Chapter 1: apollo needs therapy immediately
Notes:
edit (8/18/25): okay so a lot of what i said in this chapter made no sense so i updated it and added more fillers in between sentences to make it make more sense
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(Untitled Chat)
leovaldez added pipermclean, jasongrace, percyjackson… and 9 more.
(leovaldez changed the chat name to ‘a totally normal gc’)
leovaldez: hey guys!
pipermclean: leo?? what is this
leovaldez: well thanks to my new super awesome cool phones that i made y’all, we can now text without being interrupted by monsters
jasongrace: and that makes u want to make a gc??
leovaldez: exactly the point my dear friends
pipermclean: y’all??
leovaldez: its the texas in me.
anyways !! wheres everyone else?
reynaavilaramirez-arellano: I am here.
leovaldez: were u here the whole time?
reynaavilaramirez-arellano: Yes. You guys text very… interestingly to say the least.
Wait hold on.
(reynaavilaramirez-arellano changed their name to reynaarellano)
reynaarellano: That’s better.
annabethchase: What’s this?
reynaarellano: A group chat that Leo made.
annabethchase: Gods help us all
percyjackson: ughhh who added me to a char with the grammar police
annabethchase: Chat*
percyjackson: fuck this im taking a nap
annabethchase: I love you
percyjackson: …
i love you too.
pipermclean: AWHHHHHHHHHHHHH
annabethchase: If you dont shut up i WILL shove your earrings down your throat
jasongrace: well shit that escalated quickly
thaliagrace: hey jason
jasongrace: thals? what are you doing here
thaliagrace: okay first of all, RUDE.
second of all, someone added me and i saw reyna texting so i came online
reynaarellano: Yes ma’am.
willsolace: okay who added my dad in this chat
apollo: *shock* i am very offended especially since this is coming from my own son
willsolace: I DIDNT MEAN IT IN A MEAN WAY, I WAS JUST ASKING
apollo: its okay i know what you meant
you dont like me :(
willsolace: WHAT. NO!
percyjackson: dude i try to take one fucking nap and i just keep hearing ding ding ding
dude why is apollo here
apollo: you know what, fuck my life
megmccaffrey: dont try to kill yourself again
willsolace: AGAIN?????
pipermclean: yeah he once impaled himself with a spear
willsolace: WHAT.
apollo: woww the exposing..
after all ive done for you mortals
willsolace: YOURE?? CURRENTLY?? A?? MORTAL?? TOO??
nicodiangelo: will’s currently going insane in my cabin right now.
annabethchase: What did i just witness?
Also hi nico!
nicodiangelo: hello
thaliagrace: also apollo im telling artemis
apollo: PLEASE DONT??
reynaarellano: Too late she already told her.
She’s taking Thalia’s phone.
apollo: WHAT THE FUCK.
reynaarellano: She’s typing.
apollo: I KNOW I SEE THAT.
thaliagrace: PHEOBUS APOLLON.
leovaldez: oooo full name
someones in troubleeeee
apollo: SHUT UP SHES TYPING AGAIN.
IM GOING INTO HIDING
YOU GUYS WILL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN
percyjackson: a true poet.
thaliagrace: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU LAME EXCUSE OF A GOD!! I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS WHEN I CATCH YOUR ASS YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY OR NIGHT AGAIN. YOU COULDVE DIED, YOURE A MORTAL NOW!!!! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT OR DO I NEED TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU WITH A BAT. HEALING GOD MY ASS, WHEN YOU BECOME A GOD AGAIN YOU BETTER BELIEVE I’M GOING TO THROW YOUR TINY GOD-LIKE SELF STRAIGHT UP INTO THE SUN. GET READY TO COME BACK TO OLYMPUS BECUASE I’M GONNA SHOOT YOU WITH SO MANY ARROWS YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO WALK FOR CENTURIES.
reynaarellano: I have the urge to point out that she used grammarly to type that.
jasongrace: well damn this gc just got a whole lot more interesting
leovaldez: SEE !! I TOLD YOU GUYS. and you all DOUBTED me. HAHAHAHA
nicodiangelo: who in the name of the universe ever doubted you
leovaldez: idk my voices??
nicodiangelo: uhh okay anyways
megmccaffrey: i would like to point out that apollo is literally shaking right now
apollo: i am NOT.
willsolace: wouldnt blame you honestly, artemis is scary as hell
apollo: that, my son, she is.
thaliagrace: artemis is literally going insane over here, someone please send help
jasongrace: oh hey again thals
thaliagrace: hola
reynaarellano: Fellow group chat members, should I add Artemis?
apollo: NO.
thaliagrace: YES!!!
leovaldez: oh shit this is gonna be good
where is everyone
@respectyourelders @canadian
hazellevesque: Hi!!
leovaldez: okay good we got everyone
frankzhang: What is this??
pipermclean: a gc that leo made with the new monster-proof phones he gave us
frankzhang: Ahh okay
reynaarellano: Anyways… should I add her now?
apollo: PLEASE GODS NO
(reynaarellano added artemis to the chat)
apollo: well there goes my will to live
artemis: APOLLO.
apollo: uhh heyyy??
artemis: YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.
apollo: OKAY LOOK ITS NOT MY FAULT.
megmccaffrey: actually is it 100% your fault
apollo: BE QUIET.
megmccaffrey: what are you gonna do about it??
apollo: i-
okay nevermind
LOOK ARTY I DIDNT MEAN TOO OKAY??
megmccaffrey: hes actually currently making a mental note on different ways to kill himself as we speak
willsolace: …
okay wait how do you even know that if it's a 'mental' note
megmccaffrey: i can look into his mind.
willsolace: okay well that's creepy as fuck
who gave the 12 year old so much power
apollo: that might be my fault
artemis: APOLLO.
apollo: look im sorry okay
artemis: you better be.
thaliagrace: shes physically shaking from how hard shes typing right now
artemis: swear on the styx to never do it again.
apollo: HUH??
artemis: you heard me.
apollo: FINE. if that would really make you happy, i swear on the river styx to never try to physically harm myself while im mortal.
artemis: AND WHEN YOU'RE A GOD AGAIN??
apollo: alright alright. and when i’m a god again
artemis: good !! :)
annabethchase: What did i just read?
percyjackson: idk im scared though
nicodiangelo: i need to take a nap
willsolace: same honestly
nicodiangelo: you wanna sleepover in my cabin?
willsolace: suree
leovaldez: and do whatt??? hehehebeh
nicodiangelo: leo WHAT.
we are CHILDREN.
leovaldez: i was just tryna make the chat interesting again goshhhh.
willsolace: uhh okay anyways
goodnight guys !!
pipermclean: goodnight!!
jasongrace: goodnight
percyjackson: goodnightt
annabethchase: Goodnight!
frankzhang: What did I just MISS??
Notes:
next chapter is in the planning !!
Chapter 2: leo needs to go to sleep
Summary:
nicodiangelo: if you guys don’t go to sleep then i swear to gods
willsolace: nico, how about YOU go to sleep
nicodiangelo: im good
willsolace: then u CANNOT be talking
jasongrace: how about we just all go to sleep?
Notes:
hey guys !!
first off, thank you so much for 100 hits oh my gosh !! i didnt expect that at all
(edit (3/9/25): if you saw that i spelled expect like 'except' before, no you didnt)also sorry if this chapter is all over the place, i just feel like everyone would type the most random shit at random times
hope you like this !! 🙏🏼 ik its not my best work
(edit 8/20/25: i edited this one too cause why do i make no sense whatsoever)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(a totally normal gc)
3:27 am
leovaldez: HEY GUYSSS
pipermclean: leo wtf are u doing up
leovaldez: partying idk
the better question is, what are you doing up
pipermclean: touché
no but seriously what are you doing
leovaldez: spreading jasons asscheeks
jasongrace: uhm WHAT.
pipermclean: WGAT THE FUCk
annabethchase: What*
leovaldez: did you open this chat just to say that?
annabethchase: Do you want the real answer?
pipermclean: yk what? i dont wanna know
annabethchase: Good answer.
apollo: for the love of all that's holy, GO TO SLEEP.
leovaldez: bruh do you even sleep?
apollo: that's besides the point
jasongrace: what the hell am i witnessing
leovaldez: freedom of speech? idk
percyjackson: I’m turning off my notifications.
pipermclean: since when did mr. ‘why did you add the grammar police’ start using capital letters?
percyjackson: Annie’s telling me it’s more ‘proper’
leovaldez: wow this is a beautiful love story
i just love it when people convert to the grammarly lifestyle for their partner
pipermclean: would you even do that for calypso?
leovaldez: fuck no im not a walking ai bot
percyjackson: Guys please save me I don’t wanna live like this anymore
She turned on AUTOMATIC CAPS and AUTOCORRECT
I can’t do this anymore
I SPELLED ‘anymore’ WRONG AND IT CORRECTED ME
WHAT THE FUCK.
apollo: uhh is he okay
annabethchase: No.
pipermclean: oh hi annabeth
annabethchase: Hi!
percyjackson: okay thats better
i figured out how to turn everything off
annabethchase: Wow you couldn't even last 30 minutes.
