Someone to Watch Over Me

by VictisVae

Summary:

Garrus Vakarian is tired. He's run out of ammo but hasn't run out of mercs to shoot. His last crazy thought? Maybe Shepard is going to come busting through that door in his Omega sniper's nest to save the day - like she always does.

But what if she doesn't?

An alternate take on the Archangel mission featuring a Shepard who isn't going to let Cerberus anywhere near her crew. Instead, she's content to watch from the shadows and help things along. But will she be content to watch forever? And what is Garrus going to do when he finds out that the woman he loves is still alive?

Chapter 1: Hark, the Herald

He was tired.

How long had it been? Spirits- more than forty-eight hours at least since he had first holed up in his former hideout as wave after wave of scum came roaring down the bridge from Omega.

Some part of his brain, the strange small part that still cared if he lived or died, was telling him he was nearly out of heat sinks. 10 hours ago, he would have lured some of the mercs closer, pounced on them in close combat, and stolen their sinks. 20 hours ago he might have been able to come up with a better plan. Now, he knew that if they got within range, and he lost the advantage of his sniper rifle, he wasn’t getting up. He wasn’t surviving.

And that time was ticking closer and closer.

It wasn’t quite there yet, but he had run out of hope. He had just barely managed to keep it together with his father on the phone. He had lied to the old man, not the first time in his life, and told him that he saw help in his scope. The cavalry is coming.

He didn’t know if Castis Vakarian believed him or not. He was a pretty good detective, after all. But he hadn’t a choice when Garrus hung up on him. He had issues with his father. But he wasn’t cruel enough to make the man listen to his son die.

Butler grinned at him from the corner of his eye. All the ghosts were coming now. Ghosts? Spirits? There had been a word Shepard had used once, after Ash had died.

Spirits, that had been a bad day. After Virmire. He knew Shepard was barely keeping it together. He could see how her hands shook when she toasted Ash’s memory. Vacalry? Valkyries… that was it. There were great spirits of warriors who guided soldiers to their final resting place in whatever the human version of heaven was. Shepard had gotten halfway through the speech, toasting Ash and speaking about how they would all see each other in the eternal feasting hall when she suddenly stopped. Her eyes went blank. “Shit. I forgot Ash was a Christian.”

Although Garrus hadn’t quite understood what had happened, he laughed with the rest of the crew. Wrex roared the loudest, even though he definitely didn’t understand what was happened. As if he hadn’t see Ashley Williams pull a gun on him when he confronted Shepard on the beach about all those clones.

The crew had played it off like Shepard had played a great joke, but she hadn’t really recovered after that. Not really. Garrus had gotten used to watching Commander J. Shepard. He had made Shepard-watching practically an art form – and not in a creepy way like Joker would insinuate. He also had better senses – predator senses. He could tell when someone felt flustered or weak. It was what would tell his ancestors to go in for the kill.

That night had been the first and only night he had gone to Shepard’s room, knocked on her door. He had been surprised when she opened it and he smelled salt, or something like it. It was a smell he couldn’t quite get out of his nose.

He had thought Shepard would do what she did to almost everyone who had come up to her that night. Tell him politely that she understood what he was going through and Williams had been an amazing soldier and "oh if you have a story you would like to share write it down and we’ll send it to her family but no not those kinds of stories, Joker…"

He even saw her take a deep breath, readying herself for the speech, and then she just… didn’t. She had smiled at him. It was a different smile than the one she usually gave him, when he beat her to the punch at sniping down a commando or she had managed to go a whole hundred kilometers with the Mako remaining upright. This was a sad smile. She had let him in and they both sat on the floor and just talked… They hadn’t gotten within three feet of each other and it was the closest he had ever felt to her…

No. Going back to that room, on that night, was dangerous. He could go back once he was finished. There were still heat sinks. He had made his father a promise. For once in his life, Garrus decided he couldn’t let his father down.

So he started up again. Another wave had begun. He quickly left his perch to check the atrium – see if it had been breached. Montaigne stared up at him, standing on her own dead body. Another ghost. Damn-it.

They were coming faster and faster now – not just the mercs but the ghosts. His old squad littered the apartment. Some smiled at him, like they were in on some joke he wasn’t. Some cursed him. Some even hissed at him. He saw Williams then too. She looked… peaceful. He hoped that she had found what she had been looking for in her Christian heaven.

He saw the ghosts out on the bridge, and the battlefield too. Like Williams, they weren’t just from his latest disastrous turn in life. A flash of blue biotics brought to mind the Asari commandoes on Noveria. Sometimes, the armor of the Blood Pack would shift, and they would look like the krogan mercenaries that had found on Feros and Virmire. There were even Cerberus troops. Although – and here he cursed his sleep-deprived brain – they weren’t the right kind. These were Tali’s Cerberus, the flashy white and yellow armor that she had told him about when she called him that one night, half-drunk and all-terrified, trying to play it off as a funny story. “Hey, remember those assholes who kidnapped Toombs and killed Kohaku? Turns out there’s more of them and they tried to blow up the flotilla.”

She had sent him surveillance photos then. Asked that he let his superiors know. He hadn’t the heart to tell her he had already quit Spectre the day before in a fit of rage. One of the other new recruits had asked him what it was like working with the crazy human who got played by Saren and he had nearly killed the man.

