Chapter Text
Taehee steps back, taking in her work with a proud smile. It took all morning, but she’s very pleased with the result. She’s been unable to get her trip with Jungha out of her head, and those warm memories are still shining over everything around her. It’s her first day back at the shop, and as soon as she walked in, she started gathering flowers before she even started her opening duties.
Reds and oranges and yellows and browns, dahlias and chrysanthemums and sunflowers and pansies and every flower in those colors that she could spare, nestled together in a window display to look like all of the fallen leaves in the forest they walked through together. Taehee doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to stop thinking of their time together, the feeling of just the two of them, every conversation they had, every moment they shared. It healed something in her, a place she didn’t even know needed love and care until she felt it.
Jimin appears next to her. “That looks so pretty!”
“It really does,” Lixie beams at her from her other side.
Even though she loved her and Jungha’s time together, Taehee is happy to be back. It’s not that they were leaving their safe little bubble behind; they just returned to their first one, their permanent one, where their friends are with them too.
“So tell us about your trip!” Jimin says when they all return behind the counter. Taehee finally starts helping with the day’s orders after spending the morning trying to bring last week’s feeling into the shop for those who walk by to see. She checks the form and assigns the next order to herself – a bouquet of daisies and lilies with assorted foliage thrown in with a note that reads: Jisungie, Just thinking about you. ♡ Minho.
“It was really nice,” Taehee says. She opens the cooler where they keep the flowers they use for orders to grab what she needs. She joins them at the counter, nestled in between her two best friends like they're their own bouquet of flowers. Jimin’s auburn hair is pulled back into a ponytail with wispy strands framing her face, where she’s dotted her skin with fake freckles today – matching Lixie’s real freckles on her face that look like dusted sand from the beach where she’s from. Lixie’s blonde hair is half pulled back with a fanned-out bun in the back, and she and Jimin are wearing matching outfits – Lixie’s pants matching Jimin’s sweater, Jimin’s skirt matching Lixie’s shirt. Taehee whined when she saw and said she felt left out, but they hugged her and insisted they would have included her if they knew she was coming back today. Taehee got so distracted by building her flower display that she didn’t notice when Lixie left the shop, only noticed when she came back and brought her one of her flannels that was made of the colors her best friends are both wearing.
“Give us more than that,” Lixie says, tying a bow around her flower stems and shuffling a few back into their places when she’s done.
“I dunno! It was really nice. We hung out together, explored the town, went on a hike. It was just a really relaxing trip. It was nice to spend time together.”
“Yeah, because you guys never do that,” Lixie teases. Her big, pearly smile spreads wide when Taehee looks at her, snorting at the sarcasm.
“Oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys,” Taehee says. She grins playfully. “I have an idea.”
– ♡ –
Just after noontime, Jungha stops in the shop for her regular afternoon coffee fix (which everyone knows is really just an afternoon Taehee fix). Taehee looks up from her flowers at the ring of the bell on the door, a sound she’s associated with Jungha since the first moment she walked into her shop – over a year ago when she was just the cute girl next door that Taehee had a panicked crush on. Taehee holds back her dreamy sigh because she doesn’t want to be teased by her friends.
Jungha looks as beautiful as she always does – midriff exposed with her usual short, tight shirt and low-riding baggy pants, her bold makeup green today with inner and outer corner winged eyeliner, body decorated with beautiful tattoos. Her fingers are adorned with rings, ears filled with jewelry too, a horseshoe ring through her septum.
“Hi, pretty girl,” Jungha says, watching her with equal admiration.
“Hi,” Taehee says.
“Hello, Jungha,” a voice says, so scarily deep and gravelly that it sounds like it has to have come from a demon escaped from the depths of the underground.
“WAH,” Jungha says, flinching and staggering back into a display table, eyes wide. “W-What the fuck was that?” she asks, her eyes darting around as the three other girls break out into laughter. Jimin falls forward, collapses against the counter while Taehee smacks the surface of it and Lixie daintily giggles.
“Hi, Jungha-unnieeeee,” Lixie says, her voice back to how they always hear it except for when she pulls out her eerily deep tone at random times to make them laugh.
Jungha still stares at her, eyes wide. The wires are visibly not connecting yet until they do, and she remembers. “Oh my god,” she breathes out, her hand on her chest where her heart is probably pounding. “Oh my god, that scared the fuck out of me.”
“Sorry,” Lixie giggles. Her beautiful, wide smile shows all of her teeth – looking not very sorry at all.
“Sorry,” Taehee says too now that her laughter is dying down. Jungha joins in, wryly chuckling as she shakes her head. She leans over the counter and pecks Taehee’s lips.
