I want to feel you,” Mizi said, her voice low in Sua’s ear. 

 

Mizi stripped quickly, tossing her clothes to the side, then tugged down Sua’s ruined underwear, tossing it to the side. 

 

“You’re so wet,” Mizi said, her fingers teasing Sua’s entrance. 

 

“Ah- I’m really sensitive right now,” Sua said, her voice trembling from coming twice already. 

 

“It’s better when it’s sensitive, right?” Mizi said, sliding her two fingers seamlessly into Sua. 

 

Sua moaned as Mizi’s fingers pumped into her hard and fast. She could feel the pleasure building, but she ached for more. 

 

“More,” Sua begged

 

Mizi added a third finger and Sua gasped as her pussy stretched around Mizi’s fingers. She was so full. Mizi’s fingers curled inside her, hitting her G-spot repeatedly. 

 

“Oh god. You make me feel so good,” Sua said, her walls clenching tightly against Mizi’s fingers.

 

Mizi moaned at the compliment, then began thumbing her own clit with her free hand. She was already close just from watching Sua moan and writhe against her, Sua’s pleasure was enough to bring her pleasure, but to hear it verbally nearly sent her over the edge. 

 

She was desperate to come in unison with Sua and with each clench against her fingers she stroked her clit more feverently. Sua’s breaths became rapid, her moans increasing in pitch as Mizi worked to tip her over the edge. 

 

“I’m gonna come,” Sua said between moans. 

 

“Me-me too,” Mizi said. 

 

Sua took one look at Mizi, stroking her clit while three fingers deep inside her, and came hard. Her walls pulsed against Mizi’s fingers, still pumping into her. Mizi worked Sua through her climax, keeping her rhythm steady till the pulses against her fingers subsided, then pulled out of Sua. Sua shuddered at the loss, then almost immediately fell asleep, exhausted. 

 

She woke up a few hours later, Mizi wrapped tight around her like a koala. She brushed a stray hair from Mizi’s fac,e and Mizi’s eyes fluttered open.

 

“How was your nap?” Mizi asked.

 

“Good,” Sua said, placing a light kiss against Mizi’s lips.

 

“I was going to tell you,” Sua said, pulling the comforter up to her chin, “But I was embarrassed. And…” Sua shifted her eyes towards the ceiling, “There’s more I want to try with you.” 

 

“Was it…bad?” Mizi asked. “Our sex before.” 

 

Sua’s eyes widened, “No! You made me feel good then, too, I promise. It was amazing.” 

 

“But this was better?”

 

Sua’s cheeks tinged red. “This was perfect. And…I could feel you holding back the first time. Even this time. I want you to let go,” Sua said, brushing her hand against Mizi’s cheeks. 

 

“I’m not going to break if you tie me to the bedpost,” Sua said, her face warm at the reveal of her desire. 

 

“Our cheap, old wooden bedpost might not be able to handle you ,though,” Mizi said. “When we go mattress shopping, we’ll get a new bedframe. One that can handle the full force of your squirming,” 

 

 Sua turned away, embarrassed. “How about we go tomorrow then?” 

 

“Tomorrow, we’re meeting with Ivan and Till, remember?” 

 

Sua grumbled, then tugged Mizi in closer. “I like it more when it’s just us.” 

 

“Me too,” Mizi said, placing a soft kiss against Sua’s forehead. “I’m going to go shower. Care to finish what you started?” Mizi said, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

 

“I’d be glad to,” Sua said, sliding out from underneath the covers. 

 

She padded down the hall behind Mizi and into the bathroom. Mizi turned on the water, then stepped inside the shower. Sua paused for a minute in front of the mirror. Her neck and chest were riddled with hickies and bite marks. She blushed, staring at them, her mind wandering back to the evening's activities. They were already sore to the touch,h and she knew they were going to be worth the endless hours of makeup application. She rubbed her wrist gently. The hickies and bite marks were a good step forward, but she ached for the day when she was riddled with rope indents, too. 

 

“Looking at my handiwork?” Mizi said through a chuckle. 

 

“Maybe…” Sua said as she glanced into the mirror once more. 

 

“Well, the water’s getting cold.” 

