Chapter Text
Camping is hectic on a good day. Camping with a dozen borderline alcoholics is a bit trickier. It’s a good thing James loves chaos, thrives in it. He’s great at problem solving, and he’s damn good at planning. He’s got packing down to an art form at this point.
He’s been up since 8am getting everything squared away, just finishing up the snacks and sandwiches for their day on the road. Most everything had been packed in the car already with only a few remaining bags and coolers, one of which he’s currently about to break his back over as he drags it to the stairs. It doesn’t help that Sirius won’t shut the hell up.
“Reggie! Have you seen my hairtie?”
James ignores him, looking to the large cooler at his feet, then squinting down the stairs. Maybe if he goes backwards and lets gravity do the work—
“Reg! The dark purple one, scrunchie, velvet. Have you seen it? I can’t use a clip if i’m the one driving!” He ends the sentence in a sing song tune but it’s a tad pitchy, stressed.
James rolls his eyes before he turns and yells to him. “Pads, he’s in the car already! Check your laundry, it’s probably in a pair of pants.”
“You good?”
James whips around. He didn’t even realize Remus had come up the stairs.
“Oh thank god. You just saved us all a trip to the emergency room. Wanna help me with this cooler?”
Remus glances down, before looking back up and raising an eyebrow.
“Sirius was supposed to, and well..” They both turn to the hallway, to the sounds of Sirius tearing through his bedroom like a tornado.
James looks back and gives his most charming grin.“Cmon Moony, show me those big strong muscles.” Remus may look like a skinny lamp post most days, but he’s definitely got a sleeper build, lean muscle packed away under thick sweaters and flannels, or dorky tshirts.
Remus just laughs and rolls his eyes, picking up one side easily. James has his foot on the first stair when he spots his bag across the room.
“Pads! My hands are full, on your way out can you grab my backpack in the kitchen?”
He’s down three more steps before he gets a response.
“Yup!”
James makes Remus pause, and leans his head back, yelling again. “Red backpack Sirius! Right there on the table, you can’t miss it. Ok?”
“Yup!”
He can still hear Sirius tearing his room apart as they leave the flat.
They manage to get the large cooler in the trunk without breaking any bones or liquor bottles, and James has already accepted the fact he’ll be holding the chilly small cooler with their snacks during the drive.
With the sun beating down on them they quickly hop in the AC cooled car, Peter and Regulus already inside. It’s not long before James feels the trunk slam shut, and Sirius rips open the door. It’s 1pm, they’re right on schedule. He’s found his hair tie, and all previous stress is gone, replaced with giddy excitement.
“Road-trip!!!!!!!!!!” Sirius does jazz hands after he’s buckled in.
Regulus immediately plugs his phone in for music and GPS. They won’t actually need the gps for hours, James is 99% sure he’s only doing it now in the hopes it’ll annoy his brother. It’s all in vain, Sirius is too happy and chatting Reg’s ear off in the front seat to even notice.
Remus and Peter had called dibs on the window seats which leaves James stuck in the middle. He doesn’t particularly mind, just means he gets to lean on them both and get comfortable.
They’re 1/4 a cooler down in snacks, and playing games to pass the time. “I spy with my little eye, something red— Oh FUCK!”
Sirius is known for his poor volume control, but none of them were expecting it right now. James is about to complain but Sirius is already babbling, all frantic energy.
“James i’m so sorry— oh my god- fucking moron- God damn backpack! I forgot your fucking backpack-“ Sirius is bonking his forehead with the heel of his palm.
Everything in James goes cold.
No.
There’s just no way.
James is a good guy. He always tries his hardest. He donates to charities. He takes the shifts at the diner no one wants. The chores everyone hates. The donuts picked last—
“Pads?” He finally rasps out. His fingers sting, nails digging hard into the plastic cooler in his lap.
Sirius meets his gaze in the rearview mirror, the look of guilt and embarrassment breaks James in two.
“I’m so sorry James. I even grabbed my own bag on the way out but I remember you telling me— Of course only now I actually remember but-“
James’s ears go tinny.
