Chapter Text
Obito twitched awake when he sensed something crawling up his back, like a net to trap and suffocate him.
With a sharp exhale, he raised his head from the table he was lying on, his right cheek still bearing the indents from the roughly cut wood his skin it was pushed against. His mouth tasted bitter like he had nothing but pure misery and ash in it while his stomach lurched and twisted on itself from hunger. Figured, since he couldn't even remember the last time he took a bite. Through his stomach's growling, Obito just barely made out the sounds of hail raging outside - the winter was still not letting up, but the thought did not make Obito feel anything. He could not care less if, beyond the walls of his - their - house the entire world was being swallowed by the seas or burning away like hell itself.
Even drowsy, he could only feel emptiness gaping inside. A veil over his heart, one that made him numb to his own discomfort except for the sensation of helplessness and meaningless of his own existence.
The house smelled abandoned. He hadn't bothered with lighting up the fireplace for... a while. Didn't feel a particular need to, similarly to eating. But it was for the better, since he could not permit himself to leave the house anyway. He had to stay here, at all costs. Even if dozens of kotengus would have barged in for his head, he had to stay here. He could not... he can not... he would not allow himself to be absent again. Not when he could have–
Obito gritted his teeth and tried to ball his clawed fists. It felt like his arms were made out of wood, but no, it was simply the cold biting deep into his flesh. With the fireplace dark and the air stale, the icy winds had become the masters of the house, making Obito feel unwelcome in his own domain. Hissing as he forced himself to straighten out and try to shake off some of the frost flakes on his wings, Obito rubbed his neck and face to try and slightly warm himself up. While rubbing his eyes and swallowing his own hunger, Obito took a slow look at the table where he had fallen asleep–
Wait, fallen asleep?!
The apathetic emptiness was instantly replaced with a surge of all consuming panic, and Obito jumped up to his feet, wings wide and puffed up. The bench behind his knees fell over with a thundering noise, but Obito did not hear it over his own climbing pulse and panicked breathing. No, no, how could I, it can't be happening, I wasn't supposed to, not when he is– not when Deidara– The sight of the wide table brought him nothing but horror. The cracked vase with the feather pattern, now covered in dust. The meat and the soup he was cooking before the illusionary world of happiness came crashing on their heads, long cold and blooming with mold. The yarn and the needles, haphazardly thrown back into kasa-obake's old sewing kit, dully shining now that they were not used for another artwork or to save their master's life. Pieces of fabric - black, white, brown, silk, wool, red as blood - strewn over the surface like blemished snow patches. Broken pieces of wood of different length, some carefully cut and others furiously thrown away off the table.
But no red umbrella. It was simply gone, like a puff of smoke on the wind, as if it was never in the first place. As if it was a rotting corpse that had finally succumbed to time and turned to dust.
No, no, no, this can not be–
Rapidly, Obito began to suffocate on his own hastily breaths. It could not be, he was there, he was just there before he, the absolute fool, drifted off into sleep, he had been lying there for so long, in silence, unmoving, but Obito could still sense him, he knew Deidara was still there, just barely holding onto this form, fighting to live another day and to see another night, but now, now!..
Where is he?! Who could have taken him?! How could I have been so carele–
In his fear-induced mania, Obito almost fell over when he attempted to turn away from the table and take off into the hail outside to search for his companion - or whatever remained of him, regardless of how the mere thought of that made him wish to fling himself off the top of the mountain with his wings shut - but as soon he managed to balance himself again, he witnessed something so completely unexpected that it felt like a stranger had barged straight into his home and punched him in the gut before the daitengu could even react.
Before him, just a few steps away from where he would have been sleeping on the table, stood a young man so hideously beaten that he barely looked human. In fact, back in the day, Obito had seen corpses that looked more whole than this person. Beneath the pitiful shreds of green kimono there were so many bandages that it made the daitengu wonder if they were holding him together, like a straw doll that had been chewed by a dog. But even with them covering most of his head and forehead, Obito could still see the swollen purple skin around his left eye, and no matter how the man tried, he could not get it open. His right eye, pale blue, practically gray, seemed strangely shimmery, like he was holding back tears from how much pain he was in. The man's body seemed so thin, with his gaunt cheeks and pale chapped lips that he was biting on. In his left hand - bandaged all over, shaking like a twig on the wind in a storm - was the bear hide which Obito gifted to Deidara, seemingly aeons ago. Most of his right arm was gone, leaving nothing but an ugly bandaged stump. The blanket's weight was clearly too much for the broken creature, with his legs shaking as he stubbornly tried to keep himself standing straight, so he had to support himself by pressing the stump into the straw handle of the umbrella balancing next to him.
The bright red umbrella which seemingly had been ripped apart by a storm and remade from the remaining pieces by someone with little idea regarding how to save something like that from completely falling apart.
For a few moments the two of them stood completely silently, simply staring at each other. Then, finally, the broken man managed to utter something just above a hoarse whisper, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up, hm..."
The voice sounded so godsdamned familiar, and yet it did not feel like the lips moving along with those words belonged to the one who had lived in this place since the moment Obito had built it. It is here he watched the other grow and become who he is, and it is here, in his bottomless despair and cold darkness, he began to forget what the other's human form was. He had not witnessed it in so long, a part of him had accepted that he shall forever be bound to a crudely sewn together umbrella, turned into a silent bearer of his greatest failure in the last century. It was not that the daitengu was not ready for this, but his heart still ached terribly at the thought of kasa-obake being turned into a cripple for all eternity, making him want to wail and rip the hair out of his head with his claws.
Obito was not ready to see him again. And certainly not like... like this...
This form is entirely created out of his own power, Obito's eyes widened at the sight of the bruises littering the other's skin and the stump pressed against his real form, this is the best he can muster.
Deidara can not even imagine himself whole right now.
If Obito could not previously imagine what it would feel like to be torn apart and crushed beneath the claws of a tengu, he might as well have sensed it now. His lungs felt so dangerously small that it was unbearable to make anything more than quiet gasps. All of it is because of me. Every single bruise, every single cut - I am guilty of it all.
