Break a Leg!

by Synovitis

Summary:

Slowburn Sickfic where Jiyan gets injured on a mission - badly enough that he needs assistance with his duties as a General. And fortunately, Sanhua knows just the right person for this job. There is just one problem... it's Geshu Lin.
->Geshu Lin PoV heavy, Angst is my second air but we will get some comfort and sweet confession scenes don't worry. Mentioned Qiuyuan/Geshu Lin from the past (and some tension here and there in the present).

Sometimes, he wondered if getting devoured by the Ovathrax would have been an easier death.
“Lin, he needs you!”
Geshu Lin’s eyebrow twitched as she yelled at him (for the fourth time no less…) and he artfully dodged her pleading gaze.
“Oh, does he?”, he drawled out, voice full of venom accumulated over years full resentment, “Bet, he needs me just as much as back in the Battle Beneath the Crescent!”

Updates on Friday!

(Next chapter on Friday, cause I've been feeling pretty sick today, I'm sorry!)

Chapter 1: No rest for the wicked

No rest for the wicked

---

 

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. – Milton Berle

“…-and so, you could help him and-“

“Oh no, absolutely not!”

 

Geshu Lin hadn’t expected to meet Sanhua again. Honestly, he didn’t expect to return to Jinzhou at all. But fate had his ways (very strange ways!) and now here he was for the … what? Second? Third? Hell, maybe it was already the fifth week – doing his best to keep a low profile while running errands for Sanhua.

Why?

Well… Geshu Lin didn’t owe many people something in his life, but unfortunately this woman was one of them. And to top it off, she wasn’t half as cold as anyone thought her to be. No, if they were in Geshu Lin’s (quite miserable!) shoes, they would realize that this demon was not only well-versed in coercion but also in pestering him all day and night.

Sometimes, he wondered if getting devoured by the Ovathrax would have been an easier death.

 

“Lin, he needs you!”

Geshu Lin’s eyebrow twitched as she yelled at him (for the fourth time no less…) and he artfully dodged her pleading gaze.

“Oh, does he?”, he drawled out, voice full of venom accumulated over years full resentment, “Bet, he needs me just as much as back in the Battle Beneath the Crescent!”

 

Many would have felt awkward at the silence his words caused. That brat would have been one of them.

No.

He was not thinking about him.

 

Especially not when Sanhua was doing her best to drag him somewhere he never ever wanted to return to. That cursed night when he had laid there in his own blood with nothing but searing pain raging in what had been left of his body, he had sworn himself to never set one foot again in that damned camp he had once called home.

Oh, how foolish he had been.

Geshu Lin had had enough time to swallow down the pain and anger in these past four years, but in moments like these, he wondered if there was even a chance of escaping them in the first place. Maybe he should just give up on trying. ‘Rid yourself of all that chains down your soul.’ – My ass. He should have never paid attention to that quack in the first place.

It would be easy to march into the camp. And even if not, who even had the power to stop him?

That brat certainly didn’t.

 

It would take only seconds to burn everything (and everyone) to the ground. Sometimes, he really craved to do it. But not while Sanhua was alive. Although he officially gave a shit about Jinzhou, she was still a special case and he wasn’t heartless. Graciously, he would spare her the headache and wait for her to die before he would pull his small stunt of wreaking havoc everywhere. Or maybe he would just lean back and relax, ‘enjoy his newfound life’ as his little black cat had once advised him to.

Not that he would ever listen to his word. Nope.

 

“Lin...”

 

Sanhua’s surprisingly soft call made him snap back to reality. Damn, she looked pitiful. Ah… why was he so bad at saying no to her? Because she was otherwise so cool and composed, making it seem as if his words had really moved her? Or was it because he wasn’t used to see her this fragile after knowing her for more than fifteen years? Or was he just getting old and sentimental, unable to muster up his usual harshness which he had been known for all his life?

 Whatever, he had to stay firm. What she was proposing was ridiculous. No way in hell, he would agree.

 

“No, I'm not doing this. I told you – I will never return to the Midnight Rangers. Sanhua, be real here! If you were in my shoes, would you? After everything that happened? After what they did to me?”

Of course she didn’t have an answer to this. Geshu Lin inwardly cringed at the way he heaved. He didn’t want to get agitated, especially not in front of her. She was way too good at reading him. But hearing her so intently plead with him for something that was far, very far out of the window – it was so frustrating.

 

But deep down he knew that there was more to it. More, he didn’t want to admit, hell, he would rather cut his own tongue out. Rejoining the Midnight Rangers – it would never happen. But he couldn’t deny that he had once called them home. His only home for the past twenty years.  Even though the war had sucked (to put it mildly), there had been good times. Times with warm smiles, bright laughter, friendly chats at the campfire and booze to lift their spirits.  Times when it had been easy to pull a frail, way too cold body next to him close, ruffle his hair and tease him for as long as he pleased.

 

Times that were now nothing but ashes and dust.

 

“No. It’s not my damn problem that this idiot managed to get his leg fucked up beyond repair. I always told him that his stupid idealism would be his grave one day. And now what? He’s a cripple and I’m supposed to baby him? After everything that happened? Are you for real?”
“It would only be for a few months.”

“A few months?”, Geshu Lin laughed, his voice dripping with disdain, “Don’t delude yourself. He got slashed by what? One Dreadmane? Two? And as if that wasn’t enough, he managed to get himself slammed into a wall by a Chasm guardian? Sanhua, don’t make empty promises – you know me well enough to know that such stunts won’t work with me. He is not up to his feet in a few months.”

“We had the best healers treat him. I promise you, it won’t be long. And your assistance-“

“I’m not assisting shit. Especially not him and not there. Just get this stupid idea out of your head. I will not budge.”, he scratched the side of his waist. The scabs were slowly falling off. Thank Jue, it was so annoying to fight while being forced to be mindful of the wound. But it had been his fault. The Carapace hadn’t been supposed to hit him in the first place. Usually, it wouldn’t have been much of a problem. Back then, it wouldn’t have taken more than a minute for a frantic call and the soft pit-pattering of boots through the mud rushing to him and only him. Anxious hands flying over his body to check him for injuries before treating them with more gentleness he had ever known and deserved.

But those times were long gone and so, only the scabs remained, a dull reminder of a hole in his soul that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

 

 

“Please.”

Sanhua’s call was quiet. Meeker than usual. And although she was pleading, Geshu Lin could see how, albeit slowly, realization began spreading on her face. She was disappointed and yet she didn’t blame him. She understood. Nonetheless, Geshu Lin couldn’t help but feel bad for her in this pitiful state.

With a sigh he leaned against the chair in front of her desk and observed her for a moment, before he asked in a calmer, milder voice: “Have you even talked to him yet? He, sure as hell, wouldn’t want me there either. I have no idea what you think our relationship was like back then, but it wasn’t ... this. He would not want me there to help him. The combat medic I know would rather crawl beneath his bed in shame than admit that he's too injured to do his fucking job.”

 

He let out a dry laugh as he looked at the wall on the right where a photo stared back at him in derision. Three happy faces were laughing at him. Three faces that would never be reunited like this again. Sometimes, he wondered how it was possible for such warm smiles to be eradicated from one moment to another, how people could drift afar this quickly and this… silently. ‘Such is life’, the elders would say. But Geshu Lin couldn’t deny that it had frightened him back then to realize how wrong he had been with how he had perceived others.

No… not others.

Just Jiyan.

 

Quickly, he turned back to Sanhua, unable to bear the sight of the photo any longer. No, not ‘bear’, he didn’t care about it. Yes. Absolutely. Didn’t give a shit about it.

What a bad liar you are, Geshu Lin.

 

“He needs your support. More than ever. ", Sanhua softly interjected, her hand slowly reaching out towards him until it tenderly brushed along his wrist, “I give you my word on this.”

Geshu Lin tensed up at the sudden contact, but he didn’t swat her away. But he did heat his skin up just enough to be a clear warning. Sanhua pulled her hand back. But her gaze was sharp as the one of a predator, literally glued to him.

She was really dead serious.

Geshu Lin couldn’t believe that she would go this far. Especially for someone like him. Hell, he couldn’t even remember when she had last given her word to convince him of something. This was… odd. Was she really that desperate? Just how bad was Jiyan’s current situation?

 

“Even if he needs help that badly…”, he pulled his hand away, just to be safe and ultimately decided to cross his arms (not out of defense. As if someone like him was scared of Sanhua! Pfft.), “-I'm sure there are countless people who would wish for nothing more than to be of aid to the famous General of the Midnight Rangers.”, he snarled out, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “Considering his halfway decent looks and 'outstanding' personality, I would bet my sword that they are already lining up to serve him.”

In the blink of an eye, he leaned forward, his hand slamming on the table as he hovered right over Sanhua and glared at her keenly: “I’m certain that you’ve been aware of it as well. And still you ask, no , beg  me...” For a moment a cold wave of uncertainty washed over him and for the first time, he didn’t really know how to approach this subject, how to get the information he desired without seeming weak. So, in the end he just hoarsely whispered one single word, heavier than all before: “Why?”

 

Jue, how weak his voice sounded. Pathetic. He had really grown soft. Emotional.

What a disgrace.

He swallowed hard when he saw Sanhua’s face soften, noticed this disgusting gaze full warmth and fondness he didn’t deserve. Had never deserved.

 He didn’t want to seem insecure in front of her. Who knew when she would be the one to betray him? After all, with Jiyan it had been the same. Blessed by his warmth for so long that he had started to believe in it, only to be thrown away like a broken toy.  He wasn’t allowed to let his guard down. And yet it was obvious that he wasn’t as steadfast as he would like to be. Sanhua’s behavior just utterly confused him. Fuck, he should have stayed traveling. Should have never returned to this hellhole filled with temptation of warm words, comforting hugs and fond gazes.

Damn this black cat and its propositions. He should have known. Weren’t these animals always associated with misfortune?!

 

“Geshu Lin, you know this country and its system better than anybody else. You know what it means to hold his title. Be honest with yourself: If you had sustained the same injury, would have accepted their help? Would you have wanted it?”

 

Silence had never been this deafening. And this obvious of an answer.

 

He had never wanted, let alone accepted help. But if his injuries had really required assistance, if the situation had been this dire...

He would have only allowed one person to help him.

Only one person…

 

Quickly, he banished the smile brighter than desert sun, warmer than the pitch-black sand of Desorock Highlands.

 

“My decision is final. I will not return. Not to Jinzhou, not to the Midnight Rangers, not to him.”

 

This radiant smile was long gone. Just as the times when it had been granted to him in abundance, sometimes even overabundance. Or so he had thought. But there were moments, seldom and full of darkness, when he regretted not relishing in this smile more than he had done.

Because now it was lost forever.

He shouldn’t be sad about it.

He shouldn’t.

…. He….

 

Sanhua’s shaky sigh made him snap back to reality, and he realized that he must have stood there like an idiot, indecisive and weak.

Geshu Lin was not weak.

As if it was as natural as breathing, his face contorted into a deep scowl and he whirled around, stomping towards the claymore leaning against the wall. He usually never let go of his weapon, hated it when it was just seconds out of his sight. Especially since the Battle against the Ovathrax. It wasn’t because he was scared. No, he had never been afraid of war – he breathed it. And still, he couldn’t shake off this restlessness whenever he didn’t feel the smooth golden ornaments of the hilt pressing into his palm.

He had never once told anybody about this. But one person had picked up on this shameful weakness, left it uncommented, no, even went as far as to bring him his claymore that one time he did get injured enough to warrant a stay in the infirmary.

Geshu Lin’s heart ached, his right arm prickling as if somebody had dunked it in warm water – right where Jiyan had once gently placed the claymore, accompanied with nothing but tender silence, devoid of any judgement or ridicule.

 

Geshu Lin’s steps towards the door grew slower.

 

Back then, he had been badly injured as well.

And Jiyan had tended to him.

 

But because it had been his duty! There was no reason to repay him.

He abandoned him and left him to be devoured by the Ovathrax, there was nothing this brat deserved from him.

 

“Please, Lin, just a few weeks. Jiyan would-"

 

 

Sanhua couldn’t finish her sentence. There was a bang behind the door.

‘Some idiot must have tripped on these two stairs in front of her office. Can’t fault them, they aren’t easy to spot.’ Geshu Lin’s mind commented, ‘I just hope they won’t come in there. No motivation to deal with a surprise reunion with the Magistrate or some annoying interview.

But then, a second bang echoed through the room, loud as thunder as the door flew open and a person fell straight through it. Right in front of Geshu Lin’s boots.

 

Geshu Lin’s stomach churned at the side of the teal-colored strands of hair.

Less kempt than usual.

And slightly longer.

A quiet groan made a cold shiver run down his back and somewhere in the distance he dimly heard a way too familiar name.

 

A name he had never wanted to hear again.

 

The man to his feet slowly looked up.

 

Combat medi-, no, General of the Midnight Rangers Jiyan was staring straight at him.

 

"General?"

 

 

Oh gracious Sentinel Jue…

Sincerely. Fuck. You.

 

 

Notes:

Hi so here we are! As some might know, I didn’t plan on writing a longer fic again, because somehow they always end up longer than expected x-x but in the end I couldn’t resist the temptation. This fic was brought to life by a comment I received from Pwrdragon75 who said this:

I know Geshu Lin isn't the great at consoling and stuff and would rather hurt Jiyan more since he doesn't know how to deal with that stuff, but I would to see a little story where Geshu Lin kind of? in his own way tries to help Jiyan with that -(bc we both know he NEEDS it)- and show him, he is worthy and doesn't need to be so hard on himself, nor perfect to be worthy in his own way. In his own way . . . no clue how you would make Geshu Lin do that since that's really not his . . . forte. But you get the idea.

It took me a few days, but I ultimately found a way: A sickfic! And this is the reason why I broke my own rules and started another longer fic. But don’t worry, it won’t be as long as in my last one until they get together. Still not sure about the smut/no smut part, because I’ll be honest – my storyboard is far from complete. This actually scares me a little bit, but we’ll somehow make it work. There’s just a possibility that the first few chapters will be a bit shorter while I figure out some plot questions. But I already have the key events settled, so that’s … something xD If you have any requests, plot or character related, feel free to tell me as I’m in the idea gathering phase!
Plus, non-native English speaker here so feel free to point out typos, I’m always happy to correct them. And there will be several, because help I’m severely sleep-deprived these past few weeks, it’s not even funny…
Anyways, as you might have seen in the description: I plan to update on Friday (as per tradition) and I’ll hope you’ll accompany me on this journey <3
I always love to hear your insight or ramble about Geshuyan so feel free to hit me up!

And now: I wish you a lovely weekend and see you next Friday! (Omg it has been so long, I’m getting emotional)

Chapter 2: Do me a favor

Summary:

Geshu Lin learns what it means to go up against Sanhua. And then, he returns to a place he had sworn to never set foot in again.

Do me a favor

---

 

 

Never claim as a right what you can ask as a favor. - John Churton Collins

 

 

Geshu Lin didn’t help Jiyan up. Of course, he didn’t. Why would he? That brat could crawl on the floor like the pathetic worm he was for all eternity.

Getting injured on a trivial scouting mission… hah. Geshu Lin would have never compromised his Rangers like this. A General too injured to lead, no, to even participate in battle for months – he wouldn’t have been able to look in the mirror.

Jiyan could just thank that revered Rover and his little brat of a Madam Magistrate that there were currently no signs of new Threnodian activity. But hell, when he saw how much Sanhua struggled to even get him up to sit on the chair, he wanted nothing more than to bash the other’s pretty, but oh so stupid head in.

How had Jiyan managed to damage himself this much in just one damn mission?

 

He wasn’t worried.

Not at all.

 

 

It didn’t take long for the brat to address him. A shy questioning call, of course using his old title yet again. The word burned on his skin as if someone had poured acid over it.

Was he mocking him?

Calling Geshu Lin by the very title he stole?

 

Disgruntled, he noticed how the brat was still staring at him with those cursed, golden eyes, bright with awe and excitement. Both emotions that were so utterly misplaced that Geshu Lin wanted to laugh. But the longer his gaze lingered on him, the less comfortable Geshu Lin felt. Maybe it was a case similar to animals feeling threatened at prolonged eye contact.

Only that Geshu Lin wasn’t afraid of Jiyan. Hah, it couldn’t be less of the case. No, he was trying his best here to keep his anger in check, to not succumb to his Forte that was begging him to release it, to enact the vengeance he had dreamed of so, so many nights.

 

Silently, he gritted his teeth. Sanhua’s wary eyes were already set firmly on him, like a hawk – cold and calculating, observing his every movement. There was no doubt that she had noticed his bloodlust – and that she was ready to throw herself into battle if needed.

Geshu Lin slowly relaxed, commanding his hands to ease up and his fists went slack. ‘Stay down.’, he inwardly ordered his  Forte, ignoring it protesting whine. Yes, he was powerful and he would certainly have the upper hand in battle. But still, it would be… unpleasant.  Although Sanhua was part of the Magistrate and definitely had known of their plans to make him the scapegoat in the Battle against the Ovathrax, he liked her too much to instantly turn her to ashes. It would be a waste of all those years they had spent together, good years even when they had been clashing like fire and ice, always at each other’s throats and yet never able to ignore each other.

 

Without a word, he turned around and headed for the door. After all, there was nothing left to say. Sanhua knew that he wouldn’t budge and he didn’t owe Jiyan shit. Not an explanation, not even a greeting. He would just go and-

 

“Please wait!”

 

No, he wouldn’t turn around.

Geshu Lin wasn’t weak.

Geshu Lin wasn’t weak.

Geshu Lin-

 

The loud crashing noise behind him was enough to make him whirl around in an instant. He blamed it on his battle instincts. Much to his dismay, Jiyan had jumped up to run after him, and somehow got his crutches entangled with the chair.

Geshu Lin’s eyes widened as Jiyan stumbled forward, freeing his crutches while at the same time failing to keep his balance.

 

He will fall again.

With that broken leg of his.

I have to help-

 

Jiyan managed to catch himself after a few involuntary steps, more like a baby chick than a human being.

The bandaged hand lingered in the air. Until it was quickly dropped.

 

What had he been thinking? Why would he show pity-

 

“Geshu Lin.”

“No.”

 

He didn’t like Sanhua’s tone. Not one bit. No… he had to get out of here, quickly and with no further hesitation or else he would get trapped in a mess he would regret his whole life.

His first boot passed the door, the second followed-

 

“I want to call in my favor.”

 

Curse you, Sanhua.

 

“Are you for real?”, he lowly hissed as he slowly turned around, ignoring Jiyan’s confused face in front of him. Who cared about that miserable excuse of a General who looked like a deer in headlights?!

“I am.”

“You want to call in your one damn favor because of this? Because… of him?”, Geshu Lin met her gaze and his stomach twisted with unease when he saw nothing but icy-cold resolve thrown right at him. “Does he mean that much to you?”

“He does”, Sanhua nodded firmly before she smiled softly, “And you do as well.”

 

“ME?!”

 

A surge of anger washed over Geshu Lin and in a few steps he had stormed past Jiyan  and reached the desk. Loudly he slammed his hand on the surface and this time, sparks of purple flames flew up into the air, his Forte thrumming with pure bloodlust.

“You are cursing me with the worst punishment I can imagine. Do you understand?”

“It won’t be-“

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND, SANHUA?!”

 

His voice echoed in the room as nothing but silence answered him. One could have probably even heard a pin drop.

Beneath him, he could hear Sanhua’s Forte, quiet but slightly alarmed.

But she held eye contact. As firm as ice, as silent as snow. Just as back then in that fateful winter night, deep in the back alleys of Jinzhou…

 

She had set her mind. And although the public loved to claim otherwise, Geshu Lin was a man to keep his promises.

 

“As you wish. You know that I’m not one to break my word.”, he slowly stated, his voice low and husky, more akin to a growl, “But rest assured that I won’t help you with anything else after this ever again. You might have gained this favor … but you lost me.”

Grimly, hate burning like a cold, ugly fire in his heart, he leaned down and then whispered coldly: “I will never forgive you for this.”

 

 

Not even waiting for her answer, he whirled around and stomped towards Jiyan who was still looking at him dumbfounded as if he had no idea what was going on.

Okay, to his defense – maybe he really was clueless. After all, Sanhua hadn’t told him much, going by her previous answers.

 

“Let’s go then, brat.”, he hissed venomously, towering over his former medic who was slumped against his crutches. “Heard you fucked yourself up so bad that you now need a babysitter.”

“…You?!”

“Waste another second of my time and I’ll incinerate you both.” Without any further explanation, Geshu Lin rushed past him and out the door, only stopping at the end of the stairs. Jiyan was still standing in the office as if he had been hit by a Glacio Dreadmane.

Jue, this clueless face… he couldn’t deal with this.

 

When Jiyan looked at him like this, he was the splitting image of his younger recruit self.

A brat as oblivious and naïve as if he lived in a world that could do no harm. A world Geshu Lin had never believed in in the first place

A brat softer and gentler than any other subordinate of his and at the same time never hesitating to object if he deemed it reasonable.

A brat that had been the first one to smile at him with genuine affection and worry.

 

“Are you coming or not? Last chance.”

“Y… Yes, Sir.”

 

Geshu Lin couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the familiar title. Had he learned nothing in all these years? He was a general for fuck’s sake. Did he really raise such a pitiful successor?

He just snorted when he watched Jiyan wobble after him, passing the doorframe with much trouble as he got stuck with his crutches not once, but twice. This idiot was the most incompetent person going at crutches he had ever seen. He had been a medic for years, hadn’t he? How could he have not learned how to use crutches?! Always shoving treatment down everyone’s throat, but not his own, huh?!

 

But before Geshu Lin could waste another thought on this, something far more important demanded his attention. Being… Jiyan’s crutch sliding over the edge.

There were times when Geshu Lin cursed his affinity for claymores. Higher repair costs, hours of sharpening… Plus, carrying a giant piece of metal around when the scorching midday sun was frying him alive in the desert, was certainly an experience.

Nevertheless, he inwardly thanked the Sentinels for his talent for broadblades the moment Jiyan came flying down the stairs and he caught him with no trouble. He was surprised at how frail the other’s body felt.

 

Was it just because of his injury?

No… the circle beneath his eyes were darker than in his days as a combat medic, even in the harshest nights right before the battle against the Ovathrax. Was the Magistrate still refusing to give the Midnight Rangers enough funds for sufficient food rations?

 

“Falling three times in what – five minutes? Pretty pathetic, General.”

He didn’t hesitate to cradle Jiyan as he carried him over to the nearest wall so he could have something to lean against while he was fetching his crutches. Not that he should, after all, hadn’t he promised himself to not lift a finger for this man? This damned man who had ruined his life?!

…But somehow, Geshu Lin’s mind didn’t even catch up to what he was doing until he already had both crutches in his hands.

 

“I… I’m sorry.”

 

Geshu Lin only rolled his eyes at the quiet whisper in front of him as he pressed the crutches one by one into Jiyan’s hands and watched as he carefully slotted his arms into them.

“I don’t remember teaching you such clumsiness. Honestly…”, he let out an exasperated huff and motioned Jiyan to follow him, which he did – albeit by a snail’s pace, “You should be ashamed of yourself. What’s up with that pathetic display? Even the lowliest Tacet Discord has more grace than you. And I know that, I slept in a forest full Tick Tacks for three weeks straight.”

 

Ignoring the way Jiyan’s expression fell even more (he looked quite pitiable, Geshu Lin had to admit - but thankfully he wasn’t that easy to sway), he led the way out the building, resisting the urge to let the door fall right into Jiyan’s face.

 

He could just hope that his recuperation would be smoother than their way home.

 

 

There was also another hope Geshu Lin harbored: that Jiyan’s recuperation would be faster than their way home.

Because dear Jue, if he was going any slower, they would be walking backwards. Even a damn Clang Bang would be faster than him!

Several times, Geshu Lin felt the urge to turn back and yell at his former subordinate, to get him to finally speed up. After all, he wasn’t used to his men being unable to keep up. If they had shown any signs of incompetence, he had done his best to make them competent. And he had succeeded in doing so every single time. Even when Jiyan had always been complaining about the countless bruises he left on the way.

 

But right now, not a single bruise in the world could make the man behind him run faster. No, although Geshu Lin hated to admit it, Jiyan was indeed trying his best to keep up with him, wobbling pathetically across the bridge at a snail’s pace. But the bridge was old, its wooden tiles the same Geshu Lin remembered from his own recruit days. The cracks in-between and the difference in height made it hard for Jiyan to place his crutches properly.

Curse the Magistrate for being such pinchpennies…

Plus, that cast was massive… it had to be heavy. Fortunately, Geshu Lin had never been chained to such a demon’s creation, his injuries had only warranted a lot of stitches and more bandage material than probably most of his fellow brothers-in-arms had needed in a lifetime - but a cast? Thank Jue he had been spared of this shit, or he would have gone insane.

 

Exasperated, Geshu Lin turned around to scrutinize the way in front of him. They were only halfway across the bridge. In the distance he could spot two grappling hooks, right above the lion statues. He could just grab Jiyan like a sack of potatoes and use them – it would probably cut their time down in half. But with the two crutches and his claymore… he couldn’t guarantee a safe landing.

Oh, why did they have to be this unlucky and depart on the one day the teleporter at the souvenir shop was out of service?!

Disgruntled, Geshu Lin watched as Jiyan once again stumbled over another crack, barely catching himself in time.

This was going nowhere.

 

“Jiyan.”

 

It was weird to feel this familiar name fall from his lips again. A name he had sworn to never call again. It tasted bitter on his tongue combined with an unpleasant tightness pressing down on his throat. But at the same time, he couldn’t deny that there was something else lurking beneath it. A strange kind of warmth in his chest that doubled when Jiyan after his initial moment of shock looked at him with those bright eyes like molten gold.

 

Eagerly awaiting my command.

As always.

 

“Come here.”

 

It took Jiyan a moment (Geshu Lin had no idea why he kept standing there for what felt like an eternity, frozen in place like an ice-statue), but he finally managed to catch up with Geshu Lin who positioned himself at the top of the stairs leading to the big main plaza.

“We need to get down there. The other teleporter is out of service.”

“Yeah, I know…”, Jiyan mumbled, his face pained.

Oh yeah… he must have walked all the way up there on his own. I’m actually impressed how he managed to do that…

 

“I’ll go first. Tell me, if you need a break-“

 

They didn’t manage to conquer more than three steps. Three simple steps and that was all it took to conquer the mighty General of the Midnight Rangers. Thankfully, this time Geshu Lin didn’t have to leap several meters to catch him. Was he annoyed nonetheless? Absolutely.

“Okay enough of this bullshit. I can’t deal with you wobbling around like a goddamn toddler, falling over your feet at every possibility! How on earth did you even manage to get up there on your own?!”, he barked out, right after catching Jiyan yet again, holding the man closely to his chest while he watched the crutches clatter down the stairs. Somewhere a few meters downhill, a passerby caught them. Geshu Lin only barely suppressed a curse when the woman called out to them, asking if they needed help, if everything was alright. His heart felt strangely tense when he noticed Jiyan snuggling closer to his chest as if he was hiding from her.

Ah, yes, he had always been keen on keeping a good public image. Being an incompetent cripple didn’t fit the oh so perfect General Jiyan of the Midnight Rangers, the young genius who not only excelled in medicine but also in combat.

 

It wasn’t hard for Geshu Lin to hide Jiyan in his arms. And it was even less trouble to yell at the woman to just put the crutches against the railing and piss off.

 

He didn’t hear Jiyan’s relieved sigh when she left.

And he definitely didn’t feel happy about it.

 

“Going up the stairs is far easier than down.”, the soft-spoken words were partially muffled by his cloak, “I… I should have trained this…”

“You shouldn’t have even come here.”, Geshu Lin just snorted, subconsciously keeping Jiyan in his arms, just to know the man secure in place for the time being. “We can’t keep going on like this. At this rate, we will reach the base in two days, even with the help of teleporters!”

 

And I will lose my goddamn mind.

 

“S...sorry...”

Geshu Lin didn’t comment on the way Jiyan nuzzled even closer to his chest, burying his face in the fabric of his coat as if he was trying to hide from the world.

“You still apologize for the most useless shit.”, he just sighed and carefully pried him off, “Come on, we need to get out of here.”

With this, he crouched down right in front of Jiyan and held out his arms.

“What?”

He rolled his eyes at the toneless whisper.

“You know this position. Not as if you haven’t carried enough injured soldiers this way. I’m not carrying you on my back like this. I don’t want to touch that…”, he pointed dismissively at the cast, “-thing.”

 

Jiyan slowly blinked once. Twice. And then a look of utter mortification spread on his face.

“I couldn’t possibly make you-“

“Get on here.”

“But I’m heavy! Plus, this position, I... I couldn’t dare...”

“Dare to make me wait any longer and I'll break your other leg as well!”

 

Thankfully this very real threat (or his withering glare) was enough to finally set Jiyan into motion. Geshu Lin clicked his tongue in annoyance when he waited for Jiyan to finally let himself fall on top of his arms. He was careful, that wasn’t exactly uncommon for him, but somehow, Geshu Lin had the sneaking suspicious that his slowness wasn’t due to the fear for injury.

“I’m not biting. Yet.”, he huffed, slightly exasperated at his antics. But Jiyan didn’t respond.

 

Even when he was finally in his arms, he was still acting… off. Geshu Lin couldn’t believe his eyes, when he noticed how that idiot tried to keep part of his weight on his remaining intact leg which was still on the ground. Was he really trying to lessen his weight to not make him uncomfortable?

“Jiyan, stop acting like a damn fool. I’m used to carrying a 40 pounds claymore. Compared to that, you’re a featherweight.”

 

He skillfully ignored the protesting squeaks of claymore.

 

"Where exactly did you get injured?”, he inquired as he carefully hoisted Jiyan up, making sure to avoid putting pressure on the leg.

“Tibia fracture, non-displaced.”

“Lovely. Now back to my language or I 'll give your leg a good old squeeze to locate your injury.”

 

Geshu Lin didn’t even need to glare at Jiyan for the other to flinch almost instantly and avert his eyes in shame.

“Left leg. A hand’s length below the knee.”, he shyly muttered and Geshu Lin couldn’t deny that he relished in the joy of teasing him again.

"See? Not that hard, isn’t it.", he smugly grinned as he took the first few steps down the stairs, safely carrying Jiyan in his arms while making sure that he wasn’t endangering the cast.

But why was he even that careful? Shouldn’t he give a shit about his well-being? Yes, even if he had given Sanhua his word, he didn’t have to do more than the bare minimum. Which was keeping Jiyan alive and making him recuperate in a reasonable amount of time. A little bit of pain was totally within reason.

And yet his body instantly tensed every time he saw Jiyan’s face twitch when he took a step too hard, when his hand slid a bit too close to the cast, when Jiyan’s leg hit his torso on accident.

 

What was wrong with him?!

 

…That black cat would be laughing at him by now.

No, he would have the time of his life watching Geshu Lin carry Jiyan like a damsel in distress to safety.

 

 

Thankfully, his brain was soon needed elsewhere. Because as they passed the first set of stairs and arrived at the next one, they quickly noticed the countless dark spots at the main plaza, a beautiful Chinese garden with countless ponds. Usually, it was barely crowded at this time of the day but today seemed to be the exception.

“Seems like there’s some kind of festival going on down there…”, he whistled, impressed by the formidable crowd awaiting them while simultaneously noticing Jiyan’s growing discomfort, “Is the merchant’s district still not as crowded at this time of the day?”

“Yes, I think so.”, the younger man mumbled, his face contorted into a deep frown.

 

Oh, how miserable he looked like this.

Pleading for his help.

 

And Geshu Lin, even after all these years and all that had happened, couldn’t resist the temptation.

“Great.”, he smugly grinned, his gaze flickering from left to right, checking for any curious bystanders.

None.

 

Perfect.

 

“But isn’t that way of a detour-“
“Jiyan.”, Geshu Lin cut him short, delighted to hear Jiyan’s Forte fall out of its usual rhythm momentarily at the simple call, “Hold on tight, will ya?”

 

Geshu Lin had always been excellent at ignoring Jiyan’s frantic shouts, his excessively worried chiding.

And so, he heard nothing but his own bright laugh as he leaped across the railing, jumping down the side of the staircase to land on one of the roofs in the merchant’s district.

He couldn’t help but beam proudly at the man in his arms as he perfectly balanced him, not increasing the pressure on his leg even in the slightest.

“Why… why would you do that?”, Jiyan spluttered, his Forte fluttering like an agitated bee as he looked up at him. And Geshu Lin couldn’t help but still in his own movement for a moment, admiring how beautiful that soft blush looked on his face, perfectly framed by the teal strands of hair glistening in the afternoon sun.

 

Wait what.

 

Oh no, he was not starting with this again.

Quickly, he looked away, instantly putting his ‘cool and composed’ face on as he let out a dry huff: “Guess. Isn’t General Jiyan of the Midnight Rangers are revered ‘genius’?”

 

They both stayed silent as he jumped from roof to roof, his moves powerful and yet with elegance, which was only possible thanks to long years of hard training. He didn’t feel Jiyan’s gaze on his skin. No, these oh so warm golden eyes didn’t bother him in the slightest! It was totally normal for Jiyan to look at him like this, he was used to it! And this small smile…was nothing….

Ah, who was he kidding?

His skin prickled in awkwardness and at the next leap he took, he pulled Jiyan closer to his chest. Just so the upper part of his cloak would hide his face. Just a little bit.

 

The flame ball who flew by his side, laughed at him is barely hidden delight.

Later, Geshu Lin had to dunk it into a lake or something.

 

 

~

 

Geshu Lin would say that he was used to trouble. That he was used to making hard decisions.

But this?

This was new.

 

He wasn’t even sure what kind of face he must be making right now. But what was he supposed to look like when faced with the cutest and yet most horrid display on earth?

Jiyan was sleeping.

Which wasn’t a problem.

 

Jiyan was sleeping in his arms.

 

Big fucking problem.

 

Geshu Lin could have easily woken him up hours ago. Just after they had left the walls of Jinzhou when he had first felt the other slump against his chest after previously being overly cautious not to touch him.

He could have woken him up when he struggled to connect his terminal with the teleporter, resulting in error code after error code because the shitty Magistrate had apparently blocked his frequency from using Jinzhou’s networks after his death.

He could have woken him up when he had stolen Jiyan’s terminal to unlock the teleporter, their only chance to reach the main camp before the next dawn. Instead, he had chosen to take the most complex route, carefully leaning against a tree so he could sneakily pry the terminal free from the other’s pocket at his back. (And no, Geshu Lin was not someone to feel up other people’s asses, especially not Jiyan’s – just to disperse the rumors)

He could have woken Jiyan right this moment when he was crossing the last dune before they would reach the main camp.

 

…That brat really slept like a log. But who could fault him? Geshu Lin wasn’t one to heap praise on someone, but he couldn’t deny that it was remarkable that Jiyan had managed to even get to Jinzhou in his current state. Walking on crutches was hard. Walking on crutches through the sand was torture.

Solemnly, Geshu Lin watched as the other’s chest rose and fell – again and again. It was a steady, slow rhythm. Somewhat calming.

He shouldn’t stare at the other like this. It was unbecoming of someone like him. Hadn’t he been the one criticizing Jiyan so many times for ogling him (even when he knew exactly that Jiyan tended to space out and just looked wherever when he was thinking about some kind of new medicine)

Jiyan’s face was pale. And Geshu Lin was sure, even with his lacking medical knowledge, that someone who had been wounded just a few days ago, shouldn’t be up for this long. Hell, he couldn’t even grasp for which mindboggling reason Jiyan had decided to come to Jinzhou in the first place. He was a doctor, for fuck’s sake! He should know better than to run around and make useless visits halfway across the country.

 

Geshu Lin shuddered when he remembered the loud crashing noise as Jiyan came crashing down – right to his feet. Later, he should definitely check on his cast. He assumed that Sanhua must have inspected it as well, plus Jiyan wasn’t that unreasonable to ignore damage to a cast, but still… he couldn’t help but feel worried uneasy.

 

He let out a muted huff, frustrated more at himself than the awkward situation as he stomped over the last hilltop. A cold chill ran down his spine when he laid eyes upon the silver walls in the valley in front of him. The two towers, he had frequented so many nights to quiet his mind. The huge front door he had defended with his life when a Tacet Discord attack had wiped out all of his fellow recruits.

There was dim light flickering on top of the walls.

Fire.

People.

 

His people.

 

A quiet sleepy mumble followed by some very unwanted snuggling followed, finally snapping him back to reality.

No, these were not his people anymore. These were Jiyan’s soldiers. This camp… didn’t mean anything to him anymore. And he didn’t mean anything to the people over there at the other side of the wall as well. As it should be.

He felt angry at the way his eyes stung at the realization and he quickly gritted this teeth.

He was not weak.

He was not weak.

He was not…

 

Geshu Lin almost growled out in annoyance when the stupid flame ball came flying over to him and nuzzled against his cheek.

“I don’t need your fucking comfort. Go make yourself useful and scout the area.”, he hissed lowly, headbutting the fireball as his hands were unfortunately still unable to swat it away.

 

Jiyan was still soundly sleeping in his arms. What a General he was…

Geshu Lin let out a bitter huff. But his anger dissipated as he continued staring at the peaceful face, cozily snuggled against his cloak as if it were the safest place he had ever known.

What a naïve brat this successor of his was… Snuggling against a potential enemy – did Geshu Lin seem that docile? He should really train his former scowl. He must have lost it while dealing with the troublesome black cat.

Thank Jue he had gotten away from that eerie, serene smirk.

“Ten thousand steps, and not one toward the one who still waits.”

 

Cocky bastard.

 

But back to the point: What was he supposed to do now? Let Jiyan peacefully rest in his arms, just like that brat probably should, at least going by the circles beneath his eyes?

But him carrying a lifeless Jiyan, no, a lifeless General Jiyan of the Midnight Rangers in his arms when entering the camp for the first time in five years wasn’t optimal. To put it mildly.

Realistically, he wouldn’t be able to fault his men if they decided to shoot him on sight, just to save their beloved General from his arms. And even if they didn’t treat him like an enemy, it wouldn’t be a good look for Jiyan if he, the valiant General of the Midnight Rangers, would be carried around like a helpless maiden. Although Geshu Lin had some cravings for revenge, he wasn’t that keen on ruining his reputation. After all, someone had to lead the Midnight Rangers. And Jiyan was by far the most competent person, Geshu Lin was sure of it.

There was no need to cause rumors that would make his life harder than it already was. Geshu Lin was neither blind nor deaf. He had heard of the glorious tales of the new General of the Midnight Rangers. Not without envy, he had to admit. But at the same time, he knew what this position entailed. And how strong the Magistrate webs of lies were strung around it.

 

The sword and shield of Jue was always glorious, graceful, victorious – a perfect warrior and a perfect human.

He had to be.

And he had to admit, Jiyan was close to this. In terms of human qualities, he surpassed Geshu Lin by far. Regarding combat strength… well, he wasn’t so sure about that.

But in the end Jiyan was just the same he had been back then as well: human.

 

And Geshu Lin could feel with his own two hands what this position had done to the once lively medic with the brightest smile he had ever seen.

He was frail. Weak. And on top of it, injured.

 

Geshu Lin had never paid rumors any mind. Why would he? Empty words of people that didn’t matter? Hell, he didn’t care about words at all. After all, words were just imaginary weapons. They might hurt on impact, but it was only mental discomfort, nothing more. Swords cut. Tacet Discords cut. But words?

One just had to steel their resolve and everything would be fine.

But Jiyan had begged to differ regarding this. And Geshu Lin didn’t hesitate a second to assume that he hadn’t changed much since then.

He would not want to be associated with Geshu Lin. Especially not in a way that would entail him being carried like a bride by his ex-general.

Back then, there had already been some… interesting rumors. Amusing, if you’d ask Geshu Lin. Ridiculous, but at least something to laugh about. But Jiyan… Jiyan had cared about them, even if he had always claimed differently.

 

Geshu Lin went stiff as a stone when Jiyan mumbled something again, his hand clutching the fabric of Geshu Lin’s cloak tightly as if he wanted to hold onto something.

To feel protected. To feel cared for.

Geshu Lin hated his own guts for the thousands of butterflies fluttering in there at the simple motion. This was not adorable! Not in the slightest.

Just Jiyan. Little bit older Jiyan. Mature. Just as goodlooking as back then, maybe even more.

 

Fuck, what was he thinking?!

 

“You're way too fucking cute…”, he muttered beneath his breath, “...It's unfair....”

Silently, he listened to Jiyan’s calm breath for a moment (a short one! Definitely a short one!). His skin was glistening in the silvery moonlight, making it seem even smoother than back then.

 

…How would it feel to his touch?

 

Well, good thing he couldn’t try it out, after all his hands were full. Literally.

 

With an indignant huff (and several curses hurled at himself), he finally got his brain to start working again and he gently shook Jiyan as he called out to him:

“Jiyan.”

Another shake, followed by a quiet, very not-cute, groan.

“Hey, Jiyan!”

 

But much to his dismay, Jiyan wasn’t as easy to wake up as back then, maybe due to the pain medication, and he only mumbled something incoherent before slumping against Geshu Lin’s chest again.

 

Cute. But not very helpful.

 

A bit more firmly than before, Geshu Lin shook him again, using the talisman at his cloak to subtly poke Jiyan’s cheek.

 

“Wake up sleepyhead. We're here.”

 

Finally, Jiyan seemed to come to his senses. And the way he did made Geshu Lin 100% sure that he was taking at least two different pain medications. Because any soldier who had survived not one but two fights against Threnodians would immediately jolt awake after falling asleep in unsafe terrain (which Geshu Lin certainly was to Jiyan). But instead, Jiyan only slowly blinked, drowsily looking up at him, meeting his face and-

“Ge… General…?

 

 

Fuck, that soft voice should not make him feel like this!

 

He sure as hell wasn’t flustered when he coughed inconspicuously and then snarled out:

“Yes. Yes, it's me. What a surprise.”, he let out an annoyed huff, “Any longer and I would have thought you died.”

 

The last part seemed to finally get Jiyan to realize where and first and foremost in whose arms he currently was. It was comical to watch as his eyes widened in pure shock and he flinched so violently that Geshu Lin nearly lost his balance.

“Wow careful! I only agreed to carry you, not to play your stupid games-“

“We…. We’re already at the camp?!”

 

Geshu Lin just raised his eyebrows at him while Jiyan looked utterly mortified in the direction of the buildings. Jue, what was his problem? He almost looked as if he wanted to cry… Shouldn’t he be glad that Geshu Lin had been so gracious to help him out?

“You carried me all the way here.”

“Mh.”

“W... With no break?”

“What would I need a break for?”, Geshu Lin rolled his eyes in mild annoyance, “You’re a lightweight. Claymore, forgot about it?”

 

“.... I’m sorry.”

“Stop it with the useless apologies. You’re making my ears bleed.”

 

With a huff, Geshu Lin sat him down, lending him wordlessly his shoulder so he could preserve his balance while two fireballs retrieved the crutches which he had stuck right next to his claymore on his back.

“Rather focus on what lies ahead of us. Explaining this-“, he pointed to himself, “-to your men will be fun.” Geshu Lin waited for the panic to settle in on Jiyan’s face. And although his former medic did his best to keep his composure, Geshu Lin noticed the familiar twitching at the right corner of his mouth, the way his jaw clenched up for a moment. He was nervous. And rightfully so.

Geshu Lin smirked.

“But hey you're the General, so it’s your headache to deal with.”

 

With this, he leaned forward, without a warning of course, just to hear Jiyan’s beautiful gasp, the way his Forte flickered with flusterment just because of his closeness.

Oh, how easy it was to tease him. At least this hadn’t changed after all these years…

Nonchalantly, he dropped the terminal in his back pocket, returning it to its rightful place. The sounds this elicited from Jiyan was more lovely than he could have hoped for. Jue, for such an adorable squal, he had to do this again sometime soon.

Geshu Lin had to try his best to not break out laughing right this instant.

 

“What was that?!”

…Oh, how his skin prickled with giddiness when he saw Jiyan’s cheek flush in a beautiful crimson and heard his voice tremble with embarrassment.

Innocently, he met his eyes, keen on provoking the other even further as he innocently commented: “Huh? Just your terminal. No need to act this shocked. Needed to use the teleporter.”

“What about yours?!”

“Doesn’t work. I’m dead to the Magistrate, remember?”, Geshu Lin smirked as he waiting for the realization to slowly dawn on Jiyan. And it did.

Oh, it did.

 

“So…”, the man stammered, his eyes going wide in shock as he looked away, numbly glancing at the terminal which was peeking out from the pocket right on his back. “You pulled it out of my pocket.”
“Yup.”, Geshu Lin paused after his admission for a moment, on purpose of course, relishing in the way Jiyan’s Forte came out of synch for a moment, and his grin widened, before he quickly schooled his face again, just to keep his usual reserved expression and make Jiyan remember that he was still the very same person that brat had admired in his younger years, “Find a better place next time. I’d prefer if I didn’t have to grope your ass to use a damn teleporter.”

Jiyan didn’t say anything else.

But there also was no need to. His face was deep red as beetroot and just this sight alone was enough that Geshu Lin felt fairly compensated for carrying Jiyan for hours.

