Chapter Text
“I’m happy.” Simon thinks as he sprints to class, getting a slight cramp as he rounds the next corner, almost colliding with the crosswalk signal, as he speeds around the curve. He is late, not a surprise, to his last class of the day, having lingered too long over coffee with his choir friend. He huffs into his seat, this seminar one of his last for his Masters, as he mostly just works on his thesis these days. Is he happy? He thinks so. It feels right to say most of the time. He loves tutoring kids in music, he loves the choir he gets to sing in and he’s happy thinking about helping kids love and understand music as he pursues his Masters of Arts in Music Education.
The professor greets them all as he sits down and he knows he needs to get out of his head. This isn’t a class where a bunch of 19 years old are lectured at. This is a Master's class where they are like peers and expected to show up and engage. He runs his hand through his curls, slightly damp at the roots from his quick sprint from the coffee shop to here. He is happy, he thinks, mostly. As long as… as long as he doesn’t think about him. He knows that as long as he focuses on his work, hobbies and future, he is happy. As long as he doesn’t think about that last time, when he was just 16. When he’d told Wille to have a nice summer too and meant it, heartbroken but determined to save himself from the madness of the Royal Court. He’d walked away and it had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do.
“Simon?” he hears vaguely and realizes he is NOT out of his head, so he snaps his head up, shakes his curls a bit and breathes in deeply, “Yes?” and moves on, again.
His feet are hitting the pavement over and over. He loves the rhythm of his running, the repetitive sound his body makes, the pumping action of his legs as he leans into the pain at times. He loves the music blasting in his ears, drowning out the outside world as he focuses on his body and breath. It’s a particular feeling, running. He never thought he’d come to love it, but he does. After a certain life altering event, he had to try something to ease the anxiety and whirlwind of his mind and heart. He also was tired of being the target of teasing for being small and therefore assumed to be weak. He was always petite and didn’t love physical exercise, but he still cringes when he remembers those training runs for rowing, when he’d get so winded. Simon is still embarrassed that he and Wille cheated the course just to win.
So, after a rough start to running and working out, he came to really enjoy running. And the gym, the routine of it was so soothing and having the endorphin rush also was amazing. It really saved him during those last couple of years in school in Sweden and later when he left for New York City. He takes in a deep breath and digs in for the last strides. It’s just a quick warm up before he meets his running group. His runs have increased in length and intensity lately as he follows a new training regime for a marathon. Yup, the New York City Marathon. He still kind of can’t believe he is doing it, but he is. He loves running, smiling as remembers telling Rosh about it,
“You’re gonna do what??? The New York City Marathon? The most well-known marathon in the world???!!”
“Yup all 26 miles of it."
“What the fuck is that in kilometers?” she'd sputtered as she tried to wrap her mind around Simon telling her about his plan to do the NYC Marathon. Simon just giggled at her as she tried to do the maths.
“It’s 42 kilometers, but I’ve already been training, it’ll be fine.” as she continued to curse and wonder how the fuck he’d fit it in with everything else he does already.
“It will be fine Rosh. I only have one class, and I have all of next semester to completely focus on my thesis. This plus my tutoring and choir are manageable. I can do it.”
“God, sometimes I feel so unproductive compared to you, but then I realize I am at least getting laid and not celibate, so then I feel so much better about myself.”
“Wow, thanks. I’m glad we aren’t competing or anything. I didn’t realize the status of my love life was going to factor into our scorecards?” he said with no bite at all.
Rosh snorts, “Love life? Come on Simon. I don’t think you can even say status when there is none at all. Thank god you have hobbies and drive."
Simon shrugs her off, trying to redirect back to his training plan. He’d joined an online training group and they were about to meet up. He’d been running on his own and he loved that but, also thought a group would be helpful to keep him accountable and also to pump each other up. Whatever that meant. While he knew he could do the marathon, he also had some trepidation, and it felt good in theory to meet other runners who were going to run it as well.
He’d find out soon enough. He slows his pace and comes to the meeting spot. He’d gotten an email with all the details and there’d been about 15 people on the chain. They wouldn’t all be able to attend each training session, but they’d be 5 days a week and whichever you could come to was fine. He was going to try for at least 4 per week. He hadn’t recognized anyone's names, Shelley, Micah, Kendra, Will, Griffin, Raul… but that wasn’t surprising as his circle in the city was pretty small. While he wasn’t doing it to make new friends, he did think meeting more people into running could be fun. He was really starting to feel like New York was home and if he was going to stay long term, it’d be good to meet more people.
They are going to run the four-mile loop on Park Drive, so they are meeting just north of the 102nd street crossing. He’d warmed up a bit beforehand and feels kind of awkward just standing there, but soon enough someone shows up who says hi and then there’s a small bunch standing around making introductions as they realize they are the running group. Kendra seems to be the organizer, so folks are introducing themselves as the circle shifts as a late runner comes up,
“Hey..” someone says, slightly breathless and, as Simon looks up, his whole body freezes and his face drains of color,
“I’m Will.” he says as he scans the small group and does a small wave, pushing his blondish hair out of his eyes.
Oh fuck, not the awkward hair pushed out of his eyes.
It can’t be. It isn’t.
Is he having a stroke?
It is.
It can be.
It is Wille.
Why the fuck is Will his Wille?
When Wille’s eyes meet his, his face also drains of color and his mouth falls open. Obviously neither of them expects this, nor know what to do, or think. Simon tries to take a breath in and steps back a bit out of the circle. Kendra is saying something, but he doesn’t know what. Others are talking. He hears nothing. He leans over, puts his hands on his knees and closes his eyes. He is vaguely aware that he has moved out of the circle. After a moment, he feels someone approach,
“Are you okay?” and he is so glad it’s a woman’s voice. He forces in another breath and pushes off his knees to stand up.
He meets her gaze and tries to appear like a normal human.
“Yeah, sorry. I think I ate something bad, so I think I’m gonna skip this run. I’ll try to come tomorrow.” trying to be brief and not feel bad about lying to someone he just met.
She nods sympathetically and nods, “Okay, feel better and nice to meet you. Hope to see you tomorrow, Simon.”
Kendra places a gentle hand on his shoulder and moves back towards the group and they run off. Simon closes his eyes and when he opens his eyes. Wille or Will, whatever he goes by now, is right in front of his face, pale and eyes wide.
“Hi Simon.” he says, meeting his gaze, then shifting his weight from foot to foot.
Simon looks at him, “What are you doing in my running group? In New York? ….” sputtering on his last word, shaking his head,
“I mean, what the fuck Wille? Or Will…?” he says resignedly or battling to understand what this mix of feelings even is, shock, anger, anxiety… definitely anxiety and also curiosity seems to be in the mix too.
Wille looks anxious too and also seems to be struggling to know what to say.
“I’m doing my Masters at Columbia. And I like to run, I always have since…well… you know… school, so I joined up to try to meet people and just be more disciplined…”
They both fall silent and literally just stare at each other. Simon can’t think of what to say and apparently neither can Wille. His eyes still hold those gold flecks and he remembers the last time he looked into them and he looks away. He takes a deep breath and steps back, “I gotta go, I’m not feeling well.”
Wille nods, “Ok.. and I’m…” and he stops, brushes those damn bangs out of his face and before he can continue to speak, Simon bolts. As fast as he can.