Disappointing.
percyjackson: dam*
thaliagrace: HAHHAHAHHHAHAHHAAHAHAH
grover would LOVE that
percyjackson: no fr
wait where is grover
thaliagrace: i dont know, we should add him
percyjackson: bet okay
(percyjackson added groverunderwood)
nicodiangelo: if you guys don’t go to sleep then i swear to gods
willsolace: nico, how about YOU go to sleep
nicodiangelo: im good
willsolace: then u CANNOT be talking
jasongrace: how about we just all go to sleep?
annabethchase: Already on it
leovaldez: okay goodnight guys
to everyone but me
pipermclean: leo if u dont gts then im gonna break into your cabin and stomp on your fucking face until your eyes forcefully have to shut causing you to become very tired due to the lack of vision
leovaldez: shit okay then
apollo: FINALLY.
7:48 am
leovaldez: GOODMORNINGG MOTHERFUCKERS
frankzhang: Well that's one way to wake up
percyjackson: why tf is leo always up so early
leovaldez: that my friend, is the great thing about sleep deprivation
pipermclean: no way u just put ‘great’ and ‘sleep deprivation’ in the same sentence
leovaldez: oh but i did
jasongrace: hey guys
leovaldez: spread your asscheeks and clap
jasongrace: WHAT THE HELL
nicodiangelo: welcome to the darkside leo
leovaldez: nah u guys are all rainbows istg
nicodiangelo: not u talking about yourself
hazellevesque: Hey you guys!
nicodiangelo: hii hazel !!
thaliagrace: the way his mood completely changed wtf
pipermclean: guys me, jason, and leo are playing dress to impress and this bitch rated me and leo 1 star because “our outfits didnt match the theme”
leovaldez: this dumbass doesnt know what shes talking about omg
jasongrace: i mean to be fair, the theme was ‘jungle’ and you both dressed like you were going to a strip club
pipermclean: well MAYBE theres a strip club for the animals idk
annabethchase: Well animals don't wear clothes either way so wouldn't they strip everyday
pipermclean: i love your logic, kiss me
reynaarellano: What is Dress To Impress?
annabethchase: It’s a roblox game
pipermclean: OH MY GODS THE ANNABETH CHASE KNOWS WHAT DRESS TO IMPRESS IS????
annabethchase: Not too well lmao, i’ve played it like once before
pipermclean: AHHH OMG SHES CULTURED IN ROBLOX
artemis: holy shit are you guys just chronically online
leovaldez: yes
hazellevesque: I’m not!
pipermclean: i feel like the only ones that aren't chronically online are hazel, frank, reyna, artemis, and like meg
apollo: hey!
megmccaffrey: you know shes right
apollo: excuse me i have much better things to be worrying about then this cell phone
megmccaffrey: then why when were in the middle of a battle, i look over and see you looking at llama memes on your phone
leovaldez: HAHAHA I CANT THATS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER
apollo: wow way to EXPOSE me.
i will shut down all forms of unicorn fantasizing after that
reynaarellano: Unicorn fantasizing?
apollo: she chases her invisible unicorns down a field at 2 am
leovaldez: im deeply concerned
megmccaffrey: me too
9:21 am
leovaldez: what if i just stole the mona lisa?
pipermclean: what a wonderful way to start a conversation
leovaldez: i know right !!
annabethchase: You would likely be arrested for theft and spend 10 years in jail
leovaldez: i dont even wanna know how you know that
hazellevesque: What if I just ate the mona lisa?
jasongrace: what has this chat become
groverunderwood: hey guys!
percyjackson: oh hey grover!
annabethchase: I could go invisible and get you guys the Mona Lisa
jasongrace: why are we still on this topic
annabethbeth: I actually have no idea
But hi grover!
groverunderwood: hi annabethh!
percyjackson: wow so she gets more energy then i did
thats it im breaking up with u
this bromance is done
groverunderwood: bro
percyjackson: bro
jasongrace: bro are you cheating on me with other bros?
percyjackson: bro its not what it looks like
pipermclean: if i see one more person say ‘bro’ i might go insane
jasongrace: :(
apollo: guys me and meg were just fighting this like really disturbing guy and when we won and knocked him out, we found candy in his pocket. so like the reasonable citizen i am, i stole it
megmccaffrey: im like 99.9% sure those are drugs
apollo: well might as well try them to see
artemis: UHH NO????
DON'T DO THAT?? UNTIL YOU'RE A GOD AGAIN??
apollo: ugh fine
willsolace: what did i open this chat to
dad don't take any drugs please, i have too many infirmary patients to deal with already
apollo: fine fine i wont
megmccaffrey: i took them from him
willsolace: good job.
nicodiangelo: guys what is the best escape route if a murderer got into my cabin
jasongrace: im sorry???
nicodiangelo: just planning for the future
leovaldez: dude what future are u predicting
apollo: i could tell you, but i don't feel like doing that shit
artemis: you mean you can't do that shit
apollo: piss off
artemis: <3
2:09 pm
pipermclean: guys do you think im the best dressed mf at the playground
annabethchase: Why the fuck are u at the playground?
pipermclean: to play idk
no but in all seriousness, im at sword fighting and some kids just threw lava on the arena
percyjackson: what the actual fuck
groverunderwood: it was probably conner tbh
percyjackson: oh yeah that makes sense
frankzhang: This chat is so random I swear
leovaldez: oh hey frank you’re finally here
frankzhang: Oh I’ve been here.
I just haven't been texting.
I’ve been watching.
Very carefully.
Waiting for the right moment to text.
leovaldez: okay thats creepy as hell
willsolace: thats some nico type shit
nicodiangelo: …
true.
leovaldez: okay so apparently frank is also chronically online but he just never texts??
frankzhang: Pretty much yeah.
leovaldez: okay then !!
reynaarellano: I’m scared of this entire chat.
Notes:
yayy chapter 2 is finished !!
i'm trying to upload more often but i've been super busy with like home and school lately, plus im a tiktok editor so ive been doing that a lot recently 💔
fun fact though: i actually haven't played dress to impress since it first came out and there was like 3 items of clothing so im not exactly sure what the themes are or what the map even looks like anymore
also i spent like 5 minutes just searching to see what would happen if you stole the mona lisa, so i hope the fbi isn't on my ass right now
and i'm making it canon that apollo looks at llama memes all the time
but anyways, let me know what you guys thought of this !! have a wonderful day/night !! 💝
Chapter 3: calypso needs to be stopped
Summary:
leovaldez: holy fuck istg
percyjackson: why does it feel wrong when we say anything about other religions
apollo: yeah respect your elders
percyjackson: no fuck off
apollo: one snap of my fingers and i could get a meteor to destroy you and everyone you love, so don't you play with me right now perseus jackson
artemis: you're saying that as if you're a god right now
Notes:
hi guys !!
i hope you've had an amazing day or night, wherever you are 💝
sorry this chapter is a bit on the shorter side, i was in a rush while making this
hope you enjoy though !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(a totally normal gc)
5:21 am
leovaldez: GOOD MORNING U.S.AAA I GOT A FEELING THAT ITS GONNA BE A WONDERFUL DAYYYY
leovaldez: why am i always the first one to start conversations here
pipermclean: uhh maybe because its 5 in the fucking morning
leovaldez: geezzz someone woke up on the wrong side of their queen bed
pipermclean: holy shit how did u know that?!?
leovaldez: know what??
pipermclean: what type of bed i have
because i know u have very little experience with beds
leovaldez: holy fuck istg
percyjackson: why does it feel wrong when we say anything about other religions
apollo: yeah respect your elders
percyjackson: no fuck off
apollo: one snap of my fingers and i could get a meteor to destroy you and everyone you love, so don't you play with me right now perseus jackson
artemis: you're saying that as if you're a god right now
apollo: someone get me out of this toxic household
no seriously i can't take our father anymore
this is my third fucking time being a mortal
THIRD.
and i have to spend it with this brat of a preteen
megmccaffrey: get hit by a train
apollo: I ALMOST DID ONCE.
megmccaffrey: i know, thats why im giggling rn
leovaldez: wait, you WHAT??
apollo: long story
megmccaffrey: he found this cat in the middle of a railroad and wanted to keep it so he went onto the tracks to get it and then a train came and he almost got hit by it
apollo: It's okay though, me and mr. sunny-side-up are okay!