If he was not with me, he would have still been whole. He would not have been trapped into a broken form with no way to escape it. He would not have become a cripple for life.
If I had just been less selfish, if I had allowed him to return to humans, all of it would have been avoided, and Deidara would have still had his life with no misery or agony.
The rage and hatred were rising higher and higher, like typhoon waves hitting the rocks in the middle of the ocean, all their fury aimed at himself. It should have been him, he should have been the one to have his wings ripped, it was him who should have bled out in the snow, him who could barely look at the world through the bruises, him and his goddamned past which came for him and instead almost killed his innocent companion, him who should have burned alive all those years ago, him who fought against his kin and nature and–
It suddenly dawned on Obito that his breathing no longer resembled weak hiccups. No, instead, he was towering over Deidara with his fists tight and jaw locked, wings becoming larger from the anger at the unseen enemy. Hissing through his teeth, he closed his eyes and imagined the innards of that kotengu scattered about, some of them cut with his own sword. In his mind, many more figures stood next to it, hazy and yet certainly similar to what the rotting meat on the mountainside used to be. All of them, his enemies, those who took from him, those who might have taken from him, those who will take from him. His greatest enemy lurked between them, unseen. Death.
No. I am not guilty for not abandoning Deidara in that cursed world.
He sharply opened his eyes and gazed straight at the maimed silhouette of kasa-obake. Deidara jerked, his eye turning to the floor, shoulders sagging beneath his companion's attention. A second passed, and he nearly doubled over under the weight of the blanket, but just barely managed to stay upright. His face visibly paled, sweating, as he fought to keep his balance. The bandage on his arm darkened with red.
My blame is for failing to protect him here. I should not have allowed him to leave in the middle of the night. I should not have permitted him to go alone.
I should never have presumed he would be strong enough to survive on his own simply because he is a yokai.
Even now, Obito could see how hazy Deidara's figure looked. Like a wisp of mist to be taken away by the cruel gales and leaving him empty once more. The daitengu's face grew sharper while he watched the trembling in Deidara's thin fingers which obviously flickered in and out of existence.
He is a kasa-obake, for hell's sake. Not even a human - a shadow of humanity.
The gentle fondness for Deidara and his carefree attitude to the world was being crushed by the iron fist of hatred that the miserable reality beyond his domain evoked in Obito. It used to glow beneath the shreds of red cloth and umbrella’s splinters, yet now, it began to consume everything. But Obito felt his heart burn with righteous fury and determination. The same fate will not come to pass. He will not repeat the same mistake a third time.
No matter the cost, I will protect him. I do not care what I have to do for this, but he will live. It does not matter how, I will do everything in my power to prevent harm from reaching him ever again.
I do not have anyone else besides him. I can not fail him too. Not again, not after what had happened, not when he looks like he is moments away from collapsing under the weight of his own projected form.
I should have trusted my instincts sooner. We are surrounded by danger, and only here I can ensure his safety. He may not understand this at first, he may be upset at first, but, with time, I am sure he will come to understand me… Understand the reality…
"...Obito?" his angry musings were interrupted by the other's frail voice. Deidara's gaze was filled with pain and guilt, and the daitengu could not bear it. What is he doing, why is he forcing himself to talk with me in this form, he is barely alive, every night I stared at the umbrella on the table, terrified of blinking, afraid that at any moment I will stop sensing his energy, and now he is wasting it, and for what?!
The bone-deep irritation poured out of his mouth like poison when Obito finally managed to speak with a voice hoarse and dry from disuse, "What do you think you are doing?"
Deidara twitched again, and his eye rose to meet daitengu's dark face with dull red eyes and heavy eyebags. Something like shame was casting its shadow into the empty grey gaze. Unable to bear Obito's tense silence, kasa-obake lowered his face, hiding behind the long bangs scattered across his face, "I... You looked so uncomfortable on the table. It's so cold here, hm... And, and you hadn't slept in days," Deidara's voice gave out, "You were just staring at my... my real form, hm. You are always here, without food, water, sleep or anything... I can feel how tired you are... I... I just wanted to help... I just wanted to–"
"It does not matter what you wanted," Obito growled with steel in his voice, making Deidara curl up on himself. No matter how pitiful Deidara looked, no matter how much Obito would have preferred to sit by his side and tell him that everything was going to be fine from now on, this would have only made it all worse. I can not be weak. I can not go soft now, not when I must rebuild our lives anew. If the foundation is weak and shaky like sand, everything will collapse on both of us. False hope is worse than a dagger to the chest. "Why are you in this form? You have almost been killed, Deidara, why are you wasting what little strength you have on that?"
"I–" there, there was that idiotic stubbornness in kasa-obake speaking, with the defiant jerk of his chin. Deidara still kept his eye low. "I'm... that is my real form... ugh..."
"This thing..." Obito hissed furiously, like oil hitting the blazing flames. "...is an illusion. Your attempt at imitating something you are not. While you are healthy and whole..." It hurt to even look at the bruises littering the visible skin. It hurt to think that this Deidara was better than the torn torso Obito brought back home a month ago. "...I can see why such a form would be convenient. But not when you are barely holding on. Not when you physically are suffering because of your childish whims."
"It's..." Deidara was clearly in pain, and Obito gritted his teeth when he still sounded offended at daitengu's words. "Don't... ngh... don't call my real form a whim... it's not, it's..."
"Enough, Deidara," Obito cut him off, and with one swift swipe, he grabbed the umbrella. "I will not discuss this any further."
Kasa-obake almost fell over, and his human form visibly shook all over from Obito's limpest grasp. He is in agony, the daitengu wished to scream, he is attempting to act like nothing had happened, he is still trying to make us both believe we are still living in that illusion of safety... Deidara finally raised his eye back at him, half-shut from the pain swirling in the grayish depths along with disbelief and some... unfamiliar form of hurt. Now, without anything to support his broken figure, Deidara sagged under the weight of the blanket he was still idiotically holding onto.