There they were, like right out of the photos. He should have called Tali back. He should have given them to Jordim, one of the other spectres, anyone…

No, they should have been Shepard’s Cerberus – the proper Cerberus, when they were a bunch of researchers foamed at the mouth from what they had scavenged off of civilizations stronger and crueler than them. You could have fun with old Cerberus. These new ones… he saw how stiffly their leader moved. He idly wondered if they were full hallucinations or if he was mapping them on to people who were already there, like Eclipse vanguards. He shot off a concussion round to see.

It seemed to hit, staggering the Cerberus leader back. They immediately put up a barrier. Yep – most likely Eclipse.

And yet, the one person he wanted to see the most hadn’t shown up to the party. Come on Shepard. If anyone would be a Valkyrie in the afterlife it would be you.

Maybe he wasn’t even worthy of that. He certainly wasn’t a good soldier. He wasn’t a good Turian. He hadn’t been a good teammate. He had been so excited about Spectre training, so excited about finally getting up to her level, finally being good enough for…

No. Another dangerous thought there. He tried to do what he had done for more than two years. Use every bit of discipline he possessed to shift his thoughts to something else. Anything other than her dying, silently screaming, in space.

But you should be here, he couldn’t help but think. Look at all the trouble I’ve gone to. I’m throwing you the biggest, bloodiest welcome home party Omega has ever seen and you couldn’t even show up.

Another refrain from his life. Garrus had always cared more about Shepard than she had cared about him. She probably hadn’t even remembered him once he had left for training. Maybe she could occasionally remember that she had had a pretty good alien mechanic when she managed to get the Mako stuck halfway down a crevasse again.

He could almost imagine Joker saying it. “Cheers Commander, you’re crashing Makos in heaven now,” if he had been allowed anywhere near her funeral. He hadn’t shown his face – probably still waiting on his court marshal then.

And no, Garrus wasn’t going to get into that either. He wasn’t going to run down a list of every grudge, petty or otherwise, he had against the world. His last moments were going to be purer than that.

Angry, he fired off a few more rounds at the other Cerberus troop. They staggered back. Garrus lined up a headshot, put his finger on the trigger, pulled, and nothing. The end had come. He was officially out of ammo.

He sat back. He had triggered the room with explosives, if all else failed. They wouldn’t protect him, but maybe they would mangle his body enough that no one would be able to bring it in for the reward money. If would be the final, final way Archangel would screw up their plans.

Still no Shepard. Garrus felt like he was waiting for her. That when she showed up, she would tell him it was ok to die. That he would end his existence in the hope that he would see her again someplace better, someplace that didn’t smell like blood and ash.

They had breached the apartment. He could tell. He could hear them coming up the stairs. Maybe it was another hallucination, like the Cerberus team. Maybe it was the mercs, or the freelancers, or his ghosts. Maybe it was her.

Garrus knew better to expect that last one, but when the door opened, the first thing he saw was the stripe.

It was “the stripe” as Joker had called it. You only got it if you were the most badass out of all the badasses. He only knew one N7, one person who could wear that stripe. He had seen it either in front of him, leading her team on to battle, or behind him, watching his back with her sniper rifle.

And, for the smallest, most beautiful moment, Garrus had hope.

And then he looked up.

A geth stared back at him.

Yes, that was who he had been missing. The flashlight heads were late to the party.

Garrus was laughing when the rocket hit him in the face.

Chapter 2: Dead Man Walking

He awoke to see a doctor leaning over him.

“Awake. Good.” The salarian shone a light in his eyes. “Reflexes normal. Injuries stable. Confusion…” he peered down at him, “What is your name?”

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” Garrus automatically said.

“Demeanor,” the salarian took a deep breath, “Spirited.”

It was at this point that Garrus realized he was in some type of clinic. Probably that one down in Gozu Ward, come to think of it. It had a salarian as a head doctor. The crew used to laugh about him – said he was some kind of mad scientist.

Garrus looked down. He had been stripped of his armor and the clothes that remained were stained a brilliant cobalt blue. He had bled all over himself.

His face felt like it was on fire. When he tried to sit up, the strain on his neck nearly made him choke on his spit. “What… happened?”

“Explosive to the face,” the doctor told him bluntly. “Damage over 90% of the body. Surprised you survived. Surprised I saved you,” he hummed to himself. “Must revise research into Turians. More durable species than originally hypothesized.”

Garrus got the feeling that he had, in the span of a few minutes, gone from patient to experiment.

His head swam as he tried to piece together what happened. He had been in the hideout, shooting anyone that came near. Someone had breached, he thought, and then all he remembered after that was a big fat nothing.

“Am I… going to be ok?” He was shocked at himself. He hadn’t believed he would care.

The doctor took another one of his strange little breaths. “90% probability. Lot lower than that for a while. Life signs unstable. Blood loss significant. And plague of course.”

“Plague?” Garrus reacted with alarm. He remembered now, what had been coming through on the comms channels about Gozu ward. The whole thing had been quarantined off by Aria’s men. There was some kind of plague sweeping through, targeting every species but human and vorcha.”

How did he go from his hideout to a plague zone?

