gross couple-y things

by mnee

Summary:

Everyone in their friend group is dating each other and Naruto's tired of it.

Sasuke has an obvious solution.

 

 

 

Sasuke leaned into Ino’s space, shamelessly seeking the relief of her portable fan. Despite assurances from his so-called friends that the bar was generous with its air conditioning, it was hardly any cooler than outside. It might even be worse, the tiny breeze from Ino's fan circulating the air more effectively than whatever bullshit cooling system this place claimed to have.

 

Inexplicably, he was content to torture himself for the sake of their company anyway. Or, less mysteriously, one person’s company in particular. 

 

Naruto was there, and he looked far too good with his head tilted back as he drained his beer, each swallow making the moody lighting bounce off of the sweat glistening on his neck. Condensation dripped from the glass bottle, hitting his collarbone and sliding tantalizingly beneath his shirt. Sasuke didn’t even care if everyone saw him staring, but they were too preoccupied with each other to notice.

 

“Ten, tell them what happened at the gym yesterday,” Sakura was saying, cueing a back and forth of no you tell them! that quickly devolved into whispering and giggling and then full-on making out. Sasuke sighed and took advantage of Ino’s piqued interest to steal her fan entirely. 

 

“Alright, I’m outta here,” Naruto announced, pushing his chair back from the table. He swept an accusing finger around the group when everyone save for Sasuke began to whine. “Don’t blame me, blame yourselves! If you guys could stop being all gross and couple-y after we’ve barely had three rounds, I wouldn’t have to leave early to go puke.”

 

“Oh c’mon, we’ll stop!” Sakura said. She didn’t move out of Tenten’s lap, nor did Tenten’s hand relocate from where it was casually cupping her boob. 

 

“We’re not gross,” Neji added, face red. Lee returned from the restroom a moment later and threw himself into Neji’s arms, waxing poetic about how much he’d missed him during their three minute separation. 

 

Sasuke met Naruto’s gaze and pretended to gag. Naruto chuckled, then groaned when Ino and Hinata continued to plead with him to stay. He had a soft spot for Hinata that Sasuke long found annoying, but has almost come to think of as—god help him—cute. Seeing Naruto starting to bend, however, Sasuke let his glass clatter onto the table and stood.

 

“I’m leaving too.” He gave a lazy wave and, reluctantly leaving the fan behind, exited the bar without bothering to exchange farewells. He leaned against the brick exterior to wait, shaking the bottom of his shirt in a futile attempt to get anything other than swampy humid air against his skin. God, he hated summer. By the time Naruto joined him a few minutes later, sweat was running down his temples, his shirt now clinging to his back like a second skin. He shot Naruto a glare and started for the train station, Naruto immediately falling into step beside him.

 

“Took you long enough.”

 

“Yeah, well, some of us like to say an actual goodbye,” Naruto said, knocking their shoulders together. He was smiling, a pretty shade of pink tinging the apples of his cheeks. “Thanks though. Man, I miss Kiba and Kankuro. At least they’re not always trying to crawl inside each other’s skin.”

 

“No,” Sasuke mused, “they’re annoying in plenty of other, much worse ways.” 

 

“Please, you know you love them!”

 

Sasuke didn't deny it. People could be annoying and lovable, after all; Naruto was proof of that. 

 

It was late enough that the evening rush had passed and there were plenty of seats on the train. Entering the air conditioned car may as well have been passing through the gates of heaven, their gratified moans earning them various side-eyes from the other passengers as they dropped into an empty stretch of seats. They sat side by side, knees touching, while Naruto launched into a rant about the new reformulation of his favorite sunscreen. 

 

“It feels so gross,” he complained, pressing the back of his hand to his face. “Seriously, touch my forehead!”

 

Sasuke indulged him with a poke. “Just feels sweaty to me.”

 

“Exactly! Except it feels like I’m sweating my ass off all the time, not just after I’ve been outside.”

 

“We can’t have that.” Sasuke slanted a glance toward Naruto’s backside and Naruto kicked his calf with a snort. “You can try mine if you want. I don’t remember what it’s called, I just use whatever Itachi sends me.”

 

“It’s so unfair that you get a dermatologist for a brother. My parents totally screwed me over, y’know.” Naruto reached up and stroked Sasuke’s face, humming thoughtfully. “Your skin does feel nice.”

 

Sasuke felt himself blush. Naruto grinned, no doubt seeing the color on his pale complexion. “Looks pretty nice too,” he said breezily, turning back to face the train doors. 