"I..." after struggling to speak through heavy gasps and something that sounded suspiciously like tears being suppressed, Deidara finally whispered. His hand gave out, fading out of existence, and the blanket fell to the floor, right between the two of them. "I only wanted... agh!... nted to help you, hm. Wanted to tha... ngh... ugh... ank you... for what you..." Deidara doubled over, and it was only Obito's free hand upon his shoulder that stopped the kasa-obake from falling on his face. The bandages were darkening just as the storm of hatred and agony inside of daitengu. "...you di... I'm... agh, agh! I'm sor... ry... I!.."
"Enough!" Obito barked too loudly, with too much intensity, a part of him despising himself for making Deidara flinch in fear like he was going to be hit. It does not matter. It does not matter. His life is more important than his feelings. He will have neither if he is dead. He will understand. It may hurt him now, but he will realize I am doing this for his sake. For the sake of him surviving in the battle against this cruel world. "Drop it! Drop this form this instant! You will keep to your real body until I decide you are healthy enough to take another form. Until then we have nothing to talk about!"
Deidara looked at him again, and Obito could see every droplet of sweat on his misty face. The agony in Deidara's eye, the frantic pulsation of the energy in the umbrella that spread through Obito's fingers and deep into his bones, all of it drove the daitengu up the wall, "Don... don't do this... Don't say that... I only... only wanted to help... agh!.. I need to... have to apol... gh! gh!.. pologize... I..."
"Do you hear me or not?" unable to bear the continuous searing feeling over his palm, Obito gripped the umbrella tighter, careful not to worsen the existing damage, and sent a wave of his own energy directly over the other's real body. His hold made Deidara freeze, practically unable to breathe, shaking like a moth in a web. "Do I have to force you out of this form? I am capable of this if you think I am not. Do not make me force you, Deidara," the last few words sounded suspiciously like a plea.
Deidara, now looking like a weak gust of wind would be enough to make him drift away, mumbled in a distant and quiet voice, "I... I am... You... I will do this, if you promise... Promise me you'll... ah... ngh... kgh!.. you'll think of yourself... care for... Obito, please... I'm sorry... I'm really... really sorry..."
With a single step forward, Obito easily picked up the blanket on the ground and made his way to what once used to be Deidara's bed, but now looked closer to an abandoned nest made of furs and unfinished trinkets belonging to tsukumogami - poems, tiny figurines, pencils, and more. He did not turn around to watch Deidara's human form phase out of existence, unable to keep it up with the source of that body now being well beyond his limited reach. Frankly, he felt no need to turn his eyes towards that scene.
The deafening silence in the house appearing after Deidara's sobs and cries had come to an end was all the confirmation he needed.
Carelessly pushing the mess away from his companion's bed, Obito left the umbrella on the softer part of the futon. Draping the bear fur over it, aware of how idiotic the notion of keeping an umbrella warm was, Obito intensely stared at the other's sole blue eye among the red flaps. Deidara's eye was still turned away from him, as if in shame, tears wetting its edges, and soon enough the other completely shut it away, giving up on talking with the daitengu standing above him.
Good, repeated to himself Obito. He was no longer sure whose misery was greater, the barely alive kasa-obake that he just forced back into the despised body or himself, who could still not find any escape from the endless mutterings of failure, failure, failure, FAILURE at the edge of his mind. The stinging in his palm - Deidara's overwhelming helplessness, fear and sorrow still coursing through his veins - made him wish to drag a blade across his own flesh if that would somehow alleviate the other's pain. This is for the best.
Obito slowly made his way back to the table he had fallen asleep on. Tired eyes followed the whiffs of dust swirling in the air, landing on the mold-infested food, and the dirty cups scattered around the place - the only real signs he sustained his body with anything in the last month or so. Turning his head, he stared at the long cold ashes in the furnace, unable to think of anything other than the sight reminding him of how his domain now was: empty, desolate, frozen in time. Obito sensed his fist curl in on itself, furiously rubbing his face with the other palm. Sweat and dirt collected under his claws with each furious swipe while he was trying to fight off that endless hole he had been sucked in after coming back and stitching Deidara as best as he could.
Get yourself together, you pathetic roadkill.
If that was not for you growing lax and complacent, if you had not decided that a tsukumogami could ever survive on his own unprotected, Deidara would not have been in this state.
Now that the kasa-obake could no longer see his expression, Obito furiously bit into his lower lip, adamant on suppressing the sickening wave of terror which engulfed him every time he thought of Deidara's limbs scattered on the ground, soaking the snow in his blood and his eyes reflecting the cold and uncaring moon above. He could see it every time he closed his eyes, and he sensed his expression disgustingly scrunch up every time it happened.
Deidara could not see this. This was not an expression of someone who could protect him. This was not an expression of the one who invited that cursed bastard with his past, and the one who failed to come to his aid in time.
No more.
This shall never happen again.
After taking a few deep breaths, Obito pressed his hands into the table. The silence in the house felt oppressive, even with him knowing that Deidara was alive, that he could - possibly - recover from the things that kotengu did. The two of them were safe, but his restless heart knew the truth.
We will never be safe. At least Deidara never will.
A mouse can never become as strong as a hawk. Wood can never persist through storm and fire as steel.
If I am to give Deidara what he deserves, if I wish to never lose him as I did with those before... I must become as steel.
I can not show any weakness to this world, or it will take from me again and again, until I am left with nothing. Deidara does not deserve such fate.
Even if it will upset him, his safety is the priority... I must simply give him what he needs here, where I can protect him at all times.
Watching the grime covering the house, Obito curled his lips in disgust.
What a joke I am. Imagining myself as some sort of savior whilst this is the pigpen I am keeping the two of us in. No, this will not do.
Irritatedly flapping his wings to flung off some of the dust and unmelted frost collected there, Obito turned and searched for a bag to throw the trash out. With its weight between his fingers, he returned to the table with a blank expression. Uncaringly, he began to throw all the mold-smeared plates into it, the noises of them crashing disturbing the unsettling silence of his abode. He liked it. It made him feel like some life was returning to the place. If he distanced himself from his movements enough, he could even imagine he was crushing the bones of the brat that almost ended Deidara.
