Tag, You're Her!

by arachnesHalo

Summary:

Es' life at university with his friends was normal, until one day his friend Matt accidentally cursed them all into playing a high stakes game of Tag.

With the stakes so high, they'll just have to see if they have the balls to win.

An eggfic with collateral damage.

Chapter 1: Matt

Notes:

Hi! I'm working on NICCIQUEST but in the meantime have an Eggfic I've started writing over the past few days... it's very silly.

:)

The pounding of my friend Kyle's shoes is unmistakable. I quickly try to dodge to the side of the corridor but he collides with me hard.

I fall over onto the floor with my bag and Kyle's lanky frame draped over me. He untangles himself from me and then offers me a hand while eyeing the corridor like a hawk.

"Sorry Es, but we might as well get out of here before faculty finds us on the floor. Or worse still could happen and he could find us here."

I scowl at him and pick myself up without his aid.

"I thought you were meant to be good at this."

"You know I am man. I'm just rusty and this is fucking terrifying, okay?" I nod, the thought of being caught is terrifying to me.

"I'm on my way to try to work in the library. I can run fast enough if I need to, like I did last night."

"He'll find you there and get you. We have to go off the grid, Es. We have to leave campus."

Es isn't my legal name. It's a nickname I've preferred for years now though, and luckily my friends aren't assholes about it even when our lives are being torn apart.

"No we don't Kyle, she'll give up for the afternoon eventually. She has a life too so she has to calm down eventually... we've been doing this for nearly a day now."

"I don't want to be-" Kyle's speech is interrupted by the skidding of trainers from the other end of the corridor.

The woman wearing them laughs to herself and regains her balance. I lock eyes with her and Kyle begins to hoist me down the corridor in an instant.

She continues her gleeful pursuit.

-----

This all started yesterday evening. It was a Sunday night and me and my friends had got together at Kyle & Ethan's accommodation. It's the biggest place any of us have.

It was the usual sort of ordeal for a Sunday night. Five guys who hang out frequently at university shoot the shit and drink all night long. Eventually we'd pass out watching random YouTube videos and wake up collectively hungover, all in time for class the next day. We did it every week and a few times in the middle of it.

Last night went very differently to how it usually goes though.

I arrived there around 5PM with not much on me but my messenger bag and a few cans of cider.

Kyle was already drinking a beer and laughing at his phone on the sofa. He flicked his combed blond hair to the side as I came in and gave me a fist bump. I accepted it and cracked open a cider.

Ethan came into the lounge a few minutes later and gave us a disapproving look. Then he sat down next to Kyle on the sofa with his considerably shorter stature. Kyle is more than a few inches taller than him, and never fails to poke fun at how small Ethan is compared to him. Usually also how small he is compared to everyone else.

Puberty hadn't done much for Ethan, I'd always thought he was luckier for it.

I suggested we play some Mario Kart while we wait for the others, then Ethan started drinking one of my ciders and agreed. We ended up playing eight tracks before Jeremy arrived.

Kyle played Princess Peach, Ethan played Koopa Troopa and I played Daisy.

Jeremy knocked on the door and Ethan let him in while I narrowly edged out Kyle in the ninth race.

The contrast between Jeremy and Ethan is more startling than Kyle and Ethan.

Jeremy plays for a local football team regularly and has been doing so since he was a teenager. He's by far the tallest of us and the most physically well developed. He also often gloats about how he's the only one of us who has a girlfriend currently. Her name is Sabrina and he cares about her deeply.

It's an act that Ethan never fails to tut at. I think they've developed a bit around it at this point. Ethan's never had a boyfriend, so he complains about it constantly to create contrast with the gloating.

Jeremy grabbed a tall can of beer from the fridge and sat down to join us. We all squeezed together tightly and restarted for another round of races.

Kyle started talking about the great boobs on the girls in the game and ribbed Jeremy into playing Rosalina. If two guys were playing girls, why not three?

We got four races in before Matt finally arrived. Him and that damned ceramic plate. None of us could have guessed what would be happening in a day's time as a result of it.

I should have known something was wrong when I noticed that smirk on his face. He quietly slipped the ceramic plate onto one of the kitchen counters and sat on the arm of the sofa next to me.

We all clasped hands with him and cheered uproariously as he started with a vodka Red Bull. I struggled to avoid staring at his curly dark hair while Jeremy and Kyle taunted each other aggressively.

Ethan won the fifth race, he was cool and collected the entire time.

Kyle rotated out and headed to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat. I remember seeing him curiously staring at the ceramic plate while Matt picked red Yoshi and proceeded to floor everyone in his first race.

He came back nibbling on a cookie and for an hour or two we took turns getting thrashed by Matt. All the while we proceeded into an ever deeper state of drunkenness- and quickly forgot about the imminent stresses of our respective degrees.

Usually Matt was the most competitive of us, even Jeremy wasn't more competitive and he played local sports weekly.

Kyle had always claimed to be "really good at a few specific games that he'd never get a chance to prove his worth in these days", whatever that meant. Ethan had never shown a competitive bone beyond silently creeping up scoreboards.

I didn't care for the rituals. I just liked hanging out with my friends and we usually had pretty good times together. University and my life were hard enough to manage already without getting myself worked up over drinking games that ended badly.

The evening continued like this until someone finally asked Matt about the ceramic plate. He broke into a chuckle and downed his drink there and then.

What followed was a retelling of his afternoon.

After his 2PM lecture, Matt had apparently gone on a walk through town to look for something fun to spice up tonight. He'd looked through the local game stores and found nothing particularly new. He'd looked for some particularly strong alcohol and found nothing too new to our palettes.

Then he walked into a charity shop on a whim and saw the ceramic plate. It was perched on a shelf in the back and he was enthused by it immediately.

It had green and white swirling together on it to form a mesmerising pattern. He measured it before he came over and it was fourteen inches wide. What really drew him to it was the fact that it had faint runes inscribed into it, and he knew Ethan had some experience vaguely reading runes. Ethan nodded at this point and mentioned he'd been sneaking glances at it to try and figure out the linguistic origin of the runes.

Matt continued and said he bought it instantly to show to us as a cool knicknack. Maybe if nothing else we could place shot glasses on the runes and do something silly?

It seemed fairly innocuous from his story. I wasn't sure what to say about it but Matt was one of my oldest friends and he always meant well. He put in a lot of work to keep us together, Matt was the glue that held our ragtag band together.

We drunkenly started poking and prodding it when it was brought over.

Ethan kept telling us to be careful as he looked through a heavy book from his personal bookshelf. I joined in and might have contributed to annoying him past a point, but it was usual fare. We were a group of guys, this was our bread and butter right?

Frankly I was just happy for a distraction.

A few drinks later we were all incredibly drunk to varying degrees, and it's a miracle I remember that many details past that point.

All I know is Ethan managed to figure out what a few of the runes were meant to be read as. In his drunken state he was very funny trying to explain the Indo-European origin of them.

I know then I did a very stupid thing, because I suggested Matt read them out as if it was some dumb magic ritual. We all got a good laugh out of the suggestion. Kyle knocked into Jeremy and spilled his beer while laughing.

Matt's never been one to turn down a challenge or fun opportunity though. He got us all to lay our hands around the rim of the plate and asked for a description of what the runes said on Ethan's phone.

So, five drunk guys who had class in eleven hours ended up trying to take a magical reading of a ceramic plate seriously.

From the first word he read out loud I think everyone could tell it was a mistake. I don't know what anyone else felt but I remember my fingers feeling like they were magnetised to the plate. As Matt spoke what I could guess to be a dialect of Latin, the room stilled and I went still and hoped this would all be over and just a harmless prank.

Then the runes started to glow a bright pink and swirl into the air to form a neon pink cloud. Kyle started screaming at this point. Matt didn't stop reading though, I looked at his face at one point and he looked enthralled by the words he was uttering.

The cloud began to form into discernable letters as the runes pulsed and whirred ethereally. It was a simple phrase in English: "You're It!"

As quickly as what looked like a hallucination came, the letters dispersed into the air and my body buzzed with a nauseauting warmth.

Everyone else had a glowing pink outline around them. No one was even panicking at this point, I think we were all just in shock.

My eyes passed to Matt and the warmth faded. He was glowing so brightly. Then his form started twisting and shifting beneath the shroud of light. I looked at the others and saw none of them glowing anymore. I immediately turned my gaze back to Matt's face and saw the light fading from around him.

But there was a woman there instead. She wore Matt's features and had cute eyes like hazelnuts he had, but her hair was now longer and it framed her face to make it look softer. It was also incredibly obvious she now had a chest that Matt didn't usually have.

She was still discernably Matt though. Matt was still wearing her own clothes and shoes and had a recognisably dumb look on her face. I wasn't sure how to refer to her then but I could see the start of a grin forming so it was probably okay to refer to Matt as a woman? I would be glad to be referred to as a woman if something like that happened to me.

This thought was replaced with the biggest issue that my longest known friend had just been magically transformed into a woman by magic. The same magical pink light that passed through all of us. Somewhere in my drunken mind I felt oddly tingly about this whole situation.

But all we had to go off was the phrase "You're It!" appearing in mid-air, and then one of us being turned into a woman. Everyone else was hopefully catching on to the dire stakes of the situation at least.

I moved my hands off the plate as soon as I was allowed to in case anything more substantial happened.

I remember that Kyle had a look of terror on his face before running into the bathroom. Ethan paled and started flicking through the book again, seemingly oblivious to our reactions. Jeremy was shifting uncomfortably and trying to edge off the sofa without much subtletly. I just stared at Matt's evil grin and heard her giggle ominously, her voice was brighter and sounded much more like the Matt I knew before puberty.

She looked at all of us in turn while I was frozen. I think we must have all got what was happening very quickly, and Kyle must have because he had run away from Matt first.

Everyone knows what game "You're It!" is associated with, and it didn't take a room of drunk people to guess what would happen if we were caught.

Matt spoke for the first time in her bright new voice.

"I'll give you all a headstart for fun."

I could see Kyle out of the window opposite me sprinting off under streetlights. Ethan bolted back to his room. Jeremy broke free of his nerves and barrelled out the door in a rush.

I was still caught in the headlights of her eyes. I was slightly curious to know what actually happened if she caught someone, but that all changed when she started to get up.

My inebriated body snatched up my bag and left the living room in a panic, with only Matt and the ceramic plate left in it.

I could hear her footfalls as I ran out the open door and tried to desperately escape.

I didn't stop sprinting until I reached my room and slammed it shut. Then I prayed the others on my floor wouldn't be mad about me barging in late at night.

Matt sent a selfie of herself posing cutely to our text thread with the message "You can't run forever - Mattie" with a winking emoji. Butterflies churned in my stomach and I pushed them down and tried to sober up.

This morning Mattie was still a woman, and earlier I saw her nearly catching Jeremy outside the chemistry labs. No one had messaged in the group chat since her message.

It felt like a war had begun on campus. The first shots were only a blurry memory to our hungover bodies.

-----

It's two hours later in a Subway when mine and Kyle's phones ping. We got here thirty minutes ago after losing Mattie just on the edge of campus. I'm exhausted, my nerves had been on constant alert all day and I just wanted a break from Kyle's manic state.

It was scary the thought of being turned into a girl, sure. But what is it worth running two hours in the afternoon to get away from?

He's been fidgeting ever since he finished his sandwich, and the ping only made him more anxious.

"Chill. She's not going to randomly grab one of us by the shoulder in a sandwich shop."

"You don't know that Es. If I was It I'd be doing the sneakiest and most cunning moves, tagging my friend in Subway could be the strategy." Kyle has always claimed to be good at games like Tag from when he was younger. Whether he is still that good or not has yet to be shown from under a day of gameplay.

I'm just trying to survive and go to university while not letting the worries overtake me.

"I'm checking my phone Kyle. Keep watch if you have to."

The ping was from our group chat, the first message since Mattie's original message. She's asking us to meet on "neutral" territory this evening. Neutral territory in this case meaning mine or Jeremy's room, since Kyle & Ethan's place was where this started.

Apparently she's not going to try and catch us there, because she thinks we should probably figure out rules and etiquette if we've been magically cast into this. She apologises for acting a bit mad for the past day. It's agreeable I suppose. I look up to see Kyle staring at his phone as well.

"What'd you think Kyle? Do you think we should go?"

"No. If he's already committed enough to this to call himself Mattie, then he won't hesitate to tag one of us okay?"

"It seems like a good idea actually. We could just try and figure out a safe way for this to go, the plate is still at your place right?"

"Yeah. Ethan put it in a box in his closet when I went back there to change my clothes."

"Right."

"I have to keep on my toes constantly, or I'll have a rack like Mattie. He does have good tits to be honest. Not that I'm gay or anything."

I just nod slowly and send a text offering my room as neutral territory. Then I get up from the chair and sling my bag over my shoulder.

"Well I'm going back to mine. You should come, safety in numbers and all."

"I can survive well enough on my own."

"If you say so." Truthfully I still have classwork to do today, which I was going to do before Kyle dragged me to Subway. I had an assignment to finish for tomorrow.

I start walking towards the door and Kyle catches up to me before I can even turn the handle.

"Fine. I'll come with you Es, but as soon as it's done I'm legging it."

"That's okay with me."

We begin to cautiously make our way to my accommodation. Most of the caution comes from Kyle and not me, I think if Mattie was actually trying to catch us before the meeting I wouldn't be able to stop her. I'm just speed walking while he drags me behind bushes every few seconds.

It takes us twenty minutes longer to reach mine as a result. As a result I have very little time to work on my assignment, not that I would have got much done with Kyle pacing back and forth in my room constantly.

Jeremy is the first to arrive. He looks exhausted and his shirt is soaked through with sweat. I ignore Kyle's paranoid glances and greet him warmly.

"You okay Jeremy? Did you run here?"

"Yeah. It's good practise for the game on Friday right? Sabrina said she was able to come watch so I've gotta keep my strength up."

"Are you stressed at all or? Kyle has been having heart palpitations and we lost Mattie over an hour ago."

"I just wanna be able to have normal guys' nights still. If Mattie enjoys this I'll play along, but I just don't want her to go too far."

I nod at him and he sits down on my bed next to Kyle. I can hear Kyle briefly apologising to him for something last night. You can really tell how different people they are from this position.

The jittery blond currently going on about his strategies to avoid Mattie, compared to the well-built guy who seems mainly concerned about his match in a few days.

Ethan arrives a few minutes later and silently nods at me, then he takes my chair and starts flipping through a book.

"Ethan?" He looks up at me annoyed.

"What is it Es? I'm reading up."

"Reading up on what?"

"The runes? So we can translate the rest of it and see if that in any way helps us."

"What did the stuff Mattie read out even say?"

"A mantra inscribed into the outer rim of the plate. In English it'd be something like... "Chase. Hunt. Fall. Transform."."

"Oh. I'm sorry for maybe suggesting she read it out loud. I know you have Linguistics work to be doing that isn't related to possibly being turned into a girl."

He shrugs at me and goes back to reading. I wash my face in the bathroom out of stress and when I get out there's a knock at the door.

I open it and see Mattie in front of me. She's put a bit of effort into making her newly longer hair look nice. I recognise all her clothes but she's obviously picked the more tight-fitting parts of her wardrobe to wear. Her top more clearly shows off her new chest underneath it.

It's obvious even to me though she could do with some more fitting outfits that aren't just guy clothes. Girls have different figures to guys right?

If I was knowledgeable enough I'd also guess she was wearing a smidgen of makeup. She's really getting into this huh? At least she's smiling at me about it, so it must be fun.

"Es!" She goes in for a hug. I'm unable to stop her and accept my fate.

Mattie pulls back from the hug and looks at me weirdly.

"I wouldn't tag you in neutral territory, come on let's get this over with."

She pulls me into the room in front of the other guys while I blush and look away.

"Okay guys! Let's discuss rules and etiquette."

"How about I run out of the room and you never tag me? Can that be a rule?" Kyle asks sardonically.

"That'd be no fun. Besides we don't know what the magic that's transformed me does! Maybe not playing just does something worse."

"She has a point. We don't understand how the magical mechanics of this game of Tag specifically work." Ethan says, barely looking up from reading.

"She? Mattie, are you committing this hard to being a woman just for the game? Everyone's been referring to you as one all day." Kyle crosses his arms and glares at her, I just stand more to the side near Ethan and smile nervously at Jeremy. He makes a wanking gesture directed at Kyle.

"Well, since you asked so nicely Kyle, yes. I'm going by Mattie and would prefer to be referred to as a woman. I might as well see what happens! It's all in the spirit of the game and having fun with my friends." She sounds excited about being a woman, I'm so happy for her.

Jeremy nods and says "Good on you Mattie."

"Fine. Just don't expect me to suddenly call myself Kylie or Ke-" Kyle pauses speaking as he makes a disgusted face. "-or any other girls' names if you somehow manage to tag me and the same happens."

Ethan throws one of my pens at Kyle. He squeals and flips the bird back.

"That's fine Kyle. No one's asking you to." Mattie tries to regain control of the situation and flicks her hair back. "Anyway. I want us to set up some rules about this, it'll make it more fun and fair for everyone. Unless no one wants to play at all and we just want Ethan to nerd until we can figure out how to maybe circumvent the magic."

Silence. I don't want to speak up and be the first to suggest we quit something that's already begun. Kyle looks like he wants to speak but he doesn't in the end. Ethan scrunches his face then sticks it back in his book. Jeremy is flitting his eyes between us all.

"Okay then. Rule one: No tagging in neutral territory. Can someone write this down?"

I nod and take a pen and pad from my desk and start scribbling her words down.

"Thanks Es. Anyway from this moment onwards, neutral territory is defined as the dwelling of a participant in the game who is not "It". It'd be quite rude and go against the spirit of the game to tag someone in their own home or someone else's refuge."

Nods all around, a fair rule.

"If you're at "Its" place, it's your own funeral okay? You know what you're risking. Apart from Ethan and Kyle's place, the whole thing apart from their rooms is neutral territory. So just keep in mind if you ever want to not play or hide out, just stay at your place. This also means no tagging on neutral territory during our usual social events."

"Rule two: We're still friends. We're not dicks to each other and we should still keep up our university work no matter what happens during this game okay? So just don't mess with someone's schedule or social life too hard to tag them."

I glare at Kyle then go back to writing.

"Rule three: Ethan is clearly hard at work to try and translate the rest of the runes, so just keep that in mind and don't mess with the magical ceramic plate. It could mess with the end-game state and have really undesirable effects for all of us. Okay?"

Jeremy murmurs in agreement and I nod happily at Mattie.

"Rule four: Please say if you're It in the group chat for clarity. Maybe even take a cute picture of yourself like I did." Kyle rolls his eyes.

"And remember, this is meant to be fun! We're young and dumb and so let's just mess around and enjoy ourselves. Thank you for getting all that down Es." She smiles at me.

"I'll text it all to the group after this, yeah."

"Okay! Great chat. I have some physics work to do this evening so I probably won't be out until tomorrow morning but... I'll see you all tomorrow! Maybe we can meet at someone's place tomorrow night for some mid-week drinks?"

Kyle shoots his hand up. "Mine. I want guranteed safety Mattie."

I make a mental note to head to Kyle's tomorrow night if my life hasn't been turned upside down by then.

Ethan suggests we head out in intervals just to make sure Mattie doesn't tag anyone this second. Jeremy heads out first as he has practice very soon, Kyle follows shortly after and then Ethan goes. Before Mattie heads out she gives me another hug.

"Good luck, Es. I believe in your ability to win this if you can avoid me." She winks at me and then jogs out my room.

The butterflies in my stomach torment me while I lie down and try to nap. I'll finish my work later.

-----

The next morning, I drag myself out the door and start to walk to my lecture. I'm keeping my eyes peeled for Mattie as I go, because as absurd as the past day and a bit has been, it's kind of fun to be playing something so child-like as an adult.

Nothing has gone on in the group chat but passive-aggressive exchanges between Kyle and Mattie. Jeremy had a date last night with Sabrina while Ethan is nowhere to be seen. Nothing about someone else being tagged and what exactly happens.

My lecture goes well if not slightly boring compared to the exciting thought of what's presently happening. It's fun right? It's scary but still fun. Mattie had a lot of good points yesterday.

I walk out in the late morning sun and around an open area surrounded by four university buildings we call the Quadrant.

I stumble back as Kyle flashes past me like a bolt of lightning. He just barely avoids knocking me over again. I look to my left and see Mattie laughing and following close behind him, close to well... me!

It's time to get your game on Es.

I run to join Kyle and quickly catch up to him due to the lightness of my bag today. He cocks his head at me and we begin to head to the east side of campus.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Why are you following me man? Now she'll get us both."

"Kyle there's only one It at a time in Tag."

"Shut up. You're ruining my strategy." He takes a deep breath and pauses for a moment. Then suddenly he's not running next to me anymore.

I turn around to see him regaining his footing after tripping over. It's like watching a car crash in slow motion, I can't move any further as I watch it happen. Mattie is only a few metres behind him. She's beaming and her curls are bouncing on her shoulders as she runs and-

-she firmly grips Kyle's shoulder. I'm too far away to exactly make out the words but I can tell exactly what she's saying.

"You're It."

Pink light transfers from Mattie to Kyle and he's cloaked in a cocoon of vibrant colours. As much as I want to keep my eyes on Kyle, I also can't help but keep looking at Mattie intermittently to see what's happening to her.

She looks the same for now even as the pink light goes ever more faint to brighten Kyle's cocoon. That's weird, I didn't think this would work like that?

I don't have time to think about it anymore because the cocoon explodes into a brilliant pastel rainbow. I share a friendly gaze with Mattie as she shrugs at me while looking over herself. Then I turn away and begin to leg it off campus to grab lunch.

And I'm just in time too, because I can hear the high pitched screams of what is unmistakably now Kyle.

I don't want to find out what happens if I stay near him.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Going to try and post these every days to a week depending on how quickly I get them done.

Hopefully I still have it in me to write Eggfic!!!

Chapter 2: Kyle

He was only tagged this morning, yet somehow it feels like he's been tagged for a day already. Kyle's messages have flooded the group chat and numerous of us have had very near misses with his aggressive methods of trying to tag us at every inconvenient opportunity possible.

He waited outside the toilets for me twenty minutes ago and I only made it out through splashing his face with cold water.

Kyle's transformation is certainly more dramatic than Mattie's was.

He went from a lanky but decently sized guy with short blond hair into... what is certainly a world away if not for him still retaining some lankyness and his complexion.

His hair is now long, blonder and bouncy. It trails down his back and is a shade or two brighter than the muddiness of his hair as a guy. His lips are plump, and he has a cuter nose and rounder jaw.

None of this is even mentioning his most obvious changes. Like the dramatic shift to his voice and how sultry and girly he sounds now when he screams at you; I wonder if he sounded like that before puberty? I'd be jealous if he did, I think.

Kyle has really big boobs. I don't think Mattie urgently needs a bra but Kyle clearly does. They look really hard to run in. I only lost him once earlier because he had to stop because of his back hurting and he subsequently started complaining about it.

There's also other proportions he's so obviously developed as a result of being tagged.

I feel bad for him, but also it's kind of funny to see him flail around uselessly. It's at least given me the space to appreciate how pretty he looks now and did before as well. I'm not sure if Ethan has ever had a crush on him, but I think I would get it if he did?

He's clearly lost a few inches and his clothes barely fit him anymore from the few times I've caught a glimpse of him and his rack. Maybe it'd be easier to sympathise with that aspect if he wasn't currently a screaming maniac, which does make it hard for me to sympathise too much.

It's not like I'm that jealous though. Just because his pretty silver eyes sparkle quite beautifully when he's hurling insults at you, all the while he stampedes after you in shoes far too big for him.

We're all hoping he'll have calmed down by tonight for our night of drinking.

Usually we call them guys' nights, but it feels weird to label it as a guys' night right now when two of our number are visibly women. Albeit one of them is far more enthuastically embracing womanhood. Why do I feel left out? It's not like I want to get caught or I'd have let Mattie catch me earlier instead of Kyle.

I'm presently parked at the back of the library. My phone is open to the group chat and Kyle is talking a big game about how he'll catch one of us today and lose his "ungainly" boobs.

I should be reading through a chapter in my textbook but instead I'm staring at the selfie Kyle sent soon after he was tagged. He's pouting while batting his long eyelashes. He shortly after sent the text; "I'M IT. YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU DID THIS TO ME MATTIE. I'M COMING FOR YOU ALL, NO ONE IS SAFE!!!!!".

He's certainly always been a sore loser, especially when drunk. He could just not want to be a woman? He's made that pretty clear even if somewhat crudely.

I guess I understand? Maybe I do? I'm not sure. Maybe if he tags someone he'll change back unlike Mattie who clearly hasn't yet. If she enjoys being one more that could be why she hasn't changed back yet, she's always been quick to adapt to new situations.

My textbook glares at me so I groan and start skimming a page. Then a sudden pulling out of a chair next to me draws me away from my required reading.

Ethan has a leatherbound book in his hands and he slaps it onto the table then sits down. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself from the paranoid possibility Kyle had tracked me down again.

He speaks low as we're in a library.

"Sorry to scare you Es, I just saw you back here. Plus I'm pretty sure Kyle is trying to get Jeremy right now anyway."

"Oh, I saw that he was talking shit to Jeremy in the chat. I figured there was something going down between them."

"Lots of running involved clearly, I don't think he'll catch up to Jeremy."

"No, I don't think he will. His brash strategic moves would be countered by a football player legging it down a back alley."

"Exactly."

"You know he waited outside of the bogs for me?"

"He almost got me after a class. He knows my schedule inside and out so I'm kinda scared of what happens if he seriously tries, to be honest."

"Oh that must be terrifying. Maybe it'll help you get him back since you know his schedule? On the off chance you get tagged."

Ethan gives me a weird look and adjusts his glasses.

"I'm not planning to get caught. Not until at least we know how this works more than we currently do, like Mattie is still Mattie. She didn't just turn back because she tagged Kyle. We have nothing to prove this is an anomaly or how it's meant to work but I don't really want to be a woman you know?"

I nod hesitantly, struggling to focus.

"I'm like a twink you know? I have a reputation to remain as the cute twink in my Linguistics class who's smarter than all of the other guys. I can't look like a bimbo, no offense to Kyle."

"I'm sure he'd take it if he could hear us."

"He would. I have to live with him, you know? I'm not going near his door at all in case he tries to excuse it with a loophole."

"I'd offer you my place but..."

"Only one bed? Yeah, I'm alright I think. I'll stick with the place my parents pay for."

"Have you talked to Mattie much? We haven't really crossed paths since I ran away from her and the newly tagged Kyle."

"I passed her after I lost Kyle after class. She looked happy. Maybe she's not a guy at all."

"Obviously, she's a woman."

"Yeah but-" He puts on his thinking face. "-I really can't speak on this topic that well. You should talk to Sabrina."

"We've never really gotten on. I'm not sure why."

"That's because you've never hung out much."

"Jeremy did say she was coming to the game on Friday, maybe I could hang out with her there?"

"I think he'd appreciate your support regardless. I might go but it depends how my schedule turns out."

"That's understandable."

"We've both probably got work to do right? Let's just bunker down and hope Kyle doesn't find us buddied up."

I nod at Ethan and re-attempt reading my textbook. It's hard to focus but I get through a few pages and feel ever so slightly more prepared for my next class. That's only if Kyle doesn't hunt me down right before it, at least.

On the way out of the library me and Ethan check a large window that overlooks the Quadrant. A familiar blonde is sitting on a bench looking pissed off and worn out.

We elect to wait for him to move before we go to our respective next locations. Still, I'm tempted to run out there and see if he'd catch up to me.

-----

I get the urge to put in a bit more effort than usual for tonight. So I find a nice shirt in my pile and put it on instead of wearing an old T-shirt. Then I grab a dark flannel and run my fingers through my mop of hair. I run my razor over my face quickly to try and smooth it out. I won't look as good as Mattie but I'll look slightly better than usual.

On the way to Kyle and Ethan's I stop by the store and grab a four pack of Thatchers Gold. I need a stiff drink for our very strange social dynamics right now.

The group chat has been buzzing all day but has calmed down by now. I text to say I'm on my way and Mattie responds with an excited GIF. I scroll up to find Kyle has not sent a message for a while, and neither has Ethan.

I tag Jeremy and tell him I'm going to be at the game on Friday. He responds excitedly thanking me then says "thx bro". Truthfully I've never understood the desire to call people "bro".

When I make it to our hangout for the night, in what is currently being described as "neutral territory" for the purposes of the game, I'm the last there. It's all neutral apart from Kyle's room of course, not that anyone wants to go in there anyway.

Ethan opens the door for me while he cradles a beer. I step in and gauge the scene.

Mattie and Jeremy are on the sofa aggressively playing a round of Smash, while Kyle is slumped between them sipping a beer with a sour look on his face. It's quite a sight. Especially with Kyle's clear lack of clothing he could use to make himself less revealing.

I wave at Mattie and she smiles wide at me.

"Es!!!!" She gets up from the sofa and gives me a hug. I feel my face heat up and wait for her to say "You're It!" and turn me into a girl.

"Es? I'm not It anymore, I can't tag you. Stop looking like that and join us. Kyle's being too much of a bore to join us for a match." She takes my hand and drags me to the sofa.

I awkwardly stare at Kyle's limp form until he gets the message and stands up, stumbling as he goes. Ethan scoots over and steadies him to lead him into the kitchen and pour him a glass of water.

Jeremy pats the sofa and I sit in between them and pick up a controller, then I place my ciders down next to my foot.

"How many drinks has Kyle had? He seems quite out of it." I pick Mega-Man and watch Mattie pick Zelda. She suits her.

"He's on his second, poor guy can't hold a single beer anymore." Jeremy chuckles and selects random.

We play a few rounds in which Mattie beats us squarely until Jeremy picks Ike. She swears a few times but is a good sport about it. Ethan walks over to the sofa with Kyle attached to his hip and clears his throat.

"So uh... we're not letting Kyle drink anymore tonight, agreed?" He nervously tries to keep his roommate up while talking.

"Shut up Ethan. I should tag you right here." Kyle mumbles out the words while nearly falling over. It's quite cute to hear his new voice try and be threatening at a low volume.

Mattie picks up Kyle's beer to take a big gulp and giggles. "Rule one: No tagging in neutral territory Kyle." I'm getting the impression she can still handle alcohol better than him. Some things never change.

I remember the ciders I brought with me and crack one open from where I left them on the floor. It's all a lot right now for me, a drink is what I need.

"I know, I'll get someone tomorrow. I know where you all live."

"That'd be banned by the same rule."

"I can't be a woman like you seem content to be Mattie. What would I even call myself? Not Kylie. Kimmy? Kenzie? It's absurd to imagine myself being named any of those, they're way too girly."

Mattie drinks more of the blonde's beer and rests her hand on her chin. "What about Kendra? I think it suits you perfectly right now."

"Kendra? Really?" He shuts up and glares at everyone in the room, his face is red from the alcohol or the supposed embarrassment of his predicament. "It's not as bad as the ones I came up with but-"

"So you're Kendra then? Until this game's over or you tag someone and potentially go back to being Kyle of course."

I think to myself that Mattie is kind of hot when she's asserting herself over someone. Kyle stares at his ill-fitting socks and doesn't reply.

"Can you drop it for tonight please Mattie?" Ethan scowls in our general direction. I start taking down big gulps of cider.

"Okey dokey. You'll have to pull up a chair for one of you, Es is intent on downing his drink apparently."

There's a thick tension in the air I ignore by draining the can to clear my head. Ethan pulls a chair from the kitchen and gets Kyle to sit on it with a glass of water. Then he sits on the floor and picks up the fourth controller.

"Alright dudes and dudette. Let's get smashed." Jeremy says with trepidation before downing his beer can and getting a new one from the six pack next to him.

"I have an assignment due tomorrow but I don't care." I can feel the booze getting it's claws in me already.

"That's the spirit Es." Mattie pats my head and I shrink into the sofa and open another cider.

For the most part, we get very drunk in the next few hours. Eventually Kyle convinces us to let him get a proper second drink into his system, he passes out within thirty minutes of drinking it.

Ethan sends us home after we decide to call it a night. He's evidently worried about Kyle a lot, despite the fact Kyle could utter two words and turn him into a woman.

I'm helped home by Mattie. She slumps me on my bed and I pass out within a few minutes.

I dream of hazy girls with faces I can't quite see; they're running deep into a cave as a toothless maw chases after them.

At least I think it's a monster, it could very well just be a cute girl.

-----

I'm ever so slightly hungover the next morning. I wish I didn't have to get up today but you can't just stay inside all day to avoid an angry blonde.

When I feel awake enough to check my phone, there's a text from Mattie and a text from Ethan. She wishes me a good morning and hopes I rested well after last night. I thank her and leave it there for now.

Ethan asks me if I want to meet at the library around lunch, I have a lecture in the afternoon so I tell him no. He immediately shoots back saying it's really important. I can miss a single lecture right?

Sure rule two exists, however this isn't Kyle ruining my schedule. I'm just helping out a friend during a stressful period of his life. I tell him I'll be there but he has to tell me why it's so important. He agrees.

At least Kyle hasn't sent another angry message in the group chat. Maybe he's finally chilled out about his situation for the time being. I do genuinely hope he's okay, he did seem like he was in a really bad state last night.

I spend my morning in my room cleaning off an assignment while my hangover wanes. It's an excuse to avoid being tagged by Kyle for now.

When I'm done I head to class. I'm keeping a vigilant watch but there's no Kyle to be seen or heard apparently. I bump into Jeremy on the way and he tells me he hasn't seen any sign of Kyle all day either, it's a mystery to us all seemingly.

I'm unable to stop thinking of what is so important to Ethan that I mostly dissociate through class. When I come to, I've been given another assignment apparently, it's close enough to lunchtime for us both so I shrug it off and walk to the library.

I find him standing outside the doors there keeping guard. He spots me and waves me over.

"Hi Ethan, you have to tell me what's going on now."

He lowers his voice and turns me so we're both facing the wall.

"I haven't seen Kyle since he woke up. He looked hungover as fuck and said he was going out after breakfast. But he must have had class right? And I don't know if he went to class yesterday or today because I'd have spotted him around campus. He's pretty noticeable."

"So you think he's up to something?"

"Yes. I think he's going for a different strategy after last night."

"Glug glug being bullied about liking the name Kendra?"

"That's not exactly what happened but yes Es, glug glug at least."

"So you want me here because?"

"I want a buddy. So we can split up and lose him if he gets one up on us. Can you come to my Linguistics lecture with me in an hour? Maybe it'll make deciphering the runes easier with someone's help."

I think he just wants an excuse to hang out. I'll take it.

"Okay sure. Let's buddy up Ethan."

We grab a bite to eat and Mattie texts me back saying I'm welcome and a cute selfie of herself in a new top that shows off her shoulders. Apparently she just got "a few small bits" from a charity shop, I blush and send back an awkward text saying she looks nice. It'd be nice to be taken shopping for clothes by her I think. Not that I need new clothes.

I would of course need them if I was transformed into a girl. But I shake my doubts out of my thoughts and try to be present with Ethan.

There's clearly worries on both of our minds as we talk. I think he's distracted about what's going on with Kyle and I just feel hollow and exhausted. I suppose it just feels kind of isolating to be involved in this magical game of Tag, and all the while not feel any different so far as a result. It'd be stupid if I got caught on purpose though.

Ethan sneaks me into the lecture and I sit there for an hour and a half. A professor with greying hair talks about linguistic models I've barely absorbed through osmosis from my friend. Every so often something piques my interest, I've probably watched a few related YouTube videos that have come up late at night.

But I keep going back to thinking about Mattie and Kyle. I can't focus on the words that Ethan is aggressively writing down.

When the lecture is over people start to file out. We decide to stay back for a few minutes so there's less chance of a stealth Kyle tag in a crowd, he does know Ethan's timetable incredibly well after all.

It's just us and the professor eventually. He tells us to go and study instead of loitering and we take it as a sign to leave the lecture theatre. We're heading towards the main exit when I hear the sound of another door opening.

We turn our heads at the same time to see a lanky girl in an extremely baggy hoodie standing there. It's Kyle.

In an instant he's sprinting towards us. There's none of the bratty anger from yesterday. Today Kyle is subdued and clearly trying to get stealth to work so he can not be It anymore.

Me and Ethan nod at each other and head out the main exit. He turns right and I turn left- splitting up to distract him and hopefully allow us both to escape.

I don't look back until there's no sign of either of them anywhere near me. My nerves need a moment to rest, but eventually I realise I'm worried about something new. It's been twenty minutes since he snuck up on us.

If I haven't seen either of them since then, where the hell are both of them now?

But it's best not to worry about things like that. I return to my room and while away the day listening to music and catching up on work.

Ethan doesn't text me back when I message him to ask if he got away earlier.

Notes:

Thanks for reading another chapter <3

:)

Chapter 3: Ethan

No one hears from Ethan & Kyle for the rest of the day. I'm the last person to have properly seen or made contact with either of them. Jeremy's texts get more worried as the day goes on and I'm feeling it as well. What if they're injured or lost?

They could have got stuck down some canal or byroad in a chase and gotten seriously hurt. It's unlike either of them to not give a status update. Kyle at least had been vocal enough about his transformation that you'd expect him to talk, you know? The guy got turned into a sultry blonde and aggressively went at everyone because of it.

I message something along the lines of "Do we even know who's It right now?" to the chat and Mattie blows a fuse. Rule four.

If Kyle tagged Ethan then they should have communicated it according to the rules we established. It's genuinely worrying to not have solid information on if the rules are being followed when the game can magically change people's bodies.

So Mattie impulsively texts me to come to Ethan and Kyle's with her on Thursday afternoon. We need to get to the bottom of this and Jeremy is apparently at Sabrina's and pre-occupied as of now.

It'd be nice to have a girlfriend like he does someday, it's kind of awkward to admit that I've never really had a proper one. I've kissed girls and done more involved activities before, but it's never translated to anything real.

I go to Mattie's accommodation to meet her, then she walks us out down the street. She's wearing a long flowy skirt and a blouse, I keep staring at her and thinking about how gorgeous she looks. I've always thought Mattie looked good though- it doesn't mean anything. She is wearing some very nice brown boots that I'm tempted to ask where she got them from.

My eyes catch on a purse that must be new, and also how unaware she is of our surroundings.

"Why aren't you keeping an eye out? Kyle or Ethan could come out any second and tag us."

"I've already been turned into a woman Es, why would I be worried about that? It'd just mean I'd get to play properly again."

"What if I get tagged?"

"It wouldn't be the end of the world, you'd get to play properly."

"I'm already playing properly."

"Es honey, I can tell you want to be more involved and being tagged would get you more involved."

"But then I'd be turned into a woman like you and Kyle."

"And?"

"I don't know, I'm just stating a fact."

"Regardless, going over to their place helps with their complete radio silence on multiple things actually."

"What are the other things?"

"Well Ethan needs to update us on translating the runes. And don't tell him this but I also really want to take Kyle on a shopping trip, because he needs some new fucking clothes dear goddess."

My stomach drops, what a lovely idea.

"Oh. Okay."

"See you're being glum and uninvolved again. We just need to figure out the state of the game again and you'll be more involved, okay?" I'd love to not feel glum or uninvolved, it's just a shame I feel unable to for some strange reason. "Wouldn't it be fun to go clothes shopping with Kyle and watch his cute reactions?"

"I guess. I'm not sure why he's so adamant about still being a guy though."

"I'm not sure exactly why either. I think if he embraced it he'd have way more fun in the game even if he doesn't wanna be a girl long term. Plus I want an excuse to call him Kendra again."

"What do you think my name would be as a girl?" She looks at me and chortles.

"Well. You already go by Es as your name, so maybe something off that? I don't want to do the work for you in that scenario."

"But you did it for Kendr- I mean Kyle."

"I think he needed it way more than you do."

Silence passes between us until we reach their front door. Mattie knocks lightly and no one comes to the door for a few minutes.

We wait there awkwardly until Ethan opens the door a crack and speaks nervously. He sounds like he has a cold. Something's going on with his voice at least.

"Hi... you two! Kyle's in his room and I'm here doing work. What's going on?"

"Neither of you have made any contact since Es saw you yesterday." Mattie's tone is harsh as if she's chiding a student.

"Yeah, did you lose Kyle yesterday after we split up?" I'm nervous to ask but I still do so.

"Totally, one hundred percent. I'm just feeling kind of iffy right now okay? I'll check in and get Kyle to message later. We're both under the weather today."

"What about your translation of the plate?" Mattie presses her questioning.

"I'm working on it, okay?" He tries to close the door but Mattie wedges a boot in to keep it open.

"Me and Es are coming in, okay? Friends need each other."

Another few moments of awkward silence.

"Fine." Ethan opens the door and all my worries about him being tagged evaporate when I look at him properly.

He looks the same, mostly at least. There's something slightly off about him but he does still look like Ethan to me.

He's never had hair longer than the nape of his neck, he's always been slight of build and he's always been short. It all checks out. I let myself relax.

We step in and Ethan strolls into the kitchen and grabs a mug of tea from the kitchen and sips it watching us. Mattie sprawls herself across the sofa with her boots on.

"So Kyle's still It?" She asks.

"Yup. He just hasn't been trying to tag anyone today. We came up with a deal/truce agreement."

