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The sun beat down on their heads as they sat there with arms crossed. Sakura felt ridiculous. He shouldn’t be here. It was all stupid Kaji’s fault anyway. What else was Sakura supposed to do? Just take that shit lying down?! No, of course not.
Granted, this was the third time Hiragi thought that putting them together on patrol would be a good idea.
Tch.
They’re too similar. Doing shit together like this doesn’t work. They both have ideas and when someone dares to say the word “stupid” when describing the other’s idea?
Welp.
That’s why they ended up here.
To be fair, Kaji is fun to fight with. Sakura can’t deny that. But that doesn’t mean that he enjoys it when he’s being a fucking dumbass!
Sakura clenched his fists and rolled his sore jaw. A bruise would most likely form by the end of the day. There was some satisfaction knowing that Kaji will have a matching one.
“You two gotta learn to stop this crap.” Hiragi popped two stomach pills from his new packet of gas-kun 10.
Sakura rolled his eyes.
Kaji took out his phone that was to his headphones by bluetooth, and turned up the volume to whatever music he was listening to.
Hiragi mumbled something under his breath as he waited. “When that ridiculous idiot gets up here, we’re gonna figure out something so the two of you can work better together.”
As if on cue, the door to the roof swung open with a loud clang .
Sakura tilted his head back to see Umemiya walking over, his long jacket flowing behind him as a late spring breeze curled around them.
“Sorry for the wait,” their fearless leader beamed. “I had to make sure everyone heard the announcements.”
“Everyone in the fucking TOWN could hear your announcement!” Hiragi snapped, clinging to his stomach.
Umemiya merely responded with laughter. “Oh Hiragi, you really are quite the friend.”
Hiragi used his free hand to rub his temples as he released a heavy sigh. “These two were fighting again.” He pointed to Sakura and Kaji. “I can only do so much, Umemiya.” He waved his hand. “I am leaving them up to you.”
“Tch,” Sakura bristled at the notion that he was too much to handle. It wasn’t anything new to hear. People told him that all the time when he was growing up. Granted, at home (if he should even bother calling it that anymore), the expectations were pretty known that he was the freak, the monster, the any other degrading thing you could think of.
Here is different.
He didn’t want to be too much to handle…But he also didn’t want his ideas to be shot down by some lollipop-sucking piece of–!
“Thank you, I’ll take it from here.” Umemiya beamed before clapping Hiragi’s shoulder. “I’ll see you in class!”
Hiragi shook his head and walked off, but not before tapping Kaji, prompting him to take off his headphones. “Pay attention, dumbass.”
Kaji grunted and let the headphones rest around his neck. Yanking out his phone again to turn down the volume, he didn’t look up. “Sakura started it.”
“HUH?!” Sakura jumped up into a standing position with clenched fists. “That ain’t the truth, and you know it!”
Kaji glared up at him as he put his phone back in his pocket.
“Now, now, hold on,” Umemiya chuckled. “Hiragi told me a little bit about what happened. Let’s take turns walking me through the situation, okay?”
It took everything in Sakura not to throw punches at Kaji again for spout the crap that was coming out of his mouth.
When it was Sakura’s turn to say what ACTUALLY happened, it looked like Kaji shared the similar feeling of wanting to start the fight again.
“Wanna fight?! Huh?! Let’s go! I’ll kick your ass, Kaji!” Sakura shed off his jacket, but before he could do anything else, Umemiya patted Sakura’s head and sighed with a tilted smile.
“Sakura-kun, Kaji-kun,” the white-haired leader glanced at the sky. “I know just what we need.”
Sakura swatted at Umemiya’s hand before looking at Kaji.
The two underclassmen exchanged heated glances before folding their arms and turning away from each other.
“We’re going to have a camping trip!” Umemiya announced cheerfully.
“HUH?!” Both boys squawked in union.
To which their senpai chuckled. “Have either of you been camping before?”
Kaji snorted. “Like twice when I was a kid.” He dug his hands into his pockets and snatched up a sucker, tore off the wrapper, and popped it into his mouth. “Got kicked out for beating up the counselors.”
“That tracks.” Sakura mumbled, folding his arms over his chest.
He didn’t want to say if he’s been camping before.
He really didn’t want to.
Technically…maybe he kinda has? But Sakura didn’t know if what happened to him would count as camping…
“Sakura?” Umemiya prompted with a bright smile, Sakura’s eyes being drawn back to his senpai. “What about you?”
“Why’s it matter?” He asked maybe a little too quickly before looking away again. Those blue eyes staring at him made him squirm. He still didn’t want to answer the question but he didn’t want to lie.
He didn’t want to go on a stupid camping trip anyway. If Umemiya wanted them to do some hand holding and learn to get along, there had to be a better way that didn’t involve that, right? Why did it have to be with stupid sleeping bags and the woods and tents and the stupid dark and–?
Despite how silly and dense his senpai seemed to be at times, there were times like these when Umemiya picked up on parts of Sakura others might overlook.
Although Suo was pretty good at picking up on things too…and Nirei…Okay so actually the list is pretty long. But still!
Maybe Sakura was easier to read than he thought. Kaji made that explicitly clear earlier in the school year.
Regardless, he bristled under Umemiya’s gaze. He wasn’t a fan. He just wanted it to stop, and was getting close to just saying whatever he could so the conversation would drop.
“Well, if you haven’t gone camping,” Umemiya began, “then I know the perfect spot we can go that’s just right for beginners!” Umemiya smiled with that snap of his fingers. “It’s a great way to start and not too intense.” That smile of his just kept beaming. How could he be so excited for something? “So is that a yes or a no about–?”
“No!” Again, Sakura probably answered faster than he should have, or at least that’s what it felt like, but he wanted the conversation to be over . He refolded his arms with a huff and pursed his lips.
Both of the other boys didn’t seem to particularly buy what Sakura was selling, but neither pushed the matter.
“Then I’ll take it both of you don’t own any camping gear? Is that correct?” Umemiya checked in, now looking over at Kaji, probably to give Sakura a tiny reprieve.
Another breeze blew against their clothes, cooling them off slightly.
Well, at least cooling Sakura off slightly. Talking about this camping crap was making him sweat, and he hated that. It made him feel ridiculous and childish. Something like a conversation over camping shouldn’t be affecting him like this.
…Fuck this was stupid!
Sakura and Kaji exchanged glances with each other before looking away to either sides of the roof.
“My dad might have some.” Kaji scratches the back of his neck, his voice not showing the excitement that matched Umemiya. “He’ll probably get a real kick out of me telling him that you want us doing this.”
That got a laugh out of Umemiya. “It’ll be fun!” He patted Kaji once on the head.
“Tch.” Sakura snorted. Fun? Yeah right.
He didn’t mean for it to be loud enough for Umemiya to hear, but apparently it was.
His senpai’s smile dimmed for a moment before brightening up again. “We’ll find ways to grow closer together and build stronger bonds.” Umemiya clapped his hands, energy renewed. “Now, Sakura, since you’ve never been camping before, would you like any help buying some gear before we go? Or do you know what should be brought on a trip like this?”
“What do you think?!” Sakura threw his arms up and then dug his hands into his pockets. “The hell should I know?!”
“Sakura,” Umemiya’s voice expressed concern. “Is something wrong or? If camping is something that you’re not comfortable with, then maybe we could–”
“No, nothin’s wrong!” Sakura took off walking and went past both of his seniors to the door on the roof. “I’ll get my own gear.” He kept talking with his back towards them. “Just lemme know when you wanna do this thing.”
“Oi! Sakura!” Kaji got ready to storm after Sakura, but Umemiya stopped him, clamping a hand onto his shoulder. “What?! He can’t talk to you like that! Can you imagine how–?”
Sakura tried to block out their words as he felt a blush of embarrassment flood his cheeks. He opened the door to exit the roof…but then slammed it shut. He pressed his forehead against the cool steel of the door. Deep breaths entered his lungs as he closed his eyes. His hands were shaking.
