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He was gorgeous, the way his skin flushed, the inaudible laugh that came out of him when the joke was too funny. How he pushes his hair back when taking a closer look at anything. Hazy eyes and a soft touch. Shen Yuan was a gift to him, If there is a creator, Binghe was in awe at those skills. The ability to perfectly cultivate such a raw and adoring person weren't anything to laugh at.
They were smoking in Shen Yuan’s dorm, his roommate was out for the time being, only those two alone, a space for no one but them. Time could have completely stopped, the world oblivious to their antics and it would have made no difference.
This slow atmosphere engulfed the both of them, forgettable rambling coming from a small monitor, Shen Yuan thought it was useless to get a full tv. A random playlist softly playing from a speaker set in the corner of his desk. Soft rock Luo Binghe only ever heard when he was over.
This was Binghe’s first time getting high, having noticed the behavior coming from Shen Yuan soon after their first semester started. Slowly doing it in front of Binghe when he was over. Letting Binghe keep him company while he got stoned and watched random cartoons or live streams.
It was ok with him though, Shen Yuan seemed to radiate a warmth off him any time he got high. Cold barriers slowly melting off, not having to rethink his words before he spoke. The clingy behavior that arose any time they'd be together, was he like this with anyone else? It didn't matter, Binghe was allowed to feel special.
They only had a thin white pen to their disposal, the cartridge having only a quarter of the original contents by now. Still very warm to the touch.
“Let me swap the cart, you’re getting the good one today.” Shen Yuan eased out of his bed and crouched on the floor, opening the bottom drawer of his night stand. Sorting through items until he found exactly what he was looking for. Still in a plastic vial, only a small bubble present at the top and a nice looking white tip.
Binghe could only stare, he looked so happy to share, as if it was a special occasion.
“This is for quality control, hold on” He said, taking a hit before coughing an exorbitant amount. “Yeah, cough, it's good.” Followed with some more coughing.
Shen Yuan held the pen in his hand, palm wrapped around the seam of the battery and the cartridge itself before handing it over to Binghe.
“You have to let the coil cool off first” his laughter was more intoxicating than any drug could be. Small giggles that marked Binghe every single time, he wanted to see him like this forever.
His first hit took him by surprise, it had a more earthy taste than he expected. The coughing that followed made him light headed, how could Shen Yuan do this regularly? It was as though he was fighting for his life while in the comfort of his best friend’s bed.
He didn’t know when it was supposed to start working, much less how it was supposed to feel. Once he finally stabilized his breathing he started looking around, trying to tell if anything had changed.
Shen Yuan was just in plain old clothes, he didn't look one bit presentable, that didn't matter, the boy felt like home either way. Right now he just wanted to reach over to him and embrace him. Anything to show how much the other meant to him, how much Luo Binghe loved Shen Yuan.
His thoughts ran wild and his body felt slow. Shen Yuan started his clingy behavior as usual, laying on Binghe’s lap, tracing circles on his shirt.
He reached for the pen laying on his stomach, thinking for a second before bringing it up to his lips. He stood up from his position, now sitting next to Binghe, only a few centimeters from making direct skin to skin contact. An 8 second inhale, it felt like forever.
Now bringing his face closer to Binghe, cradling his cheeks before his lips began approaching for a kiss. Were they about to kiss? Shen Yuan could get handsy at times but it was never this direct.
Binghe’s eyes sparkled, he didn’t think of what to do at this moment, only melting under Shen Yuan's touch. His eyes half lidded, lips slightly parted. Shen Yuan stopped only a finger’s length away before blowing a stream of smoke into Binghe’s mouth. Oh. A thin white flowing line connected from one mouth to the other, Shen Yuan staring at Binghe’s lips.
“Sorry, I've always wanted to try this” a lame excuse.
Since Binghe’s first hit he had become more quiet, not from this foreign feeling but rather the fear that he might say something stupid. His relationship with Shen Yuan was something he could never mess up, even if it meant letting him go. But he wished he could do something, gain some courage, take that step to make his own feelings known.
He felt fuzzy, like he could feel his body parts working individually if he focused enough on it. His eyes were burning, taking in the sight of Shen Yuan being so so gorgeous, these moments were practically burnt into his retinas.
You’re so pretty, he just wanted to be able to say these words.
Maybe he was overthinking this entire thing, was he an overthinking-while-intoxicated person? He needs to say something, anything, soon, the silence was too long. What if Shen Yuan thought he turned weird or annoying now? And he wouldn't want to smoke with him again?
“Mm, Binghe, you’ve been too quiet? You ok?” His voice felt so soft, silky and relaxed. All his words were captivating, he could feel the slight depth in his voice, any prolonged syllables, it stood out in the muddled noises of whatever song was playing in the background. The low buzzing bass noises accentuating the scene in front of him.
“A-Yuan… you're very… cute” that last part was muffled, cut out even, Shen Yuan couldn’t figure out what he said, but it was still funny. More soft laughter, hand covering that bright smile.
It felt out of character, Binghe so reserved in his touch now grabbing Shen Yuan’s wrists, pulling his hands away from his face.
Binghe wanted to see all of his face, every expression he made, he wanted to be there to witness all of it. He wanted to kiss him so damn bad, he wanted that moment from before to have led to anything else. The memory replayed over and over, how soft Shen Yuan’s lips looked, how shiny they were in this low lighting, the gaze downwards to his very own mouth.
They were now face to face again, Binghe leaning towards him, Shen Yuan mimicking the motion. Their height difference was a little apparent, looking down on Shen Yuan, he couldn’t tell if that reddish tint on his face was just from overall warmth or if getting stoned could just do that to you. It didn’t matter, at this moment his actions were working before his brain could.
All his senses were dulled, except for whatever it was that let him feel absolute bliss. If Shen Yuan's lips looked soft, their touch was even more. The song had changed at some point, the slow intro making their small kiss feel longer.
He couldn’t hold it in any longer, he wanted to know Shen Yuan at such a cosmic level, wanted to feel him with every molecule of his being. That feeling forever simmering inside of Binghe had begun to boil, asking him to do something before it completely burnt.
His lips were slotted, completely intertwined, with Shen Yuan’s. His hands now held the other's hair, messing with it slightly. He felt the kiss deepen, be reciprocated.
Tongue now reaching for the other’s, licking into his mouth. it was a bit messy but only due to that feeling of hesitance finally floating away. Shen Yuan reaching for Binghe’s face, a frantic search to see where his hands would fit, it had a hint of longing. Like it was something he wanted, no, needed to do for a long time.
Their breathing was heavy, just so caught up in the moment. The kissing turned even more aggressive, now laying on top of Shen Yuan, kissing wherever he could, trailing down to his neck where he placed a hickey right center.
“Hey… Binghe not there, it's gonna be so hard to cover up…” his voice wasn’t serious at all, it felt like he was giving him the go, something to worry about any moment but now.
Everything about them fit just right. Every atom, every word, the very existence, Shen Yuan was just correct. Binghe could live in this moment forever.