 

“Asshole,” Sasuke muttered. He flicked the top of Naruto’s ear and smirked when he jumped, leaning out of the way just before Naruto could return the favor. “Hey, keep your hands to yourself before that auntie yells at us.”

 

Naruto’s jaw dropped. “You started it!”

 

He was so easy to rile up, Sasuke thought fondly. 

 

They spent the remainder of the train ride antagonizing each other in a similar fashion, racing to be the first one out of the station once they reached Sasuke’s stop. Tragically, the temperature had only dropped one negligible degree and they still had to trudge through the miserable heat to Sasuke’s apartment. Naruto filled the silence as always, somehow convincing Sasuke to agree to a weekend trip to the mountains by the time they reached his door. When he unlocked it and stepped inside, however, Naruto remained in the hallway, pointedly not looking in his direction.

 

“Well, I’ve dropped you off,” Naruto said cheerfully, turning to leave. “I’ll see you for lunch on Tuesday!”

 

Sasuke let him take one step before grabbing him by the arm and hauling him into his apartment, rolling his eyes at Naruto’s demented little giggle as he crowded him up against the closed door. “Why are you always playing hard to get?”

 

“Me? You’re the one who didn’t even talk to me for the first two years after we met.”

 

“You talked enough for the both of us.”

 

“You’re such an asshole,” Naruto told him, laughing and angling his head for a kiss. Sasuke made a sound of agreement, stepping closer and relishing the feeling of Naruto’s arms winding tightly around him. They kissed for several blissful moments before Naruto pulled away with a groan, his head thunking against the door. “D’you mind if we don’t have sex tonight? I’m so beat.”

 

Sasuke’s body sagged in relief, which Naruto promptly mistook as disappointment.

 

“I mean, if you’re gonna be a baby about it, I can just go home—”

 

“No, stupid, I’m tired too,” Sasuke huffed. “Do you want something to eat?”

 

“For the love of god, something cold, please.” Naruto followed him into the kitchen, opening up Sasuke’s freezer and sticking his head inside. “Fuck that feels good. Ooh, can you make me one of those green smoothies I hate?” 

 

Sasuke hip checked him out of the way and stuck his own head in, draping a frozen bag of peas over his neck. “Why the hell do you want one if you hate them?”

 

“The ginger’s refreshing, y’know!” Naruto peeled off his shirt and used it to smack Sasuke’s butt. “And it doesn’t taste so bad when you make it because you make it with looove,” he crooned, snickering when Sasuke blindly kicked out a leg and missed him completely.

 

“Go take a shower, you stink.”

 

“But what about my smoothie?”

 

Sasuke could hear his goddamn puppy dog eyes. He pulled out an ice cube tray and shut the freezer door with his elbow as he turned around. “Fine. Make it quick and it’ll be ready when you get out.” He accepted a peck on the lips, smiling when it led to several more, Naruto suddenly pressing him into the fridge with a toe-curling kiss that didn’t feel innocent in the slightest. “What happened to no sex?”

 

“Handjobs barely count,” Naruto reasoned.

 

And really, how could Sasuke argue with such flawless logic?

 

---

 

“What! I can’t believe they’re doing a rematch without us.” Naruto held up his phone and Sasuke peered down at it, still toweling his hair dry from his shower. Ino had sent a message reading Place your bets! to their group chat. Below it was a picture of Sakura and Lee, competing to see who could do the most push-ups with their respective partners perched on their backs. 

 

“Definitely Sakura,” Sasuke said, tossing the towel over a drying rack and then climbing onto the bed next to him. “Remember when she crushed that watermelon with her thighs?”

 

“Yeah, but she wiped the floor with him last time. Lee’s probably been practicing for weeks.” Naruto mumbled his reply to himself as he typed. “Sasuke says Sakura, but I think Lee’ll…”

 

“If you say that, they’ll know we left together," Sasuke pointed out, nudging Naruto's side with his foot. "Move over, bed hog."

 

Naruto scooted a few inches closer to the wall without looking up. “Eh, they need some new gossip material anyway. It’ll give them something to do that isn’t sucking each other’s faces off every time we get together.”

 

Chuckling, Sasuke laid back and savored the crisp coolness of his cotton sheets. “Does it really bother you that much?”

 

“Well, a little.” Naruto reached over him to put his phone on the nightstand and sighed. “It’s not that they’re happy, obviously, it just kind of sucks feeling lonely when everyone else is coupled up. Don’t you ever feel that way?”

 

“Not really.” Sasuke wasn’t into public displays of affection anyway, but more than that, he hadn’t felt lonely in some time. Not since they’d started whatever this was. “You know…” He resisted the urge to look over at Naruto, keeping his eyes trained on the ceiling. “We could make it official too.”