 

 

~

 

Geshu Lin had always laughed at his soldiers when they had assured him that Jiyan was always prone to avoid trouble. A brat like him, at all times ready to stick his nose into business it didn’t belong to? A brat who objected to him, who dragged him back to the infirmary time and time again?

The Jiyan he knew had never once shied aways from trouble. Like a  Tick Tack  you throw away as hard as possible only for it to hit a stupid slime wall and to bounce back so it hits you straight in the face.

Yes, Geshu Lin was talking from experience.

 

Anyways, this didn’t make sense.

They had entered the camp at least ten minutes ago, had been greeted – as expected- by more flabbergasted stares than the Madam Magistrate would have probably earned if she waltzed in here doing backflips.

“Hey Jiyan…”, Geshu Lin murmured lowly to not attract even further attention as he picked up the pace to catch up to Jiyan who was, for whatever reason, walking more quickly than before (and almost stumbling over his crutches because of it every third step) “Don’t you want to... I don’t know. Say something? Adress the elephant in the room?”

“I do not recall such creatures being part of my camp.”

Geshu Lin just barely managed to keep a straight face at this. What was up with that sassy attitude?! “Stop being such a brat. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”, he hissed, walking now right next to Jiyan, pointedly ignoring another shocked gasp on his right where a few soldiers left the building only to freeze in place as if they had just run into the Ovathrax.

Jiyan stayed silent for a moment, his face strangely even. But Geshu Lin had called him a brother-in-arms long enough to pick up on the sharp edge in his eyes, the way his knuckles turned white as they gripped the crutches even more tightly than before.

“It won’t matter if they receive the news today or tomorrow.”, he finally stated in a cold voice, as if it were just a matter-of-business fact. And Geshu Lin couldn’t help but wonder if that brat really believed that he could fool his old General.

“They already received the news.”, Geshu Lin shot him a dead-pan stare, “I give them fifteen minutes and then the whole camp will know. Do you really want to wake up to thousands of rumors?

“Rumors are just that. Rumors. I'm rumored to be a good cook. Am I?”

“Well… its edible I guess...”, Geshu Lin laughed nervously while his stomach was at the same time painfully reminding him of the day when he had made the mistake to eat Jiyan’s food.

But who could blame him for expecting an at least halfway decent meal from a guy who seemed to excel at everything else?

General Geshu Lin had never been picky. But that day… he had wished he had a hard tack left to munch on instead of whatever bitter, spicy mess he quickly gulped down instead – no less under the bright, expectant gaze of a medic far too proud of his warcrime of a meal.

“See? What does it matter what they will be chatting about. Let them talk. It won’t change the fact that I welcomed you here and will continue to do so – Whatever they may throw at me.”

 

Now it was Geshu Lin’s turn to trip over his own feet (or Jiyan’s crutch, he wasn’t sure). But it wasn’t due to his clumsiness, no…. He was gobsmacked. Was this really the same Jiyan he knew? Or rather had once known?

Back then, he would have never been so nonchalant about rumors. And this sudden confidence… was this all thanks to his sudden promotion as General? Could four years change a person this much? Or had Geshu Lin been mistaken about him the whole time?

 

Geshu Lin didn’t blush.

But his Forte liked to claim otherwise.

 

 

A few moments later (and at least a dozen surprised stares and gasps), they entered the main building. It didn’t take Geshu Lin long to realize where Jiyan was leading him to. The way to his room was one Geshu Lin knew all too well from barging in there at whatever time of day to drag a little, whiny medic to the training yard.

Wait.

Jiyan wasn’t a medic anymore.

Why was he…

 

“We’re here.”

Flabbergasted, Geshu Lin watches as Jiyan unlocked the door, his ears slowly starting to ring as the nameplate next to it at the wall laughed at him in ridicule.

‘Jiyan.’

Just a name, not a title, not even a trace of the fact that in this room, there was no residing a combat medic but a General.

Had the Magistrate given him so little funding that he had decided to allocate it elsewhere? It had to be, right? Jiyan was that kind of person. Only when Jiyan’s crutch hit the door and slid sideways as the man fumbled with the doorknob (or whatever you wanted to call this pathetic try he was just witnessing), Geshu Lin snapped out of his haze and quickly rushed forward to help him out.

“Step aside.”, he gruffly commanded, grabbing Jiyan’s shoulder more out of instinct than on purpose. But instead of shoving him away like he usually would, he just gently turned him to the side, just enough so he could open the door and end Jiyan’s misery (and his own…).

 

 

Geshu Lin wasn’t sure what he had expected when seeing Jiyan’s room: Maybe some medals, maybe a few displays of rank or his glorious achievement in the war. Anything indicating how proud he was to finally be in this position. After all, hadn’t he always been the one boldy announcing that he was here to vanquish the Lament? Someone like him would have jubilated to be in a better position to do so. And his mother had always loved to brag about him (at least that’s what Geshu Lin had heard.), so she must have been delighted to hear about his new position.

But there was nothing. No, if Geshu Lin didn’t know better, he would have readily believed that they had just returned from another sparring session, as medic and General… not like this. Nothing had changed. Yes, absolutely nothing.

…And Geshu Lin had no idea how to deal with it.

Needless to say, he was creeped out. An eerie feeling lingered around him as he took step after step, pacing around the room with unusual hesitance. Not because it was unfamiliar, no… He recognized everything. Little trinkets in the shelves, stupid little memories from villages they had saved. Jiyan had insisted on keeping the villager’s gifts, much to past Geshu Lin’s dismay. A plethora of plants was spread all across the room, most of them able to save a person’s life with one of their leaves. Some capable of ending it just as easily. And only Jiyan knew which to avoid and which to praise.

Geshu Lin slowly approached the desk. Here, he noticed a difference. Paperwork. A lot of it, to be precise. His stacks were perhaps even higher than the ones back in Geshu Lin’s office. Which was surprising considering Jiyan was very insistent on getting his work done the moment it arrived, even if he was swamped with other tasks or too tired. Or injured.

A slight wave of annoyance washed over him as he grabbed one of the sheets, his gaze flickering over it for just a second. More than enough to know that it was just a trivial request, something that could and should have been delegated long ago.

It seemed as if this bad habit hadn’t changed as well. Jiyan hated delegating work. Until this day, Geshu Lin couldn’t fathom why everyone had called him a lone wolf while Jiyan continuously refused to rely on his comrades, insisting on shouldering everything on his own.

Jiyan claimed that it was because it was easier to leave all work in one hand, more efficient for him to do it so others didn’t need to struggle.  He had done this so many times back as a medic, spending days and nights on end in the infirmary while constantly refusing any help. It had been so bad that his fellow medics ultimately approached Geshu Lin to beg him to intervene.

Deep in thought, he let his thumb brush along the wooden framework of the chair. Tomorrow, he should have a talk with Jiyan about his work habits, maybe a little bit less intense than back then-

Geshu Lin’s whole body froze as his nail scratched across a dent in the wood. His eyes widened as cold shivers rushed down his spine. The surface was rough. Scorched.

 

“You think I pay any mind to what a medic like you has to say? I knew you were naïve, but this much? Who do you think you are? You’re but a common combat medic – insignificant and replaceable.”

 

The scared scream echoed in his mind, slashing into his soul like countless whiplashes. Instinctively he gritted his teeth, feeling his hand warm up as his Forte desired to eradicate whatever threat had caused his inner turmoil.

“Why do you think I care about what you have to say? Why do you have the gall to assume that I even care about you in the first place?!”

 

He quickly let go of the chair, turning away from the scorch mark that was glaring at him in silent accusation. In front of his mind, Jiyan’s scared face flickered again and again. It had been a usual day in the miserable life of General Geshu Lin. His actions hadn’t even been extraordinary, many soldiers had expected him to do worse after the stunt Jiyan had pulled in the infirmary, one night before going up against the Ovathrax. But still-

 

 

“I’m sorry it’s so cluttered in here. The day of the mission, I actually wanted to clean up my room, reorganize some of the drawers and so on… Well, now it’s a little bit difficult. With these crutches and all that…”

The ringing in his ears promptly stopped when he heard Jiyan’s awkward laugh and he instantly schooled his face, grateful that the other seemingly hadn’t noticed his pathetic display of reminiscence.

“Apart from those outrageously huge stacks of paperwork, you’re totally fine. I couldn’t care less about what chaos you might live in as long as your weapons are sharp.”, Geshu Lin huffed as he kicked a bag to the side, so Jiyan could walk around the room more easily, “But I would appreciate it, if you weren’t littering you room any further than this. Otherwise, I might find you here on the ground with a broken neck. It’s not that hard considering what’s lying around here…”

Just for good measure he began shoving a few boxes and other obstacles to the side. In the meantime, Jiyan settled on the bed, sitting down there only to stare at him with a strange expression. For the first few minutes, Geshu Lin ignored him, but then his obnoxious staring became too unsettling and he grumpily looked up.

“What?”, he snarled out, confused by the other’s odd behavior, “Don’t worry, I won’t break your stuff.”

Jiyan blinked once, twice then he quickly shook his head. “It’s not that… I’m just…”, he let out a shaky sigh and Geshu Lin watched with slight displeasure as his face fell, “Nevermind…”

 

One part in Geshu Lin was craving to pry his lips open, to get him to answer what made his face look as if he had just lost something dear to him. But the other part was quick to remind him that he was neither obligated to know the truth, nor should he care about it.

Jiyan shouldn’t matter to him. He was only here to help him recuperate and even this only because Sanhua forced him to.

 

Listening to his better half, he let out a huff and turned away, looking for a good spot to rest for the remainder of the night. Jiyan hadn’t been wrong, there wasn’t much space. But if he moved those two boxes just a little bit to the right…-

“What are you doing?!”

Geshu Lin just raised his eyebrows as he shoved the second box to the side, glancing at Jiyan with slight annoyance: “Sleeping here?”

“What why?!”, Jiyan’s mouth fell open in shock and Geshu Lin almost chuckled out loud at the way his face seemed to change color every second.

“Well, where else? Do you want me to sleep outside like a dog? It’s still winter, ya know? Knew you were heartless, but not that-“

“But why in my room?!”

Slowly but surely, Geshu Lin was convinced that Jiyan had received more damage than just to his leg. “... Where else?”, he drawled out, his expression sour as he pointed to the way next to him where a few rooms to the left, his old room would be located. Which it now wasn’t anymore. “Mine? Surely long gone by now and-“

“No.”

 

 

For a moment the world seemed to come to a crashing halt. Geshu Lin actually watched Jiyan for a while longer than necessary (and maybe to give his brain some time to catch up), but to his utter disbelief, the other man seemed to be dead serious. But this… no… he couldn’t…

“...No?!”, he repeated hoarsely, suddenly unbothered by the fact that he must look like an absolute idiot right now.

Just as he feared, Jiyan didn’t refute him, didn’t loudly laugh and tell him that it was a joke. And what infuriated even more was that deep down, he had already known that Jiyan hadn’t been lying.

“It's… it's all still there. I...”, Jiyan coughed suddenly, interrupting himself as a blush crept up his cheeks, “We haven’t touched anything.”

Geshu Lin could do nothing but raise his eyebrows in disbelief, He knew that Jiyan spoke the truth, but was he even aware what this truth entailed? Or was Geshu Lin just reading too much into it? But what was there to misread if they really kept the biggest and comfiest room right at the center of the main camp untouched for four long years?!

 

All of a sudden, Jiyan abruptly straightened up and hastily turned away from him, as if he were trying to hide from his gaze, or at least to shield whatever he was fumbling with from him.

"Just... give me a moment, won’t you”

Geshu Lin heard him mumbling as he fiddled with something at the drawer next to his bed.  But he wasn’t blind. Jiyan did pull open the drawer and acted as if he were rummaging through it. Yet at the same time, he leaned down, sneakily fiddling with something tied around his neck.

“Here.”

Silence filled the room for a moment as a silver object was thrown in his direction. It jingled as Geshu Lin caught it skillfully as ever. Metal clacking against metal.

Geshu Lin’s breath got caught up in his throat.

 

No… It couldn’t be…

 

But his eyes couldn’t lie.

 

The key in his hand weighed heavier than his own claymore. Geshu Lin just prayed that Jiyan hadn’t missed the way his Forte fluctuated at the sight of it. But it wasn’t all. No, what shocked him even more was the accessory tied to it. A purple, black and teal ribbon carefully intertwined with each other into a (not so elegant) braid.

 

“…Thanks…”

 

The word stuck like glue to his lips and it cost him a lost of strength to utter it. Not because it was wrong of thanking Jiyan for this, but there were dozens of questions swirring in his mind. Questions, he didn’t want to know the answer to. Because if he were getting an honest one… he was pretty sure he would have no idea how to deal with it. Without another word, he walked towards the door, now with no reason to stay in Jiyan’s room for any longer than necessary. As he did so, his gaze met Jiyan’s one final time. He was still sitting there with this weird empty expression. As if he were dumbfounded and at the same time incredibly nervous, almost frightened.

Geshu Lin had no idea how to deal with this.

 

And so, he turned the doorknob and only spoke up one last time as his first foot was already out the door:

“Get some sleep, Jiyan. You need it.”

“Y…Yes I will.”

His voice was shaky. Weak. But for the first time in his life, Geshu Lin didn’t feel the urge to chide him for it.

Because he was no better.

 

Quickly, he turned around to take the other step necessary to leave this hellhole that sung melodies of temptation he refused to listen to. But just as he wanted to close the door behind him, he could hear a loud noise and he instantly  peeked around the door, only to see Jiyan’s failed attempt to catch the crutch as it hit the drawer.

“Uh!”, the younger man stammered, his gaze firmly placed on Geshu Lin making it clear that he was not only making noise because of his crutch but because he actually wanted to talk to him.

“…Yes?”, he frowned, observing the man at the other side of the room cautiously, this weird reflection that looked like his former medic and yet acted so differently-

“G- Goodnight, General.”

 

Ah.

Maybe he wasn’t that different.

 

“Wrong title, you idiot.”, he chided him apathetically and gave a noncommittal wave as he turned away for good, “You know my name. Use it. I won’t forgive you another slipup. Don’t insult the position you’ve inherited.”

 

 

And with this, the door was closed and Geshu Lin was finally free of the chains that had slowly been creeping up on him, sweet crimson ribbons sneakily attempting to tie him down to a life that was no longer his. He was glad that this deep into the night, there were no other soldiers in the hallways. No one that could hear his relieved sigh as he realized that at least for the rest of this night, he didn’t have to face his past, face Jiyan anymore.

One would probably call him a madman if they had noticed him standing in front of his door far longer than it was necessary. The key burned against his palm and he couldn’t help but swallow hard as a wave of nausea washed over him. The nameplate next to the door was gone, but he was strangely glad about it. It would have felt even worse to see it there. As this was still his place. As if this room was still meant to be his and the camp a home to return to.

Such delusions were ridiculous and dangerous. But oh so tempting…

His mouth felt dry when he pushed the key into the keyhole, turned it a little bit to the left, before grabbing the doorknob harshly to pull the door towards him. Then, now finally able to, he gave the key the final push. Just like always.

The door was creaking as it swung open. Not surprising after four years, especially after it hadn’t been in the best shape to begin with. With a quiet laugh, he closed it behind him before finally shifting his attention to the rest of the room.

And he stopped dead in his tracks.

 

“What the fuck…”

The quiet whisper echoed in the room, the only noise that cut through the deafening silence as he took the first few steps forwards, then a few more, each one growing more frantic than the previous one.

It was all there.

Everything.

His desk, his chair, his drawer, even his ragged wardrobe with a few uniforms just hanging there as if nothing had happened. As if the owner of this room had been out for maybe a few hours, no more, just a quick spar and was now returning.

He must have looked like a drunk madman as he stumbled towards the desk at let his fingers run across it. All dents, all scorch marks, even the frustrated scratch marks when his day had been especially hard, were all still there. His hands shook as he picked up his favorite pen, gently placed on top a piece of cloth he had used for drying ink.

Just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, he drew his signature on the palm of his hand, a motion he had repeated at least a couple hundred times a day when being swamped with office work.

The black letters stared back at him and his skin prickled as if countless ants were crawling across it.

“Why is it all here? Why did he leave it be?”, Geshu Lin whispered in disbelief and gently set the pen down to inspect the rest of the room. And it didn’t take him long to pause again. This time, he did take a double-take, even pinched his cheek to make sure he wasn’t going insane. But the bedsheets still remained spotless, smelling faintly like the washing powder used in the barracks. Four-year-old sheet shouldn’t smell. Especially not those which hadn’t been changed for weeks as battle rushed after battle, drowsing him in the blood of both friends and foes alike so often that he had just decided to sleep in his filthy sheets. After all, new ones would just be tainted, just like the countless young souls he had damned to die in mere weeks.

But there was no smell of blood. And not a single stain of the lives he had ended.

Jiyan must have changed them. And not only this – there was not a single speck of dust.

Geshu Lin did his best to suppress the images flashing in front of his mind, products of his imagination running wild as it tried to figure out how this could have happened. He tried to make himself believe that Jiyan had told some poor recruit to clean this as a punishment. But he knew that it was just a sweet lie to soothe his conscience. No one would be as thorough when cleaning as this. And it couldn’t have been cleaned a long time ago. No, judging by the spotless surface, even on the lamps and fabric of the bedsheets, someone must have cleaned up in here regularly.

But that would mean…

With a pained grown, he let himself fall onto the bed, too lazy to remove his clothing after such a long day and just nuzzled his face into the pillow. The sheets were soft.

 

Just like his skin.

 

Geshu Lin instantly went rigid as an image of smooth skin caressed by silvery moonlight flashed in front his face and his chest burned at the spot where sleeping Jiyan had nuzzled against it.

No. Nonononono… this was not happening. He hadn’t been around that brat for more than a few hours. And he was still more than pissed at him for the stunt he pulled before they went separate ways (or rather Jiyan nearly killed him). That face had always been way too beautiful. The Sentinels were such pricks. Always favoring those who were already blessed. Jiyan had no business to look even better after maturing these past few years!

A familiar scent hit his nostrils.

The sweet fragrance of Pecok flowers.

Ah, so now his mind had finally given up on him. Now, his insanity went that far that he was starting to imagine Jiyan’s scent everywhere-

 

Wait.

He wasn’t imagining things.

That damn pillow smelled like him!

 

Flabbergasted, Geshu Lin propped himself up to his elbows and scrutinized the pillow for a moment as if his scowl could make it fess up, explain why it smelled this way. But of course, it stayed silent. Just for good measure (and not because he was doubting himself!) Geshu Lin gave it another good sniff. Same for the sheets and blankets.

It all smelled like him.

 

What on earth… Were the Sentinels playing a trick on him? Had the Ovathrax somehow burned away his ability to discern smells?
Geshu Lin frowned and let himself fall onto the side until he finally rolled around and looked up at the ceiling.
Whatever, there were other matters at hand that irked him just as much. With a deep scowl, he raised his hand and stared numbly at the key. Or rather at what was attached to it.

He shook the key once. Twice.

The braided ribbon dangled from left to right. Left to right. Left to right. Sadly, it didn’t hypnotize him. And even worse, it also didn’t vanish.

 

No, this wasn’t his imagination playing tricks on him. Jiyan had kept both his key and the little trinket.

But why?!

Why had he kept this? Especially this close to his chest? Just the fact alone that his room was untouched after more than four years was astounding, but that Jiyan kept his key, under his shirt close to his heart no less…. What on earth was the supposed to make out of this?

And the room… it honestly seemed as if it had been ready to receive him just this day.

 

Maybe Sanhua had told Jiyan about his return?

…No, she wouldn’t. Plus, Jiyan had seemed genuinely shocked at his sight.

 

But this left only one option open.

 

Jiyan had cared for this room like this every single day for the past five years.

 

 

Needless to say, Geshu Lin did not have a peaceful sleep that night.

 

 

~

 

“What’cha doing…”

 

Tiredly, Geshu Lin glanced up at the young man on whose legs his head was currently resting (quite comfortably so, he might add). He wasn’t even sure how long it had already been. They had been sparring. But not for long as Jiyan had claimed that he still had work to do. What work could be more important than training with his General?!

But Geshu Lin had let him be. Maybe because he was in a good mood after wiping out a huge Tacet Discord camp in the south just this morning. Maybe because it was the beginning of summer and it was just too damn hot in the sun. Which was something both him and Jiyan seemed to agree on. Geshu Lin wasn’t even sure why he was still lingering around the medic, after all, his work was always quite boring. But he didn’t have anything better to do. Or rather something better he also liked to do. Big difference.

And so, they found themselves at a nearby meadow, in the cool shade beneath one of the few intact trees in the Desorock Highlands. At first, Geshu Lin had just sat beside his subordinate as he began unpacking box after box full of herbs Geshu Lin faintly recognized but frankly didn’t care for.

Anyone would have expected Geshu Lin to get bored and leave after a few minutes. Jiyan probably had done this as well. But Geshu Lin was known to be a bit of an enigma and he was proud of it.

Plus, although he loved fighting, he was a little bit tired. But just because of the summer heat! So, it had been totally reasonable for him to use this chance to rest. And to rest on Jiyan’s legs was far more enjoyable than lying directly in the grass. Geshu Lin liked his long hair, but he was not keen on using it as an insect net!

 

“Mh?”, the soft hum was one with the wind, calm and gentle as always, “Braiding herbs.”
“…Seems unnecessary.”

Geshu Lin huffed as he rolled around on Jiyan’s legs, trying to find a comfortable position that was still giving him the chance to watch his medic doing whatever witchcraft this was, for a little while longer. Curiously he observed the other’s face, only to frown at the other’s bright (and way too beautiful laugh).

“It’s easier to store them this way.”
“Easier?”, Geshu Lin snorted. “All this…”, he mockingly mimicked Jiyan’s motions, “Hand stuff looks pretty hard.”
“It really isn’t.”, Jiyan just smiled peacefully, before his smile gained a sharp edge as he mustered him keenly.  “General, do you not know how to braid?”
“Why would I? I’m a warrior. Not a quack like you!”, Geshu Lin huffed, but deep down he chided himself for liking the way Jiyan was now paying attention to him. His gaze fully placed on him and only him. He wanted to stay like this a little longer…

“Careful, General. If you’re insulting me without reason just like that, I might assume you’re doing it to distract me.”

“Looking for a beating, medic?”

A few flames began dancing around Jiyan’s head but this oddball stayed as calm as ever, just laughing warmly.

“Not if I can avoid it, Sir.”

 

By now, most soldiers would have fled the scene. But Jiyan wasn’t ‘most’. And although Geshu Lin was always quick to claim that he hated disobedience, he knew exactly that ‘hate’ was not the feeling brewing in his chest. With an exasperated sigh, he rolled his eyes, turning away from him to look at the sky. For a moment, he just watched in silence as the leaves above him swayed in the wind, a gentle rustling accompanied by the warm rays of sunlight on his skin. It was peaceful. And he hated that he couldn’t fully accept that such peace was possible in this rotten world.

 

 “Honestly… first insulting me and then begging – you’re a weird one.”, he muttered under his breath, finally breaking the silence, which only earned him another chuckle, low and warm as it tingled on his skin and Geshu Lin wondered why only Jiyan could make him feel this way.
“That, you told me. Several times.”

“And yet you never learn.”

 

Jiyan didn’t answer. And yet Geshu Lin knew that the smile on his face was wider than ever, even when not looking at him.

For a while, they just went back to their previous usual silence, only broken by Jiyan’s occasional hums and the rustling of herbs as he picked up another stack. Lazily, Geshu Lin turned to him and watched him, almost like a cat as he laid sprawled out in the sun.

“So, how does this work?”, he finally asked, half out of boredom, half out of curiosity.

And how he wished he hadn’t asked. Because whatever was blooming in his chest when Jiyan’s eyes lit up in pure happiness at his question – he didn’t want to feel it.

“It’s actually pretty easy. You just do this… this… and then you cross those two and…”

 

Geshu Lin didn’t interrupt him, even though he understood nothing. But to listen to his happy rambling… it should get on his nerves, but instead it just added to the pleasant atmosphere, comforting him in a way he had never felt before.

Suddenly, he felt Jiyan’s body moved and in the next moment, the younger man already leaned forward, his smile bright as the sun as he asked full excitement: “Want me to show you?”

Geshu Lin scowled. Of course he did. He didn’t like it when others shoved their faces right into his own. But when his gaze fell on the braid in Jiyan’s hand, he couldn’t help but sigh, images of a whitehaired girl flashing before his mind, happily shoving a white braided talisman into his hand. ‘To bring you luck whatever horror you may face out there.’

 

He hadn’t been the one to face horror.

She had been.

 

“If that stops you from getting on my nerves… Okay.”

Grumpily, he sat up and shuffled over to sit next to Jiyan, leaning against the same trunk as him. Their shoulders were almost touching. And for once, Geshu Lin couldn’t care less about it. So, he shuffled even closer, ignoring the slight fluctuating in Jiyan’s Forte as he leaned against him.

“So? How does it work? Why are you suddenly silent after chewing my ear off for the past few hours?”

“It’s only been two!”, Jiyan grumbled, “And I’m not chewing your ear off. Just some education.”

“Education on very important subjects, I see. Imagine you’d show the same level of passion for swordplay…”, Geshu Lin hummed, his voice dripping with sarcasm. As he reached for the herbs. “So, how many do I need? All of them or-“

“Please wait!”

 

Geshu Lin’s eyes went wide as a cool hand wrapped around his wrist. His Forte instantly perked up on instant, nearly frying Jiyan’s hand off in an instant. Just barely he managed to stop it. But he was sure that Jiyan must have noticed the temperature spike, at least going by the way his eyes widened in shock and he instantly let go of his hand.

“S…Sorry, Sir. Just…”, Jiyan awkwardly averted his gaze and began to rummage through his bag. “I think these might be more suited for training.”

Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed as Jiyan held up a transparent box containing all sorts of ribbons.
“Are you saying I’m too stupid to braid herbs, medic?”

“N….No, of course not. But…”

“One ‘but’ is enough to invalidate your whole statement.”, Geshu Lin harshly cut him off before snapping his fingers at his dazed subordinate, “So be out with it: what is this noob supposed to do with the ribbons?”

Jiyan instantly snapped out of it and quickly put the box down in his lap and opened it. “To braid, you need three ribbons. I would recommend choosing three different colors, just so it’s easier to discern-“, he paused and Geshu Lin didn’t miss the tiny wince going through his body as he realized that he had offended Geshu Lin yet again, “- prettier to look at.”

Geshu Lin had to do his best to not break out laughing at this pathetic attempt to smoothen out the waves. So, he just rolled his eyes and then leaned forward, without a care in the world that was now hovering right in front of Jiyan’s chest. He could feel the other’s breath against his hair and he was surprised how it made his scalp tingle in anticipation. He should really get his body checked by a doctor when getting some time off.

He glanced to the side.

Not this doctor though.

 

“Black. And purple.”, he chose the first two colors, ignoring the happy squealing of his Forte in the background.

Jiyan smiled happily and was eager to get the first two ribbons. “And the last one?”

“Mh….”, Geshu Lin pause das his gaze wandered across all the different colors. There were a lot to choose from but not a single one resonated with him. Maybe he should just pick whatever…-

 

He paused as his eyes fell on a ribbon at the far-right, peeking out from under a ball of red thread. His lips curved up into a smirk.

 

“I think I like this one.”

 

Slowly, he straightened up and held up the last ribbon, right next to the other’s face.

“It’s perfect.”

 

Jiyan’s face contorted into a confused frown.

“Teal? I didn’t know you like that color.”

“Who knows…”, Geshu Lin just smirked, looking at the thread one last time before he dropped it right next to the others.” Maybe it matches quite well.”

“If you say so…”

Notes:

The title is from one of my favorite songs of the musical 'Carrie'
Anyways, I know I'm late and I'm very sorry for this. I actually was really hyped to proofread this chapter today as I had a lot of fun while writing it.
But some things happened and I was very distraught and yeah... let's just say I've spent far too long with bawling my eyes out and self-loathing and depression in combination are... lovely. Hearing these thoughts how it might be better to not exist - I hate it. Sorry, I shouldn't ramble. But I hope this explains the late chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless!

Plus, I actually was quite productive the last few days and finally managed to write the third chapter of Being in your Shoes! No idea, when I'll upload it, depends on how well I feel tomorrow. Probably Sunday/Monday.

As always, I'm really grateful for your support and your warm words. You always make my day and I'm just so thankful that you'd take time out of your day to read this, to write me... thank you!
See you next Friday and I wish you guys a lovely weekend! <3

Chapter 3: My blade, yours to wield

Summary:

Jiyan wakes up after the fateful day of reunion and realizes that it hasn't been a dream. By an unannounced visitor in the early morning hours.
Geshu Lin is still not very fond of his current predicament, yet offers to help Jiyan out. But said help turns out to be more difficult than expected...

My blade, yours to wield

---

 

 

I think very often problems are so big, people approach problems from the bottom up: 'If only I do this little bit, then hopefully there will be some sort of snowball effect that will be bigger and bigger.' I'm much more in favor of the top-down approach to problem-solving. - Boyan Slat

 

The warmth on his face was pleasant, a gentle caress of light that Jiyan enjoyed with a blissful smile. Drowsily, he opened his eyes. Through the window, he could see the sun just peaking out from behind the dunes in the distance. Its golden rays were dancing on the sand and Jiyan couldn’t help but stare at the sight for a moment, mesmerized by its sheer beauty.

Since becoming a General, chances to enjoy such a view had been rare. Either because of war, paperwork or everything at once. Groggily, he sat up to get his body to wake up.

And wake up he did…

Fuck, his leg hurt.

And not just a little bit, no, there was no doubt that he had overdone it yesterday. Massively. And why was it itching this much? Had the medic made the cast too tight-

 

Jiyan froze as a stack of boxes caught his attention.

It was ridiculous how fast his mouth went dry as a familiar face flashed in front of his mind. He could feel a dull pain in his palms, that hadn’t been there before. Or rather: hadn’t been there yesterday morning.

 

“Jue, what did I do to deserve such an embarrassing first impression… Falling on my face right in front of his feet like a toddler learning to walk – was that really necessary?”, Jiyan groaned and instinctively buried his head in his hands. But he only stayed like this for a moment, knowing very well that this was not the solution to his problem. Problems, if he had to be honest.

There were so many questions he wanted to ask Geshu Lin.

Hell, if he hadn’t seen the displaced boxes, he might have thought that yesterday had been just a dream, a sweet dream, but nonetheless just foolish hopes of a time long gone. A time he had forsaken by his own actions.

Jiyan was still in shock that Geshu Lin had really agreed to accompany him. Hell, he had even carried him all the way here! He didn’t known much about the deal between Sanhua and his former General – only something about a favor. And how pissed Geshu Lin had been when he had been forced to stay by Jiyan’s side, at least for the time being.

 

Does he hate me that much-

Of course he does. Don’t you remember? You ditched him in the final battle, left him to die a pathetic lonely death. Count yourself lucky that he didn’t kill you on the spot.

 

Jiyan gritted his teeth as he carefully heaved his legs out of the bed, careful to not hit the cast against whatever could be in his way. He had to get up. Fulfill his duties. Paperwork. Work calls. Training.

He barely managed to suppress a pained whine when his leg sent blasts of pain through his body. But he wasn’t allowed to falter. No, he was the General of the Midnight Rangers, his men were depending on him, cast or not.

And he didn’t want to burden Geshu Lin – not back then, and not now.

Back in his combat medic days, he had failed to do so, had been dead weight more times than he could count. So, even with the injuries, he should try to make it up to him. Thank him for all the time and guidance he had granted him although there had been no obligation to do so.

 

Maybe then, one day, I’ll get to see that smile again.

 

A sharp exhale escaped Jiyan as his heart wailed in longing. A painful, desperate beg for something he neither deserved nor had any chance of receiving anytime soon. He should count himself lucky, if Geshu Lin was still here in the first place. After all, he had no real obligation to do so. And after he had been forced to catch Jiyan so many times the previous days, Jiyan wouldn’t even be able to fault him if he had left in the depth of the night. After all, his former general had never been fond of weakness.

And Jiyan wasn’t just weak right now, no, he was useless.

 

Unless he would change his misery with his own two hands. Yes, Jiyan was a doctor, yes he knew about the importance of rest and recuperation, and still he was driven by a mighty force, his heart brimming with newfound motivation. He would succeed. Step by step. It couldn’t be that hard.

 

First: Get up.

 

Easy. His leg was pulsing as the blood sunk deeper, but it was bearable.

 

Dress yourself for training.

 

Jiyan took one step. Huh, wasn’t that hard.

He took another.

And another.

He looked up as he wondered if he should wear a jacket today. After all, it was still early and-

 

Only when cruel, blinding pain flared up in his leg, Jiyan realized that he had just stumbled across a box on the ground. What happened next was something Jiyan would have loved to blame on a misalignment of fate (or rather the chaos in his room). He didn’t know the true answer, but it didn’t matter as he stumbled forward, desperately trying to regain his balance. But it only resulted in him accidentally kicking a box away with his cast.

This time, Jiyan couldn’t help but cry out in pain.

But he didn’t get much time to wallow in his misery as he didn’t pay enough attention to the cast and he lost his balance completely, falling backwards with no way of saving himself.

 

Shit. How should he land? How could he protect his cast?

Oh Jue, hope fully he wouldn’t injure himself any further or Geshu Lin would-

 

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

 

It took Jiyan’s body a moment to realize that he in fact hadn’t crashed onto the hard, cold tiles of his floor, but instead was resting in warm, strong arms. Wow, through the thin fabric of his sleeping shirt, he could feel the well-trained biceps. Even in his years of absence, he must have trained hard…

 

Wait, this wasn’t important right now!!!

 

Instantly, Jiyan tensed up, probably looking more like a victim of a Glacio Dreadmane than a proud General preparing for a long day of work.

“G…getting ready, Sir.”, he stuttered awkwardly, cursing himself inwardly for his embarrassing voice crack.

What was he? A stupid teen, sick with forbidden love?!
He wasn’t a medic anymore.

 

“Scratch the damn ‘Sir’.”

Before Jiyan could react, Geshu Lin grabbed his torso and unceremoniously dragged him back to the bed, only a annoyed huff as explanation. Jiyan firmly expected him to throw him onto the bed, most definitely making the pain in his leg triple in the process. But to his bewilderment, he sat him down gently, holding him below his shoulders in a strange kind of half-hug.

 

He still smelled like firewood and ashes. 

 

Jiyan’s heart soared at the familiar scent and he couldn’t help but be immediately reminded of the way he shamelessly let himself get enveloped in it yesterday, when he had nuzzled closely to his chest on the way to the camp.

He knew exactly that he would be in big trouble if Geshu Lin noticed the disappointment on his face as those warm, beautiful arms let go of him. So, he tried his best to hide from his piercing gaze – which meant stubbornly looking to the ground.

 

“How did you even get here?”, he asked, a pathetic attempt to distract Geshu Lin from his slight mishap.
“The door.”

Jiyan didn’t even need to look at him to know that his deadpan answer was accompanied by his signature scowl. He was pissed. And standing in front of his closet.

Shit.

 

How was he supposed to get ready then? The training was about to start in less than ten minutes! He had never once made his recruits wait…

Panicked, his gaze wandered to the side where a chair was standing right next to his bed. His clothes from yesterday were stacked on there. Usually, Jiyan wouldn’t be that messy, would quickly dispose of them in the assigned basket, but he had been too tired to do so the previous day. Running around with the crutches, meeting Geshu Lin again… it had all been a bit much. But hey, every downside brought its advantages, right?

 

As casually as possible he reached out for the clothes. Yes, they were dirty, yes they were probably even smelling. But standing up and going to the wardrobe to get new ones when Geshu Lin was standing right in front of it like an impenetrable wall, seemed impossible.
Jiyan managed to grab his black shirt.

 

But not for long.

 

Just as he pulled his arm back, he heard angry stomping and before he could react, the shirt was already ripped from his hand.

 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“… Dressing myself? I need to get ready.”

“In dirty clothes that smell worse than a scout’s old socks? Yeah sure, great way to keep up with the hygiene protocol, doctor.” Geshu Lin only scoffed, holding the shirt up even higher when Jiyan tried to snatch it back. “And what are you getting ready for? You’re sick.”

“I still need to fulfill my duties.”
“ Hah? What duties?”, Geshu Lin clicked his tongue in annoyance and unceremoniously tossed his shirt into the basket before proceeding to do the same with the rest of his dirty laundry. Jiyan couldn’t decide whether to be embarrassed because his former General was touching his sullied clothes or be bewildered that he knew which basket was meant for his laundry. “Thought you wiped out most Tacet Discords in the area? At least nothing your men couldn’t handle, unless you pampered them into completely useless piles of human trash.”,

“Don’t insult my men, they’re-“

“Yeah, yeah.”, Geshu Lin only rolled his eyes at him before marching over to the wardrobe. Jiyan just barely managed to catch the shirt that was thrown full force at his face. “So?”, the older man boredly drawled out, “What’s so important that the great General of the Midnight Rangers forsakes his holy doctor codex and tries to rush out off this room with no respect for his body?”

 

Jiyan knew that it would be better to lie. Even if it was Geshu Lin who had always been very quick to punish liars. By burning their tongue off. But at the same time, he knew that the other would be quick to notice what he was up to, if he just as much as set a foot outside the building.
So, with a small wince, he admitted: “...Training.”

“Training.”, Geshu Lin repeated apathetically, waiting for a few seconds before his eyes widened and he quickly stomped over to him, “Wait, you’re serious? Fucking training? Are you kidding me?”

 

Jiyan would have laughed at the genuine shock written all across his face, hadn’t it been for the way he put his hand right next to him, leaning in so close that Jiyan could feel his hot breath ghost over his face.

“The recruits are waiting for me…”, he stammered awkwardly, trying to get his racing heartbeat under control.
At this, Geshu Lin’s frown only deepened, his eyebrows furrowed as if Jiyan had just insulted his combat skills. “Screw the recruits!”, he finally snarled out, his tone sharp as if it could cut through Jiyan’s skin, his gaze burning  hotter than his own flames, “They can train on their own. Why would you even train them in the first place? Don’t you have subordinates for that?

“But they rely on my guidance! It’s my duty to prepare them for battle!”, Jiyan swallowed hard as image of countless bodies flashed through his mind. Bodies of friends, of people he had shared meals with – only to walk over their bodies not a day later. He didn’t want to lose his men to the same fate. “I need to give them the best training there is so they are well-prepared for battle.”

 

So that not as many as under your reign will fall.

Cause you didn’t prepare them to survive, you prepared them to die a meaningless death.

 

Jiyan only realized the massive mistake he had made when the silence stretched on for far too long. What had come over him?! He had had no right to make this accusation even unspoken. No, deep down he knew that he was not only unfair to Geshu Lin, but he was also incredibly rude to someone who was just here to make sure he was okay. Geshu Lin’s expression was rigid, when Jiyan looked up. But his eyes… were burning with hatred.

His blood froze in his veins. Geshu Lin’s Forte was spiking. And not just a little bit, no, it felt as if hot claws were ripping at his skin, begging their owner to be unleashed.

 

“Are you trying to provoke me?”
The low whisper sent chills down Jiyan’s spine and he hastily shook his head. “N… No, General! Of course not!”

“Geshu Lin!”

 

Jiyan flinched when the fist slammed onto the mattress, not even a hand’s width next to his thigh.

“Is that so hard?”, the man rasped out angrily. Jiyan’s eyes widened when he noticed his shoulders shaking. His fac was still as rigid as ever, but his façade was crumbling. And Jiyan couldn’t feel any worse.

“G…Geshu Lin.” The name felt foreign on his lips.

“Again.”, Geshu Lin sneered, “Now without that pathetic stuttering. Or are you too afraid to speak my name? After what -  five years of service? Shouldn’t you know me better than that?”

Jiyan paused, clenching his jaw as he tried to ignore the pain his former general’s words caused in his chest. These emotions didn’t belong here. No, Geshu Lin was right – Jiyan should be able to do better. After all, he was now a General, not the medic from back then. Not the one who had looked up to the whitehaired man in something stronger than awe, warmer than worry and more dangerous than care.

“Geshu Lin.”

This time, Geshu Lin stayed quiet. Was he… satisfied? Or not? Jue, how was Jiyan supposed to guess what was going on in his head?! There was this weird tension lingering between them… and Jiyan couldn’t help but swallow hard beneath the scorching gaze of those golden eyes which had scorned him so many times.

All of a sudden, Geshu Lin suddenly pulled away, his usual confident smirk playing around his lips as he sneered: “Better.”

Nonchalantly he got up and walked over to the closet again, seemingly looking for the rest of Jiyan’s clothing. “Y’see, not that hard.”

 

His tone was light, casual. As always. And still… something felt off.

But just as before, Jiyan couldn’t read him. …This was just pathetic. He wasn’t the naïve combat medic from back then anymore, he had followed Geshu Lin’s footsteps, even inherited the same position. And yet, even when that same man was now standing not even a meter away, he still felt so far away.

“Yes…”, he mumbled meekly, averting his eyes.

 

He could feel Geshu Lin staring at him.

Then a sigh cut through the silence.

 

 “Still the same training regime as back then?”

“Of course! Why would I change it? Your exercises have always been the best to-“

“Spare me the flattery. I know that I am a damn genius when it comes to fighting.” Geshu Lin huffed, throwing the other pieces of clothing at Jiyan before walking up to the window. For a moment, he just stood there, glancing out the window as if he were enjoying the warmth of the rising sun.

“Alright, I’ll indulge you. But only because I know that otherwise, I would have to deal with your restless pacing for the rest of the day, am I wrong?”, he didn’t wait for an answer, “Same spot as always? 7.00?”

Jiyan instantly understood his offer and instantly held up his hands nervously. “Yes, but I really don’t want to trouble you.”

“That’s a bit late, don’t you think, Mr. Slept-on-my-chest for three damn hours.”

At this, Jiyan blushed and hid his face in hands, only slowly coming out from his hiding spot as he meekly explained: “I… I just feel sorry for bothering you with my duties.”

“Totally unnecessary.”, Geshu Lin only snorted, giving a dismissive wave as he turned away from the window and approached his bed, “Jiyan, I’m not here because of you but because Sanhua begged me to. Or rather coerced me into it. If you want to feel sorry, feel sorry that she likes you so much that she would use the one and only favor she has with me and forced me to babysit you.”

“Does it pain you to be here?”

 

The question fell far too quickly from his lips and Jiyan instantly regretted it. Although it was one he craved to hear the answer to, he knew that asking Geshu Lin about emotional topics like these, topics where he could be forced to expose weaknesses, did not sit well with the former General. In this regard he was almost like a wild animal, cornered and injured hissing at anyone coming close without listening to reason whatsoever.

Geshu Lin’s expression was… weird. It was obvious that he was trying to school it, but for once, he failed miserably at doing so. Which was rare for the man. Geshu Lin was one of those who either did hide their emotions perfectly or didn’t bother to at all.

But this frown, these tense shoulders and the way his Forte seemed unusually quiet for a moment, was odd to say the least.

 

“Do you really want me to ruin your day this early? Quite the masochist, aren’t you?”, Geshu Lin finally rasped out, shattering Jiyan’s hopes to get an honest answer in an instant, “Ask me again when I had some food. Meat preferably.”

 

Crestfallen, he watched as Geshu Lin went to turn the doorknob, getting ready to leave. But just as he opened the door, he stilled, his Forte slightly crackling like thin branches thrown into a ravaging fire.

“If you really want to make yourself useful, get some rest and if you really can’t, deal with the paperwork. Cause training the recruits or other combat stuff is easy. Have done it for long enough, after all. But I did not return from the dead to deal with paperwork again! That’s in your hands now.”

With his signature cocky smirk, the door was slammed shut, just as loudly as Jiyan remembered from his medic days.

 

And just as back then, Jiyan felt utterly clueless who General Geshu Lin truly was.

No, not General anymore.

Just Geshu Lin.

 

“Ah, that’s even worse…”, Jiyan grabbed the shirt and buried his face in it for a moment. His cheeks felt hot. Curse that smirk…

He hoped that their first talk would bring clarity. But now, he felt more confused than ever. Geshu Lin’s harsh words were still stinging on his skin and yet, at the same time, images of him throwing the clothes at Jiyan flashed in front of his mind.

Wait.

Did he…

 

Jiyan decided that throwing himself out the window might be a good idea as he picked up the underpants hidden between the layers of clothing.

 

~~

 

The training yard looked just like he remembered. It wasn’t as spacious as the main one in the city, yet more than sufficient enough for twenty men to spar at once. Surrounded by the walls casting some shade, it was easily the nicest place to stay at in the camp, as long as it wasn’t brimming with afternoon heat. Geshu Lin’s steps were heavy, his combat boots clacking against the metal tiles beneath his feet. The warm morning sun was tingling on his shoulders. It… had been a while since he wore this outfit. A slight unease twisted his stomach as he looked at the metal wall to his right, or rather the reflection in it. A man in a black tanktop with tied up white hair stared back at him.

How long had it been since he wore this?

 

Once, he had picked up these clothes off the rack with fondness, sometimes even with a rush of excitement, ready to beat up whoever was willing to fight him. Or rather who was unfortunate enough to cross his path first. Most of the times, it had been Jiyan.

