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Okarun had always thought Miss Ayase looked the most beautiful by starlight. The night that they met, she had gone from his savior, to nearly a goddess, to a friend. When he told her his name, for a moment before the ship behind her exploded, her eyes had shone with a light that had nothing to do with the night sky. Okarun wondered if he had known then how completely they both already belonged to each other. It was hard to remember a time when he hadn't been in love with her.
He turned his head on the pillow and gazed over at her sleeping face, soft in the light from the window, her breathing gentle and her bare shoulder and arm extended over the sheet.
They had been together-finally, officially together- for a while. The first few times they had kissed were all her doing; she had no problem expressing her need for touch. More recently, though, with reassurance from her, he had started to make the first moves, to let her know what he wanted. It was still hard for him to believe sometimes that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
Okarun lay back against the pillow and pressed his palms to his eyes. Last night had been more than he could have dreamed, but now, alone with his thoughts in the dark, he couldn't help but feel…selfish? Selfish, to have gotten what he wanted? That wasn't it. If nothing else, Okarun was sure she had been as ready and pleased as he had been.
They had been kissing in her room. Their arms around each other, fingers twined in the other's hair. She had pulled back to look at him, really look at him, glowing and flushed, and something in him broke. His chest swelled. He had never been so sure of them, that they were and would always be perfect for each other. Before he could think, he had tossed his glasses onto the floor and was kissing her deeper than he had before, pulling her tightly to him.
A quiet humming made him open his eyes and look at her again. Her lips parted and twitched. Tentatively, he reached out and stroked a fingertip lightly over her knuckles. She let out a small sigh and relaxed back into sleep. Watching her sleep, he felt as though he could burst from tenderness. He wanted nothing but for her to feel safe and comfortable with him, to be the man that she so deserved. As her breathing evened out, he wondered if he could be enough for her.
He had never been so bold before, and stopped after each new touch to be sure he was giving her only what she wanted. Every time, she said yes with no reservations. He felt apart from the world, apart from his often timid and doubting self. His only anchor was her, the sounds she made and any sign that she wanted more. When his enthusiasm was too much and he came in her hand as she touched him, he thought he had ruined everything, that she would be disappointed in him. Instead, she had looked so pleased with herself, smiling smugly as she lay back on the bed. She knew exactly how she made him feel.
For a moment, he was motionless, unable to think straight as she gazed up at him, and he at her. He kissed her once, as lovingly as he could, and he felt her hips move against him. He broke the kiss, letting his eyes linger on her lips, and shifted. He was eager to make her feel good, too. Disappointing her, leaving her wanting, was unthinkable…and there was something he very much had wanted to try. He lowered his face between her legs, glancing up shyly to gauge her response. Her wide, dark eyes gazed at him, cheeks pink and lips red and parted as she panted. She met his eye and said, so quietly, “Please.” Thank god. Okarun tipped his face down and kissed her and kissed her until she was shaking, then kept kissing until she stopped. The thrill he felt when she cried his name was unlike anything he felt before. He thrummed with the power that loving and being loved gave him.
Now, in the dark, as the woman he loved slept peacefully next to him, familiar self-doubt crept back in. They had held each other and traded whispered nothings late into the night, but sleep hadn't come for Okarun. He loved her so dearly it surprised him sometimes, and to think that her love for him matched that…that she could feel as strongly and achingly as he did…for him…He slapped his hands to his cheeks and shook his head.
No.
No. She loved him. She loved him. She made it clear time and again that she wanted him, that he was the one she wanted to be with. When they talked together, she wanted to hear him as he wanted to hear her. Holding hands sent the same fire through her as it did him. When they kissed, she felt the same desire that he did.
She would always have him to rely on, and that meant he could trust her, too. He had nothing to prove, but he would still spend every day being the man she deserved, for no reason other than that he loved her and she deserved it.
She deserved him.
Okarun lay awake as the night deepened. When her breathing grew uneven again, his initial thought was to wake her. At first, he held back, thinking he selfishly only wanted to feel her eyes on him, erasing the last shreds of his doubt. But as her brow furrowed and she started mumbling, his excuses fell away. It was okay for him to want, to give and receive love and comfort in equal measure. Decisively, he reached out and took her hand. If her presence comforted him, his would do the same for her. “Hey...wake up. It's just a dream. I'm here. I'm here.” He ran the back of his hand over her cheek.
She took a deep breath and her eyes fluttered open. Her face was blank until her eyes found his, and she smiled sleepily, her eyelids still heavy. He stroked her hair. “You were dreaming. I'm here.”
Her eyes closed again and she nuzzled into his shoulder. “Mm…Okarun…” she breathed as she settled against him. Gratitude and assurance, rather than guilt, flooded his body and he drew her closer. His heart sped when she looked up at him, her sleepy state leaving no mask over the adoration in her eyes. They glowed up at him with a light that had nothing to do with the night sky shining through the open window, and Okarun thought to himself that Momo had always looked the most beautiful by starlight.