They all talk for as long as they can spare to before they all have to get back to work, and Jungha leaves her with another kiss. The day passes as days in her flower shop always do – laughing with friends, creating little works of art to give away, making coffee drinks for those who want it, and working a job that doesn’t feel like work at all.
Soon it’s time to close up and allow the flowers some time to themselves. The sky is already nearly dark outside as the days turn shorter with the deepening of the season. Lixie cleans the coffee bar while Jimin tidies up the shop floor, and Taehee heads outside to bring in the day’s display – their usual evening rituals.
And Jungha appears outside of her tattoo shop a minute later to fulfill her own evening ritual to – to join Taehee like they’ve done every night they’ve worked beside each other since the very first time it happened. “My pretty maple tree,” Taehee says when she sees her. “Graceful and tall and sweet.”
Jungha throws her head back and laughs like she does with most of her girlfriend’s pet names. “Hi, baby girl,” she says. She pulls her in and kisses her, then ruffles her bangs like she does to tease. “Silly.”
Taehee holds out a small bouquet of flowers for her. Jungha’s room at the tattoo shop is overflowing with them at this point, looking like she has her own flower shop. This bouquet is made of sunset chrysanthemum and wildflower leaves, just like what was planted outside of their cabin. “For you,” she says.
“Thank you…” Jungha says, still so shy to receive them after all this time. “I’m just taking a mini break from my appointment to come see you, so I have to head back in, but Yoongi asked you to stop in before you go home.”
“Oh?” Taehee says, head tilted to the side.
Jungha shrugs. “I don’t know why either.”
“Well, alright. I’ll see you soon then when I stop by. And then after that too when you come sleepover.”
“Mhm,” Jungha nods, pleased. She kisses her, slow and sweet. “See you soon. I love you, unnie.”
“I love you, my Jungha.”
Jungha goes back into her shop, and Taehee brings everything from outside into her own. She and her two best friends finish closing up, then they linger outside for a few minutes more, reluctant to part even though they’ll see each other in the morning.
Taehee walks into the tattoo shop next door. Where Taehee’s shop is bursting with color from all of the petaled flowers and the sun that brings out their hues, the tattoo shop is much more muted and cozy. Burgundy walls with lots of darker wood throughout, the artists’ art lining the walls with little spotlights on them like they’re at a museum. A few plants on the counters and one hanging in the front window, and always either soft classical or acoustic music playing – a cozy piano song this evening.
“Noona!” Chan says from where he sits at the counter. Beside him is a little gold maneki-neko statue that waves at her, a bushy and vibrant lady fern, and a humidifier that adds more relaxation to the shop. Chan is curled over a tablet where he’s probably working on someone’s tattoo, and his face transforms so sweetly when he smiles, his happiness always contagious.
“Hi, Channie,” Taehee says. “Is it okay if I go back?”
“Yeah, of course!”
Taehee steps behind the front counter, down the hallway that has two doors on each side – Jungha’s room and a bathroom on the left side, Chan’s room and Yoongi’s across from them.
Taehee peeks into Jungha’s room. She wants to say hi, but she doesn’t recognize the client she’s working on right now, so she doesn’t interrupt and just watches her work for as long as she can get away with. The client is lying on top of a massage table, the leg of their sweatpants pulled up as Jungha tattoos something below their knee. She has a face mask on and a tattoo machine in her gloved hand. She wipes across the tattoo with an ink-stained paper towel and leans back to look at her work, tilting her head to the side. She rubs a dollop of vaseline onto the client’s skin, then she continues her work, the whirr of the machine starting up again.
Taehee walks ahead before they can sense her creepy presence, and she knocks on the wall beside Yoongi’s open door. Yoongi looks up from the sketchbook in their lap, long hair effortlessly falling this way and that. “Hey,” they say.
“Hello there,” Taehee says. “Jungha said you wanted me to come by.”
“Yeah…” Yoongi says.
Taehee has never seen them look so unsure before. They won’t look at her – which isn’t uncommon, but now it’s out of clear avoidance rather than the vague dislike of looking anyone in the eye. Yoongi usually feels like a grounded individual, like everything they’re doing is where they’re meant to be at that moment. They don’t look like they’re certain of that right now.
“Want to walk me home?” Taehee asks into the prolonged silence. She hopes it might help if they’re moving and don’t have to look at each other.
It seems to work, because Yoongi nods and says, “Yeah,” gratefully.
Taehee waits as they gather their things, then she sneaks one last glance at Jungha before they leave with a goodbye to Chan.
Their shops aren’t far from Taehee’s apartment, only a two minute walk around the corner if they’re really dragging it out. Taehee slows their stroll to give Yoongi more time to say what’s on their mind.
