It’s not the end if you haven't said goodbye

by adamazeli

Summary:

Sam's brother died when Sam was 10. Twelve years later his father left him alone in their apartment. And he hasn't heard from nor about him since.
Three years after his fathers disappearance Sam meets a stranger at a local bar. The stranger has the same mission as Sam: Find John Winchester.

Sam teams up with the weirdly familiar stranger to try and find his father, and finally get some answers on why he left him.
At the same time the stranger tries to make sure Sam trusts him, without letting him find out who he once was.

Notes:

English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any errors I might have made :)

I hope you enjoy and always remember to read the tags.

Chapter 1: Memories

“Sam, you have to get over it. It’s already been five years, it’s time to move on”. Sam can hear his fathers voice from the other side of the door, but he doesn’t answer, he doesn't want to open it, he can’t open it.

“Sam”, his fathers voice again, “you have to accept it, he isn’t coming back”. Sam knows that, of course he does. Dean is dead. And he is fully aware that Dean isn’t coming back. But even with that truth he can’t stop missing him. He misses him so much. He just wants to sit in his room and cry, because there is nothing he can do to get his brother back. Nothing. It knocks on the door.

“Come out now, you can’t sit in there the whole day”. He doesn’t want to come out. He wants to sit in here the whole day. Or, what he really wants is to be with Dean. But, that he can’t, he knows that. So he stays in his room. The whole day 

—

Sam can’t stop thinking of that day. He hadn't cried as much as he did then in years. But it had been something with that day. To know that it was five years since Dean had died. His dad had wanted him to help him put up the tree for christmas. But Sam had refused.

It’s not really a day he wants to remember, but for some reason he can never forget it. Even though there was nothing that reminded him of that day, the memories didn’t want to leave him alone. Not even now when he has moved out from his fathers house and gotten his own apartment, the memories from his old home don't want to disappear.

A distant buzzing brings Sam back to the now. He picks up his phone that's been laying on the kitchen counter. ‘Bobby’, is the caller ID. Sam accepts the call. 

“Hello”, he answers.
“Hi, Sam. It’s Bobby”. The voice of the older man is heard over the line. It’s nice to still be in contact with his Uncle Bobby. Even though they almost never meet because of the seven hour drive between them, they know they have each other. 

“I was just calling to check how you’re doing. I know these times can be hard for you”. Sam leans against the kitchen counter looking out the window. Outside snowflakes fall slowly from the sky. These times, he thinks, Christmas times . 

“Thanks, Bobby”, he says, “for calling. I needed a distraction from my thoughts about- stuff”.

On the other side of the phone call Bobby sighs heavily. “I know, it isn’t easy for any of us”. Sam doesn't really want to talk about it. It burdens him enough as it is.

”Listen, Sam, why don’t you come over to us during Christmas, huh? Wouldn’t that be nice?”.

Sam almost wants to say ‘yes’, but he already promised Jo that he would spend Christmas with her and her mom. She had forced him to say yes because she wouldn't let him spend it alone.

“I would love to come, but unfortunately I have other plans. But thanks for asking”.

Bobby sighs again, “are you still looking for him?”. Sam shakes his head even though he knows Bobby can’t see him. “I stopped a while ago. Something tells me he doesen't want to be found”.

His dad left him all alone in their home three years ago. He hasn't seen a glimpse of him since then. He had come close to finding him once, but never close enough for any real answers. 

“People in hiding usually don't want to be found. And if he doesn't want to be found, there is a big chance no one is going to find him”, Bobby tells him.

“I know”, he answers, “I know. I just wish I knew why he left”.

Sam was just about to start his university studies after years of delay, then only a few days before that his father disappeared and never came back.

“Hey Sam, forget your father. He isn’t worth your time. Think about your future instead okey?”. Sam smiles to himself.  “Okay”, he answers, “I’ll try”.

He can hear Bobby's low laugh. “That's great, boy. Unfortunately I have to go now, but feel free to call if you want to talk about something. Have a good one. Bye son”.  And then he abruptly ends the call, not waiting for an answer.

He does that often. Doesn't let Sam say ‘goodbye’. Maybe that's his way of making it through it all. It’s not the end if you haven’t said ‘goodbye’, Bobby used to say when Sam was younger. He said it often after Dean's death.

For a while Sam believed him. He was just a kid that missed his brother. But as the years went by he realized that Dean was never going to come back.

Death isn’t something you come back from. Death is where it ends. And you can’t start over.

—

“Hey, Sam. What can I do for you?”, the blond woman behind the counter smiles kindly towards him.

“Hi, Jo. Just a coffee, please”. Jo pats the counter, “a coffee, coming up”, she says and turns towards the coffee machine.

Her family has owned this place for years. They make the best food and drinks in the whole town, everybody knows that.

He met Jo when they were kids, they used to play together, all three of them. Jo, Sam and Dean. She, like everybody else, took it hard when Dean died. But she is one of the few that has been able to go back to her old self.

Sam sits down on one of the barstools at the counter. There aren’t many customers at this time of day. The place works as a bar in the evenings and nights, but during the day it’s almost empty. Only a few customers come in during the day.

“You know," Jo says as she puts down his coffee in front of him, “it’s special prices here tonight, and I’m most likely serving alone, so if you want to you could stop by later”.

Sam looks up at her, meeting her blue eyes. “I don’t like to party”, he says flatly.

“I know”, Jo answers, “but a drink and a little nice company”, she shrugs, “it can’t be that bad, can it?”, she states.

Sam laughs, “I appreciate the invite but we both know that if it’s one drink then it’s two and-”.

“And what’s so bad about that? You need something else to think about Sam”. He sighs and looks down in his cup of coffee. “I know”.

She places her hand on his, “this would be the perfect way for you to stop thinking about-”.

“I know, I know”, he interrupts her, “you don’t have to say it”. Jo lets out a small breath.

“At least think about it”, Jo says, “it could be fun”. She squeezes his hand gently before she leaves him alone with his coffee.

Sam sighs heavily. He knows that it would be good for him to get something else to think about.

But his brother's ghost is going to haunt him forever, he won’t ever be able to stop thinking about him, no matter what he does… So what is there really to lose?

“Hey Jo! What time should I be here tonight?”.

The girl comes up to him again, a smug smile playing on her lips. “Be here at eleven?”, she suggests.

Sam nods, “sounds good”.

Jo lets out a small laugh, “you know, sometimes you’re pretty easy to convince, Winchester”.

Sam gives her a smile, “I am when I want to be”, he says and winks at her.

Jo shakes her head with a laugh, “see you tonight”, she says and walks over to the new customer that just entered the place.

Sam isn’t totally sure why he agreed to this. But maybe it’s the perfect way to get something else to think about, if only for just a little while. 

—

Sam parks his white Ford outside the bar. He can hear the pounding tones from the loud music.

His eyes fall on the small digital clock in his car, 22:56, soon eleven. He takes a deep breath. It was a long time ago he did something like this. He devotes himself a last thought to Dean, then he leaves the car.

The cool winter air meets his skin. The green fall jacket doesn't help much against the cold.

When he gets closer to the bar, the music gets louder. It’s not a song he recognizes.

A black Impala is parked right outside the door. An elegant car, he thinks, but it would never be a car for him.

He opens the door to the bar and steps inside. People are laughing and cheering. The music is loud and energetic. Sam doesn't recognize any of the people around him.

He find an empty barstool at the counter and orderes a Whiskey neat. Sam doesn't  recognize the man serving him either, but he assumes he's one of Jo's cousins. They have the same blond hair.

The server places his Whiskey in front of him. 

“Rough day?”. Sam jumped at the voice so close to him. Beside him a young man is seated. His green eyes looking right at him.

“Ehm, you could say that”, Sam answers, unsure of what the stranger wants.

The stranger extends his hand, “Will Dawson”, he introduces himself. Sam takes his hand, “Sam Winchester”, he says with a smile. Something shifts in Will’s eyes.

“So, are you from here?”, Will asks and takes a sip from his drink.

Sam nods. “Yeah. What about you?”, he asks, “are you from around here?”.

Will huffs a laugh and slightly shakes his head. “No, I’m, I’m not from around here”, his green eyes stare deeply into Sam’s brown.

“I live pretty far from here actually”, Will tells him, “about a 9 hour trip. Arrived here only a few hours ago”.

“So you decided to then go out and get a drink?, Sam asks skeptically. 

Will laughs, “well, no”, he says, “two, actually”. That gets a laugh out of Sam.

After a while Will asks him a question. “You said your name’s Winchester, right?”. Sam looks at him questioningly, but Will doesn't continue.

Finally Sam nods, “yes, last name Winchester”. Will studies him thoroughly.

“You don’t happen to know John Winchester, do you?”. Sam freezes. John Winchester. He has been looking for him for years and now some stranger comes and asks him if he knows him. 

“Are you okay?”, Will asks, his face concerned. Sam must look as shocked as he feels.

He shakes his head lightly. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine”, he says, nodding, “ehm, John Winchester, he eh”, Sam looks down into his glass, “he’s my dad”, he answers quietly. 

“You’re his son”, Will states beside him. “Yeah”, Sam mumbles softly.

“You know, this might sound really crazy”, Will says, “but, I was actually looking for you”. Sam looks at him in disbelief. He can’t be serious.

“You see, I met John a while back, but he-”.

“You met him?”, Sam asks, even more in disbelief. 

“Yeah, I did”, Will answers, “but he told me he would only talk to you”.

“He told you my name”, Sam questions. There was no way John Winchester, the most secretive person he knew, would tell some stranger his own son's name.

Will shakes his head. “No”, he says, “but he told me he had a son, and that he would only talk to him”. Will pauses, there is something in his eyes that reminds Sam of his childhood with Dean. 

“He will only talk to you, Sam”.

Younger him would have felt like it was an honor to be the only one his dad would talk to, especially since he never told him anything, It took John weeks to tell him Dean was dead.

But now, being the only one his dad will talk to feels like a stab in the hearth. It feels like the only reason he agrees to talk to Sam is because he knows he’s never going to find him. It’s so pathetic. A complete stranger is able to find and talk to his dad, but he hasn't even seen the glimpse of his dad for three years. It’s pathetic.

“And I really need some information from him”, Will continues, “so can you please help me?”. 

Sam is well aware this is a bad idea, but still only an hour later he finds himself at home waiting for Will to pick him up. 

—

A loud car horn sounds from outside. Looking out the window Sam can see the black Impala from outside the bar. No way the Impala is Will’s.

Upon exiting the apartment building with his duffle bag, he sees that the Impala is indeed Will’s.

Will rolls down his window when he sees Sam coming. 

“You can put your bag in the trunk”, he tells him. Sam does as he’s told. Then he goes to sit in the front, beside Will. 

“Ready to find your dad?”, Will asks as he starts the car.

“Ready as I’ll ever be”, Sam answers as confidently as he can muster.

“Great, then let’s get going”, Will says positively turning out onto the street.

“What makes you think I can help you”, Sam asks after just a few minutes of driving, with the only sound being the motor, and AC/DC playing over the car radio, “I mean, don’t you think the only reason he agrees to talk to me, is because I will never be able to find him?”.

“Do you really think that?”, Will asks, quickly glancing at him before turning his eyes back to the road, “that you will never be able to find him”.

“I’ve tried for three years, Will”, Sam says looking out his window, “and I still haven’t even found his shoe print”.

Will shakes his head slightly, “look Sam, don’t worry about you having to find him, okay?”. Sam looks at him, waiting for him to continue. 

“You don’t have to worry about finding him”, Will states again, “I’ll find him and you’ll talk to him”.

“And how do you plan to find him?”, Sam asks skeptically.

“Trust me, I have my ways”, Will says, quickly meeting Sam's questioning gaze, “my job is finding people”, he explains, “so I know a thing or two about that sort of thing”.

Sam nods even though he’s still skeptical about Will's ability to actually find his dad. 

“And to be fair, I’ve already found him once. Which makes it much easier to find him a second time”, says Will.

“How come it’s easier now, doesn't he know your ways and how to hide from you?”, Sam asks.

“You would think that”, Will says, “but most people don’t think like that when they’re in hiding. And even if he did, he has a reason to want me to find him”.

Sam waits for him to continue, but he doesn't. 

“What’s the reason?”, Sam asks finally. Will gives him a quick look and stays quiet for a few seconds before answering.

“I have something he wants”, he answers, “I can’t give it to him, but I can keep it safe”.

“What is it?”, Sam asks. Will sighs. 

“That”, he says, “I can’t tell you”. Sam looks at him with a puzzled look. 

“Look, the more people that know, the less safe it is”, Will explains. Sam gives him a look. Something in the form of a pouting child. When Will turns his head to look at him, he can’t help but chuckle at the sight.

“Come on, Sammy, don’t give me that look”, Will says,

“I can’t tell you, at least not before we’ve found him”. Sam barely heard the last part.

Sammy.

He hasn't heard that nickname in years. He hasn’t heard it since Dean died. He always used to call him that.

His shock must be pretty visible on his face, because the next time Will looks at him he asks.

“You okay, Sam?”. Hearing Will's voice once more snaps him back to the present.

“Yeah”, Sam says, “yeah, i’m okay”.

“You sure? You look a little pale”, Will says. Sam shakes his head slightly.

“I’m fine, really. I just, I got caught off guard”, he answers, Will gives him a questioning look, “I’m fine, really”, Sam reassures him.

“Okay, if you say so”, Will says, “but if somethings wrong you have to tell me, okay”. Sam nods for an answer.

They sit quietly. Again the only sounds being heard is the car motor and AC/DC.

In the silence a weird feeling of familiarity washes over Sam. It’s like he’s been here before. In this car or with this man or in this situation.

But, the weirdest part is that he has never seen Will before this evening and not the car either.

And this situation, looking for his dad with a stranger, he has certainly not been in before. But he still can’t shake that weird feeling of familiarity. 

—

It was 03:27, when they decided to take into a motel. The room’s small, with two single beds and a tiny bathroom. Will's in there brushing his teeth.

Sam still hasn't been able to shake that weird feeling of familiarity. It’s something about Will, something about his whole being that makes him seem so familiar.

The weirdest part is that he has never met the man before, he knows nothing about him, and still it feels like he should know who this man is, or more like he already knows, he just can’t place him, can’t figure out where in his life he has met this man before. 

“I’m going outside to take a call, I’ll be back in a minute”. Will's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He doesn't have time to answer before Will is out the door.

His sudden exit makes Sam believe that there is something more going on than just finding his dad.

A few minutes later Will returns. 

“Who was it?”, Sam asks, curious about what could be so secret, that he rather stand outside in minus degrees instead of risking Sam hearing what he said.

“No one”, Will is quick to answer.

“Really? Because you exiting the room to talk to ‘no one’ seems pretty weird”, Sam says, very skeptical.

Will sighs and sits on his bed, facing Sam. Sam sits down as well, not caring that he’s still wearing the clothes he has worn the whole day.

“It just feels a little weird telling you anything about my private life”, Will says. 

“This whole situation is a little weird isn’t it?”, Sam says. Will huffs a laugh and nods. 

“It is weird, yes”, Will answers, “I mean I’m a stranger to you. It’s not many people who would trust a stranger to help them find their dad, you know”, he says with a pointed look at Sam. 

“Yeah, trust me I know”, he says, meeting Wills eyes, “but we don’t have to be strangers, right?”. 

“What do you mean?”.

“I mean, that since we’re already spending quite a lot of time together, why not get to know each other at the same time, it’s not like we have to be strangers”, Sam explains.

“You’re like a teacher on the first day of school”, Will states, “but fine, tell me something about yourself”. 

“What do you wanna know?”, Sam questions.

“I don’t know, like…”, Will trails off, looking down on the floor, thinking, “tell me about your family, like why is your dad in hiding?”, he asks, meeting Sam's gaze.

“That”, Sam says, “is a long story”.

“Give me the short version”.

Sam huffs a laugh. “That's easier said than done”. Will shrugs his shoulders.

Sam runs a hand through his brown hair. “Okay, so”, he takes a deep breath, then he begins.

“When I was ten, my brother died”, he pauses, trying not to relive the memories, “he was only fourteen when he passed in the hospital. I took it really hard, cried for years” Sam looks down on the floor, he can’t bear Will's sympathetic eyes, “I guess my dad couldn't take my inability to move on, so he moved on without me… He left me alone in our apartment and since then I haven’t heard from him”, Sam looks up at Will again, “so basically”, he says, “I have no family”, Wills eyes sadden even more, so Sam is quick to say, “but it’s fine, I have a lot of other people”, he even manages a small smile.

“You couldn't have had it easy”, Will states.

“I was fine”, Sam says. “Now, I would like to ask you to do the same thing, tell me about your family”.

Chapter 2: A Part of the Past

Notes:

Thank you to everyone that has been reading and leaving kudos, it means alot to me.

Hope you enjoy this chapter as well :)

“Dean”, a female voice sounds from the door, “your father is here to say goodbye”. He doesn’t move, doesn't answer. He just lays there, still, in his hospital bed.

“Should I let him in?”, the woman speaks again. Dean still doesn't move nor answer. The woman sighs, “Dean, he only wants what’s best for you”. The voice comes closer. “It’s not his fault he can’t handle this”. Dean wants to argue, but he doesn't want to give his father the power of being right. He hates his father, he made him think he was sick, that he needed urgent care. And now he’s going to lose his brother. In reality he has already lost Sam, but he can’t bear the thought so he keeps telling himself it’s coming and that there is still time to say goodbye. Like Uncle Bobby says ‘it’s not the end if you haven’t said goodbye’. He wants to believe that, he needs to believe that. He can’t lose Sam. 

The nurse sighs again, “if you don’t say anything I’m gonna let him in”, she says. Dean doesn't want to see his dad but he doesn't want to say anything either. The woman goes back to the door and opens it, “Mr. Winchester, you can come see him now”. He can hear his fathers footsteps as he approaches the door.

“Thank you nurse Adams”, his fathers voice is clear, unmistakable. “Dean”, his father calls for him, but Dean doesn't say anything in return. His father sighs, “can we get some privacy?”, he asks. Probably of the nurse, Dean thinks. “Yes of course”, the female voice says. Dean can hear the door open and close and then he’s alone with his dad.

“Dean, you have to understand that this is what’s best for you. For us, for Sam”, says his dad, “he deserves a chance to grow up in a normal home”. Normal. His fathers words sting. Like Dean isn’t normal, like he’s some kind of freak just because he happens to be able to carry a child. It’s not his fault, he didn’t ask to be able to do so. And he didn’t mean to get pregnant. His dad had offered to pay for an abortion, but Dean had refused. Even though it wasn’t intentional. He still wanted the child. He just didn’t know that meant losing his family, losing his brother. “It hurts me to have to leave you here”, his dad says.

“Then why do you leave me?”, Dean's voice is barely a whisper, but because of the silence in the room his dad can hear it very clearly. His dad sighs, “Because I have to-”. “No you don’t”, he cuts him off. “You made your choice Dean”, his father says, “you can still change your mind, let the doctors do the procedure, come home with me, meet Sammy again”, Dean can feel tears burning in his eyes at his fathers words, “but like this, you’re not coming home like this”. After that Dean stays quiet. He wants his baby, he can’t bring himself to abort it. But how is he supposed to live without his little brother? How is he supposed to leave him?

—

“That”, Will says, “is also a long story”. Sam tilts his head.

“We have time”, he says, “it’s not like we’re following a tight schedule”. Will huffs a laugh.

“Well, eh”, Will's eyes move to look outside the window behind Sam. He sighs heavily.

“Well”, he starts again, “my childhood wasn’t the best, my father hated me and-”. His eyes move back to Sam, meeting his gaze.

“And my brother he, eh, he was really good actually, but way too kind and innocent for this world”.

“Was?”, Sam asks, wondering if something happened to him, something similar to what happened to Dean.

“I, I had to leave him, my father disowned me, and after that I wasn’t allowed to see my brother anymore”.

Will can’t bear to look into Sam's sad eyes any longer, so he averts his eyes to the floor.

“Why did he disown you?”, Sam speaks again, without thinking.

Will looks up at him. “I’m sorry it’s none of my business, I, I shouldn’t have asked, I’m sorry, I just-”.

“It’s fine, Sam”, Will cuts off his rant of apologies. 

Will sighs, “I guess I kinda, fell in love with the wrong person, according to him”.

Will looks back outside the window, “but honestly, it wasn’t all that bad, that he disowned me”, he continues, “I got to be with the person I love, I got the family I wanted. The only bad thing that came from it was that I lost my brother, but he probably deserved better anyway”. Sam can see the pain in his eyes clearly.

He doesn't know what to say. 

“And now”, Will continues, “even if he would see me now, he wouldn’t recognize me”.

Once again without thinking, Sam speaks, “what makes you think that?”.

Will takes a deep breath in and releases it slowly. Then he says, “I have a feeling”.

Right then Sam's phone rings. ‘Jo’, it says on the screen. Why is she still up?

”I have to take this”, Sam tells Will before he answers. He rises to his feet. 

“Hello”, he goes to stand by the window, looking out at the empty road outside.

“Hi, Sam”, he hears Jo’s voice on the other side of the line.

Will disappears into the bathroom, probably wanting to give him some privacy.

“Why are you calling so late?”, Sam asks.

“Oh I just thought I’d check in with you, make sure you haven’t gotten murdered”. At this point Sam’s glad Will had gone into the bathroom.

“Very funny, Jo”, Sam says sarcastically, “he’s not dangerous”, he states confidentiality. He really hopes he’s right.

“If you say so”, says Jo over the phone, “but really, Sam”, her tone suddenly going very serious, “be careful, we want you back in one piece”, she says.

Sam lets out a heavy breath.
“I’ll be careful, I promise”, he says.

“Even if you really do find your dad, I still need you to be careful, okay? You have no idea what has happened during the three years he’s been gone” , Jo says, her voice has a hint of fear in it. He doesn't point it out. 

It’s not snowing outside. But it’s dark, really dark. Christmas is coming up soon. It’s the third Christmas without his dad, and his fifteenth without Dean.

“I promise to be careful”, he says, “I know my dad isn't to be trusted. I’m only going because I want answers”.

Jo sighs, “good”, she says, “I’ll be waiting for you when you get back, okay?”. Her statement makes Sam smile, at least someone cares about him.

“Okay. I’m looking forward to it”, he says with a chuckle. She laughs.

“Good”, she says, “hopefully I’ll see you soon”. Sam nods to himself. “I’m sure you will”. Jo yawns on the other end of the line.

”You should go to sleep”, Sam states, “you sound tired”.

“I know, I will. I just had to call you first, before going to bed”, she says.

Sam leans against the wall, the stone wall is cold against his back, even though he’s still wearing his shirt. 

“Goodnight, Jo”, he says fondly.

She sighs. “Goodnight, Sam, stay safe”.

“I will”, he promises, and then he ends the call. 

He throws his phone on his bed. He doesn't know what to do if Will has lied to him. It would be a hard reality to swallow, if Will haven’t been telling the truth.

He leans his head against the wall, closing his eyes. He’s really, really hoping that Will is trustworthy. Otherwise he’s going to lose all hope about ever finding his dad.

—

The next morning Sam wakes to the sound from the alarm clock on their shared bedside table. It's a terrible and extremely annoying sound.

Before he can even open his eyes the clock stops ringing. Will must have turned it off, he thinks to himself.

He opens his eyes slowly looking up at the ceiling.

The man in the bed next to his yawns loudly, and gets out of bed. Sam can hear him walk around his bed, up to the window. Suddenly a bright light comes into the room. 

Sam groans, “what time is it?”.

“It’s twelve”, Will says flatly, “get ready, we’re hitting the road as fast as possible. We have a five hour drive in front of us today”.

“Only five?”, Sam asks sarcastically.

“Yeah”, Will says, going back to his bed, “we’re not so far from our destination”.

“Where are we going?”, Sam asks, now realizing that he still has no idea where Will is taking him.

“We’re going to my lodge”, Will tells him, “there, we’re gonna make up a plan on how to find your dad”. Sam nods, sitting up. 

“That sounds okay?”, Will asks, looking up at him from where he’s crouching beside his bag on the floor. 

Sam nods, “yeah, yeah it sounds good”. He gets up from his bed, looking around for his phone.

“Hey Will”, Sam says, “have you seen my phone?”.

“The window sill”, he answers without even looking up from his bag. 

“Thanks”, says Sam, as he picks up his phone.

A call from Bobby and a message. ‘Your friend called me, she told me what you were doing. I just want to say good luck, go get the answers you need’.

He decides to call him back later and places his phone in his pyjama pants pocket. 

“I’ll go get us breakfast, while you get ready”, Will says already halfway out the door, “I saw a cafe around the corner when we arrived last night, so I’ll be gone for half an hour tops. Anything specific you want?”.

“No, just bring me anything, I’m not picky”, he answers, as he pulls on a clean shirt.

"Okay”, Will says, closing the door behind him as he leaves.

—

Will returns with two sandwiches and two coffees. 

“Come on, eat up”, Will says, as he throws one of the sandwiches at Sam that’s laying on his bed. He does not catch it. 

“Thank you”, he says, as he sits up and Will hands him a coffee. 

“I didn’t know if you liked milk and sugar or not, so I guessed”, Will tells him, as he sits down on his bed. 

“Huh, what did you guess?”, Sam asks as he takes a sip of his coffee. 

“Milk, no sugar”.

Sam nods. “That is exactly how I like it," he admits. 

“I guess I did a good job then”, Will says, with a smug smile playing on his lips. Sam chuckles and shakes his head slightly as he takes another sip of his coffee. 

Will stands up from his bed, his half eaten sandwich in hand.

“I’m gonna grab the last of my things, I’m assuming you’re all packed up”, he says as he goes into the bathroom.

“Yeah, I’m all set”, Sam answers back.

“Great”, says Will, “then we can get going as soon as I’m ready. We can finish eating in the car”. Will comes out of the bathroom, and kneels beside his bed putting his last thing away in his bag. 

“Like I said, it’s a pretty long drive, so we should be getting on the road as fast as possible”, Will says, closing up his bag.

“I’m ready whenever you are”, Sam says, reaching for his jacket.

"I’m ready”, Will says, standing up and throwing his backpack over his shoulder.

“Great”, Sam says, “I’ll just grab my bag, then we can go”. He grabs his bag off the floor. 

“Let’s go”, Will says, heading out the door, Sam following closely behind.

They leave the keys at the front desk and head down to the car. As they’re about to get into the car, Will gets a call. He checks his phone. 

“This will only take a minute”, he tells him, as Sam gets into the car.

He closes the car door, leaving Will to some kind of privacy.

He knows he shouldn’t listen to Will's private conversations, but he can’t help hearing what he’s saying.

“I don’t know, a few days, maybe weeks”. He can hear Will's voice clearly, but not a word what the other person is saying.

“I know Cas, I know. But it’s all about timing. And I don’t want him to, you know, think I’m a freak or something”. Will is quiet for a while, most likely listening to the person on the other side of the call. 

“Thanks, Cas. I hope you’re right”, Will speaks again, “I do kinda have to go now though, he’s waiting for me”.

He can hear Will chuckle. “Love you too. Tell Mary I said ‘hi’", he’s quiet for a few seconds.

“I know, and I feel really bad lying to her”. Will sighs heavily.

“Okey, bye”. As soon as he finishes the call, Will jumps into the car.

“Sorry it took a while”, he says, “let’s finally get on the road”.

They leave the parking lot, starting their five hour drive for the day.

During the whole car ride Sam can’t stop thinking about Will's phone call. He knows he shouldn’t have listened. But now since he did, he can’t stop wondering what it was actually about.

They talk very little during the five hour drive, it’s like sitting in a car with a stranger. Which is what he’s doing, it’s not like he knows Will.

Even though Will is a complete stranger, the weird familiar feeling from yesterday still lingers in him. 

—

Will parks the Impala at the edge of a forest. 

“The lodge is about 3 miles into the woods”, Will says, “the path is narrow so we’ll have to walk the rest of the way there”.

Sam nods. Even though walking into a forest with a stranger isn’t the best idea, he does feel sure about his decision about following Will. 

“Let’s get going then”, Sam says. He opens the car door and goes to open the trunk to get his bag. Will follows suit. 

“The walk is gonna take about an hour”, Will says, grabbing his bag, “so it will be around 18:45 when we arrive”, Will tells him, throwing a glance at his digital watch. 

“Great”, Sam says, “at least I won’t be sitting down all day”.

Will chuckles. “What, do you get antsy if you don’t have anything to do?”.

Sam laughs, “yeah actually, I kinda do”, he admits. Will shakes his head with a laugh. 

He pulls on a blue jacket on top of his leather one, “well, it’s good you’ll have something to do then”, he says with a smile, while closing his jacket. 

“We’re going that way”, Will says pointing to his right, “it’s the fastest and safest way to the lodge”.

“Sounds great”, Sam says, closing the trunk.

“Yeah”, Will says, “as long as we keep to the trail this will be fun”, he says with humor in his voice. 

“You have experience of it not being fun?”, Sam asks.

“Yeah actually, I do”, Will tells him, “my partner once got lost in this forest”, he says while pulling his bag onto his shoulders, “it took us hours to find him”, he laughs a little to himself, “so please stay on the trail”.

“I will”, Sam says with a chuckle, “I promise”.  

—

After walking for almost an hour they finally reach the lodge. 

“We’re here”, Will says. He reaches for his keys as they walk the last steps to the front door. He unlocks the door letting them in. 

“Welcome”, Will says as he closes the door behind them, “I didn’t really plan for guests so it’s a little dirty, hope you don’t mind”. 

“No worries, I’m not royalty”, Sam says, getting a chuckle out of Will. 

“Make yourself at home”, he says, “I’ll go get some stuff from my office, I’ll be back in a minute”, Will says, throwing his bag at the floor before walking into a short corridor and entering one of the rooms there.

Sam is left alone standing in the kitchen. From where he’s standing he can see a living room to his right, a couple couches and a TV. Not too shabby actually. 

“Hey Sam!”, Will shouts for him from inside his office.

“Yeah?”, he answers back.

“Can you check the top drawer in the kitchen, the one closest to the fridge? Can you look if there’s a small, black box in there?”, Will asks. 

“Sure, I’ll check”, Sam shouts back.

He walks over to the kitchen drawers. And opens the drawer Will asked him to and starts looking through it.

No black box, just a bunch of papers. “Here’s just paper!”, Sam shouts through the house.

“You sure?”, Will shouts back, “try looking under the paper”.

Sam does as he’s asked to. Still no black box.

But what he does find, makes him freeze in place.

An envelope with the name ‘Winchester’ on it. He takes it out. It’s opened. He knows he shouldn’t look inside it. But seeing his own last name on an envelope in a stranger's house makes him too curious to not look closer at its contents.

The envelope contains a few more papers. He takes them out and lays them down on the counter. He takes a deep breath, nervous of what he’s going to find.

He picks up one of the papers. It’s a letter, assigned to his dad, John Winchester. But it’s also signed off by Dean Winchester.

Sam almost chokes when he sees his brother's name. Why the hell does Will have this?  

Now he’s more than curious what it says on the rest of the papers.

He’s almost panicked when he picks up another paper. It’s a birth certificate.

A birth certificate of ‘Mary Alexandra Winchester’. Almost his mothers full name, but definitely not his mother.

Date of birth: 6.22.2003. Fifteen years ago. He checks the name of the birth giver and his heart almost stops.

The name of the birth giver is Dean Winchester.

Sam has to grab and lean against the kitchen counter to keep himself on his feet.

What is going on? How is that even possible? Why the hell does Will have this?

He tries to regain his composure and quickly picks up the last paper. It feels like his heart is about to either stop or burst out of his chest, when he looks at the paper and sees what it is, he feels like he’s about to pass out.

It’s a name change certificate that reads: ‘Former Name: Dean Winchester’

‘New Name: Will Dawson’.

Chapter 3: Here and Now

It can’t be true. His dad must be lying to him. Dean can’t be gone. Dean can’t be dead. He needs him. He needs his brother.

Dean can’t be dead, gone forever, he just can’t.

Hot tears fall along his face. He can’t imagine a life without his brother. Without someone to hug him, to play with him, to comfort him, to make him smile. He wants Dean to come back.

“Sammy, Dean is-he’s dead”, his dad had told him. Just out of nowhere he told him he would never see his brother, his best friend, ever again. He told him he was gone, forever gone. Never to return. Dean’s never going to hug him again, even though that’s exactly what Sam needs, a hug from his big brother, that's all he wants right now, nothing else. He didn’t even get to say goodbye. Dean left this world without saying ‘goodbye’.

“Sam, it was his time to go”, his dad had said, a weak attempt to comfort him. He hates his dad. It wasn’t Dean's time, not when Sam still needs him. He’s never gonna make it without his big brother to help him up when he falls. How is he ever supposed to make it?

—

Sam lets the paper fall out of his hands. He feels dizzy. How is this even possible?

He leans against the counter, steadying himself. He doesn’t know what to do. Doesn't know if he can believe this.

He swallows hard. His head is pounding and his heart beats faster than ever before.

“Sam”, a voice snaps him out of his complet state of shock and panic. He turns to look at who just said his name. It’s Will, Dean.

He can’t look at him. He doesn't know if he can believe what he just read. He looks down at the papers on the counter. He can feel his breath hitching, and his heart still pounding fast. 

“Sam, what’s going on?”, the voice asks. Sam can’t think of who's speaking, he doesn't know who’s speaking.

“Sam?”, the voice comes closer, touches his shoulder. He jumps back, looking the owner to the voice in the eyes. In those green, weirdly familiar eyes.

“You”, Sam doesn’t know what to say. His eyes flicker between the counter and the man in front of him.

The man looks at the counter and sees the papers lying on top of it. Relizaition spreads over his face. He knows exactly what Sam has seen.

“Sam”, he tries, “Sam I can explain, okay? Please let me explain”, he pleads.

Sam’s breath slows just a little, and so does his heart even though it’s still beating hard in his chest.

“Please, Sam”.

“Is it real?”, Sam questions, “all it says in those papers?”.

The man in front of him nods. “Yeah, it’s all real. All of it. I promise”. For some reason Sam relaxes a bit at his words.

Dean. 

“Dean”, he says, very unsure if he actually should.

A small smile spreads on the man's lips, he nods. “Yeah, Sammy, it’s me”, he says, his voice thick.

If it wouldn’t be for the papers he has just read, he would probably not believe him. It is really his big brother standing in front of him. He has no idea how to feel. But with all his being he knows what he wants to do. He takes a few steps closer to him.