The doctor had been busying himself arranging a table of instruments and entering things into his omni-tool. It was like he had completely tuned Garrus out.

“Doctor?” he prompted. “The plague?”

“Hmm? Oh. Yes. Plague neutralized. Aerosol – through the vents. Don’t like aerial dissemination. Risky. Hard to control. Too many variables. But only chance. Successful. Patients saved. You… saved.”

“And before that,” Garrus asked. His head still felt like it was about to fall off but he needed to push through the pain to ask the questions. “How did I get here?”

Here, the doctor’s movements stilled. He turned to look back at his patient. “Cannot say.”

“Can’t say? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Confidentiality. Cannot break. Just know that someone had… sympathy for your situation and lent a hand.”

“Sympathy? For what situation?”

The doctor smiled. “Archangel’s situation, I should say. An… interested party delivered you here. And, when a near-dead Turian shows up on one’s doorstep, one doesn’t… as the humans might say… look a gift horse in the mouth.”

Garrus had sailed past the shock of the doctor knowing who he was. He had more important things to focus on. “Do you know what happened? With the gangs… they were after me…”

The salarian nodded. “Gangs, much like plague, neutralized. Blew themselves up, everyone thinks.”

Garrus knew enough to pick up on that. “Were they neutralized by the same people who brought me here?”

“As I said. Confidential. You should rest. Too much talking, too much activity too early detrimental to recovery.”

Garrus sat back and thought on it for a few minutes. “Well, give her my thanks.”

He was delighted to see the corner of the doctor’s mouth quirk up. “What made you say that?”

“There aren’t many people in the galaxy who can just remove someone from a four-way firefight and deposit him in the middle of a quarantine zone. And get a doctor in the middle of a plague to take time to sew his face back up.”

“And who do you think that is then, your benefactor?”

“As I said. Only one woman in the galaxy could pull that off. So give Aria my regards.”

This time Garrus was rewarded with a half-smile. “Aria? Aria T’Loak?”

“Way I see it, Archangel’s death wouldn’t be good for Aria’s little empire, would it? If the Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack can unite to take down the biggest thorn in Omega’s side, why, that would give them ideas. They might think they could actually accomplish something. The gangs united could be a bigger threat to her control than anything Archangel ever did.”

“Although I doubt that she sent any of her little asari friends for an extraction. Probably contracted out to human mercs.”

“Reasoning?” the doctor prompted.

“The plague was said to hit asari just as much as anyone else. I don’t care how damn noble someone is, they’re not entering a plague zone unless they’re pretty sure that they’re getting out alive.”

The doctor rubbed his chin. “Interesting reasoning, but failed to account for several variables.”

“Like what?”

“Synthetics would be immune to any organic disease.”

Garrus would have laughed if his face hadn’t just been stitched back together. “You telling me someone programmed a mech to carry me to a clinic?”

“Or vorcha?”

“That one’s even funnier. But you haven’t accounted for something else.”

“And what’s that?”

“You,” Garrus knew he had him. “You’re Mordin Solus, aren’t you?”

Solus gave a small nod. “Wasn’t hiding it.”

“And there’s rumors that you were… close… to Aria. That’s why no one screws with your clinic.”

“No one screws with my clinic because they don’t want to get shot by the security mechs.”

“Well, that too.”

“And so this has led you to name Aria as your benefactor?”

“Only hypothesis, as you said, that would work.”

“Used to be a detective…” Mordin stared at him for a moment before shrugging. Something went by Garrus eyes, he knew, but he couldn’t focus on what it was. “What will you do with this information?”

“Not that I’m not grateful to Aria,” Garrus said through gritted teeth, “I am. But I don’t particularly want to be here when she decides to come tell me what I owe. So tell me what I need to do to keep my face attached and you won’t ever see me again. But let’s just say Archangel will owe you a favor.”

The strange doctor ignored all that for a moment. “Why Archangel?”

“Why what?”

“Why the name Archangel?”

His crew had asked him too, when they first met him. Sure, other people, the people he saved, started using it pretty quickly, but it was from his Omega callsign.

He shrugged. Everyone he ever knew was dead. Who else was he going to tell? “I had a friend. A human friend. Ashley. She told me about angels. They’re great guardian spirits, and the archangels wield righteous justice. I liked the idea.” It made him feel powerful.

“Like justicar?”

“Those Asari knights?” Garrus shrugged. “Don’t know enough about them to say.”

“Hmm…” Solus frowned. “Have studied many religions, humanity’s included. Christianity. The religion you’re talking about. But think you may have misinterpreted.”

“What?”

“Archangels. Not violent symbols of righteousness and justice. Instead messengers. Heralds. Heralds of change. Gabriel, most famous example. First to announce savior. Appearance harbinger.”

“Harbinger of what?”

And here, Solus actually smiled. “Miracles. Dead resurrected. Sick cured. Imprisoned freed. Lost found.”

“Well,” Garrus didn’t know what to do with that. This day was just getting weirder and weirder. “Thanks again doc, but I want to get back to my busy schedule if you don’t mind.”

Solus was so quick to his side it spooked him.

The salarian doctor put his hand on his shoulder and gently but firmly pushed him back down. Chakwas would like him, Garrus thought. “Not going anywhere for a while.”

