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It’s over for me. After spending years carefully controlling my image and making sure that my personal life stays completely separate from the professional life my entire life if ruined. All because of my need to get laid.
I knew I was gay from a very young age and also quickly learned how to hide it. My mother died during my birth and my father wasn’t exactly the best parent. I rarely saw him and was never able to live up to his expectations. He expected me to become the perfect heir to his company and no matter what I did it never felt like I was good enough.
Though, I really left myself go in college, I was dumb and felt like I was invincible. I’d go out and sleep with whoever would have me, discovered my love for BDSM, and quit trying to please my dad. I stopped studying, quit the workout and diet program he made for me when I was 12, and wore the ugliest color combinations and patterns I could find. It was the best years of my life, until one of my Ex’s decided to send some of the photos he took of me to my dad to try and blackmail him.
My father was, obviously, furious with me and quickly made sure that those pictures, and any other pictures of me, were erased. I finished my degree online, from my father’s penthouse suite. During the days I was his shadow expected to follow him around at every moment so I could “learn all the trade secrets” when in reality he just wanted to make sure I didn’t embarrass him any further.
He made me go to therapists to try and “fix me”, made me confess to a catholic priest, and even tried to make me get an exorcism. It was too much, I broke down, there was nothing else I could do. I followed his every word, just like he wanted me too. I wore the suits he picked out, worked when he told me to work, went to the events he approved of and that was it. All in an attempt to make him look at me with anything other than disgust.
That was until I found out that my dad had a secret back-up heir that he had been perfecting all these years in case I didn’t make the cut. And no matter what I did I’d never be able to fix my image and earn taking over the company from him. But what the fuck am I supposed to do?! I’ve never had another job before and barely learned how to take care of myself, its not like I could just up and leave. Inheriting my father’s company so when I had been raised to do, its not like I can just completely start over.
So even when he kicked me out of his penthouse and transferred me to the other side of the country, I couldn’t bring myself to quit. Even when he formally announced that I would not be taking over the company, I didn’t leave. And I still didn’t leave when at one of the conferences I went home for, he called his new heir “the son he never had”. I just couldn’t work up the nerve to leave.
I quickly gained a reputation around the Eastern regional headquarters as the cold and aggressive son of the CEO. I became to untouchable, stiff regional manager in order to hide that fact that I was secretly an alcoholic that was barely able to stay awake during meetings. So, when I met Chanel at the pub I frequented, and heard that she was opening a BDSM club nearby I took it as the opportunity I needed to try and get my life together.
I was able to cut back on drinking and started taking better care of myself. Finally, I rewarded myself with a membership at the club, under Chanel’s insistence that no one would be able to take pictures or videos to use against me. But I wasn’t a young beefy college student anymore. There weren’t many people in the club that would be willing to top, let alone dom a larger, 37 year old bear.
Mainly resulting in me ending up being the rebound when one of the doms, got out of a relationship and just wanted to fuck around before actually looking for a relationship and leaving me depressed and desperate. So, when I finally found a dom that tolerated spending regular time with me I was thrilled. Id have done whatever it took to make sure that he doesn’t leave, even if it meant pushing my limits to make him happy. Including agreeing to a public scene that led to my current crisis.
After running off the stage I slammed myself against the bathroom door, gunning for a stall as I felt myself getting nauseous. I skidded to a stop and proceeded to empty my stomach into the toilet as I had a panic attack on the floor. What was I going to do now!? My new subordinate just watched me get beaten for who knows how long. What if he tells someone or tries to blackmail me? WHAT IF MY FATHER FINDS OUT? I can’t go through that again, he’d really disown me this time and if I lose my job and get outed as a sexual deviant there’s no was id be able to find a job.
This is it, I fucked up again, I’m going to lose my job, all my money, my apartment, everything. I should’ve known something was going to go wrong. I don’t deserve to be happy. Maybe it would be better if I just –
Suddenly I feel two strong arms wrap around me, and my head falls into the crook of their neck. I’m too overwhelmed to process who it is but they smell like teak wood and vanilla. I feel them calmly whispering into my hair as they hold my head, but I can’t make out what they’re saying. My arms shakily come up and start grabbing at the stranger’s shirt, tightly fisting their shirt as if my life depends on it.
“—you’re okay baby, just breath, I’ve got you”
His sweet voice penetrates my head, and I automatically feel myself relax. His tone is gentle and familiar, and something inside me automatically trusts him to take care of me. I still feel lightheaded and dizzy but mostly I just feel tired at this point. I finally bring myself to lift my head and see that my savior was actually Marcus and feel myself immediately start panicking again.
“Shhh shhh shhhh, Its alright love, I’m not going to hurt you. Can you take some deep breaths for me please.” I feel his chest calmly expand and contract against mine and feel my body automatically move to mirror it. “That’s it, good boy. I’ve got you; you’re going to be okay.” I don’t even know what to feel anymore. I’m confused and scared and too overwhelmed to process everything that’s happening.
“Alright love, can you stand up for me please. Then we can get you home so you can rest, okay?” Marcus helps me stand up, but when he moves to pull away from me I can’t bring myself to untangle my fists from his shirt. I don’t know what to do until I hear him say “It’s okay baby, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere I promise.” I feel my arms slowly loosen as he pulls away just enough to wrap a warm coat around me, before he pulls be back into his side to lead me out of the bathroom stall.