This was so stupid!!
He tried to calm himself down, but he heard his seniors talking with each other.
They must have thought he left because of what they said after he closed the door.
“Listen, Kaji-kun,” Umemiya sighed, probably with a smile on his face. “Sakura-kun is still learning. And we’re still learning about him.”
Silence.
“Yeah whatever,” that was Kaji’s voice. “Still, I dunno what his problem was.”
“Well, we don’t always know what’s going in someone’s head, do we?” Umemiya chuckled. “But that’s okay. That’s what this camping trip is for.”
“Ah ha,” Kaji probably shrugged. “When are we gonna know the details about the trip?”
“Oh, I’ll send a text to you both. I’ll make us a group chat to stay in touch.”
Sakura glared down at his feet with his head still against the door.
He tried blocking out their words. He hated this. It wasn’t his fault.
He had no control over what happened.
…He could say no.
Umemiya was trying to give him an out. He saw that. He heard it in his senpai’s voice…
But Sakura didn’t want to take that on! He was going to have to find a way to suck it up and make it work.
With that determination in mind, Sakura stifled a growl and tore the door open again, stomping his way down the stairs to meet up with Suo and Nirei.
…………………………
“Thanks…” Sakura grabbed the camping gear Suo was letting him borrow for the trip. He wouldn’t have pinned Suo as someone who would go camping, but then again Suo didn’t really talk much about himself.
“Of course, Sakura-kun,” Suo smiled, closing his eye and tilting his head to the side. “This is your first camping trip. I want you to have a pleasant experience.”
“It ain’t like you’re going on the trip too.” Sakura grumbled, pulling in the gear and plopping it on the kitchen floor. It was so stupid. Why did there have to be so many things?
His phone buzzed.
A sigh rolled out of him as he saw the group chat Umemiya had called “Bonding Trip” light up with messages from the only two other people in the group.
Umemiya: Don’t forget that it will be an overnight trip everyone!
Kaji: ik
Umemiya: Sakura, did U get the camping gear?
Sakura mumbled under his breath as he slowly responded.
You: Yes.
Send.
“Something wrong?” Suo stepped inside the apartment, trying to take a peek over Sakura’s shoulder.
“Oi! I didn’t say you could come in!” Sakura pushed Suo off to the side.
“Oh, my apologies,” the pirate bastard placed a hand over his heart in a dramatic manner. “I just thought I noticed a shift in your breathing.”
Sakura shot Suo a look. “You can be a real creepy bastard, did ya know that?”
Suo shrugged. “Regardless, before I left, I was going to ask you if you had any questions about camping.”
Well, Sakura wasn’t expecting that. He arched an eyebrow.
He knew the basics of camping. At least from what Umemiya had described, it seemed like this camping site would have plumbing available and shit like that. It’s not like they’d be completely in the middle of nowhere, so that was a step up above what image he originally had in his head.
Still didn’t make him a fan of the sleeping overnight thing.
“Nah, ‘m fine.” Sakura’s voice got quiet as he looked over the gear again.
Sleeping bag.
Tent.
Extra thermoses for water to stay hydrated.
Flashlight.
And a travel case for bathroom utilities.
…Seemed pretty straight forward.
“Very well,” Suo smiled and nodded. “If any questions do come up,” he plucked his phone out from his back pocket and waved it in the air, “you know how to reach me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Sakura waved him off. “I’ll see ya Monday.”
He watched Suo leave, watching him walk down the creaking staircase and off onto the road back to wherever he lives.
After a few moments he tucked himself back into his apartment. The silence seemed heavier than usual as he stared at the camping equipment.
Buzz.
Buzz.
“UGH!” Sakura picked up his phone and saw two new messages.
Umemiya: Yay!
Umemiya: We will all meet at the cafe b4 we head out. So bring an appetite!
“Fucking ridiculous,” the first-year student plopped his phone on the table and stormed into his room. He collapsed on his futon and rolled onto his back.
How many cracks were there in the ceiling today?
One.
Two…
Three……
Four……….
…No.
It wasn’t helping.
He hated how nervous he was about this stupid camping trip.
Umemiya is a good leader.
A good person .
Kaji is a good leader.
Despite being a little shit, he’s also a good person.
…So why the hell was he still reacting this way??
Sakura grabbed his pillow and chucked it against the wall, breathing hard and shallow.
It felt like the air was thinning.
Like he was on tightrope.
One wrong move and–
………………………………..
Umemiya could have driven them straight to the campsite. That was an option. Considering all the shit they had to carry on their backs, it would have been a preferred option.
But no.
“This will be fun! A nice brisk hike to get us there!” Excitement laced every fiber of Umemiya’s words. “Oh! And I’ll point out all the cool wildlife while we’re walking.”
With Umemiya’s smile beaming brighter than the sun, Sakura swallowed a groan with all the strength he had while Kaji nodded, probably out of respect and not because of genuine interest.
Only Umemiya Hajime would get this excited over fungi and shit.
“For example,” Umemiya cleared his throat and pointed into the forest further down the hiking trail. “Did you know that this forest has some of the most beautiful cherry blossoms this time of year? Not to mention all of the really beautiful other plants! Like this one!”
The first solid thirty minutes was Umemiya filling up silence with “fun” facts about plants and floors and trees.
Japanese oak.
Red pine,
Warm-season orchids.
Beach morning glories.
Blue morning glories.
Something called bat’s wing ferns.
The list just kept going and going and going.
After probably the one millionth fact about the gods know what, Umemiya looked back and noticed the bored expressions on Sakura’s and Kaji’s faces.
Sakura pursed his lips and looked off to the side. He wished he could match Umemiya’s passion for this stuff, it would have made this whole thing less stupid and frustrating.
But he didn’t.
Umemiya chuckled soflty to himself before sighing. "I guess I've been kinda borning, huh?"
Neither of his juniors said anything to that. They didn’t want to answer it.
Which only made Umemiya rub the back of his neck with a tilted smile. “I tend to get carried away.”
“Ah ha,” Sakura nodded, only to be punched in the arm by Kaji. “Oi! What was that for!”
“Have some respect.” Kaji glared.
“Now, now,” their senior laughed lightly and walked back so he was standing in between them. “I have an idea. How about I stop talking and we just take in the beautiful nature around us, yeah?”
“Sure, whatever,” Sakura folded his arms and started walking again, the zippers to the gear Suo lended him rustling every now and then.
Kaji was about to pull up the headphones from his neck up to his ears when Sakura heard Umemiya prompt the second year.
“Ah, Kaji-kun, how about we just listen to the forest for a while first?” Umemiya patted Kaji on the shoulder. “Let’s see what it’s trying to tell us.”
Sakura turned around slightly to see how Kaji would handle it. Anyone else trying to tell him not to listen to his music would have had a busted lip at this point. But not Umemiya. Kaji instead gave a single nod and took his hands off the headphone. Pale hands wrapped around the straps of his camping gear, walking past Umemiya and trailing in front of Sakura. “Don’t just stand there. Move.”
Sakura’s eyebrow twitched. “I was just waitin’ on you!”
Umemiya could be heard chuckling behind them.
After some bickering and frustrated comments, the two eventually settled down. They embraced the calm scenery around them.
Sakura tried his best to stay focused on the trees, the way the sun bled in from in between the branches. When a late spring breeze managed to curve through the maze of tree trunks, cherry blossoms fluttered down like tiny pink rain droplets. There’s green on the trees and the sounds of forest animals rustled around the forest floor. He tried to focus on how beautiful it was. But it was hard.
Fragments of flashbacks came creeping in, hitting him randomly at different moments, taunting him of a time long ago.
He roughly ran a hand through his hair and tugged at the roots as if that would stop the chopped memories from coming.
This continued for another hour. Sakura could handle the travel. He could handle hiking. But once it struck noon and the sun was at its highest, he felt like he was going to die from heat exhaustion.
“Are we there yet?!” Sakura hissed, sweat leaking off his brow. “We’ve been walkin’ for hours!”
