Chapter Text
“Gordon.” …. “Gordon, are you awake?”
Gordon shuts her eyes tighter and presses her cheek deeper into the pillow. It’s cold. She brings the blanket closer to herself. She doesn’t really want to move from the comfortable position she’s in right now and opts to sink further into the mattress.
“Gordonnnn.”
The proximity of the whine has her jolting up suddenly. She lifts her head, though her mind lags behind a few seconds. She yawns. She’s mildly annoyed.
“…What?”
Benrey’s laying across from her. This wouldn’t be too alarming, in fact, waking up with Benrey close to her in some way was increasingly normal (she’s not sure how to feel about that). What was shocking was that she was wearing their blanket on her hips — and nothing else.
“Oh mygod, you’re naked.”
Gordon flinches and sits up. She immediately adverts her eyes away from Benrey and her growing smirk. Still, the image of her lingers in her mind. She shivers, both from the chill and where that train of thought was leading her. What was wrong with her? This was probably another one of her stupid pranks. She doesn’t know why Benrey’s getting such a kick out of…
Her eyes fall. “GOD, I’M NAKED.”
She scrambles for the blanket and raises it to her shoulders while the other laughs obnoxiously. She whips her head back to Benrey, who since hasn’t moved where she laid, staring unapologetically. She can feel her face burning the longer she remains still.
“What, what the fuck did we do last night?!”
Her brain still feels foggy from sleep and her memory is ebbing in much slower than she feels comfortable with. She knows they fought, and they, er, (there’s no dancing around it) kissed. How could she forget that?
“Oh, we FUCKED, like, all night.”
She glares at them and holds the blanket higher. “Okay, now I know you’re bullshitting me.”
“And, yeah, you know, you were practically SCREAMING for it—“ Her smile climbs.
“HOLY SHIT, shut up!” She hits Benrey with a pillow, and then again for good measure. “Please stop talking.”
“And you were like, ‘Agh, BENREY, please.’ And I was like, ‘Wuh. Well. If you, uh, you’re bitching about it.’” She does a shrugging motion. “‘OK.’”
“You’re actually disgusting.” She puts her head in her hands. Bits and pieces of last night fall into place the further she sobers up from sleep. Her skin itches. Benrey was absolutely talking out of her ass, but… “Why did I sleep with you…”
Benrey leans forward and makes a grabby motion. “Round six?”
“WE DID NOT GO FIVE ROUNDS.” She throws the pillow at her. “One is generous! And you’re the only one who— Mmhpff…!”
Benrey interrupts Gordon with a kiss. It’s abrupt and
passionate enough that she forgets what she was even trying to say in favor of biting at their thin lips. Benrey immediately reacts by grasping her arm.
The metallic tang of blood still lingers from earlier.
Gordon would’ve expected to have to peel Benrey off of her, but they seem to retract willingly, flopping back onto the bed. They make sure to kick at Gordon’s legs as she lays down, much more dazed than Benrey seemed to be.
“Quit it, asshole.” She kicks them back. “…I’m going back to bed. I can’t deal with this.”
They make a mocking sound but stop their assault. She watches them for a minute. It’s so weird to see them like this. Not because they’re naked, but to see them without this almost stupidly pitiful hope resting on their shoulders. They had a strange way of twisting her heart and making her feel guilty about things she’d never felt guilty for.
She didn’t feel guilty right now. Maybe it was because Benrey’s expression was akin to a cat that had gotten its cream — a real shit-eating disfigurement of a smile. Well, forget that. Her issue was that they were on the other side of the bed.
“Don’t act like a stranger now.” She grabs them by their arms and tugs them over until she can rest her hands on the small of Benrey’s back. She can feel them stiffen, their hands awkwardly outstretched until settling on her back as well. They clearly weren’t expecting this, or, for some reason, to be allowed to do this. “Coulda’ cuddled earlier if you didn’t fall asleep first.”
“Uh… What?” Benrey tangles their legs. “Proof?”
Gordon traces the bones that jut from Benrey’s back. As she goes down their spine, they shiver, though otherwise make no comment. Their skin is smoother than she expected and cold to the touch.
“This cool?” She whispers against their neck.