“Sam”, Dean says, “are you okay?”.

Sam lets out a sad chuckle, he shakes his head. Then he pulls his big brother into a tight hug. Dean hugs him back immediately. Giving him the hug he has needed for fifteen years.

Tears start falling down his cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much”, he whispers, “I thought you were dead”. Dean hugs him tighter.

“I know”, he says, his voice shaky, “I know. It’s not our fault, it’s not our fault”. Sam has no idea what to think, no idea what to feel.

But it doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters is that Bobby was right. It’s not the end if you haven't said goodbye.

He got his brother back.

—

“Are you gonna let me explain?”, Dean asks, sitting down on one of the couches, “or are you gonna keep asking questions without waiting for an answer?”. Sam sits down at the other end of the couch.

“Sorry, it’s just”, he runs his hand through his hair, “I’m still in shock. Like, I thought you were dead. For years I thought you were dead. It’s just, so crazy to me to actually see you alive”. Dean lets out a small chuckle. 

“Yeah, I figured dad would tell you something like that”, he says, “it’s not like he would let you believe you could find me”. Sam sighs.

“What really happened?”, Sam asks, “like from what I know, it must have been a lot”. Dean lets out a sad chuckle.

“You’re right, a lot did happen”, he admits, “a big part of it my fault, but, our dad played a huge part in it too”.

He sighs loudly. “Do you really want to know what happened?”, he asks, “it’s not a pretty story in any way”. 

Sam nods, “yeah, I do”, he says, “my brother was dead for fifteen years, but then it turns out he’s actually alive and has a whole family”, the last part is like a whisper.

He doesn't know anything about Dean's family. And probably doesn't have any right to talk about it either.

Dean lets out a deep breath, looking down at the floor. Then he nods.

“I’ll tell you what happened, with our dad, with me”, says Dean, “if you promise not to think I’m some kind of freak”, he looks up, meeting Sam's eyes again. 

“I would never think you’re a freak”, Sam assures him. 

“Dad said you would”, his voice is just a whisper when he says it.

“Dad doesn't know much about me”, Sam states, “he never did. I would never think anything bad about you”.

Dean sighs lightly. “Okay. I believe you”, he says. He shifts position on the couch.

“Do you remember back in the day, when I was really sick right before dad told you I died in the hospital?”. Sam nods.

“Before the hospital, I didn’t know, but, I was pregnant, and that was the reason I was sick”, Dean looks for any kind of judgement in Sam’s eyes but there's none.

He takes a deep breath and continues. 

“When dad found out that I was pregnant, he told me I had to get an abortion. I refused, without knowing what consequences he would give me”. Sam looks at him with sad, concerned eyes.

“When I told him I was keeping the baby, he said I wouldn’t be coming home anymore”, he looks down at the floor, not wanting to look his brother in the eyes, “he said he had to protect you, that you deserved to grow up in a normal home”. He clenches his fists. Sadness painting his features, as he continues. 

“I felt terrible about leaving you alone with dad, I was scared he was gonna treat you like he treated me. But, I couldn’t abort my baby, I just couldn’t”, he explains, tears brimming his eyes. 

“Dean”, Sam says, “what did dad do to you?”. Dean looks up, meeting his eyes. He swallows thickly.

“Like I said, according to him, I fell in love with the wrong person. He simply couldn’t accept that-”, he hesitates for a moment, but not for long, “that I loved a man. He thought he could beat that love out of me. Thought that if he hurt me enough I wouldn’t want to love that boy anymore”, he chuckles sadly to himself looking down. 

“Clearly that didn’t work, but it’s still one of the worst things that happened to me. Knowing that my dad hated a part of me so much he was willing to hurt me until I was bleeding and crying, just to scare me away from that part of myself”.

Sam shifts his position on the couch. He hates that Dean has suffered so much from their fathers actions, and he has a feeling that he still doesn't even know the half of it all.

“To be honest the beatings were one of the main reasons I didn’t really fight to get home after the hospital”, Dean admits, “I let him leave me, didn’t beg him to take me home with him, because I knew I would suffer when I got there“, he looks back up, “I’m sorry, Sam, for leaving you alone. I’m really sorry”. Sam gives him a sad smile.

“Dean, it's not your fault and you didn’t do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for”, he assures him.

Dean shouldn’t believe that he did something wrong in choosing himself .

“But, I left you, Sam, even though I knew what dad could do”, his eyes starts to fill with tears as he unwillingly recalls what their dad did to him.

“You chose yourself, what you wanted and needed, “Sam says, “and wasn’t it worth it? You got the family you wanted right?”, a soft, kind smile on his lips as he speaks.

“Yeah”, Dean says, “yeah, I did”, he looks down with a small smile playing on his lips, “I did get the family I always wanted. And honestly”, he looks up again, “I couldn’t be happier”.

Sam feels a relief knowing his brother is happy, that he’s living the life he wants and deserves. 

“You know you’re obligated to also tell me about your family right?”, he says with a smile. 

Dean huffs a laugh, “oh yeah? Is that so?”, he asks humorously.

Sam chuckles, “eeeh, yeah, obviously”, he says with a smile. Dean laughs lightly.

“Okay fine, I’ll tell you. And if I’m honest”, says Dean, “the plan is for you to meet each other”, he admits with a smile.

“I would love to meet them”, Sam says.

The look of appreciation and relief in Dean’s eyes makes Sam realize that Dean was actually really worried about his approval and what he would think.

‘I don’t want him to think I’m a freak or something’, he had told someone over the phone.

A part of him hurt because of that, that Dean had been worried about him judging him. But of course he also understands why he had been worried, it was because of how their dad had treated him. He probably thought Sam would hate that part of him as much as their dad did.

“I know they would love you”, Dean says. Sam smiles happily.

“What a relief”, Sam says playfully, making Dean chuckle.

“So”, Sam says, crossing one leg over the other, “tell me about them. I have to know who I’m meeting, don’t I?”.

Dean chuckles at his statement. “Yeah, sure”, he says, Sam gestures for him to continue.

“Well, okey, ehh. I, I have a daughter, which I assume you already found out”, Dean tells him.

Sam nods, “yeah. Mary, right?”.

Dean nods, “yes, we decided on Mary, kinda to honor mom, you know”.

“It’s a beautiful name”, Sam comments, “I’m sure it suits her”. 

Dean laughs, “yeah, it really does”. He visibly relaxes hearing Sam’s approval. 

“And, I have my partner, his name’s Castiel, but almost everyone calls him Cas”.

Cas, the person Dean talked to over the phone.  

“Is he-”, Sam starts, but stops himself, unsure if it’s appropriate to ask.

“Is he, what?”, Dean questions. “I shouldn’t ask, it’s none of my business”, Sam says.

“You’re my brother Sam”, Dean says, “you can ask me anything, I won’t be upset or anything”. 

Sam sighs, “you sure? It’s really none of my business”. 

Dean gives him a pointed look, “Sam, I’m sure. Come on just ask”. 

Sam sighs dramatically, “it’s really not that serious”, Dean gestures for him to just ask. 

Sam chuckles, “okay, fine. I was just gonna ask if your partner is Mary's father? But it doesn't really matter, does it?”, he says.

Dean shakes his head lightly, with a fond smile on his lips. “Yes, Sam, Cas is Mary's biological father”, Dean says nodding, “we’ve been together for about seventeen years now, and still going strong”. 

“He’s a good dad?”, asks Sam.

Dean nods again, “really good, and the best partner I could wish for”. Sam chuckles softly, he loves hearing that Dean’s happy and that even though his childhood was rough, he made it out and better than ever.

“You really deserve it, being this happy”, Sam tells him. 

“Thanks”, Dean says, “I just, kinda wish I got to share it with you, from the start, you know”. 

“Me too”, Sam admits, “it would have been great, having you in my life and being a part of yours. But life isn’t always like you want it to be”, he says, “so we’ll just have to make the best of it”. 

Dean huffs, “I guess you’re right. And at least we’ve found each other now. I mean, it’s never too late to start”, he says, “I really wanna keep you in my life, now that I finally found you again, Sammy”.

Sam smiles at the nickname, it reminds him of the good times in their childhood, times he wants to remember.

“Good”, Sam says, “cause you’re not getting rid of me now. You’re stuck with me from now on”, he says playfully. Dean laughs. Overjoyed to have found his little brother. And filled with relief that he doesn’t have to hide anymore, and hope that everything is going to work out.

Now they just have to find their dad. Then they can go home. And Sam can finally meet Castiel and Mary. Dean has dreamt of the day the most important people for him will meet. And in probably just a few days, it will finally come.

Notes:

I’m sorry if I accidentally made them ooc, it’s been a while since I watched Supernatural. But I did try my best.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for reading :)

Chapter 4: Where the Road Begins

“Sam! Sammy!”, he can hear his brother's voice getting closer. He considers scaring him when he walks past, but decides against it. After all, he wants to win the game.

“Come out, come out wherever you are”. Dean's voice is getting closer. He has no idea for how long he’s been hiding or if Dean had been hiding longer the previous round. The one that stays hidden the longest wins. He can hear his brother's footsteps as he walks past the corner plant he’s hiding behind. It sounds like Dean walks into the kitchen. Then it goes quiet, Sam can only hear his own breathing.

The floor creaks. They live in an old house, so it often does that, even when there’s no one there.

“You want a hug?”. Sam jumps at the quiet voice so close to his ear. Followed by Dean laughing. “Did I scare you?”, he asks between laughs.

“No! You didn’t”, Sam says defensively.

“Yes I did”, Dean says, “you almost peed your pants”, he starts to laugh even more at his own comment.

“If you continue to laugh like that you're actually gonna pee your pants”, Sam says flatly. But after just a few seconds he bursts out laughing as well. He has no idea who won the game, but he does know that he always has the most fun with his brother.

—

Dean leads Sam into a small office full of bookcases with files, books and papers. A dark, wood desk is placed in the middle of the room.

On the desk is a bunch of papers and maps spread out, and a small black box placed on the edge of it. 

“You found the box”, Sam comments. Dean huffs a laugh.

“Yeah, I did”, he walks up to one of the bookshelves, “I didn’t know Cas had left those papers in that drawer. I wasn't planning on letting you find out about everything like that”, he says, as he pulls out a blue folder from the shelf. 

“Here”, says Dean, “is all the information we need to find dad. It’s not much, but it should be all we need”. He puts the folder down on the desk and pulls out a map from it.

There’s red circles drawn in seven different places on the map.

”Here”, Dean says pointing at one of the circles, “here is where I met him last and before that, I saw him at this bar”, he says pointing to a different circle.

“So, either, he has stayed in the same area, which is my best guess”, Dean says, “or he has moved more south. But either way he can’t have gotten far”, he explains. 

“So which path are we taking?”, Sam asks. Dean looks up from the map, facing Sam.

“That's up to you”, he says, “you know him better than I do”. 

“Okay, eh”, Sam takes a few steps closer to the map, “you said he was here last”, he says pointing at the map. 

“Yeah, exactly”, says Dean.

“Then, let's search that area”, Sam concludes, a little unsure of himself. Dean nods, taking the map of the table. 

“Let’s do it”.

—

About three hours later they’re back at the car.

“It’s an almost three hour drive to town”, Dean tells him, “we can stop on the way and get something to eat, at least we have to stop for some fuel for Baby”, he says patting the car.

“How long do you think it’s gonna take to find dad?”, Sam asks. 

Dean sighs, “I don’t know, Sam. He’s a tricky guy, hard to find”.

He gets into the driver's seat, and Sam in the front seat. 

“I know, Dean. I just, I’ve been looking for almost three years for him and still haven't found him”, Sam says, “what makes us think we’ll find him now?”. A small hint of desperation and exhaustion in his voice as he speaks.

“Sam, we’ll find him”, Dean says, his voice calm, “I know we will”.

“How?”, Sam questions, “we barely know where to start looking, and like you said, it’s hard to find him, really hard, it’s like-”

“Because someone knows where he is”, he interrupts his rant. Sam quiets.

“What?”. 

“There is one person that knows almost everything about him, about John Winchester”, Dean explains, “someone who takes care of all his paperwork, his bills, his affairs, all of that. So if we can’t find dad, we should be able to find the person making sure he can keep hiding”, Dean says, “I don’t know who it is, yet. But trust me, if we need to, we’ll find the guy”.

Sam doesn’t know what to say. 

“You trust me?”, Dean questions, “I really need you to trust me”.

Sam nods, “I trust you, always”, he says.

“Good. And I assure you that one way or another we’ll find him, okay. It might take a while but we’ll find him, together”, Dean says, his eyes focused on Sams. 

“And also”, he continues, “no matter what he tells you, remember that you’re not alone anymore, Sam. You have me now”. Sam nods, feeling ters burning his eyes. 

“Thanks”, he says, “I won’t forget that”. 

Dean smiles at him, “good”, he says, “cause I’m more than ready to take you back into my life again. I’ve missed having you around, you know”. Sam lets out a small chuckle.

“I’ve missed you too”, he sighs, leaning his head against the seat, “more than you can imagine”. 

Dean chuckles, “I actually think I can imagine”, he says, “I lost my brother too, you know”, he teases. 

“Well, good then that you got him back”, Sam says with a smile.

“Yeah, really good actually”, Dean replies.

—

“Catch!”, Sam shouts as he throws Dean a wrapped burger. Dean catches it with one hand, the other still filling the Impala. 

“Thanks, Sammy. You got drinks too?”.

“Yeah, but those I’m not throwing”, he says, showing up the two glass bottles of soda he bought from the gas station.

“What, you don't trust me to catch it?”, Dean questions, while paying for gas.

“You said it”, Sam admits with a laugh. Dean huffs a laugh. 

“How long until we reach the town?”, Sam asks before opening his soda.

“About an hour”, Dean says, taking the other soda. Sam nods.

“Then, how long it’s gonna take to find the bastard is a totally different question”, Dean says, “it could take days, weeks”.

“And when do we start looking for the other guy?”, Sam asks.

“I’d say, that if we don’t find dad for a week, then we go after the other guy”, he answers.

“Sounds good to me”, Sam says, getting into the car, “you’re not gonna miss your family too much?”, he asks as Dean sits in the car as well. Dean sighs. 

“I’ll miss them,” he says,  “I always do when I’m away, but they'll be there when I get back”, he says. Sam nods.

He feels a little bad for keeping Dean away from his family, but he does really need his help finding their dad. 

“So”, Dean says, “tell me about your life, Sammy. I mean, I basically know nothing about you anymore”. 

Sam chuckles, “there isn’t much to tell, De.”

Dean starts the car, leaving the gas station behind.

“Oh come on man”, he protests, “you’d have to do something , it’s been fifteen years”. 

Sam sighs and shakes his head playfully. “I don’t know, I have, you know, studied”.

“Studied what?”, Dean asks.

“Law”.

Dean gives him an approving nod.

“Really now?”, he says, “you studying law. Not bad”. 

Sam chuckles, “yeah, and, I got my own apartment a while ago and I’m also kinda planning on getting a dog, but I’ll have to see with school and everything”.

“It sounds like you have your life pretty put together”, Dean comments, “I’m proud of you, Sam”. 

Sam smiles, “thanks, I’m trying”.

Notes:

This is kinda like a filing chapter to make the story move forward. More will happen in the next chapter I promise.

Kudos and comments are always appreciated.
Have a nice day :)

Chapter 5: Where the Road Takes us

“Why’d you do it?”, he asks, his voice almost cracking at the end. He can feel tears brimming his eyes.

“Because I had to, Dean”, the man in front of him answers.

“No you didn’t”, he argues, “you had a choice, you didn’t have to leave me”, he can feel the sadness burning in his chest.

“You know exactly why I had to leave you”. A cold wind sweeps through the air, shaking the trees and bushes surrounding them.

“Because you had to protect Sam?”, Dean asks, his tone accusing, “that’s bullshit and you know it, John”, he takes a few steps closer to his father, “you left me because in your eyes what I am is wrong, and you couldn't have that. Because how could John Winchester ever accept that his son was in love with a man”, the volume of his voice increases as he speaks, at the end he’s almost shouting.

“I don’t care who you love, boy. As long as you don’t infect your brother with that crap”. Dean lets out a dry chuckle.

“Infect?”, his voice dry and filled with hurt, “like it’s some kind of disease”.

His father rolls his eyes at him, “oh please, both of us know that it was that Novak boy who made you this way. If he wouldn’t have been in your life this would never have happened”. He wants to shout, and cry. Why does his father have to be like this? Why can’t he just accept him? But then again, why is he even disappointed? His dad has always been this way, always.

“I have always been this way”, Dean says, trying to keep his voice steady, “you just didn’t see it because you don’t know me”.

John shakes his head, “I wish you would just realise that this is all wrong and-”.

“And I wish for my childhood back”, Dean interrupts, “but none of our wishes will ever come true”.

For a short moment no one says anything. The only sound is the wind in the trees and the owl hooting in the distant night. Dean takes a deep breath.

“Just tell me where the ring is”, he says.

“You don’t deserve that ring”, his father answers, “I won’t tell you where to find it. You don’t deserve it”. Dean takes a deep breath.

“So you’re saying what? That I’m not your son anymore?”, his father just stares at him, doesn’t say a word, so Dean continues, “do you really care that little about me, that you won’t even let me have this one thing?”, he asks.

“She wouldn’t have wanted you to have it”, his father states, “she would have been just as ashamed of you as I am”.

Dean shakes his head, “no”, he says, “she wouldn’t, because when she was still alive she always used to tell me that she would do anything for me, no matter what”, the tears are burning hot in his eyes, but he can’t let himself cry, not now.

“I’m not telling you where that ring is, Dean. Your mother might have meant it for you but she isn’t her now, is she?”, says his father, looking him deep in the eyes, “I’m only ever telling my normal son where it is, not you”. His fathers words are like a bullet through his heart, more painful than he has ever felt before.

—

“Are you sure you haven’t heard of him?”, he asks the lady behind the counter.

She nods, “yes, I’m sure”. Dean sighs.

“Okey, thank you for your time”. He leaves the coffee shop to go tell Sam that they might have to start looking for the other guy soon. 

“Any luck?”, Sam asks as soon as his brother is within hearing range.

“No, I’ve got nothing. No one seems to know who or where he is”, he answers. Sam sighs loudly. 

“You think it’s time we go find the other guy?”, Dean asks. 

Sam nods, “yeah, it’s probably time”, he declares.

“Right, let’s go then”, he says, hopping into the car. 

“Where are we going?”, Sam asks as he sits in the car.

Dean reaches over him and opens the glove box, pulling out something that looks like a passport.

“Police station”, Dean says, showing him a police badge.

“You’re a cop?”, Sam questions.

Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “Nope, this one's fake”.

“Ah, right, ‘cause that’s totally normal, to just have a fake police badge laying around in your glove box”, Sam says sarcastically. 

“Hey, no one said we would do this the legal way”, Dean says, “so we’re doing this my way”.

“I just don’t really like the idea of lying to the police”, he defends. 

“We are the police”, Dean says, showing off the badge, Sam gives him a pointed look, “c'mon Sammy, you don’t have to worry about anything, I’ve done this millions of times, it’s fine”. Sam looks at him skeptically.

“The fact that you have done this millions of times is supposed to make me feel better?”, he questions. Dean nods. 

“Right, okay. I trust you Dean, but if you get caught, you’re on your own”. 

Dean chuckles, “don’t worry, Sammy, I won’t get caught”.

“If you say so”, Sam says as Dean starts the car setting off towards the police station. 

—

“Hi, do you have anything on the name Winchester?”, Dean asks the guy sitting behind the reception desk at the police station. 

“Who’s asking?”, the guy questions.

“Agent Miller”, he answers, holding up the badge. The guy behind the desk gives him a weird look.

“Mhm, you don’t look like a cop”, he comments. 

“Neither do you, but here we are”, Dean says, giving him a fake smile. 

“Now tell me, what do you have on the name Winchester?”. The guy behind the desk sighs heavily, but turns to his computer. 

“Nothing much”, the guy says after a while. Dean expects him to continue but he doesn’t. 

“What do you have?”, he asks, already irritated with the guy. 

“Nothing much”. Dean sighs.

“Yeah, I got that. But what do you have?”, the guy just looks at him with a blank expression, “look I need all the information I can get, the case I’m working is extremely important. And we believe the Winchesters play a big role in this. So can you stop being a bitch about it and tell me what you have?”, his voice rises slightly at the end, getting a reaction out of the guy at the reception. 

“Fine”, he sighs, and turns back to his computer, makes a few clicks and a few seconds later the printer behind him spits out a few papers.

“Here”, the guy hands Dean the papers. 

“Thank you”, he says, with a visibly fake smile, “I hope you have a day as pleasant as you”, he says as he leaves the police station.

—

“What you got?”, Sam asks as Dean gets into the car.

“Nothing much”, he tells him.

“A few addresses and dates, dad’s name and an e-mail”, he continues, looking through the papers.

“Is it addresses around town?”, Sam asks.

“A few are”, Dean tells him, “and the rest are just outside”.

“How many are there?”.

“Five in total”, Dean answers, “three in town and two outside”.

“Any idea what the addresses are?”, asks Sam.

“One of them is his old address it says, and one says it’s a storage unit”, Dean tells him reading from the paper. 

“Both in town?”.

“Yeah”, Dean answers, handing Sam the papers, “where to now?”.

“You’re asking me?”.

“Yeah”, Dean says with a shrug. Dean never let him decide when they were kids, so it’s kind of a shock to Sam that Dean asks him what to do. 

“The third address in town”, Sam says, “should we go there first?”, he asks.

“Sure we can, let’s go”, Dean says, starting up the car once more, and setting off to whatever the third address in town is. 

—

They end up outside an old apartment building. Vines growing along the dirty brick wall and the fire escape looking like it’s about to collapse. 

“This is it?”, Sam asks.

“This is the address”, Dean says, “apartment seven. Should we check it out?”.

“Do we have to?”, Sam asks, really not wanting to enter the building in front of them. 

“No”, Dean says, “but if we want to have a chance of finding dad we should”. Sam groans. 

“Why does he have to be like this?”.

“Good question, Sammy. I don’t know”, Dean says, “let’s go now, we won’t get out if we never go in”, he says and pats Sam's shoulder before exiting the car. Sam sighs, before exiting the car as well.

When they enter the building a strong earthy smell hits them. 

“Mold”, Dean comments flatley. 

“Great”, Sam says sarcastically, “it’s even worse than I thought”. Dean huffs a laugh and starts walking up the stairs.

“It could always be worse”, he comments, “it could be full of dead bodies for example”. He turns his head to look at Sam, who gives him a tired look.

“Seriously dude”, he says dryly. Dean only chuckles and keeps walking up the stairs.

The seventh apartment is on the top floor, so they have to walk up four sets of stairs to reach it since the building doesn't have an elevator.

“I should really work out more often”, Dean says to himself as they reach the top floor.

They go up to the door for apartment seven. There is no name on the door.

“Should we knock?”, Sam asks. Dean rolls his eyes at him and knocks on the door. They wait for a few seconds but no one opens.

He knocks again. Nothing. 

“Are you looking for someone?”, a female voice behind them asks.

The boys turn around to see a young brunette standing at one of the apartment doors. 

“Yeah, actually”, Dean says, taking a step forward, “we’re looking for a man with the name Winchester”, he says, showing her his police badge. She takes a quick look at the badge.

“Well, you won't find anything there”, she says, “whoever used to live there”, she points towards apartment seven, “hasn't been home for a few years”.

“You think they will mind if we take a look inside?”, Sam asks. The girl shrugs. 

“No idea, but like I said, no ones been there for years”’.

“I think we’ll take a look inside”, Dean declares, “thank you for your time”.

The girl nods and turns towards the stairs, leaving the brothers to it.

“Any experience opening locks?”, Sam asks jokingly.

“Yeah, actually, I do”, Dean admits, pulling out some metal things from his inner pocket. And a short while later he has opened the door to the apartment.

“Wow. You have to tell me more about what you do”, Sam says. 

“Yeah, I’ll tell you later”, Dean says smugly.

The apartment is dark and almost empty, only a few pieces of furniture in various places. 

“This won’t take long to search through”, Dean comments, “I’ll take the bedroom, you take the kitchen, you have a tendency to find important stuff there”, he says with a smile. Sam huffs a laugh, but sets off for the kitchen.

Looking through drawers and cabinets. He can hear Dean searching through the bedroom.

After a while Dean exits the bedroom, coming into the kitchen.

“You found anything?”, Sam asks.

“Yeah”, Dean answers, “this”, he holds up an old phone, “it has only one number on it, no name just a number”. 

“Let me see”, Sam says, reaching for the phone. Dean hands it over to him. He looks through it and finds nothing,  just the number Dean mentioned.

For some reason when he looks at the number it seems familiar, like he has seen it before, maybe even on his own phone. 

“Hold on”, he says, pulling out his own phone. He scrolls through his contacts until he finds the one he’s looking for. There. 

“I know who's number this is”, he says looking up at Dean.

“You do?”, asks Dean, “how?”. 

“Look”, he says, showing his own screen, “I have the same number in my phone”. Dean looks at his screen then back at Sam, a questioning look on his face.

“Whose number is it?”, he asks. 

“Dean, it’s Bobby's number”.

Chapter 6: Sing me a Song

“Please stop, dad please”, he begs his father to stop but nothing can change John Winchester's mind.

“Dad please, please, stop”, he can feel hot tears falling down his cheeks. Or were his cheeks already hot? He can’t tell.

“You deserve this”, his father snarls at him, “you did this to yourself. It was your own choice, not mine!”. His fathers big hand hits his face, hard. Leaving a burning print on his wet cheek.

“I told you to keep away from the Novak boy and then I see you holding his hand!”, his father shouts.

Deans frozen in place. He can’t move, can’t say a word, can’t breathe. His father raises his hand again.

“Just so you know, Dean”, he says, calmly. To calmly.

“You deserve this”. And he hits again. And again. And again. 

—

“Seems like we’ll have to visit uncle Bobby”, Dean says, looking up at Sam, “let’s go”. He leaves the old phone on the kitchen table and the brothers leave the building.

“Have you had any contact with people from your past?”, Sam asks, as they hop into the car.

“Nah”, Dean answers, “I didn’t wanna take any risks”. Sam nods.

“Right”, he says, “so everybody just thinks you’re dead?”, Sam asks, looking a little bit concerned.

“Yeah pretty much”, says Dean, giving him an upside down smile. Sam sighs lightly. He can’t imagine living his life without the people he knows while they all think he’s dead, he has no idea how Dean does it.

“But it’s not that bad”, Dean admits, “I mean, sure I miss everybody, but-”, he looks out through the front window of the Impala, “I don't think everybody would be as approving of my life choices as you”, he looks back at Sam, “take dad for example, he disowned me for it”. 

“Very few of the people we knew are like dad”, Sam states.

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, he says, looking back out the window, “but I really didn’t wanna take any chances you know. I’ve built a life for myself, a great life. I don’t want any ghosts from the past coming back to haunt me”.

Sam nods, very well understanding what his brother means and why, but he still wishes he would give some of them a chance.

—

Sam knocks on the door to Bobby Singer's house. A few quiet seconds go by before the man himself opens the front door. 

“Sam”, he says, “I had no idea you were coming. I would-”.

“I’m sorry this visit’s a little sudden”, he interrupts, “but we really had to see you”.

“We?”, Bobby questions, giving Sam a weird look. 

“Yeah, ehm. We found something that we want to talk to you about”, Sam explains.

“I understood that, I’m not an idiot, idiot”, Bobby says, “but who are we?”, he asks.

“ We ”, Dean steps out from behind the door, “me and Sam, wants to talk to you”, he says.

Bobby looks a little surprised but not necessarily shocked. Like he knows more than they originally thought.

He sighs, “Dean”, he says, “so you finally decided to show yourself to the world”. Dean and Sam both give him a confused look. 

“What?”, Dean says quietly.

Bobby sighs deeply, “come on in, we have a lot to talk about”.

“You don’t say?”, Dean says, following Bobby into his house.

They sit down in the living room on some dusty couches as Bobby offers them beer. 

“I’ve missed having you boys around”, he says, as he sits down in an armchair across from them, “it’s always so quiet without you two”. Sam rolls his eyes fondly, a small smile painted on his lips. 

“You talk like it hasn't been fifteen years since I was here last”, Dean says, taking a sip from his beer. Still the same brand as when he was little. 

Bobby takes a deep breath, “look boys, there’s a lot that you don’t know”, he says.

“Yeah”, Sam says, “like why your number is the only one on dad’s phone”.

“And how you knew I was alive”, Dean says. 

“Look”, Bobby starts, “I will tell you everything, answer all your questions. But only if you answer mine”. The boys look at him a little skeptical, but nonetheless they agree.

“Fine, but you start”, Dean says, leaning back on the couch, “why are you the only person our dad contacts?”, he asks. 

“The truth?”, Bobby asks, Sam and Dean nod.

“Because John wants me to keep an eye on Sam, and update him about how you're doing”, he looks at Sam as he speaks and sees his eyes twist with a tiny bit of hurt. 

“You tell him everything?”, Sam asks, voice blank.

Bobby shakes his head, “no, I couldn’t do that to you”, he says, “I know what John is capable of, I can’t risk you getting exposed to it”.

“Thank you”, Dean says, “for keeping him safe”. Bobby nods at him.

“I wanted to”, he says. Dean smiles at him. He knows that Bobbys a good man, that he can trust him. Or at least that he could. 

“What have you told him?”, Sam asks.

Suddenly Bobby looks ashamed, “about your school and that you’re doing fine, that you moved and your friends and stuff like that”. Sam nods slowly, not knowing what to say. 

“Is it bad?”, Bobby asks. 

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s good”, Sam says, “but, I guess, it could always be worse”, he gives a little shrug, not really knowing how to feel about this. 

Bobby nods, “right”, he says, then nothing more.

Dean can sense the awkwardness creeping through, so he changes the subjects. 

“So how did you know I was alive?”, he asks, sitting up more. 

“Easy”, Bobby says, “your daddy told me”. 

“He just told you I wasn’t dead?”, Dean questions. 

“Yeah, pretty much”, says Bobby, “he also told me to let you go, that you weren’t-”, he cuts himself off. 

“Go on”, Dean says, “whatever it is I can take it, I’ve heard worse from the old man himself” 

Bobby breathes out heavily, “he told me you weren’t his family anymore and that he only had one son”. It hurts, not as much as a lot of other things, but it still hurts, especially since it’s Bobby's voice saying it.

“I wanted to find you, make sure you were okay, but-”

“He stopped you?”, Dean questions.

Bobby nods. Dean breathes deeply. He truly hates his father for everything he did. 

“Is it you that has been taking care of all his affairs?”, Dean asks, ignoring Bobby's apologetic look. 

“Yeah, that’s me”, Bobby admits, “I mean, I’m not proud of it, but, someone had to do it. And if I didn’t people would start looking for him, and then you”, he says looking between the boys, none of them say anything.

“Now I feel like it’s my turn to ask a question”, says Bobby.

“Right okay, shoot”, Dean says, once again leaning back on the couch. 

“Why are you here?”. Sam and Dean exchange a quick look, then Sam speaks. 

“We have to find dad, and according to the info we already have, you probably have a clue on where he is”. 

“I don’t only have a clue, I do know where he is, exactly”, Bobby says.

“Great, then you can tell us where he is”, Sam says, a look of hope flashing over his face.

“I can”, Bobby says, “but, boys, whatever you think he can give you, it’s not worth it, he’s not worth it. If I were you I would forget about him, let him fade into a forgotten memory. Because you two deserve better than him. But it’s up to you, if you want to find him I’ll help you, and if you don’t I know you won’t regret it”

They nod.“Thanks Bobby, but I think we'll still take his address”, Sam says looking at Dean, whose expression doesn’t tell him anything, it’s completely blank. Bobby sigs but nods. 

“Okay, I’ll write it down for you and then you can look at it when and if you like”.

“Thanks Bobby”, Sam says, as Bobby rises from his armchair and makes his way into the kitchen.

Dean and Sam exchange another look, they have a feeling they know what to do. 

“Here you go”, Bobby says, handing over the folded paper with their dad’s address on it to Dean, who hands it over to Sam.

“It’s up to you if we look at it”, he says. Sam takes the paper and puts it in the pocket of his jacket, closing the zipper. 

“We should probably get going”, Dean says, getting up from the couch.

“Where are you going next?”, Bobby asks. 

“Home”, Dean says, “Sam’s finally gonna meet his niece”.

“Well, good luck you two, and safe travel”, Bobby says, as he follows them out, “I hope I’ll see you soon”, he says.

“You will, I promise”, Sam says.

“You better keep your promise”, Bobby says, “otherwise I’ll come looking for you”.

“That you won’t have to”, Dean says, “we’ll come visit, all of us”. 

Bobby chuckles, “good, I’m looking forward to it”.

They say their goodbyes and a few minutes later they're back in the Impala again.

“I’ve missed him”, Dean admits, “he's a good man, a good uncle”.

“He is”, Sam says with a smile, “he really is”. 

Dean turns the key and sets off to the road. 

“Are we really going to your home?”, Sam asks.

Dean chuckles, “yes, that is exactly what we’re doing”.

He glances at his brother. “C’mon Sammy, don’t look so scared, they’re gonna love you and you them, I promise”. 

“I believe you Dean, but these are people you’ve spent over half your life with, it is a little terrifying to finally meet them, especially since I’ve only known about their existence for what? A week”, he says. 

Dean chuckles, “you have nothing to worry about”, he says. Sam gives him a skeptical look. 

“Okay, c’mon, I’ll tell you something about them, what do you wanna know?”.

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know, just, anything”, he says. 

“Okay, ehm. Mary’s probably gonna be a little shy at first, but she’ll be pretty talkative when she warms up to you. Cas is most likely to ask you a couple questions, but mostly just tryna be your friend”, Dean tells him.

“Okay, and what should I say for them to like me?”, Sam asks.

“Sam, they’re gonna love you, just be yourself, be open and everythings gonna be fine, you don't have to worry”, Dean reassures him. 

“You sure?”.

“I’m sure”.

Notes:

Hope you enjoy this fic so far :)

(Kudos and comments are always appreciated)

Chapter 7: Home

Notes:

It’s been a while, but I’m back with a new chapter.
Sorry it took so long, my life has been a mess.
But now I have spring break and will hopefully have time to write more, yay!

Kudos and comments are always appreciated
Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

“But Dean, your father”.