“It hasn’t been hours,” Kaji said deadpanned behind him.
“Fuckin’ feels like it.” Sakura murmured back. The backpack holding all of his camping gear stuck to his t-shirt like two pieces of paper glued together. He wouldn’t be surprised if he’d sweat through the whole fucking bag at this point.
“We’re almost there,” Umemiya chuckled softly and climbed up past Sakura and Kaji until he was in front of them. Their fearless leader trekked forward. “I used to climb this trail every summer with my parents when I was a kid.”
Sakura could hear the sad smile in his senpai’s tone. His walking pace slowed. Umemiya didn’t talk about this past too much. Sakura had concluded it wasn’t because his senpai was uncomfortable talking about it, it’s just something that he didn’t bring up unless someone asked or unless he thought it served a purpose.
Or maybe now, when a memory just hits him.
“That’s one of the reasons I had us hike instead of driving there immediately.” Umemiya turned around. Sweat streaked the sides of his face as well, glistening in the sunlight. “I remember looking around and being so fascinated by everything around me.” His arms stretched out, gesturing to the wildlife. “My father would tell me fun facts about the plants and trees. Probably one of the reasons I love gardening so much.” A sheepish smile formed on his face as he scratched the back of his head. “But it was fun.” Umemiya brought his hands down. How he could keep walking backwards and not fall over yet was incredible considering it was Umemiya.
“Sounds like a nice time, Umemiya.” Kaji offered.
“It was.” Umemiya grinned, his smile brighter now, the sadness faded and replaced with one of excitement. “Tell me, what was your camping experience like, Kaji-kun?” He slowed his place and turned back around so he was keeping in pace with Kaji’s speed. “You said you camped once or twice, right?”
“Then he got kicked out for startin’ fights.” Sakura huffed under his breath, trying to keep up with his seniors.
If Kaji heard him, the second-year ignored him. “Yeah, the counselors there were idiots.” Kaji reached into a pocket on his pants and fished out a sucker. This one looked like it was cherry flavored by the red coated candy. He popped it into his mouth, shoving the wrapper into his other pocket.
“Ah, yes, the fights.” Umemiya hummed with interest.
Kaji merely hummed back a confirmation.
“What’d they do?” Sakura found himself asking.
Surprised to hear a curious Sakura from behind him, Kaji turned his body so he could pause walking and face Sakura. “Does it matter?”
“Tch,” Sakura looked off to the side. Off in the distance he could see a blue tent. Up ahead there was another tent followed by another. They must have been getting closer to the campsite.
The candy in between Kaji’s lips clacked as he pivoted it to the other side of his mouth. “It was a boring time.” The second-year turned back around and kept walking again.
“Whatever,” Sakura mumbled. “So stupid anyway.”
Umemiya must have caught part of what Sakura said, but chose not to comment on it. Instead he took a breath and stopped walking all together. “Well, I promise you both, THIS WILL BE THE BEST CAMPING TRIP EVER!”
“Do you have to be so loud!” Sakura cringed as he saw a few campers on a nearby trail looking their way.
“Let him be excited.” Kaji scolded.
“You ain’t the boss of me!” Sakura hissed back.
Umemiya chuckled softly at their interaction. “Oh, my dear brothers, we will find ways to communicate well with each other by the end of this trip.”
“It’s only a day.” Sakura grumbled, readjusting his backpack.
“Would you rather I make it longer?” Umemiya dashed up to Sakura with excitement dazzling in his eyes.
“Wha–No!” Sakura blushed and walked faster. He didn’t know exactly where they were going, but he could tell they were close to their destination, and the sooner they made camp the better.
Which is what happened. It did not take them long. Umemiya rattled off different facts about the actual campsite itself.
It had a few shower stalls that all campers had access to, along with a couple of outhouse-styled bathrooms. Other than those few accommodations, it was all what someone would expect a campsite to look like.
“I reserved us a site that’s the furthest away from everyone else.” Umemiya explained, eagerness emanating from his being. “This way he’ll have more access to the forest later tonight.”
“Why’s that so important?” Sakura asked, keeping his head down. He could feel the eyes of some of the other campers looking his way. They always did. Everyone just had to look at him, had to stare and linger and point and whisper and–
“It’s a surprise, Sakura-kun.”
He felt a heavy hand clap him on the shoulder, forcing his eyes to look up. Umemiya wore one of his most encouraging smiles yet. “Don’t worry about the others here. I promise they’re not going to give us any trouble.”
Don’t make a promise you can’t keep. That’s what Sakura wanted to say. But instead he kept quiet and just offered a nod.
A little while longer of ignoring the stares, they made it to a wide open space that would fit the three of them just fine.
Trees scattered the outer ring of the campsite. The center of the space was indicated by a large firepit that seemed to be in need of more wood before they lit it up. Looking around, Sakura’s stomach began to feel uneasy. He reached for it and wished he had just skipped breakfast. A memory prickled the back of his mind, but he didn’t want to scratch it.
It was so stupid anyway.
Stupid.
Stupid.
STUPID.
“Okay, I’ll start getting my tent set up. The two of you can watch me. I think you’ll be able to replicate what I’m doing to your own tents.” Umemiya slid off his backpack and immediately started making his tent.
Kaji was quick to follow, giving single nods each time his senpai asked if they were following along.
Sakura followed along as best as he could. By the end of it, the three of them had taken more time than Sakura thought. His muscles hurt and he wanted water.
“Let’s rest for now. I’ll check both of your tents to make sure they’re secure while you drink up.” Umemiya tossed each of his juniors bottles of water, both chugging them down eagerly. “Ha, you guys should have told me you were thirsty sooner.”
“Well you were fucking blazing a trail the whole time.” Sakura panted as he wiped at some droplets of water that dribbled off his chin from how quickly he downed the bottle.
“I do get carried away sometimes.” Umemiya sighed as he finished his own bottle of water. “We have plenty of bottles for later, so don’t worry about us not having enough if you need another.” The white-haired senior walked over to Sakura’s tent and unzipped the flap. “Ah, Sakura-kun, I think you missed a step.” He set his empty bottle down. “Do you mind if I help?”
Sakura folded his arms over his chest with a huff. “No, ‘s fine.”
Umemiya gave him a thankful smile before getting to work. “You know, when I first met you, I believe you would’ve cringed at the word ‘help’ all together.” He rustled in Sakura’s tent. “But now, you don’t mind your big brother helping you out.”
“Tch,” Sakura blushed at how close his senpai was making them sound. He looked over to see Kaji yanking out a portable charger. His eye twitched when he watched the second-year plug in a cord that went to his headphones. “Ya seriously can’t go a day without that?”
Kaji either didn’t hear Sakura’s question or he was ignoring him.
Either way, Sakura didn’t like it.
“Oi!” Sakura tried to get Kaji’s attention again.
Yep. Kaji was definitely ignoring him.
“My father used to help me with these things.” Umemiya sighed with a smile, crawling out of Sakura’s tent. “You should be all set and ready to go, Sakura.”
“You should be all set, Sakura-kun.” A distant voice echoed in the back of Sakura’s mind. The voice of someone older, the voice of someone who was supposed to be trusted just because he was older.
“Thanks…” Sakura shoved past Umemiya and crawled into his tent. “Imma get my sleeping shit set up or whatever.”
“Okay! Very good,” Umemiya patted Sakura on the back as he climbed into the tent. “Oh! Also, both of you,” their white-haired senior announced, grunting as he bounced to his feet outside of Sakura’s quarters. “You two will be doing a…TEST OF COURAGE!”
Sakura’s stomach dropped.
“Seriously, Umemiya-san?” Kaji’s voice was off to the side with his tent.
“Oh it’ll be fun!” Umemiya clapped his hands once before ducking down and poking his head into Sakura’s tent. “Have you ever done a test of courage, Saku…? Hey, are you okay?”
Sakura waved his leader off. “I can do it.”