“Y-Yuuup.” Benrey drums their fingers to the tune of what she vaguely recognizes as a Playstation game.
It’s hard for Gordon to truly grasp the fact that Benrey had never done these types of things. She lets her nails drag lightly over their skin. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t like Benrey’s complete inexperience though. It was finally something they couldn’t fight her on.
“Goodnight,” she says.
She can almost feel Benrey’s rapid heartbeat. They swallow. “Bed bugs bite.”
Curiously, she snakes her hand to their chest. They wriggle in annoyance. “Quit feeling me up, Freeman. ‘M tryna sleep.”
“Just, uh, hum yourself melatonin Sweet Voice.” Their heart is fast, similar to last time. “I’m busy.”
“Fuck you,” they bite back.
“Yeah, yeah.” She removes her hand. “Forgot you think everything is perverted.”
Benrey scoffs. “Acting like you got a crush on me.”
“Whatever, man.”
“Do you?”
“Seriously?”
Benrey whistles. “Deflecting.”
“Yes.” Gordon grabs their head and shakes it around with a laugh. “Dumbass.”
“Stawwwp.” They push her face away.
“Fine, fine.” She lets go. Benrey takes the opportunity to hug her around the waist. “Don’t clip through the bed again.”
They ragdoll to get out of answering, which she assumes is the end of their conversation. She doesn’t argue further and lays her head back down into her pillow. It’s late enough that it doesn’t take much time for her to fall asleep.
Though, in the few minutes she was conscious, she stares at Benrey, who otherwise might as well be a corpse. They barely — if at all — move, apart from the occasional buffer. She finds herself drawn to the contrast of their hair and skin, though it doesn’t last very long as sleep soon overtakes her. She lets out a final, tired sigh.
——
Gordon’s eating at the hotel salad bar, which was surprisingly well stocked. There weren't any other hotel guests around, though this wasn’t surprising, considering this was a late lunch at best. She supposes people don’t visit Washington just to live in their hotel rooms.
Benrey sits across from her in his usual get-up: a button-up and slacks. If he wore his helmet, he’d have a striking similarity to when they first met. He’s eating a bowl of croutons.
“I’m used to youuu, uh. Eating like shit.” Gordon winces as he crunches down on about five croutons with his mouth open.
“Cuz I’m broke.” She has a mouthful of salad. “And I never go grocery shopping.”
“Sounds like a you problem.”
“…Yeah? It is.”
“Gottem.” Benrey leans back and spreads his legs.
Gordon gives him a look as she takes another bite. “Hey. Just to say it now, sorry about the whole selling you out thing.”
“Ughhhhhhhhhh,” he groans. “Told you I don’t care.”
“But you did.” She points her fork at him.
“Yeah, whatever,” he dismisses quickly. “Over it. You are, you’re just pissing me off now. Three-starred the level and got all the hidden objectives, ‘kay.”
“But—“ Gordon flinches as Benrey suddenly clips through the chair and floor, disappearing from view. “You’re fucking impossible to talk to.”
“Why is, uh, why are you talking to yourself, idiot?”
“Okay, well, since you’re still here. Just, like, an FYI. I’m not gonna just hand the headset over.”
“‘Kay.”
“I… hope that was obvious? Because, I, Benrey… God, I can’t do this when you’re sticking halfway out the floor.” Gordon stands up. “Nevermind! Not like you care.”
With a grunt, Benrey apparently turns on their collision and ends up sprawled across the floor. “Tell me?”
“No, you’re right. It’s already over with.”
“I wanna hear.” Benrey tugs at her pant leg. “Friend?”
Gordon resists the instinctual urge to kick him. “Get up, dude.”
Benrey scrambles upward at an almost embarrassingly fast pace. The issue, she thinks, is that he doesn’t get embarrassed at the things he really should. He pretends to dust himself off as she sighs. “So?”
“Ugh.” She steels herself. “I… Okay, yeah, whatever. I actually like you. As in, like, I want you in my future, and not just, with you until I’m not. Because I’ve come to realize, no, not really, more like accept, the fact that I’m not crazy, and that you’re actually… Something.”
