Chapter Text
Wade’s been acting weird for nearly two weeks straight by the time Logan finally cracks.
“You gotta cut it out!” Logan says, snapping his teeth at the end of his statement and cringing after the fourth time Wade opened his mouth as if to say something only to stop himself before he could. “Why do you keep doing that? You’re freaking me out.”
He doesn’t mean to snap at him, but every false start from Wade makes his instincts go into overdrive, hackles raising. He’s barely holding his claws back from where they want to pop out. Logan fiddles with the collar on his neck to calm himself down — he wears it every chance he gets nowadays, new tag gleaming from how he polishes it every night, ingraining the habit into his nightly routine with pride. But something happened after Wade gave it to him, something bothering the merc that Logan can’t figure out and Wade won’t admit to.
It’s not regret, Logan knows that for fucking certain, especially after finding out that Wade hand stamped the tag himself, painstakingly lining up the letters and making sure the word was spelled correctly with his dyslexia. So, no, Logan knows Wade wouldn’t go through all of that for him just to regret the decision the second Logan put it on.
It has to do with Wade thinking he’ll fuck things up between them suddenly. Something to do with that dream he had that he still won’t tell Logan about.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Lo. I’ll quit it,” Wade says deliberately, shutting his mouth firmly after, noticing the claw tips splitting Logan’s hands.
Logan sheaths them and reaches for him, thumbing his chin to turn his face close, going soft, he kisses at the corner of Wade’s mouth, murmuring, “what are you thinking about? Please, talk to me.”
And isn’t that something? Logan having to ask the merc with the mouth to talk .
“You don’t think I’m gonna leave you, do you? ‘Cause I’m really not, and I don’t know how to prove that, but I want to, been trying to.”
“I know,” Logan sighs, cheek against Wade’s forehead. “I know . What I don’t know, though, is where this is coming from? Where you suddenly think you can’t do this, or you’re doing it the wrong way. Wade, we were happy — we are happy. Nothing’s going to change that. New relationship status or not, we’re still us.”
Wade fights the urge to pull back, makes himself melt into Logan’s arms where they wrap around him. It’s a late night for them, lounging on the couch while some shitty old movie plays and he’s tried to calm down for a week but every quiet moment has him overthinking how good he actually is for Logan, if he really deserves to keep him forever.
That maybe there’s a shred of truth to what Jean and Scott have been saying for so fucking long now. Nearly a year and a half of continual, deliberate provocation. It’s enough to crack anyone’s exterior just a little bit, and Wade’s no exception, despite how much he prides himself on the mask he wears of nothing ever getting to him. Except, Logan gets to him, got to him from the beginning. And everything that has to do with him slips past Wade’s defenses like they don’t exist. Cracks right into the core of Wade’s being.
He won’t invoke their names, though, so he just says to Logan instead, “I don’t know, it’s gonna be a little different. Something new for me, and I know new for you, too, but you have all those instincts and stuff that just make you good at keeping your pack safe and cozy and I just— don’t. I’m not a natural family man, I don’t think.”
“Not a natural family man,” Logan repeats, musing. “Not a natural bottom, either, but you seem to do that just fine when the mood hits you.”
Christ he really is Wade’s soulmate.
“You don’t have to be like me for this to work, Jesus, if both of us were as finicky about all of that as I am, we’d be in trouble. You don’t need to worry about that kind of stuff, we balance each other that way.” It sounds rational when Logan says it like that, but Wade still can’t quite shake it, that maybe Logan should consider his options a little more before going all in on Wade.
Logan would argue that he’s been all in, from the fight in the Honda when he realized he wouldn’t— couldn’t — walk away from Wade, even tied up and unable to follow him, Logan didn’t want to leave.
“I just think I should’ve given you more time, maybe, to really see what you’re getting yourself into.”
It’s a little bit like what Jean and Scott have said before and it’s entirely the wrong thing to say, incensing Logan a little bit, stoking a fire in his eyes and his voice when he replies, “Do you think I’ve been in this with my eyes and ears shut? Think I don’t know you? Wade, darling, there isn’t a single thing about you that I don’t know and love.”