“We don’t have to worry about him now”, Dean whispers, “we’re safe here”.

Their lips meet in a soft, slow kiss. The silence of the house making their breaths and their beating hearts the only sound in seemingly the whole world.

“How are you mine?”, Castiel asks affectionately.

Dean lets out a soft chuckle, “I ask myself that same question everyday, about you”, he says, right before his lips meet Cas’ once again.

Dean truly loves him, more than anything. With Castiel he can be free, he can feel safe and loved and with Castiel he feels at home. 

—

“So what’s the plan now?”, Sam asks, “are we gonna listen to Bobby and just let dad be? Stop looking for him?”. Dean gives him a quick look, then back to the road.

He shakes his head, “technically that’s up to you”, he says, “you have his address. But if I got to choose, I would say we go home and make up a plan, then we go find him and kick his ass”.

Sam gives him a surprised look, “kick his ass?”, he questions.

Dean shrugs. “Yeah, you know, if we have to”. 

Sam chuckles and shakes his head lightly, “you’re crazy”.

“Tell me about it”, he says with a small laugh, “no, I really just- I need this one thing from him”, he turns a little more serious, “but he refuses to give it to anybody but his real son”, he explains, giving Sam a pointed look.

“So you want me to get it for you?”, Sam asks. Dean nods slightly.

“You could say that, but you see, he doesn't have it, he is just the only person alive who knows where it is”. 

“Alive?”, Sam questions, suspicion painted on his face.

“It belonged to mom, she wrote in a letter that I was supposed to get it for my eighteenth birthday, but she knew she was dying and that she wouldn’t be here to watch us grow up. So she wrote me that letter telling me about- about that one thing she wanted me to have”, Dean tells him. 

“And dad’s keeping it from you?”, Sam asks. Dean nods as a response.

“And you need me to ask him where it is”, Sam states, “because our dad is a complete douchebag”. 

Dean shrugs, “yeah, pretty much”, he says matter of factly.

“Is this why you were looking for me?”, Sam asks, “because you want me to get this thing for you?”. Dean takes a deep breath.

“It’s not the only reason, Sam”, Dean answers, “the biggest reason was because I missed my brother, not because our dad is a douchebag”, he tells him. 

“But you said you were looking for me because dad would only speak with his son”.

“I couldn’t really have said, hey, remember me, I’m your brother you thought was dead, but turns out our dad is just more of a dick than you thought , could I?”, Dean states, his voice a bit stressed, “you would never have believed me”, he states, “you would probably have thought I was crazy”, he gives a dry chuckle.

“I’m not just using you to get what I want if that’s what you think. You’re my brother, Sammy. I could never do that to you”. Sam nods slowly, his eyes staring intensely out the window onto the road. 

“I know”, he then says, “I know, it’s just…Nothing”. 

“Nothing?”, Dean questions, “come on Sammy, I can tell something isn’t right”.

“No, everytings fine, I'm just”, he takes a deep breath, “I’m worried that for some reason you don’t actually want me in your life and that I’m just here to help you”.

“Sam”, Dean says, “do you really think I would take you to see my husband and daughter if I just wanted you here to help me?”, he asks.

Sam doesn't say anything, he just looks out the window with a slightly ashamed look on his face.

“No, Sam. The answer’s no”, Dean says, “I want you to meet them and I want you to be a part of my life again. You’re my brother Sam, I need you”. Sam looks at him, Dean's eyes on the road in front of them. 

“Thank you”, he says.

Dean gives him a quick glance, “for what?”.

“I don’t know”, Sam shrugs, “for actually saying it”. Dean lets out a small chuckle.

“You’re very welcome. And it’s entirely the truth”, he says with a smile.

—

“You ready?”, Dean asks as they step out of the car onto the rock pavement in front of his home.

The house is big and made of stone, with beautiful landscaping. Sam feels overwhelmed just looking at it. It’s bigger than he ever imagined and the thought of Dean's family being inside makes him a little dizzy. 

“Sam?”, Dean says when he doesn't answer, “you okay?”. Sam snaps out of his daze of small panic meeting his brother's eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, he says, trying to sound confident.

Dean comes around the car. “Sam”, he says, placing a hand on his shoulder, “there is nothing to worry about, you’ll be fine”. Sam takes a deep breath and nods slightly.

“I know”, he says, “it’s just- it’s your life, what if, I don’t- what if I don’t fit in, into what you’ve created”. 

“Sam, you’re my brother. You will always fit into my life”, Dean reassures him, “no matter what happens I will always want you to be a part of my life”, he squeezes his shoulder gently. 

“Come on”, he says, “you’ll be fine, I promise”. He pulls Sam by the shoulder towards the front door, “just be yourself”.

“And what if they don’t like me?”, Sam questions.

“Come on, Sam. They like me , and I’m a thousand times worse than you”, Dean says with a small laugh, “there is no reason for them to even dislike you a little bit”.

Sam takes a deep breath. “Okay, I believe you”, he says. 

“Good because there is no turning back”, he says, giving him a sly smile. Sam rolls his eyes and takes another deep breath.

Dean pulls out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocks the front door. He gives Sam's arm a light squeeze before opening the door.

They step into a well lit entryway with dark wood floor and a high ceiling, from where a chandelier is hanging.

A spiral staircase leading up to the second floor, a mezzanine where a blond girl is standing looking down on them.

Mary, Sam thinks. She looks about the right age, fifteen.

The girl doesn’t move, she just stares at them from where she’s standing, leaning against the railing on the second floor. 

“Dean?”, Sam says quietly.

“Yeah?”, Dean says from behind him.

“Ehm”, he looks at Dean who’s hanging his jacket on a hook by the door. He looks back up at the girl. Dean follows his gaze, first now realising that she’s watching.

“Don’t worry”, he says, “she only looks like she wants to kill you”. Sam gives him a quick, semi fake smile.

“Right, no worries”, he says to himself. Dean chuckles, shaking his head at his brother's worry.

“You just gonna stand there?”, Dean asks looking up at the girl. Her gaze shifts from Sam towards Dean. A small smile forms on her lips, she shrugs. 

“I don’t know”, she calls back, “maybe. It’s a pretty good view from up here”.

“Huh, really?”, Dean questions playfully, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Don’t believe me?”, the girl shoots back, her tone playfully mocking Dean. 

“No, no, I believe you, it’s just, it’s not so much to see here now, is there?”, he questions. The girl shrugs. 

“Fair enough”, she says, “only my dad who I haven’t seen for days and”, she pauses for a moment, “his brother?”, she says it more like a question than a statement.

Dean chuckles, “yeah”, he says, “this is Sam, my little brother that I told you about”. Sam feels his heart warm on the thought of Dean telling his family about him. 

“Nice to meet you Sam”, the girl calls out to him. He raises his hand in greeting.

“Hey, nice to meet you too”, he calls back. The girl chuckles. 

“I’m Mary”, she introduces herself. She starts making her way towards the stairs.

“I figured”, Sam says, trying to appear more confident than he actually is. Mary lets out a small chuckle. 

“Oh yeah, is that so?”, she asks.

“Yeah”, Sam answers, “it actually wasn’t that hard”, he tells her. She comes down the stairs, now standing only a few meters away.

“How come?”, she asks. 

“Well”, Sam says, “already after knowing you for only a few minutes you remind me of your dad, by a lot”, he nods toward Dean, who’s standing beside him. Dean gives a small, fond laugh. 

Mary smiles at him, “hm, you know what?”, she says. 

“What?”, Sam asks, smiling. 

“You so have to tell me about how he was when you were kids”, she says, pointing towards her dad. Sam chuckles.

“That, I will absolutely do”, he says.

“Good, cause I have a feeling he’s lying about how nice and well-behaved he was”.

“Oh, he is definitely lying. He was a devil when we were kids”, Sam tells her laughing. 

“Okay, let’s not tell her everything” , Dean says, giving his brother a look, “she gotta have some respect for me left”, he says laughing.

“You sure that’s possible?”, Sam asks playfully.

Dean sighs dramatically. “I’m trying my best”.

“And failing pretty bad”, Mary adds, getting a laugh out of Sam.

He looks over at his brother who’s shaking his head while trying to hold back a laugh.

“And what’s going on here?”, a dark voice says. And when Sam looks up a dark haired man is standing in the entryway across the hall. 

“Cas”, Dean says. Cas , Dean's husband. “I was wondering where you were?”.

“Well, I’m here”, Cas says. He looks at Sam, “hi, Sam. I have been looking forward to meeting you”, his voice is gravelly but kind as he speaks.

“And me you”, Sam says. He didn’t really know Castiel when they were younger.

He knew that he and Dean were friends, well ‘friends’, but their father had forbidden them from hanging out with him and Sam wasn’t brave enough to disobey, opposite to Dean. Who spent a lot of time with him.

When they were kids Sam never realised how close Castiel and Dean actually were.

“I’m just about to start preparing dinner”, Castiel tells them, “you could join me in the kitchen if you’d like”. 

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute. Me and Sam are just gonna unpack our stuff first, okay”, Dean says, reaching for his bag which he had thrown to the floor. Castiel nods.

“I’ll come help you”, Mary says. Her and Cas leave for the kitchen. While Sam and Dean set off upstairs.

—

“Here”, Dean says, opening a door, “is your room”. Sam gives him a funny look.

“My room?”, he questions.

“The one you will be staying in as long as you’re here”, Dean explains, “it’s not like you have anywhere else to stay”.

Sam huffs, “I guess you’re right”.

“I’m always right”, Dean says.

“Right, sure”, Sam says, giving him a pointed look.

For a while none of them says anything. Sam's thoughts spin as he sets down his bag on the bed and sits down beside it.

Everytings so new and so different from his own life. What if he screws it all up? What if they hate him?

“Hey Sam?”, his brother's voice brings him out of his thoughts, “you okay?”, Dean asks, “you seem a little, out of it”.

Sam shakes his head, “yeah, no, I’m fine”, he tries to assure him.

“You sure?”, Dean questions, “like no offense but you don’t seem fine”.

“I’m just tired, that’s all”, Sam says.

“C’mon Sam, talk to me, you’re not fine. Trust me I know, I can tell”, Dean says, “so what is it? You can tell me”.

Sam takes a deep breath, “I feel overwhelmed, and out of place. It feels like I’ve stepped into a completely new world”, he says, “a world I know nothing about. It’s like if you started reading a book from chapter twelve”, he says, Dean gives him a questioning look, “I feel lost and like I don’t know what’s going on”, Sam explains. 

“Okay, look”, Dean says, coming over to sit beside his brother on the bed, “I get that meeting my family and being a part of each other's lives again is a lot, trust me I get it. But we’re not strangers, you know me, you know Cas. And we know you. We haven’t really changed me and him, sure we have grown up, but we’re pretty much still the same”, he tells him.

“But what if I don’t fit into your lives?”, Sam asks, “what if I’m not good enough, or fancy enough, what if I just screw everything up, Dean?”.

“You won’t screw this up, Sammy”, he tells him, “you can’t screw this up. You come into the lives of people who has been through a lot of crap and a lot of challenges and trying times, what we’ve build, me and Cas, that you can’t ruin”, he says, “and I know for a fact that you’ll fit right into this mess that we call family”.

“You sure?”, Sam asks. Dean nods, “a hundred percent. They're gonna love you, just like I do”.

Chapter 8: A Real Family

“You sure?”, Sam asks, looking up at his older brother.

“Yes, I’m sure. Dad will never find out”, Dean tells him, “I promise, Sam. Dad will never know and it will be really fun”. Sam looks at him, unsure if it’s actually a good idea. But then again, it’s Dean. And Dean would never do anything to hurt him or get him in trouble and dad isn’t gonna be home for another couple of hours.

“Okay”, Sam says, “I’m in”. Dean grins widely at him.

“Great, let’s go then”. He starts out the door, his backpack slung over his shoulder. When he realises that Sam isn’t following him he turns around.

“You coming?”, he asks. Sam nods, but his facial expression tells him he actually doesn’t want to come.

“Look, Sam”, Dean says, “Castiel isn’t dangerous”, he explains.

“But dad said-”, Sam starts, but gets cut off by his brother.

“Dad is a dick and a liar”, Dean says, “Castiel isn’t any more dangerous than dad is, okay? So are you coming with or do you wanna stay at home?”. Sam thinks about it for a second. He does wanna hang out with Dean. And Dean would always keep him safe. Sam nods.

“I’m coming with you”, he declares. Dean smiles at him.

“Sweet”, he says, “come on then”. He holds out a hand for Sam to take. He does. Together they leave their home to go visit Castiel and his family. Dean's happy Sam came with. He has for a pretty long time wanted Sam and Cas to meet. He hopes Sam will like Castiel. It’s very important to Dean that Sam likes his friends, or at least this friend.

—

Dean comes down the stairs and enters the kitchen. Where he finds his husband and daughter cooking together as usual. 

“How’s it going?”, he asks, as he walks up to them leaning against the kitchen island.

“Good”, Mary answers, putting down the knife she was using, on the cutting board, “where’s Sam?”.

“Still upstairs, settling in”, he tells them.

“Is he doing okay?”, Cas asks, turning off the stove, moving towards the fridge. 

“Yeah, he’s fine”, Dean says, “he’s a little overwhelmed, but he’ll be okay”. Cas nods, understanding that it all must be a lot for Sam to take in.

“Hey, Dean”, Mary says.

“Yes, sweetheart?”, Dean answers, looking her way. She moves from the other end of the kitchen island towards him.

As she’s standing in front of him she shrugs and says. “I’ve missed you”, as she takes a few steps closer and wraps her arms around him.

He takes her into his embrace, hugging her back immediately.

“I’ve missed you too”, he whispers, gently stroking her head. He can feel Cas placing his arm around his waist.

“We both missed you”, he says into Dean's ear.

As Mary lets go of Dean, Castiel is quick to turn him towards him, catching his lips in a soft kiss.

Mary smiles at them, shaking her head slightly.

“You two never change”, she comments with a laugh.

“You know what?”, Dean asks as he pulls away from Cas.

“What?”, Cas asks.

“She has evolved”, Dean states, turning to look at Mary, who gives him a funny look, “she doesn't think we’re disgusting anymore”, he says looking back at Cas with a smug smile. Mary rolls her eyes at him as he presses his lips against Castiels once more. 

“I think she’s already getting tired of us”, Castiel comments playfully, seeing his daughter's agonized expression.

She rolls her eyes again, which makes Cas laugh. Dean turns to look at her.

“What did you just do?”, he asks, giving Mary a questioning look.

“Nothing”, she answers in a high pitched voice holding up her hands. Dean’s expression turns into a frown.

“Do you two have telepathy or something?”, he asks, his voice serious. But both Mary and Cas can tell he’s obviously joking.

“No Dean”, Cas answers, “we just have a daughter who behaves like you”, he says looking pointedly at Dean.

He rolls his eyes. “See”, Cas says, giving him a kiss on the check.

“See what?”, Dean questions. Getting a laugh out of both Mary and Cas.

“See what?”, he asks again, his voice lighter. 

“Nothing, dad”, Mary says, still laughing, “it’s nothing”.

“Then why do I not believe you?”, he asks, raising a brow. 

“I don’t know Dean. Why don’t you believe us?”, Cas says, trying to regain his composure, but still clearly holding back a laugh. 

“I don’t know, maybe because you're both still laughing about something and I have no idea what it is”, he says, trying to sound offended. 

“It’s nothing, dad, really”, Mary reassures him, “we’re just happy that you’re home again”.

“I’m happy about that too”, Dean says, “but I still think there's something I’m missing here”, he says, gesturing with his hand between his husband and daughter.

“There’s really nothing”, Castiel says mustering an innocent look.

Dean takes a breath then just shakes his head, before making his way towards the cupboard where they store the plates. Cas goes to bring out the cutlery.

“Did you tell Sam to come down for dinner?”, he asks. 

Dean nods, “yeah, I did. Maybe he’s just nervous, I’ll go get him whe-”.

“I can go get him”, Mary offers, standing up from the barstool she had just sat down on.

“Okey, sure”, Dean agrees, setting down the plates on the table. He’s glad that she’s open to Sam.

“Just don’t scare him”, he calls out jokingly as she leaves the kitchen.

“I won’t”, she calls back, before disappearing out of ear shot.

—

Sam’s sitting on the edge of his bed trying to get out of his own head as it knocks on the door.

“Come in”, he calls out. He expects it to be Dean who enters, but it’s not, it’s Mary.

“Hi”, he says, as she takes a step into the room.

“Hi”, she says, smiling, “dinners ready soon”, she tells him.

“Thanks”, Sam says, “I’ll be down in a minute”. Mary nods, but doesn’t move.

“You know”, she says, after a few seconds of silence, “I’ve actually been waiting to meet you”, she tells him.

“You have?”, Sam questions. 

She nods, “yeah”, she says with a small chuckle, “I have. I mean, Dean has told me so much about you, and”, she shrugs, “now I finally get to meet you”. Sam huffs a laugh. He’s glad Dean has told his daughter about him, but also a little worried about what he has told her.

“What did he tell you?”, he asks, his mouth curving into a smile.

“A lot”, she answers and Sam can’t help but laugh at that.

“I’m guessing he didn’t just tell you the not embarrassing stuff”, he says, raising his brow.

She shakes her head laughing, “no he did not”, she says, crossing her arms.

“Oh god”, Sam says dramatically. Mary just laughs.

“So I take it, you know quite a lot about me?”, he says it like a question more than a statement.

She nods, “I would say I do, yeah”, she admits.

“Right”, Sam says, “but on the contrary I know almost nothing about you”.

“There is not much to tell”, she says, looking down.

"I wouldn’t be so sure”, Sam says with a smile, “I mean, you’re my brother's kid so you have to be cool, it’s in the genes”. She laughs at his comment.

“Well”, she says, “what do you wanna know?”. Sam shrugs.

“I don’t know”, he says, “what do you wanna tell me?”.

She takes a deep breath in, then lets it out slowly, giving herself some time to think.

“Okay, well uhm”, she starts, her eyes wandering around the simple room.

“I’m a sophomore in high school, I like rock music, I ehm, I like to read… what?”.

“What?”, Sam’s quick to shoot back.

“You gave me a funny look”, she says, narrowing her eyes at him.

“No, no I didn’t”, Sam says, trying to act innocent.

“Yes, you did”, Mary says in a slightly accusing tone.

“I would never”, Sam says grinning, “I’m just, I was just. I’m a little surprised you read”, he explains.

“Really?”, she asks, holding back a smile, “why’s that?”.

Sam shrugs, “I don’t know, I just, you know, your dad he”, Sam says, “I mean, I’m pretty sure he hasn't read a whole book in his entire life”. Marry lets out a laugh.

“Yeah, you’re probably right”, she says, “Dean has probably never read a book. But I think you forget I have two parents”, she says, “and Castiel, he reads. He was the one who got me into reading when I was a kid”, she tells him, with a smile on his lips. 

“I didn’t forget”, Sam says, causing Mary to chuckle, “I just, I don’t know, didn’t think of it like that”, he tries to explain.

“Sure”, she says, “I believe you”.

Sam huffs a laugh, “didn’t you say dinner was ready?”, he asks, trying to change the subject. Mary chuckles at his weak attempt.

“Yeah, it should be ready by now”, she says smirking.

“Good, let’s go then”, Sam says, standing up and gesturing towards the door.

They exit the room and as they're making their way down the stairs Sam asks. 

“Do you usually call your parents by their name?”. Mary looks at him, giving him a confused look.

“I mean”, Sam says, “when you talked about them just now, you said Dean and Castiel, and not”, a short pause, “dad”, he says, his brows knitting, worried he overstepped.

Mary nods to herself, “it’s easier that way”, she says, “I mean, they’re both my dads, but sometimes it’s just easier to call them by their names”, she explains.

Sam lets go of the breath he was holding and nods in understanding, he’s relieved that she didn’t seem to mind his question.

It’s still hard to take all of this in. That Dean has a family, a life, that he’s even alive is still hard for Sam to wrap his head around. But at the same time he wants to be a part of it, a part of Dean's life and his family again.

As they enter the kitchen Dean and Castiel are already seated at the table. 

“We’ve been expecting you”, Castiel says as they sit down. Sam beside Dean and Mary beside Castiel. 

“Hope you didn’t have to wait too long”, Mary says.

“Nah, it’s fine”, Dean says, “only about half an hour”. Mary gives him a tired look.

“Seriously, dad”, she says, trying to mask her smile.

Dean shrugs, “what?”. Mary sighs dramatically.

Dean chuckles, “come on, Mary you know I’m kidding”, he says. She shakes her head, unable to hold back her smile.

“I know”, she says smiling at him, “but just so you know, if you were sitting across from me I would kick you under the table”, Mary says, holding up her fork, pointing it at Dean. Sam can’t help but chuckle. 

“You think this is funny?”, Dean asks, looking half offended, half amused.

“Yeah, I actually do”, Sam admits, “like, dude, she’s threatening you with a fork. You gotta admit that is a bit funny”, he says letting out a small laugh. Dean shakes his head, giving Sam a disappointed look. 

“I have to admit”, Castiel chimes in, “Sam has a point. It is pretty funny that she is threatening you with a fork”. Dean sighs dramatically, but it quickly turns into a smile. 

“Okay, fine. It’s kinda funny”, he gives in, “but can you stop threatening me now so we can eat?”, he asks playfully, giving Mary a look. 

“Okay”, she says, pulling out the word. She puts down her fork and like everyone else she starts piling up food on her plate.

She doesn't say it out loud but she’s already a hundred percent sure that her uncle Sam is gonna fit in perfectly with them.

And he does seem exactly like the kind and awesome and cool guy her dad has told her about.  

—

“My brother called”, Castiel tells them as they all gather in the living room after dinner.

It’s well lit, with beautiful decor and furniture in light colours.

“What’d he say?”, Dean asks as he lays down on one of the couches.

“He said he would be coming over tomorrow, say ‘hi’”, Castiel answers. 

“That’s it?”, Dean questions looking up at Castiel who’s standing by the couch. 

“That’s all he said about his visit tomorrow, yes”, Castiel says. Dean gives a suspicious look but doesn’t say anything more about Cas’s brother.

Dean puts his legs into Castiel's lap as he sits down with him.

Sam shoots Mary a questioning look across the room. She stands up and joins him on the other couche. 

“Dean isn’t the biggest fan of dad’s brother”, she explains, “he’s usually kind of a trickster”. Sam raises his eyebrows.

“He basically doesn’t take anything seriously and jokes about everything”, she says, “and Dean doesn't always appreciate that”. Sam nods.

“And he’s coming over tomorrow?”, he asks.

“Yeah”, Mary says, “seems like it”.

“Should I keep away from your dad or your uncle?”, Sam asks, only half joking.

“It’s up to you”, Mary says, “but, honestly. It’s fun to see them interact”, she says with a laugh, “so personally I would just sit back and enjoy the show”.

She pulls a blanket over herself, settling in against the couch as her dad turns on the TV.

“What do you wanna watch?”, Dean asks. He looks around the room, his eyes landing on Sam.

“I know”, he says, pushing the buttons on the controller.

“Seriously?”, Sam asks when he sees which movie his brother has pulled up, “The Ring?”.

“Yeah”, Dean shrugs, “you loved that movie”.

“What’s ‘The Ring’?”, Mary asks.

“It’s an old horror movie”, Sam answers.

“It’s also the last movie me and Sam watched together”, Dean tells her.

“Oh so it’s old old”, she says.

“Hey”, Dean says, “it came out only a year before you were born, it’s not that old”. Mary laughs at him.

“Okay, fine”, she says, “it’s not that old”. Sam shakes his head at their bickering, a fond smile painting his lips.

He could really get used to this. Although he knows they still have to find their dad, for now he just wants to live in the moment and enjoy the now.

Chapter 9: Hot Stuff

Notes:

Reminder to check the tags!

“What do you wanna be when you grow up?”.

“I wanna be a firefighter!”, Dean exclaims.

Jo giggles, “I wanna be a vet”, she says happily, “so I always can play with the animals”. Sam sits up, his clothes covered in grass.

“I wanna be an astronaut”, he says proudly, "so that I can go high up in space and see the stars”. Jo looks dreamily up at the bright blue sky.

“I wanna see stars up in space”, she says with a sigh.

“You could also become an astronaut”, Sam suggests.

“But I wanna be a vet also”, she says, starting to look a little down.

“You could be a space vet”, Dean says happily, “you can take care of all the space animals”. Jo beams at him.

“Yeah, I can do that”, she giggles, “I wanna be a space vet!”.

—

Sam wakes up to his phone ringing. He picks it up from the bedside table. ‘Jo’ the caller ID says. He glances at the time. 09:35. He takes a deep breath, then answers the call.

“Hello”, he says, his voice horse. 

“Hi, Sam”, comes Jo’s voice over the phone, “thought I’d just call and check how everything’s going”, she says.

“Oh yeah?”, Sam asks, pulling a hand over his face in an attempt to get himself to wake up properly.

“Yeah”, Jo says, “and apparently it’s going pretty good since you haven’t gotten murdered”, she declares.

Sam huffs a laugh. “Yeah, it’s actually going pretty well”, he tells her, “we actually know where he is”. 

“You do?”, she asks, but continues to talk without waiting for an answer, “that’s impressive. How’d you figure it out?”.

“Well, we found out who has been helping him to stay hidden”, he explains, “and then that guy gave us our dads current address”.

Shit.

First when the word has escaped his mouth does he realize what he said. Our.

He said our.

“So you’re pretty close to finding your dad”, Jo states. She doesn't seem to have noticed Sam slipping.

He does want Jo to know that Dean’s alive but he doesn’t want her to find out like this. 

“Yeah, kinda”, Sam answers.

“Kinda?”, Jo questions, “what do you mean ‘kinda’?”.

“Well, we have his address”, Sam says, “we just, haven’t looked at it yet”.

For a few seconds Jo doesn’t say anything on the other side of the line. Sam can imagine her shaking her head at him while giving him a disapproving look.

“Why haven't you looked at it?”, Jo asks, she sounds a little upset when she speaks now, “you could be getting the answers you’ve been wanting for for years right now and you’re just not doing it. Why?”.

Sam sighs heavily. He stares up at the ceiling. He doesn’t really have a good answer for her.

“Because somethings came up”, he answers vaguely.

“Somethings?”, Jo says, her tone of voice both questioning him and disapproving of his choices. 

“Yeah”, Sam says, “someone told us that we would be better off not going after him, so, now I’m kinda questioning if I even want to find dad”.

“Who told you that?”, Jo asks, her voice now painted with suspicion.

“The guy that helps him hide”, Sam answers.

He knows how this sounds. Of course the guy that helps their dad stay in hiding wouldn’t want people to go looking for him.

“And you just think listening to a stranger is a good idea?”, Jo asks, now only sounding a bit confused and frustrated.

She probably didn’t plan to start her morning listening to Sam’s overthinking and over analyzing. 

“He’s not just some stranger”, Sam explains, “the guy that has helped dad to stay hidden is Bobby”.

“Like in Bobby Singer?”, she asks, “your uncle Bobby?”. He nods even though he knows she can’t see him. 

“Yes, Uncle Bobby Singer”, he confirms. A loud sigh comes through his phone.

“Oh, Sam”, she says, "I don't know what to say. I mean you trusted him and he just-”

“He tried to protect me”, he cuts her off, “he didn’t want dad to hurt me and he still doesn't want that”.

“Yeah, of course”, she says, “Bobby has always been a good guy. Grumpy, but good”.

That gets a chuckle out of Sam. “Yeah, that's true”, he agrees,  “by the way-”. A knock on the door.

“Wait, hold on”, he cuts himself off and pulls the phone away from his ear.

“Come in”, he calls out to the person behind the door. Dean opens the door. 

“Goodmorning, Sammy”, he says cheerfully. Sam sits up in his bed. 

“Goodmorning”, he answers. Dean sees the phone in his hand and the open call line. 

“You're on a call, should I let you finish?”, he asks, ready to turn towards the door. 

“No it’s fine, she can wait”, he says, dismissing it with his hand. 

“Who is it?”, Dean asks.

“It’s just Jo”, Sam answers. Dean raises his brows. 

“Can she hear what we’re saying?”, he asks. Sam shrugs for an answer. He didn’t turn off the microphone, but he didn’t think so far as if she could still hear them even though he doesn't talk directly into the phone.

“Oh well”, Dean says, ready to change the subject. He did plan on reconnecting with old acquaintances, maybe not like this, but if it was too late and she already knew he was alive then so be it. 

“Me and Cas are heading out. So I decided to check in with you if you need anything…”, he pauses waiting for Sam to give any kind of answer. He shakes his head.

“I’m good”.

“Okay, but if you change your mind just give me a call”, Dean says, “Mary’s staying home, she takes care of herself but just so you're aware that you’re not alone, you know”, he tells him, “there's breakfast in the kitchen and if you need something Mary can probably help you”.

Sam nods, “okay, sounds good”, he says, shooting his brother a smile. 

“Good, we’re heading out then, see you later”, he’s just about to exit the room when Sam calls for him.

“Hey, Dean”.
He turns back around.“Yeah?”.

“What if she asks about you?”, Sam questions, holding up his phone.

Dean shrugs, “I don’t know, tell her I said ‘hi’ and if she asks anything personal about me, tell her I wanna tell her myself when we meet”. Sam smiles at him. He doesn’t comment anything, but he can tell Dean knows what he’s thinking.

“Anyway”, Dean says, ending the short silence, “I’m heading out now, see you later, Sammy”, he says, leaving and closing the door behind him.

Sam brings the phone back to his ear. “You still there?”, he asks. 

“Yeah, I’m here”, Jo’s voice says over the line, “who were you talking to?”, she asks, “was it Will?” .

Sam hesitated, but then says. “Kinda”.

“Kinda?”, Jo questions.

“I mean, it’s Will, but”, he pauses, “you don’t know him as Will”. He can imagine the confused look Jo must have right now. 

“I’m pretty sure you know him better as Dean”, Sam says.

A few seconds pass quietly.

Then Jo finally breaks the silence. “Dean?”, she says, “as in, as in Dean, Dean, our Dean? ”.

“Yeah”, Sam says, “as in our Dean. Jo, he’s alive”, he tells her happily. He’s glad he finally gets to talk to someone about it, even though he won’t tell her any details about Dean's life and his family. 

“Oh my god, Sam. That’s incredible”, she says.

“Yeah, it really is”, he agrees, “I mean he has a whole life and he’s happy”.

“That’s really great”, she says, “do you think he’ll want to come meet everyone again?”, she asks, her voice a little unsure, like she’s afraid of the answer.

“He did just say that he’ll tell you about his life when you guys meet”, Sam answers, “and also he told me to tell you he said ‘hi’”. Jo lets out a small laugh.

“Tell him I said ‘hi’ too”, she says, her voice sounding relieved and of edge. 

“I will”, he promises.

They talk for a while longer before Jo has to go help her mom, Ellen, with something.

They hang up and Sam is left alone in the silence of his room.

His thoughts start spinning pretty quickly. But he doesn’t let them get to him, instead he gets out of bed. Get dressed and head downstairs to eat breakfast. 

—

“Look who’s finally up”, Mary says as Sam enters the living room. She’s sitting curled up in an armchair holding a book.

“Slept well?”, she asks. 

Sam nods, “yeah, actually did”, he answers. Mary nods approvingly.

“That’s good”, she says. 

“Yeah”, he agrees, “I was thinking of going for a run”, he says, “Dean said you’d be fine on your own but I just wanted to make sure”. 

“I’ll be fine”, Mary says, “don’t worry ‘bout me, I’m not a baby”.

Sam huffs a laugh. “I know”, he says, “just wanted to make sure”. 

—

It’s cold outside but luckily it isn’t snowing.

The cool breeze hitting his skin as he runs gives his mind time to rest, think of something else, something that isn’t his dad or his own life.

It seems to be a quiet day. So far he hasn't seen a single car driving on the road beside him. And only a few people, most out walking their dog.

As Bon Jovi's Livin’ on a Prayer blasts in his ears he forgets the world. It’s only him, his warm body and the cold winter air. He loves the feeling, when he can just let go. When he can just run from everything. The feeling makes him never wanna stop. 

—

He returns to the house all sweaty and hot from his run.

He can’t see Mary around as he enters.

He takes off his jacket, hanging it on one of the hooks by the door. He’s still warm so he pulls off his long sleeve shirt as well.

So now when the doorbell rings from out of nowhere. And Mary isn’t around. He’s forced to open the door in only a tank top and sweatpants.

When he opens the door a shorter man with dirty blond hair is standing on the doorstep.

The man tilts his head and gives him a weird look. Eying him up and down, but doesn’t say anything. Sam is at a loss for words. 

“I’m sorry, who are you?”, the man finally says something, breaking the weird silence between them.

“Ehm, Sam”, he says it almost like a question. The shorter man raises an eyebrow.

“Right”, he says, “cause now I totally know who you are”. He has a very expressive face, Sam notes.

“I’m Sam”, he says again, the other man raises both his brows, “Sam Winchester, Dean's brother”, he elaborates. The blond nods.

“Ah, right, Castiel told me you might be here”, he reaches out a hand for Sam to take, “I’m Gabriel”, he introduces himself, “Castiel's brother”.

Sam takes his hand, Gabriels hand is soft but he has a firm grip.

“It’s nice to meet you Sam”, Gabriel says.

“You too”, Sam says as they step inside.

Sam feels out of place, he has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He doesn’t know Gabriel and he doesn’t live in this house so he doesn't know its customs.

“So tell me, Sam”, Gabriel's voice breaks through his thoughts, “why are you here?”. Gabriel’s tone isn’t condescending, it’s more curious than anything.

“I’m still looking for the answer to that question”, he admits, pulling a hand through his sweaty hair, “I’m currently just trying to figure everything out with Dean's family”.

“Something wrong?”, Gabriel asks, his voice sounding genuine and his brows furrow. 

“No”, Sam says, “everythings fine, it just sometimes feels like I might not fit into this family of his”, he tells him, rubbing the back of his neck not meeting Gabriel's eyes. 

“Don’t worry kid”, Gabriel says, “they’re not as fancy and formal as they might seem. I mean look at me”. Sam does.

He’s wearing a green jacket with a simple white shirt underneath and a pair of worn out, black jeans. 

“And I fit in perfectly”, Gabriel goes on, “and so will you”, he gives Sam a warm smile. His smile seems like something more than a smile you would give a stranger.

“Thanks”, Sam says, smiling back.

