Chapter Text
Taehee whines as loud as she can, a sound that starts deep in her chest and gets higher as it travels out. The pitch does not reach very deep though, nor does it get very high, and it is not very loud at all, but there is no one there to hear it anyway – all of these things being a result of why she’s whining.
She is sick. Quite sick.
She’s lying on her stomach in bed, her cheek smushed against the mattress because her pillows have slid to the floor at some point and she doesn’t have it in her to reach for them. She switched to using satin pillowcases because Jungha uses them at her apartment, and she's heard a lot about how they’re good for her hair and skin. She didn’t get them for those reasons though, but because Jungha likes to use them, and Jungha is in her bed at least half the week. And if not here, then Taehee is in Jungha’s bed, and she doesn’t want her girlfriend to have to sacrifice anything by being with her, even down to something as small as pillowcases.
The downside of them, however, is that when there isn’t anybody to hold her when she sleeps, she seems to move around a lot, which results in her slippery pillows lounging on the floor when she wakes up in the morning. She didn’t even learn it was a problem until these past few days filled with sneezes and tissues and sweating and sleeping alone.
She sniffles, followed by a groan when the action makes her sore throat ache. She rolls onto her back to stop her nose from running, then she squeezes her eyes shut to try to get the room to stop spinning from the movement. Her bedroom feels stuffy and liminal, every time she’s awoken bringing the strange sensation of accidentally falling into a nap during the day and waking up when the sky is dark, even though the sun seems to be out by the small strip of it that she can see between her closed curtains. She blindly reaches over to feel around for her phone on the nightstand, then she cracks an eye open to look at the bright screen.
Two in the afternoon, many texts from her friends, and a few from Jungha.
Jimin
Feeling any better yet? :(
Taehee
no i’m dying
Lixie
if it makes you feel any better the mean guy who came in that one time slipped on something in front of the shop windows and fell in front of a bunch of people
Taehee
it does thank you
She sniffles again and whines again, which shoves her into a wet coughing fit that has been the soundtrack to these past few days. She switches to her other messages.
Jungha
baby pleeeease please let me come take care of you
Taehee
no
Jungha
please tae
my pretty girl
please (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
Taehee
no
Jungha
you’re being difficult
Taehee
YOU are
we both know that you don’t have a job where you can just call out sick
you have appointments and responsibilities and people you promised things to when scheduling is already hard to make everyone happy
i’ve been sick alone many times in my life
i’m fine
Jungha
i don’t care if you say you’re fine
i want to take care of you whether you’re fine or not
please let me
Taehee
no jungha
Jungha
okay you didn’t have to say my real name…(ಡ‸ಡ)
Taehee
my pouty little girlfriend
my love
my pretty ray of autumn light
i do not want you to get sick because of me when i am capable of taking care of myself
i will be okay, and the fever will pass soon
Jungha
(╥_╥)
if there is anything you need please tell me
anything at all literally anything at all
Taehee
i will my jungha 🤍
Taehee sets her phone down with a deep sigh when the screen starts to make her head fuzzy again. The sigh creates an uncomfortable rattle up her throat, which plays a song of more painful coughing. Her ribs are already sore from all of it that she’s done these past few days, making the scratchy feeling in her throat worse. She whines again as soon as she can catch her breath – a sound as common lately as her coughing and wheezing. She sniffles and rubs the snot from beneath her nose and the sleep from her eyes. Her hair is a mess and there’s dried snot and drool and sweat all over her body, and even though she doesn’t exactly want Jungha to see just how disgusting she is right now, she really, really, really wants her to come over and take care of her. The only thing that has gotten her through her sickness so far has been her daydreams of it. Thinking of Jungha holding her as she shivers. Thinking of her wiping some of the sweat from her forehead. Thinking of her feeding her because Taehee feels too weak to do it herself.
She wants Jungha here so badly. This is the sickest she’s ever been in her life, and she wants to be taken care of by her girlfriend. She misses her girlfriend. It’s been days since they’ve seen each other, and she just–she wants to take Jungha up on her offer so badly.
But she’s remained firm in her declaration that she is not allowed over. Everything she said is true: that Jungha doesn’t have a job where she can just spontaneously take time off, since she makes promises to individual people rather than a boss; that she doesn’t want Jungha to get sick at all, because she doesn’t want Jungha to feel like she does right now; and that she’s been sick on her own many times before, and she’s been able to get through it before and she will again, except that’s starting to feel very close to a lie at the moment. She has never had a cold this terrible, and she’s starting to feel delirious from how badly she wants Jungha here. She knows she can take care of herself, but she doesn’t want to. And that’s not a bad thing. It’s not a bad thing to want her girlfriend here, caring for her in her sickness. She can do it alone, but she doesn’t want to. She wants her girlfriend to baby her and coddle her and take her temperature and kiss her chapped lips and tell her she’s pretty even though she knows she looks the way she feels right now.
But she will not risk Jungha’s health because of her selfish desires. Her fever will break in another day or two, even if that doesn’t seem like it’ll ever happen. She will soon be as good as new, and she can kiss her girlfriend freely.
With that feeble reassurance in mind, she closes her eyes and lets the fogginess in her head take over.
– ♡ –
Taehee hums, a purr that’s curled up cozily between her ribs, right where her heart beats. She nuzzles further into the warmth enveloping her, heavy limbs tightening around it, pulling herself closer. She melts when fingers scratch against her scalp, gliding through her messy hair with slow, steady, mindful ease. It alleviates some of the pressure pounding against her temples only a little bit, but it’s more relief than she’s felt in days. She sniffles and sighs out of her mouth because her stuffy nose doesn’t allow her to breathe, then she sniffles again even though it doesn’t really do anything.
It takes her much, much longer to realize what is happening than it should. She’s been dramatically ill and alone for days while falling in and out of fever dreams, so it takes a while for her to become in tune with reality again. And once she does, she suddenly jerks back.
She loudly whines when it makes the pressure in her head pound harder, and she squeezes her eyes shut while a tickle in her nose makes her sneeze. She has never been so sick before, and the most beautiful girl in the entire world is seeing her like this. She can’t remember the last time she properly showered, and she’s been sweating for a while even as she shivers, and her face is definitely puffy from her illness, and she does not look cute right now.
But Jungha is looking at her like she is. She’s looking at her with concern too, a little pity definitely. But she’s looking at her like she’s beautiful even though her hair is knotted and there’s a pillow crease on her cheek and her eyes are only half-open. “Hi, baby girl,” she says softly.
Taehee wants to yell at her. She wants to tell her she’s being stupid and reckless, she wants to push her out of her apartment so that she doesn’t get sick. But she just–god, she’s missed her so badly, and she feels horrible, and all she wants on a good day is to be with her girlfriend, so that want – need – on a terrible day is unimaginable. So she barrels into Jungha with as much strength as her feeble body has right now – which doesn’t seem to be a lot, because Jungha remains in place, propped up on some pillows as she lies down in her bed. Taehee tries to burrow closer but it’s just not enough, so she lies more and more on top of her until she’s completely using her as her bed. Jungha silently laughs as she wraps her arms around her, letting her girlfriend finally feel the comfort she’s wanted so desperately.
“My girl,” Jungha says softly, nuzzling her nose into her hair. She kisses her along her hairline, and Taehee whines because she is gross everywhere and not kiss-worthy at the moment, but Jungha proves that wrong by kissing her again and again and again everywhere she can reach. Not soft, silly pecks that she sprinkles around on her sometimes, but comforting, slow kisses that linger. She only stops when she says, panicked, “What? Tae? Why are you crying? Do you need medicine? Did I hurt you?”
Taehee just burrows into her neck, wishing she could crawl right inside Jungha to be held all the way, completely surrounded by her even though Jungha does as much as she can from the outside. “I just–” Taehee starts. The word sounds raspy with her sore throat and nasally with her stuffy nose. It’s almost completely unintelligible when added with the fact that she’s suddenly crying, but Jungha somehow understands her. “I just–I feel like shit, I feel so horrible, a-and I missed you so much, a-and every single s-second that I’ve been awake I’ve just b-been thinking about how b-badly I wanted y-you here with me.”
“Oh, Tae,” Jungha says softly. “I would have come over forever ago if you asked. I just didn’t want you to be mad at me and I didn’t want to ignore your wishes. If I knew you wanted me here I would have come the first time you coughed.”
“You have a job and appointments and I don’t want to get you sick,” she says weakly. She has no idea how Jungha can understand what she’s saying. She can barely hear if the words come out even slightly legibly because of how clogged her ears are.
“I would rather be sick with you than healthy alone, and I rescheduled all of my appointments for the next two weeks.”
Taehee jerks back, eyes wide. “Two weeks?! I’ll be fine in a few days!”
“You’ll be fine in a few days,” Jungha says, tucking a lock of Taehee’s messy hair behind her ear, “and then you’ll take several more days to really fully feel better again, and then you’ll feel all refreshed and ready to be out in the world again – just in time for us to take a road trip and stay in a cabin together, just like we talked about in the summer.” Taehee doesn’t even have time to say any words before she starts crying again. Jungha coos with a laugh and pulls her in, holding her as she sobs. “My baby girl,” Jungha says, trying to conceal her laugh as she pets her hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner, but I’m here now, and I’ll make up for it. I’ve got you now. I’ll take care of you.”
Taehee doesn’t even bother telling her that she doesn’t need to apologize or that she has nothing to make up for, because she knows Jungha probably knows that deep down. She just fully soaks up all of the coddling she’s getting, finally feeling at ease and like she can maybe get better knowing that she’s taken care of now. She’s been sick alone many times in her life and can take care of herself, but now that she has Jungha and is part of such a caring, kind relationship, she doesn’t want to take care of herself all of the time; she wants her sweet girlfriend to do it for her. She knows Jungha wants to too because it’s all she’s said for days.
“Alright, my baby, can you do some things for me?” Jungha asks.
“I’d do anything for you,” Taehee says thickly, fully meaning every word as she holds back tears again. Jungha presses her lips together to hold in her laugh because of her dramatics.
“Okay, then I’m going to draw a bath for you, does that sound okay?” It does not, and Taehee wants to protest, but she trusts Jungha to take care of her. She reluctantly nods. “I’ll wash your hair for you in the bath, and your body too. I’ll make you feel all clean and new, and then we’ll go from there. Okay?”
“Okay…” Taehee says. She lets Jungha roll her off of her, then she watches her get out of bed. She’s so beautiful, the prettiest girl Taehee has ever seen. She’s pretty when she tries – when she has on her bold makeup and her long dark hair falls effortlessly down her shoulders, windswept and natural because she looks like herself when who she is is expressed so proudly – and she’s pretty when she doesn’t. When she looks like she does right now, dressed in sweatpants and a cropped shirt, hair pulled back in a ponytail with strands falling out of it in just the right way, face bare of her striking colors with her sweet doe eyes sparkling. She’s perfect, every version of herself.
She leans down and kisses Taehee’s forehead, and Taehee just–she feels so much better. She feels the same physically, but Jungha has already taken so much pain away.
“I’ll be right back, pretty.”
Taehee scoffs, which plays more painful coughing. “I am definitely not pretty right now,” she finally manages to say.
Jungha scoffs too. “You are absolutely beautiful, unnie. The most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
She sounds so sincere when she says it, not like she’s insisting that it’s true. Taehee doesn’t know how to respond, so she mutters, “Go start the bath.”
Jungha laughs. “Be right back,” she says, then she disappears. Taehee flops onto her back with a sigh, looking up at the ceiling. Her eyes close, and she sighs in relief. She’ll be okay. She tells herself that it’s okay to only finally think that now, once she’s being taken care of, even if it’s childish or weak. She wants to be taken care of. It’s okay to be whiny when she has a fever, and it’s okay to want to be babied by her girlfriend. Both things are okay even if she weren’t sick too.
She opens her eyes when Jungha comes back. She feels like she’ll be less okay when Jungha helps her sit up, a firm hand on her back keeping her from collapsing. She hasn’t stood up in a while, has mostly just been in and out of a foggy sleep and vaguely remembers shuffling to the bathroom when she’s had to pee before flopping back down on her bed to pass out again. She stumbles when she’s on her feet, going lightheaded as her vision swims from the new position while her fever is so high.
“Tae,” Jungha says, soft and worried and wrapping an arm around her to keep her steady. “I’ll give you some medicine when you eat after your bath. Fuck, you’re burning up, baby. My poor baby.”
With Jungha’s protection, they slowly shuffle their way down the hall. Jungha makes sure she doesn’t stumble into the wall or hit her arm against the door frame, and they make it to the bathroom safely.
“Oh,” Taehee says quietly.
There are so many things in here that aren’t hers, so Jungha must have brought them over when she came.
There are string lights arranged on her counter, draped over her mirror, dipping into the empty sink, woven behind her toothbrush holder and in front of her pothos that lives in her bathroom. The only lights on in the room, they emit a warm, quiet glow with tea candles nuzzled into certain spots between them. The bathroom flickers with slow shadows cast by the candle flames, and the bathtub water is pink beneath the many bubbles lazing on the surface. Taehee is sure it smells wonderful in here too, but her nose is so stuffy that she’s unable to tell.
She turns to Jungha to thank her, but then Jungha is slowly lifting her shirt for her. It’s all stretched out from wearing it for days and is definitely covered in different bodily fluids in some places, but Jungha still looks at her like she’s beautiful. Taehee lifts her arms, and Jungha pulls it off the rest of the way and sets it aside. She hooks her fingers in the waistband of her pajama pants and pulls them down with her underwear, leaving her bare in front of her. Jungha takes a moment to admire, following the lines of her collarbones, the curve of her breasts, the thin trail of hair leading from her bellybutton to further down, then she takes her hand and helps her step into the warm tub. She keeps her hands on her as Taehee lowers into the water to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself, and Taehee sinks into the warmth with a sigh. When she leans back, she realizes there’s even a bath pillow there to make it comfortable for her.
She can already feel some of the aches in her body loosen and unfurl, and the steam from the hot water is helping to clear her sinuses.
“I’ll let you relax for a little while before I come and wash you,” Jungha says. It sounds like a dream plucked out of her head. “I’m going to go change your bedding and clean up a little bit. Is that okay?” Taehee hadn’t realized her eyes had fallen closed. She rolls her head to the side and opens them, seeing Jungha sitting on the edge of the tub. She nods. Jungha runs her fingers through her greasy hair, and Taehee doesn’t even care. It feels so good to finally be touched, and she thinks she knows that Jungha loves and adores her even when she’s like this. “Alright, I’ll be back soon, baby girl.” Taehee just nods, and she’s left with a kiss on her forehead.
Taehee sinks further into the tub when she’s alone, all the way up to her neck. She hears the sizzle of the bubbles pop beside her ears, the iridescent surface flickering with the candle flames. She sniffles, and she realizes she can almost breathe through her nose for the first time in days.
Jungha is just… she’s so wonderful. Taehee got so lucky, and not a day goes by without her thinking that. Someone so special and kind and caring and sweet and beautiful loves her. She gets to be on the other end of Jungha’s careful, caring nature, to have her adoration fixed on her. She knows she deserves it, because she knows she loves her back in the way Jungha needs to be loved. She knows they’re deserving of each other. Jungha has loved her kindly enough to make her believe that she deserves to be loved that way.
Her girlfriend comes back a while later, a soft smile on her face when she sees her with just her head poking out of the water. “Hi, baby girl,” she says.
“Hi,” Taehee says, voice quiet with the way she’s lost so much of it.
Jungha sits on the edge of the tub, and she moves Taehee’s bangs off of her forehead. “Can I wash your hair for you?”
Taehee silently nods. This might be the best day of her life – even when feeling so sick and horrible and like she was only minutes away from dying earlier; that’s how much she loves this.
Jungha reaches for a cup on the counter that she must have set there when she walked back in. She helps turn her around so her back is facing the faucet, then Taehee pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them.
Jungha kneels on the floor beside the tub. She turns on the water again and waits to get it to the perfect temperature, then she fills up the cup she brought with her. She helps Taehee slowly tilt her head back, then she keeps her hand on the back of her head like a pillow for her to lie on. “Good girl,” she says softly. Taehee wonders if she hallucinated her sickness because she doesn’t think she’s ever felt so good before. Her hold around her legs tightens, toes curling in the water.
Jungha pours the cup of water over her head, making sure it only touches her hairline and not any of her face when it cascades down her hair. She does it again, warm water rushing through the strands and down her shoulders, then once more to make sure her hair is thoroughly wet.
She turns the water off, then she gently tilts Taehee’s head back up, still supporting it for a few seconds to make sure she’ll be okay. Taehee opens her eyes when Jungha reaches for the shampoo bottle, watching her squeeze some of it onto her hands and lather it up. Jungha glances up at her and discovers that she is being watched. Taehee thinks of the words ‘soft’ and ‘gentle’ so often, but they are who Jungha is. They are the way she looks at her, the way she loves her. Softly and gently. Kindly and carefully too. All of those things and more when she says, quietly, “Will you close your eyes for me? I don’t want you to get any shampoo in them.” Taehee listens even though she’ll miss seeing how Jungha looks at her when doing such a task. Maybe she’ll steal a few peeks.
Her entire body sighs when Jungha’s fingers bury themselves into her hair. She distantly hears Jungha laugh, but she’s floated too far into bliss that everything else is just the background to this moment. The sound of her fingers scratching her scalp, the crackle of the bubbles floating around her, the small tides the water makes when Taehee lets her body rest against the side of the tub. The dim lights of the bathroom that make her closed eyelids a warm shade, the scent of strawberries lingering in the air that she can finally smell, the steady, unending feeling of Jungha’s love, even when she hadn’t seen her for days. It’s all there, but so are Jungha’s fingers in her hair as she rubs her stuffy head, and that’s all she can focus on right now.
Until she hears Jungha’s giggle, then her voice saying, “You have to keep your head up, baby girl.” Taehee opens her eyes and realizes that her nose was about to touch the surface of the water because of just not much she has melted. Jungha helps her lift her head back up, then she scrubs her temples, then her hairline, watching her hands do their work rather than looking at Taehee’s face so no shampoo gets in her eyes. She does occasionally glance though, and it always brings about a shy smile when she sees Taehee watching her intently.
Taehee feels hypnotized. Jungha – the loveliest, kindest, most beautiful girl – loves her. She’s on her knees in the bathroom, washing her sick girlfriend’s hair.
She wonders, briefly, if she cheated this. If she somehow snuck into this life, tricked fate to not see her as she made Jungha love her when she wasn’t supposed to be her other half.
But then she hears in her head, again, all of the things Jungha has ever told her.
I didn’t know that I wanted to be loved a certain way until you started to love me. Until you found all of the parts of me that needed you to see them, because no one ever has before. I don’t think anyone else ever could, because I don’t think there’s anyone else as careful and patient as you, anyone who’d care enough to try to look.
Have you ever noticed the way butterflies flutter around you when we’re on a walk? Or the way kids on the sidewalk ask if you like their chalk drawing? Or the way dandelions always happen to be there for you to pick? It’s like everyone and everything wants to be near the kindness they can sense from you.
My soft girl. From the look in your eyes to the way you smile to the way your heart must beat.
Every compliment she’s given her, the easy ones and the deeper ones. All of the ways she’s said she loves her, that she’s deserving of it. If the things she says are true, and the way Jungha sees her is who she is, then maybe this life was meant to be hers all along.
“You’re very focused,” Jungha says, her bunny smile so sweet on her face as she looks at her. She’s rubbing the hair at her nape now, making sure it’s clean back there too. “You’re looking at me very seriously.”
“I love you,” Taehee says. Or at least she tries to, but she doesn’t have much of a voice anymore, and what’s left of it is shrouded in a sob that arrives unannounced.
“Baby girl,” Jungha says. It sounds amused and sad all at once. Tears drop from Taehee’s chin into the water, popping bubbles on their way down. “Let me wash the shampoo out first, unnie.”
Jungha tilts her head back for her again, and she keeps her head supported with her free hand the whole time. She carefully rinses the shampoo from Taehee’s hair, and when she slowly tilts her head back up, her hands settle on her cheeks. Taehee opens her eyes and sees the most beautiful girl there’s ever been. An angel kneeling on her bathroom floor, gazing at her so softly.
“My Tae,” Jungha says quietly, her thumbs brushing back and forth beneath her eyes to brush away the tears there. “My poor baby. I should have come sooner. I’m sorry, baby girl. I’ll make it up to you.”
Taehee shakes her head as she silently cries. Jungha thinking that any of this is somehow her fault is the silliest thing in the world. Taehee should still banish her and barricade the door so she can’t come back inside and get sick, but she won’t. She wants her here, has never been able to overcome her greedy want. “There’s nothing for you to make up.” She sniffles very unprettily. “I’m g-going to have to make a lot up to you because you’re p-probably going to get sick, and I know that, and I’m not going to let you leave if you try. W-Well, you probably could b-because I’m not as strong as usual right now, but still, I–” She melts into the water when Jungha kisses her. And, again, she knows she should push her away because she’s sick and her sickness is probably being directly transferred to her right now, but all she does is lean in more. She chases her lips when Jungha tries to lean back, and one kiss turns into a dozen, then even more until Taehee’s weakening lung capacity forces her to breathe.
“I’m not going to leave, baby,” Jungha says softly. “I’ll be here with you, taking care of you. I won’t go. Let me take care of you. Don’t worry about anything else. Okay?”
Taehee nods. She’ll try.
She doesn’t think she’ll have to try very hard when Jungha begins combing conditioner through her hair with her fingers, making sure she drags her nails along her head with each brush through. Jungha washes her hands off. “You can relax again,” she says. “Let the conditioner sit for a while.”
Jungha helps move her so she’s lying in the tub normally again, her feet by the faucet and her back against the pillow. She sinks down until just her head is out of the water. Jungha leans against the side of the tub, her elbow against it as she holds her head up and watches her. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” Taehee says quietly. If she gets into how much she missed her she’ll start crying again, so she hopes Jungha can hear the extent of it in just those words. “What have you been up to?” They’ve barely talked for days because Taehee hasn’t been able to look at her phone screen for more than thirty seconds at a time. It felt like an emptiness was growing inside of her; it felt like part of her was missing. If Jungha were anyone else, Taehee might be scared of how attached she’s gotten to her in such a short amount of time of being officially together, just from summer to autumn. It’s Jungha, though. She’s so special, and she loves Taehee as if she’s special too. Of course she became so attached; of course she loves her this fiercely.
“Nothing exciting,” Jungha says with a shrug. “Annoying everyone around me with my nonstop whining about how I miss you.” Taehee presses her lips together, trying not to show how very pleased she is with that. “Just working and coming home and doing whatever. Felt weird without you there. Feels boring without you there.” She watches Jungha lift her hand, and it rests on her cheek. She strokes over her eyebrow with her thumb, her eyes roaming around her face. She thinks Jungha missed her as much as she missed Jungha; she thinks that’s what the look in her eyes means, the look of relief of finally seeing her again after so much yearning. Taehee begins to cry again, and Jungha brushes her tears away with a soft smile on her face, her own eyes watering too. “My precious girl,” she says quietly. “My baby girl. God, you’re cute. I missed you so much.”
“M-Me too,” Taehee says. She’s a mess. Jungha doesn’t mind when she’s a mess though. She just takes care of her. Taehee cries harder.
“Let’s finish your bath so I can hold my girl.” Taehee just stays where she is, blubbering a little bit as her sweet, perfect girlfriend rinses the conditioner from her hair.