Geshu Lin couldn’t help but wonder what the other would say, if he saw him like this. Would he feel the same rush of reminiscence than came over Geshu Lin when he found the shirt in the wardrobe? Or would he despise it, this memory of old times that had lost their worth as they had both drifted apart, their relationship burning down into nothing but ashes? No, he had to be real here – Jiyan had never been truly fond of him back then. Geshu Lin had just been too stupid, too blinded by the medic’s radiant, innocent smile to realize it. Honestly, he should have seen it coming so much sooner. When they had fought about strategies, the way Jiyan’s eyes had turned darker and darker, his gaze cooler every time Geshu Lin dragged him out to spar the last few weeks leading up to the Battle against the Ovathrax. The annoyed huffs, the snarky eyeroll… Geshu Lin had thought that they had been playful gestures, just banter. Maybe this was the reason why the betrayal had hurt so much more than anything he had ever known.

 

And yet I’ve returned to help him. Fate truly enjoys laughing at me, doesn’t it?

 

And as if the return itself wasn’t bad enough, now he also had to deal with Jiyan’s weird behavior. The skin at his chest burned. The fabric was as soft as ever.

Had Jiyan washed his clothes as well?!

Geshu Lin would have loved to say no, any sane man would say so, after all why would Jiyan do that for someone he betrayed in full faith, someone he hated for his actions (and rightfully so.)

But Geshu Lin’s sense of smell hadn’t been burned away by his Forte. There was no way they could smell this nice after four years of being stuck in a drawer. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had washed them. His last training had been at night, right before giving the command to engage the Ovathrax. It had been just him and the silence of the night, accompanied by the faint humming of the thousands of levitating droplets in the distance, oozing with remnant, purely malicious Resonance energy. He hadn’t cried that night. Of course he hadn’t. General Geshu Lin would have never cried. But by the end of his training, his usually bright flames had been nothing but a flicker.

He hadn’t slept that night.

And the following night… he had been proclaimed dead by the Magistrate.

 

 

Geshu Lin let out a little sigh as he rubbed across the embroidery, right above his chest. Just where he had pressed his fist against many, too many times, to proclaim his devotion to Sentinel Jue, to Jinzhou.

Had he even believed in this vow?

Geshu Lin wasn’t sure. And he was even less sure, if in his current position - with this afflicted body- he would ever know the true answer to this question.

The golden thread beneath his hands was rough against his skin. A golden dragon, valiant and powerful, righteous – kind.

Sentinel Jue had never been kind.

Even if everyone else loved to think so. Geshu Lin knew better.

 

Why had he even put on this clothes? A Midnight Ranger who didn’t believe in Sentinel Jue?

‘Well good thing, you aren’t a Midnight Ranger anymore.’ – the black cat would have teased him by now.

 

But he was wrong.

Because in truth, Geshu Lin should have never picked up this uniform to begin with.

 

 

When he arrived at the training yard, the recruits had already gathered, huddled together in small groups as they agitated chattered. But their happy conversations instantly fell dead silent the moment they laid eyes upon the newcomer.

 

“Good morning.”

The familiar greeting felt far heavier on his tongue than usual, but in the end, Geshu Lin managed to get it out in his usual, nonchalant voice. At least he thought so. But the eerie silence which followed made him reconsider. For what felt like an eternity, the recruits just… stared at him. Gobsmacked, some of them with mouths hanging open as if they were fish. Ridiculous.

“Did your general teach you lot no manners? Or did the Midnight Rangers decide to not greet each other any more?”

 

“But you’re not a Midnight Ranger, aren’t you?”

 

For a moment, the world fell silent. A coldness washed over Geshu Lin. Calm. Deadly.

The young man who had stepped forward faced him with open anger burning in his eyes.

A direct confrontation. At least, that was something he could deal with. He just hadn’t anticipated for such a thing to happen so soon.

 

“Correct. Still, I’m here to train you on demand of General Jiyan.”, How foreign this title felt…, “So get in line or get out.”

“We’re instructed to be trained by only the general or another Ranger. But you are neither our Geneal, nor a Midnight Ranger, are you?”

At this, the soldiers in the background seemed to snap out of their initial shock and agitated whispers filled the yard with both Geshu Lin and the soldier staring at each other in silence.

 

Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed.

 

Had Jiyan really implemented such a rule? Or had it always been there? Geshu Lin had never cared much for the rules in the first place. Well, and he hadn’t cared about training his men a lot as well. Sparring, yes. But holding their hand and teaching them how to fight – if he had done that, the war would have been lost in three days.

He felt his Forte perk up in sizzling anger, thrumming in his veins as the soldier took another step towards him, his gaze now even more confident than before. Backed up by his fellow recruits, he seemed to have gathered enough courage to speak up against Geshu Lin. But no courage in this world would save him from Geshu Lin’  flames if he dared to ridicule him even further.  What was this brat even thinking, approaching him like this while being nothing but a weak leaf in the wind, turned to ashes by a single snap of his? Such disrespect would not be tolerated-

 

No. He had to keep calm.

Jiyan was depending on him.

 

…not that his wishes mattered, of course. But if Jiyan were to train his recruits on his own, surely his healing process would be prolonged, damning Geshu Lin to stay here for even longer.

So, he just let out a long exhale as he watched the soldier in front of his open his mouth yet again to spew some nonsense.

“You wear our emblem and yet you forsake your oath when you sent three thousand Rangers to their death for no good reason! All those who fell under your command – did they really have to die? Let’s face it, at the Battle Beneath the Crescent you planned on killing everything, friend and foe alike? And for what? We won with just a minor amount of casualties, the poor souls General Jiyan couldn’t rip from your hands. Hadn’t it been for him, many more children in Jinzhou would be without their father, wives without their husband. My father would be dead as well.”

 

I gave my life for Jinzhou.

I gave my life for brats like you.

 

 

The heat in his hand increased, a low hum begging to be released. He subdued it, but he didn’t even know why.

 

And this is how you repay me?

 

Geshu Lin saw the soldier’s lips move again. And yet the first thing he heard were the frantic cries morphed through the remnant frequencies in a polyphony of despair.

The recruits in the distance slowly lost their faces, morphing into nothing but shapeless uniforms. Uniforms drenched in blood, cut open as the static noise in Geshu Lin’s ear rang louder and louder. Another curse echoed in his mind, the hateful gaze burning on his skin. And yet he felt nothing but rage.

 

Do you think that I don’t know this?

I didn’t have a choice!

 

In the background, he could hear the muffled screams of other recruits joining in, their accusations prickling on his skin like a cold rain as his soul got quieter and quieter. His consciousness was slowly fading, to be replaced with nothing but the thrumming of his Forte, strung along by a tune he had never agreed to.

 

A choice, hah… what would he have given for such luxury…

Sentinel Jue hadn’t granted him even this one favor.

General Geshu Lin had only been allowed to march onwards, over the dead bodies of those he had laughed with, shared a meal with, warmed in the cold desert night. Of those he had called family longer than his own.

 

Do you think that I was ever allowed to care?

 

The man in front of him took another step forward. Hadn’t it been for his clenched up firsts, the nails cutting into his own palm, Geshu Lin would have incinerated him right then and there. His palm was wet.

This was real blood.

Not like the one over there, on the ground, on the uniforms… on his own face. The levitating droplets in the sky sneered at him in derision – as they had always done.

 

Everything was fine.

He was used to this.

These words… were nothing against the pain he had felt when he had been left to drown in his own blood, his organs slowly carved out by the Ovathrax’s claws as the ethereal creature watched him writhe in agony with its chilling smile.

 

He took a deep breath.

And another one.

The soldier’s voice slowly became clear again.

 

“My father told me about you. Sword and shield of Jinzhou – hah, it couldn’t be further from the truth. You were nothing but a lunatic, burning everything to the ground just because you had the power to do so. You wanted to crush the Lament, even if it meant Jinzhou’s ruin! You never had hope in humanity to begin with.”

Geshu Lin smiled.

The soldier seemed genuinely taken aback by his reaction for a moment, then his scowl deepened, and he angrily spat out: “I refuse to be taught by someone like you. “

“Good. Then get your ass out of here. And everything who thinks the same can go as well.”

Geshu Lin crossed his arms in front of his chest, deep down knowing that it was more to stop himself from doing something very stupid on his first day than to defend himself from the soldiers. Not that he cared about their lives, they were just what -thirty? Maybe forty? Hah, he had robbed more than ten times the amount of their lives in one hour. But he wasn’t going to give Sanhua the opportunity to see him fail at something, especially on his very first day.

And so he just watched in complete apathy as more and more soldiers stepped forward, voicing their protests in varying degrees of anger and intensity:

“You... we don’t want you here!”

“You don’t belong here!”

 

Geshu Lin gritted  his teeth.

 

They were just words.

Words couldn’t hurt.

 

“Why have you even returned in the first place?”

“You should be ashamed!”

 

His fingers were clasping around his arms more tightly. But he didn’t relent when his Forte literally screamed at him to release it.

 

This was nothing new. He was used to this.

The only difference was that unfortunately, he was not allowed to beat them into a bloody pulp. Jiyan really ought to teach his brats some manners.

 

“How can you look in the mirror?”

“My parents died because of you! My brother-“

 

Someone just spit at him. Thankfully, he failed. But even if so, he couldn’t let this slide. He should…

No. He had promised Jiyan. He had promised Sanhua. Just a few months… and then this retribution would be over.

 

“Why are you even alive? Scum like you should stay dead-“

 

 

“Enough.”

 

 

 

The men immediately fell dead silent as the command rang through the air leaving no room for ‘if’s’ or ‘but’s’. Geshu Lin didn’t turn around to the voice behind him. He didn’t need to.  The look on the recruit’s faces would have been enough, even if he were deaf.

The crutches were awfully loud against the metal tiles, only accompanied by the noise of something getting dragged across the ground. A cast.

His Forte instantly hid in his hair when he felt the familiar winds vibrate in the air. They were harsher than usual, more like the icy cold storms at Mount Firmament like than gentle spring breeze he was used to. His mouth felt dry when he felt the familiar presence stop next to him.

And then, a shoulder brushed against his own.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?”, Jiyan’s voice was louder than usual, but at the same time eerily even, sending a chill down Geshu Lin’s spine.

“Jiyan, get out of here. This is not your business.”, Geshu Lin hissed lowly, careful to not attract attention from the other Rangers as he snuck a glance at Jiyan’s face. And he froze in place. He had never seen Jiyan wear that kind of expression. This outright fury, one could almost call it… hate? He looked as if he were close to committing a genocide. “They were just running their mouths.”

The energy pickling against his bare skin intensified and he noticed how Jiyan’s jaw grew tight.

 

Geshu Lin wasn’t the best at gauging human emotions. Honestly, he was pretty shit at it, as Sanhua loved to rub it in on any occasion she got. But even someone like him could tell that Jiyan was close to snapping. Just because of a few comments? Shouldn’t Geshu Lin be the one who was angry, who punched a few of the recruits to get some justice? There was no need for Jiyan to be angry on his behalf. It… it irked him, like walking through muddy water ready to be ambushed by underwater Tacet Discords any moment.

Once, Geshu Lin had craved to get beneath the calm and composed medic’s skin.

Once, he had desired nothing more than to see him angry, see what lurked beneath his near perfect façade.

One could claim that he had now succeeded.

But did he really?

No…. No, this wasn’t Jiyan. And this especially wasn’t General Jiyan! He had no idea if it was the pain clouding his mind, if his cast was bothering him more than usual, but there was no way, Geshu Lin would allow him to lose his composure this way. Yelling at his men for the sake of an objectively dangerous fugitive? Absolutely not. And what was up with showing up here in the first place, wobbling around like a pathetic baby chicken, desperate to ruffle its feathers while having none at all.

Plus, he knew exactly what would happen next. Jiyan didn’t like conflict. So, as always, he would let them have their way, would train them personally.

Over Geshu Lin’s dead body.

Jiyan was in no shape to lead the training. He would only embarrass himself, maybe even lose the trust of his men if he kept on screaming his weakness out to the world like this any further.

“Don’t give me that look. You’re their General. You’re not allowed to show weakness. Get your ass back inside.”, he snarled out, still somewhat focused on keeping his voice low and he reached out to grab Jiyan’s shoulder.

 

But his hand was smacked away by a gust of wind before it could even touch the fabric of his coat.

“I’m not talking to you.”

“…What.“

 

Geshu Lin’s hand still lingered -as dumfounded as its owner- in the empty air as Jiyan strode forward, even with the crutches determined in his path, his posture upright and powerful. Speechless, Geshu Lin looked after him as he stepped in front of the recruits, to which the soldiers instantly lined up, obeying a command that didn’t even need to be spoken.

Had he… Had he really just smacked his hand away? Had used his Forte against him?

What on earth had happened to his meek medic from back then?

He blinked in disbelief once, twice, even thrice, but the view in front of him didn’t change. As same went for the Forte, still sizzling with barely subdued rage, making the air felt stifling as if it were a hot summer day.

And then Jiyan spoke up.

 

 

“What do you think you’re doing, Lang Fei?”, Jiyan’s voice was dangerously low as he stared at the Ranger which had addressed Geshu Lin first, punishing him with a scalding glare.

“I….I…”, the soldier, now pale as a sheet, was instantly stripped of his previous confidence, stammering helplessly, before he whispered a hoarse ‘I’m sorry, Sir!’, quickly bowed in apology and rushed to get in line with the other soldiers.

Jiyan stayed silent. And the leaves of the surrounding trees kept rustling, a quiet warning of what was to come. Geshu Lin watched in worry, as Jiyan mustered his subordinates for a long moment, his face completely devoid of his usual friendliness, maybe even devoid of any emotion at all. Then,  he finally spoke up again, his voice colder than the breath of a Glacio Dreadmane:

“I thought you would be delighted to have an instructor while I’m on bedrest.”, he looked left to right, gaze darkening as his tone gained a sharp edge, “But it seems I was wrong.”

 

One could have heard a pin drop in the silence which followed. Only after what felt like an eternity, one brave (but foolish) solider spoke up, his voice trembling as he pleaded:

“Ge…General, we’re sorry. We just assumed-“
“You’re not here to assume.”, Jiyan instantly interrupted him, his crutch hitting the ground loudly as he snarled out: “You’re here to serve Sentinel Jue, just as myself. You are their sword and shield and such weapons must be honed. Or do you disagree?”

“N…No, Sir. Sorry, Sir.”

 

Jiyan paused, waiting for the soldiers to bow in shame and whisper their pathetic apologies. Meanwhile,  Geshu Lin was… gobsmacked.  This firm General was supposed to be Jiyan, his always nervous, always softspoken medic-Jiyan from a few years ago? The one who had always responded with kindness, maybe an awkward laugh, whatever injustice had been thrown his way? Geshu Lin remembered Jiyan speaking up for his patients in a similar fashion. But never to this degree.

And Geshu Lin wasn’t his patient.

Geshu Lin should be nothing at all to him. Should. And yet the goosebumps on his arms were evident how much his words had shaken him.  This man was throwing his reputation on the line, was scolding his beloved soldiers for his sake.

 

But…. why?

 

“It seems, you understand. Good.”, Jiyan finally nodded, the winds slowly starting to quiet down and with it, his tone became calmer as well, yet nonetheless determined. “Then it should be obvious why our guest is here. I expected you to greet him with the respect he deserves, but it seems I expected too much.”

Jiyan let out a short sigh, his disappointment palpable even to Geshu Lin who was standing behind him. Finally, he continued: “He’s not the intruder you treat him as. No, Gen-…Geshu Lin is here on my behalf. The Magistrate pleaded with him to help me out. I did plead for his return, even if it’s just temporary.  You can easily stay what state I’m currently in. I cannot train you for at least another month. Maybe even two or three, who knows. This is why he’s here – to help me.”

 

This time, Jiyan paused only for a short moment, but it was different than before. Instead of waiting for an answer from the soldiers, he suddenly turned his head, just a little bit and looked back. When he locked with Geshu Lin, his gaze was suddenly not as certain as before. No, he looked almost… frightened? Sorry?

Geshu Lin had no idea. But he knew damn well that he had to stop Jiyan or the man would talk himself into trouble. If Jiyan was anything like the medic from back then, he disliked yelling at his subordinates and wasn’t used to it as well. Plus, he had seen his pained face this morning when he had sat down on the bed. Jiyan was so close to slipping up as a general. Geshu Lin had to make sure that he wasn’t exposing just how weak he was to his subordinates, or else they would betray him.

Because if the soldiers had betrayed Geshu Lin back then, surely, they wouldn’t hesitate to do the same to Jiyan.

 

But as he took a step forward and opened his mouth, Jiyan’s eyes widened as if he were afraid and he quickly turned away, facing his men again as if nothing had happened.

Jiyan was ignoring him.

It wasn’t bothering Geshu Lin. It wasn’t….

 

The flame ball in his hands, which he had squeezed in silent support before, squeaked as he clutched it even tighter.

 

 

“Rangers, he’s here on my behalf so I will not tolerate any disrespect towards him. Is that clear?”, there Jiyan called out and the soldiers immediately put their fists to their chest.

“Yes, Sir!”

“Will you respect him as your teacher, follow his instructions and take his advice to heart?”

“Yes, Sir!”

 

Jiyan let out a long exhale, his shoulders slightly slumping before he turned around and walked back. Geshu Lin’s mind felt like cotton as he watched him, his gut twisting in unease as he noticed the curious stares of the recruits. His words had been effective, he couldn’t deny this, but seeing him brim with such anger, speak up with such fierceness to protect him – He didn’t like it. At all.

The crutches hit the metal tiles again and again, a painfully slow rhythm announcing Jiyan’s departure. And Geshu Lin’s salvation.

 

Jiyan stopped.

Right next to him.

 

Geshu Lin instinctively held onto the crutch when Jiyan let go of it, putting his elbow on top of it as he grabbed Geshu Lin’s shoulder. Geshu Lin nearly burned him in surprise. He didn’t want to, he really didn’t, but the touch was unexpected. And unwelcome. At least, he told himself this.

But when Jiyan’s mouth formed a silent sorry, deep down he wondered if this felt even worse.

Still resting his hand on Geshu Lin’s shoulder, Jiyan turned back to his men and spoke up once again, this time in a gentler tone, one that was much more like the Jiyan Geshu Lin had always known. But the words that came out of his mouth… made his stomach flip in unease.

“This man taught me how to wield both my weapon and my Forte. He was the one who singlehandedly crushed the Ovathrax.”, Jiyan smiled warmly – and Geshu Lin felt nothing but nauseous, “I’m sure you can learn a lot from him. Just as I did back then. And still do. So, lend him your ear. This is both an order and my advice to you all.”

 

 

 With this, he let go of Geshu Lin’s still tense shoulder, gently pried the crutch from his hand and slipped his hand into it. Only when it was secured, he turned to his men one final time and exclaimed loudly: “And one last thing: I am your General but I don’t forbid you from forming your own opinion. If there are complaints, address themn. But they are only to be delivered to himself. Not to him. Are we clear?”

“Yes, General!”

“Good.”, a shiver ran down Geshu Lin’s back when he heard the shaky sigh, quiet yet loud enough for him (and only him) to hear, “Then I wish you a lot of fun.”

 

 

Jiyan wobbled away at a snail’s pace. And yet Geshu Lin was unable to run after him, even less say something. But what was he supposed to say?

It was rare for him to be shellshocked, but Jiyan had torn down all of his defenses all at once. With just a few simple words.

He swallowed hard, yet the lump in his throat remained.  

Jiyan had sounded sincere in his words. But why would he speak so positively about him? Hadn’t he despised his teaching techniques. At least, he had complained about it more often than not. Geshu Lin couldn’t even count the numerous occasions when they had butted heads about proper training methods, fighting styles, strategies – literally anything related to combat, they had disagreed on. So, to hear such praise… Was it just to gain the men’s trust?

 

His shoulder still burned where Jiyan had touched it.

…When had been the last time he had allowed someone to touch him this freely?

The black cat instantly came to his mind but he quickly blinked it away. He didn’t count.

No, Jiyan’s touch… he hadn’t received it since his death. Yes, he had carried him yesterday, but that had been different, just born out of convenience. Not this deliberate skin contact. And for what? To reassure him? To apologize?

Geshu Lin was utterly lost.

 

 

So, he did what he was best at.

In the background, the agitated murmuring and whispering had always picked up again, so he didn’t waste any more time (after all, they already ran late –by a lot) and loudly clapped his hands:

“Well then. You heard him. Guess we need to do some sharpening now. Let’s do a bit of warmup first, shall we? How about 100 laps around the camp? Should be easy enough, right?”

“100?!”

“…Yeah?”, Geshu Lin raised his eyebrows at the shocked fish-faces of the recruits, “Or should we just do 200 right of the bat? My bad, should’ve maybe asked Jiyan what your usual training regime is like…”

“The most we’ve ever run were 50!”

“Yeah, and those were already way too much! I thought I would die!”

“You thought?! I was literally passed out on the ground after the fortieth round!”

“That’s because you suck-“

 

Geshu Lin was going to lose his mind.

And the lesson hadn’t even started yet.

 

“Shut up.”, he gruffly commanded. And much to his delight, the recruits instantly obeyed. Hey, at least he hadn’t forgotten how to act as a General. Or something close to a General. But he had definitely forgotten how exhausting it was to have so many expecting gazes directed at him.

With a sigh, he put his hand as his belt and scrutinized the recruits or rather their underdeveloped physique. “I expected that he would have made some changes to my training regime… but this?”, he huffed in agitation, “He babied you! Nope, this is going to end today. How the fuck are you supposed to defend Jinzhou like this? But I’ll be kind with you lot, because it’s our first day and we’ve wasted way too much time with useless blabbing. So, just 60 lapses and afterwards, we’ll do some basic sword training.”

“Whaaaat?”
“Am I stuttering?”
“No, Sir!”

 

Geshu Lin smirked darkly, and the little flame ball bounced up and down next to him as if it were nodding along.

“Then get your ass up and start running then! 60 laps isn’t even hard, I could do that with two of you brats on my back!”

 

 

Thanks to his unambiguous command (and maybe just a tiny bit thanks to the flame ball very diligently scurrying the soldiers off to take their start positions) Geshu Lin soon watched as the soldiers started running. With their chatter and their stares gone, he was finally alone. Which was usually a good thing. But now, he almost wished for that black cat to annoy him, just so he would be distracted of the images flashing in his mind.

Shit, his heart was still beating so fast… This was ridiculous. It had just been a normal speech – he wouldn’t have chosen even harsher words than Jiyan. Hell, he would have probably kicked everyone to the curb, physically not verbally.

And still he couldn’t deny that when he had seen Jiyan, oh so meek and soft Jiyan, suddenly stand in front of these few dozen men with such confidence, he had felt oddly queasy. Those warm golden eyes, usually soft as the morning sun suddenly sharp as cold razor’s steel and his otherwise gentle voice which left no room for discussion – he would never forget this sight. This side of Jiyan… it should intimidate him or maybe fill him with pride for teaching him so well. Well, he was proud, that was one part of the fuzzy feeling in his heart. But the other… Geshu Lin was chained to this world long enough to recognize the warm feeling in his abdomen, this pooling sensation of prickling anticipation.

That side of Jiyan was really, really hot.

 

The slap against his head only hurt, but didn’t work one bit against the images of those golden eyes swarming his mind. The flame ball next to him laughed in mockery.

“Fuck you too…”, Geshu Lin grumbled and slapped it away, only for another one to spawn and laugh as well, flying in circles around his head with happy chirps. “Make one more damn sound and I’ll drown you in the river this evening.”

 

But contrary to the recruits, his Forte didn’t obey half as well. So, Geshu Lin decided it was for the better to join the recruits on their lap. Of course only to keep track of their training effort and make sure that they wouldn’t slack.

Not to get his mind off things it had no business thinking about in the first place.

 

Did it work though?

Hah.

Take a guess.

 

 

~~

 

“BY JUE, I JUST DID THAT, DIDN’T I?”

 

Usually, Jiyan was not one to slam doors, his mother had taught him better than that. And still his crutch hit the door to his room full force, a pathetic substitute for his boot kicking it shut. He winced a bit at the loud noise which followed. Well, at least it was shut tight. So, no one would bother him. And so no one would see the pitiful state he was in.

“Am I losing my mind? Do I have a death wish?!”, he laughed in disbelief as he stumbled through the room, ultimately letting himself fall onto his bed.

His leg instantly protested in pain and he winced slightly as the cast hit the bed frame.

Fuck he shouldn’t have done that. But how was he supposed to think straight after what had just happened?!

 

“Geshu Lin is here on my behalf. He’s here to help me out.”

 

How on earth had he managed to sputter these foolish words, right next to Geshu Lin?

He could thank the Sentinels that the man hadn’t turned him to ashes right then and there! Claiming that he was here on his behalf when Geshu Lin had specifically denied this not even an hour ago.  

“I even touched his shoulder…”, Jiyan let out a hoarse laugh, his mortification reaching new heights as Geshu Lin’s shocked face flashed in front of his mind. His Forte still prickled on Jiyan’s skin, even if it was just a phantom’s graze. He had been so close to being turned to ashes. No, honestly, he knew how much Geshu Lin hated to be touched, he had seen him deck people way higher up in the food chain for less. And those hadn’t betrayed him and let him to rot on a battlefield in front of an ancient god!

What had he been thinking… Jue, was he that sick of life?!

Yes, it truly was a miracle that he was still breathing. He faintly remembered through all of the adrenaline that Geshu Lin had flinched beneath his touched, that his shoulder had heated up to threatening temperatures. Jiyan’s own Forte had screamed in alarm, had tried to get him to back off. And rightfully so.

Geshu Lin should have burned him.

But he hadn’t.

 

He hadn’t burned him.

…And Jiyan had no idea why.

 

Geshu Lin had been very clear about his stance towards Jiyan and the whole ordeal. He was not here for him. Hell, Jiyan was pretty sure that if Geshu Lin had a choice, he would stay anywhere but here. Anywhere but close to him. Which stung, but the truth always hurt.

And still, he had allowed him to hold on to his shoulder in a silent plea for support, had allowed him to act as if they were close.

A closeness Jiyan for so many years had yearned for.

A closeness he knew he didn’t deserve and would never attain.

 

“Why did he let me say all that? Back then, he would have never…”, Jiyan mumbled flabbergasted and ultimately proceeded to nuzzle his face into the pillow. It granted him a bit of comfort, muffled both light and sound of this world he wanted to disappear from, at least momentarily.

In a few hours we would see him again at lunch.

Maybe it was time for a diet.

 

…Jiyan didn’t even need to think twice to know that skipping a meal was the even worse choice. Unless he wanted to be faced with a Geshu Lin not only angry because of his pathetic speech but also because he was not following the proper steps to recuperation. He could already hear his ranting from miles always, feel his harsh grip on his arm as he would be dragging him across the hallways right into the dining hall.

No, there was no escaping with Geshu Lin. There had never been.

“Jue, please grant me strength. How am I supposed to look him in the eyes…”, Jiyan groaned, pressing the pillow even closer to his face. His breath was hot and erratic, sticking to his skin. Geshu Lin’s breath had been similar this morning. When it had ghosted along his ear, his cheek, his warm chest pressed against his back as he had held him-

 

“Stop thinking!!!!”

 

Jiyan was glad that he did not share a room with someone right now. Otherwise he might have had some explaining to do why the revered General of the Midnight Rangers was slamming his head against a mattress.

 

Exhausted, Jiyan let out a shaky huff, then another one and another, until he finally regained his self-composure. Now was not the time to wallow in misery. The damage was already done. He could only try to do damage control, by doing an otherwise splendid job as a General, so it could somehow soothe Geshu Lin’s anger. Which was desperately needed. Jiyan wasn’t blind, he had felt the scorching gaze in his back. He knew how much General Geshu Lin hated to be defended. Especially by someone below in rank. Which technically Jiyan wasn’t anymore, but he was certain that it didn’t matter to the older man.

He wasn’t deaf, he had heard Geshu Lin’s angry hiss as he stepped past him, had seen the rage and disappointment in his eyes as Jiyan had approached his men, showing the whole world how useless he currently was as a fighter. Jiyan could only guess how pissed Geshu Lin was about him revealing to his subordinates that he wouldn’t be able to train him for a month, maybe even more. That he was failing them as their leader, their General.

 

With General Geshu Lin, something like that would have never happened.

General Geshu Lin only knew strength. Confidence. Victory.

He had warned him to keep his appearance flawless as always. And maybe he was right. Maybe strength was the easiest way to establish law and order. But Jiyan had found his own way. And he could only hope that Geshu Lin would see some reason in his actions. Otherwise, he would feel his wrath sooner or later this day. Maybe he should place his will on the desk, just to be safe.

“I wish he would just understand why I did it…”, Jiyan let out a pained sigh as he sat up, smiling weakly as a wind breeze gently brushed by his cheek, trying to cheer him up. “But what was I supposed to do? You heard what they said to him!”

 

“Why are you even alive? Scum like you should stay dead-“

 

Jiyan had never felt such a strong wave of anger wash over him before. Yes, he knew that it was to be expected for some men to harbor resentment towards Geshu Lin, but wishing his death?! Those recruits didn’t even know him! They hadn’t witnessed what kind of cruelties he had faced, what fate he had endured day and day again, just to bring peace to Jinzhou!

When Jiyan had crashed onto Sanhua’s floor and felt the familiar frequency flicker in front of him, he had assumed to be a dream, one of these many hallucinations the Retroact Rain loved to show him. Even when he had looked up and saw the painfully familiar scowl, he hadn’t been able to believe his eyes.

Four long years he had thought Geshu Lin dead.

Four long years, he had had nothing but an Emortia to visit, had slept in a room that had long lost any traces of him apart from the clothes that had long stopped smelling like him. But Jiyan had still kept them. Sanhua had called him foolish more than a few hundred times, had pleaded with him to stop this madness, to rid himself of the chains that tied him to the past.

But Jiyan had refused to do so.
And now this past had found his way back to him.

 

Even if he didn’t want to be here, Jiyan would do everything in his might to keep Geshu Lin with him for as long as possible. He knew he didn’t deserve it – someone as rational as the Madam Magistrate would probably say something like ‘It’s for the best for the both of you to start over. Separate lives, separates fates – never to cross again.’

And yet here they were. And Jiyan would rather die than lose him again so quickly. There were so many things he wanted to say to him, so many questions burning on his tongue. But they all didn’t matter. Geshu Lin mattered. And whatever would get this man to stay by his side a little longer, Jiyan would do it.

 

The wind brushed the bangs out of his face like a loving mother, the worry palpable in its touch.

“I know, I’ll be careful.”, Jiyan huffed, giving a little wave to shush it as he grabbed his crutches, “Let’s be real – after that stunt I pulled, I can call myself lucky if he hasn’t snapped by now and left the camp. Guess, I should thank Sanhua for forcing him to stay with me…”

 

“Jiyan, I’m not here because of you but because Sanhua begged me to.”

 

Jiyan wouldn’t deny that his words had hurt him, had crushed his soul worse than any weapon could. But hadn’t it always been like this with Geshu Lin? He spoke the truth and only the truth.

It was Jiyan’s fault for being unable to deal with it.

 

“I should just try to get on his good side for the rest of the day.”, he stood up, the wind supporting him empathetically as it took a while for the pain in his leg to subside. He shouldn’t have walked all the way to the training yard, especially after yesterday’s idiocy.

Geshu Lin had been right about that as well.

 

Get on his good side…huh…

Maybe It would make him happy to see that Jiyan had managed to complete all of this week’s paperwork  in just two days.

 

Quickly, yet with a bit more carefulness than before (his leg still scolded him for letting himself fall onto the bed like this), he approached the desk and sat down. His formerly tense expression grew soft when he laid eyes upon the small music box to his right, a birthday gift from Mortefi to share his newest composition. His friend would probably laugh at his current predicament, maybe analyze it and then mercilessly quiz him why his cheeks were still flushed even though he had long left Geshu Lin at the training yard.

Sometimes, Jiyan wished he would be more upfront and nonchalant like the brazen researcher he had once saved. Maybe then, everything with Geshu Lin wouldn’t be as complicated.

 

Maybe then I could tell him how I felt about him back then.

…And how that didn’t change in these past four years.

 

It was hard to fill out the first form.

Not because of the sitting, he thanked whoever had put that little stool beneath his desk, but it was hard to focus when his heart was beating so loudly in his ears that one could mistake it for a drum. But after a deep breath, it got easier. After all, he was doing this for Geshu Lin. This had to be good.

 

 

---

---

 

Little something I'm currently working on

Notes:

Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for your comments last week, they cheered me up a lot!
As you might have noticed, I'm doing a little bit of POV switches here and now. But don't worry, Geshu Lin is still the main POV, but there are some mysteries left unsaid on both sides and the POV switch is a nice way to keep them/unravel them.
Anyways, how did you like Jiyan in this one? (Kinda simping for angry General Jiyan lol. And Geshu Lin as well xD)
There are also some hints for future chapters sprinkled in between the lines and for some not so nice memories of the past.
Anyways Question for all of you! Would you be okay with some spice?
-> I didn't tag it in the previous draft, because I wasn't going to make it very spicy in my initial planning phase. And fear not, this is not an outright smut fanfic, that's not the reason why i write this story. But I kinda want to shed a light on the physical desire/attraction between the two, maybe a bit more explicit but without an outright sex scene. Would you be okay with that? You can compare it to As the chrysanthemum withers, just a bit more explicit.

Apart from this, I'd be delighted to hear from you. Currently, I'm a little bit stuck in inspiration drought... I do have the storyboard for this one set up. With one exception... the next chapter. Plus, I still figuring out which flashbacks to use and where. I've struggled with feeling tired this past week, so my thoughts were muddy, so maybe that's part of the problem. Therefore, I just hope I can create a chapter worth your time (and eyes) until next Friday. If not, I'm very sorry in advance.

Anyways, I wish you a lovely weekend and take care! <3

Chapter 4: Doctors make the worst patients

Summary:

After the incident at the training yard, Jiyan fears repercussions. But instead, something else happens which takes him by surprise just as much.

Doctors make the worst patients

---

 

 

A physician who treats himself has a fool for a patient. – Sir William Osler

 

 

General Geshu Lin had never been known to let things go that defied his beliefs. Most of the time, he wouldn’t even let it get that far, would smash into the ground whoever was brave (or foolish) enough to oppose him. 

Strangely enough, Jiyan’s floor was still intact and he was uninjured.

Well, except for the leg.

Which by the way hurt like hell today.

Since his rather ludicrous speech at the training yard, it had been two days. Two, suspiciously quiet days. Jiyan would have even dared to call them peaceful, but he wasn’t dumb enough to make that mistake. Honestly, he was bewildered by the whole situation. There had been not a shred of doubt in him that Geshu Lin would approach him for what he did, both because he dared to show his weakness to the whole camp, and because he had touched him without permission.

 

But to his surprise… nothing happened.

No, even at dinner on the very same day, Geshu Lin hadn’t approached him, hadn’t yelled at him or punched him (Jiyan would have expected and accepted both). Instead, the man had even gone as far as to drop a stack of his favorite fruit in front of him, without any vitriol dripping from his lips at all! No, Jiyan had even noticed (much to his shock) that he had brought him the fruit before even taking his own food.

To say he had looked like an idiot when he had stared after him while his former general marched up to the counter to get his own meal, was an understatement. Thank Jue, his men were all polite and usually refrained from gossiping within earshot. Still, his cheeks had been deeply flushed in embarrassment. And maybe it had just been his imagination, but he imagined to remember Geshu Lin grinning contently at him from his isolated spot at the other end of the hall.

 

He didn’t speak to Geshu Lin that day. Or the one after that.

In the morning, his former general paid him a short visit, but he just told him that he would head out to train the recruits and to tell the other Rangers if Jiyan needed something.

Deep down, Jiyan had wanted to stop him. To plead with him to just sit down for a moment and talk. Talk about what happened at the training yard, at Sanhua’s, hell, why he was even back in the first place. What had happened these past few years, how had he survived.

Jiyan still remembered vividly the morning after the Battle Beneath the Crescent. He remembered his burning lungs, damaged by the noxious fumes of the Tacet Discord remains, the icy cold grip at his shoulder as Sanhua dragged him away, even though he tried to swat her away. He still remembered her slapping him to finally get some sense into him.

 

“Don’t you understand? Jiyan, he’s gone! Lin…. Lin is gone. Now, it’s just you. You lead the Rangers to victory, now it’s your responsibility to carry the banner onwards – his banner. I beg you, wake up!”

 

Jiyan knew that he didn’t deserve to hear the answers to his questions. Geshu Lin didn’t owe him anything. Thus, he kept quiet.

But still… he couldn’t help but wonder how Geshu Lin would have reacted if he had gathered his courage, if he dared, just as Geshu Lin had always wanted him to.

 

In the end, Jiyan was nothing but a coward.

 

 

And so, it wasn’t until three days later that he and Geshu Lin finally talked again, in the late morning hours shortly after the training must have ended. Geshu Lin didn’t knock when he opened the door. Of course he didn’t. Some habits would never change. And Jiyan also didn’t want them to change, didn’t want to lose the last remains of that person he had once known.

 

“Good morning.”, he greeted him warmly, signing an application form before he looked up to welcome his guest. Geshu Lin looked as radiant as ever. No, deep down, Jiyan – much to his embarrassment – had to admit that he looked even better than usual. His face was so full of life, glistening slightly with sweat from training. Jiyan’s stomach twisted at the way his hair was ruffled and yet in perfect disarray and the way his cheeks were still tinged with a hue of red.

 

Ah, he looks so pretty…

 

The hot ball in his stomach grew bigger.

 

What on earth am I doing?!

 

Quickly, Jiyan schooled his face, swallowed down the shameful thoughts that tried to rise to the surface. Meanwhile, Geshu Lin just gave a quick nod in return, accompanied by his typical, low hum as he took a few steps forward until he was right in front of Jiyan.

“The recruits want more weapons to train with. Heavier ones.”, he responded with a deadpan stare to Jiyan’s subtly raised eyebrows, “No, I swear I didn’t influence them-“

“Alright.”

Geshu Lin seemed genuinely taken aback by his quick response, pausing for a moment before he confirmed cautiously: “Alright? Not even a question?”

Jiyan just smiled.

 

Jue, Geshu Lin looked even prettier when taken by surprise…

 

“You shouldn’t indulge me this easily…”, Geshu Lin frowned. And then… then he used Jiyan’s inattention to his advantage. Without warning, he suddenly stepped next to him, leaning in close smoothly as a slithering snake. A mischievous smirk was playing around his lips as he added sweetly: “Dear General.”

Jiyan couldn’t lie. This attack hit him right in the core. If he weren’t a doctor, he would assume that his heart had just skipped a beat, and he just prayed that he had somehow kept his cool on the outside. Geshu Lin’s widening grin promised otherwise.

But Jiyan wouldn’t let him win this easily.

 

“It’s a request from you. Say, why would I question it?”, he reproached him with an innocent smile, the compliment falling from his lips as easy as a simple breath of air.

But oh, how efficient it was. For a man as stoic and reserved, Geshu Lin was horrible at dealing with compliments. Although he managed to keep his face straight, Jiyan didn’t miss the sharp inhale he took and how his eyes narrowed as he mustered him keenly.

It seemed like he wanted to say something, do something. Jiyan saw his hand twitch. But in the end, not a word fell from his lips and his hands stayed at his waist.

And Jiyan wondered why he had hoped otherwise.

 

Still, he was content with getting a jab back at his former general, so he cheerfully turned back to his paperwork, deliberately ignoring the man who was still very much up in his personal space.

 “Plus, I wanted to broaden their horizon regarding the different weapon types for a while now.”, he nonchalantly commented, before pausing, sensing a final opportunity to strike back, “And who could teach them better than you when it comes to broader weapons?”

This time, Geshu Lin didn’t even manage to keep his Forte quiet. And if it weren’t for the obvious punch he would earn himself otherwise, Jiyan would have squealed out loud in delight.

 

Geshu Lin stayed quiet for a long moment and Jiyan very clearly noticed how he desperately tried to get his Forte under control.  Confident in his victory, he picked up the pen and filled out his next assignment. Almost, he would have lost himself in his work, engrossed in the rather peculiar way of wording that had been set up by the Huaxu Academy. But then he heard quiet rustling. A soft breeze brushed past his neck. And then a hot breath hit the tip of his ear, making his skin prickle in both nervousness and anticipation.

“I’m surprised how much you praise me. I faintly recall a very whiny medic always nagging me for my ‘unethical’ training methods~”, the whisper sent chills down Jiyan’s spine as the words tickled against his skin. The grip against his pen tightened.

“I was young and immature.”, Jiyan cocked his head back making eye contact with Geshu Lin who was directly towering over him, “Although I do hope you won’t be watching them as they slice each other up with the broadblades. My medics have more than enough at hand.”
Geshu Lin just huffed, his eyeroll indicative of the many reproaches that were lying on his tongue. But he seemed to have grown as well. Only a snark clack of his tongue echoed through the room as he turned away and let himself fall onto the bed, of course without asking.

 

Jiyan contemplated telling him off, after all he hated when someone’s dirty clothes touched his sheets. But at the same time, he had to admit that right now… his sheets were probably dirtier than Geshu Lin’s training outfit. He should change then soon… the last few nights, he sweated a lot in his sleep, partially because the nightmares had grown worse since Geshu Lin’s arrival, partially because the pain sometimes kept him awake sweating profusely as he tried to keep himself from cutting the cast open to stop the tortuous itching.

He was certain that the bed smelled by now. But Geshu Lin didn’t seem to mind it.

 

Should I just tell him?

But that would be awkward…

Jiyan gritted his teeth and ultimately averted his eyes, turning back to the paperwork. Geshu Lin surely would shower soon anyways.

 

“And this is not me indulging you. You’re doing so much for me and I want to show you my gratitude…”, Jiyan stamped another request and put it to the side before he paused, “Wait, I haven’t even allocated a salary for you yet, have I? How much do you want?”

“Unnecessary.”, Geshu Lin let out an annoyed huff and from the corner of his eye Jiyan could see him play with a small fireball which was bouncing on his fingers as if they were part of a parkour, “Don’t pay someone for forced labor.”

“Could you… not say it like this? Please?”, Jiyan winced, trying to ignore the way his heart clenched up in sadness, “You’re not my slave.”

“No, I’m Sanhua’s.”, Geshu Lin just laughed dryly, giving the flameball a little flick to which it happily flew up into the air, “At least for the moment.”

“What favor could be so big that she has you under her thumb like this?”

“Saved my life, I guess.”

“What, really?!” Flabbergasted, Jiyan now fully turned around to his former general, the probably strongest person in all of Jinzhou at his prime, and stared at him in disbelief.

Geshu Lin just shrugged. And then began to frown as they kept staring at each other.

“Give me that pathetic look for a moment longer and I will burn you.”

“Sorry, sorry…”

 

Quickly, Jiyan turned away, but inside, his mind was still racing. Geshu Lin was not an easy kill. Who on earth could have threatened him so severely that he had to be saved? And how could have Sanhua been the one to save him? Not that Jiyan was doubting her skills, he really wasn’t, but it was hard to imagine an enemy that she could kill but Geshu Lin couldn’t. Maybe a Fusion-resistant type?
Jiyan just barely managed to suppress a snort as his mind flashed him a possible image where Geshu Lin was buried beneath a stack of Fusion Prisms. Yeah, that would be a possibility… and it would explain why Geshu Lin had neither mentioned it by now, nor seemed keep on explaining it to him.

 

“One day, your curiosity will kill you, Jiyan…”, Geshu Lin sighed, breaking the silence as he caught the fireball with ease shoving it into his hair as if it could bring it to quiet down, “Right after that stupid kindness of yours.”

 

…Huh? This reaction… was odd to say the least. Usually, Geshu Lin had no trouble changing the topic when he didn’t like the current one. And he was an expert at making every serious situation seem trivial, hid truthful answers behind insignificant stories like no other. So, to be reprimanded after Jiyan hadn’t even posed an open question… maybe, it hadn’t been the Fusion Prisms. Maybe there was more behind it, like a-

 

“Tell me, what would I even do with a salary?”, Geshu Lin there interrupted his thought process, yawning afterwards. Like a cat, he rolled over to the side, looking at Jiyan lazily as he stretched out his limbs, “I get food, a comfy bed, no, my comfy bed to sleep in… what could I want more?”

“Don’t you want to buy some stuff for yourself? I don’t know… special snacks, combat equipment, new clothes?”

“Huh?”, Geshu Lin blinked in surprise and looked down at himself, “My clothes are fine, aren’t they? Don’t you like them?”

“What?! No – I mean yes – of course I do!”

Jiyan inwardly groaned at the way his voice cracked at this answer. He had totally fallen for Geshu Lin’s trick. And the other knew it.

His smirk was wider than ever, before he teased him mercilessly: “Aw, how sweet of you, complimenting my outfit~” He paused for a moment, seemingly savoring all of Jiyan’s embarrassment before he added with his usual confidence: “Wouldn’t have cared for your answer either way.”

 

What an asshole.

 

“Anyways, if I really need something, I’ll just come to you, okay? But I don’t need the money. It will just weigh me down when I leave after your recuperation. I’m a wanderer. In this profession, money just means trouble.”

