Chapter Text
Grian was a mama’s boy; not that he really had his father, who sent Pearl and him guilt-money every month and pays the bills to their four roomed apartment. Their mum, who, despite the fact that she didn't need the money, still kept it. Something about Pearl’s and his ‘collage funds,’ or whatever.
(Who needs $3,000 for an arts and crafts project? And every month, too! He wasn’t even making any collages!)
Dad, or at least their dad, in the words of Pearl, was an abbreviation for “Deadbeat Awful—“ but she’d never say the last word in front of him. He’s heard it before, obviously; he has ears and he uses them when Pearl doesn’t know he’s listening. He also knows that she isn’t supposed so be saying in either, because his mom scolded her for saying it after.
“Pearl! Even if he’s not in our lives anymore, you shouldn’t be swearing at him!”
”Am I wrong though?” She whispered. “Yeah, the college money is sweet, and, hey! I can pick out whatever career I want, or whatever, but he’s still not here anymore! That hurts! Right when he finally got a son, like he’s always wanted, he starts flying around the world, to ‘tour it,’ as if he needs to.”
“I’m fine with him leaving,” his mother says, walking up to Pearl and wiping away the small tears, beading at the corners of her eyes. Grian knows what that feels like. It feels like strong, calloused hands with a gentle touch, that which reminds you of a soft, downy feather, but bears the strength of determination. Every mother’s hand is like that.
Pearl looked confused, (or angry, Grian couldn’t tell from his hiding spot behind the counter dividing the living room and kitchen) before his mom continued. “Im fine with him leaving, Pearl, because we weren’t right for each other. Maybe, one day, I’ll fall in love with someone again. But it’s not that time, yet. And your dad visits enough, in my opinion,” she laughed a bit, smiling at Pearl when her own grin was revealed.
“Pearl, you were the first good thing to come out of my life with that man after falling in love with him. Then it was Grian. We get money, sure, but that’s because he loves you guys. He isn’t doing it just for me, even if I got to pick the home we lived in.
”He isn’t a bad man, Pearl. He just doesn’t know how to raise kids, and I’m fine with doing it on my own. And he isn’t travelling for no reason. He’s there working, helping people all around the world to get better, live better, be better. Did you know right how he’s stationed in Peru helping sick kids in the hospital?” Pearl wordlessly shook her head. “Just yesterday he saved a kid from dying to tuberculosis. I think that’s a great reason to be flying around the world.
”He’s doing something, Pearl. Even if he isn’t here with us right now, he’s still doing something. He may not be my husband anymore, but he’s still your father and he loves you. It’s just… sometimes, for him, work comes first.” She was crying now, small tears catching onto her eyelashes. Grian didn’t like it when his mum cried. She didn’t cry often, except for the time his great-uncle passed away. It was horrible watching her scream on the phone until her voice was hoarse.
He knows it’s dumb and selfish to think this his mother screaming until her voice was hoarse, but Grian misses that feeling of pain in the back of his throat.
He misses himself.
He’s on the Pearl’s bed next to Gem one day, listening to his sister and her friends, Tango and Etho, discuss the route they were gonna take on their newspaper trails. They all have first period off, and got jobs at the nearby post office. Coincidentally, Etho was Gem’s older sister, meaning if Etho was coming over, so was Gem, vice versa.
”We could walk through Moon Creek Street before we walk to Hopper Clock Avenue, but that would mean we’d have to skip Hermit Street in favour of PyroTek Road and do Hermit Road after school.”
Gem and Grian glanced at each other. Etho nodded his head; he was usually okay with whatever, honestly. Gem and Grian had no idea what Tango was saying, but it seemed to be agitating Pearl.
“No way, Tango! If we skip Hermit Street we’ll miss seeing False, and I remember that I said, ‘hey, with this route, we’ll see False on our way to work!’” She sounded mad. Pearl was never angry, especially for something like this. “Pearl, are you okay? You don’t seem well.” Etho sounded concerned, which was reasonable, but Pearl looked at him like he was crazy.
“No, Etho. I’m not okay, okay?” This wasn’t normal Pearl behaviour. Pearl usually made funny jokes and set a ‘calm vibe,’ to everybody that knew her. Something was up.
But what could Grian do?
Grian stood off the bed and rushed out of the room. His mum would know what to do! He closed Pearl’s room door and rushed to the kitchen. His small feet padded against the floor towards the kitchen, where his mom was making food. He tugged on her pyjama bottoms and got her to lean down.
”What is it, honey?”
Grian blinked at her before pointing to Pearl’s room and making an angry face. (He didn’t have to worry if his mum knew what he meant. She always did, because she was a mum. It’s mummy-magic.)
