Work Text:
Step.
Clink!
Step-crunch.
Clink!
Step-
The light sound of the beads in Alluka's- ( Nanika's, her eyes were still black- ) hair clacking together with the sway of each footstep kept him grounded. Patches of fallen leaves crunched softly beneath his sneakers.
One step at a time.
Down the mountain.
Away from their family.
25 minutes.
Step-crunch.
Clink!
Killua knew the layout of the basement ( dungeon -) like the back of his hand. It only took them five minutes to leave the house. Nobody tried to stop them. He could hear his mother’s tearful wails echoing down the hall. She was so proud of him.
The lack of interference from his father and Milluki was somehow more disturbing.
Step.
Clink!
Alluka's ( Nanika's -) face was buried in the side of his neck. She hadn't spoken since they left the room, not even to make a request. How long had it been since she was outside? Since she had seen the sun, touched the grass, breathed fresh air? How long had it been since he last visited her?
How could he have left her here- forgotten his baby sister, left her in the hands of-
Clink!
Step-clink!
Killua closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, shook his head. It was fine. He was fixing it, now. A sharp pain in his forehead reacted to the sudden movement. He winced, wishing he had a free hand to soothe the offending scar. Whatever. Not like he hadn’t felt worse. A headache was nothing.
“Hey, Nanika? You still with me?” He jostled her a little, trying to get her to look up. He wanted to see her face. She didn’t budge, just kept her face nuzzled into the crook of his neck. The thin arms around his shoulders tightened their grip slightly, almost imperceptible.
“... yes, Killua. ” Her voice was hollow, empty. If a porcelain doll could speak, it would sound like Nanika.
The sound of her voice sent an involuntary chill down his spine, but he pushed down the primal fear. He knew his little sister. Trusted her. Mind over body. Zoldycks didn’t have prey instincts. She couldn’t make requests from him, not when he was the last one to make a wish. That meant he could talk to her.
Step-crunch.
Clink!
“Good. Hey, I-” He stopped himself. He needed to wait to say this to Alluka. She deserved to hear it. Well- those thoughts came slamming to a halt almost as soon as he had them- Nanika deserved it too. “I… I missed you. A lot. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I visited you.”
I’m sorry I forgot about you.
I’m sorry I let Illumi make me forget you.
Clink-clink!
The sound of the beads shifting in a new pattern snapped him out of it. No more thinking about Illumi. Nanika had finally lifted her head to look at him. Bleach-white ceramic skin was almost blinding in the sunlight. The shadows danced mischievously around her almost-featureless face, giving it more depth than it should’ve had. Dark, empty eyes blinked innocently up at him, expression frozen in the mask of a smile.
“'Kay .”
The simple response would’ve sounded cold to anyone else. Killua knew her better than that. It was an acceptance of his apology. He let out a relieved breath, some of the tension in his shoulders deflating.
“Have they done anything to you?” They were all too afraid of her to physically harm her. He didn’t really think any of them would even touch her anymore. ( When was the last time anyone had hugged her? The last time Killua saw her? How long ago was that? ) Still. He hadn’t noticed any new scars or bruises on her limited visible skin, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t hurt.
“No, Killua. ” Nanika was lying. It had been a rhetorical question, anyway. They both knew their family could hurt without using weapons. At least they had been giving her clothes ( though her sleeves were almost too short, she must have hit a growth spurt recently ), feeding her ( not enough, she was too light in his arms ), doing the bare fucking minimum of keeping her alive.
“We’re going on a little trip, okay? Away from Mom and Dad. Away from big brother Milluki.” The threat of running into Illumi still hung over him like a shadow. He’d be looking for them. Dad would have told him what happened by now. He didn’t want to risk scaring her with that information yet. She probably already knew.
“'Kay.” He couldn’t really tell, Nanika never put much emotion into her voice, but he thought she might’ve sounded excited.
15 minutes.
Halfway down the mountain.
Step.
Step-clink!
Nanika hid her face again, and a tremor wracked her small body. The shivering stopped, and her grip around his shoulders tightened. Her skin felt almost warmer, somehow.