“A wanderer?”, the pen stilled mid-signature, “Wait, so these past four years-“

“Yep. Have spent them wandering different nations.”

All these years, he had been alive. He had been roaming this world. Meanwhile, Jiyan had been mourning his loss, had been wallowing in his absence and the hole Geshu Lin had torn into his life, his life, his heart.

Had…. Had Geshu Lin even once thought of him in all these years?

 

Jiyan numbly stared at the spot of ink right in the middle of his signature, a dark sea of blue. He would have to redo the document, or it would cause some raised eyebrows. He never failed to deliver an indecipherable, yet spotless signature. Slowly, he looked up at Geshu Lin, who was still laying on his side, shamelessly watching him. “I would have never expected someone like you to become a wanderer…”

“Me neither.”, Geshu Lin groaned as he rolled over onto his back, staring at the ceiling with a deep scowl: “But I guess, I was dragged along.”

“Huh? Who would be able to drag someone like you along?”

Geshu Lin paused at this question, his scowl softening as he seemed deep in thought for a moment. Finally, he opened his mouth, slower than usual and answered softly: “Mh… it’s-“

 

A loud beeping noise cut his answer short, accompanied by aggressive vibrations stemming from the corner of Jiyan’s office desk.

‘Incoming Call – Huaxu Academy’, the display flashed bright red as the terminal started vibrating yet again.

Without thinking, Jiyan instantly picked it up and held the terminal to his ear. Only when he looked at Geshu Lin who was rolling over to bury his head in his pillow, he realized that this stupid call had just now ruined his chance to find out what Geshu Lin had been up these past few years. And who had been at his side.

Not that it should matter to Jiyan.

 But it did.

 

“Hello, General Jiyan speaking?”

 

The call was quick. Just a short exchange of information and orders, and not even two minutes later, Jiyan said his goodbyes.

“Yes, I’ll deal with it. Thank you, Baizhi.”

 

“You’ll deal with ‘it’?”

 

Jiyan didn’t have to wait long for the sharp question, pressed out between tight lips that were pulled down into a disapproving scowl.

“And what’s that supposed ‘it’? I hope it’s confined to this room or better this bed or I’ll punch you.”, Geshu Lin snarled out, glaring daggers at Jiyan who just awkwardly laughed.

“… Then I guess, I should prolong my recuperation period.”

 

If looks could kill, Jiyan would be ten feet under. But at the same time, he couldn’t deny the glee he felt at the way Geshu Lin’s face slipped for a moment, just from pure disbelief. Finally, he settled on an expression of exasperation as he asked in a pained voice: “Oh for Jue’s sake, Jiyan, what did you just agree to?”
“There’s a Tacet Field, sequence five. Newly spawned.”
“Where?”

Jiyan didn’t even need to see his face to know from the instant switch in tone that he shouldn’t answer this question. Geshu Lin was down for business. Any further information, and he would be out the door before Jiyan could even stop him.

Of course, it would be an easy solution to his problem. But Geshu Lin had already his hands full with dealing with all his other responsibilities, he couldn’t possibly make him investigate Tacet Fields as well. Plus, even if it was in their proximity, it was still an assignment from the Magistrate, benefitting no one but the Magistrate. And if Jiyan had understood something these past days, then that Geshu Lin would rather cut his hand off than serve the Magistrate ever again.

So, Jiyan did what he could best: act as if he didn’t notice Geshu Lin’s presence.

 

When he turned back to his paperwork and filled out the next form, ignoring the angrily  flickering Forte to his right, he couldn’t help but think back fondly to those quiet (or not so quiet, depending on Geshu Lin’s mood) evenings in the infirmary when he had tried to complete the medical records while Geshu Lin was bothering him to finally accompany him to the training yard. Sometimes, he had given up after a few  seconds (never minutes. As if Geshu Lin could wait that long.), sometimes he had barked a loud command at him and had left the room knowing exactly that Jiyan, obedient and loyal as always, would hurry after him. And sometimes, he had lost his temper and-

 

A hand slammed down right on top of his paper.

 

Purple spark flew up into the air, scorching the paper before Jiyan could even react.

“Where.”, the low growl tickled the skin at his nape, the menacing growl far too close for comfort. How on earth had Geshu Lin managed to approach him this quickly without even making a sound? The ink beneath the scarred fingers had been smeared. He would have to do it all over again. But well… with those scorch mark, setting up a completely new form might be the better option, Jiyan could just thank the Sentinels that his former general hadn’t accidentally (or not so accidentally) set his room ablaze.

He had done that with his own paperwork several times – Jiyan could verify this.  (Although not openly as Geshu Lin had made it very clear to his little recruit-self that if he were to breathe a word about his more unconventional ways to deal with the Magistrate assignments, he would face the same fate as those paper sheets)

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Where.”, the sparks in the air stopped dead in their tracks and them began vibrating as if they were angry mosquitos ready to lunge at Jiyan. Geshu Lin’s resonance energy was tingling on his skin – a stifling frequency, hot and frightenly powerful. Jiyan swallowed hard and nervously glanced up at the man. Which was a big mistake. One glance at those golden eyes, right next to his face, shining like the evening sun right before it came crashing down onto earth was enough to make him concede.

“Two kilometers south from here. Near the rearguard base.”

“Where this pack of Dreadmanes is always passing by?”

“Yeah, exactly…”

 

Jiyan winced as the scowl was instantly replaced by a battle-hungry grin and he didn’t even need to ask what Geshu Lin was about to do when the man let go of him and whirled around towards the door. But just as he was about to head out, he paused and suddenly snatched something off the table’s corner.

Dumbfounded, Jiyan stared after him as he waltzed over to the wall next to the door and grabbed his claymore. And then he finally realized just what his former general was currently holding in his other hand.

“What?! Wait, why are you taking my terminal?”              

“Teleporter? Or did you already get permission to reinstate my own?”, Geshu Lin just nonchalantly commented as he fastened the belts holding the claymore in position.

 

His words had been said casually. As always. But Jiyan knew better to receive them with the same amount of ease. It was a jab at his broken promise. Another one of the many he had made towards Geshu Lin only to fail keeping them.

“The… The Magistrate hasn’t been fond of the idea. I tried talking to them right after you arrived here. I even called them yesterday for a second time, but they keep declining. They… they say you’re a fugitive and therefore not authorized to use our infrastructure. Of course it’s nonsense! But even Sanhua hadn’t been able to do something about it and-“

“Nah, they’re right.”, Geshu Lin just shrugged, “I am very much a fugitive. Only you are foolish enough to refute it. Or at least you’re trying to. Quite pathetically, may I add.”

Jiyan bit his lip and the next jab, but he tried to tell himself that he deserved it. Even if Geshu Lin didn’t share his opinion, he had still failed to get him a working terminal. A man of his status, a man who literally gave his life to keep Jinzhou safe… How could someone like this be deemed unworthy to use a simple teleporter?

Sometimes, Jiyan wondered if he had chosen the wrong side to begin with.

 

“Anyways, don’t break your pretty head over it. You have all the relevant info on there.”, Geshu Lin pointed to the terminal, “So it’s mine now. At least for the next few hours. I’m not wandering this desert without coordinates. Even I have to get a chance to enjoy the perks of this peaceful future of yours right? Coordinates are the least you can offer me.”

And with this he kicked the door open, not even waiting for Jiyan’s answer, as he left the room as loudly as back in the old days when he had been brimming with excitement to slaughter a few dozen Tacet Discords.

 

Jiyan let out a shaky sigh when silence finally settled it. He was alone again. Alone with nothing but paperwork and the lingering thoughts of their talk.

 

“Anyways, don’t break your pretty head over it.”

 

…Pretty?

…Pretty?!

 

With a groan, Jiyan buried his face in his hands, trying his hardest to keep his heart from overclocking as the word echoed in his mind.  Surely, he had meant it as a joke. An idiom, maybe even a ridicule.

“Pretty…”, Jiyan mumbled hoarsely as he glanced at the glass of water to his side, his mortified face staring back right at him. His cheeks were crimson red. Pathetic. “He could never find this pretty, right?”

Numbly, he stared at the water for a little while longer until something silvery at the corner of his eye caught his attention. His breath hitched as he recognized it – Geshu Lin’s terminal.

 

Jiyan only realized what he was doing when the cool, smooth surface laid in his palm. His fingers trembled as he tapped the screen.

Unlocked.

No… this couldn’t be.

 

General Geshu Lin had always been very keen on keeping their system secure. Although he was blunt with his words, his private information had been more difficult to get than a peaceful moment in the war against the Threnodian.

There had to be some kind of trick.

 

He tapped the screen again, just to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating.

It felt real. It… It was real.

 

Maybe Geshu Lin was mocking him by using a default skin as his locking screen… He tapped the messenger system. It instantly flashed up and revealed a set of contacts. Jiyan didn’t even try to read them, mortified by his own action.

“Oh shit, it actually worked.”, he hastily smashed his fingers down on the big red ‘X’, frantically trying to get it to close while doing his best to ignore the fifty unread message from the top chat, adorned with nothing but a black cat.

His breath was the only thing that broke the silence in the room the few seconds which followed. Erratic. Scared.

Why on earth had Geshu Lin given him his terminal? He sure as hell hadn’t just forgotten it here, it was meant to be by his side.

Maybe so he could call Geshu Lin if he didn’t return? No, that would be stupid… Jiyan knew that Geshu Lin hated to be babied. But maybe it was the other was around. Geshu Lin didn’t know any other numbers in the camp or rather knew anyone he would like to call. But he knew his own call number. And he had left it with Jiyan.

 

BUT UNLOCKED?!

 

The General Jiyan had once known, had always been very protective of his Terminal, never handing it out to anybody. Or he just didn’t carry it around at all, which was even more often the case. Numbly, he stared at the background image.

A white strand of hair which he recognized.

A black one he didn’t.

 

Intertwined.

 

Jiyan felt sick to his stomach and he pushed the terminal away.

 

~~

 

When the door was finally slammed open again, in the early evening hours right as Jiyan had pondered on sending a message (and ultimately failed to do so as he didn’t find the right words), he didn’t need to ask Geshu Lin if he had been successful. The big grin on his face said more than a thousand words.

“Seems like you had fun.”, he greeted the well-known battlemaniac warmly as the man leaned his claymore against the side of his wardrobe.

“Oh absolutely.”, Geshu Lin smirked and then proceeded to march over to Jiyan. When his hand his the back of his chair, Jiyan just prayed he didn’t flinch as visibly as it felt like.

 

“I was itching for a fight after training your damn recruits all the time.”

“Sorry for making you do this.”, Jiyan mumbled apologetically to which Geshu Lin just glared at him.

“You’re not ‘making me do this’.”, he scoffed, “Respectfully, you wouldn’t be able to make me do shit.” He let out an exasperated huff and Jiyan noticed in amusement how a little flame ball wobbled next to him as if it were mocking him.

He slapped it away as if it were an annoying fly. “Sanhua is the only one capable at this moment and that’s only temporary.”

 

Only temporary.

 

Yes, Jiyan knew. Geshu Lin’s stay here was… only temporary.

 

He tried his hardest to keep his smile as Geshu Lin shifted his focus to his flame ball and had some kind of silent discussion with it before dispersing it into a thousand small embers with a disgruntled frown.

“What about the mission?”, Jiyan fetched a pen and a fresh sheet of paper, “Can you give me some details so I can report back to the Huaxu Academy?”

“No need. Already talked to them.”
“You did???”, Jiyan looked up at him in disbelief, “How?!”

“Terminal?”, Geshu Lin raised one eyebrow at him and casually pointed to his pockets before he added, “Gave them a call when I found the Tacet Field. That woman who called you earlier… forget her name…”

“Baizhi?”

“Ah yes. She’s cool.”

To say that Jiyan was gobsmacked was an understatement. Did… Did Geshu Lin just praise a fellow colleague?!

“Huh?! Don’t give me that look!”, his former general frowned, oblivious to the fact that he had always been known for harsh judgment and even less faith in anyone but himself, “She’s efficient. Doesn’t talk much, only what’s needed. And she doesn’t ask nosy questions. What more could I wish for? Work with her more often, she’s good.”

 

That was probably the highest praise Jiyan had ever witnessed hearing from Geshu Lin’s lips. And at the same time, he couldn’t help but compare himself to Baizhi. If he were a little bit more like her, a little bit less talkative, colder… would Geshu Lin like him mor-

 

“Anyways, I should go. Need to sharpen my claymore. Killed quite a few today and all the blood dulled the edge…”

Jiyan paused at his words and a cold shiver ran down his back. “Wait… how many did you kill?”, he whispered, a chilling fear slowly seeping into his body.

“Ah, just fifty or so.”, Geshu Lin waved dismissively, “The Fusion Predators were a bit annoying, but hey… more hits equals more fun!”

“Fifty?!”, Jiyan whirled around in shock, while in the background somewhere a pen hit the floor, “You should have taken some backup with you!”

“Backup? Hah, they would have just slowed me down. Jiyan, your efforts in all honor, but I’d rather not be responsible for keeping your precious Rangers safe.”, Geshu Lin huffed, before his usual teasing smirk returned to his face, along with a snarky taunt falling from his lips: “I suppose, it has its perks not to be chained down to this position any further…”
“But you could have easily been injured…”

“By mere fifty Tacet Discords? Do you want to ridicule me? Or have you truly forgotten what I’m capable of? Jiyan, I may be older than you but these past few years I haven’t gotten rusty, so much I can assure of.”

“No, I didn’t want to question your strength, sorry…”, Jiyan hesitated, the ‘but’ burning on his tongue, itching to be spoken.

But what if something unexpected happened?

What if one of them got you, injured you, killed you?

I’m worried about you.

 

How Jiyan craved to say these little four words. How he yearned to take Geshu Lin’s hands and hold them tightly, beg him to be more cautious, so unlike before when he had headed into battle without looking behind him, his gaze set on his enemies and only his enemies.

But he knew that it was a foolish wish. Because it had been right of him to do so. Geshu Lin cared for battle, for war, for victory.

Not for those behind him.

Not for Jiyan.

 

 

He felt the Forte next to him vibrate as lively as ever. Geshu Lin was not even an arm’s length away from him. And yet he felt so far…

Jiyan was unable to look at him any longer. Numbly, he turned away, trying to ignore the dull pain in his heart and he went to grab his pen. Only… that it wasn’t there. Confused, he looked around and realized that it was laying next to him on the ground. So that must have been the clacking noise from earlier!

Flustered, he leaned down to pick it up. But as he did so, a sharp, searing pain shot up his leg and Jiyan couldn’t help but flinch. He had propped his leg up on the little stool someone had placed there (he still hadn’t found out who the kind soul was) and leaning down while keeping it up seemed to be something, his cast (or leg. Whatever this current fusion was supposed to be.) didn’t like very much. Trying his hardest to seem as inconspicuous as possible, he sat up again while his mind was racing how to fool Geshu Lin and make him believe that he had tried to do something else, anything else, than picking up that damned pen.

 

But it seemed that Geshu Lin’s body had been not the only thing staying in shape these past few years.  

“Why are you in pain?” Geshu Lins eyes narrowed.

Jiyan laughed awkwardly at the sharp question. "Well, I AM injured-"

"That's not a good enough reason. I was never in that kind of pain when you treated me. So, is their treatment not sufficient?"

Jiyan blushed, too taken aback by the unexpected compliment (even if it was just in between lines) that he nearly missed the way Geshu Lin had just doubted his entire medical staff.

“No, it's not-“

“Or are you refusing their help?”

 

Jiyan wore his best smile.

But Geshu Lin instantly saw through him.

 

Before Jiyan could react, a hand had already found its way into his shirt, grabbing it  harshly as he dragged him forward. Jiyan felt his brain shut down momentarily when Geshu Lin’s face hovered right in front of his own, his golden eyes scorching him like the hot desert sun. How beautiful those irises were…

 

“When did you take the last painkiller?"

 

If one were to ask Jiyan how imagined Sentinel Jue’s gaze to look like… this would be his answer.

“Jiyan.”

 

Geshu Lin’s sharp snarl finally snapped him back to reality. With an awkward laugh, he quickly searched for an appropriate answer that was (at least partially) the truth and yet wouldn’t enrage his former general even further.

"It hasn’t been that long...", he finally mumbled, trying his best to face Geshu Lin properly.

But just as he met his eyes, Geshu Lin suddenly dragged him even closer, the tips of their noses nearly touching.

“When.”

Jiyan swallowed hard and then let out a nervous chuckle. “Really, you don’t need to-“
“Answer me. Or do you want me to drag you over the floor right to your medicine cabinet? Speak or I will do it. And I will drag you along by the injured leg, I can assure you of that.”

“Yesterday evening…?”, Jiyan meekly admitted his defeat. Jue, his voice sounded so hoarse… why was his mouth this dry?

 

Because of him.

And you know it. After all, it’s not the first time.

 

 “…Yesterday evening.”, Geshu Lin’s words were slow. Calm. Dangerously calm.

“I swear I wanted to get a refill today. It was my fault for being inattentive. I should have noticed that I didn’t have any left.” Jiyan laughed awkwardly averting his gaze in shame, unable to withstand this withering stare any longer.

He expected Geshu Lin to yell at him almost instantly. And rightfully so. But to his surprise, the man seemed frozen in place, the only indicator of emotions his resonance frequency violently flickering as his face slowly lost color. “It’s 6pm, Jiyan.”, he finally rasped out. His hand was trembling. And Jiyan was scared for his life.

“Yes, I know, I should have taken care of it hours ago. But there was so much paperwork…”

…And I wanted to be done with all the work before you returned. So I could make you proud.

 

“Screw the damn paperwork!”

 

Oh.

 

“You’re injured. You’re in pain. No paperwork in the world could be more important than this.”, Geshu Lin shook his head in disbelief, slowly letting go of Jiyan’s shirt, “Aren’t there painkillers reducing inflammation and such? Shouldn’t you take them anyways?!”

“You… You know this?”, Jiyan stammered, his heart skipping a beat when Geshu Lin’s hand gently brushed along his chin before lifting it up.

“You once told me this! Of course I do!”

 

Jiyan’s eyes widened. He remembered when he had had told him this. Five years ago when Geshu Lin was insistent on taking no pain medication at all, because he ‘didn’t need it’, because he ‘wasn’t a crybaby’. Geshu Lin had memorized his advice. Even though he had grumbled in front of Jiyan for at least a week back then! Even though it was long in the past, back in a time that didn’t matter anymore. Or… Or did it?

Jiyan had never forgotten their shared time. He would never forget it, too. After all, it was the most precious gift he had received in his life.

He had assumed that Geshu Lin couldn’t care less about what happened, too deep were the scars Jiyan’s actions had left on his body. But if he remembered these words, even openly addressed them, then…-

 

“Why didn’t you just send someone to get them for you?”

Jiyan flinched at the sudden question and he quickly shook his head (or at least he tried to, but Geshu Lin’s hand still had his chin in a firm grasp): “The infirmary isn’t that far. And I couldn’t possibly bother anyone because of my mistake-“

“You are bothering someone right fucking now.”, the grip around his chin got tighter and Geshu Lin shook it slightly as if he was trying to wake up the last few remaining brain cells in Jiyan’s head, “Very, very much.”

“…I’m sorry.”, Jiyan winced, his voice growing even quieter than before as the shame clutched his throat tightly, “I’ll go there right this instant and then it won’t trouble you any longer-“

“Stop spouting such nonsense.”, Geshu Lin interrupted him harshly but instead of hitting Jiyan, like his deep scowl would have made one assume, he instead let go, his sigh long and exhausted as he muttered, “You’re making my ears bleed when you say such stupid things.”

Dumbfounded, Jiyan watched as he turned away and began walking towards the door.

“Wait! What are you-“

“Fetching your stupid medication.”

“No, you don’t need to do that. I swear, I will deal with it-“

“You…”, Geshu Lin looked back, no, glared at Jiyan as his voice fell to a dangerous low, “-will do none of such things. You will stay here, at best in bed.”, his face contorted into what one could call a grin but Jiyan immediately sensed the danger radiating from it, “Take one step out of this room and I will tie you to it.”

Jiyan’s eyes widened.

“Maybe I should do that anyways. Would be a good look on you.”

 

It was the second time that day that Jiyan was rendered speechless when the door was slammed in his face.

Notes:

Hi everyone!
I'll preface this by saying sorry for the delay. Reallife is currently a bitch and I'm just... very very tired. Both physically and mentally. And it more or less drained the inspiration for almost a whole week. This is why I wasn't able to finish the chapter on time. Or rather: this chapter actually has two parts - this one and the next one where Geshu Lin fetches the medicine and something else happens. At first, I didn't want to post it in two halves, so I gave myself a day more. But now that I'm almost done with the second half, I realized that it is waaaay too long like this. So I'm sorry, but I needed to split it in the middle. This also explains why we're stuck in Jiyan's PoV for this one. Originally it was 50:50. So, you can guess which main PoV we'll get in the next one.

Finally, one quick question which is purely meant for improvement not to whine: this is by far my worst fic statwise. Is there something wrong with the story or my writing or is it just because of summer and that we’re all touching grass for the first time in a long while? xD

Last but not least, I wanted to thank you all for reading and for supporting my writing! Next week, I'll probably reach 700k words of pure geshuyan >.<
Love to hear your thoughts, stay safe and have a lovely rest of the weekend! :3

Chapter 5: Voices of the past

Summary:

Geshu Lin goes to the infirmary to fetch some painkillers for Jiyan. There, he meets an old acquaintance.
It won't stay the only reminder of the past on this fateful day.

Voices of the past

---

 

Life and death are one thread, the same line viewed from different sides. – Lao Tzu

 

 

Jiyan was right in saying that it wasn’t a long way to the infirmary.

Though this was the only damn thing he had been right about the whole fucking day.

 

To say that Geshu Lin was pissed, was an understatement. No, he was bursting with rage. How stupid could one person be? Even someone like him, who visited the infirmary more seldomly than the graveyard, was very much aware of how important it was to have pain medication at hand. And he was a doctor! Where on earth had he studied? Was his degree just a fake? Or had he lost his brains somewhere between caring for his men and showing everyone his stupid, polite and friendly smile?

Whatever the reason, Geshu Lin was now convinced that Jiyan was an utter idiot. When he had first talked about ‘babysitting’ him, it had been a joke.

Well, the joke seemed to be on him.

Now, he was running around the camp, just to fetch his damn medicine.

Geshu Lin was getting too old for this crap.

 

Oh, by now, that cursed black cat would be on the floor laughing hysterically.

He hadn’t even checked his chats today, but he was sure that his inbox had to be filled with yet another good dozen poems, one more nonsensical than the other.

Maybe he should just block him.

But chances were that he would come for him then. And that maniac was able to find anyone. Sometimes, Geshu Lin wondered if he was just this sensitive to Forte frequencies or if he was some kind of seer in disguise. Would explain his weird way of talking in riddles.

Anyways, this was not the time to think about him. Actually, it was never the time to think about him and there should never come one either.

 

 

At this time of the day, the infirmary should be empty, after all there was no war currently going on, Jiyan had done a good job at keeping the area safe and Geshu Lin had just completed the first combat mission in weeks. So, without a care in the world he slammed the door to the infirmary open and marched right in. Only to almost crash into an old lady, who stood right next to the drawers to his right.

 

“There you are Lu-“

The old medic stopped dead in her tracks as she recognized who had really entered the room and she seemed genuinely at a loss for words. But then, much to Geshu Lin’s surprise, a warm smile appeared on her face.

 

“Oh, it’s you.”

 

Geshu Lin wasn’t sure how to react to this. A new medic might have not known him, might have greeted him with naïve friendliness and warmth. But not her. He knew her, Yuan Peizhi, the wife of one of his former captains. Or rather… the widow. He still remembered the day he gave the command for her husband to secure the northern gate, to prevent a Tacet Discord wave to overrun the main camp. They managed to hold the position long enough for Geshu Lin to lock all other gates. He had also secured this one. But it had been too late for her husband. Or any other man from his squad.

This woman should despise him. But as most medics, she seemed to have perfected the art of smiling at people no matter if you like them or not.

 

… Just like Jiyan.

 

Geshu Lin had always hated Jiyan’s fake smile.

At first, it had only bothered him because of the lying. But he had always told himself that Jiyan was a shitty liar, that he was easily able to see through his charade.

And then Jiyan had backstabbed him and damned him to die. And Geshu Lin hadn’t seen it coming.

Jiyan had smiled at him when Geshu Lin had given him the order to stay with the backline.

 

“I won’t interrupt you for long. I’m here on the General’s command.”, he skipped the greetings and only gave a quick nod to pay his respects to his elders.
“I figured as much.”, the woman just answered serenely, “Otherwise, you were quite the rare visitor here.”

Her knowing smile burned on Geshu Lin’s skin. She saw right through him. Curse these medics…

Hastily, he strode towards the drawers where he remembered Jiyan had once rummaged when he had given him some painkillers. Surely, those were some kind of universal painkillers, right? And even if they weren’t, they worked, as far as Geshu Lin could tell. At least, he had been able to sleep after getting slashed open all across the chest by the Imperal Heron. That had been a nasty boss fight… But strangely enough, Jiyan had been even more dismayed than Geshu Lin –despite him staying unharmed. Until this day, Geshu Lin had no idea why Jiyan had dragged him to the infirmary that day, sutured him up (against his will!) as tightly as if he were to fall apart any moment and then refused to let him leave. Well, at least the last part Geshu Lin overrode with his authority – but still Jiyan had stood his ground and had insisted on staying by his side. ‘Monitoring’ or whatever he called it. Geshu Lin called it ‘Worrywart’. Honestly, back then, it had been no wonder some people called Jiyan jokingly (and sometimes not so jokingly) his wife.

 

Wife, huh…

 

Geshu Lin rummaged through drawer after drawer and thankfully, he hadn’t been too far off. On the second try he found a drawer full of blister packs of all kinds. Huh, these pills looked somewhat similar, right? White, round with a little slit in the middle. Oh, there were more. So much more.  Had they been round or oval? And had there been a cross in the middle or not…? Maybe those were all the same, just different brands? What were all these names that no one in their right mind could even read out loud…
Weren’t it for the old medic next to him, he would have long cursed out loud by now.

 

“Who’s responsible for Jiyan’s treatment?”, he snarled out, finally fed up with the silent staring from the sideline, to which the woman immediately answered, seemingly unbothered by his rude tone.

“That would be all of us, Sir. He hasn’t really chosen a doctor since he came back here. You know him, Sir… he can be quite stubborn..”, she laughed softly, “Seems to run in the lineage of our generals.”

So much for ‘polite’ subordinates all around, huh?!

Back then, Geshu Lin would have instantly punished her for her rude words, but he only raised his eyebrows at her and then huffed: “I would have never let myself go like this, just not to trouble you guys.”

“No, you would have never set foot in here in the first place. Hadn’t it been for Jiyan, most of the younger medics would have never once seen our General in person.”

“I wasn’t that bad.”, Geshu Lin grumbled, looking back to the pills in the drawer as if it could hide him from the woman’s amused stare, “I was just smart enough to not get myself injured this often.”

The medic only let out a quiet huff, seemingly struggling to keep herself from saying something ruder than before. She kneaded her hands for a moment, before she sighed: “Sir, in all respect… you wear more scars on your torso alone than Jiyan on his entire body.”

 

He really had to have a talk with Jiyan about their definitions of politeness.

What the hell.

 

“Considering how proud Jiyan is of his ‘respectful subordinates’, your manners are quite lacking.”, he sharply commented, glaring daggers at the medic.

But the old woman didn’t back down, no, she didn’t even quiver beneath his glare. Instead, she just smiled knowingly and responded sharp-wittedly: “I don’t think manners is what you’re looking for in a person, Sir. At least you didn’t back then.”

She paused for a moment, before her smile grew even wider and she warmly added: “I was happy to serve you, Sir.”

 

For a moment, the world came to a crashing halt. Geshu Lin heard his breath again and again, faster almost erratic as if it was trying to catch up with what just happened.

 

Inhale.

 

Happy?

 

Exhale.

 

Happy to serve him?

 

Inhale.

 

Who on earth could have been happy to serve him? He ordered her husband to die!

 

Exhale-

 

And yet the smile remained on her face. A sign of unwavering faith. Faith he once, a long, long time ago, wondered if he would ever receive it. A foolish hope, a dangerous hope. And now it came biting him in the back.

 

It took a few tries for his vocal cords to work again, but ultimately he was able to regain his composure (at least enough to speak) and he rasped out bitterly:  “I don’t need to hear this. There’s no reason  to, the General you’re addressing is dead.

“Some words are of importance to be said, whether the other side accepts hem or not.”, she reproached him calmly yet instantly, her serene smile burning on Geshu Lin’s skin, no, in his very soul. Could she stop smiling at him? Smiling as if he were a friend long lost, a cherished person she finally met again? None of this could ever apply to him! She should hate him, scorn him, hell, he would even accept if she tried to kill him!

But none of such sorts happened.

He had to get out of here. Fast. Medics were really all quite the weird creatures. No wonder Jiyan made him feel these odd feelings in his stomach from time to time.

 

“Some words are better to be kept to yourself unless you want them to be your last words.”, he hissed almost like a cornered animal and quickly grabbed a few of the blister packs. He was pretty sure that Jiyan hadn’t given him both pills, but he couldn’t be sure and he sure as hell wouldn’t stay here any longer-

 

“Sir, just a humble suggestion: if you don’t plan on making our General sleep, maybe even sleep forever, I would suggest these pills.”, the medic interrupted his thought process holding up a blister with a completely different pill design. Geshu Lin frowned in confusion. Were these really painkillers? Jiyan had definitely not given him these ones when he had been injured….

“What are these? I just need pain medication-“

“What they exactly are, I know. I figured you were looking for them the moment you started rummaging through that drawer.”

“But then can’t I just take these?”, Geshu Lin raised his eyebrows at her in confusion and then triumphantly held up his treasures.

The medic had the fucking audacity to laugh at him.

“In all respect, Gen-… Sir, if you showed this to any bystanders with the bare minimum of medical knowledge, they would assume you wanted to drug him,.”

“Hah? But didn’t Jiyan gave me this, when I was…”

The woman just barely stifled her laughter, totally ignoring Geshu Lin’s annoyed glare. “These are painkillers, you are correct.”, she finally confirmed, only to add with a subtle twinkle in her eyes, “And yes, he may very well have administered them for you to take after you managed to get yourself sliced open by that Dreadmane back at the Norfall Barrens. But this substance is far stronger than the usual painkillers. Which is understandable, considering you only visited our humble abode in the rare case of you being in a state of life and death.”

“You’re overexaggerating…”, Geshu Lin huffed. But contrary to his determined tone, he nonetheless turned away to put his blister packs back into the drawers, only for the woman to rearrange them without a word.

 

…How much Geshu Lin would have paid for her to stay this way.

But it seemed that fate had decided that medics were the bane of his existence.

 

“Who decided to cauterize half his torso, just so he could fight another wave of enemies without bleeding out on the ground?”

“…Jiyan blabs way too much.”

The woman just snorted, waving her hand dismissively, “The whole camp knew back then. Wasn’t hard considering you waltzed in here as if you were one of the dead coming back to life for revenge. Trust me, I had to console some traumatized recruits.” For a moment, she glared at him, as she was still scorning him after all these years. Actually… maybe she really did. All these medics seemed to have an obsession with caring for other people (but never for themselves)

“They are not worth being called a recruits when they can handle a little bit of burnt flesh.”, Geshu Lin rolled his eyes.

“A little bit…?”, the woman repeated, followed by a loud, honest laugh, “Oh Sir, it seems you haven’t changed much, have you?”

 

 

At this, Geshu Lin froze.

Once, he would have loved to hear these words. There had been nights when he had been writhing in pain, desperately trying to get his Forte frequency under control, adjust to this body he had once called his own until it wasn’t. Nights, when he cried out in anguish as he stared at the nightsky, asking himself if his Rangers were seeing the same constellations as him. If, even after all that happened, he was still one of them and could return to his home.

But the throbbing pain pulsing in his veins had reminded him time and time again that it was impossible. Not after what happened. Not after what he turned into.

 

Numbly, he observed the medic waiting for some kind of catch, for some kind of break of this weird, chummy atmosphere. He swallowed hard. Why was she still smiling at him as if he truly meant something to her? She could stop pretending! He wasn’t a General anymore. No, he… he was a fugitive! Despised by the Magistrate, scorned by the public, hell, even her fellow comrades hated him!

…And still she was looking at him, at Geshu Lin, not just the General.

Geshu Lin couldn’t be more afraid.

This wasn’t his home anymore. So why… why did it feel so warm?

 

“You know…”, his former subordinate suddenly perked up, her voice as gentle as the warm morning sun, “Even though there are many who scorns you here, there will always be some of us who welcome you here with open arms. Who were happy to hear about your return. Of course, the General being the happiest of them all.”

“Jiyan is not happy to have me back. And if he is, he’s a fool.”, Geshu Lin instantly snapped back, only to be interrupted by cool fingers pressing blisters into his hand.

“Our beloved fool should take these as well or he’ll soon have stomach pain from all the medication.”, the old medic smiled and gently lead Geshu Lin’s fingers to clasp around another blister pack, “Please send him my regards. And if he should ever need something again, neither you or he should hesitate to ask. We’re all hoping for the General’s swift recuperation.”

“You bet…”, Geshu Lin just huffed in response. A swift recuperation… if Jiyan would keep acting like a damn fool, too stubborn to ask for help, too engrossed by work to even tend to his most basic needs, this would be torture. Maybe this had been Sanhua’s plan all along. Make him pay for his past sins by chaining him to this fate.

 

 

 

With a long, exasperated sigh, he stared down at the supposed painkillers, deep down hoping that his efforts wouldn’t be in vain. But even if those pills were to work, they could only be a temporary solution. He was mindblown that Jiyan hadn’t yet chose a medic to tend to him. Even someone as stubborn as him had to realize that he needed medical attention on a regular basis, someone to care for him. Cautiously, he glanced at the woman in front of him. She was older and most definitely unable to carry a full grown man like Jiyan around (by the way – why on earth was this brat taller than himself? What kind of growth spurt had he been blessed with? Was this what it meant to be grazed by the Sentinel’s gaze?) But she was honest, hardworking and witty. And she had her own head, rejecting to follow the herd, even when int came to such an obvious topic as the morals of General Geshu Lin.

Back then, she had never once failed him. And more importantly, she had survived until now.

 

“What’s your number? I think I still have it in my terminal-“, Geshu Lin fetched the terminal from his pocket and tapped the screen to unlock it. Or rather he tried to. But when he felt the woman in front of him freeze up, he realized that he had made a massive mistake. Well… but hiding it now was even worse. So, he just quickly entered Jiyan’s passcode and looked up at her, his firm gaze daring her to comment on it.

But she didn’t. Instead, she just smiled innocently and pointed to the blister pack she had handed him. “I wrote it on the back. As well as how long these painkillers will last if-“, she winked mischievously, “-the General ‘forgets’ to call us again.”

“He will call you, I’ll make sure of it.”, Geshu Lin grumbled as he took a quick glance at the pills before shoving it into his pocket alongside the terminal, “But thanks.”

 

For a moment, they just stared at each other, as if both of them were waiting for the other to say something. Geshu Lin at first tried to find a half-assed way to finally end this unexpected (and unwanted) conversation, but then he remembered something else.

 

“Another quick question: Is there anything wrong if the cast itches?”

“No, it’s to be expected.”

“Ah, I see…”, Geshu Lin couldn’t help but frown as he looked to the right. Four walls from here, Jiyan was probably still sitting at his desk and trying his hardest to claim the number one workaholic spot. But Geshu Lin was neither blind nor deaf. He had noticed how uncomfortable Jiyan had grown with the cast, the little twitches from time to time as he scratched his upper leg without looking satisfied afterwards. Yes, Geshu Lin shouldn’t care about such trivialities. An itching cast was nothing but an inconvenience, the biggest problem being the lack of concentration. But still, he couldn’t help but feel the need to make things right, to help Jiyan just a little more.

“But it does get worse if he has tried to shower with it once and didn’t tape it correctly.”, the medic added there, her gaze growing worried, “Is the cast still in good condition?”

This sounds exactly like something Jiyan would do.

Fuck.

 

“I think so… I’ll look into it.”, Geshu Lin answered noncommittedly, before he sent her a warning glare, “Not a word to anyone about this.”

“Of course not, Sir.”

“When are you on duty? Still everything except night shift?”

“Ah, no, since the war has been over, General Jiyan was kind enough to grant us lesser work time. To recuperate after all these years of war.”, she smiled brushing a strand of hair out of her face,  “I’m working early shifts three days of the week and the rest late.”

“I see. I’ll call you.”

“Please do.”, the medic bowed politely before she warmly added, “And thank you for taking care of our little Jiyan.”

Geshu Lin stilled, a cold shiver running down his back.

“Thats not a way to address your General.”

“I’m not talking about my General. I’m talking about Jiyan.”

 

The woman held his gaze without hesitation, cool and yet seemingly endless determination brimming in her wise eyes. Geshu Lin tried to withstand it. Once, he had succeeded in doing so. But today, his heart wavered and he couldn’t help but swallow hard, his mouth dry in the face of such undeserved fondness… this… this trust.

“I don’t care about that brat. Never did.”, he finally managed to press out between tight lips. But just as he had feared, the woman slashed through his lies as easily as if she were cutting through skin with her scalpel.

“That brat was the only person who managed to drag you to the infirmary, let alone tend to your injuries.”

Taken aback by the smug response, Geshu Lin let out a surprised huff, but he caught himself quickly and retorted with a slight pout: “I… I wasn’t that unreasonable. I’m perfectly capable of seeing reason when medical treatment is necessary-“

“I wasn’t aware General Geshu Lin is fond of jokes.”, the medic immediately cut him short, her gaze wearing a certain tiredness as she elaborated: “Respectfully, Sir, you are the most stubborn ox I’ve ever met. And I’ve treated patients for over thirty years. Never once did I met a single child that was more petulant than you when it comes to suturing!”

“Petulant? I’m not petulant. How dare you-“

“Oh, enlighten me then! Who was the very person that nearly burned off my poor arm when I tried to give you a single suture?! One. Quick. Knot.”

“… I don’t remem-“

“You very much do so, Sir. I’ve served you long enough to know that your memory is better than most. Just…”, she glared daggers at him, “…very selective.”

Geshu Lin really wanted to come up with a quick-witted comeback. Just some kind of response so he would win this squabble. But… he had never been one to deny the truth. And he might have burned her fingertips that day. Purely by accident of course. In his defense, he had warned her beforehand. But they hadn’t heeded his warnings. For the sake of ‘medical treatment’ or whatever they called this kind of torture.

 

With a grumpy frown he looked away, staring at the stretcher in the far back. He vividly remembered a moonless night when he had laid here, accompanied by the restless mumbling of a certain teal-haired medic, chewing him out for some measly, minor injuries (really unspectacular accidents, nothing horrible) while cool hands rushed all over his body fixing what had been broken. At least on the outside.

 

Back at that night, Geshu Lin had wondered what would happen if he had taken those hands in his own and had squeezed them tightly. If he had told him that everything would be fine.

That they were both safe.

Unnecessary words for a General. But on Geshu Lin’s tongue… they felt heavy and yet enticing to finally utter.

 

Good thing those times were gone and Jiyan, as the General of the Midnight Rangers, didn’t need such comfort.

 

“I’ll get going now.”, he hoarsely rasped out, turning on his heel to head towards the door. But just as he was about to reach for the doorknob, the soft voice behind him beckoned him to stay for a moment longer.

“Sir!”

“What?”

“I…”, for the first time, the medic hesitated, her sharp tongue seemingly struggling to find the right words.

Finally she softly called out to him: “Jiyan has been alone for so long. There are not many who truly understand him. And even less who would dare to call him out for all his carefully crafted facades. He needs to rest. And you can force him to do that. Just like he did back then.”

She took another step forward.

“Thank you for being by his side, Sir. Truly… thank you.”

 

“How did I ever trust you? Why you, of  all people? I thought you’d save us! But you-“

“I swore to vanquish the Lament, nothing else!”

“You…”
“And if you saw me as anything more than this, maybe you saw the wrong person to begin with.”

“…I hate you.”

“Good. Continue doing so and maybe one day, you’ll understand .”

 

 

“Don’t thank me for what I was forced to do.” Geshu Lin closed his eyes, letting out a shaky exhale. The door knob felt cool in his hand. This was real. Unlike the voices in his mind trying to drown him in an endless ocean of agony, repeating words he didn’t regret saying yet hurt more than anything.  As if anyone should be thankful for his presence by Jiyan’s side. He was tarnishing him. Geshu Lin might have been a splendid General in times of war. In times when it only counted how many you cut down, not how. Or why.

He had never been a general of peace. His place had been here ten years ago. Now, it was gone. Replaced by Jiyan.

Just a few more months and he would be gone without a trace. And it was good this way. This… this was his fate.
There was no reason to hope for just a little bit more time to stay here, to stay with Jiyan.

And yet…

 

 “…As if anyone could force you, Sir.”

 

Geshu Lin definitely didn’t flee because of an old woman.

His rapid heartbeat when he marched down the hallway, glaring at anyone in his way, would claim otherwise.

 

~~

 

Back when he had still been shadowing his mother, his legs shorter than the materials he was carrying, Jiyan had seen many kind of treatments. Never once had he witnessed a blister pack being hurled at a patient’s face.

It hurt less than expected. But Jiyan was still very much flabbergasted.

“What…?”, he stammered in confusion rubbing the bridge of his nose in pain. Only to freeze in surprise to see a blister of Coriolusprofen in his hands. Geshu Lin had actually brought him some painkillers. And he even managed to get the right ones! (Jiyan had feared for the worst. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t take Belle Poppy based painkillers, the ones he had always administered for Geshu Lin, but he wasn’t keen on lying around high all day long. Especially not when Geshu Lin was around. It was hard to hide his feelings when he was in his right state of mind, when high… Jiyan was terrified of what could happen.

There were many ways to ruin one’s life.

Kissing Geshu Lin would probably be the worst of them.

 

 He was abruptly brought back to reality when a glass was (not so passive-) aggressively slammed down next to him, before the soft plit-platter of water filled the room.

“Take them.”

The command was clear and without a doubt not to be reproached. Not that Jiyan would have been able to.

Not when he was rendered defenseless by this scorching, golden eyes, molten into nothing but a puddle of painful yearning.

 

Batting his eyes in submission, he quickly took one pill and swallowed it with a bit of water. Actually, he might have drunk it too quickly as the water scratched against his throat and he tried his best not to cough.

He had been acting pathetically enough around Geshu Lin today. If he now even showed him that he was too stupid to drink his water, the man would surely snap. Even now, he already wore a glare so dark that Jiyan feared that with any wrong word spoken out loud, he would punch the next wall. Or person. Jiyan wasn’t quite sure.

“Why just one? You’ve been without painkillers for the whole day. Surely, your leg must hurt like hell. Just take two, just to be safe.”

Jiyan blinked once. Twice. Then he realized that Geshu Lin was being serious.

He  barely suppressed his laughter. Jue, even after all these years, some things hadn’t changed.

 

Geshu Lin still had no idea about medicine.

 

“Those pills have a certain interval in which they must be taken. And there is a certain dose you’re not allowed to increase… unless you want to die of liver failure.”

“Oh.” Instead of the expected anger, Geshu Lin just nodded, his expression strangely innocent as if he were a child who had just learned about the existence of butterflies. “But what if they are not enough? Aren’t you still in pain?”, he then asked, leaning in as he observed Jiyan keenly.

Jiyan’s stomach nearly flipped when he smelled the other’s shampoo. Way too close. Close up, his eyelashes were pretty-

NO, STOP THINKING. HE’S WAY TOO CLOSE.

“Only a little bit…”, Jiyan smiled awkwardly, flustered by the worried stare that was prickling on his skin like a thousand fire ants. “And painkillers don’t set in immediately. I should be fine in about... thirty minutes or so.”

“That’s passable, I guess.”

 

With a shrug, Geshu Lin took a few steps back, finally not towering over Jiyan any longer. But instead of leaving the room as Jiyan had anticipated, he sat down on the bed yet again, laying down completely after a short moment of consideration. Of course without putting off his boots. Later this night, Jiyan would need to put fresh sheets on…

 

Jiyan expected Geshu Lin to speak up in the first few minutes. After all, this man always meant business. But… not today, it seemed. Fifteen minutes went by, twenty. 

Maybe he was waiting for the painkillers to set in? Not that Jiyan was seriously taking this option into consideration, General Geshu Lin would never do something as sentimental as this.

 

Half an hour went by.

 

He felt Geshu Lin’s keen gaze burning on his skin.

Jiyan spelled his signature wrong two times in a row.

 

After forty minutes he finally snapped.

 

“What are you doing… Not that I mind your presence but…”, nervously Jiyan met Geshu Lin’s gaze which seemed as bored as ever – as if he hadn’t been sitting here for almost an hour, “You usually never linger around more than necessary.”
“I’m watching you.”, Geshu Lin just stated, the little flame ball which was sitting on his head happily bouncing up and down as if it were saying ‘And I’m here too! Aren’t you happy to see me?!’

Jiyan let out an exasperated huff. “I can see that. But I don’t understand why.”