leovaldez: sunny what now ?
megmccaffrey: its his cats name, im almost debating on ordering him to shut up about it because i cant take his bitching about it anymore
pipermclean: anddd the 12 year old curses
megmccaffrey: i only use it incase of emergencies :)
pipermclean: im scared
apollo: arent we all
pipermclean: real
6:56 am
apollo: hello darkness my old friend, i've come to talk with you again
groverunderwood: aren't you the sun god?
apollo: oh yeah
well
i was
groverunderwood: dam that's deep as hell.
thaliagrace: HAHAHHAHAHAH HE MADE A DAM JOKE
@seaweedbrain GET OVER HERE.
percyjackson: HAHAHHSBHAB GROVER I LOVE U
leovaldez: i feel like theres a secret code of conduct here that were all missing
thaliagrace: long story
percyjackson: very long
and traumatizing
ill never recover
leovaldez: well shit okay then
frankzhang: Aren’t most of you dyslexic? How are you even spelling stuff correctly?
leovaldez: wouldnt you like to know weather boy
percyjackson: im using text to speech and autocorrect
leovaldez: im just using autocorrect
annabethchase: I think most of us are.
leovaldez: THE annabeth chase is using autocorrect?
annabethchase: Lmao yeah, as smart as being a child of athena is, i’m still dyslexic
pipermclean: well shucks okay
jasongrace: hey guys whats up?
leovaldez: JASONNN.
THE LOML
MY HUSBAND
HE HAS RISEN
pipermclean: okay well that was dramatic as fuck
jasongrace: i've never gotten that much affection before holy shit
leovaldez: you're welcome !! :)
nicodiangelo: i know a fellow gay when i see one
leovaldez: i have a gf.
apollo: yeah a 5000 year old insane immortal who should receive mental help immediately (coming from the god of healing himself). she is not stable enough to be walking around on this planet, nor was she ever stable on that island
ever heard of odysseus?
leovaldez: shhhhh im trying to forget her past
apollo: i think its better to forget her entire existence
pipermclean: trust me, leo needs to feel loved immediately or else i fear that calypso wont be the only one who needs to go to a mental asylum
leovaldez: i feel betrayed by you all
what if i just added her?
apollo: fuck my life
(leovaldez added calypso)
calypso: What is this?
leovaldez: its a gc.
calypso: What does the term ‘gc’ mean?
leovaldez: …
gummy candy??
pipermclean: ofc you would say that
leovaldez: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.
calypso: Oh nevermind, I just looked up the term, It means Group Chat correct??
leovaldez: you're doing amazing sweetie
(apollo kicked calypso)
apollo: i couldnt take it anymore im sorry
leovaldez: nah its cool, she probably wont care anyways
apollo: well okay then
pipermclean: this relationship feels toxic, coming from a daughter of aphrodite
jasongrace: it IS toxic, trust me.
leovaldez: you guys doubt me
reynaarellano: I swear you guys have been texting for hours, Go to sleep.
percyjackson: my dreams haunt me
apollo: real
leovaldez: betterhelp.com is an option
Notes:
as you can see, im a certified calypso and caleo hater
also leo, piper, and apollo are very me coded in this fic
(but leo is actually me irl too)hope this chapter was okay, sorry if it made no sense. i just wanted to bring my deep hatred towards calypso and caleo in this chapter for no apparent reason.
im also a certified epic the musical and the odyssey in general fangirl if you couldn't tell so yeah !!
anyways, have a splendiferous day/night !! 💝 (im expanding my vocabulary)
Chapter 4: we are family?? i guess
Summary:
leovaldez: oh shit yeah
imagine if jason died instead of me tho
cause the prophecy said it was either me or him
that would be kinda crazy
pipermclean: yeah lmao but that would never happen since the prophecy already ended
leovaldez: hahaha yeah
husbandmaterial: wow good to know you both have a deathwish put on me
Notes:
hey there !! its been a few days
usually it takes me like 2ish days to make a chapter but recently, i just haven't been feeling it 🙏🏼
but fear not my friends, i'm not giving up on you
all jokes aside though, enjoy !! 💝
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(a totally normal gc)
7:54 am
leovaldez: get up losers were going shopping
pipermclean: why am i always risen to you're weird ass messages
leovaldez: why are u always the first to text back
pipermclean: …
well played.
leovaldez: thank you.
annabethchase: Oh my gods, leo finally waking up at a slightly-more-reasonable time??
Can we give a round of applause??
pipermclean: 👏
jasongrace: 👏
percyjackson: 👏
apollo: 👏
leovaldez: thank you all so much for the support, it means sm to mean
percyjackson: wow, that was so inspiring, i shed a tear
reynaarellano: Why do I always open the chat at the weirdest times?
leovaldez: idk man
apollo: guys i'm silently awaiting my boss battle moment when i get to fight python
megmcaffrey: he's actually very loudly awaiting his fate
apollo: I AM NOT LOUD.
megmcaffrey: totally are
leovaldez: guysss we should add nicknames to this chat
annabethchase: Nicknames are sooo confusing though
leovaldez: yeah ig ur right
annabethchase: I’m always right
percyjackson: and thats not wrong
annabethchase: Awhh thanks bb
percyjackson: ofcc !!
leovaldez: yk what fuck it
(leovaldez changed jasongrace(s) name to ‘husbandmaterial’)
husbandmaterial: what the fuck.
leovaldez: piper watch out
pipermclean: gang we kinda broke up
leovaldez: what the FUCK.?.!
WHEN????????????????????????????
pipermclean: uhh like a few months ago
leovaldez: WHAT DID I MISS????
husbandmaterial: you were kinda busy being dead
leovaldez: oh shit yeah
imagine if jason died instead of me tho
cause the prophecy said it was either me or him
that would be kinda crazy
pipermclean: yeah lmao but that would never happen since the prophecy already ended
leovaldez: hahaha yeah
husbandmaterial: wow good to know you both have a deathwish put on me
leovaldez: anything for u bro
husbandmaterial: awhhh bro
thaliagrace: thats it. im muting this chat
annabethchase: You haven't done that already??
thaliagrace: nah ive been waiting for the right moment
plus this shit is pretty entertaining
annabethchase: Yeah okay that’s real
husbandmaterial: sighhh
bro wait why is my name still this
(husbandmaterial changed husbandmaterial(s) name to ‘jasongrace’)
leovaldez: im gonna go cry now
6:01 pm
leovaldez:
[Chorus]
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing
[Verse 1]
Everyone can see we're together
As we walk on by
(And) And we flock just like birds of a feather
I won't tell no lie
(All) All of the people around us, they say
"Can they be that close?"
Just let me state for the record
We're giving love in a family dose
[Chorus]
We are family (Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah)
I got all my sisters with me (Uh-huh, uh-huh)
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing (Sing it to me)
We are family
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing
[Verse 2]
Living life is fun and we've just begun
To get our share of this world's delights
(High) High hopes we have for the future
And our goal's in sight
(We) No, we don't get depressed
Here's what we call our golden rule
Have faith in you and the things you do
You won't go wrong, oh-no, this is our family jewel
[Chorus]
We are family (Hey, hey, sing it to me)
I got all my sisters with me (Yeah, yeah, sing it with me)
We are family (Oh, I can hear you now)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Ooh-ooh)
We are family (Hey, hey)
I got all my sisters with me (Oh, yeah, yeah)
We are family (Get up, get up now)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Oh, hey, hey, hey)
We are family (I got my sisters with me)
I got all my sisters with me (Everybody, hey, hey, hey)
We are family (Hey, hey, hey, y'all, hey, hey, hey, y'all)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Yeah, get up and sing to me)
We are family (Uh)
I got all my sisters with me (Hey, we're having fun)
We are family (Love has just begun for me)
Get up, everybody, and sing
[Interlude]
Get up, get up, get up and sing it with me
Oh, I can hear you now
Ooh, everything, you and the things you do
Hey, hey, hey, oh, hey, hey, hey
Get up, get up now
Oh, hey, hey, woo
I got my sisters with me
Everybody, hey, hey, hey
Now, hey, hey, hey, now
Hey, hey, hey, now
Get up, get up and sing it to me
Oh, yeah, we're having fun
Love, love has just begun for me
Me, me and my family
Hey, hey, hey, uh-huh-huh
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh-huh-huh
Yeah, get up, get up and sing it
Sing it, sing it, sing it, sing it to me
Yeah, we flock together like birds of a feather
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
Oh, oh, oh, hey, hey, hey
Get up, come on, y'all
[Chorus]
We are family (Yeah, sing it to me)
I got all my sisters with me (Sing it to me, come on and sing it to me)
We are family (Yeah, hey, hey, hey)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Uh, get up, get up and sing it to me, y'all)
We are family (We're having lots of fun now)
I got all my sisters with me (Get up and sing it, sing it to me)
We are family (Hey, yeah, hey, hey)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Hey, hey)
We are family (Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah)
I got all my sisters with me (Uh-huh, sing it now)
We are family (We're family)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Family)
We are family (Na-na-na, oh)
I got all my sisters with me (Hey, hey, hey, hey)
We are family (I got my sisters with me)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Get up, get up, get up and sing)
We are family (Hey, hey, hey, hey)
I got all my sisters with me (Yeah, yeah, ooh-ooh)
We are family (Hey, hey, hey)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Yeah)
We are family
I got all my sisters with me (My sisters with me, y'all)
We are family (Sing it to ya, sing it to ya, yeah)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey)
We are family (Hey, hey, oh)
I got all my sisters with me (Oh, oh, oh, oh)
We are family (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Get up and sing)
We are family (Get up, get up and sing, y'all)
I got all my sisters with me
We are family
Get up, everybody, and sing (Come on, sing it with me)
We are family (Yeah, come on, now)
I got all my sisters with me (Hey, sing it to me)
We are family (Play your funky bass, boy)
Get up, everybody, and sing (Sing)
[Outro]
We are family (Everybody)
I got all my sisters with me (Sing it to me, sing it to me, baby)
We are family
I got all my sisters with me (Sing)
pipermclean: okay what the fuck
leovaldez: what?? we havent texted in here all day
nicodiangelo: well we were kind of busy doing shit for chiron's ass
willsolace: wowww hating on the horse, thats low
nicodiangelo: oh shut up cowboy
apollo: *le shock* the drama !! i MUST get popcorn
percyjackson: did he just say ‘ *le shock* ’ ??