"Which is?"

"We're not going to tag anyone more until I can crack the runes and reverse his transformation."

"Right. And you're sure he's still It?" It's quite a rude question to ask in my opinion, I don't let my opinion show outwardly though. I instead grab a biscuit from Ethan's kitchen and watch the exchange from the edges.

I can hear quiet noises coming from Kyle's room. He's probably just playing video games without headphones on, it's best to leave him be in there.

"Yes. I'd know if I turned into a girl Mattie. I've been a guy all my life so I think it'd be pretty obvious if something that insane happened."

"If you say so."

"By the way, are you going to see Jeremy's match tomorrow?"

"Es is. I think I have an idea for my plans tomorrow afternoon already."

"I know he is, god. I told him to go."

"What's this Es?" Mattie raises an eyebrow at me.

"Ethan told me to go hang out with Sabrina and maybe befriend her. Jeremy seemed really stoked when I told him I was coming as well." Ethan nods affirming everything I say.

"Why did Ethan tell you that?"

"I don't know." He laughs awkwardly and sips tea as I say that.

"Well you two should be going right? I'll talk to you on the group chat." I nod and finish my biscuit before heading to the door. Mattie grabs my arm and stops me from leaving too quickly.

"Can you pass on a message to Kyle for me?"

"Sure."

"I want to take him shopping tomorrow afternoon."

"Okay. I'll tell him when he comes out of his room next."

"Tell him as soon as physically possible. If he's still It there's a one hundred percent chance none of his clothes still fit, and your roommate needs decent clothing to have some dignity."

"Of course. Are we done?"

"I think so. See you whenever."

I say my goodbyes as well, then Ethan hurries us out after Mattie apologises for getting some dirt on the sofa.

Mattie stands on the pavement and stares at the sky for a few minutes. I let her do her thing and recap what just happened to Jeremy in a text. He'll see it when he's not busy with Sabrina.

"I think something smells fishy here Es."

"Really? It seems fairly straightforward to me."

"Yeah. I'm not sure how specifically though, we'll just have to see how things shake out. Keep an eye out okay? I don't entirely trust what Ethan said."

"If you say so. I'm not that worried about being tagged by Kyle though if he wants to break the "truce", if he really succeeds I can't be that mad. He almost got me and Ethan yesterday."

"Oh, you poor thing Es."

She shakes her head and we walk back to her place to watch TV for the rest of the afternoon together. It helps take my mind off the idea of her taking Kyle shopping tomorrow.

I'm just worried about my friends. I'm worried about them an awful lot.

-----

The group chat is active again the next day.

Kyle reluctantly agrees to get taken shopping by Mattie. It's good news, I just wish I could express that feeling without feeling scorned.

Ethan is detailing how he's been really struggling to find clear translations for any of the other runes, it's apparently very frustrating. They're obscured in the recesses of the ceramic plate and not mentioned in any texts.

With the threat of being tagged temporarily off my back I don't have much to do but go to class and text occasionally. It's quite a dull change of pace, but at least I get to go see the football match later.

My Dad has taken me a few matches before but it never really stuck with me as a child, nor did playing it in school with friends. Jeremy has tried to get us to play it as a group before but it never really sticks either. Mattie's the only other one of us who really has fun playing.

I'm hoping it'll just be a normal entertaining game where I can befriend a cool girl and watch my friend win. A good clean match, just like our game of Tag! Mattie's weird suspicion of Ethan is completely unfounded in my opinion.

Kyle and Ethan are just regular dudes who understandably want a brief pause to the game. It's a shame it couldn't get further, but it's probably a good thing it didn't.

I don't really need to be tagged and magically turned into a girl after all.

I get through the remainder of the day before the game by just thinking about Mattie calling Kyle Kendra. It's a really cute image and one that is oh so fun to think about.

It reminds me of her own insistence I should name myself in a situation where I needed a girl name. I think of girl names with Es in them and daydream quite happily about being called them. Maybe the game will be more involved eventually? We just need to get past this pause and learn what more of the runes read as.

Jeremy seems pretty neutral on the whole pause, interestingly. He hasn't seemed enthused or particularly upset. He's mainly seemed absorbed in his football match and Sabrina being there. At one point, he says that at least there's no pressure about the Tag game during his match with the game on "pause".

I head out to the game early having already run out of work to do, on the walk to the match I text Mattie to thank her for yesterday and skip along the pavement. She's so cool.

When I reach the edge of the pitch Jeremy is there in his cool blue uniform talking with his teammates. He sees me and waves me over enthusiastically. I recall he calls his team the Hunters, maybe I can at least pretend to understand what's going on if I scrape enough knowledge from my memory.

"Hi Jeremy. I thought I'd come early?"

"It's colossal to have you here Es." He clasps my hand and pulls me into a big hug. He is oh so very tall and I am below six feet, if he were tagged would he retain that height? Kyle got smaller. It's probably best not to speculate what your guy friends would look like as women.

I don't think I would have envisioned Kyle as a big-breasted blonde before a few days ago. Mattie as just... herself, but way cooler and prettier, makes a lot more sense in that line of thought.

What would I look like?

"Es? I was introducing you to my teammates." Oh, right. My friend was talking to me.

"Sorry Jeremy."

"It's alright. See you guys, I'm gonna go show him where to sit." He starts walking towards an open arch where a grassy field is visible past it.

It's not a fancy venue. It's just a field near the university campus where local teams and the community can play. There's a middling height stand of seating he leads me to, already sitting down is a pretty girl with a nose ring and dyed crimson hair. The elusive Sabrina. We've met once or twice but never sparked.

"Rina! Es is here!"

"Send him up! Go and get ready to smash them handsome." She blows a kiss at him and he does that sickly sweet thing where he catches it and sends it back. I roll my eyes and trudge up the stands to sit next to her.

I then spend the next five minutes awkwardly avoiding staring at her. She's very pretty and I've never really felt confident enough to be normal around her. Sabrina is my friend's girlfriend and it'd be weird for me to be chummy with her as his guyfriend.

"You okay?" She says with her husky voice.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just trying to be polite is all." I look down and try to work myself up to actually being social with her like Ethan said to. Her bag is on the floor and I can see her transgender pride pin along with another pin that reads "She/They".

Truthfully I've always thought she's incredibly cool for being trans. It's so impressive to willingly claim womanhood and make it your own, kind of like Mattie did earlier this week! Is Mattie trans?

I'll ask her when we hang out on the weekend.

"You know. This is kind of my first time seeing a football game live, I've never really been too into sports. I'm only here for Jeremy, it'll be fun to watch him stride across a football pitch."

"Oh, my Dad tried to get me to go to games when I was younger but I couldn't get invested. I found them very dull to be frank."

"To be Frank? You're Es."

"What?"

"It was just a dumb joke, ignore me."

"Sorry."

"No need to be sorry. So what brings you here?"

"Just came here to hang out and support my friend. I've had a pretty hectic week."

"Tell me about it, Jeremy's been weird all week."

"Did he tell you why?"

"Enough to piece it together." Would a trans person find the game we're playing weird?

"Are you aware of the turning into a girl part or-"

"It's pretty obvious that's happened, yeah. You're close with Mattie right?"

"Yes? We've known each other since primary." Did she know Mattie well?

"Her posts on Instagram have suddenly shown her dressing way more femme and looking different and happier."

"You have her Instagram?"

"Yeah. We hit it off the last time I was invited to Ethan's. I'm just happy she's enjoying being a woman frankly."

"Is it weird to you that a bunch of guys and a girl are playing a game of Tag where they're turned into women?"

"Uh, not really." She scratches her head. "I have my reasons for not finding it too strange."

"Oh. What are they?"

"Not for right now I think. Maybe at a later date. Do you have Instagram or any other socials?"

"Not really. I'm not the most online person."

"Shame. You could look good on it."

"I don't think so. Mattie looks good but I'm not her at all, I couldn't look nearly as good as her. And Kyle, have you heard about Kyle?"

"I know who Kyle is, yes. I've met him numerous times and he's mildly unpleasant."

"Not that. He's having a difficult time with the game but he looks stunning as a woman."

"Magic can do the oddest things." She plays with a necklace and goes silent. The necklace is black string attached to a metallic case large enough to store a card in it.

"Yeah. I haven't seen him for a few days, and the last time I saw him he was wearing a hoodie that didn't really hide his new body." The last few words sound gross to say so I try to correct myself. "I'm trying to sound polite about the fact he's a hot blonde right now."

"Typical boymoder behaviour."

"What's that mean?"

"You'll find out. Enough talk about this though, you wanna go grab a pasty before the match starts?"

"Sure." It was starting to make me feel bad to talk about. At least we were clicking more than previous times. I could see why Jeremy was happy about them coming to the match.

-----

We're munching on our hot pasties when the referee blows the whistle. The announcer calls the other team the Archers, they're in a purple uniform and it's very easy to tell them apart.

Jeremy naturally places himself nearer the goal throughout the game. I think the term for him would be a defender? I picked up enough background noise about football as a kid to know that.

It's quite easy to unwind and relax with Sabrina. We cheer them on when our team has the ball, especially when Jeremy has the ball. Everytime he loses the ball she heckles him and he nervously smiles at her from the pitch.

When the Hunters score the first goal we cheer uproariously. When the opposing team scores we slouch in our seats while a few others around us toss light insults towards the pitch. The Archers' supporters celebrate in contrast.

I think we're doing well as spectators of a football match- I can see why people go to games regularly if they have reasons to care about the team and people in it. I make a mental note to see him play more after this. He's always felt the most disconnected from our friend group.

When the clock hits half-time, Jeremy comes up the stand and sits next to Sabrina.

"Baller game so far right?" He's beaming at us both.

"Of course! It's quite entertaining to watch my boyfriend stride around a field showing himself off." She pecks him on the cheek and he brings her in for a proper kiss.

I look away and think about how Mattie is missing this fun experience. Kyle wouldn't be enjoying this, but then again Kyle probably isn't enjoying much right now. I check the group chat and find nothing recent apart from said blonde moaning about having to go out shopping soon.

Ethan's barely sent any messages for the past few hours, but then again he's probably just working on the runes or university work. I ask Kyle where Ethan is.

Apparently he went out thirty minutes ago. I don't want to seem creepy or controlling about friends. Ethan has his own social life and goes to the local gay bar every so often, there's nothing wrong with it. I've always been cool with him being gay.

I apologise to Kyle for asking that and he sends back a question mark. This whole Tag situation has been so confusing for me to process. I'll be glad to relax when it's over.

Sabrina gives their boyfriend a hug for good luck and I tell him I'll be cheering again. He jogs down to re-convene with his fellow Hunters and coach before the second half.

The second half is very eventful from the first minute. Our team scores another goal and we're winning again! There's a tight back and forth where the Archers nearly score a goal but Jeremy defends the net like a champ and gets piled on by his teammates.

I can feel myself becoming more comfortable around Sabrina as the games goes on. She's genuinely being pleasant to me and I really enjoy her company! Even if we are both here because of a football match neither of us know too much about.

In the eightieth minute the Archers get another chance to score against us. Their mid-fielder, I think that's the term for him anyway, is winding his way across the pitch and skillfully dribbling the ball.

Then he passes it cleanly to an Archer who readies a kick that could very well tie us again. We could lose then! I'm so invested that that thought makes me anxious.

Jeremy runs in to tackle the ball off him and misses by the slightest margin. The ball soars into the back of the Hunters' net.

Then he stomps off to the side of the pitch and kicks grass, he's rarely been in moods like this from my time knowing him, I feel awful for him. Sabrina must feel worse.

The Archers' supporters stand up and roar, it's tied now and they have a chance to win. I peek at Sabrina and she looks concerned. I'm not sure how to feel but I suddenly feel utterly defeated. The Archers celebrate on the pitch but I stay focused on the exhausted players of our team. Ties are never fun in any competitive environment.

The referee is letting both teams have a moment to rest before resuming play.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I notice movement at the bottom of the seating stand.

I ignore it. Then I hear a notification from my phone, it's a text from Ethan. It would probably be quite rude to read it if the game was ongoing but it's briefly paused.

"Look out below! ;)"

I look down the seating and see that the movement was Ethan. He's there in shorts and a graphic T-shirt smirking at me. His legs look kind of slim for-

Oh. Oh no. Mattie was right. Something more was going on yesterday about him.

He flicks his brown hair back and charges towards the pitch. I'm the only person who's able to warn my athletic friend but I can't. I'm paralyzed in shock.

Ethan runs towards the dejected Hunters' side and is met with the confused reactions of sweaty football tall men. He dances between their legs and hugs Jeremy's legs. The contrast between them is ever so slightly more noticeable now.

I turn to Sabrina and say: "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" She clearly hasn't realised what's about to happen.

Jeremy looks down at Ethan and before he can open his mouth-

-"TAG! You're it." My smaller friend's voice echoes loud enough for the entire pitch to hear.

Pink light is transferring from him to Jeremy who's glowing ever brighter by the second. Both teams are incredibly confused and I start running down the stand to try and get a headstart. So much for Tag being paused.

The pink light grows fainter around Ethan and he looks the exact same still. It's hard to distinguish between him as a guy and him as a woman but I think it's the exact same thing that I saw happening with Mattie.

He's not changing back into a guy. And if Kyle still needs clothes and most likely tagged Ethan- I'm the only candidate left to properly tag and this could very well be long-lasting for all we know.

The real game for survival begins now.

I don't stay to watch the cocoon spread itself all over Jeremy and release him as whatever he looks like newly feminized. Nor do I want to see the collective reaction to it. Feminized in front of two football teams, a crowd and his girlfriend. It must be so embarrassing for a guy like him.

As I pass through the arch and leave the pitch behind me, I can hear familiar footfalls next to me. Ethan is heaving and clearly overworking himself. So I stop running and watch him catch his breath next to me. We're just on the pavement now, so we're not in the immediate vicinity of the presumably shellshocked pitch.

"I really thought that would work, you know Es? Even though it didn't work for Kyle and Mattie. I thought I was smarter than my wanker of a roommate."

"I'm not sure what the deal is with this game Ethan anymore, it's kind of intoxicatingly scary. This is getting out of hand."

"Oh don't call me that. Call me... Han! If I have to be a girl for now I'll just shorten my name."

"I thought you didn't want to be a woman?"

"Yeah, but I'm one now while looking and feeling almost exactly the same, apart from a few minor details. I figure it won't kill me to try to consider myself one. It's not like I'm not already queer."

"Minor details like?" My curiosity is piqued at the specifics of what she just hinted at.

"You'll find out yourself if you get caught. If you're really that curious."

"I'm the only person who hasn't been tagged. I'm the main target now Han."

"Yup. Good luck with it, did you get on with Sabrina at least?"

"Yes but now I'm-"

"Good enough for me. I'm gonna run away some more before I get hunted down by a bunch of sweaty muscled dudes and shoved into a locker for what I just did."

"Don't word it like that."

"I'm allowed to word it how I want. My roommate took away my balls."

I can't argue with that logic, or what it could imply.

"See you Es!" She winks at me then runs off still struggling to catch her breath.

I stand there and wait for Jeremy to come out and catch me immediately so this nightmare can feel less exclusive. He never does.

A few minutes later an image of a sweaty Han hits the group chat.

"Sorry! I might have broken rule four and lied, but it was worth it to get an easy tag with no one suspecting a thing. I'm not It anymore as a result. Please don't kill me Mattie, it's Han right now myself. And yes I'm still trying to translate the runes despite what I just did... sorry Jeremy!"

I start trudging home and let a flood of envy nearly bring me to tears.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I can't believe Es has managed to not get tagged yet, it's a miracle.

See you in a few days for chapter four.

Chapter 4: Jeremy

I spend the rest of Friday in my room binging anime.

The group chat is possibly more active than it's ever been, but I just can't bring myself to talk there right now. I saw a picture of Mattie in a pinafore dress standing next to Kyle wearing a pretty white tennis skirt and I just couldn't anymore.

The response to Han's text was a lot less harsh than I'd have expected due to Mattie dragging me to her's on Thursday. She's never been too hard on us as her friends when it matters though. She lightly admonished Han in the group chat while showing sympathy for Jeremy, but didn't press it too hard. I could still read some tension in her messages though.

At least Jeremy doesn't seem angry about this like Kyle was. Even with how public and dramatic his tagging was.

Despite all that, they seem unusually chipper about the oddities of their current predicaments. Even Kyle wasn't bitching too much last I checked.

He's just sending short polite messages and didn't even respond that badly when Mattie called him Kendra through text. I think she's just doing it as a joke even if it is cute. What happened on that shopping trip and why did I have to miss it? Why did I go to a stupid football match...

I look at Jeremy's selfie again and curl myself into a ball as another episode ends.

"i guess i'm a chick now. and also it. see you all out on the pitch! (if i'm still allowed to be a hunter haha)"

He has long wavy brunette locks and a gorgeous face cut from marble. I can easily tell he's still in shape and tall of stature, exactly how tall I can't even tell. There's also the presence of boobs unlike Han-

-Why am I thinking about my friends like this? I sound so creepy. I'm just a creepy guy who's jealous of their misfortune in a game of Tag. It doesn't matter if my friend is a leggy giantess now! I can't just reduce them like this.

They probably have internal struggles! Han hid the fact she'd been transformed for two days. Kyle is you know... still himself. I'm not sure how well he'll handle this for much longer.

Jeremy's always been a sporty masculine guy so this is probably a massive blow to him as well! Mattie took it on the chin but she wasn't wearing a dress at the start of this week.

Everyone's having internal battles or making discoveries about themselves and I'm just static. I haven't even been trying that hard to win the game, I've just put in my due dilligence to avoid being tagged and then other people randomly get tagged instead of me. It's so fucking unfair.

Mattie has texted me a few times to ask if I'm alright but I just want to feel included, not alright, god. I really do just want to feel a proper part of this weird new state my friend group is morphing into. We haven't gotten any closer to knowing how the game works or ends! It's so stupid.

At least I got on with Sabrina earlier, she's so cool. I received a text from her half an hour ago that I haven't opened yet- Jeremy must have given her my number. It's quite kind of him to do.

When the next episode ends I finally open the text.

"Are you okay Es? I know I'm not as keyed into my... partner's situation with this form of magic as you, but it seems pretty rough."

I send back a quick text thanking her for reaching out and focus back on my binging. The current episode loosely features a short blonde elf being irritated by her adventuring party.

It's open Tag season on me now, all from a guy with the build of a very athletic woman. I imagine myself as a deer being seen through the scope of a sniper rifle. It'd be so much less stressful if they'd taken the shot earlier.

I pass out in my chair with a mountain of texts to read tomorrow as the episodes run on and on, at least I don't have class to distract me from my mess of a life for the next two days.

-----

After I have a barebones breakfast I backread the group chat and feel worse the more I read. They're having so much fun despite it all. I've been mentioned a few times to ask if I'm okay or why I'm not talking. Han specifically has asked if I'm going to be there for drinks & games on Sunday night at her and Kyle's.

I send one message to the group chat saying I'll be there- I'm just feeling under the weather right now.

Mattie's messages have piled up into a well of concern. I tell her I'm okay, it's just I wish I felt more included. She instantly responds and tells me she's glad I'm coming Sunday.

It makes me want to actually go there for more than to get pissed.

Sabrina has asked if I want to meet up today to grab lunch. I blush and ask her when, then she sends me the address of a sandwich place just off campus and tells me noon. My wardrobe is not satisfactory for meeting up with a pretty girl like her so I just put on a flannel like I do most days.

Jeremy hasn't said much since last evening and maybe that's why she wants to talk. Why does she want relationship advice from me? I've never been in one properly, nor do I know how to console her about this uncanny situation.

I play a fast-paced roguelite for the rest of the morning before I need to head out to meet her. Anything helps to take my mind off the past few days, especially pure action that blots out my jealousy and bitterness.

Playing this game of Tag has been one of the most surreal periods of my life ever. It's felt even weirder than the period in secondary school where everything started to feel grey and disconnected. I don't like to think back on that.

I'm aware of how easily Jeremy could catch me if he wanted to so I let myself breathe on the way to the sandwich shop. There's no sign of him the entire way, even if I wish there had been. I'd have expected him to put more effort into catching me.

Sabrina is sitting on a table for two sipping a coffee. I nervously approach and sit across from her, the sun splashes against her crimson hair brilliantly. She's wearing the same metal necklace she was wearing at the match.

"Hi Sabrina."

"Hi Es."

"Do you want anything?"

"I don't think I need anything. I already had breakfast today."

"It's the afternoon now. Let me get you something?"

"If you insist, I suppose."

I order a cappuccino and watch Sabrina run a hand through her hair and chew on her lip. I'm trying to guess exactly what she wants to talk about beyond just Jeremy being turned into a girl.

"So, you probably want to hear about what happened after Jeremy was tagged yesterday right?"

"Okay, I did run away out of fear of being tagged but if you still want to tell me."

"Yeah I do. I don't blame you for fleeing or my partner being tagged, it's just important to what I want to talk about. Plus it's not like you're going to be tagged right now, Jeremy's kind out of it and at his place."

It's both a reassurance and a worry. I nod at her all the same so she can explain to me what I missed. I'm not sure how much I can exactly help, but maybe I can listen.

"So it was pretty startling, you know? One minute Jeremy is being cheered and the next he's very visibly turned into a girl. He might have had a very public moment about it and been subbed out for the rest of the game as a result. I've rarely seen him act like that."

"Oh, was he okay after the game?"

"Not really? The Hunters won in the end during penalties but he just sat next to me and stared longingly at the pitch for a while, I'm not sure how his position on the team stands now. I don't know how men's football teams deal with their players transforming into women and having a meltdown. Hopefully they don't think about the magic part too hard."

"I'm sorry. I know he's probably struggling to deal with what happened like Kyle is? And like how Han was kind of struggling from my talk with her."

"Yeah I heard about Han from when he was on the group chat yesterday. Good for her I think?"

"Good for her." Part of me wishes Han had tagged me while I was sitting down and not ran onto the pitch.

"Anyway yeah, he's been struggling a bit I'd say. You've seen the selfie he took though right?"

"Of course, he doesn't look all that bad."

She narrows her eyes at me and turns as red as her hair.

"He's so hot now, you have no idea! He's got these powerful long legs and boobs that are frankly much bigger than my own... not to mention how cute it is how unaware of how hot he is now."

"I don't really want to step on the proverbial toes-"

"Oh sorry! I just had to tell someone that at least because it was driving me up the wall last night. I didn't really say it last night because he was upset. It was difficult not to." I'm unfamiliar with being talked to like this, like I'm at a girls' sleepover being told about someone's crush. It's not too uncomfortable of an experience.

"I'm sorry, do you know what exactly he's upset about? I think personally he could be upset that he's a woman when he's used to being a big sporty guy."

"I'm gonna be honest, I can't exactly tell from my point of view. I'm trying to be emotionally sensitive and not let my personal biases mess with my perception of my partner. He hasn't talked much about it to me."

"What's it like from your perspective then?"

"I like boys and I like girls. I just want my partner to know he's loved no matter what state he's in. Even if there's a lot of bias from my end about just wishing he'd not be upset."

I begin to form an idea of what to suggest to her. I'm not transgender but I can guess how great it might feel to have someone want to treat you as a woman. It feels kind of bad to do, but maybe I should just tell her to offer to treat Jeremy like a woman?

Kyle was taken shopping by Mattie and I'm pretty sure he didn't look as grumpy or frustrated in that selfie. And he was wearing a skirt! That's uber-feminine for a guy who called his new breasts ungainly the first day he had them. If Han is talking more now than after her initial transformation... maybe I'm onto something?

Maybe it'd just be easier in their situations to just treat themselves and have people excitedly treat them as women.

It's a shame that I haven't been tagged yet, but through gritted teeth I still decide to advise her on this. I'm just coming to a logical conclusion right?

"Why don't you just treat Jeremy as a woman then? Just see how he feels if you go with how his new body looks. You said you're very attracted to it and Jeremy's an open and accepting guy right?"

"Yes." She nods hesitantly.

"So yeah, maybe just see how he feels as a woman for a night! If he's worried about other factors I'm sure they won't matter as much if he's helped to accept his new state."

"I'm not exactly sure that's how it works Es."

"Oh." A shame, that's a shame indeed.

"I could still try though. He wasn't actively rebelling against the idea of being a woman. I just didn't press if he wanted to be one yesterday, maybe he'd enjoy even just being asked about his options or thoughts."

"Exactly!" I nod excitedly.

"Es, what degree are you doing again?"

"Computer Science." They raise an eyebrow at me and quickly brush their hair.

"Do you feel okay about not being tagged so far?"

"Not really, but I've been trying not to be caught so I can't be too mad."

"You clearly don't want to be tagged, I'm just wondering if you're happy right now?"

"I feel kind of left out to be honest. Even though I'm not a girl, everyone I know is getting to magically have a girl's body or to do girly things. I'm not saying I want to get taken shopping for skirts, I just want to feel included."

"That's understandable." She looks at her phone and scrunches up her face. I can hear her mutter a string of words under her breath "...I shouldn't interfere...Mattie is there and knows her better...I can't ask him...do that for me..."

"What are you saying?" I'm curious as to what she meant.

"Nothing much. I'm gonna go but you should talk to Mattie okay? I'll handle Jeremy and hopefully he'll feel good enough to show up Sunday. Have a good day Es and don't run away too hard." She gets up and puts down a handful of cash on the table, then she squeezes me for a few seconds.

"Thanks Sabrina. I think I have a coding assignment to do anyway?"

She laughs to herself and walks off. Her dress looks stunning on her.

-----

Jeremy sends a few messages later that day that read like he's "under the weather". I try my best to reassure him but I should leave it to his girlfriend. It seems a lot of us have been under the weather lately.

When I've done enough work and got enough FOMO from the group chat buzzing every so often I head to bed.

The next morning, I read an excited text from Mattie about how she's excited to see me tonight. It makes me really happy that she is! Kyle is complaining in the group chat about how he and Mattie could only find women's clothes that fit his proportions. He's calling Han lucky for having the exact same proportions still.

He's also complaining about how some videos he's been given are confusing to learn from. I ask him what videos but Mattie replies, calling him Kendra, and says "You'll be beautiful if you put effort in okay?"

I don't hear from Kyle again until that evening in person.

While I'm out grabbing lunch I notice Jeremy out of the corner of my eye sitting on a bench inside the Quadrant. He's wearing a jogging outfit that hangs awkwardly on him. I immediately run in the opposite direction.

He ruthlessly chases me as I weave my way around the university, it's never hard to lose sight of him with how tall and pretty he is. Jeremy's hair is tied back into a long ponytail and it flows gracefully behind him as he runs.

If he was more stealthy with that powerful build I think I'd have ended up a woman by noon.

Eventually I have to take a break against a wall to rest because I've given myself stitches.

Jeremy walks up to be a few metres away from me and laughs. I hadn't heard his new voice yet but he still sounds just like himself, he just doesn't sound nearly as deep when he speaks.

"That was a good run Es. I'll see you tonight okay?" He turns around to leave.

I'm incredibly confused, isn't the idea to catch me?

"Are you not going to tag me?"

"I'll try again tomorrow. I wasn't up for it yesterday but I don't see the point of spending all day chasing you. Let's call this one all for now and talk later?"

"Okay? You fucking weirdo." I stare at him with no idea what else to say. He jogs off and I pace myself as I walk to the nearest cafe to rejuvenate myself. I do notice a slight stumble in his step as I lose sight of him.

Anyone else in the group would have caught me within a heartbeat of me stopping to rest.

It's a shame the only person who can pull the trigger on me seems hesitant to.

-----

It'd be for sure wrong to call it a "guys' night" now. I'm the only one here you could safely assume was a guy, despite the fact I'm not technically the only guy. Kyle and Jeremy still consider themselves guys right?

I buy a six pack of berry cider on the way, and enter the apparently unlocked house to the sight of Han and Mattie sipping cans of wine in the kitchen. They look like they've been drinking away the fact Han majorly broke a rule. Kyle is... a lot to process for me right now.

He's dressed in tight blue jeans and a pink V-neck top that shows off his assets with very little effort. There's a beer can in his hand and he's pouting. Something seems very different about him compared to Tuesday night.

Something beyond the obvious women's clothes adorning his new body.

Mattie notices me entering and gives me a hug. She's wearing a beautiful lavender dress.

"Hey Es! Glad you came. It's really great to have you here."

"Hi? Why are you drinking wine and why is Kyle-"

Han walks over and gestures with her can of wine while talking. She's wearing an exactly identical pair of a top and trousers I've seen her wear before. It looks the exact same on her now as it did before, if not a little bit plain.

"Well. I dragged Kyle out to buy alcohol and his ID didn't work because he looks like a busty blonde now, so I had to use my ID... and I impulsively decided to pick up some canned wine along with the beer because we always have fucking beer don't we? Can't we have something at least a tiny bit fruity." She's ever so slightly tipsy, I'm not sure what to say in response.

"I brought some cider?"

"Great. Put it in the fridge and join us drinking wine instead, it'll be fun?" Her lips are stained ever so slightly red by the wine.

"I'm alright, I don't really drink wine Han."

"It's your funeral. Me and Mattie have been having tons of fun with it so far." She giggles, I've never known her to giggle much.

She walks off and sits down next to Kyle. Mattie fiddles with her can and winks at me.

"Are you looking at Kendra?" She says it very deliberately and Kyle's head snaps to us. He's pouting even more.

"I was looking at Kyle, yes."

"She keeps not believing how pretty she is. I sent her tutorials on makeup, hair care and nails and she apparently tried them all before I arrived, using the products I bought for her. She looks so pretty as Kendra, doesn't she?"

I've known Mattie long enough to tell when the alcohol has gotten to her a bit too much. I'm conflicted on whether to agree with her or admonish her when Kyle speaks up. He sounds on the way to being tipsy from what little he has probably had. I can't imagine your tolerance can go up that much in less than a week.

"No I don't! And it's Kyle okay... just because it's fun for you to call me Kendra doesn't mean it's okay for you to. You're a-"

"I can call you Kyle then, if you really don't want to be Kendra."

He doesn't reply and has an adorable look on his face while he glares at my friend. I try to think of what to do to defuse the situation.

While thinking, my eyes catch his soft and ever so slightly messy pink nails. They also catch the neat smudges of what I can only assume is an admirable attempt at makeup on his face. His golden hair looks healthier and brushed more tidily than the last picture I saw of him.

He takes a sip of beer and coughs daintily, then he hesitantly speaks up.

"I want to be Kyle. I have to be Kyle because I am him. This Kendra game is silly and I don't know why I've let you continue it for so long." He crosses his arms and his breasts press against them. "I tried the girl things because you told me to but I look stupid okay? You can't tell me otherwise. Kendra wouldn't look stupid like I do."

"You don't lo-"

"I do! I'm a guy and I look like a stupid girl. It's not right, you know?"

"You've barely practised you realise? Don't judge yourself so harshly immediately."

"I'm not budging on this Mattie. People can't just change so dramatically and quickly."

Han raises her eyes from her can and looks between the two of them, she's always had to pace her alcohol very carefully to avoid suddenly getting spaced out like this.

"Are you two arguing? Can we not have a shouty argument in my living room please? If you're protesting so much, why don't you change your top Kyle? I know she bought you less revealing tops. And Mattie I respect you, but just leave him be for a moment."

"Sorry, I just thought he looked beautiful." Mattie says quietly.

Kyle looks sad in a way that reminds me of a stray cat and then stomps into his room. I can't help but notice a cute pair of fuzzy socks on his feet as he goes in and slams the door. He leaves his beer out with us.

I drag Mattie to the sofa where we easily fit next to Han. She's spaced out again while sipping wine.

"Is Kyle okay?" For all I knew before the Kendra stuff was just cute teasing from Mattie. I didn't realise how serious it'd gotten.

"I don't know. I meant every word to him Es." She sounds dejected. "I spent a decent amount of money on cosmetics for him."

I decide not to push the topic further for now. "Oh, okay. Can I ask you about something more personal?"

"Sure. Do you mind a tipsy Han overhearing you asking it?" Mattie points to Han next to us sipping wine and staring at Kyle's door.

"Probably not."

"Then ask away."

"Are you trans like Sabrina is?"

"Oh. I think so. Kinda, it's complicated really."

"Why?"

"I knew at least partially before I was transformed that I wanted to experiment heavily with femininity. I'm not sure where I lie on that big old scale but it's pretty obvious to everyone, including me, I'm a woman of some shape, and in that case I think I could be called trans. That or I'm just built differently."

I think to myself that she sounds incredibly badass and inspirational. My heart flutters and does happy little swoops thinking about her and the shimmering words she just gave me. She's always been something of a role model to me after all.

"That's so beautiful Mattie."

"Any other thoughts about it?"

"I just think you're wonderful is all." I grab a can of wine from the kitchen and start drinking mouthfuls on the way back to the sofa. Mattie and Han begin talking briefly while I'm away.

"I don't even know how me liking boys works as Han right now. It's crazy that you cracked it so quickly, even if it does make more sense for you to have." Han is a bit more aware now and scrolling through her Youtube feed on the TV.

"Thanks, I'm not sure about that either. I don't think I like dudes now just because of my body. It'd be silly for this game to work like that." Mattie seems to have recovered temporarily from the Kyle ordeal but I can still tell she's not all there.

I can faintly hear a woman's voice coming from his room. It's best to leave him be for now. It's not my place to figure out Kyle's emotions.

"Maybe if the game goes on long enough it'll make sense to me how girls like boys, I've never known how that shit works." I don't say it out loud but it's a fun thought that this game might go on for "long enough". Maybe only if I was tagged though...

When I sit down Han has settled on a twenty minute clip from one of her favourite streamers. He's a Canadian bald guy who frequently interacts with his chat and I know she regularly is a participant of said chat. She knows way too many in-jokes.

Mattie wraps an arm around my shoulders while it starts. The mood is suprisingly dour for this early on in the night but I would guess it's just the relative absence of Kyle, he always gets us pumped up and excited. Even if he's historically very brash and not always the most personable.

Halfway through the video there's a knock at the door. It must be Jeremy. I shout out so one of us doesn't have to get up.

"Come in! The door's unlocked."

He walks in wearing a loose-fitting sleeveless grey top and monochrome exercise shorts. He pulls up a chair and stares awkwardly at Han and me while twiddling his thumbs.

It's unfair how good he looks with so little changes to his wardrobe as a woman. There's a wide grin in plain sight on his face, despite the awkward staring. Han pauses the video and looks at him.

"Sorry, it was kind of a massive bitch move to get you in the middle of a game like that. I know I apologised before but-"

"I'm not mad at you. Or at least I'm trying not to be." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just don't think my fellow Hunters see me the same anymore after how I acted, it's something I'll work out though. They seemingly just laughed it off when I messaged my team yesterday."

"I knew it'd be an effective strategy at least. Hopefully I didn't ruin your relations with your team and they won't laugh about it forever."

"You did get me good. I was just shell-shocked, but at least Sabrina was there to comfort me. Even if my fellow Hunters haven't been the most sympathetic since."

"Believe me I was shocked when tagged too. A boyfriend to comfort me would have helped me a lot." Jeremy stares at Han vacantly for a moment and then nods.

"What exactly did happen between you and Kyle on Wednesday?" I cut into their conversation and gesture with my can of wine. I've been wanting to know ever since Han didn't respond to my texts. Mattie perks her head up and leans in.

"He caught me and we both freaked the fuck out Es. Then he seemed weirdly down about the whole thing instead of mad? So I got him to agree to just let me do my own thing as It, then I may have lied to you and Mattie completely about a "truce". You could already figure out that part though." She pinches the frame of her glasses and looks away.

"Me and Kyle weren't exactly the most social as a result, so sorry about that." She continues to sound genuinely apologetic. "I think we both needed to not have to talk to people though. Not that my plan worked out entirely in my favour since I didn't change back after tagging Jeremy."

"I could smell something fishy from a mile away, however it's all water under the wine can now." Mattie says in a giggly voice. "We're all on the same page about the game now right? And you're communicating again now so you know, first strike and all."

"Thanks. It's hard work translating magical runes when you've got a degree to do at the same time, so I appreciate your patience."

"It must be." Mattie gives Han a big hug and then turns to Jeremy. "So, are you gonna tell us why you have a big dumb grin on your face?"

I nod in agreement and sit on the edge of my seat. I want to hear the details of the relationship I might have fucked up through my advice yesterday. Hopefully that didn't happen though.

He scratches the back of his head and looks around. All of our eyes are on him.

"Where's Kyle? He might want to hear this as well."

"He's in his room, I think he needs some time alone." Han replies.

"Okay. At first after you tagged me it was all really confusing and upsetting, but as I said Sabrina was there to pick me up even if I acted in a way I don't really enjoy remembering." He takes a deep breath and gets up to poke around the kitchen for a drink before coming back with a beer. He cracks it open and sips the frothy drink.

"I just couldn't stop moping and being sulky about the whole thing you know? And I thought Rina was just pitying me and my situation... like I thought someone might pity Kyle's. Kinda like my fellow Hunters' initial reactions."

I nod while relatively unsure of what he exactly means. Why would he be pitied?

"So I shut myself off a bit and didn't try to tag anyone, even though the only person to really tag properly at this point would be Es, and moped around all of yesterday. It's strange having the body of a woman and you've all stayed one after tagging the next one of us..."

"But later, Sabrina came over to mine and was acting completely differently than before. She was practically throwing herself at me and when I asked what she was doing she said she wanted to try treating me like how my body looks."

My cheeks feel warm listening and I look to see Mattie staring at me while he talks. Jeremy himself looks a bit flustered and his legs close ever so slightly.

"So we talked for a bit about how I felt about my body and then how she felt about it. We did a lot more too after that I probably shouldn't share."

He stares into beer and struggles to form words, then laughs.

"Truth be told I kind of didn't mind being treated like a woman. It was just fun to be shown unconditional love by my girlfriend and be told that she didn't think my life was ruined. I still have the body for football after all." He looks down to his legs and gently runs a hand down the bare skin of his thigh.

"Anyway I've made my peace with this for now, plus Rina and I even looked up a few names to call me as a woman. It's not all bad."

I'm reminded of how Mattie encouraged me to think about a name of what I would be called as a girl. I can't dwell on that while my friend is telling me about herself though.

"I like the name Riley. It's not like it's a downgrade compared to Jeremy." Her grin goes even wider and she takes a large swig of beer. "So yeah, my brief moping period is over. Riley's gonna figure out this woman thing for as long as she needs to and get back on the pitch as soon as possible. All with the help of her amazingly hot girlfriend."

She beams at all of us and starts giggling happily. Han offers a high five wordlessly and Riley takes it and almost crushes her poor hand. I fidget and try my best to be happy for her.

"I do feel bad about the fact you're now in a gay relationship before me." Han says clearly not entirely seriously.

"Sorry Han, I guess I beat you there? But I'm sure you have the chance to get a boyfriend even as Han."

"True. I should get out there eventually, even if I am a weird girl-twink thing right now. I don't know what my type of guys would think about that."

Mattie grips my hand tightly and smiles at me. She still looks tipsy.

"So we're all kinda girls in the group but you now Es, huh? Even if Kyle apparently isn't Kendra. It's a miracle you aren't tagged yet Es, you really should be."

She suddenly looks upset for pointing it out so I look down and mumble out my congratulations.

"Well done Riley. Sabrina's really cool so I'm not surprised she could help you."

"You're too sweet. Thanks." Her face freezes and I wonder if I can hear the sound of her brain's cogs whirring. "It means a lot coming from my close friends, I'll tell the news to Kyle on the group chat if he's not available right now."

"That's probably for the best." Han says sternly.

"Hey, can we drink a bit more and play a game on the Switch?" Mattie retreats from me slightly and eeks out the words.

"I think that'd be for the best, if that's okay." I quickly find myself agreeing.

I need to suppress the voice in my head that tells me everything is wrong right now. There's a tidal wave sweeping through my brain and it feels like envy and hate and sadness all at once.

Han switches off Youtube and turns on Mario Kart.

We play for a few hours and all get various stages of sloshed.

Mattie only has one or two more cans and remains a healthy level of tipsy. Han barely finishes her current can then stops before she presumably goes over the edge. Riley keeps chugging beers with the same endurance she had as a guy and never lets up.

I don't try to keep pace with Riley. Instead I just work through my can of wine and then start on ciders until I'm sufficiently pissed.

At the end of a particularly gruelling chain of races, Riley asks if I'm free to talk in private. Han says we can use her room so I nod and hesitantly leave Mattie alone on the sofa with her.

Han's room is a mess of books and documents from god knows when. Her shiny personal computer is relatively untouched by the mess that covers the floor and her bed.

We stare awkwardly and shuffle around papers and books to be able to sit down on the bed without damaging her work. Riley shuts the door and crosses the tree trunks she calls her legs.

"What did you want to talk about? Was it about not tagging me earlier?"

"Yeah it kinda is Es. I just had an idea of something I probably should have done way before now. Or someone else should have, but I guess it has to be me."

My curiosity grows, what does she want to do with me? Is she going to kiss me? She has very kissable lips so I wouldn't complain. I would feel bad about kissing her before Mattie, if I had to kiss any of my friends I would kiss her. Riley also has a girlfriend already. I shouldn't think about kissing her.

"What is it? I want to know."

"It just might be a shock, is all."

"I'm ready. You're my friend and I trust you."