Yes, trying to get up hadn’t been a great idea. Garrus’s head was swimming again. “How long was I out for, anyway?”

“Four days,” the doctor said flatly.

“Four—really—”

“Yes. Unclear when you would wake up. Put off important engagement to ensure was there when you did.”

“And why did you do that?” Had Aria told him too?

“Let’s…” Solus tilted his head. “Call me messenger.” He handed a data pad to Garrus.

“What’s this?”

“One ticket to the Citadel.”

Garrus actually did laugh at that. It hurt just as much as he thought it would. Of course. All roads lead back to the fucking Citadel. “Aria put you up to this? This the official “Get off my station" talk?

The doctor said nothing.

“Well, tell her that even a rocket isn’t enough to make me go back on my mission.”

“Interesting approach.”

“Approach to what?”

“You wake up. Find out that someone extracted you from, as you put it, four-way firefight and lugged you one-hundred blocks through plague zone. And you intend to anger this person?”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“Go to Citadel. Maybe rejoin C-Sec.”

“C-Sec? Wait…” Garrus looked back at the data pad. Yes. There was his name on the ticket.

“Garrus Vakarian?” The doctor asked. “Good doctor. Like to get to know the names of patients. Makes them stick in the mind more.”

If he knew, then that meant Aria knew. He had always half-suspected she knew anyway. “So, what if I don’t want to go back and be a glorified paper-pusher for the rest of my life?”

“Merely suggestion. Simply meant, need to get off of Omega.”

“And if I don’t?”

Something hard glinted in the doctor’s eyes. “Then, your picture goes up on every wall in the station. 'Garrus Vakarian – Archangel.'”

“You’re bluffing.”

“And,” the doctor sniffed. “Below, 'Castis Vakarian – Father'. 'Sapienza Vakarian – Mother'. 'Solana Vakarian – Sister.' 'Address 453 X-'“

“No!” Garrus was surprised his voice was. The doctor had won. He knew it.

Archangel’s time in Omega was over.

He was a dead man walking.

The salarian had the grace not to gloat. “Wait. Discharge instructions. Must change bandage. Must go to doctor to test cybernetics in two weeks.”

Cybernetics? What had they put in his body?

“Also, psychological health important. Stress can lead to more scarring, bad outcomes.” The salarian sniffed. “Would recommend talking to someone.”

“Like a shrink?” Wasn’t that just an asari thing? He could close his eyes and imagine Liara as a shrink.

The salarian shrugged. “Wouldn’t have to be person at the other end.”

“Oh…” yes, Garrus’s eyes swept the room. The salarian had taken his omni-tool. He thought he had still been leaving a message for Shepard when the rocket finally went off.

Solus shrugged. “Couldn’t hurt.”

Garrus hollowly listened to the rest of the instructions. As he got up to leave, he saw the doctor packing up his own equipment. “Going somewhere, doctor?”

“Yes. New job. Exciting. Invigorating. Leaving clinic to assistant. Will be good for him.”

Garrus thought he saw a sparkle in the salarian’s eye. “I would say good luck but you kind of just blew up my life.”

“Saved life. You blew it up yourself.”

With that depressing thought, Garrus slunk out of Gozu Ward. His ticket was in an hour. Whoever, probably fucking Aria, who had bought it for him didn’t want him staying around on the station for any length of time.

He learned against the railing at the docks, looking back at the station where he had spent the last, violent year and a half of his life. He wasn’t going to miss it. But he was going to miss the team.

He thought back on them. All of them. And as he remembered, he began to hear a deep keen form in his chest. Spirits. First he gets blown up and now he’s going to be opening keening in public. At least it was Omega. Everyone was trained to ignore others in distress.

Garrus tried to get himself together before he got on the ship. He thought back on Solus. Once he was alone, he turned on his omni-tool.

“Hi Shepard,” he began. “I guess I should tell you I survived.”

Chapter 3: Starstruck

Tali could hear the geth trying to get in.

How had she gotten into this situation? Once again, always with the geth. She had thought, for one brief, shining moment after the Citadel, when she and Joker and everyone on the Normandy had jumped into the battle and unleashed that one final explosive into Sovereign, that maybe she would be done with the geth. Now that their little overlord or god or whatnot was gone, maybe the geth would just traipse back beyond the veil like the cowardly little boshtets they were.

But when she had returned to the fleet and given her pilgrimage gift, she had seen the way the admirals had looked at her. That should have been the first warning sign. Admirals don’t just come greet everyone when they return from their pilgrimage. Even though her father was an admiral, she would not have expected everyone else to come.

Then, she thought maybe it was because of her gift. It was a good gift, one that she was a little ashamed of. But even then…

And then she found out the truth. They wanted to know about the geth. Every little thing, too. She described their missions. She spoke of how the geth seemed like the were worshipping the Reapers on Feros. How the geth released some strange, final broadcast out in the uncharted worlds. How they rallied at Eden Prime and Noveria and the Citadel until Shepard blew all the boshtets up.

Ancestors, she missed Shepard. Shepard would have been the right person to talk to the admirals about the geth. She had a feeling that they had probably been planning to invite the human commander before everything happened above Alchera.

