Chapter Text
The rest of the Weasleys seemed to return from the feast between midnight and one o’clock. Harry heard Arthur lead George back to his room at first. Ron came stumbling back in a while later, clearly more tipsy than when Harry had left. Probably a bit drunk.
Harry pretended to be asleep, but Ron didn’t check anyway. Ron obliviously tried to keep quiet, based on how he shushed himself when he hit his leg on the dresser. Harry was sure that if he had been asleep, the noise would’ve woken him up, but he appreciated the thought. Only a few minutes later, Ron’s heavy snores echoed in the small room.
Meanwhile, Harry continued staring at the ceiling. He could hear the goul groan from time to time, but Ron’s snores drowned out most of the sound. He had tried to fall asleep earlier. He’d wanted to do so before anyone else came back, but hadn’t managed to.
The stress of the night lingered in his mind. The headache hadn’t eased. His brain played conversations on repeat. Worrying about what he’d said. Overthinking offers for future jobs he’d turned down without second thought. Not that he regretted hinting that he was interested in something else, but still. The pressure from people wanting him to do this or become that was all so constricting. He didn’t know where to go, yet it felt like he had a million hands on him pushing him in different directions. He just wanted a calm moment.
After three o’clock, he realised he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. The air in the room was hot and stifling. Ron’s snores did help keep his brain from wandering too far, but they also kept him awake. Of course, he could’ve cast a silencing charm, but the complete silence wasn’t something he wanted either. He just wanted—
He needed some air.
He slowly sat up in his bed, moving carefully so as not to make any noise. Still, there was barely anything that could wake Ron, but the slow moments felt soothing in a way. He pulled on a pair of cotton shorts and a worn tank top before carefully making his way to the door. He softly shut the door after himself and started making his way down the stairs. On light feet, he tried to avoid the steps he knew creaked the most, but missed a few since he hadn’t learned them all. He hoped that if anyone heard, they’d just assume he was headed for the loo.
Once he finally got to the bottom of the stairs, he walked across the floor. A few stars could be seen through the window, and Harry felt a sudden urge to see them more clearly. He softly opened the door and walked outside.
A few clouds in the sky, but not enough to cover the stars. A few shone bright. A few were almost invisible. He took in a breath of air, smelling grass and dew. His bare feet felt the wet grass under his soles.
He made his way further out into the yard, a wind puff ruffling his hair. He’d washed it free of hair gel in the sink after getting back from the ceremony. He didn’t like it when his hair was sticky and preferred it more loose. It looked wild no matter what, so it didn’t really matter.
Without really thinking about it, Harry sat down in the grass, feeling it tickle his bare legs. His breathing eased slightly in the fresh air. It felt a bit weird looking up at the stars. Imagining nothing was between him and them, just a big empty void. It almost felt like he could just float up to meet them. Briefly, he wondered why he didn’t. There was nothing to keep him down, so why wasn’t he flying off like he was on a broom?
Of course, he knew why logically, but that didn't stop his thoughts of how little he was. How he should be like a speck of dust flying around in a sunny room. Small puffs of air pushed him here and there, following mindlessly where the wind blew him. Maybe the wind and the stars could take him away? Just for a while. Just so he didn’t have to stand at a crossroad and think. Letting someone else choose, but not through pushing and pulling, but rather from a gentle lead.
He leaned back, lying down. There was a distant worry that an ant might start to climb on him, but he didn’t let it linger. The clouds passed over the brightest star, but it still shone through. The dew made his legs feel slightly cold, but he had no intention to move. He just lay there, staring up at the stars.
He heard the door creak after he didn’t know how long. First, he thought it was the wind. That he’d forgotten to close the door fully after going outside. But then he heard steps in the grass behind him.
Turning around, he saw the silhouette of Charlie.
Neither said anything as Charlie sat down beside him. He didn’t ask. He just stared up at the stars. Harry, too, turned his face back towards the stars. The moon had also risen, merely a small sliver in the sky.
Harry felt like it should be weird sitting outside with Charlie in the middle of the night. Neither is saying anything. But it didn’t feel weird. It felt calming to not be alone. Charlie's steady breaths next to him reminded him that he wasn’t alone. They grounded him in a way, so he didn’t fly away to meet the stars. But he didn’t mind not flying away right now. It felt nice to land for a moment.