It’s colder now that night is fully here, but still nothing like what it’ll become soon. It feels nice in a flannel, and will feel even nicer to be under a blanket at home soon.
And that time comes fast, because they arrive in front of Taehee’s building without having said a word. Yoongi isn’t looking at her when they linger in front of the door. Wind whistles through the trees and rustles Yoongi’s long hair.
“Want to come up?” Taehee tries, giving them another chance. Yoongi nods and follows Taehee inside.
They walk up the old, creaky stairs to the floor that’s just a few steps above ground-level, then down the hall to the first door on the left.
Taehee is glad to be back. It was nice to be on their little trip, but it always feels like a relief to come home after she’s been away. A place that smells like her, that has a spot for all of her things, a couch that shows which half of it is hers.
They leave their shoes by the door and shuffle further inside with socked feet. Taehee switches on some lamps as they go but intentionally keeps some off so Yoongi might feel safer to talk, like a house cat finding comfort in the dark of the night.
They sit on the couch with a cushion of space between them. Yoongi still doesn’t say anything. The apartment is quiet.
Taehee is about to finally ask if everything is okay, but Yoongi speaks first.
“You’re a lesbian,” they say.
Taehee blinks at them. Her mouth opens and closes. “I–yes, I know,” she finally says.
Yoongi wryly chuckles. They rub their eyes then let their hands fall, pressing them between their thighs as they sit there uncomfortably. “How did you… how did you know that? That that’s what you were?”
Taehee is very confused, but she answers their question knowing they’ll get to what this is about eventually. “W-Well, I spent the majority of my life trying to be with guys, and I really didn’t like it.” She continues on before those thoughts and memories can creep up like they did on her hike with Jungha. Jungha isn’t here to hold her right now. “I just thought that maybe love or affection or anything having to do with all of that wasn’t for me. Then Jimin said maybe it’s because I was searching for it in the wrong place, that maybe I’ll find it in a girl instead. And it all made sense, but it also just… it felt right. It felt like stepping into myself, like finally coming home to who I am. Knowing I didn’t like guys was half of it, but what really made me know was that it just felt like me. I heard her say it and thought of that word, and it just… it felt like me. It felt like I was hearing who I am, you know?”
She watches Yoongi swallow. Their eyes stay trained on the floor. Taehee has never heard their voice waver before. “I… y-yeah, I think I know.”
Taehee watches them, waiting for more, waiting to understand. They don’t say anything, then it clicks. “Do you think…” she starts. Asks in a gentle voice, “Are you a lesbian?”
It’s quiet. “I think so,” they finally whisper.
“Why does that have you so nervous?” Taehee asks softly. Yoongi almost looks like they’re going to break down crying.
“B-Because of who I am,” they say.
“Do you mean because of your gender?” Yoongi nods. They sniffle. Taehee’s chest aches. “You know lesbians can be nonbinary, right?” she asks softly. “Plenty are nonbinary, and lesbians can be attracted to nonbinary people too. It’s not just one single thing, a place for only one type of person. There are a lot of genderless lesbians.”
“You know it’s not that,” Yoongi says, sounding crushed.
Taehee blinks at them through the dark glow of the living room. “I–I don’t,” she says. “What is it then? What do you mean?”
“I mean that I–I was born as a guy,” they say, defeated. “I–my passport says ‘male’ and I know I look like one; I know everyone sees me as one, and it’s–that’s fine. I like the way I look, I like the way I present, I don’t need other people to validate my genderlessness, and it doesn’t really bother me that much when people make assumptions. I’m comfortable with who I am and how I look, and I have Jimin and she loves me and she’s bi so it’s–it never felt complicated with her, with all of that. B-But this is me, just me. I feel like I–like I can’t be one if everyone sees me as a guy.”
Taehee wants to reach out and touch them, pull them into her arms, but she knows it wouldn’t make them feel good, so she holds onto one of her fuzzy throw pillows instead. “That doesn’t matter, Yoongi,” Taehee says. “I–I’m sure it’s not easy – to work through this and try to feel valid when the way others see you feels like it goes against that – but what people think doesn’t matter if what else they think doesn’t matter to you. You’re not a guy, Yoongi. And, hey, you know lesbians who use masculine pronouns exist too, right? It feels like there are such tight rules you have to adhere to, but this isn’t one of them. You’re not a guy, and you’re not a girl either, and you can still be a lesbian. If that feels like you, if that feels right for who you are, if that feels like–like a sigh of relief because you’re finally home to yourself, then that’s who you are. And for a lot of people, ‘lesbian’ feels just as much of a gender for them as it does a sexuality. And–” She’s interrupted by a knock at the door. Yoongi jumps and quickly wipes off their cheeks like they don’t want to be caught.