willsolace: hes very dramatic
nicodiangelo: yeah have you SEEN the orientation film??
percyjackson: whats up with u and the orientation film, i swear u always mention it
nicodiangelo: it still haunts me to this day.
percyjackson: well okay then !!
leovaldez: is no one gonna mention how apollo knows french??
apollo: i'm a god, i practically invented languages
artemis: WERE a god*
apollo: do you come on here just to tell me that??
artemis: its a hidden talent
apollo: well u are showing it very well
pipermclean: coming from a french speaker tho, i thank you apollo.
apollo: omg someone finally appreciates the power of being bilingual, and to that i say, of course dear mortal
artemis: you're also a mortal.
apollo: OMG GO AWAY.
Notes:
me: hmmm it's midnight and i don't feel like writing that much
me: *inserts an entire song to take up most of the space*HELLO AGAIN GUYS !!! sorry its taken longer than usual to upload this chapter 🙏🏼
i don't really have much to say here but DID YOU GUYS SEE THE PJO SEASON 3 ANNOUNCEMENT?? AHHH I'M GOING INSANE. also i can't wait for december when season 2 comes out cause i can't wait that longggg
but anyways, i've been going on an editing streak since season 3 was announced cause omg nico and bianca come home (my user is @valdezsx on tiktok if u wanna see-- but disclaimer, i hate my edits with a passion)
OKAY IM RAMBLING, but i hope you enjoyed (sorry this chapter is very short without the song added !!) have an incredible day/night though <3
Chapter 5: leo needs to be sent to harvard
Summary:
willsolace: i’m bi.
nicodiangelo: tomato tomato
percyjackson: how the fuck did you expect to add the accent on the second 'tomato' there
nicodiangelo: i don’t know?? a fairy???
annabethchase: Tinkerbell pull up
Notes:
hello there guys...
yes yes i know it's been a while, i'm so sorry i'm not consistent 🙏🏼
a lot has been happening since i last uploaded, like OH MY GOSH. i got my second piercing on my ears and ahhhh i love them so muchh (not sure why that's relevant but i felt the need to share)
but anyways, yay a new chapter !! hope you guys enjoyyy <333
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(a totally normal gc)
10:38 am
(pipermclean changed the chat name to ‘gays and slays (like slaying your enemies)’)
pipermclean: i got bored of the gc name
leovaldez: period.
nicodiangelo: i approve of this chat name.
willsolace: of course you do
nicodiangelo: the fuck is that supposed to mean
aren't you gay too ??
willsolace: i’m bi.
nicodiangelo: tomato tomato
percyjackson: how the fuck did you expect to add the accent on the second 'tomato' there
nicodiangelo: i don’t know?? a fairy???
annabethchase: Tinkerbell pull up
pipermclean: i love her sm
leovaldez: guys i now have a child
pipermclean: the hell.
percyjackson: yk if you were gonna have a child you could've at least told me so i could hold your hand while you gave birth
leovaldez: awhhh cute
but i now own a cat
annabethchase: Top ten most unexpected things i have ever read:
leovaldez: lemme send you the photos
leovaldez: *86 images sent*
pipermclean: AWHHHHHHHHHH.
hazellevesque: STOP IT RIGHT NOW
SUCH A CUTIE UGHHH.
leovaldez: yes yes i am now a proud mother
percyjackson: so who’s the father?
leovaldez: jason
pipermclean: why am i not surprised
leovaldez: its a beautiful story actually
*cue flashback music*
so i was walking to my local home depot, as one usually does
pipermclean: what are you, like 60?
percyjackson: yeah dude no one under the parental age does that
leovaldez: well i am a mother now sooo
percyjackson: eh fair enough
leovaldez: ANYWAYS.
while i was walking out of home depot with my lollipop (cause they’re amazing.)
i walked past an alleyway
and there i saw it
pipermclean: the cat?
leovaldez: no you dumb bitch
i saw a bag of free fucking candy
it was a steal honestly
anywho.
as i was walking away with the free candy i saw him
my one love
my only child
willsolace: oh shit this is getting dramatic
leovaldez: dobrik was right there
percyjackson: like the youtuber?
leovaldez: no my child.
pipermclean: what spirit possessed you to name it dobrik
leovaldez: the voices
anyways
i went over to dobrik and gave him candy
annabethchase: What the fuck.
percyjackson: bro i’m pretty sure cats aren't allowed to eat candy
leovaldez: yeah but dobrik is so much more than that
he’s my child.
annabethchase: You’re going to kill your child before he even realizes he’s your child
leovaldez: nuh uh
he already knows in his heart
A!!N!!Y!!W!!A!!Y!!S
then i called jason cause i love annoying him
and he answered
so we talked about names for my child
and so he came up with the most amazing ideas
and then we came to the conclusion of dobrik
so i made him the father
apollo: *wipes a single shed tear* a beautiful story, truely.
willsolace: dad how long have you been here?
apollo: uhh like 15 minutes, i don’t know
nicodiangelo: dude thats like my level creepy
willsolace: oh no hunny.
nothing can be more creepy than you on game night
percyjackson: wait wait wait.
what game night?
willsolace: in the underworld
nicodiangelo: yeah lmao my dad and persephone have one every week and force me to go
willsolace: andd sometimes i go because i either have to watch over nico cause he shadow traveled a lot that day or i want free food
pipermclean: wow how very inspiring
willsolace: your kindness is appreciated young one.
pipermclean: i’m older than you.
willsolace: old one*
pipermclean: ARE YOU CALLING ME OLD???
willsolace: GODS WHY CAN’T WOMEN JUST EVER BE HAPPY???
annabethchase: That is a wonderful question actually
willsolace: thank you, i try.
nicodiangelo: do you guys ever think about the fact that someone just died as you are reading this text
leovaldez: what the fuck.
percyjackson: waittt he's not wrong tho
pipermclean: also someone was just born as you are reading this
annabethchase: Three people were most likely born as you typed that
leovaldez: holy fuck thats insane to think about
percyjackson: thank you nico, for making me rethink all my choices in life.
nicodiangleo: no problem !
jasongrace: why am i always away during the most interesting conversations.
7:01 pm
pipermclean: yooo can anyone help with my math homework for school
percyjackson: but it’s the summer??
pipermclean: yeah but my dad got me enrolled in summer school because #worksmarternotharder
percyjackson: okay ate that up
leovaldez: wait send me the hw
pipermclean: are we sure??
leovaldez: yeah trust i’ll know it
pipermclean: ooookayyy..