I forgot your backpack I forgot your backpack
I forgot your backpack I forgot your backpack
I forgot your backpack I forgot your backpack
James is going to puke.
Oh my god
Oh my god
He can feel the searing gaze on the side of his face, and he can’t stop himself from looking over to Remus.
Beautiful, caring, stupidly observant Remus clocks his panic immediately.
“Turn around.”
“Turn around?” Sirius literally whips his head back to stare at Remus, James cringes but thankfully he looks back to the road after a second.
“Yes. We’re going back.” Remus’s voice is firm.
Regulus, who’s been fairly quiet so far speaks up. “No the fuck we are not. We’ve been driving for an hour and a half and we have nearly three more to go” He aggressively taps the time remaining on the GPS before continuing.
“You guys forced me to drive with you instead of Lily. No way are we turning around just for Potter’s backpack.”
Technically there wasn’t even room for another body in Lily’s van, and Sirius is the one who forced him to join us. But Sirius is also the one who forgot James’s bag, so where does the math end up there?
James might start hyperventilating.
I forgot your backpack
“We’re going back. Now, Sirius.” Remus leaves no room for argument, James genuinely doesn’t know how Regulus pushes back so easily.
“NO, We’re not. Don’t fucking try this shit Lupin. I’ll jump out of the car if you even think of turning around.” He fixes his gaze on Sirius as he speaks.
“Call Lily and have her pick up your mangled corpse from the side of the road then you drama queen.” The annoyance in Remus is building fast. James looks to Peter but he holds up his hands, universal sign of none of this is my damn problem.
“Jesus— It’s just a bag! What’s so important that you can’t go without it? Your undies? Toothbrush? No worries, I packed an extra. Barty always forgets his, but i’ll be nice and just share my own with him.” Regulus is fully turned in his seat to stare James down, eyes hard and assessing.
James’s looks away and ends up meeting Sirius’s gaze in the rearview mirror again, face panicked.
Fucking Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fucking Hell
James rubs his hand over his face, nearly gasping out. “It’s fine. I promise. Let’s just keep going.” He’s a moron. Idiotic, STUPID—
“James.”
He tries to school his face into something neutral before turning his head to look at Remus. He prays he hits the mark, holding his gaze before shaking his head. Remus is frowning, eyes darting over him, face full of concern. In any other situation James would smile and think he looks cute when he’s ruffled, but now is definitely not the time.
“You have first pick of all my stuff Jamie, I swear. All of us will share with you, right guys?” Sirius is trying his hardest to turn the vibe around, still anxious and obviously feeling terrible about letting James down.
He sighs and throws on a fake smile. “Thanks mate. It’ll be fine. Just a bag, right?”
James is so fucked.
9 days camping, 0 pills.
It’s been years of the same routine. 7pm sharp, every single day, never missing a single dose.
Maybe it’ll be fine. Maybe he’s got a backup reserve in his bloodstream, like his body’s been secretly prepping to ration like a fucking bear in hibernation.
No one will even notice, probably. When he gets home he can continue the doses like normal. It’ll be fine. Totally fine.
They’re just scent blockers. They work both ways but most everyone is polite enough to tamp down their own stink in one way or another, so James isn’t concerned on how he’ll react to anyone else. No, the problem is how they’ll react to him.
For all intents and purposes, James is a complete open book. He hates lying, hates hiding things from his friends, so he doesn’t. Except for one thing.
One huge ginormous secret that none of them know.
On paper, James is a beta. Has been since he transferred schools as a child.
But the truth is that James is an omega. He had presented early, the earliest in his class by a long shot. It’s no surprise that kids can be cruel, but being the only omega boy in his grade was like painting a giant target on his back.
He kept his head down and put up with the bullying for a year before his parents decided to transfer him to a private boarding school hours away. They had known the headmaster personally, and somehow worked out an agreement to forge his designation in his file. Not exactly legal, but money is a great secret keeper.
James Potter, Beta. It was the best thing that had ever happened to him. By the time he enrolled, his doctors had taught him everything they could and gotten him all the medications and accommodations he needed. He’d been assigned to a dorm with Sirius, Remus and Peter, and the rest was history.