That was what this situation reminded her of, Alchera. She had never been so scared as she was then, not when Fisk had double-crossed her, not when she had first seen the rachni on Novera. No, it was that moment, when the alarms started. She had been on the crew deck at the time, taking a break with Adams and arguing about upgrades to the drive core.

Tali had lived on ships her entire life – shitty, ancient ships that constantly wore out and broke down. She knew what to do when the emergency alarms sounded. It was Adams who needs to be jostled for a moment. She grabbed his arm and pulled them both into one of the life pods. Liara and Chakwas joined them, breathing heavily after running from the med bay.

Once there were four, it was enough to release the pod. Tali had reached for the button.

“Wait!” Liara had grabbed her arm. “What about Shepard? And Kaiden and Joker?”

“They’ll get into a pod. They know what to do.” Chakwas assured her. She looked at Tali and nodded.

Tali pressed the button.

Her stomach dropped out as the pod released out into space. They spun over and over. The stars passed before Tali’s eyes. And then, every few seconds as the window aligned, she saw the explosion. She prayed to the ancestors that the others had gotten out safely, but she knew there was nothing she could do for them.

It was that helpless feeling that Tali encountered again on Haestrom. She still didn’t know why the admirals had picked her for this mission. They had explained it to her. Well, Raan had explained it. Xan had shown up, mumbled something about dark energy readings, looked at Tali like she was an idiot for not understanding all the babbling, and flounced out of the room. Han and Zaal didn’t particularly care. Han was too wrapped up in reminiscing with her father and Zaal treated everyone sourly, it didn’t matter the topic.

But here they were, tasking her with recovering the data from Haestrom. There could be, Raan told her in low, even tones, some threat of geth, but they were sending a platoon with her and the rest of the scientists.

Tali had wanted to tell them that they had got the wrong person. They wanted Commander Shepard, not a girl fresh off her pilgrimage, not someone who had failed above Alchera and failed again at Freedom’s Progress.

Freedom’s Progress, that had stung. It had been her first task since returning to the flotilla. After months spent on the ships helping the engineers adapt the cloaking technology and shields, she had been excited to get back out into the galaxy. She had never imagined she would feel that way. She had never been one of those Quarians who were counting down the days until they could go out into the universe. She liked the flotilla. She wanted to stay there. And yet, when she returned, she had felt pangs of regret.

She remembered arriving at the ship and being surprised that her father had shown up to greet her. And then she was even more surprised by all the other admirals.

And now they looked up to her as if she was someone, and it wasn’t just because she was an admiral’s daughter.

The squad she had brought to Freedom’s Progress had certainly been a little starstruck. She was the only one of them who had ever encountered a geth, although one of them had proudly told her that he had been on the ship when Cerberus showed up.

It was why they had known who the strange humans were, when they showed up.

The Quarians had already spent several hours on Freedom’s Progress. It spooked Tali. It reminded her of the empty labs on Noveria. She half expected a rachni bug to pop out.

It was gently snowing outside. The cluster of buildings they had tracked Veetor’s life signs to stood out in the drifts. The lights were still on, but there wasn’t a single person around.

They had already known that from recon in their ship, but it was another thing to be down there among the ghosts. Tali saw half-eaten plates of food, homework out on dining room tables. Whatever had happened to these people had happened quick.

Someone in the group suggested that whatever had happened to these poor humans had happened to Veetor, but his life signs were still showing up on the sensors. He was somewhere out there.

Tali and the others methodically went from building to building. She tried to be like Shepard and Garrus and cleared room after room. Wrex cleared rooms too, but he did it a lot more loudly. “If you have a shotgun, you have to use it,” he had told Tali before shooting outside one of the Cerberus bunkers and loudly announcing, “Come out, fuckers.”

Tali was half-tempted to do that.

That was when she heard something. The squad looked at each other. Was this Veetor?

Tali silently signaled them to approach slowly.

She saw them before they saw her. There were three of them, clad head to toe in Cerberus white and yellow. Even if the squadmember hadn’t confirmed, Tali would have known who they were. She had seen the videos that had been circulated among the fleet, of a Cerberus squad breaching a ship, trying to find those humans they were hunting. The Quarians had destroyed them, but the paranoia remained. Tali had sent the videos to Garrus in case he would be able to say something to the council. It made her seethe that Shepard had spent so much time and effort dismantling Cerberus and the second she died they waltzed back into the universe. Maybe the Spectres could do something, or the Alliance. Tali had tried to contact Kaiden too, but never heard back. She had even contacted Wrex; he emailed her back a terse, “If I see those fuckers, I’ll shoot them for you.”

She appreciated it.

But she hadn’t seen them herself until now.

The Cerberus soldiers were surprisingly quiet. She supposed she always imaging that they would be running around shouting slurs.

Then, that stupid boshtet ran out and startled them. They turned to the sound and one of them hit him with a concussion round.

The rest of the team followed. Tali cursed herself. If she had been Shepard, the team would have listened to her. They would have kept still until they had a plan in place. Instead, they rushed out straight in Cerberus’ grasp.

The rest were taken out with concussion rounds too. Tali knew there wasn’t anything she could do for them, but she remembered Wrex’s words. These Cerberus agents had come to her home, they had killed her people. And now they were what, trying to finish the job one Quarian at a time? What had they done with poor Veetor? What had they done with all these poor humans?