*1 image sent*
leovaldez (one minute later): 78.93 feet
annabeth: What the fuck.
pipermclean: wait lemme check to see if that’s right
@wisegirl
is that the right answer?
annabethchase (one minute later): Yep
nicodiangelo: helloooo what??
pipermclean: wait leo how did you do that?
leovaldez: uhh its easy
you just take x and then divide it by the perimeter of y, then you times it by pi.. read more
percyjackson: the hell.?
pipermclean: how did you learn all this??
leovaldez: lmao i was in university level shit when i was 7
its not that big of a deal
nicodiangelo: holy shit
pipermclean: leo you’re like really smart
like harvard level smart
leovaldez: awhhh you got me blushin’ over here and shit
percyjackson: dam i underestimated you what
jasongrace: no for real cause hello
nicodiangelo: i genuinely thought you were dumb lowkey
leovaldez: HEY !!!!!!!
nicodiangelo: NOT IN A MEAN WAY.
leovaldez: HOW IS THAT NOT MEANT IN A MEAN WAY??
annabethchase: Lmao i knew leo was smart already so i don't know what to say
pipermclean: wait huh?
annabethchase: Yeah haha, i always would see or hear him tapping in morse code on the Argo
jasongrace: waitt is that why you guys would always have tapping wars at each other at the dinner table when we were on the Argo?
leovaldez: yeahh lmaoo
its fun tho
annabethchase: Also leo’s literally a mechanic
It takes a brain to know how to build and repair stuff
I would know
jasongrace: that checks out
pipermclean: leo you should just answer my entire homework sheet while we're at it
leovaldez: ill do it for $26.13 a minute
annabethchase: That’s oddly specific
percyjackson: also isn't it usually per hour?
leovaldez: yeah but ik that im gonna finish it in less than an hour
pipermclean: i’ll do it.
leovaldez: YAYAY
jasongrace: but isn't that like, a lot of money??
pipermclean: yeah but im rich
leovaldez: ^^^
percyjackson: eh makes sense
leovaldez: okay piper i can help you now
pipermclean: yayyy ft meee
leovaldez: okayyy
Notes:
yippeeee you completed your journey !!
i feel like no one brings up how leo is canonically so smart, so i did
anyways i included a lot of my headcanons on here, like the fact that nico goes to a game night every week with hades and persephone 🙏🏼
also tbh i've never seen a single one of david dobriks videos, or know what any of them are about (i'm sorry, pls don't hate me, i'm just not on youtube all that often)
question though: am i the only one who thinks about the fact that someone in the world dies and someone in the world is born every second or am i just going insane?? because i think of that all the time 💔
i'm rambling but i also feel the need to share that tinkerbell is my favorite disney character ever and peter pan (like the original) is my favorite disney movie ever ahhhh
but anywhooo have a wonderful day/night <333 i'm probably gonna go to sleep right after i upload this chapter lmaoo
Chapter 6: oh my gods ! (seriously, multiple of them.)
Summary:
ares: what the hell
percyjackson:
@leovaldez
@leovaldez
YOU ADDED THIS BITCH??ares: EXCUSE me.
percyjackson: you're excused ho
pipermclean: well shit
Notes:
hey again !!
i would say "sorry its been awhile" but by now i hope you're used to it
sorry this chapter is a bit on the shorter side !! 💔
hope you like it !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(gays and slays (like slaying your enemies))
3:21 pm
(leovaldez changed the chat name to ‘campfire gang’)
leovaldez: i hate the word ‘slay’ with a passion.
pipermclean: you just don't understand pop culture like i do
leovaldez: nuh uh
also what if i just…
(leovaldez added zeus, hera, athena, … and 10 others.)
percyjackson: what the fuck.
zeus: What is this?
percyjackson: ughh another person who uses proper grammar
ares: what the hell
percyjackson:
@leovaldez
@leovaldez
YOU ADDED THIS BITCH??
ares: EXCUSE me.
percyjackson: you're excused hoe
pipermclean: well shit
aphrodite: Piper!!! My lovely beautiful daughter!!!
pipermclean: hey mom !
annabethchase: Alright now who the FUCK added hera
hera: I’m above you all.
annabethchase: Ewww she uses proper grammar too
I might just convert to lowercase letters because of this
percyjackson: holy fuck im gonna fight all of these bitches
hermes: hey!!
percyjackson: oh except you hermes
and apollo
and artemis
and hestia
leovaldez: hestia is bestia
percyjackson: hell yeah
jasongrace: i go offline for a day and you rounded up an entire gang in here??
leovaldez: what?? i got bored and wanted drama.
jasongrace: who did you add??
leovaldez: uhhh
hephestus
zeus
hera
poseidon
hades
athena
hestia
aphrodite
ares
demeter
persephone
hermes
and mr. d
percyjackson: we’re screwed.
athena: Who added me to this chat?
And why does my name have ‘lowercase letters’. I believe in proper grammar.
(athena changed athena’s name to ‘Athena’)
percyjackson: oh my gods as if there wasnt already enough proper grammar
i see where annie gets it from
annabethchase: I’m regretting my choices tremendously right now.
leovaldez: woahh big girl words
annabethchase: Shut up!
thaliagrace: who rounded up the entire goddam olympus while i was gone
pipermclean: leo
annabethchase: Leo.
percyjackson: leo
jasongrace: leo.
hermes: leo
leovaldez: have you been here this whole time??
hermes: yeah lol
thaliagrace: why am i not surprised that it was leo?
leovaldez: probably because of my awesome personality
thaliagrace: more like your dumbassery
leovaldez: wowwww okay
nicodiangelo: okay why is my dad up in this chat
willsolace: dw you get used to it
nicodiangelo: i don’t wanna >:(
hades: i can read the chats you know
nicodiangelo: yes i’m aware.
poseidon: heya percy
percyjackson: hey dad
wsp
poseidon: not much tbh
the sea is lowkey highkey kind of boring
annabethchase: Wow poseidon knows slang.
Why am i not surprised?
poseidon: i’m just chill like that
oh shit i made a mistake with the coral placement
percyjackson: yo is it as big as a mistake-
poseidon: don’t you dare say it.
percyjackson: -as me?
poseidon: fuck this
leovaldez: do ya’ll notice how the first letter of percy and poseidon is ‘p’ and the first letter of annabeth and athena is 'a'?
percyjackson: wait oh my gods i just noticed that
annabethchase: Same what
jasongrace: wait that’s insane
percyjackson: why am i JUST noticing this??????????????????????????????
frankzhang: Uhh is he okay??
annabethchase: Yeah i think we broke him
Welp
Blame leo
leovaldez: hey!
annabethchase: 🤨
leovaldez: yeah okay that’s fair
annabethchase: Hah. Thought so.
9:53 pm
leovaldez: my brothers in blood
willsolace: we’re not blood related??
Athena: I would like to point out that I have ichor.
leovaldez: shhh whatever
im bored
Athena: Can you mortal’s seriously not be entertained for over 5 minutes??
You just got back from roasting marshmallows.
leovaldez: let me be depressed
its just a phase
pipermclean: thats a long ass phase then.
leovaldez: okay who told you to come online?
pipermclean: my phone apparently
cause it keeps buzzing
leovaldez: hahaha anyways
i have an idea.
pipermclean: ooo spill
leovaldez: not in this chapter tho
you have to wait for the next one
hahahahaha imagine (i’m kidding)
anyways
jasongrace: is bro talking to the voices of his dead ancestors again?
Notes:
okay so, have i thought of the supposed idea that leo has?? no
but did i just end that on a cliffhanger so i can finally go to sleep?? maybe....ANYWAYS !! i'm going on vacation tomorrow so that either means that i'll have time to write a new chapter or i'll have absolutely no time 🙏🏼 hope it's the first one but idk
i tried to switch up the format a bit so hopefully it looks okay?? i'm not sure
but anywhoo i totally didn't just realize the fact that poseidon and percy both start with the letter 'p' and annabeth and athena both start with the letter 'a' even though i've been reading these books since i was 7
lmao but enough of my rambling, have a great day/night !! <3
Chapter 7: apollo might hate orion, idk tho
Summary:
pipermclean: im calling cps
annabethchase: …
That’s meant for child protective services???
pipermclean: well fuck
Notes:
hello !! heres a little guide for you guys incase you're confused:
(main chat)
hades: shit parent/hadez
apollo: the actual fucking sunshine
aretmis: my moonie <3
zeus: shitier parent/shitiest parent(bros squad)
apollo: respect your elders
will: I'm retiring younghope you enjoy this chapter !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(campfire gang)
8:12 am
(nicodiangelo changed the chat name to ‘i’m gonna fucking kms’)
willsolace: Nico!
nicodiangelo: i hate everything
hazellevesque: What happened?
nicodiangelo: my dad happened
hades: hey!
i’m right here!
hazellevesque: What did he do this time????
hades: THIS TIME????
fucking mortals
i can throw all of your sorry asses to hell (literally)
nicodiangelo: do it, i DARE you
willsolace: Nico!!!!!!!