At the time, it had never even crossed his mind as a possibility to tell them. It wasn’t important, there was no need for them to know. In James’s perfect world he could go about 90% of his days as a beta, and no one would ever know the truth. James has been living that dream life ever since, and there’s never been any hiccups.
Until now.
Sirius is still glancing back to him, eyes nervous and sad. “I mean- Maybe I did grab it! We never know, I didn’t look in the trunk as I was putting my bag in but maybe— Ha! Maybe I did remember and everything will be fine!”
James hates the bubble of hope that slowly grows in his chest. The longer he thinks about it the bigger it gets, and he’s almost tempted to have Sirius pull over now so he can check.
He’s reminded of Orpheus and Eurydice. Maybe, maybe if he waits to check then the bag will be there. All about patience, yeah? Maybe this is all one big life lesson for James, and he’ll laugh and feel so silly when he opens the trunk and sees his bag front and center.
The thought buoys his mood for the remainder of the drive, and he’s twitching and jumpy by the time they finally get to the campsite, first to arrive.
He tosses the cooler to Pete and scrambles over Remus before he can even unbuckle himself, throwing open the door and practically falling out.
He’s grinning by the time he rips open the trunk.
It’s almost comical, how there’s not a single red item in sight. Just a sea of blue and black luggage, the white cooler, Sirius’s purple duffel, dark green tents and sleeping bags. No red. No backpack.
Fuck his life.
He’s still standing there frozen and staring when they all join him.
Peter pats him on the back, gently squeezing his shoulder. “That’s rough buddy.”
James closes his eyes and sighs. Yeah. Real fucking rough.
~~~
James’s only option at this point is to ignore ignore ignore.
Especially since he has at least a few days before things have a chance to go awry, nothing better to do than pretend everything is totally and completely fine.
His only hurdle right now is looking like he’s not contemplating death at all moments, and his main concern is Remus.
He’s been watching James like a hawk since his initial freakout. James knows he isn’t fooling him, there’s no use. All he can do is pray to god Remus drops it and moves on.
The one thing none of them actually had planned was sleeping arrangements. It always bounced between the four mauraders, never too picky about any specifics.
“Pads we’re buddying up together, right?” James isn’t even looking as he asks, too busy gathering kindling on the edge of the campsite for their first fire of the evening. Lily & Co had arrived not long after them, and were still unpacking. James was hoping to quickly get some food started for dinner after he heard they barely ate anything all day.
When he gets no response he finally looks up to a fear stricken face. “Uhhh… Well- You see—“
Peter is next to him, face deadpan but eyes twinkling, amused. “He’s been praying all day that he gets to sleep with me so he can steal my battery charger all night long.”
Sirius gasps like he’s been slapped. “Peter!”
James turns, still crouched over his pile of sticks and he closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighs. He gives himself a few seconds before standing and pasting on a bland smile. “All good. I’ll bunk with Remus then.”
Fuck Fuck Fucking Fuck.
This is fine. James can be normal. He can totally do this.
~~~
Despite being a living ball of secret anxiety, James is actually having a good time. He loves camping, he loves his friends, and he’s so grateful that he’s able to corral them all out here together.
He’s terrible at setting up tents so he sits back to watch as Remus works and is only a little miffed at how fast and easy it gets done.
James is so so lucky that they chose a campsite that’s not completely off the grid. They have access to a communal bathroom and dinky laundry mat about a half mile away. His only way of attempting to get through this week is by taking frequent trips to scrub himself down with the expensive scent dampening soap he stole from Sirius.
He’s freshly showered, wearing a cotton tee and pajama bottoms also stolen from Sirius. The sun set an hour ago and he’s shivering as he walks back to the campsite. Almost everyone is tucked away in their tents for the evening, slivers of light peeking out from their lanterns inside.
James toes off his shoes before he steps in his shared tent and Remus shoots him a small smile. He always packs an inflatable mattress when he camps, complaining that just a sleeping bag on the ground hurts his “old man back.” He’s snuggled under a large blanket and he’s got two extra pillows propped up behind him while he reads.
