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The night in the AHOF dorm was uncharacteristically quiet.
The usual hum of music from Shuaibo’s room, Steven’s loud singing in the shower, and Daisuke’s chaotic bickering with Juwon had all faded into silence. Some of the members were still out—some finishing up their late-night individual practices (Chih-En) and lessons, others filming content for their upcoming debut promotions (Jeongwoo and Woongki).
But JL stayed behind tonight.
Not because he needed rest. And not because he wasn’t scheduled for anything.
It was simply that his head—and more pressingly, his chest—felt unbearably heavy.
Lately, everything had begun piling up again.
Their training sessions were getting longer, stricter, sharper. Language and media training left him drained, vocal lessons left his throat raw, and the dance instructors pushed them harder with each passing day. Their debut was inching closer now—staff had started hinting at dates, schedules, concepts, styling meetings, pre-recordings, fan content.
All of it exciting. All of it terrifying.
Online, whispers had already begun.
Some people were already expecting him to stand out just because he had a bit of a name before this. Because he was “that 3-pick Filipino trainee,” the one who could speak multiple languages, the one who had already performed on various stages.
The pressure to live up to those expectations just made his stomach churn.
But what if he wasn’t enough?
What if he couldn’t keep up?
What if he didn’t deserve the attention?
He was curled up on the corner of the L-shaped couch in the dorm’s living room, wrapped in a thin blanket and surrounded by half-eaten snacks.
His phone glowed dimly in his hand, thumb absentmindedly scrolling through his timeline until one tweet stopped him:
"Happy #NationalHugYourCatDay! 🐱 Today’s the day to hug your favorite feline friend. Whether it’s your pet or your friend with strong cat energy, don’t forget to give them some love!"
JL blinked. He stared at the tweet a little too long.
It was silly, really, but the image attached to the tweet—a small, black cat curled into the arms of its human, completely relaxed—made something ache inside him.
He needed that.
He needed someone.
He didn’t want anyone to know and burden people with him and his thoughts though.
Everything just feels too much.
The excitement of their debut was real, yes. He genuinely wanted this. He chose this.
But it didn’t change the fact that his chest was constantly tight lately.
There was the upcoming MyK FESTA, where AHOF was scheduled for their first pre-debut stage—a dream come true for all of them, but the pressure to be perfect weighed heavily on JL, as always he don't wanna burden the members nor drag anyone down.
There was the solo PR ambassador event for Korean Dairy Products back home in the Philippines, which he was flying to next week. Everyone said it was a big deal. And it was—a proud moment to represent Korean products in his home country as a pre-debut idol.
But it also meant meeting lots of people, cameras, interviews, questions. Lots of questions he probably didn’t know how to answer smoothly. And he's gonna do all of these on his own.
And then…there was “Alon.”
His first solo song. His very personal song.
Recorded months before Universe League—before he even knew what AHOF was, before he met Juwon, Hani-hyung, Jeongwoo hyung, Steven hyung, Chih En, Shuaibo hyung, Daisuke, Woongki hyung, all of them—Alon was a stripped-down, emotional ballad in Filipino. It was about letting go, about standing at the shore with tears in your throat, watching something important drift away.
A song that, at the time, was a quiet goodbye letter to a dream he was almost ready to let go of. He never thought it would actually be released—at least not now, and definitely not before AHOF’s debut.
And yet, earlier, his old PH agency had announced the song’s surprise drop. No warning. No heads-up. Just…boom, there's the release announcement.
He wasn’t angry. That was part of his pre-existing contract as an artist. But the timing couldn’t have been worse.
What would people think?
“Debuting in a K-pop group but releasing a local solo song?”
"Is it just me or is this favoritism?"
“Is he going solo or what?”
“Why is his old company rushing it out now?”
“Is he clout-chasing with AHOF’s buzz?”
The thought of backlash from local fans, international K-pop fans, and Korean netizens made him physically sick. As a chronically online person and a Filo at that, he knew how cruel people could be online. Even if it wasn’t his fault, he feared being misunderstood.
He shut his eyes and pressed the heels of his palms to them, willing the stinging away.
He can’t cry. He wouldn’t cry. He shouldn’t cry.
**********************************
“JL?”
A soft voice pulled him back.
