Chapter Text
You groaned weakly, you really wanted this over with. You knew college would be messy, you knew all the chaos and social criticism. Have fun, party, reckless and have no responsibility, yet somehow manage to figure out your future, meet people and become an adult. How the hell was life so complicated? You'd become comfortable in your sexuality, your attraction to guys and seeing what messy road your love life took. Emmy was not what you expected of a love bug, but you'd learned many lessons through her. From mooning over someone you could never have, falling in love with the wrong person and many other messy moments. But you didn't know what you would do without her.
You'd been to way too many house parties, hungover during classes while working part time. Draining your social battery and making some friendships and memories you would rather forget. Eventually you found your comfort zone and stuck to it, and built some self confidence and boundaries. After a while it all became boring and you found out some of the social clubs were far more appealing. Through all of them you never expected to actually fall in love with someone and realise they were your person. They said opposites attract, but you never actually saw yourself in one of those relationships. All of those events led you to meet Judd, the eldest Birch child, a goth. An anti capitalist, anarchist and loner by nature. He didn't give a fuck about what the world thought of him, revelled in chaos and was utterly mysterious. Somehow he became the best person you could have met. He helped you unwind, have fun, somehow made some awesome memories and was incredibly protective over you. But just when you had found your rock, balanced your worldview and felt like your world was somehow secure. You could talk shit with him for hours, laughing for no reason, going on night drives in his van. You could have fun without being pressured to go to a house party, you could be comfortably weird without judgment.
However, it also led all eyes to being on you, because drama seeking was an unfortunate part of college life. Meaning you were taken meant everyone suddenly wanted a piece of you. Judd had been popular with girls in high school, but now that you were dating him, everyone suddenly wanted a piece of you. Guys who never called you back were trying to slide into your DM's, bad hook-ups were trying to follow your socials. Girls who never noticed you suddenly wanted all of the gossip, it was never ending. All of the heartaches, drama and other nonsense was surrounding you. Judd's exes were suddenly surprised he was dating a guy, there were so many questions being raised. You could feel eyes on you wherever you went which was awful for your anxiety. Thank god both of you had private social media accounts so nobody from class that wasn't in your inner circle could stalk you both. People all seemed baffled that someone like you was dating a guy like Judd.
"Hey, you're ok. This all just online drama, clickbait and gossip. People love stirring the pot, you can choose to ignore this" Pete soothed. You'd met someone and you were happy, you couldn't control what other people thought about you. Judd made you laugh, he made you happy and you could be yourself around him. That was what mattered here.
"That's right, you got a hot piece of man meat with a pension for chaos and breaks the headboard of your bed regularly" Mona reminded you, wiggling her eyebrows. The guy was so in tune with your body, and despite being a bit of a psycho and rather intimidating. He always asked for consent and always made sure he wasn't hurting you, at least not in a non consensual way you didn't like.
"MONA!" You squeaked in surprise, your cheeks flushing pink. I mean yes, Judd was far more experienced in bed than you expected. Given you assumed he was purely interested in girls. But it seemed Judd was far more complicated than you gave him credit for. There was more to him than met the eye. His coming out after you found out you had chemistry was rather amusing in all honesty, and so fitting of him.
"Wait? I mean... I've seen some of your exes, Cass? That green haired girl? Aren't you straight?" You babbled nervously. I mean you had no right to assume anything of him. God anxiety and word vomit was the worst. Most guys would have called you annoying or left, but not Judd.
"Sexuality is fluid, not all of us follow the rigid constructs of outdated norms, you don't have to be gay or straight to think guys are hot" Judd scoffed rolling his eyes. In most cases he'd found overly chatty people annoying. But your awkward nervous word vomit was rather adorable. Your flushed cheeks, openness and genuine personality was kind of refreshing.
Your cheeks flushed pink, he was so confident, no filter and absolutely no fucks given. His deadpan delivery was also rather amusing. You shifted shyly, biting back a laugh "You think I'm hot?" you giggled. Yes cliche.
Judd scoffed "I've got you pinned to a wall in a dark room, my hands are squeezing your ass like I'm making bread and I've had my tongue stuck down your throat for more than twenty minutes. You figure it out?" he deadpanned. But you heard the lilt of amusement in his voice.
His sarcasm was often a breath of fresh air, helping with awkward situations and also had saved your ass when someone was being a jerk. You'd also noticed than Judd was softer on you than others. He picked up when your anxiety flared, when you were having a bad day and when to ease up on his sarcasm. Despite him being a self declared gaping asshole, he could be surprisingly sweet. He would remove you from situations that would cause your anxiety to flare, if anyone made fun of you about it he would immediately tear into them. If you felt overwhelmed he would invite you over to his or visit your place and you'd eat pizza together or watch whatever film you wanted.