I can hear the pitter patter of drizzle from outside. It's the only noise but for Riley's breathing and the voice of women from other rooms.

She stares longingly at me and adjusts her top. Then she sadly smiles at me and leans forward.

Riley pulls me into a deep hug and I'm smothered by her for a few seconds. Then she pulls her head back and stares into my eyes while I look back in confusion.

"I'm sorry it had to happen like this. I really meant what I said earlier, but this is for the best."

"What are you doing Riley?" My heart is in my mouth, she's going to-

-"You're It."

She just broke the first rule and I'm speechless. Nor am I able to make her unsay the words I've been trying to avoid.

An intense heat floods every inch of my being. I try to fight it momentarily but give in as a kaleidoscope becomes all I can see.

All my senses soon melt into nothingness within the crucible of that pink glow.

Notes:

hiiiiiii! thanks for reading. hope you're excited to see where what happens now...

next chapter wednesday!

Chapter 5: Es

Notes:

Content warnings: Internalized Transphobia

I'm out of the house as soon as I can be. My strange new body is swaying from the alcohol I so uncaringly poisoned it with. I didn't expect being magically transformed into a girl to carry over pre-existing intoxications.

Everything feels warm and fuzzy, my headache pounds through my thoughts like a drum. Truthfully, every sensation feels entirely surreal as if I'm just inhabiting a lustful fantasy. It's something I would obviously wake up from if I were to pinch myself. I've had dreams like this before and they're all the same.

I think my friends wanted me to stay there rather than run away, but the headiness of the alcohol hitting my new cranium was too much. My expectations on what turning into a girl would be like were more along the lines of it fixing everything in an instant. Instead I just feel messy and confused.

My hair gets in my face every so often as I'm moving. It's not annoying, just something that's always felt different with an unruly mop of hair. Now I can swear it's much longer.

How did it take until Riley illegally tagging me in neutral territory to be transformed? Maybe I could have avoided being tagged just now if I'd been smarter.

It's not that I want to go back and avoid being tagged. Nor do I want to go back and tag someone else in neutral territory to test what happens.

I just want to crawl into bed and pass out.

When I finally reach my floor I see a guy who stays a few rooms over, he's staring at me in the corridor. I wave at him hesitantly and he gives me a weird look before entering his room.

Do I not look like a woman? That'd be terrifying. I'd hate to be tagged in a game that clearly turns you into a woman for some length of time, and then not look like one properly.

Not when the others have come out so well, even if Kyle isn't a girl like the others. I find myself hoping he's okay as I take my jacket off and remove my shoes, then I fall on top of my duvet.

I'm vaguely aware of how odd my legs feel before I fall asleep. It's a dreamless sleep, however I think that's because I'm going to find myself a guy again when I wake from it.

I was already in a waking dream.

-----

My alarm rings at 8AM. It's the standard wake up for a Monday morning. Usually I ignore it for thirty minutes but the noise of a random indie pop song feels particularly grating right now.

I search for my phone and find it not on my bedside table. Instead it's in the pocket of my jeans. I slide it out and am confronted by the sight of a more slender hand and arm. Hesitantly, I silence the alarm and stare at my limb in confusion.

My head pounds but I can vaguely remember being tagged last night apparently. I pinch myself on my freckled arm and nothing happens, my skin does feel particularly sensitive today though.

In fact there's very little hair on either arm. What little hair there is is thin and light, but of course I'm ginger so it was always light to an extent. But does this mean I'm still transformed into a girl? I was actually tagged. Riley tagged me in the supposed safety of Han's room!

I can hear a giggle escape my mouth and it doesn't sound like me. It sounds like a girl's giggle. Thick strands of ginger hair get in my eyes as I roll over to get up from bed; I feel other strange sensations as well, like a pressing on my chest and a looseness from my clothes.

After turning on the light and walking into my bathroom, I see my mirror smudged and dirty. I wipe it with a hand towel and look at myself in the mirror.

It's undeniable evidence that I've been transformed into a girl. I start to dig through my phone's gallery immediately to find a selfie, all to simply compare the mirror image to what I looked like before being tagged.

I'm at least one world away from what I looked like before. It's no way near what happened to Kyle or Riley but I note every tiny detail I can discern. It's the most thorough analysis of my apperance I've ever done.

The selfie I use for reference has me looking quite sullen, but usefully the shape of my face and body are visible enough to compare.

I have boobs now though! And they're actually decent sized! Those were not there before in any universe.

I feel like a pervert for noticing them so quickly but it's hard not to, my shirt is slightly baggy but it doesn't hide the perky shape of them at all. My shoulders and torso feel different as I run my hands over them. Is this what having a figure is like?

For once in the morning I won't need to punish myself for not shaving as well! The only hairs I can see are light wisps that I can only notice up close. Are they normal for women? I look at my face more closely to try and figure it out.

I find the structure of it is quite different to my selfie. It's hard to notice the exact ways it's changed due to the poor lighting in the picture but it's unquestionable. I'm trying to find reasons to hate or pick at my new face but I just can't this second, was it always this easy to like my face?

I run a hand through my now shoulder length ginger hair. It's evolved from being a mop to cascading quite cutely, even if it's unbrushed and partially in my face. I fucking love it.

There's something slightly more weird I notice now, because I could swear my mirror used to be slightly lower. It's not a worry I try to linger on because I'm just admiring how cute I look as a girl.

I'm trying my best to tell myself that while my head is pounding and I look very messy.

I've been saving to check my biggest hope for last. There's no point disappointing yourself early.

When Han said "minor details" I instantly latched onto what that could have meant, and I have been trying very hard not to envy the ideas that came up in my mental explorations. I've tried not to think too hard about the configuration of that region before.

I'm just a boy who got tagged by his friend and is now in the body of a girl, so I'm curious how far the transformation went. I can consider myself kind of a girl I suppose, a lot of my friends already do so it'd only be fair for me to as well if I'm also in the body of one.

It feels like a nice mental exercise. It's like lifting a muscle I didn't know I had.

I trace a finger around my hips and can't quite tell exactly how much they've changed. Nor can I tell what's gone on with my legs and feet through clothing. I'll have to check it out if I stay like this for long enough.

I can't wait any longer so I plunge a finger down past my waistband, then direct it into my boxers. It's just to test whether or not I still have it even though I haven't felt it since I woke up.

I look into the mirror and smile. Tears are starting to well below my pretty eyes and I realise just how badly I wanted this transformation.

All week I've been trying to avoid it for some reason. There's still something there to think about possibly, but I couldn't care less right now. I really don't want to nitpick this moment. Being tagged is enough for now.

My finger comes out of my boxers before I get any dirty ideas and then I start ugly crying in front of my mirror. It's an uncontrollable flood of emotions that I have no will left to stop.

I curl into a ball on the bathroom mat and I sob until my face feels raw. At that moment I think back to when me and Mattie talked about my name if I was a girl.

The answer for what my name should be hits me in the face like a brick. I say it out loud and hear my new voice properly for the first time. It's never been fun to hear my own voice out loud however the prospect of sounding like a girl for now excites me. So does the cute giggle that comes out after I say my name.

Why did I take a few days to think of a girl's name? That name has always been so pretty to me. It even has Es in it.

My phone pings with a text from the group chat. Mattie & Han are asking if I'm awake, and there's also a string of complaints from Han about the fact that Kyle took ages in the bathroom this morning.

There's a few paragraphs from Riley which she clearly left for Kyle to read. He's left a thumbs up reaction on the final one.

Mattie in particular is trying to drag everyone over to Kyle & Han's again, because she apparently wants us to all be in the same room as soon as possible. She's always been good at wrangling us ever since we first linked up as a friend group.

I wipe the tear stains and snot off my face and stand up with a new resolve.

My selfie is not perfect but it is one of the first I can remember enjoying taking ever, I attach a message along with it.

"Morning. I'm It but I'll be there! Don't mind the mess please ><"

I find a pack of paracetamol and take two and then start digging through my clothes. Morning classes can wait for today, I say to myself while looking for my least ugly shirt.

My friends want my presence, as the titular It, and I am all too happy to come running to see what it's about. Maybe I'll feel included finally.

-----

After I feel satsified with my current appearance, I start briskly walking to Kyle & Han's. My shoes fit uncomfortably and I don't feel great about having to wear clothes meant for a guy. Unfortunately I don't have the money to spare to buy a whole new wardrobe so quickly, nor have I worked up the nerve to ask Mattie to take me shopping yet.

I just hope I don't look like a guy too much because of it. My friends need to be able to tell I'm It in person. It's important to adhere to the rules, even if numerous of them have been broken at this point.

The walk feels like it takes forever but eventually I'm across campus and about to knock on the door. It's been left open a crack though and I can hear a lively conversation from within.

"I still don't have anything, no. Same status as last night." Han sounds exasperated and speaks quietly.

"Okay. But that still doesn't solve the issue of Riley breaking rule one! I know you broke rule four but she broke the most important one. My thoughts on Es are complicated but you can't just break neutral territory. We were meant to feel safe from being tagged in neutral territory." Mattie sounds worked up and is ranting.

"Sorry. I meant well, he just seemed really down and I thought it would help." Riley sounds defeated.

"It could have helped. I just wish you'd have at least told me you wanted to before you did it."

Mattie's mad at Riley for tagging me. I open the door and bound in, it's a stupid argument that I need to defuse. There's no point crying over a breakage of the rules that already happened, right?

"Stop arguing!" My voice echoes through the living room.

They all turn to look at me. Mattie and Han are leaning against a kitchen counter while Riley stands by the sofa fidgeting. She's still wearing guy clothes like me, I feel slightly less stupid as a result.

"We saw your selfie. Are you doing okay?" Mattie runs towards me and grabs my shoulders. My mind tells me to do something other than talk with her but I need to clear this up. Her lips look so appealing with a faint shine on them.

"I'm not mad at Riley okay? Yes she broke the most important rule, but I don't care. I don't see why we need to argue between ourselves. Like how you and Kyle last night argued..."

Mattie looks down for a moment and I can see Riley start to relax. She sits down on the sofa and smiles at me, I try to smile back.

"That was different to this Es." Han runs a finger over a moleskin on the kitchen counter and looks towards Kyle's room. "But it's good to see you're not mad, let's just forget about the rule break okay? If you're not mad then there's no reason to enforce it."

I'm brought into an embrace by Mattie. Her body feels homey and warm against me now, but I could swear I used to be closer in height to her. There's silence as someone closes the front door. Then a door from inside the house opens.

I reluctantly disengage from the hug and see Kyle standing outside his door. He looks much more like a Kendra than a Kyle though. Should I be referring to him as a guy?

He's standing there idly in a tight pink miniskirt that shows smooth shapely legs. A cute pair of trainers are on his feet as fuzzy socks poke out of them. Kyle is wearing a white top that shows off his dainty shoulders generously, and his bare arms are tipped off by cute red nails. There is considerable cleavage visible that looks properly supported unlike before he owned girl clothes. I squirm slightly when I notice it.

His face looks done up in heavy makeup put on much more rigorously than last night, it highlights his kissable lips and inviting eyes. It's all tied off by his lustrous blonde hair brushed back to let his natural features shine.

I'm deeply envious of the fact he's already capable of putting an outfit together. Let alone the fact he has the clothes to work with. Despite the clear effort put into his cosmetics, he looks incredibly uneasy.

"M-m-morning." He stutters. The softness of his voice perfectly fits with the look he's chosen for today.

A flash of anger passes across Han's face. I glance at Mattie and see her gawking.

"You look good, but what happened I thought-" Han asks before being cut off by Mattie.

"You look dazzling Kendra." Kyle pouts in response but doesn't speak.

"You don't need to call her- I mean him that. You've been leading the way into Kyle dressing and acting like this and I don't know how to feel about it anymore Mattie, from either of you." I sit down near Riley and continue to stare entranced at the blonde. Too much has happened for me to stay engaged in a conversation this second.

"I'm just impressed, I thought our little princess would have given up after last night. Can't a girl give someone a reward for putting effort in?"

"Just let him speak. I want to hear him say he's okay with this before I allow this to continue."

The blonde does not speak and instead starts tapping his foot on the floor impatiently. Mattie and Han raise their voices as they argue. I realise I should try to stop this but I don't understand the Kyle or Kendra situation anymore than them.

"You didn't care that much last night or the days before this."

"That's because it's quite startling when the guy you've been rooming with for nearly a year of your life comes out completely dolled up. We haven't always got on perfectly, but I care about him enough to check he's at least okay with being bought a mountain of makeup and then nudged into using it all. It's gotten far enough that I have to."

"Maybe you're just trying to control him because-"

"Can you both shut up please? I have something important to say." Kyle looks at the floor and shifts nervously. Han freezes in place and Mattie starts twirling a curl of her hair.

Whatever he's about to say, I hope it makes me stop feeling so confused about his situation.

"Of course. What did you want to talk to us about Kyle?" Mattie grins at me with a triumphant smile and speaks boastfully.

"It's about- Stop that. Please? It's confusing."

"Stop what?"

"Calling me Kendra when you're being sweet to me and then switching back to Kyle..."

"What name do you want to be called then? You're the one who asked to be called Kyle last night." Han asks, she sounds both concerned and irritated.

He blushes and chews on a golden hair.

"Don't make me say it okay? I don't want to have to."

Mattie follows on immediately with "If you're not going to tell us, how else are we supposed to know what to call a pretty girl like you?"

"It's Kendra!" My friend shouts it so loudly that his high-pitched shriek fills every corner of the room.

"Just call me Kendra already okay? I've been trying my best to be her for some goddamn reason and you should be able to clearly see it right now. You suggested the name..."

"I don't know when I'll get to be Kyle again okay? And being Kendra is so much fucking work for me but it's easier than being slowly worn down by everything around me as Kyle. I don't understand why I have to be a girl, but I'm fed up with feeling left behind and miserable. The idea of being Kendra just sits a lot better with me right now. It's, like, almost fun to engage with. If you think that's stupid just tell me."

Mattie jumps to her feet and brings Kendra into a gentle hug. Han quickly jumps in and hugs her side tightly. I glance at Riley and she shrugs before we both get up and join the huddle.

I hesitantly squeeze and think about how happy I am for her. What she just said about feeling left behind resonates with me deeply as I reflect back on my strange feelings from this morning. She makes me want to share myself with the world.

If Kendra can do it, so can I. I won't interrupt this moment though for her. I can hear her sobbing softly between us all so I hug her a little tighter to try and soothe my nerves.

"You can let go now you know..." Kendra mumbles after a few minutes.

We gently uncouple from her, apart from Han who clings to her.

"I'm proud of you Kendra. I don't know when I'll get to be Ethan again either but I think we're still good friends as girls. It doesn't matter who we are, we're still roommates. I'm sorry. I know it's been difficult for both of us, if you're trying out looking like this I can support you." Kendra nods back at Han and then stares at me. I hide my face behind a hand in embarassment.

"What?" I can't help observing her when she's so hot. Even if it's wrong to look at someone that way.

"You look like you want to say something." She tucks a hair behind her ear and looks awkwardly to the side. It's unmistakable how much more natural she looks at this moment.

Kendra looks like she's willingly inhabiting her new body for the first time. Her legs stand steady and the short skirt pinched around her waist doesn't look constricting anymore. The tear-streaked makeup on her face isn't even ruining her look too much as she examines a painted nail idly.

"I suppose I do. I was just waiting."

"Waiting for what Es?" I turn my head to see Mattie grinning at me. "Kendra just admitted she's okay with being a girl so whatever you say will not be as much of a shock."

She looks back at Kendra and chortles. "No offense intended, you did really well Kendra."

I nod at her and sit back down on the sofa where I'm followed by Mattie and the others.

We're somehow capable of fitting everyone on the sofa better now, as long as someone sits on an arm still, it's probably due to the fact that we all got magically transformed into women. Did multiple of us get smaller?

"Yeah. You might be It but we're kinda all girls now so you can just tell us?" Riley sweeps her hair back and squeezes my hand from my right. "Unless you don't want to be a girl Es..."

"I mean... I think I'm happier tagged than untagged. I really enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror earlier."

Mattie runs a finger through my hair and a shiver of excitement passes through me. "And? You've got to have more than that."

"I came up with a name earlier." I feel compelled to tell the complete truth at this moment.

"Well we'd love to hear it, wouldn't we? We already call you Es and that's not your name at birth." Murmurs of agreement come from everyone on the sofa.

I nod and try not to choke on the words I want to say. It feels so dangerous yet exciting to be in this position.

Who'd have thought I'd one day be in the situation to call myself a girl's name to my friends?

"Esme."

Mattie pats my head and tucks one of my new strands of longer hair behind my ear. "A very pretty name for a very pretty girl."

I hide my face behind my hands as I start burning up. Riley's firm hand rubs my back. It's such a genuinely kind thing for her to say to me, I'd never imagined being called a pretty girl would feel so good or what would have to happen to be called it.

"Is she having a moment like I did?" Kendra asks.

"I think Esme is having a different kind of moment." Han says back to her from an arm of the sofa.

"Oh, like a "she's quicker to accept womanhood than me" moment?"

"Kendra, kindly shut up, you're a beautiful woman and you're doing great right now. You don't need to compare yourself to Esme." Mattie interjects.

"Thanks?"

"No self-deprecation in front of her okay? She's clearly still fragile, like you."

"Okay Mattie. Thanks. I appreciate that you've been trying to be helpful to me. It's just really weird still."

"I know cutie."

I continue to hide the burning on my face and try not to let it show further when she calls Kendra a cutie. She should be calling me a cutie! At least telling them my name went well, I'm glad to be Esme to them.

"So, I have a serious question. In light of what we've said now... what the hell do we do?" Han asks as I try to regain my composure.

"What do we do about being girls for the near future?" Riley replies sounding confused.

"Yes. We have family and class outside of the bubble of our game of Tag, whatever magic has done this to us hasn't changed anything beyond... us."

"I think Sabrina likes me even more as Riley so I'm not too stressed."

"Yes but you're on a men's football team currently. What are you even going to tell your parents? Your girlfriend isn't your whole world."

"I guess I have to find a women's team that'll take me? I still want to play football and they might be able to look past my situation. That all depends on what the Hunters do with me now though."

"I don't think you'll have any difficulty with that Riley." I say, trying to encourage her.

I look up at her athletic body and part of me is jealous of Sabrina. If her performance at her last match is any indication, she should be able to manage just as well while Riley.

"The balance of my body is completely different now though, it's honestly the strangest adjustment I've had to make since I got tagged. Chasing after you yesterday was harder than it looked."

"You could have tagged me at a point... so I think you'll do great back on a pitch."

"Thanks Esme!"

"But what about your family Riley?" Han pushes the topic, she's clearly worried about it a lot. It's a difficult matter to think about for me. I'm not sure how much I appreciate her bringing it up.

"I hope they can accept me being Riley? My parents know Sabrina is trans so I don't think me being a girl is something that'll be the end of the world to them, if I do end up being one for a long time that is."

"That's easy for you to say." Kendra says under her breath, a bit too loud to be unheard.

"What was that cutie?" Mattie's voice rings out loud and clear. I'm once again wishing I was the target of the sweet things she called Kendra.

"My parents won't accept me like this. Maybe it'd be easier if I wasn't so fucking noticeable but I am! My dad won't accept his son looking like words I don't want to call myself. You can fill in the blanks, I know you've judged me enough already." I catch Han looking away guiltily.

"Well you're not currently his son, you're his daughter."

"That's a headfuck to think about Mattie."

"I know. If they're cruel to you about it- you're in a room of four other women that will fight for you."

"You can't solve my university issues as well though, I've barely attended the past week and I think I'd just be laughed out of Economics because I look just like a- a bimbo." I find it very hard to not point out how much she's leaning into that stereotype right now.

"You are Kendra though, and you can't just put your degree on hold because of that. Looking like a bimbo doesn't mean you're incapable of being in education. "

"We don't even know if this is going to be permanent Mattie. What's the point of telling the faculty we're all women now if the game just ends tomorrow and we all plop back into being dudes?"

"I hope that doesn't happen." I cut in without thinking, because of anything bad ever happening to me that's one of the worst things I could think of happening to me. I'd rather my room and all of my possessions burn down before that happens. Please let this game go on at least a bit longer.

Han starts tryings to drag us back onto the topic I am trying not to think about.

"My point is that we just need to think about these things. We have to explain our situations to at least someone external. Otherwise, one day the faculty will find it incredibly strange that five guys who suddenly became women in the space of a week are attending classes. Maybe they've already noticed."

"Maybe we should get to class then? Try to explain our situations instead of truanting, if anyone really doesn't need to today it'd probably be Esme because of how recently she was transformed." Mattie touches my shoulder as she finishes, she's giving me an out to just relax today.

For the first time in a week, I feel able to accept the state of my life despite being the titular It. Even though I'm worried about my parents and my degree, I feel a lot freer to be able to be myself and not stress out over my friends. This must be how all the others felt initially, right?

I nod at Mattie. "I'll take an excuse from someone to truant today."

"Good girl." Instinctually I look down and blush.

"Okay. It's settled then, we'll meet up again soon to figure out our family situations while I pray for a breakthrough. Now scram! And if you tag anyone please tell us immediately what happens Esme." Han gets up and gives me a stern stare, before walking to the ceramic plate propped up in the kitchen. She starts looking between it and her moleskin.

"I'm gonna go redo my makeup and head to my lecture then. See you... gals?" Kendra stalks back into her room after Mattie pats her head.

I look up at Mattie desperately and she pats mine as well. I find guilt in being so needy for attention from my friend.

"See you later as well! I've got a date with Sabrina tonight, it's our first one while we're both girls." Riley calls out as she heads out the door whistling. We wish her luck and me and Mattie follow closely behind her.

-----

She holds my hand tight as we walk away from the newly Kendra & Han's place. We walk in silence for a bit as I let myself begin to process this morning. That is until Mattie breaks the quiet.

"So, don't tell the other girls this. But I might have already told the university that I'm a woman a few days after I got transformed. They don't know I've already been trying to sort out adminstrative stuff on my end."

"Oh. That's pretty cool for you to have done."

"What are your thoughts on staying a girl Esme? I'm pretty okay with it if it happens, but the others seem more hesitant about the idea right now."

"I could go for it for some length of time at least. I'd just be worried about my family like Kendra is."

"I'm worried about her family too, and that's an understandable fear in your situation."

"Yeah. You've met my parents, I'm not sure they'd take me suddenly being a girl that well. It's not like I can explain it easily through me being trans like you."

"And why can't you?"

"I just couldn't be. If I was trans I would have got myself tagged immediately instead of trying so hard to avoid it, but I didn't do that Mattie."

"We're going to discuss this at some point when I don't need to get to class, okay? Just try not to worry about your parents too hard. They live hours away."

"Okay. Maybe Sabrina would know something about my situation as well?"

"I think Sabrina knows a lot about your situation, yes."

"Have you talked about our game of Tag with her?"

"Not a lot. I've been busy with you and the other girls, even if she has been liking my selfies recently."

"Oh. This might be strange to ask, but do you think Kendra is trans?"

"Do you think that Esme?"

"I'm not sure. She seemed really resistant to being a girl at first but I could tell she looked happier today. Maybe she enjoys being a girl like you."

"Well, I can't comment on whether or not someone else is trans. I think sometimes you have to help someone out of their shell- whatever form it may take. I think Kendra needed a lot of help to start to be the girl she is now, and honestly I just want her to be able to be happy like this. However she wants to process that is down to her."

"I just don't want her to turn back into a guy and be unhappy about it."

"This is why we need to let Han work to figure out how the magic could work, unless you want to tag me and see what happens then?"

"You don't want to go back though?"

"I hardly think being tagged will transform me back when being the first "tagged" transformed me."

"I'm just not sure what the point of the game is anymore now that we're all women."

"Fun Esme, pure and simple fun. That's always the point of a game."

"I'll think about it. It's a big commitment to put a target on my back again."

"Of course! You just know I'm itching to play properly again."

Mattie laughs to herself and finishes walking me back to my room. There's a moment outside my door when our eyes are locked into staring into each others and I almost-

-but she tells me to enjoy myself and to remember to text if I need anything.

I find myself wishing she had stayed but a second longer.

-----

Despite how mentally free I feel, for the rest of the day I can't bring myself to do much more than stare at a screen.

I've been given a free pass to do nothing by Mattie and it's suddenly impossible to think of what I even do for leisure anymore. Let alone how me being a girl affects that.

That thought in particular bounces back and forth a lot. It feels good, sure. So does having the body of a woman and being called Esme!

But I start to wonder... is it right to consider myself her?

All I've done over the last week is try to avoid being tagged while oogling my friends with envy. That's no way to treat your friends!

It doesn't matter if I felt like kissing Mattie earlier, it'd have been wrong to do it on an impulse.

Being a woman isn't meant to be this easy. My mother told me that long ago. Therefore I simply realise I'm doing it wrong.

I'm only really considering myself a woman because all my friends have after being tagged. That's not how to be a woman properly!

I was a guy until only last night after all. I can't just decide to be a girl on a whim and go for it. Just because my friends have started calling themselves women, it doesn't mean I can as well. It's disrespectful and degrading.

I have factors to consider. Parents. University. Not knowing how to act and look feminine. I don't even own any girl clothes!

It's pathetic. The freedom I felt earlier today feels false, and I realise why I hadn't been tagged earlier despite how much I enjoyed looking at my new body today. It was good for me to avoid being tagged and my friends were aware of that.

Riley just pitied me, and now she'll expect me to be a woman as a result.

There's no way I was a girl before being tagged, Mattie and Sabrina are transgender women and they're different to me. They're more deserving and capable of womanhood.

I look up communities and sites for transgender women online in an effort to figure my jagged thoughts out, but they make me feel worse. I'm not one of them and I'll never be. There's a community there I can't find within myself.

I'm only wearing the skin of a woman named Esme. The undeniable fact is I'm not a proper woman no matter how good today felt. My friends think I'm Esme and I'll just have to deal with that while I have this body. It's the consequences of my silly actions.

This game of Tag might have given me a body I like, but it's wrong to like it so much and have such unsavoury thoughts about it. Besides, Han was right, no matter how much fun it might be to be like this in the long term; I have to think in realistic terms. Being Esme the pretty redhead isn't feasible in that line of thought.

I attempt to internalise and force myself into accepting this. I'm left with the lingering truth that I'm It and will have to tag someone else eventually or I could lose. Whatever losing means at this point. However this game truly ends, and what the consequences that you face as the loser are.

Whatever magic did this to me and my friends will have to fade at some point, right? Then I might be able to think about going back without wanting to viciously destroy everything.

It's a tragic but necessary outcome of this escapade. If only for me.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Sorry About The Doom but hands you a Kendra

Next chapter Saturday! (nearly done posting Possession to SH so might actually try to start getting Nicciquest up after this...)

Chapter 6: Sabrina

Notes:

Content warning: Implied alcohol abuse

I'm awoken by a gentle knock at my door. My dream melts into reality and I find myself suddenly on alert while still half-consumed within my duvet. I don't think I was dreaming about much, and the only thing I can grasp from my memory is that Kendra and Mattie were in my dream.

"Esme?" A voice says softly from outside my room. It's vibrant and my head throbs at hearing such a loud noise.

Sabrina? Why is she here?

I didn't know she knew of me having been tagged. Riley or Mattie must have told her. It's probably best to ignore her if she thinks I'm Esme. I did spend all of yesterday in bed after realising I probably shouldn't be Esme the previous night.

Maybe I can deploy that strategy again! It's not like she's in the game of Tag and I should be catching her presently. I look at the empty bottle of vodka on the floor and curl into my duvet tighter. My stomach still hurts.

"Esme, if you don't open up this door I'm getting Riley to kick it down."

"Sabrina, she put down a deposit for the accommodation, I don't want to cost her money." I can hear Riley's concerned voice as well.

There's another knock at my door. I don't get up. It's not like I could catch Riley, even if I wanted to, she's too fast.

"Okay. But we're not moving until you open the door. Right Riley?"

"Of course. But, firefly, I hate to say it but I don't know if she'll-"

"We're not going to the shops without her. Not a chance. She needs this and Mattie is-" Silence for a few seconds. "-I shouldn't say that out loud."

What was she going to say about Mattie? I'm deeply curious. I think about getting out of bed to try and gleam it, but in the end I don't.

They quietly chatter for a while as I lie there in my duvet. Despite how good my soft body feels under it I don't want to get up. I shouldn't get up. It'd be wrong to hang out with my friends and pretend to be Esme when I shouldn't be her.

She's a product of our magical woes, not of me. It's that and the fact my head hurts and I don't want to face the world.

Eventually my stomach rumbles and my throat feels too parched. Betrayed by my own body.

I push hair out of my face and shroud myself in my duvet. Then I walk over to my meagre cupboards and pull out a cookie and pour a glass of water. Sabrina & Riley suspiciously quiet their talking down.

After nibbling the cookie until it's only crumbs, I open the door still entirely covered in my duvet. It's not like I have proper clothes for my new body, so a duvet is better than a stupid guy shirt. If nothing else I can tell them to just leave me alone.

Sabrina is standing in front of my door in a black dress looking done up and beautiful. She's looking very cross with me. Riley is standing at her side and I can properly see the height difference between the couple for the first time.

She's so much taller than her, and even way taller than me! I swear our height gap didn't used to be this big.

Riley is wearing similiar clothes to what I've seen her wearing before as Riley. They've been looking increasingly like they don't fit at all on her new frame, while her long wavy hair flows down her back in contrast and reminds me how short her hair used to be.

"Esme." I push down the smile that tries to form when Sabrina calls me Esme face to face. "We're taking you shopping for clothes, young lady. No objections or hiding away, I've gathered there's been enough of that from you and your friends already."

I shoot her a grumpy look and begin to protest. If she wants to buy me girl clothes she doesn't need to spare any expense on me. Besides, I wanted Mattie to take me shopping like she took Kendra shopping. Not Sabrina, as lovely as she is.

"I don't need them." It's a lie.

"Yes you do, and so does my girlfriend. We're killing two birds with one stone. So there's no need to pout at me."

I go to close the door. Riley puts her foot in the door and stares at me, her gorgeous blue eyes peer into my soul.

"Listen to my girlfriend. She knows best about this sorta stuff." She clutches an arm and sheepishly grins.

"Get changed into something basic, then you're coming out with us." Sabrina's tone makes it very clear she won't take no for an answer. I have no choice but to submit to the social calling.

Riley lets the door close and I put the bare minimum of effort into myself to go out. If I felt good about looking like a woman right now, I'd maybe have put in more care.

-----

My phone has countless unread messages that I don't look at as we walk to the bus stop. Riley's long legs set the pace for me and Sabrina.

I'm not very successful at keeping up but Sabrina's smokey glares keep me moving forward for the most part. The bus arrives quickly and Riley and Sabrina squeeze into the back, I sit a seat away from them. The only thing I pay attention to on the ride as we pass it is the Oxfam, the one Mattie got the ceramic plate. I'm still wondering what Sabrina was going to say about Mattie that she didn't end up saying in my earshot.

After an uneasy trip we get off the bus outside the biggest shopping centre in town. I'm nudged out of my thoughts by Riley's arm. The name of the shopping centre is clearly visible in faded blue lettering that reads "BirchOwl".

It's a dull place I've visited once or twice before when I've had the free time. Great concrete arches and a corporate blue logo of an owl smatter the entrance. It's not a particularly big place compared to a much grander shopping center near where I grew up, but Sabrina seems to think it's adequate for today.

My Mum used to take me shopping every so often when I was a teenager. My spine shivers at the memories.

I quickly put away thinking about one of my parents as Sabrina and Riley walk onwards. They're expecting me to at least be somewhat present today. No matter how much I want to be in bed I can't deny there's at least some guilty excitement at the thought of being bought clothes by Sabrina.

We walk into BirchOwl without much further delay. Sparse groups of shoppers walk by the storefronts and occasionally I can catch a glimpse or two that's coming our way. We are quite an odd trio I suppose.

Riley is very hard to not notice these days and Sabrina has always looked striking with that unnatural crimson hair. I probably look ugly out of place walking with them. I walk right behind Riley to be less noticeable. Sabrina stops walking and looks at me with concern.

"Is this too much Esme? You can be honest. I know I forced you out, but if you need to go home you can. This is your first time out in public since being tagged right?" I poke my head out from behind Riley's back and stare at the crimson haired girl.

"Yeah. Sorry, I just think I'm being looked at and judged. I probably smell and look dumb." I look away and fidget with my arms. I haven't showered since I got tagged.

"You just need decent clothes okay? We can get you those and then you can go back to your room and shower, unless you really don't want to go shopping right now?" Of course internally I know I don't want to miss shopping. I just want to lie in bed and not have all these horrible thoughts nearly as much

I don't say anything in response. I'm feeling too ashamed and self-conscious to answer her honestly.

Riley turns around and squeezes my shoulder gently. She sounds apprehensive when she speaks.

"It took Rina a few days to convince me to let her take me shopping Esme, it won't be that bad when I'm here worrying with you as well."

I nod at Sabrina and hang my head briefly. She smiles and starts marching towards the nearest store that stocks clothing with a skip in her step.

"It's decided then. You're mine for the day." She calls out towards me and Riley.

Me and Riley pace behind her to catch up, she quickly ends up ahead of me until she slows down and nudges me on.

We're quickly surrounded by a labyrinth of tops and trousers and racks of textiles. Sabrina waits for us by a couple of mannequins wearing long dresses as she stares at them.

"You like 'em?" Riley asks her girlfiend.

"I do, But I should be focusing on you two for today. I can't get caught up in dress buying again. My paychecks aren't that frequent." Sabrina adjusts her glasses and looks at me. "Oh yeah, as long as you're not buying the whole store I'm paying for this Esme. I can't let Mattie pay for her friend's group's clothing on her own."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't feel bad about Mattie paying for it." I stammer out as heat rises to my face.

"I know you probably wouldn't, but I'm helping today. She can feminize you in her own time." She giggles to herself and my face feels even hotter.

"So, what do we need first, Rina? You're the most knowledgeable of us about womens' clothing?" Riley asks while sounding quite unsure of herself. My only exposure to womens' fashion is almost entirely from Mattie and osmosis from women I've known in my life. I wouldn't know where to start.

"Bras. You both need them desperately." Sabrina says without a hint of doubt in her voice.

I'm reminded my boobs exist, and it does occur that I have felt slightly awkward without anything to support them or stop them rubbing against my shirts. I don't know how bras work though. All I know is that my boobs are at least smaller than Kendra's are. That and it's uncomfortable when they rub against old T-shirts

"Come on. Let's get you both fitted... I could probably guess one of your sizes but I'd rather not rely on that type of knowledge for buying bras, they cost a lot." Sabrina and Riley share a laugh while I awkwardly follow them.

We reach the women's section of the shop. I suppose clothes for my body would belong here even if I really shouldn't be claiming womanhood. There's racks of bras upon bras.

Colours upon colours and sizes upon sizes. It's all a bit overwhelming as I stare at them. Riley joins me and is inspecting a hanger with a sports bra. I'm not sure of the difference between bras beyond sports bras and the hot lacy ones.

Sabrina is talking to a middle-aged woman at a counter. After a few minutes of conversation she comes over to us, a badge pinned to her shirt reads Victoria.

"Hi. Sabrina over there tells me you two need fittings for bras?" Me and Riley both nod. I feel slightly wrong for talking to her but she'd probably judge me more for showing my discomfort. "Don't worry if you're new to it. Plenty of girls don't get their chest measured as much as they should."

"Okay..." Riley says as her voice trails off. It's so surreal to be about to have my boobs measured along with Riley, you could not have convinced me this would be happening a week ago.

I nod along again. It's difficult to gather words when I'm wearing a T-shirt meant for a guy's body in front of Victoria. Sabrina comes over and stands by Riley, she curiously regards the sports bra her girlfriend is holding.

"I think you should do Esme first. I already have a vague idea for Riley's size so Esme needs more help being fitted." She points at me and gives me an encouraging smile. "Me and Riley will be out here if you need us, okay?"

I decide to object to being rushed into this and walk up to Sabrina to talk quietly to her.

"What if she can figure out I'm not you know...? Like her."

"She's measured countless women's chests before. Your boobs won't be new to her." She pushes me to Victoria and waves at me with Riley. I smile uneasily back and follow Victoria into the changing rooms.

My objection melts away in favour of the nerves that suddenly surface.

She opens a curtain into a changing room and we pass into it. It's big enough to comfortably hold three people, with a mirror at one end and a curtain that's able to split the room in two. Knowing there's privacy for getting changed is a comfort for my nerves.

"Sit down lass, you're shaking like you've got the tremors." I look down at my hands to see them twitching and sit down. It's embarrassing to be caught out in your anxiety.

"You can be honest with me when you answer, I've fitted a lot of girls before. Is this your first time getting fitted for bras?" Her question cuts me to my core and I'm terrified of it. There's a kindness behind her words and round face though. I'm put at ease to a degree that's large enough that I try to force myself to accept the kindness.

"Yes. I'm very inexperienced with them. Sorry."

"That's alright." She beams at me. "Your name was Esme? That's what your friend called you."

I hesitate before speaking, because I don't really think I should be Esme. But it's a more complete name than Es and what most other people know me as. It's not like I'll ever see this woman again after this.

"Yes. It's Esme." I'm unable to suppress the nervous giggle that comes out at saying the name.

"Okay Esme. I need you to stand up while I measure your band and bust size."

"Do I need to take my top off? I'd rather not."

"Of course not. And when you're trying on bras, I'll give you all the privacy you need."

I give her a shaky nod and stand up.

Victoria extends a tape measure and wraps it around the space under my boobs. If Mattie were doing this I'd find it incredibly flustering, but I feel more safe than shameful right now. She hasn't even commented on my ugly blue T-shirt. I've had it since secondary school.

She mutters numbers to herself then moves the tape to wrap it more around the centre of my chest. I stifle an eek and let Victoria do her job.

It doesn't take long for her to put the tape measure away and face me again.

"Okay. So my best estimate is that you're a 32C, but I'll grab some bras in nearby sizes just in cases."

"32C? Is that good?"

"There's no competition when it comes to the size of your chest lass. It's not a bad effort at all though, for what it's worth. Do you know much about different bra types? Any idea of what you're looking for today?"

I wrack my brain for any further knowledge than "bras support big boobs" and "boobs are attractive", most importantly even "I have zero idea of technical terms for bras I'm so sorry for being stupid".

"No. I don't really, sorry. I know what sports bras are?"

"That's good. Do you want any of those?"

"I'm not really sporty so, no?"

"If you say so." She ponders to herself for a moment. "I'll grab some full cup and push-up bras. Let's see how you like those, you just stay in here Esme."

I wait for a few minutes and try to avoid the urges to check my phone. I still don't know what my friends have been saying among themselves or to me since Monday morning. It's a destructive anxiety but one I need to sate.

I'm about to swipe my phone on when Victoria walks in with armfuls of bras. Various colours and patterns adorn them. She gives me a wild grin.

"Esme, are you ready to try on some bras?"

-----

In the end, it's a much more pleasant experience than I expected it to be. 32C ends up fitting me to a T luckily, and I walk out of the fitting room with 3 push-up bras, 2 full cup bras and a few bralettes in various warm shades. I'm meant to get fresh bras every so often if they don't support my chest properly anymore.

As Victoria calls in Riley, Sabrina follows her in and tells me to stick close as they'll be back in a jiffy.

I can't help but think back on how good my body looks in a push-up bra, it's an intoxicating image I can't get out of my head. Sure, I feel bad about being in this body but it's so fun to have the knowledge now that you can just put on a push-up bra and suddenly everyone can tell you have good tits.

Is that a thought I'm enjoying? That's way too shameful to let myself internalise. Still I don't feel too much pushback, so maybe I don't need to try too hard to stop that thought.

One thing I can't get over is how easy it is to take bras on and off. I remember reading some resources a few nights ago about advice for transgender women on how to get used to bras; once Victoria had explained it once it was so easy to hook the bra on and off though. I even experimented with taking it off while it was under my T-shirt. It's always been an act I've heard talked about by other guys in hushed tones.

God, it's so fun in the most shameful way to be able to just practise that now on my own chest. Who knew there was more to bras than "sports and lacy"?

Eventually Riley comes out with a wad of sports bras along with some less sporty looking bras. They're much bigger and wider than my bras. She's smiling from ear to ear and laughing as she and Sabrina chat to Victoria.

Victoria says her goodbyes to them and we're left as a trio again.

Sabrina puts her hands on her hips as me and Riley stare at each other's bras.

"So. Are you two going to be nervous schoolgirls all day or are we going to talk about how you two just... aced that!" She gives me a quick hug and then a longer one along with a kiss to Riley. "Seriously. You did so well in there Riley, and she said you did amazing Esme. Consider yourself A star students at bra shopping!"

"Thanks?" I say with some apprehension. It feels good to be congratulated for bra shopping, despite how silly that sounds. It's like how it felt good to learn how to take a bra on and off.

Riley starts to protest. "It's just kind of embarrassing because-" Sabrina cuts her off.

"We're all girls here now, okay?" I nod my head hesitantly at her, and see Riley do the same. It's not like bra shopping is something most guys will ever have any knowledge of.