“For a doctor, even less a general,  you’re awfully slow to understand.”, Geshu Lin yawned as he sat up, the flame ball just barely able to balance itself in its preferred nest and he turned to him, “I’m here to make sure that you’re recuperating. As if I could trust you to do so after what happened today.”

“I was just doing my job!”

“Your job…”, Geshu Lin instantly interrupted him, his snarl low and threatening, “-is to get well soon. So your men have their General back, Jinzhou regains its sword and shield… And I can be on my merry way.”

 

Jiyan knew that his words shouldn’t hurt him. He was right. Both right in chiding him and in what kind of future was awaiting them. Jiyan was bothering him by prioritizing his duty over his health. And yet he couldn’t help but bite his lip in frustration when he saw the man he had grieved for five long years sit in front of him, whining that he couldn’t get away from him soon enough.

 

What would you say if I told you about the hallucinations? If I told you that I missed you every single day, so badly that my dreams were filled with nothing but you?

You would laugh at me for this, right, General? Or would you hit me, chide me for my stupid crush?

 

“Anyways, I’m making sure that you don’t accidentally kill yourself while I’m away. At least today. Plus, I got nothing better to do. Making sure that you’re taking care of yourself spares future-me a headache.”

“Please, you don’t need to worry about my willingness to recuperate…”, Jiyan sighed, looking at the nearly completed paperwork next to him, “I’m a doctor. I know how to take care of myself.”

“A doctor who doesn’t take his medication on time. For a whole day.”

“… I’ll heed your advice-“

“Yeah yeah, as you always did, right, ‘Medic #4576’?”, Geshu Lin snorted and rolled around in bed until he reached the wall where a few bookshelves were embedded in the wall. “Just ignore me while you’re finishing up your work. Shouldn’t be that hard, considering you always did this at the infirmary when I invited you to spar? Still not buying that excuse, by the way.”

Jiyan just laughed quietly, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Not that he would admit his defeat and confirm Geshu Lin’s suspicions. Instead, he just smiled and noted: “You were always hard to ignore. Especially when you were literally pacing around me like a bored kitten.”

“Bored kitten?”, Geshu Lin repeated his words in disbelief. Then he fell quiet. This eerie silence made a chill run down Jiyan’s spine. Oh shit, he shouldn’t have said that. Geshu Lin hated disrespect, surely he-

“I’m at least a tiger, not a kitten.”

 

What.

 

“Uh… yes… absolutely. A tiger.”

“Mh. Exactly.”

Jiyan had to give his all to swallow down the incredulous laugh bubbling in his throat when he heard Geshu Lin hum in content. The little flame ball wiggled next to him happily forming little sparks around it making it seem as if it had stripes. But he couldn’t enjoy this endearing sight much longer, because even though he was a bit more docile than usual, Geshu Lin’s perceptiveness was unrivaled. When his eyes met Jiyan’s own, Jiyan immediately went back to work. In the background he could hear some rustling. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed that Geshu Lin had picked a book from the shelf.

 

Oh shit. Wasn’t that-

 

“Aw, didn’t know you were once this chubby.”

 

-his photoalbum.

“That’s baby fat! Everyone looks like-“

“Oh and your hair has always been teal-colored? That’s natural?!”

“Of course it is! Or are you an old man, just because you have gray hair?”

“I am old. So, respect your elders, brat”, Geshu Lin huffed, but his lips curved up in amusement as he turned the page and scrutinized the next few pictures. Jiyan’s heart fluttered at the way he stared at the pages, totally engrossed by the photos. Those were glimpses of Jiyan’s life. And Geshu Lin wanted to see them.

 

Had his hands trembled like this before?

 

“Your mother looks so much like you, it’s laughable.”, the chuckle was warm, like a soft rain prickling on Jiyan’s skin. Surprised, he watched as the flame ball flew over to him and made a few turns around him before wobbling up and down as if it were deciding something.

“Yeah, I agree. Still very squishable.”

“Squishable? What are you talking about?”, Jiyan frowned in confusion, only to yelp in surprise as the flameball suddenly squeezed his cheek, only to instantly flee the scene of crime, leaving behind a dumbfounded victim at the brink of a heart attack.

“Your cheeks. Still as chubby as back then.”, its owner smirked and held up the book where a photo of a woman with long teal-colored hair and a boy with shorter, same-colored hair smiled back at him. It was one of the few photos Jiyan had with his mother. Most of the days, they had been too busy, too exhausted or too crestfallen after treating hundreds of injured a day. But Jiyan still remembered the day they had taken the photo. One of the few calmer days, filled with nothing but good tea, baking cookies and discussing medical topics as they pleased.

Jiyan wished he had gotten the chance to enjoy more days like these in his childhood.

Now this chance was gone. He was an adult. A soldier. A General.

… He would never return to his old life.

 

“I must say, I’m surprised…”, Geshu Lin there hummed, his tone playful as he commented: “You were even frailer back then. Hadn’t thought that to be possible.”

“Hey! I was like… 10 years old or so! My growth spurt hadn’t hit yet!”, Jiyan grumbled.

“That growth spurt didn’t do you much good in your recruit years as well.”

 

Oh, how I want to rub the shit-eating grin off his  face…

 

“You…!”, Jiyan pouted, contemplating to throw the pen right at Geshu Lin. After all, such a comment couldn’t go without punishment, right? But before he could do so, a sudden remark fell from Geshu Lin’s lips, making Jiyan stop dead in his tracks.

“Adorable.”

“Huh?!”

“Nothing.”

Flabbergasted, he stared at his former General and oh how glad he was that he did. Because otherwise, he would have certainly missed the subtle flinch and the way he quickly averted his eyes.

It would have been easy to tease him. Or at least to ask him if he really meant it. Calling him adorable… Jue, Jiyan felt as if he was in a fever dream. Was he sure that Geshu Lin had brought him the right medicament?

 

But in the end, he was too shy to ask, too cautious to not break the frail bond that hey had. And maybe he was just too afraid of his reaction.

So, he just stayed silent, an offer Geshu Lin gladly took him up on. Occasionally, he could hear the quiet rustling of pages being moved. But then, Geshu Lin’s Forte caught his attention, its frequency spinning to surprising levels. Confused , Jiyan turned to him and was taken aback to see Geshu Lin’s face so… open. The pain was written all across his face and yet, at the same time,  Jiyan didn’t miss the fond shine in his eyes. A soft, yet rueful smile appeared in his familiar face as his thumb brushed along the page, caressing the edges of the photo.  Subconsciously , Jiyan instantly shifted all his attention to him, curious who could make his former general seem so emotional.

 

“Haven’t seen a photo of him in a while… Beiwang sure was sunshine in human shape, wasn’t he?”

 

Oh.

 

“You remember Beiwang?”, Jiyan stammered in surprise. Not that Beiwang was unmemorable, but Geshu Lin had had many soldiers under his command (and lost almost as many) which made most people believe that he didn’t really remember each soldier individually at all. Jiyan hadn’t done so. For a long time, he had tried his best to reject the idea, had put all his faith into the hope that Geshu Lin did not only see them as weapons but also as soldiers with families, homes, dreams…

…The night before the Battle Beneath the Crescent, Jiyan’s hope had crumbled.

 

“Jiyan, do you want to insult me? He was a man under my command, of course I remember him.”

Geshu Lin’s displeased grumble brought him back to reality. Jiyan immediately wanted to apologize, but he stilled when he realized that Geshu Lin wasn’t even looking at him. Instead, his eyes were fixed on the window, or rather what was behind the pane. The view from his window had always been beautiful – a perfect spot to observe the entire camp or just to enjoy the tranquil panorama consisting of sand dunes and a stone formation in the distance where countless caves were hidden in the narrow ravines.

 “Beiwang served me for seven years. A very ambitious captain, scouting division if I recall it correctly. He always begged me to let him fight at the frontline.”, Geshu Lin’s eyes were shimmering with fondness as he turned back to Jiyan, a small smile playing around his lips – one Jiyan had only seldomly seen, “Thinking about it, you two are quite similar. No wonder he wanted to train you.”

“He… He was a great teacher.”, Jiyan swallowed hard, trying his hardest not to get emotional when images of their lessons long gone flashed in his mind. Warm laughter carried away by the wind, a gentle hand leading his own. And the promise to help him achieve his dreams.

 

Jiyan flinched when Geshu Lin let out a loud sigh.

 

“I can imagine. Although not as strong as myself, he was a formidable fighter and… quite cheerful. I’m sure the mood during his training sessions must have been far better than during mine.”

“I’m not comparing you two. It would do injustice to the both of you.”, Jiyan crossed his arms in front of his chest with a frown.
Geshu Lin only chuckled. “Smart choice.”

 

Jiyan watched in apprehensive silence as Geshu Lin turned back to the photo, staring at it with an expression Jiyan had never seen before. He seemed almost… lost.
Never once had Jiyan seen his general remorseful or guilt-ridden. And he was sure that this expression didn’t, no, couldn’t hint to such feelings. And yet…
“General…”, Jiyan instantly winced, noticing his slip-up, “Geshu Lin, do you still remember all of those who died under your command?”

One could have taken this question as provocation, but Geshu Lin seemed to know Jiyan better than that.

 

“Of course I do. Their names, their faces…”, he let out shaky sigh as he let himself fall onto his back, looking at the ceiling, “Zeng Guowei loved Noctemint Pudding more than anything in the world. His smile when Fu Xiu was able to whip it up for him was brighter than the midday sun. Mao Li had a sister whom he squabbled with all the time, Mao Ying, a medic always ready to suture up the gnarliest injuries with nothing but excitement on her face. Luo Song always wore his shirt on the wrong side when woken up before 6 am. And Beiwang…”, Geshu Lin paused for a moment, a shaky exhale filling the silence in the room,  “Beiwang always greeted one with the warmest smile whatever time of the day, only to salute with the wrong fucking hand.”

He let out a soft laugh and lifted up the album so he could look at the photo again, “Did you notice that he always had his thumb up when wielding a spear? Such bad posture… I told him countless times.”

 

“You trained him?”, Jiyan inquired, his curiosity getting a hold of his tongue.

Geshu Lin only raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Didn’t I mention that?”

“No, Sir…”

“Huh…”, Geshu Lin blinked once, twice, seemingly incredulous how he missed to convey this piece of information for all these years. But, then his gaze grew solemn as he mustered the photo. When he spoke up again, his voice was softer than usual.

“Yes, he was a student of mine. My first one actually. No one else could deal with my antics. And no one was skilled enough to hold my curiosity either.”

“I see…”, Jiyan mumbled, trying to seem as calm as ever. But deep down, his heart was racing.

 

Geshu Lin had trained him for three whole years.

Did… Did this mean he had met both requirements?!

 

 

“You remember how I once told you that I’m shit at teaching how to wield a spear? Yeah that’s because of this idiot not properly holding it after four damn years. Really undermined my self-confidence, that brat…”, Geshu Lin’s laugh was meant to be sarcastic. But to Jiyan, it just sounded hollow. “But he was a formidable fighter. Even an exceptional one, if you were to ask me in a good mood.”

Suddenly, he put the album down and sat up abruptly, his gaze dark as a thunderstorm when he rasped out:  “But oh so idealistic. And self-sacrificial. He loved his people more than victory.”, he looked at Jiyan, “Just like you.”

 

The accusation lingered in the room like a heavy, stifling blanket, unspoken grievances weighing down on Jiyan’s shoulders making it hard to breathe. He wanted to answer, wanted to reproach him in some kind, but his tongue felt… numb.

 

“Jiyan, I know my words will fall on deaf ears, they always did. But don’t make the same mistake as him.”

 

 It didn’t follow a ‘please’. General Geshu Lin had never once pleaded with someone. And yet when the little flame ball which had hovered next to Jiyan unexpectedly flew down to his hands and rubbed against his palm, Jiyan’s heart ached for the man in front of him.

The flame ball stayed with him for a moment before it returned to his owner nuzzling into his hair right at the crook of his neck. Geshu Lin briefly glanced at it. Jiyan didn’t miss the small, but oh so sad smile, before his face grew cold again and he shifted his attention back to Jiyan.

“Beiwang didn’t die a pretty death.”, he explained firmly, his sharp gaze probing Jiyan’s very soul, “Do you know about it?”

“Not really…”, Jiyan shook his head.

 

 

He remembered the moment he learned of Beiwang’s death. That day, he had noticed his mother seeming more tense than usual, shuffling around in the room as if she had ants in her shoes. Jiyan had quickly realized that she had something to say to him. And that she was unable to find the right words.

It had scared Jiyan more than anything. The last time this had happened, Jiyan had woken up to a world without his father.

 

She had waited for Jiyan to bandage up his last patient of the day, before she told him, voice quiet and meek, so different from her usual demeanor. Of course, Jiyan had wanted to see the body. After all, their clinic was also the main mortuary in Jinzhou.

Everyone was brought here.

But not Beiwang.

And Jiyan still remembered the way he had run to the bathroom, the first time in all his years as a doctor and puked his guts out, knowing damn well that the only reason why someone wouldn’t be brought here was either because he hadn’t been found or because his body had been torn up beyond repair.

To finally get confirmation which one of these two theories was right felt … gut-wrenching. Jiyan took a deep breath, then another one, until the wave of nausea which had washed over him, finally quieted down.

“What happened?”, he hoarsely rasped out.

“He did a pitiful death. Slow, agonizing… and all on his own.”, Geshu Lin explained in a cold voice. Yet, his eyes, usually brimming with some kind of conviction, suddenly seemed dull – overshadowed by unfamiliar pain, “Tried to save a few of his squadmates. Not many, four or so, who had been ambushed by a few Dreadmanes on a scouting mission. I told him that it was idiocy to rush in like a headless fool, especially for a few foot soldiers. I assumed he had heeded my command. He hadn’t. We only found him in the evening, when we noticed his absence. I tried my best to gather the few pieces left of him after the Dreadmanes had torn his body apart.”

Stifling silence followed his recount and Jiyan noticed how Geshu Lin’s jaw grew tight, the otherwise so composed man fighting hard not to let his face slip.

Finally, between tight lips he pressed out: “Jiyan, his face was still intact. Tell me, do you think he died with a smile of his face?”

 

Jiyan opened his mouth.

 

“Hey there little genius! Ready for another spar!”

 

He took in a deep breath.

 

“Aw why so glum! Cheer up, you’re doing well. Soon, you’ll be strong enough to beat me! How does that sound?

 

His vocal cords twitched.

 

“Wow that was awesome! Let’s do that again!”

 

But no sound left his mouth.

 

“Little genius, you can be proud of yourself. Your progress is unlike anything I’ve ever seen… How about I come here one final time next month, after my mission is over, and then I’ll take you to my General? I’m sure he’ll love you!”

 

Beiwang hadn’t returned next month. Or the one thereafter.

Beiwang hadn’t returned at all.

 

 

“Your silence does him injustice.”

 

Geshu Lin’s sharp words cut through the silence like razor blades, powerful with crushing might just like his claymore. Jiyan’s breath hitched when he met his eyes and was nearly scorched by the pure, intense rage brimming in the golden embers.

“You’re always quick to ask questions, but never dare to answer.”, he spat out full vitriol, “But I’m not as weak-hearted as you. So, let me give you the truth. You should have heard it a long time ago. Maybe then you wouldn’t have pulled this bullshit. He didn’t. He died in misery. His face was contorted in pain, cheeks dry with the salt of his desperate tears as he regretted his choices. He wasn’t able to save his men. Wasn’t able to fulfill his duty as a soldier, as my soldier. In the end, he accomplished nothing but die for his stupid ideals.”

Abruptly, Geshu Lin got up from the bed and marched over to his claymore, grabbing it with less care than usual from the wall. Then, he locked eyes with Jiyan one final time. “Don’t make the same mistake as him, Jiyan. Losing one student to foolery is an accident, twice is my own shortcoming.”

 

 

…For the third time this day, the door was slammed shut in his face.

 And Jiyan could do nothing but stare as Geshu Lin once again left, leaving behind more questions than answers. His fingers were still trembling when he grabbed the crutches and hobbled over to the bed. The photo album was still laying on the blanket as if nothing had happened. Jiyan sat down without a word and picked it up.

A man in a soldier’s uniform and a young boy stared back at him with bright smiles, waving their weapons in greeting to whoever had been taking the photo.  Numbly, Jiyan brushed his thumb across the page.

And then he froze.

The photo with Beiwang, the only one they had ever taken, had always had a crease at the bottom right. It  had infuriated Jiyan beyond belief as it was one of his most cherished photos.

The crease was almost gone. As if someone had smoothened it out with careful strokes, over and over again.

Beiwang’s smile was as radiant as ever.

And Jiyan couldn’t help but wonder what Geshu Lin had felt when he had been greeted by this warmth.

 

 

 ~~

 

 

“Imagine this, General! He’s a doctor! And yet, he’s really good at fighting. Never held a sword in his life, and yet it didn’t take him more than two months to disarm me. Isn’t that cool?”

 

…Why was he even here?

Geshu Lin sighed, loudly enough that it should have caught his stupid student’s attention. Which it didn’t. Of course, it didn’t. Once Beiwang had found something to ramble about, he was nigh unstoppable. If only his combat skills were this powerful…

An hour ago, he had been thrilled to have a good evening spar to end the day with. Just to be stuck here listening to this idiot brabbling about some kid he didn’t even know (something he didn’t want to change, thank you very much).

Instead of burning in the afternoon sun, he could just get some well-needed sleep.

 

The training sword tapped against the gravelly soil.

 

Tap.

 

“I met him in spring when I had to go to the hospital. You know? The one in Jinzhou’s seventh district. With the scary owner? I think he’s her son. Has the same scowl when angry, but otherwise he’s really adorable!”

 

Tap.

 

The first few purple sparks began levitating in the air.

“Anyways, he’s kind, caring, a good team player and quick-witted. And surprisingly bold. You’d like him!”

 

Tap.

 

“I doubt that.”, Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed and more sparks began gathering in the air slowly drawing closer to his miserable excuse of a subordinate. Why had he ever agreed to train him in the first place?!

“No, really General, I swear you’d love-“

In the blink of an eye, the sparks formed a blade made out of flames pointing directly at Beiwang’s forehead.

“I’d love you to pick up your damn weapon right fucking now or I’ll make sure you’ll never hold it again.”

“Aw, partypooper…”

Geshu Lin’s gaze darkened and he nearly threw a flameball right then and there.

 

“Was that an insult, Captain Beiwang?, he drawled out slowly, summoning even more flames to his blade.

But as always, Beiwang just greeted him with that cursed smile, calm as if they were having a friendly chat.

“No, Sir, an astute observation.”

Geshu Lin’s brow twitched. But in the end, he just let out an exasperated sigh and lowered his weapon, dismissing his Forte with a casual snap of his fingers

“…Who taught you to be this bratty?”

“As I only ever had one teacher in my life, Sir, that had to be-“

 

The wooden sword slammed down on his shoulder without a shred of mercy.

 

“Weapon up or the next one will hurt.”

“The first one actually already hurt….”, Beiwang let out pained groan, rubbing his shoulder while crouching down to fetch his spear.

“Your fault for torturing me with your pointless chatter. Fawning over a brat who has never killed an enemy. Has he even left the city once in his life?”

“Well…”, Beiwang laughed awkwardly, barely blocking Geshu Lin’s first strike which arrived as soon as Beiwang’s fingers touched the hilt of his spear. Quickly, he tried to match his pace (or come even close to it, Geshu Lin would never let someone to match him), while he added: “But he’s got the spirit. I’m sure he wouldn’t disappoint you!”

“You disappoint already more than enough. I don’t need another one, especially not a brat. How old was he? Fourteen? He’s barely old enough to think on his own.”

“Says the youngest General in Jinzhou’s history!”

 

Beiwang just laughed brightly as he blocked Geshu Lin’s angry strike, even when the wooden blade hit hand in the process.

 

“You would have just lost a hand.”

“And minor price to pay for your attention.”

Geshu Lin just groaned in frustration and lunged at Beiwang in the blink of an eye, aiming straight at his chest. Thankfully, this time Beiwang seemed to finally be somewhat of an entertainment, or at least actively not boring him, and parried his strike, instantly returning the favor by attacking him as well.

 

Only to be disarmed in an instant and be kicked to the ground.

 

“Mercy, General, mercy… Or you’ll have a Captain with a broken hand tomorrow.”
“Your fault for gripping the spear the wrong way.”, Geshu Lin’s voice was cold as ice as he watched Beiwang crawl in front of his feet, resisting the urge to kick sand at him. Maybe it would wipe that stupid smile off his face, “Maybe I should just break it, so you learn your lessons the hard way.”

“You’re so mean!”

“Idiots deserve nothing more. Same goes for your little friend.”, he spat out, tapping his sword against the ground as he waited for his favorite, but also most infuriating punching bag to get up again.

 

“You say this now, Sir, but I’ll bet my whole month’s salary that you’d like him once you met him!”

“Make it double and I will consider paying attention to your ‘bet’.”

 

The next clash of blades was over in less than ten seconds. And once again Beiwang was looking for his blade, this time fishing it out of the nearby bushes.

Geshu Lin rolled his eyes and then looked up at the sky.

 

A doctor who’s yearning to fight, huh…

What kind of person could he be?

 

General Geshu Lin had never been easy to excite. But even someone like him yearned for a fresh breeze in this stifling war.

 

Maybe he was getting old.

 

Notes:

Hi everyone!
First of all, thank you so much for your kind words last week and the advice you gave me! It helped me a lot! Although my sleeping habits are still fucked, I'm trying my best to improve. Furthermore, I will try to make the pacing right from now on - which leads me to my next chapter. I'm currently cooking something (and I just pray that I'll be able to finish it on time... But it's pretty cool, I think! Little snippet at the end)

Now onto something important: A few days ago, I read an awesome geshuyan story about the Battle Beneath the Crescent. Truth be told, I'm still shaken up about it, because it was both heartbreaking and -warming at the same time. Hurt No Comfort and Major Character Death are the major warnings. THe story sadly didn't gather as much attention as it should, so it would be awesome if you could send them some love, especially because it's their first Angst!
This is the story:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67784496

Last but not least, here's a little preview for next week:

He tried to open his eyes, but only blinding white greeted him, so grating to his eyes, that he instantly shut them again, the headache tripling while doing so.
But just as he let out another pained gasp, cool arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding him tightly as if they were trying to should him from any danger. The chant picked up again.
“Wind, return back into the elixir field,
Yin and Yang, harmonize to protect the body-“

“Get away from him!”

The voice was distant and yet it seemed so familiar…
Where had he heard it before?

“In a moonless night the lonesome wanderer is faced with a looming shadow. A foreign woman, gaze cold as ice and a tongue sharp as steel. Yet one does not know whether she’s friend or foe?”, a low hum above him thrummed against his skin, almost like a soothing melody one would sing to lull a child to sleep.

“I do not care for your words. This is authorized area by the Magistrate. How are you here?”

See you next Friday!

Chapter 6: Reborn from Ashes

Summary:

Before you start reading: No, you didn't skip a chapter! The cut might seem drastic at first but it will make sense after the first few paragraphs!

Summary: Geshu Lin has a nightmare, one he had to witness more times than he can count. After waking up, he seeks comfort. And so, he turns to the one person he has ignored for quite a while by now...

Reborn from Ashes

---

 

Man's enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself. – Lao Tzu

 

Geshu Lin didn’t remember waking up. He didn’t remember falling asleep either. His mind was… blank. Blank except the pain roaring in his head, pressing against his temples as if it were begging to be loud. General Geshu Lin had never felt hot. Why would he? He was a Fusion Resonator. But now, the excruciating heat that surrounded him burned on his skin like a thousand needles. Every breath, every pathetic cough – it hurt so much. And even if he tried to breathe, no air filled his lungs. Just fire. Fire everywhere.

He opened his mouth, desperate to gasp for air, even if it were just a little bit, to get any kind of relief. But only a warped gurgling sound hit his ears, so foreign that he didn’t recognize his own voice. Was that even his own voice? His own body?

He tried to lift a finger.

Only hot pulsing pain greeted him searing through his very soul.

 

He just wanted it all to stop.

 

And yet the pain persisted, no it increased until he only felt pain, heard pain, tasted pain, saw pain, was pain.

The pulses became quicker, the pain flaring up so much that he wanted nothing but to beg for it to stop.

 

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

 

A beat, foreign and yet so… familiar.

 

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

 

It wasn’t his own heartbeat, and yet…

 

Thump thump.

Thump thump.

 

The pain made his mind hazy, luring it into a false sense of security. How was he supposed to endure such agony?

And whom was he enduring it for?

There was no hand holding him, no gentle touch. No, there was just dark silence, slowly dragging him down to the bottom of this sea of excruciating pain.

Why should he even fight? What was there to lose?

Why had he even fought in the first place?

 

The screams in the distance had stopped. His eyesight had been long lost. The smoke had fully filled his lungs.

He could just give up.

Even if it wasn’t his heartbeat, he could just let it be.

 

Thump, thump.

 

He was so tired.

 

A radiant smile appeared in front of his mind.

It was familiar and he felt something beneath the pain cry out in yearning.

But he didn’t recognize it.

Thump, thump.

 

A new wave of fiery pain washed away the last traces of whatever had tied him down. Screw those shackles that had chained his soul down for far too long. He was tired of fighting. Tired of hoping. And tired of living.

It was time to-

 

A cool gentle rain washed over him.

The fire deep inside him cried out in fury and yet the rain only increased until its coolness washed away all that had tortured him. The heat, the stifling power… the heartbeat.

The world fell quiet.

 

“The wind carries sacred breath; the water holds pure ripples.”

 

A gentle coolness trickled down his arms, dispersing the flickering fires burning on his skin.

“Blood vessels flow unblocked, primal qi be restored.”

 

Just as he wanted to let out a sigh of relief, the fire surged up again a wave of nausea rolling over him as he writhed in agony. The cool grip suddenly felt stifling and he desperately struggled for a shallow breath.

 

“Evil spirits flee afar, so righteous qi endures.”

“Heaven and earth unite, and so I guard your health and peace.”

 

A cold wave washed over him again, almost as if he had gone back to his childhood days, jumping into the nearby lake with his sister when the scorching summer heat had been too much. Whatever this foreign coolness was, it helped and Geshu Lin would have loved to express his thanks. But he wasn’t even able to open his mouth on his own free will. And although he wasn’t actively writhing in agony, the pain remained, thrumming in his body as if it were angrily trying to get the upper hand. He could hear a muttered curse and something rustled.

 

Who… was this?

 

He tried to open his eyes, but only blinding white greeted him, so grating to his eyes, that he instantly shut them again, the headache tripling while doing so.

But just as he let out another pained gasp, cool arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding him tightly as if they were trying to shield him from any danger. The chant picked up again.

“Wind, return back into the elixir field,
Yin and Yang, harmonize to protect the body-“

 

“Get away from him!”

 

Another voice. Higher. Panicked. Angry?

Someone was approaching.

The voice was distant and yet it seemed so familiar…

Where had he heard it before?

 

“In a moonless night the lonesome wanderer is faced with a looming shadow. A foreign woman, gaze cold as ice and a tongue sharp as steel. Yet one does not know whether she’s friend or foe?”, a low hum above him thrummed against his skin, almost like a soothing melody one would sing to lull a child to sleep.

“I do not care for your words. This is authorized area by the Magistrate. How are you here?”

“One cannot stop the wind. One cannot stop water. One cannot stop fire.”, the coolness subsided for a moment, replaced by a quiet prickling sensation that made shivers run down his skin.

Danger.

Whoever held him meant danger.

 

“You could not restrain me, even if you wanted to.”

 

“…Are you threatening me?”
“I am stating a fact.”

 

The darkness around him fell silent and with it the pain returned, a dull ache that was only bearable thanks to the cool winds that were rushing through his body, a gentle yet durable shield, even if it was temporary.

 

He was so sleepy…

 

“Hand him over. He does not belong to you.”

“And neither does he to you, am I wrong?”, the previously so calm and composed voice gained a sharp edge, the coolness slowly morphed from a peaceful, tranquil lake to a deep ocean where one couldn’t see the ground accompanied by the bone-chilling fear of suddenly getting dragged underwater, “Or does the Magistrate nowadays associate itself with the Lament?”

“You…”

Silence fell over them yet again and this time, Geshu Lin managed to open his eyes, even through all the pain. When the blaring initial whiteness disappeared, it was replaced by blurry shadows, each more unrecognizable than the other. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see fists clenched tightly, trembling as if they were close to be thrown at someone.

 

 “Who are you?”

“As I said – just a lonesome wanderer who stumbled upon a broken soul on the way.”

Geshu Lin felt cold, slender fingers brush a strand out of his face.

“Let’s not pretend any longer, Guardian of the Magistrate. I know who you are.”, above him, he could hear some rustling as if someone was turning to him, long elegant layers of fabric sliding over his own clothes as he felt a gentle embrace around his shoulders. “And I know who he is. Your sword, the one who set the night ablaze – the General of the Midnight Rangers.”

 

… The General of the Midnight Rangers.

Right, he was…

 

The Ovathrax.

The battle.

A sinister grin as a black claw came down at him and-

 

A violent surge of boiling energy rushed through him, forcing the desperately needed air out of his lungs, scorching each and every fiber of his.

No, this wasn’t right.

He had to get up, where was his claymore, the fight wasn’t over! He had to fight, the Lament was close and-

 

“Lin!”

 

A cool hand was pressed right over his forehead.

“Supreme Terraces of star, respond and transform without stopping-“

The words flowed gently like a river, soothing the fire burning him from the inside out, quelling the violent pulsing. Still, his chest spasmed from time to time and the pain remained, with each further attack louder than before.

 

“Or at least that’s what he was.”, he heard the male voice above him huff, the hand carefully tracing the side of his jaw as if it were something to admire, “Your eyes are wide open, aren’t they? You know what he has become.”

“How do you know about my Forte?”, the female voice was now nearer. He… recognized this voice. Calm and reserved yet under all layers of coldness hiding a warmth privy to few yet to those near limitlessly.

 

“Aren’t you cold? Come, let me help you. Wow, your hands are quite warm. What’s your name? Mine is____”

 

There’s no need for you to remember her name.

 

But there was! And he knew it! It… it was…

Confidently, he opened his mouth to speak her name, but no sound left his lips. No word formed in his mind even though he felt a thought begging to be let out. But the hot thrumming had picked up again drowning out all that there was to him.

 

“Let’s just say that those who wander this world with open eyes are the best at controlling their Wavelength. And you… emanate almost nothing at all.”

“You can sense it?”

“I can sense almost anything in this world.”, the cool energy slithered around the dark rhythm pulsing in his chest, encircling yet not outright attacking it. Yet again, fingers gently caressed his forehead before settling on his cheek. Geshu Lin couldn’t suppress the desire to nuzzle closer, craving for the blissful relief. “So, I know what happened to him. And you know it too. Tell me, Hand of the Magistrate, why do you want this man? Your face is full concern and yet you are perfectly aware that you’re not returning him to safety, but his certain death. The woman standing in front of me – is she ready to shed her cloak or does she stay chained to it?”

“I… I can talk with the Magistrate.”

“I didn’t take you for a fool. But it seems that although your eyes are sharper than most, your heart is clouded.”

 

Although faint, now Geshu Lin could feel another wavelength from the right, quiet yet with a cold anger that sent familiar chills down his spine.

A battle flashed in front of his eyes. A giant ice glacier blocking his flames for the first time. Gracious, yet powerful swordplay. And his body craved to fight her again.

…Was she… a friend?

 

“W…Why do you want him? What are you planning to do with him?”
“Nothing.”, the hand played around with one of his longer strands of hair.

“Nothing?! And I should believe you-“

“My reason of existence is to purge evil souls and to restore those who can still be saved. The Yin and Yang of this world… all lay in my hands.”

“So… you want to kill him?”

 

The whisper hung in the air for a moment, like an eerie premonition of what was to come. But the hand kept on gently caressing his face as if the accusation had never been spoken. Instead, Geshu Lin could hear the smile on his face when the stranger hummed:

“No, this soul…is not yet broken. There are those who succumb to corruption without being weakened… and there are those who were broken by fate from the very beginning and yet brave the corruption for all eternity.”

“Lin… Lin has always fought the hardest. And had to face the worst battles.”

“The Sentinels were not kind to him. And yet he persevered…”, the cool energy playfully caressed his own frequency, leading it along as if it were whispering ‘It’s okay. You’re safe.’ “In all these years I’ve never once witnessed a human brave a God. A case like his is unheard of…” A small sigh lingered in the air and the embrace around him tightened. “And yet his victory will be a song unsung, a curse worse than death itself. For he did not vanquish the Lament, he chained it down, not to this world but himself.”

 

What.

He hadn’t defeated the Lament?! It was still there?!

He had failed?

HE HAD FAILED?

No, he couldn’t die, he had made a vow to vanquish the Lament. His men relied on him, Jinzhou… he had promised to deliver them a bright future.

Jiyan… Jiyan had begged him to keep his home safe! No… No, he couldn’t falter. He had to sit up, take his weapon- Where was his claymore?

WHERE WAS HIS CLAYMORE?

 

Panicked, he sat up, desperately reaching for the familiar hilt, the smooth ornomrnts cool and pleasant against his palm. But there was nothing. Only emptiness, dark blurry shadows encircling him like predators ready to make the jump. They drew closer. Something grabbed his arms, wanted to push him down. An enemy?!

No, he wouldn’t let them win! Nobody could hold General Geshu Lin of the Midnight Rangers down! He would fight until his dying breath!

The fire in his lungs grew stronger, radiating through his entire body in hot, angry pulses, each stronger than the last. He felt the air around him heat up, rampant frequencies trickling on his skin, maybe even cutting into it. He didn’t care. Whatever pain he had to carry, he would endure it, if it meant defeating the Lament!

“Ashes to-“, he felt his lips move, but the hoarse voice sounded unfamiliar. A searing pain rushed through his throat, but he swallowed it down, “-ash-“

 

Before he could finish the call for his Forte, suddenly something was clasped over his mouth.

He bit into it without hesitation.

A curse.

 

“Madam, your cloak. Now.”

 

Next thing he knew, something was stuffed into his mouth. He bit into it again, but this time, it was to no avail. What was this?! Furious, he reached for it, but his hand was instantly pinned to the ground. Who dared to-

He couldn’t move his arm. Whoever held him down… was stronger.

The anger mixed with fear.

Muffled sounds hit his ears, but everything morphed into a polyphony of chaos as the Ovathrax laughter began anew, the eerie humming of the Retroact Rain seeping into his mind.

Geshu Lin knew better than to panic.

But in the end, he was still but a human.

 

Violently, he thrashed to all sides, crying out in anger, fear, pain – everything. But whatever held him down didn’t budge, no, it grew even more determined.

 

“-The Demon’s head is bound-“

 

Something was creeping into his body, seeping into his blood like parasites ready to devour him.

Help me.

 

“-Serve and defend my altar-“

 

No, he couldn’t give up, couldn’t resign himself to his fate. Not after ten long years of war, not after all the lives he had sacrificed on the way!

He had to fight!

No one was allowed to control him. This foreign energy was going to kill him! It was easy, he just had to raise his arm, call his Forte-

The familiar warmth in his hand instantly dispersed into nothing but feeble embers. Embers, desperately trying to persevere, only to lose their light in mere seconds. The flames flickered up in one final attempt, a last terrified gasp for air before a cold wave came crushing down on him dragging him under without a shred of mercy. The Ovathrax’s roaring was so loud that Geshu Lin felt as if his ear drums had ripped. And it grew worse with every further second.

Make it stop. Please, I beg you. Make it -

 

“-Inauspicious filth is dispersed-“

 

Everything went quiet.

 

“The Qi of the Dao perpetually exists.”

 

For a moment, the last phrase lingered in the heavy silence with the company of not a single sound. No, it almost seemed as if the world had come to a crashing halt.

Until suddenly a shout ripped through the quietness, shattering it into tiny pieces.

 

“What did you do?!”

 

“I suppressed all his energy circulation for the moment. But without an onigram, I won’t be able to do this for long. And I’m correct to assume that neither of us wants to fight that thing if he loses all control, right?”, the male voice, previously almost eerily calm, gained a sharp edge, a sense of urgency which couldn’t be misunderstood.

The more gracile hands holding down his chest trembled. When had they even arrived there?

“So, stop wasting my and especially his time and decide: Are you his friend? Or his enemy?”

 

“I…”, something grabbed his collar tightly but then loosened up. Then, a soft, ice-cold touch brushed along his forehead, with a foreign tenderness that made the roaring frequencies in his mind go silent for a moment. “You’re right. I can’t protect him. Not here, not now. Can you?”

“I can.”

“Can I trust you?”

The man just lowly chuckled. “He trusted his allies and now look where he’s at.”, the man calmly stated, before letting out an exasperated sigh, “Madam, I’m not your ally, neither am I his. I am but a humble wanderer, a stranger, just as I said before. You pose a question, yet you already long know the answer. So rather ask yourself what you really want to know – How shall you deal with your answer?”

The woman stayed silent. The fingertips trembled against Geshu Lin’s skin. Then, they gently smoothed out the wrinkles at his forehead as if she wanted to hide the traces the war had left on him. The whisper was quiet, and yet heavy with unspoken words: “…Please…. Take care of him.”

“I will. I promise.”

 

Something brushed along his cheek. The wetness that had trailed down there, disappeared. The smooth fingertips also tenderly wiped the corners of his eyes dry.

Her movements were calm. Composed. But it was nothing more than her last attempt at staying strong.

 

 “What’s your name?”, her voice was quiet. Shaky. Desperate.

“Of what use is a name that should not be spoken? Don’t dull the blade you’re handed, Guardian.”

“My name is Sanhua, Lin's…. Lin’s friend…”, she let out a wet exhale, her voice breaking as he spoke up again. “Please take care of him. Take care of Geshu Lin,…-“

The unspoken name of the receiver lingered between them in stifling silence.

Until it was suddenly broken by a single word, softly spoken yet with unwavering conviction:

 “Qiuyuan.”

 

He felt the Wavelength of the woman flicker again. It was apart from their voices one of the few sensations he could feel. Everything was so… numb. As if someone had robbed him of all his senses, had severed his neurons with ruthless, but immaculate precision. Even the name of the woman… he had heard it before – he knew it. When she had said it, a small voice somewhere had sung warm songs of fondness, of shared evenings on a bench watching the sunrise and discussing… What had they been discussing? And who… was she. His body craved to feel, craved to remember and yet, there was just never-ending nothingness, an infinite stream of icy water dragging his lifeless body along until nothing of his consciousness remained.

It was so cold.

Geshu Lin had never felt cold in years. Since he had received his Forte. But now he was shuddering, as if he were a defenseless child that was thrown out of its home into the cold winter night. Hah, how ironic… was this how it would have felt like without his Forte back then when Mother and Meimei had…-

No, he shouldn’t think about them. When he had headed into war, he had severed all ties. There was no reason to grieve the lost chance to say goodbye. They didn’t want his goodbyes. They wanted him gone. And had wanted him gone for so many years.

Geshu Lin shuddered again, his teeth clattering as he felt his body getting dragged deeper and deeper into the lonely embrace of nihility, accompanied by faint mumbling in the distance.

 

“Wait, what’s wrong with him?! Look, he’s trembling-“

“Side effect of my incantation. You don’t need to-“

 

“MADAM SANHUA!”

 

“Seems like he’s not the only one they’re looking for.”, whatever was holding him began moving, the fabric rustling as he adjusted his grip, “Time to say your goodbyes.”

The woman let out a shaky exhale. Then it grew silent. But before Geshu Lin could assume that she had left without a sound, suddenly cool hands took his own, gentle and tender as if she was afraid to break him. It was a touch Geshu Lin hadn’t received in so many years, full of care… full of love.

 

Who… Who was this…?

And why did his heart ache like this?

 

He tried to open his eyes, desperate to see whoever was so earnest in his affection for him. But he couldn’t even feel his face, even less raise his eyelids. And so he could only listen as a soft whisper resounded in the air:

“…I … I know you probably can’t hear me right now, but…”, she let out a wet laugh, “By now, you would have long laughed at my stammering. I’m sorry. For… For so many things. Just… I pray for you to finally live the happy life you deserve. Stay well, stay safe…”

The slender fingers were clasped around his own and then his hand was pulled up until it hit something soft. Something wet. A quiet sniffle hit his ears.

“Farewell, Lin.”

 

The moment didn’t last for long. Soon, more and more shouts echoed through the night, drawing closer and closer.

Geshu Lin heard some shuffling before the woman, her voice now stern and reserved as in the beginning, inquired: “Where are you headed to?”
“South.”

“Got it.”

 

Geshu Lin listened to the crunching noise as the boots paved their way through piles of ashes and sand.

 

“Coming! I checked the area and found some traces leading north. Go scout over there.”

“What? But we already were-“

“Scout the north. This is an order. I’ll follow.”

 

Geshu Lin heard a quiet laugh above him, amused yet nonetheless appreciative.

“Well, then let us be on our way then as well, don’t we, flamechaser?”

With this, two strong arms snaked around his body and then hoisted him up as if it were the easiest thing in his words. A few steps in the sands followed. Then, the crunching noises stopped.

“One last thing, Madam.”

Geshu Lin felt the other move until they were close enough that he could sense the faint Wavelength from earlier. It was fluctuating… Out of fear? Worry? Apprehension?

“Hold out your terminal.”

“What are you…”

Her question was interrupted by a short ‘beep’, a sound Geshu Lin instantly recognized as the signal for two terminals linking. A surprised gasp followed.

“Why would you give me this?”

“I like you. When you first arrived here, I expected that I would have to kill you. But… you’re full of surprises. I don’t want to punish you for caring so earnestly about someone. And I don’t want to rob him of a person that truly cared for him. Call me, if you want an update.”, was the kind answer given to her.

But it wouldn’t stay this peaceful. The next words were spoken in a low, calm tone, but it didn’t take one second to notice the shift in atmosphere, the bone-chilling sense of danger lingering in the air.

 “But if you dare track us or even worse chase us down… rest assured that I will kill every single one of you.”

 

 

~

 

Geshu Lin woke up with a loud gasp, sitting up so abruptly that he hit his head against the flameball, which forever reason had been floating in the air right in front of him.

“What the hell… what are you even doing here?”, he grumbled in annoyance while the flame ball flattened into something akin to a pancake, both crying, sulking and apologizing at the same time.

Sometimes, he wondered how this Forte could act this pathetically in one moment and set the whole world ablaze the next one.

With a sigh, he gave it a little pat before he stretched with a frustrated groan. Although it did make a satisfying crunching noise, the stretching didn’t help against the dull headache pounding behind his temples.

And it was not the only thing that hurt.

Frustrated, he glanced down at his chest. The pulsating sensation was stronger than usual. But not exactly uncommon either. Especially after this dream, Geshu Lin had grown used to such… abnormalities.

“You’re fucking annoying…”, he huffed, sending a withering glare at his sternum, or rather what was hidden in its place, before he shook his head and stood up. No use pondering on it. The damage had long been done.

Damage… huh. One would call it a curse, others a blessing. After all, it was the reason he was still here, the reason why he now had the chance to watch Jiyan for a little while longer.

 

How poetic. The black cat would be proud of him.

Speaking of the devil… he hadn’t checked his terminal since his arrival here. Not that he needed to, he had been very clear with this nuisance of a man that he had no nerve for his riddles and poetry – or whatever his cryptic messages were supposed to be.

Qiuyuan loved chatting way too much. Maybe he should just take his terminal away the next time they met. Curse whoever had added the speech-to-text-feature in the latest update.

 

 

With an annoyed huff, he walked over to his desk and grabbed his terminal, partially hidden beneath his old clothes which he had thrown on there with not much care the evening before. Where even was his other sock… Not that Geshu Lin wasn’t exactly good at keeping everything clean, especially when it wasn’t relevant for battle, but he should try to better himself. Nevertheless, he had been quite agitated after yesterday’s talk with Jiyan about Beiwang. Did the brat finally understand his message? That he didn’t want to lose another student of his because of their damned kindness?

Geshu Lin wasn’t afraid of Jiyan dying.

Or at least he tried to tell himself this.

But he knew better.

 

 Absentmindedly, his gaze wandered towards the window where countless droplets left trails all across the pane. Outside, the sky was as gray as it could get.

 

It was raining.

 

Geshu Lin let out a shaky sigh, focusing all his Forte Control at his chest to keep his frequency stable. It was hard to watch the rain, even after five long years. The war had left his traces on him, even though he hated to admit it. He had been the very person screaming at his men to ignore what happened around them, to push forward no matter what.

He had done the same.

Yet he couldn’t stare at the rain for more than three seconds before he saw the droplets starting to stop midair. When they began levitating and humming, he quickly turned away, just like countless times before. He knew that it wasn’t real. And yet his heart raced as if he was running for his life, his hands trembling and reaching for his claymore. The last few years, in times like these, Qiuyuan had been there to calm him down. Even if he hated the icy cold sensation of his Forte, it was very effective (not that he would ever tell the black cat this). Now, he was alone. Okay, maybe he could ask Jiyan for help, he was a doctor after all.

But no.

Not Jiyan.

Anyone but Jiyan.