 

Mizi opened the door to the shower, then tugged Sua inside. The warm water rained down on them, and Sua kissed Mizi deeply, like they were lovers in a romcom reunited under April showers.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Notes:

MIZISUASEX4LIFE!! this is only like my second time writing smut so I'm sorry if it's not great. I'm practicing!!! other than that i really hope you enjoyed this chapter!! these two lovebirds finally got their freak on. yaaay!! i can't believe next week is the final chapter. this has really been a crazy ride so thank you all so much. I'll leave all the sappy stuff for next weeks end note.

next week: mizi and sua hang out with ivan and till.

Chapter 10: i love you with all my heart

Summary:

Mizi slipped her hand into Sua’s and gripped tightly. The conversation had lulled in a place nearly perfect for her confession.

“Till, there’s something I have to tell you,” Mizi said.

or

Now that Mizi and Sua are dating for real, Mizi finally comes clean to Till.

Notes:

CHAPTER TEN AT LAST!! Sorry for the long wait, I had finals, then I moved, and then I was burnt out from the semester. 😭 I really hope you enjoy this final chapter. Thank you all for coming on this ride with me. :D

Mizi stirred, her eyes fluttered open as light seeped through the curtains and into her room. A heavy weight pressed against her chest, and she glanced down to find Sua’s head nestled against her. Mizi had sprawled out and pushed Sua right up against the edge of the bed, inches from falling off. Her toes were slightly poking out of the sheets in an attempt to cool down from the warmth radiating off of Mizi, but she still nestled close to Mizi, burying her face in her chest.

 

Mizi lightly brushed a stray hair from Sua’s face, then planted a light kiss against her forehead. Sua’s sleeping face was adorable, the deadpan expression she wore to school was relaxed and her cheeks squished slightly against the matress. Mizi felt her cheeks heat at the sight, this was someonthing only she would get to see, and that knowledge made her heart pound.  

 

Sua shifted under the sheets, the sunlight making her stir, then sleepily tilted her head up to face Mizi.

 

“Good morning,” Mizi said softly.

 

“Good morning,” Sua said through a yawn. “How long have you been staring at me?”

 

“Not that long. I just woke up.” 

 

Sua hummed quietly in response, her grogginess still dissipating, then a pair of hands slipped around her waist and tugged her close. 

 

“You were on the edge of the bed again,” Mizi said, a light pout forming. 

 

“You pushed me there, and I needed the air. You run hot.” Sua stated. 

 

“I’ll turn on the AC.” 

 

“It’s almost winter.” 

 

Mizi grumbled, unsatisfied with Sua’s answers. She knew that Sua was already compromising her ideal sleeping temperature in order to remain as close to Mizi as possible, but she wanted Sua even closer .

 

Mizi’s brows furrowed as she slipped into thought, her mind churning for solutions to their less than ideal sleeping situation. Suddenly, she felt a warm sensation against her brow. Sua kissed away the creases in her forehead, then the tip of her nose, before finally landing softly against her lips. Mizi returned Sua’s kiss eagerly. Desperate to deepen their kiss, her tongue brushed Sua’s lips, asking for entrance. Sua accepted, parting her lips slightly, and Mizi’s tongue slipped inside her mouth. She let out a low moan as Mizi’s tongue eagerly explored her mouth. Mizi slid her hands up under Sua’s tank top, gliding them against her sides until her thumb brushed the underside of Sua’s bra. Sua’s skin was soft, and Mizi loved the way she delicately trembled against her touch. She was eager to continue, desperate to make Sua whine against her, when the ring of her alarm clock jolted them out of their lust-driven haze. 

 

“What time is it?” Sua asked between light pants, her face still tinged red from the aftermath of Mizi’s touch. 

 

“Just past nine,” Mizi replied as she shut off the alarm. 

 

Sua let out a light groan, “Why did we have to decide on brunch?” 

 

“Because Ivan and Till said they’re busy just after lunch.” 

 

Sua grumbled, annoyed that their planned burch had interrupted her time with Mizi, then planted a chaste kiss against Mizi’s lips.

 

“You’ll have to take responsibility for leaving me like this,” Sua said, her fingers grazing against Mizi’s lips. 

 

“Like what?” Mizi asked.

 

Sua gripped Mizi’s hand, then slowly guided it towards her shorts. Mizi’s fingers grazed along Sua’s skin before quietly slipping past elastic and sliding against her underwear. She was wet enough to make her underwear damp, just from kissing. A chill ran down Mizi’s spine at the realization, then she silently chastised herself for agreeing to a brunch. 