"There's no shame about this. I'll go buy these for you two and we'll hit another store for more general clothing. You're both in desperate need of a wardrobe update." She continues, the shine in her eyes showing such genuine excitement about this trip. I can see Riley thinking about something from the perplexed look on her face, it's similiar to the look I saw on her the night she tagged me.

We go to a till and Sabrina pays an eye-watering amount of money for all our bras. She hands me a shopping bag full of mine and Riley one full of hers. We walk out of the store looking like a bit more of a cohesive unit than we entered as. My stomach rumbles and I still don't feel amazing, but my self-confidence does feel a lot higher than it did before I was carrying bras.

"So, uh, this might be awkward to ask Esme. But what cup size are you? You don't have to answer. I'm just thinking about what Sabrina said." Riley asks as we head towards a store that's a short walk away.

Is that a normal question for women to ask each other? I'm flustered by it immediately.

"If you're comfortable answering, it'd be great to actually share Esme. I can even go first to set an example. It's really not that embarrassing of a fact to know your friends' bra sizes." Sabrina jumps onto the question immediately. "It's just your clothing sizes."

"Are you sure? It seems like quite a crude thing to share and I don't want to make anyone feel bad..." It fills me with shame to think of a me who knows facts like that.

"I'll just go first and help you clear your brainworms then. I'm a 34B, Riley babe you go next." I'm inexperienced in bra sizes so I try to visualise what exactly a 34B looks like. It only makes me feel more awkward. I am however shocked out of most of my shame by Sabrina's candidness.

"O-o-oh. I'm a... 40D. I think Victoria said that." Riley says with some difficulty despite the fact she brought this up. From what I've picked up with my eyes and newly gained knowledge of bras, it's obvious that that's big.

I clench my jaw and try to sputter out the words. I might as well join in, even if being Esme isn't right. Sharing her bra size is something Esme would do after all.

I decide that if Riley can share hers, I can as well.

"I'm a 32C... sorry." I stop walking for a second and stare at the floor. My long ginger hair drapes itself over my face.

"Wow. My lowly chest has been outcompeted by a cursed game of Tag. Fair play!" Sabrina giggles and pulls my head up. "Come on Esme, no need to feel awkward! We need to buy you clothes to wear over those bras now."

"Could I get some sportswear to go with my sports bras? I don't think my sportswear fits me anymore. I need it for my runs and general exercise even if the Hunters are still evaluating my long-term status." When Riley mentions the Hunters there's an audible despondence in her voice. It must be hitting her hard that they're even evaluating her position on the team.

"Of course! We'll grab that after some day-to-day clothes, as great as I think you'll look in feminine sportswear." She turns red in the face. "Sorry Esme, I know you're kinda third-wheeling, I'm just feeling flirty. I'll try not to make you feel too awkward."

We resume our short walk as I try to push down thoughts of Mattie, Kendra and even the two beautiful women in front of me. Han would be tutting at me if she could see me right now. I don't feel that awkward. I just feel a deep physical longing.

-----

For the next few hours, me and Riley are dragged from shop to shop as we scour the shopping centre for clothes. Late morning passes into the middle of the afternoon.

Riley ends up with a slightly tomboyish while still somewhat feminine collection of vest/tank tops and flannels. She gets a myriad of tracksuit bottoms, running leggings and shorts. It's more proportionally sportswear than I think Sabrina was initially intending, but she justifies the cost of it all by saying she gets paid Friday. At least she keeps repeating it anxiously when Riley has to buy new shoes.

I can hear her swear in audible relief when Riley is clearly too indecisive to buy new football boots today.

All in all, it's a wardrobe not worlds away from what Riley used to wear as a guy. There's certainly a more feminine edge and fit to all of the clothes she chooses though. I'm excited to see her wear it day to day.

On the other hand, Sabrina gently encourages me into the more feminine sections of stores after I ingloriously pick out a skirt first. I try to resist at first but quickly find out that yes, my new body does look great in skirts.

It looks great in V-necked tops like the one I saw Kendra wear on Sunday. It looks great in vest tops and cute tight jeans that show my butt. I'm hesitant to try on revealing miniskirts like my blonde friend so boldly did, but my two present friends' encouragement is more than enough to pick out brighter colours and way more feminine clothes than I ever realised I wanted.

In my head, I quietly recognise that it's more of a need than a want. I'm not sure how to deal with that realization.

Sabrina nudges me to even get a few dresses, no matter how petrified I am at first by the concept of wearing a dress. It all feels a lot more freeing than I thought it'd be to let go of my inhibitions.

It's even more freeing than initially talking with my friends on Monday. I'm still apprehensive and keeping in mind what's realistic about being Esme, but it's much less stressful this second. At least I have girl clothes I can wear most of the time when I'm not having to live back with my parents at the end of the year. I can always keep some guy clothes for them to try and hide the changes I've undergone.

Sabrina gets me some much cuter and more well-fitting pairs of shoes when she buys Riley's shoes. My feet are a lot slimmer than they used to be. Riley's are seemingly just as broad but differently shaped.

She's so obviously happy about having retained her height and physique after being tagged. We're a land of contrasts, our friend group.

The shopping helps me take my mind off our messiness, but I'm still thinking about Mattie and Kendra to some extent. What was Kendra's shopping trip like? How did she end up with the wardrobe I've seen her wear? Exactly how big are her boobs?

That last question makes me feel a bit too ashamed to ponder, but the rest is all stuff I'm deeply curious about. What are they both even doing right now? I consider checking my phone but I'm too distracted by the shopping. It's like I'm in the makeover scene of a movie.

At one point Sabrina states: "I'm just going to blow my bank account on you two at this point, maybe then I'll never have to spend so much on shopping again..."

She drags us off to a cosmetics store to get us basic makeup supplies. Riley protests slightly but has a skin tone matched foundation and concealer forced upon her, along with eyeliner and mascara and a bunch of other products I don't instantly catch the names of.

Apparently just because she's a sports girl, it doesn't exempt her from at least trying with her own makeup. I try to protest more but it just makes her get more for me.

I try to remember what each bottle and product does while Sabrina rattles on about the money in her purse. She picks us out some basic colours for our nails that she thinks will fit us.

Riley gets a few muted red and blues, plus some clear varnishes. I'm handed more pastel colours and one or two bright red and pinks for contrast. Then Sabrina adds a long list of products like undercoats, topcoats and I can't really process it all.

She tops it all off by buying "feminine hygiene" products. This includes proper shampoos, conditioners and skincare products. Strangely enough it also includes tampons. It's slightly strange to be handed tampons as someone who has so obviously been a guy for the last twenty years.

Sabrina says it's better to be safe than sorry as she genuinely doesn't know what the magic has actually done to our "downstairs". I'm really not used to such frank discussions of genitalia with my friends. I don't say the quiet part of what she's suggesting out loud. She's probably correct in assuming that none of us have balls anymore.

Especially with how Riley jokes about how her balls were tackled off her and we start giggling uncontrollably.

Me and Riley share a look of being shell shocked well after our giggle have died down as Sabrina stares at her mobile banking outside Boots. We're both carrying a mountain of bags. Sabrina just has one bag on her.

"Is there... much more to get Sabrina?" I ask her, nervous she's going to drag us to another store to buy me more sets of underwear.

"Nope. But I am living off ice cubes until Friday so... let's go grab some lunch that one of you pays for! Once you've both changed into your new clothes that is." She gazes wolfishly at me and her squirming girlfriend. "Yep, this is the final exam in your clothes shopping for today! You have to put together an outfit from what I've spent my hard-earned cash on."

Riley gulps and I feel a shiver run down my spine. There's so many options to choose from in my shopping bags. I'm worried I'll have a panic attack from perverse excitement or decision paralysis.

We're quickly hurried along into the changing rooms of a store by Sabrina after she asks if we can use one each. She leaves us with most of the relevant bags and me and Riley share a petrified nod before heading through a curtain each.

I resist the urge to check my phone when I realise what a delightful ordeal I have ahead of me.

For what feels like an eternity I try on and take off clothes from my shopping bags.

I quickly become used to stripping my clothes off so I just put all my guy clothes and shoes in a corner, after I make sure all my possessions are gone from them and on a clearly visible bench. I'm not sure what to do with guy clothes anymore...

Shame bubbles up in me every time I stare at myself in the mirror while I'm clothed in an unmistakably feminine outfit. My hair is a mess and my eyes have dark bags under them. Not to mention the pains of hunger that are hitting me, or how guilty I feel about this whole scenario.

Still, I press on and settle on a pair of ankle length light blue jeans. I pull on a pair of cute cat-patterned socks. They look pretty with a pair of black and white trainers that fit snugly around my feet.

For my top I put on one of the full cup bras and a camisole, then I layer a pink cardigan over that and stare at myself.

It's good enough for now. It's not too much for me, nor do I think it makes me look like an ugly guy. I'm amazed at how much information about my new clothes I've even managed to absorb.

I gather my possessions from the bench along with my shopping bags. My phone barely fits in my pocket anymore but that's just one of the many woes of being a woman I guess.

I open the curtain and walk out of the changing rooms. Riley and Sabrina instantly turn their heads to see me.

"Oh my gosh you're so gorgeous. You're even cuter than before." Sabrina coos at me.

"Damn, you look pretty... adorable considering how new this must be to us both." Riley scratches the back of her head and laughs.

She looks good. She's wearing a pair of shorts cut to show off most of her sculpted thighs and the magnificent legs below. A black sports bra is visible underneath a light vest top on her torso.

Her body looks even hotter with properly fitted clothes. It's like when I saw Kendra in her dolled up look on Monday morning. It fits Riley to a T. I hope mine fits me just as well.

We stand there in silence for a few moments before Sabrina shoots us both a thumbs up. She fiddles with her necklace and sounds so deliriously happy when she finally talks.

"I knew this would be worth it. You both look so happy... I think we've all earned some lunch. Exceptional efforts all around!" Sabrina claps her hands and her forest green eyes gleam.

She starts skipping off with her considerable lack of shopping bags. I lock eyes with Riley and we shake our heads before trudging after her. It's only when we're entering the food court that I realise I accidentally left my guy clothes in the changing room.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! I guess I hit a shopping chapter eventually... next chapter will be more plotty I promise.

Next chapter releases Wednesday.

Chapter 7: Starting Pistol

Notes:

Content warnings: Transphobic parents, deadnaming

When I finally get home from BirchOwl, I very quickly dump my shopping bags near my desk and fall onto my duvet. I'm saved from a sudden painful landing onto my chest by my new bra.

I'm exhausted to a point that even the nagging voice that's telling me to shower can't get me up. There's a few more nagging voices as well; the one that's telling me to hide away all the girly stuff that was just bought for me, the one that's tempting me to just be Esme and the one that's telling me to check my phone because I'm desperate to see what my friends have been doing.

The latter wins and I scroll my phone while my sore arms and legs struggle to not turn into jelly. The group chat has had a flurry of activity and numerous messages directed at me or in worry about me.

It makes me feel flush with guilt to read them. Especially when the end result of them was Sabrina & Riley dragging me out shopping to spend probably hundreds of quid on me.

I'm keeping my eyes peeled for Mattie's messages and she sounds so worried about me in all her messages. I hit her messages from today to see that her and Kendra went out to get their nails done at a salon. There's a picture of Kendra smiling awkwardly with her hair gleaming and Mattie sticking her tongue out.

I send a quick message telling everyone Sabrina took me out shopping and immediately shut off my phone. I don't need to be made to feel worse due to sympathy.

Everything is still so confusing and alien with them. That brief moment of... sisterhood I felt when I told them I was going by Esme seems so far away.

It's so far away from drinking vodka in bed and praying one little thing in the world makes sense to you. Why you're okay with being in the body of a girl. Why you love the name Esme like it's your daughter. Why you want to kiss your friend who's maybe been a girl for a long time, and why you feel like a dirty pervert for wanting it so badly.

How you're even going to explain all of this eventually.

I don't go to that place right now. There's no more booze in my room and my ID wouldn't work if I tried it at the local off-license, I've looked at myself enough to tell I wouldn't be served anymore. I look like a perky eighteen year old girl compared to the boy with the sullen and scratchy face on his provisional driver's licence. You can't hide your face in passport photos, but his ginger hair almost does in the photo. My Mum took me to get that photo taken a few years back.

I intentionally think back to earlier in the day instead, rather than about my parents and how they'd react to me as I am right now. A clearly woman-shaped person with bag upon bag of women's clothing and feminine products in her room.

Sabrina & Riley made sure I got a decently sized meal at the food court, at mine and Riley's expense. I didn't complain even if I picked at it at first, it satisfied my stomach and made me feel a lot better about myself. My fizzy drink also quenched my thirst and I felt slightly less shitty than I had for the past day and a bit.

They were very pleasant and I did quite enjoy the day out shopping. Even if I could tell Sabrina was wincing the more she bought us, and that Riley was ever so slightly uneasy and getting increasingly worried about something.

Sabrina's a real adult though. She has a job and her own place and isn't stuck in the halfway phase to adulthood like our friendship group. And Riley will land on her feet, I'd never have guessed how easily she'd have taken to womanhood a week ago.

It feels perverted that I enjoyed it all so much. It feels so utterly perplexing how much euphoria shot through my nerves like fairy lights when Sabrina told me I was walking towards the wrong toilets.

It was incredibly nerve-wracking using the women's toilets and doing my business in public dressed as I am now.

Riley was similiar though, at least until we hung by the mirror with Sabrina while she touched up her makeup. I'm pretty sure Riley was checking herself out while I splashed cold water on my face and tried to feel normal.

I do have women's clothes now and look like one. There's no denying that, no matter what that coil of unease tells me about who I should be.

I quickly start to fall asleep thinking of Mattie and Kendra. Memories of Han's messages about if anyone had seen me going to class fall through my slipping consciousness like sand.

My body tingles all over at the last attempts of my mind to stay awake. Half-coherent thoughts of nails and pink lights scatter throughout sleepy brainfog. Then I'm out for the next ten hours.

-----

My hand instinctively reaches for the vodka bottle when I wake up. There's dismay at the fact my slightly shorter arm finds the glass bottle as empty as it was last.

Then I push hair out of my face and stare at my outfit while the memories of the past day flood back to me.

I feel so guilty. Did I really isolate myself so much that Sabrina dragged me out shopping and spent her savings on me? I should return it all.

There's a lot of it I'd have to return. Too many bags from too many different stores and it's stuff I need to at least present as a woman right? It'd make me feel even worse to do what is the equivalent of binning someone's gift to me.

I fix myself a cheap breakfast and glass of water and start to pour through my bags. There's piles of clothing and so many cosmetics. Weirdly enough I also find some boxes of tampons, it's just as weird for me to see them in my room as it was for Sabrina to buy them for me yesterday.

I shouldn't keep all of this really. But then again none of my guy clothes fit me right now and I don't really like any of them? So there's no point to value them over a whole wardrobe of fresh clothes.

The task of cleaning out my clothes drawer is laborious but worth it. I eventually fit all my new clothes in there and put my guy clothes all in a corner. It feels really bad to stare at them.

Makeup and nail polish are expensive so I put those in the cleanest places I can find next, along with any other hygiene and cosmetic products I find in the bags.

When I'm done, I throw all my guy clothes into a few bags and sit on my bed and twiddle my thumbs. What do I do now?

I think I have class today but I still haven't explained my situation to the university. I check the group chat and see that there's no messages from Mattie today.

Did I hurt her? My eyes start to brim with tears at the thought I could have hurt Mattie. But maybe she doesn't want to be talked to right now. I shouldn't go over to hers.

I know where to go to get the best results. I figure out how a pair of tights work as I throw on a fresh set of clothes and start to head out. Then I realise I should probably shower before I go out. I haven't washed myself for days.

-----

I knock on the door of Kendra & Han's place an hour later. I've been here way more than usual lately. It's nice to have excuses to go to the biggest place any of us live in.

After thirty or so seconds Kendra opens the door and stares at me with bleary eyes.

She's wearing a light form-fitting vest top and I move my eyes up instantly to not stare at her bust. Her face is partially done up in a cute but slobby way. She squints at me and I fiddle with my phone in my hand. I don't have pockets while wearing a skirt.

"Esme." Her voice is tired but still light and bubbly. She sounds much more comfortable than she has for much of this week.

"Kendra." She nods at her name and her long blonde hair cutely rustles.

"Why are you here? I'm, like, kind of a mess right now, sorry."

"I was wondering if you knew where Mattie was." A guilty look spreads across her face and she plays with an extravagant pink nail. She fiddles with her tight leggings and I try to control my emotions. It's fine that Mattie took Kendra to get her nails done but didn't take me.

It was your fault for staying in bed for a day anyway. She probably couldn't reach me.

"Um, not really. Sorry. I'm maybe bunking off classes because I realised Economics fucking sucks, even more so as Kendra."

"Oh. So you haven't seen her since yesterday when you got..." My words trail off as I begin to lose myself in my thoughts again.

"No." She goes to chew on her thumb then stops upon clearly remembering it's sparkly pink and properly manicured. "Do you want to come in? It'd be nice to talk honestly. I know we've had a weird dynamic for the past week."

"Okay." I can feel my face grow hotter as I step in and politely remove my shoes, Kendra closes the door behind me. My phone is really awkward to fiddle with as I have nowhere to put it. Kendra sits down on the sofa where a switch controller is. She beholds me with those big silver eyes.

"You should get a purse. I got one yesterday and it removed like ninety percent of my problems as a girl." I walk over to the sofa and sit a slightly bit away from her. I'm careful not to sit on her phone or to intrude on her space.

"I thought your problem was being a girl?"

"It's complicated. There's all these alien thoughts running around in my head and I don't really get them yet." She picks up the switch controller and idly checks her phone with one hand. Then she places it to the right of her leg on the sofa. "I said what I said but my mind's been like on fire all week. There's so much going on in here I don't get."

"I understand that. I know you're calling me Esme but, it still feels wrong on some level to be Esme..." I put my hand over my mouth after realizing what I just said.

"That's exactly how it felt for me, until like yesterday honestly. It was really nice when she dragged me out to get our nails done. Something just clicked and made it easier to be Kendra. I'm not all there yet, but do you know what happened on our shopping trip Esme? Did she tell you?"

I shake my head back at her. She loads up a Pokemon game on the switch and starts idly thumbing through menus.

"Well, she kept trying to buy me normal clothes at first and just generally treating me occasionally girly, but then my gaze lingered on this cute pink tank top for one second too long and she jumped onto it like a shark smelling blood."

I open myself up to absorb all the information. I need to know what Mattie and Kendra did at BirchOwl last week. Everything in my body burns to know. Even if it's solely out of jealousy.

"She started calling me Kendra more and pointing out more pink and revealing shit and I just let her. I complained and moaned but my heart wasn't in it. It was like she'd discovered some cheat code to gain access to some secret want in me." She giggles and pushes her hair back, then leans back on the sofa with her considerable butt.

"I like wanted to stop her? But it felt so silly to try and stop her past a point. I could feel my gaze being drawn to all this you know like "bimbo" clothing? Stuff I used to see girls wear on nights out that barely covers their asses or keeps them warm. Stuff I used to think lower of them for wearing."

"And I just started to feel strange and tingly, and it was torture Esme. You have no idea how convincing Mattie was, or how much some strange part of me wanted her to be more convincing so I'd have more of an excuse for my wants. Excuses to shed being Kyle."

"By the time we got to the makeup store my resistance was fully gone. She got me so much there and promised to send me tutorials. Then she stroked my hair and whispered how excited she was to see me all dolled for the first time, and called me Kendra."

"I kept feeling like I should hate her or rebel against her but I knew at that moment that this was something I wanted deep within me, and it scared me."

"That was the first time I didn't complain about her calling me Kendra. It was fucking intoxicating Esme. Do you get that?"

"Maybe. I really enjoyed being called Esme for the first time... and Sabrina bought me so much girly stuff yesterday." I giggle at the memory. Kendra giggles back and then goes stone faced for a moment.

"Sorry, I've kind of started to pick up a weird giggle. The night you got tagged I was watching makeup tutorials all night and the girls in them had such cute giggles. It just feels fun to emulate them." She half-giggles and looks at me embarrassed.

I find myself unable to turn away from her face. It's one of the most pleasant interactions I've ever had with her, and it's not even because of how much my gaze feels drawn to her when we're in the same room.

"It's cute. I um, understand what you're talking about with the shopping trip. I just kind of let Sabrina suggest things after I went for a skirt first."

"It looks good on you. You're clearly going for a different vibe to me which is probably good. I feel self-conscious enough suddenly looking and half-acting like a giggly bimbo. It's hard enough already to, like, deal with my urges." My cheeks go red again and I focus on the screen. Kendra's character is blonde and wearing all pink, just like her heavily pink wardrobe that I've seen so far.

"Sorry, that was a bit TMI. So um, yeah you were asking where Mattie was? I still don't know, she was really glum at the end of yesterday."

"This is my fault isn't it?"

"I don't know. I spent an entire day screaming at everyone after I was tagged and she didn't seem that phased. She's just maybe more sensitive about you. Not like I'm jealous."

"I just hope she's okay. She really wanted me to tag her the last time we talked..."

Kendra chews on a blonde hair and looks at me curiously. My body tingles with excitement at the thought of how'd I'd tag Mattie. She adjusts herself on the sofa and puts the controller down, turning to face me and edging closer.

"You know you could just-" There's the telltale noise of a phone ringing and Kendra shifts her behind around in panic. A whooshing noise cuts through the air and I hear a woman with Kendra's Bristolian accent begin to speak while muffled.

"Kyle? I can't see the camera." Kendra's face goes cold and she lifts her butt instantly, then she picks up her phone and there's a video call active with an aged blonde woman who looks like her mother. The resemblance is too uncanny.

"Who are you? What are you doing with my son's phone?" She sounds concerned. Kendra freezes and stares at me in panic. I don't know what to do, it's a god-awful scenario for her. I freeze as well.

Kendra stares at her phone for a few seconds while her mother asks who she is. The tone of her voice then quickly changes.

"Kyle? Is that you? What have you done to yourself in university? You were meant to be doing economics not... well your father would use a less polite word but you look like one of those girls-"

"It's Kendra mum." She squeaks out. I manage to edge myself closer, not so close that I'm in view but close enough to stroke her back and try to reassure her.

"Kyle. You're not gay are you?"

"No I'm not-" She pauses and looks so confused at that question. It makes me wonder if her mum accidentally tapped into something. I stroke her back more. "-gay I'm Kendra. Sorry. This was an accident."

"Kyle you looking like, and excuse my language- a whore, is no accident. I thought you were going to be straightened out staying with that boy Ethan, but it just looks like he's rubbed off awfully on you. I'm going to have to speak to your father about this."

"Not him please-" The door opens and Han steps in. She's wearing a glittery jacket and open-buttoned shirt. She stares at the scene in horror. She looks at my frozen form desperately trying to affirm Kendra while my mouth can't do anything. She looks at the petrified blonde next to me and strides forward.

She swings a bag off her shoulder with a confidence I've rarely seen in her. In fact her whole being seems more confident and self-assured, despite her new form and short stature. I'd feel happy for her if I wasn't so terrified of Kendra's mum.

She grabs Kendra's phone off her and stares straight into the camera. It's turned away from me and Kendra now. She falls into my lap and buries her face into my stomach while whispering sorry. I gently steady her and try to keep myself from bursting into hot angry tears.

"Hi, Kelly."

"Ethan isn't it?"

"I prefer Han these days, but what were you talking to my roommate about?"

"What have you done to my son? I know he had met some strange people but I didn't realise you were such a bad influence." Kelly's voice is angry and venomous now. Han keeps herself steady and projects herself.

"I'm afraid my roommate isn't available to talk right now. Goodbye Mrs Hayward." She ends the call and puts the phone down on the coffee table. Then she loudly swears and walks over to the ceramic plate in the kitchen, she proceeds to glare at it for a few minutes while Kendra sobs in my lap.

I lean into her and meld with her being. Her body feels so warm and soft against mine. It's a wrong feeling that my parents would surely disapprove of just as much as Kelly disapproves of Kendra as she is now.

Still, she needs me. Like I probably needed to be dragged away from my bed yesterday.

Han keeps mumbling to herself something along the lines of "...that bitch..." until she comes over to the sofa and sits next to us. She looks at us and wipes away tears that have smeared glitter across her face.

"What happened Esme? I was out when I clearly shouldn't have been." Her posture slumps and she looks exhausted all of a sudden.

I start to stammer the words out, as hard as they are to say.

"She butt-dialed her mum on video call and... I didn't know what to do and we both just kind of froze when she started saying horrible things."

"Fuck. This is why I was worried about our parents and life circumstances. My parents won't give a shit because they already know I like boys but Kendra's make me so mad whenever they call or intrude on her life. That fucking bitch Kelly."

"I'm sorry I should have ended the call or-"

"It's not your fault. I know we haven't talked loads about your family situation but I can't imagine it's ideal or you wouldn't look like a deer in the headlights right now."

She's read me like a book, and she reads a lot of books. I nod hesitantly.

"Exactly." Han reaches an arm to Kendra's half exposed back and tries to nudge her to look up.

"Sorry." She quietly sobs out again. Her makeup is probably staining my new top. I help lift her head up and lay it on my shoulder.

She's wiped of any of the giggly confidence I saw earlier. I feel awful for her after hearing the wary excitement she revealed she had during the shopping trip. I just want the best for her like Mattie did, even with how confusing how Mattie has been treating her has been for me. Let alone for her.

"If I blame it all on Mattie would she believe me?" She sounds exasperated. I bury my head against her shoulder and try to let myself be there for her, rather than be caught up in my own worries and neuroses.

"I don't know. But you want to be Kendra independent of her right? You don't need to lie about that to get her approval."

"Of course I want to be Kendra you idiot. I already fucking said I did days ago!" She puts her stained face into her hands and wipes her eyes. "It doesn't fucking matter Mattie had to drag it out of me or that I'm constantly tempted to act like a giggly slut. Why is my mum such a bitch about this?"

"She doesn't get you Kendra."

"I got that part Han. I don't know why I chose economics anymore but to please them. It doesn't matter if I'm Kendra if I'm disowned and left destitute."

"I'm sorry. I promise you I'll get my parents to help if something worse happens as a result of this."

Kendra just pouts and pulls Han into the hug in response.

Someone's phone pings. Mine. I rotate my head and grab my phone from beside me. I attempt to steel my nerves and see that Sabrina has been added to the group chat by Riley. There's a single message.

"Hi. Riley added me so I could explain this to her friends (hi! it's me Sabrina), but she just got dropped from the Hunters indefinitely. She's a bit upset right now and wants some space. I hope you're okay with me talking about this in her place."

My friends haven't caught a break in days and it makes my blood boil, especially after how good it was to spend yesterday with Riley and Sabrina. Han grabs my phone out of my hand and sends out a text on it aggressively. She looks me in the eyes.

"Alright. I've told Sabrina to bring Riley over here if she's comfortable enough, so me and her can eat ice cream and comfort Kendra and Riley. You're going to go find Mattie because I saw her thirty minutes ago and she's getting drunk in the day."

I begin to open my mouth to explai-

"I know you came over here looking for her. She's probably at the bar by the union."

"Okay. But doesn't Kendra need me? Or-"

"Mattie needs you also Esme. I've roomed with this girl for nearly a year, I know how to cheer her up."

My heart flutters at the thought of seeing Mattie and making it up to her. Maybe everything will make more sense if I see her again! Even if I shouldn't be Esme. I grab my phone and stand up.

Kendra's hands clutches my wrist and strokes it as I start to leave. I smile at her softly and hug her, her happy moan as our bodies touch makes me feel flustered again. I resolve to come back for her before the end of the day.

"Oh, and Esme?"

"Yes?" The use of the name Esme brings a beaming smile to my face despite what just happened. I trust Han to be able to take care of her, Sabrina and Riley will be here also.

"Don't fucking drink. She needs you sober, not dissociated." It's one of the harshest things Han's ever said to me. I gulp.

"Yes.. ma'am."

"I'm coming around to feminine turns of phrase like that... sure! Go get Mattie okay?" She embraces Kendra fully with her small arms as I open the door.

On the way out I hear Kendra start to whimper again. I'm left even more worried about what to tell my parents. I will have to tell them if this game goes on for long enough.

I have to find Mattie though. She needs me, and I need her so badly it aches.

-----

The bar near the union is suprisingly busy for the middle of the day. Music thuds from inside the building, as I approach it's clear there's some special day disco event going on.

I'm slightly overwhelmed the closer I get but I push through to find Mattie. She needs me and I need her. I clutch my phone with my sweaty palm and play with a twirl of ginger hair.

Inside the bar is a crush of bodies and sensations. My eyes are drawn to the bar but I pull myself in the opposite direction, I couldn't get a drink even if I hadn't been told not to.

I very quickly notice a woman in a short dress and dark curly hair. She's sipping from a pint glass and shifting to the beat in a corner. I grab her wrist and try to drag her out.

Mattie stiffly relents and stares at me before pulling me into a one-armed hug. Her body feels like a radiator against mine and her hot breath smells of alcohol.

"Oh my gosh! Esme, you made it here. I thought I'd screwed it up and got it all wrong." She sounds drunk beyond measure, it's kind of captivating. I'm not here to stare at her entranced though. I've done that enough lately.

"I'm sorry. But Han told me you were and day drinking and-"

"Oh, Han is so cool. I saw her snogging a guy like an hour ago and she looked like she was having so much fun. I think being a girl suits her Esme. Just like you and Kendra." She boops my nose and sniggers. I bury my face into her.

"I'm sorry, I just feel all wrong and bad and I didn't mean to upset you. It's hard to be Esme Mattie, everything is so scary now."

"C'mon have a drink? We could get drunk and do so much together Esme. You wouldn't have any fears then." I shake my head pressed into her. I'm trying not to fantasise about the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

I don't let go of her. I can't tell how much time passes over the thud of deafening music.

All of a sudden Mattie is walking out of the bar and I'm following her. She leads me into a quiet street off the union building and takes a deep breath. It's like a switch is flipped when she speaks.

"I'm a hot mess Esme. I'm sorry for acting like I have been. I can't go to you when you need it and I didn't even tag you when I obviously should have. Kendra probably hates me if you do too." She hangs her head as she's confessing to something unforgivable. "I should have invited you shopping and to get your nails done. I shouldn't fucking taunt you both so much. I'm just a drunk idiot who wants her friends to be happy girls like she is."

Her speech is slurred but sincere.

I stand by her side and take a long pause to think about what I want to say. Her manicured nails look shiny yet delicate in the afternoon sun.

"Kendra's not mad at you. She's just fragile. I'm not mad. I'm just so confused and ashamed and everything feels alien. It feels so good to be Esme yet it feels so wrong. You're my best friend in the world and nothing you do could ever make me hate you. Even if you haven't acted perfectly the past week."

"Esme. I'm an impulsive asshole. I wanted to tag you first but I tagged Kendra instead because she was acting bratty about it. The more she acted bratty the more I wanted to show her how fun being a woman is, and she seemed receptive. I just ended up neglecting you, my best fucking friend, in the process."

"I know! I was really fucking upset that you didn't take me shopping or treat me like a girl as much as you did with her, or that you went out and got your nails done while I was lying in bed being miserable. But Sabrina helped me so it's okay, and I refuse to entertain the notion Kendra or I could hate you."

"I'm jealous of Sabrina, you know? She took you shopping and you're adorable and perfect. I wanted to take you to buy bras and nervously pick out shades of makeup. Being a woman is still so new to me too. I was borderline just stunting when I was out with Kendra, it's a miracle she's ended up in such a put together state."

"You can still take me and Kendra shopping."

"I'm a poor physics student, I blew so much money on her. I can't."

"When we have money again..."

"I have no idea how long we'll be like this. No one fucking knows what's going on with this game. Least of all Han, I can read it in her face that she's out of her depth. I think she just needs to kiss boys and not worry about this. This game is the most exciting thing I've ever done but it gets me so worked up sometimes."

A pit of anxiety opens up in my stomach and I grab my sides and try not to have a panic attack. Mattie leans down and slinks her arms around me. Her face is slightly above mine and staring mournfully into my eyes.

"You know I've thought about kissing Kendra but I didn't want to take advantage of her that hard. You're even more tempting this second."

She's suggesting something that I'm not sure I should do. She's drunk and I'm upset.

"I'm not sure I should do that Mattie."

"Please, you're so ravishing standing there in that denim skirt and tights it's a wonder I haven't pulled you back to mine already. If you want to do it, I give you my express permission. It's not like anyone cares about this stupid game but me anymore. I'm so desperate right now Esme."

I blush deeply and begin to raise my head. I can't deny how badly I've wanted to kiss her for what feels like an uncountable length of time.

"You promise?"

"Yes, but you know best if you don't want to. I've done enough damage to our friend group."

Her defeated tone makes me want to prove her wrong. I push past all the shame built up around the act and I bring my face to hers.

I peck her delicious lips briefly and have to stop myself from being dragged into more. Then I steady my arms around her, Mattie looks so sad I don't press for more but my shame returns enough to make me resist her look.

It doesn't matter that the kiss tasted like raspberry lightning and alcohol. I'm scared of getting drunk off her taste. So I do the next logical step below kissing her more.

"You're It." I say it just like how I've seen my friends do it. It's a simple two word phrase.

A mild tingle passes through my body and I can see the slightest pink glow go over Mattie. No big dramatic cocoon or explosion of light.

"I'm It." Mattie starts giggling wildly and spins me around as the sadness disappears from her face. I nearly fall over but she catches me drunkenly. "This is all I ever wanted to feel again. Where's everyone?"

Her enthusiasm is infectious, it's freeing to not be It anymore and have both of us remain the same.

"At Han and Kendra's. They're having an ice cream fest... I think. Kendra's really upset and so is Riley I think."

"Oh wow, it's that bad? I've really cocked this all up today. Okay pose with me quickly, please?"

Mattie snaps a photo with me and sends it to the group chat. Below she puts the caption: "The hunt is back on."

"You look good in it Mattie."

"Thanks Esme, you do too." She squeezes me and I get an idea. So I start to try to drag her behind me.

"Where are we going?" She asks, still tipsy. I get the feeling she's not used to this kind of behaviour from me and frankly neither am I.

"We're going to be with our friends. They need us and Han and Sabrina can't do all the heavy lifting for us. Han looked glowing just now and I'd love to just normally be friends with Sabrina. Without her having to spend savings on me. "

"Good idea! We need Han out here snogging guys more than she is. Fuck all that weird bullshit she has about struggling to like guys as a girl."

Our excited footfalls carry us to Kendra and Han's accommodation where we find everyone else slouched around empty bowls of ice cream while synthy music plays. Riley's head is nestled on Sabrina's lap as they take up the sofa by themselves. Kendra and Han are sitting on a pair of cushions on the floor while Han runs her hands through Kendra's silky hair and whispers to her.

Sabrina and Han turn their heads when they see us enter. Riley glances over with glassy eyes and tries her best to smile at me, so I smile back at her. Sabrina curls her hand around a strand of brunette hair and lays her head back on the sofa with her eyes closed.

Kendra leaps up from the cushion all of a sudden and wraps herself around Mattie. She starts sobbing into her. Mattie reciprocates and Kendra mouths thanks at me while I pass her. Our hands touch for a moment and I feel a shiver pass through me. I can faintly hear them whispering to each other.

I stumble over to Han and bring her to the kitchen. I hand her a glass of water and she stares at me incredulously.

"I thought you and Mattie would be doing something else right now honestly."

"Like what?"

"Nothing. Thanks for coming back. When did this all get so serious?"

"I think it was serious the moment Mattie came up with set rules about a cursed game of Tag."

Han side-eyes the ceramic plate in her kitchen.

"Sure did." She gulps down the glass of water and stares at the ceiling with exhausted glittery eyes.

"Should we try to get all of us to go to class today or-"

"-Nah. We need this. I need this." She admits. "I'll dig up some blankets from the closet for everyone, come on."

Han finds a bundle of blankets and hands them out to everyone. We arrange the lounge to make a nest of blankets and cushions designed for maximum comfort. I enjoy being wedged in-between Mattie and Han, while occasionally Kendra nestles her head close to me.

We decide to let Kendra and Riley pick a movie each for us to spend the afternoon watching. Riley picks a historical lesbian drama most of us end up sobbing to. Kendra picks Cruel Intentions. I'd never seen it before. Sabrina makes a cheesy joke about "her-story" when the guy in it dies.

Most of the afternoon passes that way. It's an unsaid agreement among us that it'd be cruel to any of us to not allow this to happen. It's strange to hang out as a group of six and not consume a single drop of alcohol.

Mattie thankfully waits until Han pokes her head out of the door to wave bye to a slightly recovered Riley and Sabrina to tag Han. A selfie of Han reluctantly hits the chat following the faintest pink glow.

The game is back on and it somehow manages to cheer all of us up when someone new is tagged in quick succession. Even if it is a very silly and child-like source of glee.

Being Esme feels much easier and less guilty to do among good company. My mother wasn't entirely right.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! We're certainly in the back half of the fic now (however many chapters that ends up being). not sure when I'll get 8 up on Saturday or if I will buuut I'm going to try!!!

Chapter 8: Catching Up

Notes:

Content warnings: drug use (weed)

The flurry of daily selfies quickly becomes a cornerstone of our group chat over the next week. It's exciting to check who's currently tagged now that we've all been tagged once. Mattie being It again has quickly plunged us all fully back into the game again. No one has shown any sign of turning back and we've all been tagged at least twice at this point.

There's selfies of us out shopping, on campus or even sometimes in mildly embarassing circumstances. The occasional bathroom selfie has come to be expected. We all have our telltale reactions and common locations of us declaring ourselves It.

Mattie is frequently tagged on campus and is clearly always very happy for it. She really enjoys the casual competitiveness of the game now, and tagging her a week or so ago was electrifying to do. She tagged me a few days ago by cheekily doing the same back. I haven't forgotten a single detail of that experience. Nor have I made heads or tails of what to do next about it.

Kendra always pouts or clearly tries to look grumpy in hers. It always looks like an adorable and pretty effort though. I'm starting to suspect she just uses the tagged selfies as an excuse to show off her steadily glamorous makeup for the day. If it gives her confidence to do so, then good for her.

Han has used them more like entries into her diary. She keeps it curt and usually ends up rambling on aimlessly about her work translating the runes. I'm not even sure how much progress she's really made since the first night at this point. She looks more confident in each subsequent selfie than the previous one though.

Riley seems to always be able to time getting tagged to show herself off sweaty and post-jog. She looks stunning in every one of them and I do secretly wonder if she gets tagged intentionally. No one even caught her originally until Han pulled a rule-breaking dirty trick.

I mainly use them to practise appearing as Esme. I have plenty of girl clothes now so I get to wear them and find what looks good, and not be what just looks like a weird guy pretending to be a girl. Mattie has been gently trying to teach me makeup and I've been trying my best to show it the last few times I've been tagged, along with incorporating more proper care of myself into my daily routine so I look prettier for them. Unfortunately I'm not nearly as much of a natural as Kendra is at makeup and nails.

Sabrina loves all our selfies, even though she doesn't speak much in the group chat yet. It's probably already a lot for her to handle so much happening in the period of a week as well as a new group chat.

Playing Tag has started to feel relatively low stakes, despite how little we understand about the game and the magical ceramic plate that started it all. It's not that noticeable to play publically anymore due to how the tags look now.

It's not like there's no noticeable uneasiness about our situations as girls for the time being. Least of all from me, although spending time with Mattie and Kendra and all the other girls makes the idea of being Esme feel just that little bit more normal. Sabrina's help with updating my wardrobe has started to make it feel easier to accept maybe being her.

Not that Kendra's sticky situation with her parents has been sorted out. She hasn't responded to any of her parents' texts for a week. Nor have I told my parents about my current predicament yet. It's too stressful to think about over the stress of us both figuring out ourselves. If only I could just instantly snap my fingers and be Esme properly every second.

At least we've all communicated our current situations to the university by now. It didn't go awfully with Sabrina giving advice on how to explain what's happened to us. For some of us it was easier than others, but Sabrina promises she's going to try and get in contact with a friend about legal IDs soon. It should clear up any discrepancies and allow us to be on track to not being anomalies. Maybe it'll make it feel slightly less scary to talk to my parents.

I can't help but notice I've been retagged the least though. No one's keeping track of the specific game stats, but if they were, I would imagine I would almost certainly be the least aggressively targeted so far. It makes things slightly less stressful as of the present. I've never been the physically fittest person so I'm not having to rush around to tag someone else.

I'm not like Riley at all. She's still keeping on top of her physical health, in light of her being dropped from the Hunters while she hesitantly looks for a women's team that'll take her. I can't imagine it's doing anything but good for her already exceptional body.
She hasn't said many words to me on the subject of her being dropped. I get the feeling she won't have many more for the time being.

Sabrina has been starting to stick to our group hangouts like glue ever since she was added to the group chat and we were all tagged. She came to our last "girl's night" as it is undeniably factual to call them at this point. Apparently she hasn't had an in-person friend group of girls ever, I found it very hard to believe initially.

The energy that night was so intense. Riley and Sabrina were happily being lovey all night long. Sabrina was forcing us to watch romcoms that "It's a crime you all haven't seen.". I sat next to Mattie and Kendra while trying to not think about the burning in my cheeks and beyond when Mattie kissed me the previous day.