 

The rain was getting louder, thrown against the window by a gust of wind and Geshu Lin quickly turned away, grabbing the terminal as if it were not just a distraction, but a lifeline. Well, he had to look at the bright side: In this weather, he wouldn’t be forced to train the recruits. At least, he assumed that Jiyan wasn’t heartless enough to chase his recruits all around the camp in this weather. Right…?

He shrugged and tapped the screen, while the flameball flew over to him, excitedly jumping up and down next to him.

 

“Someone’s in a good mood, huh? Wanna guess how many he sent? Loser needs to wash my clothes today?”, he smirked at the flame ball which instantly huffed and puffed, confident in its victory.

“One-hundred twenty, you say? Surely not. No human could write so many texts in a mere week. What could one even talk about? Even he doesn’t have enough shit to ramble about, trust me.”

The flame ball just bounced up and down lighting up in determination.

“Fifty. Not a single message more.”, he cockily drawled out as he tapped the icon.

And froze.

 

“180?! Are you fucking kidding me?”

 

He skillfully ignored the happy bouncing next to him. Maybe his clothes could go another day without washing.

 

In a mixture of annoyance and disbelief he scrolled through the chat, his face falling more and more as he was littered with random verses, poetry or whatever one would call it – utter nonsense if you were to ask Geshu Lin.

“He can’t be serious…”, flabbergasted he tapped on a message, trying to delete it. Only to realize that it didn’t work. Or he was too incompetent, he had never truly understood this terminal system. No that he had ever had a reason to learn it. The only chats Geshu Lin had opened was to ask for more weapons, more men, more firepower. Only to be denied every single time. Never once had he received a message that was truly addressed at him, at the ‘Geshu Lin’ behind the ‘General’.  Back then, he had sometimes wondered how his life would look like if it were different. If he would be happier.

Geshu Lin glared daggers at the screen.

Well, that had been a fucking misconception.

 

“Maybe I should just block him…”

He let out a frustrated sigh and tapped the screen again, only to accidentally open the message field. The line blinked in anticipation for the first letter to be typed in. He just stared numbly at it,  getting even more triggered by the blinking.

And then his phone vibrated. Once, twice, thrice. And even another time afterwards, but by then, Geshu Lin’s attention had shifted towards something else.

New messages had appeared at the bottom of his screen.

 

 

<Grazing us with your presence online not once but twice in a single week? That’s a new record, flamechaser.>

 

Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed. Twice? He hadn’t touched his terminal since he had arrived here. Then who…

Oh.

Right, he had left his terminal with Jiyan yesterday when he had gone out to clear the Tacet Field. He had assumed oh so noble and rule-abiding Jiyan would just leave it laying around just like back in his recruit days. But he should have known better. After all, he had been aware that Jiyan was a curious brat. The notifications at Qiuyuan’s chat had still been active. So he had opened the app, but not the chat… His stomach twisted in unease as he stared at the screen. Well, even if he had seen it… there was not much to find. He hadn’t chatted with anyone but Qiuyuan on here and ‘idiot cat’ wouldn’t help Jiyan much.

And the chat with Sanhua… well, he hadn’t talked with her since their argument at the office. And before that, everything had been discussed on the phone or in person. Because of her eyes, it was hard for Sanhua to properly text him. And he hadn’t been eager to talk to her either. After he had been taken in by Qiuyuan, Sanhua had reached out twice to check on him. It took him a year to respond. And another three to meet her again (and only because Qiuyuan had been pushing).

 

<We meet once more – Two leaves caught in the same breeze. Once torn apart by the winds of fate, now reunited.>

His eyebrow twitched when he noticed the message Qiuyuan had sent while his mind had been distracted. Before he even realized it, he had already sent an angry message in response:

<I swear, if you spam my inbox one more time with these damn poems, I’ll block you.>

<Alas, you still have no eye for the arts. >

<I’m a soldier. I’ve been a soldier my whole damn life.>

<You’re not, at least not anymore, dearest companion of mine.>

 

Geshu Lin’s fingers twitched at the bold nickname. The flame ball next to him laughed at him and he quickly shooed him away. “He’s just mocking me, stop teasing me. I’m not flustered!”, he hissed at it, disregarding that it was still his Forte, more or less a literal part of him and turned back to the terminal.

<I hate you.>

<You don’t.>

The laughing black cat emoji which followed was almost enough for Geshu Lin to press the block button right then and there. He would have done so, he really would have, hadn’t it been him being painfully aware that it would cause him even more trouble. Even if Qiuyuan always seemed like nothing but polite and calm, that man was a lunatic. Especially when someone had piqued his interest. Which Geshu Lin, unfortunately, had done. If he were to block him, Qiuyuan sure as hell would come here and drag him along, whether he liked it or not. And although Geshu Lin was pretty sure that he was still stronger than the enigmatic wanderer, it wouldn’t be an easy match, especially considering Qiuyuan’s abilities.

 

<What do you want?>, he therefore typed, resigning himself to his fate.

<Company?>

<I’ll ignore you again.>

The three dots kept dancing at the corner of his screen. Geshu Lin could literally see the teasing smile in front of his eyes.

 

<What a shame… then you might miss out on a desperate stranger yearning to meet you.>

<What are you going on about?>

<A man cladded in red came looking for you. Blond hair, red hat – you know him?>

 

Geshu Lin froze, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the message. A cold shiver ran down his back.

<I don’t.>, he typed in the short answer. It had been but a simple question, nothing that should trouble a normal person. But Geshu Lin knew Qiuyuan well enough to notice the tension hidden between the lines, to know that there was far more to the eye.

‘Did he find you or-‘, he hadn’t even fully typed out the message when Qiuyuan’s next one arrived. Geshu Lin was not a man who was easily disturbed. But when he stared at the few words, eyes wide open, he felt his Forte shortly slip from his control.

 

<I didn’t sense his frequency until he was right behind me, Lin.>

 

Qiuyuan… not sensing someone?

That was nigh impossible.

…Fuck.

 

<Name?>, he typed hastily, his face tense with worry.

<‘Just a humble storyteller’. I hoped you knew him.>

<Did you fight him?>, his fingers paused, itching to write ‘Are you okay?’ – but that was not his place. Or rather the place he didn’t want to be in, even if Qiuyuan wished otherwise.

<Not yet. But if his crows stalk me for a day longer, I might reconsider.>

<He’s observing you?!>

<Since our talk, yes. I presume he was dissatisfied with my answer. I currently use vibrations to read your messages, not the usual text-to-speech. It’s quite annoying.”

<Want me to call?>

The next message came faster than usual, as if Qiuyuan had been itching to write it. And Geshu Lin couldn’t help but imagine his slender finger rushing across the screen, his soft, but dangerously playful smile tugging at his plum lips.

Mortified he felt a familiar warmth spread in his abdomen. Which only grew worse when he saw the next words.

<Always. I do love hearing your voice.>

 

The terminal almost slipped through Geshu Lin’s fingers as he took in a sharp breath. But before he could think of a good answer, one which didn’t indulge Qiuyuan (because one should never indulge this man – unless you were prepared to have a shadow lingering by your side for all eternity), a new message arrived shifting the mood as rapidly as it had come.

<But now is indeed not the best time. I don’t know if he only observes me or if he’s also capable of listening in on me. I can’t sense him in person, but his birds are everywhere. Beware of black crows, Lin. >

 

Black crows…?

With a frown, Geshu Lin looked out the window, the flame ball instantly flying over as well and peeking around the frame left and right.

 

<None here at the moment.>, he reported to Qiuyuan while he sent his flame ball to scout a little while longer, <And even if – I swear, I will burn them the moment I see them. But how can you even be sure that he’s looking for me? I’m dead to this world, aren’t I?>

<He was quite clear. Rambled on and on about the tragic hero he has been looking for.>

<I’m neither tragic nor a hero.>

<Beg to differ. Your whole life is a tragedy, oh Crimson-Bathed General of the Midnight Rangers. Do we want to talk about that time I dragged you out of your own blood puddle?>

<Fuck you.>

<Sure, if you call me.>

 

The flame ball next to him accidentally knocked over a nearby chair. And Geshu Lin didn’t fare much better. With an exasperated groan he let himself fall onto the bed, burying his face in his pillow.

It was too early to deal with this.

 

But when the terminal didn’t start vibrating, he gave up on his futile resistance and rolled to the side, glancing at the screen with tired eyes (and slightly flushed cheeks, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

There were at least twenty cat emotes waiting for him. The ‘block’ button seemed more alluring than ever.

<Why the silence? This isn’t like you, flamechaser.>

 

Geshu Lin could literally hear his mocking sneer, the whisper brushing over the delicate skin of his throat, before a cool hand grabbed it and-

 

Nononono, he wasn’t supposed to think about this. It had just been-

 

<Don’t tell me you’re so pent-up that this little proposition of mine enticed you? Not that I would complain, but I expected you to be quite relieved by now.>

 

Qiuyuan’s words sent a chill down his spine and he hastily sat up again. The morning sun hit his upper legs with gentle warmth. Usually, it would have been pleasant. But right now, the warmth only made him more sensitive to the tightness of his pants. Although he didn’t agree with Qiuyuan’s words he couldn’t deny that he had been a bit… pent-up the past few days.

But it was to be expected wasn’t it? After years of enjoying said luxury, he was now deprived of sharing a bed with someone at night, starved of touch whatever kind it may be. Hell, even if it were to be for just a few hours, it would grant him so much relief. Yes, he was aware that he should have better self-control, after all back as a General, he had never been this frustrated. It was all Jiyan’s fault. He had been forced to carry that brat way too many times these past few days. And who allowed the Sentinels to bless that little dragon with even more beauty than back then?

 

It was unfair.

 

Geshu Lin gritted his teeth as he glared at the cat emoji that observed him with a gleeful smile.

Never would he have expected Qiuyuan to use exploit his weakness so shamelessly. Geshu Lin should have never talked to the lunatic about this. Curse his stupid ability and his treacherous ‘meridians’ – or whatever he had been talking about when he had first made his whole body short-circuit with just a few words.

With a frustrated sigh, he stared at the bulge that wasn’t supposed to be there, before he let himself fall onto his back again, shielding his eyes from the light for a moment as he contemplated his life decisions. He… He hated to admit it, but Qiuyuan’s presence right now… and what it entailed, would have helped him out a lot. After all, the person who caused this misery was so far out of reach (and rightfully so! He shouldn’t even think about it – after all, he was supposed to be gone in a few months) and yet so painfully close all these days.

 

Qiuyuan’s touch had never been as soft, as earnest, as loving as the one from Geshu Lin’s dream.

But it would have been sufficient.

 

 

<Oh, I see. So our tragic hero decided to take his tail into his hands and run yet again?>

<I did not run. I’m still at the camp> The flame ball next to him wobbled up and down in silent laughter. “I know that typing harder doesn’t make a difference, shut up!”, Geshu Lin hissed in response, but his glare didn’t seem to impress his Forte much. But there was no time to punish it. The terminal vibrated yet again.

<I know. For quite a while, too. And yet you didn’t tell him?>

<There is nothing I have to tell him.>

<Well, you can fuck him without words, that much is true, but I assumed->

 

Geshu Lin nearly sets terminal on fire, hadn’t it been for the notification popping up in the upper corner. Speaking of the devil…

His cheeks definitely didn’t feel warmer than usual when he switched chats and looked at Jiyan’s message. Why was this brat even awake? He should recuperate, not be awake at sunrise?! He had left Jiyan’s room yesterday late in the night and he knew that Jiyan had always had trouble falling asleep. Maybe he should ask in the infirmary for some sleeping pills. Not that Jiyan would take them on his own, but maybe he could dissolve them in water…

<Sorry to disturb you. I was asked to do a weapon storage check at the northern outpost. I would do it on my own, but the way from the teleporter is quite long and very steep.>

The three dots kept dancing for a long moment, before another message popped up and Geshu Lin couldn’t help but snort at the glaring nervousness hidden between the lines.

<Of course, you don’t have to do this. You’re busy enough as it is. But if you do want to get some fresh air, I would be very grateful.>, the next message instantly followed, <Hope you slept well.>

 

In an instant, the three dots were gone and he could see Jiyan’s status marked as offline.

Geshu Lin could only imagine how embarrassed the other must look right now. Oh, how he craved to go over to his room and take a look at him. Would he be the flustered mess he had seen several times in his dreams? Would he be able to squish those adorable cheeks, flushed with innocent shyness.

It were just a few steps.

But Geshu Lin didn’t even dare to take the first one.

 

<Can do. Make sure to compensate me for your shortcomings.>

 

Numbly, he glanced at the screen, after he had sent the message. It was as blunt as always, nothing out of the ordinary. Then why… why did he feel like shit?

The flame ball nudged his hand intently before giving him an angry glare.

“What? It’s his fault that I must clean up after him!”

The flame ball bit his finger without hesitation before it quickly flew away, dodging his swing.

<Thank you, I will make sure that you’ll be repaid for you effort. I’m sorry.>

 

I’m sorry.

 

Jue, how Geshu Lin hated these words. Jiyan was always so quick to apologize. For everything. Just not the one thing that had really hurt Geshu Lin. But why should he? He wasn’t sorry for betraying him. Because he had thought that he had been right. Maybe, he still believed this. And maybe he was even right and it was Geshu Lin’s fault for holding onto this grudge.

 

Frustrated, he gritted his teeth and quickly switched back to the chat with Qiuyuan who had littered him in the meantime with more poems.

<Gotta go now. Work calls.>, he quickly typed out, only to then hesitate. He could leave it at that. He didn’t owe him for than this. And still… The fingers rushed across the keyboard before he had even realized it.  <Stay away from that stranger. You’re in a safe place?>

The three dots were pausing for a long, long time – so long that Geshu Lin’s stomach began twisting in unease. But then, an emoji appeared on his screen, followed by a short, teasing question.

<What would you do if I weren’t?>

 

<Go die, Qiuyuan. And don’t go texting me while doing so.>

 

<Aw careful General, or it might sounds like you care.>

 

Geshu Lin instantly started furiously typing a ‘Not a General’, but when another teasing cat image came in, he decided that he had entertained this idiot enough. Playing with his earnest worry like it was nothing… Geshu Lin only rarely voiced his concern for others and this was what he got for it? More teasing?

“As if I’d care who he fights in his free time.”, he grumbled and stuffed the terminal in his pocket, “And what’s up with that stupid question? I just wanted an answer, not a interrogation!”

The flame ball next to him snickered in delight, only to yowl dramatically when Geshu Lin swatted it away. They both knew that it hadn’t been strong enough to slam it into the wall, but it did it anyways.

“Stop being so dramatic. I still have no idea where you got that from. Aren’t you my Forte?”, Geshu Lin snarled out as he began getting ready to head out, “And no, I’m not worried about him dying. Total waste of energy. As if anybody could kill that guy. And even if so, then it’s his fault for having his head in the clouds all the time.”

 

… Did his Forte just roll its eyes at him?

 

“I’m not lying!!!”

The flame ball flow out the door before he could even catch it. And Geshu Lin could do nothing but stomp after it, muttering under his breath “Why is there no return option for Fortes?”. One corner later and he was faced with a flame ball slamming straight into his damn face.

Today was a shit day. A nightmare, Qiuyuan bothering him and now his Forte had decided to lose its last braincell.

Well… at least it wasn’t raining anymore. That would have been a minor problem.

The Ovathrax’s laughter morphing with his own rang in his ears.

Quickly, he shook his head, trying to ignore it (even though he knew that it was futile) and stepped outside. The morning air was cool and fresh, a pleasant contrast to the inferno he had been trapped in in his dream. The first few steps were easy. Just him, the soft morning breezes and the chirping of birds in the distance. It would be a good day, even after this miserable start. He just had to ‘find solace in nature’, as Qiuyuan loved to say. Even if he hated it, maybe he could try some meditation, just as the black cat taught (forced) him to-

 

It was far too late to react when Geshu Lin’s boot hit the puddle on the way.

 

Wide-eyed he watched as the ripples of water flew up towards the sky.

Water…. Towards the sky… inverted rain…

From the puddle, a golden-eyed, cross-shaped core sneered at him in derision. His mirror image. Geshu Lin felt his face contort, his muscles spasming against his will. The Ovathrax grinned widely, welcoming him with boundless joy.

 

In the blink of an eye, purple flames crashed down on the puddle and made each and every drop of water evaporate in an instant.

“Thanks…”, he mumbled numbly, cringing when he heard how ragged his breath sounded. When the flame ball nuzzled into his hair, he let it be. No, he even welcomed it, albeit not out loud. They both knew what he thought anyways.

After a short moment of regaining his self-composure, Geshu Lin looked around and much to his relief, it seemed as if no one had noticed his minor slipup. He let out a small sigh. This had been close… far too close.

It was crucial to keep in mind that he would never carry Jiyan through the rain. This had just been a small puddle. Walking through full-fledged rain… he had once made that mistake. This time, there was no Qiuyuan around to stop him.

 

And Jiyan…

No. He wouldn’t risk making Jiyan fight him. Just showing Jiyan what he had devolved into, how weak he truly was… was something that would never happen.

 

He would keep him safe.

Just like back then.

But… but could he still do it? He wasn’t the same person anymore. This body… was is capable of protecting the few remaining ties he had still left in this world?

 

Frustrated, he stared down at his hands which were still trembling. He knew the answer. But saying it out loud, even admitting it in his mind was a fate far worse than death.

In the distance he could hear the signal that the shifts would soon change.

 

He should go. Unless he wanted to run into the other soldiers.

Without further hesitation, he picked up the pace and marched onward.

 

Thank the Sentinels that Jiyan had given him a task to pass the time. Some distraction would do him good…

If only Qiuyuan were here…

No, he shouldn’t think that way. General Geshu Lin had never been one to rely on others and he wouldn’t start now.

‘And yet you can’t even walk through a puddle.’, the mocking sneer burned on his skin, the pulsing in his chest making it clear whom it stemmed from, ‘The General of the Midnight Rangers returned to nothing but a broken mess, haunted by the blood on his hands.’

“Shut up.”

‘I wonder, what would happen to these broken pieces if I were to rob you of the last people that cared about you? What does it take to make you crumble, oh proud yet failed General?’

 

Geshu Lin knew that the voice was nothing but a product of his imagination. He took a deep breath.

It wasn’t real. Jiyan was safe. And Qiuyuan….

He let out a annoyed sigh as he glanced down at his pocket. The terminal had been vibrating a few more times until it had finally fallen silent. Yet, unlike any other day, Geshu Lin couldn’t shake this slight tinge of unease, the queasiness radiating in his entire body. It was subtle, nothing any bystander or even Jiyan would notice, but when he fetched his grappling hook from his bag, his fingers were tenser than usual. And when he used it, it wasn’t as precise as usual, making him nearly faceplant into the camp’s wall.

Jue, he was so stupid. Worrying would help nobody except the enemy. And he shouldn’t worry about that damned cat in the first place!

But still…

 

A man who could sneak up on Qiuyuan… and even dared to track him.

 

Qiuyuan was an expert at hiding his resonance frequency, but if that guy had managed to approach him without him noticing, he must be on the same level.

What could a man like that want with him? A tragic hero… what a load of bullshit.

 

But he seemed to be serious. And if someone like Qiuyuan stopped talking in poems to warn him, there must be something to the stranger..

 

I hope, he will be safe.

 

Ah, what was he thinking. Cats had nine lives.

And this black cat was particularly good at keeping his.

He should probably be more worried for the other guy.

 

Maybe he would soon get his head send to him in a package.

 

Hopefully not. That would be a pain in the ass to explain to Jiyan.

 

Notes:

Hiiii! You might sit here like 'Huh? Isn't it posted a bit earlier than usual?!" - Yup it is. But in my timezone, this is actually Friday as well! And I was so excited to post it, I couldn't wait any longer.
What did you think about this chapter? At first, I wasn't sure about using Geshu Lin's PoV for the flashback. At first, I wanted to have an outside view, similar to an allknowing narrator/bystander. But then, I prefered to portray Geshu Lin's confusion, his pain, his fear and how Qiuyuan's Forte feels.
Speaking of the devil: What do you think about his design? I really love writing him, this poetic, enigmatic yet incredibly dangerous individual. It's so fun to have a char with both sharp wits and tongue around Geshu Lin xD And what's this? There's chemistry between someone else except Jiyan with Geshu Lin?! (Don't worry btw, main ship is Geshuyan and you'll see why. It's already hinted what their relationship was really like, but it will be shown in future chapters as well)
And little flame ball has some attitude >.< (I headpat the flameball every time in my mind when I write about it)
Oh and as you might have noticed, I already weaved some hints about the future plot into this chapter. Same goes for Qiuyuan's abilities. I'm a big fan of the blind Qiuyuan theory. What do you think about it? Would you like seeing me continue this, even if it will surely be OOC (just like Phrolova in my main fic) soon?
Lastly, I might need some help regarding Cristoforo: I know that there are some fans out there, so could you help me out - do we know anything about his skills and motivations?
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. I appreciate every single comment (and I might be stalking my inbox like a hawk, craving to chat with you guys xD)
Thank you for your support!
See you next Friday! :3

Chapter 7: Jealousy

Summary:

Geshu Lin returns after checking out the weapons. Jiyan welcomes him, yet in the presence of a steaming cup of jasmine tea, unexpected events unfold...

Jealousy

---

 

Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds. – Helen Rowland

 

Jiyan had assumed that after their conversation yesterday evening, Geshu Lin would do anything but help him out with his request. So, when he saw the message pop up that Geshu Lin was already done with checking out the weapons, he was more than surprised. Especially when considering the weather. In the morning, when Jiyan had asked his former general to check on the tower, it had been a bit rainy, but nothing else. There had even been some sunshine shining through his window after a while, greeting him with warmth. He had relished in it with a happy smile, at least until the first work call had rolled around.

But when noon came around, the sky grew a type of grey that Jiyan had instantly recognized. Just fifteen minutes later, he received the warning about an impeding sandstorm. A minute later, Geshu Lin told him that he was done checking on the weapon storage.

 

Jiyan could not feel any worse.

 

Unlike the previous mission target, it was impossible to get to the tower by teleport (which explained Geshu Lin’s absence this morning and the terminal remaining in Jiyan’s room) So, there was no doubt that Geshu Lin must have traveled by foot. Jiyan buried his face in his hands as lighting once again illuminated the reddish-black sky, the winds howling around the camp’s wall as it they were trying to tear it down.

The desert storms in the Desorock Highlands were infamous. Strong wind currents, blasting sand everywhere, so it ricocheted across the dunes, merciless in their pursuits of whoever dared to cross this area foolishly.

Just like Geshu Lin.

 

“I shouldn’t have asked him at all…”, Jiyan whined, grabbing his hair harshly, before he decided that wallowing in self-misery wouldn’t do neither him nor Geshu Lin any good. He should prepare, both physically and emotionally. Even when ignoring the sandstorm, Geshu Lin had already been annoyed to complete his request, had (rightfully so) asked for compensation.

It wasn’t the first favor he had asked of his former general in these past few days. Well, ‘favor’ was putting it mildly. Although he had no doubt that Geshu Lin enjoyed beating up Tacet Discords (maybe even a bit too much), Jiyan couldn’t imagine that he enjoyed running around all across the desert as Sonoro Spheres had popped up left and right. It was weird, really. Although it wasn’t unusual for Tacet Fields to appear in a place as brimming with remnant frequencies as the Desorock Highlands, randomly appearing Sonoro Spheres were…rare.

He had already asked the Magistrate about other appearances, if other divisions had the same struggle as him.

They hadn’t answered. In a full week.

Strange.

Very strange.

 

And now the sudden delivery of heavy artillery. Not that Jiyan was complaining, they were always in dire need of weapons. But still, he couldn’t help but feel this weird ball of dread in his stomach when Geshu Lin returned from yet another expedition, saying nothing but ‘Fully dispersed.’ . With each new trip, his expression grew colder and sterner than before, making Jiyan wince with memories of dark nights between aligning moons.

Geshu Lin always claimed that it was no trouble. That everything was fine. But although he acted as if nothing had happened, Jiyan wasn’t deaf. His Forte was writhing in agony.

 

Jiyan wished he could help him.

Hell, he wished that Geshu Lin would at least TALK to him, tell him what happened.

But Geshu Lin didn’t trust him enough for this.

General Geshu Lin had never had enough faith in him to rely on him.

 

It had always been like this and yet, it never failed to leave a pungent taste in his mouth, a stifling weight clasping his throat tightly when he stared into those golden eyes dulled by a life he had never deserved and yet had been dealt without a shred of mercy. Jiyan had prayed many nights to the Sentinels to make Geshu Lin open up to him. Or at least rely on him, just a little bit. Back then, he had believed that Geshu Lin had only been shouldering the burdens of others because of his position. Since his return, Jiyan had realized the truth.

Geshu Lin, even after all the betrayals he had faced, the literal death at his hands, still readily headed out day and day again to help him out – even at the risk of his own life.

And Jiyan couldn’t feel worse about.

Correction: He could. He had just sent Geshu Lin into a literal sand storm.

 

Geshu Lin wasn’t a man to complain about trivial injuries and his pain tolerance was higher than of any other person Jiyan had ever known. But still he vividly remembered the countless cuts and scrapes he had received when he had been faced with such a storm in his first year with the Rangers. Yet that time, he had been right next to the camp having the chance to seek shelter almost immediately.

He knew Geshu Lin. This man was never taking any precautions when heading out for a ‘triviality’.

He could only pray that Geshu Lin had stayed at the tower, waiting for the storm to subside. But judging by the timing of his message, this hope was a futile one. No, he had to face it – Geshu Lin must have been caught by the storm right in the middle of the desert.

The first-aid-kit weighed heavy in his hands. Truth be told, it was foolish of him to assume that Geshu Lin would come here after everything Jiyan had put him through. Especially when he was injured. He would probably just go back to his room, maybe send an angry text to vent his frustration. Or he would approach him tomorrow to do the last part in person – most definitely accompanied by a more… physical expression. Jiyan should just accept his fate. And never ask Geshu Lin for favors again. The recruits lashing out at him and now this sandstorm.. it seemed as if their fate had been doomed to begin with. No wonder Geshu Lin hated-

 

Heavy boots echoed in the hallways, the steps slow yet steady. Jiyan instantly recognized them. Before he even realized it himself, he had already grabbed his crutches and hobbled over to the door, only for it to open at the same time.

 

“Jiyan?”

 

Oh thank Jue, he was okay. No scratches, no damage to the eyes… he looked just as always.

 

“Uh… could you move a little to the side? Or do you want me to give you the report in the middle of the hallway?”

 

The question instantly brought Jiyan back to reality and he quickly moved to the side, making way for Geshu Lin while hoping that the other wasn’t noticing the blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Welcome back. Sorry for making you walk through the sandstorm.”

“Ah, I had worse.”, Geshu Lin shrugged, his gaze surprisingly soft when he passed Jiyan and entered the room, “Just got sand everywhere… I really need a shower.”

“Do you want to do that first? You can give me the report tomorrow, it’s not as urgent-“
“Urgent enough for you to write me at 7am in the morning.”

Jiyan winced, knowing exactly what he was getting at. “Sorry, I forgot you didn’t like getting up so early-“

“It’s fine. I was awake anyways.”

 

Geshu Lin just gave a dismissive wave, before brushing some dust off his shirt. He seemed awfully nonchalant… Not that it was usual for Geshu Lin, but somehow today it rubbed Jiyan the wrong way. Especially in combination with this statement. Jiyan knew for a fact that General Geshu Lin had always hated getting up early. If there was any chance to sleep in, the other would do so. One hundred percent.

Actually, Jiyan could count at least five instances at hand where the Magistrate had called them, because the General had slept through the obligatory report calls.

Jiyan had been the unfortunate soul to knock on his General’s room to wake him three out of those five times, mostly because he hadn’t been nearly burned to death on his first try, unlike the poor souls before him. At first, he had wondered how someone as keen on victory as Geshu Lin was skipping tactical meetings on purpose. Only after his death, Jiyan had understood that those meetings in fact didn’t serve any purpose but help the Magistrate decide who to use as a scapegoat if things were to go south. Of course, a warrior like Geshu Lin would decide that the rare chance to sleep would be time better invested than those meetings.

 

Pensively, Jiyan watched Geshu Lin who hadn’t said another word until now. His gaze seemed to be fixed on his terminal, before he suddenly let out a frustrated huff and stuffed it back into his pocket.

Had something happened?

Was this also the reason why he had been awake this morning?

‘Is everything okay?’ – the question burned on Jiyan’s tongue. And he tried to tell himself that it was correct to ask this, after all Geshu Lin was currently staying with him. With the Midnight Rangers. If there was any kind of danger looming over their heads, he - as the General – should know. As Jiyan, he just wanted to know that Geshu Lin was okay.

And yet, his tongue felt numb, limp like a fish being stranded on land for too long. Before he could curse his own inability, Geshu Lin seemed to suddenly snap out of it and he turned to him.

“Anyways, I checked the weapon’s storage. Looks all good, the new weapons are all stored properly. And the old ones…  Well, they look just as expected after the war has ended. You should just tell your men to clean, even when you don’t use the weapons.”
“They didn’t?!”

“Would I tell you otherwise?”, Geshu Lin rolled his eyes before giving him a small pat on the shoulder. Jiyan swore his heart just skipped a beat, “Don’t beat yourself up over it. They are lazy, just as anyone would be who’s getting paid for doing nothing. Most of them haven’t even served in the recent war, right? No wonder they don’t know about the importance of sharp and clean weapons. How a rusty weapon can kill an entire regiment, if things go wrong.”

“I… I will talk to them.”

“Do that. You’re good at talking sense into people.”

 

Shellshocked, Jiyan stared in awe as Geshu Lin smiled at him. And no, not his usual teasing smirk, this was… much more than that. Warm, gentle… fond.

 

Jue, please give me strength.

How am I supposed to stay strong in the face of such a weapon?

 

Jiyan swallowed hard, his throat feeling awfully dry all of a sudden and he did his best to school his face, knowing exactly that if he were to avert his gaze right now, it would definitely tick Geshu Lin off.

“Is there something you would change regarding the stocks?”, he questioned him innocently, trying to shift the attention to something else. And it seemed to work. Almost work a little to well. A weird fluttering sensation spread in Jiyan’s stomach when he saw Geshu Lin’s eyes widen in genuine surprise, before he grinned happily and leaned in closer, whispering teasingly: “What? The great General of the Midnight Rangers asking for my opinion? What’s this, Jiyan? Didn’t remember that you liked my opinions very much back then.”

“That… That was about medicine, not ammunition!”, Jiyan hastily corrected him, stumbling back as Geshu Lin was way too close (at least for his poor heart to handle), before he muttered shyly, “And when it comes to weapons, you’re probably the most knowledgeable person in all of Jinzhou.”

The flame ball next to Geshu Lin accidentally fell into the open drawer from the edge of the desk where it had been sitting. When it tried to fly out, it hit its head in its panic.

Jiyan chuckled, missing totally that he had just lost his chance to see Geshu Lin’s face to his praise as the other man had instantly used this moment to turn away from him and look after his Forte. When he turned his attention back to him, his face was back to his aloof façade and his tone was as teasing as usual when he drawled out: “Aw. Another compliment. Maybe you should take more painkillers, if it makes you this docile.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“And back to normal!”, Geshu Lin laughed brightly. Then, he leaned casually against the edge of the desk, holding the flameball, which had now more the shape of a pancake, between his index finger and thumb. “But coming back to your previous question: I like the stuff the Magistrate sent you. Quite surprised, they were this generous.”

‘I’m as well…’, Jiyan was close to saying but he quickly bit his tongue. Geshu Lin surely saw him as incompetent enough; he didn’t have to reveal that he, the damn general, had no idea why the Magistrate was sending him weapons which he usually would never use.

“Anyways, your melee weapons are fine. Bit of a lack of broadblades, but with the uprise of guns, I guess not many are keen on learning about heavy weapons anymore. What a shame…”, he sighed before continuing, “But in terms of ranged weapons, I would advise you to buy some heavier missiles. Long-ranged ones, not the stuff the Magistrate sent you. With the uprise of the Heron population in the north, we need to snipe them down from as far away as possible. And if the Impermanence Heron once again leaves his nest, we need to act quickly.”

“Okay, I will talk to the Magistrate.”
“Yeah, and while you’re at it, tell them to send you some more Sonoro Sensors. Soon, it’s the stormy season and you now have the funds to buy them, right? And if not, buy them anyways, the Magistrate is always crying about the Midnight Rangers taking up too much of their money, but with us, it’s best used anyways. No need to build a beautiful city if no once can protect it, right?”, he didn’t wait for an answer, “Right. So, just order fifty sensors or so and you’ll be fine.”

“Yes, you’re right.”, Jiyan nodded and quickly noted it down in his terminal.

“Of course I am.”

 

Geshu Lin stretched his arms languishly, before he straightened up, took a quick look around him and then decided to sit down on the chair.

“Anyways, what have you been up to?”, he slung his arm over the rest of the chair. His eyes narrowed when he seemed to spot something on the right, being the half empty blister pack as Jiyan soon learned as he turned back to him and inquired sharply: “Took your meds?”
“Of course I did.”, filled with indignation, Jiyan stomped over to him and held up the blister pack right in front of his face, “See? I took three! As I’m supposed to.”
Geshu Lin stared at the blister pack for a moment, then shoved it away and glanced up at Jiyan, his golden eyes boring straight into his soul even with the bored expression he was currently wearing.

“I hope for your sake that you will keep at it. I don’t want to check on your meds every single day.”

“You… You also don’t need to!”, flustered Jiyan quickly put the pills back on the desk, ignoring the amused stare from the side.
“Debatable.”, his former General there huffed, then he propped elbows up on desk and rest his chin in his hands. With lazy, half-lidded eyes, he observed him, like a lion deciding to take his midday nap, and then remarked: “You know, for a doctor you’re really a shit patient.”

“Th…That’s not true.”

Geshu Lin just raised eyebrowed at him then turned away.

 

For a moment, it became quiet in the room previously filled with chatter and Jiyan had almost thought that the other had fallen asleep when he suddenly perked up, pointing at the music box on the right.

“What’s this? Now a fan of music? You didn’t have this before right?”

“Oh, that’s a gift of a friend of mine! He writes his own music in his free time. Wanna listen to it?”

“Do I have a choice?”, Geshu Lin raised his eyebrow and him, waiting for a moment before letting out a low chuckle that made Jiyan’s skin tingle, “Go on. I don’t have anywhere to be right now and all this walking was quite exhausting.  Not even talking about that damned sandstorm.”

“Are you injured?”

Geshu Lin tensed up immediately, then face froze, “No. I’m fine.”

“Oh okay? I… I must say I’m surprised. Last time I ran into such a storm, I got sliced up pretty badly-“

“My abilities protected me.”

“I see.”, Jiyan nodded slowly, a bit taken aback by Geshu Lin’s sharp tone, but at the same time he couldn’t help but be in awe at Geshu Lin’s physical constitution. His Forte must have molten the sand that had been hurled at him. Thousands corns of sands just gone in an instant… just the control it takes to achieve something like this… When hearing Geshu Lin talk so casually about such things, Jiyan couldn’t help but wonder if he’d ever be able to accomplish such feats. Since the day he had joined the military, it had been his dream to vanquish the Lament – side by side with Geshu Lin. But to be allowed to stand by his side… he would have to grow far more than this. This amount of strength, would he ever reach it?

 

Geshu Lin had defeated the Ovathrax on his own.

Jiyan nearly died against the Dreamless even with the help of the Rover.

 

Jiyan tried to ignore the sad pang in his heart. There was no need of mulling this over. Geshu Lin had already made it very clear that he would never again fight alongside Jiyan.

 

 

And so Jiyan could do nothing, but take a silent inhale, quelling the pain in his heart as much as possible before shyly asking: “Do… Do you want some tea?”

“Got some jasmine one?”

“Yes of course!”

 

Hastily Jiyan wobbled over to the cabinet on the right and picked the box with loose tea leaves from the counter.

When he stared at it, his heart squeezed up in a mixture of both sadness and happiness as he remembered the many times he had held this box in hands, sometimes with tears landing on the lid.

Jiyan hated jasmine tea. Had always done so.

Still, he had never removed it from his assortment since the day Geshu Lin had first requested it. General Geshu Lin had never seemed like the person to indulge in a lot of pleasures, maybe because apart from battle there wasn’t much that made the man happy.

But Jiyan still remembered the day, Geshu Lin had sat in the infirmary (or rather had been trapped there by Jiyan after yet again refusing medical treatment) and had asked him for a cup of this tea. ‘S’my favorite.’, he had just mumbled. It had not even been said very loudly, but Jiyan still remembered it vividly, the memory deeply etched into his brain. Since then, he had always kept jasmine tea at hand to offer it to Geshu Lin.

 

He had never gotten the chance to though.

And then Geshu Lin had died.

 

The first few months after his death, Jiyan hadn’t even been able to look at the box, had felt sick to his stomach whenever he smelled the fragrance of jasmine tea in the kitchen or in the dining hall. His mother had been the first one to notice. Jiyan had broken down crying in front of her, when he had visited her for the first time in years and she had sat at her kitchen table, reviewing patient charts while drinking jasmine tea. In that cursed moment, the long teal-colored hair had turned white and Jiyan had been back in the dark office, lit by nothing but purple flames, as a stern man had went through his mission reports while asking sharp-tongued questions.

His mother had never been one to share a lot of physical affection. Maybe part of the job as a doctor. Grow too close to a patient’s suffering and you’ll crumble alongside them. But that day, she had jumped up and rushed to him, had pulled him close and had hugged him for what felt like an eternity. Jiyan had never cried as much as that night. And looking back, he felt extremely guilty about it. His mother had said nothing at first, had only gently combed through his hair, pressing soft kisses on his forehead, when his tear ducts had run dry and his throat had stopped spasming.

That day, she had asked him if he wanted to return to the clinic.

Jiyan had been close to saying yes. Had been close to leaving all this behind that had hurt him, that had shattered every single one of his beliefs, had shattered his very soul.

But he had declined. After all, the Midnight Rangers were more to him than just soldiers, his position more than a seat of power, of glory. It was General Geshu Lin’s legacy. And the only thing he had left behind.  

His mother had accepted his decision, albeit not in understanding. She made a deal with him. One day at the clinic with her, and then he was allowed to return. Jiyan was a grown man. But still, he hadn’t declined.  Maybe, just to prove to himself that even if everything failed, if he was really as bad of a soldier as General Geshu Lin had always told him, that bad of a General as his heart claimed, he was still a doctor, still able to save lives.

 

Three hours went totally fine. And then, in came a man littered in burn scars after a house fire. It had been an old man, mid eighties, still quite tall. When Jiyan had laid eyes on the singed tips of white hair, he had nearly puked his guts out right then and there. Still, he had begun to perform treatment. After all, he knew how to treat burns, he was able to help-

And then a hand had grabbed his arm. Pale, yet calloused probably from years of hard labor.

Jiyan didn’t remember what had happened afterwards. There had been nightmares when he had heard himself screaming, the frantic calls of his mother for the Overheat interceptor, for everyone to take cover. And remembered roaring winds, tugging at his skin until it ripped apart. Painlessly as if its owner had long been dead. And maybe he was. Maybe a part of him had died that day. When the sky turned purple and the moon split apart. When Geshu Lin didn't return.

Thankfully, at that time, only two of his mother’s assistants had been in the near vicinity of what happened and had been long enough at the clinic to known him since he had was a child. Neither they nor his mother lost a word about what happened, that the prestigious General of the Midnight Rangers had almost overheated because of a simple burn wound. The patient couldn’t talk either. He died that day. Jiyan didn’t dare to ask if it had been because of his winds.

His mother didn’t let him into the mortuary that day.

 

Jiyan had returned to the camp the next day. He had hugged his mother goodbye, had thanked her for everything. She had smiled for him, but Jiyan had always been able to tell when she was lying. Her hands had trembled when she had given him a new gourd after old one had broken during his near Overheat. ‘You’ll find in there some herbs that will help you.’ , she had whispered and clasped her hands around his own tightly, ‘Do rely on them, if needed. Not on anything else. You’re now my patient, Jiyan.’

He had emptied the gourd right then and there and bowed deeply in apology. But he didn’t want to be anyone’s patient. He knew how devastating it was to lose them after carefully planned out treatment. When you held their cold hands growing limp even though you did everything you could to save them.

He loved his mother. But he wished that she wouldn’t do the same.

 

The evening he returned to the camp, he first fetched the box of jasmine tea from the cabinet. The first sip was awful (and way too hot. He burned his throat so badly that it was still sore days after. A minor price compared to the one Geshu Lin had paid), the second not much better. After the first cup, Jiyan was certain that the tea tasted just as awful as he remembered. But still he drank a second cup, then a third. And wondered afterwards, when he laid in bed, staring numbly at the ceiling, if Geshu Lin would have tasted just like this if he had dared to kiss him back then.

From then on out, he drank jasmine tea on an almost daily basis. Sometimes with tears falling into the cup, sometimes without. Noone had to know. Until his subordinates noticed that in a particularly stressful meeting, he ordered jasmine tea, even though everyone knew that he hated it. He went on a tangent, rambling about the health benefits of jasmine tea. Of course, everyone believed the genius doctor.

But truth be told, he only drank it because deep down, he believed that it brought him closer to Geshu Lin. That somehow, he could understand him better like and become a similarly strong General. He had always admired his ability to make quick decisions, even in the most horrible situations.  Maybe he could tell him this? Or would Geshu Lin take this as him licking his boots?

 

“Never heard of tea brewing from thin air.”

 

The sudden taunt snapped him back to reality and he nearly squeaked from surprise when he realized that in the meantime Geshu Lin had come up to him and was now standing right behind him. Without asking, he pried the kettle out of Jiyan’s hands and filled it up with water. But instead of placing it then on the assigned spot, he kept holding it in his hands. Jiyan at first didn’t realize what he was doing until the water suddenly started bubbling.

“By Jue, what are you doing?!”, alarmed he rushed forward, trying to pry the kettle out of his hands which were surely burned by now, but Geshu Lin just lifted it up so he couldn’t reach it, mustering him with a confused frown.

“Speeding up the process. Or do you want me to wait for my tea forever?”

“I’m sorry for spacing out…”, Jiyan winced, still observing Geshu Lin’s hands with worry, “But this kettle gets very hot. You’ll burn yourself.”
“I’ll be fine, I’m used to much higher temperatures.”, he just shrugged, before he suddenly smirked and then leaned in close, whispering into Jiyan’s ear: “Although judging by your appearance, if I were to place the kettle on top of your head, it might boil as well. Shall I try?”

Before Jiyan’s jumbled mind had sorted itself out, Geshu Lin had already stepped back, chuckling as he went over to the counter to place the kettle there.
At least, he allowed Jiyan to pour the water into the cup and prepare the tea on his own.

 

 

Jiyan wasn’t nervous when Geshu Lin picked up the cup to taste it. He totally wasn’t. He had brewed this tea for years, he knew it was good!

And still he couldn’t help but stare at Geshu Lin as he took the first sip, his chest burning with yearning he hadn’t felt this intense in a while, when he watched how his Adam Apple bobbed as he swallowed. Maybe this sudden rush of desire was the reason he noticed far too late when those golden eyes set on him.

“I’m pretty sure I mentioned to you how much I hate people staring at me while eating.”, he drawled out, yet more in amusement than anger, “This applies to tea, too.”

He took another sip, then let out a little laugh before he added teasingly: “If you keep staring at me with such puppy eyes, begging for my validation for your brewing, people might mistake you as my wife.”
“W…Wife?!”

“Yeah, not that it would be something new.”
“…H…Huh…?!”
“Oh, you didn’t know?”, Geshu Lin raised his eyebrows in surprise while innocently sipping his tea, “Guess, the rumors were only thrown in my direction. You really nagged me so much back then that people started talking. Not that it mattered, but I assumed you knew.”

 

Wife?!

Him and Geshu Lin?

Oh dear Jue, he shouldn’t like the sound of it. Why was his stupid heart racing at this?! He should be mortified, offended, anything! And why was Geshu Lin this nonchalant about it? Such kind of rumors could have seriously affected his reputation!

 

“I… I didn’t. Sorry for making you uncomfortable. The rumors must have burdened you.”, Jiyan stammered awkwardly, hoping that he found the right words.

Geshu Lin’s deadpan stare said otherwise.
“Are you listening to me? I already told you. I give a shit about them. People will always talk.”, Geshu Lin took another sip, while keeping eyes firmly locked with Jiyan. His face didn’t show any kind of emotions and yet Jiyan felt strangely stripped naked. “What matters, is what people do about it. Most rumors, even the most insignificant ones, have a little bit of truth to it.”

 

The world came to a crashing halt.

 

Golden embers bore straight into his very soul. Jiyan craved to look away, flee as far and as soon as possible, away from those knowing eyes that saw through every façade of his.

 

Geshu Lin had never once addressed these rumors. Why now?

Was this just another way of teasing him? Or was this more?

 

Jiyan was so done.

“But maybe sometimes they are just plan wrong. Who knows.”

Abruptly, Geshu Lin turned away. Shrugged as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t just confronted Jiyan with an ugly truth he had tried to hide far too long.

 

General Geshu Lin never let someone off the hook.

General Geshu Lin never tolerated hesitance.

General Geshu Lin always demanded answers.

 

But Jiyan hadn’t given one. So… did this mean, he didn’t need one? That he had already found it?