(nicodiangelo changed hades name to ‘is a king but somehow can’t afford goldfish’)
nicodiangelo: nah thats too long
(nicodiangelo changed hades name to ‘shit parent’)
shit parent: i didn’t consent to this
nicodiangelo: then buy me goldfish hoe
percyjackson: the snack that smiles back
jasongrace: goldfish!
annabethchase: Can i return my boyfriend?
thaliagrace: ill come with u
i want a refund on my brother
i have the receipt
percyjackson: bro
jasongrace: bro
percyjackson: we should make a separate bros squad chat
jasongrace: beyond brilliant
nicodiangelo: what the fuck
you guys need help
and that’s coming from me
percyjackson: all i’m hearing is that you wanna be apart of the bro squad
nicodiangelo: i’d rather kiss a girl
willsolace: You’d rather do what.
leovaldez: oooo the gays are fighting
pipermclean: mom pick me up im scared
aphrodite: shh no im invested
thaliagrace: if it helps i would kiss a girl either way
groverunderwood: how was that helpful???
thaliagrace: idk i just wanted to openly admit that im lesbian
reynaarellano: We all knew.
pipermclean: yeah it was pretty obvious tbh
and this is coming from a certified girl kisser
annabethchase: Also you're a hunter of artemis???
Arent you all lesbian??
thaliagrace: well
we’re really not supposed to have romantic relationships at all
but uh
for the most part yes
apollo: it’s okay arty has liked a guy before
thaliagrace: WHAT??
artemis: APOLLO.
apollo: yeah his name was orion
hated the bitch
also why is my name so boring
i’ve been in this chat the longest of the all the gods and hades got a cool name before i did
shit parent: i wouldn't call this cool
thaliagrace: waitttt shouldnt that title go to my dad?
apollo: oh fuck you’re right
(apollo changed apollo name to ‘the actual fucking sunshine’)
(the actual fucking sunshine changed artemis name to ‘my moonie <3’)
(the actual fucking sunshine changed shit parent name to ‘hadez’)
(the actual fucking sunshine changed zeus name to ‘shitier parent’)
hadez: that’s better.
the actual fucking sunshine: ANYWAYS. orion.
hated that mf with everything in me
my moonie <3: okay but you didn’t have to trick me into killing him
thaliagrace: i feel so shocked and betrayed right now
the actual fucking sunshine: yes i did
and it felt good doing it
i feel bad for hades now though
hadez: i feel bad for me too
nicodiangelo: a whole ass mood
shitier parent: What is this name?
thaliagrace: it only speaks the truth
shitier parent: This is a disgrace to the world. I can smite you down and everyone with you. I will lightning strike you until you look like a burnt mad scientist. Mark my words, daughter of mine.
thaliagrace: do you guys hear something??
shitier parent: Yes, me.
thaliagrace: oh! hello! arent you that one dude who turned me into a tree?
percyjackson: HAHAHHAHHSASH
the actual fucking sunshine: this is insane.
i must write a haiku about it
nicodiangelo: what has my life become??
percyjackson: @jasongrace
i still need to make the bros chat
jasongrace: yes do it
percyjackson: okay brb
(percyjackson made a new chat)
(percyjackson added jasongrace, leovaldez, nicodiangelo, …and 5 others.)
(percyjackson renamed the chat ‘bros squad’)
9:23 am
percyjackson: wsp gang
jasongrace: yoooo
nicodiangelo: i thought i said i didn’t want to be added to this thing
percyjackson: well too bad
i could tell you were thinking ‘please all mighty percy, add me to your very clever chat, im begging you’
nicodiangelo: i was actually thinking of ways to kms but okay
willsolace: Nico! Stop saying that!
nicodiangelo: are you my mother?
willsolace: No but i’m your bf and i’m telling you what to do.
nicodiangelo: …fine
percyjackson: weak
nicodiangelo: if you don’t shut the fuck up then i will send an army of skeletons over to your bedroom
percyjackson: i’d like to see you try
…
NICO.
I WAS KIDDING
WHY ARE SKELETON DOGS EATING MY HOMEWORK??
austinlake: this is actually so funny
willsolace: Austin!
austinlake: hi will!
apollo: oh my gods children!
jasongrace: okay who added apollo to the bros squad
apollo: hey!
(apollo changed apollo name to ‘respect your elders’)
(willsolace changed willsolace name to ‘I'm retiring young’)
percyjackson: real
also jason i added him
cause hes chill
so hes like a certified bro
jasongrace: that’s fair
respect your elders: i’m deeply offended
percyjackson: bro
jasongrace: bro
groverunderwood: bro
I’m retiring young: Okay yeah no i’m stopping this right now
nicodiangelo: thank you.
(i’m gonna fucking kms)
9:46 am
Athena: You guys, the Author forgot about Leo’s idea
leovaldez: the fuck??
hermes: yeah she just remembered halfway through the chapter lmao
percyjackson: im scared
jasongrace: uhh anyone have any idea what they’re talking about??
hazellevesque: Not a clue.
the actual fucking sunshine: ohhh yeahh, i can’t believe she forgot
my moonie <3: yeah, it’s crazy
pipermclean: im calling cps
annabethchase: …
Child protective services???
pipermclean: oh is that what cps means
well fuck
hephaestus: Yeah so leo gets no ideas
leovaldez: hello?? are they possessed or something
thaliagrace: when are they not?
leovaldez: true.
shitier parent: Not true!
Can someone change my name though?
thaliagrace: yeah sure hold up
(thaliagrace changed shitier parent name to ‘shitiest parent’)
shitiest parent: This is why I turned you into a tree.
thaliagrace: what?? the?? fuck??
percyjackson: I CANT IM ACUTALY LAUGING SO HARD RIGHT NJWO
annabethchase: I can confirm, he just fell off of his bed.
hazellevesque: Oh gods, is he okay?!?
percyjackson: at least SOMEONES worried
annabethchase: Hey! It was just funny alright
You really can’t blame me
I got it on video too, it was hilarious
thaliagrace: ooo send
im asking for a friend yk
annabethchase: Oh yes of course, let me show you and your ‘friend’ this.
(1 video sent)
thaliagrace: thanks bae
…
JAJNHJDB THAT WAS HILLARIOUS
MY FRIEND LOVED IT
leovaldez: im totally using that for blackmail purposes
percyjackson: LEO!!
Notes:
woah 2 chapters in 2 days?? this feels like a record
soooo lets just ignore the fact that i forgot about the little "idea" leo supposedly had because i got tired and needed a filler
but yayy !! separate chat, which meansss more fun (hopefully)
also sorry about adding nicknames, i know they're confusing, i just couldn't help ittttt, i had a vision (but fear not fellow readers, i won't be giving everyone nicknames because then i would get confused myself 🙏🏼)
have the best day/night <3
Chapter 8: soo i decided to write about me?? in texting mode??
Summary:
leovaldez: guys if i die then you have documented evidence
cause i’m being so fr rn
i’m in my bunker right
and i’m alone cause its night and stuff and everyones in the cabin
and istg i just heard a phone ringing from under my fucking bed
Notes:
okay so this whole chapter is actually based on a true story that happened to me like 30ish minutes ago
(i literally just copied and pasted most of me and my friends conversation for this)so yeah if the characters don't seem accurate, i'm sorry. i honestly just wanted to share this situation with everyone because it could be funny, i'm not sure 🙏🏼
but anyways heres everyone whos texting:
leovaldez - me
annabethchase - my friend
pipermclean - my other friend
(i chose these characters based on who we act like the most haha)hope my trauma from this is semi-entertaining !! <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(i’m gonna fucking kms)
10:32 pm
leovaldez: guys if i die then you have documented evidence
cause i’m being so fr rn
i’m in my bunker right
and i’m alone cause its night and stuff and everyones in the cabin
and istg i just heard a phone ringing from under my fucking bed
annabethchase: Tell chiron
leovaldez: now the thing is
i would say it’s my phone that's ringing
BUT
i never really keep my phone in my bunker
i’m on my computer rn
annabethchase: What
Leo
It’s definitely your phone
leovaldez: my phones not in my bunker man
annabethchase: Oh
leovaldez: so uh
rip
annabethchase: Maybe it’s from a video you’re watching
leovaldez: lmao i was on the google homepage when it happened
annabethchase: OH WHAT
leovaldez: it was a full-on phone vibrating sound
GUYS DNJNSIJDDIODMNJFN
annabethchase: Maybe your phones loud enough that you heard it??