She grabs his shoulders as he opens his mouth to speak, effectively shutting him up. It’s more stabilizing than she’d like to admit.
“Don’t say anything dumb,” she scowls. “I’m serious. It’s just weird saying this shit out loud. Especially to you. I’m trying to, uh, communicate.”
Benrey scratches his head. “I’m, uh, in lesbians with you.”
“That’s, uhm… What?” Gordon fumbles with her words. “You flirted with me relentlessly when you thought I was a man. Are you even a lesbian?”
“I can be.” Benrey leans in.
“What?” She scrunches her face. “Is this supposed to be sexy? I literally don’t have a clue what you’re saying—“
She makes a noise of surprise as Benrey kisses her. He seems to increasingly like abusing this power in order to get her to stop rambling. It only lasts about as long as she’s shocked, then, she’s pulling Benrey off of her with a heavy flush on her face.
“I don’t want… Someone to walk in. The salad bar. And see me tonguing the air.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Benrey sits back down to eat his croutons. “Pussy.”
Gordon makes sure to shove his chair backwards before she leaves.
——
“Let’s go into this one.”
“W-Whu?”
“You look like you’re gonna freeze to death, man.” Gordon nudges Benrey’s shoulder. “Come on.”
“You do?” Benrey sizes her up.
Gordon flicks her forehead and drags her to the nearest open store. Benrey’s fingers are cold, though that was about the least ‘obvious’ cold part about them.
She was wearing a beanie and large scarf that nearly covered her mouth, paired with a sweater at least three sizes too big, baggy pants, and boots. Gordon wasn’t exactly sure why she was so cold despite this — or even how Benrey’s temperature perception worked in the first place. She never seemed to be hot in New Mexico, and Gordon herself wasn’t dressed as warmly. Her own sweater and pants didn’t exactly scream freezing, hopefully even to Benrey, so it remained to be a mystery on why Benrey thought it to be so cold.
For the past five minutes, her teeth have been chattering. Gordon tried to ignore this, but it got increasingly more obvious as they walked. First it was the chattering, and then her hands became cold, and then her nose turned red. Again, it definitely wasn’t that cold, though Benrey seemed to differ.
She was hoping a walk would clear her mind, though Benrey obviously couldn’t appreciate the sentiment. That’s what Gordon got for wanting to explore a little.
“Aw— Awww, is it, it’s too c-cold for Gordon?” she mocks. She steps in front of Gordon, who quickly dodges.
Gordon pushes through the wooden door of a smaller store with her in hand. Warm air instantly encircles her, causing her to lightly sigh and let go of Benrey. She stuffs her hands into her pockets and walks forward as the door bell chimes.
“Welcome in,” a younger voice by the register calls. She nods in acknowledgment but doesn’t respond.
They’re rather lucky; it’s an antique store. She’s greeted with a maze of haphazard shelves stuffed to the brim with any nick-nack that would fit, glass containers housing finer jewelry, and cardboard boxes both taped shut and opened. There’s enough space for the store to not be particularly crowded and enough people milling about that she can get away with talking to ‘herself.’
The wood floors creak as she walks further into the labyrinth of old toys, ceramic, and furniture. She can’t remember the last time she’d been in a store like this — likely not since she was young. Most of the things she had an interest in collecting weren’t in antique stores but in comic and video game stores.
Towards the back are where more of the toys have collected, largely things she can remember from her own childhood. Benrey seems to finally break her silence as Gordon crouches down to look at a bin of dolls in the corner.
“You playing with baby toys?”
“I used to want one of these.” Gordon points to a Cabbage Patch Kid. The hair is tangled and some tufts are sticking out, as well as some weird discoloration on the cheek. Whatever they were charging for it was probably too much. The empty blue doll eyes stare into her own. “But they were always bought out super quickly. People went crazy for these things.”
“Looks like shit.” Benrey picks it up and flips it in her hands. “Shoulda got a NES instead.”
“Dude, I would’ve killed someone for a NES.” Gordon gestures wildly. “I’d visit this computer store near me as a kid to just stare at the display for hours until I was asked to leave. I did that shit every day.”
“You get one?”
“Fuck, no.” She laughs. “Expensive as shit.”