With a soapy cloth in hand, Jungha takes her arm from her and begins to wash it. Up and down the length of her arm, covering it in bubbles. She lifts her arm and washes her armpit thoroughly because she knows Taehee has been sick and sweaty, and Taehee doesn’t even care or feel embarrassed; she has to hold back tears again instead.
She washes her chest, giving her breast a little squeeze too to make her laugh. She washes her other side, then her back and her neck where she’s been sweating so much too. She pulls Taehee’s legs out of the water to wash each one, and both of her feet with them.
Taehee finally begins to cry again when Jungha reaches into the water and starts to wash between her legs. Her fingers slot around the outer lips, then between them, then around them. She even gently uses her nails across her labia as she washes her there, and she doesn’t even care that Taehee hasn’t properly showered in days, just laughing as Taehee cries. “You can’t be crying as I’m literally washing your vagina!”
“I–I c-can’t help it,” Taehee wails. Jungha laughs harder and Taehee knows it’s funny and insane, but it’s just– “Y-You’re so nice to me, a-and you take care of me so well, a-and I j-just love you so much, Jungha.”
“God, unnie, you’re literally killing me,” Jungha laughs. “I love you too, baby girl. My silly little girl.”
Jungha helps her stand and pulls the plug in the tub. She keeps her there to pour cups of water down her body to make sure she’s all rinsed off, then she dries her before wrapping her in a robe and her hair in a towel.
“Can you get your face wet for me in the sink? I’ll do the rest.” Jungha adjusts the water to a warm temperature, then Taehee cups her hands and brings her face to the water. Even rinsing her face already makes her feel better, so when she has proper skin care for the first time in days and has been bathed and gets to be in her girlfriend's arms, it makes her wonder if her sickness was ever that bad.
When she straightens back up, Jungha lifts her onto the counter. It took no effort at all, and neither did the moan that fell from Taehee’s lips. Taehee closes her mouth and freezes. She goes still and silent while Jungha beams.
“You like my muscles?” Jungha asks with a smirk, but it’s too endeared and shy to be fully that. Jungha is the biggest flirt with her, but it’s always colored with a pastel shade of shyness too.
“A–A little bit,” Taehee says. She refuses to look at her, stares at the remaining few bubbles in the bathtub as they twirl down the drain. “Oh god,” she whimpers quietly when she sees Jungha raise her arm out of the corner of her eye.
“Wanna feel?”
Taehee presses her legs together and looks over. She shakily nods.
Her… appreciation of Jungha’s physique has never been a secret, but she’s never outright felt her up – she’s been too nervous to. (Well, she’s never felt up her muscles, that is.) She doesn’t know if it’s because she doesn’t want to objectify her, or because she fears she will have an orgasm the second she touches any flexed part of her – even the unflexed parts send her spiralling sometimes.
Just before Taehee’s hand collides with Jungha’s bicep, she flexes. Taehee moans loudly as she feels the firm muscle, and it sends her into a coughing fit. She ignores it as she smooths her hand over the hill of her bicep, then squeezes the toned tricep muscle too. Taehee sees how close her fingers are from touching when she wraps her hand around her upper arm, and it’s not even close. Jungha isn’t a wiry type of muscular, not bony with muscles whose every outline she can see. Her arm is thick and soft, a layer of padding over her muscles, and tattoos on top of that too.
Taehee’s initial moan and ensuing coughing sends Jungha into laughter, throaty laughs and higher giggles that remind Taehee of popping popcorn. Jungha runs her hand up and down the slope of Taehee’s neck, laughing more when a whimper sends more coughs tumbling from Taehee.
When it finally ends and Taehee’s lungs and ribs can have a break, she says, “Mean,” for being laughed at while she was dying – from her coughing and from her clearly panicked, gay thoughts. “And flexing for me. You’re like a cocky gym bro.”
“Or,” Jungha says as she squeezes some of Taehee’s face wash onto her hand, “I am a girl who likes that my girlfriend likes the way I look.” Taehee, now, spots the blush on Jungha’s cheeks that she thinks has probably been there this whole time.
Taehee wraps her legs around Jungha and yanks her in so her whole body is against the counter as she begins to wash Taehee’s face for her. “Your girlfriend likes the way you look very, very much,” Taehee says in her raspy voice. Her hands slide beneath Jungha’s shirt and rest against the small of her back. She missed these little touches, these reassurances that she’s allowed to be this close.
“Your girlfriend likes the way you look back,” Jungha says. Her fingertips slowly move in circles on her cheeks. They move inward to wash the curve of her nose, then up her temples too. She’s thorough and gentle with it, more than Taehee is with herself. That’s kind of always true though. Jungha treats her with a gentleness Taehee has never felt before, even from herself. It’s made her try to be more gentle with herself too.
Jungha washes her jawline, running her hands back and forth along the bone, then carefully beneath her lips too. She does a final pass through over her face, then Taehee hears the sink turn on. She feels a wet cloth against her face, thoroughly and gently wiping the cleanser away so she doesn’t have to wash it off herself. Jungha pats her face dry, and Taehee finally opens her eyes.
She feels so much better. She feels the same, really, but finally being clean of the sweat and snot and saliva that has come from her these past couple of days without properly bathing herself goes such a long way.
She watches Jungha grab her serum and pulls the eyedropper out. She squeezes a few drops on her fingers and rubs them together, then Taehee closes her eyes again. She could melt when Jungha doesn’t rub in it, but gently taps it against her skin. It barely feels like a tap either, more like a caress. She softly caresses her face – cupping her cheeks, sliding her hands up her temples to her forehead.
“I really love you,” Taehee whispers. She finally doesn’t feel so hysterical from the gentle care after being alone – at least for now. She just feels like she’s in a dream, feels so safe and loved.
“I really love you,” Jungha says just as quietly. “My little angel.” Taehee shyly smiles, keeping her eyes closed as she hears Jungha twist open her jar of moisturizer. She finishes her skincare for her, leaving her clean and hydrated and feeling more like herself and not like the disgusting creature she’s been.
Jungha takes the towel from her hair and hangs it on its hook, then she starts to gently comb through the caramel locks of Taehee’s hair, water droplets falling from the tips where they brush just above her shoulders. Whenever there’s a small tangle, Jungha sets the comb down. She presses one hand against her head while her other hand gently combs through the tangle with her fingers. Taehee realizes that it’s so her hair can’t be pulled at the root like this and detangling it won’t hurt her. She’s so moved by the action that she can’t even cry; she just sits there in quiet awe.
Jungha finally pulls her off the counter when she’s been fully bathed and pampered and groomed. She blows out the tea candles in the bathroom, then she holds her hand on the walk to the kitchen. Her apartment is dark, night already arrived, the color of it banished by the dim illumination of a lamp in her living room and the intimate light above the stove in her kitchen.
Beneath that light simmers a pot, and when the lid is taken off from it, even through her stuffy nose, Taehee can smell the comforting scent of dakjuk. She’s had dakjuk plenty of times throughout her life when she’s been sick, but always bought from the store or delivered from a restaurant. No one’s ever made it for her.
She watches Jungha scoop some of it into a bowl, then she brings it to the table. Instead of setting it in front of Taehee though, she places it in front of herself and sits down. “C’mere, baby girl,” Jungha says.
“Y-You mean…?” Taehee intensely blushes when Jungha taps her thighs. She doesn’t even try to pretend that she doesn’t basically scurry onto her lap. She seats herself sideways on Jungha’s legs. She watches her scoop up some of the porridge, but before she brings it to her lips, Jungha brings it to her own. She watches Jungha blow on it for a few seconds, then she finally brings the spoon to Taehee’s lips. Blushing bright red, Taehee opens her mouth and lets Jungha feed her the soup. Jungha looks just as pleased as Taehee feels.
Taehee hums happily, because she has experienced many times what a good cook Jungha is, and this is no different. She swallows the comforting porridge, the warmth of it soothing her throat. She kisses Jungha’s temple. “You’re so good to me,” she says quietly. Sitting higher than her, she rests her cheek on Jungha’s head and nuzzles against her hair. She wants to tuck Jungha into her. “You’re my comfort person.”
“O-Oh…” Jungha says. Something about that gets to her, because she leaves the spoon in the bowl and wraps both arms around Taehee. She holds her and nuzzles her back. “You’re mine,” she says quietly.
As she’s feeding Taehee another spoonful of dakjuk, Jungha says, “I’ve always wanted to do this.”
“Feed me?” Taehee asks as she patiently waits for more, watching Jungha blow on it for her.
“Yeah, but just–all of this.” She holds her hand out just in time to catch the drops of soup that escaped the spoon, and Taehee licks it off her hand. “Taking care of you like this. Washing your hair and body. Doing your skincare. Combing your hair. Feeding you. All of it. I’ve always wanted to…” Her eyes flit to her girlfriend’s. “Is that weird?” she asks quietly, her shoulders curling in.
“Is it weird that I love it? That I literally almost tripped over myself rushing onto your lap knowing you were gonna feed me?”
Jungha laughs. “No, I don’t think it’s weird.”
Taehee tucks Jungha’s hair behind her ear. Gently trails her finger along the top of it. “Then it’s not weird that you want to do it for me.” She cups her cheek and kisses her, short and soft. She knows she shouldn’t but she does it anyway. “And you’re doing such a good job of it. My little autumn leaf with your sweet red blush right now.” Jungha nuzzles into her palm with a shy smile like she’s trying to rub the color away. Taehee can feel her long eyelashes fluttering against her fingertips.
“Just wanna take care of you forever,” Jungha says quietly. Her eyes are so round like this, looking up at her through her lashes.
“You do?” Taehee asks quietly. They talk about how much they love each other a lot, but they haven’t talked about… about forever, really. They’ve only been together for a handful of months.
Jungha nods. “I do,” she whispers.
“O-Oh,” Taehee says quietly. “I want that too, Jungha. I want to take care of you too. And just… be with you too.”
“Okay,” Jungha says softly. Taehee kisses between her eyebrows. Jungha’s soft “okay” echoes in her head like a quiet reassurance. It is that easy and simple. Just a soft okay, and it’s decided.
Jungha feeds her the rest of the porridge, then she gives her some medicine.
“I don’t want it,” Taehee says, shaking her head and turning away, her arms crossed.
“Tae,” Jungha chuckles. Taehee shakes her head. “I didn’t get something gross like cherry or bubblegum. I got the grape flavor. It’s the best one.”
“If it’s so good then you drink it.”
She watches Jungha walk closer. She doesn’t try to escape because she knows she’ll be trapped; she leans into her instead. And Jungha does trap her, keeping her between her body and the kitchen counter, an arm caging her in on one side while the other holds her little cup of cough medicine.
“It’ll make you feel better,” Jungha says to her, voice so low as she noses at her cheek. Taehee doesn’t say anything, she can’t think because of the way Jungha is pressed against her. Jungha leans back, and she rests the rim of the small plastic cup against her bottom lip. Jungha takes a hold of her chin, gently unhinging her jaw. Taehee lets it all happen. She doesn’t even care about it anymore, she just wants Jungha to keep playing her so easily like this. “Now tip your head back for me,” Jungha whispers. She does it for her instead, and Taehee lets the thick, unpleasant cough syrup pour into her mouth. She swallows once Jungha pulls the cup away, her face scrunching in unhappiness as the sour taste lingers. “That’s my good girl.” Taehee takes the bottle of water Jungha gives her, drinking big gulps of it to try to hide how vulnerable that made her feel and how much she liked it.
Even though she started to feel better between the bath and the food and the medicine and the steady, selfless care, she’s still sick, and she’s starting to feel it creep back up to her with her body aching after being upright for so long.
“Let’s get you back in bed, baby girl,” Jungha says. She wraps an arm around her shoulders as they walk back toward her bedroom.
“My back hurts,” Taehee mutters unhappily as she sniffles.
“Your wings must finally be growing in.”
Taehee turns into Jungha as her giggles bounce around them, even more as Jungha kisses her temple again and again.
Her bedroom looks so much better than it did before, no longer a messy nest of her poor health. All of her bedding has been changed, the green duvet fluffy and cloud-like again instead of matted down and thrown askew. The many tissues littered around have been thrown away. There’s a full water bottle on the nightstand, along with a fresh box of tissues, some snacks, and more medicine. She got so lucky.
Jungha helps her into bed, resting her head so carefully on the pillow like she’s something fragile and precious. Maybe she is.
Jungha sits at her side on the bed and gently brushes the hair out of her face, looking at her lovingly. “Baby girl?” she asks.
“Hm?” Taehee says.
“Can I eat you out?”
Taehee’s eyes go wide. “Huh?”
“Can I eat you out?” Jungha asks again, so casually and gently as she brushes through her hair with her fingers, looking down at her. “Orgasms make you feel better, make your headache go away. I can make you feel good too, distract you from your sickness. I just miss you like that too. Miss seeing you like that. Miss tasting you. If you’d rather not, that’s okay too, though. You’re sick, after all. Just want you to feel good, however I can help.”
Taehee is blushing bright pink, and not from her fever. Even the mere mention of Jungha going down on her almost makes her have to press her legs together, but she doesn’t want to be so obvious. “I–I’d like that very much,” she says, her voice slightly shaking.
Jungha beams. “Alright, just lay back and relax, baby.” She caresses her face. “My sweet girl.”
Jungha moves down the bed, kneeling in front of her. She slowly pulls Taehee's legs apart. Taehee starts to bend her knees to keep her legs held back for easier access, but Jungha stops her. “Just spread your legs, angel. You don’t have to do anything but lie here.”
Jungha lies on her stomach between her legs. She slowly lifts her robe, only up to her lower stomach. “Don’t want you to get cold,” she says. She looks down between her legs as she slowly caresses her inner thigh. Her fingers trail up and down the sensitive area, tracing the lines of her stretch marks too, making Taehee twitch. “God, you have the prettiest pussy, baby,” Jungha says quietly. They haven’t even started yet and Taehee is overwhelmed. Jungha’s eyes flit up to hers, doe eyes wider and rounder from where she is. “Did you know that? That your pussy is so pretty?”
Taehee didn’t know that. She’s always been insecure about it, actually. It’s–it feels so vulnerable, and she’s never really liked the way it looks. Not because she doesn’t like the way any of them look, because that is really not the case; she really likes Jungha’s. She just–hers looks a little different from others. Her labia–it’s kind of thicker and plumper. More than Jungha’s, more than average, she thinks. It’s more brown overall too, with touches of pink. She’s always been insecure about the way she looks there even though she knows there’s nothing wrong with her. But hearing it from Jungha, that she thinks she’s pretty there…
“I–thank you,” Taehee says quietly.
The only light in the room comes from a string of star lights that lie across the shelf over her bed, the warmth of it spilling over to give enough light only for the two of them to see each other. It’s quiet here, everything is quiet. The only sounds are the shuffling of fabric, Taehee’s breathing, the sound of skin sliding against skin as Jungha touches her. The sound of her lips now, too, as she kisses her inner thigh. She teasingly nips at the softness of it with her teeth. “Pretty girl with a pretty pussy that I get to have my mouth on as much as I want,” she says, sprinkling soft kisses up her leg, closer and closer to where Taehee is already wet. It’s impossible not to be when Jungha is looking up at her like this, from there, eyes locked together with every single kiss, watching her face as she gets so close.
The first lick has Taehee dropping her head back, sighing in relief. She’s missed this, this feeling of closeness, the intimacy of the act. It feels like forever since she’s had Jungha’s mouth on her. Jungha’s tongue runs up and down her wet slit, licking away her arousal. She circles it around her outer lips, the spot between her skin and her labia, where the two meet. It makes Taehee’s toes curl, the feeling of a forgotten place being given attention. Taehee reaches down and finds Jungha’s hand, she slots their fingers together and rests their hands on her hip.
Jungha latches her lips around her clit and gently flicks her tongue across it. So, so gently, not enough to make her twitch or moan, just letting out breathy little sighs. “Does that feel good, baby girl?” Jungha asks. She brushes her thumb back and forth against her hip as she licks her so slowly.
“S-So good,” Taehee says hidden in a moan.
“Yeah?” Jungha says. “You like the way I eat your pretty pussy?” God, Taehee could come just from the dirty talk alone. She shakily nods. “You’re so wet, baby. So wet for me. Gives me more of you to taste.”
Her lips are on her again, kissing her pussy slow and deep, putting her tongue into it like she’s making out with her there. She goes back to licking her, tongue flat then flicking over every ridge and fold, eating her out like she wants to savor it for both of them. Taehee had forgotten that she’s sick until she sniffles, feeling too good to even notice if she feels bad. Her other hand travels down to brush through Jungha’s hair, gently scratching against her head before her arm flops to her side again. Jungha kisses where her leg meets her torso, one of her most sensitive spots; it sends an electric jolt through her entire leg. “My sweet girl,” Jungha says. “Always so sweet. Always so good.”
“I-I’m good?” Taehee says, her stomach filling with butterflies. “E-Even when I’m not doing anything right now?”
“You are,” Jungha says. Her thumb circles around her clit but never touches it directly, almost like a sweet massage. “You’re so good, baby girl, and you are doing something. You’re lying here, letting me make you feel good. Letting me eat you out. So good at just laying here for me. Being so good just listening to me. Looking so pretty too, baby. The prettiest. My good girl.” Taehee’s heart and stomach flutter, something so light and airy while her body gets heavier as she sinks further into the bed. She’s never felt like this before. Jungha gives her a soft smile, like she knows. Her words play in her head like a hypnotizing lullaby, taking over her thoughts until she starts to believe her. She can be good just like this, just as she is.
Jungha leans back in and sucks on her clit, pressing her tongue against it and lightly rubbing it like that. It feels so good. Taehee’s legs are tingling, the tips of her fingers. Quiet moans whisper around the bedroom, her empty hand holding onto the bed sheet. “W-Wanna be good for you,” she breathes out as Jungha’s tongue teases pressing inside of her. “Wanna be good for you forever. W-Want you to be proud of me because of h-how good I can be for you.”
“God,” Jungha sighs, circling her clit with her finger again so she never stops feeling the way she makes her whole body tingle. “My sweet girl. How’d you get so sweet? I am proud of you, baby. So proud. Can’t believe you’re mine. I got the best girl. Can I make you come, baby? Want me to make you come?”
“Y-Yes, please, please,” Taehee says. “Wanna come. W-Want you to keep tasting me. Want you to watch me come for you.”
Jungha licks her again, faster and firmer this time. Her orgasm builds so easily, starting from the way Jungha looks at her to the way she’s making her fall apart with only her mouth, only her tongue. Taehee’s toes curl, a low hum prickling through her legs. Her grip on the sheet tightens, it’s just in reach, it’s right there. Jungha looks up at her, eyes locking because she knows what’s coming. All she has to do is flick her tongue over her clit, and her orgasm washes over her.
“Oh, oh, J-Jungha–” Taehee moans. Jungha licks her through it, slow and gentle and fast and firm, switching between the two to make it last as long as she can. Only once she starts to twitch in oversensitivity does she stop.
She finishes with a soft kiss on her pussy. She kisses above it in her pubic hair, smelling her there, where her messy arousal spread. She kisses beneath her belly button, then she unties the belt of her robe.
“Let’s get you out of this,” she says. “For your fever. I’ll hold you so you don’t get cold, and we’ll keep it off in case you get hot.” Taehee feels boneless and heavy, letting Jungha maneuver her out of it without providing any help.
Jungha lays in bed beside her, so close again. She rolls Taehee onto her side so she can cuddle into her, tucking herself under her arm where she’s kept safe. Her head rests on her chest, her arm and leg over her.
“That was so nice,” Taehee says dreamily. “So good. Thank you for doing that.”
Jungha kisses the top of her head. “I’d do anything for you, baby girl. Anything in the world.”
Chapter Text
“Oof, oh, hi!” Jungha laughs, staggering several steps back before catching her footing while Taehee clings to her like a spider monkey. Jungha leans back against the car, holding her up like it’s easy (and it is for her, and Taehee tries not to think about that right now, or look at her arms).
“Hi,” Taehee says, melting under the warmth of Jungha’s gaze.
“You look pretty here,” Jungha says. “You look pretty everywhere, always, but my cozy Tae blends right in with all the fall colors.”
They’re standing in front of their rented cabin, hidden in a small meadow in the middle of the woods. Every tree around them is painted with the same palette of colors, the ones gifted to them every autumn, and the same colors Taehee is wearing – as she almost always is. Brown pants that match the trees, a dark red shirt that matches the leaves. Her honey-colored hair has the same tone as the golden autumn sun, and her skin tone matches the warmth of it all too.
“That was nice of you to say…” Taehee says shyly, her cheeks matching the painting too because of every poetic comparison from her girlfriend, the color deepening with every word in a way that Jungha points out to match too.
Jungha doesn’t really blend in here; she stands out. She stands out most places she goes – whether from her bold makeup or her array of tattoos, or because of how much more beautiful she is from anything surrounding her, even when it’s something as breathtaking as the world in autumn. She wears baggy black pants with a tight black t-shirt, long dark hair blowing with the calm breeze. She stands out from Taehee too, and Taehee likes it like this as much as she likes when they match their outfits. They’re so similar inside, but so different on the outside, and Taehee loves every part they share and every part of Jungha that’s different from her. Maybe those parts a little more, because they’re not a reflection of the way Jungha has made her love the parts of herself that they share; they’re just purely her.
“That was nice too…” Jungha says quietly, her red cheeks and pink lips new drops of color on her. Being together for a handful of months isn’t really very long, but Taehee feels like the ability to make each other shyly blush so easily should have faded away by now. Maybe it’s the way they pined after each other for so long and they finally get to be this way, maybe it’s because they’re each other’s first girlfriends, maybe it’s because they’re hearing these words from such a pretty girl, maybe all three and more. Whatever it is, she hopes this shy sweetness never goes away.
“You’re my friend,” Taehee says.
Jungha beams. “You’re my friend too.”
“It never felt like that before, you know?”
It’s a topic she tries not to bring up very often: either of them having dated men. For her, it was mostly just a dull experience, something that never felt anything close to this sunny, warm love that she knows it’s supposed to feel like. There were moments of clarity, moments where she came out of her half-dissociative state when she was with a man and felt, briefly, how wrong it all was, how desperately she wanted his hands off of her, his gaze anywhere else. But those moments only happened sometimes; it was just grey and empty and dull.
For Jungha, Taehee knows she wishes she were lucky enough for it to have only felt dull.
Still, Jungha has felt more open talking about it lately, so Taehee doesn’t always hesitate to.
“It’s because it feels easier after being with you for so long,” Jungha told her one night as they stayed up late talking in bed, turned into one another and sharing the same pillow. They hadn’t been together very long at that point, haven’t even been together very long now, but it kind of always feels like they have. “Like, it’s not so bad to think about now because I’ve been with you. It was scary to think about before, when it was just me. Now they just feel like bad memories when before they felt like something more tangible. More real. Now it’s just in the past.”
“Like, it felt like…” Taehee continues. “I dunno, like there was this guy I was seeing, and he was just A Guy I Was Seeing. He was something separate from everything else in my life, something I groaned about when I had to see him and go live in that separate part of my life for a few hours. But now there’s you. You’re not just someone else, or a separate part of my life. You’re pretty much the whole thing. You’re like my friend who I’m in love with and get to kiss.”
She can tell Jungha is thinking about the same thing, her own version of what it felt like before. “I’m glad you feel like that with me,” she says, because she knows what it feels like. “I feel that way with you too.”
“It’s nice to love someone,” Taehee says. She tucks a lock of Jungha’s hair behind her ear. “It’s nice to love you,” she says softly.
“It’s even nicer to love you,” Jungha says even more softly.
Jungha kisses her, a slow, lingering thing. The calm breeze blows through their hair, weaving the strands together.