It was really quite a flustering experience with how form-fitting most of Kendra's clothes are and how gorgeous Mattie looks these days. Han looked a bit awkward for most of the night until Sabrina started asking her about Linguistics. She quickly segwayed into talking about guys.

She's so desperate for something from a guy. It's an open secret among us that she's frequently hooked up with them before, but she's been sounding more needy than ever for something emotional from a boy nowadays. I've never thought too much about boys I'm not friends with. But I can maybe admit some are cute to look at.

I would appear to be a bisexual girl to most people I suppose. The girl part still isn't entirely believable to me.

It's really hard to not notice Kendra's confused faces when Han starts talking about boys these days. I've rarely seen her look like that when guys have been talked about before.

When me, her and Mattie watched Legally Blonde in person last night, she seemed so oddly focused on it. Was she thinking about how cute Reese Witherspoon is as well? I'd never have imagined her as someone who would be absorbed in a film like that. Then again it was refreshing not being judged for watching films made for women, maybe she was thinking that.

Of course she didn't say much after the film ended when she tagged Mattie, just after me and her left the house. She did a very ditzy giggle before she shut the door on us. Mattie threatened to tag me as a joke after that; although she didn't in the end, even though I wanted her to when she hugged me outside my accommodation and wished me goodnight.

Compared to the chaos of last week that culminated in so much emotional turmoil, we've been really feeling like a proper friend group again, even if there's still plenty of kinks to iron out.

I find myself wishing for another week of us as girls.

-----

I'm around at Kendra and Han's this afternoon. Ever since I got here Han has been acting giggly and a lot more laid-back than usual. I haven't heard her mention or seen her stare at the ceramic plate once. It's sitting on it's spot in the kitchen gathering dust.

Mattie and Riley are both at classes and Kendra invited me over to skip a lecture with her. I'm not as self-hating about my degree as her but I felt lonely so I figured one more afternoon couldn't hurt.

Kendra sits on the sofa between me and Han as we play Mario Party. Kendra's playing Princess Peach completely unironically and looks the part in her tight pink camisole. I've never seen her look as relaxed as she does these days as Kendra.

Two weeks ago she was a brash blond boy who I barely knew how to interact with. Now everytime I hang out with her I notice some new angle to her face or golden hair that makes her shine even more.

I'm drawn back to focus by the weird smell coming off Han. The one that's accompanied her since I got here. It smells like...

I facepalm. Of course it's that, I'm not going to ask where she got the supply.

"Esme? It's, like, your go?" Kendra giggles to herself as she twirls a hair. Then her cute cheeks turn red. Daisy is standing on the board waiting for my command.

"Sorry. I just realised Han's high." Kendra giggles again and stares at the short girl next to her.

Han's dressed slightly more feminine, as her outfits have trended the past week, in a less baggy top that makes her form look less blocky. I might have absorbed more information than I thought from Sabrina's shopping trip.

Her hair is brushed neatly and her eyes look vacant as she holds the switch controller. She starts laughing out loud.

"Yes I'm fucking stoned Esme. I presumed you were just too awkward to ask, sorry." Han tugs at her knee-length shorts and stares at me. "What did you think was going on?"

"I thought you were uh... really relaxed and not talking about the ceramic plate for some reason?"

"Fuck that thing right now. I'm on a cloud and I don't wanna think about dumb runes." Han barks out a laugh.

"I just kind of presumed you could tell as well Esme. It totally slipped my mind honestly." Kendra runs a hand over her thigh and starts to pout when she notices I'm looking.

The giggle she's trained out of her new voice is adorable, and I'm starting to think the way she twirls her hair or squeezes her thighs together when I'm in the room could be half as intentional as that. I haven't said anything about it yet though. She seems content to not bring it up either.

I know for a fact we're both having the hardest time adjusting. Han begins speaking again out of nowhere.

"Like honestly, I've barely put any work into it the past week. It feels harder work than my degree and I did enough damage to that with this Tag ordeal already." I start to open my mouth but-

"Did you know I've only managed to translate a rune that could vaguely mean "void"? Void? What does that mean? How is that going to "help" us turn back into guys? If like all of us even want to." I realise she's rambling and Kendra nods at me in silent agreement while brushing hair out of her face.

"That's all I've done in over two weeks of work Esme. Hard daily research with no end that I'm not even sure is worth it on my end at this point. I've had more could-be romantic action with guys in the past week than I have for years."

She's on about guys again. I try to analyse Kendra's face as she turns away and her blonde brows furrow. I mainly notice Mattie or Kendra these days, as cute as guys are. Han continues her ramble.

"For some reason they like my still twinky wardrobe. And for reasons beyond "I want to hook up with him on Grindr and then never speak to him again.". Ugh."

"I just don't know if being a guy matters to me enough to break my back for this plate anymore. Han is just Ethan with two letters removed, it's still the same goddamn name at the end of the day."

She looks at both of us as if she wasn't aware we were in the room.

"If you actually want me to translate the plate I'll do it but... I'm just saying I'm mostly over it. I don't care if that makes me less of a lingustics nerd." She sticks out her tongue at us and curls up on the sofa.

She's been playing Koopa Troopa and losing badly. I realise then we're all playing our Mario Kart characters from the night Mattie got transformed. It's kinda funny. We still have the same preferences despite how much has so obviously changed.

"I think it's fine Han? I know it took me a while to come around to it and actually talk about it but I like being Kendra. But we're like playing a game right now so maybe we save serious discussions for later, kay?" Kendra strokes Han's hand with an ornately painted nail and giggles.

"Right. Sorry, the weed gets me a bit overshary sometimes. I love to go off on a real tangent. Like have either of you thought about how far Tag went with our bodies?" Han starts to ramble again.

I finger comb my fringe and smooth out my skirt. It's an unspoken topic among us all of the fact that Kendra and Han's bathroom is now filled with completely new cosmetics and hygiene products. No one knows how necessary some of them will be yet.

We don't talk about the P word. Either of them.

"Anyway I'm thinking about going on birth control pre-emptively." Han blurts it out and then starts laughing like a maniac.

I sink into my seat and try to avoid thinking about my parents as the implications of what Han is saying flood my mind. It's a logical conclusion of something potentially necessary, but one that feels very hard to ignore when I think about telling my parents a version of what's happened to me.
Out of the corner of my eye Kendra squirms and I feel her head press against my shoulder lightly. We used to be a similiar height but she's a few inches shorter than me these days. I'm 5'7 compared to her 5'5. I only lost around an inch.

Sabrina had measured us all last girls' night when she said wanted to know what the magic had done to our heights out of "pure curiosity". She fiddled with her necklace the whole time. Kendra grumbled cutely afterwards about how her and Han were nearly the same height now.

"It's just the weed I swear. I'm not usually this down bad around you girls. Plus I can tell Mattie and Riley would tolerate me talking about guys like this far less..." Han trails off. I lean my shoulder against Kendra and try to steady myself to this reality.

"Oh my gosh Esme, just take your turn before Han starts talking about how she wants a hot guy to wrap his arms around her tight waist and tongue her until she can't breathe anymore." Kendra's immediate gasp makes it sound like she didn't mean to say that. I attempt to save her from any awkward teasing by rolling the dice finally. But I don't let her get away with it fully.

"Mattie's going to burst out laughing when I tell her about this conversation later you know." I smirk and playfully tuck a strand of hair behind Kendra's ear. She squirms in response. "Or I won't because it's all been quite personal."

"I think Mattie would find what Kendra just said very interesting." Han sounds completely serious and sober for a second.

In my head, I'm agreeing. But Kendra's already realised so much about herself. So I don't want to prod her when she just needs time to figure out why she said that about a hot guy.

Kendra makes a "hmpf" noise in Han's direction. Daisy starts to move around the board.

My attention is focused on trying not to worry about myself over Kendra, when Han taps Kendra's leg and says:

"You're It, because this is my domain and you're being cute with Esme."

"No fair! We're literally in a safe zone." Kendra rolls her eyes as the faint pink light passes over her for a second. The idea of me and Kendra looking cute together claws at the edge of my thoughts.

"You can tag me." I suggest. "I've been tagged in this house before."

"I'm just gonna get Mattie when I see her next. She'll love another chance to try and catch Riley." Kendra looks dreamily into the distance for a second.

Han stretches out on the sofa and puts her feet up near Kendra's legs. We finish the game within an hour with Han somehow making a comeback and winning.

Kendra then insists upon helping me paint my nails so I can get practice while I try to not worry about any words beginning with P. All the while Han eventually passes out on the sofa without a care in the world on her face.

While a teen drama plays on the TV and me and Kendra snuggle underneath a blanket, I think to myself that Han must have needed to let loose badly. She looks stoned as fuck.

-----

I'm playing with my ear lobe as I watch Mattie and Kendra chat on the bench a few metres away from me. Mattie sticks her tongue out at me and continues talking to Kendra. I begin to stand up from the bench to join them when I feel the gentle pressure of a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey Esme. Are you going over to join Mattie and Kendra?" I turn to see Sabrina smiling at me. She enabled this whole ordeal today. Damn her for it. Just because me and Kendra thought it weird that we were all girls and none of us had gotten our ears pierced yet.

"I was... I'm just anxious that she doesn't think she looks good with her ears pierced." I stammer out as Sabrina sits next to me. I place myself back down properly and adjust my new purse. It's much cuter than my messenger bag used to be.

"Then you should tell her she does soon! But I wanted to check how you're doing, and also tell you to stop touching your ear lobe when it's so recently pierced." My hand drops immediately in shame. The stainless steel stud in my earlobe needs to be left alone.

"Y-yeah. I remember the aftercare instructions. I'm just not used to not being able to touch areas of my face..."

"Believe me the aftercare was worse for this." She pokes her nose ring and laughs.

"It looks like it was. So I assume Riley's piercing went well?"

"Yeah. She's just staying in there while Han gets hers done." I nod in response.

"Thanks for this by the way. I know it was probably a massive hassle to get all the IDs and someone to agree-"

"Not at all. I honestly could have got your IDs glamoured sooner if I wasn't so busy with work and you girls weren't so messy. No offense."

"None taken." I slip my provisional driver's licence out of my purse and stare at the picture of me, well "me". The girl version of me. She looks very pretty and the name Esme Dubois is written there instead of the name I was born with. I haven't thought of a middle name to fit snugly in her name yet.

Everyone else in our friend group has a glamoured ID now. Some weren't as necessary as others. They'll help us not stand out for the time being until we can sort out the legal matters of our ambigiously lasting genders and new selves. I didn't outwardly question how she knew someone who can cast magical glamours.

"Aisha was more than willing to cast the glamour on your IDs you know. I met her after well, you don't know what event would have taken place before meeting her, do you?

"Not really." Sabrina is still an enigma to me in many ways. Like how does she keep her hair consistently dyed such a deep red?

I do notice her playing with her necklace after she speaks. I pounce on the opportunity to try and dig for information.

"What is the deal with that necklace? You wear it constantly and you always seem coy or shy about it." A flash of nervousness comes across her face then leaves.

"I suppose I could tell you. Riley already knows what it means. She's seen it's effects in person." I glance inside the piercing store to see Riley at the back clutching Han's hand.

"It's effects?"

"They're unorthodox. I did once say my reasons for not finding your game of Tag that strange were for some other time though, but I think you might be about ready to hear them now."

"Okay Sabrina. Lay it on me, nothing could be weirder than holding Kendra's hand as she squeals while having her ears pierced."

I sit up straight after glancing back at the bench with Mattie and Kendra. Kendra catches my eye and winks. I hope my hastily applied highlighter hides the way her wink made me feel internally.

Sabrina grins at me and slinks the black string necklace off herself. Then she unclasps the metallic case and takes out... a sleeved red Magic the Gathering card? She holds it delicately with her left hand.

"You know what this is?"

"It's a Magic card. I've played it online before."

"Of course you have Esme." She takes particular enjoyment in saying this. I'm not sure why.

"It's a..." The card is a Mountain card. A basic land. "...a Mountain? Why do you carry a basic land card around your neck?"

"So you want to know why I'm so non-chalant about Tag and how I met Aisha, someone who can cast magical glamours?"

"Duh. I'm curious as to why a piece of cardboard gets so much protection." As far as I know a basic red land in Magic isn't worth that much money.

"I just want you to not tell anyone cis about this okay? Just for safety reasons."

"Okay? I'm not trans so maybe you shouldn't tell me..." Sabrina shakes her head.

"I'm telling you regardless of what you think about yourself right now. Because you're not cis and I think you already know that."

It doesn't make sense to me how I could be not cis but also clearly not be transgender like her. I don't bring that up and instead just nod along.

"Okay I won't tell anyone outside of our friendship group, because I don't really know any trans people well outside of you and Mattie"

"Good girl. So a few years back I was really struggling. I'd realised I was transgender while attending university, as you do. I very quickly fell into despair at the state of our country's healthcare for trans people."

I nod. The news about healthcare and how transgender people are treated daily is awful. People like Kelly don't deserve to tell girls who they should be.

"But after a few months I managed to pick myself up and came up with the name Sabrina. My Mum showed me a bit too much of Sabrina the Teenage Witch as a child okay?" She looks away sheepishly.

"Then I joined some online communities and I met some gals who got me into playing Magic the Gathering. Just like you probably did."

I nod. Most of the people who I've talked to about it have been women.

"So in the middle of my third year I decided to go into my local games store and pick up some Magic packs. Just for funsies, I had some spare money from my student loan. Or at least I told myself I did."

"It's a brilliant games store. It's actually really close to here! But yeah to avoid getting myself sidetracked before I drag you there alone... I looked through the magic booster packs and grabbed a handful of the current set. It was one of those starter sets. The ones they make for people getting into the game."

"I took them home and opened them one by one, until I got to the pack with this baby in." She twirls the Mountain card in her hand again. "There was a glimmer at the back of the pack and then there was this Mountain card that was unremarkable but for a faint dizziness it made feel and a glow it gave off to me. No one else can see the magic in it but me."

"It's normal mechanically. You tap it and gain a red mana."

"I know what a Mountain does." I chime in.

"I know you do. But let me continue, okay? I'm nearly to the fun bit."

"Okay. I believe you." I glance behind me to see Kendra poking at Mattie's face with an eyeliner pen and feel slightly jealous.

"Eyes on me. So naturally I started playing this card right? It magically sparkled to me and gave me funny sensations when I looked at it too hard. I built a red deck solely because of it, because a weird nauseating card is probably a sign you should play that mana. Or maybe it isn't and I'm just odd."

"I know most people tend to get into Magic via commander but again, I was odd, okay?"

"Anyway, so I had this ramshackle red deck and was playing it at the local games store and with some friends I soon started to make in my Civil Engineering class. It was really fun to play a card game in person and to get to know people because of it. Especially for a miserable trans girl with no easy access to HRT or any support networks beyond online communities. I've been really enjoying having that again lately."

"But a few days into playing the deck, I started to notice weird things happening to me. My arm and leg hair was lighter and tinted ever so slightly... red. My hair had grown a few inches too long in that time and had streaks of red in it. I used to be a brunette, you see. I didn't always have this beautiful mane of deep crimson." She flicks her luxurious hair back and laughs. I struggle to take in the majesty of the sight.

"So, there were also other things. I had slight breast buds and soft skin and didn't have to shave daily anymore. I wasn't sure what was causing it all at this point, as obvious as it should have been. But it was all effects I knew HRT could cause. Apart from the rapidly changing colour of hair in various places around my body."

"So I continued to play. And as I continued to tap my Mountain card every game I felt physically more refreshed and relaxed. It was so strange, and so was how unnecessary shaving became and how fun and new my body started to feel. My voice started to lighten and uncrack."

"When my hair turned completely red and reached my shoulders I figured out it was the card that was doing it. I tapped it fifty times in an afternoon on my desk."

"When I looked in the mirror again I could swear my face had gotten softer and my budding breasts had gotten bigger. The card was magically feminizing me, in ways that looked exactly how I had fantasised about what HRT could do to me. In the miraculous event I got a hold of it."

"Apart from the red hair of course, but I've come to love it honestly. So I kept playing my baby and tapping it and eventually I realised it was doing less and less when I tapped it. So I stopped tapping it routinely. It'd given me a magical equivalent of every surgery I could ever want and more. I eventually learnt from Aisha it was what is called a gender affirming enchantment. It makes your body exactly how you imagine your ideal self."

"So you got magically transformed through whatever the hell is going on with that ceramic plate, and I got a free transition through a sneakily placed gender affirming enchantment on a Magic card. Funny right?"

"So, that's why you don't find five would-be guys being magically turned into female versions of themselves by a game of Tag weird?" Is the only thing I want to say after hearing such a strange but familiar story.

"Yep. Although mine is decidedly permanent outside of what happens when I tap it these days. Han's yet to decode what happens with your transitions or transformations right? Or if it's even meant to be affirming to you all."

"Uh, yeah. I think she's put it on the backburner though. I don't mind it though. It's been fun learning how to be a girl..."

"Fair enough. I probably won't ask Aisha to take too much time out of her day and translate a cursed ceramic plate in Han's place. Now keep this from the others please for now? It's kind of a personal story even if they'll all learn it eventually by just spending time with me."

"Of course! It's, uh, really cool and inspiring to hear. You're a really wonderful person. Riley must love you a lot. I'm glad we're friends."

"Me too, I wouldn't tell this to just anyone after all."

"One more question, what does it do when you tap it now? If that's too personal you don't have to answer."

Sabrina chortles and glances inside the store. Riley and Han appear to be finishing up paying and heading out to the front where we are.

"Okay I'll tap it twice for now, and I won't say anymore than that, okay? It's on you to figure this out. It's a risk doing it in public like this."

I nod and look between Sabrina and her Mountain card with an intense focus. She places it on top of the metallic case and turns it ninety degrees to tap it.

There's a moment of delay and the towering peak on the card flattens itself into a deeply cut river valley. Sabrina eeks and blinks. She winks at me then untaps it and the towering peak returns to the card and it looks like a normal Magic card again. She makes another eek and looks at me while blushing deeply.

"I discovered that during a game over my webcam, okay? It was incredibly embarrassing." I think for a second what would make it so embarrassing before I get the implication of what tapping and untapping the card does. I blush and look down at my skirt. That would be very awkward to discover in the middle of a card game. Her secrecy and protectiveness of it makes even more sense now.

"Oh I get it. That's, yeah, interesting." Sabrina nods back at me and goes to put the card back into it's case when a pair of footsteps can be heard from behind us. I see Sabrina's face go as red as her hair.

"Uh, firefly, what are you doing with that in public?" Riley's concerned voice cuts through the air.

"Nothing that serious Riles. I was just talking to Esme. Did the piercing go okay?" She quickly slips the card into the case and snaps it shut. Then she returns her necklace to her neck.

I turn around to see Kendra and Mattie approaching our bench. Han is staring at Sabrina with a confused look on her face.

"I'm not even gonna ask what lesbian power games are going on." She raises her hand to poke at her earlobe before pulling it away. It looks good on her, especially with how she's had her neck-length hair cut to look more slightly more feminine than it used to be.

Riley fidgets upon hearing the word lesbian, but doesn't say anything.

Kendra giggles and Mattie mouths something like: "Please fill me in later."

Sabrina pulls me up and claps her hands. Riley pats Han on the back before wrapping her arm around her girlfriend's waist. I can't tell if it's out of protectiveness or possessiveness.

"Good job girls, you all have your ears pierced! Now who wants to go to a game store?"

I chuckle as I draw myself near Kendra and Mattie and we keep pace behind a puzzled Han and the giggling couple. Riley seems much more upbeat than she did at the start of the week.

"So, that was weird." Mattie says with some trepidation. "I'm glad I waited to get my ears pierced for the nonsense that's happened today."

"Like, same. Even though I wasn't sure I wanted them done until Esme suggested it and pointed it out." Kendra giggles to herself and twirls a golden lock of hair. "I have no idea what you were actually talking about Esme but you look seriously cute right now, kay?"

"Yeah. I think maybe we're not as alone in this as we thought we were." I smile to myself and briefly lose myself staring between Kendra's glossy pink lips and Mattie's freshly done eyeliner. She and Mattie look even better with their ears pierced.

"Duh. There's five of us, there's always been five of us in this together Esme." Kendra says, accentuated by a bubbly giggle.

"I'm never letting you be alone again Esme." Mattie vows.

I have to suppress the urge to cry on the walk to the gamestore. I can only hope that Tag works out well for us in the end. Whatever strange form of magic has ended up affecting us like it did Sabrina.

While we're milling about there and browsing, I tell Kendra how good she looks with her ears pierced. Me, her and Mattie stand awkwardly near a display for a few seconds. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to our new dynamics.

At least Mattie tagging Riley on the way back to campus drags me away from my anxieties. It'll give her an excuse to keep running despite the uncertainty around her future. It gives us all an excuse to keep running towards womanhood.

I just wish the idea of womanhood felt less nebulous to me.

Notes:

hello taggers. thank you for reading this chapter I edited at 4am and posted in the middle of a punk festival. I hope it sates you.

See you on Wednesday for more!

Chapter 9: Sprint

Notes:

Content warnings: Transphobic parents (again), parental abuse

The girl I heard be referred to as Mia earlier comes up to sit next to our group on the stands. It's the very same seating stand I saw Riley play on from what feels like so long ago now. Even though it's only been a few weeks.

Her dark hair is behind a headband and sweat beads her round face. She's a player on the Hedgehogs, the local women's football team that Riley is currently training with for the first time. Her fluorescent bib goes over a red football shirt.

Me, Sabrina and Han have been enjoying the sunny day while Riley runs drills and exercises in a mostly visible sports bra and pair of shorts. A freshly bought pair of football boots adorn her feet. We're supporting her for the first practice she got herself invited to after contacting the team on social media. Her place on the team apparently depends on her performance today.

Mia's Captain armband coils around her arm and she looks at us all nervously in silence. I suck on a blue ice lolly and wait for said awkward silence to break.

Sabrina plays with her necklace and strokes her bangs back with a brush. Han looks up from her book and raises an eyebrow at Mia. Mia begins to speak slowly.

"You're all... Riley's friends right? You're here to support her getting onto the team."

"Yes! I'm Sabrina. You could say I know her very well." Sabrina offers her hand out and shakes Mia's hand.

"I was just wondering if I could ask for some advice then? It's kind of an awkward ask though."

Sabrina narrows her eyes at Mia. I'm curious as to what the advice is so I speak up after licking my ice lolly.

"What'd you want advice on? I've known her the longest."

"Hi. You're...?"

"Esme."

"Esme. It's kind of embarassing to ask because we just met today but I wanted to know if she's available after this? To like grab lunch." She starts blushing and lacing her fingers together anxiously.

I immediately look over to Sabrina and see her starting to loudly laugh before stifling it. She's acting as if someone asking her if her girlfriend is available for a date is the funniest thing ever. Mia sheepishly looks at the floor.

"She's Riley's girlfriend. Sorry to break your heart about the fact that girl already has someone." Han flicks a page and says plainly after pointing to Sabrina.

I look back at Riley on the pitch and how her tall toned body ripples as she runs across the grass. Her long hair blows across her face as she shouts to another girl who's dribbling the ball. It's not hard to see why someone would want advice for shooting their shot with her.

"Yeah, sorry. My Riles needs to focus on getting back on the team, not dating another girl I think. I'll make sure to tell her she was appreciated by someone at least." Sabrina is still laughing as she speaks, despite her best efforts.

Mia looks dejected and gets up to go.

"No, I'm sorry. She's just really hot and it's hard to focus on being a good captain when you're wondering about what cute expressions she'd make on a date. I'm not surprised she has a girlfriend already."

I suck on my ice lolly and give her an understanding smile. It'd break my heart if Mattie or Kendra had a girlfriend already. Mattie hasn't had one for a few months and Kendra has always been sporadic in relationships to my knowledge.

"She does make the cutest expressions, you're right." Sabrina says slyly.

"See you around? I doubt she won't make it onto the team. She's built to be a goalie, oh my god." Mia fans herself and begins to walk away from us.

"Is that insider information?" I ask her mischievously.

"You didn't hear it from me." She winks at me and then jogs down the steps to return to her team. We all share an awkward laugh at the encounter before Han goes back to reading her book properly.

Sabrina jokes with me about how Mia is kind of her type. She says maybe she's just really into people who play sports. I sit there sucking on my melting ice lolly and think about Kendra and Mattie.

I check my phone to see the messages where Mattie said she has to study very hard today. Kendra apparently had to do economics work after her poor attendance and work ethic lately. I just wish she didn't have to do a subject she hates.

Mia seems slightly off-kilter after her encounter with us as she runs drills and exercises. Riley is obviously oblivious to the fact someone was trying to pick her up and just has a big dumb smile on her face. It's really good to see her enjoying herself properly again.

It's also nice for the three of us to be supporting her without the danger of magical pink light exploding and changing one of ours' bodies. Not that that didn't get us into this position in the first place.

When practice is over Riley hugs numerous of the girls, including Mia, and then bounds up to us. She wraps Sabrina in a bear hug and gives me and Han slightly less strong hugs.

"I think that went really well girls!" She says while stretching as her skin glistens with sweat and her powerful calves ripple. Me and Sabrina fan ourselves. Han rolls her eyes.

"From my view up here it certainly did." Sabrina says as she crosses her legs stiffly.

Han puts her book down and opens a cooler bag and hands her a can of wine from it. Riley cracks it open and starts chugging it. Han hands one to each of us and then cracks one open herself.

The cool can presses against my palm as I open it and take a harsh swig. It's just one drink after all.

"So, how was your first football experience since I magically turned you into a girl?" Han says quite dryly.

"It was fun. The girls down there were all really nice and didn't really mind that I'm... Riley and not a guy." Riley says while she kicks off her football boots and sits next to Sabrina.

"Why would they mind Riles?" Sabrina asks while brushing sweaty hair out of her girlfriend's face.

"Dunno. Just thought they'd think it weird that someone who used to be a guy would want to play on a women's team. They all treated me like me though." She puts her football boots in a drawstring bag and starts putting on some trainers. I sip wine and giggle, the alcohol feels like it's getting to my head already.

"Riley you look like a lesbian giantess. Why would anyone be mean to you?" I blurt out, unable to contain my true thoughts anymore. Riley starts blushing and scratching her head.

"I appreciate it Esme but... is it really okay for me to call myself a lesbian? Like I wouldn't have called myself a lesbian a few weeks ago but-"

"Riley. Listen to me." Han cuts through the air with her serious voice.

"Yeah Han? What are you gonna do, give some like gay advice?"

"Yes. You're a girl who likes girls, you're a lesbian. When I was a guy who liked guys I was gay. Not that I would call my sexuality entirely straight but that's neither the time or place right now. "

"You dress like a tomboyish lesbian you know Riley. You kinda did even before you became Riley." I continue to sip wine. I've known her for long enough that it's pretty clear to me when she's in her head these days. She's more emotive than she used to be before.

"Yeah I was into you before because of the same reasons I'm into you now Riles. You're just a woman now." Sabrina clutches Riley's sweaty palm and comforts her.

"But, firefly, we met at that nerd convention Han dragged me to. I was like the least geeky person there and clearly a guy. I wasn't a lesbian."

"You bumped into me outside of a stall because we were both staring at a lady in a skimpy demon cosplay. In hindsight it's incredibly gay."

"Okay and? I like girls. Especially ones with deep red hair who think I'm incredibly hot and are endlessly patient with me." She wraps a hand around Sabrina's waist and I share a look with Han.

"Uh huh. Listen, just pay attention to what we're saying. Or I'll make you listen later."

"I think we're getting off point. Like I'm not even mentioning how I'm scouting out my options for boys who'd wanna seriously go on dates with me." Han points out with her can of wine. I nod in agreement. I'm not mentioning how badly I want to kiss Kendra like I've kissed Mattie a few times now.

"So I can really just call myself a lesbian?" Riley asks with wonder in her voice. "Alright. I'm a lesbian then. One who's hopefully on a football team not full of assholes who kick me off it when shit gets uncomfortable for them. I'm a lesbian!" She kicks her long legs and lets off a hearty laugh.

"I'm bisexual I think. Yaaaay for us!" I slur as I briefly lose my balance and Sabrina catches my shoulder with her left hand.

"Yes Esme I think we're all very queer. I'm glad you can call yourself bi like me." She steadies me back up and then smooches her girlfriend. "Congrats on being a giant lesbian Riley."

"Honestly I should have realised it when I came out to my parents a few days ago. They were surprised but said it made sense if I'm a gay woman." Han nods sagely at Riley's comment. They've both explained the situation to their parents in some form by now.

I haven't. But as Riley and Sabrina and Han chatter happily over wine I realise something. If multiple of my friends "coming out" went well, couldn't I just tell I'm a girl? three out of four isn't bad. Mattie admitted to me yesterday she already told her parents a week ago.

Maybe it won't go like how Kendra's accidental butt-dial went. I want it to not go how Kendra's went, as guilty as I feel to say that. She's still ignoring her parents and I don't want to be harassed or nagged by my parents for just being comfortable on some level as a girl for now.

She'd want the best for me. If I can make it go well with my parents, maybe it can go well with her parents one day. My parents live further away than Kendra's as well. I drain my can of wine and pump my fist in the air.

I'm not sure how long being Esme will last but I can at least try to tell my parents about this without fear. I deserve that much. I stand up on the seat and wipe my red lips with the back of my hand. My bare legs tremble beneath my dress.

"To Riley getting onto the Hedgehogs as their smoking hot goalie and everyone of us getting to be hot and happy!" I cheer into the air.

My friends laugh and Riley chucks me another can of wine which I eagerly catch and start drinking. We start chanting Hedgehogs from the stands until their coach tells us very politely to leave.

When we pass through the arch Riley gets an evil look on her face. Then she tags Han and starts running away with Sabrina in tow.

I try to keep up as a tipsy Han jogs behind me and moans about how she doesn't have the energy for this with wine in her. Eventually we stop running and giggling like teenagers.

Eventually.

-----

My heart feels like it's in my stomach. It's pounding like the hooves of a confusion of wildebeest. I haven't been this anxious about anything since my GCSEs or A-levels and I did well on those. Just like I'm kind of doing okay with my degree right now.

Countless worst possible scenarios are running through my head. What if they call me and shout abuse at me like they did with Kendra? What if they don't get that I'm just a girl for now and think I'm transgender? I tell myself that it'll be easier if I don't use the word transgender.

I'm not transgender like Mattie or Sabrina or the others could well be and probably are. It's so much easier to not worry about that word in the context of myself. It'll be easier if I just work myself up to send the damn text and backpedal if things get worse as a result.

My guy clothes are still in my room, they're just in bags I haven't touched for well over a week now. The only use they have now is for old T-shirts that I wouldn't mind getting messy.

My room is vastly different to how it used to be. My cosmetics are sprawled all over my desk and bathroom sink as I experiment and practise with them daily. My hygiene products are neatly organised in my bathroom and I take better care of my skin and hair.

My body feels so much better to take care of in every way. Even when I have dirty thoughts to take care of, ones that still bring me some amount of shame to bear.

I have more motivation to keep my clothes clean and organised nowadays as well. They're all so pretty and they were a gift from a dear friend. This is the life I want to communicate to my parents today. I want to let them know I'm doing better despite the troubles and numerous issues I had in secondary school and college.

I've been staying in bed and locked in my desk less. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, being turned into Esme has made my life easier and better.

I just have to tell them that. It's all so simple.

I haven't told my friends I'm about to do this because I know they'd probably offer advice when I don't want it. I just need to do it. At least I know Mattie has no class this afternoon and isn't tagged. I think Kendra might be tagged presently.

She went shopping yesterday and showed off a pair of hot pink heels she looked stunning in. I start to feel warm and happy as I think about her, and then start thinking about Mattie in cargo pants and a tank top at the last girls' night. Fuck.

I need to do this now before I get distracted and back out.

I bang out the text as planned from the numerous post-it notes pinned to my laptop of different ways to word it. My plan isn't complex: Just go simple and effective and explain more if they ask for it. That's what the guides online about telling your parents this stuff said. I can apply some information about trans women to me.

"Hey Mum! Hey Dad! Sorry I haven't been in contact for a bit. Just been really busy with university. The coding assignments have been breaking my back."

"I wanted to tell you both something important though! It's about who I am. I recently decided to go by Esme and use she/her pronouns."

"It's not like I'm trans or anything I think. I'm just maybe trying to be a girl for now? Sorry if that's confusing. Anyway if you have any questions please ask me! I've got a lot of it sorted out but I think you'll be really surprised the next time you see me."

I send the texts one after another and then drop my phone on the floor. I crawl to my bed and hug my pillow anxiously. I wait for a reply or notification for what feels like an hour there. I wish I had a plushie to hug.

Nothing happens.

I wait another hour and nothing more happens.

I can feel bile start to rise in my throat and my anxiety start to skyrocket. I dig my varnished nails into my pillow and tell myself they're just busy. They're not talking right now. They'll respond later.

I should call Mattie and ask her to come around for now. There's no point working myself up over this. I crawl to my phone and find no reply as I expected. I muted every other notification but of texts from either of them.

My shaky hands thumb it open and I open my contacts list. I ring Mattie's number but the ringing of my phone ends very sharply and suddenly. A voice says to me she's not available. That doesn't make sense. She's always available to call, usually.

I check my phone's service and find that there's zero bars. Then I head to my settings and find airplane mode isn't on. So naturally I take my SIM card in and out and it still doesn't fix it.

I turn on my laptop and look it up. Apparently if the service from your provider is cut or runs out then you have to fix it at the source and make sure you actually have an active plan. My parents pay for my mobile plan and have since I was a teenager. I brush my hair anxiously and bite my lip.

They wouldn't do that though would they? I said I wasn't trans and I don't even know how they'd so quickly cancel and cut off my communications. It doesn't make sense. I thought they'd have a good reaction or a middling one at worst. I needed them to. I wanted to believe that they would.

Am I just nothing to them now? I was an idiot to believe I could just be Esme to them. Maybe even to myself as well.

I throw my phone against the wall in frustration and frantically look through my emails. There's a recent email about my mobile plan being cancelled without warning. How am I meant to tell what's going on in the group chat if my service is cut? Do I have to pay for it myself now?

Just because I do a Computer Science degree doesn't mean I know how to do all these things. I hop on discord and send Mattie a panicked message about how I tried to tell my parents I'm Esme but it all went wrong and I can't use my phone right now.

She tells me she's coming over instantly, and has an idea of what to do to cheer me up.

She arrives twenty minutes later and wraps me in a hug so tight I feel like I could choke if it wasn't for how nice she smells and how inviting her arms are. She tells me that they can't stop me being Esme and cuddles me on my bed for what feels like an hour. I don't know if I truly absorb her words but it's better than being left alone to stew in my own misery. Esme is meant to be happier than this.

I feel shame when I start getting excited at the fact Mattie is lying on top of my duvet with me. I just wish she'd kiss me again and force me to stop thinking about things that make Esme sad.

Then she crawls off the bed and wipes her eyes. She pulls a black dress out of her bag and gives me a sad smile. Her eyes twitch.

"Esme. We're going out to spite the fact that your parents can't accept you for who you are. Get your hottest dress on and maybe help me with my makeup stat. I've fallen way behind your eyeshadow skills."

I can feel an excited smile burrow it's way onto my face despite it all.

-----

Kendra meets us outside mine as we wait for the Uber. Her hot pink heels clack against the pavement and her skintight dress tells all. Despite the fact my parents have possibly just refused to ever talk to me again and stopped paying for my phone, I stare greedily as she swings her purse and hips from side to side.

Her long golden hair bounces with her chest and she giggles as she nears me and Mattie. Her thick lips look so kissable and she manages to act like the heavy amount of makeup on her face is her natural look.

"What? It's like you've both never seen a girl put effort into going out. Shut up." She pouts at us.

I don't respond because I'm gobsmacked. Evidently Mattie is too. To think I was worried about coming out earlier today.

"You look beautiful Kendra." I meekly say as I play with a thick flow of my hair. My semi-modest dark dress probably makes me look underdressed compared to her. At least I managed to do my own makeup after I cried so much and ruined my skin. After doing Mattie's glittery eyeshadow of course.

"We are going clubbing right? I didn't put on all this just to stand next to two nerds while they ogle me." Her moaning sounds a bit more sultry than adorable right now with how she's presenting.

"Of course. Because you know... Esme's-"

Mattie finally gets involved in the conversation. I stare at her revealing black dress and blush at how pretty she looks. I'm surrounded by beautiful girls who I didn't realise could be beautiful girls.

"-Parents, yeah. Why didn't you take me clubbing when my mum called me a whore Mattie?" Kendra cuts in, her attempts to sound grumpy just making her sound like a brat."

"Because. To be fair though, you're not helping the accusation with that look." Mattie chortles. Then she stops chortling almost immediately.

"Just because I, like, look like a bimbo." She playfully says as she adjusts a strap on her dress and shoots Mattie a fiery look.

"You look like a very pretty bimbo Kendra." I hope my makeup is done well enough to not show how flustered I am right now as I compliment her again.

"Thanks babes. It's like not even that hard to look like this. I've been really eager to do something like this." She flicks her hair back and giggles. I hear Mattie swear under her breath and can see her leg twitch.

"Is everything good Mattie?" I ask her. I need to know my friends are alright because I can't put my troubles on them while they're not alright.

"I'm fine. Just you know, going out clubbing with two other beautiful women who are making me feel very awkward about my lack of developed femme presentation despite the fact I started makeup first. It's fine. I'm sure I'll survive Esme." She looks at me with a shark-like grin on her face and I turn to see Kendra blushing furiously. I fiddle with the straps of my dress.

"Oh look, Uber's pulling up! Just in the nick of time." Mattie runs a hand down my back sensually then talks to the driver as they pull up. She opens the door and hops in the back.

Before I get in Kendra leans into me and whispers to me.

"If you're not going to kiss her properly after all this. I will." She bats her long eyelashes at me and gets into the car.

I stumble in after her, and when the door closes and my dress falls against her hips; I take my compact out of my purse to stare into and try to pretend I don't want to climb on top of her and make out with Kendra in the Uber.

-----

The club has a dense throng of people in it. They're mostly people our age who are probably just trying to get drunk on a weekday night for the hell of it.

It's the only real decent place in town to go to for nightlife but I've never been here. I've always preferred the company of Mattie or my extended friend group. It's much easier to hang out with five other girls than get into town to dance in a packed sweaty room.

As soon as we enter Kendra's eyes go as wide as dish plates. She holds an acrylic nail to her cheek and licks her lips. Then she walks right over to my ear again and borderline shouts:

"I'm going to go dance! I'm snogging Mattie when I'm back so you better be quick about it, kay?"

I grab her arm on instinct and we stare at each other while loud dance music thuds around us for a few seconds. I want to do more than just kiss Mattie with the women I'm with. Then Mattie walks between us and says something inaudible.

Kendra walks up to her and shouts in her ear also. Then she waves at us and stalks off into the crowd.

My anxieties about my parents and life as Esme are washed away by how overwhelming everything is. It's not too overwhelming in a bad way, but I think Mattie can tell I'm starting to get overwhelmed because she rests a hand on my shoulder and points towards the bar.

I nod at her and we start to make our way there. She checks her phone as we push through people and I see a confused look pass over her face briefly.

I grab my phone from my purse and pull up my notes app to talk with her more easily.

"somethin bad happen in gc?"

She gets the idea very quickly and shows me her own phone and as we enter the queue for drinks.

"han is talking about some dumb clock? i dont know what she means tbh shes talking language nerd shit, that or she's high again lmao"

"like wat clock? like a real clock or a metaphorical one"

"idfk. r u okay genuinely was this a bad idea please tell me if it was. ive felt kinda iffy tn and not just about u"

She stares at me with puppy-dog eyes. I blink and try to process the sheer barrage of things I could say back.

"idk i'm just happy to be here with you and kendra for now. can we do shots"

She wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. Then she presses a kiss to my forehead that makes all my thoughts feel giddy.

"one. no more. i dont need you getting too drunk and sad. i want you buzzed and relaxed esme"

"oki"

Mattie holds up two fingers and barks out something beginning with Y as we get to the front. I want to get fucked up but I should listen to her. I already helped Kendra through a bad episode with her parents so maybe I should just let her help me through mine.

Regretfully, I should take Mattie's advice and just try to get through tonight for now. It's for the best. It's only the end of the world if I don't backpedal to try and salvage my relationship with my parents.

Mattie shoves a shot glass with green liquid into my hand and clinks it with hers. The fiery liquid burns my throat as it goes down but has a pleasant minty aftertaste. She returns the glasses to the bar then shows me her phone.

"wanna dance ? we might be able to see kendra doing smth hot out there ;)))"

I nod at her hesitantly. I've never danced before but the heat running through me wants a release, and it might be petty to say but I have never wanted to dance with someone more than this moment. I clutch her wrist and she pushes through people with her taller physique.

If Riley were here she could barrel through the club like a bowling ball. I don't know if her and Sabrina are the kind of girls to go out to clubs though. Sabrina is kind of a dork. Last thing I heard Riley was going out for drinks with a few members of the Hedgehogs to celebrate her getting into the team recently. I'm really happy for her and how far she's come. It feels like she's come a lot further than me. They all have.

I laugh as I think about a tipsy Mia struggling to hide her attraction to her. Mattie grabs my arm and twirls me around to face her in the middle of the dancefloor.

