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He couldn't sleep. There was too much on his mind, none of which he wanted to think about, but it wouldn't stop. It was too quiet, no one else was here, but he didn't really like company anyway. But that wasn't always true, there was... Maria. He tried not to think about her often, it hurt. He was supposed to save her, protect her, why couldn't he?
Some "Ultimate Life Form", not even able to save the life of one girl. That's all he was made for, and he failed. Pathetic. It only made him wish he'd never gotten his memories back. What good were they anyway? He sighed, leaning against the balcony rail. It wasn't that he wanted to truly forget her though, she'd taught him so much, she'd loved him. He'd loved her.
But now she was gone, she had been gone for so long while he'd been asleep, what was the point anymore? Why did it have to hurt so much? He stared up at the stars. There were so many more to see when he lived on the ARK. Things had been better then even if she had been sick, even if they hadn't been together all that long. It wasn't fair, she was still supposed to be here too, none of this should have happened. Why?
It was all his fault.
"Hey, Shadow!" a familiar voice called.
"Hm?" He turned around. "Oh, it's you." Great. Sonic. Just who he didn't need.
"Gee, you're as friendly as ever," he stated, rolling his eyes.
"What are you doing here?" He scowled. How did he even find him?
"I was just out and about cause I was bored, but I saw you so I thought I'd drop by, it's been a while. How've you been?"
"Why does it matter?" Leave.
"Just asking." He looked around. "Are you here by yourself?"
"Yeah."
"Oh..." Sonic shifted. "What about Rouge?"
"What about her?"
"You two are usually together, right?"
"Don't you have something better to do?" How annoying. Shadow turned to head back inside.
"Nah, not really. Hey, Shadow... is everything okay?"
"Why does it matter?"
"I know we fight a lot, but I mean, we're still friends, right? What's up?"
That was a lie if he'd ever heard one. He didn't have friends, and he didn't want them either. Getting close to people only hurt. He just wanted it to stop.
"Shadow?"
Stop.
"Shadow, are you okay?" he asked, softly.
Why wouldn't he just leave him alone? That's all he wanted. Was it so much to ask? He didn't want this, he didn't want to talk, he didn't... Shadow stood in the doorway, fists clenched. "Stop asking." His voice was quiet.
"What?"
"Stop."
"But I—"
"I don't need to talk!" he yelled, turning around to face him. His hands were shaking.
"Well, then, can I keep you company instead? If you want." Sonic smiled.
"I don't care." He didn't. If he were lucky, Sonic would get bored and leave. He went back inside to lay on the bed.
"The stars sure look nice tonight, don't they?" Sonic asked, joining him.
"I thought you weren't going to talk." Shadow sat up, glancing at him.
"You said you weren't going to, I never said I wouldn't."
"Hmph." He rested his head in his hands, staring out the window.
"The others worry about you you know, since you're always going off on your own to who knows where."
"So?"
"They care about you Shadow, you can't just expect them not to worry."
"Is that why you're still here?"
"Maybe."
"I'm fine."
"I don't believe that for a second. You're angstier than usual and you keep staring at nothing."
"It doesn't matter."
"Of course it does, why wouldn't it?"
"Because I—" He looked at Sonic, immediately stopping. It didn't matter, it was in the past. It didn't matter.
But it did.
It hurt too much not to.
"Because I can't change anything..." He stared down at the floor.
"What would you change?"
That's right. He didn't know about her. "If something happened to someone you cared about, and it was your fault... wouldn't you want to fix it?" They had come after him. He was the reason.
"Yeah, yeah, I would, but we can't change what's already happened."
He would give anything to have her still alive. "I know..."
"It wasn't your fault though, whatever it was."
Shadow shook his head. "No, they came after me, not her."
"Her? Who?"
"Maria..."
"That girl from before... I didn't know you knew her." He paused. "What happened?"
"She was shot." He saw it all. The blood hitting the panel, the life leaving her eyes.
"I'm so sorry..."
The room went quiet. Talking wasn't helping, it was making things worse. He couldn't get the images out of his head. Why did she have to die...? It shouldn't have been her.
Then he felt arms wrap around himself, and he froze. "W-what are you doing?"
"You've been through a lot, haven't you?"
"I..." He didn't know why, but his eyes began to sting and his vision blurred. No, no, not now, not in front of him. He didn't want to, this was stupid, it didn't matter, it— A choked sob escaped his throat. "I miss her."
"I know..." Sonic held him tighter. "I don't think she'd want you to blame yourself for what happened though."
Shadow knew he was right. She wouldn't. But he couldn't stop feeling the guilt.
"You don't have to pretend like nothing ever happened, or that nothing's bothering you. You don't have to be alone anymore... I mean, you're not."
He felt Sonic's head against his, and he glanced at him. At least he wasn't looking. How embarrassing, his whole face was wet.
"It'll be okay. I'm here for you."
"If you tell anyone about this, I'll kill you."
"Your secret's safe with me."