Taehee drops back onto her feet to free Jungha from holding her up for so long, and she finally takes a proper look around her.
It’s so beautiful, a kind of beauty that could never be properly described even by the most romantic of poets or the most talented of painters, let alone by Taehee herself. It makes all of the thoughts in her head blow away like dandelion seeds encouraged by a hopeful, wishful breath.
Then she looks away from Jungha, finally seeing where they are.
The coziest little cabin is in front of them. It’s an A-frame type, so the whole front of it is made of windows so they won’t miss the absolutely beautiful scenery around them even when they’re inside. The cabin sits on a meadow with long overgrown grass and the occasional dandelion here and there, and the way everything feels so wild could make it feel abandoned, but it just makes it all more natural and pure, like the earth is letting them be guests here. It feels like a secret, the way they’re surrounded by forest that’s a woven quilt of autumn colors. Red and yellow and orange and brown, and a sunny blue sky above them that brings out the vibrance of it all even more. It’s so quiet here, just the rustling leaves every time they whisper back to the wind.
There’s a front deck in front of the cabin stretched out far enough just for two rocking chairs with sunset chrysanthemums planted in front. They retrieve their suitcases from the trunk of the car then carry them up the creaky wooden steps. Jungha unlocks the door for them, and they’re hit with the scent of wood, which is exactly what Taehee wants to smell when staying in a cabin.
The cabin is just as cozy inside as it is outside. The ceiling stretches up and up until it reaches the top of the A-frame, but the little home is small enough that it doesn’t feel too open and unsettling – even with windows that take up the entire front of the cabin and the skylights up at the top. The space is filled with golden sunlight, and Jungha opens one of the windows to let the scents and sounds of outside in too.
There’s a fireplace on one wall that Taehee can’t wait to light later, with a television above it and a coffee table and couch in front of it. There are bookcases overflowing with books and games, and a bench in front of the windows that she wants to curl up on like a cat. A small dining table separates the living room from the modest kitchen, brown cabinets and brown granite countertops with a door to the back deck that houses a hot tub. Alongside it a small staircase waits to lead them up to the loft.
The loft overlooks the living room with a small seating area with two comfy-looking chairs, a bed along one wall, and a door to the bathroom. The art on the wall is rustic and cozy and even has little plaques beneath them to display the artists’ names, with local artist written next to it. There are skylights above the bed that will give them a view of the stars at night, probably showing them each and every one without any lights on the earth to shine brighter. The whole cabin manages to be open and snug all at once, and it’s a perfect place to spend some uninterrupted time for two girls in love.
They set their suitcases down, then they turn to each other with slow-growing smiles until they’re beaming. “It’s just us,” Taehee says.
“Yeah,” Jungha says, then she tackles her down onto the bed.
Jungha straddles her, then Taehee has her girlfriend’s lips pressed to her own.
Everything is so quiet as they slowly kiss. They live in a quiet, calm neighborhood of the city, but it still manages to make its own sounds, and they live with the knowledge that they’re surrounded by so many people no matter where they are. Here, it’s just them. It’s so quiet, and it’s so lovely. Their kisses are maddeningly slow and deep because they know they have nothing else to be doing but this. Their lips slot together, the softness of them intertwining. Jungha turns her head, and Taehee keeps her lips parted on the next kiss because she knows Jungha wants her to. Their tongues brush together because of it, and Taehee’s hold on Jungha’s waist tightens.
“What’s on the agenda for today?” Taehee asks when Jungha leans back. She stays straddled on her lap and caresses her face as they talk, which feels like more little kisses of their own.
“I figured neither of us would be in the mood to do anything after we’ve been in the car all morning, so I thought we could change into comfy clothes and cuddle up on the couch and watch movies.” Jungha’s thumb brushes over her bottom lip, her finger glides over the arch of her ear, hand slides up and down the curve of her neck.
Taehee sighs. “That sounds perfect.”
Taehee knows she can be kind of… boring to some people. She’s a homebody, someone who would prefer to spend a cozy night in rather than go out the majority of the time. She finds peace and happiness in domestic chores and simple things like baking and going on walks, and she’s somehow managed to meet her perfect match in that. She thinks that if she were with anyone else, they’d see this as wasting part of their trip, since they still have the whole day ahead they could use for exploring and going out to do things. But she is tired after traveling, even though all they did was sit in the car, so staying in sounds so lovely to recharge. And it’s not wasting it; it’s spending time enjoying themselves in their little cabin they rented, getting use out of it in a way that makes them happy.
So they get up and change out of their clothes into something more comfortable. Taehee chooses a pair of Jungha’s sweatpants and her sweatshirt too, and when she looks over, Jungha has dressed in Taehee’s clothes too. They decide to unpack all of their things now so they feel settled in before they do anything else. Taehee is hanging up their shirts and sweaters in the closet while Jungha unpacks their pants and folds them in the dresser. “What are the plans while we’re here?” Taehee asks, straightening her brown sweater on the hanger.
“I was thinking that tomorrow we can go into town and explore what’s down there, then the day after we can go on a hike and be out in the forest.”
Taehee sighs again. “That sounds so good.”
“Are you sure?” Jungha asks. “I’m not the dictator of our plans. If you have other ideas we can talk about it.”
Taehee hangs the final shirt up, then she crosses the room to Jungha and hugs her from behind. She kisses her neck, and Jungha leans back into her. “I’m sure. I’m happy doing anything as long as it’s with you.”
– ♡ –
Taehee doesn’t feel the slightest bit bad that they’re using the cabin to do exactly what they would be doing if they were at home. She and Jungha are sitting on the couch in their lazy clothes, knees to their chests as their bodies rest against each other. A mug of hot chocolate for Taehee and hot apple cider for Jungha are in their hands as they start their second movie.
She thinks that most other people would spend the trip taking hike after hike or exploring the surrounding area, and they will do that, but this is what they want to do. Here they have a crackling fireplace and windows showing endless autumn trees and absolutely nothing to do except be here together. They spend time alone together every single day, but now they’re alone. No one else, just Taehee and her girlfriend, spending the autumn evening cuddled up on the couch. It’s such a nice feeling to have Jungha all to herself.
Right now, though, Taehee is looking at Jungha with a look akin to horror on her face. “Jungha, that’s the worst part of carving pumpkins.”
“Nuh uh!” Jungha insists. “Haven’t you ever reached inside and taken a handful of the pumpkin guts and squeezed it so it oozes out through your fingers?”
“Not only is that disgusting and horrible and a sensory nightmare, the words you’re using are making it so much worse! Don’t say oozes!” Jungha just laughs and squeezes her hand into a fist like she’s imagining it squishing out from between her fingers. Taehee is imagining it too with a much worse reaction, the thought making her hands tingle. “I do like roasting the pumpkin seeds though. Have you ever done that?”
“No,” Jungha says, her eyes alight. “I didn’t know you could do that.”
Taehee nods. “You clean all the seeds and toss them with spices, like pumpkin pie spice and cinnamon and whatever you want, then you roast them. It’s so good.”
“When we carve pumpkins back at home, I’ll get all the pumpkin guts off the seeds for you so you can do that.”
“Stop calling them guts,” Taehee whines, flopping onto her back on the couch.
“That’s what they’re called!” Jungha says. Taehee's manipulation tactic of laying down worked, because Jungha crawls over her body so she’s hovering above her. “Hi,” she says, her long hair falling down and tickling her neck, making her have to suppress a shiver.
“Hi, pretty girl,” Taehee says. She rests her hands on Jungha’s sides, sliding them beneath her sweatshirt to hold onto the warmth of her bare waist. Her other hand twirls a lock of Jungha’s hair around her finger as she patiently waits to be kissed.
She can tell Jungha is waiting for her to whine or demand a kiss or lean up to take it herself, but Taehee lies there waiting, content to just admire Jungha until it happens. Her pretty doe eyes, her adorable nose, the beauty marks she’s kissed so many times. Her girlfriend is the prettiest, the cutest. The hottest too when she’s in a less pure state of mind than she is right now.
Jungha finally leans down, slowly, taking her time. Taehee’s eyes flutter closed when she feels Jungha’s breath on her lips. Her girlfriend hovers there for several seconds, still waiting for her to whine or to take, but Taehee waits. “You’re being a good girl right now,” Jungha whispers against her lips. She’s close enough that she definitely heard Taehee's quiet whimper. Her hold on Jungha’s waist tightens without meaning to.
Her eyes flutter open, locking with Jungha’s warm gaze. “I am?” she whispers shyly.
Jungha nods, their noses brushing together. Taehee feels so small under Jungha right now. She feels it even more when Jungha says, “My good little girl.” A small gasp from Taehee, her breathing slowing down as she looks up at her. “Don’t you think so?”
Taehee can’t hold back her shiver. Jungha smiles down at her, a wolfish edge to it. “I–I think I’m g-good sometimes,” Taehee says shyly. It makes Jungha laugh, and makes her giggle because she likes making Jungha laugh. “If–i-if you think I’m good right now, does that mean you’ll kiss me?”
Jungha nuzzles the tips of their noses together. “Do you want a kiss?” she asks.
Taehee nods. “I–I want more than one, but just one is okay…”
Jungha’s smile widens. Taehee isn’t sure why she’s making her laugh and smile right now because she’s just being honest. Jungha doesn’t say anything; she just closes the centimeter of distance and finally presses their lips together. Taehee melts down into the couch, and she can feel Jungha smile into the kiss because of it.
She must be really good like Jungha thinks she is, because when the first kiss ends, another begins. She kisses her over and over again, so slow and taking her time. Taehee thought they were kissing like this because of where they are, but she realizes they always kiss each other like it’s only them and they have all the time in the world.
Open mouthed kisses, breath passing between each other, never any tongue. She moans without meaning to when one of Jungha’s hands slides beneath her sweatshirt to settle on her tummy. She rubs her hand back and forth, feeling the softness of it, occasionally squeezing the fat there. Slowly, the hand slides up further and further. Taehee sighs into the next kiss when Jungha takes her breast into her hand. She squeezes it, kneads it in her palm. “You fit perfectly in my hand,” Jungha says against her lips before kissing her again.
Jungha glides her hand back down, taking a moment to feel her stomach again before sliding it out of her sweatshirt as the kisses turn into sweet pecks. “Are you hungry, baby?” she asks, an achingly fond look on her face when Taehee opens her eyes. Taehee nods, feeling too soft and floaty right now to think of any words. “Let’s go see what we can make for dinner then.”
She lets Jungha pull her to get feet. She takes her hand on the short walk to the kitchen, having to fight to keep walking when her knees almost collapse because of the smile Jungha gives her.
She can’t believe she got the girl. That she pined over her for a whole year, only letting herself daydream little bits and pieces of a life with her because any more would turn that bittersweet yearning feeling into something more desperately sad. Everything she did let herself imagine can’t even compare to what she really got. This gentleness, this kindness, this affection and love and care. She really met her match, the other half to everything she ever wanted. It’s more than that, it’s not just a half to herself; it’s two wholes that melted together to become a new, lovely thing.
Taehee hops up onto the kitchen counter, her legs swinging back and forth as Jungha opens the fridge to survey their options. Outside of the kitchen windows, the sky is still blue but the sun is beginning to dip into the horizon. For now it shines into the kitchen, onto the bouquet of flowers on the island and the begonia on the windowsill.
“Anything you’re in the mood for, baby girl?” Jungha asks.
“Hmm… Bibimbap?” She watches Jungha’s profile as she peers into the fridge, chewing on her lip as she searches for what they’ll need. While she does, Jungha glances at her, then she quickly looks away, back into the fridge. Taehee furrows her eyebrows. “Hm?”
Jungha starts to pull the ingredients out and set them on the counter – cucumbers, carrots, mushrooms, spinach. “Nothing,” Jungha says, looking at what she’s doing and pointedly not at Taehee.
“We don’t have to have that if you don’t want to. I don’t care.”
“It’s not that,” Jungha mumbles. She glances at Taehee and quickly looks away again. Taehee spots a blush on her cheeks this time. Jungha looks at her as she arranges everything on the counter, then she quickly looks away again. She turns around to grab a cutting board even though there’s already one on the island where Taehee sits.
“Jungha!” Taehee says. “What is going on?!”
“Nothiiiiing,” Jungha whines, stomping each of her feet.
“Jungha!” Taehee whines back.
Jungha covers her face with her tattooed hands. “I just got shy!” she says.
“About what?!”
“You! Us!” she says. “I just–I looked at you and you’re so pretty and we were just kissing on the couch and we’re here together and we’re wearing each other’s clothes and I just–I got shy because I really like you and you’re so pretty and cute and I can’t believe we’re dating.”
“Junghaaaaaaaaa,” Taehee whines. She covers her burning face with her hands now too.
“Unnie!” Jungha whines back, their shyness making each other’s even worse. Taehee can feel her ears heating up, butterflies doing ballet in her tummy.
“Come kiss me!” she says, her face still in her hands.
“I can’t,” Jungha says, still a whine in her voice.
“Jungha!”
“Unnie!”
“Come kiss me!”
“I can’t!” Jungha says again. “It’s too much! I’m too shy! I can’t do it!”
“Junghaaaaa,” Taehee says, almost begging now. “We’ve done so much more than kissing!” She comes out of hiding and sees Jungha peeking at her over the tips of her fingers, big doe eyes so round and innocent. Jungha quickly shields herself again when she sees she was caught.
“Don’t talk about that right now!” she says. “I can’t handle it!”
“Babyyyyyyy,” Taehee whines, starting to laugh now. “Come here!”
Jungha throws her arms down and comes closer, refusing to meet her eye. Taehee rests her hands on Jungha’s cheeks, her hands trembling from butterflies and shyness as if she hasn’t touched Jungha’s face hundreds of times by now. She tilts Jungha’s head up so she’ll look at her, but as soon as they lock eyes, Jungha tucks her chin to hide and Taehee looks away, her blush rising again.
She takes a steadying breath and tilts Jungha’s head up again, and she kisses her. Jungha whimpers against her lips, her hands coming up to hold onto Taehee’s wrists to keep her hands there. Taehee makes a sound in her chest too, her heart hammering, feeling as if it’s the first time again. She marvels at the softness of her lips, the little sighs she lets out.
When she feels like she might pass out from the fluttering of her heart, she leans back to let them breathe and calm down. Their foreheads rest together. Taehee can feel the warmth of Jungha’s cheeks in her hands. She leans back and looks at the blush there. “My cute little autumn leaf,” she says quietly. “You match the trees outside.”
Jungha just nuzzles into her palm, looking up at her through her eyelashes. It takes Taehee’s breath away. “I love you,” Jungha says quietly, like it’s an admission that’s finally being said.
“I love you too,” Taehee whispers, like saying it any louder would make them collapse with the weight of it.
They finally smile at each other shyly, the silly moment passing. Taehee bites her lip and breathes out a laugh, and Jungha chuckles and brushes her fingers through her hair. She returns back to the cutting board to start their dinner.
“Is there anything I can help you with?” Taehee asks, watching her start cutting the cucumber.
“You could peel the carrots for me?”
“‘kay,” Taehee says. She hops off the counter and smacks Jungha’s ass when she walks past her.
“Hey!” Jungha giggles. When Taehee walks past again with the carrots in hand, she gropes her, squeezing her ass cheek as Jungha shakes her head with a laugh. “Having fun?”
“Mhm,” Taehee nods, feeling very satisfied.
Once they’ve eaten a very wonderful meal by Jungha (with minimal help from Taehee that Jungha still commends her for), they return back to their spots on the couch to watch another movie. Jungha curls up to Taehee, leaning against her with her girlfriend’s arm wrapped around her, keeping her tucked in and safe. The sun begins to set, and it brings the golden yellows and oranges of outside into the room with them. The fire in the hearth sings in a low timber and a crackling falsetto, warming them across the room and casting dancing shadows on the floor. One movie turns into another, but they’re all just background noise for their conversations and occasional (or more than occasional) kissing.
Once night has sleepily arrived, they yawn as they shuffle around the cabin and turn off the lights downstairs.
They head up to their lofted bedroom and into the bathroom to start getting ready for bed. The bathroom is a simple little space, the walls a warm beige with dim lights over the vanity mirror, a standing shower with a sheet of glass separating it from the rest of the bathroom. Taehee pats the counter next to the sink, looking at Jungha. Jungha hops up onto the counter, and Taehee rustles through her bag to pull out her makeup remover wipes. Jungha spreads her legs for Taehee to stand between them, looking sleepy as Taehee brushes her hair out of her face with her fingers. She reaches around her and parts her hair into three sections, then she begins to braid it so it will fall over her shoulder.
“Your hair is so soft,” she says quietly. She watches the dark, silky strands slide through her fingers like water. The long wispy strands nuzzle and tie together with each twist of her fingers. Taehee has always had a thing for Jungha’s hair, always been driven crazy by the way it tickles different parts of her when Jungha is leaning over her. It’s no different when she’s brushing through it for her, or when it’s slipping through her hands. “So pretty. Just like you.” She drops the braid before it’s completed and unravels it, combing through her hair with her fingers just because she wants to feel it more. Jungha knows she has a thing for her hair too and has let it grow a little longer because of it. It falls to her mid-chest now, and Taehee feels it from root to tip, admiring the softness.
She clears her throat when she realizes she got carried away, blushing because she can feel the way Jungha is watching her fondly, not saying a word. Taehee starts to braid it again to keep it out of her face, weaving each part together before securing it with a hair tie. It rests on her shoulder now with her face clear for Taehee to take her makeup off.
“Can you close your eyes for me?” Jungha obeys, and Taehee immediately pecks her lips, making her smile wide with her cute bunny smile and nose scrunch. It’s one of her favorite things about Jungha. She wears such edgy outfits with bold makeup, body covered in tattoos and ears covered in piercings (and her nose with a septum piercing too). She could look so intimidating with only those things, but she has the sweetest eyes and the sweetest smile. She’s really just the cutest, softest girl underneath it all.
Taehee starts to gently wipe her makeup away for her, making sure to be careful when doing it on her eyes so she doesn’t pluck any of her eyelashes out when freeing them from her mascara. She watches as the natural Jungha without her pretty makeup starts to come through, a version of her that only Taehee sees. Not because Jungha is insecure about going out into the world without it, but because wearing fun, creative makeup is part of who she is and how she expresses herself. Taehee just gets to see all of the different versions of Jungha when everybody else only gets one.
“‘kay, all done,” Taehee says.
Jungha opens her eyes. “Thank you, unnie,” she says sleepily.
“Welcome, pretty,” she says.
While Jungha brushes her teeth, Taehee takes her own makeup off. Once Taehee has brushed her teeth too, they share a minty kiss then climb into bed.
Jungha lies on her back with Taehee tucked into her side, her head resting on her chest. “Night, Jungha,” Taehee yawns, just seconds from passing out.
“Night, unnie. Love you,” Jungha says, sounding the same.
“Love you too,” Taehee says.
Taehee hovers in that soft, safe spot between awake and asleep for a few minutes more, feeling the warmth of Jungha’s arms and hearing the sound of the insects singing from the forest surrounding them. Just as she’s about to fully succumb to her dreams, she jolts awake when Jungha’s whole body flinches.
Taehee sits up, eyes wide. She looks down at Jungha, her eyes adjusting for only the light of the moon to illuminate her face. “What’s wrong?” she asks. She blinks through the darkness, then sees Jungha’s own wide eyes darting around. “Darling? What’s going on?” She rests her hand on the side of Jungha’s neck. Jungha finally looks at her.
“I thought–I thought I heard a noise.”
“What kind of noise?”
“I dunno. Just–a noise.” Jungha flinches again, and Taehee hears it too. It sounds like a creak, like someone stepping onto old wooden floors – the kind that stretch all through their cabin. It’s too all-encompassing to be that though, surrounding them rather than something contained and trying to remain undetected like a sneaking footstep.
“Oh, baby, it’s just the cabin settling,” Taehee says.
Jungha doesn’t hear her; she gasps, fully sitting up and peering across the room, trying to see downstairs from the loft when the sound groans again. It’s joined with a whistle this time too. It’s obvious to Taehee because she isn’t scared – the creaky old cabin following the direction of the wind, the sound of it whistling through a crack in the window somewhere downstairs. To Jungha, though, it probably sounds like someone trying to sneak through the cabin, someone who starts to tauntingly whistle knowing they’ve noticed.
“Baby, it’s okay,” Taehee says, keeping her voice soft. “It’s just the house. See? It happens when the wind blows.” When they hear the quiet sound of rustling leaves outside, the house makes a quiet sound again. Taehee wouldn’t have even noticed it if it weren’t pointed out to her.
“We’re so–w-we’re so secluded here,” Jungha says, her words shaking a little bit. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, in the forest. And it’s d-dark, and there’s noises, and it’s just us.”
“Isn’t that nice though?” Taehee says, her tone so gentle. She pets Jungha’s hair, her heart hurting because of how unsettled she looks. “It’s just me and you. We can hear the insects outside, so much forest for them to hangout and catch up with each other in. Can see the stars through the skylight, see how bright and sparkly they are up there? There’s nothing to be scared of. I’ve got you, baby. My twinkly little star. Want me to go check everything out downstairs?”
“No!” Jungha says, eyes widening. The stars in them are even prettier than they are above, but this isn’t the time to tell her that. She thinks Jungha probably doesn’t want to be alone, but then her heart aches when she says, “If someone is down there, I don’t want them to hurt you.”
“No one’s down there, baby,” Taehee says, keeping up the soothing motion of her petting. “Want to go check it out together? I could use a snack too.”
Jungha hesitates. Taehee doesn’t want to push her, but she thinks seeing for herself is the only way to calm her. “O-Okay…” she finally says.
Taehee gets out of bed, and Jungha rushes over to her side and takes her hand, her palm sweaty. She walks as close as she can, her other hand holding onto her arm.
They go down the stairs, the creaky steps not helping to soothe Jungha at all, because she cowers with each one. When they finally reach the bottom, Taehee flips the light switch. Jungha flinches, like she’s afraid of what it will reveal.
It illuminates all of the lights in the living room, and no one or nothing is there. It’s the same as they left it – the blanket that was over them bunched up in the corner of the couch, their empty mugs on the coffee table that they forgot to bring to the dishwasher, the last of the fire’s embers still a tired orange in the hearth. They step further into the room so Taehee can turn on the lights in the kitchen too, and it’s just the same. The washcloth they used to clean the counters after dinner draped over the two spaces in the sink, the flower vase on the island that Taehee took all of the flowers out of to rearrange in a prettier way herself, the numbers illuminated on the stove to show that it’s just before midnight. The cabin is empty of anyone but them.
“See, sweetheart?” Taehee says, brushing her thumb back and forth on Jungha’s hand. “Just me and my pretty girl here.” She steps in front of Jungha and brings their joined hands behind her, then lets go so one of Jungha’s arms is around her waist while both of Taehee’s go around her neck. Taehee tucks her hair behind her ear. “Just me and my baby. There’s nothing to be scared of. We’re okay. And I’ll be holding you all night too.”
“Sorry…” Jungha says, refusing to meet her eye. She tucks her chin like she’s embarrassed.
“Don’t be,” Taehee says. “I would have probably been scared too if I weren’t so sleepy. I would have been afraid too if I’d heard it. Now let’s get a snack and then we can get all cozy in bed again.”
They rustle through their cabinets and pull out a bag of Turtle Chips. They lean against the counter as they share it, munching quietly in the dim light.
“Did you know goldfish are naturally brown or olive green?” Taehee says, trying to take Jungha’s mind off of being scared or embarrassed. She doesn’t know why that’s the first thing that popped into her head, but it works because Jungha makes her cute "o" face. “They’re bred to be the orange color, but if you return them to nature they revert back to their natural color despite never being that color since they were bred to look the way we know them as.”