 

“I’ll take responsibility,” Mizi said, her mouth dry as she voiced her promise. 

 

“Good,” Sua said with a coy smile.

 

If this had been a normal morning, Mizi would have taken care of Sua immediately, then slipped to the kitchen to prepare something light for breakfast. Sua would have wrapped her arms tightly around Mizi, then nestled her chin into the crook of Mizi’s shoulder before peppering her skin with light kisses. Their daily life had started to resemble the blissful week they had spent at Jina’s, but without the wall of insincerity between them. But it wasn’t a normal morning, and they wouldn’t be eating in their apartment alone together at all. They would be meeting with Ivan and Till, finally catching up as a group for the first time in weeks.

 

Mizi’s breath trembled as she thought about her impending conversation with Till. She wanted to properly apologize and come clean about her lie. It didn’t feel right for him to be the only one in the dark, and the fear that someone would accidentally slip was beginning to overtake her. She’d barely seen Till since the day he confessed, and she was almost positive he had begun to avoid her after the night of his concert. He had sung a song she had an inkling was about her, and immediately after, Sua had clung to her neck like a koala. Looking back at it now, it was almost glaringly obvious Sua had reciprocated her feelings, but it couldn’t have been nice for Till to watch. 

 

Sua hugged her tightly under the sheets. “Don’t worry about Till’s reaction. What you did doesn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t have gone out with him.” 

 

“How did you know what I was thinking about?” 

 

“Whenever you start to overthink, you get this little wrinkle right here,” Sua said as she brushed her thumb over a small crease in Mizi’s forehead. 

 

Mizi pressed her forehead against Sua’s. “I thought maybe you could read my mind.” 

 

“If I could do that, we would’ve gotten together a lot sooner,” Sua said, a dark gloom settling over her face.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Mizi said quietly. She could see the regret Sua held for hurting Mizi flash across her face and placed another light kiss to Sua’s forehead. “Come on, let’s get ready for brunch. 

 

***

They had decided to meet for brunch at a quaint breakfast restaurant just off campus and near Mizi and Sua’s apartment. It was located almost directly between them, and the menu had a good blend of sweet and savory dishes, fitting their differing tastes. 

 

The first thing Mizi noticed upon arriving at the restaurant was that there was something off about Till. Ivan’s arm was draped around the back of Till’s chair, and his fingers were lightly stroking Till’s arm, and Till was uncharacteristically allowing Ivan’s affectionate touch. The only thing she could think of was that, out of guilt, Ivan had already told Till about her lies, and he was allowing Ivan to comfort him. Seeing Till accept such a public display of affection around her made her nervous. The Till she was accustomed to would have made sure Ivan’s arm was placed on the chair at the bare minimum. 

 

“You’re late,” Ivan teased, “Took some extra time to cover up this time?” 

 

“I didn’t need to last time. Remember?” Sua stated, careful not to let Ivan rile her up. 

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Ivan replied, raising only his left arm in submission. His right arm stayed put across Till’s chair. 

 

They spent the first part of brunch chatting quietly about the end of their semester, catching up on the time they had lost as a tight group after Till’s confession. But then, Sua insisted that Mizi try a bite of the dish she got and fed her a small forkful, and Till shifted the conversation entirely. 

 

“You guys seem really happy,” Till stated, his eyes flicking back and forth between Mizi and Sua. 

 

Mizi instinctively broke out into a grin. She was happy, very happy, and she was glad it showed. She opened her mouth to speak, but Sua beat her to it. 

 

“We are,” Sua said bluntly, her eyes glaring at Till aggressively. 

 

“I’m glad,” Till said as an awkward silence settled across the group.

 

Mizi slipped her hand into Sua’s and gripped tightly. The conversation had lulled in a place nearly perfect for her confession. 

 

“Till, there’s something I have to tell you,” Mizi said. 

 

“Okay?” Till said, unsure of what Mizi was going to say. 

 

“I wasn’t actually dating Sua when you confessed to me. We are dating now! Thanks to you, actually…But I really was in love with her, and I wouldn’t have dated you whether I was actually dating her or not. At the time, I thought I’d hurt you less if you thought Sua and I were dating, so I lied to you. And, I’m sorry. I thought about having this conversation just the two of us, but I also have to thank you for eventually bringing Sua and I together, and Ivan helped me when I was at my lowest. They already know about your confession, and I’m sorry for telling them, but I was just doing what I thought was best at the time. I just couldn’t bear to-” 

 

“I forgive you,” Till said, cutting Mizi’s long ramble off. 