“That’s probably Jungha,” she says. “Do you want me to tell her I’ll see her later? Or… or the three of us can talk about it together? She’s a lesbian too.”
It’s silent for a few seconds as Yoongi thinks about it. Yoongi shows their vulnerability in tons of little ways every day, because there are more ways of being vulnerable than just talking about feelings. But this specific way of being vulnerable, the most easily noticed one, they often struggle with. “You can let her in,” they finally say. “To… to talk about everything.”
“Alright,” Taehee says softly. “I’ll be right back.”
She gets up and walks to the front door. She opens it and finds Jungha already starting to walk away back to her own apartment, looking down at her phone in her hand to probably text her to ask if she’s asleep or in the shower. She looks up at the sound of the door. “Hey!” she says, brightening. Her face falls. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Taehee says. She steps out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind her without shutting it all the way. “So, uh, Yoongi’s over. And I–I think it’d be nice for all of us to talk.”
Jungha’s eyes go wide. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“Nothing bad,” Taehee reassures her. She thinks about whether she should tell her, but she’s sure Yoongi having to say it again would send them spiraling. They would probably be grateful for the help. “They came out to me. They’re a lesbian, but they feel like they can’t be, because, you know, what you’d expect. They’re really struggling with it, and I think it’d help if they had another person tell them that it’s okay.”
Jungha’s eyebrows pull up in the middle, face softening with empathy. “Oh,” she says, “yeah, of course, let’s go.”
Jungha follows her into her apartment and takes off her boots, dropping her bag beside the door.
“Hey, Yoongs,” she says, patting Yoongi’s head as she walks past them on the couch.
Yoongi snorts and swerves from beneath her touch. “That’s not even a good nickname,” they say. “It sounds stupid.”
“You’re stupid,” Jungha mumbles like she is the youngest of the bunch.
“Back to what I was saying,” Taehee says so Yoongi doesn’t feel like they have to do the hard part all over again. “It’s all complicated. Sexuality and gender always is; it’s not as cut and dry as a lot of people want it to be, the people who want to be exclusionary by making it so, like, elitist, almost. You like girls – you love Jimin. You’ve talked about nonbinary people you dated a billion years ago before you and Jimin got together. Do you like guys?” Yoongi makes an indifferent sort of face while shrugging and shaking their head – a look for ‘no’ that Taehee is familiar with herself. “Then, congrats, you’re a lesbian.”
Jungha loudly snorts. It makes Yoongi crack a smile. Jungha is always good for lightening the mood. She hasn’t even joined in and her presence is already helping.
“What mattered most to me,” Taehee continues, “wasn’t only just fitting the definition. That felt nice, to have an explanation for things. But what was most meaningful for me was just how it felt. The way it all clicked into place. The way that word just felt right, like I finally understood who I am, what my life means. Jimin felt that way figuring out she’s bi, Lixie felt that way figuring out she’s trans. When it feels right, it feels right, and you know. And you feel that way, don’t you?”
Yoongi nods. They finally look over at her and Jungha. They look between them for a few seconds. “Yeah,” they say. The word is still shaky, but more sure than their voice has been this whole time. “Yeah, it feels like me…”
“Then–”
“Welcome to the lesbians club!” Jungha says. The physical effect it has on Yoongi shows – the way they no longer look scared or unsure. Taehee is sure they probably still feel that way inside and probably will for a while, but they at least look like they’re on the way to believing that it’s okay, that they’re allowed to be who they are.
“You can talk to any of us,” Taehee says. “Lixie has a long relationship with gender that I’m sure she’d love to talk with you about. Jungha and I are lesbians. Jimin, who loves you, is bi. Chan, well, he’s straight, but he’s also Chan.” Jungha snorts, and Yoongi laughs too. “We’re all here for you, and I’m sure everyone would love to learn more about you and will have more perspectives to talk to you from. We’re all here for you and want to love you for who you are. You don’t have to justify your existence. You can just be.”
Yoongi sniffles and quickly wipes their face when a tear drips from their chin. “I should probably go,” they say. “Jimin, ah, Jimin’s probably waiting for me at home, so, you know.”
Taehee holds in her chuckle. “Yeah, it’s getting late. Shouldn’t walk home too late.”
They all stand, and Taehee and Jungha follow them to the door, hovering as they put on their shoes. Taehee opens the door for them, and they all hesitate. “I–thank you, Tae,” they say, so much sincerity on their face. “Thank you.” They look over. “You too, Jungha.” Jungha just nods, gives them a smile.