Umemiya let out a sigh through his nose. “But are you okay? You’ve seemed a little–”
“‘M fine, Umemiya,” Sakura answered while turning his back to the front of his tent, aggressively unrolling his sleeping back. “Just lemme do this before we do that stupid thing.”
There was silence for a solid three seconds before Umemiya drummed his long fingers at the bottom of Sakura’s tent, his nails scratching the vinyl-like surface. “Alrighty…Well, if anything changes just–”
“I’ll let ya know, I know,” Sakura huffed as he continued to haphazardly move his sleeping bag around. After he heard Umemiya slowly retreat out of his tent, Sakura let himself fall onto his stomach, burying his head into the crook of his arm as he stared at the top of his sleeping back. “So stupid…Don’t…Don’t you fucking even let that shit get to you.”
But it was too late.
The memory already started to take form…
…………………………..
No matter where he looked, he saw nothing. No matter how fast he ran, all he heard was the sound of his feet breaking branches and twigs.
“Wh-Where did everyone go?!” Tiny hands reached up to his tiny head. “Guys? G-Guys?!” Sakura tried with all his might, but it seemed like everyone vanished.
Then there was a giggle.
A small burst of muffled laughter.
A hard snicker.
There! That’s where they were.
“I’m here!” Sakura stumbled over thick roots that bubbled up from beneath the forest floor. “Ooof!” His foot got caught under one of the roots, sending him to the ground. A few tears gathered around the rims of his eyes. Why were they doing this to him? The teacher said that this is how he would make more friends? His new mom and dad said this was how he would get into less trouble with the other kids in his class? So…So why were they doing this to him?
Hurried footsteps took off in the opposite direction from Sakura, going faster and faster and further and further away.
It was so dark. So dark.
He didn’t like the dark.
He didn’t want to be alone.
The camp counselor said he wouldn’t be alone.
So why?
Why was he alone now?
They were supposed to like him now.
They weren’t supposed to be like this.
Things are supposed to be different!
So why?
Why?
WHY?!
With tears trickling down his round, pink cheeks and snot dripping down his nose, Sakura forced himself to stand on wobbly legs. He could feel a cut on his leg but he was cold and it was hard to focus on that.
It was dark. So, so dark. The stars in the sky could only do so much. The moon was hidden by a rain cloud. That didn’t bring good news.
He just wanted to have friends. He just wanted to be found.
This game wasn’t fun anymore.
He ran as fast as his little feet could take him. Sniffling and whimpering and hiding behind trees that looked like monsters.
Sakura couldn’t tell you how long he wandered around for. He couldn’t tell you how much time went by before he finally found a flicker of light, the sign that he was near the campsite again.
He could tell you how scared he was when he saw everyone was gone. All of their gear packed away and gone. Embers from the campfire crackled as one of the chunks of firewood fell into the pit, making Sakura jump. Even his tent was gone.
Did they even know he was missing?
They must have left and gone back home.
He didn’t know which way was home, which way to go and stumble more in the dark.
Eventually, after hours, it had to have been hours, right? After hours, he managed to find a streetlamp, the lamp that shed a shred of light onto the cracked sideway.
Everything in his body hurt. His lungs hurt from crying and asking for help. He was dirty, he could feel the scrapes and bruises forming on his limbs from the thorns and branches he couldn’t see on his way back.
He caught the glimpse of one of the kids on his camping trip. She was walking around with another two girls. They were giggling, sipping on something. Maybe hot chocolate?
“H-Hey!” Sakura almost stripped a few times on his way to the trio of girls. “Wh-Where did you go when I–?!”
“Oh my gosh!” One of the girls gasped.
“It’s the monster of the forest!” Another girl giggled before steadying her voice, trying to sound afraid.
…Monster?
“Be careful! He might get ya!” The tallest girl of the three pushed the other two, making them stumble with a laugh.
Were they…Were they talking about him?
“I’m…I-I’m not a monster…” Sakura hated himself for how weak he sounded. He was trying so hard. He made a promise to try to be good and be nice and good and kind and good and good and GOOD and–
“Yes you are!” A voice from behind him chuckled.
Sakura spun around with watery eyes to see one of the boys in his class.
“I-I’m not!”
“Then why ya look like that?” The boy pushed him, shoved him, laughed when he kicked him when he was down.
That was it.
Sakura couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’M NOT!” He didn’t hold back. He lunged and punched and kicked and tore at the boy’s hair and pounced on his back and wailed into his face with his tiny fists until he grew too tired.
The girls screamed and begged for help.
A car ride later, the cops dropped him off at his new parents’ house. Goosebumps tattooed his skin as dried snot crusted over his top lip.
“But-but they left me behind! AH!” Sakura stomped his foot on the floor. “And he hit me first!”
“ENOUGH!” That was the third time his “father” slapped him. “You need to grow up already, Haruka!”
The slap stung. The skin was turning a bright pink already, Sakura could feel it happening.
“You will always be treated differently! So just get used to it, you insolent child!”
“Your father is right, Haruka.” His “mother” swatted him upside the head. “You are only bringing embarrassment to this household.”
“Sometimes I think we should have picked another child.” His “father” spat, some of his spit landing on Sakura’s stinging cheek.
This was the second time his “parents” told him they regretted accepting him.
He knew it wouldn’t be the last.
But he learned that night. It was solidified.
Set in stone.
He was on a tightrope. He will ALWAYS be on a tightrope with everyone else egging him on to fall. The air is thinner here. He wobbles and wanes and sometimes he almost falls but he catches himself. He can’t rely on others.
The next day at school, everyone knew about Haruka the Forest Monster. They said the monster had two different colored eyes and hair that couldn’t decide if it was made from the devil’s darkness or that bright light you see right before you die. The monster had gaping, bleeding wounds from its travels and it had boogers and snot streaming down its disgusting nose. Teeth sharp as knives.
Well fine.
If they wanted Sakura to be the monster.
If they wanted to paint him as the bad guy that picked fights.
He’ll do it.
The monster can handle the tightrope.
The monster can do that.
He could get used to the air up here.
It’s the air a monster breathes.
………………………..
After getting the campsite all set up, the three young men went on another small hiking trail where Umemiya showed them one of his favorite spots to climb rocks as a child. At the time they seemed huge, but now that Umemiya is older, he acknowledged that they’re not that big but still fun to climb. They had a contest to see who could climb up the rocks the fastest. Considering how skilled both Sakura and Kaji were in their unofficial training of parkour, Umemiya deemed the results as a tie.
“I totally won! What are you spoutin’??” Sakura panted, pointing to the ledge of the cliff.
Kaji snorted and folded his arms, an almost amused smirk tugged at the sides of his lips. “What Umemiya says goes.”
Sakura could feel his head beginning to throb slightly as he yanked out a canteen of water Umemiya tossed him. “Whatever.”
The sun began to set on the horizon. Despite how much Sakura didn’t want to be there, he couldn’t deny how breathtaking the view was. Vibrant hues of pinks and purples and oranges and reds filled the sky. There was almost a tiny golden halo glowing around the sun. It didn’t burn to look into. Sakura wondered if he’d even be allowed to admire such a thing, taunts from his old classmates tried to work their way into his head, but Umemiya’s cheerful voice broke through instead.
The white-haired senior clapped a hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “It really is beautiful, isn’t it, Sakura-kun?”
Sakura looked up at Umemiya, that award-winning smile on his face. The first year looked back at the horizon. “Yeah…Never saw this back where I grew up…” His voice got quiet and his eyes drifted down to the forest floor. An evening breeze tugged at his clothes and the strands of his hair.
The air smelled different here.
Cleaner.
Crisper.
Gentler on his lungs.
It wasn’t harsh or thin or rough.
His lungs felt different but not in a bad way.
…Did he deserve to breathe this kind of air too? Having a beautiful sight to look at like that sunset was one thing…but to breathe the same air as Umemiya and Kaji?
Was that allowed?
Was that even–?