 

“What?” Mizi said. 

 

“I forgive you. I admire you, Mizi, and there’s not much you could do that I couldn’t forgive you for. So, I forgive you. It means a lot that you considered my feelings so deeply. I know I can count on you as a friend. And well…” Till’s voice trailed off into a mumble. 

 

“Sorry, what was that last part?” Mizi asked.

 

“I’m dating Ivan now, so,” Till mumbled again, his voice barely audible. 

 

“You’re dating who?” Sua asked, having picked up on the beginning of Till’s sentence. 

 

“I’m dating Ivan now so! You don’t have to worry about me anymore!” Till nearly shouted. 

 

Mizi and Sua glanced at each other in near shock. They’d both known about Ivan’s clear feelings for Till, but neither of them had expected reciprocation. Mizi kicked Ivan under the chair. 

 

“You could’ve told me??” Mizi said. 

 

“It’s only been about a week. Calm down! Till wasn’t ready yet, I had to respect his wishes.” Ivan said. 

 

“I understand. Congratulations,” Mizi said nodding, “And Till, thank you for forgiving me. I’m glad things worked out well for you too.” 

 

“You have my congratulations as well,” Sua said, her voice the happiest it’d been all brunch. The fact that Till was no longer pursuing or interested in her girlfriend was enough for her to let pieces of her cold facade slip.

 

“When is our first double date?” Mizi asked excitedly. She’d been dreaming about double dates with her and Sua and Ivan, and Till since middle school. 

 

“Now,” Ivan said. 

 

“Now? What! No, this doesn’t count!” Mizi exclaimed, “We didn’t even know you were dating until a few minutes ago. I would’ve dressed up nicer and bought something to share with Sua instead. This doesn't count.” Mizi stated firmly. 

 

“I agree with Mizi,” Till said. 

 

Sua and Ivan both turned their heads towards Till, a mix of confusion, anger, and possessiveness flashing across both their faces. 

 

“It’s just, we didn’t do anything very date-like. The choice of activity and lack of proper attire leads me to agree with Mizi. Nothing more, nothing less.”

 

Ivan perked up at Till’s words, overjoyed that he wanted to do something “more date-like” with him, and Sua visibility relaxed, reassured that Till’s crush on Mizi had truly passed. 

 

Suddenly, the watch Mizi and Sua had gifted Ivan began to beep, interrupting their conversation. 

 

“Unfortunately, we have to run,” Ivan said as he silenced his watch. 

 

“Band, um- stuff,” Till said very unconvincingly. 

 

Mizi smiled. The first week she was with Sua, they’d been unable to take their hands off of each other; they still couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. She was sure their “band practice” would turn into something else. Till’s easily readable face only convinced her more. “Thank you both for coming to brunch. I’m glad we were all able to talk,” Mizi said. 

 

“Enjoy band practice,” Sua said, emphasizing band practice between finger quotes. 

 

The boys scurried off, and Mizi leaned into Sua’s ear. “Let’s go so I can finish what I started this morning.” 

 

Sua’s face tinged red. “Please do.” 

 

***

 

The bus ride back to their apartment had been agonizing. Mizi had placed her hand against Sua’s thigh and stroked small circles on the inside of her thigh for the entire ride. She had barely been able to walk up to the door of their apartment, gripping onto Mizi’s hand tightly for support. She needed Mizi, but when Mizi turned to kiss her upon entering their apartment, she placed her hand out, stopping Mizi. 

 

“Thank you for lying to Till,” Sua said as she rested her head against Mizi’s shoulder. “I was a selfish and a coward, I never would have confessed my feelings to you if you hadn’t told him we were dating. I’m so sorry,” Sua cried. 

 

Mizi tilted Sua’s head up from against her chest and placed a chaste kiss to Sua’s lips. “I never would have confessed my feelings to you either. We both made mistakes, but it doesn’t matter now. I love you, and nothing can change that.” 

 

Sua kissed Mizi again. “I love you, too. With all my heart.” 

