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Bokuto Koutarou was, has always been, passionate, quick to get excited, and he was just as quick to commit himself to those things he found interesting, pouring his very being into everything he did.
It wasn’t any different when he first met Akaashi.
The boy was standing with the other first years, looking shy and guarded as he fiddled with his fingers at the hem of his shirt, but at the same time he emitted self-confidence and resolve. Bokuto saw the determination lighting up his features before Akaashi broke the eye contact and turned back to the others.
Akaashi Keiji was, has always been, deliberate, carefully measuring and thinking over all the things he did, but when he found something he sincerely enjoyed, he didn’t spare the time or energy to invest in it.
It wasn’t any different when he first met Bokuto.
The boy was standing near the team captain and the coach, loudly telling them about something, his eyes skimming the newly applied first years. Until he found Akaashi’s gaze, who averted his eyes after a few moments, looking back at the other first years he was standing with.
”I heard you’re a setter,” Bokuto said as a greeting, stopping right in front of Akaashi and handing him the ball he just picked up. ”I’m Bokuto Koutarou, second year, and I play wing spiker. Wanna give me a few tosses?”
Practice ended ten minutes ago and only the first years remained to clean up the gym, but apparently it didn’t bother the overly excited boy who was evidently still full of energy.
Akaashi took the ball from him, frowning. ”Akaashi Keiji. And yes, I am, but we’re already finished for today, maybe tomorrow,” he said, sidestepping the other boy.
”But Akaashi-kun, we need to practise as much as we can, to synch for the time our regular setter retires,” he pressed, following the other to a ball cart. ”Coach said you’re gonna be the next in line, and I’m the ace!” he said, puffing out his chest proudly. ”Or at least I’m almost. But I will be,” he added.
The gym door opened with a loud creak, then a voice interrupted Bokuto.
”Stop pestering the new kids!” a boy with light brown hair shouted. ”Hurry up and take a shower or we’re leaving without you. Komi’s treating us to nikuman.”
”You can go on ahead, I’m gonna catch up to you later,” Bokuto answered, then he turned back to Akaashi when the boy just shrugged and closed the door. ”Pretty please? Only a couple of tosses?” he pleaded. ”Just to see how we can work together.”
Akaashi had a feeling he would get out sooner if he complied with Bokuto’s request. ”Fine, but only a few tosses. I have to be at home in an hour for dinner,” he said.
As it turned out, he easily figured out what kind of tosses Bokuto liked the most, it only took him a total of three tries.
He didn’t make it home in time for dinner, for the first time ever since he started school.
Bokuto Koutarou instantly knew Akaashi would become an important part of the volleyball team, but he didn’t count on the possibility where the boy would become essential for his own life.
When he realized just how much he liked him, how much he was engrossed in thinking about the boy basically at any given time, Bokuto was torn between the desire to simply tell him everything and the fear of the potential awkwardness that would settle on their relationship if the other didn’t reciprocate his feelings.
Then he remembered it wasn’t like him at all to overthink or to back down from something he wanted, and in this case needed, so when April brought his final year at high school with the sweet scent of cherryblossoms, he decided he would confess.
”Hey, Akaashi, would you like to get some ice cream?” Bokuto asked the boy sitting on the bench next to him.
”Sure, Bokuto-san,” the other said as he tied his shoelaces.
”Awesome,” the captain cheered, dancing out of the locker room, Akaashi in tow. ”There is this new place two corners down from school, and we can go and eat the ice cream by the riverbank. Konoha said it’s really pretty with the trees in full bloom.”
”Sounds great,” Akaashi said, smiling at the boy.
Bokuto’s heart rate went through the roof at the sight and he swallowed hard.
”Yeah, um, so it’s this way.” He pointed to the street on the other side as they arrived to the school gates.
The river was only a few couple hundred meters further, so they started walking, side-by-side, cones in hand.
Bokuto’s ice-cream started dripping, leaving a trail of light pink splotches on the pavement and a sticky line on the back of his left hand that he tried to lick clean before he heard a quiet chuckle and Akaashi said, ”here,” offering him a tissue. Bokuto took it and moped up the remains of the molten sweets.
When they arrived to the riverside, they sat down under a plum tree, facing the idly flowing waters.
Akaashi was still eating his ice cream as he watched the people come and go on the other side of the river, seemingly unaware of the keyed up boy beside him.
”Akaashi, can I tell you something?” Bokuto asked in rush of courage.
With interest, Akaashi nodded in a way to show he was paying attention.
”I like you,” Bokuto blurted out. He feared to say too much. ”I mean, like in a romantic way,” he added, feeling the need to specify.
But the courage he felt earlier left him, all his well-hidden insecurities and fears surfacing at the sudden change in Akaashi’s facial expression. His previously openness gave way to reserve, his eyes became guarded, then he looked to the side, refusing to meet Bokuto’s gaze.
It didn’t even occurre to him that maybe Akaashi wasn’t even inetersted in guys.
”I didn’t mean to-” he quickly started, but Akaashi interrupted him.
”I’m sorry, Bokuto-san, but I can’t give you what you want.”
His voice was sad and tired, no traces of disgust or scorn.
”No, I’m sorry for springing all this on you unexpected. We should- can we just forget what I said?” Bokuto asked, his tone mirroring Akaashi’s.
He leaned back against the tree trunk, sinking into dejection.
Akaashi eyed him for a few moments before speaking again.
