In The Arms Of A Merc

by MillionsOfKrill

Summary:

A collection of fics where the mercenaries (and Ms. Pauling) from TF2 try their best to comfort you.

I’m hoping to cover a wide variety of insecurities so please let me know if there’s any you’d like me to write about. I am accepting suggestions for stories/requests!

Chapter 1: Introduction

Hi everyone! Thank you for picking this fic, I hope it doesn't disappoint. There's just a couple quick things I'd like to say before you begin reading

1: Every chapter is a different story and does not relate to the previous chapters before it

2: While these are comfort fics, there may be mentions or story's that include topics that may be upsetting/triggering. The disc of each chapter will tell the basic contents of it beforehand so that you may skip if it's something that may be uncomfortable for you to read (I.e. self harm, eating disorders, etc.)

3: As mentioned before, I am accepting story requests! I currently have about 3 chapters planned out but I'll happily take any requests you may have into consideration :)

That's it, Happy reading!

Chapter 2: Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Summary:

Depression starts to get the better of you, so you go to the teams Engineer for support.

(This is technically a repost of the original story I released last year-ish but it fits into this series of fics perfectly and is actually what inspired this project)

You had been struggling with depression for a while. Struggling being an understatement. 

It had gotten to a point where you just wanted to isolate from everyone, barely able to pull yourself out of bed in the morning, and hating the person you saw in the mirror. Saying it felt terrible wouldn't be saying enough. It was worse than anything you had been through before and the spiral just kept on going downwards.

Tonights bad thoughts were especially awful as you tossed and turned in bed. Irrational thinking had your mental state crashing around in your head like a storm, making sleep impossible.

Your team had lost, it was one of the worst losses you'd ever had, and it felt like your fault. You felt like you were just weighing the others down, like you were just useless and a constant failure to everyone around you and you hated yourself for it. You hated feeling like this.

It was late, around 3 am you figured as you squinted at your wrist-watch that was blurry looking through your tear filled eyes. You sighed, swinging your legs over the side of your bed as you sat up. You debated on going to see if anyone was awake, but at the same time you didn't want to burden them with your presence.

The internal conflict made your head ache as you wobbly stood up and shambled over to the door. You hesitated but opened it anyways, stepping out into the hall. The wooden floors were cold and creamed under your feet as you wandered aimlessly for a moment, wondering who would be awake at this hour.

You had a feeling Engineer was probably still up. He often stayed up till sunrise working on projects and was sometimes called "The Texan Insomniac" by his teammates. It was a stupid nickname and not that funny, but it summed up Engie perfectly.

The light in Engie's workshop was on as you walked up to the doorway, peering in cautiously to see the stout man hunched over some blueprints. You pulled back into the shadows, unsure of if you really should be bugging him right now. He seemed busy, you'd probably just annoy him.

He must've heard you start to walk away because he had appeared at his doorway, peering out into the darkness to see your figure retreating down the hall.

"Yello?" He called to you. The man's accent never failed to make you smile.

"Engie, hi." You felt nervous as you turned around, walking back towards the light of his workshop.

"Well howdy, what're you doin' up this late pardner?"

You could ask him the same thing.

"I couldn't sleep, sorta wanted to talk to someone but um.. you seemed busy. I didn't wanna bug you."

The man laughed, it was a deep yet soft laugh and made your heart skip a beat as you chuckled along with him.

"Darlin' y'know you can come bother me anytime, I don't mind one bit. C'mon in." Engie gestured for you to follow him into his shop, which you did so. There was still a cloud of anxiety hanging over you as you entered the gasoline scented garage though.

There were bits and pieces of weapons, robots, and various other metal items lying around on tables, shelves, and even hanging out of drawers. Usually it was a bit more organized than this, but Engie had been working on a big project, leaving the room all out of sorts.

"Sorry for the mess hun, sit wherever you'd like." He said with a smile as he cleared the blueprints he had been working on for hours off of one of his many tables. 

You had been distant recently, not coming to visit him as often as you used to. He wanted to keep his attention fully on you.

You glanced around the room, taking a seat in a small but comfy plush armchair. Engie was standing near a small machine and asked if you'd like some hot cocoa  which you gladly accepted. 

Despite the room being full of machines that could probably kill you, the atmosphere was surprisingly warm and inviting. You guessed it made sense since Engie was the exact same way. 

Deadly and intellectual on the outside, but warm and caring on the inside.

You could hear the machine whirring as hot milk poured into mugs placed under its nozzle. The Texan leaned against the counter as he watched the process, careful to make sure everything went the way it was supposed to. When the machine finished, Engie poured the cocoa mix into the mugs, stirring gently.

You watched all of it, taking comfort in just the presence of the man while he did his thing.

When he finished mixing everything, he brought over the mugs full of steaming cocoa to a table near your chair. He grabbed a seat for himself and sat down across from you, handing a mug over to you with a smile on his face. You thanked him, taking the mug and blowing gently at the steaming liquid.