 

There was a pause before Naruto spoke, his voice carefully light. “Everyone would freak.”

 

“Probably.”

 

"And what happens if we break up? It’d be messy as hell.”

 

“You're practically best friends with all of your exes.”

 

“Yeah, so won’t you be jealous?”

 

“I'm already jealous,” Sasuke admitted. “But I'm not going to let it be your problem.”

 

Naruto let that confession hang between them long enough to give Sasuke regret sweats, then made a thoughtful noise. “So what are my perks if we're in a relationship?”

 

“Perks?” Sasuke scoffed, finally turning to face him. Naruto glanced over and away again, looking shy of all things, and an exhilarating warmth ballooned in Sasuke’s chest. “Well," he said, taking Naruto's hand, "we can do stuff like this. And we can say things like…”

 

Naruto’s eyes darted back to him. “Like what?”

 

Sasuke smirked. “You have to be my boyfriend to find out.”

 

“Fine, fine. We're boyfriends,” Naruto said impatiently. “Now tell me.”

 

“Like…” Sasuke rolled on top of him and leaned down, watching Naruto’s pupils slowly dilate. Keeping a straight face, he murmured, “You wheeze when you’re out of breath. I really think you should get tested for asthma.”

 

Naruto barked out a startled laugh. “Oh my god, you’re the worst—”

 

“And I didn’t actually like my birthday present last year—”

 

“Wha—that was limited edition, you jerk!”

 

“And—” Sasuke let Naruto shove him off just to tackle him, spurring a wrestling match that nearly ended with both of them on the floor.

 

“We’ve been dating for five seconds,” Naruto panted, getting back onto his knees to trap Sasuke in a headlock, “and you're already being so mean to me. Why should I be your boyfriend at all, huh?”

 

“You didn't let me finish.” Sasuke tucked his chin and used all of his strength to curl forward, flipping Naruto over his shoulder. Naruto scowled at him but didn't move, his chest heaving. When his next breath came out as a wheeze, they both burst out laughing.

 

“We can say things like,” Sasuke tried, gulping for air. He inhaled deeply and tugged at a lock of Naruto’s hair. “Quit laughing, damnit.”

 

Naruto did his best to quiet down. “Things like?” he prompted, mouth still twitching. He was looking at Sasuke upside-down, his head in front of Sasuke’s lap with his legs hanging off the bed. Maybe it was terribly unromantic, but Sasuke couldn’t imagine a more perfect moment.

 

“Things like…” Sasuke pet over Naruto’s hair, now, smoothing the damp strands away from his face. “I love you, and I have for a long time.”

 

Naruto’s eyes became very wet very fast. “Shit,” he mumbled, quickly dashing tears away. “I can’t believe you actually said it first.”

 

Sasuke snorted softly. “That’s all you have to say?”

 

“Shut up, you know I—” Naruto’s voice caught. “I love you too. Of course I do.”

 

He'd had his suspicions, sure, but hearing it out loud still affected Sasuke more than he ever expected. Reaching for Naruto's hand, Sasuke squeezed it as he bent down to kiss him. Or tried to—their current positions made it less than ideal, his hair attacking Naruto's face and their mouths not quite aligning in a way that allowed him to convey the emotion he'd intended.

 

“This is like, a really shitty Spider-Man kiss,” Naruto spluttered, pawing Sasuke's hair out of his mouth with a giggle.

 

“Get over here, then.” Sasuke shuffled back toward his pillows and Naruto scrambled upright to follow, kissing him as soon as he was close enough to do so properly. This kiss was perfect, Naruto clutching at him in the desperate way that Sasuke liked, his lips soft but commanding. Sasuke felt like he might vibrate out of his body; like he was too happy to be contained, and Naruto’s solid weight was the only thing holding him down.

 

"Sasuke..." Naruto grinned when Sasuke refused to let him move away, nosing along his jaw to plant a kiss by his ear instead. “We’re really doing this?”

 

“Too late to back down now. What, are you scared?”

 

“Never been less scared in my life.”

 

Sasuke buried his own grin into Naruto’s shoulder. “Prove it. Should we start planning out all of the gross couple-y things we'll do?”

 

“Start? Babe, I've been writing a list for months.”

 

Snorting, Sasuke dropped his head back and quirked a brow. “Alright, what's on it?”

 

“Well…”  Naruto looked down at him, blue eyes twinkling. “Things like,” he began, and gazing up at the very same smile that had first won him over, Sasuke already knew: no matter how embarrassing, how ridiculous, he would do them all.