Umemiya’s hand on Sakura’s shoulder tightened its grip. “Well that’s a shame. It’s a good thing you’ll be able to come here anytime you’d like.” The grip tightened again. It wasn’t mean or too tough. It was almost reassuring like a security blanket or whatever the fuck Sakura has heard them called. “And you wouldn’t have to come alone.”
Sakura looked back up at Umemiya. Even in the setting sunlight, Umemiya’s smile was so fucking bright and welcoming and warm.
“Right..” Sakura couldn’t fight the blush. “Sure…” His eyes drifted away again, this time back to the sunset. The sun sunk deeper and deeper below the tops of the forest trees.
“It’s getting dark.” Umemiya stated the obvious after a few moments of silence. “We better get back to camp! I’ll make us something yummy and then we’ll do the test of courage!”
“Sounds good,” Kaji grunted as he got to his knees, ready to climb down the cliff again.
Sakura hardly registered Kaji’s words at first.
“Oi, you gonna try racin’ me down again?”
That provoked the reaction Kaji must have wanted. Sakura wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.
“It ain’t a race when I’m obviously faster!”
Umemiya laughed as he reminded them multiple times not to rush their way down the mountainside, not that either of them listened.
Once again, Umemiya told them it was a tie, and once again Sakura protested the claim.
“Is it so hard to believe that you and Kaji-kun are more alike than you think?” Umemiya chuckled.
“We ain’t that alike!” Sakura refuted with his arms in the air.
Kaji snorted and pulled out another sucker, tucking away the wrapper in his pants pocket.
Which only prompted a smiling sigh from Umemiya. “Well hopefully today you both learn how to use your similarities–and differences–to work together.”
The rest of the walk back was Umemiya pointing out plants and different bugs that lit up at night.
When they got back to camp, Umemiya was quick starting the fire, telling his juniors how to make the fire and keep it going without setting the whole forest ablaze. Sakura was only half-listening, his mind wandering to the impending event that would occur after Umemiya made them dinner.
It was good. Umemiya had proven to be a good cook before, but something about this meal was different that Sakura couldn’t quite put his finger on. Despite being distracted most of the time, his mind couldn’t stop him from appreciating how delicious the food was.
It was simple too.
Rice balls.
Beef jerky.
Apparently something called “hot dogs” that the Americans like to eat? Why the fuck would someone call them “weiners”?
Umemiya brought some curry he made before the trip as well. And it was good.
Really fucking good.
Sakura tried to remain engaged with the conversation, but it was hard. He managed to contribute things like the food was good, the fire felt warm, and that he thought the tree trunk he was sitting on was a pain in the ass but could have been worse.
“Welp,” Umemiya patted his stomach and got to his feet, stretching his back and looking up at the stars. “It’s time for me to get some things set up for the test of courage.”
Sakura hated the way his stomach clenched at the thought.
He hated the feeling of being scared or nervous or anything that was weak in the face of something so incredibly stupid.
“I’ll come back to get ya both in a bit.” Their senior sighed and looked back at them with a determined face before clapping his hands together. “Try to get along for your senpai, yeah?”
Sakura responded by folding his arms over his chest and turning away from his seniors.
After the sound of Umemiya strolling away faded, Sakura heard another pair of feet walking his way.
“Why are you actin’ all weird?” Kaji stopped right behind Sakura on the opposite side of the fallen trunk.
“I ain’t actin’ weird.” Sakura hissed before looking up at his younger senpai.
Who gave him a clear look that he was not convinced in the slightest by Sakura’s denial.
Kaji arched an unabused eyebrow.
“What?!” Sakura shot up to his feet and got into Kaji’s space. “You wanna go? Wanna fight?!”
Kaji remained unusually still. Blue-ish gray eyes scanned Sakura’s face.
And Sakura didn’t like it.
His fists clenched into tight fists. “Stop that!”
Kaji narrowed his eyes and dug his hands into his pockets. “Ya haven’t been this fucking itching for a fight or to prove yourself worthy of shit in a while.” The ash-blonde boy tilted his head to the side. “What’s it about this trip that’s makin’ ya so off?”
Sakura hated how much Kaji could read him. He hated it so fucking much it was annoying as hell.
He was about to deny it, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment and anger towards himself…But then he decided to just not respond at all.
With an annoyed, sharp exhale, Sakura plopped back down on the trunk and propped his chin in the palm of his right hand. He stared into the fire pit, watching the fire lick and dance around the wood keeping it alive.
There was a shift of weight on the trunk. With a flick of his eyes, Sakura watched Kaji sit down next to him.
“Not everyone is gonna be a jerk here. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
Yep. Sakura really hated Kaji.
Well, he didn’t really hate him. He just hated his observation skills.
…Or Sakura hated himself for being so fucking obvious.
“Tch,” Sakura kept his eyes on the fire.
The two boys remained relatively quiet after that as they waited for Umemiya to return. After a few minutes, Kaji broke the silence.
“I don’t care about nature.”
Sakura looked over at Kaji’s unprompted statement. “Huh?”
“I said I don’t care about nature.” Kaji pressed his hands into the bark of the tree they were sitting on. “Never have and probably never will. But I know Umemiya does, so I didn’t put my headphones on.”
Again, Sakura just stared at Kaji with a confused face. Why was he telling him this? “Okay…?”
Kaji fished his headphones out of his hoodie pocket. He wrapped them around his neck and made sure they were connected to his phone. “Music keeps me calm.” His voice was steady as his phone lit up. Sakura leaned over to see Kaji’s massive music library. There were tons of names he didn’t know by artists he didn’t know on an app he didn’t know all there on that screen.
“I listen to this playlist when I’m frustrated.” The second-year handed Sakura the phone. “You know any of ‘em?”
Sakura squinted, trying to make sense of why these songs would make sense. “Nah,” he scratched the back of his head. “Never really listened to much.”
“Mm,” Kaji only offered a hum of acknowledgement in response. “Alright, gimme that back.” He snatched the phone back without waiting for Sakura.
“Oi!” He flung his hand up in the air. “Don’t go askin’ for something and then not wait for the person to do what you asked!”
Kaji ignored Sakura’s flustered state. “What kind of things usually make you feel calm?”
“What?” Sakura groaned.
“What makes you calm or feel grounded?” Kaji typed something on his phone. When Sakura tried to look at what it was, Kaji glared at him and tugged the phone closer to his chest. “Well?!”
“Well what?! I dunno!” Sakura thought for a moment. “I feel better after fighting or beating the shit out of a person who’s been a jerk? Is that what you mean?”
Kaji seems to mull that over for a moment. “Sure,” then he goes back to tapping away on his phone.
Sakura sighed heavily and tried to take another look at what Kaji was doing.
Only for Kaji to tuck his phone back into his pocket.
“What the hell were you doing?” Sakura pointed to the hidden phone.
“Later.” Kaji got back to his feet and walked closer to the fire. He grabbed a stick and poked at the firewood.
“Oh whatever.” Sakura huffed and kicked some twigs on the ground right as Umemiya came strolling back into the campsite.
“Perfect! You didn’t kill each other!”
Sakura looked up to see his white-haired senior brushing twigs off of his jacket and part of his hair.
With a beaming smile, Umemiya sighed and planted his hands on his hips. “Alrighty, are you guys ready?”
No.
No, Sakura was not ready. He shouldn’t have to be ready.
This was stupid!
“Yeah, I’m ready.” Kaji cracked his neck and tucked his headphones back into his hoodie pocket. “How are we doin’ this, Umemiya?”
“It’ll be the two of you running through the forest!” Umemiya clapped his hands twice with excitement practically twinkling in his eyes. “I have Hiragi, Tsubaki, Mizuki, and Momose all ready.”
Sakura’s eyes widened. “You brought more people?!”