"D'ya mind if I ask why you couldn't sleep?" Engie asked as he held his cocoa in both hands, trying to spark up conversation.

You had been wanting to talk to him about everything that had been going on in your head, but you also didn't want him to worry or see you as crazy. Play it cool.

"I just.. have a lot on my mind, y'know?"

He chuckled softly, sympathsizing with you.

"I know all too well darlin'. So what's goin' on in that big beautiful brain of yours?"

You went silent for a moment, staring down at your cocoa as you tried to figure out how to word it.

"I'm not really sure how to explain it all. Life's been.. really hard I guess. I haven't been doing too great and I feel like I'm screwing everything up and just burdening everyone around me. I've been wondering if things would be better off if I wasn't around anymore." You managed to admit most of what had been bothering you, without addressing the darker stuff fully.

Engie stared at you, processing what you had said. His goggles had fogged up with steam from his hot cocoa. It was bugging him so he took them off, revealing the soft blue eyes and the deep eye-bags that rest beneath them. His eyes were shining with concern for you as he took your hands into his rough and calloused ones.

"Hey now, don't go saying that. Your no burden at all darlin'. Things would be so much worse without you 'round here. Hell, all you gotta do is walk in the room with that cute lil smile on your face and my day is made. Reckon we'd all miss you somethin' fierce if you left us pardner. You're real special, even if you don't see it just yet."

The man's voice was soft and his eyes genuine, never once leaving yours as he held your hands from across the table.

"You mean it?" You asked, choking back tears.

"Course I mean it hun, wouldn't be worth hangin' around without you now would it?"

"I.. I guess not huh."

He could see the tears welling up in your eyes and scooted his chair so that it was next to yours as he gently wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

"Holdin' those tears in ain't gonna do you any good pardner. If you're gonna cry I got a shoulder for you to do it on."

You wrapped your arms around the Texan, sobbing as he returned the hug and gently held you against his soft chest. Tears began staining Engies shirt but he didn't mind one bit. He even went so far as to pull you up onto his lap, his arms strong and safe as he held onto you.

"There ya go, just cry it all out. I got you."

His voice was soothing as you cried with your face now nuzzled into his shoulder. You had no idea how long you had cried for, but Engie had held onto you for every moment of it. Speaking to you softly and gently messing with your hair here and there. You pulled away from his shoulder, embarrassed at how you had soaked his shirt with tears, apologizing profusely.

He just shook his head, "Don't you worry 'bout in hun, it ain't a problem.'

You smiled at him softly, fatigue settling into your bones as he smiled back and planted a small kiss on your forehead lovingly.

"You feelin' better?"

"Mhm," you hummed, relieved to have gotten out those pent up emotions "Thank you Engie."

"Just call me Dell, sweetheart."

"Thank you Dell sweetheart." You joked sleepily, a red blush creeping onto Dell's cheeks.

"W-well.. I reckon that works too. You must be real tired now ain't ya?"

"Exhausted. I don't know how I'm gonna get back to my room, it's kinda a long walk."

"Just spend the night in my room hun. I'll sleep on the floor, you take the bed alright?"

You looked up at him, an eyebrow raised.

"No way am I letting you sleep on the floor. We can share the bed."

His blush only got worse as he sweat a bit nervously.

"I-I mean.. I.. well.. I suppose if you'd like. I uh.. wouldn't mind the company."

Engie rarely got flustered, but when he did it was an adorable sight to see.

"I wouldn't mind it either, sweetheart."

The pet name made him grin as he stood up with you still wrapped in his arms. He carried you bridal style to his room that was just off to the side of his workshop, pushing the door open with his foot. He placed you gently onto the soft bed then laid down beside you after kicking off his work boots.

You wrapped your arms around him once more, snuggling against his chubby but strong frame.

You felt warm, loved, protected, and most of all: Wanted.

Engie held your face up to his, planting a short and soft kiss on your lips. Like kissing a cloud. You gave him a kiss in return, looking at those soft blue eyes that made your heart melt.

"I love you, Dell."

"I love you too darlin'."

The two of you fell asleep in each other's arms, peacefully snoring as the stars hung in the night sky outside. Everything is going to be okay.

Chapter 3: Paper, Meet Scissors

Summary:

The team hits a rough patch, leaving you to take 'sanctuary' in a dirty bathroom stall.

Written in female POV (i.e. Demo refers to reader as "Las")

TW: Self Harm

It was one of those nights. One where everything had gone from bad to worse and left tension so thick it was palpable. Everything started after your team lost a round of Payload, without even a single point on your side by the end of it. With such an utter failure hanging over both yourself and your fellow mercs, going out to town for a drink to ease off the days stresses seemed like a good idea. Right?

Wrong.

Not only had you and Scout gotten into a heated argument, but the entire team nearly ended up in a bar fight. Demoman and Soldier were on the very verge of throwing punches when the barkeep kicked your party out. The drive back home was even worse as everyone had cramped into Snipers van, much to the sharpshooters disdain. The close proximity was the polar opposite of helpful in getting tensions to lower.