“But—”
“ No . I know who I said yes to, every single time I say it, I know exactly who and what I’m saying it to. I knew when I came home with you and I knew when you gave me the collar and again when you changed the tag. It’s been my choice every time.
“You think you’re just something that happened to me, but you’re not. You’re not something to endure, or tolerate, Wade, maybe I’ve done a shit job expressing this, but I fucking love having the privilege of knowing you, okay? You’re—” he cuts himself off, making a beeline for the lamp next to them on the couch grabbing for his military tags hanging from the top of it over the shade. “You’ve given me so much of yourself that I cherish and given me pieces of myself I didn’t know were missing. These—” he shakes the necklace almost violently, “these were my identity for so fucking long before you. Sometimes I didn’t know who I was outside of the information written here. But being with you? Wade, it rewrites all of that with the whole truth of me. Being loved by you is fucking proof of who I really am anymore. No one’s ever loved all of me before.
“I don’t care what anyone else has thought or said about you. I know who you are and I finally, fucking finally, know who I am when I’m with you. I don’t care about the mistakes, I don’t care about the bad days — just like I know you don’t care about mine, right?”
Wade’s done it now, released the beast, watching wide eyed as Logan’s chest heaves, saying more at one time than Wade’s ever heard, and he barrels on before Wade can answer verbally, but he nods emphatically. Of course he doesn’t care about Logan’s bad days, Logan could have only bad days for the rest of their life together and Wade wouldn’t do anything but endure them willingly with him at his beck and call.
“Take these,” Logan presses the chain and the rectangular tags into Wade’s palm. “Until we get rings for the actual ceremony. I’ve been trying to think of some kinda engagement gift for you, anyway, so they can be a start. I want you to keep ‘em, to remind you that you’ve got me, all of me and my past, and you don’t have to do anything to earn that. It’s given to you, and you can’t outrun it or put it down, or lose it. Nonrefundable Wolverine acquisition, sorry, but the multiverse doesn’t accept returns.”
Wade’s chest tightens, stricken. He knows where this is going, where he got it messed up in his brain, before Logan even continues.
“Wade, you of all fucking people know how seriously I take my choices — how important it is to me that I get to be… to be able to choose, even if that choice is giving up the control to someone I trust. You didn’t hold a gun to my head, this time , when you asked me. So please, please don’t undermine this. Not this,” Logan nearly begs, voice cracking and losing the fire, becoming vulnerable in a way that splits Wade open in sympathy.
Oh, oh , okay, yep. Fuck .
He scrambles.
“Lo, sweetheart, I get it. Fucking Christ.” How could he ever have doubted? When Logan’s given him everything, always, his whole self and Wade knows that he’s always let Logan choose that. Never tried to force him. It’s been the natural give and take between them from the start, free and without expectation. He slips the chain over his neck, matching silver to Logan’s gold, and it’s fitting, he thinks.
“I want this, Wade. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything in two hundred years, you just have to keep letting me choose you.”
—
When they make love that night, there’s no games, no dynamic to worry about — just two bodies with matching souls. And if Wade cries when he finally comes inside Logan, calling his name, tears streaking down his face, well, that’s between him and Logan and the salty sweet taste when Logan kisses them from his cheeks and tells him he loves him.
“Fuck,” Wade pants, collapsing into Logan’s chest as the aftershocks fade, and he just purrs, wrapping his arms around the merc. “Lo—”
“Yeah, baby?”
Wade takes a deep breath, hiding his face against Logan’s neck, eyes still stinging a bit. He shifts his hips, buried inside him, but Logan’s not complaining, not even close. He sweeps his hands over Wade’s back in soothing strokes, cupping the nape of his neck to keep Wade close while he gathers himself before pulling out gently. Wade mumbles an apology at Logan’s wince, kissing his ear, but he doesn’t go far. Unable to be parted from Logan for long.