“There’s a Chinese restaurant in Busan that had a fish tank," Jungha says, "and it was just a bunch of different kinds of goldfish. Like, normal looking ones, and the ones with the big heads and stuff. They really seemed to like it there, because I remembered specific things about the fish – like one of them having a scale that was shinier than the rest, or another that was pretty much always chilling out in the plants – and they were there for, like, ten years. Maybe they still are; I haven’t seen them since I moved from there. Can you get your fish tank for the flower shop already? And will you let me feed them?”
Jungha looks significantly more calm as they talk about the fish tank Taehee mentioned wanting to add to the shop months ago – the kind of fish she should get, the decorations, the plants. When the cabin settles and makes the same noises again, Jungha doesn’t even seem like she notices.
“Do you want to keep any of the lights on down here?” Taehee asks after they’ve thrown the empty bag of chips away.
“No, that’s okay…” Jungha mumbles, still a little embarrassed. Taehee flips all the lights off, then they climb back up the stairs and get back in bed.
Taehee pulls Jungha into her arms this time, and Jungha settles right in. Her body is relaxed and heavy on top of her, and she doesn’t flinch at any occasional noise. She’s already on the verge of falling asleep a minute later, mumbling, “I love y’unnie.”
“I love you too, darling,” Taehee says. She feels when Jungha finally falls asleep, fully relaxing against her with her breathing evening out.
Taehee stays awake for a while longer, making sure Jungha is okay. She looks at the stars above them through the skylight, the way they flicker and glimmer in the dark sky.
Jungha stays asleep against her through every creak or whistle of the wind.
Once enough time has passed for the moon to shine from the other side of the window, she feels reassured that Jungha is okay, so she finally lets her heavy eyelids close, and she falls asleep holding her baby.
Chapter Text
“It’s so pretty here,” Jungha says as they drive down the winding, secluded road into town. They’re surrounded by the forest here too, trees so old and tall that their branches have stretched out and settled in, creating a tunnel above them in some places. Nestled between the trees are bushes and brush or the forest floor sprinkled with leaves. Everything is red or orange or yellow and bright, the sunlight cascading through everything it can, trying to reach them. With the car windows rolled down, they can smell that special, crunchy scent that comes with autumn too.
“It is,” Taehee agrees. “I was kind of nervous that maybe being here will make everything feel dull when we get back home, but it looks the same, just more.” Since they live a considerable way outside of the city, it’s nothing like the heart of downtown. No ugly skyscrapers or busy sidewalks, something more intimate. It’s nothing like a small town, but it’s more akin to that than the opposite direction, and their community is so strong that it feels like that even more. There are trees and parks and plenty of places that show the beautiful season too, so it doesn’t feel like they’re missing out on anything like this; they just get to be more submerged in it here.
“Yeah, I was thinking that too,” Jungha says.
Where they are is a pretty small town though. Not super small, not enough for any newcomers to be stared at by locals, but smaller than they’re used to. It’s clear, too, that this is an area many people come to from out of town to enjoy the different seasons, but it doesn’t have that touristy kitchiness to it; it feels like a place people live too.
It’s the sweetest little downtown area, clearly the heart of the neighborhood where the community gathers. The streets are lined with small businesses, the flat-sided buildings made of brick with the names of the shops painted on the windows or hanging from a sign off the front. Across from the shops is a park home to bushy trees with a gazebo in the middle, where a small jazz ensemble is playing. Taehee spots a family of three riding their bikes through it, a woman blowing bubbles with her son, two teenagers hanging out on the ledge of a fountain hidden in the back. Across the street she sees someone walking their prancing dog down the sidewalk, a man holding the hand of another while he walks across the flower bed edges that protect the flowers and smaller trees on the sidewalk, a few people sitting at the tables in front of a coffee shop, sipping warm drinks with their friends or their lovers. It feels like they’re getting a little peek into other people’s lives, like guests being treated warmly and welcomed in.
“It’s so cute here,” Taehee says. She spots so many shops she can’t wait to check out as they drive slowly down the street to find a place to park.
“Right?” Jungha says. She sounds just as excited to explore together.
They pull into a spot across from the park, then they step out of the car back into the autumn morning. The day still holds a bit of warmth since they’re not too deep into the season yet, but there’s still that wonderful chill that reminds them of what season they’re in, as if the blooming colors weren’t flamboyant enough to make them forget. Taehee can hear the sounds a welcoming town makes – laughing children as they play, the bell on a shop door greeting someone as they come in or wishing them a good day as they leave, dogs barking as they play fetch with their owners or chase each other. Taehee can smell bakeries and coffee shops and fallen leaves, and Jungha – chamomile and tea tree and something special and unnameable – when she walks around the car to join her.
They got ready together this morning and Taehee spent the whole time eyeing her, but she can’t help but do it every time she sees Jungha. She’s wearing baggy dark brown pants, the looseness of them and the way they sit rather low on her hips making her body more accentuated. With it she wears a tight black t-shirt with a brown flannel-print long sleeve shirt under it, and there’s a strip of skin that shows between her pants and her shirt, just a peek. Her look is paired with gold eyeshadow that shimmers when the sun hits it right, and double-winged eyeliner. Her long dark hair, cut in layers that always drift this way and that so effortlessly, blows in the breeze like she’s on a runway. She has a little smirk on her lips as she watches her girlfriend check her out.
As they are almost every time they go somewhere together, the two of them are matching. The brown plaid pattern of Jungha’s long sleeve shirt matches the print of Taehee’s trousers, her pants high-waisted instead of low-cut. Her black sweater tucked into the front of them matches the color of Jungha’s shirt, and Jungha’s gold eyeshadow matches the gold of Taehee’s glasses. Taehee’s caramel hair is still cut just above her shoulders, and Jungha reaches out and ruffles her bangs like she often does in a teasing manner. It never makes Taehee slap her hand away or grumble; it makes her preen to be on the receiving end of her affectionate teasing and lean into it like a cat being pet. Jungha takes her hand as they cross the street, their joined hands swinging between them. “My girlfriend is hot,” Taehee says.
“Stop it,” Jungha mumbles with a blush rising to her cheeks. She’s so easy to fluster sometimes, so quick to go from that smirking, confident girl to this shy, bashful sweetheart. “My girlfriend is hot.”
Taehee scoffs. “I am not hot,” she says. “Cute, yes. Pretty, sometimes. But hot? No.” She’s not even saying that to be self-deprecating; it’s true. She’s pretty cute, but hot is not a word to describe her.
Jungha stops them in the middle of the sidewalk and turns to her, looking at her like she’s insane. “Taehee,” Jungha says, then tacks on, “–unnie. You’re hot.” She states it like it’s an obvious, unarguable fact. “Are you okay? Mentally? Baby, you’re–Tae, you’re so fucking hot.”
“Okay, okay, god,” Taehee says, blushing bright red now. Thankfully no one is around them to hear the exchange or else she’d die.
“And you’re right,” Jungha continues, “you are cute and pretty too. All the time.”
“Okay,” Taehee mumbles, shyly looking down at the sidewalk as they walk.
They start at the end of the street and decide to make their way down, stopping in each and every place along the way.
The first store they step into greets them first by the jingling of a bell on the door, then a gentle gust of warm autumn scents. “Welcome in!” a woman behind the front desk greets them, a crooked-toothed smile and glasses pushed to the top of her head.
“Hi!” Taehee says while her shy girlfriend just smiles and does a little wave, then the woman turns back to the customer she was helping.
Jungha is immediately drawn to the wall beside them, where she picks up the first candle she sees from the shelves lining the walls. The candle shop is so colorful with all of the jars of different colored wax, and the scent isn’t overpowering despite all of the people pulling the caps off to sniff every candle – which she knows she and Jungha are going to be doing too. The front window has fake foliage draped across the top with painted fall illustrations on the glass, and the sunlight that shines onto the wax of the candles, softening and melting them just a little bit, makes their scent breathe out even more.
Jungha pops the cap off the burgundy candle in her hands and brings it to her nose, taking a deep whiff in, her chest expanding with the ardor of it. Then she very dramatically makes a coughing gagging sound, her hand going to her throat like she’s going to heave. She holds the candle away from her as far as she can as she takes a deep, cleansing breath to rid the scent from her lungs and her memory. Taehee doesn’t want to lean against the shelves as she dies of laughter and be responsible for all of the glass that could fall, so she does it against Jungha instead.
“Jeez!” she says, body shaking with her laughter as she holds onto Jungha so she doesn’t collapse. She’s all too familiar with how dramatic her girlfriend is by now, having seen it almost every day since they got together, but sometimes it comes out in full force and she’s hit by a wave of amusement and affection all over again.
“I did not like that,” Jungha says simply, like it’s an offhanded comment. They look at the tag on the front that reads Mountain Lodge. “That’s not a scent. That is a place.” She holds it out for Taehee to sniff, and Taehee’s nose scrunches up too. She’s not a fan, but she doesn’t start wretching like Jungha almost did.
“Smells kinda like cedarwood and sage,” Taehee says, “and I do not like either of those scents, so that makes sense.”
“Neither do I,” Jungha says in case it wasn’t obvious. She caps the candle again and sets it carefully back on the shelf. She grabs a dark orange candle beside it, while Taehee takes a white one beside hers. They each pull the caps off and take a sniff, Jungha “oooh”ing while Taehee hums. Then they each hold the ones in their hand out for their girlfriend to smell.
“That one smells like maple,” Jungha says.
“The sticker says Belgian Waffle.” She tickles beneath Jungha’s chin and coos. “My smart little girlfriend.”
“Shut up,” Jungha snorts, slapping her hand away. “This one was Cinnamon Apple.”
“We should get that one.”
“Okay, keep track of it in your head because we’re probably going to say that about a lot of them and we can’t buy them all.”
They smell every single candle in the fall section – Salted Caramel (which elicited a pleased sigh from Taehee), Autumn Bike Ride (which brought out a dry heave from Jungha that made a few people look over, along with a, “That is not a scent. That is an activity. Who’s naming these?”), Cranberry Chutney (which was added to their mental list of ones they want to buy), and many more.
Before they move on to the winter section, discovering that the store is arranged by seasons, they give their noses and their lungs a chance to exist in peace for a minute. Jungha’s eyes dart around her, looking over her shoulder in every direction while Taehee watches, confused. Then she’s pulled into Jungha with a hand on her back and given a deep, sweet kiss – just one. Taehee is giggling and blushing when they part, twisting her torso back and forth with her hands held together behind her back.
“So cute,” Jungha says. She steals her move and flicks her beneath the chin.
They finally move onto the winter scents and find only a few they like and way more they don’t – a few even pulling a few Jungha-level reactions out of Taehee, because she is not a fan of musky scents (which Jungha tells her is probably because those kinds of smells are always in men’s cologne and she is a lesbian, which is probably correct because Jungha doesn’t like them either). By the time they’ve made their way through spring and summer, they’re feeling a little lightheaded but satisfied with their work and dedication. They walk out with a tea tree candle for Taehee because it reminds her of the way Jungha smells, and a caramel vanilla scent for Jungha for the same reason – something they don’t find out about until after the fact.
After the candle shop is a clothing boutique, then a flower shop (with Jungha telling her that her flower shop is much, much cuter), then an antique store then an ice-cream shop. They finally happen upon a coffee shop just when they need a little break and some time to unwind from their adventures.
The café is a cozy little place, all warm colors and exposed brick, local art for sale on the walls. It’s not too crowded since most people are spending the nice day outside, so it leaves them some nice window seats to choose from. They walk to the counter that stretches along one wall, a menu drawn on a chalkboard behind it with a display case of baked goods at the other end. While Jungha looks at the drinks menu, Taehee takes a peek to see what they have in their display case to get them some pastries. She brightens seeing a pain au chocolat for herself, and some pumpkin bread that she knows Jungha will like.
Before she can return to her girlfriend to tell her, a girl appears behind the bakery case and says, “Hey there.”
It makes Taehee jump, but she recovers and says, “Oh, hi.” Her eyebrows twitch, a quick furrow as she watches the girl’s eyes flit quickly up and down her body before looking in her eyes again – done so quickly that she wonders if she imagined it.
The worker has ginger hair, but it’s just a touch too orange to be natural. It’s tucked behind her ears and secured with a bandana, giving her a cute prairie look. She tilts her head to the side a little bit, like she’s assessing Taehee with a coy smile. “Can I get you anything?”
Taehee shuffles on her feet. She feels uncomfortable. “Yeah, I’ll take a pain au chocolat and a piece of pumpkin bread.”
“Alright, I’ll check you out down at the other end of the counter.” Taehee doesn’t miss the way her smile changes its quality when she says it. Taehee doesn’t say anything, just quickly joins Jungha back at the other end. When Jungha looks over at her and gives her a soft smile, all of the uncomfortable feelings disappear from Taehee, the moment already forgotten.
“Hi, pretty,” Jungha says.
“Hi,” Taehee says shyly. “I got us snacks.”
“Oh, good, I’m a little hungry. Know what you want to drink?”
Taehee glances at the menu and finds that there are a lot of things she’d like to order, so she says, “You can pick for me,” instead.
Beneath the menu, a mirror stretches across the length of the coffee bar. She sees her and Jungha in it, side by side. They’re the same height, but Taehee’s head fits perfectly against Jungha’s shoulder as if she were smaller. Her dark blonde hair drapes over Jungha's shoulder like this, the position shifting her glasses a little bit askew. They look so different even when they’re matching – their personality and self-expression differences still obvious in the same color palette. Jungha is looking up at the menu, and her eyes always look so big when she’s looking up at anything. She doesn’t seem to have noticed that there’s a mirror there, or that her girlfriend sees when she looks away from the menu and glances over at Taehee with her head on her shoulder, and she smiles to herself before looking away again to pick out her drink. Taehee’s heartbeat slows, different from the flutter it usually does. A quiet moment she wasn't meant to see.
The barista meets them at the counter and sets their baked goods down in individual paper bags. She looks at Taehee again, barely spares a glance at Jungha. Jungha doesn’t seem to notice and steps forward to order. “What else can I get for you?” the barista asks, only looking at Taehee,
“Hi, could I please have a mocha latte with oat milk?” Jungha says. She’s looking up at the menu instead of the worker as the woman stares at Taehee. “And she’ll have–”
“Aren’t you going to let the pretty girl order for herself?” Jungha snaps her mouth shut with a click of her teeth and finally looks at her. The barista, still so emboldened, looks at Taehee and prompts her with, “Honey?”
Taehee opens her mouth to say something – to tell her that she is already someone else’s honey, namely this perfect girl beside her – but Jungha beats her to it. Jungha’s arm wraps around her waist and pulls her close with such a protective, possessive grip. “My girlfriend will have a caramel apple almond milk latte,” she says, undeterred.
The barista doesn’t seem embarrassed at all, just taps the screen to put their order in with a small smirk on her lips. She glances up at Taehee, and the smirk deepens just a bit further. Jungha’s grip on her waist tightens. Taehee leans fully into her, feeling safe and protected here. Jungha turns her head to kiss Taehee’s temple and nuzzles there right after too. Taehee knows she’s just doing it because she loves her, because the barista isn’t even looking at them. Taehee doesn’t even see the next look the barista does give her, because she’s too busy looking at her girlfriend with stars and hearts with her eyes as she pays for their drinks and pastries.
“What’s the name for the order?” the barista says, probably right to Taehee.
“Jungha,” her girlfriend says, then she pulls Taehee away with that possessive hold on her waist. Taehee walks with her in a trance.
They choose a table by the window, and Jungha pulls out her chair for her. Jungha tilts her head up when she sits down. She leans down to kiss her, in view of the girl at the counter, but it doesn’t fully feel like that’s why she’s doing it; every kiss first feels like it’s done because she wants to kiss her, because she loves her.
Jungha sits in front of her. There’s a clench to her jaw as she looks out the window, the tension sharpening the curve of it. Her arms are crossed and her tattooed finger is tapping against her bicep while her leg bounces up and down beneath the table.
Taehee reaches across and takes Jungha’s other hand. She uncurls the fist it’s folded into. She leans in and rests her hand on her cheek, closing her own hand over it. She nuzzles into her palm and says, “You know I’m your baby girl, right?”
Jungha softens. She stills her fidgeting and her posture relaxes. “I know,” she says.
“And you know I think you’re the most perfect person ever, right?”
Jungha softens even more, until she’s almost back to herself. “I know,” she says again. “I’m not insecure, just annoyed. I know you’re mine. Just want everyone else to know you’re mine too.”
Taehee stands and leans across the table. She hooks her finger over the collar of Jungha’s shirt and pulls her in. She kisses her across the table, pressing their lips together for several seconds. She leans back to take a breath, then she kisses her again, ending it with one soft peck. She brushes her fingers through Jungha’s hair, then she sits back across from her. “There,” she says. “Now everybody in here probably knows.”
Jungha manages to look both very shy and cockily pleased all at once.
Only a few moments later, the barista walks over with two drinks in hand.
“A mocha latte,” she says, setting Jungha’s drink in front of her, “and a caramel apple latte for the beautiful girl.” Without the barrier of the counter between them, the closeness makes Taehee recoil, and she flinches away from her in case she tries to brush against her or something when she sets her drink down.
Jungha stands up with a scrape of her chair loud against the floor. All of the tension is back in her body. Taehee has seen Jungha annoyed before – saw it just seconds ago – but she’s never seen her angry. It radiates off of her. Her shoulders are pulled back, making herself bigger and taller and more intimidating, her eyes shining with a threat. Taehee would probably be scared if she didn’t know Jungha and wasn’t feeling… other things right now.
“Are you fucking serious?” Jungha says.
The barista finally has a reaction and flinches back. The panic is as loud on her as Jungha’s intimidation. “I–I–”
Taehee stands. She rests a hand on Jungha’s arm. She knows Jungha would never hurt the girl, or anyone, and wouldn’t want to cause a scene either. Taehee can tell the others in the coffee shop are looking at them, watching the drama unfold. Before Taehee can say that they should go, instead of Jungha saying something to stake her claim on her like she thought, Jungha says, “Don’t you see the way you’ve been making her uncomfortable?” Taehee’s lips part. She stares at her girlfriend, the barista forgotten. “You think it’s okay to act like that when you can tell she doesn’t like it?”
“I d-didn’t–I–” the barista stutters.
Taehee snaps out of it. “Come on, Jungha,” she says gently. “Let’s go, baby. Let’s continue our walk.”
She doesn’t give either of them a chance to say more. She grabs the bags of their pastries and her drink, then she tugs Jungha away. It takes a little force before she goes willingly. She opens the door for them and follows Jungha out. She didn’t realize how stifling it felt in there until the coolness of autumn cools her.
Taehee sets her things down on one of the outdoor tables and takes Jungha’s drink from her to do the same. She steps in front of her and makes her look at her. Most of the anger has faded from Jungha to allow her rising embarrassment to fit. “I–sorry,” Jungha says. “That wasn’t okay. I–I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I wasn’t going to do anything to her, I promise.”
“Embarrassed me?” Taehee says. “Baby, if anyone is embarrassed, it’s definitely her – as she should be. Jungha, that was literally so hot, I’m pretty sure my underwear is wet.” Jungha bursts out laughing, and it’s like nothing ever happened as she keeps laughing and giggling, a blush rising to her cheeks. “I’m serious,” Taehee laughs with her. “That was so hot. If you ever want to get possessive over me, even if nothing even happened, please free to do so. Really.” Taehee fans her face with her hand, partly to make Jungha laugh, but partly because she’ll have to cool herself down for the foreseeable future every time she remembers it. “Like seriously. I don’t want you to get mad because I’m sure that’s not fun for you, but any possession you want to show, you have my full encouragement and support.”
“C’mon, let’s go sit in the park for a bit,” Jungha laughs. With their snacks and drinks in hand, they cross the street toward the park. “I hated seeing you uncomfortable like that because of her. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Taehee assures her. “Already forgot about her. Never gonna forget about you being like that.”
“Stop it,” Jungha’s says, her shyness returning in full force.
They step into the park and follow the winding sidewalk through it, past a father and daughter playing catch with each other, around the fountain where the two teenage girls still sit (who seem to be on a date, Taehee thinks, judging by the way they are leaning into each other and keep finding little innocent ways to touch one another), beneath the string lights that are draped from one tree to the next across the path. They find a bench nestled in between the trees, and they finally sit and munch on their pastries.
“Thank you for protecting me,” Taehee says. “It was nice.”
Jungha leans into her, shoulders pressed together like the two teenage girls on a date because they’re still just blushing, shy girls deep down. “I’ll always protect you,” Jungha says. “And I know you’ll do the same.”
“I will,” Taehee says. She would. She’d do anything for Jungha. “Remember over the summer when we were at the ice cream shop and the guy working there flirted with me?” Jungha nods. “How come that didn’t bother you like this did? Is it because he was a guy and I’m gay?”
Jungha swallows a piece of her pumpkin bread and takes a sip of her drink as she thinks about it. “That was probably part of it,” she says, “you being a lesbian and him being a man, but it’s not like I felt threatened or jealous with her because she’s a woman and you’re a lesbian. I know that even if it’s a woman flirting with you, it’s not like I think you’d leave me for her or are interested. It’s no more of a possibility with any gender, so I’m not worried about that. It was just because I could tell she was making you uncomfortable and I didn’t like it. Like, I didn’t like how rude and disrespectful she was of our relationship since we are clearly dating, but it was mostly because she was being disrespectful of you and making you uneasy.”
“You’re a really good girlfriend,” Taehee says softly. Jungha is done eating, so she puts her arm around Taehee’s shoulders and keeps her close. “Thank you for doing that.”
“You’re a good girlfriend too, unnie,” Jungha says. And speaking Taehee’s thoughts, she says, “I’d do anything for you.”
– ♡ –
The door of the bookstore closes behind them, and they saunter over to the next shop with more bags in hand – more than they thought they’d have at the start of this trip. It’s not like they’re splurging though, just getting little things here and there: a candle for each of them, a new peperomia from the plant store for Taehee, a cute set of tea towels Jungha saw for her kitchen, a little souvenir for each of their friends, and a book each from the bookstore. Now they walk into the arts and crafts store, and Taehee knows immediately that they’re going to walk out of here with more things.
When they step inside, they bring in a few stray autumn leaves that blow in with them, joining the others who have snuck inside before them. Soft classical music plays throughout the shop, and it smells like stretched canvas and paint. The shop is made of floor to ceiling overflowing shelves with every art product they could ever be searching for. Taehee can’t even see the checkout counter or the other customers she can hear because of how wonderfully chaotic and maze-like the store is.
The drawing section comes first, and they stop there for her tattoo artist girlfriend. There are tons of different kinds of sketchbooks with different kinds of paper, different brands of charcoals and colored pencils, a family of wooden figures with bendable limbs to use as body references. Jungha has gotten more into traditional art lately and has made an effort to spend time with it since her job requires her to mostly draw digitally to make clean tattoo stencils. It’s been so sweet to see Jungha back at home curled up on the couch, a sketchbook in her lap while Taehee reads or bakes or putters around.
Jungha takes her time going through every single sketchbook they have. She feels the texture of the paper and tests the thickness of it by seeing if the shadow of her hand can be seen from beneath it. She mostly lingers on the spiral-bound ones, but she opens the regular bound ones too and takes them from the bottom of their pile to hear the way the spine cracks when opened for the first time.