The whole group was in chaos by the time you stepped foot on base. It was wildly overwhelming, the main room full of cursing and arguing and various items flying across all sides. Your head ached violently as you drunkenly stumbled through the entryway, surrounded by your enraged teammates. Luckily none of their attention seemed to be focused on you.

All you could think to do in that moment, the best escape you had, was the bathroom. It was dark and dingy, but no one bothered to follow you in the midst of this fiasco. The perfect place to do what you had to do for that sickening sense of relief without anyone seeing. 

At least you thought that was the case.

“Las?” The Demoman called, poking his head into the dimly lit stall. 

There you were. A sobbing mess in the floor, old razor in hand as you were just about to cut again.

“Demo.. get out of here. Please. I don't.. you can't see this.”

A metallic stench hung in the air as tears ran down your cheeks.

The man stood in front of your crumpled body, brows furrowed in a look of deep concern.

“What are ye on about?” 

The poor lighting managed to conceal the sharp object that was gripped in your hand. Even in the darkness though Demo knew something wasn't right.

In fact something was very, very wrong here. 

You tried to push him out of the stall, but he was stubborn and vulnerability left your body weaker than usual.

“Just go.” You choked out. Instead, the man sat down on that grimy tiled floor with you.

“Ach. I dunnae wot the matter is, but I ain't leavin’ for damn sure.” He gently put a hand on yours, fingers grazing against the razor you were holding. “Nae.. tell me ye didn’ las.”

You felt your face flush with shame.

“I'm sorry,” you sobbed “I'm not as strong as I should be. I keep trying to be better but I can't. I keep.. fuck..”

Tears fell from your eyes, blurring your vision as the man gently pried the blade from your grasp. Once it was safely removed from you he pulled you into a tight hug.

“Yer not alone las. Ye don' have to be big an’ strong all the time. The way ye are now is just fine. Wot in God's name were ye thinkin?” Carefully he stroked your hair, removing the razor from your hand as he spoke softly. In this moment he's treating you as something precious, delicate, breakable.

“I just.. maybe if I got used to the pain. I thought I could handle it. Like the pain was something I deserved, it was justified.” You babbled, the words coming out jumbled up before you could even think to stop them “I just needed to get it out. I needed to get rid of that weakness, to punish myself till it stopped. I know it doesn't make sense but I swear there was some kind of reason for it.”

“Ach.. las.. that's nae how it works.” Demoman pulled you over to him gently, wrapping his arms around you like a blanket. “Ya don' deserve pain, ye deserve love, affection, to be treated correctly y’hear? Yer nae weak, ya just a babe! Ya cannae be the perfect mercenary in just a few months. An’ hurtin yerself certainly don’ help the process.”

He caressed your cheek lovingly, wiping a tear from it. The demolitionist had a beautiful way with words. (Though his sentences were a bit slurred from his alcoholic tendencies.)

“I don't feel like I deserve to be loved Demo.. If I serve no worth to the team then I'm not worthy of affection.” You sniffled.

He grabbed your face in his hands. His already dark brown eye was an onyx black in the dim stall.

“Las if I hear some shite like that from yer mouth again I will personally have to make ya see that you're plenty worthwhile. Ye don' need to be somethin ‘worthy’ to be loved. Ya just got to have yer heart in the right place. Unless Medic moved it of course.” That last bit made you chuckle a bit, body weak as you laid your head against Demos strong chest.

“Thank you Tavish, I really needed to hear that.. I'm too hard on myself. I think maybe I just need to have some patience. Give myself time to process instead of immediate self-destruction y’know?”

“Ay. That'd be the best idea love. Another good idea though would be gettin’ ya to Medic for a healing, dontcha think?” Demo held up your wrist, eyebrows pulling into a frown at the sight of the small beads of blood forming and dripping down your arm.

The cuts felt like they were burning. They did every time, it was just a part of the process.

“Yeah.. he's gonna have questions though.”

“Ach that's just fine las, don't ya worry yer pretty lil head. Ol’ Demos got ye covered. Up we go now love!” He helped bring you to your feet, acting as a crutch while your arm draped over his shoulder. The exhaustion was really starting to settle in as you felt your vision start to sway.

Last thing you remember was Demo scooping you up in his arms, telling you to just breath and that everything would be okay.

 

For an English man in a dress, he wasn't so bad

Notes:

Thank you for reading! Next chapter should be out at some point during the upcoming week. Bye bye!

Notes:

Stay tuned for updates, love ya’ll! /p

If you’re bored late at night looking for a TF2 fic to read (been there before), you could check out my other story “Between a Sentry and a Butterfly Knife”! /nf
I plan on finishing it soon as I am graduating high school in a couple days, so I’ll be able to dedicate more time to all of my stories :)

Bye bye for now 🎀