 

Nauseous, Jiyan watched as Geshu Lin shifted his attention back to the tea before his gaze wandered to the office desk until he paused. “Anyways, didn’t you want to show me the music of that guy? What’s even his name?”, he casually pointed to the music box.

What a sudden change in topic… Jiyan cringed at the way his hands trembled, even when Geshu Lin had graciously offered him an out. “Mortefi.”, he rasped out, his voice shaky as if he had just pulled two all-nighters.

“Mortefi?”, Geshu Lin seemed to ponder for a moment, then glanced at him for help, “Doesn’t ring a bell. Do I know him? His name sounds kinda foreign.”
“Yes, he’s from the New Federation.”, Jiyan went over to him, leaving a bit more distance than necessary between them as he marched around the chair and went to pick up the music box, “I… I found him in a forest a year after the Battle Beneath the Crescent and offered him a place at Jinzhou. Since then, we’ve been friends.”

“Friends, huh.”, Geshu Lin’s face was strangely empty, when he mumbled this, but then his lips curved up into a smile and he looked up to him, “Good for you. Hope, he treats you well?”

“Very well.”, Jiyan swallowed hard, taken aback by the weird question and quickly used his chance to fill the silence by starting the music. Once again, Mortefi had saved him. He should thank him at his next visit.

“Is that him?”, Geshu Lin’s question snapped him out of his mind, and he realized that Geshu Lin had picked up a framed photo on the desk.

“Yeah that’s him.”

“That white coat… is he a researcher?”

“Yeah, he’s with the Huaxu Academy. He’s very good at developing Tacetite Weapons!”
“Oh, now you’ve got me interested!” Geshu Lin hummed appreciatively falling silent afterwards as the classical music filled the air, its melody passionate yet soothing.

 

 

“For a fellow with the grumpiest face I’ve ever seen, he’s quite… moderate when it comes to music.”, Geshu Lin wore a small smile as he listened with half-lidded eyes.

Jiyan had to physically force himself to look away, otherwise his gaze would have probably stayed glued to him. But who could blame him when Geshu Lin looked as peaceful as he had never seen him before?!

Jiyan wanted to see him like this more often.

 

“He’s actually really kind! A bit blunt, but very reliable.”

“Sounds like you cherish him a lot.”

“Yes, he has helped me out a lot. So,, in return I pick up whatever ingredient he needs when I find them while exploring the terrain. And whenever I have some scientific questions, I ask him. Trust me, he has them solved in a day.”

“Seems like the Huaxu Academy got more efficient in these past years.”
“Since the war is over and they have more time for actual research and not just survival, their productivity has skyrocketed. And many of the younger folks  who would have been recruited for the miliary now have the chance to apply their for studying.”
“…I see…”

 

Geshu Lin nodded with a hum, his face falling for a moment and Jiyan felt a rush of fear run down his spine as he wondered if his words had been to careless. Geshu Lin had known nothing but war in his entire life. He had never gotten the chances Jiyan was now so lightly speaking of. He had every reason to resent this future, even if he gave his life for it. He had never been allowed to taste it, even thogu hhe was the one who deserved it the most.

“Y’got any more photos? I’ve been away from Jinzhou for quite a while…”, he paused before he added sharply; “Not that I care about it. But if any of your friends marches in here and I don’t recognize him, it could end ugly, don’t you think?”

“Sure…”, Jiyan barely suppressed the urge to raise his eyebrows at him, but judging from the way the little flameball snickered in the corner, Jiyan was very certain that Geshu Lin was already aware how convincing his excuse had been.

 

It didn’t take Jiyan long to fetch a stack of photos from the drawer next to his bed. He had originally planned to put them into his album, but then the fight with the Dreamless had happened, the situation with Fractsidus… and then he had been injured.

He had gathered the photos over the span of the last four years, some of them taken by himself, some sent to him by friends or colleagues. Some of them he had yet to see himself, so it was fun to see Geshu Lin go through them. After the Beiwang incident from yesterday, Jiyan hadn’t expected him to like dwelling in the past any further , but it seemed that Geshu Lin hadn’t disliked their previous talk as much as Jiyan had assumed. Or he was itching for a fight. Maybe both.

 

But to his surprise, Geshu Lin didn’t antagonize him. No, instead he seemed perfectly content with looking at the photos, letting out an occasional chuckle which sent shivers down Jiyan’s spine each time. He wasn’t used to hearing Geshu Lin this… carefree. Was this all due to the fact that he had now lost his position and therefore wasn’t chained down by his responsibilities any longer?

Jiyan snuck a peek at the older man who seemed engrossed by yet another photo, one of Jiyan with two of his fellow medics as the built a giant tower with used sterilization bags after a particularly hard day. He didn’t even notice Jiyan’s staring. Jiyan’s heart pounded loudly in his chest when he admired how beautifully the long strands of hair fell across the other’s face, framing I t perfectly albeit their messy look.

 

I want to run my fingers through his hair.

Maybe it’s really as fluffy as it looks like…

 

Quickly, Jiyan turned back to look at something else, honestly anything else, when the thought had finally sunken in. He shouldn’t get distracted. Even if Geshu Lin had decided to gift him this rare glimpse of serenity, he shouldn’t get used to it. It would take but a single misstep of him and the world would come crushing down again, hard words shredding his very soul, so he would never forget who Geshu Lin was. And who Jiyan was to him.

 

And yet when another chuckle echoed in the room, he felt his heart beat faster, a warmth spreading in his stomach he was instantly ashamed of.

“You look so awkward in most of these pictures, Jiyan. Thought you were a social star?”

“Me?!”, Jiyan laughed shyly, “No, that couldn’t be farther from the truth.”

“But you’re always getting along with anyone. I mean, no wonder, you are nice.”

Jiyan blinked in surprise at the sudden compliment. “Thank you.”

“That wasn’t a compliment. Just an observation.”

“Oh.”

 

An awkward silence filled the room for a moment as Jiyan was at a loss of words and Geshu Lin… well, Geshu Lin seemed to be at a loss of motivation to speak. Or he just wanted to make him suffer from embarrassment even longer. Whatever the case, Jiyan managed to overcome it as he swallowed down his nervousness (or at least, he tried to make himself believe this)  and spoke up:

“Well, I don’t like being at the center of attention . And every time I hang around people in Jinzhou it turns awkward once the public notices me and comes running up to me.”

“Mh, yeah that’s annoying… I remember. People didn’t like me as much as they do you, but even I had rarely the chance to enjoy a meal in peace and quiet when visiting Jinzhou. But you know…”, Geshu Lin pointed at his face, “With that kind of ‘scary face’, like the kids loved to scream when they saw me, it’s easy to be left alone.”, Geshu Lin smirked, then flipped to the next photo, to which he immediately smiled as Sanhua and Jiyan stared straight back at him, being squished in a bear hug of none other than Instructor Yhan. “Well, of course there will always be guys like idiot this who approach you nonetheless. But maybe you should start practicing wearing a scary face just like me.”

 

Jiyan’s heart fluttered in nervousness, when Geshu Lin locked eyes with him, the golden embers captivating as if he were a moth drawn to the flame.

“Nah scratch that… with your face, it won’t work.”

 

Jue, have mercy on me.

 

Jiyan prayed that Geshu Lin hadn’t felt how his Forte had slipped from his control for a moment, totally being caught off-guard by the sudden compliment. Although, judging by Geshu Lin’s usual demeanor, could he really be sure that it was a compliment? His tone had been more akin to an insult…

But before Jiyan could mull it over, Geshu Lin had already flipped through the next few photos until he stopped at another one and pointed at the picture.

“Ah, there he is again. Mortefi, right?”, his voice sounded more excited than usual, almost as if he were happy to recognize a face and Jiyan couldn’t help but be endeared by it – and by the flame ball joyfully jumping up and down on his shoulder.

After the last compliment, he had taken a few steps back on instinct, so he was unable to see the photo. So, to answer Geshu Lin’s question, without much thought he approached Geshu Lin and leaned over his shoulder. Only when he felt the familiar warmth radiating against his skin, the mortification about what he had just done set in. Of course, he didn’t dare to turn his head to get a better look at the other. Otherwise, there would be a very high chance that he would almost touch Geshu Lin’s cheek. Should he move away? But that would make it even more awkward, right? So… should he just stay like this…?

He was the General of the Midnight Rangers. He could do this. General Geshu Lin had often leaned over his shoulder this way and-

 

A sharp inhale next to him made him freeze in his spot. And then he realized, that the flame ball had stopped jumping.

 

Was… Was he hallucinating?

 

Jiyan didn’t dare to move an inch. It was almost as if the world had frozen in time, a weird tension suddenly lingering in the air that made it hard to breath. Jiyan heard his heart pounding loudly in his chest. A whiff of burnt wood and ashes. The only scent that made him truly feel safe – made him feel at home.

He gritted his teeth. No, he had to snap out of this. Stay serious. They were nothing but two… acquaintances, currently standing a bit too close to each other. Nothing more than that. Not friends and especially not… lovers.

As if Geshu Lin could ever love him.

Hell, Jiyan should kowtow in front of the Sentinels, if Geshu Lin were someday to forgive him.

 

Trying his hardest to keep his voice as inconspicuous as possible, he explained with a quick glance at the photo: “Ah yes, that was when at the graduation ceremony. “

“Graduation ceremony of whom?”

“Baizhi! Look, the woman with the long hair, that’s her.”

“The one I talked to on the phone?”

“Yep, that’s her!”, Jiyan smiled innocently, secretly wondering if this was now a good chance to sneakily make his retreat. But he felt Geshu Lin’s gaze burning on his skin and all his courage left him in an instant. So instead, he just laughed awkwardly, and cheerfully added: “She’s pretty, right?”

 

The air between them suddenly began tingling on his skin. And the subtle increase in heat was enough for Jiyan to know that these had been the wrong words to utter. But contrary to the stifling atmosphere, Geshu Lin’s face was strangely empty, no, it was devoid of any emotion. He only raised his eyebrow at him and then asked apathetically: “Want to tell me something?”
“Oh dear Jue, not in that way!”

“Why not? The war’s over. You now have more free time than ever. Dating is long overdue, especially in your age group. Actually, shouldn’t you be married by now?”
“M…Married?”, Jiyan sputtered in embarrassment, instinctively trying to flee from Geshu Lin’s proximity, but just as he tried to pull back, Geshu Lin’s hand was suddenly at his collar, yanking him even closer.

“Why so surprised? You’re good-looking, you’re kind. Already back when you were still under my command, the girls were infatuated with you.”, Geshu Lin’s hot whisper brushed over his lips and Jiyan wasn’t sure if he felt nauseous or delirious as those golden embers scorched his very soul. He… He was breathing  the air Geshu Lin had just exhaled. Oh Jue… he…. He had no way of thinking straight in this situation… Any more of this and he would do something really stupid-

“Actually, thinking about it, I think you charmed not only the girls, but also several… of the men.”

“I… I wasn’t aware.”, Jiyan rasped out, quivering in front of the man whose existence robbed him of his rationality by uttering a single word. Jue, he was so close. Just a little stumble, a small tilt of his head and they would be kis-

 

“Of course, you weren’t!”

 

Dumbfounded, Jiyan watched as Geshu Lin let go of him and pulled back, laughing brightly while doing so.

As if nothing had happened.

And maybe it was just that. For him, nothing had happened.

But Jiyan… Jiyan had nearly thrown away every rule he had sworn to heed, had thrown himself into a pool of lava, had kissed the very man that could kill him with a single word.

The man that now acted as if it was just a normal chat, that nothing had happened. Was… Was he pulling people close like this often? Jiyan didn’t like the way, his stomach twisted in unease at this. No… not just unease. He knew this feeling. He knew this feeling all too well. Every single time, he had beaten himself up when he had noticed it, when he had glared at whoever dared to come close to Geshu Lin, who wanted to draw his attention away from him, when he had fought so hard to make his general look at him.

His mother had once taught him that jealousy was the downfall of all men.

Jiyan could confidently proclaim that she was right.

 

“You didn’t even notice that one medic from General Wang’s regiment literally throwing herself at you at the tactical meeting at Xiehua Village.”

“I thought she was just scared! So that hug…”, Jiyan eyes widened, mortified as the memories of the woman clinging to his as if he were his lifeline flooded his brain. Back then, she had only let go of him when-

“We had to literally pry her off you to make her give up on her courting endeavors.”

“I… I didn’t know… thank you for helping me out.”, Jiyan stuttered, swallowing hard as the embarrassment clutched his throat. Shyly, he looked at Geshu Lin who just rolled his  eyes at him and then turned back to the photo.

 

But General… is it really ‘we’? It isn’t, right? Back then… the one who pried her off, was none other than-

You.

 

The person in question seemed to be unbothered by the whole situation and only shrugged, before commenting nonchalantly: “I guess belated thanks are thanks as well. In return, I expect you to get such bitches off you on your own next time.”

“Will… Will do that, Sir.”

Geshu Lin just snorted and pointed at the photo again. “So anyways, this is your type, right?”

“No! It… It isn’t.”, flustered Jiyan shook his head, pleading with the Sentinels to make Geshu Lin change the topic. But the man seemed to have other ideas.

“Then what is your type, oh valiant General of the Midnight Rangers?”

Jiyan cringed at the way he drawled out his title. “Don’t tease me…”, he muttered turning away to escape the other’s mocking smirk, “Is it really that important? I already told you that I’m not interested in marrying her.”

“But marrying someone else?”

Jiyan felt the strong urge to bash his head against a wall. Or take the fireball hovering next to him and stuff it into Geshu Lin’s mouth.

 

Why did the damn man have to be this perceptive?

And why on earth was he grinning this smugly at him?!

Annoyed, Jiyan let out a huff, before he snarled out with a bit less patience than before: “My hands were full enough these past five years that I had neither the time nor the energy to date. And even if I had, I think it’s irresponsible to enter a relationship when I’m not only at risk of dying every single day, but also when I have my hands full with work. I’m still the General of the Midnight Rangers. I protect your legacy, just as you told me to.”, Jiyan let out a shaky sigh, before he added a bit more quietly, “And you fought in this war just as much as I did, no even longer. Returning to Jinzhou, living a normal life… After what I witnessed, it’s barely possible. I would need someone who has experienced the same things, who understands me and the memories I carry and that’s…”

 

Jiyan froze.

Shit, he shouldn’t have said that.

Combined with the question of his type, would Geshu Lin put two and two together and-

 

“-That’s…?”

The question was posed as innocently as if Geshu Lin were asking about the weather. But Jiyan saw his golden eyes firmly placed on him, like a tiger stalking its prey. Jiyan felt nauseous.

“It’s… hard to find somebody like that.”

“I see.”

 

I see.

I SEE?

Nothing more? Not a question, a witty remark, a teasing smirk? Nothing?!

Jiyan had feared the reaction more than a TD attack. But the silence in which Geshu Lin was currently resting, the way his gaze was strangely empty as if he were deep in thought, made him even more anxious.

Frustrated, he took a deep breath, then gathered his courage and firmly placed his hand on the table, “And now let’s stop talking about this nonsense. I just said the thing about Baizhi, because there’s a running gag in Jinzhou that she’s one of the prettiest women there and yet anyone who talks to her gets hit with a blizzard in the face. Sometimes quite literally so.”

“Sounds lovely. Now, I like her even more.”, Geshu Lin grinned.

 

The remark was casual, his tone unusually lighthearted. And yet, Jiyan couldn’t help but feel sick to his stomach. Yes, it was just a relaxed statement but still… Maybe Geshu Lin was asking so much about his type, because he thought Baizhi was attractive? Maybe she was his type? Jiyan had never once seen Geshu Lin with a woman. Or anybody in a romantic relationship, so to say. But if he thought about it, Baizhi would really be not a bad choice. Their characters matched and her prettiness rivalled Geshu Lin’s…

Jiyan gritted his teeth as his mouth filled with bile, the bitter taste snapping him back to reality. What was he doing? Thinking about Geshu Lin’s love life, although he had no business to? And on top of it, hurting himself while doing so? Great plan.

 

“Anyways…”, Geshu Lin abruptly perked up, pointing at Mortefi’s face again, “He has a nice scowl. So, if people are really annoying you this often, maybe ask him for advice.”

And with this, as soon as topic had come up, it disappeared. As if it had been a question like any other. Jiyan knew he shouldn’t wish that it was different. And he knew that he shouldn’t yearn to lean in, to grab Geshu Lin’s chin to make him look at him instead, to make him listen to all the answers that were burning on Jiyan’s tongue, which he had been too afraid to utter. He hated that he yearned to take in that scent once more. And he hated even more, that he would dream of it this night again.

 

 

Three more pictures went by without a hitch, just some playful quips, innocent questions that made Jiyan almost feel at ease. But at the fourth one, a selfie where Jiyan had been dragged along by Yangyang and her friends, Geshu Lin straight burst out laughing.

“Holy shit, Jiyan you’re so bad at selfies.”

“Hey, as if you’re any better!”

At this, Geshu Lin stilled, before looking up abruptly. One glance at his expression was enough to know that he was up to no good.

“Wanna try?”, he smirked, then suddenly grabbed Jiyan’s terminal from the table and yanked Jiyan close.

 

“Smile, little dragon.”

 

-was the only thing he heard before he was already hit full-force with a bright flash.

His brain was still short-circuiting at the sudden nickname, when the terminal was pressed into his hand, accompanied by roaring laughter. Dumbfounded, he stared at the picture. And almost instantly regretted doing so, at least while being right next to Geshu Lin. Dear Sentinels, this man had no business looking this pretty. Almost as if he were bewitched, he mustered the photo with wide-eyed, drinking every little detail the dimly lit screen showed.

Geshu Lin looks so beautiful. And him… oh shit.

 “Jue, look at you! This is what I mean! How can someone be so awful at smiling into the camera?”, Geshu Lin teased him while almost choking on his own laughter as he shook his head. But before Jiyan could hide away in shame, the man already went on the attack, flicking his forehead without a warning to which Jiyan looked up in shock. Only to be met with a smile so radiant that Jiyan swore that Sentinel Jue must pale beside it.

 “You’re so good at getting your way by smiling at anybody in your vicinity. But you’re incapable to smile for the split of a second when there’s a camera involved?”

“You…. You took me by surprise.”, Jiyan pouted, cringing at the way his voice quivered in front of the very man whose opinion mattered so much to him.

“It shows.”
“Of course it does!!!”

 

Hastily Jiyan turned away, so he didn’t have to endure his self-satisfied smirk any longer, ignoring the teasing ‘Guess we need to take more until you’re not acting like a startled bunny any longer!’.  Instead, he took Geshu Lin’s now empty teacup and brought it back to the counter. As he put the cup down on the wooden surface, he couldn’t help but take another look at the photo.

 

His first photo with Geshu Lin…

 

Yes, there had been group photos with them both, but they had all been with a plethora of other people and most of the time, they had been standing far away from each other. Just as their positions demanded.

A selfie… taken by none other than Geshu Lin…

Jiyan couldn’t help but squeal inwardly, pressing the terminal against his chest for a moment as happiness tingled all over his body. Only when he heard soft rustling in the background, probably caused by Geshu Lin picking up another photo, he focused back on the main task at hand.

“Do you want another cup of tea?”, he called out to Geshu Lin while fetching the kettle.

…No answer.

 

Huh?

 

“Geshu Lin, do you want more tea-“

“Found one.”

 

A shiver ran down Jiyan’s back, when he heard Geshu Lin’s voice. It was cold as ice. And yet brimming with anger.

 

Worried, he sat the cattle down. “One? What do you mean?”, tentatively he took another step forward, his hands fiddling with the hilt of his crutches as he carefully inquired: “… Is something wrong?”

“Found one where you ‘re smiling.”

Geshu Lin didn’t look at him. But the remnant frequencies lingering in the room, making the air feel too heavy to breathe, were enough for Jiyan to know that he was in grave danger. Quickly (as much as it was possible with the damned crutches), he hurried over to Geshu Lin. But before he could even ask what this was all about, a piece of paper was already near-slammed into his face.

 “Who’s this.”, Geshu Lin asked, his voice even and eerily casual. Jiyan had to take a step back to get the piece of paper, which he then realized was a photo, out of his face.

Stormy grey eyes greeted him, their familiar calmness yet hidden gentleness instantly bringing a smile to his face.

“Oh, that’s Cal!”

“Cal?”, Geshu Lin’s gaze darkened even further, his jaw growing tight as he scrutinized Jiyan keenly. Why was he so hostile? Just because he didn’t know him? Or was there something wrong with the photo?

Confused, Jiyan stared at the image for a moment, a casual selfie Calcharo had taken at the Moonchase festival when he had accompanied Jiyan while he had been on duty, guarding the festival in case of sudden TD attacks. Only when air grew even more stifling, he realized that Geshu Lin was still waiting for an answer.

“Ah Cal…Charo I mean.  Leader of the Ghosthounds.”, Jiyan stuttered awkwardly, instantly relieved when Geshu Lin’s face relaxed a little.

“Ah, he’s Yang Zhiqiang’s successor.”, his former general took back the photo and looked at it for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing before he posed another question, this time, his tone as sharp as a knife: “Y’like him?”

“What?!”, shellshocked, Jiyan stumbled back, shaking his head vehemently as he sputtered out: “I mean, yes, he’s very nice. A bit grumpy and standoffish, but a heart if gold.”

“When’s the marriage?”

“M…Marriage?!” This time, Jiyan was honestly at a loss for words. This again? Hadn’t he been clear that he wasn’t interested in such things?! At the same time, he felt a pit forming in his stomach. And rightfully so…

 

“Don’t be sorry for feeling this way. Be sorry for not telling me this sooner.”

 

Jiyan swallowed hard, trying to keep the shame which he had deeply buried in his heart, from clawing at his throat. Hoarsely, he whispered: “No he’s just… a good friend of mine.”

 

A friend whom he had hurt the worst way possible.

 

 

Jiyan had never been one to enter relationships easily. Truth be told, he had never been in one. Not the right time, place, person… but then a certain white-haired man had stumbled into his life. Quite literally, at the Moonchase festival.

It had been one year after Geshu Lin’s death. And Jiyan had readily used this excuse to justify chatting with the man, just to see his white hair shimmer in the moonlight a little longer. Just so he could spent more time with Geshu Lin.

Only that it wasn’t Geshu Lin and had never been. He, of course, realized this and did his best to see the man in front of him as who he was: Calcharo of the Bloodhounds, a brave man, righteous, fearless… kind. Oh so kind.

 

Jiyan would never forget his look when he pushed him away.

 

It had been in their third year together, a quiet night after a long day of combat missions. They had bathed in the lake, enjoying their moment of peace and quiet with cheerful laughter, bliss they usually didn’t get the chance to enjoy. When Calcharo had leaned in for the kiss, Jiyan should have expected it. It had been long due. The moment had been right, the place, the time – everything.

Just not… Jiyan.

When he saw the other man lean in, his sight shifted yet again, even when he tried so hard to stop it. But when these rough hands cupped his cheek, tenderly brushing over his soft skin, when the chapped lips hit his own and he was enveloped by white hair strands glistening in the moonlight, he hadn’t been able to suppress it.

That night, he kissed Geshu Lin, not Calcharo.

 

He should have never let it happen.

But Jiyan had been weak.

…And honestly, he still was.

 

Because otherwise he would have long contacted Calcharo, would have broken the full year of silence that lingered between them since that fateful night.

Calcharo had taken it surprisingly well when he had shoved him away.

Meaning he hadn’t electrocuted him then and there. Honestly, Jiyan would have deserved it. But he knew Calcharo wasn’t that kind of person. No, the Calcharo he knew, the one that had held him so many nights when the cruelties of war had caught up to him, just let out quiet sigh, trying his hardest to keep the pain deeply hidden beneath his usual, apathetic facade and just said ‘I understand.’

Jiyan had apologized.

Of course he had.

As always.

But in some cases, even the most earnest apology was nothing more than pouring oil into a fire. He tried to explain to Calcharo that he meant more to him than any other person in his life, that he was so grateful to have someone who understood him… who loved him.

It was Jiyan’s fault.

Everything was Jiyan’s fault.

He was the one who was too chained to the past, who clung to the shadow of one who would never return. And even if… Geshu Lin would never love him.

 

Jiyan looked up at the man who still glared at the photo as if it had offended him personally. Was he that put off by seeing Jiyan happy?

…Well, who was he to fault Geshu Lin?

Jiyan wouldn’t like to see himself happy either.

 

Sometimes he wondered if it had been better if he had just died.

On the battlefield, on a mission, maybe just quietly in a nearby lake. He knew of enough medicaments who could easily help him to do so.

Then, Mortefi wouldn’t have to listen to his problems all the time.

Then, his men wouldn’t have to serve a cripple who would at the earliest be ready for duty in a few months.

Then, Sanhua wouldn’t have been forced to use her one favor to help him out.

Then, he wouldn’t have broken Calcharo’s heart and then chained him to him by pleading with him to stay friends.

Then, Geshu Lin wouldn’t have had to return to the very place he had sworn to never set foot in again.

 

 

“I see.”, Geshu Lin’s curt statement snapped him back to reality, the sound of the stack of photos getting slammed on the desk hurting his ears. Numbly, he watched as Geshu Lin stared at it for a little moment longer. He seemed as if he didn’t believe him a single word.

Jiyan’s stomach twisted in unease.

“I swear, I’m telling the truth…”, he reiterated shakily, his hands clutching the arm rests of his chair, “We’re friends. We were never supposed to be more.”

 

Geshu Lin froze at his statement. And Jiyan did too, wondering if his words had been too truthful, if he had just made everything worse.

When Geshu Lin stood up, he felt a wave of nausea wash over him. This dark gaze… he hadn’t seen this expression before, but it seemed even more dangerous than his usual anger. And why was he coming closer? He was raising his hands…. Jue, was he about to hit him?! But he had told the truth , he-

 

A rough, scarred hand gently picked up a teal-colored hair strand, letting it run smoothly between the thumb and index finger as it admired its silkiness.

Jiyan only noticed how close Geshu Lin was, when his hot breath ghosted over his face. Then, a photo was hold up to his face. One which’s existence he had buried deep in his mind, had tried to forget that it had ever been taken. Jiyan’s mouth rand dry as he stared the scarred hands holding up a hairstrand with a smile so warm and loving that there was no room left for interpretation.

“Ah yes good friends hold each other like this…”, Geshu Lin’s voice was dripping with venom, but at the same time creepily even. Jiyan flinched when a hand snuck its way into his hair. His stomach nearly turned upside down when he watched frozen like an ice statue as Geshu Lin let it run between his fingers, sliding his rough, calloused thumb along the silky hairstrand as if he were admiring every inch. “Good friends play with each other’s hair…”

 

“…I’m sure they do this as well?”

Geshu Lin’s lips touched Jiyan’s hair just for a fleeting moment. But to Jiyan, it could have been an eternity. And he couldn’t decide whether this was a dream or a nightmare. Wide-eyed he stared at the golden eyes that had never once broken contact, their intensity having him in a chokehold that made it hard to breathe. In the background, he could hear quiet rustling as the photo fell to the ground.

 

“You’re such a bad liar, Jiyan.”

 

Jiyan’s fingers twitched, anger mixing into the whirlwind of emotions that was raging in him. He opened his mouth. His voice cracked once, before he finally managed to croak out: “I’m not-“

A sharp tug at his hair. And Jiyan gasped in pain. But before he could protest, a hot breath ghosted over his face, so close that his skin prickled with both excitement and fear.

“Don’t piss me off even more than this…”, the low growl vibrated against his skin, sending ripples of desires through his body, ignoring his brain’s desperate pleas to flee, to run away as far as possible if he didn’t want to be turned to ashes,

 

 “Or I might do something really stupid.”

 

Another breath his Jiyan’s skin.

Inhale.

Exhale.

His heart was pounding so loudly that it drowned out every other sound. Below him, he could see the outlines of Geshu Lin’s Tacet Mark. They were flickering. Had they always been this fluctuating. Jue, it was so warm. Hot. Searingly hot.

This was Geshu Lin. Holding him, tugging at his hair. His scalp still stung with pain. A pleasant pain. One, Jiyan craved to feel again, to feel more of it – of everything. Geshu Lin’s other hand had somehow found his way its way to his wrist. How easy it would be for the man to pin him against the wall, to render him defenseless and then-

 

The tension broke as quickly as it came.

Just not as Jiyan had expected.

“Actually, your hair is kinda fatty…”, a sniffling sound followed and then Geshu Lin  scrunched up his nose, “You reek.”

 

What.

 

To say that Jiyan was flustered would be an understatement. No, he was mortified. On his list of how talks with Geshu Lin could go, this option had never been part of (and rightfully so). Dear Jue, could the earth just swallow him whole? Yes, he hadn’t been able to shower properly since he had first tried to and nearly ruined his cast because he hadn’t been able to lean down fully to correctly place the tape. But with a damp towel, he should have been fine!

Well… fine enough for daily affairs. Not for Geshu Lin literally standing in his damn face, so close that the smallest movement would make their bodies be pressed flush together.

 

His cheeks heated up more and more as Geshu Lin kept staring (had this man no shame?! Or clue about social cues?) at him and even had the gall to sniff him again.

“I don’t understand. You never reek… why-“, he mumbled, genuine confusion written all over his face, until his eyes suddenly widened and he pulled away, his gaze immediately landing on Jiyan’s leg. “Wait, is it because of the cast? Does it really itch so much because you tried to shower and couldn’t keep it dry?!”

 

Jiyan nearly died from embarrassment right then and there.

 

“How do you know-“, he stammered but was immediately both cut off AND ignored as Geshu Lin ran in frantic circles around him, muttering: “Don’t you have enough tape or foil or something?”

“It’s… not as secure as I want. Or maybe I’m not good at applying it.”

“You’re a doctor.”, Geshu Lin let out an incredulous huff, “If not you, then who?”

“It’s hard on my own.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”, Geshu Lin scrunched his nose,  “And smell it. But it still has to be possible, right?”

“Yes… it’s probably just my fault-“

“Hell no, we’re starting with this shit.”, Geshu Lin glared at him as, “I blame the Magistrate for the lack of funds. Anyways, want to take a shower?”

“Of course I want, do you think I like smelling like the breath of a Dreadmane?!”, Jiyan huffed, bewildered by the weird question, “But with this cast-“

“I’ll help.”, Geshu Lin threw his coat over his shoulder, before turning back to him, holding out his hand.

Jiyan just stared at it, frowning deeply in confusion. “…How?”

“Huh? I’ll just wash you. You just sit there and relax and I’ll do the rest. It’s especially the hair that’s bothering you, right?”

“How… how do you know?”
“You always loved bragging about it whenever you had the time to-“

“Was not!!!”, Jiyan huffed, but he knew that his protest fell on deaf ears the moment he saw that damned smirk tugging at Geshu Lin’s lips.
“Oh, you absolutely were.”, the scar at his lower lips was stretched as his grin widened and Jiyan’s heart fluttered at the sight, “But regardless, let’s go. I wanted to take a shower anyways.”

 

I’ll help you.

I wanted to shower anyways.

 

Wait.

WAIT?!?!

 

“Wait, we’re showering together?”, the realization hit Jiyan like as if a Spearback had just collapsed on him. He nearly stumbled with his crutches, when he instivcelvelty took a step forward, his mind racing yet failing to gather one single thought.

Showering with Geshu Lin? In one shower? No space at all? And naked?! Oh absolutely not. He had confidence in his self-restraint, but something like this – he didn’t have a death wish!

But Geshu Lin seemed to be deadest on the idea, ignorant of the panic that was currently filling Jiyan’s body.
“Yeah? Water is expensive.”, he shrugged nonchalantly, “Plus, I don’t like wasting time. Two flies with one shots, so what’s wrong with it?”
“But…but showering together…” Jiyan couldn’t finish the sentence from embarrassment.

“Huh? What’s the matter? You act like a virgin before her wedding night. We’re both men, soldiers… are you really such a prude?”, Geshu Lin just frowned at him, his posture indicating that he was slowly growing impatient.

And although he’d love to, Jiyan couldn’t even blame him. Yes, he was correct, it shouldn’t be a big deal. They were both men, both soldiers – it was totally normal for soldiers to shower in cramped spaces, to see each other naked. And would it be any other soldier, Jiyan wouldn’t probably have had a problem.

 

But this was Geshu Lin.

 

Jiyan didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or to cry.

 

 

Awkward silence filled the room for a moment and Jiyan prayed desperately that Geshu Lin would grow impatient, that he would be fed up with waiting for his decision.

Well… he grew fed up.

Just not the way Jiyan expected.

 

Before Jiyan could react, Geshu Lin had already grabbed his towel and kicked open the door, holding it open for him with an unmistakable glare that left no room for refusal.

“Stop whining. We’re doing this. Come on, cripple. Or do you want me to carry you?”

 

Jiyan’s life was so over.

Notes:

Hi!
First of all, I'm very sorry that I haven't been able to respond yet to your lovely comments. Rest assured, I read them all! I've just been very tired this week and fell asleep so many times on my chair that I just wasn't able to do it. But the weekend will be my savior!
Now regarding this chapter: this is a fun story, but I actually wondered why on earth it took me so damn long to write the chapter. Well... just now, I finished proofreading it (after two damn days!) and realized the flaw. 22k words.
Well shit.
So, I was pondering on what to do. Because if I were responsible about my sleep and health, I would just keep the second part as a separate chapter for next week.
But you all know by now that I'm... not that responsible with myself xD
And I can't just leave one half and torture you with the wait for the other!
Therefore, I will upload the other chapter on Sunday (just so there are no accident with guest reader who open my work and land at the later chapter), so you have the full (quite steamy) picture!

I wish you a lovely weekend! :3 And thank you so much for your support (and sorry again for being late with my responses, I feel so bad about it q.q)

Chapter 8: Water, wash away all sins

Summary:

THIS IS THE SECOND CHAPTER THIS WEEK.
If you haven't read the one on Friday, please tap one back :3

And attention: this chapter is quite steamy. A bit steamier than my first longfic, but not as explicit as some of my oneshots. If you don't want to read about sexual actions, then skip when the POV change happens. I will leave a summary in the Author's notes.
This will probably stay the only chapter this spicy, but I needed to write it for the exploration of their longing.

Water, wash away all sins

---

 

 

“I ran up the stairs, shedding pieces of my suit as I went, determined for a shower, resolute in washing away what I’d just done, who I really was but I was certain there was nothing that could cleanse me, to launder my poisoned blood. This was who I was. Hopeless personified.” – Fisher Amelie

 

 

At first, Jiyan had assumed that Geshu Lin was leading them towards the communal shower area. Which… did not make much sense considering that although Jiyan did not demand many privileges when he rose to his position, he did ask for personal bathroom. Maybe Geshu Lin didn’t know about it, the door hadn’t been open when he had visited his room. Or maybe he thought there was more space in the communal area (which could actually be the case. Jiyan’s room was quite cramped).

But when Geshu Lin did in fact not turn right but left at the next corner, Jiyan realized that he was sorely mistaken.

Still he hoped, no, prayed for some kind of miracle that his suspicions were wrong.

When he sat down (or rather was forced to) on Geshu Lin’s bed and the other started stripping right in front of him, Jiyan’s brain finally caught up with the situation. Only to give up completely.

 

This couldn’t be happening.

 

First, Geshu Lin’s shirt fell, carelessly tossed aside (instantly triggering Jiyan’s urge to pick it up and fold it properly). But his dismay was immediately overshadowed by a wave of desire nervousness, when he laid eyes on Geshu Lin’s bare torso. It wasn’t the first time he had seen it, he had patched up the scarred skin more times than he could count. And somehow, Geshu Lin always managed to get himself sliced open somewhere that was not lethal but sure as hell looked like it. Jiyan couldn’t count the times he had marched into the infirmary making at least a handful of recruits faint on the spot. His muscles were as toned as back then, maybe even more so. He hadn’t been lying when he had talked about ‘not being rusty’.

He looked good. Way too good.

Jiyan felt ashamed when he noticed how dry his mouth was and he quickly tried to distract himself. Apart from the familiar scars, Geshu Lin’s torso was now littered with something else as well: black stones, similar to obsidian, covering parts of his chest. Confused, Jiyan frowned. Those hadn’t been there before. At least not as many. He dimly remembered that when Geshu Lin called upon his Forte his arm did mutate into a spiky mess of black scales, but he had never once seen any other body part be affected to. Was this a remnant of the Battle beneath the Crescent?

But just as he was about to ask, Geshu Lin turned to him and waved at him impatiently.

“Come on, undress. I may not have much to do, but I don’t want to wait all day for you to make up your mind.”

 

“I told you, this is not necessary. I can just use some wet towels-“

“Jiyan. Undress yourself now or I will do it.”

 

Jiyan would be lying if he claimed that those words had left him unfazed. No, in fact he could swear that his heart had just skipped a beat. Those words… he had certainly heard them in his dreams before, just… not like this.

Embarrassed, he quickly looked away, fiddling with the hem of his shirt before he obliged (albeit hesitantly) He almost got his head stuck in the fabric. Twice. But who could fault him for hesitate him when Geshu Lin was staring at him like a damn hawk-

“Are you just acting to gain my pity or are you really this incompetent?”, still stuck in his shirt, Jiyan only heard three loud steps before suddenly two hands gripped his shirt and ripped it over his head. Golden embers appeared right in front of him. And Jiyan couldn’t feel more defenseless.

“How on earth did you do your daily life without me?”
“I…”, Jiyan croaked out, but shame got the better of him and so he just turned his face away, hoping that Geshu Lin would let him go.

 

But instead the man just kept staring at him. Without saying a single word. The atmosphere was… weird. Jiyan felt the other’s Forte, but it was way fainter than usual. Almost as if he were suppressing it.

 

Suddenly, something poked his cheek. Surprised, he looked up, only to realize that it had been Geshu Lin’s finger.

“Don’t sulk. You’ll be fine.”, he smirked and much to Jiyan’s mortification, his gaze wandered lower, seemingly scrutinizing his torso. “I see you haven’t been lying. You have been training in my absence.”
“A good sword needs constant practice to stay sharp. You told me so.”
Geshu Lin’s eyes widened for a split second, before a genuine happiness shimmered in them. “I did”, he hummed, staying quiet for a moment before he playfully poked his cheek again before retreating. At least with Jiyan’s clothes, he took the time to put them over the armrest of the chair, before he began wandering around the room, picking up another chair and a small stool from the corner. “Those should be fine, right? One for you to sit on, one for your leg.”

“Oh, you don’t want to do this upright?”

“Hah? I mean, we could do that, but are you okay with it? I thought that standing is painful for you. And someone as neurotic as you probably loses their mind if water is dripping across the foil the whole time, right?”

“I…I’m not neurotic…”; Jiyan muttered awkwardly, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel flattered that Geshu Lin had put this much thought into this. Shyly, he glanced at the other man who was still standing in the middle of the room with both chair and stool in hand. “But yeah, sitting sounds indeed quite nice. But is your shower big enough?”

“Sure.”, Geshu Lin just snorted, “Y’know, I only have this bathroom because the old general had an extra room for his wife. When I took over, I had no idea what to do with it. You know, no wife and such… So, I just turned it into a giant bathroom. Like this, I could even wash the blood of my claymore without hitting some kind of wall.”

“Ah, I see.”

Of course it was for washing blood off a weapon.

What had he been expecting?

 

Jiyan couldn’t help but smile. It was so  ‘Geshu Lin’.

 

It only took a moment for the other to bring the stool over into the other room and to fetch some towels. Then, he returned, much to Jiyan’s surprised with some tape and a big trashbag in hand. “The old geezer from the infirmary told me that this works quite well for your type of cast. No idea how though. But you’re a doctor, so I’m going to let your brain work instead of mine!”, Geshu Lin smirked innocently and then plopped down next to him. “Oh, and she gave me this? No idea, why though. Some kind of… silicone band?”

“Oh, that’s indeed very helpful! It’s so the tape doesn’t stick to your skin and causes sores.”

“I see…”

 

One look was enough to know that Geshu Lin understood nothing.

 

“So, do you want me to pull the trash bag right over your leg…?”, Geshu Lin frowned, the prideful ex-General of the Midnight Rangers hesitating for what felt like the first time in Jiyan’s life. Jiyan stared down at his leg. Or rather what was above it. He could just keep quiet about it but…

“But how are you supposed to get rid of your trousers if that trash bag is there?”

“… I need to take them off first.”

“Then why haven’t you done so???”

 

Jue. Please have mercy on me. And give me strength.

 

Jiyan gritted his teeth, gathering more courage than he had probably had when facing the Ovathrax and unlocked his belt. Then the button to his trousers. He grabbed the waistband. His hands were trembling.

Geshu Lin was still looking at him. Sentinels, why was he not-

 

All of a sudden, the older man abruptly turned away, as if he had been trapped in some kind of trance. And for the first time since they had entered the room, he could hear the other’s Forte loud and clear. It was fluctuating like crazy.

 

Jiyan couldn’t believe his ears. But when he observed Geshu Lin’s Tacet Mark, it reaffirmed his assumption. Geshu Lin was just as nervous as he was. He was just way better at hiding it. Jiyan knew it was bad to feel better because of the weaknesses of others, but this realization gave him a rush of confidence (a desperately needed one) and he quickly shed his last pieces of clothing. Only when he was finally sitting naked on the bedsheets of the very general he had once served, the gravity of the situation finally dawned on him.

And it only got worse.

Next he knew, Geshu Lin was already kneeling down in front of him. Yes. Proud, reserved, sometimes outright hostile General Geshu Lin kneeling in front of him. The hallucinations of the Retroact Rain suddenly seemed far more realistic than reality itself.

“W…What are you doing….”, he whispered hoarsely, cursing the obvious tremble in his voice. But thank the Sentinels, Geshu Lin appeared to be on his merciful side today and he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he just began pulling the trash bag over Jiyan’s leg. “The bag needs to be attached to your leg, am I wrong? Should I tape it to the cast? Or above it? And I have no idea what to do with that weird rubber band.”

Geshu Lin’s gaze burned with a determination Jiyan had only seen in battle so far. He seemed hell-bent on completing this mission. If Jiyan just had a shred of his determination…

“Y…You need to pull the trash bag up, so my cast is covered.”, he explained, trying his hardest to keep his voice even, “At best a hand’s length above it.”

“Kay.” Geshu Lin didn’t even give him a warning, only nonchalantly sis what he was told. Which resulted in him having his hands right around Jiyan’s upper thigh.

 

Jiyan nearly combusted on the spot right then and there.

 

“I… I’ll take the bag for a moment, okay?”, the former doctor whispered, his voice now totally swallowed up by embarrassment. “And then, I’ll raise my leg, so we can fully pull it up…”

Easier said than done. It fucking hurt to lift his leg up. Pain surged up Jiyan’s leg as he tried to conquer the few needed centimeters away from the ground. And unfortunately, it wasn’t just mild pain, no, it felt as if the Inferno Rider was running him over.

“You can rest your leg on my shoulder. Holding it up hurts, right?”

The sudden offer made Jiyan freeze in place. Had… Had he misheard? G… Geshu Lin couldn’t be serious, right? Putting his leg on his shoulder while he was butt-naked? Attaching the tape from this position… did he even know what he had gotten himself into?!

 

But then, two warm, surprisingly gentle hands snuck up beneath his leg and supported it, placing it on those broad, reliable shoulders with way more care than Jiyan was used to from his former General.

When he was settled, he finally locked eyes with Geshu Lin again. And his stomach nearly flipped right then and there. His leg on Geshu Lin’s shoulders, Geshu Lin kneeling in front of him, his head slightly lowered so his long silvery strands were falling across his face…

 

Fuck, this sight would haunt him in his dreams.

 

“What now?”

Geshu Lin’s whisper, unusually quiet, almost pliant, sent shivers down Jiyan’s spine and he struggled to find the next words. But finally, he explained in a shaky voice: “Now, you need to smoothen out the edges. If there are any folds, the water might pass them and drench the cast.”, he hesitated, then awkwardly admitted: “That’s what happened at my first try. Doing this on my own is… hard…”

“Well, good thing I’m here then…”, Geshu Lin hummed as he tucked at the trash bag for a moment, “So, I was right to assume that you messed up the first time.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

 

In silence, Geshu Lin’s fingers slid along Jiyan’s thighs, smoothening out the foil with precision. It was unusual to see him this focused and calm. Usually, his fighting style was… the opposite. Not exceptionally flashy, but sure as hell not elegant.

Efficient? Maybe.

Brutal? Certainly.

…This touch was new.

Oh, and this touch was… dangerous. Jiyan tried his best to hide what was happening in his lap, but deep down, he just prayed that Geshu Lin wouldn’t look up or at least that he wouldn’t comment on it. After all, any men were sensitive in the upper thigh area, right?

But that was not the reason for Jiyan’s predicament. Jiyan might be a good liar, but he wasn’t that good.

He enjoyed Geshu Lin’s touch. No… he craved it. He wanted more. Wanted the man to caress his thighs more, make bigger circles until the finally reached where the warmth was currently whirling like a storm, pulsing again and again in aching desire.

Shit, this was bad. Really bad.

 

As inconspicuously, as possible, Jiyan took a deep breath, reciting every single medicament recipe he had ever learned in his life. It helped keeping the warmth at bay. But it didn’t disappear.