“I’m sorry, Lo,” Wade says again, voice rough. “I didn’t mean to imply that you weren’t capable of making the choice to be with me.”
Logan’s purr rumbles, never faltering as he rolls the two of them onto their sides, tangling their legs and tucking Wade’s face under his chin. He knows it’s easier for Wade when they’re not looking at each other sometimes. Something about Logan’s eyebrows being “too evocative”. Whatever that means.
He pulls the blanket up over them, not caring that they both need a shower — he’ll deal with that later, right now his mate needs comfort and comfort means soft blankets, the smell of home, and even softer words. A post-coital confessional.
“I know, darlin’. You don’t gotta be sorry. M’not hurt or nothin’. Need you to know that this is something I’m certain of, though.”
Wade squirms, pressing closer like he wants to burrow under Logan’s ribs. “This is the farthest I’ve ever gotten with someone,” he whispers. “Guess I’m just a little overwhelmed. Hard not to overthink, second-guess if I deserve it or not. Or if it’s gonna get taken from me.”
And that’s the heart of it, isn’t it? Wade’s sudden insecurity. Things have gotten ripped away from him before, right when he thought they were safe.
Logan rumbles deeper, edging toward a growl this time, displeased at the thought. But his hands are so soft and gentle where he holds Wade against him, like he’s delicate or breakable. Not a built as fuck contract killer with a healing factor. He nuzzles Wade’s cheek, beard rasping against scarred skin.
“Gonna take a hell of a fucking lot to take me from you, Wade.”
He sounds so sure of himself. So confident. It makes butterflies erupt in Wade’s stomach, a deranged giggle passes his lips.
Logan growls lower, playing it up — Wade can feel the way he curls his lips to bare his fangs. “Mean it. I’m keepin’ you. Forever. Don’t care what I gotta do to give us that. And if it’s hard to believe you deserve it, just think about how much you think I deserve it. I’ll fight like hell for both of us.”
He knows all of Wade’s ticks, by now, all the little ways to circumvent his complicated feelings about himself, turn them into something Wade can believe in again. Wade does think Logan deserves whatever makes him happy forever, and here he is, proclaiming Wade as the very thing he wants. Funny how that works, isn’t it?
It feels good, being known so intimately.
He really does have the best Wolverine. The most handsome, the healthiest, too. He’s gotta stop worrying so much, have more faith in the narrative or—
“Where’d ya go, my love?” Logan’s voice breaks his reverie.
“Um, I was just— thinking about how pretty you are,” Wade says, not entirely untrue.
Logan snorts, “uh huh. Sure, baby.”
“I was! Want me to prove it to you?” A playful challenge, much more comfortable for Wade than heartfelt confessions tend to be. Before he can even smirk, attempt to roll his hips against Logan’s, the bed dips with their combined weight and he’s on his back, Logan grinning down at him with a glint in his eyes that makes heat lace up Wade’s spine for the second time that evening.
“Think it’s my turn to prove somethin’ tonight, darlin’.”
And then Logan’s kissing him and kissing him and kissing him and Wade forgets to worry about anything that’s not Logan’s mouth on his.
—
It doesn’t fix things instantly, because of course it can’t, no matter how much Wade wants it to, but it settles something fractured in his heart, like a bandage or tape might, and time will seal the rest over, mend it back together – something they have a lot of to look forward to as a couple.
He feels markedly better in the morning, and he knows Logan can tell, too — grinning at him over the rim of his coffee mug and kissing the space between Wade’s eyes, right above his nose. He hears the military tags rattle and clink in Wade’s sweatpants pocket.
There’s something he needs to do, though, Wade thinks, someone to talk to in order to make sure he doesn’t repeat the mistakes of his past. And she’ll help him, he knows, but it’s not gonna be any fun, and he just hopes it doesn’t hurt Logan that he needs to do this alone when he hasn’t done anything alone since he brought Logan home.
But he’s still a little bit of a coward, wanting to wait it out until he can’t anymore.