“Where are we going?” Alluka chirped, eyes bright. She kicked her feet, and Killua had to shift his balance to keep from sending them both to the forest floor.
“Hey, hey!” Killua couldn’t help himself, he laughed at the fumble. Genuine. He spun her around in a circle, dipping suddenly as if to drop her. She squealed, arms interlocking tighter around the back of his neck. “Quit squirming, you little worm, or I’m gonna drop you in the dirt!”
Reassess. Okay. Alluka was back now. What did that mean? Remember. Their time wasn’t up yet. Mother would be fine. They still had plenty of time. Nanika was done talking, she felt she had done her job. She… trusted Killua to keep his promise? Or she just needed a break. Or maybe Alluka got too excited about the idea of a field trip- her first in… forever? Had she ever been off the property? Focus, Killua!
Well, at least his inner monologue was in his own voice this time.
Suddenly remembering the weight of Alluka’s question, his playful giddiness sobered. Straightening back up, he refocused on their hike down the mountainside.
He hadn’t realized he forgot to actually give her an answer until Alluka whined, right next to his ear “Big brotherrrrrrr, where are we going?” She pressed her forehead against the side of his head, wiggling in his arms again.
“Oh, yeah, we’re- uh-” Killua took a deep breath, pushing down the tremble he could feel rising in his voice. “We’re gonna go meet a friend of mine, okay?”
The word friend stuck painfully in his throat. He kept his eyes trained ahead of them, unblinking. Focus on the path.
10 minutes.
Alluka blinked at him, eyes shining with curious stars. “A friend? You have a friend!” It was less of a question and more of a celebration. “Where are they? Can you tell me about them?”
“Alluka, I-” Killua was too busy fumbling over his words, focused on his sister, he almost tripped over a tree root. Stupid mistake. “Why don’t we get down the mountain first, and then I’ll tell you about him, alright?”
“Pleeeeaaaseeeeeee, ” she whined, puppydog eyes audible. “I want to know now! I can’t go to meet him and not even know his name!”
Oh no. Killua’s mind came to a screeching halt. He denied a request. This didn’t count- right? His last wish hadn’t even been granted yet, they still had time, he- no. The same person couldn’t make a wish twice in a row. It’s fine. Calm down. She’s your sister, you can talk to her.
“His name… his name is Gon.” He tried desperately to keep the wobble out of his voice. Don’t think about it. Faltering heart monitors rang in his ears like tinnitus. A weight on his back, similar to the weight currently in his arms. Long, dark hair falling over his shoulders. Too frail, too thin, too deathly still. Shallow breaths scratched the back of his neck. Still alive. The crunch of grass and dead leaves under his feet in the NGL was barely distinguishable from the crunch of grass and dead leaves under his feet on Kukuroo Mountain.
He didn’t want to let go of him. Didn’t want to hand him over to the hospital staff. Didn’t want to lose sight of him again. Didn’t want anyone else to take him. Some deep part of him wanted to hiss, to growl, to bite and scratch at anyone who put their hands on him. A heavy hand on his shoulder had broken him out of his protective haze. They had to take him away to help him. Morel. Killua hadn’t left Gon’s bedside until he was forced to wait behind the window instead.
He could feel a sharp heat burning behind his eyes. He wouldn't cry, not now. Not in front of Alluka. Think about something else.
Step.
Step-crunch.
Gon, eyes sparkling at the sight of a bird he’s never seen before. Gon, smile blinding, bright enough to light an entire room. Gon, Killua’s name on his lips like he means something . Like he’s important , and not in the way his mother tells him he’s important. Gon, brow furrowed, eyes darkened with deadly focus, looking like he’d fit in with any other group of assassins. Gon, turning away from him, golden nen shining as bright as the sun as he charges up a rock to-
Stop.
Step-crunch.
SNAP!
A fallen branch broke under his feet. It distinctly sounded nothing like the snap of bone, like the crack of a ribcage, like the sound of a skull repeatedly hitting the trunk of a tree.
Step.
Clink!
5 minutes.
Alluka tilted her head, curious. “Gon…” Killua almost flinched at the sound of her voice. He had nearly forgotten where he was. “What’s he like?”