Jungha moans out loud like the dramatic girl she is when she opens another one with a particularly crackly sound. “Did you hear how good that one was?” She flips it over and opens the back cover too with an even louder moan, garnering a few glances from the people in the section next to them. Taehee is in love.
She lets her be as she takes her time looking at everything in the drawing section, but she stands behind her and wraps her arms around her waist. She perches her chin on her shoulder to watch what she’s doing. Jungha leans back into her, a smile on her lips. “Hi, pretty girl,” she says, still inspecting the paper of some of the sketchbooks.
“Hi, my little pinecone.” It makes Jungha laugh, jostling Taehee’s head when her shoulders shake. Taehee turns her head and gives her a wet, smacking kiss on her cheek. Jungha doesn’t whine or wipe it off; she giggles and asks for another on her other cheek.
Taehee just watches and observes as Jungha finally settles on a new sketchbook ten minutes later, and she grabs another pack of her favorite pencils while they’re there too.
They pass a pottery section, an origami section, a part with tons of sculpture supplies that look like a wonderful mess to pick through. An embroidery section comes next with different embroidery rings of various sizes, tons of kinds of fabrics that can be stretched in them as the canvas, and even more colors of embroidery floss in their own little cubbies. Instead of using it for their intended purpose though, Taehee asks, “Want to get some string and make each other friendship bracelets when we get home?”
“Yeah!” Jungha says.
They start to pick through the cubbies of string, searching for the perfect colors for each other. There are so many different textures – some normal, some glittery, some metallic. There are tons of hues and shades of each color and it’s so fun to pick through all of them. Some are in the wrong spots so Taehee starts to put them where they belong, receiving an interjection from Jungha to tell her she’s cute.
After the craft store comes the thrift store, then a stop at a vegan restaurant they were lucky enough to come across right when they were starting to get hungry. After they’ve eaten a wonderful meal comes another plant store, much to Taehee’s happiness, then an antique store that specializes only in glassware – a place that made Jungha very nervous to be inside of.
Finally, a couple hours later, they return to their car feeling very satisfied and fulfilled by their day exploring this cute little town. “That was fun!” Taehee says as she buckles her seatbelt.
“Yeah!” Jungha says. She starts the car and pulls out of their parking spot once the coast is clear. “I’m so excited about the stuff I got.”
“Me too! And I can’t wait to see you in that outfit you got. It brought out your eyes so much, you looked so pretty.”
“So did you in the sweater you picked out! It looked so pretty with your skin tone.” Jungha takes her hand and rests it on Taehee’s thigh once they turn out of town, and Taehee puts her hand on top.
Taehee’s such a lovely kind of tired right now, the kind that comes from such a nice, long day. And now she gets to go back to the cabin with her girlfriend and cozy up together. It’s still daytime outside, but she can tell that the sun is going to set soon. Golden hour feels a little more golden than usual in the fall, especially after the day she’s had with the girl she loves.
The car is quiet on the drive back as they watch the views in peaceful silence, Jungha’s thumb brushing back and forth against her leg the whole time. Taehee looks over at her, her profile accented by warm colors that pass by in a blur outside of the window. The sun highlights the outline of her, the curve of her nose and the pout of her lips. Jungha glances over and smiles at her then looks back ahead at the road. Taehee just admires her the whole rest of the way back to the cabin. There’s a small, shy smile that never leaves Jungha’s lips because she knows her girlfriend is watching her.
They finally pull onto the secluded gravel driveway off of the road, a spot Taehee would never even notice if she didn’t know it was there already. They drive through the tunnel of trees, following the winding way until they part to bring them back to their little cabin.
They leave their bags in the car (except for the one with Taehee’s new plant) and step into the calm, still, quiet of their cabin. Their day was quite active with lots of people around them, but she didn’t even really notice that until now. Taehee puts her plant on the counter, then she joins Jungha where she plopped down onto the couch on her back. Taehee plops down too, but on top of her girlfriend. Jungha makes an oof sound but it’s laced with a giggle and followed by arms wrapping around her to keep her close. Taehee nuzzles into her neck and presses a kiss there too.
“This is my favorite part of every day,” Jungha says. “Whenever we get home from wherever we were and do this.”
“I like it too,” Taehee says. She tilts her head up and nudges Jungha’s chin with her nose until she wiggles her body down closer so they can kiss.
It starts off sleepy and slow, just how the moment feels. Taehee’s hand on the side of Jungha’s neck, Jungha’s hand on her waist beneath her sweater. Their lips press together and linger, breathing slow and gentle between every kiss. It slowly, slowly turns into something deeper, then it stops when they giggle because both of their hands start to wander at the same time. Their foreheads press together as they laugh while Jungha’s hand travels lower and lower until it teases at the edge of her pants, Taehee’s hand sliding down from her neck to slide up beneath her shirt. Taehee gasps when Jungha unbuttons her pants with just a flick of her fingers and slides the zipper down just as easily. She makes Jungha gasp too when she finally closes the rest of the distance and takes her breast into her hand, squeezing it between her fingers and gently twisting her nipple when her hand slides back down. Jungha’s breasts do not fit perfectly in her hand like Taehee’s smaller chest does with Jungha’s, and it drives her just as insane as Taehee’s chest being small does for Jungha. She moans when she feels the damp skin beneath the fold of Jungha’s breasts where a light sheen of sweat has gathered. Something about that has always driven her insane.
“Oh,” Taehee sighs when Jungha’s hand finds its way between her legs. She moves on top of Jungha more so she can spread her legs for her wider. Taehee tilts Jungha’s head just how she wants it for her to kiss her, adding tongue, licking into her mouth like she wants to savor her. It deepens even further when Jungha’s finger slides between the wet lips of her pussy, teasingly gliding over her clit. She whimpers, legs spreading as much as her pants will allow her, trying to show Jungha that she wants more. One hand is tangled in Jungha’s hair while the other rubs over her breasts, flicks across her nipple with her thumb to feel the way it makes Jungha flinch in the best way every time.
Jungha is content to just brush her finger back and forth against her pussy no matter how much Taehee tries to move her body to get more. Taehee smooths her hand down Jungha’s chest to her toned stomach and unbuttons her pants with just as much ease, not wasting a moment to slip inside. She moans feeling how wet Jungha is just from playing so innocently with her girlfriend’s pussy. She slides her finger over it so Jungha can see just how teasing and maddening it really is. When she whimpers, Taehee says, “See?” smugly against her lips. Jungha still doesn’t give in, but Taehee doesn’t punish her; she pushes two fingers inside of her.
“Unnie,” Jungha moans, giving up on any semblance of a kiss. Taehee doesn’t stop kissing her even as her mouth stays open, beautiful moans tumbling out as Taehee bends her fingers up while they’re inside of her in just the way she knows Jungha likes. Taehee kisses down her jaw to her neck, biting and sucking and licking and leaving marks behind, faint and teasing enough that they’ll be gone by the morning. Jungha’s given up on teasing Taehee too, her hand just pressed against her pussy as she focuses on the way she feels. Taehee leans back to look at Jungha because she’s always so beautiful like this, and this time is no different. Her long hair is fanned out around her, falling so effortlessly beautifully. Her lips are parted as she moans, eyes closed and face so relaxed. Taehee doesn’t think anything’s ever been so beautiful.
“Jungha,” she whispers into her ear. She nips at her earlobe, licks the skin behind it. “Can I go down on you, baby?”
“Please, please,” Jungha begs, nodding her head. Taehee sucks a mark in her most sensitive spot behind her ear and Jungha squirms and whimpers. She makes sure she does it hard enough that her mark will be there for days.
Taehee shuffles down the couch. She hooks her fingers over the band of Jungha’s pants and underwear down, and she glides her fingertips down Jungha’s legs to make goosebumps rise after them. As soon as she throws them aside, Jungha spreads her legs, inviting her between them. Taehee sighs as she admires. Jungha’s shirt has drifted up because of her wandering hands, revealing her toned stomach and just a peek of her breasts. Taehee’s hands rest on her thighs, squeezing them indulgently as her hands move closer and closer between them, making Jungha tremble in anticipation. Taehee finally eyes her pussy, and she swallows just to make sure she’s not drooling. It’s glistening and wet, the lips spread to show how pink she is inside. The hair just above it is slightly matted down because of how turned on she is.
Taehee moves onto her stomach between her spread legs, and she kisses her inner thigh. Slow, wet kisses, the occasional bite as she moves closer and closer to where she could spend hours. She reaches her drooling pussy, and she and Jungha lock eyes when she finally attaches her mouth to it.
“Unnie,” Jungha moans. Her hand reaches down to tangle in Taehee’s hair as she sucks on her entire vulva, the inner and outer lips and her clit in her mouth, teasingly biting down to make her cry her name. She flicks her tongue against her clit, letting the rest fall out as she sucks on her just there. “Tae–” Jungha whimpers. Her legs try to close around Taehee’s head but she forces them down. She pulls her head back with Jungha’s clit still in her mouth, tugging it away from her body until it slips from between her lips with a wet slide. She dives back in and licks across her pussy, from her perineum all the way across her labia, her clit, her pubic hair to her belly button. She dips her tongue inside of her bellybutton, and Jungha’s abs contract from the sensation. She circles her tongue around her clit as she starts to lick her again, over and over again like she’s starved for the wetness that leaks from Jungha.
Her eyes never leave Jungha’s face. She watches the way it scrunches up in pleasure before smoothing out when her jaw goes lax, watches the way her teary eyes look down at her and the way she flushes from the tips of her ears down to her chest.
Taehee brings her hand down and slides two fingers into the wet warmth of her as she sucks on her clit, gently circling her tongue around it inside of her mouth because she knows too much pressure on it is too much for her girlfriend. Jungha moans so beautifully for her, the sound coming from deep in her chest or high in her throat, and Taehee knows just what to do to get each kind of sound.
Taehee turns her head and kisses her thigh, biting down there as she slides her fingers in and out of Jungha’s pussy with a wet squelch with every movement. “You like that, baby?” Taehee says. She licks across her thigh, all the way back to her pussy where she sucks on her again. “You like the way I eat your pussy, hm? You sound so pretty, Jungha. You look so beautiful.”
Jungha doesn’t say anything, can’t seem to because of the way she moans for her, but her eyes say everything, looking at her so full of love and tears.
Taehee bends one of Jungha’s legs back. Jungha makes the most adorable noise of confusion that feels so at odds with the situation they’re in, and it makes Taehee have to pause to breathe because she’s overcome with butterflies. “My sweet Jungha,” she says, pressing a gentle kiss to her ankle.
Once Jungha’s leg is bent to her chest and the bottom half of her body is tilted up just a little more, she licks down her pussy, around her fingers that are gently massaging inside of her. She licks lower and lower, along her sensitive perineum until she’s reached her hole. They only briefly talked about experimenting with light anal play months ago, so Taehee holds her eye contact as she licks her hole to make sure it’s okay with her.
Jungha lets out the most beautiful noise yet. It sounds less like it’s coming from a place of overwhelming pleasure and more like it’s a new, unfelt-before sensation. Taehee understands, because she’s never eaten anybody’s ass before either. It feels vulnerable for her too, her cheeks heating up as she does it, but she keeps going, spurred on by the sounds Jungha is making.
Taehee drags her tongue across her hole in a long, broad, greedy lick. She moans as loud as Jungha when she feels it move beneath her tongue, clenching and unclenching like it doesn’t know how to respond to the situation. Taehee uses the opportunity so that when her hole relaxes, she presses the tip of her tongue inside so it’s pulled in when Jungha clenches again.
“Tae,” Jungha cries. Her hand in Taehee’s hair tightens, yanking her face closer, trying to get her tongue deeper into her hole. Taehee could pass out from the feeling of Jungha tightening around her tongue, feeling her pussy pulse around her fingers too. “Tae, unnie, b-baby girl, yes, yes, yes–” Jungha cries, her chest stuttering with her fast breaths. Taehee wants to stay here forever, her tongue buried in her ass, her nose against her pussy while her fingers are inside of her, but if she doesn’t get anything touching her pussy in the next five seconds she’s going to go feral. She’s certain there’s a puddle beneath her that just keeps spreading while her pussy clenches around nothing, weeping and begging.
She kisses Jungha’s hole over and over again in apology for taking her tongue out, kissing her way up further until she’s no longer lying on her stomach. They can experiment with it more later when Taehee doesn’t feel so close to losing her mind.
She swings her leg around and straddles Jungha’s thigh. Jungha moans like she just came when Taehee sits down and Jungha feels just how wet she is, another moan clawing at her throat when she feels her wet cunt slide against her leg, her slick dripping down the curve of it. Taehee moves her hips, finally chasing her own pleasure. She moans and whimpers as her clit slides against the muscle of Jungha’s thigh. Her other hand moves faster to finger her while her thumb massages her clit.
Jungha pulls her down and their lips smash together. The messy kiss lasts for only a second before they give up to just breathe against each other, moaning and whimpering and whispering.
“Jungha,” Taehee whines. She feels her wetness starting to cover her own thighs too. “J-Jungha, I–you’re–”
“I know,” Jungha says. Her arm tightens around Taehee, pressing their bodies closer. “I know, baby girl, I know.” She sounds so much more solid and grounded now that Taehee is the one getting overwhelmed. Still, though, she moans for her, whimpers, cries. “T-Taehee–ohh.”
“I love you,” Taehee says. She humps her leg faster, fingers her harder, almost embarrassed by all of the wet sounds they’re making. “L-Love you, Jungha, love you, love you.”
“I love you too, unnie,” Jungha says, panting. Her arms tighten around her the way she does when her orgasm starts to build, like she wants her as close as she can get her when she falls apart. Her eyes are so teary and big when she looks up at her. “My pretty girl. My beautiful girl.” Taehee sniffles, a tear falling from her cheek down onto Jungha. It makes Jungha smile the most beautiful smile, as if she isn’t moaning while her girlfriend is fingering her and using her thigh to get off. The smile–it’s so sweet, so pure, that it makes more tears fall from Taehee’s face onto hers.
Taehee falls onto her too, burying her face in her neck as she cries. She never stops fingering her, but she doesn't have it in her to keep pleasuring herself. Not even a second passes, though, before Jungha’s hand reaches between her legs. Her fingers press against her pussy and start to move across her clit, fast and frantic in the way that always gets Taehee to come in seconds. Taehee matches the movement on Jungha too, and the fast motion back and forth starts to flick their wet arousal around and get their bodies wet. Taehee cries into her neck as Jungha’s moans deepen in pitch.
“Jungha,” Taehee says, her chest heaving, body shaking. Jungha doesn’t say anything, just pulls her closer and tighter, more and more as Taehee’s pussy starts to convulse too. Jungha’s legs wrap around her too, pulling her down and holding her tight as her orgasm finally explodes. The sound she makes when she cries out makes Taehee come too, matching her cry at a higher pitch. Jungha’s body tenses while Taehee’s relaxes, Jungha’s pussy contracting while Taehee’s pushes out. Taehee drools on her neck and Jungha bites her shoulder, moaning as they feel each other convulse and splash each other with the movement on their drenched pussies.
They weakly rub each other, slower and gentler until they finally stop, and the cabin is quiet and still. Taehee sighs and relaxes fully down onto Jungha while Jungha’s limbs loosen enough to no longer be crushingly tight around her.
Taehee nuzzles into Jungha’s neck, Jungha presses a long kiss to her forehead. “I love you,” Taehee says, her voice quiet and dreamy.
“I love you, baby girl,” Jungha says. “So much.” Taehee nods so she knows she loves her that much too.
As more minutes pass, Taehee can feel just how gross they are. They’re covered in each other’s and their own bodily fluids – slick from their pussies and sweat drying against their skin, drool and tears coating them too. Taehee can feel it all, and she loves it. They feel disgusting and covered in each other, and Taehee wishes they could stay like this all night.
And Jungha knows she likes it, so she lets them stay this way for longer instead of insisting that they shower and get in bed. Taehee doesn’t even know if she could get up if she wanted to, feeling too boneless and heavy.
She nuzzles further into Jungha, lying more on top of her. “I ate your ass,” she says quietly. Her body starts to shake with Jungha’s laughter, and she knows in just a second she’ll hear an embarrassed shy whine, and it comes just on time.
“Yeah,” Jungha says reluctantly.
Taehee laughs too, trying to wiggle closer. “Did you like it?”
“Yeah,” Jungha says again. “Did you?”
“Mhm,” Taehee says. “Liked it a lot.”
Even though she wants to do the opposite, she rolls off of Jungha. When she’s lying on her side beside her, Jungha does the same so they’re facing each other. Their hands are clasped together between them, and they don’t talk just yet. They just stare.
The sun was still out when they got back, so they didn’t turn on any of the lights. Now the room is dark, and the moonlight is all they have to illuminate their faces. And it’s enough, because Jungha in the moonlight always takes her breath away. It makes her skin look ethereal, makes her eyes even darker to make them shimmer even more. Jungha has told her that she reminds her of sunny summer days, of the golden hour that follows them. To her, Jungha has always felt like she’s made of moonlight and stardust.
“Would you ever like to try a strap-on?” Taehee asks. Even through the dark, she can see Jungha blush as if her tongue wasn’t just in her ass. Taehee is no better though, because she starts to get shy too.
“Would you?” Jungha asks.
Taehee wants to say I asked you first, but she lets Jungha be shy and hide behind her. “I’d be curious about it,” she says. “I mean, I’ve used a dildo on myself plenty of time before, so–”
“I’d like to see that,” Jungha says. It’s so silly when Jungha smirks and tries to play confident when she’s clearly so shy.
Taehee bites her lip. “You would?” she asks quietly. Jungha nods, her thumb brushing back and forth against her hand. “O-Okay. I–yeah, I think I’d like that too…” Her gaze unfocuses as she starts to picture it, but she cuts off the fantasy before it can turn into anything. She clears her throat. “Um, anyway, I just mean that that part wouldn’t be new to me. W-With either of us wearing a strap-on though, I’d, um… be interested… Only if you would be too though. I didn’t even think to bring it up ‘til now because I’ve been so happy with the sex we’ve been having his whole time, so I’m not asking this because I’m bored or anything. Was just wondering…”
Jungha’s fingers brush through her hair, helping her relax. “I’d like to try it,” she says quietly. “I thought about it before but wasn’t sure because I’m… I dunno. I’m a little nervous that it’ll make us feel less close? Like, when we have sex now, it’s my fingers inside of you or my tongue on you and it really feels like we’re here together, so if I’m wearing a strap-on, it’s, like, the dildo making you feel good and not me.”
“That’s a silly way to think of it,” Taehee gently admonishes. “You’re always what’s making me feel good, and you still would be, because it’s your cock that’s inside of me.” Taehee holds back her smile because of the reaction that gets out of Jungha. Her eyes glaze over, her hand freezing in its journey through her hair. “It would be my girlfriend’s cock making me feel good, my Jungha’s cock. And the whole time, too, you’d be touching me and kissing me. You’d have both hands free to touch me anywhere.”
“W-Well, when you put it like that…” Jungha says, sounding dazed.
Taehee keeps her laugh quiet so she doesn’t break the quiet moment. “We’ll look into it more when we get home,” she says. “And if we try it and don’t like it, then that’s okay and now we know.”
“Is there anything else you’re interested in trying?” Jungha asks. She reaches behind Taehee and takes the blanket draped over the back of the couch. They’re naked from the waist down, their bodies are still wet in some places, and it’s an autumn night. The blanket thrown over them feels like she’s submerged in warmth. She tangles her and Jungha’s legs together, thighs pressing against each other’s pussies – but innocently this time. She feels the warmth of Jungha’s core, the softness of her vulva, the intimacy of it all.
Taehee leans in to brush the tips of their noses together right before she kisses her softly. “I love you,” she whispers against her lips. She feels it in her fingertips, the backs of her knees, the corners of her lips. “I love you so much,” she whispers again.
Jungha nuzzles the tips of their noses together again, a kind of kiss in itself. “I love you, unnie,” she whispers back. “You’re my baby girl.”
Taehee nods. “I’m your baby girl,” she says.
Taehee didn’t think that she would ever find a love this soft, this gentle, this kind. But if this kind of love was in herself, then it could be inside of someone else too. And it was, it is. It was never impossible, it was never just a daydream. She always had it in her, and it made it real, a kind of love someone else could have, could desire too. And she has that girl, that perfect girl. Taehee taps their noses together again, then she settles back down, trying to remember where they left off.
“I dunno,” she says. “I like what we’ve been doing. I–I like when you’re nice to me, and when you call me pet names, and say I’m pretty and that I’m your baby girl.”
“You are pretty and my baby girl.”
Taehee smiles, biting her lip. “I–I dunno… I feel boring for not being able to think of anything I’m into…”
“Not only is that not true,” Jungha says, “because that does not mean you’re boring at all, it’s also not true because you’re interested in a lot of… unconventional things.”
“Like what!” Taehee says, feeling a little affronted.
“Well, you like to lay in bed for an hour after we have sex so you can feel all the sweat and wetness and messiness dry on us. That’s not exactly something everybody is into.” Taehee tucks her chin and giggles. She supposes it’s not. “You’re also always twirling my pubic hair around your finger like it’s a normal casual thing to do.” Taehee laughs louder this time. “You go crazy over sweat, and you have a thing for my hair, which is a kink in itself if it’s something you’d want to explore.”
Taehee presses her lips together.
That is an… intriguing thought.
But, “I don’t think I’m really into hair pulling,” Taehee says. “For either of us – you doing it to me or me doing it to you…”
“There are lots of more ways we can explore that,” Jungha says, a crooked smirking smile. Taehee doesn’t inquire further because she doesn’t want to get turned on again. “You like a ton of unconventional intimacy things. There’s a lot you’re into. There’s more than just, like, bondage and whips and stuff. Which I don’t want to experiment with, for the record.”
“Me either,” Taehee sighs, relieved.
“You like to be treated softly and gently,” Jungha says softly and gently, tucking her hair behind her ear, “and we could make everything soft and gentle. Adapt it to us. Even if something seems hardcore and scary and intimidating, if you’re curious about it, it’d be with a softness that works for us, you know?” Taehee nods. That does seem less scary when put that way. She’s not interested in many things even when thought of through a lighter lens, but maybe some things would pique her curiosity a little if she thought about it more.
“Is there anything you’re into or want to try?” Taehee asks.
“I, um…” Jungha clears her throat. “I, uh, I mean–I’d be interested, but, you know, not all the way.”
Taehee blinks at her. “You know you have to say the actual thing so that I know what that means.”
Jungha huffs, looking down at her collarbones. “I don’t want to fully have sex in public – o-or, semi-public, I mean. Or, well, at least not yet…” She clears her throat again. “But like… um, m-making out would be… nice.”
Taehee grins. “Yeah?”
Jungha bites her lip and nods. “Like… I dunno. If we were somewhere, l-like, say, in my room at the tattoo shop and the door was closed. And you were pressed against it while we were making out, and we knew everyone else was on the other side of the door – customers and the other artists, and we could hear them, and they didn’t know that two girls were making out just on the other side of the door.”
Not meaning to, Taehee burst out laughing. Jungha whines, but Taehee is quick to comfort her. “No, no, darling, I’m not laughing at you. I’m sorry, angel. It was just funny that you needed to specify ‘two girls.’”
“Oh,” Jungha says, laughing with her too now. “Well, I dunno, makes it hotter…”
“Makes it even hotter that one of those two girls is you.” Jungha giggles so sweetly and innocently as if they’re not talking about sexual fantasies. “That sounds very good to me. I am more than happy to indulge that. A lot. Even the more sexual and public things too.” Taehee can feel Jungha excitedly wiggle her feet like she often does. Then the wiggling slows as each blink of Jungha’s eyelids do the same, the long day catching up to them.