”Ah, Pearl’s upset?” She said, raising her pitch in a questioning tone. Grian nodded.
”Dunno’ what to do…” he whispered, playing with his sweater sleeves. It was a nervous habit that grew overtime. “What do you think would make her happy right now, love?” His mother asked, the smile never leaving her face.
“I could, Uhm…” his mother slowly grabbed his hands, preventing him from fidgeting, and got him to look at her with a soft call of ‘hey.’
”I could…draw her, Uhm…a happiness picture?” He whispered. His mum smiled at him, big and showcasing her teeth. “That’s a great idea, birdie. How about I go get you some colors and you work here with Gem?” She sounded positive this would work.
”I could call her here,” he whispered. “Mama?” He looked down. “I don’t like it when Pearl’s sad.” His mother’s smile wavered, and she pulled him in for a hug. “Me neither, Gri.” She whispered, “but she won’t be sad for long. Because you’re gonna draw her the pretties happiness picture and she’ll cheer up.” Grian nodded against her shoulder and patted her arm twice before moving away.
He walked back into the room and called Gem out. Gem waddled over to him and he grabbed her hand and brought her to the living room. “Here you are, Gri,” his mother said, bringing over a pencil case of colors and a few sheets of white paper. Tango and Etho came back into the living room a little later to give Pearl some space.
Gem and him drew for a little bit, Gem throwing questioning glances his way whenever he’d grumble under his breath. Eventually, he called her with a small “Gem?” She looked up from the drawing she did of herself underwater with fish and saw Grian’s drawing.
It was of Pearl, Grian, and their mother holding hands and smiling. There was a note at the bottom saying, ‘Please be hap pey py pearl’ written in yellow marker. It was blotchy and obviously done by a kid. “You like?” He said, moving the poster away from his face. His lips were slowly twitching upwards but his eyes were nervous. Gem realized he was attempting to smile.
“The drawing is great, Grian!” She said. Grian’s smile faded but there still was a little light in his eyes, and for once, Gem could read his expression. He was happy. He quickly got up to go into the room.
When Grian entered, Pearl was asleep on her bed, facing away from the door, her homework still opened across the floor. Grian’s left the drawing on Pearls table and climbed onto her bed to press a kiss to her hair, before scrambling off her bed to let her sleep.
When Grian came back to the living room, the colors and papers were gone, and so were Etho, Tango and Gem. “Hey, Gri. How’d the happiness drawing work out? Is she feeling better?” Grian shook his head. “Sh’sleeping…” he whispered. “Left it on ‘er table.”
He waddled over to the couch and sat next to his mum, who had a very thick blanket over her lap that she pulled up and over his legs as well. “Mama?” Grian asked. His mother responded with a ‘hmm?’ And turned towards him. “Do you know why Pearl’s mad?” He was clutching his mother’s hand now, holding on like he’d fly away if he let go.
“Pearl was upset at Etho for losing their map at the post office, and they didn’t know which way to take to deliver the mail without missing any of the streets they were assigned.” She sighed, as if this wasn’t a big deal. (Which it wasn’t.)
Grian was quiet for a moment before he said, “mama?” His mother looked over at him again. “Yes, love?” She whispered back. “Will you ever hate me?” He whispered.
(It was irrational. It was a dumb question. Even Grian himself knew it was a dumb question but he needed to know. He knew his mother loved him, she showed him she loved him, she told him she loved him, but he needed proof of it in some way. It was dumb, it was stupid, it didn’t correlate with what Pearl had done, but he still needed to know.)
“Oh, Grian,” she said, wrapping her arms around Grian and pulling his little six-year-old underweight (he didn’t really like eating, especially when his body couldn’t tolerate proper foods) body into her lap. She pressed kisses against his crown and head. “Never, Grian, never. I’ll never, ever, ever hate you. My beautiful baby boy.” Grian held onto her shirt until she removed her face from his hair.
”Okay. Thanks, mama.” She pressed one more kiss to his forehead and laid him down on the couch to sleep.
Later that night, Grian would wake up next to his mum in her bed, cuddled under the comforter with his glasses on the table next to him. He almost smiled in his mother’s arms, cuddling deeper to keep warm.
(In the morning, Pearl said she loved the drawing Grian made her. She loved it so much, she used her favourite purple and pink magnet to hang it up on the fridge before she went out with Etho and Tango to deliver mail. It seems that they made up.
When Grian asked about it, Pearl said Tango had a photo of their route, and that everything is okay.
Grian thinks so, too.)