She was mad. So mad. She could feel her skin burning up underneath her suit. She couldn't take it anymore, and she decided to finally do something about it.

The Cerberus agents seemed surprised when the first shogun blast took out one's shields. 

One of them began glowing blue, the tell-tale sign of biotics Tali had gotten used to fighting alongside Liara, Wrex, and Kaidan. However, another one grabbed her wrist (it was a woman, Tali was very good at telling gender from bodies stuffed in environmental suits). 

The biotic tried again, but the other's grip on her wrist was just too tight. Tali was confused. Maybe they didn't want to use biotics? Maybe they were trying to conserve energy, and she could try to tire them out.

But before she could make another plan, execute some kind of daring maneuver that Shepard would be proud of, the one gripping the wrist lifted up their rifle and shot one more round directly at her head.

Tali didn't wake up until hours later, surrounded by her squad. They were safe, thank the ancestors. She didn't know why. She wouldn't have expected Cerberus to use non-lethal rounds. 

Veetor was gone, if he had ever been there in the first place. 

They found signs of him, as they explored the settlement. She speculated that he had holed up in a room, sending wave after wave of drones and mechs until the Cerberus agents had broken through and literally pried the door open. 

They had taken any data too - of surveillance cameras in the colony. Tali was left with nothing.

She was so ashamed when she had to face the admirals again. She couldn't even look her father in the eye. 

Haltingly, she explained what had happened. She imagined that they would shout at her, perhaps even threaten her with exile. She couldn't believe just how badly she had botched the mission. 

Instead, they... didn't seem to care. They were more interested in a new mission, to Haestrom, instead. They wanted her to lead a team of scientists. 

"But..." Tali was still trying to wrap her head around what was happening. "What about Veetor?" 

Han sighed. "Tali'Zorah, it is not the first time we have had to tell a family that their child has died on pilgrimage. It is always hard, but it is, expected."

"But..." Tali protested. "He might not be dead."

"What?" Raan raised her voice.

"We did not a find a body. We did not find a body from anyone, not any of the humans. And it was an enormous colony. They could have taken him for something." Tali shuddered to think why. She remembered Kohaku's body on the ground, and the half-crazed inhabitants of those bunkers. 

Raan and Han exchanged glances with her father. "We will not tell the family that," Han said firmly. "We will tell them that he was killed in action."

"Killed in action?" Tali protested, "No, he is missing in action. There was no body."

"And what do you want to tell the family then, Tali'Zorah?" This was the first time that her father spoke to her. "Do you want to tell them that he was captured by Cerberus? Do you know what Cerberus has done to our people that they have captured? Do you know what happened on Omega? They tore out his eyes, Tali'Zorah, and now you intend to go and tell his mother and father and his entire ship that that is what the humans have done to their son? You intend to burden his parents with that?"

"No," Tali whispered. She didn't. 

Was this what it was like for Shepard? She and Joker would joke about Shepard hanging up on the Council, but she had the strength of conviction to back things up. When Shepard stole the Normandy, every single person on the ship was convinced that she had done the right thing, and they were willing to follow her not only straight into a court marshal but straight into death.

But then she died, and some of them, Pressley and the others, they did follow her. And some didn't. And now all Tali could do was be the best soldier, the best squad leader, she could be. 

Which was why she merely nodded at the admirals and accepted that they knew what was best.

"Now that that is settled," Han didn't mention Veetor at all, of Freedom's Progress. It was just a "that" that had now been settled. "We can speak to you about Haestrom."

Haestrom was interesting, Tali could admit that. She wasn't the best person to understand the science behind dark energy, she knew. She was better with mechanical things, making sure they their ships didn't fall out of the sky. All of this dark energy nonsense seemed a little too theoretical for her. It sounded like when Liara was talking about the Prothean beacon. Tali didn't think that even the asari knew what she was talking about half the time, but she had been enthralled with the possibilities. 

The admirals seemed less enthralled and more... worried perhaps was the right word. 

Tali accepted the debriefing and Raan nodded. It was difficult to see smiles through the suits, so Quarians had to make bigger gestures to show happiness or other emotions. Tali could tell it was happy nod, maybe even a little proud. 

Her father gave a nod as well, much more muted. "Come talk to me in my lab when you have the time," he told her.

"But before you go," Han motioned for her to come closer. "I wanted to talk to you."

Tali was nervous. She did not know Han very well. He was the admiral in charge of the closest thing Quarians had to a military. He and her father were very good friends, and she even remembered him showing up to her mother's funeral. 

He must have picked up on that body language - Quarians were experts at this. "No need to worry, I only wanted to speak with you about an opportunity." 

Tali nodded slowly.

"It is about your role in the flotilla. We were pleased to accept you on the Neema..."

For Tali's gift, the guilt once again settling into her stomach, she had been accepted on her first choice of ship. It was a good ship, mostly specialists who served the rest of the fleet through specialized tech. It was also a ship completely unaffiliated with her father. Tali refused to accept a position offered only because she was the daughter of Rael'Zorah vas Alerei. 

She liked her new home. She suspected that she would have liked it more if she hadn't served on the Normandy. She was constantly comparing her new home to her old. 

But she was determined to help, and she was determined to see what Han wanted to speak with her about.

"Have you considered your path in life?"