“Lame.”
Gordon ignores her and stands up. “Oh, dude, they got a bunch of Star Wars figures.” She approaches a shelf with lines of entirely irrelevant side characters. Someone must’ve already bought out anything actually valuable. She looks up and spots a proudly displayed box with a large price tag. “Look. They’ve got the Millenium Falcon kit, too.”
Benrey’s apparently out of her realm. She’s threading her fingers together to seem busy with warming up, though by her silence, she’s clearly clueless as to what Gordon is talking about.
“Have you not seen Star Wars?”
“I, I know all about Star Wars. Like Tatooine,” she says matter-of-factly. She picks up a figure. “This is Wookie.”
“Yeah? What does he do?”
“He’s… A jedi, but he, he borders the line between good and evil. We don’t really know.”
She doesn’t bother to correct that she was holding a figure of Greedo or that she was insanely off the mark. “I’m forcing you to watch the movies at some point.”
“I’m bored.” She throws the figure behind her.
“Well, we’re in here because you were acting like you had hypothermia.” She gestures to Benrey’s bundled form. “It’s not even cold.”
“What?”
Gordon suddenly grabs her hand. “Cold. -Er than usual.”
Benrey wriggles out of her hold, clearly annoyed. “Not.”
“Don’t you control the temperature you’re at? I feel like you’re just fucking with me.”
“No.”
“No, what?”
Benrey groans. “It’s some external shit that does the hot cold. Not choosing to, ‘cuz, I’m not a, uh, idiot.”
“I thought you controlled everything about you.” She pokes her experimentally. “So you actually are impacted by certain things.”
“‘S like breathing.” She stares at Gordon’s finger. “Just happens. Can control it, but not, er, optimized.”
“I feel like it’s rare you actually tell me something about you.”
“And that’s all you’re get.” Benrey intercepts her from poking her again. “Stoppp.”
Gordon leaves the toy area to investigate the small electronics section of the store. There’s a box full of old VHS tapes, likely from birthdays and weddings that now lay forgotten. Above it is a broken typewriter on a shelf. She experimentally presses a few of the keys before realizing there’s a sign that says DO NOT TOUCH.
“You fucked up.”
Gordon ignores her to pilfer through some of the tapes. “‘Goldie’s 2nd birthday.’ Do you think this is a baby or a dog?”
“Turtle.” Benrey joins her. “‘Christmas Gone Wild.’”
She elbows her. “Shut up. It does not say that.”
“‘Batman’s Revenge.’”
“‘Pete Home.’”
“‘Cat wedding.’”
“‘McD Workplace Harassment.’” Gordon flips it. “Oh, it’s like a training tape.”
“Take notes.”
“For what? You’re the one who harassed me in my workplace.”
“I did my job.” Benrey stands up and stretches. “You fucked up your job.”
“I fucked up… Nevermind.” She sighs. “You’re impossible.”
“You fucked up,” she agrees.
It’s not worth it to argue with Benrey on this, but she still itches to tell them that it was probably their fault for being in the test chamber unauthorized. Or their persistence on her having a ‘passport.’ That definitely wasn’t a game mechanic, so she can’t begin to even fathom where they got the idea from. Though there was no use asking; they destroyed all the passports in the end anyway.
She doesn’t have much to say about the furniture section. Some pieces are definitely more worn than others, marked with faded crayon marks and scratches. The wood is warped in some areas and splintered, with a splash of white paint to hide any of the serious blemishes. Even if she did want anything, there’d be no way to take it back.
Benrey sits on one of the dressers, staring at themself through a cracked mirror. It’s circular and carefully lined with an intricate carved design. If it wasn’t busted, it would actually be quite nice.
They flatten a piece of their hair, frown, then pull the strand back out. It’s very meaningless.
An assortment of different ceramic pieces are stacked upon china plates: cats, clowns, fruits, Santas, young girls, modest ladies, biblical figures, and, of course, Elvis. It’s so cramped she’s worried that nudging one could result in another falling off, each piece a part of a careful web of stability. While there were vague sections dedicated to certain genres of vintage artifacts, it was clear the owners gave up at some point in favor of placing anything that could fit wherever.