He never minded if you borrowed his shirt, which with Judd was a huge deal. He hated people entering his room uninvited, he hated people snooping through his things and intruding on his privacy. You had his personal details, you knew his inner spaces, and he was very protective over you. He checked in and if anyone gave you shit, he would know about it and it would be handled instantly.
"Isn't that him?"
"The one that delinquent is dating?"
"How the hell did someone like him get Judd Birch?"
"Isn't he a shut in loser?"
"How the hell did someone like him get a catch like Judd?"
You felt yourself shrinking, your anxiety flaring, it was bad enough you felt eyes on you. Now they decided suddenly they understood you or anything about your relationship?The ideals of what they thought Judd was but never would. Because of him you'd discovered some pretty decent alt music you never would have listened to. You may not have been as involved in goth culture as he was, but you could appreciate aspects of it. While he may not have enjoyed every hobby of yours, he did appreciate aspects of it in return.
"They're turning on you, run before it becomes an angry mob" Tito whispered in your ear anxiously. "Soon all his jealous exes will swarm and eat you alive".
You gripped your hands into balled fists, your nails digging into your palms. Swallowing nervously, trying to block out their voices. Refusing to look back at their faces and give them the satisfaction of the reaction. You just wanted to get the hell out of here and just breathe. Walking a bit faster until you felt less trapped.
Judd was in a shitty mood, more so after learning from Leah that someone had blabbed about his relationship with you. She had promised on her life that she never told a soul, meaning some gossipy bitch on your courses had to have caught wind and spilled. You were an introvert and hated unwanted attention, you were a naturally private person so you wouldn't have blabbed. So some fucker had been snooping and put the pieces together. He knew all he had to do was so much as look or glare in someone's direction, intimidate them and they would spill everything. He didn't give a fuck what anyone thought, his sexuality and dating life was his business. If someone had a stick up their ass about it that was their problem. He had a cute boyfriend with a tight ass and the most adorable face.
But you weren't him, you were softer and sensitive. You had anxiety disorder, so battling your own intrusive thoughts let alone someone else's gossip was hard enough. People suddenly turning on you and poking you for information was your worst fucking nightmare. You'd be spiralling into overthinking and closing yourself off in no time. You weren't a binge drinking house party popular kid, you were a social butterfly who liked their own space and privacy. He'd heard wind that some of your exes had learned you were dating, many of them sniffing around and bothering you online. The last thing he would tolerate was your exes trying to get a second chance, or tormenting you for your new relationship.
"What little rat bastard decided that our love life was their business?" Mona growled angrily.
"Your sexuality isn't for them to define, that nerdy little angel makes you happy. The fuck does your happiness have to do with them?" Rochelle snapped
The last thing Judd ever expected was for his love bug to be a girl, let alone his hormone monster. But somehow the two of them ended up actually being the best part of it. Mona's sharp tongued, crass and chaotic personality matched perfectly with his. They could sit and chat shit for hours, and she'd been incredibly helpful in a lot of areas. Rochelle was a kind and sweet person who encouraged him to lead with love rather than anger. However, she did encourage Judd to get revenge for your sake as it was an act of protecting you out of genuine affection.
"Ok, before we end up getting attested for going awol on a college campus. Right now we should focus on (Y/N), right now he needs us. Which means shelving the anger and comforting him first" Pete suggested.
Judd sighed angrily, while he wanted nothing more than to get ahold of the squirrelly little shit who did this. Right now you were what mattered, so he would take care of that later. Good thing he knew where you would be hiding.
(Y/N) sat curled up under blankets, wrapping it around yourself like a cocoon, tears stinging your face. You'd turned your phone onto silent and switched off notifications. The incessant buzzing of notifications was just making you feel even worse. You missed feeling anonymous and private, when everyone wasn't trying to pester you about your love life. Everyone was talking about you, everyone was heckling you, everyone was trying to contact you. Suddenly your dating life was the most interesting thing in the world. Leah had tried calling but you couldn't face her right now, it was all just too much. Your skin felt like it was vibrating and you wanted to shut all the noise out.
"What if they sent an angry mob to your dorm and force you to dump him?"
"What if one of your exes tries to steal him from you?"
"What if he dumps you because of the drama and leaves you for someone else?"
Your stomach was in knots, a queasy feeling like seasickness vibrated through you. Your head was spinning and your chest felt tight, you felt as if you were spiralling. You wanted to cry so badly and you couldn't make the tears stop. You just wanted it to all go away, what was wrong with wanting to be happy? You knew word would spread around the campus and everyone would be talking about it. Someone was bound to get jealous or bitchy about it. You couldn't eat, you couldn't think or even relax. Suddenly, you heard a knock on your dorm room door, a loud piercing noise through the silence. A visitor?