JL looked up to see Han—freshly showered, hair still damp and curling at the ends, dressed in an oversized hoodie and pajama pants. He stepped into the living room, blinking sleepily, and his eyes, though tired, sparkled in the low light.
“You’re still up?” Han asked, rubbing one eye.
JL sat up straighter, forcing a smile. “Oh—hyung. Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep.”
Han tilted his head, studying him with that cat-like gaze. “You okay?”
“Yup. All good!” JL replied too quickly, hugging the blanket around him tighter. “Just…got caught doom scrolling.”
Han didn’t say anything right away. He just walked over and plopped beside him on the couch, legs folding neatly under him.
Then he noticed JL’s phone screen. The tweet was still up.
Han smirked, a brow raised. “Hug Your Cat Day?”
JL froze for a second. And then, as if on cue, he turned to Han and blurted, “Hyung… can I hug you?”
Han blinked, caught off-guard. “Huh?”
JL cleared his throat and added in a more nonchalant tone, “It’s National Hug Your Cat Day, and you're... you know. You’re basically a cat.”
Han squinted. “I’m a cat?”
“You are! That's your official representative animal. You’ve got that whole aloof-but-soft thing going on. You nap in sunbeams, you get moody when people touch your stuff, you are picky with attention but secretly likes it and you literally hissed at Steven hyung for using your favorite mug once.”
Han rolled his eyes, but the corner of his lips twitched. “So now I’m your emotional support feline?”
“It’s a holiday,” JL said with mock seriousness. “It would be rude not to hug you.”
Han let out a small laugh. He turned to JL, voice a little softer. “You sure that’s the only reason?”
JL hesitated. The grin faltered just a bit. His shoulders dropped.
“…Yeah,” he said. “I mean, what other reason could there be?”
But Han just looked at him—really looked—the way only he ever did. Quiet. Knowing. Patient.
He didn’t push. Instead, he opened his arms.
“Come here."
JL blinked, surprised by the sudden invitation.
“You’re not gonna make me beg?” he asked, trying to keep it light.
“You already did,” Han replied with a small smile. “Now shut up and hug me, you stressed-out raccoon puppy.”
JL sank into Han’s arms, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Hani hyung was warm, gentle. He smelled like vanilla and strawberries and something faintly floral—comforting in a way JL couldn’t describe.
They stayed like that, unmoving.
“I’m scared,” JL whispered finally, voice cracking. “About everything.”
“I know,” Han replied. His hand moved to gently card through JL’s hair. “You don’t have to explain.”
“I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You won’t.”
“But what if—”
“You won’t,” Han said again, firmer this time. “You care too much to fail.”
JL let out a shaky breath. His hands gripped Han’s hoodie tightly.
“I didn’t think Alon would get released so soon,” he murmured. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m worried people will think I’m trying to be greedy or… take attention from the group.”
“You wrote that song in a different chapter of your life,” Han said gently. “Letting people hear it doesn’t change where you are now. It doesn’t take away from AHOF—it adds to the story that brought you here.”
JL didn’t respond. He just held on tighter.
“I didn’t want anyone to know I was this scared,” he whispered.
Han smiled softly against JL’s temple.
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not just anyone.”
**********************************
They sat like that for a long time, the silence full of understanding.
Finally, JL leaned back slightly and smiled, eyes misty but clearer than before.
“Hani-hyung...can we take a selca?”
Han groaned. “For what?”
“For the holiday. Duh,” JL said, pulling out his phone. “You’re my emotional support cat, remember?”
Han rolled his eyes but leaned into him anyway, the tiniest smile on his lips as JL snapped a selca with them cuddled up on the couch—JL grinning softly and Han pretending to be annoyed while clearly enjoying the moment.
Later that night, AHOF’s official account posted a photo:
🤳[Selca: JL hugging Han from behind, his face against Han’s hoodie-covered back. Han’s expression is unimpressed but fond.]
"Happy #NationalHugYourCatDay from me and my favorite cat. 🐈⬛🤎 Take care of your softest people today."
#AHOF #아홉
#JL #제이엘
#HAN #박한
Moments later, Han reposted it with:
"fine. i purr. 😶🤎 #NationalHugYourCatDay"
#AHOF #아홉
#HAN #박한
And just like that…JL breathed easier.
Not because the pressure disappeared.
Not because the worries vanished.
But because someone saw through him.
And stayed anyway.
End