She picks up a hardy looking snow globe of the White House and shakes it. The liquid inside has already yellowed, but the faux snow still scatters dutifully. She watches it carefully settle after a few seconds before placing it back down. If the process of replacing the liquid didn’t seem arduous, she may have concerned herself with looking at a few more.
“You should buy one.”
Benrey has decorated themself with an assortment of jewelry: necklaces, bracelets, rings, and even a rather ugly hat with a feather on the top. It absolutely does not suit them. She thinks they should stick to their more mundane look over this maximalist style they have going on.
“I’m alright.” She looks Benrey up and down. She realizes they’re donning an ugly, flaking purse to boot. “Are, er, you… Taking anything?”
“…No?” They grab a dusty pair of sunglasses and fit them on. “Ms. not-doctor Freeman doesn’t try on clothes.”
“Not at second-hand stores.” Gordon avoids a pillar of gaudy necklaces as she packs out of the tightly packed furniture area. She’s vividly aware that one false move will have her tumbling a whole myriad of things she likely couldn’t afford to replace. She avoids the infamous beanie baby mountain to escape into another room.
The store’s layout was strange, containing large rooms within other rooms. It more closely resembled a gutted house, though it had the strange quality of getting bigger the deeper one went in. The next room she entered was probably a bedroom, if she had to guess. Now, it’s filled with plastic shelves, grandfather clocks, vintage cameras, (more) jewelry, tea sets, and baseball cards. A plastic fish hangs overhead. There’s several paintings — likely prints — covering the expanse of wallpaper.
It’s a bit overwhelming. Her eyes don’t linger too long on one object, rather scanning the shelves for anything that could catch her eye. Following up from the Santa ceramics, there seems to be several dolls and statues of the man huddled in a corner. One stands high enough to be at her hip. Neighboring the Santa shelf is a collection of gnomes. Mostly plush, the type you can’t put in your lawn. Their beards are patchy and stringy.
Underneath those are cardboard boxes of books, many with their spines peeling and their pages yellowing. She doesn’t bother to flip through any. It’d be a rarity for her to visit the library on a good day.
Benrey’s creaky footsteps on the aged wood floors freeze, which is concerning enough that she turns to see what their problem was. Almost like a cat staring down a dog, they’re harshly glaring at the pile of gnomes.
“You good?”
They cross their arms.
“Is it—“ She stifles a laugh. “Sorry, I— Do you not like gnomes?!”
Being made fun of seems to reanimate them. They step back. “No.”
Gordon grabs a gnome and holds it up to their face. “Why? I think they’re pretty cute.”
They squint, then stare between the gnome and Gordon. They don’t seem amused, and their fingers look like they’re itching to tear the doll away. Her comment about them being cute seems to be pissing them off. “They’re stupid.”
“Maybe I should get one.”
Benrey openly frowns this time. They clearly detest the idea. “I don’t want one.”
“And I’ll put it on my bedside table—“
They slap the doll out of Gordon’s hands, and it hits the floor with a thud. She laughs fully this time, looking between the gnome and Benrey’s frustrated face. Her laughing, which they usually try to make her do, is probably ticking them off the longer it continues. For good measure, they storm out of the room.
Benrey hates gnomes. Gordon picks up the doll and places it back on the shelf. Weird. But good to know… There's a smile plastered on her face.
Gordon finds Benrey in another room, detangling themself from all their accessories. Most of them, aside from a few rings and the ugly purse, are now gone.
She checks there’s no one around before hugging them from behind. “Sorry, didn’t know you were scared of tall hats and white beards.”
“I’m not scared.” They turn around, causing Gordon to let go. “Are you?”
“Don’t flip this on me.” She rolls her eyes. “You freaked out over me holding a gnome.”
“What?”
“Guess I’ll go grab one then.”
“OK.” They sit crisscross on the floor.
She really wanted them to admit it. And beat their mental game of chicken. “OK!”
Ten minutes later, she’s walking out of the antique store twelve dollars poorer with a plastic bag in hand. She didn’t even particularly want the gnome; she just wanted to piss Benrey off. This seemed to be an uncharacteristic weakness of theirs that she’d have to be paid not to poke fun at.