His hand did freeze in hesitation when the only remaining piece of garbage on the table was the broken vase with the feathered pattern. Clutching on the bag tighter and knitting his eyebrows, Obito slowly dragged his index claw across its rim.
It was a gift from Deidara.
And it is broken now. It is useless.
But it could probably be fixed...
And how exactly? You have no skills when it comes to molding the clay, and you would have Deidara waste his strength on this piece of garbage? You would distract him from healing with these idiotic ideas of his arts?
Then, whenever he is well...
And how long would it take? Weeks, months, bloody years? You would have this sentimental piece of trash taking up the space in the house, doing nothing but collecting dust? Please, enough with this naivete. You have much more important matters to attend to.
Obito's fingers, reluctantly, took the vase by its rim. Even now, it surprised him how familiarly the indents on it felt, just like his own feathers. A true piece of art.
...he can make more, once he is better. Once I see he has enough strength for that.
He would have gotten rid of it on his own anyway. Undoubtedly, he would. It is quite old by his standards anyway.
CRACK
With a thunderous noise, the vase fell into a million pieces, quickly blending in with the rest of the trash in the bag. Obito sighed in relief, satisfied with completing the first step on the road to rebuilding their lives.
He did his best to ignore the nagging feeling in his chest whenever his eyes would drift away from the bag he was carrying to the door and onto the umbrella covered with the blanket. It does not concern him. He should only be thinking of recovering. This is all for the best.
He barely sensed the passage of time in the following hours. After having all of his consciousness consumed by one horrifying thought of sensing Deidara's presence vanish right on that table, leaving him with nothing but remains of a broken umbrella, it was good to finally be distracted with something useful, be it swiping the floors, rekindling the fire or wiping off some of the dirt of his own body with a rag.
But he could never quite bring himself to leave Deidara unattended for too long. Even while leaving for the yard area to get the some snow to be melted later or discard the trash, a gnawing restlessness would quickly fill him up, until a few minutes later he would drop everything and come into the house again, his eyes feverishly searching for the umbrella's outline in the dim light from the fireplace. But Deidara stayed unmoving the entire time. Likely focused on recovering, just as Obito hoped he would.
Only after making the house look somewhat acceptable did Obito remember to eat. With so many things on his mind - future dangers, his enemies, possible wards on his domain and other ways to protect Deidara - he could not be bothered with a proper meal. All of their stockpiled vegetables and meat had long since rotted away, so Obito simply caught a finch flying past the rooftop. Its tiny plump body was not enough to sustain an adult kotengu, much less a daitengu, but it was good enough to keep his stomach from growling for the time. Its hot flesh certainly tasted better than the thin rats that Madara would make him eat whenever he would fail with his training.
With warm blood and feathers sticking to his chin, Obito simply stared at the red umbrella within the house while he was sitting on the porch, his wings around him to protect from the hail raging around him. As his hearing was overwhelmed with the noises of small bones crunching under his teeth, he did not think to offer Deidara a piece, nor was he concerned with Deidara growing cold from the freezing wind coming from the open door.
After all, tsukumogami did not require food and their real bodies could feel neither cold nor warmth.
"The weather is so nice today..."
Obito slammed the door shut, all of his innards feeling like they were made out of rock. While he did manage to compose himself somewhat, standing straight and no trembling visible on the outside, wings laid against his back, his fists were still tightly held. The nails were no longer thin and sharp like tengu's, but blunt and pale like human's. Even after washing his hands off in one of the many creeks flowing in the mountain side, Obito would have still preferred to have as little evidence of blood on his body as possible.
Again. Another one.
Staring at nothing in particular, Obito slowly sighed, reigning his own heartbeat and forcing it not to hit against his eardrums. But one accidental stimuli - crackling of juices in the meat in the fireplace, or a branch falling in the distance, or a chair creaking under another's weight - and the noises of skull crackling and wings ripping off a dark haired woman's back returned to him. The image of another dead kotengu remained in his mind like a goddamn curse. It made him feel trapped in his own walls, in his own domain, where he is supposed to be the highest authority of all; his hands still felt dirty after disposing of that trash and dragging it off into the nearest cave for animals to eat.
Cursed vultures, all of my kind.
These days, he was hardly able to catch enough sleep. First, it was Deidara who, months earlier, was still in his earliest stages of recovery and would sometimes wake up, sobbing from the pain, calling for him in the dark. Each time Obito would land from the rafters and stay by his side. But now, while seated on his own perch, right beneath the rooftop, his heavy eyelids would shoot up quickly after a few hours when his ears would pick up on the noises of someone's large wings waving close by. Most of the time it was his own fears playing a cruel joke on him, but each time he still went outside and checked.
The encounters like today's did not alleviate his inner turmoil. Since the day of Deidara's attack, three more kotengus appeared on his door step, including the one Obito had slain today. Thankfully, all of them were on their own and became easy pickings for Obito patrolling his territory, who never left the house without bearing at least two weapons. This was where the positives ended, as the innate daitengu reclusiveness and his own never-ending paranoia about his kasa-obake being taken away from him were constantly screaming at him, leaving him unable to focus on anything besides searching for more enemies lurking right behind the corner, leering as they dreamed about bringing ruin to his domain.
His rationale repeated to him that he should not have killed that first kotengu. With the brat's death, he must have exposed his location after so many years away from even the slightest presence of other tengus. Were those he had killed part of that kotengu's crew he mentioned? Or were those someone else, someone who knew the dead one and used his findings to try their luck at taking the mask of Madara's heir and Kitsune's Slayer? It didn't matter, as, in the end, the brat's corpse had long since rotted away and became food for the grass in that clearing he never visited again. He should have beat the lights of out him, he should have made him scream and beg until he swore to never cross him again, he should have ripped his tongue out and shoved it into his ey–
Though, his own heart continued to whisper that he was right. That piece of shit deserved no other fate. For daring to harm Deidara in such a way, Obito should have turned him from inside out while somehow keeping him alive, torturing him for days until he finally joined his rotten ancestors, and even then all of it would have not been enough to pay for months of pain and fear his kasa-obake had been subjected to.