Is your bunker completely empty?
leovaldez: nah
nyssa’s outside the bunker working on something
annabethchase: Man
It must be hers
leovaldez: oh wait idk
wait but why would nyssa’s phone be under my bed what
annabethchase: BYE
Lmao
Maybe
She’s hiding
leovaldez: if this turns out to be the scream movies
pls make him hot
pipermclean: leo.
leovaldez: or her
pipermclean: thats what i thought
leo maybe
check under the bed
leovaldez: now why on earth would i do that
for all i know they’re waiting
pipermclean: it’s calypso singing (a/n: she actually said a singer that i love lmao)
leovaldez: oh then bet brb
annabethchase: STOPP
pipermclean: let leo have his concert early
leovaldez: wait a damn minute
is this guy gonna kill me before i go to my concert
pipermclean: no
leovaldez: good
pipermclean: why would calypso kill you
leovaldez: i’m actually gonna start fist fighting oh my gods
anyways
pipermclean: did you check under the bed
its calypso
leovaldez: not yet bro i was busy typing
pipermclean: go brother
leovaldez: okay brb
pipermclean: i have a vision in my head of leo looking under his bed and him just running back to his computer to update us
leovaldez: lol i never checked
pipermclean: brother
go check
leovaldez: listen man
it could be zeus for all i know (a/n: i dropped some CRAZY family lore here so i turned it into zeus because it's just always his fault)
annabethchase: Leo go look
pipermclean: i have another vision of leo just texting us while a random mans under his bed waiting for him
leovaldez: if zeus is under my bed i’m gonna be PISSED cause i wanna go see my concert
annabethchase: LOL
pipermclean: anyways leo
leovaldez: wsp
pipermclean: go check
but before you go
get a stick
and poke him
leovaldez: bitch where am i gonna pull a stick from
up my ass or something
pipermclean: yes
and around the corner
leovaldez: fuck this
im gonna check
pipermclean: AYEE
leovaldez: imma get an empty doctor pepper can
and fight this bitch
annabethchase: Oh gods
pipermclean: NO
DON'T PUT DR PEPPER THROUGH THAT
leovaldez: it’s diet.
this feels pretty well deserved if you ask me
pipermclean: oh
then hell yeah
leovaldez: hell yeahhhh
okay brb
pipermclean: i believe in you
30 minutes later
pipermclean: i think leo died
leovaldez: nah
i wrote a fanfic about this
in my time being
pipermclean: you have too much free time
leovaldez: real
Notes:
so yeah thats really all 💔
for all i know, this guy could still be under my bed since this happened literally 30 minutes ago and i still have not looked under my bed (i'm not going too either 🙏🏼) or i might just be very dramatic, who knows
sorry this chapter is kinda boring, considering theres only 3 characters BUT i promise i'll try to make it up to you guys next chapter
hope you guys have never had this experience <33 have an amazing day/night !!
Chapter 9: short ass text chain (literally)
Summary:
ares: fuck you
percyjackson: well i can’t fuck myself silly !!
it takes two to tango
or whatever the hellreynaarellano: I’m concerned for your mental state.
percyjackson: i am too its okay
Notes:
hey guyss...
yes, yes, i know its been like a month and i'm REALLY sorry. i've been doing a lot of random things lately and i haven't been able to find the time to update this fic, i'm trying to be more frequent though i promisee.also sorry in advance that this chapter is super short, but uh enjoy !! (this is more of a filler chapter btw)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(i’m gonna fucking kms)
4:54 pm
leovaldez: yo did anyone notice how mr. d was staring at chirons ass earlier
dionysus: leon viking, you know i’m in this chat right?
percyjackson: LEON VIKING 🙏
pipermclean: PLSSSSS.
my moonie <3: i’m concerned
why tf is my name ‘my moonie <3’
who came up with that shit
the actual fucking sunshine: hey!
(my moonie <3 changed my moonie <3 name to sesbian lex)
sesbian lex: that’s more like it.
pipermclean: i wanna be you when i grow up.
leovaldez: wait hold up
(leovaldez changed dionysus name to mr. d)
leovaldez: making shit easier left and right for you guys
mr.d: i hate children.
ares: same man.
percyjackson: you’re just mad that i beat your ass when i was 12
ares: fuck you
percyjackson: well i can’t fuck myself silly !!
it takes two to tango
or whatever the hell
reynaarellano: I’m concerned for your mental state.
percyjackson: i am too its okay
the actual fucking sunshine: i hate being a god
#getmeout
percyjackson: wait are you a god again?
megmccaffrey: yeah lol he is
percyjackson: SINCE WHEN WTF??
the actual fucking sunshine: idk since like a week ago
willsolace: How did ME MYSELF AND I not know this??
the actual fucking sunshine: hmmm good question
sesbian lex: yeah lmao i took him to the archery field the other day
i got to shoot him so many times, it was great.
the actual fucking sunshine: love ya too sis
sesbian lex: 💋
mr. d: children get your asses off the screens and come to the campfire, now.
i’m so tired of chiron’s bitchless self annoying me
leovaldez: oooo you’re talking with chiron i seeeee :))
mr. d: one more word and i’ll make sure that ‘blowing up’ attempt of yours will work next time
leovaldez: well shit okay then
yes i added this gap to make the chapter look longer than it actually is. don't question
Notes:
lmaoo i don't really know what to say here except for the fact that i'm running out of ideas (it's really obvious)
so if you guys have anything you would like to see, let me know and i can try to make it !!also holy shit i went to a mico concert a few days ago and i'm changed forever oh my gods. best night ever i promise you
post concert depression is kicking in though ughhhh. 🙏🏼💔have a great rest of your day/or night !!💝
Chapter 10: would you still love me if i was a worm? short answer, no; long answer, fight
Summary:
percyjackson: what the hell
i bet i could beat you in a fight even if i was a wormannabethchase: Okay percy let’s not do anything that we’re gonna regret
ares: oh it’s so on little man
Notes:
okay no 'hey guys..' intro message this time
to make this short and sweet, i'm sorry.
it's been like 5 months since i've updated and that's on me.
i've had the craziest writers block ever (even though this is a chatfic and i shouldn't be getting writers blocks, but whatever)this chapter is a little on the shorter side (i think) but i hope it's a least a little entertaining
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(fuck immortality)
3:43 am
percyjackson: @everyone would you guys still love me if i was a worm?
nicodiangelo: no.
pipermclean: fuck no
leovaldez: hell nah
annabethchase: No.
zeus: I don’t even like you in your mortal form.
hades: if being a worm will make you shut up, then i might tolerate you more.
percyjackson: wow guys
just wow.
i thought we were all friends here
except you zeus, i hate your ass
groverunderwood: don’t worry percy! i would still love you!
bugs are one of my favorite parts of the ecosystem!
percyjackson: wow grover, that was beautiful
i shed a tear
ur a real one
groverunderwood: awww ilyt bro
percyjackson: bro
thaliagrace: okay thats enough now
percy care to explain to us why you’re up at 3 am texting this shit
percyjackson: free will
and freedom of speech
double threat
pipermclean: why has ares been typing for like 15 minutes?
leovaldez: idk i’m scared
ares: Dear [Enemy's Name],
I hope this message finds you in the same state you usually occupy — persistently beneath expectations.
Recently, a rather vivid thought crossed my mind. If you were a worm — not metaphorically, but quite literally — I imagine the encounter would be brief. I’d see you there, squirming pointlessly on the sidewalk, and without a second thought, I’d step down. Not out of rage, but out of instinct. A natural response to something that simply doesn’t belong where it is.
This thought amused me, not because I harbor ill will without cause, but because it so perfectly captures the essence of our relationship: your presence, persistently in the way; my patience, worn thin.
Of course, I don’t expect you to understand the nuance here — self-awareness has never been your strength. But do take this as a gentle warning: I may continue to tolerate, but never to respect.
Cordially,
[Your Name]
nicodiangelo: wow he didn’t even try to hide the fact that this is so obviously copied and pasted off of chatgpt.
leovaldez: bro kept the ‘[enemy’s name]’ and the ‘[your name]’ in the message
also nico i'm surprised that you know what chatgpt is
nicodiangelo: i have my ways.
percyjackson: what the hell
i bet i could beat you in a fight even if i was a worm
annabethchase: Okay percy let’s not do anything that we’re gonna regret
ares: oh it’s so on little man
percyjackson: wait how do i become a worm
zeus: I can turn you into one.
percyjackson: why do i not trust you?
(well actually theres many reasons for that starting off with, you're an asshole and probably to worst god to ever walk this planet, other than hera)
hera: Fuck you
zeus: Oh please, I’ve turn into many animals before to impress the ladies
pipermclean: how did you pull any bitches like that
zeus: What can I say? The ladies love a man who isn’t afraid to let out his inner animal
nicodiangelo: what the fuck
artemis: oh HELL no.
pipermclean: as i woman, i can conform that an animal does NOT turn me on
percyjackson: yeah uhh i can live without the details of your weird animal lifestyle
how do i trust that you’ll turn me back after i win the fight?
ares: now who says your winning
annabethchase: You’re*
ares: YOU'RE being written in my death note.
annabethchase: Surprised i'm not already there
zeus: Percy, I swear on the river styx I’ll turn you back once the fight is over.