“I can’t jump scare you both all by myself. I needed reinforcement, and nothing like my horsemen to help me out, right?” Umemiya scratched the back of his neck with a soft laugh. “Anyway, you’re gonna try to get this flag,” he whipped out a neon yellow flag from his jacket. “It’ll be tied to one of the trees deeeeep in the forest!” Umemiya tried to make his voice sound spooky, wiggling his fingers like the way someone might telling a ghost story. To some, maybe it would have been funny or cute. To Sakura, right now? It was annoying. “After you both find it, you’ll come back here to the campsite. All while making sure no one grabs your flag.” Umemiya tosses the flag in his hand to Sakura who caught it clumsily. “Once you’re both back, we’ll celebrate with s’mores!”
Sakura didn’t know what that was, but it sounded like a food, and if Umemiya made it, then it would probably taste really good.
So he guessed there’s that.
The light at the end of this ridiculous, dark tunnel.
“So, who wants to be in charge holding this flag?” Umemiya grinned and waved the flag in the air.
Sakura’s first reaction was to scrunch his head down in between his shoulder blades and look away. He never backed down from a challenge, but he didn’t want to do this. He really didn’t want to.
“I’ll hold it.” Kaji brushed past Sakura and walked up to Umemiya with one of his hands in his pocket. He reached out and grabbed the flag before letting part of it hang out of his hoodie. “This okay?”
Sakura stared at the flag poking out of Kaji’s sweatshirt. It didn’t look right. Something that bright on Kaji just didn’t look right. Something that bright on Umemiya made sense. He was like a fucking sun. Kaji was like…?
“Absolutely, Kaji-kun!” Umemiya patted Kaji on the top of his head. “Gonna wear those during the test?” A pale hand gestured to the headphones around Kaji’s neck.
It looked like Kaji was thinking for a moment. There was a pause. Kaji turned around and made eye contact with Sakura.
Gray meeting gold and silver.
Kaji turned back to look at Umemiya. “No, but I’ll still keep ‘em here.”
Their senior nodded with a proud smile.
Why would Umemiya be proud of Kaji not wearing his headphones?
Whatever.
“Fantastic!” Umemiya’s phone buzzed in his pocket. “Op! Hold on onnnne second…” he looked at the message and grinned. “Alrighty, they’re ready for ya!” Umemiya tucked his phone back away. “Gimme three minutes, then come on out. Remember…You’re working together as a team .” The white-haired young man winked before ducking out and dashing into the thick, dark woods.
Once he could no longer see the white hair of Umemiya weaving around the trees, Sakura felt his legs shake just the slightest bit. He quickly clamped a hand down on his thigh.
This shouldn’t be bothering him.
This should NOT be BOTHERING him.
It was a stupid test with Kaji, and Kaji was the one holding the stupid flag!
“Oi,” All of a sudden Kaji was there standing in front of Sakura, prompting Sakura to look back up at him.
“What?” Sakura clenched his thigh in a tighter grip, his knuckles turning white.
Kaji must have noticed.
“You won’t be alone.” The second year tugged at the flag in his pocket. “I ain’t gonna ditch you.”
“I never said you would, dumbass!” Sakura wished he wasn’t acting like this. “I’d be fine alone anyway!” He didn’t like this feeling. Kaji was right earlier, he just didn’t want to admit it. Sakura was more on edge. There was an itch to fight, and itch to get out this pent up aggression that he couldn’t explain or didn’t want to explain, but nothing was going to make that itch go away until they were no longer in this damn forest on this damn camping trip. “I don’t even know why the hell we have to do this!” Sakura stormed up to Kaji and snatched the flag, shoving it clumsily into his own pocket.
But he didn’t get very far. In fact, before he could process what was happening, Sakura found himself being tugged back by the collar of his shirt.
“Oi! Lemme go!” Sakura went to punch Kaji in the jaw, but Kaji was quick. The second year ducked and then pivoted to the other side, his grip still tight on Sakura’s shirt as he snatched the flag back.
“Quit actin’ like an idiot!” Kaji raised his voice and gave Sakura a stern look and pushed it deep into his hoodie. “We gotta work together! So start trustin’ me!”
Sakura growled lowly under as he tried to shove Kaji off of him. After a few attempts, Kaji released him. He didn’t want to dive back down that hole. Yes, Sakura had been doing a better job at letting people in, at least a little bit. He was trying. Suo and Nirei were helping him on that front. But he still had a long way to go, he could own up to that.
Fuck.
The way Kaji was looking at him. It was different than before.
Those eyes weren’t angry or pissed off or a warning to Sakura that the second-year was ready to start throwing punches back.
No, instead the eyes were frustrated…and there was almost a pleading look to them. But maybe that was just the campfire flickering in those pools of gray.
It took a moment, but Sakura managed to get his breathing under control.
When had he started breathing that hard? When had it become hard to breathe again?
He felt unsteady.
The ground beneath him didn’t feel steady.
His legs were shaking again and he snarled at them to stop, stop, STOP!
Pressure sank onto his shoulder. Sakura looked up to see why, and it was Kaji with his hand right there. The older boy’s jaw was clenched tight as tried to let out something to say. “Wanna…come up with the plan?”
Sakura blinked for a moment in confusion. “Huh?”
Kaji cleared his throat and spoke a little louder. “Do you wanna be the one to come up with the plan or do I have to?”
It took a moment for the words to register in Sakura’s brain, but once they did Sakura gave Kaji a weird look. “Ya sure? Because you seemed pretty confident that–”
“Yes or no?!”
“I DUNNO!” Sakura snapped back. Any other time, yes, he would have loved to prove himself, but this shit in the woods made Sakura nervous. And he hated himself for it. “I don’t know, okay? Are ya happy now?!”
Kaji let go of Sakura’s shoulder and paused before speaking again. “How about I tell you what I was thinking and then you tell me if you wanna change anything?”
Sakura could see that this compromise was doing something physical to Kaji. The second-year wasn’t probably used to needing to do this type of shit. He was a leader and Sakura came around and questioned his authority at times.
But it didn’t matter now.
Sakura felt unsteady as it already was. That tightrope he’s been trying to balance on wasn’t holding up. It was almost like Sakura could feel the strands of the rope slowly beginning to snap. They were worn and tired, but that’s all that was keeping Sakura afloat for so long…
“Sure, whatever…” Sakura mumbled. “What’s your idea?”
In the last two and half minutes they had left after Umemiya let them be, they had a pretty basic plan in mind. They would watch each other’s backs. Kaji would hold onto the flag and Sakura would work as defense. When it came to the third-years jumping out to scare them or take the flag, Kaji said Sakura could hold onto him if he needed to, to which Sakura protested, but that didn’t stop the idea from sticking in the back of Sakura’s mind. Sakura would be the one to snatch the flag on the tree once they found it. Then they would run fast as hell back to the campsite.
“We could split up.” Sakura offered.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Kaji protested in a neutral tone.
“Why not?! Think I can’t handle it?!”
Kaji sighed and shook his head. “No, dumbass, because we are meant to STICK TOGETHER!”
“UGH!” Sakura kicked a rock into the woods but nodded. “Fine, whatever…” He looked off to the dark forest. The trembling came back but he tried to keep it in check. “Ready?”
Kaji nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”
……………………………….
Sakura and Kaji both dove into the campsite, chunks of dirt clung to their pants, but they did it. They fucking did it.
Both flags were in their grasps. Kaji rolled over onto his back, panting. “Fuck I forgot how fast those bastards are.” He snorted half-heartedly.
“Shut up, it don’t matter now.” Sakura panted in response, trying to catch his breath.
He replayed the events of what happened.
Sakura did end up holding onto Kaji at one point when Hiragi was getting particularly close. Sakura snatched the flag from the tree only for Umemiya to try to scare him from behind that same tree, flashing a light under his chin to make him look scary.
Sakura nearly jumped out of his skin, but Kaji was there to keep him from running off by himself.
He wouldn’t admit it, but Sakura was grateful. Didn’t mean he still wasn’t embarrassed as fuck about having to rely on Kaji like that.
“Come on, I’ve got you.”
“We’re almost there.”
“You’re brave, Sakura.”
“You’re strong.”
“We’re strong together.”
Small, quick phrases that Sakura didn’t realize would help him stay focused.
“You did it!” Umemiya hopped out from behind the shadows.