Tali wasn't quite sure what he meant. Did he think she wanted to be a captain one day? That would be...

The thought was a small light in her soul, but she couldn't bring herself to say it aloud.

"I wanted to say that the admirals were very impressed with your pilgrimage. And, as we said, we looked at the reports from your cameras, drones, and suits on Freedom's Progress. Cerberus ambushed you."

He seemed to see that she didn't believe that.

"Believe me Tali'Zorah, there was no scenario that was going to allow you to walk out of that conflict. What did you think? Did you think Cerberus would offer to be friends?" He laughed. "But we have been noticing that you are doing well in leadership positions. That is what Haestorm will be as well. It is a chance to show those skills to the fleet, and do something good in the meantime."

"How much experience do you have with this kind of thing?"

Tali thought back on her pilgrimage. As always, she categorized it in her mind as BS and AS- Before Shepard and After Shepard. Before Shepard, her pilgrimage had been eye-opening, but arduous and lonely. She had caught rides hopping from one planet to the next. It was only when she had managed to get that data out of a geth that it coalesced into something more.

Then, Shepard, Garrus, and Wrex had saved her from Fist's men. Then, it was After Shepard and she was a member of the team. She hadn't had a chance to lead herself, she admitted to Han. Shepard was always in charge, but if there was a backup team she would almost always choose Garrus to lead. Tali knew that that bothered Kaidan and Ashley, although Ashley was more vocal about it than quiet biotic. 

But Tali still watched her commander. She started to understand how Shepard led her squad, and she even started to understand why Shepard gave Garrus so much responsibility. He was eager to learn, just like her, but he was better at grabbing those opportunities. He could say something like, "Say, Commander, let me take charge of this next raid and you can catch some beauty sleep in the Mako."

Shepard would laugh, and of course say, "Not on your life," but she would also sometimes let Garrus lead sweeps or come with her on the more difficult negotiations. 

Tali didn't have that level of confidence. 

She still didn't.

She felt awkward taking to Han about this. Auntie Raan was approachable. Han, on the other hand, was all bluster and swagger. 

So she wasn't too surprised when he led her to another Quarian full of that same kind of swagger, although not so much bluster.

"This is Kal'Reegar," Han introduced them. "He will be leading the soldiers on Haestrom."

"Nice to meet you, maam," Kal had a strong voice.

Tali returned his gaze. "It is nice to meet you as well. I hope that our work will be quick. I can't say I feel very good about spending so much time in geth territory."

"You've got me there, Maam." 

"We are hoping that you and Kal will be able to learn from each other," Han told them. "Kal is an excellent leader. He was one of the soldiers contacted when Cerberus invaded."

"Didn't do much good myself, I'm afraid. By the time we boarded the ship that little biotic and the others had made good work of them," Kal was modest.

"And Tali here is an expert on the geth."

Tali bristled at this. "I do not think you could put me on the same level as my father or Admiral Xan."

"Rael and Xan are both excellent researchers and geth experts in their own right, but they weren't the ones that defended galactic headquarters against a geth incursion, while on their pilgrimage." Tali would swear that Han had winked at her. "As we think, you two might make a good team."

"And by 'we'?" Tali had picked up on the wording.

"We meaning the admirals. We are watching your career with interest." 

Han left the two of them to talk.

Kal opened his omni-tool. "Here is my contact info. I know that the admirals want us to leave within the week. We should start discussing supplies. Haestrom may be dextro, but I doubt that the geth left many provisions behind when they destroyed the place centuries ago."

"You would be surprised," Tali told him. From what she had seen of the geth, they weren't very much interested in organic life. It wouldn't occur to them to destroy means of substance. "We may find some very, very old ration bars."

Kal laughed. It was a good sound. "Can't be much worse than some things I have out there." 

Tali nodded. "I spent some time on the Citadel with my pilgrimage. The nutrient paste the Turian missions serve?" She shivered. "I have nightmares about it."

"More that than the geth?" 

After the pause, Kal immediately apologies. "I'm sorry. I'm assuming that you don't have good memories about them." 

"I don't. But that's why I am here, isn't it?" Tali asked him.

"I think it is, Ma'am." He leaned in as if he was telling her a secret, "I've never actually fought a geth."

"If you stick with me," Tali advised him, "I think that will soon change.

Chapter 4: Unavailable

Summary:

Tali misses old friends while making a new one...

"If you stick with me," Tali advised him, "I think that will change soon. I seem to attract them."

It had been such a stupid thing to say, but she had felt so comfortable with Kal. She had been content to banter with him. In fact, he reminded her a bit of Garrus, but with an extra spark of something that was missing with the Turian. 

And so she had jinxed it. Shepard had taught her that word, obviously, and she liked it. She would constantly tease Garrus about jinxing the Mako. 

Now, Tali was trapped in a bunker on a doomed planet. The rest of her team was missing or dead. And the thing she regretted the most was that poor, awkward flirting with Kal and how she had cursed them.

Haestrom had seemed like it would be an easy mission. The shuttle had taken them right on down to the settlement; it wasn't Joker spitting the Mako out of the Normandy hundreds of kilometers and many pointy mountains away from their destination.