James shoots him a grin, jaw clenched tight to stop his teeth chattering from the cold, rushing over to the other side of the blow up mattress. It’s warm when he gets in but he still can’t help the full body shiver as he acclimates. Remus turns on his side to look at him, so James does the same.
Neither of them say anything for a few seconds, just staring and enjoying the company. Suddenly Remus is sitting up and pulling off his sweater, handing it over to him. James lets out a sigh of relief and quickly tugs it on, pulling the collar up to his nose, then does the same with the blanket. He mumbles a quick thanks and curls up, trying to build heat as fast as possible. Remus’s sweater smells good, like campfire and earth and skin. James pretends he’s not huffing it like a weirdo.
It’s not long before the shared body heat warms him up. James is truly exhausted, dozing off fast. The last thing he remembers is gentle hands removing his glasses from his face, and warm fingers combing his damp hair back.
~~~
James isn’t usually a morning person, but there’s definitely worse ways to wake up. He has no clue what time it is but he’s comfortable and cozy (although the mattress has deflated a bit.)
He’d shifted closer to Remus during the night, and somehow stolen one of his pillows to cuddle. It takes a few minutes to actually wake up and look for his glasses, Remus had rested them next to himself on the cover of his book.
The camp is quiet and still, James is the first awake.
He tip toes out, grabbing one of Remus’s tshirts before making his way to Sirius’s tent to raid the rest of his clothing. It’s only fair.
Neither Sirius nor Peter show any signs of life as he rifles through and grabs all the shit he needs, and James treks his way to the bathroom for his first shower of the day.
He brought his dirty laundry with him, spending 20 minutes and $5 on a quick wash of everything he’s worn so far. He doesn’t bother paying for the dryer, its easier and cheaper to just hang everything in the sun.
He has no clue if he’s being completely ridiculous or not, but he’d rather be safe than sorry. If that means he has to be meticulous about laundry and hygiene, then so be it.
When he gets back to camp he sees Lily, quickly joining her as she prepares breakfast for everyone.
“You’re up early.” She smiles, tugging on one of his wet curls. Her eyes are still lidded and sleepy, content.
“I could say the same for you. What, did Panda wake you up with her snoring?”
Nearly seconds later he hears something soft hit the inside of Lily’s tent a few feet away, a muffled, whiny “I do not snore!”
Both James and Lily shake with silent laughter, and Lily holds a finger to her lips to shh him as she nods her head yes.
Pandora quickly joins them, dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie three sizes too big, hair a pale nightmare around her head. Lily hands her a mug of coffee, giving her a quick kiss before sitting her down at the table. James looks away, poking at the fire to distract himself.
They were the first in their little friend group to shack up, surprising no one. Upon meeting Pandora took one look at Lily and seemed to decide This one. She’s mine.
It took Lily a bit longer to realize, but James thinks it’s sweet. Lily’s confessed to him that she used to have a hard time dealing with her own designation. Female alphas aren’t rare, but they are uncommon and face even more stigma than he had ever realized. She had battled with her urges, placing Pandora firmly in the friend zone out of self preservation. James is glad she was able to knock some sense into Lily, showing that wanting and craving isn’t bad. That by leaning into it she isn’t giving up control, she’s embracing it.
He feels like a hypocrite when he thinks about it all for too long, shame trickling down his neck, especially now since he might have to face the repercussions of his secret. He quickly shoves his thoughts away. Everything is fine.
It’s not long before the group slowly starts to wake up. Evan and Barty stumble out of their tent together, Regulus nowhere in sight. He quietly bets that he’ll be the last to join them. Reg wakes up way too fucking early for his cafe job, so James doesn’t blame him for sleeping in on his days off.
Remus emerges next. James gets up to put a pot of water on the fire for tea.
He’s sporting some major bed head, squinting at them all in the morning sun. James suppresses a laugh and tugs him to the table, using his fingers to comb through his hair so it’s somewhat presentable. It only helps a little. He feels a familiar, terribly fond pang in his chest. Remus is just so pretty. The pearlescent scar on his lip catches the light, contrasting the golden tan he’s built back up over the summer.
James sighs.