Benrey hasn’t talked since. He seems preoccupied with watching the bag.
“You still cold?”
“What?” Benrey stuffs his hands in his pockets.
“Are you. Still cold?”
He shrugs.
“Dude, just say you don’t like the gnome.” She holds the bag in front of his face.
He leans away. “Don’t care.”
“You do.”
Benrey blows a line of yellow sweet voice at her and quickly walks away. She sputters, waving at the balls with her free hand whilst trying to keep track where he was going. They float away like bubbles, though not without leaving an uncomfortable residue on her hand.
“Hey!” She’s lucky there’s no one on this block. “Benrey!”
Gordon only manages to catch the tail end of his scarf disappearing between a gap between two buildings. The fact he was going somewhere tangible, as opposed to falling through the floor, must’ve meant he was open to talking to her. At least, that’s how she justifies quickly following him into the tiny alleyway.
His degree of standoffishness is appealing enough that she doesn’t immediately feel bad. (That’s probably something she needs to work on.)
“Hey,” Gordon calls. Benrey is leaning against a wall, his arms crossed as he watches her approach. “I’ll return it.”
“I don’t care.”
“Then, why are you,” she wildly gestures, “Like this?”
“It’s a— Gordon wants a baby toy,” he mocks. “For babies.”
She drops the bag on the floor. “I want you, er,” she instantly realizes that sounds wrong, “Not like that. Right now. But, like, more than a twelve dollar gnome doll. I just got it to piss you off. You’d literally do the same.”
Benrey wrings his fingers together.
“Okay.” She swallows. “Then, is it because… I don’t know. I called it cute?”
He pauses for a second, but it’s long enough she latches onto it. “It’s that? Wait, Benrey, are you jealous?” She holds back a laugh. “Is that it?”
“No.” He looks more embarrassed than mad.
“Wait, w, Benrey, it’s okay.” She approaches him more closely, causing him to flatten against the wall. It was like coaxing a feral animal. “Come here.”
“No.”
She grabs his arm and drags him into a tight hug. It’s very one-sided; he’s stiff and weakly resisting her. Despite this, he’s comfortable to be pressed against. She hears him grunt a few sweet voice orbs as she rocks him side to side. “See. This is nice. We’re hugging in a dark, gross alleyway.”
Benrey’s hands hover in the air and twitch. “…Yeah, yep.”
“And I like you more than the vintage gnome I bought.”
He immediately begins trying to writhe away from her. It’s almost like he doesn’t want to acknowledge that the gnome is the problem — regardless of how obvious it is. He claws at her sleeves and stomps on her boots, causing her to erupt into laughter.
“Stop, stop, let me hug you, dude!” she laughs.
He does that thing where his voice sounds like his microphone is peaking, though any words he might’ve said sound muffled and indiscript.
“You hug me all the fucking time.” She squeezes him for emphasis. “But when I…”
“I hate youuu.”
“Yeah, yeah, I hate you, too.” She lets him go, though punctuates her point with a quick kiss. The casualty strikes Benrey enough that he flinches. It gives her time to fix his sleeves, which had rode up earlier. She pulls and straightens out his cuffs.
She’s a bit shocked with herself on how casual it feels to do these things with him. The act itself feels right; there’s no hesitation in her movements nor intentions. It’s as scary as it is lax.
“Let’s go.” She grabs one of his hands and ignores the way his nails dig into her. “We gotta return this thing.”
Benrey lets himself be dragged. “You can keep it.”
“Right.”
“Gnomes aren’t trustful,” he elaborates. “They’re perverted.”
“That sounds like you.” They leave the alleyway without incident. There’s now a few people on the street, though far enough that she still feels comfortable talking. “So you thought I’d cuck you with the gnome?”
“They’re perverts,” he repeats with a shrug.
Maybe this is some weirdo way of ‘protecting’ me. She doesn’t try to look into it farther. This very well could have been one of Benrey’s weird quirks. Or maybe he was testing her, seeing how far she’d go to entertain his antics if he reacted like this. She finds herself not caring as much about his intentions as she possibly should.
“That’s the reason I’ll give the cashier as to why I’m returning it fifteen minutes later.”