“Do you see the Orion?” Charlie said suddenly, still staring up at the sky. “I can often only see the belt and his shoulders.”
Harry looked into the sky and saw Orion. He wondered if that hadn’t been Sirius’ father's name. Most of the Black family had been pure-blood assholes, but Harry kind of liked the theme they had with their names. The names after the constellation and stars brought them together. If they’d been a good family, it would’ve been rather nice.
“I didn’t pay much attention to astronomy at Hogwarts, but I caught up when I moved to Romania,” Charlie continued. “Night shift looking over the dragons during hatching period could be boring. I had a friend who taught me more about the stars and the stories behind them. I don’t know nearly as much as he, of course.”
Charlie’s voice was smooth. He talked to Harry as if they were friends. It felt nice.
“I remember Dudley getting a book about the stars when he was nine,” Harry said. He didn’t know if Charlie knew who Dudley was, but he didn’t really feel the need to explain. “He got bored with it quickly since it was a book. But I remember looking at it a few times, trying to understand how people could see pictures in the sky.”
Charlie nodded beside him. He didn’t add anything as they both got lost in staring at the sky. Harry tried to count how many he could see, but constantly lost where he was or which ones he’d already counted.
“Your speech today was nice,” Charlie said.
Harry almost sighed. He had meant every word and tried to make it genuine, but all the exaggerated compliments he’d gotten for it at the ceremony had made it feel like just another thing done because it was expected of him. How many had really listened to the meaning behind the words, rather than stare in awe at his face? He was about to say another empty thank you to Charlie, but he kept talking before Harry could do so.
“It felt… like you said the truth. Your truth. It felt sincere.”
Maybe Harry was wrong. Maybe someone actually did listen to the words he’d said. It was nice to know.
“Thanks,” Harry said more seriously. “I felt they deserved it. The ones we lost.”
Charlie nodded.
“It’s the east I could do,” Harry added.
“I think you, least of everyone, owe anyone anything,” Charlie said. Not in an overly praising or starstruck way. More like he actually believed it in his heart.
“I’m not sure about that,” Harry said. “People always seem to expect more of me. I can't— I can’t live up to what they wish for.”
“That seems more like their problem than yours,” Charlie said, not unkindly. “You can’t steer people's expectations. You can respect them, but you gotta put the value they hold for you yourself. No one else can tell you what matters in your life.”
Harry felt a bit baffled at Charlie’s answer. He didn’t say it in a mean way, but more in a simple way. Like it was a simple thing. Maybe it was. But in Harry’s brain, it was so much bigger. Weighing everything on one scale. He didn’t know how to separate it all yet. He knew doing something one person wanted meant disappointment from another. It never seemed to level out. He couldn't even begin to think about what he wanted. Anytime he tried, someone cut it off with another expectation. He felt like he was twisting himself in every direction, yet pleasing no one.
It all felt like an impossible puzzle. One that he just couldn’t figure out.
“You know, my mum never wanted me to move to Romania,” Charlie said. This wasn’t exactly news to Harry, but he listened nevertheless. “She didn’t want me to work with dragons either. Dad seemed worried too. Bill had just moved to Egypt, so he kind of took the brunt of it before me. Still, it isn’t easy to go your own way.
“It’s hard to leave to find your own path, but it’s worth it. You’ll get a bit lost along the way, but that’s natural. You gotta take those first unsteady steps. But first you gotta find that path, and no one else can do that.”
Harry sat quietly, letting Charlie's words sink in. He knew in his heart he needed to decide for himself, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t have anyone to really ask. If his parents were alive, maybe he could’ve asked them. Or Sirius. Or Remus. How does one know if becoming an Auror is right? He would be good at it. So far, he hadn’t died despite what he’d been through. It was what people expected of him.
Or maybe he should just go back to Hogwarts to study? To have more options to choose from?
It seemed like an easy choice, but it wasn’t.
“It's getting cold, we should head inside,” Charlie said, sitting up.
Harry did the same without really thinking about it. Before standing up Charlie put his hand on Harry’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. It brought him back from his thoughts that had started floating away again at high speed. It grounded him.
Charlie only held his shoulder for a second before letting it go and standing up. But it was enough. Harry stood up and followed him back inside.
As he lay in his bed back in Ron’s room, he heard a few birds starting to sing outside the window. Somehow, he managed to fall asleep despite the sun coming up. Despite the bird song and Ron’s heavy snores.