This offer is too entertaining to pass up on.
percyjackson: uhh alright then
annabethchase: What the fuck percy, do NOT turn into a worm
nicodiangelo: no let him, this is funny as hell
thaliagrace: yes do it for the plot
percyjackson: so glad my pain makes you guys happy
nicodiangelo: it does, thank you.
also you started all of this with your ‘i bet i could beat you in a fight’ bullshit
percyjackson: i’ve done it before!
nicodiangelo: uh yeah, when you had legs and weren’t a one-inch tall bug.
Athena: Let him do it.
If Percy wins, I can humiliate and blackmail Ares forever.
If he looses, he will most likely be crushed and die.
It’s a win-win situation.
annabethchase: Mom wth
percyjackson: wow okay then
jasongrace: this is so crazy what
frankzhang: I know, I have popcorn right now
hazellevesque: Yeah and we’re displaying this entire conversation on the big screen in front of all of camp!
percyjackson: i’m so dead wtf
Notes:
hey you guys!
i'm not dead, let's go! (i think that's a good thing)anyways, this idea came to me when i was reading another fanfic so i started writing this and just saw if it took me anywhere
they started filming season 3 of percy jackson, so that's really cool. AND nico and bianca were casted, my babiess ughh. season 3 will destroy me.
also jorge rivera herrons started writing a new musical called the illium, so i'm so hyped for that to be finished (even though i know that it will take a while).
and wednesday season 2 is out, which was SO good. i was obsessed with the show back in like 2022-2023 and i've been counting down the days until this season came out. i can't believe i have to waiting until september 3rd before part 2 comes out though noooi don't know what else to say here except for thank you. if you're an og reader of this returning after almost half a year of no updates, thank you so much for sticking with me. and if you clicked on this recently, thank you for clicking and staying for 10 whole chapters of my dumbass typing out random stuff on a doc out of boredom.
i hope you have an amazing rest of your day or night !! i will hopefully be updating again soon (no promises though) 💝
Chapter 11: authors note (sorry not sorry)
Summary:
please read this for my sanity
Chapter Text
hey people of earth !! (at least i hope you're all from earth)
now before you get upset, this isn't bad news or anything like that, so just stick with me real quick
i've been going through old chapters in this fic and it has come to my attention that they make absolutely no sense and most of the sentences that i typed out sounds like a baby went on my google doc, typed out a bunch of random words, and called it a day. so i tried to edit them the best i could and i'm so sorry if you had to go through the pain of reading whatever nonsense past me decided to write. i'm currently editing chapter 3 and i hope that i can finished going through all of them today.
thanks for listening (well technically reading) my ted talk
love you guys, new chapters coming hopefully soon !!
- hayden 💝
Chapter 12: rip percy, you were good while you lasted
Summary:
percyjackson: guys i’m actually gonna die sos
nicodiangelo: finally
percyjackson: fuck off
nicodiangelo: no i’ve been praying on your downfall since i was like 10
Notes:
i got the sudden burst of inspiration
hope you enjoyy
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
(bro’s squad)
7:29 am
percyjackson: guys i’m actually gonna die sos
nicodiangelo: finally
percyjackson: fuck off
nicodiangelo: no i’ve been praying on your downfall since i was like 10
I’m retiring young: Nico let’s be kind
nicodiangelo: but i don’t wanna this is so funny
percyjackson: nico if i die you aren’t invited to the funeral
nicodiangelo: aww but that’s the best part
I’m retiring young: Nico.
nicodiangelo: finee
jackson you’re okay i guess
if you like didn’t die i wouldn’t be that upset about it
austinlake: this is a sad attempt of an apology
respect your elders: i know, and i thought i was bad
nicodiangelo: well fuck you guys
that’s the last apology you’ll ever get from me
percyjackson: that’s okay, i don’t wanna see one of your sad excuses of an apology again
nicodiangelo: kill myself
I’m retiring young: No.
nicodiangelo: mb
percyjackson: okay anyways
guys
how am i supposed to win a fight against ares if i’m a worm
austinlake: hold up you’re doing WHAT now!?
percyjackson: long story
leovaldez: we have this gc with all the gods and percy challenged ares to a fight
but zeus is turning percy into a worm so like
percy my main man
ur cooked
austinlake: well that does it
it was nice knowing you percy
percyjackson: what if i cry
nicodiangelo: then do it before you get your ass kicked
percyjackson: great advice, thanks nico i’m so glad i met you
nicodiangelo: anytime
(fuck immortality)
7:43 am
jasongrace: guys percy’s currently crying in the bros squad gc
percyjackson: i am NOT.
jasongrace: *1 screenshot sent showing the texts from percy saying ‘long story’ until nico saying ‘anytime’*
percyjackson: wow the exposing
annabethchase: HAHAHAHA
percyjackson: ANNABETH.
YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE.
annabethchase: Sorry percy, i am
This is just so funny
ares: good to know that i made my mortal enemy cry
percyjackson: i’m literally not even crying
zeus: OKAY EVERYONE.
It is time.
percyjackson: fuck me
zeus: i mean if you’re offering
percyjackson: NO.
i’m happily taken
very happy
zeus: Anyways
It is now time.
For young Perseus Jackson to meet his fate.
I mean uh
Fight Ares.
hazellevesque: Camp Jupiter is ready and watching!
percyjackson: well
this is it
grover
tell my mom i love her
groverunderwood: bro
percyjackson: bro
thaliagrace: shut your dramatic asses up
zeus: Okay Percy
Are you ready?
percyjackson: well not rea-
zeus: Actually, I don’t care.
It’s showtime.
leovaldez: rip percy
you were good while you lasted
can we get a ‘rip’ in the chat for percy
jasongrace: rip
pipermclean: rip
hermes: rip
annabethchase: Rip
thaliagrace: rip
apollo: rip
willsolace: Rip - from me and Rachel
percyjackson: wait rachels here?
willsolace: Yeah she came to visit so were watching this from my phone
groverunderwood: rip percy
you were like a brother to me and i’ll miss you forever
percyjackson: wow grover
you’re an og
ily
dionysus: wait peter’s dying?
finally
that kid was always so needy
percyjackson: well mr. d, thank you for 5 years of absolutely nothing
dionysus: anytime
but not really
i can’t deal with these kids anymore
percyjackson: okay well, bye (most) of you guys, it’s been (kinda) nice knowing you.
zeus: Okay let me start the ritual.
5 minutes later
zeus: It is done.
thaliagrace: wow percy as a worm is something i didn’t know i needed to see
nicodiangelo: ikr
can we keep him
ares: if he lives long enough to tell the tale.
zeus: Ares go to your position.
Let the fight begin.
(fuck immortality)
2:01 pm
jasongrace: how the actual fuck did percy win that
frankzhang: I mean technically no one won
But Ares kind of lost in a way
artemis: wait i missed it, what happened?
leovaldez: basically percy and ares were kind of fighting
which consisted of percy wiggling around and ares slowly chasing him
then in the middle of the fight out of no where, percy pulled out these remote control glocks that he was apparently hiding that some kid built him
(still offended that i wasn’t the one who built it btw)
then they started firing at ares until he landed in the water
then percy somehow pulled a shark out of no where
or maybe poseidon was cheating and summoning random sharks to come out of no where
but either way it bit ares leg
not even sure if this was fair play atp
pipermclean: well there was no rules so i think anything was fair play
leovaldez: yeah
then basically ares was bleeding and couldn’t really do anything else
so percy technically won
apollo: that was so sad for ares
and i thought the whole story about the 12 year old kid who beat him was insane
hazellevesque: Is Percy back in his human form now?
annabethchase: Yeah he’s sleeping in his cabin
I’m just sitting in here cause i’m bored and have nothing better to do
jasongrace: where’s ares now?
Athena: Crying.
He said “I can’t believe that bitch beat me again. How the hell am I supposed to show my face in public ever again?”
I told him to stop complaining.
nicodiangelo: lmao imagine
ares: fuck you all
percy when you wake up just know that you’re being written in my death note.
thaliagrace: i’m actually laughing so hard rn
Notes:
woah hayden posting 2 times in like 2 days? (this is probably a sign that i'm gonna disappear for like 2 months now, hopefully not though)
anywayss, i'm going on vacation tomorrow so i'm pretty hyped about that. hopefully it will be fun considering theres rides involvedd. (and if you know me then you know how much i love rides. like if you put ANY kind of roller coaster in front of me, you better believe i won't even hesitate before i go on it.)
but on a not so fun note, i got my school schedule yesterday (sad) and i found out that i have algebra period fucking 2. which means that i have it at like 8 in the morning and my brain doesn't even work properly at that time. ughhh.
also, the zoe and artemis casting?? oh my gosh they're perfect.
have a great rest of your day/night !! ily guys 💝