"Obito?.. Obito? Is everything okay?"
They were challenging him, of course they were. All wanted to take what was his, each stretching their foul claws for his mask, to lay claim on his lands. They wanted him afraid, cornered, desperately thrashing as he was pinned like a butterfly to album paper. In their dreams, he must be running away, abandoning his domain like a joke of a daitengu. He had always been nothing but a bad egg to his kind, after all.
But I will not run, Obito's knuckles quietly crackled. He still saw his own shadow stretch over the thin figure of the winged girl who did not even hear him coming. Each and every piece of garbage which ends up in my domain will be disposed of. If they are delusional enough to believe I will not do to them the same I did to their predecessors in the war, then they should await nothing but a grisly death.
I will kill them. I will kill them all. I will paint this mountain red and adorn the trees with tengu remains if so must be done. I will not lose. I will not lose. Not again. Not again. Neve–
"Obito? Can you hear me? Obito!"
With a twitch, Obito came to his senses and remembered where he was. No longer in the wilderness, but home. The one that is supposed to make him feel warm and welcome - sensations that he could hardly feel in those months since his awakening to the direness of his reality. Turning his head away from the furnace right across the room, he found the source of the voice calling for him - Deidara, in his human form, sitting on the chair he had dragged across the room towards the window. The early summer sunshine made bright flashes dance on the free-falling bangs that flowed over his chest, making the kasa-obake look like a dandelion. He held a brush in his hands, and an old stand with bottled ink stood by his side.
Drawing. He is trying to draw again.
Obito didn't like how close to the window Deidara was. An enemy could easily notice and grab him, though he chose to say nothing in the end. He would not let any intruders this deep into his nest.
"Are you alright? You'd spaced out for a while there, hm," Deidara asked with worry brimming in his blue eyes. Obito had gotten unused to seeing them, with him trying to minimize the time kasa-obake spent in this form while his wounds were still fresh.
After replacing the broken ribs and sewing in new pieces of cloth where the old ones were torn out, the rest of Deidara's recovery was fully on him. It drove Obito mad, being physically unable to help him in any meaningful way, but none of his tengu arts could heal another yokai. Tsukumogami lived off the emotions of those around them, but Obito did not imagine his constant raging typhoon of fear and anger would allow Deidara to recover any faster. No, his time was better spent outside, guarding the mountain from any more intruders and bringing the supplies back home. Deidara had been left to heal on his own, in peace, here, using his own strength which he should have had plenty - Obito had utterly failed to protect him, but their previous life had been, thankfully, enriching and comfortable for a tsukumogami.
"...why are you in this form?" Obito opted to avoid the question. There was no need to disturb Deidara with the stories of his encounters with the tengus which kept crossing his borders. In fact, he should have never even told Deidara about how he easily dispatched them before the two of them met - undoubtedly, this gave Deidara the false confidence to fight that bloody bounty hunter.
Deidara's hand, the one holding the brush, barely noticeably shook. Blue eyes turned away from the dark ones, something full of regret filling them while he stared at the picture before him. It looked sloppy, like a child's first attempt at handling paints. Such a far cry from what Deidara used to be able to create. What he never may be able to make. "I... I just felt like it, hm. I'm tired of constantly being... that," he gave a short nod to the umbrella right behind his chair. Obito felt a rush of relief - at least the tsukumogami had positioned it more safely than his projected form. Still, he gave Deidara a disapproving look. "It doesn't hurt anymore, I swear! I-I... I mean, not as bad as it used to, hm... I can do stuff now, Obito... I..." Deidara released a shuddering sigh. "Please, I promise, I'm much better now. Just... just let me stay like this for a few hours. I miss being outside so much. Let me... let me feel normal again, even if for a bit, hm."
There was nothing normal about this. There was nothing normal about us. Obito was simply a giant fool who did not fully understand what his companion was. Who did not appreciate him and who failed to properly understand how fragile he was. I am not bringing us back to what we used to be. If I do, your death will remain imminent.
I can't even bear the thought of it.
Of course, Obito showed nothing on the outside. Deidara did not need to see him wavering, filled with doubts. One's defender is not permitted to do that. Instead, Obito pointed out, "What of your arm, then?"
He stepped closer, now towering over Deidara, while the blonde haired man looked upwards at him, but did not meet his eyes. Even underneath the attire - surprisingly, a dark purple one, one of his old kimono, which pooled around Deidara's ankles like a fancy dress - the bandages that remained over his right elbow were still visible. When the tsukumogami did notice where daitengu's gaze was focused at, he quickly threw the sleeve over it, his face growing a shade paler with Deidara's lips turning into one thin line.
"It's nothing, hm," Deidara quickly blurted out. Too quickly. Obito did not believe him for a moment. "I... Ugh, I told you already, it's just one of those things that still hurts. But I'm fine, I promise you, it's gonna get better, hm! So... so let's just drop the subject already?.."
Obito felt his own fist involuntarily clench over empty air. He bent down, bringing his face down to Deidara's level. Kasa-obake immediately began huddling in the too large kimono, his face turning back to the window while the heavy curtain of gold covered his features. Obito uttered coldly and quietly, sensing irritation starting climbing up his spine, "You almost perished, Deidara. I do not believe this is a subject that can be "dropped"."
Not now, and not in the future.
His own words felt like a whip that cracked and charged the air in the house. Both of them did not address the matter that had taken place months ago, preferring to live in the moment and trying to scramble some sort of new reality for each other. But even when attempting to push it all back, Obito still could sense the weight of Deidara's dying body in his hands, and the biting chill that passed through it right onto his hands. He imagined the same must have been happening to the kasa-obake too.
...
...