"What if it's a teacher?"
"What if it's someone from your class?"
"What if it's the angry mob?"
You felt a cold familiar hand on your shoulder, Pete smiling down at you kindly "It's probably Judd, come to check on you. He knows where your dorm room is right? It could be one of your friends too?"
That's right, Judd had stayed in your room before, for studying in peace, when he wanted to watch scary films with you or just rail you into the headboard. He was bound to be worried about you. You cautiously climbed out of bed, pulling the safety of your blanket off of you. Nervously walking towards the front door, rubbing your arm soothingly and breathing calmly. You'd turned down all your lights to less overstimulating settings, and closed yourself off in your room. Facing people was too much right now. You gripped the handle of your front door, taking a deep breath before cautiously opening it. Peeking out to see who it was.
Judd was stood there, a stormy expression mixed with worry, anger and frustration. His eyes softened a little upon seeing you, relief flickering across his face. Adorning a vintage black sabbath tee, an old flannel, his usual ripped jeans and converse.
Your lip wobbled upon seeing him, fresh tears filling your eyes as your vision turned glassy. You'd never been so happy to see another person. He scooped you into his arms, the heavy musk of his cologne and all too familiar shampoo filling your senses. Lingering with the after scents of weed and whiskey. His arms wrapping around you as he pushed your face into his chest. "You look like shit, who's nose do I need to break?" he asked soothingly, a hint of a threat in his voice.
You sniffed, burying your face into his chest, any other time you'd be able to appreciate the outline of his abs and back muscles. But all you could think about was how safe and relieved you felt. Knowing he'd come to check on you after all the fallout. You swallowed your tears, feeling guilty about getting tears and snot on his clothes. "I... I don't.... everyone w... was.... they were all talking. Their words, it just hurt so much" you babbled tearfully.
Judd cupped your face in his hands, his intense green eyes boring into yours, a sense of calm and comfort filling you. "I date who I want to date, no Weasley little fucker gets to decide that. Half of these wannabe's act inclusive and open minded. But look at how they all became judgmental gossipy bitches the minute they found out we were dating". Complete strangers acting like they had an insight into your relationship and happiness. You softened, he really had a way of making you feel better, even if it was blunt. He was right, Judd chose to date you, he made you smile and he made you laugh. He wouldn't be dating you if he didn't like you. Remembering how he groped your ass the first time you made out with each other.
"Leah already got wind of everyone who was heckling you, best believe she took it to her socials. She even went to the dorm leaders to complain. She doesn't look it but she can be scary when she wants to be. If someone gives you trouble again she'll know about it" he explained. You imagined that, Leah and her friends ganging together to find out who was giving you trouble. Gaining allies online and giving your exes shit, while also encouraging the dorm staff and college staff to protect students better.
"I owe her one for that" you smiled
You sighed, breathing in Judd, he was casually resting on your bed, his head comfortably on your pillows. Your face buried in his chest as you laid atop him. Exhausted from your anxiety spiral and the stress of the day. You had spare stuff for when Judd made surprise sleepovers, some of which he had left himself. You were so glad he was here, with you, beside you.
"Aww, look at him cosying up to you, like a sexy little kitten on your chest, you could just eat him up" Mona sighed happily, watching you adoringly.
Judd watched you quietly, casually reading one of the many books from your flat. One of the many benefits of dating you, aside from graphic novels you read paperbacks. Though not all to liking, some of them he actually enjoyed. And compared to other people who borrowed books, he actually brought them back in one piece. You'd passed out, your eyes puffy from crying, cheeks flushed and utterly exhausted. You'd passed out as soon as you began to relax.
"You really bagged a sweetie pie, look at him all cosy like that. You know you're getting butterflies right now" Rochelle smiled
"Due to the adrenaline rush that occurs during a panic attack, it's been likened to running a marathon due to your body perceiving an unknown threat. Sufferers can often suffer fatigue and exhaustion for days after" Pete explained calmly.
Judd mused, it seemed tonight would be a takeout and movie night, he knew how much you loved to cuddle and cozy up when you felt like shit. Though he wasn't a fan of the Disney, cartoonish mayhem his siblings enjoyed. There were some animated films he enjoyed, not just horror or other morbid genres. You needed to eat and he knew all the foods you liked. He picked up his phone, during his years at home he'd used a burner flip phone, but after going to college he begrudgingly bought an iPhone. He could stream all his favourite music, store more manifesto notes and more. Also he could stalk you on your private social media whenever he wanted. He then angled the camera without waking you, snapping a picture of you sleeping on his chest. Smiling to himself as he admired his camera work.