 

Mizi grinned, then began tugging Sua backwards towards their bedroom. “Shall we continue where we left off?”

Notes:

Wow wow wow. And just like that it's over :((( Thank you so so SO much to everyone who has supported me. This is my first time writing something this long and multi-chapter so your support has truly meant so much to me. I never expected to have so many of you reading weekly, and your encouragement pushed me to see this through to completion. I have learned a lot about myself as a writer throughout this, and I hope to only improve from here on out. This won't be the last mizisua fic I write and I hope to see you all as I continue to push out works :D

I am also hosting a mizisuaficfest and prompting is open to ALL! if you have any prompts you'd like to add please submit them here

Again, thank you to everyone who has been with me through this ride. I hope you enjoyed reading about our little disaster lesbians.

Chapter 11: epilogue

Summary:

"Mizi fiddled with the small velvet box in her right pocket."

or

MIZISUA PROPOSAL

Notes:

UMMM SURPRISE!!! secret epilogue!! enjoy XD

Five Years Later

 

Mizi fiddled with the small velvet box in her right pocket. She needed constant reassurance that the ring hadn’t accidentally slipped out into the river, or that she left it at home, or that someone pickpocketed her, or that…she could keep going. Her left hand was gripping Sua’s tightly, and a thin layer of sweat had accumulated between their palms. She was nervous. So very nervous. 

 

The start of their relationship had been rocky. After Sua had finally broken through to her, confessing on the couch of Ivan’s dorm room, they entered a honeymoon period. Weeks of bliss as they were finally able to love each other without the shackles of their own restraints. But they had brushed over the underlying issues too quickly. The lying, the harbouring feelings, the anger. It was all still there. It took work to rebuild the foundation of their communication and trust. But it was worth it. Every argument, every bit of pain, was worth it to end up where they were now: happy.

 

When Mizi was five years old her mother had asked her if she liked anyone at school. Without hesitation ,she said, “I’m going to marry Sua!”  Her mother had brushed it off as a joke, but the following seventeen years were filled with confusion, pining, and repression. The only thing that stayed constant was her love for Sua. So when they struggled, when their relationship hit a snag or they failed to communicate, she knew they would be okay. Her love for Sua was the most consistent thing in her entire life. 

 

Sua squeezed Mizi’s hand a little, breaking her out of her racing thoughts, “Are we close?” Sua asked. 

 

“Yeah. We’ll get the best view of the river just by that bend,” Mizi said, pointing to a small curve in the path ahead. 

 

She was almost positive Sua knew what she was planning tonight. It was their five-year anniversary, and they were both trekking through the forest in cute outfits. They hadn’t dressed uncomfortably for the walk, but they were overdressed for a hike. Sua had also avoided commenting on her visible nerves. Normally, if Mizi showed the slightest bit of discomfort, Sua was there asking her what was wrong. But now, her palms were sweating, and she kept peeking glances at their spot near the river, and Sua hadn’t uttered a word. 

 

They stepped up towards the bend, and Sua paused, tugging Mizi to a stop next to her. 

 

“Did you set this all up?” Sua asked, her eyes locked on an elaborate picnic. 

 

“I wanted to do something special for our fifth anniversary,” 

 

Sua pulled her eyes away from the picnic and locked eyes with Mizi. “I love you so much,” Sua said, tugging Mizi into a hug.

 

“I love you too,” Mizi said, her body relaxing into Sua’s embrace, “Now let’s eat!” 

 

They settled onto a blanket and took a moment to stare at the river. The path that they had been following ran parallel to the river, but it was often muggy, and the rushing water drowned out their voices. The bend that Mizi had chosen had a slight hill to the left side of the path, giving them a perfect view of the river but keeping them far enough away that the water was quiet and the dirt was dry. 

 

“We used to run out into these woods barefoot all the time,” Sua reminisced.

 

“I would try and catch fish with my bare hands and chase you with them,” Mizi said through a laugh. 

 

“You stopped after that one time…” Sua trailed off. It all seemed like silly childhood stories now, but one of the fish that Mizi had captured, she accidentally kept out of water for too long and it became her first experience with killing. She wouldn’t harm a fly, so when the fish died within her grasp, Mizi had burst into tears, the guilt overtaking her. 

 

Mizi squeezed Sua’s knee, reassuring her. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” Mizi planted a quick peck to Sua’s cheek, then opened one of the baskets laid out. “Let’s start with some pastries.” 

