Chapter Text
Tasing people didn't start out as a habit, honest. After she'd tased Thor the first time, she swore off using her taser in situations that didn't call for it. Of course, what she hadn't realized is that, when nervous, she had one heck of a trigger finger.
The first to fall was Clint, not that she knew who he was at the time. She hadn't realized that Agent Thief had left a few guys behind after he'd stolen Jane's life's work. All she had wanted was to go down to the local diner and have a nice dinner of bacon and waffles (what? She was a grown woman, she could have breakfast for dinner if she really wanted to) but nope! Of course there was a creepy guy following her, because this day just wasn't bad enough.
She tried to ignore him, and walked into the diner and sat down at the counter. She was vaguely aware of him sitting at a table in the corner, but tried to block him out as she gave her order to the rather maternal waitress. She glanced behind Darcy, and quietly asked, "Honey, do you know that guy? Because he's staring at you something fierce." Darcy quickly turned around, and saw him looking at her intensely, before dropping his gaze into his lap. She shuddered. She'd been stared at before, by worse men (one does not become a DD-cup in middle school without being the target of a few lust-drunk stares), but this guy really took the cake. He didn't seem to be staring at her chest, which is a welcome relief, but the intensity of his gaze was starting to make her squirm. And then her eyes dropped to the small device in his hands. There was no way.
"Is that my iPod?" she nearly screeched, moving across the diner to confront him. He looked down at it, lifted his chin to look at her again, and gave her a small smirk. Of all the unnerving jerks in the world, it has to be this one that stole her iPod. She was not going to deal with this, not today. She wanted some alone time, and alone time meant tunes. She marched straight up to the guy, and snatched the device from his hands. He gave her a look that was halfway between amusement and confusion, but she just turned and walked back towards the counter. She noticed him getting up from his seat, and dug into her purse.
The moment his hand locked around her wrist, she attacked with all the anger she could muster. She slipped out of his hold like she'd learned in freshman-year self defense class, turned, and stuck her taser right between his ribs. He gave her a look of complete confusion for a moment, before falling to the ground in a convulsing heap. "Isabel!" she shouted at the waitress, "I think I'm going to have to wait on my order! Also, maybe call the police!" She heard a faint 'WHAT?' come from the back, but she ignored it as she noticed a small flip phone fall out of the guy's belt. Seriously, who used flip phones anymore? Even her grandmother was on a Blackberry, even if it had taken a decade of convincing. She sat down on the floor, resting her legs on the man's now-unconscious body. She'd probably set the taser a little higher than what was really called for, but whatever. You don't just steal a girl's iPod and get away unpunished.
She unlocked the phone (thank you, hacking skills!), and hit the first speed dial button, quietly humming as the phone rang. "Agent Barton?" an authoritative voice asked.
"Sorry!" Darcy chirped. "He's not here right now. I don't know who he or you are, but right now your friend is unconscious on the floor of Isabel's Diner. You really should teach him some manners."
She heard a hand cover up the phone, but a few curses made their way through. She couldn't repress a giggle. "So, why is Barton unconscious?" the voice asked in a resigned tone.
"Well, you see, he was being a complete and total creep, following me around, and he stole my iPod!... Wait a sec," she said, realization coming in a flash. "Are either of you those super-freaky agent-wannabes that stole Jane's stuff?! I swear—"
"Miss Lewis," he interrupted, "Please leave Agent Barton where he is. You may keep your iPod, but only if you return to Doctor Foster immediately, and not mention this incident to anyone else. Understood?"
She chewed on her lip, humming as she thought. She could practically hear him cringing on the other side of the phone. It's not like she had much of a choice in the matter, but she wasn't about to let him know that. "Hmm... Fine. But, if you don't return Jane's research soon, she's going to go bat-crap-crazy, and no one wants to see that. So step it up, dude!" And with that, she hung up. She stood up, picked up, and dusted off her jeans. She took one more look at the man on the floor, still looking for all the world like he had decided to nap there, and shrugged. Not her problem. His friend would be back for him later, either way. She opened the door, shouted, "Later!" behind her, and walked out the door, leaving nothing but the jingling of the bell at the top in her wake.
Phil Coulson stared at his phone for a moment, stunned at being hung up on, and hit the 'end call' button. He sighed deeply, and laid his head on his desk for a moment. After dealing with Mr. Stark, he really should have learned not to negotiate with terrorists.