"OOOHHH MY GOOOD!! That is the cutest picture ever! You have to share that!" Rochelle beamed
"Before we do that, we should ask (Y/N)'s permission, otherwise we may regurgitate more stress. Then you can share it without any issues" Pete suggested
"Petey is right, that way (Y/N) can brag about having a cute picture of them laid on your chest. And you can have that sexy memory of them gazing up at you when they wake up" Mona suggested.
You didn't remember the last time you were this ravenous, but you were inhaling food like a wild animal. You could kiss Judd for this, he somehow always remembered your favourite food. You could cry from happiness right now.
Judd sat opposite you, chewing on his food while smiling in amusement as you inhaled your food. He was relieved to see you had an appetite again. He'd be keeping a closer eye on you for a while. Just until this blew over, like hell you were facing this alone.
"Um... Judd..." you muttered
"Still hungry?" he asked, if you wanted more he could grab whatever you wanted
You laughed shaking your head "Maybe later..." you trailed off, "Just... thanks, for coming over, for getting me food, for just...being here" you mumbled
He softened "Well shit should start dying down what with Leah causing a scene, and nobody around here is stupid enough to pick a fight with me. Besides, staying with you means I don't have to see my shitty roommates for a while" he mused. His roommates were K-pop fanatics, so they all obsessed over their favourite idols and music. Thank god for headphones and locks on doors. He knew college was for experimenting and exploring, but he could have asked for more chill roommates.
You smiled, you were relieved to have good friends and a supportive boyfriend. It made the chaos of college just that much easier to cope. Meaning you didn't have to face the storm alone. "You didn't take a picture of me sleeping did you? Drooling on your shirt?" you asked teasingly.
Judd smirked "Sorry babe, you shouldn't have been so defenceless and trusting" he shrugged
You scoffed "Oh you fucker! You better not have taken an embarrassing one" you laughed
Judd smiled, tempted to tease you further by surprising you before relenting to show you the picture. You blinked in surprise before admiring the picture with fondness. It wasn't as bad as you had assumed. Your face was softened by sleep, your face buried into his T shirt and chest. Your hair a messy tousled mop, your arms wrapped around him. He'd angled it to get a side picture of you, for a better angle. There was no sign of drool or something stupid. You actually looked cute?
"I take your silence as an approval? Given you aren't wrestling me right now" he chuckled
"You could have taken a worse one for blackmail, so I approve" you agreed
Judd hummed, taking a bite of his food, watching you. You were eating, your appetite was back and you were cracking jokes little by little. You were definitely feeling better than before. For that he had some relief.
Judd is such a softie, that picture of you it totes adorbs. Hope you're doing better, Leah x
You smiled, Leah had been so supportive when she heard you were being heckled for dating her brother. You wouldn't want another person in your corner. A majority of other queer students had spoken out as well, saying how shitty it was. Since then you'd become more comfortable about speaking about your relationship with Judd, as much as you were willing to share at least. Judd had also been shadowing you, making sure nobody gave you shit. Glaring at anyone he so much as glimpsed whispering or giving you dirty looks. You'd never felt safer to be honest.
"You feel so loved right now, look at my butt, it's glowing like the fourth of July" Emmy beamed. You were truly glowing from the inside out
You blushed, you did feel loved, you couldn't have gotten luckier. You felt a weight on your head, before feeling a body behind you and smiling. Judd resting his arm atop your head comfortably, while standing behind you.
"Hey nerd, still lost in your own head?" he asked curiously. You were calmer, more focused, you weren't hyperfixating on your surroundings and you seemed happier.
You laughed, for once your brain was quiet, peaceful even "Just thinking about how lucky I am" you mused. You had the best boyfriend you could ask for.
God you were so sweet sometimes he swore his heart had to have cavities, he usually found romantic gestures obnoxious. But somehow you made sweet talk bearable "Didn't think you were so cliche" he chuckled.
You scoffed "Ok then, I'm riding a high because my badass boyfriend intimated half the college into minding their own fucking business" you responded. He'd always be in your corner and he would ensure nobody gave you shit.
God you were so hot when you got sarcastic and moody, the F bombs and sass were off the charts. Watching the usually quiet person become an entirely different one. You defiantly needed some stress relief and he knew the best way to do it. "It's not the only thing you'll be riding later" he chuckled, a mischievous smirk appeared on his face.
You blushed, your face flushing bright pink as a storm of graphic and very erotic images flashed through your brain. His fingers tracing your skin, his lips all over your body. His lips wrapped deliciously around your dick, sliding in and out of you. Your back arching and your voice filled with pleasure.
Judd chuckled, wrapping one of arms around you, knowing exactly what you were thinking about. God you were so cute it hurt.