“He’s-” Killua’s voice hitched. Again. God, was it going to be like this forever? “You’re gonna like him. A lot.” Focus on the positives. Pretend like he’s okay. “He’s so strong, and he’s too nice to everybody he meets right away. I know he’s gonna love you, don’t worry. He loves… pretty much everything, I think. He’s fast too, even faster than me sometimes. He beat me in a race once.”
“No way! But you’re the fastest!”
“I know! He still beat me,” Killua let the hint of a smile creep onto his face. “And then he made me buy him dinner.” That’s not… exactly how it happened. They had tied. They bought each other dinner. Still. Killua was willing to give him that win, now. “His favorite color is green, I think.”
“Oh, just like me!” Alluka grinned, smile bright. “Although sometimes I like pink better. Do you think he likes pink, too?”
Killua pretended to think about it for a second. Gon loved anything colorful. He could imagine the boy’s face lighting up over a pinkish-orange chunk of coral washing up on the shores of Whale Island. The pink mess of a watermelon staining his face. The blush burning up Killua’s cheeks every time he said something stupid and embarrassing- “I dunno, you’ll just have to ask him.”
“What’s he look like?” Alluka rested her head back against his shoulder, looking up at the trees.
“His eyes are brown, they look like big shiny pieces of amber,”
“What’s amber?”
“Y’know those pretty orange rocks with the bugs in them?”
“Ohh….. cool!” Alluka’s voice faded out, deep in thought. Her eyes were closed. She was trying to imagine him. “What else?”
“Uhm…” Killua conjured a picture of Gon in his mind, like he needed a reference. Like he didn’t have Gon memorized. Alluka didn’t need to know about the map of scars across his skin that Killua constantly traced with his eyes like it was the only thing that could keep him grounded. Basics. Keep it simple, stupid. “He’s shorter than me, but his hair makes him look taller. It’s black, and all spiky up in the air.”
“Hehe! He sounds like a porky-pine,” Alluka giggled.
“Yeah, he kind of is. Makes him look silly when it gets wet.” A sharp spike in his mind- Gon’s hair too long, falling out of the sky as he lost consciousness, pooling around him on the ground like blood. Long hair, trailing on the forest floor behind them. Long hair, tangled with dirt and leaves and rocks, hospital staff lopping off the matted ends to get them out of the way. Think about something else. “He loves animals, too. Birds and bugs and fish. You can ask him all about them, he knows so much, he’d love to talk to you. He grew up playing in the woods, making friends with all of them. He’s like a dog, too, he can smell things from really far away.”
“He sounds so cool, big brother! I can’t wait to meet him!” Alluka’s cheer was infectious, mind surely already racing with thoughts of birds and beetles. However, as Killua thought about their destination more, the suffocating weight of grief settled back over him.
“Y-yeah. Me neither.” He lapsed back into silence, holding Alluka tighter to his chest as she hummed.
Step.
Clink!
Step.
Step.
“Hey, big brother?” Her voice was soft, innocent curiosity almost palpable. “Do you love him?”
Killua froze.
30 Seconds.
He couldn’t bring himself to move, couldn’t bring himself to speak. The shadow of the testing gate loomed over them, making him feel impossibly small. This was close enough, right? He couldn’t move his feet. He could hear Mike pacing in the trees behind them, just out of sight.
Alluka stared up at him, eyes wide, questioning.
“I-” Killua’s voice cracked, though it was barely above a whisper. His throat was suddenly sore, he felt like he might choke on the words. His eyes hurt. He wasn’t going to cry. “Y-yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“Hm… good!” His little sister smiled, pleased as anything, and went back to humming absentmindedly. Killua’s feet unfroze from the forest floor, and he bolted to the gate, steadying himself with a hand on the sun-warmed stone.
Time’s up.
Alluka kissed his cheek.
Killua let out a slow breath, one weight lifting from his shoulders- only to be replaced with a new, heavier one.
Good thing he was strong enough to carry it. He had to be.
He pushed open the testing gate.
They were down the mountain.
They were free- for now.
He would save them. Both of them.