Gabriel looks at him intensely, his eyes fixated on him. Sam feels himself getting flustered under Gabriels gaze.

“I ehm”, he clears his throat, “I should probably go take a shower. I’m all sweaty and gross after my run. But I’ll-”, he starts turning away from the other man.

“I wouldn’t use the word gross”, Gabriel says, cutting him off mid sentence. Sam looks at him in surprise.

Gabriel shrugs nonchalantly. “Just saying”.

Sam huffs a small laugh, “thanks, Gabriel”, he’s voice only a whisper, “but I ehm, still gotta shower”, he says running a hand through his hair.

“Maybe you’ll look as hot clean as you do sweaty”, Gabriel says casually. Sam feels his face heat up. 

“Righs, em, I’ll see you later”, he says. He doesn’t know what else to say.

He turns and leaves Gabriel alone at the entry.

—

He comes into his room. Closing the door behind him.

Did Castiel's brother just flirt with him?

He doesn’t know what to think. Well, Mary did say he was kind of a trickster, so it could be that.

He decides to try and not think of Gabriel and how he acted towards him. Maybe he is that way with everybody.

He gets into the shower. His mind is clearer now than before. He wants to find John Winchester. He wants Dean to get whatever he's been looking for. And he wants his answers from his dad.

—

“Seriously, Gabe?”.

Gabriel turns around seeing Mary standing in the doorway into the kitchen. 

“What?”, he asks innocently, but a sly smile creeps up on his lips.

Mary raises her eyebrows, “did you really have to flirt with him?”.

“Oh come on Mary”, Gabriel says, “it’s fun”. Mary rolls her eyes at him. 

“Be nice to him”, she says.

“I am nice”, Gabriel defends himself. Mary gives him a look that says she doesn’t believe him. 

“I am”, Gabriel repeats. 

“Right”, she says, “just don’t scare him away, alright?”.

Gabriel sighs dramatically, “fine, I’ll tone it down. But just by a tiny bit”.

“Good”, Mary says, giving him an approving nod, “now come on”. She gestures for him to follow her into the kitchen.

—

She sits herself at one of the barstols by the kitchen island.

“So tell me”, she says, resting her head in her palm, “what are you really doing here?”.

Gabriel avoids her eyes by looking up at the ceiling.

“Gabe?”, she says sternly. He meets her eyes. 

“What, can’t I just come by and say ‘hi’ to my favorite people?”, he asks defensively. 

She gives him a pointed look, “favorite people?”, she questions.

“Yeah”, he says shrugging, his voice lighter than usual. She shakes her head lightly.

“Gabe seriously”, she says, “I don’t believe that you just randomly decided to visit. So what’s going on? And be honest”.

He sighs heavily, “it’s just some adult crap, nothing you should worry about”, he tells her.

“Adult crap?”, she questions, Gabriel nods for an answer, “come on I’m not a baby anymore, you can tell me things. I’m a good listener”, she offers. 

Gabriel shakes his head, “I can’t put that on you, not now”. She looks down at the counter, folding her arms. 

“So you're here to get your mind off of things?”, she asks, not meeting his eyes.

“Kinda, yeah”, he admits, “I need a minute to think of better things in life”. She nods understandingly. 

“I get it”, she says looking up, her blue eyes meeting her uncle's golden brown, “we’re the best”. Her comment gets a chuckle out of Gabriel.

If he won’t tell her what’s going on she can at least try to make him feel better. 

“Yeah, you and your family really are the best”, he admits, “even though Dean isn’t my biggest fan, yet”. 

“Yet?”, says Mary, raising a brow.

“Everyone comes around eventually”, he says, grinning confidently. 

She nods slowly, “right. Good luck with Dean though, he seems to be hard for you to win over”, she jokes.

“He is”, says Gabriel, “but he isn’t impossible”, he cracks his knuckles.

She laughs a little at him, “you know, if you continue to flirt with his little brother it will only become harder for you to win him over”, she teases.

An upside down smile forms on his lips as he shrugs, “true, but who said I couldn't do both?”. Mary shakes her head, but she doesn’t have time to say anything before someone asks.

“Do what?”.

It’s Sam, entering the kitchen in jeans and a plaid shirt, his hair wet.

“Well, you of course, hot stuff”, Gabriel is quick to answer, turning around to face him. Sam looks a little shocked but doesn’t comment anything about what Gabriel said or called him.

When Gabriel turns back to Mary wearing a smug smile, she gives him a dirty look.

“Seriously?”, she mouths. He just looked at her proudly.

“Any idea when your parents get home?”, Sam asks Mary. 

“They’re usually out for a couple hours”, she tells him, “an hour maybe”, she guesses. 

“Right”, he says, “do you think they’ll mind if I cock today? I checked the fridge this morning and there’s everything I’d need”. 

“I don’t think they would mind at all”, she says smiling brightly, “I say go for it”. The corners of his mouth turned up.

“Great”, he says happily.

“We can help if you’d like", Gabriel offers.

“Thanks, but I think I’ve got it under control“, he says, “but then, if helping means standing there and looking pretty, you’re very welcome to help”, a sly smile painting Sam's lips.

Gabriel can’t help it when he feels his cheeks starting to burn hot.

“Who knows”, he says, “I might wanna help out even more now”.

Mary clears her throat. “I’ll leave you to it now”, she says, standing up, “but just so you remember, you’re not alone in this house”. She leaves them alone in the kitchen.

“I hope I’m not scaring you”, Gabriel says seductively.

“I’m not easily frightened”, says Sam calmly, looking deeply into Gabriel’s eyes. 

Notes:

I hope I didn’t accidentally make them too out of character.

I struggled a bit on how to write Gabriel and deciding on how he and Sam would interact, but I’m happy with how it turned out so I hope you like it as well:)

Chapter 10: Hot Mess

“So what are we making?”, Gabriel asks, hopping up on one of the barstools. 

“You’ll have to wait and see”, Sam says, opening the fridge and pulling out two beers. He slides one over the counter to Gabriel. 

“Thanks, big guy”, Gabriel says, opening the bottle, taking a sip. Sam huffs a laugh.

“If you’re gonna keep acting like that I might have to ask you to leave”, he says, a smile playing on his lips. 

“What, you can’t handle me?”, Gabriel asks, quirking a brow.

Sam shrugs, “oh, I can handle you”, he says, leaning against the kitchen island, “the question is, are you able to keep up with me ?”.

A sly smile forms on Gabriels lips.

“Why don’t you let me try?”, he asks mischievously.

Sam is just about to open his mouth to say something back as someone enters the room causing them both to look up. It’s Dean.

“I hope I’m not interrupting something”, he says, his eyes then land on Gabriel, “but if there was something going on, I’m happy that I interrupted”. Gabriel rolls his eyes at him. 

“Keep away from my brother, Gabriel”, Dean says as he walks up to the counter placing a shopping bag on it.

“I used to tell you the same thing”, Gabriel says, “but you didn’t listen”. Dean turns around to look at him. 

“Don’t you dare”, he says pointing a finger at the shorter man. Gabriel sighs lightly.

“Or what?”, he asks, quirking a brow.

“That’s enough”, a gruff voice says, “Gabe, Dean, be nice”. Castiel comes to stand beside Gabriel. Sam really can’t see the resemblance, they look nothing alike.

Dean rolls his eyes and turns back to the shopping bag.

“I heard you were cooking today”, he says, turning his head to look at Sam.

“Yeah, if that’s fine, I mean”, Sam answers.

“Of course it is”, he says, “we also have to talk about-”, he takes a quick look at Gabriel, “the family stuff”.

Sam gives a quick nod. “Yeah, it’s time to figure out what to do”.

Gabriel shots him a questioning look, but Sam doesn't say anything so he turns to Castiel. Who just shrugs. He sighs dramatically.

“Seriously?”, asks Gabriel, “you're gonna act all weird and then pretend it’s nothing when I can clearly tell something isn’t right?”. 

“It’s just none of your business”, Dean says, “that’s all”. Sam rolls his eyes at his brother's attitude.

Sure Gabriel is a bit of a flirt but he isn’t that bad.

“Okay”, Sam says, “I’m gonna ask you to leave, all of you”. Dean gives him a weird look.

“I need to concentrate”, Sam explains.

Dean nods lightly, “right”, he says, “come on guys, let’s let the master chef cook”. He pulls the brothers with him out of the kitchen.

When they’re out of earshot from Sam, Dean turns to Gabriel.

He takes a deep breath, “I know I can’t make you stay away”, he says, his jaw tense, “but if you hurt him-”.

“Realx, Deano”, Gabriel says, lifting his hands in surrender, “I wouldn’t dare”, he looks at Castiel then back at Dean, “I know how it is to have a younger brother that you care greatly about. I would never hurt Sam”, he tells him, “ I promise”.

—

“How’s it going?”, Castiel's gravelly voice asks from the kitchen doorway. Sam looks up from the cutting board.

“Great”, he answers.
“Need any help?”, Castiel offers.

Sam shakes his head, “no, it’s fine, but thanks, I appreciate it”, he smiles kindly towards Castiel.

Castiel gives him a small nod. “We’re all really happy that you’re here”, he tells him. Surprise flash over Sam's face.

“Really?”, he asks.

He knew Dean wanted him here, but he had had doubts about Mary and Castiel. He was afraid that they wouldn’t like him or wouldn’t think he wasn't good enough for their family.

“Yes, really”, Castiel says, moving closer to where Sam’s standing.

“You seem surprised”, he comments. Sam chuckles nervously.

“I guess I’m just relieved”, he says, “I was um, a little worried I wouldn’t fit in”, he gives a little shrug, not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

“There is no need to worry”, Castiel tells him, “we all want you here and there is no doubt that you’ll fit in”.

Sam looks down at the cutting board in front of him, “it’s just that”, he takes a deep breath in trying to calm himself and not get overwhelmed, “you guys seem like the perfect family, and I know for a fact that I’m far from perfect”, he explains.

Castiel leans against the kitchen island, looking up at Sam, “we’re not perfect, Sam”, he says, “we are actually very far from it”, Sam looks up meeting his eyes. He gives Castiel a look that tells him he doesn't believe him.

Castiel sighs lightly. “Think about it”, he says, standing up straight, “I’m thirty and I have a fifteen year old daughter”, he gives him a meaningful look. Sam shakes his head with a small cuckle.

“But even if we aren’t perfect”, Castiel continues, “I couldn’t be happier. Except when I get to share my happiness with people I care about”, he gives Sam a warm smile.

“You really want me here?”, asks Sam. Castiel nods.

“Yes, Sam, I do”, he answers, “I might not have known you that well back in the day”, he says, “but I’m more than happy that I get to know you now”. Sam smiles at him, an appreciative, thankful smile.

“Thanks, Cas”, he says. Castiel smiles brightly at him.

“Welcome back, Sam”, he squeezes Sam's shoulder as he walks by to exit the kitchen. 

—

Castiel is in the family office sorting through some books. But his mind is not.

He is overjoyed that Dean got his brother back, but there are certain things that come with it.

Like Dean seeking out his father again, which makes it very possible for old trauma to come up. And meanwhile Castiel is always very willing to be there for him when he’s going through a rough time, he wishes Dean didn’t have to go through any of the things with his father and the trauma around it.

“You okay?”, his brother's voice snaps him out of his own thoughts, “you look a little out of it”.

Castiel looks down at the book in his hands. “I’m fine”, he says, meeting Gabriel's eyes, “there is just a lot going on”. Gabriel nods understandingly.

“Yeah, tell me about it”, he says, plopping down in an armchair, “sometimes I envy you, you know”, Gabriel tells him. 

Castiel tilts his head, “you do?”, Gabriel nods as a response, “why?”.

“Because you have your life figured out already”, he says, “you have a great job, a loving husband, a family. You have everything one could wish for”. He leans his head back, not meeting Castiel's gaze.

“And”, he continues, “you seem so happy. I can’t help but sometimes wish I had all that”.

“Gabriel”, Castiel says, “you can have that. There is nothing or no one telling you you can’t”. Gabriel sighs heavily.

“Right”, he says, then nothing more. Castiel looks at him concerned.

“Gabriel, what has happened”.

“What? No, nothing’s happened”, he says. Castiel gives him another look. 

“I don’t believe you”, he tells him.

Gabriel rolls his eyes dramatically, “fine, okay. You really wanna know?”, he says, sitting up straight. Castiel nods.

Gabriel takes a deep breath before beginning to speak.

“I had to quit my job to have enough time for school, but school is still going to shit, my two year relationship ended half a year ago and our parents are still asking me to bring her over because I haven’t really talked to them because I don’t want them to know how I fail at everything I do”.

It’s silent for a couple minutes. Neither of them says anything.

“You know what?”, Gabriel rises to his feet, “I didn’t come find you to talk about my issues. I came here to talk about your husband, or more specifically, his brother. But we’ll talk about it later, or not at all”, he starts towards the door.

“Wait, Gabe”, he stops and turns around to look at Castiel.

“What?”, he asks, “and please don’t tell me to talk to our parents”.

Castiel shakes his head, “no, I would never. I know how difficult our parents can be”. Gabriel huffs a laugh.

“Then what?”, he asks.

“I was gonna tell you to focus on yourself and what makes you happy”, Castiel says, “and don’t mind our parents”. Gabriel quirks a brow. 

“I mean, that’s what I did”, Castiel says with a shrug.

“What you did?”, Gabriel questions, “you’re like the perfect son, they love everything about you and if someone asks them you never did anything wrong in your life”.

“It’s obvious you had other things to think about when we were kids”, Castiel comments dryly. Gabriel shoots him a questioning look.

“There's a reason I don’t celebrate Christmas with them”, says Castiel. And the look in his eyes makes it click for Gabriel.

Their parents think Castiel's family is a sin.

“Oh. I’m sorry Cas. I never thought they would... treat you like that”, Gabriel says, his voice saddened for his brother.

He knows their parents are extremely religious, so that it can sometimes become toxic.

But he also knows that Castiel always was the golden child that could do no wrong. At least not until he knocked up the older Winchester. And after that he apparently got the same treatment as Gabriel always had gotten.

He had really hoped that Castiel wouldn’t have to be treated like that. Having his parents tell him his life is a sin and that he will go to hell for what he is.

“There is nothing to be sorry about”, Castiel says, “I’m living my best life, and if that’s a sin, well, then I’m going to hell happy”. Gabriel chuckles.

“That’s the attitude”, he says as a smile creeps up on his lips, “I hope I one day can say the same”.

“One day you will”, Castiel says, full certainty in his voice.

“I don’t know, Cassie. My love life’s pretty dead right now”.

“It doesn’t have to be”, Castiel states. Gabriel quirks an eyebrow.

“I’m pretty sure Sam is still single”, he says shrugging his shoulders. 

“But do you really think he would want me?”, Gabriel questions, “I’m a complete disaster”.

Castiel sighs lightly, “Gabriel, you’re not a disaster”, his brother gives him a look that says ‘you sure?’ but Castiel ignores it, “and I am fairly certain you are his type”.

Gabriel gives him a dry look. “And what makes you think that?”, he asks.

“The way he looks at you, assbutt”, Castiel deadpans, “that man is interested in you, trust me, I can tell”.

“How?”, Gabriel questions, very skeptical about what his brother is saying.

“Because”, a female voice comes from behind him, “Sam looks at you the same way Dean looks at him”, Mary says pointing at Castiel.

“They have the same spark in their eyes”, she says passing him, walking over to one of the bookshelves. 

“So you’re saying my only problem is Dean”, Gabriel states. Mary nods.

“Yeah, but he isn’t impossible, right? Your own words”, she says.

“Right. I did say that”.

“But you still have to promise to not scare him away”, she warns, “we want him here”.

Gabriel chuckles, “I promise, I won’t scare the tall Winchester”.

“Good”, she says, “now good luck”. She pats his shoulder as she walks past him again now exiting the office.

Gabriel sighs, “if not, at least it can help me get my mind off things”.

“Gabriel”, Castiel says with a warning voice.

“I’m joking”, Gabriel deffends, “I promise, I would never use him as just some toy”. Castiel quirks a questioning brow, Gabriel rolls his eyes at him. 

“Sam’s way too cute for that”, he says quietly under his breath.

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
It took a while to write since I’m not completely sure how I’m gonna move forward with this fic, but it’s slowly but surely falling in place.

Hopefully the next chapter won’t take this long to write :)

Chapter 11: A Date?!

Notes:

Hi! I’m back.
I know it’s been a while and honestly I’m not really sure why. I will try to post more frequently because I will most likely have more time now since my summer break starts soon (yay!)
Unfortunately this chapter is pretty short but hopefully the next will be longer.
Hope you enjoy! :)

He picks up the black box. It’s light in his hands. A smooth leather surface. He traces the edges of the box with his finger tips.

Mom, he thinks, I miss you.

This box that he’s holding in his hands is the only thing that he has left of his mother. Maybe even it’s the only thing he has left of his whole family.

A few years ago he had found this box in one of the drawers in his fathers office. It had a small note with it. Happy Birthday Dean. Hugs from Mommy, it had said, with a big 18 on the back.

He would be turning 18 in only three days. He’s gonna open it then. 

—

After dinner Dean asked Sam to meet him in his office. Second floor, third door to the left.

Sam knocks on the door before entering, announcing that he’s coming in.

“Hey, you wanted to talk”, he says as he enters Dean's office.

“Yeah”, he says, placing the folder he was holding on his desk, “I thought we could discuss what to do with dad”. He seats himself on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Do you still want to find him?”, he asks, eyeing his little brother. Sam nods.

“Yeah, I do. I want to know why he just left me”, he says.

Dean nods to himself. “Right”, he says, rising to his feet, walking around the desk to open a drawer.

He pulls out a black box. The black box. The box he was looking for at the lodge. 

“What’s in it?”, Sam asks. 

“This”, Dean says, placing it on his desk, “contains the only thing I have left from our mom”. Sam meets his eyes. They’re cold, hurt.

“And if you don’t mind, I want you to give it to dad. Ask him to open it, look inside”.

“What’s inside?”, Sam asks. Dean looks down at the small, black box in front of him.

“The truth”.

—

It is final. In two days they’re going after John Winchester. And they’re going to find him, no matter what. There is no way they won’t get what they want.

—

“What are we doing?”, Gabriel asks, sitting down across from him. Sam looks up from his computer screen. He didn’t hear Gabriel entering the kitchen, so that he is now sitting across from him is kind of a surprise.

“Just some research”, he says.

“About…”, Gabriel says with a motion of his hand, trying to tell Sam to continue, “...what? About what?”, he asks.

Sam lets out a small chuckle.

“Family stuff”, he answers without any further explanation. Gabriel sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes.

“You really don’t wanna tell me what’s going on”, he states matter of factly. Sam shrugs his shoulders. 

“Dean would kill me if I did”, he says.

“Oh come on, he wouldn’t”, Gabriel says. Sam gives him a look that says, ‘you sure?’. Gabriel huffs a laugh.

“I wouldn’t tell him you told me," he offers. Sam shakes his head lightly.

“I’m not telling you”.

“Oh come on. I could help”, he says, throwing his arms out. Sam shakes his head again.

“I bet you could”, Sam says, “but is that really why you came here?”, he questions, raising a brow. Gabriel smirks at him. 

“No, it isn’t, but”, he shrugged nonchalantly, “I don’t want to upset your brother further”. Sam looks down at his computer screen, then back up at Gabriel. Meeting his golden brown eyes.

“Right. Because if we had a thing he would actually kill you”, Sam says. Gabriel chuckles, “pretty much”, he says.

He raises to his feet. Walking up to the fridge. 

“You want anything?”, he asks.

“No thanks, it’s fine”, Sam answers.

Gabriel comes back to the kitchen table. He leans his hip against it, taking a sip from his beer.

“Are you free tomorrow?”, he asks casually. Sam gives him a questioning look. But Gabriel doesn't say anything else.

“I’m free, yeah”, Sam eventually answers, “why?”. Gabriel smiles at him.

“Oh I was just thinking”, he says, looking around the room.

“About?”.

“What do you say about dinner tomorrow?”, Gabriel asks. Sam goes still.

“Like, just the two of us”, he continues, “going out somewhere to eat”, he ends with a shrug, trying to seem casual, and failing miserably.

Sam's eyes fall on the table. He’s quiet for a few seconds. Gabriel thinks maybe he overstepped, moved too fast for him. Then Sam looks back up.

“I’d like that”, he says, meeting Gabriel's eyes again. 

Gabriel lets out a small laugh, “great, looking forward to it”, he says, smiling sweetly at Sam.

“Me too”, says Sam, smiling back just as bright.

—

“Hey Dean”, Sam sticks his head into the living room where Dean is sitting with his laptop open on the coffee table. 

“Yeah?”, he looks up at Sam standing in the entrance. 

“From a scale of 1 to 10, how good is your mood?”, Sam asks innocently. Dean gives him a weird look.

“What did you do?”, he asks. Sam is not a person to make bad decisions, that Dean knows. But he’s still a little worried right now. 

“I didn’t do anything”, Sam says, “or well”, Dean gives him another look, “nothing bad”, he tells him.

“What did you do?”, Dean asks again.

“Are you in a good mood?”, Sam asks, “cause I get the feeling you’re not”.

“I won't be mad”, Dean promises. Sam tilts his head at his brother.

“I won’t be mad if you tell me right now what’s going on”.

“Promise?”.

“Promise”.

Sam lets out a breath, “I’m… kinda going on a date”, Dean looks at him in shock.

“With who?! You don’t know anybody from around here”, Dean says.

“Gabriel”, Sam says hesitantly. Ready for the worst.

“What?”, Dean asks in shock.

He figured Gabriel had the hots for Sam. But he did not expect anything to actually happen. Like, seriously, a date. Sams going on a date with Gabriel .

“Gabriel?”, Dean questions, “like in Gabriel, Gabriel. Cas’s brother Gabriel?”.

“Yes, Dean, Gabriel Gabriel”, Sam says, with a nod.

“He is literally the only Gabriel I know”, Sam tells him.

Dean waves him off dismissively, “yeah, I know that. I’m just-wow-okay, ehm. Why?”, he questions. He doesn't seem too mad, more confused Sam concludes so he dares give some kind of explanation.

“Because he asked me to dinner”, he answers matter of factly with a shrug of his shoulder.

“Right, okey”, Dean says. He takes a deep breath, “do you like him? Like, like like him?”. Sam gives his brother a weird look. 

“Yes, Dean. I like him”, he says nodding slowly, “I think”, he then adds quickly, quietly. But Dean catches it.

“You think?”.

“I mean”, Sam says, “I barely know the guy, but he seems sweet - and hot - so I figured why not, you know”, he says with a shrug. 

“Why not”, Dean repeated, “well, maybe cause it’s Gabriel”.

“Look De, I might not know him like you do, but he doesn’t seem to be even half as bad as you say he is, and I’m kinda, you know, like, into him”, he says hesitantly. Dean gives him a weird look.

“But it’s not like I would do anything stupid just because I think he’s hot”, Sam rushes to say. Dean is quiet for a moment, just looking at him.

“You sure we’re talking about the same guy?”, Dean then questions. 

Sam rolls his eyes at his brother, “seriously?”.

“What?”, Dean says, “I'm just saying that. That guy has never acted anything but like a pain in the ass towards me”.

“No offense but could it be because you’re kinda hard on him too?”, Sam questions.

Dean huffs a laugh, “yeah right”.

“I’m just saying”, Sam says with a shrug.

“Look Sammy”, Dean says, “I’m not trying to stop you. Go on that date, have fun, enjoy yourself. Just… be careful, okay?”.

Sam nods, “of course, I’m always careful”, he says, quirking a smile.

“Sure you are”, Dean says with a tone that says ‘I don’t believe you’.

“At least more careful than you”, he shoots back teasingly, before ducking behind the wall. 

“You son of a bitch”, Dean says. Sam can hear him start to follow him. Oh shit. 

Dean appears in the entrance. He leans against the door frame.

“We were careful”, he says.

“Sure you were”, Sam says in the same tone Dean used towards him only a few seconds ago.

“We were”, he exclaims.

“Your daughter begs to differ”, Sam says. Dean huffs a laugh. Sam shoots him a proud grin.

“Okay fine, you got me”, Dean says, lifting his hands in surrender, “but still, be careful”, he says, putting a hand on Sam's shoulder.

“Of course”, Sam says, ignoring the urge to roll his eyes at his brother.

Notes:

Do you want to read about Sam and Gabriel's date? It would most likely just be something cute and small.
Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

Chapter 12: A Date

Notes:

I was planning on posting this chapter earlier but unfortunately I got sick, I’m still a little sick but I have/had enough energy to finish this chapter.

Also I have no actual idea how fire departments work so if something isn’t right I apologize.

Hope you enjoy this chapter and happy reading!

Also
Happy Pride Month! <3

Happy birthday Dean.

I wish I could be there to celebrate with you but according to the doctors I will be dead by this time of your life. I know it’s been a long time. Seven years is a long time. I hope you’re doing great, making a life for yourself. Maybe you even found a nice girl, or guy. Either way I will always love you, no matter what. You will always be my little boy no matter how old you get, even if you’re an adult now you’re still my sweet little boy.  It’s weird to think that I’m not there with you, but I guess that’s why I’m writing this. To make sure I can tell you this even though I’m not there with you. I love you Dean, never forget that. When you opened the small black box to find this letter you probably saw the ring as well. The ring was my dads, he gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday. And now I want to do the same, to you. I want you to have this ring. It’s a symbol for eternal love, my father told me. Love between family and friends and of course other kinds of love too. The ring will always stand for that but I also wish that this ring can help you remember me. I know I’m not there for you the same way I was. But know that I wish I could be. I wish I could be with you right now, give you a hug and wish you a happy birthday and give you this ring personally. But since I can’t, I hope you will remember me and how much I love you my sweet little boy.

Love Mom

—

“We’re going out!”, Sam calls into the house announcing their leave. Not expecting much of a response.

“Be careful and have fun”, Dean says as he exits the kitchen into the hallway, “but not too much fun”, he says pointing a finger between them. “Relax Deano”, Gabriel says waving his hand at him, “it’s just dinner”. “Yeah, well, that’s how it starts and then-”

“Okeey”, Sam interrupts, “we’re heading out”, he says as he starts pulling Gabriel with him towards and out the door.

 

When they’re outside they make their way towards Gabriel's car. A white honda.

“It’s sweet”, Gabriel says as they sit in the car. “What is?”, Sam asks. “How your brother cares so much, it’s sweet”, Gabriel says with a shrug. Sam shakes his head lightly, a chuckle escaping him. “You’re sweet”, Sam says, “can we go now?”.

“Yeah, let’s set off”, Gabriel says, starting the engine. “You never told me where we’re going”, Sam points out as they leave the driveway. “Right, we’re going to a restaurant called Nobel Nosh , it’s just outside of town”, Gabriel tells him, “they have the best desserts, like ever”. 

Sam lets out a small laugh. “What?”, Gabriel questions, glancing quickly at him.

“Nothing”, Sam says, leaning his head back against the seat, “you’re just really cute”. Gabriel's eyes are practically glowing as he looks over at Sam.

Sam smiles sweetly at him, making Gabriel's cheeks flush. He can feel his face heat up. He pulls his eyes away from the Winchester back to the road. He lightly shakes his head, as an adorable smile appears on his lips.

“You truly are something special Sam Winchester”, he says fondly, eyes on the road.

—

“Dean”, Castiel's voice is clear in the currently silent living room. 

“Yeah?”. Dean’s standing by a big window looking out at the driveway. Even though he seems to have acknowledged Castiel's presence he doesn't turn to look at him. 

“What are you doing, Dean?”, Castiel asks. “Thinking”, Dean replies shortly. He can hear Castiel's steps on the wooden floor, coming closer. He feels his hand on his shoulder. 

“About?”, he asks, his breath warm against Dean's ear. Dean takes a deep breath.

“About Sam”, he answers, “it feels like maybe, I’m not enough for him”.

“Dean”, Castiel says, “Sam’s your brother. There is no way he would think you aren’t enough”.

“What if you’re wrong?”, Dean questions, “Cas, what if he doesn’t like who I am now?”. Castiel puts his chin on Dean's shoulder. “That won’t happen”, he says reassuringly.

“How can you be so sure?”, Dean says, “I mean, he used to think I was cool and awesome, he looked up to me”, he takes a deep breath in, “what if he can’t do that anymore”, his voice is small, almost a whisper.

“Dean”, Castiel lifts his chin, “look at me”. He turns Dean around so that they stand eye to eye. “I’m aware I don’t know Sam like you do”, he says, “but he would be a fool if he doesn’t see you as enough. Because you, Dean, you’re more than enough”. 

“Thanks Cas”, he says quietly, “I’m probably just overthinking it”. Castiel smiles sadly at him, “that’s okay”, he says, “come here”. He pulls Dean into a tight embrace.

“I wouldn’t worry”, he whispers into Dean's ear, “you’re awesome”. Dean lets out a small laugh. “Thanks Cas”, Dean says, “I just hope Sammy thinks the same”.

“I’m sure he thinks you’re the most awesomest brother there is”.

—

As they walk into the dimly lit restaurant Gabriel takes Sam's hand in his. Sam looks over at him, the golden light making him look like an angel.

“Reservation for Gabriel Novak”, Gabriel tells the host. Sam couldn’t have realised if the host had said anything, he was too busy admiring his date.

“Right this way”, the host says. He takes them to a booth by a window. 

The host hands them each a menu, “let the server know when you’re ready to order”, he tells them before walking off, leaving them to themselves.

“You look amazing”, Sam says. He’s looking at Gabriel with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes. And Gabriel knows that if Sam ever uses those eyes against him, he would not be able to say no.

Sam wasn’t lying when he said that Gabriel looks amazing. The white dress shirt with golden buttons that almost matches his eyes and his hair perfectly styled, it’s mesmerizing, Sam can’t take his eyes off of him.

“Well”, Gabriel says, “I can say the exact same thing about you. You look absolutely amazing, Sam Winchester”. Sam can feel his face heating up at Gabriel's words. It’s like this man's words alone could make his heart beat out of his chest.

Gabriel picks up his menu. Even though he is mainly here for the wonderful and atractive company, and of course the dessert. It would be a waste to not order some real food. Even though one could argue that desert is real food. When they’re ready to order they call over a server, who quickly takes their orders before leaving them alone again.

“Tell me something Sam, how come you and Dean meet now and not like, ten years ago?”, Gabriel asks. The tone in his voice doesn’t sound judgemental or derogatory, it sounds curious, and genuinely so.

Sam takes a breath in, “well, the short answer is, I thought he was dead”, he says, then nothing else. A short silence. “Seriously?”, Gabriel asks, his voice rising a bit in pitch. Sam huffs a laugh, “yeah, seriously”, he answers with a nod.

“Wow, that’s-that’s truly something”, Gabriel concludes. Sam nods, his mouth turned into an upside down smile. “Yeah. It was a lot to take in when I found out he was alive”, Sam tells him. Gabriel nods in understanding, “I can’t say I get it, but it must truly have been a shock”.

“It was, yeah”, Sam replies, “but to be honest, I was almost more surprised that he had a kid”, he tells him, with a chuckle escaping his lips. It’s adorable, Gabriel thinks. “What about you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam raises a brow at him.

“What about me?”, he asks, unsure of what Gabriel means. “You know”, he waves his hand, probably a way to make the question less serious, more playful, “kids and that stuff”, he tries his best to sound nonchalant. 

Sam tilts his head and gives him a look that tells him he failed at sounding ‘just curious’. “You serious?”, Sam asks, a smile painted on his lips. “What?”, Gabriel asks, “I’m just curious”, he says with a shrug. Sam chuckles, “no, Gabriel, I don’t have any kids, if that’s what you’re asking”, he tells him. Gabriel nods. “That’s good to know”, he says.

Sam shakes his head lightly, the same adoring smile still on his lips. Unbelievable, he thinks, that this man sitting in front of him is actually real, and he actually has a chance with him. “Would it bother you if I had kids?”, Sam asks out of curiosity.

“Oh, no. No it wouldn't”, Gabriel answers, “I just wanted to know if you’re a package deal, find out how many people I have to impress”, he says raising his eyebrows seductively. Sam laughs at his date's behaviour, it’s adorable, he thinks. 

A few moments later the server brings out their meals. “So”, Sam says, “I know little to nothing about your personal life…”, Gabriel takes a sip from his drink. “What do you want to know? I’m an open book”, he says. Sam shrugs. “Anything, really”, he replies, “I just want to get to know you”.

“Well” Gabriel starts, pausin a second to think, “I’m still studying, business. I, ehm, come from a pretty religious family”, he rolls his eyes at that. He himself is not really the extremely religious type. “I enjoy playing games, and my favorite band’s Asia. ‘Heat of the moment’, best song ever”. 

“Don’t think I’ve ever heard it”, Sam tells him. “Really?”, Gabriel asks surprised, “well you gotta, it’s the best song ever. I could listen to it forever”. Sam shakes his head fondly. A sweet, loving smile plastered on his face.

—

Dean’s upstairs in his and Cas’s bedroom packing the stuff he thinks he might need when he and Sam goes to find their dad. It’s a slow process. Not only because he isn’t entirely sure of what he should pack but also because he doesn't really want to meet their father again, it was painful enough the last time. But he has to find the courage to potentially meet him again, for Sam, and for himself.

Sam wants his answers and Dean will help him get them. Even if it means having to face their father again.

The hatred, disappointment and disgust that painted John Winchester's face last time he laid eyes on his oldest son is something Dean will never forget. All of it just because he believed that everything Dean did was wrong, the way he loved, who he loved, what he had chosen to do with his life and how he had chosen to live it.

Dean hates to think about that day, the one John declared that Dean was some kind of disease that he couldn't let his perfect, innocent, unknowing, ýounger son catch. So he had to get rid of him, or at least that part of him.

Dean grabs a couple pieces of clothing out of his closet. He has no idea how long it will take to reach John Winchester's destination or how long it will take for him to talk to them. A few days at least he guesses.

He puts the clothes down on the bed next to his duffle bag, which already contains electronics, files and a few other things that might be useful a bit down the road.

He hears a faint buzz coming from somewhere inside the room. It doesn't take long for him to realize it’s his phone that he left on top of the dresser. He picks it up, checking the caller ID. Charlie, it says. He picks up. 

“Yeah?”, he says as soon as the call connects.

“Hi, Dean”, says the always cherry redhead on the other side of the line, “just thought I’d call, see what's up”, she tells him.