...no, it was absolutely worse for Deidara. He was imprisoned in his own body, trapped in agony with no way of relieving it for months. Only having to rely on himself to heal back from his wounds. Haunted by the pain every living moment, when even the sleep was unable to free him from his suffering.
Obito knew how it felt. He did not say anything, knowing his pity would have likely been unwelcome and been useless to actually do anything for Deidara. But hatred and anguish for his companion still poured out of Obito's burning heart as he circled the mountain, searching for those who wished to put Deidara through this again. He remembered that sensation all too well: flying and burning, falling and burning, laying in bed, most of his body in bandages, and still burning as if he perished and ended up in hell.
Obito sighed deeply and slowly blinked a few times to focus himself on the reality before him. There was no reason or time to be a wuss over what was long in the past. Deidara needed him as a protector, not as a pathetic failure of a warrior.
His kasa-obake, meanwhile, made a full body twitch and turned away from him once again. His shoulders seemed small and tense while his fingers turned white as they clutched onto the brush, seemingly about to make it snap like Deidara's real body did under the hits of that cursed kotengu. Obito focused his attention on it - he did not think he would be able to keep up the stoic demeanor if he was to see tsukumogami's expression now. This was why seeing only the real form was easier. It was harder for him to see what was on Deidara's mind. Showing his pathetic side was almost impossible in front of the patched umbrella with a sole eye full of sorrow. It was not a young man, practically a boy, with long beautiful hair and fair features which were all twisted up and shaking from agony and barely able to keep up the calm facade before tears would break out and run down his gaunt cheeks, making him gag on them. It was easier with the umbrella which did not have parts of its human form missing or disfigured. It did not haunt his mind as much as a weightless body that looked like it was about to vanish, leaving him utterly alone once more.
How Obito wished he was strong enough to keep his inner turmoil at bay for Deidara. How he hoped, desperately imagined himself remaining a calm and assuring presence when returning home after hours spent scouring the cliffs and forest clearings. But every single time he returned home, it seemed like his insides were twisted in a giant knot that was moments away from falling out and drowning Deidara in his despairs and fears.
His kasa-obake did not need any of that. He deserved to have a shield whom he can trust, and not someone wallowing in pity and doubt after failing to protect the only other person he still deeply cared for.
Deidara was breathing heavily while turned away, and his voice sounded suddenly tight and forced. He pushed the brush into the bottle while he hoarsely whispered a reply, "Can... can we not talk about that? I... I... I..." his voice cut off and for a few moments Obito watched the tsukumogami squirm on his chair in an attempt to compose himself. The daitengu bit into his lip to keep up his own facade. "I know what happened. I remember it, very well. Probably better than you do." No, you do not. I know you had already drifted off when I was trying to sew you up. I was checking on you, constantly, terrified that you must have– "Been thinking about it. All the time. I'm so tired of it. Of this. I... I promise, I feel better. If you don't like me... drawing, then it's fine, hm. I can do something else. Anything you want. I can clean, I can cook, I can hunt. If you need something, I'll do it. Just..." a quiet sob ultimately betrayed Deidara's ramblings. "Just don't make me go back into the umbrella. I don't wanna. I'm tired of it. I wanna be myself for a while. Not the umbrella. I am not an umbrella. I am a yokai. Just like you. Anything you can do, I can do too. So if you need anything, like bringing water or cutting the wood, I can do that. Just let me–"
He does not understand what he is even saying, the thoughts pass through Obito's mind like shadows. A desperate temper tantrum of someone unable to accept their place in the world.
No, Deidara, you are not like me. You are utterly helpless in face of danger. But it is no fault of yours.
This is simply what you are, it is the way you were born into this cruel world. Not to worry - perhaps fate was not kind to you, but it gave you a chance by letting your path cross with mine.
No matter what it takes, I will protect you. As long as I am by your side, death will never reach you. And then, someday...
You will come to accept who you are. All living beings do. It will hurt you immensely, I know it will. It felt like my entire world was ripped apart when I realized how wrong I was after spending so many years on the Yougou Mountain. But it will be better this way.
I will provide for your every need, and you can become the happiest version of yourself you could ever be. Not living in impossible illusions and hopes, but safe and content.
Obito's heavy hand landed on Deidara's shoulder, making the other wildly twitch from the unexpected touch and turn completely silent, not even making a single shuddering breath. Kasa-obake was still not looking at him, his chin directed downwards, eyes likely on the twisting thin fingers on his lap. With the heavy curtain of bright golden hair in the way, Obito was still unable to see Deidara's expression.
"Deidara," Obito simply began, trying to keep his voice neutral. He would rather not upset Deidara more, considering how sickly and weak the other must have still been feeling. He even thought Deidara's skin felt hotter than usual beneath his fingers and the soft cloth of his old kimono. Perhaps it was simply a trick of his mind that had forgotten what it was like to touch Deidara's human form. "It is not my intention to force you to relive that nightmare. But you are still bearing wounds months after it occurred, and, if my experience is correct, the scars that creature left on you will remain on your real form for the rest of your life," this phrase elicited something between a sob and a pained groan from tsukumogami, but Obito could not afford to acknowledge it: he must say these things while Deidara is listening. Is capable of listening. "You can not simply escape this. Neither of us can. The past can not be changed, no matter how violent and cruel it was. What the two of us can affect is the future. You do not wish to go through something like this ever again, yes?"
Silence. The tension in Deidara's shoulders became unbearable, and Obito physically sensed how the other began shaking non-stop.
"Deidara, I need you to focus. Speak with me."
Deidara started titling downwards, likely heaving and attempting to hide it. He still did not make a sound, like a wounded mouse terrified of a hawk that would tear it apart soon.
"Deidara. Deidara. Listen to my voice. If you are indeed like me, you will talk to me. I do not intend to hurt you any more. I am going to protect you," when he still received no reaction, he sat down on one knee, now on the eye level with Deidara, carefully folding the wings over the floor. "Deidara?"
"I..." Obito could barely hear Deidara's voice - it was so weak, raspy and choked. "I don't want to... Yes, I don't want to... Again... I..."