“Let’s sleep,” Taehee says. “We can talk more about it later.”
“‘kay,” Jungha says. She snuggles in closer. Taehee tries not to show how excited she is about not needing to shower tonight, hoping Jungha won’t notice and make them rinse off. Jungha rests their foreheads together, holding their hands to her chest. “I love you, baby girl.”
“I love you too, my Jungha,” Taehee says softly. Their eyelashes briefly weave together when their eyes close. Taehee feels Jungha’s calm heartbeat. Her even breath against her face, so close with their foreheads together. Their bodies touching, from their feet all the way up, every part of them intertwined so they can’t ever be separated.
Chapter Text
It’s such a beautiful day outside.
Taehee loves autumn because it’s almost like a second spring, even though what’s happening to make it feel that way is really quite the opposite. Still, the world bursts in the most beautiful colors to say goodbye before winter settles in. Everything feels so new and alive like the world is waking up, even though it’s really preparing for a long, deserved nap.
She and Jungha are walking through the small meadow their cabin sits on, toward their own private hiking trail that starts in the forest. It’s a reason why Jungha chose this cabin, so they didn’t have to go far to find a beautiful hike, and the private trail would be all theirs (and the woodland animals’ too). The grass of the meadow tickles their ankles as they walk. The quiet sound of the strands sliding together and pressing down beneath their footsteps joins with the songs of the birds that are still in their home for a couple months more.
Taehee is trying to admire the sights around her, but she can’t help but glance over at her girlfriend every few seconds. Jungha is no better though, because she catches her doing the same.
They’re both dressed in clothes comfortable for hiking, which, for Jungha, means tight bike shorts and just a sports bra, a flannel thrown over her shoulder for now just in case she gets chilly even though they’ll be taking a long hike. And not only are her shorts tight and show off the most perfect curve of her ass, they’re quite short too, which gives Taehee a view of her thick, muscular thighs – not to mention all of the tattoos that are on display, on her chest and her stomach, her arms, her legs. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail that swings behind her too, which reveals more of her pretty face and her jawline. She looks–Taehee clears her throat and looks away. She looks hot. She is hot. Very hot.
Jungha, somehow, seems to think the same thing about her too. Taehee is wearing the same type of shorts, but where Jungha’s thighs are muscular and covered in art, Taehee’s are softer and jiggle when she walks – even dimpled with cellulite toward her ass in the back. They’re unmarked by any tattoos, but Jungha has said before that all of it – her skin tone, the soft thickness, the dimples – are art in itself. Those things have always been an insecurity of Taehee’s, and Jungha has always been able to find her insecurities and love them like they’re worthy of it.
With her shorts she’s wearing a baggy t-shirt that’s long enough to show just the ends of her spandex shorts, and it’s a look that she knows Jungha likes, because she wears similar outfits to bed most nights. With her hair cut just a centimeter above her shoulders, it’s impossible to put in a ponytail unless she wants to use tons of pins in the back, so it’s just half up instead – another thing she knows Jungha is a fan of for some reason. She thinks Jungha is a fan of most things about her though, so she could really look like anything and wear anything and Jungha would still be glancing at her like this. Right now, though, it’s with heated appreciation, just like Taehee’s own looks at her hot girlfriend.
“Can we hold hands sometimes during the hike?” Taehee asks. “Like, we don’t have to if the trail gets narrower in some spots, but when it can fit us both side by side, I mean. And we don’t have to if we start to get a little sweaty,” (even though Taehee would not mind that, which Jungha knows well by their conversation last night), “but I just like holding your hand. And we’re walking more than hiking, so it’s not like we’re exercising.”
“You didn’t have to add all the extra stuff, or even ask,” Jungha asks, knocking their shoulders together. She takes her hand while she’s there. Their fingers fit in each other’s spaces, and their hands swing between them.
When Jungha takes her hand, it’s like the world becomes an even more beautiful place. More vibrant and golden with a sky so blue. They can hear all the sounds nature makes with nothing to drown them out, and her girlfriend is more beautiful than all of it. They’re holding hands and they’re going on a hike together and she has a girlfriend and the girlfriend is Jungha who’s the most amazing girl in the world and Jungha loves her so much and is so nice to her and Taehee just loves her so much and it’s such a nice day and–
She swallows and cuts the thoughts off because she’ll start crying and this really isn’t the time for that, especially when nothing has even happened. But that’s why she’s so emotional – because nothing has happened and she’s still just so happy and–okay stop. Taehee looks around her to distract herself, just letting that happiness stay curled up inside of her instead of trying to escape through the tears that are on their way unless she calms down.
They reach the edge of the forest where there’s the start of a little trail welcoming them in. It’s not paved or even defined with gravel; it’s just a walk that’s been taken and maintained enough that it’s created a dirt path occasionally dotted with a fallen leaf. And, to Taehee’s great relief, it’s wide enough for them to walk side by side with some room to spare. For now it just goes straight ahead, flat terrain in the forest, but she knows eventually it will start to take them uphill into the modest mountains so they can see the view of the rural countryside from above. They were also told there’s a little spot to rest and relax at the top if they want to, with a bench to sit on and even a little shelter where the owners of the cabin keep a small stocked fridge and pantry so their guests can spend some time together, the small amount of electricity needed powered by solar panels. It’ll be such a nice day. It already is. It always is with Jungha.
“Would you ever want to live somewhere like this?” Jungha asks. “Not the secluded cabin, but just somewhere outside of the city? A town, somewhere smaller?”
“Mm, I don’t know,” Taehee says. She hasn’t ever thought about it much. She’s been happy with her life and hasn’t wanted or needed any kind of big change when she’s still so young by older people’s standards. “Maybe further down along the line. For now, though, I’m happy where I am, where we are. Away from the city but still in it, somewhere quieter but still active. And, I mean, I really love my flower shop, and I don’t want to start over anytime soon. What about you?”
“I feel the same,” Jungha says. “It’s pretty in different places, and maybe later on I’ll want to stay in those places, but I like it where we are too.” The quiet that follows holds a hesitance to it, so Taehee waits. “Do you…” Jungha finally says. “W-When that time comes, for either of us, do you think that we… that we’ll be, um, together for it, unnie? That if we ever want something new, to be somewhere new, w-we’ll make that change and that decision together?”
Taehee looks over at her. Her pretty Jungha with a pretty background, the tips of her ears the color surrounding them. Jungha is chewing on her bottom lip nervously. “Of course, Jungha,” Taehee says. “Of course we will be. Every part of my life that I can see, a year from now or ten years from now, you’re there with me.”
Jungha sighs, her shoulders drooping in relief as if she truly didn’t know. They’ve talked about this before, how this is a forever thing – even just a week ago when Taehee was sick. She understands how it’s possible to get lost in their heads sometimes though when they’ve found something so special in each other, when they’re created something so special together. “Okay, good,” Jungha says quietly. They’ve only been together a few months, from the beginning of summer into fall, and maybe it’s too soon to be talking about forever, but it’s how Taehee feels, and she doesn’t ever want to hide that. And it’s not like they’re making plans anyway, just talking about a future daydream before they’ve dreamt it yet.
They sit with that feeling and enjoy the start of their walk for a little bit until Jungha asks, “Are you afraid of heights?”
“Yes,” Taehee answers right away. “I mean, not really heights if we’re at the top of a mountain, but if we were at the top of a building or something, then yeah. Are you?”
“No,” Jungha shakes her head, which Taehee was expecting. She knows about Jungha’s brave daredevil streak. She is very endeared by it, but just when admiring from the sidelines; she is often not inclined to participate. “Do you like roller coasters and amusement parks?”
“I love amusement parks,” Taehee says, an excited skip in her step. “I love Lotte World, and I’ve always wanted to go to Disneyland, but the closest one is in Tokyo. And heights when they’re on roller coasters are alright, I don’t mind them. I love the scenic rides at Lotte World though, you know? Where you just sit in the cart and there’s fun things for you to see.”
“We should go sometime,” Jungha says, excitedly swinging their hands faster between them. “That’d be so fun.”
“Yeah!”
“We should go in spring when the cherry blossoms are blooming in the park!”
“Yeah!” Taehee says again, even more enthused about it. “We can add that to our list of fun things to do then.” They’ve started to compile a mental list of fun activities for each season – fulfilling one of them now by coming to a cabin in autumn.
When the trail leads them on a curve to the right, they finally reach the part where it starts to ascend in a subtle incline, bringing them deeper in the forest and higher in the mountains. It’s so beautiful out here, she thinks for the hundredth time. The sky is the most brilliant blue, everything surrounding them feeling like they’re in a painting. It’s so quiet, just their footsteps and the birds and an occasional crunch of the leaves by an unseen animal off the trail. The trees are so tall, arching above them in some spots to make the ground dappled with sunlight. The breeze is sparse enough to cool them when the extra effort of the hilly trail starts to be felt, bringing the sound of rustling leaves during their walk.
They walk up the hill until the terrain starts to even out again, just a regular, leisurely walking trail again. Jungha stops them from walking as they stand in the middle of it, kept safe by the trees with the sun shining down on them. Jungha’s arms wrap around her waist and tug her close with a squeak from Taehee. “Hi,” Taehee giggles, looping her arms around Jungha’s shoulders.
“Hi, baby girl,” Jungha says. Taehee bites her lip. She’s been called that every day by Jungha, but it still gets to her, a flutter in her chest. “Been too long since I kissed you.” She fixes that right away, the softest of kisses placed on her lips. Taehee tucks her head in Jungha’s neck, nuzzling her nose there as they hug. She closes her eyes, hearing the forest around them, feeling the warmth of the sun and Jungha’s arms around her. “Love you, unnie,” Jungha says, resting her cheek on Taehee’s head. “A lot.”
Taehee smiles to herself, dreamy and soft. “I love you too,” she says. She lets Jungha tilt her head up so she can kiss her again. She giggles when Jungha teasingly bites her lip, teeth pressed together as they smile.
They resume walking, but they’re tragically no longer holding hands as the trail starts to narrow again. Jungha walks behind Taehee, and Taehee laughs loud enough to briefly silence the forest when Jungha says, “Can you lift your shirt a little while I’m walking back here?”
Despite it being the sleazy, flirting teasing that Jungha loves to do, Taehee grants her wish and lifts her shirt, cinching it in the front so it’s tighter around her waist and above the band of her shorts, allowing Jungha a view of her ass as they climb up the hill. Jungha dreamily sighs behind her, and Taehee shakes her head as she laughs.
“Do you want to move in together anytime soon?” Jungha asks.
“My ass is that good that it’s making you think about that?”
“Well, yes, it really is, but that’s not why I’m asking.”
“You know we’ve only been together for, what, like, four and a half months?”
“Mhm.”
Taehee’s thighs are starting to burn now and she wishes their positions were switched so she can see the way Jungha’s strong thigh muscles engage and don’t tire out. They finally reach the top of the incline again, and Taehee stops them from walking with a relieved sigh. She turns to Jungha, and Jungha doesn’t look at all affected – not a single drop of sweat or even a reddened face. She gratefully takes the water bottle Jungha pulls out of her bag for her.
“Don’t you think that’s too soon?” she asks when she’s properly hydrated.
Jungha shrugs. “Who cares?”
Not Taehee, that’s for sure. “Well, I just signed my lease only a few months ago, so it’ll be a while before it runs out. And it’s basically like we live together as it is because I can’t remember a time when we’ve even slept apart since we started dating, let alone spent the day apart when we were both home – except when I was sick. But still, living together and mixing all our stuff together is different. I would like to when my lease is over, yeah. I m-mean, if you want to too.”
“That’d be nice,” Jungha says bashfully.
Taehee feels the same. “O-Okay, then we’ll talk about it again when it’s time.” Jungha nods, and they start walking again – thankfully able to hold hands again.
They walk in silence for a little while, just enjoying the peace of the forest. It feels healing being here, like Taehee is connecting to a part of herself that she – and humans in general – are forced to neglect. Reconnecting with nature always feels healing, like she’s coming home to herself and feels at home on the earth again.
“Back to the topic of goldfish,” Taehee says as they hop over a fallen tree lounging across their path.
“Ooh, yay, more fun facts,” Jungha says very genuinely.
“There’s this river in Australia,” Taehee continues excitedly, because Jungha is always enthused to learn some of the random things Taehee has stored in her head, “where so many people went to free their pet goldfish that they became an invasive species like weeds and started to take over the river. And that river is, uh, what’s the word… oh yeah, an estuary, so it connects to the ocean, and the goldfish there have started to creep closer and closer to the ocean. Like, they don’t go in the ocean, but they go near it and have started to build up a tolerance to saltwater and adapt to it – and they’re freshwater fish. So it’s like they have an agenda and are trying to get to the ocean. Which is kind of scary. I don’t know why it’s scary – well, I do because it could have some repercussions that no one was expecting to ever happen – but it’s scary just in, like, a normal way. Like they have a plan we don’t know about.”
“We should ask Chan and Lixie if they know about it since they’re from Australia,” Jungha says.
“Oh yeah, they probably know about the river.”
“That too, but I meant ask if they know what the goldfishes’ plan is.”
Taehee laughs and swings their hands between them faster, skipping a hopping step again because Jungha puts too much happiness in her body for her to be able to be normal about. “Remember how terrible at fishing you are in Stardew Valley?”
“Stoppppp,” Jungha whines just like she does every time she has the game playing on the TV screen and is trying to get a certain fish to fulfill someone’s errand and Taehee tries to hold back her laugh watching how difficult it is for her. “I don’t need to be good at it; I have my girlfriend to do it for me. Even though my girlfriend has a wife on the side,” she says pitifully.
“I was married to Leah in the game before you and I even met! And I told you that I’ll divorce her for you! I just haven’t played since I said that because I like watching you play more!”
Jungha just giggles because she doesn't actually care. She pulls Taehee to the edge of the path by her hand so that she can reach down and pluck two puffy dandelions she sees on the side of their trail. Jungha holds the puffier of the two out for her to take. “Let’s hold them both beside each other and both blow on them so we get two wishes and the wishes are extra powerful since we both blew on them.”
“Good idea,” Jungha says like it’s a serious scientific experiment.
Taehee takes a moment to think of a good wish while Jungha does the same, pensive furrows pulled between their eyebrows. They think long and hard before they finally announce that they’re ready. They hold their dandelions next to each other, then Taehee counts, “One, two, three,” and they both blow. The dandelion puffs are plucked from their stem and dance around them like they’re putting on a whimsical show. The gentle breeze even twirls around them to send the seeds on their way to making their wishes come true.
“What’d you wish for?” Jungha asks when they resume their walk.
“I’m not supposed to tell because then it won’t come true!”
“It doesn’t count since we shared the dandelions!”
Taehee isn’t entirely confident in the logic behind that, but she answers anyway, “I wished for your wish to come true.”
“Kim Taehee,” Jungha says in a disbelieving, almost scolding tone. She steps in front of her and stops them from walking. “I wished for your wish to come true!”
Taehee’s mouth drops open. “Now what?!” she asks, ignoring the absolute cuteness of that to voice her primary concern first.
“I don't know!” Jungha says.
“Okay, think of another wish and we’ll say it in our heads at the same time. And don’t wish for what you just wished for.”
“Okay,” Jungha says with a serious nod, intent on setting this right so they don’t disrupt the fabric of the wish universe.
They think about it for a while, and once they’re ready, Jungha counts them down this time, and they whisper their new wishes in their heads.
Jungha makes a phew sound when they start walking again. “Hopefully the universe doesn’t get mad at us for doing that,” she says, like it’s a genuine worry. Before Taehee can respond, Jungha says, “Hey, look how perfect that stick is,” and she’s tugged to the side of the trail again to retrieve a stick. Her girlfriend is really just a child who grew up. Taehee knows they all are, technically, but the child Jungha once was is still so evident in her sometimes. She holds the stick out to Taehee. “You can have it if you want,” she says chivalrously.
Taehee bites her lip to hold back her laugh so Jungha doesn’t feel like she’s being made fun of, because she’s not; Taehee’s just so endeared by her she could die. “That looks more like a Jungha stick than a Taehee stick, so you should have it,” Taehee says.
“Okay, I’ll find a Taehee stick too then,” she says as she starts looking around them while they walk. “It’s gonna be the prettiest stick in the forest if it’s a Taehee stick, obviously.” Taehee finally laughs because it was meant as a genuine compliment, and it feels like it was too. They continue walking while Jungha holds her stick. It isn’t even a long walking stick; it’s just a regular stick around the length of her forearm that she holds at her side as they stroll.
The trail narrows again as they ascend uphill, this time with stone steps that are kind of steep to add a bit of rock climbing to their adventures. Jungha tries to usher Taehee to go first, but Taehee says, “Nuh uh, wanna see your thighs when you do it.”
“I can’t believe my girlfriend is objectifying me,” Jungha says morosely as if she’s saying it to herself, even though Taehee knows Jungha is gonna put on a little show when she does it. She thrusts her stick out woefully. “Hold my stick.”
Taehee dutifully takes it without saying anything, just a smile on her face in anticipation. It makes Jungha’s mask crack. Jungha steps in front of her and steps on the first rock, then the second. Before she hauls herself up to the next step, knowing she’ll have to engage her muscles, she coyly looks over her shoulder at Taehee. When she finally makes the climb, Taehee watches her legs as her thigh muscle engages. The muscle expands and shows its full shape, the reason behind the thickness of her thighs. Taehee moans out loud and puts the back of her hand to her forehead like she’s going to faint. It makes Jungha loudly laugh and have to stop before she makes the next climb. She pauses when she has one more step to go to reach the trail again. “I think I need your help to reach the top,” she says innocently as she looks over her shoulder at her again.
“Is that so?” Taehee laughs. Jungha nods like she’s a poor helpless angel in distress. Taehee carefully leans Jungha’s stick against the cliff, and she enthusiastically puts her hands on Jungha’s ass. “Ready?”
“Mhm,” Jungha nods, sounding very pleased with herself.
Taehee pushes to give Jungha the momentum she doesn’t need to take the last step up. She moans even louder this time as she feels her ass put in the effort, her glutes contracting under her hands. Jungha giggles menacingly because she knew she’d get more than just the chance to grope her.
Once she’s at the top of the small cliff that requires no effort or help at all, Jungha puts her hands on her hips and smiles at her, looking even more pleased with herself.
“Thank you very much for that,” Taehee says sincerely as she holds up Jungha’s stick for her to take. She easily climbs up the rocks back to her silly girlfriend and takes her hand.
After a few more minutes of walking, Jungha exclaims, “Ah!” and Taehee is pulled with her when Jungha enthusiastically jogs forward. She leans down and picks up a stick that was napping under a blanket of leaves. “The perfect Taehee stick,” she says and hands it to her.
Taehee doesn’t know why it’s a perfect Taehee stick, but she trusts her judgement. It looks like a regular stick, a little smaller than Jungha’s own, the bark a little smoother and darker. She takes it gratefully. “Thank you,” she says and means it.
“You’re welcome,” Jungha says, and they continue on with their sticks in one hand and each other’s hand in the other.
After another hour or so of walking and talking and laughing and flirting, they finally reach the top of the mountain. They would have gotten there much quicker if they were like other hikers, but they treated it as a nice stroll rather than a workout. Taehee didn’t even realize they’d reached the top because she was so focused on listening to a list of Jungha’s favorite bugs, and she quietly gasps when the trees part.
The soft blue of the sky stretches out before them, no longer only peeking at them through the spaces between tree branches. Beneath the endless sky unfurls the mountainous countryside. Their conversation slips away as they take in the sight. A knitted blanket of reds and oranges and yellows and browns are thrown over the mountains and hills, keeping them warm by the leaves threaded together. The mountains rise and fall like sunset ocean waves, curving up to rounded peaks and dipping into meadowed valleys.
The mountain crest they’re on is wide and flat, giving them space to cross it without fear of endangering themselves. They walk toward the edge of it, where it begins to slope down again – much, much steeper this time than the gentle hill they walked up to get here. “Look, there’s a river,” Jungha says, pointing down to the far away valley where they can spot a glimpse of a river weaving through the trees.
It’s so quiet up here. With the wide open space and no trees to encase them and hold chirping birds, it’s silent. The quiet feels as endless as the sky, but it’s peaceful just like the sky, not a daunting openness. They stay there at the edge of the mountain, looking at the beautiful view for several minutes until Jungha pulls her over toward the bench she spots. It’s made of aged wood and has clearly been here for a while, has probably served as a spot for people to sit with awe for many, many years.
They sigh when they sit down, happy to be off their feet after a two hour hike. They share a bottle of water, then they relax and settle in, content to spend a while here enjoying the result of their hard work. Taehee scoots closer until she can rest her head on Jungha’s shoulder. Jungha rests her hand on Taehee’s leg, and they spend the beautiful, quiet moment together. The breeze cools them fully from their hike, bringing the sound of rustling leaves with it.
“That cloud looks like a deer,” Jungha says.
Taehee looks up at the sky. She sees the wisps that make up its ears, a break in the cotton to look like spots on its back. “It does,” she says.
“You remind me of a deer sometimes.”
“Me?” Taehee says. “You’re the one with the pretty doe eyes.”
“Yeah, but something about you feels the way pretty spotted deer do. You mostly remind me of a cute little bear cub though.”
Taehee smiles, eyes briefly closing to sink into the moment. “You remind me of a bunny, of course.”
They eventually go explore the little wooden structure that has the food and drinks that were promised, and they return to their bench to munch on some snacks to gain their energy back.
And it really works, because it wakes Taehee’s brain up enough to get an idea. She tries to hold back her menacing, exciting giggles and waits until Jungha is finished with her snacks. She takes her garbage from her to throw it away in the trash bin and sneaks a quick look around. When she returns back to the bench, she seats herself in her girlfriend’s lap.
“Oh, hi,” Jungha says, a beaming smile. Taehee straddles her and sits back on her legs. Jungha’s hands go to her thighs, appreciatively squeezing while Taehee’s arms wrap around her neck, fingers gently scratching her nape.
“Hi,” Taehee says. She kisses her, a soft and gentle thing, the world around them quiet enough to hear the click of their lips parting. Taehee kisses her again with a little more force this time, maybe a little more than is appropriate for the moment – and that’s the point. On the next kiss, she leans her body against her more, and the next she tilts her head to the side to kiss her deeper, to slip her tongue inside. “Jungha, my angel,” she whispers against her lips.
“Hm?” Jungha says, unable to resist kissing her again.
“We’re so out in the open, aren’t we?” she muses. It doesn’t play quite into the fantasy Jungha shared since there’s no one around, but it’s almost the same idea in a different font. “Outside, out in nature, out in the open,” she continues. “Exposed for anyone to see.” She watches it click for Jungha. Hears the intake of breath, watches her dark eyes dilate. She doesn’t say anything, but her eyelids droop as she immerses herself in her fantasy coming to life. “Anyone could stumble across us,” she says. “Could see two girls with their tongues in each other's mouths.” Taehee could die of endearment the way ‘two girls’ gets to her again, because Jungha does just that – kisses her with tongue, moaning into it. She squeezes her thighs harder, kneading and massaging them as she kisses her girlfriend deep enough for Taehee to feel wetness begin to seep from between her legs.
She can’t help herself, especially not when it’s so easy. She slides her hands down Jungha’s bare waist and pulls the bottom of her sports bra up. She leans back to watch the way her breasts spill out, bouncing with the force of gravity. “Fuck,” Taehee swears. She takes big handfuls of each of them, squeezing with the same amount of passion that Jungha is with her thighs. She looks up at Jungha and sees the glimmer in her eyes. It makes everything in Taehee flutter, knowing she’s making her happy, satisfying something in her. “You like this, angel?” she asks, even though she knows. “Your girlfriend feeling you up out in the open? Hm?”