He can vaguely hear Sirius and Peter in their tent. They’ve been talking for about 20 minutes now, still mid debate when they finally come out.
“I’m telling you, Pete, you’re just plain wrong here. No if’s and’s or but’s. There is no way a gorilla is beating 100 dudes in a fight. It’s 1 fucking animal!” Peter looks dead tired, and Sirius is full of energy, right on his heels.
“Dude, if you put 100 random guys in a room with a gorilla literally no one is fighting that thing. It’d be fucking chaos. Everyone would get murdered one by one before they actually work up the balls or the brain cells to band together and take it down.”
“Not me. I’d rally the troops.” Sirius says matter of fact.
“Great, Awesome. Hello victim #1. I’ll be sure to honor your memory. He fought valiantly as his limbs were torn off, luscious hair flowing in the wind as his head got caved in.” Peter says, voice monotone as he suppresses a yawn.
Sirius purses his lips, turning to James and Remus. “You reckon I’d be able to get any damage in before I die?”
“Nope” they both respond in unison. Sirius huffs and plops down next to Remus, grabbing his tea and taking a sip. Remus lets him.
“I agree with Pete. It seriously would be chaos, a gorilla would mow through a crowd of 100 easily.” James is definitely right about this. Only an idiot would think—
“I’m with Sirius on this one. You underestimate the indomitable human spirit. Adrenaline is one hell of a drug.” Remus steals his tea back as he talks.
James gapes at him. Indomitable human spirit. Okay, nerd.
“See! Even moony agrees with me. That totally means I’m right.” Sirius snatches the tea back for another sip. Remus rolls his eyes, but James can see him fighting to tamp down a smile.
Mary emerges from her shared tent with Marlene and Dorcas, the latter still lounging in a sleeping bag together. She plops down at the table to make herself a little breakfast sandwich with the sausages from the fire.
“You two are idiots. Usually I wouldn’t stereotype but you both have Alpha brain rot. You think you’d be brave enough to fight, did you know gorillas are like 6 feet tall when they stand up?”
“Hey! Rude—“ Pandora chimes in frowning, but Lily cuts her off.
“Ah— Mary might be right about the brain rot. If i’m being honest I was beginning to agree with Remus as well…”
Now it’s Pandora’s turn to gape at Lily. James snorts.
Both Evan and Barty are tucked into a lawn chair together talking quietly, James would bet they’re having the same debate amongst themselves. He’s interested to know what they think. Maybe it is just an Alpha mindset.
“This is truly riveting and all, but if i have to hear one more word about gorillas before I get coffee I will actually blow my brains out.” Peter is really not a morning person.
James quickly pours him a cup, 2 sugars and a heavy hand of vanilla creamer.
“It’s still hot so-“
“Cheers” Peter chugs nearly half of it.
James winces “Alright— Well. Any plans today?”
“Hiking, if anyone would like to come.” Dorcas and Marlene finally join them, plopping down in two lawn chairs.
Everyone ends up agreeing which is nice, and they fuck around for another hour or so before Evan drags Regulus out of their tent and shoves a plate of food in one hand, sickly sweet coffee in the other.
It’s noon when they finally set off, bags full of supplies, drinks and sandwiches.
The hike is gorgeous, but horribly warm the higher they get, barely any escape from the sun. James hardly ever burns, usually gets a light flush before it quickly tans over, but he can definitely tell his face is getting hit. They stop frequently to apply sunscreen, and Lily gives James a spare hat she brought with her. It’s some sort of fisherman’s bucket hat, but it keeps his head cool from the raging sun.
They get to a cliffside that overlooks the trees and mountains, and Sirius stops them all.
“Picture time! Everyone huddle up.”
Regulus insists on being the one to take the photo, but Remus makes them all take another afterwards, this time with Regulus in it instead of him. He’s standing between Pandora and Sirius, both their arms slung over him, grinning.
Remus secretly snaps another photo of Regulus standing alone and whispers to James “I’m gonna photoshop him into the picture i’m in so that we have one with all of us together.”
James taps him on the head, smiling. “Smart man.”
Remus beams.
They take a gratuitous amount of photos with smaller groups, each one sillier than the last.