This was a relief. Both of them were going to build their future anew on this common ground. Yes, kasa-obake was yet to fully comprehend what was going to happen, but the first step was always the dreaded... "I understood you. Thank you. Thank you for remaining strong for me and not giving up," Obito made a deep sigh. He did not even wish to imagine a world where the wounds left by that kotengu would have proved too much for his kasa-obake. "Both of us know why this happened. We were careless. We did exercise proper caution. If the two of us are meant to survive in this world, then we must adapt to what it throws at us. We must change..." this made Deidara stiffen. A moment later he turned around. At long last, Obito could finally see his face. It seemed so thin and pale. The blue eyes were glistening with unshed tears and seemed hypnotically large from the sorrow within. Preferring to ignore the sensation overtaking his heart - like Deidara's pain was tearing it apart too - Obito continued, "We must be ready to sacrifice our comforts and desires for the sake of safety."
Whatever it was on Deidara's mind that made him turn back to his daitengu, it seemed like it disappeared soon. Deidara's slightly parted lips turned into a thin line, and the haggard face returned to the picture on the canvas by the window. A sunlit clearing filled with wild flowers and blots of different shades of green for the trees in the distance. A quick sketch of the world beyond the walls of their home.
And so so sloppy. Obito knew how talented Deidara was, and before that fateful night he would have never ended up something as crooked and spotty as this was.
"Deidara, please, listen to me..." Obito sighed heavily. "I do not want you wandering around my domain anymore. Not just at night - you can be attacked and killed at any moment. Those thugs do not care for the rules, they have no respect for borders or demands. All they are good for are looting and pillaging. Hells, they are only the tip of the mountain of those who may harm you. I will not forgive myself if such a thing happens again," I am never going to forgive myself for what had happened already. Obito, sensing metal in his words and hands, pushed the chair behind Deidara to turn kasa-obake in his direction. The other still stared at the window and the picture. "I implore you: do not leave the house anymore. The outside is not a kind place. I could only do so much to prevent its cruelty and filth from reaching you, but..." Obito breathed out again, "...you must realize this is quite the impossible endeavor. If we do not agree on something radical, it might happen again. And it is entirely possible I might not be able to come to your aid on time."
The silence which came after he finished his declaration was overwhelming. It felt like both of them were suffocating under its gravity and weight, under the possibility of what if and the hell just waiting to knock on their door and barge inside, ripping them apart.
Deidara, eventually, lowered his face and simply stared at his knees for several long minutes. He did not say anything, and did not move much, though Obito could notice the slight twinges in his expression, like tsukumogami was trying his best to keep up the emotionless mask. With eyes far too large and far too wet for someone attempting to show their fake composition, Deidara watched the long pale fingers of his human form on his knees, sometimes digging into the fabric of the kimono. What shadows kasa-obake was fighting within, Obito had no idea about. He could only sit by Deidara's side, tight as a string, and only pray for the other to agree to what was being asked of him.
Please do not be foolish.
Please do not be stubborn.
If Deidara decided to throw a temper tantrum now and do something foolish, when a fresh kotengu corpse was still cooling somewhere in the forest just a few kilometers below... Obito really did not want to consider what he would do in that case. All he was certain about was that it would turn really ugly really fast.
Regardless of the future, his life is the single most important thing in this house. No, my entire domain.
I will not lose him. I can not lose him.
Please, Deidara, please, understand this. Understand that everything I do, I do for your sake.
I will not stop at anything to protect you.
Finally, by the point when Obito felt like his wings were about to start shaking from the impatience and the irrational fear of having to argue with Deidara when his kasa-obake was already in such a fragile state that it seemed like a single gust of air would scatter him into splinters and shreds of torn cloth again, Deidara pushed his palms together, tightly intervening the fingers. Quickly raising his gaze from the white knuckles to the pale face, Obito listened to the other with wide eyes.
"...okay, hm," Deidara whispered. His voice was barely hearable. "I'll stay at home. I... you're right. I don't wanna be hurt anymore. Just... just promise you won't leave me?" that finally caused a break in his voice. Deidara choked, and Obito felt his soul falling through the endless dark sky when tsukumogami finally met his eyes and a single tear fell along his cheek. "I don't wanna... I... I can't be alone. It makes me think I'm still there... by that creek, hm. Please stay with me, I promise, I'll..."
"Of course I will not leave you," the relief engulfing Obito was almost physical, and his grip on Deidara's shoulder turned stronger. He did not need to listen to Deidara's words beyond this point - all of it was likely more of his bone-deep terror he must have been constantly living with for the past few months. He was going to make sure Deidara would never have to fear anything again. "I never intended to leave you at any point. I swore I would protect you even if it cost me my life, and I will keep you safe no matter who dares to raise their weapon at you."
"Don't... say stuff about costing your life..." Deidara sniffled, but managed to force a smile out of himself. A strained one, but the first one in a long time. To Obito, it felt like seeing the sun again after an endlessly long night. "It... it won't come to it... I'm sure... I hope so... I... I'm sorry... It's hard for me to talk... about this... But I'm glad... I'm really happy to still be here... with you, hm..."
Obito rose to his full height, supporting his weight on the chair’s back. A wide smile was upon his face. Everything went better than he expected. Another harsh step had been made. It will all be fine. I am not going to lose Deidara. I would not even have to think about losing him ever again.
"The feeling is mutual," he replied, grinning. Even with fresh blood seemingly caking under his non-corporeal claws, he was feeling like he was just washed away from most of the weight dragging him down. He reached for a handkerchief in the shelf behind them - a beautiful decoration Deidara found at a tiny stall during the autumn fair in Koseki village. He offered it to the sniffling tsukumogami. "Now, please, calm yourself. You have nothing to fear anymore. I have my own ways to ensure no one ever reaches this place without my knowledge or permission. You can rest..." after another look at the rough-looking umbrella by the wall, Obito added, "no, you should rest. I can see you are still unwell."