“Fuck, yeah, baby, yes,” Jungha nods, sounding way more affected than Taehee even thought.
“Do you want more?” she asks coyly. “Want to get on your knees and eat my pussy?”
Jungha’s eyes go extremely wide. It’s so cute in a way that turns Taehee on even more. “R-Really?” she asks. This is much more than the (kind of) innocent fantasy she shared – just making out with others nearby. It’s much more than that, but there’s no one nearby since this is a private trail, so she knows they’re safe.
“Only if you want to, angel,” Taehee says, trailing her finger over the curve of Jungha’s ear. “What if there are cameras out here, hm? On the building over there? What if someone sees my legs spread for you?” Taehee knows there’s not because she did a survey around earlier, but Jungha’s jaw drops and a vivid blush rises to her cheeks. She doesn’t respond verbally; Taehee yelps when she’s suddenly in the air, lifted by Jungha so effortlessly. It makes her moan, deep and gravelly in the way she knows drives Jungha crazy. Jungha spins them around and sets Taehee down on the bench. She throws her flannel down on the ground then kneels in front of her without any hesitation. Taehee lifts her hips when Jungha hooks her fingers over the waistband of her shorts and pulls them down to her ankles. Taehee frees one of her legs from them so she can spread them open wide, one foot on the ground, the other on the bench beside her.
“Oh, fuck,” Jungha says. She leans back to take in the full picture more – her girlfriend with her pussy out in the open, drooling and waiting for her.
It’s a little strange feeling the breeze there and knowing she’s exposed outside, but it feels kind of nice – especially when she’s being looked at with so much desire. Even more when Jungha dives in and licks her. She doesn’t build up the tension or tease her, she just devours her from the start.
“Jungha, fuck,” Taehee moans, not expecting the sudden fervor of it. “Yeah, baby, fuck.” She goes into her own daze when Jungha looks up at her as she pulls the hair tie securing her ponytail, letting her hair fall free. It’s like a waterfall the way it smoothly cascades down, fanning out against her shoulders. Taehee feels like she could pass out from love as she watches Jungha gather her hair to one side and drape it over her thigh, doing for her what Taehee is doing for Jungha – and not even doing it for each other, doing it because they’d do anything to make each other feel good.
Taehee takes a loose hold of Jungha’s soft hair, moaning loud enough for her voice to crack when it slips through her fingers as Jungha sucks on her clit. The breeze blows through Jungha’s hair and makes it tickle against her leg, makes her pussy convulse because it blows across it too. Behind Jungha, she sees the branches on the trees covering the mountains sway and bow. A bird flies overhead and the sun shines down on them, and Jungha is eating her pussy like it’s the best thing she’s ever tasted.
“Ahh, f-fuck, mmh–” Taehee moans. She pets Jungha’s head, feels the silkiness of her hair. Jungha swirls her tongue around her cunt, moaning against it like she’s the one being licked so thoroughly. Every moan vibrates against her clit, her breath warm between her pussy lips. Jungha whimpers with her face buried in her pussy, and watching her enjoy it as much as Taehee is makes her drip in her mouth. Jungha flicks her hair so it brushes along Taehee’s thigh again, the strands following down and down and down, teasing her as they go.
Taehee gathers Jungha’s hair in her hand and twirls it around her finger like Jungha’s tongue is doing around her clit. She brushes her fingers through it, and the feeling of her hair in his hands and Jungha’s mouth on her pussy – and the view of Jungha looking up at her with such hungry, dilated eyes with nature around them – is getting to be too much. It’s too much and Taehee is going insane and Jungha has to feel the way her pussy is quivering beneath her tongue.
Jungha takes her hair into her hands and rests it on Taehee’s thigh again so the locks will slip down it. The look in her eyes darkens when she watches Taehee shiver because of it, when she probably feels her drip into her mouth. It’s too much it’s all too much and she loves Jungha so much and she looks so fucking hot and they’re out in the open and Jungha is fucking devouring her pussy and Jungha's hair is in her hands and–
“B-Baby, I’m gonna – fuck – I’m gonna come. I l-love you, Jungha, love you, love you.” She pulls up her shirt and lifts her sports bra with it. She hooks her shirt behind it and exposes herself even more just in case Jungha wants to see. Taehee’s legs are spread as wide as they can go, her cunt bare and out in the open, and her nipples harden as the wind slides across them. Jungha looks from her breasts down to her stomach where the softness of it is folded, and she knows that drives Jungha insane too because Jungha loves all of the soft parts of her. Taehee’s chest flutters because of the way the sight makes Jungha tremble, makes her have to stop to take a breath as she eyes her girlfriend, almost naked out in the open, outside.
Taehee moans when Jungha eats her out with even more passion and intent, when she watches Jungha’s hand slip between her own legs and disappear beneath her shorts. Taehee runs her fingers through Jungha’s hair, just keeps them there, holding her there as her orgasm builds. She can’t see the way Jungha is fingering herself, but she can see the movement of her hands and it’s–it’s too much–she loves her so much and wants her to know, needs her to know how good she’s making her feel in every possible way. “Jungha, baby, d-doing–you’re doing so good. I love you, baby, I l-love you, you m-make me feel so good. Mmhn–I’m gonna–gonna–” Her back arches, her grip accidentally tightens in Jungha’s hair until she realizes and loosens her hold, rubbing her fingertips there in a shaky apology as her orgasm builds, until it’s just in reach. She looks at Jungha’s beautiful eyes, at the way her arm moves as she fingers herself, she tries to stay quiet so she can hear the wet sounds of her pussy but it’s too much, she can’t stay quiet, her moan loud enough to echo in the openness of the mountain peak.
She finally throws her head back and looks up to the sky when she comes. She accidentally tightens her grip in Jungha’s hair again, but by the moan she hears, she doesn’t think her girlfriend minds.
Her pussy twitches against Jungha’s tongue, her body quivering as her orgasm surges through her. Her legs shake and want to close and trap Jungha’s head there, but she keeps herself exposed knowing Jungha likes the sight.
Her orgasm trickles away just in time to watch Jungha’s begin. Jungha leans back so Taehee can see. She gets out of her kneeling position and sits down on the ground, legs spread apart. Taehee can’t see her pussy, but she can see her hand moving back and forth hidden in her shorts, and not being able to see it has the same effect on her as it would if she were just as exposed as her. Jungha’s jaw is dropped as she silently moans, her hand frantic in her shorts. She’s eyeing every part of Taehee, admiring every part that’s out for her. Taehee reaches a hand between her own legs, and she spreads her pussy lips apart, showing her her hole and her clit as she slowly circles it, ignoring how sensitive she is knowing it’ll get the reaction she wants out of Jungha. As she plays with her pussy, her other hand goes to her breast and squeezes. She shakes it in her hand so Jungha can watch the way it bounces. When she starts toying with her nipple and sinks a finger inside of herself, putting on a little show for her girlfriend, Jungha finally comes. Her face crumples with pleasure, eyebrows furrowing, teeth biting her bottom lip, her whimper loud enough to still be heard anyway. The next wave of her orgasm is too much and she finally cries out. Her big breasts bounce with how fast and deep she’s breathing, her nipples hard from arousal too. Taehee’s mouth waters, wishing she could get her mouth on them. Jungha’s thighs hinge closed on her hand between her legs, but it keeps moving on her covered cunt until she finally stops.
When it’s over, the silence feels even more encompassing. Just them and the hilly mountain range, an occasional caw of a bird as it dips and rises over the hills and valleys.
Jungha holds onto Taehee’s shin and uses it to pull herself up onto her knees again. Once she’s there, she collapses between her legs with her head on her thigh. Taehee chuckles, tired and fond, and lets her other leg drop from the bench onto the ground. Jungha’s cheek rests on Taehee’s thigh with her eyes closed, taking her time as they both come down. Taehee runs her fingers through Jungha’s hair to soothe her – doing so innocently this time, even if she’s still noticing how nice her hair feels in her hands. “My sweet girl,” Taehee says quietly. Jungha smiles sleepily to herself and rubs her cheek against Taehee’s thigh.
After a couple of minutes of soaking up Taehee’s gentle touches and even gentler words, Jungha loops Taehee’s leg through her shorts again and pulls them up, waiting for her to lift her hips to secure them back in place. She pulls her sports bra over her breasts again and fixes her shirt before tragically tucking her own breasts away too. She finally plops onto the bench beside Taehee, and the two slump against each other.
“Fuck,” Jungha says under her breath.
“Yeah,” Taehee says. Jungha’s head rests on her shoulder, and Taehee’s head rests on top.
“Thank you for doing that.”
Taehee chuckles tiredly. “Don’t need to thank me. I loved it.”
“You did?”
Taehee nods. “Yeah, so much. But, um… s-sorry that it was… more than what you said last night.” All Jungha mentioned was making out, not all of this. It wasn't truly public since this is a private trail and they’re on the top of a mountain, but it was still more than she initially brought up.
“Unnie, don’t–do not apologize to me. That was so–fuck. And you gave me a chance to say no anyway, and I’m the one who had a thing for it anyway.”
Taehee lifts her head and makes Jungha do the same. They share a slow, sleepy kiss. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea when they have a two hour long trek down the mountain to make, but they’ve got time. There’s always time to share soft kisses for a while more.
– ♡ –
A couple of hours later, their energy levels are back up and they trot down the mountainside, heading back to their cabin. They decided to bring their sticks with them because they couldn’t bear to part with them at the mountaintop, so they’ll serve as a souvenir of this little trip of theirs when they bring them all the way home.
The afternoon sunlight is warmer than this morning’s, so Taehee has taken her shirt off and just wears her sports bra and shorts like Jungha is. Jungha is very appreciative of it and is not subtle with the way she keeps eyeing Taehee’s soft stomach just like Taehee can’t stop herself from glancing at Jungha’s fit one with her tattoos drawn on it. Every few minutes Jungha will wrap her arm around Taehee’s waist and pull her closer just for an excuse to touch her there.
Jungha goes out of her way to stomp on every crunchy leaf she spots in their path and perks up every time when she hears the satisfying way it crumbles beneath her. She points out some good ones for Taehee to step on too instead of taking them all for herself. It’s been a lovely hike together, being immersed in nature at such a beautiful time of the season and just enjoying each other’s undivided attention.
“You’re afraid of needles!” Jungha says as they follow a curve of the trail and weave their way through the trees. “Don’t force yourself to get a tattoo just because it’s from me!”
“It’s different!” Taehee insists. “I’ve seen you tattoo a bunch of times, and it doesn’t bother me when I watch. It’s just, like, shots that bother me. That’s when it’s bad – like when Lixie takes her shots I have to leave the room entirely.” She shivers. She pictures it in her head and immediately distracts herself from the vision.
“What shots?” Jungha asks. “Is she diabetic?”
“No, her estrogen shots. It’s so–”
“Wait, what?” Jungha says. She stops walking, so Taehee does too. “Why does she take estrogen shots?”
Taehee furrows her eyebrows. She looks from Jungha’s face out into the forest then back. “Because her body doesn’t… produce… enough of it?” she says, confused.
“Oh, are her hormones imbalanced?”
Taehee furrows her eyebrows deeper, and Jungha’s expression is just as bemused. “What?” She’s confused about why they’re talking about it in these terms, then it clicks that Jungha might just not know. “You know Lixie is trans, right?”
Jungha’s eyes go wide. “What?”
“Yeah, I thought you knew,” she chuckles. “It’s not a secret; she talks about it. Must’ve just not come up around you.” Jungha blinks at her, her face blank.
Then Taehee narrows her eyes. She drops Jungha’s hand and takes a step back. She crosses her arms and looks at her. She watches Jungha’s confusion rise again as she stands away from her. “Is that a problem for you?” she asks, her tone cold and serious.
“Huh?” Jungha says. She stares at her, then it clicks for her too. “What?! No, no, nothing like that!” she scrambles to explain, holding her hands out in front of her. “Of course I don’t have a problem with that, not at all! I just didn’t know and was trying to think if Chan ever mentioned it before. Of course I don’t care, unnie.”
Taehee surveys her, her eyes narrowed and critical. When Jungha’s panic worsens, Taehee finally deflates. “Good,” she says, then she takes her hand again. She loves Jungha more than anything in the world, but Lixie is one of her best friends and has been for years. She’s also just a person too, someone Taehee doesn’t need to have a relationship with to care about in that way – and if Jungha wasn’t accepting of this whole population of their community, then that would be a problem with Taehee.
They continue their walk with the tension dispersed. The birds sing happily in the autumn-cloaked trees, and the two girlfriends’ hands swing between them as they follow the dirt trail.
“She’s not going to be upset that I know?” Jungha asks nervously.
“Not at all,” Taehee says. “She’d probably be surprised that you didn’t know already. Anyway, I don’t like needles in the form of shots, but with tattoos I think I’d be okay, and I would like my girlfriend to do one for me.”
“I’m not doing it for another year.”
“What?!” Taehee says. “Why!”
“Because you’ve said before that you want to be sure about what you want to get, and I don’t think you’ve thought it through enough yet! What would you want me to put on you?”
“...I dunno…”
“See?” Jungha chuckles. “I will check back in with you in a year.”
“Fine,” Taehee huffs.
Jungha steps in front of her and takes her other hand, swinging their hands from side to side. “Don’t get all sulky with me,” Jungha says. “I think it’s cute, and it’ll just annoy you more.”
“‘m not annoyed,” Taehee mumbles, playing it up now because she knows she’ll get what she wants. And she does, because Jungha dances kisses all around her face before they start walking again.
They enjoy the quiet for a little while, just taking in the scenery and the feeling of reconnecting with nature. Being here with Jungha feels even more healing than reconnecting with the earth alone. Taehee is just enjoying herself and the little observations she’s making around her – the woodpecker clung to a tree off the trail, freezing its pecking to watch them as they walk past; the moss that’s crawling up the trunk of a fallen tree, which makes Taehee remember that moss flourishes in autumn and winter, which has always been surprising to her; a monarch butterfly that flutters across their path, fitting in perfectly with the colors surrounding them – that the tone of Jungha’s voice catches her off guard when she speaks again. It’s quiet and serious now, especially compared to how it’s been all day.
“I really love you, unnie,” she says.
Taehee looks over at her. She tilts her head to the side. “I love you, angel. You okay?”
“Y-Yeah, I am, I really am,” Jungha says. “Just… thinking about how being with you feels compared to how being with other people felt. Other guys, I mean, and just–started to focus on that feeling instead of the happiness of being with you.”
“Oh,” Taehee says quietly.
She understands. Of course she does. She and Jungha are each other’s first everything with a girl, after so long of trying to be with men. They don’t talk about it very often because of the trauma of it all. Taehee thinks they probably got used to not talking about it – with anyone – because most people don’t understand how the memories feel so harrowing and scarring, how it sometimes feels like a form of PTSD they now have to live with. People often laugh lightheartedly at the absurdity of it, the thought of an obvious lesbian being with a man and how out of place and silly it seems from the outside. Many people don’t think of what it felt like to be them, to endure that. She and Jungha, though, they understand.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.
Jungha weakly shrugs. “I dunno. I just–I wish I could just erase all of that from happening. Wish I could’ve just stopped and given up instead of trying so hard, you know?”
“Yeah,” Taehee says quietly. She and Jungha kind of have different experiences of similar situations, different attitudes surrounding it. Taehee’s was often apathy, depression, sadness when she wondered what was wrong with her for nothing to feel right. She knows that it wasn’t so simple or so bleak though. She knows that so many parts of her shut down to protect her from feeling it all to its full extent. It’s why her friends talk about the difference in her so often, the way they watched her blossom and bloom when she figured out who she is. She wasn’t just half-there anymore, keeping herself turned off so she didn’t have to fully experience those moments in her life. She woke up and became someone new – the person she was meant to be.
Taehee got to ignore it most of the time, just be a sleepwalker through life, got to just be bored and unimpressed by it all. Jungha’s experiences weren’t so dull; she wasn’t separated from herself like Taehee was, so she was fully there as the Jungha she is now.
“It’s just–it’s unfair to all those guys when I think about it all in the way I do,” Jungha says, “to blame them for the way I felt, because they–they didn’t do anything wrong, you know? They didn’t know that I didn’t want it, they couldn’t tell that I hated it; I didn’t do anything to show it. They didn’t know what was going on inside of me, and it’s unfair to think of them as having violated me because they didn’t. But it feels that way. It feels like it happened again and again and again and I kept trying and never stopped it, I just–I j-just kept being abused and violated but I wasn’t because they didn’t do anything wrong, but I feel that way, I j-just feel like I was–I was touched without wanting it so many times, every time I was touched, but they didn’t know. They–th-they weren't assaulting me, but it–b-but it feels like I was over and over again.”
Taehee’s heart cracks just like Jungha’s voice. “Oh, baby, come here,” she says softly. Jungha lets Taehee guide her into her arms. Jungha keeps her own arms held close to her chest instead of hugging her back, like she’s trying to protect herself from what happened, like she can stop it from happening again if she keeps herself small like this. Jungha tucks her face into Taehee’s neck as she cries. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Taehee says to her quietly. “I wish I could erase it all for you too. I know what you mean, angel, I know the way you felt.” She didn’t feel that all the time, but she felt something akin to it sometimes when her armor cracked. She knows that she probably didn’t feel it the way Jungha did, though, because her body dissociated herself from it for her, while Jungha stayed present through it all. “And you know what? It’s okay for you to feel that way, to think of those men that way. It was real for you, and you felt all those same feelings, whether they knew or not. You’re allowed to think of it that way. Who cares if it’s unfair to them? Everything you experienced is unfair to you, something you have to live with. And they’ll never know if you’re viewing them in that light, will they? Even if it’s unfair, who cares? The way you felt was real, and it was bad, and it’s not your fault.”
“I-It was though,” she says. “It wasn’t their fault, it was mine. I’m the one who put myself in those situations.”
“And that still doesn’t make it your fault,” she says softly. “It is not your fault that you just wanted to feel loved, to find something that felt right. You just didn’t know the right places to look. It’s no one’s fault, darling. Not yours, not theirs.” That is, of course, if they truly couldn’t tell that she wasn’t really into it, but she trusts Jungha; she’s the one who lived it, so she knows. “It’s something that you shouldn’t have had to go through.” Taehee leans back and takes Jungha’s cheeks into her hands. Her heart breaks seeing her teary eyes, the anguish on her face as she remembers it all. “It’s all better now,” she reminds her softly. “You’re living the life you’re meant to live. You figured it all out. I wish it didn’t take so long, for either of us. I wish I could take every bad thing away from you, stop all of those things from happening, erase all of those memories from your head. I wish you didn’t have to experience that, but you’re here now. We’re here now, baby, and it’s all okay. It all ended up okay, in spite of what it took to get here. And I’ll find a way to give you a lifetime of happiness to make up for it. More than a lifetime, I’ll find you in all of the others and love you over there too.”
Jungha laughs wetly. She sniffles as Taehee wipes her tears. “You promise?” she asks so vulnerably.
“I promise,” Taehee says.
“You’ve already made up for it just in these few months,” Jungha says, nuzzling her cheek in her hand. “It’s why I was thinking of it to begin with. Thinking about how happy I am with you. How right it all feels. Every time we have sex, it feels like everything finally clicked into place. Up on the mountain earlier, and the other silly times we’ve had – I never had fun with it until you. Never felt loved during it ‘til you. Never felt good with it until you. Never felt good with any of this until you, even the little things like how you’re touching my face. It all felt so wrong before, and now it feels right. Everything feels right with you. A-And, yeah, it’s because I know who I am now, that I’m meant to be with a girl, but it’s because that girl is you too.”
Jungha wipes Taehee’s tears for her this time, and Taehee nuzzles into her hand this time. “I know exactly how you feel,” she says weakly, and what a beautiful thing that is. To be so understood and to be so loved. “It should have always been fun for us. It never should have hurt. It should never have been scary or confusing, but it was, and we found each other, and now it won’t ever be that way again. We’re safe now.”
“Yeah,” Jungha says, her voice cracking as she starts to cry again. Their foreheads knock together, and they stay like that, holding each other in the middle of the autumn forest as they let their tears flow down their cheeks. “We’re safe now. You’ll always be safe with me.”
“And you’ll always be safe with me too,” Taehee whispers. She kisses her salty lips as softly as she can.
And later that night, it’s all still in their heads when they sink down into the hot tub on the back deck of their cabin, beneath the night sky and the twinkling stars. They speak to each other and touch each other with more gentleness than there’s ever been before. It’s a chilly night, but the warm, bubbly water warms their bodies, and they kiss each other’s cheeks whenever they get cold. Jungha straddles Taehee’s lap as they talk, whispering to each other like a secret even the moon isn’t allowed to hear.
“You’re so special, Tae,” Jungha says against her lips, a kiss so soft it's barely there. “So sweet.” A kiss just beside it. “So beautiful and lovely.” She kisses her. “My baby girl.” Nuzzles their noses together. “I’ll keep you safe. My baby girl. My baby.” The crickets and grasshoppers sing from their home in the forest, the quiet symphony still louder than their whispers. It’s so dark outside, enough for every star to be seen in the sky, but the darkness keeps them hidden, their arms keeping each other safe. They won’t be found here, can’t be seen, they’re protected, they’re safe, it’s just them, together, hidden from the world, from their memories, from everything that could ever hurt.
Taehee kisses her, feeling Jungha’s tongue against her own. “My Jungha,” she whispers. “Closer, baby, come here,” she breathes. She tugs the strings of Jungha’s bikini top, untying it and letting it float away. Jungha does the same, and they whimper against each other’s lips when their breasts press together. “My love. My girl.”
“I love you,” Jungha says. She kisses her.
“I love you,” Taehee says, her voice cracking. She kisses her and kisses her. “We’ll always be okay.”
“We will be,” Jungha nods, noses brushing, tongues nuzzling.
Jungha’s hand finds its way between her legs. It slips beneath her bikini bottoms, her fingers right where she wants them, the only person who’s ever touched her like this, the only person she’s ever wanted it from, and she wants and wants and wants, more of Jungha and more of this, more of them, always always always. “Oh,” Taehee breathes, being kissed even when she doesn’t kiss Jungha back, too overwhelmed with the rightness of it all.
“Oh,” Jungha sighs, her turn to do the same when Taehee’s fingers sink into her.
“That’s it,” Taehee whispers. She watches her beautiful face, lips parted, eyes closed, looking like a dream. “You’ll always feel this good with me, baby.” Jungha leans forward, pressing closer, head going to her neck. Taehee fingers her so slowly, massaging her from the inside. “It won’t ever hurt. It will never be scary. I’ve got you, Jungha, you’re safe. We’re safe. We’re safe now.”
Jungha nods and kisses her, breath hot, water hot, the steam rising off of it. Jungha remembers her fingers are inside of her and she mirrors her movements, fingering her so slowly and carefully, touching her more softly than she’s ever been touched. “I love you, unnie,” Jungha whimpers. “You feel so good.” Taehee doesn’t know if she’s talking about the way Taehee is touching her, or the way Taehee feels inside.
“So do you,” Taehee says, meaning both ways too.
“I–I feel so good,” Jungha says, a sweet little moan tumbling out from between her lips.
“Me too,” Taehee says, pulsing around her fingers.
They gaze into each other, eyes wet with tears and shining with stars. Their eyes close at the same time, stars shooting behind their eyelids as they come together, kissing each other through it. Their fingers slide out from one another so they can keep each other wrapped up, held and safe, every kiss a promise and a reassurance.