Their plan led them to an observatory, on one of Haestrom's flat, sweeping plains. It would have been considered in the middle of nowhere, back when there were places on Haestorm that were actually somewhere. Now, all its isolation meant was that there were fewer blast scars around the buildings. 

There were still data banks deep within the complex. Maybe they thought that in an emergency they would have time for someone to pass the data on. That wasn't what happened. The geth had absolutely destroyed Haestrom with the same amount of mercy they had for everything else.

Tali could see a few members of her team stiffen when they found the first skeletons. She, on the other hand, had sadly become a bit more inured to dead bodies. You couldn't spend more than an afternoon with Shepard or Garrus or, ancestors forbid, Wrex, and not get used to dead bodies.

But some of the people on her team were just off their pilgramage. Kal had hand-picked them, but he had admitted once to her that he had chosen them more for their potential than their accomplishments. "This is a team we can grow into." He had said.

Tali had blushed under her mask. She liked the way Kal had said "We." 

But now there was no we, and she didn't know where Kal even was. When they had first heard the sound of another craft landing nearby, he had rushed Tali and the other scientists back into the complex.

"We need to check this out," he had kept his voice calm. "We'll be back soon."

"I can go with you!" Tali protested. She had her shotgun; she knew how to fight.

"No," he had told her. She had felt ashamed them. Once again, she was being ordered around again because she wasn't strong enough. If she had just insisted, maybe the geth wouldn't have gotten so far into the complex.

But now it was too late. Kal had been giving her updates for a while. "Unavailable," was the euphemism he used. Certain members of her squad suddenly became "unavailable," and Tali resented the fact that he wasn't telling her that all of their friends were dying.

Then, the others in her group started getting spooked. They began arguing with each other. Tali had told them to listen to Kal, but they weren't listening to her. It was just like Freedom's Progress all over again. They had run right into the geth's pulse rifles.

Tali, the only one on the expedition who had even seen one of them before, knew that, even with the training she had been given aboard the Normandy, she wasn't going to be able to take out a platoon with one shotgun.

But she could fulfill her mission as best she could. Wasn't that what Shepard would do? 

So she stayed quiet. She kept downloading the data, and once it was complete she took off running in the opposite direction. Unfortunately, that also meant it was the opposite direction of where the shuttle was. 

So now she was crouched down with her radio, still desperately trying to flag down Kal.

"Kal..." she said again, "Are you there?"

And then, ancestors bless them, he finally radioed back. "Ma'am?"

She had never been so happy to be called Ma'am. "Where are you? What is the situation?"

There was such a long pause that she grew frightened again. Then, he finally spoke up. "Pinned down by the geth."

"And the others?" 

Another long pause. "Unavailable."

"All of them?"

"All of them." 

"And you?" she whispered.

"I don't know." At least he was honest. "I think it's going to be close."

"Do what you can," she urged, "Whatever you can do."

"Is that an order, ma'am?"

"It is." She tried to send all of her conviction through the radio.

She didn't hear for him for a while. All she did hear was the gunshots outside.

Then, Tali saw something slowly inch into the room.

She knelt down behind a console with her shotgun. She wanted to laugh. Here she had been, so proud to be the geth expert in the fleet, so eager to share her knowledge with the others. All she had actually learned was from behind people like Shepard and Wrex, who were more than happy to go in guns blazing.

Sure, Tali would take geth parts back with her once they returned from their missions. She had even sent some deactivated parts to her father in the fleet.

That didn't make her an expert.

No, she couldn't afford to go apart again. She had to focus. There was a geth coming into the room.

She grabbed a rock and threw it at the robot. It startled it, and when it turned, Tali shot it in the face.

At least that still worked. Wrex would be proud.

And then, the door finally opened and Kal stepped through.

He was ok. He was really alright. The small amount of relief Tali felt she saw him was drowned by the grief she felt for everyone else.

"Are you hurt?" She could see he was. He was clutching at... was that a rip in his suit?

No. Tali refused to let the man die. 

"Here, let me help," she was immediately reaching for her medigel. "This might sting, but it's the best we can do until your suit if stitched up and cleaned."

It wasn't until she had finished with her first aid that she started asking him questions. "Where are the geth?"

"I think..." she suspected he was feverish. "I think they're gone?" 

"Gone?"

"Something happened."

"Something?" Kal was never this vague. He was the most decisive person she knew, since Shepard. She felt like the two of them would have been good friends had he ever met the human commander.

"I..." He trailed off. Tali pursed her lips together. She didn't want to press him. "I don't know what happened. I think I... passed out. There's a hole in my suit."

Yes, he was definitely delirious. She had been patching up that hole for the past ten minutes.

"I see that." Tali was slow and patient.

"But when I woke up, they were all... there was someone..."

Tali decided to just focus on the important things. "Are there geth out there? Can I get you to the shuttle?"

"You should be. Unless they're hiding..."

Tali nodded, determined to save the man in front of her. "Then let's get us both home."

Notes:

Kind of a short chapter, but I'm still figuring out where I want the story to go. I'm debating whether to keep it as short stories focused on different squadmates or if I should add Shepard's perspective as well (because the girl has a lot going on during all this). Let me know what you think!

Notes:

Hi- this is my first time posting but I love questions, comments, and feedback. Apologies for any errors- this hasn't been beta read.