Dean huffs a laugh, “oh, a lot”, he says.

“Really!”, she exclaims happily, “why didn’t you tell me earlier?”, she questions, her voice filled with what Dean can tell is fake hurt.

“I haven’t really had the time, you know”, he says, plopping down on the bed, “it’s only been a few days since stuff started happening”.

“Fine”, she says, and Dean can practically hear her rolling her eyes, “but you have to tell me everything, right now” , Charlie demands. Dean lets out a soft cuckle.

He and Charlie became friends quickly when they first met at work. Charlie was the new dispatcher at the fire station Dean works at. Now they have been working at the same fire station for seven years. Charlie still as the dispatcher and Dean as the fire lieutenant.

Dean takes a deep breath, “where do I even start?”, he asks, mostly to himself, “so, eh, I found my brother”, he says.

“You found Sam?”, she asks, surprised.

“Yeah, I did”, Dean replies, “and he’s here”.

“You serious?”, she asks happily.

“Well, he isn't here here, not right now”, he tells her, “he’s on a date, but he’s in town so technically-”

“He’s on a date!?”, she questions loudly, "wait, how long did you say he has been there?” .

“Yeah, a date”, Dean says, “and he has only been here for a few days”.

“Wow, he really must be a sight to see if he already has a date” , Charlie jokes. Dean huffs a laugh, “Gabriel certainly seems to think that”, he says.

“Wait, Gabriel?” , she questions, “like our friend Gabriel?” .

Dean nods even though he knows she can’t see him, “yep, that’s him. I wouldn’t really call him my friend though but whatever”, he says.

“Oh my god, that’s huge!”, Charlie exclaims, “I wish I could get a date that quick” .

“I would say you should have asked Gabriel, but he isn’t really your type”, Dean deadpans.

“Yeah, no, definitely not”, she says, “but if he were a girl he would be perfect”, Dean huffs a laugh, “you know the blond hair, warm eyes…”, she trails off, thinking about the perfect girl. She lets out a deep sigh, and Dean knows she has gone into dream land, again.

“Charlie you there?”, he asks, not really expecting an answer, he’s used to her day dreaming, “earth to Charlie”, he calls out, “you there?”. He hears fumbling on the other side of the line, then comes Charlie's voice.

“Yeah, I’m here”, she says.

“Right”, Dean says, then it hits him, “you know I might have a friend you would like to meet”, he tells her.

“What?”, Charlie asks, “what kind of friend?”.

Dean shug, even though Charlie can’t see it, “you know, someone I think you might click with”, he says, nonchalantly.

“Mhm, you sure?”.

“Well, I mean. She’s blond, warm eyes, a little bit of an attitude problem sometimes”, Dean tells her, “she would be perfect for you”, he concludes out loud.

“And how have I never heard about this friend of your earlier?”, she questions. Dean hesitated for a second, then he decided that the easiest way is through, so he sould just tell Charlie the truth.

“I haven’t really been in contact with her”, Dean says, “and, well, I haven't meet her since we were kids, but Sam is still friends with her and since I’m kinda planing on catching up with some old friends, I might be able o get you a date”, he finishes.

“Do you even know if she’s, you know, into girls?” , Charlie questions.

“Not a hundred percent, but I would say about eighty percent sure, that she isn’t straight”, Dean answers.

Charlie sighs loudly over the phone, “oh Dean, don’t give me hope”.

“I’m just telling you a possibility”, he defends, “if you would be interested”.

“Of course I would be interested”, she says, “she sounds super hot” .

Dean lets out a small laugh, “yeah well, I’ll keep you updated about her. But now I kinda have to go”.

“Okay, I’ll let you go”, she says, "but you have to remember to keep me posted, both about your life and about the girl, got it?” .

“Ay ay, captain”, he says teasingly.

“Shut up”, Dean can hear the smile on Charlie's lips as she says it, “anyway, talk to you later peasant” .

“Will do my queen”, he says, before ending the call.

He puts the phone back on the dresser as he stands back up. He takes a deep breath in. It’s only to continue packing.

—

“Chocolate or strawberry?”, Gabriel asks, putting the dessert menu down on the table. 

“What?”, Sam asks confused, raising a brow in question. “Just answer the question”, Gabriel says, “chocolate or strawberry?”.

“Eh, chocolate”, Sam answers, unsure of what the question actually means. “Perfect”, Gabriel says. He turns in his seat and waves over a server. “What can I get for you?”, she asks kindly.

“A double waffle wonder dream with chocolate ice cream and extra sprinkles and whipped cream”, Gabriel tells her. “Alright, anything else?”, she asks, turning to Sam. Who is a little lost about what his date just did.

“No I, I think we’re good”, he says, his mind on something other than ordering dessert. “Alright”, the server says, “your food will be here as soon as it’s ready”, she walks off again, leaving them to themselves. 

“Okay, what just happened?”, Sam asks. “What?, we just ordered dessert”, Gabriel says with a shrug of his shoulders. “Right, okay”, Sam says, nodding slowly. Gabriel chuckles softly, “don’t worry, I promise you’ll love it”.

“I know what else I would love”, he says quietly, so no one around them would hear it. Gabriel gives him a sly smirk, “maybe later big boy”, he says wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Sam is about to say something back but right then the server comes up to their table and places a large bowl filled with waffles, chocolate ice cream, whipped cream and sprinkles -a lot of sprinkles- on the table between them.

“Not bad huh”, Gabriel comments when he sees Sam's shocked face. Sam shakes his head, “no, not bad at all”.

“Dig in then”, Gabriel says cheringly, handing him a spoon. It tastes heavenly. Gabriel wasn’t lying when he said they had the best dessert ever.

 

As they leave the restaurant Sam says, “you’re very cute tonight”, he looks down at Gabriel, “and I really want to kiss you”.

Gabriel unlocks the car and they both hop in. “What’s stopping you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam shrugs.

“Can I kiss you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam looks at him, his eyes sparkling. “You want to?”, he asks.

“Hell yeah I want to”, Gabriel answers.

Sam puts his hand on Gabriels cheek and pulls him closer until their lips meet in a soft kiss.

Only a few seconds later they pull away. Neither says a word. Then Sam pulls Gabriel in for another kiss. This one a lot more passionate.

It feels amazing having Gabriel's lips touch his. The kiss grows deeper, longer. It all feels so right. It’s weird to think they just met, only a few days ago. But honestly, neither of them can think right now. The only thing being the feeling of the others lips on theirs. It’s all just so perfect.

 

“You know we don’t have to do this”, Sam says, as Gabriel parks the car outside of Dean's house. “Do what?”, he asks, sounding genuine. Sam gives him a look, causing Gabriel to smile brightly. “Yeah, I know we don’t have to”, he says, turning his head so he’s looking at the house in front of them. It’s dark in all the windows, everyone is probably already asleep.

“Do you want to?”, Gabriel asks, turning his head back to Sam. Who shrugs, “do you want to?”. Gabriel sighs lightly, a small smile on his lips. “Sam”, he says, “I asked first”.

Sam looks out the window, a warm red creeping up on his cheeks, “yes”, he says quietly, “yes, I want to”, he looks back to Gabriel, who is now wearing a more brave smirk on his face. “But only if you want to of course”, he rushes to say.

“Sam, can I be completely honest with you?”, Gabriel asks. Sam nods as a response. “I have wanted to ever since I saw you in that tight tank top and grey sweatpants the first time we met”, he tells him, “only now it’s with a lot more feelings”.

Sam smiles brightly at him, “then there is only one last question”, he concludes.

“Which is?”.

“Which room, yours or mine”.

 

Sam quietly closes the bedroom door behind them. As soon as it’s closed Gabriel turns him around and presses his lips against his. “Still feels as good as the first time”, he comments when their lips part. Sam chuckles softly and starts undoing the buttons on Gabriel's dress shirt.

Gabriel pulls Sam into a soft kiss. Their lips still connected he starts unbuttoning Sam’s shirt as well. When Sam pulls his own shirt off to reveal his naked upper body underneath Gabriel can’t help but to stare for a moment, admiring the perfect body of Sam Winchester.

“Like what you see?”, Sam asks teasingly. “No kidding”, Gabriel answers.

Sam lets out a soft chuckle. He grabs Gabriel’s shoulder and leads him backwards towards the bed. Before they hit the mattress Sam pulls off Gabriel's shirt.

As soon as Gabriel’s back hits the soft mattress of the bed Sam is on top of him. For a moment they just stare at each other, admiring the beautiful human in front of them.

“You want this?”, Sam asks softly. Gabriel grabs him by the neck and presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

“Very much”, Gabriel answers as they pull away.

“Which way do you prefer?”, Sam asks. Gabriel smirks mischievously at him, “whichever way you prefer princess”. Sam rolls his eyes and kisses him deeply.

“I’m gonna make you beg”, he says, before kissing him even deeper.

Notes:

Okay so I hope it wasn’t too much and that you enjoyed this chapter :)
And hopefully I’ll see you for the next chapter <3

Chapter 13: Goodmorning

Notes:

So, it’s been a while since I last posted.
I’ve had work for two weeks (I work at an overnight summer camp for kids), then, for some reason I just didn’t feel like writing.
Until now, in the middle of the night, when inspiration struck like never before.

I have quite a few scenes written for future chapters so it shouldn’t take so long to finish the next one. But you never know.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter :)

“Dad, how’s Dean?”. Dean hasn’t been home for a few days, four if Sam counted correctly. He hasn’t been home because he’s in the hospital. His dad told him that his brother is sick, really sick.

“He’s fine”, his dad says. He sounds irritated, "for now at least”. For now? Sam wants to ask, but doesn’t dare. His dad has been very angry the last couple days.

Last night when Sam was awake past his bedtime without his dad knowing, he heard him breaking things in the kitchen, it sounded like glass shattering.

“Okay”, Sam says, then nothing more. He’s ready to turn around and go back to hiding in his room. Away from his dad.

“Actually, Sammy”, his dad says, making Sam stop in his tracks, “Dean’s really sick. I’m sure he’ll make it, but when he comes home he might be fragile”, his dad explains, “so you gotta be careful, and don’t ask him any questions about the hospital. I’m sure he won’t want to talk about it”. Sam nods, understanding what his dad said. Dean is sick, really sick. And he won’t want to talk about it when he comes home. When he comes home. Sam can’t wait, he misses Dean, hoping he will get better fast and come home soon.

He doesn’t know how much longer he can take being without his brother. Especially when dad is so angry all the time.

Usually when their dad is angry he can talk to Dean, they can hide together. But now Dean isn’t here. Sam’s all alone, for now. Because Dean will come home, sooner or later. He has to come home. Sam needs him. 

—

”Goodmorning, sunshine”, Dean says as Sam enters the kitchen. It’s almost 1pm, but Sam’s unbrushed hair and pajama pants tells Dean he has just woken up. 

“Goodmorning”, Sam says, walking right up to the coffee machine.

“Good night?”, Dean asks, a teasing grin plastered on his face. 

“Yeah”, Sam says with a laugh, “you could say that”.

Dean glances up at the clock on the wall. “When did you get home last night?”, he asks, eyeing his brother. Sam shrugs, taking a sip from his coffee.

“I don’t know, I didn’t check the time”, he answers flatly.

Dean nods dramatically, “right”, he says, leaning against the kitchen counter, “and when did you go to bed?”. 

Sam shrugs again, “I don’t know, Dean. I didn’t check the time”.

Dean raises his eyebrows. “Do you know anything?”, he asks sarcastically, “like where you slept”.

Sam gives him a tired look. “Seriously, dude?”, he says, Dean just gives him a look that tells him he isn’t giving up. 

Sam sighs deeply, “in my own bed”, he says, “I slept in my own bed, by myself”.

“So if I go up to your room right now, I won’t find my brother in law there?”, Dean questions. Sam rolls his eyes. It’s way too early for this.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”, Sam asks, his voice gruff. Dean huffs a laugh.

“I already got my answer when you came into the kitchen two minutes ago”, he says, a sly smirk plastered on his face. Sam looks at him confused.

Dean looks pointedly at his brother's shoulder. “He left a mark”, he says, “or two”.

Slight panic spreads on Sam's face. He pulls out his phone from his pajama pocket, opening the front camera.

And Dean wasn’t lying. A reddish love mark is clearly visible on his collarbone and higher on his neck.

“Mary could probably borrow you some foundation if you’d like”, Dean says nonchalantly with a shrug.

Sam puts down his phone giving his brother a dirty look, which gets a laugh out of Dean. 

“You know what-“, Sam starts, but right as he’s about to say something back someone else enters the kitchen.

Turning around Sam sees Mary.

“I see you had a fun night”, she comments as her eyes land on Sam's neck and collarbone. Sam sighs deeply pulling a hand over his face.

“Wanna borrow some foundation?”, she asks innocently. Sam rolls his eyes dramatically at her. Getting a laugh out of both father and daughter.

“You two are insufferable”, he says leaning against the counter.

“I know you love us”, Dean says confidently. Sam doesn’t say anything back, he just rolls his eyes before giving his brother a dirty look.

“Anyway”, Dean says, ready to change the subject.

Sure, he loves to tease Sam, but they do have more important things to do. 

“We’re setting off tonight. So I hope you’re packed and ready to roll”, he says, “even though we know where dad lives it’s still gonna take a while to get there”. 

Sam nods, glad Dean changed the subject, he really doesn’t want to discuss last night with his brother .

“Yeah, I’m all set”, he says.

“Good”, Dean says, “and also-“.

Dean's phone rings. He lets out a small sigh before picking it up.

“Yeah?”, he says, answering the call. “No, why?”.

Sam has no idea who Dean’s talking to.

He shoots Mary a questioning look, but she just shrugs. She probably doesn’t know either .

“Are you serious?”, Dean asks the person on the other end of the line. He sighs deeply.

“Okay”, he says, looking at Sam, “we’ll be there”. A short silence.

“Bye”. And he ends the call.

“Who was it?”, Mary asks as soon as he puts down his phone on the counter. 

“That”, he says, glancing at Mary then back at Sam, “was a friend of mine, she asked if we could drive by the fire station before heading towards Illinois. I told her we could”.

“The fire station?”, Sam questions.

“She needs help with some paperwork”, Dean tells him.

“Okey”, Sam says with a small nod.

“Bring your bag down to the car in time, so we don’t forget it”, Dean tells him, starting to leave the kitchen. 

“Will do”, Sam calls after him.

“And go wake Gabriel”, Dean commands, “Cas wanted to talk to him and that guy could sleep the whole day if you let him”.

Sam huffs a laugh.

He turns to Mary.

“I’m surprised at how well he’s taking it”, he says, “you know me going on a date with Gabriel”.

“Yeah”, she says with a chuckle, “I was prepared for you getting a whole lecture”.

—

Quietly Sam opens the door to his bedroom.

A small ray of light shines through the curtains hitting Gabriel's face. Making him look even more angelic than the night before.

He goes around the bed and lays down behind the smaller man. He reaches around him and pulls him close to his chest. Snuggling his nose in his golden hair. He smells faintly like caramel and apples.

“Goodmorning, angel”, Sam whispers into his ear, “time to get up”. Gabriel stirs lightly. 

“You look beautiful”, Sam says, kissing his neck. Sam call feel Gabreil shiver slightly.

Gabriel turns around in his arms.

“So do you”, he says, looking up at Sam with his golden brown eyes.

He reaches for Sam's neck and pulls him down lightly for a kiss. The kiss is soft and tender, and only lasts a few seconds. But it’s still so perfect.

Sam never thought that someone he met only a couple days ago would become so important to him.

When they pull away Gabriel's eyes land on Sam’s collarbone. He brushes his thumb over the bruise-like mark that he left there the night before.

“This is my fault, isn’t it?”, Gabriel asks, looking up at Sam.

“It is yeah”, Sam answers, “and here is another one”, he says, moving his hair so the one on his neck is visible as well.

A sly smirk spreads on Gabriel's lips.

“At least people will know you’re spoken for”, he says, only half joking.

A small chuckle escapes Sam.

“Yeah”, he says, placing a quick kiss on Gabriel's nose, “isn't that great”.

—

“Sam said you wanted to talk to me”, Gabriel declares, entering the kitchen.

Castiel’s sitting on one of the barstools at the kitchen island with a newspaper in front of him.

“That would be correct”, he says, not taking his eyes off the paper.

“So?”, Gabriel asks, expecting his brother to continue.

“How was last night?”, Castiel asks, closing the paper and looking up at Gabriel.

“Oh it was great”, Gabriel says, a smirk plastered on his face. 

“Were you, ehm. Did you…?”.

“Dance the lambada?”, Gabriel questions, doing a flick with his hands, “hell yeah!”.

Castiel looks at him almost stunned.

“And for the records”, Gabriel says, “it was excellent”.

He goes over to the kitchen cupboard where the glasses are. 

“Any old how”, Gabriel goes on, “I’m pretty sure you didn’t want to talk about last night in detail”, he says walking over to the fridge and pulls out chocolate milk, pouring it into his glass, “so what do you actually want to talk about?”.

“I wanted to discuss what you’re planning to do now”, Castiel says, having chosen to ignore what his brother said about last night.

“What do you mean?”, Gabriel asks, confusion visible on his face. 

Castiel sighs lightly, “I mean that, Gabriel, I’m worried about you”, a hint of concern washes over Castiel's features, “with christmas coming up and mom and dad starting to pushing their beliefs harder”, he shrugs lightly, “I’m worried about how you’ll cope”.

Gabriel takes a deep breath in, then releases it slowly. He didn’t expect Castiel to want to talk about this.

“I don’t know”, Gabriel says, “I guess I’ll just spend it at home”, he says with a shrug.

Honestly he hasn’t really thought about it. The past two years he has spent christmas with his now ex-girlfriend and before that with his parents.

But after his parents found out he wasn’t just interested in girls they have been insufferable to be around, especially around christmas, one of the most christian holidays there is. And well, his ex is just that, his ex.

“I was thinking”, Castiel says, interrupting Gabriels thoughts, “what if you just, stay here”.

Gabriel gives him a questioning look, wondering if he heard that right.

“I talked to Dean”, he goes on, “and he said it was fine”.

“Wait, what? Seriously?”, Gabriel asks.

“Yes, Gabriel, seriously”, Castiel says with a nod.

It’s quiet for a moment when Gabreil thinks it over. Staying here would mean not spending christmas alone. Which would be great. But, what if he’s too much?

“Are you sure?”, Gabriel asks, “that Dean is okay with me staying?”.

Castiel nods. “I’m sure”, he says, his eyes genuine.

“Okay”, Gabriel says, “I’m staying”, a smile spreads on his face, a loving smile.

He knows he made the right decision.

Notes:

I hope I’m not “jumping” too much in this story. And that it makes as much sense for you that it does in my head while writing this.

I also hope that I’ll see you for the next chapter. Until then, take care of yourself and have a good one.

Chapter 14: Where The Road Continues

Notes:

Happy reading
Hope you enjoy :)

“Hi mom. It’s me, Dean. I know you might not hear me right now but if you can, I’m glad you’re listening. I really miss you, mom. And I’m sorry it took so long for me to finally come visit you but, I needed some time. There has been a lot going on you know”, he hopes that she can understand, if she can hear him.

“I turned eighteen last week. I didn’t celebrate it with a huge party. I know, surprising, right? But there is actually a good reason for it. I mean, a three year old doesn't usually do well at parties”, he says it with a small cuckle, trying to keep it light, even though being at his mothers grave is even more heartbreaking than he had expected it to be.

“I don’t really know how this works, I mean if you can even hear me. Maybe you can see me as well. Then you probably know everything already”, he takes a deep breath in.

“But in case you don’t know everything, I guess I should tell you”. Just because he is talking to a rock with his mothers name on it doesn't make it easier. It would probably have been easier if she was actually here, then he would know what she really thought about him, about his life. Well, she did say she would love him no matter what, both when he was a kid, and in her letter. The letter he read the morning of his eighteenth birthday. The letter that convinced him to come here.

“So, ehm, I have a daughter, she’s three, turns four in june. Her name’s Mary, we named her after you, mom. I hope you like it”. He quiets for a moment, then takes a deep breath and continues.

“I’m getting married, next summer. It feels kinda weird that no one from my family’s gonna be there. I mean, I know you can’t be there, and dad probably told Sam I’m dead, so they’re obviously not gonna be there. I’m probably not even gonna invite dad. He literally disowned me because I got pregnant with another man’s child. It might be stupid”. He pauses, wondering if what he wants to say is okay to talk about with someone that’s dead. He decides that it’s okay, after all, it is his mother he is talking to.

“I really miss Sam. I wonder how he’s doing, how he’s grown. I really hope I get to meet him again, it’s already been so long. He would probably not even recognize me though. I wonder if you would”, a short pause, “I really hate dad, for leaving me, hurting me. I mean I’m glad he let me leave, I wouldn’t want my daughter growing up around him. But him letting, making, me leave means I left Sam, I left him all alone, with dad. I hate that I did that to him. I can just hope he isn’t treating Sam like he treated me. You always used to say that angels are watching over us. Please watch over Sammy, if you’re not doing it already”.

—

Sam hands over his bag to Dean, who stuffs it in the trunk of the Impala. They're leaving soon, going to find their dad. Get the answers Sam wants.

“That was the last one?”, Dean asks.

“Yeah, last bag”, Sam answers.

Dean closes the trunk with a thud. He takes a deep breath. 

“Ready, to get going?”, he asks, looking Sam in the eyes. Sam nods, of course he’s ready.

“Yeah, I’m ready”, he says, a wave of confidence washing over him. It feels good. 

“Let’s go bid our goodbyes then”, Dean says, starting towards the front door, “so we can hit the road”. Sam follows Dean closely behind as they walk up the few couple stairs to the front door.

Upon entering they see Castiel standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Dean, can we talk?”, he says as he sees the brothers entering. Castiel's tone is serious and his face unreadable. 

Dean furrows his brows, shooting his husband a questioning look.

“Yeah, of course”, he says. Castiel nods and starts making his way upstairs, Dean follows suit.

Sam stays standing in the entryway, a little lost. 

“Gabriel’s in the kitchen”, Castiel calls down from the top of the stairs, “in case you’re wondering”. Sam shoots him an appreciative smile before disappearing into the kitchen.

“What was that about?”, Sam asks as he spots Gabriel with Mary at the kitchen table, “has something happened?”. It might not be any of his business what Dean and Cas are talking about, but he’s still a little worried for some reason.

“You mean Cassie wanting to have a soulful chat with Deano?”, Gabriel questions, flatly. Sam nods.

“No idea”, Gabriel says with a shrug. Sam looks over to Mary, who sighs lightly.

“No clue what it could be about, but…”, she pauses, looking down at the kitchen table, “Dean has been acting a little weird, you know”, she looks at Gabriel, “before he went out to look for you”, her blue eyes now staring intensely at Sam. “Me and dad kinda figured it had something to do with your dad”, she continues, “but I don’t know”.

Dean had been acting weird? Is he still acting weird? Sam can’t tell because he’s been gone so long.

“Is he still acting weird?”, Sam asks. Mary shrugs.

“Not really”, she says, “it’s hard to tell. He’s good at hiding when something’s wrong”. 

“Tell me about it”, Sam says sarcastically, a tiny smile appearing at the corner of his lips, a way to show he’s joking.

When they were kids, Dean always seemed so fine. Like everything was okay. He never cried, never showed weakness or anger and he never seemed hurt. Not even when their father shouted at them did Dean ever seem scared or hurt by his words. So it’s no surprise he’s still good at hiding the pain, even though it doesn't seem to be as bad now.

“I just hope it’s not something big”, Mary says, leaning her chin against her hand.

“Whatever it is”, Gabriel says, putting a hand on her shoulder, “they’ll be fine, we know they will”.

“Yeah, we do”, Mary agrees, smiling at her uncle. 

—

Forty five minutes later and they’re all gathered in the hall. And Sam and Dean are ready to continue their journey to find their dad.

“I’ll miss you gigantor”, Gabriel says, patting Sam on the shoulder, a rather friendly move Sam thinks, but he figures it’s because Dean’s close.

“I’ll miss you too”, Sam says, contemplating if he should give him a kiss.

“Well, you know where to find me”, Gabriel says, with a smile plastered on his face, “in case you wanna see me again”.

“I’m sure I will”, he says. He throws a quick glance Dean’s way, he seems to be focused on Castiel.

When he looks back at Gabriel his eyes immediately go to his lips. His perfect, incredibly soft, lips. 

“Can I kiss you?”, he asks, his voice hushed.

“What?”, Gabriel asks, not so much because he didn’t hear him, more because he can’t believe he heard him right. Sam Winchester is brave enough to kiss him in front of his brother who he knows isn’t his biggest fan. Wow.  

“Can I kiss you?”, he asks again, this time a little louder.

“Any time”, Gabriel answers, his smile from earlier forming into a smirk.

Sam grabs Gabriel's shin lightly, leaning down until their lips meet in a soft, tender kiss.

“I’m gonna kill you when I get back, Gabriel”, the voice of Dean Winchester interrupts their heartfelt goodbye.

“I don’t think your brother would like that very much”, Gabriel shoots back, a confident grin painting his face. 

“Neither would yours but what can a man do”, Dean says with an unbothered shrug. 

“Okay!”, Sam interrupts, “we’re leaving”, he says, looking pointedly at his brother. Who is feeling the need to be annoying.

“Ay, ay, captain”, he says doing a salute. Sam rolls his eyes at him and pulls on his jacket.

He can hear Dean and -most likely- Mary chuckle as he turns towards the door. 

“You coming?”, he stops at the doorway, turning around to look at his brother.

“Yeaah, let’s get going”, Dean answers. Turning towards Castiel and giving him a quick kiss before heading towards the door as well. 

“I could say something”, Sam says, “but I won’t”, a typical younger brother smile apparent on his face.

“Shut up”, Dean says, pointing a finger at him, which gets a huff out of Sam.

Dean turns towards the others, “we’ll be back in a few days, a week tops”, he says, “but don’t quote me on it”.

“Wouldn’t do that more than once”, Castiel says, his tone teasing.

“Shut up”, Dean says, but the affection in his voice is clear as day.

“Let’s go”, he says, patting Sam on the shoulder. Sam waives to the others before turning and heading out the door, Dean following suit.

 

“So tell me”, Sam says as soon as the door closes behind them and they’re heading for the car, “what has Cas quoted you on before, that, assumably, didn’t turn out to be true?”. Dean huffs a laugh.

“Nothing”, he says, “it was nothing”.

“Really?”, Sam questions, his voice going up a little in pitch.

“Yeah”, Dean says, opening the car door.

“Because it didn’t seem like nothing”, Sam continues.

“It was an honest mistake”, Dean says as they’re both seated in the car.

“Uhu”, Sam says, having a feeling it’s something he can use to tease his brother with. Dean starts the car. 

“It’s not like it’s something li-”, he cuts himself off.

“Not something”, Sam says, gesturing with his hand for Dean to continue. Dean shakes his head and waves him off in a ‘forget it’ maner.

“Let me guess”, Sam says, “life changing?”.

Dean shrugs.

“Come on”, Sam says, “what did you do?”. Dean steers out of the driveway onto the road.

“I didn’t do anything”, Dean says, his voice anything but convincing.

“Come on, man, just tell me”, Sam says, “it’s not like I’m gonna judge you”.

Dean huffs a laugh, “right”, he says. Sam rolls his eyes, and gives Dean a look that says ‘just tell me’. Dean sighs.

“Why do you even wanna know?”, he asks. 

“Honestly?”, Sam asks. Dean answers with a nod.

“Because I’m pretty sure, whatever it is, I’m gonna get a good laugh out of it”, he tells him.

Dean scoffs, “bitch”. 

“Jerk”, Sam is quick to shoot back.

For a few seconds they sit in silence. Sam looking at Dean with a meaningful look that says ‘just tell me already’.

“Fine”, Dean finally gives in, “a little more than fifteen years ago, Cas asked me if the condom broke, I said ‘no, it didn’t, no worries’, and look where we are now”.

The amused grin on his brother's face is insufferable. Dean can’t help but sigh and roll his eyes at him.

“I understand why he won’t trust what you’re saying anymore”, Sam says with a laugh.

“Oh, shut up”, Dean says, “he trusts me”.

“He just won’t ask you if it broke, because he knows you’re not really sure”, Sam says teasingly.

“Shut up, or I’ll leave you on the side of the road”, Dean threatens. 

“Lucky for me we’re close enough that I would find my way back to your house”, Sam states proudly.

“Yeah, lucky you”, Dean says, sounding a little mad, but Sam can easily tell he’s faking it.

“We’re going to meet your friend now?”, Sam asks, changing the subject.

“Yeah, Charlie”, Dean answers, “she’s the dispatcher at the station”.

“Fire station”, Sam recalls. Dean hums in response.

“She needed help with some work stuff, we’re gonna be in and out before you know it”, he tells him.

“So you’re a firefighter”, Sam states.

Dean nods, a proud smile appearing on his lips, “fire lieutenant”, he corrects, “it’s a little higher”. Sam chuckles, he as well wearing a proud smile.

Already when they were just little kids Dean used to say how he wanted to become a firefighter when he grew up.

And look at him now. Who wouldn’t be proud?

Notes:

The next chapter is probably gonna be done and up in the next couple days so stay tuned :)

Chapter 15: Something burning?

Notes:

Again fair warning I have no idea how it actually is to work at a fire station, and all my research was done while writing in the middle of the night. So I apologize if something’s inaccurate.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

“It’ll be okay, princess, we’ll be okay”, he says quietly, caressing the swell of his stomach where his daughter lies, “me and your dad are gonna take care of you, I promise”.

It’s been three months since his father left him in the hospital. That same night he had called Castiel, told him what had happened, that his father left him in the hospital, But not yet that he was pregnant, he couldn’t tell him that over the phone. Castiel and his older brother Michael had come to pick him up. For Dean's safety they hadn’t driven home to the Novak family’ house since they’re practically neighbours with the Winchesters.

Instead they had gone to a close family friend in Sioux Falls. Where they could be safe and without worry.

And that is where they are now, still safe and almost without worry. Jody has taken great care of them since she welcomed them into her home. Dean’s glad they get to stay here and not at the Novaks house. Sure Castiel's family’s nice and all but his parents don't seem to be too fond of Dean, or his daughter.

“Boys, dinner’s ready!”, Jody calls from the kitchen.

“I’ll go get Cas”, Dean calls back before standing up to go fetch his boyfriend from upstairs.

—

Dean holds the door open for Sam as they enter the fire station. They walk by some firefighters Dean greets with a nod as he leads the way to wherever they’re going.

Sam can't help but feel a little out of place as they walk through the building. 

“Winchester!”, someone calls, and both brothers turn, wondering who it is. It’s someone Sam has never seen before, which isn’t surprising, but Dean definitely knows who it is, which isn’t surprising either. 

“Lafitte”, Dean exclaims as he wraps one arm around the other man, “it’s good to see you, how’s it going?”. The guy is just a little shorter than Dean, dark hair and a stubble.

“It’s great”, the guy answers, “but aren’t you supposed to be off work?”, he asks Dean.

“Yeah, I am”, Dean says, “but Charlie called, she needed help with some paperwork. So we’re just in and out before you know it. Here to help her then back on the road again”, he tells him. They seem pretty good friends, Sam notes.

“Ah, I understand”, the guy says with a nod, “and we are?”, he questions.

“Me and my brother”, Dean says, gesturing towards Sam, “this is Sam, my little brother”. The guy extends his hand towards Sam.

“Nice to meet you, Sam”, he says, giving him a friendly smile, “I’m Benny. Me and Dean work together sometimes”. Sam takes his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you too”, he says, smiling kindly at him.

“Dean!”, another voice calls from behind.

A woman comes rushing towards him, “I need your help”, she says and takes his hand starting to pull him along. 

“Wait, Charlie, hold on”, Dean says with a chuckle, “why the rush? Something burning?”. Sam can just imagine how many times that joke gets pulled here. 

“Not yet”, the woman says, looking at him seriously.

“Okay”, he says with a nod and a small chuckle, “I’ll see you later, Benny, the queen needs me”.

Benny chuckles, “see you later, Dean. Can’t let her majesty wait”. The woman rolls her eyes at the two men. 

“Come on, Sammy, keep up”, Dean says, as the red haired woman pulls him along.

She lets go of Dean's hand pretty quickly after they leave Benny.

“Sorry about the rush”, she says, turning towards Dean so that she’s now walking backwards, “but I just happen to be aware of the fact that if you two start a serious conversation it’s over, you never stop”, she says dramatically, getting a chuckle out of both brothers. She turns towards Sam.

“I’m Charlie by the way”, she says, “and I’m guessing you’re Sam”.

“That’s me”, he admits.

“It’s nice to meet you”, she says, smiling brightly at him. Everyone here is so nice.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Charlie”, he says, smiling back at her.

She turns around swiftly and opens a door to her left.

“Come on in”, she says before entering herself.

They enter, what Sam assumes is her office. The room is fully decorated with posters and action figures from several different fictional universes. Most of them Sam actually recognizes. Like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. 

“I was looking through the file from your last rescue operation, the one you did with Benny last week”, Charlie says as she sits down behind her desk and starts typing something on her computer. 

“And there’s a few details missing”, she says, turning the computer screen towards Dean.

“Like if there were any fatalities, how many people were involved, and the time and date”, she says, using a pen to point out where the information should be.

Dean doesn’t have time to say something before she has turned the screen back around, done a few clicks and continued speaking.

“So if you could just fill this in really quick, that would be great”, she says, looking up from her screen.

“Sure, I just need-”, Dean starts but is cut off by Charlie slamming a paper down in front of him.

“Here”, she says, smiling kindly at him, “and here”, she says, handing Dean a pen.

“Thanks”, he says, taking a seat at her desk, “just one question”, he says, meeting her eyes.

“Why did I have to come in when Benny’s here?”, he asks.

Charlie lets out a nervous laugh, “oh you know, I just, didn’t want to bother him”, she explains, trying to sound nonchalant, and failing, miserably.

“Uhu”, Dean says with a slow nod.

Charlie sighs dramatically, “fine, okay, it wasn’t just because of the file that I wanted you here”, she says.

Dean puts the pen down and leans back in his chair.

If Sam didn’t know any better he would think that this is about to be a long conversation. Hopefully it isn’t, it is awkward as it is to just be standing here.

“It is actually about that girl you mentioned”, Charlie explains, looking a little ashamed. Dean huffs a laugh.

“Alright”, he says, crossing one leg over the other, “and what about her?”.