 

Mizi pulled out a small platter of Sua’s favorite pastries and the two began to eat quietly. Mizi was too nervous to hold a conversation, every minute she wasn’t responding to Sua she was reciting her speech in her head over and over again. Her proposal had to be perfect. They’d had enough missteps along the way. 

 

“It’s unusual for you to be this quiet,” Sua said, prodding lightly. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Mizi said, fishing for another platter of food, “I’ve just been thinking about us.” 

 

Panic flashed across Sua’s face, and tears welled up in her eyes involuntarily. Mizi rushed to correct herself. “Nothing bad! I promise. I just can’t believe it’s been five years already.” 

 

Sua let out a shaky exhale loud enough for Mizi to hear. “I was worried for a second that you were-”

 

“I wouldn’t take you out here like this to dump you. Sua, I’ve never been happier in my life.” Mizi interrupted. 

 

“Then why?” Sua swallowed thickly, “Why did you take me out here like this?” 

 

Mizi was too nervous to roll her eyes at Sua’s gentle prodding. She pulled out a small bouquet of white lilies from a basket and set them in an empty vase she had prepared. She plucked one of the flowers from the vase, then tucked it into Sua’s ear. Mizi stared for a moment. Sua looked radiant, the sun wasn’t yet setting, but it still wrapped Sua in a hazy glow. The rays hit the mist that stirred from the nearby river just right, and small fragments of rainbow sparkled around Sua. She looked like a goddess. 

 

Mizi tucked her right hand back into her pocket and pulled out the small velvet box she had been fiddling with. She carefully pried it open, then faced Sua. Her breath was shaky, and tears had already begun to prick the corners of her eyes. 

 

“Just over five years ago, you asked me how I would confess to you. I told you I’d bring you to this river, we’d eat your favorite pastries, I’d sing you a song, and then tell you I loved you. I never got the proper chance to do it, so I figured now would be the best time. Five years ago, you told me you loved m,e and I didn’t think I could get any happier. The love I had harbored for you since childhood was finally reciprocated. I thought that was the best it could be. But today, I’m more in love with you than I’ve ever been. The love I feel for you only grows, and I hope you’ll let it keep growing. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Sua. Will you marry me?” 

 

Tears were streaming down Sua’s face. Without saying anything she opened her small purse, her hands shaking, then pulled out a matching velvet box. 

 

“You beat me to it,” Sua said, her laughter breaking through tears. 

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

“Of course. Yes!” Sua said, wrapping Mizi in a hug, and then a kiss. Mizi pulled out of their kiss, then shakily placed the ring gently on Sua’s ring finger. Sua exchanged her ring, then Mizi pulled her into another kiss. This one was deeper than the last; her tongue gently explored Sua’s mouth, probing until Sua let out a small whine. 

 

“Don’t- don’t get me in the mood here,” Sua hissed. 

 

Mizi placed her forehead against Sua’s, “Sorry. I just- I love you so much. I want you to feel it.” 

 

Sua’s cheeks tinged red, and she lightly shoved Mizi’s shoulder.

 

“Wait until we get home.” 

 

Mizi placed a trail of kisses from the side of Sua’s neck up to her lips, then stopped short. “I’ll wait,” 

 

Sua let out a low exhale, calming the chills running down her spine. “I want you to sing me that song before we leave, though,” Sua said, still glancing at the ring Mizi had placed on her finger. “It’s only mid-afternoon. You can take care of me tonight.” 

 

Mizi rolled her eyes, then pulled out a small, foldable, keyboard that she had packed. She clicked the board together and set it on her lap. Sua leaned against Mizi’s shoulder, and the cold of her ring grazed Mizi’s thigh. The river rushed quietly nearby, and Mizi let out a gentle breath before starting.

Notes:

I've been floating around the idea of doing an epilogue for a few weeks now, but when chapter 10 was about 900 words shy of my standard 3k chapter goal i was more determined than ever to add a little something extra for you all. this is officially the end of this story so no more surprises, but i wanted you all to get a sneak peek into their future and live knowing that they will get married and have kids and live happily beyond just their few months of chaos as dumb college kids.

again, thank you all for the support and love for the series it means a lot <3

Notes:

hello everyone! thank you so much for reading!

updates weekly on sundays around 10pm est

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