”Bokuto-san?” He waited until the boy looked at him, then continued. ”I enjoy spending time with you, more than with anyone else, and I like being around you in genreal, so one would say I like you too. At least that would be the logical thing to say. To feel, right? Like the next step. It’s just that I never felt that way people say love is like. Not even close. I just can’t. I’m… I’m not capable of romantic affection,” he finished.
Bokuto stared at him with confusion.
”Like, when someone is asexual, just with love?” he asked.
It was Akaashi’s turn to look confused.
”How- why do you even know words like that, Bokuto-san?” he asked.
”Last week Kuroo told me he thinks he is asexual. It’s pretty strange, I don’t exactly understand, but that’s just how he is,” the boy said, shrugging.
”Ah, I see. But you do understand that I can’t be with you, right?”
”I- I don’t know. You said you like being with me, didn’t you? Maybe you will like me, too. Sometime later on.”
Akaashi drew in a deep breath.
It was always like this. Whenever he told someone this, people thought he just didn’t find the right person yet.
When everyone around him had crushes or even relationships, he was never interested in anyone romantically.
It was the same with the girl in his first year. She was smart, funny and kind. Akaashi was attracted to her, but he just didn’t feel like he was in love. It should have been the next step. It was only logical. But the girl said she loved him after two months of dating and he broke up with her.
It would have been selfish to continue when he didn’t feel the same way. He didn’t feel anything other than sexual attraction.
”It’s not like that, Bokuto-san,” he answered.
”But can’t we just try? See how it goes.”
Like the first time they met, Akaashi had a feeling, no, this time Akaashi knew, he wouldn’t get out of this one.
And he was selfish enough to comply.
”I love you,” Bokuto whispered after he broke the kiss.
He beamed and slipped his other hand into Akaashi’s hair, burying his fingers in the soft curls.
The other opened his mouth to say something, but Bokuto was faster.
”You don’t have to say it back, I’m happy the way we are. But I needed to tell you.”
Akaashi smiled back. He knew the boy honestly meant what he said and it only made his frustration grow.
They were standing near the same plum tree where Bokuto confessed for the first time, but this time they were watching the fireworks at the end of summer break, munching on the candied apple they bought at one of the stalls.
”Keiji, hey, look at me.” Bokuto’s voice was soft.
He didn’t even realize he subconsciously turned his head to avoid looking at Bokuto.
”I love you, you are with me, and that’s all what matters.”
”Thank you,” Akaashi said and kissed his boyfriend.
Akaashi Keiji instantly knew Bokuto was already an important part of the volleyball team and would only become more so, but he didn’t count on the possibility where the boy would become essential for his own life.
Even when the boy asked him out, and on a sudden impulse of selfishness, and maybe hope, he let himself say yes.
Or when the boy confessed to him at the end of summer in Akaashi’s second year at Fukurodani.
He still thought it was only something evanescent, an ephemeral connection that would go away when Bokuto left for college and fell out of love.
Then Akaashi found himself wondering more and more about what it would be like if their relationship actually lasted. He found himself wishing for it to last. He couldn’t imagine his life without the other anymore.
But Nationals was just around the corner and they all had something else to focus on.
In a blink of an eye, it was Bokuto’s last time wearing the Fukurodani jersey with number four emblazoned on it.
The whole team was exhausted, every last one of them completely drenched in sweat, but they still needed four more points to finally win the tournament.
Akaashi wanted to win it.
For their school, what provided everything for them to be able to come that far.
For his teammates, who worked hard, who spent every waking hour the last months practising.
And he wanted to win it for Bokuto, who probably worked the most, even taking more responsibility as the team captain the last half year.
In the final time-out, he walked up to Bokuto and took one of hands, squeezing it firmly. ”We’re gonna make it.”
The other looked at him, the same old fire burning in his golden eyes. ”Of course we will,” he answered and squeezed back, grinning wide.
And they did.
When the morning of graduation came, Akaashi woke to the absence of Bokuto’s warmth what he grew accustomed to in the past weeks.
Bokuto spent the night at Akaashi’s, because they ended up talking through most of the afternoon, evening and then the night, and it was unusual for the boy to wake up so early, before Akaashi.
Grabbing his phone from the bedside table, he checked the time. It was only a couple of minutes past 8, still too early to wake up, but he couldn’t go back to sleep.
He took a little time to think about everything that happened in the last twelve months, how much his life changed. But he realized it actually changed the moment he set foot in that gym at the beginning of his first year in high school.
Akaashi must have drifted back into a light sleep, because the next thing he knew, Bokuto was closing the door behind himself and then he slipped back under the covers next to Akaashi.
”’Morning,” he whispered, kissing the sleepy boy’s temples. ”Go back to sleep, we still have an hour or so.”
”’Morning,” Akaashi whispered back and nuzzled closer to Bokuto’s warm chest, burying his face into the crook of his neck just under the boy’s jaw. He fell back into sleep to the familiar scent of Bokuto’s skin, thinking about how much he loved him.
Akaashi Keiji loved Bokuto Koutarou.
It was such a strange thought.
He still wasn’t quite sure it was love, but he was certain he didn’t want what they had, their relationship to end.
And he decided he would tell Bokuto that much.
”I love you,” Akaashi said, loud and clear, as he stood in front of Bokuto under the plum tree that became their usual meeting point in the last year.
The graduation ceremony ended, they were on their way to the restaurant to celebrate the third years of the volleyball team, but Akaashi asked Bokuto to take a little detour for their tree.
”I love you, too, Keiji,” Bokuto answered and hugged his boyfriend tight. ”I love you, too.”