“Well, not that I’m impatient”, Charlie starts, “but, I was just wondering how long it’s gonna be until you find out if she’s, you know, even into girls. Cause I don’t wanna get my hopes up in case she isn’t, but it’s really, really hard not to”.

Dean lets out a small chuckle, “you’re taking way too much stress over this”, he states kindly, “but, if you want, I’m pretty sure we can find out right now”, he tells her.

“What? How?”, Charlie asks, confused, “you’re not calling her”, she says, pointing a half panicked finger at him.

Dean chuckles, but shakes his head no.

“Hey, Sam”, he says, turning his chair so he can look at his brother, “do you happen to know if Jo’s into girls?”.

And suddenly the conversation he's just been listening to makes perfect sense.

He lets out a slight amused huff of a laugh.

“Yeah, she actually does”, he answers. Despite the fact he isn’t really sure if it’s okay to discuss his friend’s romantic interests with a stranger. Although he is still pretty sure Jo wouldn’t mind it all that much, after all, she is pretty open with her sexuality. But still.

“So that crush she had on me in kindergarten was just a phase”, Dean states jokingly.

Sam rolls his eyes, “she’s bi, Dean”, he says flatly.

“Aaah, that figures”, he says, something that looks like a proud smile playing on his lips, “I always knew me and her were alike”, he says, before turning back to Charlie.

“Something else you wanna know?”, he asks. 

She shakes her head, “no, that was all”, she says with a very happy and pleased smile on her face. 

“Awesome”, Dean says, picking the pen back up and filling out the missing information. 

“That should be it”, he says, handing the paper to Charlie.

“Thank you”, she says, taking the paper and putting it away.

Dean rises from his chair and so does Charlie.

“I’ll see you around”, he says with a smile.

“Not if I see you first”, Charlie jokes.

“Yeah, right”, Dean says as he pulls her into a quick hug before heading toward the door.

“Yeah, well, good luck finding your dad”, Charlie says, leaning against the door frame.

“Thanks”, both brothers say at the same time. Charlie gives them a look none of them can read. 

“What?”, Dean asks.

“Nothing”, Charlie says with a shake of her head. Dean shoots her a confused look but she doesn’t say anything, only shrugs.

“Anyway, peace out, bitches”, Charlie says as she closes the door to her office.

As they’re leaving the fire station they run into the guy from earlier, Benny.

“Leaving so soon?”, he asks jokingly as he approaches them.

“Like I said, in and out then back on the road”, Dean answers.

“Yeah, well”, Benny says, “then I wish you safe travels”.

“Thanks Benny, we appreciate it”, Dean says, “see you around, call if you need anything”. He gives Benny a pat on the shoulder as they pass him.

“Everyone here seems really nice”, Sam comments as they’re about to exit the building.

“They are”, Dean confirms, “you surprised?”.

“No, I’m just”, he pauses for a short moment, “glad you have good people around you, that’s all”. Dean huffs a laugh as he pulls open the door.

They’re hit with the cool December air as they exit the fire station. 

“I’m glad about that too”, Dean admits, “sometimes good people are hard to find”.

—

The clock in the car shows 23:57 when they park outside a motel, ready to settle in for the night. Tomorrow they’ll have only three hours to go before they reach Illinois, and where their father supposedly is living.

They step out of the car and grab their overnight bags from the trunk.

“You mind if I go find us some food, while you get us a room?”, Dean asks, closing the trunk.

Sam shakes his head, “not at all”, he says.

“Great”, Dean says as he hands over his bag to his brother, “see you later, Sammy”. Sam does a small wave before turning around, towards the motel. 

He gets them a room with two queen beds for one night. They’re gonna be back on the road tomorrow morning so that they reach Illinois as fast as possible.

It’s only a few days left until christmas after all. And he knows that Dean wants to be home by then. 

He puts his bag down on one of the beds in their motel room and Dean’s bag on the other.

He reaches for his phone and sees a message from Jo.

‘Just checking in. Hope everythings going well. Tell Dean I would love to meet him again’. Sam can’t help but smile at her message.

Checking the time the message was sent, he sees that she sent it about 30 minutes ago. He could try calling her, she probably wants an update about how everything's going.

He pulls up her number and presses ‘call’. After a few rings she picks up.

“Hiii”, Jo says as soon as she answers the phone.

“Hi, Jo”, Sam says with a chuckle, “I got your message, thought I could call”.

“Yeah, actually it’s perfect”, she says, “my shift just ended so I basically have all the time in the world”.

Sam can hear something that sounds like a door shutting, on the other side of the line.

“So what do you wanna talk about?”, Jo asks.

“Well, for starters, I think Dean has gotten a date for you”, he tells her, recalling Dean's conversation with his coworker, Charlie, from earlier today.

“What?”, Jo asks with a laugh, “are you serious?”. 

Sam nods even though he knows Jo can’t see him, “deadly”, he tells her. 

“He has this coworker, her name’s Charlie”, Sam says as he lays down on his bed still fully dressed.

“Is she cute?”, Jo asks over the phone.

“Yeah, she’s cute”, Sam admits, “and she really seems to want to meet you”. Sam can hear Jo chuckle on the other side of the line.

“And your brother has told this girl about me?”, she asks.

“Jepp”, Sam says, “seems like it”.

Jo hums, “maybe I should give her a shot, it’s been a while since I’ve met a nice girl”.

“Yeah, and Charlie actually seems pretty nice”, Sam says.

There is a knock on the door. It’s probably Dean, Sam thinks.

“Hold on”, he tells Jo before standing up to go open the door.

He takes a look through the peephole to check who it is, and it is in fact Dean who’s standing there, with two bags of food. He lets him in.

“Hi”, he says quickly before gesturing towards his phone. Dean nods in understanding.

He puts the food down on the small table before grabbing something out of his bag and retreating to the bathroom. 

“Hi, sorry about that, I’m back”, Sam tells Jo over the phone.

“Who was it?”, Jo asks, her tone playful, “was it a lover?”.

“No, Jo, it wasn’t”, Sam says tiredly, “it was my brother. I don’t-”, but he cuts himself off, because he actually does, in fact, have a lover.

“You don’t, what?”, Jo asks curiously and Sam is pretty sure she’s smirking, she usually does when she knows something about his, mostly nonexistent, love life.

“Nothing, Jo, it’s nothing”, Sam insists.

His relationship with Gabriel isn’t something official, which makes him feel like he shouldn’t tell everyone about it. But then again, it’s Jo. One of his closest friends.

“Oh please, Samuel, don’t give me that” , Jo says over the phone, her tone is almost offended, “that’s bullshit, there’s definitely something, or someone”.

“No it’s nothing, it was just a date”.

“Just a date?!”, Jo exclaims, “Sam, come on, it was a date”. Sam lets out a small chuckle at his friend’s eagerness.

“A date you have to tell me everything about”, Jo concludes.

“He asked me to dinner-”. 

“Wait, hold on”, Jo interrupts almost immediately, “he?”.

Jo knows that Sam isn’t into just women, but for him to go on a date with a man and tell her about it, is an unusual occurrence. 

“Yes, Jo, he”, Sam says, sitting down on his bed, “you know I’m not just interested in women”.

“Yes, I know”, she says, “you just never tell me about your male dates”.

“Yeah, okay”.

Right then Dean exits the bathroom. He shoots Sam an apologetic smile, but Sam waves him off. They’re not exactly talking about anything secret.

“Anyway, tell me more”, Jo says in his ear, “what happened? Was he a gentleman? Did something happen afterwards?”.

“Jo!”, Sam exclaims pretty loudly, making Dean look at him, a questioning look on his face.

‘Nothing’, Sam mouths to his brother.

“What? I’m just asking”, she says nonchalantly.

Sam sighs dramatically, “it was great, he was great”, he pauses briefly, quickly glancing over at his brother, who’s standing bent over his bag with his back turned.

“And yes”, Sam says quickly, sure that Jo will understand what he means.

“Was that great too?”, she asks cheekily. If she was here Sam would roll his eyes at her like never before.

“Yes, actually, it was awesome”, Sam admits tiredly. 

Jo chuckles, “glad you’re enjoying yourself”, she says. Sam shakes his head at her, she really has almost no filter.

“How’s it going with your dad by the way, you’re looking for him?”, she asks. And Sam's glad for the change of subject.

“Actually, we’re currently on our way to Illinois”, he tells her, “we’re pretty sure he’s there”.

“That’s good”, she says, “then maybe you can finally get some peace”, her voice is soft when she speaks.

“Yeah, maybe”. He hopes so.

Notes:

So I introduced a few more characters and I really hope you like it. I’ll most likely include them more in future chapters.

I hope you liked this chapter and I hope to see you for the next one as well.
Wishing you all the best!

Chapter 16: What Happens After?

Notes:

This chapter is a little longer than the others. I considered making it into two chapters instead of one, but figured it should just stay one chapter.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy :)

A brown jacket and dark hair, paired with a silhouette he could never forget. It really is John Winchester sitting at the bar talking with one of the bartenders like they’re old friends. Perhaps they are. He wouldn’t know, the man at the bar is a stranger to him now. Maybe he always was.

Maybe he never really knew John. John certainly never knew him. It’s sad, some may think. And in other circumstances Dean probably would as well. But now? Now he just wants what’s rightfully his and then he wants to go back to never thinking about his father again. Because the man at the bar doesn’t deserve his oldest son’s acknowledgement. 

—

“Rise and shine, Sammy!”, is the first thing he hears in the morning, right before a pillow hits him in the face, followed by Dean’s chuckle.

Sam sits up in bed, not fully awake yet, "seriously, dude?”, he asks, a little irritated by his brother’s action this early in the morning. Dean just laughs him off as he picks up his phone.

Sam glances at the clock sitting on the bedside table. 06:47 it says. Definitely too early. 

“If we hit the road in half an hour we should be in Illinois around 10:30”, Dean says sitting down on the edge of his bed, “you think you’ll be ready in half an hour?”.

Sam nods as he pulls a hand over his face, “yeah, sure, I’ll be ready”, he says.

“Awesome”, Dean says standing back up, “I’ll go get us some breakfast while you get ready, I shouldn't be longer than fifteen minutes”.

“Sounds good”, Sam comments as Dean exits the room, closing the door behind him.

Sam takes a deep breath in and runs a hand through his hair. If everything goes according to plan he’s gonna meet his dad again. After three years of silence and unasked questions he might get his answers today. He doesn’t feel ready, not at all. The fact that he might be standing face to face with his father in just a couple of hours is a terrifying thought. Even though he wants to do this, wants to find his father, he knows it’s gonna be difficult for him, probably even more difficult than he can imagine right now.

The only thing that makes him feel a little bit more at ease is the fact that Dean has his back. And as long as he has Dean he’ll be fine, they’ll be fine.

He rises to his feet to start his day. His back hurts a little, probably from sitting in the car so much.

He goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth, right then his phone buzzes. As he goes to grab it from the bedside table it buzzes again. Unlocking it he sees two messages, both from an unknown number. A mix of curiosity and slight worry flows over him. But that disappeared fast as he read the messages.

‘Thought I would check how everything is going. When I called him, Dean said everything was fine but he sounded a little weird so I just wanted to check with you. I was a little worried about him when you two left, and still am, so please let me know if there is anything to worry about. Even though I am a little worried I am sure that both of you are doing well, as long as you have each other you will be fine’.

The first message is followed by a shorter one.

‘Ps. It’s Castiel’.

Sam can’t help but wonder how Castiel got his number. He considers calling him just to make sure it’s actually him, but decides against it since he can just ask Dean when he gets back.

He sends a short reply telling him that everything’s fine, just like Dean told him and that he doesn’t need to worry. Then he puts his phone down and enters the bathroom, ready to start his day.

 

“Greate, you’re dressed”, Dean exclaims as he enters their motel room holding a paper bag. Sam huffs a laugh as he stands up to go sit at the small table in their room.

“Coffe with milk, no sugar”, Dean says handing Sam a paper cup with a lid, “and a caesar salad sandwich”.

“Thanks, Dee”, Sam says, unwrapping the sandwich.

“Yeah, no problem”, Dean says, taking the seat across from his brother and unwrapping his own sandwich before taking a sip from his drink.

“No coffee?”, Sam asks when he sees Dean drinking gatorade, the blue drink easily catching his attention.

“Nah, I wasn’t really feeling it today”, Dean says with a shrug. Sam nods in understanding.

After a short while of them sitting in silence eating their breakfast, Sam breaks it.

“Hey uh, is this Cas’s number?”, Sam asks, holding up his phone.

Dean takes a quick look, then nods, “yeah, it’s his, why?”.

“He texted me this morning asking if everything was fine”, Sam explains putting his phone back in his pocket, “he also said you sounded weird while you two spoke on the phone earlier”, he says giving his brother a look, “kinda made me wonder if everything's okay”.

“Yeah, everything’s fine”, Dean answers quickly.

“You sure?”, Sam asks, “you are aware that it’s okay to not always be okay, right?”. Dean sighs heavily as he leans back in his chair.

“Technically I’m fine”, he says, receiving a questioning look from his brother, “but, there are some things that make me feel a little weird, I guess”. 

“Do you want to talk about it?”, Sam offers.

Speaking from experience it helps to talk about it. He realized that after his dad disappeared and he got to talk to Jo about it. She didn’t fully understand the feeling, but she listened, and that had been exactly what he needed. 

“It’s this whole thing with dad”, Dean says, “it feels like I have no idea where I’m standing. Cause I want to be there for you, I really do, but at the same time I don’t want to meet that man at all. Because even though I’m grateful for what I have and that I didn’t have to raise my daughter around someone like him, he still ruined a part of my life, a part I’m never getting back”, Dean takes a deep breath in, releasing it slowly, “and also, I’d do a lot to get that ring from dad. But it just feels weird, seeing the old man again”. His eyes don't meet Sam’s. 

“Dean”, Sam says, tone calm, “it’ll be okay, no matter what, everything’s gonna be okay”.

“I know”, Dean says, “and it’s not like it’s been years since I saw him last, but still”.

Sam nods to himself, “I get what you’re feeling”.

—

“You know, there is something I don’t get”, Sam says, breaking the silence in the car that has been going on for a few minutes now.

“Yeah?”, Dean says, quickly looking over at his brother then back to the road again, “and what’s that?”.

“Why everyone calls you Dean”, Sam says, “I mean, you change your name to Will Dawson, right?”, he questions, his brother nods in response, “but still everyone calls you Dean Winchester , I just don’t get it”.

Dean lets out a small chuckle, “there is a pretty simple answer to that, Sammy”, he tells him. Sam shoots him a questioning look.

“I changed it back”, Dean says, like it’s the most obvious thing ever.

“Huh”, Sam says with a nod, “guess it is a pretty simple answer”.

“Yeah it is”, Dean says, “you see, I was Will for a while, it wasn’t too bad. But it was never me , not really. It always felt like I was just pretending to be someone else, never really being myself”, Dean explains, eyes on the road and voice steady, “so after a couple years of feeling like I was living a lie, I decided I had enough, and I changed my name back. Made me feel like I could be myself again”.

Dean’s eyes are fixated on the road ahead while his brother’s eyes are fixated on him. He can feel Sam’s sympathetic stare drilling into him. It’s not like he didn’t know it was coming, his brother has always had a big heart.

“And also”, Dean continues, “I wasn’t gonna have a husband with a last name that isn’t mine and I just couldn’t give Gabriel the satisfaction of me becoming a Novak, and Castiel Winchester sounds pretty awesome to me”, he says, a proud grin having formed on his face.

Sam huffs a laugh, “right, because you and Gabriel just can’t tolerate each other”, he says, “I can’t imagine that ever being me”.

“Well that’s because you fell for his charm, Sammy”, Dean says, “and falling for a Novak is a dangerous game to play, I’m warning you”.

“Speaking from experience?”, Sam asks, already knowing the answer, but he isn’t someone who would pass up the opportunity to tease his brother.

“Whaaat, no, of course not”, Dean says, his voice going higher in pitch, “I would never do that”.

“You sure?”, Sam asks teasingly, raising his brows.

Dean pretends to think for a few seconds before answering, “now when you mention it I think I had a thing for a Novak back in the day”.

“A thing for or a thing with ?”, Sam asks. And the look Dean gives him could probably kill if he wanted to.

“Did you just call my daughter a thing ?”, Dean asks in disbelief.

Sam shrugs innocently, “depends”, he says, “what do you think?”, he’s wearing a sly smile as he waits for Dean to answer.

“Well, I really hope you didn’t”, he says, glancing over at his brother.

Sam nods, “then I guess I didn’t”, he says nonchalantly, turning his head to look out his window. 

Dean huffs a laugh as shakes his head slightly, “bitch”.

“Jerk”, Sam fires back, turning his head to look at his brother again. 

After that the car goes quiet again, and stays that way for a while. It’s an otherwise comfortable silence if it weren’t for all the questions and thoughts that’s swirling around inside Sam’s head.

He sighs deeply and leans his head back against the headrest.

“You okay?”, Dean asks, glancing over at Sam.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Sam answers, “just thinking”. 

“Somthing you wanna talk about?”, Dean questions.

Sam opens his mouth to tell his brother ‘no’ and that he ‘doesn’t wanna talk about it’. But then he realises that Dean might be the only person who understands all his thoughts and how he’s feeling.

Even though they didn’t have the same childhood they still grew up in the same home with the same parents, just different ways.

“It’s just, thoughts of the future”, Sam says, because that’s mostly what it is.

He wonders how his life will look after all this is over. His relationship with his dad is probably gonna be ruined, but he’s okay with that, he doesn’t want someone like John in his life, especially after he learned what he has done to Dean. Dean. He wants his brother and his family in his life but they live an almost ten hour long drive apart. And his whole life is still back in Nebraska where Dean first found him.

“What kind of thoughts?”, Dean asks, “maybe there is something I can help you with”, he offers.

Sam takes a deep breath in and releases it slowly, “I thought I had my life figured out”, he admits, “and now, I’m kinda starting to question what it is I really want”.

“What do you mean?”, Dean asks.

“My plan was to finish law school, get a job as a lawyer, perhaps settle down with someone, you know, maybe start a family”, Sam says, gesturing with his hand as he speaks.

“Is there something wrong with that?”, Dean asks, “I think it sounds quite perfect”.

“There is nothing wrong with wanting that”, Sam says, “I think it’s still kinda what I want, it’s just…”, he takes a another deep breath in, trying to keep his voice and himself calm, “I don’t want to lose you again, and if I go back to the life I had before, I’m afraid I will”. Dean looks over at his brother, meeting his eyes.

“What makes you think you can’t have both?”, Dean asks softly.

“You guys live almost ten hours away, and my whole life is still in Nebraska", Sam explains, “so it’s not like I can just up and leave it, even though a part of me wants to”. 

“I hate to ask this”, Dean says, tone serious and eyes plastered on the road ahead, “and I’m not saying you should walk away from your old life and stay in Kansas”, he is quick to explain, “but, you and Gabriel, you seemed to have something, something good, something that might be worth staying for?”.

Sam refuses to look at his brother. Because he knows he’s right. Sam had thought about it himself. How he had really fallen for Gabriel, how he already, after just one date, could imagine his life with him, his future with him. Because he wants a future with him, he wants to spend his life with him, he wants him . But can he give up his current life for a man he basically just met? Is that something he would be ready to do?

Sam nods even though he has no idea if Dean sees it, “honestly”, he says, “I- I want a life with him”, he pauses, waiting to see if Dean says anything, perhaps he thinks he’s going too fast.

But Dean doesn’t say anything, he stays quiet, waiting for Sam to continue.

“But I don’t know if a potential family is worth sacrificing my life in Nebraska for”, he says, and for some reason he feels ashamed for admitting it.

Dean stays quiet, so Sam goes on. Better to get everything out at the same time. 

“Because, I want to have a family”, Sam says, “one I can create with the person I love. And what if Gabriel doesn’t want that?”.

“Ask him”, Dean says. Sam looks at him wide eyed.  

“That’s the only way to know for certain”, Dean says with a shrug, like it’s no big deal. It’s not like you usually ask someone after the first date if they would want to have a family with you in the future.

“I can’t do that”, Sam says, “he’ll think I’m crazy”.

“And?”, Dean asks, “you are crazy, everyone’s crazy”, Sam rolls his eyes at his brother, “so just ask him, that way you’ll know”.

“And what am I supposed to say?”, Sam questions, “ hey, Gabe, I know we’ve only been on one date together, but would you want me to have your babies? That’s not something I can just ask, Dean”. He looks over at his brother.

He expects Dean to have some kind of entertained smile on his face but instead he’s wearing a slightly stunned expression.

“Hey, Dee, you okey?”he asks, a little worried.

“I’m fine”, Dean says, “I’m just, I didn’t…”, he doesn’t finish his sentence, which makes Sam even more worried. Was it something he said?

“Dean?”

“You can also...?”, he trails off, quickly glancing over at his little brother who shoots him a confused and worried look. Dean shakes his head slightly.

“Sorry”, he says, “it’s none of my business”. And it clicks. Sam realises what Dean reacted to. And it’s not like it’s something he’s ashamed of, it's just not something he thought to ever bring up to anyone. Not even his friends know.

Sam nods, “if you’re wondering if I basically just told you that I have the gene that makes it possible for me to get pregnant, then yes, I guess I did”, he says.

Dean nods his head slowly. A small smile appears in the corner of his mouth.

“What?”, Sam asks, a similar smile appearing on his lips too.

“Nothing”, Dean says, shaking his head slightly, “it’s nothing. I’m just, really proud of you”.

Sam lets out a small chuckle, “why?”, he asks.

Dean shrugs, “you know what you want, and you’re ready to make sure you get it”, he answers, “I’m almost thirty and I have no idea what I want right now. So I’m very proud of you for figuring out what you want”, Dean says, patting Sam on the knee.

“What do you mean you don’t know what you want?”, Sam asks, “I had a feeling that you have everything you want”. 

Dean sighs heavily, “is it my turn to admit something now?”, he asks almost sarcastically. 

“Is something wrong?”, Sam asks. Dean shakes his head.

“No, or, I don’t think so”, he says, “I haven’t talked to Cas about it yet”.

“Talked to Cas about what?”, Sam asks, worry once again spreading through him.

“Promise not to judge?”, Dean asks.

Sam nods, “yeah, of course, I promise”. Dean lets out a small sigh.

“I think”, he begins, “or, more like I’m pretty sure, that I’m pregnant”. 

“Think?”, Sam asks.

“I haven’t taken a test yet to confirm, but all the signs are there. The exact same ones I had with Mary. Even though it’s already fifteen years ago, I recognise them like the back of my hand”, Dean explains, “and before you ask, I haven’t talked to Cas about it yet, because I know he would try to stop me from going with you on this”, he says, “but like I said nothing is confirmed, it’s just a suspicion”.

“Are you sure you’re feeling up for this?”, Sam asks, implying meeting their father and what might follow. 

“Yes, Sam, I’m sure”, Dean says, "everything's fine”.

Sam shoots him a worried look. Dean rolls his eyes at his brother even though he’s aware that Sam only means well.

“I promise I’ll be careful, just in case my suspicion is right, okay?”, Dean offers.

“Sounds good to me”, Sam says, leaning back in his seat.

Dean shakes his head while a fond smile appears on his lips. Why was he ever worried about what Sam would think of him?

Notes:

I really hope you liked this chapter, the next one is most likely gonna be pretty dramatic, so stay tuned :)

The way Sam feels about meeting his dad again is very much based on myself since I’m meeting my own father tomorrow after not seeing him for three years (wish me luck).

Also I wrote this instead of sleeping, so if I’ve made a lot of spelling errors or other mistakes, please let me know <3

Chapter 17: People change

Notes:

WARNING: this chapter will contain brief mention of murder and drug dealing. (It will also contain John Winchester).

The feeling he had inside after seeing John again, it is almost indescribable. It is like a hell fire of rage and anger burning inside him at the same time as a heavy layer of ice made out of fear freezes him to the ground making him unable to move.

He doesn’t know what to feel. He just wants home. Home to his family and the warmth it brings him.

—

”Five minutes and we’re there”, Dean tells his brother as he makes a left turn. They’re driving through an urban neighborhood and at the end of this road is the house where their father lives, at least according to Bobby.

”You ready for this?”, he asks, turning his head towards Sam who has been sitting quietly staring out the window since they drove into town.

”I don’t think I’ll ever be ready”, Sam says, trying to keep his voice light but Dean can hear the tension in it.

”You’ll be okay”, Dean says, ”I know you will”.

”Yeah?”, Sam says, ”and you? Will you be okay?”.

Dean is quiet for a moment, before slowly nodding his head. 

”I’ll be fine”, he says determinedly, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

As memories from the last time he met his father tries to take over his mind he can hear his father’s voice from the past telling him he’s worthless, telling him that he’s a disease that should be made extinct. He knows it isn’t true, he knows that. But that doesn’t stop it from trying to take over.

He pulls to a stop right outside the door to the house that belongs to their father. It’s a small house, more modern looking than they had expected, with a dead garden and an older car parked in the driveway.

”He’s home”, Dean states, his eyes glued to the old car, that most likely belongs to John. 

”Yeah”, Sam says, his voice quiet, ”what should we do?”, he asks, turning his head toward Dean, who shakes his slightly.

“I don’t know”, Dean answers, his voice barely a whisper.

He tears his gaze away from the old car sitting in the driveway. His eyes land on his own hands, which are mindlessly playing with his wedding band. It’s a silver ring with a thin gold stripe in the middle. Cas’s wedding band matches his, only his is the other way around. Gold with a thin stripe of silver. The thoughts of his husband are grounding, and makes him believe that he’s really gonna be okay after this.

“Dean?”, Sam’s voice breaks through his thoughts, making reality wash over him. 

“Yeah?”, Dean asks, meeting his brother’s eyes. They’re filled to the brim with concern. A part of him hates to see his brother so worried about him. It’s supposed to be the other way around, it’s supposed to be him that is worried about Sam. Not Sam that is worried about him. 

“Are you okay?”, Sam asks. Dean closes his eyes briefly. Imagining just driving away and never looking back. But he can’t do that, he promised Sam he would do this, and he also promised himself he would do this. He can’t back away now, because there is a big chanse he will regret it if he does.

“Yeah, I’m okay”, Dean says, opening his eyes, “we should probably go talk to him”, he can feel his throat closing up while he speaks but he ignores it, hoping Sam won’t notice, “assuming he opens the door for us”.

“Yeah, let’s hope he does”, Sam says, and with a swift motion he opens the car door and steps out, slamming the door shut behind him.

Dean takes one last deep breath in before doing the same. 

“You ready for this?”, Dean asks of his brother. Sam nods, his eyes are glued to the house in front of him.

“As ready as I’ll ever be”, he answers, his voice is colder than the air surrounding them.

“Let’s get this over with then shall we”, says Dean as he takes the first few steps towards the front door of their fathers house. Sam follows closely behind him.

One deep breath in, and he pushes the doorbell. Not a sound. The brothers exchange a look and Sam reaches out his fist to knock on the wooden door.

Behind them a car pulls into the driveway. They can hear a car door slamming.

“Can I help you gentleman with anything?”. Both brothers freeze. No matter how many years pass, that voice they will never forget. 

“Hello? Can I help you with anything?”, he speaks again.

“Actually”, Dean speaks up, “we’re looking for the man that lives here, you happen to know where he is?”, he doesn’t turn around to face him. He takes a quick look at Sam, making sure he’s somewhat okay. His jaw is set and his hands are clenched into fists, but otherwise he seems to be doing fine, or as fine as anyone could be in this situation.

“That would be me”, the man says, as he walks closer. Dean can’t help but wonder if John knows who he’s talking to.

“Awesom”, Sam says loudly, “then I believe we should have a little chat”, he turns around to face their father, “I believe you have some explanation to do”. John’s natural expression turns into one of chook and dread.

“Sam”, he says, his voice breathless, like he can’t believe that it’s actually him, “how did you-?”, John cuts himself off, but Sam knows what he’s asking.

“I had some help”, he tells his father, he glances over at Dean who’s standing almost frozen in place staring into the wooden front door.

John’s expression twists with anger, “don’t tell me that is who I think it is, Samuel”, he says loudly, almost screams but the volume in his voice doesn’t scare Sam. But from the corner of his eye he can see his brother flinch. And his heart breaks for him.

“It doesn’t matter”, Sam says confidently, “what matters is that you owe me an explanation-”

“Sam-”, John tried to interrupt but Sam won’t let him.

“No! You owe me an explanation, it's been three years, the freaking year ”, Sam almost shouts, “where I haven't heard from you. So I think it’s about time you tell me why the hell you felt the need to just abandon me like that”. 

“I’ll explain, son”, John says, his voice almost scary calm, “just, not here”. Sam gives him a quick nod, but doesn’t say a word, he just steps aside as John unlocks the front door.

As John enters Sam takes a hold of Dean’s shoulder squeezing it gently. He shoots him a look to ask ‘are you okay?’.

Dean nods, but his expression says something else. It’s stale, almost emotionless, except his eyes. They remind Sam of a lost child, or a child that has lost everything.

In silence John leads them into a small living room.

“Take a seat”, he says while he goes into another room. They don’t sitt. Their bodies are filled with too much nervousness to sit down, just standing here is insufferable enough.

A few seconds later John emerges from the other room holding two bottles of beer. He tries to give one to Sam, but he doesn’t take it, so he puts it down on the table in front of him. The other bottle he opens for himself, taking a sip before sitting down in one of the two recliners.

“I assume you’ve come a long way”, John says, eyeing Sam thoroughly, “so, what brings you here?”.

“Guess”, Sam says sternly. He has no interest in small talk, he wants his answers and then he wants out. Out, and away from his father, far away.

John sighs deeply, “you’ve changed Sam”, he comments, “you’re not the sweet boy you were”.

“And you’re not the loving father you got me to believe you were”, Sam shoots back, “I guess that’s what happens when the truth is revealed”.

John sighs again, this time more dramatic, “do you seriously believe everything he has told you?”, he asks, nodding towards Dean, “he’s sick, Sam. He isn’t normal, he needs help. You shouldn’t listen to him, he’s full of crap ”.

“Really?”, Sam asks, “so, he’s like you then. Is that what you’re saying?”.

John scoffs, “like me?”, he questions, “have you gone insane, boy? That freak is nothing like me”.

“Good”, Sam says calmly, “and I hope I’m not either”. John's face twists with disappointment and more anger as Sam goes on.

“And I also hope I can be out of here as soon as possible. And as soon as you tell me why you left me and never came back, and you hand over that ring that you know doesn’t belong to you, I will be”.

A rotten, joyless laugh erupts from John Winchester as he rises to his feet.

“You wanna know why I left?”, he asks, his voice dripping with anger, “because I trusted you, I trusted you to not turn into this ”, he says gesturing wildly towards Dean, “but now I see that you failed me. I thought I raised you better, Sam. You were supposed to be better than this. But you failed, you’re a failure, just like you’re brother”.

Before Sam can react his father’s palm has connected with his cheek, leaving a hot sensation behind.

Dean has been standing numbly beside his brother, not saying a word, not moving a muscle. But he can’t stand by and watch his father treat Sam like he treated him when he was just a child.

“You do that again and we will have a huge problem here”, Dean says loudly, his voice is steady as he speaks but he’s sure it’s only luck.

“Really?”, John says, “and what will you do?”, the condescending tone he uses towards him is nothing new, in fact he’s almost so used to it that it doesn’t affect him anymore.

“You forget that I made a life for myself after you left me”, says Dean as he with fast movements pushes John down into one of the recliners, “do something like that again and I will be calling in a favor from the police department”, he says, looking his father dead in the eyes. Back when he was a kid he would feel terrified anytime he looked into his father’s eyes, but now he feels nothing.

“I won’t hurt you”, Dean says, voice overly calm for the situation, “not like you hurt me. But I will warn you. If you don’t do what Sam asks you too, you’ll have a problem”.

“You don’t scare me”, John says with a chuckle, "you couldn’t hurt me last time, so why would I believe you have the balls to do it now?”. It’s true. He couldn’t bring himself to hurt John the last time they met. But something has changed since then. He can’t put his finger on what or how, but he can feel that the part of him that stopped him is gone now. 

“People change”, he says flatly, taking a step away, shooting his brother a look when their eyes meet.

Sam takes a step towards their father.

“Three years ago”, he begins, “you disappeared, didn’t say a word, you just left me, to pay your bills, to take care of your house, to pay your taxes. I was in ruins”, as he speaks his father just looks at him expressionless, emotionless, Sam has never seen him like this before, “I just want to know why . Why did you leave me? What is the real reason?”.

“You want the truth?”, John asks. Sam gives him a curt nod. John sighs lightly and shakes his head, his expression forming into something that seems to be disappointment.

“The truth is, that I left you because if I wouldn’t have I would be in prison right now, rotting away”, he says, his eyes never leaving Sam’s, “and it’s all thanks to the ass Bobby Singer, he’s the reason I had to leave you, Sam. I didn’t want to but he made me”, John’s expression shifts from disappointment to rage as he goes on, “he said that he was gonna go to the cops, so I had to run, Sam. I couldn’t let them get me, not after so long”.

“What did you do?”, Sam asks, his voice thick of worry, not about his father but of what he has done.

John lets out a twisted, small chuckle, “oh, nothing too bad”, he says, “just what I had to do to put food on the table when my legal business was slow”.

“What did you do?”, Sam repeats.

John rolls his eyes at him, “that’s none of your business, boy”, he says.

“Answer him”, Dean says sternly, “or I’ll make sure the police are outside in the next ten minutes”. Sam’s pretty sure that wouldn’t be possible, but as long as their father believes it, it’s all good.

“Fine”, John says, “but remember, you asked for it”. Neither brother says a word, they’re waiting for their father to start talking. For every second that passes in complete silence the tension rises.

“It started with drugs”, John says matter of factly, “buying, then selling. It went on for years, I had many loyal customers. Then one day some of them didn’t have the money to pay for their weekly supply, so I gave them another week until they had to pay me. The next week comes around and they still can’t pay, so I make them pay”, John says, his voice not even changing tone, “with their lives”. Right now Sam doesn’t know what he expected, but this wasn’t it.

“And Bobby knew this”, John goes on, “but he never seemed to mind, until one day he just woke up and decided he was gonna go to the cops and that’s when I had to run, leaving everything I had behind”.

Sam doesn’t know what to say or how to feel. He knew his father wasn’t a good person, but he could never have imagined he was this bad.