She stares at me with piercing eyes that flash a multitude of colours under harsh flashing lights. They look like pools of cool mud I could swim in. They'd heal all my worries and bruises in their soft brown embrace.

I place a hand around her waist gently and she responds by tightly grabbing my hips with her hands and pulling me closer. Our bodies press tightly against each other and I can feel her chest rub against me.

I can't tell if it's the booze or Mattie's sweet earthy smell but I feel intoxicated. I put both of my hands on her hips and grip them. Shame be damned I want this- no I need this. I'm long past the point of wanting.

Our teasing and playful kisses aren't enough for me anymore. No matter how much shame threatens to rise like bile in my throat.

I inch my face closer to Mattie and she smothers my lips with hers. Her mouth tastes of fiery mint and I've never wanted anything more. I viciously attack her mouth with my tongue and she does the same. It's like during every other kiss and tag we were holding back and we don't have the willpower to do that anymore.

Not after everything all of us have been through. Not after the taunts and teases she constantly plys me with and the blushes I give back. Her scorching hot body against mine is something I crave.

I need her like I need oxygen. The defeaning bass that's in my ears is insignificant compared to me kissing Mattie breathless. She snakes a hand up my hip to my waist and squeezes tight. I squirm in her grip and put my hands up over her neck to pull her tongue deeper down my throat.

The more I taste her the more I realise how if I did this any earlier I'd have lost any sense of shame about it far sooner. I'm insatiable. I'm wound up. I'm pent up. I'm desperate for my best friend.

All the times Han rants about guys make me feel jealous that I've never had the same level of experience as her to know what I want like she does. Riley and Sabrina are impossibly hot and make me jealous that they're even a thing.

Mattie has been the prettiest woman I've known since I met her and I'm stupid for not realising it earlier. I'm even more stupid for not kissing Kendra earlier when she taunted me about snogging Mattie.

I want to snog her dumb adorable face until she makes girlish moans that are louder than the music at the club. She wants to snog Mattie? I want to neck her. She's worse than Mattie sometimes with how she teases me.

Maybe I'm worse than both of them. Maybe my shame keeps them at an arm's length when they just want to tell me how pretty I am. Esme the pretty redhead. I could be her. I want to be her.

All these thoughts rush through my head as I lose focus on anything but me and Mattie. I run a hand through her soft curls and she parts my ginger hair and clutches my chin gently. She's probably afraid to lose me to my own demons.

I pull in closer. I don't want to hide from her or anyone anymore. Just because I'm Esme doesn't mean I can't be... me. That's right.

Maybe womanhood isn't that hard to achieve in the end. It feels so close as the tip of Mattie's tongue is continually shoved into my mouth. I know in this moment that I'll get there soon. Whatever it takes to feel like a proper woman. Even despite my parents and how sharp this world is to a girl like me.

If Kendra can do it without their support, I can do it too. Or at least I want to be able to. I vow that to myself in this overwhelming place.

Mattie pulls back from me suddenly, heaving, and rests her arms on my shoulders. I struggle to regain my breath. I smile at her and begin to type out an all important message on my phone to show her. Then I see something out of the corner of my eye.

Hot pink heels and bright blonde hair. Kendra.

She's grinding against a towering guy with her ample backside and has a wide smile on her face. I've never seen her look so free.

The guy moves his hands down her shoulders and kisses her neck before turning her around and starting to make out with her. He grabs her backside. I'm entranced by my friend acting like a girl I never could have imagined her being until what must be nearly a month ago now.

Mattie shoves a phone in my face that reads:

"are u good ur staring off into space"

I nod at her and gesture in Kendra's direction. She turns her head and clearly sees her as well. Her grip around me tightens.

Then Kendra gets a moment of reprieve and turns her head around. She catches my eye and immediately stumbles back and starts to head out of the throng of people

I push through after her, intent on apologizing for staring at her like that. I can feel Mattie's hand around my right wrist as we both clamour forward to reach out.

The hot air of the club stifles us. We break through the crowd while keeping an eye on our blonde friend and come up for air in the cool night outside.

I look to my left and don't see Kendra on the street. I'm yanked the other way and see her to the right of the club instead. She's tapping a heel on the pavement and staring at me and Mattie guiltily.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck..." She's muttering to herself and fidgeting with a silver bracelet. I reach out for her with a hand but she pushes past me and grabs onto Mattie's shoulders.

"Are you okay Kendr-" Mattie begins to ask before Kendra plants her lips on her and starts grinding her whole body against Mattie. I stare even more entranced than I was while I was inside the club.

Then Kendra pulls away leaving lipstick marks all around Mattie's mouth, not before she tags her though and faint pink light passes between my two hot friends.

"Fuck." She leans back against the wall and stares at us still with guilt. "I'm sorry. I didn't ask."

"That was amazing Kendra. I was just waiting for you to do it to me first." Mattie laughs and plays with the hem of the dress. She pokes her abdomen inquisitively but I don't have time to dwell on why she'd do that. Kendra is all I can see right now.

"Fuck." She mutters again. She's clearly not focused on Mattie right now despite how much fun she looked like she was having. To her credit Mattie is still playing with the hem of her dress and clearly too flustered to speak.

"Are you okay Kendra? You looked like you were having fun in there I thought you'd be happy-" I ask her out of genuine concern as I feel jealousy boil within me. Better to show concern than jealousy.

"-No I'm not good. I like boys Esme! I like boys and girls. I've been trying to ignore it for fucking years but I just had to enjoy grinding against some random hottie at the club and then finally get the courage to kiss my hot friend who femmed me!" She sounds exasperated as she shouts out the words.

"That's okay, isn't it? I mean it sounds confusing but I think you're beautiful regardless of who you like or want to be."

"Listen Esme. I know you're like woefully unaware about how you act sometimes, but before this I was, like, a normal guy okay? I didn't think about the photos of bimbos my asshole friends would show me in secondary and I didn't think about the way my lips would feel against a guy's."

"I was a normal boy who just drank a bit too much and was a bit mouthy. And now I'm Kendra Alexandra Hayward! I just full on grinded against someone through my skin-tight dress and basically shoved my giant F cups into his face. Fuck!"

I hadn't heard her middle name yet. It fits her perfectly. Nor had I heard that her boobs were F cups. I don't want her to backslide though, she's so much happier being Kendra. I'm here to support her.

"We've all undergone changes Kendra. I know it's scary but shouldn't we just try to embrace it all as much as we can at this point? I know this game is kind of silly but I think Kendra Alexandra Hayward is more you than anything else before was."

"Really?" She bites her lip and stares at me with glassy eyes.

"Yeah. Like I know I'm not trans like Mattie is... but I'm still Esme. Fuck our parents. They can rot in hell while we make out with hotties at clubs."

She runs up to me and hugs me tight, pressing her boobs against me. I lean into the hug despite my shame telling me to do the opposite. It mostly dissipated on the dancefloor with Mattie anyway.

"Hey. You'll need this Esme." Mattie says nervously. I turn my head to see her face-to-face with me.

She kisses me again and I taste her fiery spit again. Then she utters the magic words and pink flows over me.

"Your turn. Don't let the triangle be incomplete." Mattie laughs as Kendra pulls back from the hug and stares at me with an impossibly cute look.

Her glossy lips quiver and I fantasise about what they'd taste like for real. I think about every inch of her body like I think about Mattie's at night.

I fantasise about Kendra because I think I might just like her as much as I like Mattie. Riley is good eye candy but Kendra is a cute pink parcel of blossoming proportions. Her soft silver eyes blink and she quietly speaks in her sultry voice.

"If you don't kiss me right now Esme. I will like take off my bra to tempt you further." I can immediatelly tell she's deadly serious. Kendra is as serious as the first day when she was hanging onto the flimsy pride of being good at Tag as a kid.

I delve into her mouth and wrap my fingers around the back of her head, playing with her silky hair with my delicate fingers.

She tastes of cherry and sweat. It's intoxicating and I can feel myself get light-headed the longer I stay there kissing her.

Her body pushes against me and I push against her in rhythm. It's completely different from kissing Mattie on the dancefloor but that's okay. Maybe I should have just been kissing girls like this all along.

I've only ever kissed one girl before Mattie and Kendra. One who didn't even know me as Es.

Kendra's hands go underneath my dress straps and around my shoulders. The feeling of her is so intense I don't know if I have the strength to resist going further like I did on the dancefloor.

She pulls her lips away before I do and keeps her hands under my dress. She wants me to do it to her. She wants me to complete the triangle.

I clear my throat and try to regain my ability to speak. My body feels alive with electricity and I just want these two girls to do whatever they want with me.

"Tag, you're It." I squeak out.

She dumbly smiles at me and then smooches my cheek.

"No, tag, you're it Esme." She giggles and I watch her anxiety melt away with the pink light.

It all happens so fast after that. I "tag" Mattie. She "tags" Kendra. The cycle repeats. We call an Uber back to Mattie's soon enough. We want to get away from the sparse collections of people smoking outside the venue.

Not one of us properly brings up Han's frantic texting in the group chat about a clock of some kind. We just sit tight and press our bodies together.

We while away the night at Mattie's and curl up on her relatively small bed together and idly swap spit and physical contact. Kendra wants privacy from Han and I'm just happy to be taken around to Mattie's for making out and an impromptu sleepover.

Mattie admits she feels like she's finally bridged the gap with us and can be honest about her wants with both of us. We don't do much more than making out but as I start to drift off to a flashy confusing movie, I find myself only able to dream of the two girls with me and my other friends who will tease me mercilessly for this tomorrow.

Mattie drifts off the earliest as she twitches and squirms under the blanket while feeling incredibly hot to the touch. Me and Kendra cuddle up pressed against each other and begin to fade out of consciousness.

It seems so silly to worry about things like my parents or phone at this moment. Not when I'm a pretty girl lying under a blanket with two girls I'm both desperately attracted to.

By the time I fall asleep I've forgotten who's It anymore

Notes:

Thanks for reading! We're uh 2 chapters away from finishing this thing so keep an eye on Tag. Who knows what'll happen in the next two chapters (I do).  I really enjoyed writing this one.

Also NICCIQUEST in may :). I might have also just subbed out of a giant diplomacy game so I can actually uh write more and not be in a constant state of anxiety over diplomacy like I have been the past two months so yays. Anyway tune in next time for more Tag....

Also I have a bluesky @chronoSprockets
maybe follow me there so I have more excuses to post about my writing on it...

Chapter 10: Home Stretch

Notes:

Content warnings: continued discussion of abusive/transphobic parents, discussion of forced detransition, referenced drug use (still just weed)

Mattie's alarm blares at all of us as the morning sun begins to hit our faces. I groan as Kendra lets out a high-pitched whine and flails around with her arm and accidentally hits me on the nose. I let out an eek.

"Sorry Esme." She giggles to herself and then grunts. I open my eyes and look at her adorable sleepy face that's lit by dregs of sunlight. Her makeup is smeared but even a messy Kendra still looks glamorous to me.

I hear a low-pitched moan come from Mattie and she quietly snoozes the blaring alarm on her phone. She lets out a longer moan and then curls up under the blanket, stealing it mostly away from me and Kendra. Kendra raises an eyebrow and I place a hand on Mattie's back.

"Are you okay Mattie? What's going on?" I ask sheepishly.

"My head feels like lava is pooling inside it. My stomach feels like a landfill and I desire the sweet mercy of death." She grumbles out before stealing even more of the blanket.

"You didn't have, like, loads to drink did you? That sounds like a hangover to me." Kendra stretches out and pulls me closer to her as she wraps her slender arms around my shoulders. "You're mine for warmth now Esme babes. Mattie took all the other warmth."

I blush intensely and think about the night before. How much I wanted to do more than kiss her and Mattie. My shame would perhaps truly die then.

Kendra's arms feel soft and inviting and her body is heaven to be pressed against. I feel even worse for Mattie's current state being held by her and comfortable. She should be able to experience this. I want to be pressed against Mattie.

"This is not a hangover Kendra. I am going to burn up at what should be room temperature. Why is my room so hot?" She bursts her head up and rotates it a full three-hundred-and-sixty degrees like an owl. She looks bedraggled and exhausted.

I feel slightly chilly apart from the warmth of Kendra against me. I lean in a bit closer and try not to stare too hard at Mattie while she clearly looks ill in some way. Maybe we shouldn't be snuggling right now.

"Maybe it's like... a sudden illness?" I question.

"I did not choose to like girls with deductive reasoning clearly." Mattie sighs and as she clenches a boob underneath her top. "F-fuck. Ow. That's confusing. Sorry, just grumpy."

I see Kendra blatantly lick her own lips.

"Just because I'm, like, a dumb blonde. Wow." She says, her voice loaded with sassiness.

Mattie throws the blanket off and stands up completely covered in sweat. She looks awful despite how good the view should be. It's probably for the best that we didn't hug overnight.

"Do you need space? I feel like I'm intruding on something that you just need paracetamol and orange juice for." I say, expecting her to react in some dazzling way that will knock me off my feet and straight into Kendra's lap.

"I think I'm going to shower and take every medicine I can find." Mattie says quite shortly.

I get the hint after a few seconds and crawl out of Kendra's embrace and attempt to drag the bratty bimbo up with me.

"Are you kicking us out Mattie? But I could have-" Kendra starts to moan.

"I adore you two but I think I am not in the state to be lovey right now. Let's figure this out another day." She says with a sigh.

"Our... situation together?" I say as excitement tinges my voice.

"Yes. Now go on please. I'll see you two cuties later." Mattie looks regretful as she runs over to her cluttered desk and starts idly searching it. At least I got to be called a cutie by her.

Me and Kendra collect our personal things and stagger out of her room as our dresses cling to our frames. I shut the door behind us and we head down the hallway to the stairs while I try not to worry about Mattie. I feel very groggy still.
"You know Esme, I'm not even that mad. I was going to do a run this morning anyway. I'm a busy girl." Kendra giggles to herself.

"I should wash my makeup off and get my phone provider reconnected. Fucking parents." Dark thoughts begin to flood my mind but Kendra's buzzy pink presence keeps them somewhat at bay.

"Fuck 'em. We don't need them, we're pretty girls." She strokes hair out of my face and keeps steady on her heels.

"Yeah. So last night and this is okay right?"

"Duh. You're a hottie and I know you've been ogling me constantly. It gives me a reason to put in effort sometimes to be frank."

"That's um... nice to know."

"Of course! It totes is. You're fucking adorable and I should have realised it earlier."

I can feel my cheeks start to burn up.

"T-thanks. You're honestly one of the most beautiful girls I've ever known."

She makes a muffled noise in response as we exit the hall Mattie lives in. We stand opposite each other for a few moments as we pull apart to walk in opposite directions.

I run into her arms and passionately kiss her. Kendra moans and grabs the small of my back possessively. Then I pull away out of awkwardness and stare at the floor.

"See you laters!" She blows a kiss to me and stalks off. I try to regain my composure after being so throughly flustered right at the start of my day. I can't deny that I stare at Kendra until she's out of view.

Then I set off home. My friends (girlfriends?) are busy right now, and I need to be busy as well.

Whatever I think about doing, I can't get the idea of Mattie's state being a bad omen for the rest of the day out of my head though.

-----

I drop my purse on my bed and strip out of my dress. Then I wash my smeared makeup off and reluctantly clean the smell of Mattie and Kendra off me. Mattie's earthy scent and Kendra's addictively sweet smell. Last night was so good, even if Mattie seems physically under the weather this morning.

I properly wash my hair and resolve to sort out my phone situation very quickly. I can ask for... help later with the other stuff, like my parents and finances. If that's acceptable to my friends.

As my hair dries in my room I put on a bralette and a pair of denim shorts. I do my post-shower self-care and fail to avoid glancing at the unopened box of tampons in my bathroom.

I log on to my laptop and access my bank account. I don't have enough money but I should have enough to pay for my phone plan for a bit myself. My eyes threaten to swell with tears but I push it down and try to get on with my business.

I look up my provider and download their app onto my phone. Then I plug in my own bank details and have control of my own personal phone plan for the first time since I've ever owned a phone.

It feels freeing in a sense. I just wish it didn't have to happen as a result of this chain of events. I'm not sure entirely what to do now.

My phone lights up with notifications from the group chat. I begin to read them back while my hair still dries.

There's a selfie of Riley from last night with bright red cheeks wearing visible eyeliner with a drunken Mia next to her. Sabrina replied to it with a red heart and a raised eyebrows emoji.

Han started erratically talking about how "it's all a clock, it's always been on a timer!!!!" at some point last night. It's a whole saga of incoherent messages. Whatever they all mean.

Eventually I read through Mattie responding to Han by saying that my phone service is unavailable due to my parents, and also informing everyone the three of us were "going out on the town". There's supportive messages from Riley and Sabrina, along with a concerned hug from Han.

I make sure to reply saying thanks for the concern but I just got my phone back up so it's okay-ish for now. The most recent topic of conversation is Han telling everyone to "URGENTLY" come over to hers this morning.

Sabrina is asking if it has anything to do with the clock but there's no reply from Han yet. Kendra must be on her run because she hasn't replied to anything since last night. Riley says she'll be over once she finishes up at practice.

I send a message saying I'll be over once my hair dries. I note Mattie hasn't sent a message since talking about my parents. Then I shut off my phone and laptop for now.

I put on a basic face of makeup in my mirror: foundation, concealer, toner, mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow. Then just a simple layer of lip gloss. It's become routine at this point and I'm getting better every day despite my rough early experimentations that Mattie coached me through.

Then I put on a short sleeved top that hangs on my form quite well and shows some of my midriff. It feels good to put effort into a basic hangout with my friends who are now girls like me. Especially after last night.

I figure if my parents aren't going to accept me as Esme I can properly accept myself as Esme instead. That's how this works, right?

I finish getting ready to go out and put in my earphones as I start to walk to Kendra & Han's. A Ska band Mattie once recommended to me blares in my ears. They're actually not that bad despite how much my other friends would probably besmirch the concept of Ska. I do have work to do before my rapidly upcoming exams but it should be okay to not do it this second.

I haven't missed as much class as Kendra. But neither do I have as little passion as she does towards her degree. I really want her to find an actual passion. She's so vibrant these days and she deserves to be able to express that. Just like Mattie seems content when she's working on Physics problems in her own little world.

It's a good day to be Esme. I might have got myself a girlfriend or two for the first time in my life. The thought keeps me giddy despite the confusion about what Han could want to talk about.

I try not to think about how there were no messages from either of my parents the entire way. The giddiness helps with that.

-----

I'm the first to arrive. When I knock on the door Han lets me in with red eyes and deep bags behind her glasses. She's wearing pajamas and slippers, while her short brunette hair is tied back very cutely.

"Good morning Han. Did you have a bad night?"

"Just say I look like shit Esme."

"I wasn't going to because it'd be impolite to."

She motions me in and I sit on the sofa. On the coffee table in front of the TV is the green and white ceramic plate with all of it's magical runes still clearly engraved. A few sheets of paper and Han's moleskin are lazily placed around it. Everything is as normal apart from two things:

One: I thought Han had majorly given up on translating the plate that started our game of Tag, she said it well over a week ago now.

Two: The runes are glowing a faint red.

That looks bad. She nurses a mug in the kitchen then sits next to me and lays a head on my shoulder.

"Hey, not to be the bearer of bad news but... you are aware it's glowing red, right?" I point out to her.

"Yes. Please let me explain when everyone gets here. It's too much to explain otherwise. I really hope everyone gets here soon enough. I'm pooped from last night."

"Okay. Just as a warning Mattie woke up feeling awful this morning so she might be a bit late."

"Me too sister." She sips from her mug. "Do you want a drink?"

"Fruit juice maybe? I forgot breakfast on the way out this morning. Silly Esme."

"Got it." Han pours me a glass of apple juice and we sit there in silence until the front door clicks open, and one of the most glorious sights humanity has almost certainly ever witnessed happens in front of my lowly eyes.

Kendra jogs through the open door with a bounce in her step and closes it behind her. She's a sight to behold as she comes into view. Possibly even more so than last night...

Her hair is tied up in a messy bright blonde bun. Her face looks uncharacteristically free of makeup and glistens with sweat as she puts a pink nail to her lips and giggles.

She pulls an earbud out of her ear and proceeds to smile and wave at me and Han. Then she puts it back in as I hear the faintest wisps of bubblegum pop escape it.

Kendra stretches her dainty arms down her body to one of her cute white trainers. Past her black and pink sports bra that holds her heavy breasts up. Past her hot pink leggings that show off her wide hips and bubble butt. Past her delicious looking thighs and whatever lies between them.

She touches the tip of her toes with her fingers as she quietly mouths the words to a song. I feel my body start to grow hot with excitement at the pure theatrics of it. To think this girl wasn't like this a month ago is an insane thought to me.

To think she somehow managed to figure out how to do that with her body while I struggle to control my shameful urges to salivate at her slick shiny form. Fuck, I should figure out how to do the same for her own pleasure.

I want to kiss her adorable face and make those long eyelashes flutter all over again. I've felt her body against mine and there's no going back now. She giggles as she finishes the stretch and then does the same with her other trainer.

Han says something but I'm obviously not listening to it. I'm looking at Kendra while she pulls out her earphones and pauses her music on her phone. She walks over to me and waves a hand in front of my face after giggling in Han's direction.

"Esme? Are you doing okay there babes? You look like you're totes spaced out."

"I-I-I'm okay. Just distracted..." The words struggle to exit my throat.

She plants a warm sweaty kiss on my lips and then grabs a glass of water. I feel like I'm burning up in the proximity of Kendra's amazing body.

"And I thought Riley was bad sometimes." Han sounds exasperated as she speaks.

"Riley actually recommended I go for a run once or twice a week to keep my body in top condition. I'm just following her advice Han!" She bounces over to the sofa and nestles her head on my shoulder. There's an undeniable intoxicating fruity scent coming from her golden blonde bun when she's this close to me.

"So... did your phone stuff go okay Esme?" She asks me with a dumb pout as she sips water and rubs sweat all over my arm.

"T-t-totally. Just need to figure out what I'm doing about... everything else. And uh..." My eyes go to her tits because it's impossible for them not to when she's this close.

I grab her neck impulsively and pull her in for a kiss with tongue. She moans-

"-So something clearly happened between you two last night but we have serious matters to discuss okay? Please calm down and make yourself normally presentable before everyone else arrives and gets distracted by the sweaty blonde bombshell. I'm happy for you two just, please." Han cuts in as she sounds ever so slightly annoyed.

Kendra pulls away from me and pokes Han's nose.

"Whatevs Hannah. I know you've got a date in a few days so you can't hide your own promiscuity from me and Esme here. I have to shower and put my face on anyway, so see you in a bit Esme, kay?" She pecks my cheek.

"B-bye. See you then Kendra." I stammer out between blushes.

She giggles and waves at me as she heads into her room. I try not to think about the image of Kendra's body under the flow of a shower. Han stares at me while I blush and I try to broach a subject that isn't my parents.

"So. You have a date soon? I won't ask why she called you Hannah if you don't want me to."

"His name is Sean. He's very hot and we stumbled upon each other in the uni's LGBTQ+ society discord. The Hannah thing is privately related."

"How hot?"

She sheepishly pulls out her phone and shows me a picture of a relatively tall guy with dark stubble in a dapper suit. He has a silly look on his face despite his looks. As a boyliker I see it.

"Hot. Has Kendra seen him?" I ask, in light of last night's revelation.

"Totally. We shouldn't be talking about her like that actually. I'm pretty sure she doesn't realise she likes-"

"Oh she figured it out last night at the club. Don't worry. As long as we don't tell the others before she does."

"Yeah. I should have caught her months ago on my gaydar. So what happened with you three then?" She turns on the tables on me and loses the sheepishness she had about Sean.

"Oh we all made out outside that shitty club in town, and I think we're vaguely girlfriends now as a result? I don't know if it's official yet though."

"Took you long enough. You've been all over each other."

"I guess it did. I am pretty insatiable about them both."

"I know. Hey, I know you probably don't want to talk about it but can I tell you something?"

I shakily nod my head. I might as well let Han give me her pity.

"Same offer to you as I gave Kendra. My parents are loaded and would more than likely be more than happy to help your situation. The Thompsons are at your service."

The sincerity of her voice shocks me. I'm not sure what to say but my friends have taught me to accept help rather than reject it these days. It's not like I don't need it.

"Okay. I appreciate the sentiment Han."

"Epic." She cuddles up to me more and pats my head, despite the fact she is five inches shorter than me. It's a platonic gesture I appreciate. "Can we put on something while the others arrive?"

"Sure." I chuckle to myself as Han turns on the TV and begins to scroll through a streaming service.

Soon enough, Kendra walks out of her room and heads into the bathroom. I blow a flustered kiss at her while trying not to let the red flashing get to my nerves. She winks back and sticks her tongue out at me.

I take a sip of apple juice as Han throws on an episode of a sitcom she likes. The title theme begins to play as the shower turns on in the bathroom.

Right after the episode ends there's a knock on the door. I shout out that the door is open as I don't want to get up while munching on a biscuit I fetched mid-episode.

Sabrina walks in looking deeply concerned. She takes one look at us on the sofa and the red flashing plate then takes a deep breath. She smooths out the lace around the hem of her dress and lets out a torrent of words.

"Holy shit Han it's glowing. Why weren't you answering my texts about the clock thing?" She walks over to us and sits next to us on the sofa.

"It's easier to explain with everyone here. It'll sound insane otherwise, for now don't worry about the red glow please." Han says as she picks out another episode.

"And this is okay with you Esme? This is crazy magic shit, not everyday nonsense you can probably just ignore. You shouldn't be as used to it as me." Sabrina turns to me as they put their bag down and run a finger through their crimson bangs.

"We've all magically turned into girls. A bit of red glowing isn't going to ruin my mood, not anymore than my parents have at least." I mumble out as I finish the biscuit.

"Poor thing. We'll help you through this." She says with a sad look on her face. "Riley will be here soon enough. She just had an early practice."

"I thought you'd come together to be honest." Han says flatly.

"Hey! I'm not limited to arriving at social functions with my amazonian girlfriend who was my link into the group." She pouts back at both of us, then she sighs and takes a deep breath.

Another episode starts playing. I decide to tell Sabrina the good news.

"I think Kendra and Mattie might be my girlfriends Sabrina."

She chuckles and stretches out on the sofa.

"Cute. Proud of you baby girl." She says with a smile as we settle in for the episode.

The shower stops mid-episode and Sabrina comments about how the guy in the tank top is kinda hot. Han insults her taste in men very shortly before I point out she's mentioned she's attracted to his friend who is arguably worse.

There's another knock at the door. Sabrina jumps up from the sofa and drags Riley in immediately.

She's wearing tight shorts that go down to her muscled calves and a sporty red top with a hedgehog sewn onto the front of it like a badge. When she turns around I see Rheon written on the back with a great big eighty-four below it. They kiss before Riley pulls up a chair and swings her kit bag down onto the floor as Sabrina nestles herself on her girlfriend's lap indignantly.

Riley is panting slightly and eyeing the plate suspiciously.

"What's going on with the cursed plate?" She asks.

"I'm explaining it when everyone gets here. We're just waiting for Mattie now." Han replies in a tone that tells me she is fed up of explaining herself.

"Cool. Sorry I was just at practice. Coach was on me about being a bit too eager to run out of the goal to defend and not... make saves. All the Hedgehog girls there were nice about it though." She stretches back and kisses Sabrina's forehead. "Don't worry everyone I showered before coming here."

Sabrina makes a grumpy moan at hearing that.

"Did drinks go well last night, Riles?"

"Yup. Mia was getting kinda cute and overly boisterous past the fourth drink, I think I have a lot stronger of a tolerance than her. I'm really glad the captain of my new team has taken a shine to me though."

"That's one way to word it." I blurt out and giggle while wantonly eyeing Riley's calves. They feel like a poor substitute to Mattie or Kendra now.

"What would be another way to word it Esme?" She sounds bemused. I chew on my lip and pray that someone intervenes on my behalf.

"I think she meant it's good that people like you. You've always been very personable." Sabrina giggles and kicks her legs wrapped in fishnets as she runs a hand down Riley's arm. My saviour.

"Thanks firefly! Where's Kendra? I thought she was meant to live here."

I point a thumb at the bathroom door while the sitcom continues to play. Riley nods and grabs a water bottle from her bag and chugs it while her hair cascades down her back.

It's not as extravagant of a show as Kendra put on, but it makes me think back to the ravishing blonde who's currently in the bathroom. I wish she'd done her makeup already and got out here.

Shouldn't Mattie be here already though? She isn't seriously ill is she? I'd hate for her to be seriously ill and need to go to the hospital. What if she's dying-

"Are you doing okay Esme? I heard about your parents, if they can't accept you as Esme you don't owe them jack in my view." Riley asks as I feel myself begin to spiral. I steady my breathing and nod. It's a deep comfort to remember that I'm Esme now.

Kendra and Mattie will be here soon enough.

Sabrina clings to Riley for the duration of the episode as me and Han borderline snuggle. But not in a gay way, I have two tentative girlfriends and she has a prospective boyfriend.

Kendra eventually pops out of the bathroom and waves at Riley and Sabrina before going into her room. I tell myself I wasn't trying to sneak a peek at her assets as she's wrapped in her towel.

"They're kinda dating Riley. I think Esme's allowed to ogle her." Han says very nonchalantly when I notice Riley giving me a look. I blush and look away.

"That's sick Esme. A bunch of my teammates have girlfriends, did you know that?" Riley says as Sabrina plays with her hair. I nod without much genuine surprise.

"Uh huh, I think it's your lesbian aura Riles. It's turning everyone gay." Sabrina says as she stretches out her legs.

"Everyone but me..." Han mutters under her breath. Riley chuckles to herself.

"Don't worry about it Han. We'll just be so gay that it'll include you, and Sean will understand I'm sure." I say as I pat Han's back gently.

I hope Sean is good to Han for who she is. She clearly worked herself to exhaustion last night for us whatever this clock business is. Sean better not treat her weirdly as a result of anything about her. I know guys can be weird about women like her.

I check my messages and find nothing from Mattie still. Fuck.

"So what's the deal with the blonde chick, is she gay or wha-" Riley begins to speak as the front door opens with a creak.

Han pauses the show when she sees who enters. Mattie trudges through the front door and closes it quietly behind her.

She looks "better" than when she woke up. Very generously "better". She's wearing a thick dark pair of sunglasses and is wearing a tank top and cargo pants. She pulls a chair up and places it at the back of the room. Then she slumps down and stares at the floor.

Despite my worries for her wellbeing, I can't deny it's a look and that it still makes me want her badly. Furthermore I can have her now. Just maybe not this second.

Sabrina speaks up first.

"Are you okay Mattie? You look..."

"Like shit? Yeah I know I do." She leans her head back against the wall fidgets with her pockets. Her usually bouncy dark curly hair looks limp and messy.

"Did you figure out what's wrong Mattie? I've been worried all morning, sorry." I say with anxiety. I want the best for Mattie. She's probably my girlfriend after all. We've known each other for years and years at this point.

"Esme, my sweet tangerine, it's nothing much." The sudden introduction of a pet name brings a blush to my face again. "I'm just "going through the cramps", or "having that time of the month" as my dad used to say when my mum used to get randomly cranky."

Riley scrunches up her face in confusion. Sabrina mouths an "ah". Han bites her lip and mutters a curse. I try to think about what Mattie could mean by that. My parents never talked to me about most things beyond admonishments.

While a clammy awkwardness rests upon us all, Kendra comes out of her room in a tennis skirt and strapless top. Her face is done up neatly in semi-glamorous makeup and she's brushed her golden hair out of its bun. She stares between Mattie and the rest of us. My heart skips a beat. I'm caught between two irresistable sights.

"What's, like, going on? I did my makeup and everything for this. Pay attention to me."

"Goldilocks, listen" Mattie says the pet name with trepidation. Kendra bites her lip upon hearing it. Mattie is apparently trying out pet names for us while going through it, whatever "it" is. Or whoever is even It right now. "Let's just say that box of an unopened "feminine hygiene product" we probably all have in our bathrooms is going to be necessary. This must be how Cassandra felt."

"Like, that box or...?"

"Yes."

A shiver visibly passes through Kendra. It hits me what Mattie is implying finally. Kendra whispers something in Mattie's ear and pecks her cheek before she slumps next to me on the sofa and wraps herself around my left side. I lean into Kendra's embrace and stick my tongue out at Mattie in an attempt to cheer her up. I shouldn't overwhelm her despite how much I want to.

That's an unexpected side effect of becoming a woman though. It hits me that we must have really messed with some powerful magic then. Usually trans women don't inherit that biological function to my limited knowledge. My bimbo girlfriend whines and presses a kiss to my sensitive neck. I let out an inaudible moan and try not to think about her or my very grumpy girlfriend too hard now that everyone is present.

Sabrina fist pumps and then stares at a shell-shocked Riley. It breaks the awkwardness in an instant.

"Sorry Riles. I'm glad I at least guessed they might be necessary even though I don't get them that way." Sabrina says somewhat smugly. Riley nods back at her and stares at me. We share a nod of solidarity at having both been on Sabrina's shopping trip.

I can hear Han whisper something about birth control under her breath.

"Okay, so now that I've weirded everyone out and probably scared the shit out of all of you and in the process apparently made Sabrina win a fucking bet by the signs of that fist pump. What's the big deal Han? We can't sit here and just twiddle our thumbs while we think about our current or impending periods." Mattie says grumpily. "I have girls to attend to once I stop feeling like a living sewer system."

Mattie shoots a sly look at me and Kendra. It's intoxicating to be talked about like that.

I bury myself closer to Kendra out of need for her and she kisses my cheek with her glossy lips that taste of cherry. Han entangles herself from my right side and adjusts her glasses. She picks up a pen from the coffee table and starts chewing it.

I use her breaking away from me as an excuse to give Kendra a quick kiss on her lips and then wink at Mattie.

"Okay. Everyone's noticed the red glow coming from the runes right?"

We all nod at various speeds at Han.

"Yes we've all noticed the scary final boss glow coming from my Oxfam ceramic plate. Get to it." Mattie heckles her. I stifle a chuckle at her witticism and then put my serious face back on.

"Good. Well, believe it or not, I translated the bitch finally, and we're on a tight timer about it."

-----

"So. Last night after I was calling with Sean because, well, my housemate was out necking you two." She points to me and Mattie. Kendra giggles and presses her boobs against me more. "I decided to get high off my leftover weed, and you have to trust me that I'm not talking insane past this point, okay?" Han looks between us all anxiously.

"I'm sure we'll all believe it fine Han. You realise what happened to all of us?" Sabrina says as she laces her fingers with Riley's.

"Sure, we're all women."

"Have I not told you about my thing? I thought I had told everyone by now. Damn."

"Is it relevant to the current situation of a glowing red cursed magical ceramic plate?"

"Her MtG card gave her a free transition. Have the sparknotes version Han." Mattie says from the back of the room. Sabrina plays with the clasp of her necklace.

"Okay. Yeah. Sure. Anyway I got high and took the plate out of my closet and kept staring at its-"

"It also made my hair red. Very important detail." Sabrina says mischieviously.

"That's not relevant to my revelatory trip."

"Yeah it's fun to hear heckling but shouldn't we let Han speak? She's spent a month on-and-off doing this for us." I say with trepidation. I'm keenly aware of the toll this must have taken on her.

"Totes." Kendra adds.

"Anyway. Can I continue? Or do you want to heckle me as well Riley?" Han says with some frustration.

"Not really. I'm just wishing I packed tampons into my kit bag." Riley says as she grips Sabrina's shoulder tightly. I let out an involuntary laugh at how casually she says it.

"Okay then. That aside, I was staring at the swirly patterns and how the runes are organised on the plate as it was in front of me. And I realised something that broke my worldview of it and how I'd been handling it before."

A dramatic silence hangs in the air. I hold my breath and edge forward, excited to hear what she says next.

"It's a clock. Like I said in the group chat when I was stoned out of my mind. It's meant to evoke the image of a clock because and get this... I'm pretty sure the game is on a timer after what I've translated. Kendra, when did the game start again?"

"Um, like, mid-March right? I remember someone talking about some Ides a few days before it."

"And what is it now?"

"It's the middle of April."

"Exactly. I think it's a month-ish timer. The runes started glowing red last night, it's probably some mechanism meant to remind us the game is nearly over. Like how a DS flashes red to tell you it's low battery."

"So we have just over twelve hours until the game ends? If we're on the last day of it." I ask. The more I stare at the mesmerising patterns the more I can kind of see a clock shape to how the runes are arranged within the swirls. It's like a Rorschach test.

"Yes Esme, by my estimation we do. Well it kind of heavily implied a month on the plate but you can never be sure with ancient cursed artifacts I guess. I've never translated one before."

"Oh. So this is more dangerous than an innocuous Magic card. I think mine is a lot more docile than this." Sabrina says as she thumbs the clasp open briefly before closing it again.

"Anyway." Han continues speaking while utterly ignoring Sabrina. "The red glow made a bunch of the runes way more clear in their shape and it gave me the inspiration to just crack on with it all night long and see what my stoned mind could do. Sean had to sleep anyway, and I didn't want to explain the existence of a cursed magical artifact in my lounge. It's complex enough actually trying to date a boy without explaining that."

There's a seed of dread growing in my stomach, Han could be about to tell us good news though, so I try not to think about it too hard and hold on tight to the hot blonde next me. Mattie is sitting forward in her chair and seems more engaged now.

"So, like Cryptography?" Riley asks out of the blue.

"In an abstract sense. How do you know what that is?" Han replies befuddled.

"I spent a few weeks in a small class on the topic. It was fun."

"Don't you do-"

"Yeah I do Han, but it's not a course with a big workload. I have to do something beyond football in my free time. I learned a lot during it."

"Fair enough. Anyway, as I was saying before, I had only translated this." Han runs a finger around the outer rim of the plate. A few runes with a fair amount of distance between them glow red. She removes her finger from it. "Chase. Hunt. Fall. Transform."

"Pretty clear what that means with hindsight... so with my newfound motivation I strived to figure out the rest of it and I lucked upon the exact stuff I needed to crack the rest of it at the back of my bookshelf. Sometimes I'm dumber than I look, okay? I should have figured it all out on the first night in hindsight. If only we weren't so drunk." Han continues and adjusts her glasses with a sigh.

"So are you gonna say what the rest of it says or are you gonna make us all excited in the tits about what anything beyond "void" means." Mattie sardonically says.

"I'm going to ignore your comment about boobs and explain the void part first then. I'll say it all in English so nothing magically happens. You can never be too careful." Han says very shortly.

She fans out her hands and attempts to block out most of the runes on the inner rim of the fourteen inch plate, she blocks out roughly two thirds of them. She ends up forming a rough triangle out of the remaining ones. Then she pulls her hand away and grabs her moleskin before grabbing a sheet of paper instead and beginning to read aloud from it.

"If you wish to concede yourself to the Curse. Void. Anull. Bind yourselves permanently."

I brush hair out of my face and try to ponder what that cryptic bullshit could mean. I hit a mental wall and no one else seems to have an idea either. There's a few possible meanings but no clear direction on what to do based on those instructions.

"Yeah I know it's nonsense. I don't know how you're meant to anull something in a game of tag while also binding yourself permanently to it, or what it's even describing us to do in case any of us want to "concede yourself to the Curse"."

"Yeah this is not a gender affirming enchantment Han. I'm not sure who made this at all." Sabrina says with genuine concern. My seed of dread grows a little bit more.

"Okay. I presume your Magic card is a "gender affirming enchantment" but I'm not entirely clear how that works compared to what this did to our bodies. At least we seem happy with our new bodies though. Though, for the record I do at least agree that someone very pretentious made this. Anyway the important part is next, okay? There's lots of it I haven't figured out and need your help with. You all got it?" Han says to the room.

"Okay! I want to be able to know what's going on with this game of Tag so I'll do my best to help." I say brightly in an attempt to hide my nerves.

There's murmurs of agreement of various levels of enthusiasm throughout the room. Sabrina runs her hands through Riley's hair and whispers something into her ear that makes Riley rest her forehead against Sabrina's briefly.

Mattie lowers her sunglasses partially and shoots a concerned look at me and Kendra. Kendra plays with a strand of my hair while I fidget with my leg.

Han claps her hands and digs up another sheet of paper to read. Then she isolates another triangle on the plate with her hands to show us where she's reading from before she begins.

"After one lunar cycle of the Hunt, the Crowned One shall be decided among you by whom avoided the Chase the fiercest. The Crowned One will reclaim what was taken away in the Fall and the Others shall bear the Curse permanently." Han reads out in a tense voice.

"Then there's a specific rune just above that." She points to a singular rune on the plate slightly away from the inner rim that's still close to the triangle Han isolated.

"Esteemed." She says with a dramatic intone.

"I have no idea what most of this means, outside of the clear time limit I mentioned. I could swear that sometimes I've seen the separate rune look different on different days... but that doesn't tell me anything useful. It kept stumping me in my previous attempts. My best guess is that it has something to do with the said "Crowned One", which is clearly a keyword for the winner of Tag. That's my main issue right now."

"So who among us is "Esteemed"?" Mattie spits out the word with venom in her voice. Her demeanor has suddenly changed to be more aggressive. The cogs in my brain start to turn as there's something ever so familiar about that word.

