Chapter Text
He came so close to accomplishing his goal and, as usual, Thor ruined it all.
It all happens so fast that Loki's body, filled with rage and despair, reacts on its own. He is hardly in control of his own movements anymore, unable to contain the fury that's tearing him apart from the inside. He attacks Thor for this is the only thing he has left, since he has already ruined everything else.
For a while, everything seemed to be working so well. Everyone was exactly where he had placed them: Odin in a deep slumber, Laufey with a knife directly above him, Frigga right next to them, ready to witness the tremendous heroism of Loki, who killed his biological father in the name of his foster one. As always, however, one word from his brother was enough to destroy the whole elaborate plan, enough to plant a seed of doubt in their mother's mind sprouting quickly under the influence of Thor's stormy face. As usual, whatever Loki does doesn't matter in the presence of the obvious: Thor comes first.
So when Thor tries to take from him this one last thing, this final revenge and this only chance for destruction, Loki explodes. If everything else was for nothing, he could have at least this, he could destroy Jotunheim and a race of monsters he didn't want to remember. He could at least lash out in this way, but no, Thor takes that away from him as well, as he pounds again and again with his hammer on the bridge whose magic he doesn't understand. Thor never grasped its power and what it was really all about…
Loki throws himself at him with a howl that he can't even hear, throws himself at the man who was meant to be his brother, and who has stood in his way of getting what he dreamed of all their lives. He jumps with an inner conviction that this time he will succeed, that this time he will not hesitate and will not back down, that this is the moment he will finally be able to kill Thor....
Unfortunately, the very moment this decision falls in his mind, it is Thor who once again changes the course of history. The Spear of the Allfather held by Loki is nearly reaching Thor's body, nearing the much-awaited justice... But it is at this very instant that Thor's next monstrously powerful strike finally shatters the Bifrost and with it Loki's last hope of accomplishing his purpose.
Loki's entire world falls to pieces as he suddenly glides through the air, just him alone surrounded by the shrill roar and debris of the bridge. Somewhere in the corner of his vision flashes the red cape of Thor, who apparently is also falling, as they both have no hold over what is unfolding around them....
Time slows abruptly as Loki begins to plummet downward, when it finally occurs to him where the up and down are, where the remnants of the shattered world are... Where suddenly out of nowhere his father appears, reaching out with ferocious determination to his descending legacy…
Even in this very moment, even in a situation where both Loki and Thor may perish, Odin demonstrates clearly who he cares about. His hand clasps on the ankle of his legitimate son, saving him from doom. Thor is the only one who counts, the only one who has ever mattered, when the strong arm of the Allfather is all that stands between him and the infinite void. And what is he, Loki, the inferior son, the outcast, dispensable even at a time like this, supposed to do? He does the only thing he has left - in a desperate attempt at survival he grabs onto the thing Thor is holding, that meaningless stick he so desired. How pathetic, how preposterous, that he, who ought to be a king, he now hangs like a rag doll, haggard with deep terror, separated from annihilation only by his brother's fingers clenched on the spear.
He gazes at both of them, looking at them as if he were seeing them for the first time. It strikes him suddenly that they both have the same exact eyes, although their expressions are so very different. Thor's lips, now twisted with horror, are, as a matter of fact, his mother's lips, he is infused with her all over... And it suddenly comes to Loki with full force that they are all family, that they are everything he is not and never will be. That moment - that sickening, endless moment when Loki looks at the two people who destroyed his existence - alters him eternally.
“I could have done it, father! I could have done it!” he calls out with his last strength, a last attempt to convince him and himself that it's all not true, that it didn't happen... ”For you... For all of us.”
But even at this point, his father's gaze has no sympathy in it. That merciless eye, the eye that has followed Loki's every move for so many years also now does not leave his face when the Allfather utters his devastating truth.
“No, Loki.”
This is the last straw that shatters Loki from the inside out, this short word and his own name, spoken with such contempt by the one who was supposed to be his father.
His brother cries out something in panic, but Loki has already made up his mind. They don't deserve him, they never did. He will leave here and then they will regret it, then they will see....
And finally, he lets go of that last bit of Asgard he still holds on to his old life from his fingers, gets rid of his last regret. With that last proud look cast at his father and brother, Loki begins to fall into nothingness.
They call out something after him, but he no longer wants to listen. So he turns away from his past, toward the vastness of infinite nothing that will eventually consume him, he allows himself to be swept away by these blasts of change into a boundless expanse of nothingness.
The world does not end. Time does not stop when Loki falls and falls, when there is nothing left around him but nonentity. There is no sound. No more desperate screams from Thor. The world has disappeared behind him. There is only darkness, the void and him.
His chest tightens and panic seeps into his core. Infinite space stretches in all directions. He drifts, helpless, further and further away from Asgard, from everything he has ever known. The freezing cold penetrates his bones and suddenly, but maybe not for the first time in his life, Loki feels small. Alone.
He doesn't know how much time has passed - how long he has drifted, disoriented in the immensity of space. But with every passing moment he realizes that he is sinking deeper and deeper, heavier and heavier, like a weight is pulling him down. He has nothing now. No plan. No brother. No purpose.
As panic fills him to the brim, Loki begins to grieve.
Rage and regret blinded him so that he didn't even give a good thought to what he was condemning himself to. Now, however... Will someone be looking for him? Is anyone capable of finding him here where he is?
How long will it be before he dies? He knows that time is passing, as his body weakens, suspended in boundless hopelessness, but Loki also knows that he is able to survive for a very long time without water, without food, without normal air even, just in this terrifying, infinite, indifferent space…
At times he loses consciousness, but when he awakens, he remains stuck in suspension, no one has come for him, no one has rescued him... Even his mother apparently must have already come to terms with his loss... Maybe she's even internally pleased about it.
No one ever wanted him. They don't want him now either. He should go back there and take revenge on them all for what they did to him. This thought gives him some kind of unhealthy vibrancy, the grief and reproach motivate him enough that before he passes out again, Loki tries the only thing he can think of: he gathers all this anger and despair inside him, searches for the remnants of magic and gathers it all together to transform it into energy.
He's never been introduced to this kind of magic, but now there's nothing else left for him to do but try to get out of here. He sucks out almost all of his life energy, everything he has left, and begs in his mind the indifferent universe to grant him this one last favor. Another chance.
Asgard.
He sees it in his head and focuses his mind on it. He wants to go back. There is nothing else for him, just Asgard.
He puts everything he has into this last effort, and the universe grants him this grace, his body trembling as Loki slashes through the nothingness, this last time trying to survive, to catch that last hope one more time, to find himself home again....
He doesn't know if it worked, but something definitely happened, as he suddenly takes in a breath full of fresh air, air that smells almost like the air he's been breathing all his life. Almost, because there's something unfamiliar about it, something deeply disturbing, but Loki doesn't have the strength to think about it anymore. In his last second of consciousness, as his body falls to the ground, Loki sees the distant, oh-so-familiar shape of the buildings and relief sweeps over him.
He has made it. He's back on Asgard.
Loki faints, but this one thought wheels in his head.
Asgard, Asgard, Asgard.
Even if he were conscious it wouldn't even cross his mind that it might not be his Asgard. Ultimately, what are the odds of that?