“Get home safe,” Taehee says. “Text when you get there, okay?”
Yoongi nods. “Have a good night.”
“You too,” Taehee says.
“Night,” from Jungha.
Taehee closes and locks the door, leaving just her and her girlfriend. She sighs. That felt like a lot for her, so she can’t imagine what it felt like for Yoongi.
“Oh, hi,” she giggles when suddenly dozens of pecks are being kissed on her lips. She jumps into Jungha’s arms, effortlessly caught, giggling as she’s spun around and kissed and kissed.
Jungha walks them to the kitchen and sits Taehee on one of the stools at the island. “Felt so hard to be away from you today when we got to be together for days straight.”
“I know,” Taehee sighs. They are very lucky though, being work neighbors and neighbor-neighbors, so it feels silly to complain.
Jungha kisses her forehead. “My pretty girl,” she says.
She walks to the cabinet to get a glass, then to the fridge to pour herself a glass of peach juice. “Can you grab me an orange from the drawer in there?” Taehee asks.
“Are you going to eat it?” Jungha asks. Taehee nods. Orange in hand, Jungha closes the fridge door. She tears off a paper towel from the roll beside the fridge and sets it on the counter, then she starts to peel the orange for her. She digs her thumbs into the waxy surface and starts to carefully slide them beneath it when it tears, releasing the scent of oranges into the air. Taehee just stares, tears wanting to rise to her eyes. “I can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow,” Jungha says like she’s doing nothing meaningful, just musing her thoughts as her hands work. “My first appointment isn’t until noon. You should tell Lixie and Jimin to open without you so we can stay in bed together.”
With the rind all peeled away, Jungha draws the orange in half with a satisfying tearing sound and pulls off a slice. Taehee watches her peel all of the different white stringy parts off of the slice too, spending half a minute painstakingly clearing off a single piece of the orange before she hands it over. Taehee wordlessly takes it, then Jungha gets started on the next one. She tells her a random story from her day as she does it as if she isn’t changing something inside of Taehee right now.
Once she’s been fed the whole orange piece by piece over the course of several minutes, she watches Jungha throw the remains away and rinse her hands in the sink. When she comes over to rest them on her cheeks, she can still smell the scent on her fingers. She can taste it in their kiss.
“Let’s get ready for bed,” Jungha yawns. “‘m sleepy.”
“Jungha?” Taehee says.
“Yeah?” Jungha says, rubbing her eye with her knuckles even though she knows it’s going to spread her makeup all around, but it’s just her and Taehee here.
“I… I love you. I’d do anything for you. I love you.”
Jungha drops her hand and looks at her. She looks so silly, one half of her face perfectly done up, the other half with eyeshadow and eyeliner and mascara smudged all around. “So would I,” she says. “Because I love you.” Jungha smiles at her, soft and understanding, knowing they’re feeling the same thing together. “Now let’s go to bed, baby girl. Want you to hold me tonight.”
Taehee giggles as Jungha tucks her under her arm. “We have to take your makeup off first,” she says sleepily. “You look silly.” Jungha whines, dragging her feet. “You know I’m going to do it for you.”
“Oh, okay,” Jungha says, prancing the rest of the way to the bathroom.
Soon they fall into bed, bare-faced and dressed only in their underwear, not bothering with anything more. They sigh when they curl up together, Jungha’s body pressed against her side, her head cushioned on her chest. Jungha hums, sleepy and happy. “You’re warm,” she says. Taehee can feel the warmth that’s created everywhere they touch.
“So are you,” she says.
She turns her head and looks out the window. She can see fewer stars now than they could back in the mountains, but Taehee knows they’re there even if she can’t see them; they’re still looking down on them.
She thinks about Jungha peeling her orange for her. She thinks about Jungha taking her grocery shopping as their first date. Thinks about Jungha turning to her when she needs love and comfort because she knows she’ll find it there, and tells her so.
She thinks about the moments when Jungha isn’t there. When she’s just next door, at the tattoo shop while Taehee’s at her flower shop, or when Taehee comes home when Jungha is still at work, like earlier. She thinks about Jungha right now, here, but asleep, cheek squished against her chest as her own chest rises and falls with her even breathing. She thinks about how, just like the stars she can’t see but knows are there, when Jungha is asleep in her arms, or next door, or down the street, her love is still there. It’s woven into the fabric of the universe, their own and all of the others. It’s big and it’s far and it reaches from one night sky to another, but it’s small, and it’s soft, and it’s gentle right here too, just like Jungha in her arms under the light of the moon, just like Taehee in Jungha’s when they wake up to the morning sun.