"I don't know that, but I think I could make a reasonable guess on what the rest of it means." Sabrina says confidently. All eyes turn to her. "I have some idea of how magic like this works from Aisha. Aisha can't do much more than glamours but she knows of people who can do way more than her. This is powerful stuff more on the level of that. Beyond simple tricks of light."

The ominous glow from the ceramic plate sparks my nerves as I try to think of what was so familiar while Sabrina talks.

"I've said what I've said before obviously. And to me in magic legalese this reads like something along the lines of "One month-

"-I figured out that part, Sabrina." Han cuts in.

Sabrina continues talking ""-the winner of whatever game we now call Tag they enchanted this based on, will be decided by the least amount of time spent tagged." Maybe? The wording doesn't make sense with it being the least tagged as that seems like a dumb stat to measure. You could be tagged one-hundred times and just tag someone instantly every time. It's not a helpful stat to do with game performance, as silly as that is to say about Tag of all things."

"Right. Duh we've just been continuing to play it because it's, like, fun. But what does the curse mean? Is it referring to womanhood as a curse, that'd be totes cringe Sabrina." Kendra giggles nervously. I try to giggle with her and keep the gears of my brain running while I pour through the past month of my life.

"Okay. From my position as the "woman currently having her period out of nowhere" I think it's referring to womanhood as the curse? It's clearly that. Not that it's a curse to me because I fucking love being a woman. I just didn't expect-" Mattie's ramble is cut off by an excited Han.

"That makes complete sense Mattie. Whichever asshole made this must have had some weird ideas about women. So we have that down... that means maybe reclaiming is, and I hate to say this but, the winner turns back into a guy? Physically at least. Gender is weird." Han's last few words are tinted with an anger I rarely see in her. It's the anger she had when she was talking to Kelly.

There's dead silence. The words hit me and drag me underwater into the depths of my mind as I wrestle with what I'm trying to remember. I'm clearly a girl! Not a guy. Even if I haven't earned the right to call myself transgender like the others have. That's a horrible mechanic to install into the game.

"Fuck." Riley says. She chews on a nail and looks viscerally uncomfortable.

"So... the winner turns back and the rest of us are permanently stuck like this?" Kendra questions.

"I think that's it." Sabrina's face goes pale as she says the words and tries to reassure her girlfriend. I feel like I'm about to throw up.

"Who the fuck is "Esteemed" then? And what does voiding or anullment have to do with being permanently bound to womanhood?" Han's knuckles are white and she is clenching the paper in front of her so tightly. I'm worried it will tear in her grip.

I'm getting light-headed and- it clicks all of a sudden. What it all means. I remember something I looked up a few days after I was tagged. What something very personal and dear to me meant.

My body droops forward in shock but Kendra pushes me back into a sitting position and pouts at me.

"Esme? Are you okay? I know this fucking sucks that one of us might have to go back... but you're not alone in this." Kendra sounds small as she speaks. I ball my hands into fists and grit my teeth.

"There's still one more triangle Han. We don't know how that affects what happens to the winner, whoever it is." Riley says with palpable distress while Sabrina strokes her face. She's playing with the strap of her kit bag with her foot.

"Whatever this is, it's bullshit, okay? I played a fair game and I don't wanna go back from where I am now if I'm winning. And neither does anyone else deserve to be punished for playing well." Mattie rants from her chair.

It doesn't matter that there's one more triangle or how we played the game. I know the answer to this grand riddle and how this will all end. I say it quietly but just loud enough for everyone else to hear. Saying the words feels like suffocating.

"It's me. Esme means Esteemed."

I struggle to hold back the crashing tide of emotions within me as silence hits us all again. It's just pity for me.

This was inevitable. I could never be a woman like everyone else, I was doomed for this fate. I've been tagged the least. I've spent the least time tagging people. Out of pity or out of skill and fear; it doesn't matter. My parents might have been right to do what they did. Their daughter thought she could have been something akin to a trans woman.

I don't get to be a woman, but I know what I can do in vengeance. A brainwave lights the coals of my heart. It's the beginning of a fire as bright as the surface of the sun..

There's still one rule we made that no one's broken yet. And I think someone needs to fix that.

Rules are made to be broken after all.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! Tune in for the thrilling conclusion of Tag, You're Her! in a few days time. You won't want to miss it (I still have stuff planned to tie things up or hand out some bonus content/silly ideas post-story). Maybe Mattie will feel slightly better by the time it releases...

Chapter 11: Photo Finish

Notes:

Content warnings: Continued talk of forced detransition

Rage consumes me in my entirety. Rage at wanting to deny this accursed game of Tag it's satisfaction. It boils my blood and fills me with a purpose so clear I know what I need to do instantly. Blistering heat pours from my heart through every limb and digit of my body.

I can hear Sabrina's concerned shout as I storm to the kitchen and grab a heavy pan from a cupboard. Then in one fluid motion I twist around and march towards the glowing red ceramic plate.

Fuck the damned thing. Fuck this all. Fuck it for letting me think my life could be something more.

I ignore Kendra's girlish shriek and Han telling me to put the pan down in a panic. Mattie whoops enthusiastically from behind me. Her support emboldens me forward.

Riley stands up from her chair, in the process displacing Sabrina from her lap, so I know I have to strike before I'm stopped. I power forward and slam the metal pan on top of the green and white ceramic plate.

There's an almighty crash as my wrist twists in sudden pain and the pan bounces off a surface that must be harder than ceramics, the pan flies out of my grip to crash somewhere behind me. I feel strong arms grab me and pick me up and I can smell Riley's deodorized body as she holds me against her.

I try to beat at her back to let me go so I can retrieve the pan and finish the job from whatever prevented me from hitting the ceramics. My protests feel weak and futile against her and my wrist aches. I bury my head into her shoulder and scream at how powerless I feel. My screams turn into sobs and I clutch Riley like my life depends on it.

I just wanted to be a woman like she is. Like all my friends are and will still be after this.

Why does it have to be this way? It's unfair. Now I have to crawl back to my parents and beg for their forgiveness. To beg to have a life as their son again. After how easy existing has been the past few weeks.

"Okay, let's all just calm down, we can figure this out. That's not the full translation right Han? Right? There's still one more "triangle" of runes you haven't explained." Sabrina's concern is evident even if I can't see her while I sob into her girlfriend's shoulder.

"No it's not. I was getting to it. Fuck I'm sorry. I didn't put the name together. I was so focused on the clock thing..." Han sounds distraught. I feel more upset than she probably is. I feel guilty and angry at even considering that feeling though.

"Okay so if we can't break it then we need some way to keep Esme as she is. This isn't about winning the game anymore. It's about each other and we can't afford to see it any other way." Mattie says from the back of the room. I'm glad to know she has my back despite the fact I'm probably going to have to stop being Esme.

Still, it was nice to spend so much time with her and everyone else as Esme. It was bliss to think about the idea that I could call her my girlfriend. I guess I'll just have to be Es to her again.

"I can get to it, okay?" Han says, she sounds more distressed than angry at this point.

"You better. Esme is, like, amaze balls. So you fucking better. S-sorry." I can hear Kendra's bubbly giggle choke as it comes out of her mouth. It's comforting despite everything to hear her.

I can feel myself shift as Riley sits down on the sofa with me still hugging her like a Koala as I sob. I shut my eyes tighter and try to not think about the probable looks of pity coming from everyone towards such a dumb girl like me.

"She's my handiwork. She's all our handiwork even. I think we all owe her a way to stay like this." Riley says as she adjusts my legs as I curl into her. I can feel Kendra's body clutch me tight as Riley squeezes onto the sofa.

"I should have translated this earlier. Maybe one of us would've voluntarily not been tagged and could just win and turn back!" Han says with considerable frustration.

There's the scraping noise of a chair pulling closer amidst the awkward silence that follows her statement. Mattie's voice sounds gentle yet sharp when she talks.

"Just explain the rest of the rules. Now, we don't have much time to crack the rest of this Han."

"Okay." She takes a few deep breaths and I hear the shuffling of paper. "So, the final section I translated goes something like this: "If the Crowned One should Forfeit, Keep your Curse, Others shall Flourish in your place."."

There's a moment of silence but for my muffled sobs. I sniffle and look around at my friends who all appear to be deep in thought or looking at me with pity. Kendra kisses my cheek and I squirm. Sabrina is the first to talk again.

"So that's an alternate endstate right?" She fidgets on her seat and unclasps and reclasps her necklace.

"Yeah." Han begins to say. "From everything we've discussed and translated it seems to be an inverse of the intended endstate of the game. Presuming "Flourish" means something along the lines of turning back."

"So, like, Esme stays like this and we all go back? Or is that way too presuming of this dumb game?" I can feel Kendra's fingers run through the back of my hair as she spells the words out. Her and Riley's contact should be overwhelming me but it's nicer than having to think about what is probably going to happen to me by the end of today.

I begin to try and speak and only let out a squeak. Mattie takes her sunglasses off and looks at me with soft bleary eyes.

"What is it? Would you want to do that Esme? " She asks. I can't pin her tone down and nor do I have the emotional energy to read the room beyond existing in a cuddle right now.

"I c-could forfeit and stay like this?" I stutter briefly. It sounds cruel to say but I'm already considering it. Selfish Esme. All my friends probably would hate it and hate me for doing it.

"In theory? Although we don't know the differences between this and the conceding mentioned in the void line. This seems like a self-sacrifice clause almost. Fuck I wish this was just a basic gender affirming enchantment. Then you could all stay like this forever like me..." Sabrina bemoans as she fidgets with her Mountain card. The air feels dour.

It feels rotten how much I'm considering just trying to forfeit this instance at the cost of my girlfriends and friends. It's not even like I'm exactly a transgender woman and deserve it to the same extent. That makes me feel worse.

"Fuck it." Mattie gets up from her chair and aggressively opens a drawer in the kitchen. She carries a metal spatula and walks silently towards the ceramic plate. "It's this or we try to work out some bullshit solution okay? I'm a winner and I don't take kindly to being cheated."

No one opposes her. Least of all me. She slams the metal spatula down onto the plate.

Harsh red flight flashes out from the plate to protect it as a forcefield temporarily forms. The metal spatula twists and almost flies out of Mattie's hand, she staggers back out of shock and slumps down in her chair from the force of it.

Han glares at her and grabs the spatula from her to put it away as she grumbles to herself. Mattie looks around guiltily.

"Sorry Han. It was worth a try."

"I know. That's not what I'm mad about. A pan or a spatula are meaningless compared to this."

"What are you mad about then?" Sabrina asks curiously.

"That it didn't work." Han says flatly as she slumps onto the floor and clutches her knees. "Fuck. Now we have to solve a kooky dilemma instead of just being adults about this and breaking the obviously cursed magical artifact. Waste of good Linguistics knowledge."

"I don't think good things would happen if it broke. Even if we could get past whatever protective wards are on it. There's a reason I keep my card so secure, if I ever lost this I'd be stuck one way or the other despite how attached to me it kinda is." Sabrina puts her Mountain card away and twirls part of her bangs.

"Did that happen when I hit it with the pan?" I ask as I stare at the accursed object and continue to melt into the arms of two beautiful girls.

"Yeah it did babes. It was totally freaky to be honest, I just wish I could, like, giggle about it. But, like, this all feels so serious now." Kendra says as she stays clutched onto me.

"Do we have any choice but to do one or the other though? We don't know what that voiding thing means even if it maybe implied it'd keep us all like this." Riley asks as I feel her toned arm keep a tight grip on me.

"I don't know." Sabrina chews on her lip. "There's maybe a world where we could work within the confines of the rules- and please don't hate me for suggesting this. You let the timer run out, we all help you, Esme, obtain HRT or a gender affirming enchantment to put you back to something akin to this body."

"It's not a bad idea. Unless enough of us aren't attached enough to womanhood to maybe do the same if Esme forfeits-" Han stops speaking as she says the words.

Sabrina looks between us all with a studious look on her face. Mattie half-scowls in Han's direction and Kendra makes a whining noise. I look up and see Riley's face bearing a saddened expression. Mattie looks back at me guiltily and hangs her head.

It doesn't seem like a popular idea. Selfish girl. Selfish stupid girl. Thought she'd get to stay a girl. It'd be far more work to transition four people than one anyway.

"Esme? Would you be up for that? Do you want HRT or some other form of magic that would also make you happy?" Sabrina directly asks me. She's expecting a response. As I try to think of one I can only come across a flash of envious confusion.

I should get to stay like this if the rest of my friends can! That's not fair. But-

-"Why would I take HRT? Isn't that for trans women only?" I blurt it out.

And surely if I was trans I'd have realised it by now? I'd have been a girl before all this and well, that would make me Esme regardless and mean I've never been a guy. I can't connect the start and endpoints of those thoughts in my brain. The resources wouldn't be worth spending on me.

A flash of annoyance flashes across Mattie's face and I start to worry I've done something wrong before she starts to speak in a stern but gentle tone.

"Esme. I think I've "kicked the can down the road" long enough, it was already silly enough hearing it last night. But your worms are wrong, you're-"

Han throws a pen at Mattie's face and she almost falls out of her chair. Sabrina facepalms and Riley gently puts me down into Kendra's cloying grip. Kendra presses a kiss onto my cheek and giggles quietly as we nestle together further. Probably much to the envy of Mattie.

Riley mouths "Really?" at me and rubs my shoulder while making use of the freed up space that Han left. Speaking of whom, she stands up as if she's about to make a speech.

"Let her figure it out. Please. She's somehow come this far." She sounds exasperated.

"Okay, if you get a good grade at being a girl Esme... we can have some fun once my period is over." Mattie says with cheek in her voice. My face goes beet red, if it's even visible with all the sad girl on my face.

I don't say the part where I think I might not be in the physical state for "fun" by the end of today at the rate we're going. Whatever she wants to do will probably feel miserable if I'm not Esme.

"Han, let me handle this. Please, you sent her to me a month ago for a reason." Sabrina raises a hand towards Han. She gives me a wink and sits down on the floor again.

"Esme. HRT & surgeries or just further magic, if it works after whatever enchantment this plate has placed on you is reversed, could get you something very similiar or identical to the body you currently have. That's why you'd take it. I wanted HRT for that reason initially, I just couldn't get access to it. I think with the help of all of us we could figure something out though, right?" She nudges Mattie and whispers in her ear.

Mattie rolls her eyes then stiffly begins to talk.

"I'm a trans woman and this game gave me a body I'm far more comfortable with."

There's silence for a few seconds before Riley starts nodding viciously and speaks.

"Yeah! I'm a lesbian and I told my fellow Hedgehogs and parents I'm transgender. I'm happy with this body. It's worth striving for what you want."

Han quickly follows on.

"It's neat being Han. I feel a lot more self-confident as a girl to some degree, whatever's going on in here. I'm Queer as hell." She points a finger at her temple. I start to speak but Kendra cuts me off as she excitedly blabs.

"So like, you told me last night we should just embrace it, even being attracted to hot studs. And if that makes me transgender to some degree I don't care. As long as I get to be an aspiring bimbo called Kendra." She giggles and licks her glossy lips at me. It melts my heart.

Sabrina grins at me unnervingly. I look between everyone and begin to process what they all just said. Mattie is doing a praying motion with her hands.

It feels like leaping the last hurdle in a race. This whole month has felt like a race really, a race to womanhood that some of us ran faster than others. If all my friends are transgender then...

The logic is sound. My estranged mother couldn't argue with it even if she was on her deathbed. From the moment this game started it felt like something inside me was going to drastically change as a result of it, and I think I know what that means to me finally.

I've run the race and I'm so near the finish line now. It's crystal clear to me why I've kept running for so long now. There's no other solution possible with what my friends just said. Occam's Razor.

"I can just be a transgender woman? Really? It's that easy?" I ask incredulously. I have to be sure.

Sabrina motions using a party popper and Mattie gives me a long nod with a predatory grin on the side of it.

"Okay. I'm a trans woman then! I'm Esme the pretty redhead and I'm a girl... one who was always a girl? I'm a girl." My eyes begin to feel suddenly wet at the admittance. "I didn't think I could ever be a girl like this, sorry."

There's an almighty cheer despite the atmosphere. A few of my friends begin clapping or celebrating my admittance. It's quickly stifled though, probably by the accursed plate ominously glowing at all of us. Something still feels wrong. Like a knife in my gut that's twisting and turning.

"Can I be honest? Now that I've admitted that..." I anxiously ask. I still feel worried, maybe I just finally have a better idea why I do. I'm a girl and maybe I've always been one. Everything suddenly feels a lot clearer.

"Of course Esme. I'd be more than willing to explain the exacts of HRT or get in touch with Aisha to see if she can dredge some magic up." Sabrina asks joyfully. She looks so smug, but then again so does Mattie as she sighs and leans back on the chair wistfully.

"I don't want to go back. This is me now- it should have always been me. I don't want to go back to having that p-prison of a body. I couldn't take being like that for a second more Sabrina. It's hard enough to get out of bed every day already. I'm sorry, I know you mean well. I think I'm just selfish like this."

Sabrina looks horribly guilt-ridden in an instant. I feel bad for implying that I should forfeit and cause her girlfriend misery. Let alone for implying I should take away Kendra's vibrant self-love or Mattie's personal comfort or Han's newly found self-confidence. Or even Riley's place on the team. Just because I'm a trans woman like them. Like Sabrina is.

"So, they're, like, both bad solutions then? I've never been the cleverest gal but I think it's pretty dumb to do either option if both cause misery for everyone here." Kendra says quite cleverly.

"Yeah, I wish this was a gender affirming enchantment. It's not selfish for you to not want to be de-transitioned. I should go, I'm not really helping you all by taunting my permanently altered body-" Sabrina begins to say as she buries her face into her hands.

Riley goes over to her and clutches her tight.

"No firefly. You're one of us. You've always been one of us, you're my gorgeous girlfriend."

"You're my friend Sabrina. Please don't go just because of this bullshit. Thank you for caring about me enough to suggest a solution." I plead with her.

She nods mournfully and settles down onto Riley's lap again on the chair. She nestles her head against Riley's chest and stays silent for a small bit.

"So what do we do now? We've gotta deal with this somehow. I think we've come to a clear consensus on either option." Mattie says impatiently.

"I guess we follow up on what we do know. Things that might be able to help us outlast this beyond bad option A or bad option B. A compromise won't do us good at this point." Han says as she starts to look through her notes while anxiously crouched on the floor.

"Okay." I steady my breath and briefly bury my face into Kendra's golden locks. They smell heavenly and rejuvenate me. I bet other parts of her would rejuvenate me more. "There's the line about voiding which could be useful to us even if there's no clear actionable move from it. And uh... maybe we should try and figure out who's It? We could do something with that?"

"We don't know who's It currently?" Riley says confusingly. "Wasn't that one of the core rules? That's how I got tagged."

"I'm pretty sure we've broken every single rule on that list multiple times Riley." Mattie barks out with a laugh. "You and numerous others have broken one, Kendra broke rule two-"

"-Unfair. It was justified at the time, I realised how fun my body is eventually."

Mattie continues. "-You broke rule two, and if you didn't, Han did. Me and Esme have broken rule four just now." I see Han pre-emptively rolling her eyes. "Finally. Han and numerous others of us, including us right now, have broken rule four."

"Rules are made to be broken." I say with lethal seriousness.

"Well the rules of this game are, because they're bullshit. But basically we should figure out who's It. It's one of us three." Mattie points between herself and me and Kendra.

Sabrina lets out a loud laugh then stifles it. Han shakes her head at all three of us.

"So? I should just do this right?" Kendra says before planting her cherry lips on mine. "Tag, you're It."

Nothing happens, apart from me getting very flustered that is. I begin to climb up from the sofa to do the same to Mattie but she raises a hand and shakes her head.

"Please. Cover me in physical affection when I'm not extremely stressed and on my period. You'll have plenty of time to cover me in kisses later Esme." Kendra whines from beside me. "You too Kendra."

"Get on with it. We literally don't have all day lovebirds." Han says sardonically.

I snog Kendra briefly as I grip the small of her back. "Tag, you're It."

Nothing happens. Mattie rotates her right hand and stares at it as if it's a deadly weapon. There's a devillish grin on her face.

"Permission to do something very stupid?" If she had a tail it would be wagging right now.

"As the oldest person here, I give you permission to do something very stupid in the name of gender. It's for a good cause after all." Sabrina jokingly makes a cross symbol in the direction of Mattie.

Mattie bolts up from her chair and bursts out the front door in an instant. We collectively rush to look out from the porch of the house. Mattie sprints away from the house and towards a pair of guys on the nearby pavement who look to be about the same age as us. I've maybe seen one of them around campus before.

"Please don't say she's doing what I think she's doing." Han mutters.

"She's crazy hot isn't she babes?" Kendra giggles.

"Yeah... she is." I say wistfully. I hope she still looks like herself by the end of the day.

"Should we stop her? I could probably catch up and tackle her before she does it." Riley says hesitantly.

"I think it'll be okay Riles. Just either this goes very literally tits up or... well I don't really know the game works entirely." Sabrina clings onto her girlfriend's frame and stares entranced with us at the sight.

Mattie looks to be having a very lively conversation with one of them. There's arms being thrown up in the air and one of the guys starts to stomp away. He probably has class to go to.

Then Mattie pokes the remaining guy. A few seconds later she removes her finger. The guy fast-walks away from Mattie shaking his head as I hear a loud apology being shouted at him.

She staggers back to the door, clearly exhausted. She leans on the doorframe and pants. Then she sticks a hand into her cargo pants and scratches her nose. I near her with Kendra and oogle her form.

"So. That didn't work." She says very non-chalantly.

"Clearly." Han says with considerable relief.

"So what have we learned from this experiment?" Sabrina asks. She reminds me of a primary school teacher.

"Don't harass random people on the street with magic that could have genderswapped them?" Han suggests.

"I'm going to struggle playing football when I get my period?" Riley suggests.

"The game doesn't allow new participants to be added once it's gotten going." I say with a sigh. We're back to square one.

"You're so clever Esme babes." Kendra giggles. "Oh, we've also learned that Mattie looks cute when she can't out-compete her way out of a situation."

Mattie bites her lip and stares at my bimbo girlfriend, then whispers something in her ear. I gulp when she notices me staring afterwards and shoots me the same deadly stare.

"I would say they're all accurate, yep. You should post more on Instagram Mattie, you did look good." Sabrina says cheekily. Mattie scratches the back of her head and sighs as we all shuffle back in and hesitantly sit down.

We very quickly decide to do something else for an hour to briefly destress. We order some pizzas to the house while my mind buzzes about what the hell I could possibly do to stay like this. Han changes into more "awake" clothing and briefly washes herself after having one slice of pizza. I finish my long-neglected glass of apple juice and put it by the sink.

Me and Kendra snuggle next to Mattie on the sofa while we eat, who stays far away enough from us that we can't make physical contact with her. Apparently it's just as hard for her as it is for us. I guess I can't blame her. It's terrifying pondering that we could go back and potentially lose what we've gained together.

Riley eats more pizza than multiple us combined while continually reassuring Sabrina that she's still welcome here. I feel bad about not being able to do more for anyone right now.

I guess no one's blaming me for that right now. We're all clearly on edge about the possibility we might not be able to solve this and all be happy. Maybe this is what happens when a bunch of trans women are in a room together and stressed. I've learned so much about womanhood this past month. Most of it's not even because of the magic.

There's a vague plan forming in the folds of my brain though. An idea about a possibility of what we could do to fix it all.

It's hard to bring to the forefront of my mind when I keep flitting back to the same old worries, all of them made anew and worse by today. Why is becoming a girl such a cryptic riddle? Maybe it was always going to be one. I could have figured it out earlier if it was simpler to crack.

If only things had worked out that way.

-----

When everyone seems like they're nervous enough that they could explode, Han gently places her mug of tea down onto the coffee table and speaks up.

"We have to figure this out. Genuinely, I put it off long enough and it'd be dumb to waste anymore time in my view."

"Totes Hannah." Kendra says with nervous agreement.

"T-thanks. Anyway if anyone has-"

I see Sabrina raise her hand but she's done enough for me for now. It's my turn to come up with a good idea. I've put my poor brain to work on it for long enough.

"I think I might have an idea. I think we should do it as just the five of us though."

"Oh." Sabrina's face falls.

"In case something magically goes wrong and it messes with your card. Not because I or anyone else doesn't want you here. I don't want to cause collateral damage."

"Got it." She perks up and looks around awkwardly. "Yeah that would be pretty awkward. I trust you Esme." She gives me a great big hug and then kisses Riley in front of us all. Riley blushes and softly grunts.

"One for the road. I'll be at the nearby cafe, okay? I expect to see you all there as soon as possible. Do this right. I beg of you."

Han and Mattie thank her for her help, while Kendra stares at me and bats her long eyelashes at me curiously. Sabrina heads out and closes the door behind her. We're left alone with just hours to go before disaster in some form strikes. Just like how it was a month ago.

Riley has a lonely look on her face but I genuinely don't want her girlfriend to be caught in the crossfire of my stupid idea. This accursed plate is malicious enough that it's a possibility. It most likely gave us all the same "plumbing", and I don't think Sabrina would want that from what she's said.

"So... explain babes. Riley looks like a sad puppy so we better do this, like, right now." Kendra pouts at me.

I smile at Riley as she sits back down on the sofa with me and Kendra. Mattie pulls herself up close to the sofa on a chair, with her back supported by a cushion after she took more painkillers with pizza. Han is sitting cross-legged on the floor in a blouse and pair of light blue cropped jeans.

"So, you know the less clear rule "If you wish to concede yourself to the Curse. Void. Anull. Bind yourselves permanently.". Well, I think I have a wild guess of what it could be suggesting us to do. I'm not sure though it could go wrong. We don't have to do it."

"It's the best chance we've got. It's the only text on the plate that implies we could all in some way stay like this forever." Han nods at me as she speaks and drinks from her tea.

"Agreed. We're all in this together." Mattie groans out as she adjusts the cushion.

"Yeah. I've felt closer to you all this month than I ever did before. I'm all in." Riley says assuredly as she squeezes my hand.

I turn to Kendra and she just rolls her eyes and nips my neck. I blink in surprise and try to re-gather what I was about to say as I feel her press her hot body against me. I'm learning very quickly just how Kendra can act with someone she's affectionate with.

"When I first heard it, a few possibilities came into my mind. But one of them stands out to me now. It's an endstate to the game that doesn't involve someone winning or forfeiting or- being forced to have a body they don't want."

"I think that "Void" is just another word for draw. Same with anullment. It's a backdoor built into the game that's probably meant to taunt those who play it and not be taken seriously. But it still could work. The magic was powerful enough to completely alter our bodies within a few seconds."

"So why would it be a serious option for us all staying like this? It's clearly a gamble." Mattie says with audible skepticism.

"Because it's the only answer I have. I don't know what else to do anymore. It either works or it doesn't."

"You're like the cleverest girl in this fucking room Esme." Kendra says with a giggle.

"I'm not that clever. I'm just a dumb selfish girl who wants to stay like this."

"Aren't we all?" Mattie says as she shrugs her shoulders.

"Yeah Esme I'm pretty sure all of us could be called "selfish". How am I supposed to tower over most of my old teammates if I go back?" Riley says with a chuckle. "God, I saw my old captain on the way to practice earlier today. He looked like he saw a ghost as I bounded towards the pitch looking like this. Mia found it funny as hell when I told her about it in the changing room."

"Well Esme's also the reason we're all like this if you think about it way too hard. Like, she suggested Mattie read out the dumb text on it. That's something to me." Kendra says with a dumb grin on her face.

"I did buy it from Oxfam for twenty quid though. How it ended up there, I have no idea... maybe it was left there on purpose for us." Mattie questions with a sudden lucidity.

"Let's not overthink that. I think Esme's logic is sound. It's an accurate and reasonable interpretation of what could be centuries old runes. And my roomie makes numerous good points. I have a potential boyfriend because of this." Han says quite coolly.

She gives me a steely look and then laughs.

"Oh, I meant to say, congratulations on that." Riley lets out a wry chuckle.

I take a deep breath and try to digest the possibility of what could happen if all goes to plan. We sit there for a few moments before there's a change in the atmosphere of the room. It slowly shifts from dour and dooming to one of cautious optimism.

A month ago we were drunk and entered into this for the shits. We're all stone cold sober and deadly serious about this game now. It's become way too personal for all of us.

There's an unspoken agreement of what's about to happen between us all. I stare at the glowing red runes and pray to whatever force that makes magic real for it to work like how we want it to. It's the best chance I have. It's the best chance we all have.

Mattie shifts on her chair and then aggressively splays out her hand onto the plate. She speaks crystal clear despite her poor condition. I briefly wonder what else her hand could do. Not now though, that'll be for later. When the rushing anxiety about me having to regain myself is confirmed or gone.

"This is all my fault, and I might as well lead by example. If nothing else because you're all my responsibility.No woman left behind. I vote for a draw. It's the only remotely fair outcome left for any of us." She nods at all of us in turn in a way that she clearly lingers on me and Kendra for longer than the others. I feel tears begin to well in my eyes.

Kendra removes one of her arms from me and places it onto the plate next to Mattie's hand. Her pink nails sparkle on her slender hand as it squirms and tenderly touches Mattie's.

"So, like, if you asked me a month ago I'd totes have called you an insane bitch for the fact that I'm agreeing to this. But it'd be silly and, like, so dumb to put up a fight at this point. No woman left behind, as Mattie said. I totally think we should draw." She giggles and adjusts her top with her free hand. My tears are flowing again and it's uncontrollable.

But it's okay because my girlfriends and friends are all with me in this. At least I'm feeling something.

Han shoots me a look of concern. I mouth that I'm okay to her, because I don't want my emotions to stop her from agreeing to this. She pulls her chair forward and thumps her hand onto the plate. Her hand looks considerably smaller than Mattie and Kendra's hands.

"Fuck it. I don't want to deal with this accursed thing anymore. I just want to be Han in peace, this isn't even because of Sean.No woman left behind. I vote for a draw, void or anullment, anything else be damned. I hope that you'll guide us true, it'll be for the best." She takes her glasses off with her free hand and wipes her eyes. Han smiles at us all softly.

I can hear myself sobbing now. It all feels so real, I'm a transgender woman and we're doing it. Together. We're not alone like we used to be.

Riley stretches out her legs and wipes a cascade of tears with her arm. She walks around to all of us and gives us all a tight hug without dislodging any of the hands. Then she sits down and clamps her considerably larger hand over the rest. Her lightly varnished fingertips grip my friends' hands tight.

"I was so scared at first about the prospect of being a woman. But there's no point being scared anymore, I have Sabrina, I have the Hedgehogs and I have all of you. No woman left behind. I vote for a draw, no penalty shoot-out required." She says the last line with a light chuckle and then turns to me and gives me a short nod.

It's all on me now. Esme Middle-Name Dubois. Today has felt so raw but I know from the past month that I don't want to go back as much as everyone else doesn't. I want to go further. I want to delve deeper into womanhood.

I'm a transgender woman. I deserve this. I want to be able to pursue my own happiness.

Just because my parents don't accept me doesn't mean I can't be Esme. Just because the enchanter of this plate seemed to be intent on causing girls like me, like all of us, future misery doesn't mean I can't be Esme. I'm Esme inside and that's what matters no matter the outcome of the draw.

I wipe my eyes for a final time and squeeze Kendra's body so tight and so shamelessly. I love her body and I don't want her to lose it with how much she's grown into it. I look at Mattie and try to beam at her despite how mushy I must look right now. She gives me a sly smile. Kendra is pouting and blushing.

Han's notes and moleskin are still arrayed all over the coffee table, but she doesn't seem to care anymore. And Riley looks so self-assured and happy, she tagged me and started to help me out of my hole of misery, Sabrina will want me to be a good girl for everyone in here and do this. Including for myself.

Without further hesitation, I place my hand onto the ceramic plate. The red glowing runes thrum and feel slightly warm beneath my fingers. Or maybe that's just the warmth of my friends' entwined hands. It's probably the latter.

I cock my head up and find the words buried deep within myself. They've been long due, we should have ended this after we were all initially tagged and gotten on with our lives.

"I love being a woman. Every day brings me new experiences and joys I never could have imagined I'd get to experience. I deserve to keep this- my body. We all do." There's a murmur of agreement as I can see Mattie and Kendra looking misty-eyed. I press on.

"I love you all for doing so much for me, and encouraging me to do the same back for you. We should be allowed to take advantage of this misgynostic loophole, for better or worse. No woman left behind. Fuck going back to square one! I demand a draw!"

My hand suddenly feels as if it's magnetically stuck to the ceramic plate. The red on the runes turns a purply-pink within half a second. The glow radiates outward and spreads out to fill the lounge.

Mist and light overwhelm every sense I have. Inside my head, I continue praying that it'll all work out. And soon that heady kaleidoscope of colours returns.

I scrunch my eyes shut and attempt to hold on to myself through it all. Onto Esme. Onto Riley. Onto Han. Onto Kendra. Onto Mattie. Onto all of us and who we want to be.

No woman left behind.

-----

The air is thick with a pacified tension as we leave the accommodation together. So much has changed over the past month, yet everything feels like it's still the exact same. In a way it is. We just played a game of Tag in-between it all.

I clutch my girlfriends' hands and try not to sob as we walk towards the cafe. My other friends walk beside us, their faces are serious yet betray their true emotions about what's happened. It was a shock to us all what happened when those neon pink cocoons disappeared for the final time and sparks of purple light faded away.

No one speaks but I frankly don't want to start a conversation and break our vow of silence. My throat feels dry from the sobbing I've done today. My emotions are on spark. I just need the gentle comfort of those close to me right now.

I just need to know it'll be okay for all of us. I thought I was confident about it all but I'm uneasy now, my mind is struggling to comprehend the truth of what's happened to us.

I take a deep breath and put one step forward in front of the other. We're near the cafe now. It felt cruel to send Sabrina away but I didn't want to risk hurting her. Who knows what the light would have done to her.

No one deserves to have who they are potentially taken away from them. If I had any idea who engraved each rune onto the ceramic plate; I would make them pay for risking so much of my life just to set up a cruel trick.

She's sitting at a large table outside the cafe, while she drinks from a coffee and anxiously looks around in the late afternoon sun. It's a beautiful day. I make a mental note to start seriously wearing sunscream daily; I do so easily burn up in the heat of its rays with my complexion.

The one time my parents took me to Spain I nearly had to go to the hospital from it. Huh, my parents. I'll be okay without them I think, eventually. Some part of me still hopes they'll accept me one day but that's on them isn't it? They don't get to decide who I am anymore. Only I can. I'm transgender no matter what. My other relatives will hopefully be more accepting than them.

I wipe a tear from my cheek and try to maintain my composure. I have so much to be happy for, and I will in the future as well. Happiness is an ongoing thing. I wonder if Kendra thinks about her parents the same way as me. I hope her's can accept her one day. They at least haven't disowned her.

Sabrina spots us and gently smiles at us, I watch as Riley bounds over and pulls herself up a chair next to her girlfriend. She kisses Sabrina's forehead and holds her tight.

Han hurries along and takes the next chair, stretching her small frame out as she wipes her eyes wearily. It's been a long month for her.

I drag myself forward to keep up with my friends. It's important we keep up appearances, even though we all feel like crashing down and not thinking about anything stress-free for a few days. Magic isn't exactly an everyday thing.

Mattie guides me into a chair and then slumps down in one, curling her legs up and fidgeting, while Kendra plops herself down and giggles despite how overwhelming today has been. I take another deep breath and try to eek out a smile at Sabrina even though I feel exhausted to the bone emotionally. My wrist still aches from my initial attempt to save myself.

She looks between all of our faces and wipes her eyes, then clutches her card tightly. We don't say a word to each other at first. It still feels like we're in shock at what happened so recently in the lounge.

Then the beginnings of a squeal come out of Sabrina's mouth and she throws hair back and laughs. Kendra lets out a soft giggle and I struggle not to copy her.

"I'm... wow. I'm sorry, I feel like I should have more to say." Sabrina says as she sips her coffee and stares at us all incredulously. Han lets out a sigh of relief. Riley speaks up in a very self-assured tone as a waitress passes.

"Hey, could we order in a minute please? I think we all need some energy, it's a warm day and all."

"Of course ma'am." The waitress says non-chalantly as she heads back inside the cafe.

Mattie aggressively pats my back and whoops quietly. I straighten up in my chair and pull my girlfriends close to me despite how ruined my makeup is; and how shot my emotions are. Han wipes her brow while tapping away at her phone, she sits lighter than she did earlier today.

"You, like, didn't think we'd not do it right? My, um, girlfriend was supes smart and totes adorbs about it." Kendra presses a glossy kiss to my temple and pushes her chest up. My eyes are briefly drawn away from Sabrina.

"In a way, we're all winners. It's like one of those photos of five people winning a race at once. But we were never really competing were we? Well apart from me. I had some good fucking times." Mattie chortles out despite her continuing poor physical state. She's got her sunglasses back on and her whole face is thrumming with pure joy despite what's probably going on inside her.

She's a real champion for pushing through today. My champion.

"I'm so happy for you all. Fuck! I was so worried for a second there that you'd all be miserable one way or another because of some dumb rule. I got scared and started thinking something awful had happened to you all because it was taking so long and-" Sabrina starts wiping her eyes again while Riley holds her tight and tries to soothe her.

Han places her phone on the table and then places a hand on Sabrina's arm. She stares into Sabrina's green eyes with her very own. "Hey. We did this partially thanks to you okay? It's been wonderful getting to know you properly. I'm really happy I crashed your girlfriend's football match. As the objectively hottest Doctor so famously said once: "Just this once, everybody lives.""

Sabrina nods back shakily and her lip quivers as her gaze lingers on me. I decouple myself from Mattie & Kendra briefly and lay my hands out on the table. I take a deep breath and start laughing maniacally.

"It's everything we wanted, Sabrina. I get to be me forever, no interruptions, no asterisks. We beat it. We voided that asshole's game so hard we all got to keep our bodies." I can feel tears start to flow again but they're of pure joy. My entire body is filled with an electric current of joy.

The waitress comes back out and Mattie asks for an apple juice while I'm unable to speak because I'm just so happy. It was a gruelling journey to allow myself to be Esme but I'm finally here.

My still-feminized friends start to pick up a conversation again, just like nothing ever happened. Like we've always been like this. Because in a way we have, we just weren't collectively aware of the truth of the matter. We're six girls with everything to show for it.

We beat the odds.

-----

After a lengthy afternoon tea, we decide to head back to Kendra & Han's to pick up our stuff and call it a day.

Sabrina clutches Riley's arm while the giantess babbles about how she's considering taking a writing class on the side because of this whole experience. She wants to see if she can encourage more girls to be like her and get on the pitch. Sabrina informs her it wouldn't be hard to appeal to "eggs". Riley calls her coach as we leave the cafe and puts her on speakerphone, where she profusely thanks her for the opportunity she's been given and says she intends to be her goalie for a long while. She gets us to cheer with her in unison.

Han proudly states how now that she's locked the ceramic plate and all her translations and works on it in a box in her closet, she's never touching it again except in case of emergencies. Nor is she letting Mattie hand it back to Oxfam with vague instructions "as a joke". She also has her date with Sean in a few days and wants to have forgotten all about the accursed object by the time she's awkwardly sitting in a cinema with a boy that she wants all over her. She's been waiting long enough for it.

I'm inclined to agree with her on at least one thing. I never want to see the fucking thing again.

Kendra, my adorable bimbo girlfriend, is complaining about her makeup being totally ruined by crying so much today. She's giggling despite that though. She's mainly complaining about economics and how now that she's "stuck" like this, she just wants to be rid of it. If she was secretly passionate about makeup then she must be able to find something in that vein right? Or any other of her "interests" she's been struggling to unpack. I promise to help her unpack them and she licks her lips seductively. Mattie says she's proud of how far she's come.

To my stunning and viciously competitive girlfriend's credit, she doesn't complain once on the way home. She's just enjoying an afternoon of not having to worry about re-doing all of the work we did to get here. Her physics work has apparently majorly suffered in the past month as a result of Tag. I don't blame her, my uni work partially has too. Mattie affirms that it's probably cool to call each other girlfriends if Kendra's allowed to call me her girlfriend. I silently fist pump and lean into a short huddle with my now official girlfriends. She also promises to be more careful about knick-knacks from Oxfam in the future.

I'm daydreaming constantly on the way back. On what it means to be Esme. What it means to be a free woman with no gnawing anxiety or doubts about when or if I'll have to go back. We made the decision together to not go back and we're going to rock this together, I'd never known girls could have such deep and intimate friendships. Friendships beyond weekly lager and faux competitiveness. Friendships beyond the bottom of a bottle.

Then again, I never even knew how possible it was for me to just be a girl.

An idea rushes into my head as we're nearly back. Something I asked Mattie weeks ago but she refused to answer at the time.

"Hey, Mattie?" I ask her as Kendra's arms are wound tightly around my right arm.

"Yes girlfriend?" Mattie savours the word as she says it.

"What would you have called me, if you had picked my girl name? I know you didn't want to do the work but-"

"Lily." She says it like she's been carrying it like a loaded gun and pointing it at the back of my head for weeks. She's just been waiting to pull the trigger. "You'd make a cute Lily."

"Aw, I thought I was your only girlfriend who's name you picked out for her like a bouquet at a flower shop? You're, like, so mean." Kendra pouts performatively and giggles.