“It’s all Bobby’s fault that I left you, Sam”, John says, “I didn’t want to do it, but he made me, he wanted me locked up and I just couldn’t let that happen”.

“I don’t care”, Sam says, his voice steady, “you would have deserved it”. 

“How could you say that to your own father, boy?”, John questions, clearly offended by Sam’s words.

“Because truth be told, I don’t care about you, I just wanna get out of here as fast as possible”, Sam answers truthfully, “I got my answers, now I only need that ring and then we’ll be on our way”.

John lets out a joyless chuckle, “that ring, I’m not giving it to you”, he says. 

“It’s my ring”, Sam says, “you said you would give it to me and I’m here, so hand it over”. Sam hates the fact that this seems to be the only way for John to give up the ring. It shouldn’t be this difficult. He should just have given Dean the ring when he asked for it. But no, of course John had to be a dick about it.

“One condition”, John says, holding up a finger, “you’re not giving it to your freak brother”. Sam swallows thickly, but keeps his face stern and emotionless.

“Of course not”, Sam answers, “he doesn’t deserve it”. It almost hurts to say it. And he hopes that Dean doesn’t think that he actually means it.

“That’s my boy”, John says and rises to his feet. He goes over to a cabinet that’s next to the entrance to the other room.

As his back is turned Sam turns to whisper something in Dean's ear.

“Here are the keys to a storage unit”, John says, turning back around, looking directly at Sam, which means he doesn’t see Dean ending a call and slipping his phone back in his pocket.

“In the unit, there is the ring”, John says as he hands over the key to Sam, “but this is the only key I have, the other one is lost, so you will have to come give it back”.

“Yeah, of course”, Sam says with a nod as he takes the key from his father.

“And promise me one thing, son”, John says, “don’t disappoint me”. Sam has a feeling he knows exactly what his father means by that. And he can definitely promise that he will indeed disappoint him.

“I promise”, Sam says, “I won’t disappoint you”.

John nods, “good”, he says, “now get that awful creature out of my house”. Sam can feel his blood boiling, because he knows that John is referring to Dean.

But he doesn’t act on his anger, instead he turns around, grabs ahold of his brother’s arm and exits the house.

Neither of them says a word as they start driving, wanting to get out of town as fast as possible.

Neither of them says a word, not until they drive by a police car heading in the opposite direction.

“It must suck to get arrested only four days before Christmas", Dean comments, “at least we won’t have to worry about that son of a bitch anymore”.

“Yeah, and to be fair he deserves it”, Sam says, Dean nods in agreement, “thank you for calling the cops on him, Dean. I don’t think I would have had the balls to do it myself”.

Dean lets out a small chuckle, “what don’t I do for my little brother”, he says, shooting Sam a smile. Sam can’t help but smile as well.

He takes a deep breath in and leans his head back against the headrest. He feels weirdly at ease after what just happened with their father.

“What now?”, he asks, glancing over at Dean.

“What do you say we take a little trip to Nebrasks?”, Dean asks, “meet some old friends. I bet Ellen and Jo would be happy to see me”.

“You wanna go meet them?”, Sam asks surprised.

Dean shrugs, “yeah, I mean, if you think that’s a good idea, then yes”.

“If I think that’s a good idea”, Sam repeats, “I think it’s a great idea, Dean”.

“Great”, Dean says, “Nebraska it is”.

Notes:

I hope you appreciated this chapter even though it was a little darker than usual.

(When I met my dad for the first time in three years two days ago it went a lot better than this.)

Anyway, the next chapter will be a lot happier I promise, so stay tuned :)
I hope you’re doing great and that I’ll see you for the next chapter <3

Chapter 18: Can we get some peace now?

Notes:

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

“Hi, Ellen. Thanks for letting the boys stay over, it's really helpful”.

“It’s no problem, Mary. They’re always such a delight”.

“Are you sure you’re talking about my boys?”, Mary jokes as she hands over the brother’s shared overnight bag.

“And besides, the kids seem to enjoy each other's company a lot so they’ll just be happy that they get to spend more time together”, Ellen says leaning against the doorframe.

“Yeah, you’re right. I just hope I’m not losing too much time with them over this”, Mary says, giving Ellen a meek smile.

“Don’t worry about it, Mary. When all this is over you’ll have all your life to spend time with them”, Ellen says with hopeful eyes. Mary wishes she could feel the same hope for her future as everyone else, but for some reason there is something inside of her that’s telling her she won’t make it so far in life as she wishes. But instead of saying it out loud she plays along, acting like she believes it too, that she’ll make it.

“Mom, mom!”, the voice of her son pulls her out of her depressing train of thoughts and brings her back to the now. Where she is still able to be with her boys.

“Hi, Dean”, she chuckles as she embraces her ten year old son, “you’ll be good to Jo and aunt Ellen okay?”.

“Of course, mom”, he answers, hugging her tightly. Him and Sam have been over to play with Jo all day, so it feels good to get to hug his mom again. 

“That’s awesome”, she says as she lets go of him, “and can you take care of your brother for me?”.

“Of course, that’s my job, take care of Sammy”, he states happily. It warms her heart to know that even if she isn’t here for them in the future at least they’ll have each other.

—

Yesterday they called the police on their father. In three days it’s Christmas. And today he’s back in Nebraska. It sure has been a very eventful couple of days.

It's the middle of the day when Sam parks his car outside the Harvelle family’s bar. Dean had told him he needed to make a few calls and that he would meet him here in about an hour. So instead of waiting for his brother Sam decided he would be here early and that way get a chanse to catch up with Ellen and Jo.

Getting out of the car he realises that not a single other car is in the parking lot. Which isn’t too uncommon this time of day.

As he enters the Harvelle bar he immediately spots Ellen behind the counter, cleaning off some glasses.

“Hi, Ellen”, Sam greets the older woman as he shuts the door behind him. 

“Hi, Sam”, Ellen says, raising a hand in greeting, “long time no see”. 

Sam huffs a laugh, “yeah, it’s been a while”, he says taking a seat at the counter.

“So”, Ellen says, pulling out two bottles of beer and cracking them open, handing one over to Sam, “what have you been up to?”.

“Oh you know, just some eh, family business”, he says taking a sip from his bottle.

“Family business?”, Ellen asks, her forehead furrowing. 

Sam shrugs, “it’s a long story”, he says.

“Does it seem like I’m busy?”, Ellen asks gesturing around the empty bar.

Sam takes a deep breath, “well for starters, I found Dean, or he found me, but-”.

“Hold up”, Ellen interrupts, “you found who?”, she asks, a skeptical look painted over her face.

Sam gives her a careful smile, “Dean”, he repeats, “my brother, Dean. He’s alive”.

Ellen stares at him in shock. Her eyes wide and her mouth fallen open in disbelief.

“Dean’s alive?”, she questions, her voice just a whisper.

Sam nods, “yeah, he’s alive. Dean’s alive”.

“Oh my god”, Ellen says, putting a hand over her mouth and grabbing ahold of the counter with her other hand to steady herself. 

“I thought so too, but apparently he never died”, Sam tells her, “and if it’s okay, he should be here in about an hour”. 

“He’s actually on his way here?”, Ellen question. Sam nods in response.

“Really?”, Ellen asks, her eyes filled with joy.

“Yeah”, Sam says with a small laugh, “he’s on his way and he’ll be here in about an hour, give or take a few minutes”. 

“Can I, can I call Jo? I’m sure she would love to meet your brother again”.

“Of course you can, Ellen, go ahead”.

A few minutes later Jo emerges from the back room. The Harvelle family’s home where they live is connected to the bar making it easy to get to work in the mornings.

“I heard the Winchester brothers are back at it again”, she says walking over to Sam, who stands up to give her a hug, “it’s good to have you back”, she tells him as they let go, giving him a pat on the shoulder as she sits down on the barstool beside him.

“It’s good to be back”, he says looking between the two women.

“So what else have you been up to while you were gone?”, Ellen asks curiously.

“Oh, nothing much”, Sam says, earning a slap on the arm from Jo, “hey! What was that for?”, he questions confused.

“ Nothing much ”, she repeats, “Sam, you went on a date , you found your dad and you’ve been hanging out with Dean the last week. That isn’t ‘nothing much’ ”. A small laugh escapes Sam.

“You went on a date?”, Ellen asks, “with who?”.

“No one”.

“Oh, come on, Sam”, Jo says, “he’s definitely not a ‘no one’, you sounded so in love when you told me about your date”.

Sam can feel his cheeks heating up at just the thought of his date with Gabriel.

“Oh, is that so?”, Ellen says, “does that mean we will have an extra guest for Christmas?”, she asks happily.

Sam shakes his head, “no, no, I’m pretty sure he’s celebrating Christmas with his brother”, he tells them.

“His brother could join as well”, Ellen offers. Sam sighs lightly but gives her a fond smile. In a perfect world they would all be celebrating Christmas together.

“Correction”, Sam says, “he’s celebrating with his brother and his family. So unfortunately, I think that won’t be possible”.

Jo shrugs, “who knows, maybe there’ll be a christmas miracle”, she says in a mysterious voice, getting a laugh out of both Sam and her mother.

“So what’s this guy’s name?”, Ellen asks, leaning against the counter.

“His name is Gabriel”, Sam answers.

“The way you’re smiling by just saying his name tells me you’re very much in love with him”, Ellen says, smiling brightly towards Sam.

The conversation continues easily. They discuss Sam’s date in detail, his time in Kansas vaguely and of course also what happened with John. Sam isn't willing to give too much detail on that since it isn’t really something he’s ready to even think about yet.

Time passed quickly as they speak. And suddenly their conversation is interrupted when the door to the bar opens, causing all of them to look towards it.

And there he is. Much older, but Ellen can still tell it’s the oldest Winchester boy. It really is Dean standing by the door to her bar, after all these years of everyone believing he’s dead.

“So you're all just gonna sit there, or…?”, Dean asks, a wide smile spreading over his face. He makes eye contact with Sam, who smiles happily at him and gives him an encouraging nod.

Jo is the first to get out of her small state of shock.

She stands up and quickly makes her way across the room and catches Dean in a tight hug.

“Welcome back to the living”, she says lightheartedly. Dean lets out a laugh.

“I missed you too, Jo”, he says, holding her tight.

As soon as Jo let’s go of him her mother is quick to take over. Hugging Dean the same way his mother always did. With so much love, so much appreciation.

“I almost can’t believe you’re actually alive”, she says as she lets go.

“Well you better start believing it, Ellen, ‘cause I’m here”, Dean says with a chuckle.

“How long are you staying for?”, Jo asks from where she’s once again seated next to Sam.

“Just a day”, Dean answers, “I gotta get home to my family before Christmas”.

“Family?”, Ellen asks, her smile getting brighter.

“Yeah”, Dean says, smiling softly, “I, uh, have a family now”.

“Oh my god”, Jo exclaims, “you have to tell us everything about them”.

“I will”, Dean says with a small laugh.

Ellen gives his arm a squeeze before going back behind the bar counter.

“Want a drink?”, she asks, bending down to grab something from under the counter.

“No thanks, I’ll pass”, Dean says sitting down beside Jo. Sam gives him a knowing look. Even though he’s pretty sure Dean doesn’t know if he’s pregnant or not yet, Sam finds it adorable how Dean makes sure to be careful, just in case.

Ellen nods, “Jo?”, she asks, reaching out a bottle for her daughter, who takes it.

“So you’re celebrating Christmas with your family”, Ellen comments, “where is this family?”.

“Kansas”, Dean tells her, “we moved there about nine years ago”.

“Where did you live before moving to Kansas?”, Jo asks curiously.

“South Dakota”, he answers, “with one of Cas’s family friends, we lived with her until we could afford a house of our own”.

“That’s nice”, Ellen says, “are you celebrating Christmas with her as well?”.

“Yes actually, she and her wife are driving over tomorrow”, Dean answers.

“So you’re having a big celebration?”, she asks.

“Nah, not really, we’re gonna be like seven people”, Dean says. Sam wishes he could join them, but he already promised Jo and Ellen he would celebrate with them and Ash, Ellen's brother.

“Is Cas your partner?”, Jo asks, raising a suggestive eyebrow towards Dean, gaining a small laugh from the man. 

”Yes, he is. He’s my husband, we’ve been married for ten years now”, he tells her.

“Wow, you got married young”, she lightly jokes.

“I guess we did”, Dean admits, “but at that time we had already been together for about six years and had a kid together, so getting married just seemed right, you know”, he explains with a shrug of his shoulders.

“You had a kid that early?”, Ellen questions.

Sam can see a hint of fear crossing over his brother’s face, but it goes away quickly. Because in Ellen's expression there is no judgement and no disgust, nothing even close to it.

“We did, yeah”, Dean says rubbing at his neck, “it wasn’t really planned, but we love her with all our hearts”.

“What’s her name?”, Ellen asks, a loving and proud smile painted on her lips. And Sam can see his brother relaxing fully when he sees it.

“Mary”, Dean answers, a warm smile playing on his lips, “Mary Alexandra Winchester”. Ellen's eyes brighten when she hears the name.

Her and the boy's mom were good friends back in the day.

“That’s a beautiful name”, she comments.

Dean nods, “it is”.

A few seconds pass in comfortable silence. And here Sam realises that he feels at home, at peace. And that it isn’t because of the building, or the city, but because of the people.

He takes a sip from his bottle and as he places it back on the counter he catches Dean looking at him. A look on his face like he is asking him a question. Sam doesn’t know what he’s agreeing to, but he nods.

“Hey eh, Sammy and I were thinking”, Dean starts, catching everyone's attention. Sam shoots him a confused look over Jo’s head, but his brother just smiles at him like he should know exactly what he’s up to.

“Christmas is a time where you’re supposed to surround yourself with friends and with family”, Dean goes on.

“Where are you going with this?”, Ellen asks curiously, leaning against the counter.

“I’m just saying, why don’t ya’ll come to Kansas over Christmas?”, Dean says, shrugging his shoulder, “we could make it a big family get together”.

“Are you serious right now?”, Ellen questions, a sceptical look on her face.

“Yeah, of course I’m serious”, Dean says enthusiastically, Ellen shakes her head lightly with a small chuckle, “come on, admit it, it would be fun. Everyone getting together. We could ask Bobby to come as well. And”, Dean goes on, “best part is Sam would get to celebrate Christmas with his boyfriend”, he says wiggling his eyebrows at his brother, who just sighs and rolls his eyes at him.

“Wait”, Jo says, holding up a hand, “you’re saying that you’re celebrating Christmas with Sam’s date, boyfriend, whatever?”.

Dean nods, “yeah ‘course I am”, he says, “he’s Cas’s older brother”, he’s quick to add when he catches Jo’s confused expression.

“Hold on”, Ellen says, “is Cas’s real name Cas, or is it a nickname?”, she asks.

“Nickname”, Dean answers, “why?”.

“What’s his real name?”, Ellen questions.

“Castiel”, Dean answers, furrowing his brows in question.

“Oh my God”, Ellen says standing up straight, “Gabriel and Castiel?”, she asks, “like as in Gabriel and Castiel Novak?”.

Sam and Dean look at each other then nod.

“Yeah, that’s them”, Dean answers with a nod.

Ellen shakes her head with a chuckle, “you two are insane”, she says.

“Tell us something we don’t know”, Dean says with a smile.

“I’ve got one”, Jo says, “that we’re all celebrating Christmas in Kansas”.

“Jo”, Ellen says, her tone slightly warning.

“What, mom?”, she asks, “I know you want to say yes. And I’m pretty sure Ash would be onboard too if you asked him”. Ellen sighs lightly.

“Are you really sure you want all of us to come celebrate Christmas with you?”, she asks Dean. 

He nods, “a thousand percent”, he says, “Christmas is about family, and you’re family”.

Ellen lets a small chuckle escape her lips, “well in that case”, she says, “I see no reason to say no. So I guess we’re going to Kansas for Christmas”.

As the room erupts in cheers Sam gets the feeling that everything’s gonna be okay.

Notes:

Okay, serious question: can I just make everyone be in a gay relationship?
I’m wondering because (-”SPOILER”-) I’m not sure if I should have Bobby be married to Crowley or Karen.
Do you have any opinions on this?

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this more lighthearted chapter : )
Have a good day/night and take care of yourself <3

Chapter 19: One More

Notes:

Hope you like this chapter, it took me much longer to write than I had planned, but that happens. Hopefully the next won’t take as long :)

Also, thank you to the people that answered the question I left in my previous authors note, your answers really helped <3

Happy reading!

“Merry Christmas!”, Ellen shouts from behind the counter as Sam and Dean enter the Harvelle bar with their parents. “Merry Christmas”, Mary calls back happily, “thought we'd come by and give you some christmas cookies the boys baked yesterday”, she says patting Sam on the head with her free hand.

“That’s so kind of you”, Ellen says walking over to them, “if you want you can stay for a while, Jo and Ash are currently putting up our christmas tree. We’re a little last minute like usual”, she tells them with a chuckle. As she takes the cookie jar Mary hands her. “That would be lovely”, Mary says, taking off her coat.

A few minutes later they’re all gathered in the Harvelle family's living room. The kids and Ash are still decorating the tree, if you could even call it that with how many decorations are on it. While the other adults are engaging in ‘boring’ adult talk.

No one knew it at the time, but this would be the last Christmas they all got to celebrate together.

—

”Do you actually know what you’ve gotten yourself into?”, Sam asks as he exits his bedroom, coming back into the living room of his apartment. Dean’s spending the night here before he heads off tomorrow morning.

”Yeah, of course I do”, Dean answers from where he’s sitting sprawled out on Sam’s couch watching some old movie he found on one of the channels.

”Really?”, Sam questions, throwing a towel at his brother, ”we’re gonna be like twenty people for Christmas if you-”

”Thirteen”, Dean interrupts as he throws the towel back at Sam, “is that thing even clean?”, he asks, pointing at the towel. 

”What?”, Sam questions, confused.

”We’re gonna be thirteen people, if everyone chooses to come”, Dean explains, “that’s not that many”, he says turning so that he’s looking at his brother over the back of the couch, “and don’t you dare throw that dirty towel at me again”, he says giving his brother a pointed look. 

“Right”, Sam says, “not that many?”, he questions with a chuckle, “and this”, he says, holding up the towel, “isn’t dirty”.

“Yeah, sure”, Dean says, raising an eyebrow. Sam rolls his eyes at him.

“It’s clean, I promise”, he says, “or at least it was before you touched it”.

“Bitch”.

“Jerk”, Sam answers calmly as he plops down next to his brother on the couch.

Dean lets out a small sigh, “I still gotta call Cas, tell him you’re all joining us”.

“You haven’t told him yet?”, Sam asks, looking over at his brother.

“Nah, not yet”, Dean answers, not meeting his brother's eyes, “I’ve had other things to think about”.

“Other things?”, Sam questions, his forehead furrowing, “like what?”.

Dean sighs heavily as he stands up from the couch, and walks over to the kitchen area of the room. He picks up a plastic bag that he left laying on the floor when they got here and puts it down on the counter in front of him. Without a word Sam stands up from the couch as well, coming over to see what his brother’s doing.

From the bag Dean pulls out a small cardboard box, holding it up for his brother to see. Sam gives him a questioning look, having no idea what Dean’s showing him. Dean drops the box on the counter between them.

“What is it?”, Sam asks, looking at the small box then back up at his brother.

“A pregnancy test”, Dean answers, his tone stern, “I just haven’t dared to take it yet”.

“Why?”.

“Because it’s been a while since me and Cas discussed having more children, so I don’t know if he still wants to have more kids. And also, I have no idea what Mary would think if I’m actually pregnant”, Dean explains, “honestly dude, it kinda scares me, not knowing what they’d think or how they would react. And I don’t even know if I’m really pregnant”.

Sam gives his brother a sympathetic look, “only one way to find out, right?”, he says picking up the box, studying it, “and it only takes three minutes”, he reads off of it.

Dean sighs heavily, “you’re right. And it might be negative”, Dean comments, “but what if it’s not?”.

“Then you’ll have to figure out if you want another baby or not”, Sam answers. He makes it sound so easy. 

“And I’m pretty sure”, Sam goes on, “that whatever you want, Cas is gonna be completely on your side”. Dean can’t help but smile a little, he knows that Sam’s right.

He takes a deep breath in, “okay, lets do it”, he says, holding out his hand. Sam hands him the box with the pregnancy test.

“Good luck”, he tells him with a smile. Dean shakes his head at his brother, as a fond smile is playing on his lips. 

Dean enters the bathroom. As he takes the test Sam waits in the kitchen. He considers if he should start packing his bag for tomorrow. Sam decided that he would go back to Kansas with Dean tomorrow morning instead of driving down with Ellen, Jo and Ash the day before Christmas. That way he could help with preparations.

And hopefully get some alone time with Gabriel before the house is full of people.

The toilet flushes and a few seconds later Dean exits the bathroom.

“I don’t wanna wait alone”, Dean says, not meeting his brother’s eyes. 

“You don’t have to”, Sam says kindly, “I’m here for you, Dean”. They both take a seat at the kitchen counter as they wait for the three minutes to pass.

Sam doesn't know if he should say something, and if he should, what should he say?

But he doesn’t have to wonder for long, because Dean breaks the silence before he even gets a chanse to do so.

“I’ve started to notice how long it has really been since I met everybody”, he says, “like, I know it’s been years since I disappeared and left everyone behind, but I’m still, for some reason, surprised that everyone has changed so much”.

“People haven’t changed that much”, Sam says, “I mean Jo’s family still run their bar, Bobby’s still Bobby-”

“You’re still a nerd”, Dean jokes.

“Hey”, Sam says, lightly slapping Dean on the arm earning a chuckle out of him.

“Okay, you say not that much has changed”, Dean says, “but tell me, what has changed”.

“Well, uh”, Sam runs a hand through his hair, “except for the fact that everyone has grown up, not much. I mean, Jo studies catering, at one point Ash was in jail, never told anyone why though. I tried dating, it went terribly. Oh and, Bobby got married”.

“What?”, Dean asks, a surprised look on his face as he looks up at his brother.

“Yeah, he met this guy-”

“Guy?”, he questions, even more surprised.

“Yes”, Sam says nodding his head with a chuckle, “he met this corporate dude, all fancy suits and negotiations. And a few years later they got married”, he tells his brother.

“Wow, good for them”, Dean says, a smile appearing on his lips. He never saw it coming, Bobby Singer being married to a man, and the man in question being some fancy higher up working in an office. Guess Dean was right, some thighs have changed a lot. 

“You think his husband would wanna spend Christmas with us?”, he asks curiously.

Sam hums, “maybe”, he says with a shrug, “it doesn’t hurt to ask, does it?”.

“Guess it doesn’t. I’ll call Bobby tomorrow”, Dean says, checking his watch. 22:11, yeah, probably too late to call now.

Looking at the time also makes him realize that the three minutes for the pregnancy test has passed, which means that he could now find out if he's actually pregnant.

A shiver runs down his spine.

“Hey Dean, you okay?”, Sam asks, putting a han on his shoulder. Dean nods his head slowly, trying to gather the courage to go back into the bathroom and look at the test he left on the edge of the sink. 

“Dude, what’s wrong?”, Sam questions, he feels worry gathering up inside him when Dean still doesn’t say anything.

Dean shakes his head lightly, “nothing”, he says, “nothing’s wrong, it’s just…”, he pauses taking a deep breath in and releases it slowly, “it’s been three minutes”. 

“Oh”, Sam knows exactly what he means. The pregnancy test is ready.

“Do you want to go look at it?”, he asks his older brother. Dean shrugs his shoulders wearing a puzzle look on his face.

Sam stays quiet for a moment, waiting for Dean to say something, or do something.

“Can you look at it?”, Dean asks after half a minute in silence. Sam is taken aback by his brother's request.

He wants Sam to be the first to find out, literally.

“You sure you want me too?”, he asks. 

Dean nods, “I can’t do it”, he says, “I don’t know why, but it really scares me to have to look at that stick”.

“Okay”, Sam says, his voice calm just like his features, “I’ll look, and if you want me to I’ll tell you what it says”. Dean nods, glad that he doesn’t have to feel the panic of actually looking at it.

But he’s still stressing about what it actually says. Just because Sam is the first to look at it doesn’t mean it isn’t as real. 

Sam enters the bathroom and immediately spots a white stick laying on the edge of the sink. The test is turned face down, and the only thing he has to do is turn it around and look at it, see if there is a plus or not. He tries to tell himself it’s no big deal just to calm his racing heart, but it doesn’t really work.

He picks up the test and in his head counts to three before turning it around. 

Dean is still sitting at the kitchen counter, back turned against the bathroom.

His heart is raising and his mind is filled with possible outcomes and scenarios of what might happen if he actually is pregnant.

Sam exits the bathroom. Turning around in his chair Dean can’t read Sam’s expression, it’s basically blank, natural.

Quietly Sam comes up to stand in front of him. 

“Dean”, he says quietly before wrapping his arms around his brother.

At first nothing but confusion fills Dean. But then.

“Am I…?”, he starts, but is unable to finish his question.

Dean can feel his brother nodding and he knows.

He is actually pregnant.

He wraps his arms tighter around Sam, who does the same. Dean needs grounding, he doesn’t know how to feel.

For a while they just stay like that, hugging tight, not letting go. 

“I-”, Dean breaks the silence, “I think I’m happy”, he says into his brother's shoulder, “about this”. He can feel Sam nod and his muscles relax.

“Honesty”, Sam says, “so am I”.

They stay there for a while longer, just holding each other, grounding each other. The wave of relief Sam felt wash over him when Dean said he’s happy about being pregnant again, is indescribable. He knows his brother has been through a lot, and a lot of those things he hasn’t even told Sam about, and maybe he never will. It’s a relief that this is a good thing, and not another bad thing or trauma the world put on Dean’s shoulders.

Dean takes a deep breath in, “oh god, I so have to tell Cas”, he says as he releases the grip on his brother’s shoulders, “and Mary. I’m probably more nervous about what she’ll say”, he runs a hand through his hair before leaning against the kitchen counter. For some reason he feels almost numb. 

“I don’t know what I’m feeling, Sam”, he says, keeping his eyes glued in front of him. Sam places a hand on his brother's shoulder.

“Don’t stress about it”, he says, his voice comfortingly calm, “I’m guessing you’re just a little overwhelmed and that it’ll feel easier tomorrow”.

Dean nods slowly, “yeah”, he says turning to look at his brother, “you’re probably right, again”, he comments, getting a small laugh out of Sam.

“What do you say, we try and get some shut eye?”, Sam asks, getting up from the chair he was sitting on, “I have a feeling tomorrow’s gonna be a long day”. 

“Yeah, some sleep sounds like a great idea”, Dean says standing up straight, “I’ll just take a quick shower before heading to sleep. Don’t wait up”, he jokes as he walks off towards the bathroom. 

“Clean towels under the sink”, Sam calls out right before Dean shuts the door behind him. 

As Sam enters his bedroom he throws himself straight onto the bed. What a day. What a week. A lot has happened these last few days, and it’s not like Sam is complaining.

But there is a part of him that misses the calmness his life had a few weeks ago. However he would never wish that time back. Even though it has been a lot lately he’s happy with how his life is turning out.

The stress about how his life is gonna look in the future hasn’t completely gone away, but it has eased. And as he falls asleep the last thing to cross his mind is that he knows everything is gonna be just fine.

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed it and that I’ll see you for the next chapter as well :)

Remember to take care of yourself <3

Chapter 20: Home Sweet Kansas

Notes:

I wrote this insted of going to sleep so if there's any spelling errors I blame it on my tired eyes.
Enjoy!

When Sam returns home from his morning run, the apartment is still quiet.

Taking off his sweaty shirt he throws a quick look at the small clock on the microwave, 07:52. No need to wake Dean yet .

He goes into his room to grab a set of clean clothes before heading into the bathroom to take a shower.

During his run he was able to take his mind off things, only focus on his surroundings and the music that was playing in his ears.

But now when it isn’t the cold winter air that hits his skin, but the warm water from the shower, his mind is suddenly thinking of something it probably shouldn’t.

Yesterday he had a strong feeling that everything would be okay, that nothing could go wrong, that he was gonna find a solution to all his problems.

But as his body gets hotter, which is not only because of the water, he can only focus on one thing, or rather, one person.

Gabriel.

His hair, his laugh, his body, his touch. Him.

After everything that has recently happened in his life, Gabriel is the biggest uncertainty right now. He wishes it was simple. That he could just be with him. But it’s not like that.

They both have their own lives, lives that don't seem to be built for the other.

Even though they haven’t known each other for very long there is something in Sam that tells him to not let go of Gabriel, to not lose him.

He is scared he might let that part of him down.

 

With still damp hair, old jeans and a white sweater he exits the shower. And finds Dean in the kitchen, cooking.

He takes a quick look at his watch, 08:16. 

“Goodmorning, Sammy”, Dean calls, making Sam look up at him, "slept well?”.

“Goodmorning”, Sam says as he walks over to the kitchen area, taking a seat at the counter, “you’re up earlier than I expected”. 

Dean huffs a laugh, “yeah, tell me about it”, he says, flipping the bacon in the pan, “I almost never wake up this early without an alarm clock telling me to get up. When did you wake up?”.

“At six”, Sam answers.

Dean gives him a very concerned look, “seriously?”, he asks, Sam nods, “willingly?”.

“Yes, Dean”, Sam says with a chuckle, "It's actually something I do quite often”.

“Why?”, Dean questions. And the look he’s wearing tells Sam that his brother would never do that willingly, which isn’t really a surprise.

“I usually head out for a run in the morning before breakfast”, Sam tells him. 

Dean's eyes widen, “ willingly? ”. Sam can’t help but chuckle at his brother.

“Yes, Dean”, he tells him, “I actually enjoy running in the morning, it gives me a good start on the day, you know”.

“No, I actually don’t know”, Dean says, turning off the stove and moving the bacon from the pan onto a plate, “I would be completely exhausted after running that earlier".

“You don’t know before you try it”, Sam says playfully, stealing a piece of bacon from the plate.

Dean playfully swats at his hand with the spatula.

“Hey, don’t touch that, breakfast isn’t ready yet”, he says with a small laugh, “and before you ask”, Dean says pointing said spatula at his brother, “I’m not gonna wake up at six to go running, ever”.

“We’ll see about that”, Sam says, giving his brother a sly smirk.

Dean shakes his head with a laugh.

“Good luck with that”, he says, turning towards the fridge. 

“I called Cas while you were in the shower”, Dean says, turning back towards Sam holding a jug of juice, “he’s happy that you’re all joining us for christmas”.

“Really?”, Sam asks, he wasn’t that worried about what Castiel would say, but then again it’s quite a short notice to bring that many people over for Christmas.

“Yeah, he thinks it’s a good idea to bring everyone together, he said we might even have to make it a new tradition”, Dean tells him. 

“New tradition huh? That won’t ruin the ones you already have?”, Sam questions.

Dean shakes his head, “nah, we don’t really have that many, and Chsristmas has never really been that great. A lot of past problems ”, he vaguely explains. Sam’s eyebrows furrow in question and confusion.

Dean sighs lightly, “Cas comes from a very religious family and because of the way his life turned out, a part of his family has given him a hard time ever since they found out I was pregnant with his child back in 02”, he tells Sam.

“Oh, I had no idea”, Sam says, he feels bad for Castiel, but he can’t help but also think of Gabriel. He wonders if their family treated him poorly as well.

“He doesn’t often talk about it”, Dean says, “he thinks it would ruin Christmas for everyone. But if someone asks, he’s pretty open about his past”. Sam nods in understanding.

“I think it’s good for him, for us, to try and create new traditions around Christmas", Dean says, “maybe it’ll turn into something we can enjoy without that bittersweet feeling there has always been”, his eyes shine with hopefulness as he speaks, “but no pressure though”, he says with a smile.

 

Sam knocks at the door frame to the guest room where Dean slept last night.

“You ready to hit the road?”, he asks, leaning against the doorframe.

Dean’s sitting at the edge of the bed with his bag in front of him on the floor.

“Yeah, I’m all done”, he says looking up. 

“Great, then let’s head out”, Sam says, leaving the room to get his own bag.

Dean closes up his bag and stands up from the bed to head after his brother. After closing the guest bedroom door behind him he feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

Without checking the caller ID he answers the call.

“Yeah?”.

“Hi there, Deano!”, comes a cheerful voice from the other side of the line. Dean would recognize that voice anywhere. It’s his annoyingly lovable brother-in-law.

“Just thought I'd check in with you demon monkeys, see how things are looking” , Gabriel says over the phone.

“Just tell me the truth, Gabriel”, Dean says, “you only called because you want to ask about Sam”.

Gabriel gasps dramatically, “how could you ever think that?” , he exclaims, “I would never call you just to ask about Sam”.

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”, Dean questions dryly.

“Hm, guess not”, Gabriel admits, getting a huff of a laugh out of Dean.

Sam exits his bedroom with his bag slung over his shoulder and jacket in hand.

“Speaking of the devil”, Dean says, “here I’ll let you two talk”, Dean removes the phone from his ear and hands it over to Sam, who gives him a very confused look. 

“It’s Gabe”, Dean tells him, and Sam’s face immediately lights up.

As Sam takes his phone Dean gestures for him to hand him his bag.

“I’ll take it down to the car”, he tells him. Sam hands over his bag and Dean leaves the apartment and heads down the stairs to his car. 

After leaving their bags in the trunk he considers going for a quick drive to clear his head. Because he really needs it right now.

He has to tell Cas that he’s pregnant today, because tomorrow there’s gonna be a lot of people around and this isn’t really the kind of news you share out of nowhere.

Everytime he thinks about how he will tell Cas he just feels so overwhelmed, his mind just adds and adds to the collection of things that could go wrong.

But deep down he knows that Sam’s right. Cas will probably be entirely on his side. He will even most likely be happy about this.

But he can’t help but worry. It feels impossible not to.

He stays outside for a couple more minutes, trying to get his worrying mind to stop racing.

As Dean goes back into the apartment he sees Sam leaning against the kitchen counter with his own phone in his hands. Dean sees that Sam has left his phone on the kitchen table and goes over to grab it.

“Everything alright?”, Dean asks as he comes over to Sam.

Sam looks up from his phone screen.

“Yeah, everything’s fine”, he answers, “I’m just putting in Gabe’s number into my phone”, he tells him.

Dean sighs heavily and shakes his head slightly.

“Seems like I’m never gonna get rid of that guy”, he says flatly. Sam rolls his eyes. 