Gingerly, Deidara accepted the handkerchief. After giving it a long look before sending a quick one in Obito's direction, he used it to gently pat his nose and the edges of his eyes. To daitengu's surprise, for a few moments Deidara - with his tightly pursed mouth and drawn eyebrows - looked even more upset than before, but it quickly passed when the dark shadows on his face vanished, replaced by a weak grin similar to the one on his face.
"Thanks again," Deidara wiped away the last traces of his sadness from his expression. Only tiredness remained. "I... I just can't put into words how much it means to me that you... you are still here, for me, hm. Thank you, Obito."
Kasa-obake attempted to give him a longer, more cheerful look, but quickly gave up and returned to looking at his knees.
"I'll, um..." Deidara nervously scratched at his hand. "I'll go take a nap. It'd be nice if you... if you stayed around. Makes me feel safer. And, well, it's just nice. You're always patrolling the perimeter these days, so I... I... I really miss you, and–"
"I was not planning on leaving anytime soon," Obito simply shrugged his shoulders. Of course he was not, the wards would not put themselves on their own. "So do not worry, I will be around. Please rest, Deidara. I will not let anything disturb you."
With that, Obito decided it was time for the conversation to end. It was clear that Deidara was still struggling with accepting their new reality - which was fine, Obito completely understood it, with his kasa-obake not knowing any other life than the one the daitengu gave him before - so he required guidance on what to do in the moment. Even with most of the physical wounds gone, the torment on his mind was still strong, thus dragging him away from the mere idea of any rest. No matter - Obito would simply go ahead and do all the preparations for him.
His smooth and soft hand reached out and gently picked up the umbrella by the wall. While trying to keep up the calm facade, Obito's eyes were still sharply following any reactions from Deidara. If the tsukumogami was in any amount of pain, he would let go, but thankfully, Deidara only spun around on the chair, confusedly sending looks from his own real form to the daitengu over it while his human form's fingers tightly gripped on the handkerchief. Not seeing any reason to stop what he was doing, Obito carefully raised the entire umbrella - gingerly watching the fresh ribs and new patches of cloth - and gently brought it to his chest level. He sensed something from within it, some strange surge of emotion, like a rush of fresh morning dew, but it was gone as soon as something popped behind him. Obito did not need to turn around to know Deidara dematerialized his human form and now was completely in his hands.
It felt... perhaps a tad bit strange. It was rare for him to carry Deidara like that. At least under normal circumstances.
But the normal is gone, a voice sounding akin to chewing of the flesh and feathers whispered to him. This is your new normal, protector. Be ready to stand your eternal guard.
You never know when it may all come crumbling down.
Doing his best not to alert Deidara to the darkness scratching its claws on the inside, Obito bit at his cheek and in a few wide strides made his way to the messy futon with numerous layers of blankets on top of it. With an easy swipe, Obito raised it all while tucking the umbrella into this colorful and comfortable cocoon.
Perhaps it would be better to move it closer to the furnace? If anyone was to watch the house, it would make it harder for them to notice Deidara's presence. Moreover, if somehow they were to enter these walls, it would impede them from reaching Deidara quickly...
"Hey, don't shove me so deep in, hm," after a quick flash and pop, Obito's hands froze in the air. Deidara, quite ruffled and blushing from presumably annoyance - such a familiar sight made Obito's heart ache for a better world - appeared right in the depths of the blankets. He was hugging his form against his chest. "Are you trying to suffocate me in here?"
Obito barked out a laugh, "Of course not. To do that I would have to give you lungs."
"I do have lungs!"
"Which you should not use to scream at me just yet," Obito lowered the layers over the other, silencing all the protests. Now only Deidara's forehead and the high ponytail were poking out of the futon. Kasa-obake was giving him a glare, but only a half-hearted one at that.
Even after everything that happened, he still somehow remains cute.
Kicking the strange and distractive thoughts out of his mind, Obito patted the other's shoulder through the several layers of cloth. It was warm and real, "Have a nice nap. I will not go too far. You're safe now, remember that."
Somehow, the last phrase made that strange sadness flood back into Deidara's eyes which were lowered again.
He is struggling to believe that. It is fine. I understand him. If our places were reversed, I would have not believed to ever be safe again. I must simply do everything in my power to ensure there is nothing from this reality which would torment Deidara again.
With a sharp sigh and feverish fluttering of his wings, Obito stood up and took a look around. His gaze eventually stopped at the shelves - particularly the one with his own notes he scribbled a long time ago. A habit Kushina had taught him - even if they, theoretically, could not perish, it does not mean their memories were infallible. He should have recorded the necessary steps and preparation for some of the tengu arts he had been taught over the years. Even if the paranoia urged him to get to the rituals immediately, to protect Deidara now, he must not fall into paranoia’s clutches. He would rather rip his guts out than half-ass the preparations of his domain's defenses.
No one will take what was his. No one, including death.
As he passed through the room and reached for the nearest notebook in leather binding, his attention wavered for a moment. It was that canvas again. The rough attempt at an artwork, half-dried ink and the summer look of their courtyard.
How unnecessary...
He vividly remembered how easily glass succumbed to one well-aimed strike. The noise of one breaking felt almost as real as the buzzing in the tall grass outside.
...and dangerous.
"Deidara?" his voice broke the comforting silence over their home. He was not sure if the other was still awake. And he did not know if he wanted to wake him up for something like this just yet...
"Mhm?" the silhouette on the ground moved and Obito knew he had the other's attention.
This is going to upset him. Perhaps I should not ... Especially since the defenses will not allow anyone to get to the house in the first place...
So you would rather see him in pieces, hanging over the windowsill? Suppose seeing his imaginary lungs splattered across this place would be comparable to the mess on this canvas?
The poison in his mind made Obito himself sick. Even entertaining such scenarios made him wish to claw out of his skin. But it was necessary. When you think of something as unimaginable, it always strikes to kill. Thus, Obito quietly uttered his demand, eyes unmoving as they watched the shadows in the forest in the distance. Shadows that were not on the sketch inside.
"Please don't sit so close to the window."