"I'm gonna make that my middle name. I like it." It feels right, and just like Esme it fits me perfectly. Just in a different manner.

I can hear a loud and quickly stifled laugh coming from Sabrina. I crane my neck over to her as she's struggling to keep herself walking straight in platform boots. Then I turn back to Mattie as she gives me a sloppy peck on my lips.

"So, Esme Lily Dubois, Kendra Alexandra Hayward. My place later? It'd be nice to have some company while I'm girlrotting."

"Yeah go on, I'll be over Mattie Stone. Once I fix my makeup and wash away all the traces of before this afternoon off me. And maybe nap." I nod excitedly at Mattie and blush at the idea of what seems like a proper evening date between the three of us for the first time.

"Esme babes, you're like too adorable for words sometimes. I, like, don't know how I even managed being around you before." Kendra puts a finger to her lip and ponders. "Should I change my skirt for later? I like this one but I could go way more slutty for a throuple date. I kinda wanna set the tone for who I am now."

Me and Mattie share filthy looks as we enter the house. Kendra files into her room to fix her makeup while swinging her wide hips brazenly. Han slumps down on the sofa and refuses to get up while she seemingly messages Sean. Riley and Sabrina collect their things before quickly saying their goodbyes as they scurry off with mischief in their eyes.

I clean my ruined makeup off and stare into Mattie's bleary but still shining hazelnut eyes at the front door. She's grinning like a shark. I peck her on the cheek and turn to go but she snags my arm.

"Hey Esme. Sorry to say this but... you're Her." Mattie stumbles backwards and nearly trips over a chair as she barrels over with laughter and clutches her abdomen.

I performatively moan and half-heartedly slow motion run out of the door while Mattie falls apart on the floor as I exit the accommodation. I swear I can hear Han's eyes roll as loudly as the synthy pop Kendra is humming along to in her room.

Then I start to take it one step at a time as I skip to my room across campus. I'm not running away from being Her anymore; I'm just running towards being Her.

This must be how it feels to enter zero-gravity. To float free for once in your life. But it's one step at a time. Each step liberates a part of me I'm rapidly discovering and draws me ever forwards.

There's no going backwards anymore. For who I am now, Esme, I'm going to sprint as hard as I can every day until my bones ache and my muscles tear.

It'll all be worth it for that glorious moment when the sun peeks from behind the clouds and warms my face. Days like that are what I'm living for now.

Notes:

Hello! Hopefully not for the final time... thanks for reading! I just wrote the last 2.2k words and hot damn those felt heavy but good to write.  Originally this was meant to be of a much shorter story involving a different ending but I'm so glad I cracked it the way I did. I wouldn't change a thing about my Tag girls they're so cool!!!

This has been a crazy month and the reception for my TG/TF story concept turned into a dumb 65k word eggfic has been crazy! Thanks for all the positive reception and I can't wait to write the Epilogue and show you all these girls' futures. No idea when I'll get it up but I do have (shameless plug voice) hopefully NICCIQUEST starting to go up soon :)

It'll be very different from this so hopefully I can use the Tag epilogue and my many bonus chapter ideas as palette cleansers... I might have fallen for these girls hard.  Anyway I should wrap this up uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

leave a comment and give me attention please. i need it desperately. also I might send this to my mum to read. im really fucking proud of Tag.

Chapter 12: Epilogue - Layla

Notes:

Content warnings: Unintentional misgendering, Stalking, Internalized Transphobia (brainworms), Implied past/medical transphobia

LAYLA

The pale pink estradiol pill sinks underneath my tongue and I wipe the dust off my fingers onto the tip of my tongue. I stare at my recently shaven face in my small mirror and try to hype myself up for another soggy November day. My still too masculine face doesn't convince me too hard. Maybe the past few weeks of work will actually come to fruition soon enough. Or maybe it won't. I've come to accept that possibility is far more likely at this point.

Or maybe I'm just weaving a conspiracy out of dysphoria and desperation. Either way I'll hopefully get my answer if I just wait and observe long enough and don't get too close anymore. I've decided no more contact or short-distance engagement with the targets after the incident a few nights back, I don't want to risk being caught in the act further and isolating myself from another group of people before I even get a chance to get in close with them.

It's not like Ryan or Maxwell would believe any of this, they don't even know I have A cups (at least I think that's what I would rate my paltry chest). Not that they would show much even if I were to put any effort into making them visible. I'm boymoding to everyone at university and no one suspects a damn thing. It's been a successful year and a bit of keeping up the act so far.

Maybe I should just knuckle down with my psychology degree and let HRT do it's work. I think so far that my skin is at least softer than it used to be, even on the sub-optimal dose I'm running. 3mg "orally" daily and a testoterone blocker injected every ten weeks that makes me vaguely uncomfortable to receive.

I've been told it's too low on numerous discords but I don't want to get blacklisted by the gender service by accidentally doing too much oestrogen. I already take my pills sublingually at the suggestion of the same people who tell me my dose is too low. 1mg in the morning, 2mg in the evening. That's enough progress, right?

Hopefully they'll up my dose in a few months and I'll be onto the slow and meandering track for bottom surgery eventually. If not, my conspiracy might prove to be right and save me from dealing with endless bureaucracy.

I brush my neck length blonde hair gently and try to will it to grow quicker. It used to be longer when I was in Sixth Form but I impulsively cut a lot of length off in an effort to "remake" my appearance as a recently out trans girl in Year 13. I should have waited until after Sixth Form to come out to my peers. I handled Year 11 well enough without anyone knowing I wanted to be a girl.

Fat chance I'm going to let something like that happen again in university. Hence the boymoding. I'll show myself to the world fully when I'm ready to be Layla properly and not have a hair crisis midway through defining myself to my peers. I'll be a better girl than before.

Maybe I should dye my hair...

I'm a natural blonde and have been since I was but a babe, so it should be easy enough to dye streaks into it experimentally. Should I go with blue? Or pink even? Or maybe both? Or would that be stereotypical?

I've always been told I'm impulsive. I came out to my parents mere days after my egg cracked, when I was only a teenager. At least I'm on HRT now as a result. Those damn waiting lists.

It'll have been for four months soon enough. A few months on the girl hormones that I should have been on since I started existing on the mortal plane.

By then I'll maybe have more growth on my chest and look like less of a twinky blond guy who grooms himself regularly. Ugh. I uncomfortably shift my legs and try not to think about that too hard. Nor do I try to think about that hot guy I saw carrying a bass guitar yesterday in case I get unladylike urges when I need to be getting ready to go out. I bet he'd look great with his top off and my fingers running down his broad torso.

I fiddle with my tongue in my mouth to confirm my oestrogen has been fully dissolved and then walk over to my dresser. I pull out a pair of tracksuit bottoms, T-shirt and hoodie. It's not a very stylish outfit but it does the job and prevents anyone from asking weird questions about the small lumps on my chest before I'm ready to answer them. The hoodie is just good for November weather anyway.

It's not like the girl clothes I keep in my closet would even look that good on me.

My phone buzzes with a discord notification. I check it after getting changed and find that it's a message from Ryan. He's waiting outside my place with a package apparently adressed to me. That's strange. I haven't ordered anything recently. My days of impulsively ordering programmer socks and skirts off Amazon are long past. I'm just waiting for my body to catch up to my secret stash before I let myself experiment more now.

I throw on a pair of socks and tidy up my bed before I realise my spyware is currently out and clearly visible for anyone who would come into my room randomly. I throw an old coat over it so none of my housemates discover it while I'm out. It's not like I'm even stalking anyone with it anymore, it was just for gathering intel, okay?

I nearly forget my "man"bag, but luckily remember to grab it and throw my 2mg box in it so I can take my hormones if I don't return home until much later. Ryan could want to get up to some shenanigans before we have to go to our classes for all I know. He's a funny guy. He was probably a blast to know in secondary school.

He must have been more fun to know than Maxwell at least. He seems like he could have been very risky to know from the sounds of how posh his background is. He's sweet nowadays though, regardless of what he was like before university. Hopefully he won't go into the bad parts of the tech industry and make a fool of himself. He's decent enough at coding.

I'm pretty sure I'm straight (in the girl way, despite the fact I have never had a boyfriend), and they both look nice enough that I think about them sometimes; Ryan has lanky dark hair that occasionally looks very pretty when it frames his warm brown face and gentle eyes in the right light. He has very good cheekbones that would probably look very good with bronzer applied to them. Maybe I should focus on my own makeup skills before I start thinking about how I could improve my friend's day-to-day look with some contouring.

Maxwell has a rat's nest of brown hair that usually looks like someone in their early teens trying and horribly failing to achieve good looking spiky hair. His pasty skin is usually in very poor condition and he barely goes out if not for the intervention of me and Ryan. There's an appeal to the look if I squint sometimes. He needs to eat more though and has far too much rib showing, but so do I. It's harder than it looks to keep a balanced diet when you're in university.

It feels like HRT has barely done anything for my looks. My friends probably just think I'm a pretty boy who magically manages to avoid a lot of the pitfalls that "guys" my age fall into. At least they know I'm "gay". They're both almost certainly into women in some capacity from how unrelatable they clearly both find me talking about a hot actor in a discord call. Or that time I claimed Cress from Pokemon was "a damn fine catch".

It's just my luck to end up being friends with two straight guys. Let alone an economics student (he's decent outside of this fact) and a sheltered mouse who will probably struggle to talk to me when I tell him the real reason I've gone by "Lay" to everyone since the start of my first year.

It beats going by my deadname at least.

I push my thoughts out of my mind and swing the door open as I finish putting my shoes on. Ryan is standing a metre or so away in a dark shirt while he drapes his thick green coat over a box.

I shut the door behind me and refocus myself mentally. Boy voice Layla, not girl voice Layla.

"Hey. Is that for me Ryan?" My voice comes out in my current best imitation of how my voice sounded before I started voice training months and months ago. It gets me weird looks sometimes. I'm not sure why.

"Yeah... I dunno who it's from but it's not very well packed and it's kind of-" A very light drizzle hits his finger as he lifts it as if to emphasise his point. "-raining. All I know is it has your name on it. Well it has Lay on it." His voice meanders as he talks. It's endearing and one of the reasons why I enjoy spending so much time with him. Even if he does do economics.

"Cool. Can I take it? I should probably put it inside so I'm not lugging it around all day."

"Oh sure. I don't want to drop and break whatever's in it, something in it makes a weird clinking noise. Again, not very well packed. Shame on whoever delivered this to you." He removes his coat before sliding it back on himself, then he hands me the box.

I take it with both of my arms and look around awkwardly trying to figure out what to do with it. On the top of it is a hastily scrawled note, slightly damaged by rain, that reads in messy handwriting:

"To Lay. May this package find you in good health... with great power comes great responsibility. Make me proud ;)"

I mutter the words under my breath as I read them. There's only one logical explanation for this to my knowledge, and it's an intoxicatingly exciting one. The fragile sticker hastily stuck onto the top makes my suspicions even more excited.

"Spiderman." Ryan says, interrupting my train of thought.

"I got it was Spiderman."

"It's weirdly ominous. It could be like a death threat."

"I don't think someone is sending me a death threat using a famously quoted line from Spiderman."

"I knew a guy in high school who used to go around randomly saying shit like that okay? He wore eyeliner- sorry I mean guyliner every day and was all gothy, his name was Romeo I think."

"Imagine, uh, knowing how to do eyeliner." I let out a nervous chuckle and then shut up. I'm awful at eyeliner. Even with the felt tip.

"Right. I actually tried it once because of him, it didn't go-"

I shift backwards and attempt half-heartedly to raise my hand. I clutch the box tight to my chest, trying not to brush against my sensitive nipples.

"No offense but, I'm gonna get this inside, okay? I don't want it to get water damage. Whatever it is, it's clearly important." I slowly walk the metre back to my front door and stare perplexed at the door.

"You need help getting the door open Lay? I could hang out and see what's in there with you if you want to avoid any... mysterious threats from within." He says it so sweetly I can't help but grunt at him approvingly.

He walks up behind me and opens the door for me. I enter first and wonder if Ryan is aware he's unintentionally doing "ladies first". I place the box down onto the kitchen counter and catch my breath. Ryan shuts the door behind us and walks through into the kitchen to poke at the box.

Luckily none of my housemates are in right now. Hopefully Ryan can keep a secret about what's in here. I'm pretending like I even know what's in here, and like it's not an awkwardly chained together list of coincedences that led me here, that could just as well blow up in my face. I don't know if what I'm dealing with here is even safe.

Ryan drums his fingers on the counter and furrows his brow.

"So, are you going to open it or what? It's not fun if you leave it shut Lay."

"Right. Just a warning: I don't know what's in this either but I'm pretty sure it'll be... fun at least. At least for me. Not sure about you."

I grab a pair of scissors from the unorganised kitchen drawer and slice the flimsy tape holding the cardboard box shut.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting when I open it up to reveal what's inside. But I'm not expecting what I do end up finding in there.

-----

A few weeks back, it was the middle of October. I'd been going through the motions of the start of my second year but something had been niggling me throughout the month so far. Ever since I'd been on hormones for over a month really.

It was a silly story I'd vaguely heard of in the Spring when I'd been a first year and was overworked from exams and desperately trying to get the HRT ball up the hill, having only started blockers at the start of March. I was constantly sleepy as a result. I didn't really stop being sleepy until August.

There were rumours around campus about a group of students who had been playing a game of Tag across campus of all things. Why? Well while half-conscious in the library one time I heard a group of guys snigger about how supposedly "they were turning each other into girls".

It was nonsense. Pure nonsense. It was just rumours about magical pink light and football matches and games of Tag that rocket between buildings, all the while turning the victim of a tag into a "fully-fledged" girl. Completely implausible.

It couldn't have been real. I had never thought about it too hard until October, apart from in wild fantasies about how easy it would all be if someone could tag my shoulder and give me the body I'd always wanted. Like one of those silly stories online. Plus I got on hormones in August so I didn't need fantasies like that anymore. Then I moved back to university after spending the summer at my parents' place, and came up with my plan of boymoding through even early HRT.

But a few weeks ago, I ended up unintentionally eavesdropping on the strangest interaction. I was walking around the Quadrant with my hood up like any other day. It was an unusually warm day but I couldn't risk being spotted in a sweaty top that stuck to my breast buds and made me look like a strange pubescent girl.

Two women of average height were walking on the pavement near me and chatting. They were clearly dating, or at least I thought holding hands and clinging to each other as you walk was an indicator of dating. I'd never done much with boys because I'd always presumed that they'd want me as a proper girl and not a work-in-progress. Nor did I think that any guys who knew me before I came out would have wanted to date me.

One was slightly shorter and had ever so slightly curly ginger hair that ran past her shoulders. She had a cute dolled up face and was wearing a fluffy pink cardigan over a scoop neck black top. A sequin-studded denim skirt was wound around her waist and she had a trans pin on her purse.

The taller one had curly dark hair and wore a denim jacket over a partially ripped tank top. She looked particularly boisterous in a pair of dark green cargo pants and boots. A litany of pins of what were probably bands adorned her jacket, including one in trans colours. She was wearing a smidgen of eyeliner.

If I was into girls, I'd probably have been into at least one of them. But my track record with liking girls is so bad most of them could kind of detect I wasn't really into them by Sixth Form. Even before I came out as a girl. It's hard to hold a girlfriend when she can see in your eyes how empty your desire is for her.

Jealously, I remember thinking that I wouldn't have guessed they were trans without visual indicators. I pulled my hoodie close and tried to fast walk past them to push down my jealousy at how much HRT had clearly done for them both. They probably started younger than me and passed as a result. I figured it would be less embarrassing to talk to them when hormones had done more for me.

Then I stopped in my tracks because the redhead suddenly mentioned Tag and put her hand on the taller girl's shoulder and jokingly said something about how she was now "It". Then the two girls chuckled to themselves and walked on.

Trans women? Tag? It eerily reminded me of that dumb story I'd heard around campus. I doubled back from the class I was meant to be heading to. I needed to see if this meant anything more than a stupid joke between girlfriends.

I needed to see if magic was real.

-----

I began to piece it all together after that. It sounds bad but I quietly followed the women to their accommodation off-campus which they apparently both lived at. I bought a pair of binoculars and a balaclava, along with other "spy" stuff. For a few hours the next day I felt like a dumb creep keeping watch, until a blonde bombshell walked out the door arm-in-arm with the redhead as they giggled all the way.

She was familiar to me in more than one way. She was wearing a short pink pleated skirt and a shoulderless top that created an incredibly revealing look. Her face was made up heavily and it made her look like a hyper feminine bimbo. Her long blonde hair had a far more golden sheen than mine did, and she looked so dumbly happy as she and the redhead walked away from their accommodation.

Was there a trans polycule in there? I resolved to find out more as I texted Ryan to ask for help and looked through social media to jog my memory.

But I had heard of her before. Ryan had seen her a few times in various economics classes and lectures. Before she was well... her. Apparently before she transitioned she looked like a grumpy blond boy and never seemed to pay much attention in class. Then eight months back she started coming to class looking like that, as if she'd completely overhauled her look overnight. Giant breasts and all.

From then on Ryan had seen her in class a lot less. The last time he saw her she was doing an end of year presentation. She turned up in a skirt that barely covered her bum and a top that her boobs clearly weren't designed to fit in. Ryan spoke of her as if she was a mythical unicorn he didn't want to scare and get impaled on her horn as a result.

Her name was apparently Kendra. This struck something in my social media searches as Ryan explained her presentation later that day. She did an extremely grating and mocking presentation that clearly drove the aged professor mad.

Kendra spoke like an airheaded bimbo the entire time and used simple silly words to talk about complex subjects such as "money" and "stocks". She giggled all the presentation and never broke character once as she captured the attention of the whole room with her body and dumbed down jokes about line graphs.

Then she just left the room as her heels clicked and clacked, Ryan hadn't seen her back in class since his third year started. I did some research after our conversation and managed to find out she was now doing a photography degree. Which lines up with how I found her online...

In a very polite way that I had zero interest in as a heterosexual woman (I was frankly quite jealous of the male attention she probably frequently received), she was an online "model". One who showed her body off very freely and promisciously.

This made my vague suspicions about a dumb joke between girlfriends feel more grounded. Kendra lived in the same accommodation as the transgender girls who did the Tag joke.

A transgender woman mysteriously came into class one day with a very well developed body and new persona all of a sudden, while living in the same house as two trans women who made a joke about Tag publicly and found it way too funny. All topped off by how the switch seemingly occured at a time that would line up with the development of the rumours about the magical game of Tag.

There were too many coincedences there for it not to mean something. I had to go further. I had to find out who else lived in that house.

-----

I couldn't find the redhead on any social media platforms, but I did manage to eventually find the curly haired girl on Instagram. Her name is Mattie and she studies physics. She had numerous posted selfies of herself with Kendra and the redhead, who she seemingly referred to as Esme. So I managed to get the names of three of them through online stalking. Sue me. It was freely available.

It wasn't stalking. It was in the interest of proving the story. It was research.

Three other girls commonly showed up in the selfies. One of them was known as Riley Rheon and played for a local women's football team that's known as the Hedgehogs. She also was seemingly an amateur writer of transgender fiction on the side.

I hadn't seriously read that kinda fiction since early in my first year, and I didn't think lesbian football romances would be something I'd be able to get personally invested in. I historically much more enjoyed the stories where the guy-turned-girl got to become her hot best friend's girlfriend, and gained a hot boyfriend who treated her like a perfect princess.

So naturally I dragged Maxwell along with me to one of the Hedgehogs' games. Ryan wasn't available due to having previously committed to going to a matinee being performed by the drama department. Maxwell seemed kinda flustered initially by the sheer quantity of women on the pitch. At the time, I bit my lip and secretly wished there were more men there so I'd have more people to stare at than Riley or her friends.

Her and her friends (most of whom she probably lived with) were at the game. The only people I hadn't seen in person there was a woman with long deep crimson hair in a lacy black dress who was recognizable from the selfies. I found her instagram later that day and learned that her name was Sabrina Mason. Riley made out with her before the game right in front of her team. I wasn't surpised to find out she was a lesbian from her amazonian physique and eyebrow piercing, or even her streaks of bright red hair that matched Sabrina's hair. I couldn't be sure but I made a healthy guess at the time that her girlfriend was also transgender.

It's just a shame I didn't have a network of other trans girls to do stuff with like these girls did. Mattie, Esme and Kendra were all there and in person it was glaringly obvious they were a throuple. The other two there was a small girl (the final girl from the selfies) with short mousy hair and a stunning tall dark haired guy at her side. She was the final girl constantly featured in Mattie's selfies. I figured they were girlfriend and boyfriend from the light petting that took place over the game.

Lucky fuck. I remember biting my lip numerous times when I was looking his way to control my fantasies. It's not fair I've never even been intimately touched by a guy properly.

I shook off my jealousy at the showing off of a prize male specimen and the sheer amount of chest the cluster of trans women were collectively displaying. If my crazy suspicions were right there was a high chance all of them were "magically" aided anyway.

I stayed all game for the sake of Maxwell, as I'd seen enough to at least partially heighten my suspicions. It was kind gratitiously... gay and I was getting increasingly jealous. The captain with the dark ponytail who barked orders to her team during half-time and throughout the match caught my eyes at one point and smiled. It was nice to be welcomed but I didn't want to be clocked while I was with a friend. Ugh.

Maxwell was practically catatonic for the whole game. It was kind of disrespectful when you considered that I invited him and was doing investigative work during the game. But it was probably good for the guy to be exposed to visibly transgender women and buff sweaty girls kicking a ball around. He talked to Riley after the game and got a hug that looked extremely funny with how much shorter Maxwell was than her. He must have been nearly a foot shorter.

Sabrina came down to steal her girlfriend away from the team captain and brought her up to the stands after the game ended. Maxwell wanted to go get a burger but I instead sat and watched the group banter and laugh from a distance in the afternoon breeze. I needed to do my investigative work.

That afternoon almost made me quit boymoding early there and then. Just to see if I'd have been welcomed into the fold and reassured I'd be like them one day. That I'd get to stand on my tip toes and kiss a boy on the lips sweetly.

Eventually we went and got a burger together. Maxwell's eyes were unnaturally large and bug-shaped as we made small talk. We didn't talk about the game. He seemed kind of overwhelmed by the whole experience.

I had clearly needed to get to the bottom of this fast though. I didn't need my cover to be blown to my strange friend by my deep longing and envy of girls who were more girl than me. He could have been catching onto what I was doing and his bug-eyed awkwardness was just a facade for that fact.

Nor did I want to risk catch feelings for a boy before I was properly ready to. Let alone someone like Maxwell.

-----

It was undeniable to me I had uncovered what could be the only source of this rumour about a magical game of Tag on campus. There was a group of five or so transgender women who lived in the same accommodation, with a few other people on the edges of the group or just as deep within. And all the little pieces of information I'd managed to gather pointed towards at least one of them being involved in that game of Tag. If it was real.

I just hoped they hadn't noticed me the past few weeks as I had been doing it all. I was just curious. That's what I told myself. If it was true this was how it had to line up, there was no other reasonable possibility.

Beyond all this. I had blatantly wanted it for myself. I wanted to know how they had got to play this game of Tag and how it seemingly collectively transitioned them. But I couldn't have just gone up and asked them.

I still looked like a boy and they'd think me weird for abruptly asking about what could be a closely guarded secret for all I knew. Maybe they didn't want to be clocked? Maybe it would all fall apart if they let me into their fold and told me about it all. It's happened before around me.

Communities wither. People pull away from each other. People reject me. I didn't want that to happen to little old Layla Hartridge again. I already had Ryan and Maxwell to be friends with, right? I didn't need to befriend an extended polycule that probably didn't even want to give me the time of day. And I wasn't even into girls like they would probably want me to be.

I'd seen Mattie put up posters on campus about a trans meetup hosted at the university that ran every Thursday. I obviously couldn't go, however much I considered it. I wasn't "out". I was boymoding. I came out at Sixth Form and that went badly enough for me. I was never presenting myself as a girl pre-emptively again.

It was so stressful sometimes to boymode but I just had to do this for the rest of the year. Maybe in the summer I would be able re-evalulate my body and go full girlmode. I already owned at least some of the clothes, and I'd been part-time voice training for at least a while before I got on blockers, and I was slowly learning and acclimating myself with makeup.

Maybe there was a chance I could get on this Tag thing and get a jump-start on all that though. I found myself following Han, the mousy haired girl, a few nights ago. Along with her six foot boyfriend who spoke with a delicate Irish brogue. I wasn't jealous. Nuh uh. She just seemed like the most well studied of them so was clearly the best possible lead about magical Tag (it wasn't about the back view of her boyfriend's ass).

It was all going so well. Another evening so far well spent investigating the magical possibility of not having to boymode anymore. Then I tripped on a twig and swore loudly as I narrowly avoided smashing my forehead into the pavement.

"F-fuck." I said to myself as I tried to pick myself up and shuffle away. My hood had come off my head. Now they were going to clock what I was. Fuck.

"Hey, are you okay ma'am? You didn't get seriously hurt did you?" Han's boyfriend ran over to me and grabbed my forearm gently.

My lip quivered at being called ma'am randomly but I sealed myself into myself and responded. Male-failing was just fluking this early on. I shut off the strange feelings of comfort that flooded through me for good measure.

"No, uh, I'm not a ma'am, I'm just drunk..." I sputtered the words out while pulling out my best boy voice. Han approached me and looked at me with pity through her soft frames.

"You okay? Do you need someone to help you home? Me and Sean can get you home if you're unable to get back to your place in your current state." Her words were so gentle and kind. I didn't deserve them yet.

"Yeah. What's your name, uh, stranger? Her name's Han." Sean pointed to Han and stated her name. I nodded as if I hadn't found it out a week ago on the LGBTQ+ society's discord. I had only joined it to see if any of my targets were on it.

"It's Layl- Lay. Lay." I stuttered out. I cursed myself for nearly slipping up and outing myself.

"Where do you live? My boyfriend's good with directions." Han asked me so genuinely it must have been a lie.

I pulled away and got up with only the streetlight to help me. It hurt to pull away from Sean.

"I'm alright. T-t-thanks for the help but I'm just going to find my own way home. I'm not as drunk as I think I am. Have a nice night." I bolted away with tears in my eyes.

Stupid Layla. Now I was going to have to call the whole investigation off in case they clocked onto my hidden femininity way too early. No one at university could know about me.

I decided to keep my distance there and then. I'd just stick to the hormones I had and hope I could DIY a mythical ideal dose or crowdfund my surgeries one day. Time would help. Maybe one day I wouldn't need the NHS for my basic needs.

Chasing after a fantastical dream was pointless. I just had to knuckle down from this point on and reintroduce myself to the group through that trans meetup eventually. Maybe next year? That sounded good.

I texted Ryan and Maxwell and asked if they wanted to go out for drinks as I limped home. Then I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I could be Lay around them at the least, even if I couldn't be Layla. Yet.

-----

The green and white patterns on the ceramic plate swirl and mesmerize me as I stare at them inside the box. Numerous strange runes are faintly engraved on the outer and inner rim. I lift it up daintily and place it on the counter separately from the box it came in.

I run a finger around the outer rim and wonder what the hell this could have to do with a game of Tag that allowed trans women to transition overnight. Was this a cruel trick? Some of the stories I've read sometimes involve amulets or strange artifacts but this was real life, not a fantasy.

"There's a note in here, Lay." Ryan says helpfully. He starts to pull out two stapled A4 sheets of paper from the box. I snatch it from him and start to pour over them instantly.

It's a messily typed up document with the header "TRANSGENDER TAG: HOW TO USE SAFELY AND EFFECTIVELY, A GUIDE BY M. STONE".

M. Stone? Mattie? I didn't know her last name until now but she's the most likely person to have written this based on the M and what I've investigated about her and her friends. I think at least.

"Holy shit. It's exactly what I wanted." I say without thinking. Ryan gives me a weird look and stares at the ceramic plate himself.

"I'm gonna call Maxwell. This is freaky, we should get him on this. I'm always saying he should do stupid stuff more. Plus he does all that coding."

I look up from the paper before I read more. I reach deep within to try and say what I want to say to my friend.

"Why? We don't need to get him involved. This is, uh, a me thing." I like Maxwell but he doesn't need to get involved in my weird transgender fantasy come to life. Ryan is enough of an outside presence for me to be self-conscious about.

"Really? It mentioned something about multiple people from what I briefly read on the paper." He sounds almost hurt at my suggestion that he doesn't call Maxwell. I shrug and pull up a chair to pour over the document.

"Sure then, call him. Maybe he can help us with his computer knowledge if he's going to be brought in regardless."

I take off my hoodie without even thinking about it and start to read the guide. How to initiate the game of Tag. The effects of being tagged and how to do it safely. The consequences of your actions during the game, and how to resolve it cleanly. Well, apparently multiple ways to resolve it. The long-term effects on your body.

The guide isn't written in too much detail but it has enough that I get the gist of what she's trying to explain with each point. It kinda reads like it was typed up in an excited rush. There's some weird pink and orange scribbles in some of the margins though that don't really mean much to me. How did she even get my address? I don't dwell on it.

It seems almost completely unbelieveable if I hadn't just spent a few weeks blatantly stalking her and her friends. They must have noticed me along the way and given it to me out of pity. If not for the incident a few nights back completely giving it away. I'll have to thank them eventually. This could still be a trick that only worked for them and it won't work for me when I try it.

Ryan pours himself a glass of milk from the fridge while he stares at his watch and waits for Maxwell to arrive. He'll be a bit from experience.

I finish reading the guide and turn it over to the back page for fun. There's a hastily scratched out note in the same handwriting as the lettering on the note on the box. Mattie must have written the note on the box.

"No pressure about any of this. This is probably scary as fuck and you didn't want to be noticed but I promise you this was done as discreetly as I could. Just, if you do use this, please come to the meetup at least once. Hell you should come even if you tuck this away in your closet and never touch it again. Or don't come. Your choice hah. Just make good use of it one way or the other."

The strength of the words hits me like a truck. I can't process them properly. I drop the paper onto the chair and walk up to Ryan as tears begin to well.

"Hey, sorry if this is weird to ask, but can I have a hug?"

"Sure du-" I wrap my body around Ryan's and clutch onto him tightly. My puffy nipples rub against my top and him and lightning shoots through me. I ignore the pain and stay close to him. He smells of pine cones.

Ryan walks over to the small sofa that sits at the forefront of the paltry excuse of a lounge I share with my housemates. He stiffly keeps me wrapped tight around him as I feel my tears flow more and more.

Dumb little Layla. I got caught and don't know what to do when everything isn't as bad as I thought it would be. And I don't know how to genuinely process the fact that I might be able to skip over years of hormones and surgeries and waitlists if Mattie is telling the truth. Things I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to experience as a middling trans girl. Things that make the idea of a guy wrapping me up in his strong limbs even more tantalizing.

I'm reminded of the day when I saw Esme tag Mattie, and it feels like Mattie has "tagged" me with this. She's caught me in her headlights and left me paralyzed and sobbing because I don't know what to do about it all.

Ryan stays still for a while. I let it all out and try to think about what I'm going to do now. Then there's a timid knock at the front door, Ryan lets me down gently and opens it for Maxwell. He meekly walks in and looks at the scene in the room of a house he's barely been in.

Stapled pieces of paper resting on a chair. A ceramic plate that's apparently magic enough to turn at least five trans women into their ideal selves. A sobbing Lay on the sofa left bare and open to him. I'm exposed and revealed. There's no hope of hiding who I am now after this.

"Is Lay okay?" He stammers out at Ryan. I curl up into a ball on the sofa and stare at him guiltily.

"I don't know. I think- not to air your dirty laundry out Lay- that there's something he needs to talk to us about. We hugged for like twenty minutes. That's the longest I've ever hugged another guy." The misgendering stings but the idea I have to talk about this properly scares me even more than my friend perceiving me as a guy.

Would it be worth it to not be called a guy anymore?

"What's that?" Maxwell points to the magical plate in a very dorky tone.

"Dunno. I think Lay knows but he went catatonic after reading that piece of paper. He seems weirdly possessive of this."

Maxwell turns to me and smooths down a droopy spike of hair. He stares at the ground before plucking up the courage to look me in the eyes.

"Hey. Y-y-you know we accept that you're gay right? Just because I'm a straight guy doesn't mean I don't support the fact you're a homosexual-" Ryan looks softly at Maxwell and he shuts up and looks at the floor again. Ryan approaches him and apologizes for some reason.

I resist the urge to explain how I'm not gay. I'm straight. I'm a girl Maxwell, I have A cups that could be visible right now for all I know. I'm a trans girl and my name is Layla. Okay? It's just as simple as that. Stop giving me weird looks Ryan it's not like I'm into you just because you're a boy and I'm a girl.

Then I uncurl myself and trudge over to grab a piece of kitchen towel to wipe my face with. Maxwell is staring in shock at me with those cute bug eyes and Ryan is curling a finger over his lips and looking extremely awkward.

"What? Why are you both looking at me like I'm an alien?" I half-shout at them. It's kind of pissing me off that they're acting weird all of a sudden.

"That's really beautiful of you to say. I support you, Layla." Ryan wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. I've never told him my name-

Oh. Dumb little Layla. Of course I did that. Backpedal. Backpedal. Backpadel. Put the girl back in the box. I'm pissed at myself now.

"Oh that was, uh, I didn't mean to say that. Can we like go back a few minutes? I'm not actually a girl, it was a... bit."

Very convincing. They'll believe that for sure.

"Really? I've read posts about trans people saying things like that online and it seemed genuine. Sorry if it's not my place to talk about that." Maxwell breaks his shocked silence to say. I instinctually glower at him and he retreats ever so slightly.

"You've read what? Like Reddit?" I ask him, now I'm confused, if I can't put the girl back in the box I can question about a posh boy like Maxwell having read about trans people online.

He retreats again and walks over to the kitchen, clearly staring at it from across the room behind his glasses. I turn to Ryan and see him staring at me and looking perplexed again. He looks kinda mad as well.

"So you're not coming out as trans? Can you at least explain the plate if you're not going to be genuine about telling us you're a trans girl?"

"I, uh, it's a me thing. Secret and important and not for your eyes. Don't worry about it."

"Why? You let me come in here and see it, but then you snatched the paper from me before I could read it, and now after you've come out as a trans girl to me and Maxwell, you take it back immediately. We've known each other for like a year now. You don't have to lie to me. And I'd appreciate you not telling bare-faced lies to my face."

"I'm not lying I'm-" Cooked. Well and truly cooked. There is no putting the girl back in the box. Just because he's doing economics and not something more interesting doesn't mean he's dumb. "-just having a weird day okay? Leave me alone." I pick up the guide Mattie left me and hug it close as I curl up into a chair.

"You've been acting really weird the past few weeks, Lay." I bite my lip and instinctually nearly correct him to call me Layla and barely stop myself. "You've been really absent and withdrawn despite how happy and yourself you seemed at the start of the year. I just want you to be happy dude, I don't care if you're a girl and nor would I care if you were into me. I just like being friends with you."

I silently nod and look at the paralyzed Maxwell. I think I might have accidentally broken my poor friend. Maybe I shouldn't break Ryan as well. He is pretty cute.

"Sorry." I eke out.

"So. Can you tell me and Maxwell the truth here? I'd really appreciate it." He sounds so genuine and sweet I can't stop myself from nodding. The girl is well and truly out of the box. She's clutching a silly piece of paper that could possibly give her everything she's ever wanted, well apart from the hot boyf part. But it'd probably be easier to get guys to like me if I followed the silly piece of paper.

I steel myself. Mattie would probably want me to do this right? So would the trans people I consult with online sometimes. Right. Just tell him the truth. Come out to one more person. For real this time. It's not that scary.

"It's all true. I'm a girl and my name is Layla. Sorry. The, uh, plate is a lead I've been following about something that might help me, like help me a lot. It's maybe slightly magic according to this paper."

"Thank you. Sorry if I was pushy... you're really cool Layla and I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to admit it to us. Can I read it?" He asks genuinely.

I nod and hand it over to him hesitantly while fidgeting about how good it finally feels to be known as Layla to my friends. He slumps down on the sofa and begins to read it. A few minutes later he looks up from the paper and furrows his brow.

"Wow. That's a lot. This is real?" He sounds hopeful about the possibility that it could be real. Why?

"I think so. I might have done some bad stuff to get a hold of it." It doesn't feel great to have borderline stalked a bunch of other transgender women.

"Right. Then we should make use of it? Surely." He says all of a sudden as a bright smile grows upon his face.

"Right now? Isn't that a bit hasty. I thought only I would use it anyway. I don't need to catch you in the crossfire-"

"Nah. It'll be fun. Friends do cool shit like this together. The lady who wrote it clearly explained how to avoid being stuck as a girl. No consequences, right?" Ryan saunters over to Maxwell and hands him the paper. Maxwell's bug eyes immediately begin reading it like he wasn't just staring at a magical ceramic plate for minutes on end.

I hope he at least absorbed what I said about myself. Coming out to him once, way ahead of schedule I might add, was hard enough.

I shift my leg and worry that I've accidentally dragged my friends into something really stupid with me. Do they even want this as well? I've never gotten particularly strong egg vibes from either of them. If they want to be girls I guess that could be a thing. It'd just partially be a shame to have to go back to square one on "guys I am casually friends with and can appreciate visually respectfully".

Maxwell places the paper down on the kitchen counter and blinks at me weirdly.

"We should play it, Layla. It'll be like one of those fun anime VR games in real life, where you get to be someone else temporarily." He sounds oddly enthusiastic. I've never heard of said anime VR games.

I begin to stammer out a protest. If they really want to I won't stop but them. However I need to make my point of view known. "But-"

"He's kinda right. Let's do it Layla." Ryan jumps in before I can say more than one word.

I wipe my face with the kitchen towel and put it in the bin. Then I walk over to my friends who are oogling the ceramic plate. I chew on my lip anxiously.

"You're both serious about this?" I ask. I suddenly realise I switched to my girl voice at some point in this conversation. I don't remember when.

"If it helps you, it'll help me." Ryan shrugs and looks at me impatiently. I didn't think he'd be suggesting recreational gender-bending before class today.

Maxwell does a weird nod at me and starts staring at the plate again. Whatever's going on with him is either really simple or really confusing. I don't have the social skills or knowledge to figure it out myself. There's only one way to clearly find out...

I let out a deep sigh and pop a 2mg pill into my mouth, then I steal Ryan's unfinished glass of milk to wash it down. One for the road. A little extra boost for the girl in me.

"Okay. Let's fuck around and find out." I say with uncontrollable glee in my voice. I start to accept what is about to happen.

Maybe boymoding was stupid to do. I was already out to the vast majority of people who knew me before university.

Mattie and her friends would have probably just happily handed me the plate had I asked for answers. Han probably didn't think less of me because I look awkwardly in-between. Even if her boyfriend Sean is really hot. My friends would have clearly accepted me as I am now, or even before this point.

I probably should be going to that weekly trans meetup already. I probably shouldn't be so scared of the idea of a boy finding me cute and wanting to date me. It's something I fantasise about after all. I fantasise about it a lot. Even just the simple scenario of someone grabbing my waist and brushing hair out of my eyes before kissing me.

There's only one way to truly find out if it's all been worth it though. NHS be damned. They can keep their bottom surgery, I guess I'm risking it for every surgery now. And maybe I'll have the right dose of hormones finally with what Mattie's guide heavily implied.

However weird it'll be to suddenly change like that. However strange it'll be. I'm a trans woman. I should be confident enough to present and act like one. This might be the equivalent of magical super-doping but it's an option that's somehow ended up available to me.

I'm taking it. Then I'm going to try and make the most out of whatever happens as a result. And I should dye my hair this week.

"So, we all need to place our hands on the ceramic plate. And then I need to say the words that were vaguely copied into a text box here."

Maxwell puts his clammy bony hand onto the plate. Ryan places his hand onto the plate and grips Maxwell's tightly. I pin the paper down with one hand and place my other on the engraved ceramic surface as my fingertips brush against my friends', then I begin my attempt at pronouncing the strange language inscribed inside the text box.

When it starts getting weird, I'm very thankful that none of my housemates are in.

When my whole body tingles with warmth and we all start glowing brightly with pink light- I get worried one of my housemates will walk in and see what's going on.

When a cocoon of twisting light entraps all my senses. I finally give up worrying and just sink into it.

I sink into the feeling and begin to fall through open air. It's a complete freefall.

I fall.

And fall.

And fall.

And fall ever closer to the ground.

Then I hit the ground and everything feels different, but familiar in a way that I've fantasised about for so long.

It feels soft and warm. Just like the comfort of being Layla has for so many years in my dysphoric labrinyth of a mind.

I enjoy the ground for longer than I probably should. It just feels good to stand on solid ground for once.

Notes:

Thanks for reading! :) I hope you liked Layla. I love her little wormy head... (I kind of fell in love with her as I wrote her, and also it was fun writing a straight POV because Esme is so incredibly gay).

As implied by this being the epilogue, this is the uh last content I'll do of Tag for a while. Any other content will be post-canon or alternate canon bonus chapters that aren't part of the main narrative thread of Tag. Or well yknow this is kinda post-canon as well but it's important to me...

I've gotta lock the fuck in and get NICCIQUEST out anyway! Have a good one :)