“Come on, man”, he says, giving Dean a look, “he isn’t so bad. And you know it”. Dean makes a face like he’s in deep thought about whether or not Gabriel actually is as bad as he makes him out to be. 

Dean rolls his eyes again, before answering, “okay, maybe he isn’t so bad”, he admits, “but”, he says pointing a finger at his brother, “you’re not telling him I said that”.

Sam can’t help but laugh a little, “okay, dude, chill”, he says between laughs, “I won’t”.

“Good”, Dean says, “because I won’t be part of boosting his confidence, he already acts like he’s the king of the world”.

Sam shakes his head slightly at his brother. He will probably never understand Dean’s and Gabriel’s relationship fully.

“Alright”, Sam says, patting the counter, “should we get going, hit the road so we reach Kansas when we’re supposed to?”.

Dean nods his head, “yeah we should, after all there’s a lot we still have to do today”.

As soon as they’re on the road towards Kansas a comforting feeling of home goes through Sam. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like a mix between happiness, nostalgia and safety.

Like his soul knows where he’s supposed to be and that he’s going in the right direction.

After half an hour on the road with the only sound being the engine from the Impala and various rock songs, Dean turns down the music.

“How do you feel?”, he questions, not even looking at his brother.

“What?”, Sam asks confused. Dean shrugs his shoulder, trying to come across as nonchalant, but of course Sam can tell that there is something else buried in his brother’s question.

“I mean, about everything”, Dean says, quickly glancing over at his brother, who’s staring at his, eyebrows knitted, “how do you feel?”. And it clicks.

Sam takes a deep breath in and realises it slowly as he leans his head back against the headrest.

“Honestly”, Sam starts slowly, thinking through everything before answering, “I feel happy”, he says, “about everything, weirdly enough there’s almost nothing I would change”, he says and without noticing he has started smiling brightly.

When Dean sees it he can’t help but smile as well. But he also can’t help but wonder.

“Almost?”, he asks curiously. 

Sam nods, “yeah, almost”, he confirms.

“What would you change?”, Dean questions carefully, not wanting to bring his brother's mood down.

“There’s only one thing I would change”, Sam says, “or maybe two”, he says tilting his head slightly to the side, “one of the things would be that I lived a little closer to you”, he says, turning his head to look at Dean, “and the other”, he takes a deep breath before continuing, "is that I wish mom was still here”.

Dean’s jaw tenses. He nods his head slowly. Sam’s worried he upset him. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought up their mom.

“You and me both, Sammy”, Dean says, his jaw relaxing, “I know she’d be proud of you”, he says, looking over at his brother with a genuine smile on his lips. 

“I hope you’re right”, Sam says.

“Dude, I’m always right”.

“Sure you are”.

—

Around four hours and 67 songs later, they’re parking the Impala outside of Dean’s home. 

“Home sweet home”, Dean says as he turns off the engine.

They step out of the car and grab their bags from the trunk.

As they walk towards the front door it opens and a blond, young girl is standing in the doorway.

“Welcome back gentlemen”, she says, smiling brightly at the brothers.

“Nice to see you again, Mary”, Sam says, raising a hand in greeting.

“You too, Sam”, she says, “do you need help with your bags?”.

“I’ve got mine”, Sam answers, “but your dad overpacked so he might need some help”. 

“I didn’t over pack”, Dean protests, but Sam shoots him a look that shuts him up immediately.

“Sure you didn’t”, he says. Mary comes out to the car and grabs a bag from the trunk of the Impala.

As she has her back turned Sam leans closer to Dean.

“You know you shouldn't carry heavy stuff”, he whispers, then he walks off like nothing happened.

Dean can’t decide if he finds it more annoying or cute that Sam is acting this way, and will probably be acting this way his whole pregnancy.

“I heard the whole extended family is coming over for Christmas”.

After placing the bag he was holding on the floor, he looks up to see no other than Gabriel Novak standing by the staircase studying him intensively.

Sam shrugs, “I just needed an excuse to see you”, he says, getting a chuckle out of him.

“Please stop flirting in my hallway”, Dean interrupts as he and Mary enter the house.

“You and dad are a hundred times worse”, Mary says as she sets down the bags.

“I second that”, Gabriel says walking closer to them.

“Of course you do”, Dean comments, rolling his eyes at his brother-in-law, “by the way, where’s Cas?”.

“In his office”, Mary answers, “he said he had to take an important call”.

Sam shoots his brother a look. Dean nods.

“Okay”, he says, “I’ll go see if he’s finished". He starts towards the stairs in a hurry and in just a few seconds he’s gone.

“Okeeey”, Gabriel says, “what was that about?”.

“You’ll find out soon enough", Sam answers, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Notes:

Remember to drink water and to get some rest.

The next chapter will be pretty long with a lot of feels so be prepared.

Take care of yourself and hopefully I’ll see you for the next chapter <3

Chapter 21: I'm Yours

Notes:

Hi!
So it’s been a while since I posted. Truth is I for some reason had a hard time writing this chapter, but now it’s finally finished and I hope you will enjoy <3

He’s sitting on the floor in a bedroom. A bedroom that isn’t his, in a house that isn’t his. He feels lost, alone and broken. It feels like he just threw away everything he had, for nothing.

A quiet knock from the other side of the door brings him out of his thoughts, but just barely.

“Dean, it’s me”. Castiel. “Can I come in?”. He nods. Ha wants Castiel, but he isn’t allowed to ask for it. Someone as ungrateful as him shouldn’t ask for anything. That’s what his father told him in the hospital.

“Dean?”. The door opens and Castiel peaks in, a worried expression painted on his face. “Can I come in?”, he asks. Dean nods, “please?”, he whispers quietly. But Castiel hears it. He closes the door behind him and makes his way across the room. He sits down on the floor next to Dean.

He wraps an arm around him and Dean immediately leans into his touch, leaning his head against his shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?”, Castiel asks quietly, placing a kiss to his head. Dean shrugs his shoulders. He knows that he should tell Castiel that he’s pregnant, but he’s terrified about what he’s gonna say, or do.

“I’m here for you, Dean”, Castiel says, “no matter what it is, I’m yours”.

One single stray tear falls down Dean’s cheek. Castiel is quick to reach over and wipe it away. ”Dean hey, talk to me”, he pleads. Meeting Castiel’s eyes Dean’s heart breaks even more. His eyes are filled with pain, pain caused by him. He hates himself for doing this to his Cas, his kind, sweet, angel.

“I’m sorry”, Dean whispers, his voice barely audible. Castiel places a gentle hand on his cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for”, he tells him, “whatever it is, you’re gonna be okay”, Castiel says, stroking his cheek with his thumb. 

“You sure?”, Dean asks. He trusts Castiel with his life, but what his father said about him, he can’t ignore it, he’s unable to. 

Castiel nods, “I’m sure”, he gently says.

Dean takes a deep, shaky breath in and realises it slowly, trying to calm himself down. “I’m-”, he can’t say it, he can’t ruin Castiel's life like this, “I’m sorry”, he chokes out, his voice thick and he feels hot tears starting to fall down his cheeks. Castiel is quick to gently wipe them away. “Dean, it’s okay”, he says, bringing Dean into a hug, holding him against his chest.

“No it’s not”, Dean says shaking his head, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”.

“No, Dean”, Castiel says, “everything’s gonna be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out, I promise”.

“Really?”, Dean asks. He’s afraid to trust the words coming out from Castiel's mouth, but he has always trusted Castiel, so why would he stop now?

“Really”, he tells him. Dean lifts his head to look Castiel in the eyes. “You promise?”, he asks as their eyes meet. Castiel nods his head, “I promise”, he says, and he sounds so sure, like he has already seen the end of this and knows that it’s gonna have a happy ending, but Dean knows that that isn’t how it works. Castiel has no idea what Dean is about to tell him. What if Castiel hates him after this? Just like his father does. But he still deserves to know. It’s his child as well. And he promised. Promised that everything is gonna be okay. And he trusts Castiel.

Keeping his eyes focused on Castiel’s captivating blue ones he takes another deep breath in. Trying to keep his voice steady and clear as he speaks.

“I’m pregnant”.

Castiel’s expression goes from shock to confusion to realisation into something that looks like relief then, happiness. Before pulling Dean back into his embrace.

“Oh, Dean”, Castiel sighs.

“I’m sorry”.

“Don’t be”, Castiel says, shaking his head, “we’re gonna be okay”.

—

“Come in!”, Castiel calls from inside his office. Dean slowly opens the door. His heart is beating hard in his chest.

Castiel is standing in front of one of his many bookshelves, back turned to the door. He’s dressed in a grey hoodie and a pair of jeans. And Dean realises that that ass is one of the reasons he’s in this situation in the first place. 

“Hiya, Cas”, he says after closing the door behind him. At the sound of his husband’s voice Castiel quickly turns around.

“Hello, Dean”, he says, smiling brightly at him, “I’ve missed you”. Dean lets out a small chuckle.

“I’ve missed you too”, he tells him. He moves towards Castiel’s desk, sitting down on its edge. Castiel comes over to stand in front of him. He takes his hand in his. Planting a gentle kiss on his knuckles.

The moment is sweet, it feels almost like the calm before the storm. And Castiel’s presence and touch makes this whole situation seem so much easier than before. 

Dean takes a deep breath in, “I need to tell you something”, he says, looking Castiel deep into his beautiful, blue eyes.

Castiel tilts his head to the side, as a hint of worry flashes over his face.

“It’s nothing bad”, Dean tells him, “it’s just really important”. 

Castiel nods, “okay, I’m listening”, he says, gently rubbing circles over Dean’s hand. Dean nods to himself. He closes his eyes trying to gather his thoughts and the courage to actually tell his husband. 

“Dean?”, Castiel says, “are you okay?”.

Dean shakes his head, “I don’t know”, he admits with a weak chuckle as he opens his eyes to look at Castiel.

“Whatever it is you want to tell him”, Castiel says, “I’m listening and I’m here for you. There is nothing for you to worry about, everything will be alright". 

“Really?”, Dean questions. Castiel nods.

“Yes, really”, he says, “I assure you that there is nothing you have to worry about. You can tell me anything, Dean, no matter what it is, I’m yours”. How did he get so lucky?

Dean takes a deep breath in, “thanks, Cas”, he says, a grateful smile apparent on his lips. Castiel leans in, Dean meets him halfway making their lips meet in a soft kiss.

“Cas”, Dean whispers, leaning his forehead against Castiel’s. Castiel hums in response.

“I’m pregnant”.

Castiel lets out a small breath. He doesn’t say anything, he just wraps his arms tight around Dean’s shoulders. Dean leans his head against Castiel’s, letting out a shaky breath. He feels tears brimming his eyes, threatening to fall.

“How are you feeling?”, Castiel questions, his voice deeper than normal and thick with emotion.

Dean takes a deep breath in before answering, “I think”, he says, “I think I’m okay”. He can feel Castiel nod his head.

“That’s good”, he says, “and- do you want to be pregnant?”, he asks almost carefully. First Dean doesn’t say anything. He can feel Castiel going tense as more seconds go by without him responding.

Finally he answers, “yes”, Dean's voice is just a small whisper in Castiel’s ear. But he can still hear it clear as day.

“What do you want to do now?”, Castiel asks, his voice lighter now. 

Dean lets out a small chuckle, “celebrate Christmas with my family”, he says and he can feel himself starting to smile.

“That sounds like a good idea”, Castiel admits as he lets go of Dean’s shoulders. When their eyes meet and Castiel sees Dean's smiling he visibly relaxes.

Dean takes Castiel’s hands in his, “Castiel Charles Winchester”, he says solemnly, “do you wanna have a baby with me?”.

Castiel smiles fondly at him and lets out a small chuckle, “of course I do”, he says. And leans in to press a kiss to his husbands lips. Dean welcomes the gesture and meets him halfway in a soft, tender kiss. 

—

“So what are we thinking? What are your parents up to?”, Gabriel asks, sitting down beside Mary at the kitchen table, coffee in hand. Sam shakes his head at him, amused about the fact he just can’t seem to wait.

“Why can’t you just wait and see?”, he asks, giving Gabriel a pointed look. 

“Because that’s no fun”, Gabriel answers matter of factly, taking a sip from his cup.

“And he has no patience”, Mary adds.

“That I’ve certainly learned”, Sam says with a sly smirk playing on his lips, “the hard way”.

“ That wasn’t just me though”, Gabriel says tilting his head with raised eyebrows. 

“You’re worse than my parents”, Mary says, placing her head in her hand with a dramatic sigh. Earning a chuckle from her uncles.

A ping sounds through the house, and Mary starts getting up. Sam shoots her a confused look.

“Doorbell”, she answers before leaving the kitchen. Sam and Gabriel share a look before going after her, to see who’s at the door.

“Hi, it’s so good to see you again, it’s been way too long!”, an unfamiliar female voice says.

“I can’t believe how tall you’ve gotten, you’re almost taller than me!”, another female voice exclaims as Sam and Gabriel round the corner into the hallway. 

“Almost?”, Mary asks, teasingly.

Two unfamiliar adult women and a teenage girl who looks to be around Mary’s age is standing with her at the door.

The blond adult woman is the first to spot them walking towards them.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the family trickster”, the blond woman says, giving Gabriel a joking look.

“I’ve missed you too, Donna”, Gabriel says, reaching to hug the blond woman, Donna, who happily returns it.

“Hi, I’m Jody”, the other woman says, reaching out her hand towards Sam.

“Sam”, he says, taking her hand and shaking it.

“Winchester?”, she asks, looking expectantly at him. He feels a little uneasy under her gaze.

He nods, “yeah”.

“So you’re Dean’s brother”, the blond woman asks. 

“Yeah, that’s me”, he admits, looking between the two women.

“Well, it’s good to finally meet you”, the brunette woman, Jody, says, cracking a smile.

“Yeah”, the blond agrees, “and I’m Donna, Jody’s wife, and this is our daughter Alex”, she tells him.

The teenage girl, Alex, lifts a hand in greeting, Sam does the same, “hi”.

“I’ll take you to your rooms”, Mary offers, taking one of the bags the family dropped on the floor.

“Thank you, Mary”, Jody says, gathering her bags.

Mary leads the way up the stairs and as soon as they’re out of earshot, Sam leans closer to Gabriel.

“Are we just friends?”, he asks, “you know, in front of them?”.

Gabriel looks up at him, “whatever you want, princess”, he answers with a cheeky smile. 

“I’m being serious, Gabe”, Sam sighs, but can’t help the small smile he feels creeping up onto his lips.

“I know”, Gabriel says, “but honestly, I don’t think it matters how we act, I mean Jody sees basically everything no matter how hard you try and hide it, so sooner or later she’ll realize, doesn't matter what we do”.

Sam lets out a small chuckle, “so then I can do this whenever I want?”, he questions, wrapping his arms around Gabriel’s waist and catching his lips in a deep kiss.

“When did you get so romantic?”, Gabriel asks as their lips part.

“It’s just been a while since last time”, Sam says, keeping his gaze fixated on Gabriel’s golden brown eyes.

“Told you there was something between them”. As soon as they hear the voice from the mezzanine they let go of each other.

“Jody, Donna”, Gabriel says, “pleasure seeing you here”.

“Don’t try and play it off, Gabriel", Jody says with a sly smile, “we saw you”.

“But let me guess, you already figured it out before that?”, he asks.

She nods, “yeah, I did”, she admits, “the way you’re looking at him, there’s no way you’re not in love with him”.

Gabriel rolls his eyes at her, he’s just about to say something.

“ Okay ”, Sam interrupts, “who wants to help with dinner?”. 

—

Sam must admit, Jody and Donna are a delight to have in the kitchen. The way they do what has to be done without him having to ask them fifteen times, most of the time he doesn’t even have to ask once. Probably because they have been cooking for longer than him.

But then again, so has Gabriel, and let’s just say he isn’t a delight to have in the kitchen. Currently he’s just sitting at the kitchen counter firing flirty comments left and right, and always hitting Sam’s heart.

He’s down bad. He has been in love a few times before, but never like this. Gabriel really got his heart like no one else.

“So what do you say, Samshine”, Gabriel says, “tonight, you, me, your bed”, he says raising his eyebrows seductively. Sam feels his cheeks heat up, but tries to seem unbothered, rolling his eyes at him. Gabriel just shoots him an amused grin, happy about the effect he has on him.

“I hope you’re not saying stuff like that to my brother, in my kitchen”, Dean exclaims dramatically, as he and Castiel enter the kitchen. Jody leans over the kitchen counter with interest. Sam guesses that Gabriel and Dean always act like this, and that everyone else just enjoys the show. 

“To my defence", Gabriel says, holding up his hands in surrender, “you weren’t here, and you’re always flirting with my brother, so I think we’re even now, Deano”. A huff of a laugh escapes Dean as he walks closer to the others with Castiel in tow.

“By the way, what were you guys doing?”, Gabriel asks, looking between his brother and Dean.

“Yeah, we missed you guys”, Jody adds, reaching to hug Castiel as he approaches.

“We were just discussing some family matters”, Dean answers vaguely before getting caught in a hug from Donna.

“Family matters?”, Jody asks as she pulls away from Castiel, a hint of concern visible on her face.

“It’s not something too serious”, Castiel tells her, “nothing to worry about”, he says, smiling reassuringly.

“What if I want to worry about you?”, Jody asks, “it’s not like I can stop”.

“We’ll tell you later”, Dean says, “but seriously”, he says nearing her, “it’s nothing anybody has to worry about”.

That’s what I tried to tell you , Sam thinks, and he shoots Dean a look that says just that.

He receives a look back that can only be read as, shut up!

“I won’t worry if you just tell me”, Jody tells him, a pleading look on her face. And Sam realizes that almost nobody in this family has any patience.

Dean and Castiel exchange a look, before Dean turns back to look at Jody.

“We’ll tell you tonight”, he says, “okay?”.

“Fine”, Jody says, “I guess I can wait”, she pulls him into a hug.

“We have to wait that long?”, Gabriel asks, his impatience really showing.

“No, you have to wait until tomorrow”, Dean deadpans.

“Hilarious”, Gabriel says dryly.

Sam can’t help but chuckle at them, they’re acting like children, and so he tells them, getting the others to laugh as well.

“Now should we finish dinner so that we can start eating?”, Sam asks as the laughs die down.

“Absolutely”, Donna says, taking out a big baking dish from the oven, “let’s get this show back on the road”. And just like that, almost everyone gets to work in the kitchen.

A few minutes later the girls join them as well.

“Hi, ladies”, Dean greats, “thank you for blessing us with your presents", he says taking a pot off the stove, “dinner’s ready in just a minute”. Mary rolls her eyes at her dad but smiles fondly at him.

“Mary, after dinner”, Castiel says, leaning over the kitchen counter, “there’s something we have to talk about with you, okay?”.

“Okay”, she says with a nod, "something I have to worry about?”, she questions, taking a seat at the counter.

“Why does everyone think it’s something bad?”, Dean asks no one in particular.

“Becasue ‘we need to talk’ is very rarely something good” Gabriel says from where he’s still sitting at the kitchen counter, everyone else nods in agreement. 

“Okay fair”, Dean admits, "but no, it’s not something you have to worry about”, he tells Mary.

“Okay, good”, she says with a nod.

“Good”, Castiel agrees.

“Dinner is served”, Jody announces. 

Everyone gathers around the dining table. Talking, eating, simply enjoying each other's company.

—

“You wanted to talk”, Mary says entering the family office, where both her parents are waiting for her. Dean notes the half nervous smile on her face, even though she clearly tries to hide it.

“Yeah, just a quick chat", Dean says, moving to take a seat on the couch beside Castiel. Mary sits down at the other end of the couch, turning to look at her parents. 

“So eh”, Dean clears his throat. Mary clues in on the fact that he’s nervous as she sees how unsure he is of what he’s about to say, it isn’t like him.

“We’ve kinda had this conversation before”, he says, “it just wasn’t as real then, I guess…”, he trails off.

“Dad”, Mary says, “whatever it is, you can tell me”, she gives him a reassuring smile.

Dean nods, “yeah, okay”, he says, casting a glance at Castiel who nods for him to go on, “do you remember, a few years ago”, he says looking back at Mary, meeting her eyes, they have the exact same shade of blue as Castiel’s, “when we asked you if you would be okay with us having another baby?”.

“Yeah, I remember”, Mary says with a nod.

“Does your answer still stand?”, Dean questions, the nervousness in his features has increased. 

“Yeah, it still stands”, she answers, “I wouldn’t mind having a sibling”, she says with a shrug, and a small smile now paints her face.

At her answer Dean visibly relaxes.

“Good”, he says, Mary shoots him a semi questioning look. And Dean gets the feeling that deep inside she has already figured it out.

He lets out a small chuckle, “we’re gonna have another baby”, he says, his voice going thick, “I’m pregnant”. 

A full smile spreads over Mary’s face, “really?”, she asks. Her parents nod in response. 

“That’s awesome”, she exclaims with a small laugh, scooting closer to them to wrap her arms around Dean.

“Congratulations”, she whispers into his ear.

“Thank you, sweetheart" , Dean whispers back, his voice thick and he can feel his eyes starting to burn with tears.

But it’s okay. He’s okay. 

—

Sam and Gabriel are sitting in the living room. Gabriel has his feet up in Sam’s lap and Sam is gently rubbing his ankle.

After dinner everyone else had gone to do their own thing, so they were now sitting here. Alone. With an old Christmas movie playing on the TV.

Suddenly Gabriel pulls his feet away, making Sam look away from the TV and instead at Gabriel. 

“I was thinking”, Gabriel says as he scoots closer to Sam, “what are we?”, he asks, looking directly into Sam’s pretty eyes.

For a short moment Sam hesitates. Because the truth is, he doesn’t know.

“What do you want us to be?”, he asks, his voice soft. So soft that Gabriel almost melts. 

“Well”, Gabriel says, “I do love the idea of calling you my boyfriend. But maybe it’s too early”, he says with a shrug, averting his gaze towards the TV. Sam can tell that Gabriel’s trying to come across as nonchalant, and that he doesn’t realize that he’s failing pretty badly.

“You know what I think?”, Sam asks.

“What?”, Gabriel wonders, turning his head back to look at him.

“I think”, Sam says playfully, glancing down at Gabriel's lips, “that I would love to be your boyfriend”, he says meeting Gabriel’s eyes before placing a hand at his neck and lightly pulling him towards him to place a kiss to his soft lips.

The kiss deepens before suddenly Gabriel pulls away.

“Hold on”, he says. Sam shoots him a displeased look, he’s almost pouting.

“Don’t give me that look”, Gabriel says, “I just think maybe we should take this somewhere else”, he says. 

“You don’t think the others will notice?”, Sam questions unsure if they really should. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, because he does, it’s just, there’s a lot of people around. 

Gabriel shrugs, “bigger chanse someone will notice tomorrow”, he says, “and I don’t know if I can wait until after christmas to fuck you”. Sam shakes his head, he feels his cheeks his up.

He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to Gabriel’s lips.

“Let’s go then”, he whispers as they pull apart.

And only seconds later they’re upstairs in Sam’s room. With their clothes scattered on the floor.

Notes:

Hope you liked this chapter :)
And if you want please do tell me what you think about this fic so far.
Take care of yourself and I hope I’ll see you for the next chapter as well <3

Chapter 22: It's All So Perfect

Notes:

New chapter, yay!
Hope you enjoy :)

A six year old Mary Alexandra Winchester is asleep on the couch in the living room. It’s been a long day, but a very happy day nonetheless. It has been the first Christmas they celebrate in their own house. 

The others are sitting in the kitchen talking about everything and nothing. Dean goes into the living room where Mary had fallen asleep half an hour ago while they were all watching a christmas movie together. Dean leans against the door frame. Right now, he couldn’t be happier. It’s all been so perfect today. A few years ago he couldn’t even have imagined something like this ever happening to him. He has his own family, his own house, he basically has it all. Everything he could wish for. 

—

Jody places a cup of mint tea in front of Castiel at the kitchen table, before taking the seat across from him with her own cup. Donna had taken the girls out to town to do some last minute Christmas shopping and Dean’s upstairs in the office taking a call from work. So Castiel and Jody are practically alone, since Gabriel and Sam are nowhere to be seen.

“So tell me”, Jody says, lifting her cup of mint tea towards her lips, “what’s on your mind, Castiel?”, she sips her tea.

“Nothing much”, Castiel says, “just the normal Christmas feeling”, he says with a shrug, “and maybe I am a little worried about the fact that people from Dean’s past are joining us this year, but except for that, I’m fine”. 

Jody tilts her head slightly to the side, a look on her face that tells him she doesn’t believe him.

“Castiel”, Jody says, her voice soft but also firm, “I know you like a mother, I can tell when something’s wrong. So talk to me, what’s bothering you?”.

He averts his eyes from hers, “It’s Dean”, he says, “I’m worried about him”. Jody doesn’t say anything, so he continues.

“After everything he’s been through, both in the past and in the past few days, I’m worried he’ll… crack”. 

“The last few days?”, Jody questions, her forehead furrowing in concern. Castiel looks up, meeting her eyes again.

“He has been visiting his past for the last few days”, Castiel explains, “all the corners of his past”. 

“Ou”, she says, because what else can you say? She knows what Dean went through with his father when he was just a kid.

One evening, when he and Castiel had only been with her for a few weeks, she had found him sitting outside on the front porch. When she sat down beside him, he told her everything. She had never asked, never implied she wanted to know what had happened to him, never tried to figure it out. But still he had told her everything.

That evening she vowed to always protect him. Dean deserved to be protected and cared for and loved.

“I’m worried his depression will return”, Castiel tells her, eyes falling to his tea, “last time he saw his father it did, and it took a long while to get through it”.

“I know”, Jody says, “but, he did this willingly, right?”. 

Castiel nods, “yes, he did”, he says, “he sought out his brother, with two intentions", he looks back up at her, “to get a ring his mother left for him and to try and get his brother back into his life”.

“You think this is a bad thing?”, Jody asks carefully.

“Not necessarily”, Castiel answers, “I think, in a way, Dean needs Sam. I’m just scared of what having Sam back means in the long run”.

“I think you might be worrying too much, Castiel”, Jody tells him, a careful smile making its way onto her lips, “Sam seems like a great guy. And Dean knows himself, he knows how much he can take. So try and relax, it’s Christmas after all”, she says, an encouraging smile lighting up her face. Castiel sighs lightly as a small smile starts making its way onto his lips.

“I’ll try not to worry so much”, he says, “but I will definitely still worry”.

“I know you will”, she says, “but try and enjoy yourself as well, okay?”.

“I’ll try”.

—

“You’re crazy for this”, Sam says panting, as they lay beside each other in bed.

“I know”, Gabriel says, “and you love it”. Sam can’t help but let out a small chuckle. 

“That I do”, he admits, leaning over to press a kiss to Gabriel's lips.

“Ready for another round?”, Gabriel asks as their lips part.

“Like I said, crazy”, Sam says with a small laugh. He wraps his arms around Gabriel, pulling him closer. Everything’s so perfect, it almost feels like a dream. But, it’s not a dream, it’s all real. It’s all so real, and so perfect.

“Hey, Sam?”.

“Yeah?”.

“Just checking you’re actually real”.

“I’m real”, Sam says, tightening his grip slightly around his boyfriend.

Boyfriend, he almost can’t believe it.

“I know”, Gabriel says, “but I’m just making sure”, he places a hand behind Sam’s neck, lightly pulling his head down to kiss his lips.

One kiss turns to two, and two turns to three, and three-

There’s a hard knock on the bedroom door.

“I hope I’m not interrupting something!”, Jody’s voice comes from the other side of the door, “but we need your help to get a thing out of the car and into the house!”.

“We’ll be there, just give us a minute!”, Gabriel calls back.

“Thank, just don’t get lost on the way out!”, Jody says.

“Lost?”, Gabriel questions confused.

“In each other’s eyes!”.

They can hear her steps disappearing.

“Did she really say that?”, Gabriel asks. 

“Well, at least in my case she has a right to be worried”, Sam admits with a small shrug, Gabriel turns his head to face him, “I can get lost in your eyes forever”, Sam says softly.

Gabriel rolls his eyes but can feel his cheeks heating up. Sam presses a kiss to his hot cheek.

“I like it when you blush”, he says, “it’s cute”, he presses another kiss to Gabriel’s cheek.

More than a minute has passed when they finally get out of bed to get dressed.

“We should do this again some time”, Gabriel says, pulling his shirt over his head, “maybe tonight?”, he suggests.

Sam comes up to him, still shirtless, “maybe”, he says before kissing Gabriel deeply and tenderly.

“If you keep acting like this, I won’t be able to wait until tonight”, Gabriel says, his voice only half serious.

“Too bad the others need our help”, Sam says teasingly, a sly, playful smile playing on his lips.

“You’re just as crazy as I am”, Gabriel comments, sounding almost pleased. He steps out of Sam’s arms

He picks up Sam's shirt from the floor and throws it at him. Sam catches it with ease.

“Thanks”.

“Don’t thank me, princess”, Gabriel says with a smirk, “I’m just making sure I get to see you take it off at least one more time”.

—

“There you two are”, Donna says as they exit the house, “we thought you’d never show”.

Jody, Donna, the girls and Cas are standing on the front porch looking onto the driveway. Parked in the driveway is Donna’s car, and strapped to the roof of the car is a tree. A Christmas tree. A big Christmas tree.

“How did you even get that up there?”, Sam asks, eyes glued to the green monstrosity. Sure it’s fun to have a christmas tree, but did they have to take the biggest one they could find?

Alex, who was standing by one of the columns, comes up to them, a big smile plastered on her face, she looks almost proud, “the guys at the cultivation helped us”, she tells them, "they needed five guys to get it up there”.

“You couldn’t find a bigger one?”, Gabriel asks her sarcastically.

She lets out a chuckle, “we tried”, she says, “but this was the biggest one they had”.

“How are you even planning on getting it inside?”, Sam asks, looking down at her.

“That’s where you two come in”, Donna says, patting both Sam and Gabriel on the shoulder, “you strong boys are gonna help us carry it inside”.

“Not that I’m questioning you”, Castiel says from where he’s standing next to Mary, “but where are you going to put it?”.

“Same as last year”, Donna says with a shrug, “your living room”. It does sound like an easy enough solution.

“Need I remind you, you had a smaller tree last year?”, Castiel says, giving her a look.

“So it’s a few extra spruce needles this year”, she says, “I’m sure it’ll still fit”.

“What makes you so sure, honey?”, Jody lightly questions.

“‘Cause it has to fit”, she says determinately, “and because if it doesn’t I’ll lose a bet to Winchester junior”, she says, shooting Mary a look.

Mary smiles sweetly back at her.

“I bet her twenty bucks me and Alex could find a tree that was too big for the house”, Mary says, sounding proud.

Castiel rolls his eyes at her, “you’re just like your father”, he mumbles before going towards Donna’s car.

“Come along”, he calls back to the others, “the tree isn’t going to walk itself inside”. The others hurry after him.

Sam unstraps the tree from the car roof. And together they carefully pull it down, doing their best not to scratch Donna’s car. The tree lands on the ground with a soft thud.

“Okay everyone”, says Donna, “grab ahold and we’ll do this together”. Everyone grabs the tree and together they get it up from the ground. It’s heavy and hurts if you grab it wrong. But eventually they get it to the front door.

Jody reaches for the door with one hand while still holding the tree with the other.

“Okey everyone let’s get this thing inside”, Jody calls from the front as she gets the door open.

“There’s gonna be so many spruce needles in the house”, Gabriel comments with a laugh in disbelief that they’re actually bringing this enormous tree inside the house.

“Dibs not to vacuum!”, Mary calls from the back, where she’s holding the stem.

They start hauling the tree inside and when they’re halfway there the stairs creak, and then stop.

“When I agreed that you guys would choose the christmas tree, this wasn’t what I had in mind”.

Everyone’s gaze goes to the stairs.

“But you did say, pick any tree you want”, Alex shoots back.

A deep sigh, “I guess I did”, Dean admits, walking down the rest of the stairs.

“Charlie’s coming over in about twenty minutes”, he tells them, “so let’s get this inside before she arrives”.

"Couldn't agree more”, Jody says, “a giant tree in the doorway isn’t really the best welcome one can get”.

When Dean looks over at Sam before grabbing ahold of the tree, he shoots Dean a worried look. He gives Sam a reassuring smile, trying to tell him it’s not a problem. Dean knows his body, this isn’t gonna do anything, especially not this early on.

After about ten minutes they get the christmas tree through the front door and into the living room. Where they, just for now, leave it on the floor.

“That took way longer than I thought it would”, Donna admits wiping at her forehead.

“Now we just have to get it into the base”, Mary says.

“Yeah, and let’s hope it fits”, Dean says, “you guys didn’t exactly pick a regular sized tree”, he says eyeing Donna and the girls.

“I’ll go get the base”, Castiel says, leaving the living room.

A few minutes later he returns with the dark green Christmas tree base.

“You think it is gonna fit into this?”, he questions, holding up the base.

“Let’s hope it does”, Jody answers, bending down to grab ahold of the tree once again, “okay everyone let’s get this tree standing”.

Castiel places the base on the floor. And together they all start trying to get the enormous christmas tree into its base. And it is a struggle. 

“Looks like I’ll get my twenty bucks”, Mary calls to Donna after about five minutes of trying to get the tree into the base.

“Don’t be so sure”, Donna calls back, “we’re not giving up yet”.

And lo and behold, after another five minutes they actually get the huge christmas tree into it’s base.

“I think it needs a little trim", Gabriel comments. 

“You think?”, Dean questions sarcastically.

The top of the tree is bending down because it’s too tall for the roof in the living room.

“We should’ve put it in the entrance”, Donna says.

“Too late for that now”, Alex says, “I’m not helping move it back”, she says plopping down on the couch.

“Let’s just leave it”, Jody says, “it has a certain charm, this way”, she says with a chuckle.

“What do you say, Mary”, Donna says, “call it a tie?”, she asks, holding out her fist towards Mary. 

Mary looks up at the tree, then at Donna, “sure”, she agrees, fist bumping Donna.

The doorbell rings and Dean goes to open the door.

Upon opening the door he’s greeted with a bright smile.

“What’s up, bitch? I brought cupcakes”.

“Hey, Charlie. It’s good to see you again”.

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
I post as often as possible but it’s been quite a lot with school lately so it might take a while until the next chapter is finished, but please have patience <3

Remember to take care of yourself!
Love ya <3