Chapter Text
Taehee steps back, taking in her work with a proud smile. It took all morning, but she’s very pleased with the result. She’s been unable to get her trip with Jungha out of her head, and those warm memories are still shining over everything around her. It’s her first day back at the shop, and as soon as she walked in, she started gathering flowers before she even started her opening duties.
Reds and oranges and yellows and browns, dahlias and chrysanthemums and sunflowers and pansies and every flower in those colors that she could spare, nestled together in a window display to look like all of the fallen leaves in the forest they walked through together. Taehee doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to stop thinking of their time together, the feeling of just the two of them, every conversation they had, every moment they shared. It healed something in her, a place she didn’t even know needed love and care until she felt it.
Jimin appears next to her. “That looks so pretty!”
“It really does,” Lixie beams at her from her other side.
Even though she loved her and Jungha’s time together, Taehee is happy to be back. It’s not that they were leaving their safe little bubble behind; they just returned to their first one, their permanent one, where their friends are with them too.
“So tell us about your trip!” Jimin says when they all return behind the counter. Taehee finally starts helping with the day’s orders after spending the morning trying to bring last week’s feeling into the shop for those who walk by to see. She checks the form and assigns the next order to herself – a bouquet of daisies and lilies with assorted foliage thrown in with a note that reads: Jisungie, Just thinking about you. ♡ Minho.
“It was really nice,” Taehee says. She opens the cooler where they keep the flowers they use for orders to grab what she needs. She joins them at the counter, nestled in between her two best friends like they're their own bouquet of flowers. Jimin’s auburn hair is pulled back into a ponytail with wispy strands framing her face, where she’s dotted her skin with fake freckles today – matching Lixie’s real freckles on her face that look like dusted sand from the beach where she’s from. Lixie’s blonde hair is half pulled back with a fanned-out bun in the back, and she and Jimin are wearing matching outfits – Lixie’s pants matching Jimin’s sweater, Jimin’s skirt matching Lixie’s shirt. Taehee whined when she saw and said she felt left out, but they hugged her and insisted they would have included her if they knew she was coming back today. Taehee got so distracted by building her flower display that she didn’t notice when Lixie left the shop, only noticed when she came back and brought her one of her flannels that was made of the colors her best friends are both wearing.
“Give us more than that,” Lixie says, tying a bow around her flower stems and shuffling a few back into their places when she’s done.
“I dunno! It was really nice. We hung out together, explored the town, went on a hike. It was just a really relaxing trip. It was nice to spend time together.”
“Yeah, because you guys never do that,” Lixie teases. Her big, pearly smile spreads wide when Taehee looks at her, snorting at the sarcasm.
“Oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys,” Taehee says. She grins playfully. “I have an idea.”
– ♡ –
Just after noontime, Jungha stops in the shop for her regular afternoon coffee fix (which everyone knows is really just an afternoon Taehee fix). Taehee looks up from her flowers at the ring of the bell on the door, a sound she’s associated with Jungha since the first moment she walked into her shop – over a year ago when she was just the cute girl next door that Taehee had a panicked crush on. Taehee holds back her dreamy sigh because she doesn’t want to be teased by her friends.
Jungha looks as beautiful as she always does – midriff exposed with her usual short, tight shirt and low-riding baggy pants, her bold makeup green today with inner and outer corner winged eyeliner, body decorated with beautiful tattoos. Her fingers are adorned with rings, ears filled with jewelry too, a horseshoe ring through her septum.
“Hi, pretty girl,” Jungha says, watching her with equal admiration.
“Hi,” Taehee says.
“Hello, Jungha,” a voice says, so scarily deep and gravelly that it sounds like it has to have come from a demon escaped from the depths of the underground.
“WAH,” Jungha says, flinching and staggering back into a display table, eyes wide. “W-What the fuck was that?” she asks, her eyes darting around as the three other girls break out into laughter. Jimin falls forward, collapses against the counter while Taehee smacks the surface of it and Lixie daintily giggles.
“Hi, Jungha-unnieeeee,” Lixie says, her voice back to how they always hear it except for when she pulls out her eerily deep tone at random times to make them laugh.
Jungha still stares at her, eyes wide. The wires are visibly not connecting yet until they do, and she remembers. “Oh my god,” she breathes out, her hand on her chest where her heart is probably pounding. “Oh my god, that scared the fuck out of me.”
“Sorry,” Lixie giggles. Her beautiful, wide smile shows all of her teeth – looking not very sorry at all.
“Sorry,” Taehee says too now that her laughter is dying down. Jungha joins in, wryly chuckling as she shakes her head. She leans over the counter and pecks Taehee’s lips.
They all talk for as long as they can spare to before they all have to get back to work, and Jungha leaves her with another kiss. The day passes as days in her flower shop always do – laughing with friends, creating little works of art to give away, making coffee drinks for those who want it, and working a job that doesn’t feel like work at all.
Soon it’s time to close up and allow the flowers some time to themselves. The sky is already nearly dark outside as the days turn shorter with the deepening of the season. Lixie cleans the coffee bar while Jimin tidies up the shop floor, and Taehee heads outside to bring in the day’s display – their usual evening rituals.
And Jungha appears outside of her tattoo shop a minute later to fulfill her own evening ritual to – to join Taehee like they’ve done every night they’ve worked beside each other since the very first time it happened. “My pretty maple tree,” Taehee says when she sees her. “Graceful and tall and sweet.”
Jungha throws her head back and laughs like she does with most of her girlfriend’s pet names. “Hi, baby girl,” she says. She pulls her in and kisses her, then ruffles her bangs like she does to tease. “Silly.”
Taehee holds out a small bouquet of flowers for her. Jungha’s room at the tattoo shop is overflowing with them at this point, looking like she has her own flower shop. This bouquet is made of sunset chrysanthemum and wildflower leaves, just like what was planted outside of their cabin. “For you,” she says.
“Thank you…” Jungha says, still so shy to receive them after all this time. “I’m just taking a mini break from my appointment to come see you, so I have to head back in, but Yoongi asked you to stop in before you go home.”
“Oh?” Taehee says, head tilted to the side.
Jungha shrugs. “I don’t know why either.”
“Well, alright. I’ll see you soon then when I stop by. And then after that too when you come sleepover.”
“Mhm,” Jungha nods, pleased. She kisses her, slow and sweet. “See you soon. I love you, unnie.”
“I love you, my Jungha.”
Jungha goes back into her shop, and Taehee brings everything from outside into her own. She and her two best friends finish closing up, then they linger outside for a few minutes more, reluctant to part even though they’ll see each other in the morning.
Taehee walks into the tattoo shop next door. Where Taehee’s shop is bursting with color from all of the petaled flowers and the sun that brings out their hues, the tattoo shop is much more muted and cozy. Burgundy walls with lots of darker wood throughout, the artists’ art lining the walls with little spotlights on them like they’re at a museum. A few plants on the counters and one hanging in the front window, and always either soft classical or acoustic music playing – a cozy piano song this evening.
“Noona!” Chan says from where he sits at the counter. Beside him is a little gold maneki-neko statue that waves at her, a bushy and vibrant lady fern, and a humidifier that adds more relaxation to the shop. Chan is curled over a tablet where he’s probably working on someone’s tattoo, and his face transforms so sweetly when he smiles, his happiness always contagious.
“Hi, Channie,” Taehee says. “Is it okay if I go back?”
“Yeah, of course!”
Taehee steps behind the front counter, down the hallway that has two doors on each side – Jungha’s room and a bathroom on the left side, Chan’s room and Yoongi’s across from them.
Taehee peeks into Jungha’s room. She wants to say hi, but she doesn’t recognize the client she’s working on right now, so she doesn’t interrupt and just watches her work for as long as she can get away with. The client is lying on top of a massage table, the leg of their sweatpants pulled up as Jungha tattoos something below their knee. She has a face mask on and a tattoo machine in her gloved hand. She wipes across the tattoo with an ink-stained paper towel and leans back to look at her work, tilting her head to the side. She rubs a dollop of vaseline onto the client’s skin, then she continues her work, the whirr of the machine starting up again.
Taehee walks ahead before they can sense her creepy presence, and she knocks on the wall beside Yoongi’s open door. Yoongi looks up from the sketchbook in their lap, long hair effortlessly falling this way and that. “Hey,” they say.
“Hello there,” Taehee says. “Jungha said you wanted me to come by.”
“Yeah…” Yoongi says.
Taehee has never seen them look so unsure before. They won’t look at her – which isn’t uncommon, but now it’s out of clear avoidance rather than the vague dislike of looking anyone in the eye. Yoongi usually feels like a grounded individual, like everything they’re doing is where they’re meant to be at that moment. They don’t look like they’re certain of that right now.
“Want to walk me home?” Taehee asks into the prolonged silence. She hopes it might help if they’re moving and don’t have to look at each other.
It seems to work, because Yoongi nods and says, “Yeah,” gratefully.
Taehee waits as they gather their things, then she sneaks one last glance at Jungha before they leave with a goodbye to Chan.
Their shops aren’t far from Taehee’s apartment, only a two minute walk around the corner if they’re really dragging it out. Taehee slows their stroll to give Yoongi more time to say what’s on their mind.
It’s colder now that night is fully here, but still nothing like what it’ll become soon. It feels nice in a flannel, and will feel even nicer to be under a blanket at home soon.
And that time comes fast, because they arrive in front of Taehee’s building without having said a word. Yoongi isn’t looking at her when they linger in front of the door. Wind whistles through the trees and rustles Yoongi’s long hair.
“Want to come up?” Taehee tries, giving them another chance. Yoongi nods and follows Taehee inside.
They walk up the old, creaky stairs to the floor that’s just a few steps above ground-level, then down the hall to the first door on the left.
Taehee is glad to be back. It was nice to be on their little trip, but it always feels like a relief to come home after she’s been away. A place that smells like her, that has a spot for all of her things, a couch that shows which half of it is hers.
They leave their shoes by the door and shuffle further inside with socked feet. Taehee switches on some lamps as they go but intentionally keeps some off so Yoongi might feel safer to talk, like a house cat finding comfort in the dark of the night.
They sit on the couch with a cushion of space between them. Yoongi still doesn’t say anything. The apartment is quiet.
Taehee is about to finally ask if everything is okay, but Yoongi speaks first.
“You’re a lesbian,” they say.
Taehee blinks at them. Her mouth opens and closes. “I–yes, I know,” she finally says.
Yoongi wryly chuckles. They rub their eyes then let their hands fall, pressing them between their thighs as they sit there uncomfortably. “How did you… how did you know that? That that’s what you were?”
Taehee is very confused, but she answers their question knowing they’ll get to what this is about eventually. “W-Well, I spent the majority of my life trying to be with guys, and I really didn’t like it.” She continues on before those thoughts and memories can creep up like they did on her hike with Jungha. Jungha isn’t here to hold her right now. “I just thought that maybe love or affection or anything having to do with all of that wasn’t for me. Then Jimin said maybe it’s because I was searching for it in the wrong place, that maybe I’ll find it in a girl instead. And it all made sense, but it also just… it felt right. It felt like stepping into myself, like finally coming home to who I am. Knowing I didn’t like guys was half of it, but what really made me know was that it just felt like me. I heard her say it and thought of that word, and it just… it felt like me. It felt like I was hearing who I am, you know?”
She watches Yoongi swallow. Their eyes stay trained on the floor. Taehee has never heard their voice waver before. “I… y-yeah, I think I know.”
Taehee watches them, waiting for more, waiting to understand. They don’t say anything, then it clicks. “Do you think…” she starts. Asks in a gentle voice, “Are you a lesbian?”
It’s quiet. “I think so,” they finally whisper.
“Why does that have you so nervous?” Taehee asks softly. Yoongi almost looks like they’re going to break down crying.
“B-Because of who I am,” they say.
“Do you mean because of your gender?” Yoongi nods. They sniffle. Taehee’s chest aches. “You know lesbians can be nonbinary, right?” she asks softly. “Plenty are nonbinary, and lesbians can be attracted to nonbinary people too. It’s not just one single thing, a place for only one type of person. There are a lot of genderless lesbians.”
“You know it’s not that,” Yoongi says, sounding crushed.
Taehee blinks at them through the dark glow of the living room. “I–I don’t,” she says. “What is it then? What do you mean?”
“I mean that I–I was born as a guy,” they say, defeated. “I–my passport says ‘male’ and I know I look like one; I know everyone sees me as one, and it’s–that’s fine. I like the way I look, I like the way I present, I don’t need other people to validate my genderlessness, and it doesn’t really bother me that much when people make assumptions. I’m comfortable with who I am and how I look, and I have Jimin and she loves me and she’s bi so it’s–it never felt complicated with her, with all of that. B-But this is me, just me. I feel like I–like I can’t be one if everyone sees me as a guy.”
Taehee wants to reach out and touch them, pull them into her arms, but she knows it wouldn’t make them feel good, so she holds onto one of her fuzzy throw pillows instead. “That doesn’t matter, Yoongi,” Taehee says. “I–I’m sure it’s not easy – to work through this and try to feel valid when the way others see you feels like it goes against that – but what people think doesn’t matter if what else they think doesn’t matter to you. You’re not a guy, Yoongi. And, hey, you know lesbians who use masculine pronouns exist too, right? It feels like there are such tight rules you have to adhere to, but this isn’t one of them. You’re not a guy, and you’re not a girl either, and you can still be a lesbian. If that feels like you, if that feels right for who you are, if that feels like–like a sigh of relief because you’re finally home to yourself, then that’s who you are. And for a lot of people, ‘lesbian’ feels just as much of a gender for them as it does a sexuality. And–” She’s interrupted by a knock at the door. Yoongi jumps and quickly wipes off their cheeks like they don’t want to be caught.
“That’s probably Jungha,” she says. “Do you want me to tell her I’ll see her later? Or… or the three of us can talk about it together? She’s a lesbian too.”
It’s silent for a few seconds as Yoongi thinks about it. Yoongi shows their vulnerability in tons of little ways every day, because there are more ways of being vulnerable than just talking about feelings. But this specific way of being vulnerable, the most easily noticed one, they often struggle with. “You can let her in,” they finally say. “To… to talk about everything.”
“Alright,” Taehee says softly. “I’ll be right back.”
She gets up and walks to the front door. She opens it and finds Jungha already starting to walk away back to her own apartment, looking down at her phone in her hand to probably text her to ask if she’s asleep or in the shower. She looks up at the sound of the door. “Hey!” she says, brightening. Her face falls. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Taehee says. She steps out into the hallway, pulling the door closed behind her without shutting it all the way. “So, uh, Yoongi’s over. And I–I think it’d be nice for all of us to talk.”
Jungha’s eyes go wide. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“Nothing bad,” Taehee reassures her. She thinks about whether she should tell her, but she’s sure Yoongi having to say it again would send them spiraling. They would probably be grateful for the help. “They came out to me. They’re a lesbian, but they feel like they can’t be, because, you know, what you’d expect. They’re really struggling with it, and I think it’d help if they had another person tell them that it’s okay.”
Jungha’s eyebrows pull up in the middle, face softening with empathy. “Oh,” she says, “yeah, of course, let’s go.”
Jungha follows her into her apartment and takes off her boots, dropping her bag beside the door.
“Hey, Yoongs,” she says, patting Yoongi’s head as she walks past them on the couch.
Yoongi snorts and swerves from beneath her touch. “That’s not even a good nickname,” they say. “It sounds stupid.”
“You’re stupid,” Jungha mumbles like she is the youngest of the bunch.
“Back to what I was saying,” Taehee says so Yoongi doesn’t feel like they have to do the hard part all over again. “It’s all complicated. Sexuality and gender always is; it’s not as cut and dry as a lot of people want it to be, the people who want to be exclusionary by making it so, like, elitist, almost. You like girls – you love Jimin. You’ve talked about nonbinary people you dated a billion years ago before you and Jimin got together. Do you like guys?” Yoongi makes an indifferent sort of face while shrugging and shaking their head – a look for ‘no’ that Taehee is familiar with herself. “Then, congrats, you’re a lesbian.”
Jungha loudly snorts. It makes Yoongi crack a smile. Jungha is always good for lightening the mood. She hasn’t even joined in and her presence is already helping.
“What mattered most to me,” Taehee continues, “wasn’t only just fitting the definition. That felt nice, to have an explanation for things. But what was most meaningful for me was just how it felt. The way it all clicked into place. The way that word just felt right, like I finally understood who I am, what my life means. Jimin felt that way figuring out she’s bi, Lixie felt that way figuring out she’s trans. When it feels right, it feels right, and you know. And you feel that way, don’t you?”
Yoongi nods. They finally look over at her and Jungha. They look between them for a few seconds. “Yeah,” they say. The word is still shaky, but more sure than their voice has been this whole time. “Yeah, it feels like me…”
“Then–”
“Welcome to the lesbians club!” Jungha says. The physical effect it has on Yoongi shows – the way they no longer look scared or unsure. Taehee is sure they probably still feel that way inside and probably will for a while, but they at least look like they’re on the way to believing that it’s okay, that they’re allowed to be who they are.
“You can talk to any of us,” Taehee says. “Lixie has a long relationship with gender that I’m sure she’d love to talk with you about. Jungha and I are lesbians. Jimin, who loves you, is bi. Chan, well, he’s straight, but he’s also Chan.” Jungha snorts, and Yoongi laughs too. “We’re all here for you, and I’m sure everyone would love to learn more about you and will have more perspectives to talk to you from. We’re all here for you and want to love you for who you are. You don’t have to justify your existence. You can just be.”
Yoongi sniffles and quickly wipes their face when a tear drips from their chin. “I should probably go,” they say. “Jimin, ah, Jimin’s probably waiting for me at home, so, you know.”
Taehee holds in her chuckle. “Yeah, it’s getting late. Shouldn’t walk home too late.”
They all stand, and Taehee and Jungha follow them to the door, hovering as they put on their shoes. Taehee opens the door for them, and they all hesitate. “I–thank you, Tae,” they say, so much sincerity on their face. “Thank you.” They look over. “You too, Jungha.” Jungha just nods, gives them a smile.
“Get home safe,” Taehee says. “Text when you get there, okay?”
Yoongi nods. “Have a good night.”
“You too,” Taehee says.
“Night,” from Jungha.
Taehee closes and locks the door, leaving just her and her girlfriend. She sighs. That felt like a lot for her, so she can’t imagine what it felt like for Yoongi.
“Oh, hi,” she giggles when suddenly dozens of pecks are being kissed on her lips. She jumps into Jungha’s arms, effortlessly caught, giggling as she’s spun around and kissed and kissed.
Jungha walks them to the kitchen and sits Taehee on one of the stools at the island. “Felt so hard to be away from you today when we got to be together for days straight.”
“I know,” Taehee sighs. They are very lucky though, being work neighbors and neighbor-neighbors, so it feels silly to complain.
Jungha kisses her forehead. “My pretty girl,” she says.
She walks to the cabinet to get a glass, then to the fridge to pour herself a glass of peach juice. “Can you grab me an orange from the drawer in there?” Taehee asks.
“Are you going to eat it?” Jungha asks. Taehee nods. Orange in hand, Jungha closes the fridge door. She tears off a paper towel from the roll beside the fridge and sets it on the counter, then she starts to peel the orange for her. She digs her thumbs into the waxy surface and starts to carefully slide them beneath it when it tears, releasing the scent of oranges into the air. Taehee just stares, tears wanting to rise to her eyes. “I can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow,” Jungha says like she’s doing nothing meaningful, just musing her thoughts as her hands work. “My first appointment isn’t until noon. You should tell Lixie and Jimin to open without you so we can stay in bed together.”
With the rind all peeled away, Jungha draws the orange in half with a satisfying tearing sound and pulls off a slice. Taehee watches her peel all of the different white stringy parts off of the slice too, spending half a minute painstakingly clearing off a single piece of the orange before she hands it over. Taehee wordlessly takes it, then Jungha gets started on the next one. She tells her a random story from her day as she does it as if she isn’t changing something inside of Taehee right now.
Once she’s been fed the whole orange piece by piece over the course of several minutes, she watches Jungha throw the remains away and rinse her hands in the sink. When she comes over to rest them on her cheeks, she can still smell the scent on her fingers. She can taste it in their kiss.
“Let’s get ready for bed,” Jungha yawns. “‘m sleepy.”
“Jungha?” Taehee says.
“Yeah?” Jungha says, rubbing her eye with her knuckles even though she knows it’s going to spread her makeup all around, but it’s just her and Taehee here.
“I… I love you. I’d do anything for you. I love you.”
Jungha drops her hand and looks at her. She looks so silly, one half of her face perfectly done up, the other half with eyeshadow and eyeliner and mascara smudged all around. “So would I,” she says. “Because I love you.” Jungha smiles at her, soft and understanding, knowing they’re feeling the same thing together. “Now let’s go to bed, baby girl. Want you to hold me tonight.”
Taehee giggles as Jungha tucks her under her arm. “We have to take your makeup off first,” she says sleepily. “You look silly.” Jungha whines, dragging her feet. “You know I’m going to do it for you.”
“Oh, okay,” Jungha says, prancing the rest of the way to the bathroom.
Soon they fall into bed, bare-faced and dressed only in their underwear, not bothering with anything more. They sigh when they curl up together, Jungha’s body pressed against her side, her head cushioned on her chest. Jungha hums, sleepy and happy. “You’re warm,” she says. Taehee can feel the warmth that’s created everywhere they touch.
“So are you,” she says.
She turns her head and looks out the window. She can see fewer stars now than they could back in the mountains, but Taehee knows they’re there even if she can’t see them; they’re still looking down on them.
She thinks about Jungha peeling her orange for her. She thinks about Jungha taking her grocery shopping as their first date. Thinks about Jungha turning to her when she needs love and comfort because she knows she’ll find it there, and tells her so.
She thinks about the moments when Jungha isn’t there. When she’s just next door, at the tattoo shop while Taehee’s at her flower shop, or when Taehee comes home when Jungha is still at work, like earlier. She thinks about Jungha right now, here, but asleep, cheek squished against her chest as her own chest rises and falls with her even breathing. She thinks about how, just like the stars she can’t see but knows are there, when Jungha is asleep in her arms, or next door, or down the street, her love is still there. It’s woven into the fabric of the universe, their own and all of the others. It’s big and it’s far and it reaches from one night sky to another, but it’s small, and it’s soft, and it’s gentle right here too, just like Jungha in her arms under the light of the moon, just like Taehee in Jungha’s when they wake up to the morning sun.
dustery on Chapter 1 Mon 28 Apr 2025 02:36AM UTC
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satellitae97 on Chapter 1 Tue 29 Apr 2025 06:05AM UTC
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kinstugi_moon (kintsugi_bangtan) on Chapter 1 Wed 07 May 2025 03:58AM UTC
Last Edited Wed 07 May 2025 03:59AM UTC
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kinstugi_moon (kintsugi_bangtan) on Chapter 3 Wed 07 May 2025 10:14PM UTC
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uarmylove on Chapter 5 Mon 28 Apr 2025 10:43PM UTC
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satellitae97 on Chapter 5 Tue 29 Apr 2025 06:37AM UTC
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Booksarelit on Chapter 5 Thu 01 May 2025 02:37PM UTC
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sapiratii on Chapter 5 Sun 04 May 2025 11:18PM UTC
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serenmoti (belovednephilim) on Chapter 5 Tue 13 May 2025 12:46AM UTC
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kinstugi_moon (kintsugi_bangtan) on Chapter 5 Wed 14 May 2025 08:29PM UTC
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