“GAH!” Sakura rolled over closer to Kaji when Umemiya made his appearance. “Ya don’t gotta go scaring us anymore!”
“He wasn’t trying to.” Kaji groaned, leaning up into a sitting position.
“Sorry about that.” Umemiya smiled sheepishly. “I’m very proud of you both. Ya did a good job. Don’t you think?”
Both juniors didn’t say anything at first. Sakura was quite, blushing slightly from being told he did a good job, but also because he was still embarrassed at how he clung to Kaji until the end, especially with that last sprint. He didn’t know if anyone else noticed.
So Kaji spoke up instead. “Yeah, we were able to work together. Turned out alright.”
Sakura merely hummed in agreement, not wanting to offer more than that.
“Very good! Well, for your hard work, I’ll make us s’mores! Lemme first go tell the others they can leave. I’ll be right back.”
The boys waved Umemiya off. Sakura got to his feet and walked over to the tree trunk they sat on before, Kaji close behind him. The first-year’s leg was still bouncing, still shaking slightly. It wasn’t as bad as before, but it was still there.
They just stared into fire for a small while until Kaji scooted closer to Sakura.
“What are you doing?” Sakura arched an eyebrow.
“Gimme a sec,” Kaji tossed the flag that was in his pocket to the ground and grabbed his phone. His fingers skated across the glass screen, bringing one of the headphones up to his ear for a moment to make sure they were connected. “I told you earlier that music helps me. You remember that?”
“I don’t have a memory of a fucking goldfish.” Sakura mumbled.
Kaji just sighed. “Do you wanna try it?” He tapped on the screen of his phone.
Again, Sakura was confused. Was Kaji actually offering Sakura the chance to listen to HIS music with HIS shit? “I…Are you sure?”
Kaji shrugged with a nod, placing the phone in Sakura’s hand before reaching to grab his headphone from around his neck. “Made you a playlist.”
“Huh?” When he looked down, Sakura saw it was true. The title of the playlist was Songs Sakura Might Not Hate. “Tch,” the title made Sakura’s nose crunch up, but he supposed it wasn’t done out of being an asshole.
“Scroll through ‘em.” Kaji pressed his hands into the trunk and tapped the tips of his sneakers together as he leaned back. “I tried to pick some that matched what you said before.”
“What’d I say before?” Sakura scrolled through the songs, not recognizing any of their names. Not that surprising considering the little access Sakura had to anything that a child or young teenager would usually be allowed to use growing up.
“Ya said that you feel calm or grounded when you fight.” The fact Kaji remembered that made Sakura feel his cheeks start to have a dusting of pink. Why did these guys care so much about him? “The songs I picked are about kicking ass, aiming to be the best, giving the finger to a society that tells ya you can’t be good, stuff like that.”
“...Oh…” Sakura kept scrolling. Those topics didn’t sound too bad. If anything, it made Sakura a little excited although he wouldn’t say that out loud yet.
“I know you don’t wanna talk about whatever shit happened that got you back into this ready-to-fight stuff, and that’s fine I guess.” Kaji mulled over. “But I know what it’s like not havin’ control. You get made fun of, picked on, everyone wants to control you because you’re different.”
The way Kaji’s nails dug into the bark of the tree didn’t go unnoticed by Sakura.
“I know I ain’t been through the same stuff you have, but I know that music gives me a beat to follow, something to predict. If I don’t like the song, I change it. If the world around me is too loud, I turn up the volume. Things like that.”
Sakura looked up from the phone to see how Kaji was handling talking this much. This was probably the most Kaji has talked to him before, at least in this type of context.
“And when I’ve been nervous or scared, music has helped…That’s why I got kicked out of camp.”
Sakura arched an eyebrow. “For music?”
Kaji kept his eyes on the fire. “It was loud and crowded and the other stupid kids weren’t listening to me when I told them to leave me alone or gimme space.” His nails dug deeper into the bark. “I promised my dad I’d try to be good, to follow the rules and shit. So I put on my headphones to listen to music…But two counselors came by my tent, said I couldn’t listen to it, and tried to take them away from me.” Nails dug deeper, leaving small crescent moon shaped carvings into the trunk. “Ended up knocking out five of head counselor’s teeth and gave the other one two black eyes…”
A smirk tugged at the corner of Sakura’s lips as he heard Kaji’s story. It made sense. Sakura could even picture a tiny Kaji kicking ass.
“Anyway…I dunno, I thought maybe since you’ve been jittery and stuff, maybe it’d help too…” the gray-eyed boy flicked his gaze over to Sakura. “Don’t get the wrong idea though. I ain’t forcing you to do it.”
“Tch,” Sakura went back to looking at the songs. “I’ll try it…Um…” He kept scrolling through the songs, not knowing which one to choose first. “I dunno what to start with.”
“How are ya feeling now?” Kaji leaned back up so he could turn his body closer into Sakura’s space. Usually Sakura would bristle and shrink away, but right now he didn’t mind how close Kaji was.
“Ah, I guess I’m still feelin’ a little weird…I don’t…I don’t like the dark much.” The last part was confessed in a whisper. Only other person who knew this was Suo after he came to check on him one night when he was sick and Sakura told him he’d kill him if Suo tried to turn off the light.
“Scared of the dark?” Kaji blinked at Sakura.
“So what if I am?!” Sakura felt his cheeks warming up again.
Kaji shook his head. “Nothing. Just making sure I heard ya.” He leaned in closer, smelling like the woods and sweat. “Hm, listen to this one.” A pale finger pointed to the fifth song down. “Talks about defeating the darkness in your soul.”
“Fuck,” Sakura whispered to himself before looking up at Kaji. Who would have thought Kaji had this side to him?
Regardless, Sakura nodded and put the headphones on. The crackling fire was gone. He couldn’t hear the wind wiggling through the trees or the Kaji telling him what to do next.
“Huh? What?”
Kaji rolled his eyes and then took the phone back.
Suddenly music flooded Sakura’s ears. It was loud at first. “OW! THE HELL?!”
Kaji’s lips moved in a way that looked like he was apologizing, then slid his fingers around until the music’s volume became more tolerable.
A breath escaped Sakura’s lungs and his eyes widened. His foot started tapping and a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.
Yeah.
The song was good.
A glance at Kaji showed a tilted smile on Kaji’s face before vanishing, making Kaji look indifferent to Sakura’s reaction to the song he picked.
Sakura listened to two songs before looking up to see Umemiya with that award winning smile. Umemiya tapped his ears, then Sakura realized he was referring to him.
“Oh,” Sakura tugged the headphones off and handed the phone to Kaji. “How do you turn it off?”
Kaji held up a pointer finger and unlocked his phone. His thumb slid on the screen until the song stopped.
The headphones slipped off easily. “Thanks…” Sakura handed them back to Kaji. “What’d you say?” He looked up at Umemiya.
Who just smiled back. “I was just saying how I was proud of you guys. You worked hard and showed what can happen when you work as a team.” Umemiya walked over and crouched down in front of Kaji and Sakura. “I’ll start fixing up the s’mores. While I do, wanna hear me tell scaryyyyy stories?” Typical Umemiya threw the hood of his jacket up and wiggled his fingers in the air again.
Both juniors sighed but forced a nod.
Maybe that was something else they had in common.
They didn’t want to see their senpai unhappy.
It was Sakura’s first time eating a s’more. He had never heard of them before, but now he was really happy he had. That might have been the first time he smiled the whole damn trip. The food was sticky and gooey, but he liked it. He couldn’t remember the last time a dessert tasted like this.
It was inevitable that he got pissed off when he didn’t get the marshmallow to crisp right the same way Umemiya did. But Sakura was determined to make one for himself since his senior had already done so much for them with cooking ahead of time.
“I can help ya.” Both Umemiya and Kaji offered in unison.
Fucking scary as hell how in sync the Bofurin crew was sometimes.
“No, I can do it myself!” Sakura tried another two times, only for the marshmallows to char or melt off the fork thingy they were using to roast the treats.