He finally manages to get Regulus and Sirius together for a photo alone. Reg puts up a fuss but James knows he’ll be happy later on when he sees it. Both him and Sirius have matching backgrounds of them together at the carnival last month, giant cotton candy in hand. It’s adorable.
The group continues on, with Remus lingering at the back, James at his side.
Remus looks at him. “Wanna get a photo alone?”
James is sweaty from the hike, hair a frizzy mess peeking out from under the bucket hat, but Remus has this look in his eye, small smile on his face that makes James feel warm and gooey inside.
“Sure. But only if we can get one together first.”
“Yeah? Okay— Cmere” He pulls him a bit to the edge, slinging an arm over James to pull them close together. Remus is taller so he bends down to lean his head on him. His body is scorching hot from the sun, and he smells like salty skin, sweat. James feels a bit dizzy, head fuzzy like it’s stuffed with cotton.
They both smile as he holds the camera up high, getting the view in the background. James manages to sneak bunny ears in one of the photos.
When it’s his turn to take one alone, he does a double thumbs up and grins. Remus lets out a bark of laughter.
“You look so dorky, like you belong in a Jurassic park movie.”
“Hey! This is Lily’s hat, you better watch yourself.”
He has the good sense to look nervous, before they both burst out laughing.
“Can you two stop flirting and start walking? Thanks”
James whips his head over to see Regulus.
“Wha- I’m not—”
He just rolls his eyes, small smirk barely visible as he turns without another word and walks away.
James looks to Remus, not realizing how close they had gotten. He’s pretty sure his freckles are already getting darker after being in the sun for just a few hours. James quickly looks away, hurrying after Regulus to catch up with the group.
~~~
They’re nothing if not predictable. Even though everyone is exhausted from the hike the liquor comes out as they prepare dinner. James uses the distraction as an excuse to go shower. He doesn’t bother with the washing machine again, choosing to wash his clothing in the shower this time. Efficient? Yeah. Weird? Probably.
Sirius hands him a drink when he returns, something sweet and fruity to conceal the noticeable bite of alcohol trailing down his throat. It’s a piss poor coping mechanism, but the drinks help soothe his nerves as the night continues, rounding the rough fraying edges of his anxiety.
They’re all huddled around the fire when Lily pulls out a deck of cards, some random drinking game with silly questions and dares.
They go in a circle, with Lily and Pandora reading out the prompts.
“Tell us in detail the best hookup you’ve ever had.”
James rolls his eyes and takes a gulp of his drink, passing on the question. Sirius had refilled his cup, the saccharine sweetness getting more tolerable the tipsier he is.
He got off relatively lucky, his reluctance to answer can be hidden under the guise of not wanting to kiss and tell, and not for the real truth, that the last time anyone touched him was a handjob 6 months ago after a date that was awkward and rushed, both parties seeming to decide to mutually ghost the other afterwards.
James assumes he should like sex, in theory it sounds awesome, lovely even. But in actuality he’s never fully able to relax and get out of his head, mind too busy analyzing himself to enjoy the moment.
Is he being too loud, too quiet, too weird or nervous, too omega? He doesn’t even know what a beta is supposed to be like in bed, but he’s terrified he’ll butcher the act horribly.
All he’s ends up left with is memories that are unsatisfying and underwhelming, leaving a bad taste in his mouth.
He taps out after a few more rounds, tired and not really in the mood to worry about spilling any more secrets.
He grabs his clothing and toiletries for a final shower of the day—
Regulus, who might be the worst fucking person in existence right now, calls him out, frowning as he looks him over. “Why are you showering again, didn’t you just take one? No way you sweat that much.”
James gapes, wholly unprepared.
“Uh— Yes Well-“ He’s floundering, brain unable to find an excuse.
Remus is the one to save him. Lovely man.
“It’s been humid and hot all day Reg, pretty sure it was 85 degrees up until a few hours ago. Maybe you should be worrying about showering as well.” He’s smirking as he speaks, Regulus flips him off but there’s no real heat behind it, and he thankfully drops the topic.
James scurries away to the showers, head ducked low in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.