In the end, he accepted help from Umemiya.
“I’m all about remaking memories,” Umemiya smiled with a mouthful of crackers, chocolate, and marshmallow. “Since I know both of you didn’t have great camping experiences before, I thought this would have been a nice way to remake that, ya know?”
Kaji nodded as he continued to chew on his s’more.
Sakura offered a single nod, staring down at his sixth s’more.
A twig snapped in the thick of the forest, causing Sakura to flinch slightly. “So stupid,” he hissed at himself.
Umemiya looked over at Sakura. “Are you alright, Sakura-kun?”
“’M fine.” He knew that it didn’t come out convincingly, but he didn’t want to talk about being scared of the dark with another person yet.
But something must have made Umemiya’s older brother spider senses go crazy, because the white-haired senior merely smiled softly. “Okay, just wanted to make sure.”
After a few scary stories (that really were not that scary…even though Sakura jumped a few times…not that anyone else noticed…hopefully…) from Umemiya, their leader stood up and cracked his back.
“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m pretty tired.” Umemiya yanked on his head to stretch his neck. “What do you think? Time to start getting ready for bed?”
Everyone was in agreement to go to sleep. They took turns going to the campsite’s bathing facility. Kaji had a real hardy laugh when Sakura freaked out seeing Umemiya with his hair down wearing those stupid reading glasses.
“It’s just me!” Umemiya grinned when Sakura had his fists up for a fight.
“Since when do you wear fucking glasses?!” Sakura pressed a hand to his chest, his heart beating too fast.
“Only for when I’m reading.” Umemiya grinned, pointing to the inside of his tent. “I was reading while I waited for you and Kaji to get back from the showers.”
“Tch,” Sakura moped over to his tent. “Whatever…” He fumbles around, trying to get his sleeping bag and everything in order so he can just go to sleep. They were all in their pajamas now, all set for going to bed.
But as he’s just about to settle in, he heard something scratching at the top of his tent. When he looked up, he saw a towering shadow only for white hair to poke through the flaps of his tent.
“I have an idea that would be a perfect way to end the night, Sakura-kun!” Umemiya popped in.
Sakura swallowed a sigh of exhaustion and crawled out of the tent. “Fine…what?”
Apparently Kaji had received the same treatment, stumbling out of his own tent with a confused expression.
Umemiya wrapped his arms around his juniors. “Sleepover in your big brother’s tent!”
“HUH?!” Sakura tried to squirm out of Umemiya’s grasp, but nothing worked. Granted, he wasn’t giving it his all, but still!
“Thaaaat’s right! That way we can keep each other safe and–”
Fuck.
Yep.
Somehow Umemiya must have learned Sakura’s afraid of the dark too.
Fucking swell.
“I’ll be fine on my own!” Sakura protested, but Kaji merely kicked him from behind. “Hey!”
“Just roll with it, Sakura.” Kaji sighed, rubbing one of his eyes with a yawn. “Then we can sleep.”
Despite his grumbles and curses, Sakura begrudgingly complied. He stormed over to his own tent to grab his sleeping bag, watching Kaji do the same before standing out front of Umemiya’s tent.
“Perfect!” Their senior popped up out of the tent. “Here, Sakura, you sleep in the middle.”
The blush that coated Sakura’s cheeks burned like flames from the sun.
“I ain’t gonna sleep between you two!”
“Oh, why not?” Umemiya pouted, he actually POUTED!? “Let your senpais help your first true camping experience be a good one, yeah? Pleeeeeease?”
Sakura squawked at Umemiya’s behavior. He was about to protest more when Kaji shoved him inside the tent, making him fall face first on top of Umemiya.
“You asshole!” Sakura hissed.
Kaji merely yawned low as he tossed a bucket of water onto the campfire. The second-year promptly crashed on his sleeping bag, immediately curling into the blankets and laying on his back.
“Seriously?!” Sakura rolled off of Umemiya’s chest, flushing with embarrassment.
“It’ll be fine, Sakura-kun,” Umemiya wrapped his arms around Sakura, bringing him back down on top of him. “Gimme a good-night hug, and then we’ll all rest.”
“You’re both insane!” The first year squirmed and shoved himself away from his senior…which wasn’t very far considering an already sleeping Kaji was on the other side of him, preventing him from scrambling out of the tent.
An owl hooted somewhere outside of their campsite, making Sakura still his body. It didn’t help that a wind blew through the tents, making the material shake.
“Here, just try to sleep. We’ve got ya.” Umemiya patted the spot where Sakura’s sleeping bag currently resided. It was smooshed in between everything else in that fucking tent.
“...Alright…If it’ll get ya to stop talkin’...” Somehow he managed to wiggle his way into his sleeping bag.
Umemiya let out a content sigh. “Thank you for joining us, Sakura-kun.” The older boy stretched out his arms and yawned. “I’m really happy we got to spend time with you like this. You made it worth the trip.”
Why did he have to fucking blush at that sappy shit??
“Yeah well…I guess it wasn’t horrible…” A yawn rolled out of Sakura’s lungs. He hated to admit it, but having both Umemiya and Kaji on either side of him…it helped his muscles become less tense…His breathing slowed, his eyes fluttered shut…
He felt safe.
The last thing he heard was Umemiya humming some tune, probably a lullaby from his childhood. It was calming. Grounding.
Soft.
The next morning, Sakura woke up to the sun trickling into the tent on his eyes. There must have been a hole that Umemiya missed.
Aside from that, he felt warm and comfortable and didn’t want to get up just yet…But when he reached for the blanket, his hand fell down on something else instead.
Sakura looked down to realize that Umemiya was hugging him like he was a fucking TEDDY BEAR?!?!?!!
“OI!” Sakura flushed wildly and bristled as he tried to pry himself out of Umemiya’s hold. “Wake up, you idiot! I ain’t some stuffed animal!”
“Shhhhh,” Umemiya didn’t even bother to open his damn blue eyes. He merely brought up one hand to press a forefinger to his lips before wrapping the arm back around Sakura. “Sleep more. Talk less.”
“Are you kidding me?!” He should have learned by now, but nothing he did would have made Umemiya stop clinging onto him. The old boy’s arms were wrapped around him, and now that he was thinking about it, he felt Umemiya’s leg arched over his.
Ridiculous as fuck.
“Just five more minutes,” Umemiya whined.
“You’re a fucking child!” Sakura hissed, his blush deepening from a pink to a red…although he couldn’t deny that it felt nice. No one had ever held him like this before. No one ever hugged him like this, like something that should be treasured and kept close to the heart. Sakura couldn’t stop thinking about the times people told him he was disgusting, diseased, vile, and all that other crap…
Umemiya didn’t care.
Sakura thought for a moment. He let this feeling sick in and settle. Umemiya’s hug was warm and safe and kind and gentle and it made Sakura feel like everything was okay, that he wasn’t some mutant monster thing that had to be banished and ignored.
No, this hug, this moment was showing Sakura that he had friends, people who cared for him and wanted him around…People who were doing everything they could to show Sakura how much he means to them in their own way.
Kaji with his music.
Umemiya with this ridiculous teddy bear hug.
…He wanted more than five minutes.
He wasn’t ready for this moment to end.
With the blush still plastered on his face, Sakura cleared his throat. “Fine…I guess five minutes or somethin’ like that would be okay or whatever…”
Umemiya responded with a hum of approval against Sakura’s hair.
Kaji was still blissfully asleep, all sprawled out on the other side of the tent without a fucking care in the world.
It took him a minute, but Sakura found himself fully melting into a peaceful state. The sound of Kaji’s soft snores and the feeling of Umemiya’s chest slowly rising and falling against his back made Sakura feel more relaxed.
He felt cared for.
He felt wanted.
He felt…good.
His eyelids grew heavy. Another five minutes wouldn’t kill them, and he was pretty comfy.
If this is how camping is supposed to be…well, then Sakura could maybe, possibly, potentially see himself doing this again with his friends.