Jiyan wondered, how Geshu Lin could stay this calm while doing this? Wasn’t he aware of their position? Imagine someone barging in here at this moment – Would he be embarrassed? Or would he truly not care?

Jiyan didn’t know the answer.

But he wished, he did.

He wished that he would finally know how Geshu Lin really felt about him.

 

“I… I think you can stop now. The edges seem smooth enough.”, Jiyan coughed awkwardly after what felt like an eternity of Geshu Lin caressing smoothening out the folds. Sheepishly, he smiled and added a friendly: “Good job.”

Geshu Lin froze. Jiyan noticed in fear how his jaw clenched up, his eyes wide almost as if he were afraid. But then, the expression reversed back to his usual one, as if nothing had happened and he looked up, meeting his gaze directly as he said in a monotone voice: “Thanks.”

 

“Next, we will tape it shut. Can you give me one of the pieces of tape. You keep the other one.” With the quickness of years of training, Jiyan taped the upper layers of the garbage bag to itself, before he ordered Geshu Lin to wrap the silicone band around it.

“It needs to be tight. Not a tourniquet, but tight enough that the water can’t breach it.”
“Okay. Tell me if it’s too tight.”

“Alright.”

 

Diligently, he began wrapping the silicone band around it. Jiyan tried his hardest to not react to the foreign sensation. But he failed miserably. It was a weird feeling to have pressure all around his legs while stronger brushed over his skin. It would have been endurable. If he hadn’t looked up and had been smothered with the sigh of Geshu Lin kneeling between his legs.

Geshu Lin seemingly had a sixth sense to notice Jiyan’s staring. Their eyes locked.

The silicone band snapped against his skin harshly.

Jiyan couldn’t suppress a shocked hiss, but it was not due to the pain which tingled on his skin. He wished it would be. No, this small accident had his desire spike, reaching heights he had never felt before, the yearning now angrily pulsing in all his lower abdomen. He nearly cursed out loud.

“Too tight?”, Geshu Lin instantly asked, his voice full of genuine concern of which Jiyan couldn’t have been more ashamed right now.

“No, it’s fine. Keep going. It… It needs to be a little tighter.”, he whispered hoarsely, pressing his hands harder against his crotch, even if he knew that hiding his predicament was probably futile.
“…If you say so.”

 

Jiyan tensed up again, momentarily closing his eyes as the rough, calloused fingers started rushing over his skin again. At least, now he didn’t have to see Geshu Lin. Jue, his cheeks felt unbearably hot. Had the air always been this stifling?

Drowsily, he opened eyes, only to nearly have a heart attack when he saw Geshu Lin staring right at him. His lips were slightly parted. His breath was… fast... no, almost erratic. And his cheeks seemed more colorful as well. Or was it just the light?

“Too tight?”, the whisper echoed in the room far louder than it should, probably due to Jiyan’s heightened sentence.

He only shook his head, then answered breathlessly: “Perfect.”

 

Without moving his hands as much as possible (they were currently occupied with hiding something very important), he pointed towards the silicone band. “Now we only need to tape it shut. I can do it.”

Thankfully, the seam was located at his inner thigh, so Jiyan didn’t have to move his hands much while taping. And to his relief, Geshu Lin had seemingly finally realized that staring was rude and was currently looking at the ground. Only when Jiyan gently pushed his hands away with a small ‘We’re done. Thank you.”, the other man began moving again, carefully putting Jiyan’s leg back on the ground before he got up and fetched his crutches.

 

 

 

Just as Geshu Lin had said, the bathroom was indeed far bigger than anticipated. Almost like a girl visiting the room of her crush for the first time, Jiyan tentatively made the first steps towards the shower until Geshu Lin caught up to him and went over to the chair, holding it in place as he gave him the silent command to sit down.

Jiyan obliged.

He just hoped that Geshu Lin wouldn’t comment on his bodily… malfunction.

As before, Geshu Lin even made the effort to pick up his cast, handling it with more care than even his own claymore as he propped it up on the stool.

“Does it hurt like this? Should I fetch a pillow?”

“No…”, Jiyan mumbled, taken aback by his unfamiliar gentleness and shyly looked away, “No, it’s good. Thank you.”

 

Geshu Lin didn’t answer. But the flickering mark at his throat was enough for Jiyan to know that he had heard it.

 

Jiyan knew that he should use the chance to get a look at Geshu Lin’s body when the man went to shed his last pieces pf clothing as well. After all, he probably wouldn’t get another chance to do so. Jiyan wasn’t naïve enough to believe that this was more than an one-time offer, than Geshu Lin would always have the patience to do this with him. But even just a glance at the muscular shoulders, the long legs and the prominent scar at his lower back made Jiyan’s stomach coil up in desire that he had to physically push his head down to stare back at his lap. The pressure against his hands was a silent witness of the shameful reaction Geshu Lin’s sight had caused.

How vile of Jiyan to use this kind offer of him to satisfy the fantasies he had held for so long. He should be ashamed. And he was.

And yet, when Geshu Lin returned to his side and stepped behind him to put on the water, Jiyan couldn’t help but brim with anticipation, with the silent, yet painfully loud yearning for more than just these glances.

At first, the water was ice-cold. Just like everywhere else in the camp. Jiyan flinched, but it was more out of instinct than shock. They had had always trouble with getting the water temperature to increase. Another topic where funding was needed but hadn’t been granted yet. Weapons and food were more important than warm water. In that regard, Geshu Lin and Jiyan weren’t too different.

 

But to his surprise, the water soon heated up, not only to a luke-warm degree which may have been achievable by camping beneath a usual shower for half an hour, but it got hot. Pleasantly hot. Jiyan subconsciously let out a happy sigh and leaned into the warm rain, enjoying the prickling sensation running down his back. It had been so long since he had had a shower like this. Oh, how he craved to stay here for a long, long time, just enjoying the warmth and relax-

“Feeling good?”

Geshu Lin’s low hum ripped him from his thoughts, and he immediately went rigid. Out of instinct, he instantly opened his eyes, only to be robbed from his breath the moment he saw more than just blurry shapes. Geshu Lin was towering right over him, hair dripping with water as it framed his face and upper body like a silvery curtain out of moonlight. The water ran down his skin in countless trails, making it glisten like Jiyan had never seen it before.

 

He looked ethereal.

 

And Jiyan wanted nothing more than for him to lean down so he could finally kiss him.

 

Harshly, he bit the inside of his cheek. No, he had to snap out of it. This was totally platonic. Just Geshu Lin helping him out because he had been looking so pathetic that even someone like him had showed pity towards him.

“Yes, it’s nice…”, he therefore just said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible while he couldn’t help but wonder, if he had really stared at Geshu Lin for as long as it had felt like (and why the other man hadn’t said anything about it), before he added: “I’m surprised at how warm your water is. In the rest of the camp, even in my room, it’s only lukewarm at best.”

“Well, it has his perks to be a Fusion Resonator…”, Geshu Lin just laughed and pointed up at the shower head where the flame balls, now three of them, had snuggled up against. When Jiyan looked at them, they instantly wobbled up and down, as if they were happily greeting them (and flaunting their skills). Geshu Lin just rolled his eyes at them.

“Ignore them, they are show-offs.”

‘Like their owner’, Jiyan chuckled inwardly.

“Hey, I can hear you think that even over here!”

“Good, then I don’t have to say it.”, Jiyan only laughed and went back to enjoying the water. Behind him, he could hear Geshu Lin get into the stream as well. The content sigh which followed made him shudder.

 

…This sound would follow him for many, many nights to come. Jiyan already dreaded falling asleep tonight.

 

After a while, Geshu Lin seemingly decided that it had been enough rinsing and he stopped the downpour for a moment to grab a bottle of shampoo and began without a word applying it to Jiyan’s hair. Jiyan held still while he did so, both not to annoy him and because he had to try his best to stay quiet as those usually so rough fingers brushed through his hair, massaging even the smallest spot with utmost care. Had washing his hair always felt this good?

“I have no idea what kind of shampoo you prefer for your hair. So, sorry – you just have to deal with this.”

“Ah no, it’s fine.”, Jiyan hummed contently, leaning into the touch a little bit more as he closed his eyes. The scent of pecok flowers hit his nose. Ah, he knew this scent… “That’s my shampoo anyways.”

 

The hands stilled.

 

And Jiyan realized that he  had royally fucked up.

 

“It is?”

The hands were still not moving. Please, just start moving again!
“Uh… It smells similar. It might be.”

“Ah… I see.”

 

Geshu Lin didn’t buy it.

Not one bit.

But thankfully he started kneading his hair again, until suddenly a sharp tug pulled at Jiyan’s scalp, making a abrupt, yet strangely pleasant pain rush down his scalp, down to his neck and back where it dissolve into electric ripples.

 

And then a voice hit his ear, the breath directly brushing across the sensitive tip.

“I wonder…”, rough finger trailed down the side of his throat until they were right above the edge of his Tacet Mark. “How that bottle ended up here. Or do all rooms now have your shampoo in them? Are you so gracious to gift every soldier one of your precious shampoo bottles, General of the Midnight Rangers?”

Jiyan just kept staring at the opposite wall. It would be easy to turn around. But if he were to see his face right now, he would surely crumble.

“I might be.”, he just rasped out, waiting for Geshu Lin’s witty comeback.

And it came. Oh, it came.

It was just a casual brush across his nape. One, most would have probably called an accident. But Jiyan knew exactly that it had been more than this. Much more than some ‘random mishap’. The thumb which trailed the black lines, pressed down momentarily. And Jiyan had trouble keeping himself from coming undone right then and there.

“Then I’ll take this as my grift from you and cherish it as such… Jiyan.”

 

Jiyan was grateful when the water came pouring down again, drowning out all sound. Just him, the smell of soap, the warmth of the water… and Geshu Lin’s finger raking through his hair. Jiyan took a shaky inhale, but it didn’t help against the dizziness. Maybe it was due to the hot steam. His circulation must be compromised, he was sitting, after all. But although he should know better, he couldn’t help but lean into the warmth, this touch so gentle and yet so reliable and he subconsciously let out a happy hum as the hands brushed through strand after strand, making sure that every single one of them was cleaned.

The water streaming down his face and body made the intense prickling from before seem far away, muddling all sensations into a giant ocean of nothingness. Jiyan felt as if he was drifting in the sky. And he would like to do nothing more than to lean back, enjoy this comfortable cloud which embraced him. His brain felt so foggy… and he was tired. But happy.

 

Geshu Lin was here with him.

 

The hands began to draw slow circles.

 

Jue… please let this never end…

 

Happily, Jiyan leaned into the touch, to thank Geshu Lin in silence and show him how much he liked it.

But that plan backfired massively.

 

His head knocked into something. Something hard. Something that made Geshu Lin immediately jump back with a curse, his hands instantly retreating from their spot in Jiyan’s hair. Shocked, Jiyan looked up at the older man whose eyes were wide-blown. He looked… so different from usual. Cheeks flushed and his expression surprisingly open.

“Wha-“

“For fuck’s sake, I’m trying to wash you here, Jiyan. Hit me one more time and your cast will be drained.”

And with this, in just a single second, the magic was broken. Gone was the warmth, replaced by nothing but cold shame clawing at his heart as he stuttered out  a weak “S…Sorry…”.

“Yeah, sorry my ass.”, Geshu Lin just hissed, instantly looking away as if Jiyan was nothing more than a nuisance to him,  his body language devoid of the care he had displayed earlier, “Just…. Just turn back around, won’t you. And stop making a fuss.”

 

Jiyan obeyed. As he always did.

His heart had never felt heavier.

At least, Geshu Lin didn’t rush out the room in disappointment, unlike that time before the Battle Beneath the Cresc-

No. He didn’t want to think about it. Not now, when shame was already trying to tear his soul apart. Yes, he had enjoyed Geshu Lin’s caring touch. But not in a way another acquaintance would. To Geshu Lin, Jiyan was nothing more than a nuisance he had to help out. To him, this touch had been the sweet dream he had long yearned for. It was wrong of him to see Geshu Lin that way. Not only because he didn’t reciprocate, but also because of their shared history.

 

He had to get his act together.

 

It was hard. But not as hard as before. Now, the gentle touch was gone, replaced by the firm pressure of the smaller showerhead, Geshu Lin had taken to rinse out the last few specks of soap. Jiyan felt the slight prickling of Fusion powers on his skin. The water’s temperature was fluctuating.  Jiyan didn’t dare comment on it.

Geshu Lin was standing farther away from him as before. He was keeping his distance. Just as he had done all these years. Jiyan shouldn’t be sad. He had no right to. Only the foolish mourned something they had never owned to begin with. And still his heart echoed in his chest, pulling his forward as it urged him to turn around to the other man and take his hand. To pull him close and tell him what he was feeling, what he had been feeling for him all these years. How much he meant to him. And that he didn’t want to lose him again.

His heart reassured him that it would be fine, that Geshu Lin would listen to him and not pull his hand away unlike the many times before. That his eyes would widen in surprise before not an angry hiss, but that rare warm smile would play around his lips. And then… then he would lean down, his wet hair tickling Jiyan’s skin as he drew close and kis-

 

The water stopped without any warning.

“I’m done.”, Geshu Lin’s tone was as apathetic as if he were reporting about the newest Magistrate’s decree, “You should be all clean, no?”

 

…What would you do if I said no?

 

Jiyan bit his lip. He knew the answer. He was afraid to ask this question, even though he should pose it. A rejection would do him good. Maybe it would put his mind to rest.

But Jiyan wasn’t as brave as someone like the Madam Magistrate or Sanhua. Or General Geshu Lin.

And so he just  lowered his head in shame and meekly answered: “Yes, I’m all good. Thank you.”

He could hear Geshu Lin’s eyeroll in his annoyed huff. The man didn’t say another word and just waltzed out the room. Jiyan didn’t dare to stare, no, even look at his naked body. Only he remained, in the steamy bathroom that suddenly felt so stifling, listening to the sound of water (and the sins it carried) going down the drain.

 

Maybe he was too deep in thought or maybe Geshu Lin had just gotten better at throwing projectiles at high speed, but the towel hit Jiyan full-force in the face. But unlike the blister pack incident, he didn’t dare to protest, only scraped the towel off his face while trying to keep himself from tearing up.

Geshu Lin’s next words didn’t make it one bit better.

“Stop spacing out. It’s ridiculous you haven’t gotten rid of that habit yet. You’re a general. Spacing out can mean the death of your men.”

“I… will better myself.”

“As if.”, Geshu Lin just scoffed in disdain and turned back on his heels, flicking a wet strand of hair away from his throat with more aggression than it probably deserved. The flame ball which usually accompanied him was nowhere to be seen. “Get yourself dry. Or do you need me to do that for you as well?”

“No, Sir.”

“Sure damn hope so.”

 

And with this, he left him alone again and Jiyan could do nothing but stare numbly at the tiled wall opposite to him. Geshu Lin’s words hurt. They hurt so damn much. Jiyan knew that he was probably more sensitive than other people, at least the people that Geshu Lin usually surrounded himself with. But he still couldn’t help but feel angry that the man did come down on him with words full venom seemingly out of the blue. Especially when it was preceded by sweet acts of care.

 

Sometimes, Jiyan wished that Geshu Lin would have just struck him down that day.

 

Then, he wouldn’t have been able to make that cursed decision when the rain had started falling upwards.

Then, Geshu Lin wouldn’t have died.

And then, Jiyan would have died a quick death, not this slow, excruciating one from a broken heart.

 

 

Slowly, he began rubbing himself dry. The towel was soft. Of course it was. Jiyan had washed it himself with fabric softener. So that if one day, its owner would return, he would be greeted with the coziness he deserved.

Hah… how that turned out…

Jiyan gritted his teeth as he rubbed the towel across his skin, harder than it was necessary. But to him, it wasn’t rough enough. He didn’t need the towel’s softness. No, it only reminded him of the tender touch from earlier, something he could have had if he hadn’t messed it up again. Jiyan let out a weak sigh and threw the towel over his head. It got dark.

Oh, if just the whole world would stay dark.

 

His eyes were burning.

He closed them.

He wasn’t allowed to cry. Generals didn’t cry. Especially not in Geshu Lin’s damn bathroom. If the man were to return and saw him like this-

 

“What are you doing?”

Jiyan flinched at the call and hastily lifted the towel, only to realize that he should act as if everything was normal.

“Just drying off my hair.”, Inconspicuously, he rubbed the towel across his hair and innocently smiled at his former general who stood in the door with crossed arms. He now wore his clothes again, hair tied up into a messy bun.  Wait weren’t those the old clothes…

“If you’re scrubbing like that, it will be a tangled mess.”

“Ah, I’ll be fine…”, Jiyan awkwardly laughed while knowing deep down that the man had a point. In his nervousness, he had indeed scrubbed his hair way too much. Combing through it would be a pain.

“What about the cover? Do you need help with it?”

Jiyan’s eyes widened in shock and he instantly felt his cheeks heat up again as he stared from Geshu Lin’s finger back to his own leg. Or rather the tape around his thigh, not even a hand’s length away from his crotch.

 

This was the moment the realization came crashing down on him that he was still sitting naked in front of Geshu Lin. And now that the other was clothed again, it made things only worse.

Heavily blushing he quickly let go of the towel, letting it loosely rest on his head while he leaned down and hastily removed the tape, so he could push the silicone band down his leg. But sitting like this with the immovable legcast, he could only reach his knee, then leaning down further shot a hot, searing pain through his leg.

General Geshu Lin surely would have been able to hide such pain. But Jiyan winced. It was just one second, but he knew that it was enough for the man in front of him to notice. And he did.

Jiyan’s stomach almost turned upside down when he heard him approaching. One step, two steps, three… a shadow loomed over him.

 

And then, as if their earlier dispute hadn’t happened, Geshu Lin suddenly knelt down again. He was careful, yet a bit more impatient than before when removing the silicone band before he, after getting Jiyan’s approval, pulled down the bag. Jiyan breathed a sigh of relief when the fresh air hit his foot. While showering the cast had started itching a little bit and tiny breeze improved the situation. But when he looked to the side, he noticed his flaw and instantly felt a surge of guilt clawing at his throat.

“I… I think, we need to pull the bag over the cast again. I can’t walk through these puddles and even with crutches I’m still unable to-“

“Not a problem.”

“But-“

 

Jiyan’s protest got stuck in his throat when the towel was ripped off his head. But what was Geshu Lin going to do with it? Even if he placed it on the ground, there was so much water on the tiles that it would only be soaked and therefore unusable both for the cast and for Jiyan to dry himself with.

But Geshu Lin didn’t threw it away. He… He didn’t even walk away. No, instead he just crouched over to him and…

His eyes widened in shock.

Oh Jue, no. Nononono…  Geshu Lin couldn’t possibly-

 

A mortified gasp was the only thing Jiyan’s brain was able to form as Geshu Lin threw the towel over his naked body, tucking him in like a damn sushi roll, before he nonchalantly picked him up, his hands separated from directly touching his butt by one thin layer of towel fabric. Jiyan wasn’t sure if his heart was giving out from embarrassment or suppressed desire for the past seven years.

 

Sentinels, are you laughing at me?

…I can’t even blame you. I would, too…

 

At least when he was placed on the bed, right next to his clothes which Geshu Lin had already put there right in his reach, his former general granted him some privacy. Which was a rare chance Jiyan definitely wouldn’t let go to waste. The towel may have given him some cover… but there was no doubt Geshu Lin had noticed what his touch had done to him. But hey, this was a completely normal reaction to someone grabbing his butt, right? Actually, Jiyan was still impressed how the other had managed to carry him, the cast was heavy and the way to hold him up very uncomfortable. But on the other hand it was still Geshu Lin.

 

Claymore, right?

 

Jiyan almost laughed out loud when the familiar words plopped up in his mind. It did take him a while to put on his trousers (curse that damned cast), but he compensated the time loss when pulling the shirt over his head. He didn’t want to take up any more of Geshu Lin’s time. The man surely was fed up by him by now and-

 

“Stay like this for a moment.”

Confused, Jiyan looked up when he heard the command, only to watch in surprise as Geshu Lin sat down next to him on the bed.

“Head to the side.”, the next command fell from his lips just as easily like the first one, yet his voice was surprisingly gentle. Same went for his fingers which reached out for his cheek and pushed his head to the side. Jiyan nearly flinched away from shock, but with Geshu Lin so close, it felt like all his reactions were slowed, some even inactivated. And so he just obeyed, turning his head to the other side while his heart was racing. Geshu Lin’s finger were so warm. Even warmer than usual. Beneath his rough skin, he could feel his Forte hum, a melody deep and energetic, brimming with the same power that the man oozed every time he raised his claymore to the sky to incinerate the world.

Hands that could kill thousands in a split second.

Hands that caressed Jiyan’s cheek as if he were the mot precious flower.

Hands, Jiyan wished to kiss, to cherish for all eternity.

 

It was silent when the fingers left to reach for something. Said something turned out to be a brush. A brush that, much to Jiyan’s shock, then found its way into his hair.

Geshu Lin’s brush.

Jiyan couldn’t help but blush at the thought, but it wasn’t for long that his mind could deal with such irrelevant things. When Geshu Lin first started brushing through his hair, the soft pull at his scalp made Jiyan shudder.

“Does it hurt?”
“No… No, it’s fine. I… Thank you for doing this. I really didn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s more of a bother if I have to do this tomorrow when your hair is dry.”

Confused, Jiyan frowned at tried to get a look at the man next to him, but a sharp tug made him immediately look back at the front. “I would try to do it on my own. I have enough time at hand to endure some tedious combing.”

“But it’s not efficient. Weren’t you the one always rambling about the power of division of labor? So just shut up and let me do this. Or do you have something against my brushing skills?”

“N…Not at all!”

“Sure hope so.”, Geshu Lin huffed, a dry laugh bubbling in his throat as he completed another section of hair. “I still remember that you commented on my ‘mop of hair’ quite a lot.”

Jiyan instantly went rigid as if he had been jumped by a Clangbang. Nervously, he glanced at his former general. But to his surprise, his eyes were full mirth, a lopsided smirk tugging at his lips.

“You heard this?”
“More than once.”

“…How?”

“Maybe I wasn’t as seldom a visitor at the infirmary as everybody loves to claim.”

“You spied on me?”

 

At this, Geshu Lin’s face contorted into an offended scowl and without warning he ripped the brush harshly through his hair. Jiyan couldn’t stop a gasp falling from his lips as a sharp, yet strangely pleasant pain prickled on his scalp, before it trailed down his spine.

 

Fuck, he hadn’t even known that he liked this.

Oh no, had Geshu Lin noticed...?

 

But to his surprise, Geshu Lin seemed frozen in place, his eyes wide and overshadowed by something Jiyan couldn’t decipher. It was an expression he hadn’t seen before, similar to the one when Geshu Lin had towered over him in the shower, but different.

It was dark.

Dangerous.

 

Yet just as Jiyan wanted to speak up and apologize for his rude accusation, Geshu Lin slipped back into his usual casual, yet somewhat apathetic façade and he muttered nonchalantly: “Careful with your words or I might lose my temper.”
Jiyan nodded. But deep down, he felt like there was more to this statement. But how was he supposed to find out what Geshu Lin meant by it? The sound of brushing filled the  heavy silence and Jiyan could do nothing but bite his lip and listen to the faint humming of the other’s Forte. It was still restless, just like when he had heard it earlier. Was this why his flame ball had disappeared? Was he angry? But he had often seen Geshu Lin angry and never once had his Forte sounded like this…

A pleasant shudder shook his body when warm hands raked through his hair and sorted the long strands so they perfectly laid sprawled across his back. Jiyan slowly closed his eyes. There was no benefit in mulling this over. He could do nothing but enjoy this peacefulness as long as it lasted. And-

 

“Oh shit.”

 

Jiyan’s eyes immediately shot open and he quickly looked to Geshu Lin. He almost burst out laughing. Geshu Lin looked shell-shocked. While he held one of Jiyan’s strands of hair in his hand. It was perfectly smooth. Jiyan instantly realized what must have happened.

“Did you… Did you just steam my hair?”

“…There might have been a slight mishap on my part.”

Jiyan tried his best to laugh out loud but he couldn’t surpass a small chuckle as he scrutinized the stand. Yes. Perfectly steamed.

Usually, Jiyan was quite particular about his hair, but in Geshu Lin’s hands, he was ready to make some sacrifices. And when he was paid back for his suffering with his former General looking at him like this, he was ready to make many more sacrifices.

With a soft laugh, he placed the strand back in Geshu Lin’s hand and clasped his fingers around it. “It’s alright. I wanted a change of style anyways!”

To say that Geshu Lin seemed not convinced would be an understatement.  No, the man looked as if he wanted to kick himself to the curb, just like he usually did with other soldiers when they messed up. So, to make the fearsome scowl disappear from his face, Jiyan smiled at him, bright as the sun, as he turned his head a little bit to the side so the rest of his hair cascaded down his back like a beautiful teal-colored waterfall and asked lightheartedly:  “What do you think? Should I leave it open like this?”

 

No answer followed.

Had he not heard him? Or was something wrong?

“Geshu Lin? Is… Is everything oka-“

“We can’t leave it open like this.”

“Uh, okay, but why?”, confused Jiyan watched as the other’s hands slowly reached out for his hair, only to freeze midway. Jiyan had never seen Geshu Lin wear an expression this… conflicted. But then, just as if someone had flipped a switch, he was back again to his usual grumpy façade and he muttered: “This is not a sight for the world to see.”

Jiyan blinked once. Twice. He pressed his fingernail into his palm. No, he wasn’t dreaming. Had Geshu Lin just been for real? Or had Jiyan just misunderstood? Did he mean he looked very ugly like this? But this phrasing… Jiyan had never heard it before unless with… well… married couples. Flirting. Possessiveness.

No. Absolutely not. There was no way Geshu Lin would feel that way towards him.

And right at that moment, Geshu Lin seemed to snap out of whatever weird mood had captured him and he hastily added: “It’s way too impractical. Not only is it a hindrance during battle, but it could also get caught up in your crutches. I’m not ready to catch you again so soon. Just…”, he hesitated, then let out a frustrated groan and jumped up. “Just wait a moment, okay?”

 

Dumfounded, Jiyan watched as Geshu Lin, yes his former General Geshu Lin who usually couldn’t be bothered to run even a few hallways if life and death or his sparring sessions depended on it, rushed to the other side of the room and grabbed something off the table. Only when he sat down next to him again, Jiyan realized what he was holding in his hands.

A black ribbon.

One of his black hair ribbons.

 

Geshu Lin attached it to his hair without asking. And Jiyan was grateful for it. Because right now his heart was beating so loud that he probably wouldn’t have heard his own voice. His whole body was shaken by ripples of excitement as he felt Geshu Lin’s hands quickly, guided by years of experience, slide through his hair as he tied it up, using the ribbon to fix it in a similar hairstyle to his own. When he was done, he stared at Jiyan for a moment (a way too long moment for Jiyan to keep his composure. Jue, why did he have to blush this easily?!)  before he muttered something beneath his breath and pushed Jiyan’s cheek gently again, so he had better access to the sides. It took Jiyan a moment to realize what he was doing.

“You’re braiding my hair?”

“No, I’m burning it.”, Geshu Lin just snorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. But Jiyan knew that no malice was the reason for the answer, but flusterment. Geshu Lin flustered… he should mark the day in his calendar.

 

 

It took a while but in the end, Jiyan ended up with a secure hairstyle. It was tugging a bit at his scalp, but it was functional and when Jiyan took a quick glance into the mirror at the wall, he was surprised to see that it actually looked not half-bad. With a smile, he turned to Geshu Lin who was standing at a bit of distance behind him. Waiting for his approval.

 

How cute.

 

“Someone’s developed quite the knack for braiding.”

“Had a good teacher, I suppose.”

Geshu Lin’s smirk burned on his skin and Jiyan knew from the twinkle in his eyes that he must look like an utter idiot right now. But it was okay, at least for this moment.

He looked back at the mirror. The black ribbon at the back looked beautiful between his teal-colored strands.

Geshu Lin had been right.

 

Black, teal, purple.

 

They fit perfectly.

 

~~

 

Geshu Lin couldn’t remember a day in his life when he had recited the Midnight Ranger’s oath these many times. It had been easy to usher Jiyan back to his room after he had finally finished staring at his hair in the mirror. The braids had been messy, Horrible really, especially compared to what he had seen Jiyan do with the hair of the kids in the village they had once saved. This hairstyle was both a disgrace to his position as the General of the Midnight Rangers and to someone as beautiful as him.

This all wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t accidentally steamed his hair! But how on earth had he been supposed to stay concentrated when Jiyan made noises like these when he so much as just tugged at his hair?!

And he wasn’t even talking about what happened in the shower. And the cast. The tape.

 

Jiyan’s skin was so soft.

And the blush as he had looked down at him, embarrassed as Geshu Lin had smoothened out the bag against his leg… he now knew why that stupid woman had been this insistent on courting him.

At first, the offer to shower together had been born just out of convenience. It hadn’t been a lie, he had wanted to shower, the sandstorm had blasted corns of sands literally everywhere. Deep down, he had known that it was a stupid idea.

But maybe that photo of Jiyan with a man with such similar appearance to his own, the only fucking photo where the brat had been smiling, had annoyed him. Geshu Lin knew better than to be jealous. But maybe his rebirth had come with a loss of braincells.

Maybe he had wanted to prove himself that he was stronger than what was brewing in his lower abdomen. That he wasn’t as pitiful as Qiuyuan teased him to be.

 

General Geshu Lin had always proven others wrong.

He wasn’t weak. Especially not to such carnal desires.

 

And then, Jiyan had undressed in front of him and his self-composure had come crumbling down as if it were a sand castle washed away by a wave. He just prayed that Jiyan hadn’t noticed how he had stared at him. He hadn’t meant to, he really hadn’t!

… But how was a man supposed to keep his eyes from a beauty that rivaled the gods?

Ah scratch that, the Sentinels could pound sand. Jiyan was way better than any of them.

 

In the end, he wasn’t even sure if he had properly washed Jiyan. He had sworn to himself to not get distracted, but surrounded by the steam, everything had turned blurry. Yes, he had been supposed to clean Jiyan’s hair, but deep down he knew damn well that he hadn’t run his fingers through Jiyan’s hair for so long because of some ‘cleaning’.

No, he had hoped for those little sounds that fell from Jiyan’s lips when he tugged a little bit too hard at his strands  (of course not on purpose, but because of a knot), for the pleased hum as he massaged his temples. For the way his Forte tried to grab him and pull him close when he had caressed Jiyan’s Tacet Mark.

 

Geshu Lin had been so close to giving in. When Jiyan had leaned into his touch and they had been both drenched in the blissful warmth, Geshu Lin remembered himself leaning down.

 

He wanted to claim that he didn’t remember what he had been about to do.

The flameball flying next to him in the hallway gave him the biggest side-eye he had ever seen.

 

Ah, who was he kidding.

He had been leaning down to kiss Jiyan.

 

And then the man had looked up.

 

In an instant, the world had come crashing down and Geshu Lin had realized that this was not just some stupid game where they were trying to see who could dance around each other longer. Those golden eyes were the same that had once greeted him ever time he had visited the infirmary. Eyes that had always been filled with kindness, until they didn’t. Because Geshu Lin broke him.

 

When Jiyan had looked up at him, Geshu Lin hadn’t been oblivious enough to ignore the longing written all across his face. It was still there, even after all these years. Back then, Geshu Lin had called it youthful adoration. But now… what was this? Was it maybe just repressed desire? After all, Jiyan hadn’t slept with anyone since he had been injured.

 

… Geshu Lin’s heart screamed that this wasn’t the answer.

But he didn’t want to hear another one.

 

The door slammed shut behind him and he let out a few heavy breaths. His hands trembled as he grabbed the collar of his shirt, dragging it away in the hope of getting the stifling feeling around his throat away.

It didn’t work. At all.

Jiyan’s face flashed in front of his face. Flushed, with that cursed smile, looking right at him.

His silky hair running through his fingers.

A soft gasp as he leaned backwards.

 

And then he had hit his fucking dick.

 

Geshu Lin had no idea how he hadn’t lost it then and there.

It had been excruciating to deal with Jiyan, especially at that kind of proximity and naked on top of it, but it had been fine. As long as there was no touch, Geshu lin had it handled.

But this? Jue, Geshu Lin had been so close to throwing everything away right that instant. Succumb to those dreams that had haunted him for so long, fulfilled what Qiuyuan dared him to do for the last year.

 

“Flamechaser, you crave for his touch like a flower yearning for sunlight, yet you hide away in this cave. Are you really content like this?”

“I do not care for that brat. And what good is the touch of the one who betrayed me? I’m not a masochist.”

“And yet you scream his name at night.”, slender fingers brushed across his Tacet Mark as the other body buried himself deeper in his own, “You prayed his name when I took you.”
“It… it was an accident.”, he barely brought out the words as chapped lips captured his own again and again.

“My dearest companion, you are like the night-blooming jasmine – craving the warmth of the sun, yet only opening beneath the moon.”

“Spare me your riddles. I know who I am. I’m not his.”, he grabbed the slim waist tightly, fully intent on leaving bruises.

 The man on top of him only laughed.

“And yet you’re not mine either.”

“Fuck off, stupid cat.”

“I take this as another rejection? Pity.”

 

Geshu Lin could feel Qiuyuan’s smug smirk on his skin. Although he hated to admit it, the man had had a point. He could just call himself lucky that he wasn’t with them right now or he would have long pushed him to do something stupid. Or even worse would have talked to Jiyan directly. Maybe he should thank the red-cladded stranger for keeping the black cat busy.

 

If there just was something that would keep his stupid mind busy.

And his body.

Oh, this treacherous, despicable body.

 

With a shaky exhale, Geshu Lin stared down at himself. The bulge was still there.

Of course, it was. Why had he expected otherwise when Jiyan’s scent was still clinging to his skin, the memory of how soft he had felt in his arms etched into every fiber of his being.

Angrily, he removed his clothes. He had put on his dirty ones for a reason.

 

No need for clean clothes, if the body was still dirty.

And he needed to sully it just a little bit further.

 

He only needed a single glare for the flameballs to instantly leave him alone as he stepped through the door back into the bathroom.

Geshu Lin’s feet hit the tiles of the shower once more. They were still wet.

 

Time to shower.

Wash off all the dirt and grime… and shame.

 

If anyone were asking him why he would waste so much water (after his claim wanting to save it) and have a second shower, he would say that there was still sand in his hair.

 

The water ran clean.

 

Absentmindedly, he picked up the bottle of shampoo and put some in his hand. When the smell hit his nose, the warmth pooling in his stomach tripled.

Pecok Flowers.

Jiyan’s scent.

 

He should have realized this so much sooner.

 

Just what had this bottle been doing here? Why had Jiyan been showering here in the first place? Why had he agreed to shower in his room when he had a perfectly fine shower in his own?

 

A ragged breath echoed in the bathroom as he first touched the hardness that has been starving for relief for an excruciating eternity. The first few strokes were messy and far too harsh. But he couldn’t care less. He just wanted, no, needed to feel. Feel him…

 

The photo flashed in front of his eyes, that damned photo of a man looking so similar to him. White long hair, pale skin, cold eyes… As if Jiyan had tried to replace him. Hot anger surged through his veins and his grip got tighter around the length, frustration bubbling in his chest like a volcano about to erupt.

Pale hands touching those silky teal-colored strands as if it was meant to be. Jiyan smiling.

JIYAN SMILING.

How dare he smile at this man so carefreely, with such affection.

 

Why does he never smile at me like this?

I want him to show this expression to me and me alone…

 

 Oh, how he craved to burn the damned photo, burn the finger of the man behind it. No one was allowed to touch Jiyan’s hair. Only him.

ONLY HIM.

 

A shallow gasp echoed in the bathroom as the strokes grew faster, harder, as Jiyan’s smile burned on his skin. A smile so pure, so beautiful that he wanted nothing more than to take it all in, to ravage it, to make it his.

 

 

He wouldn’t let that man touch Jiyan. His Jiyan.

No, if that bastard so much as dared to reach out to him, he would pull his cute little medic close, hold him tightly so there was no doubt whom he belonged to. Would Jiyan make this adorable little gasp, he did so often when he was startled? Would his cheeks flush red if he drew him close?

If the man wouldn’t back down after this, he would go one step further. He would take the very strands this bastard had caressed and would put them up to his own lips, kiss them and then kiss Jiyan, right on those soft, plum lips, while staring directly and whoever dared to try to take him away from him.

Whoever it was, Geshu Lin would chase them away. He would make sure that no one even got the idea to approach Jiyan. And he would make sure that Jiyan remembered whose name he was supposed to cry.

He would grab Jiyan’s wrist, that oh so slender wrist which moved always with such grace and elegance, and drag him along, down all these hallways. No matter who crossed him, he would not let go of him, damned be the rumors that would spread.

No rumor in the world could and would keep him from Jiyan.

 

The moan vibrated in his throat, low and desperate.

 The strokes got harder.

 

 

He would shove him into his room, only to slam the door open. Maybe he would have the patience to undress Jiyan first, maybe he would grab him and drag him into the shower immediately. Jiyan would let out a surprised his when the cold water would hit him, would cling closer to his body, begging for warmth.

And Geshu Lin would give him warmth.

Oh, he would drown him in his heat, would make sure that Jiyan felt nothing but him, could think only about a desperate plea for his touch. He would rake his nails across his skin, leave marks, bruises wherever he pleased and Jiyan wouldn’t be able to do shit about it. And neither would he want to do something about it.

No, he would melt in his hands, would shiver beneath his touch and lean in for more.

And even if he begged for a break, for air, Geshu Lin would keep at it. He would pin those delicate wrists above his head, so the other couldn’t feel, so that he full feign of his body. And then he would ravage him, without mercy, just as Jiyan deserved for replacing him with some Ghosthound brat.

A violent shudder captured his body and he cocked his head back, hitting the cool tiles behind him. The groan that escaped his throat was foreign. Guttural like he had never heard it before.

But it felt so right.

 

Jiyan’s face when he had accidentally knocked into him flashed before his eyes. That expression… oh how he craved to see that expression again. He wanted to see it, grab his chin and pull him close, enjoy it when those beautiful eyes widened in innocent surprise, only for his mouth to be captured by his hungry lips. What sound would Jiyan make if he bit his lower lip? His neck? His shoulder? Would he turn away, flustered beyond belief, when those sweet little sounds escaped him.

Hah… but Geshu Lin wouldn’t let him escape. No, he would make Jiyan face him, show him how he really felt about him.

 

When he would bury himself in Jiyan, he would force the other man to look at him. He wanted to see Jiyan’s expression when he came undone by his command. Only when he allowed it, the younger man would be granted the desired relief.

 

And Geshu Lin would… he would…

 

The strokes grew erratic and let out a moan, the hot shower rain nothing compared to the heat pooling in his stomach, like a coil heated up over the fire, growing tighter and tighter, begging to be released.

His hand grew slippy.

 

Jiyan’s body going rigid beneath his hands. His nails clawing into his skin.

And name falling from his lips.

His name.

 

 

A curse was drowned out in the shower rain.

A final thrust.

 

And then the heat exploded, a trickle shooting down low as his whole body was covered in shivers. It was sudden, so sudden that Geshu Lin felt out of breath as he heaved, his whole body tingling with little shocks that followed. All warmth left him, the desire pent up in the last couple hours gone in instant.

 

Slowly, he started to feel the water hitting his skin again.

He opened his eyes.

A water droplet ran down his forehead, right across his eyes. It should hurt.

But instead… instead Geshu Lin felt just… numb.

 

There was no Jiyan. It was just him and the water… and a limp proof of shame in his hands of what he had just done. Of what he had just fucked himself to.

 

…This had been a truly shitty day.

First the nightmare, then the talk with Qiuyuan. The puddle. And now he had broken with the one rule he had sworn to abide to in his ‘new’ life.

For his sake.

For Jiyan’s sake.

 

The laugh which filled the room sounded hollow. But it was nothing compared to the dreadful emptiness that filled his body as the realization sunk in what lurked deep in his heart, even after all these years.

 

“Fuck… I’m so pathetic…”

 

Geshu Lin would not be attending dinner this evening.

 

Notes:

Summary for the skippers: Geshu Lin was very sexually frustrated by Jiyan's closeness in the shower. Fueled by weeks of yearning and a burning jealousy after he had seen that damned photo, he decides to take another shower, this time on his own and blow off some steam. Only after the water runs dry, he realizes just what he did.

And there is a small flashback where Qiuyuan and him are intimate and Qiuyuan teases him for staying with him while still harboring feelings for Jiyan. Geshu Lin rejects his offer to become his' instead.
~~

Soooo, this was the second part! Now you can see why I didn't want to post it all at once, because it's very long. But at the same time, it is deeply intertwined with the previous chapter, so I didn't want to make you wait. I hope you're happy with the little double chapter surprise and that most of you enjoyed this chapter. I know that steamy action is not everyone's cup of tea and I'm not sure if I did them justice in this chapter. And did I look up how to apply a cast protection for the shower, just for this? Absolutely. Thanks youtube.
Anyways, thank you so much for all the comments yesterday, I literally almost burst out in tears of happiness when I saw the '5' in my inbox and proceeded to roll around happily in bed for several minutes after waking up.
Feel free to let me know if you liked this chapter, what you think of geshuyan's dynamic or maybe Qiuyuan-Geshu Lin's?

I wish you a lovely rest of the weekend and see you next Friday!

Chapter 9: My fire in your hands

Summary:

Geshu Lin invites Jiyan to a spar. But the battle ends in an unexpected explosion...

My fire in your hands

---

 

 

“Some people will always taste like fire and leave the ones that love them tasting like ash.” – Nikita Gill

 

 

It took a month for the first crow to arrive. It took one second to burn it.

 

Only when the ashes were crushed beneath his heavy combat boots, Geshu Lin realized that he maybe, just maybe, should have struck it down with just a blade. To dissect it afterwards. Not that he was any good at dissecting, that was more of Jiyan's métier, but he could have at least tried.

 

... What would Jiyan say if he threw a dead crow on his desk with the command to slice it open?

 

Back then, Jiyan would have obeyed his command without hesitation.  Not without a second thought, Jiyan had always questioned him, a habit Geshu Lin had once irritated beyond belief. But after a while and especially now looking back on it, he realized that Jiyan, unlike anybody else in his life, didn't question him because he scorned him but because he wanted to understand him. He cared for his reasoning, his beliefs, his conviction. Jiyan had cared about the person hiding behind his title.

Back then, Geshu Lin hadn’t been able to deal with it. He had been both drawn to it and repulsed by it at the same time.

It had frightened him.

Frightened him that someone could find it in their heart to care about him.

Frightened him that someone wanted to see the person behind him.

General Geshu Lin of the Midnight Rangers was a valiant hero. Powerful like none other in Jinzhou, reliable even in the direst time, always ready to brave even the darkest night.

Geshu Lin was... not.

 

What would Jiyan say if he knew? If he let him breach his carefully set up walls and see the teen that had been kicked out of his own home, forsaken by whom he once loved and who once claimed to have ‘loved’ him.

…If even those who claimed to love him could throw him away like trash, then how could someone who had only known him for a few years do otherwise?

Jiyan was a good person. A foolishly good person.

But he couldn’t be that stupid.

 

And Geshu Lin couldn’t be that stupid to believe otherwise.

 

 

He didn’t need someone to understand him. His ‘new life’, as Qiuyuan loved to call it, was a chance to avoid the mistake he had made before. He would not let his guard down again, would not get his hopes up for something that could never be. Jiyan lived his life, and Geshu Lin his own. Only a few more months of this and they would go their separate ways.

…But deep down, he knew that there was more to it.

There had been no reason for him to offer his assistance with all the Sonoro Spheres in the area. When the first one appeared, a few days after his talk with Qiuyuan, he hadn’t thought much of it, had taken it as a chance to blow off some steam. Five more spawned in the matter of a week. Usually, the General of the Midnight Rangers would send some usual Resonators out there to investigate. And Jiyan had done so, albeit hesitantly. Geshu Lin had let out a sigh in relief when he had convinced him that his oh so beloved soldiers would be fine with a simple Sonoro Sphere.

They had been fine, just for the record.

Nevertheless, after the first time (and Geshu Lin enduring Jiyan’s queasy twitching the whole day), he had voted for a change of plans. Geshu Lin had dispersed a good thousand, if not even two thousand Sonoro Spheres in his life. They weren’t as common as Tacet Fields, random phenomena created by remnant frequencies. But especially near places where a lot of Resonance energy had clashed, just as in the countless battle fields in the Desorock Highlands, it wasn’t uncommon for them to spawn. Most people would probably call him a veteran when it came to dealing with them.

Usually, Sonoro Spheres, unlike Tacet Fields, were connected to a separate realm, showing some kind of illusion, most of the time associated to whoever’s Resonance energy had been the seed for the Sphere. So, the first few times, Geshu Lin hadn’t been surprised to see memories of battles where his own sword had been drenched with the blood of hundreds, if not thousands of their enemies.

 

But with time, he grew…. uneasy.

 

Yes, he had fought all over the Desorock Highlands and he had done so without much care about his Resonance energy scorching the whole area.

Yes, he had fought a lot of battles, more than most divisions had fought in total, there was a higher chance for his memories to appear.

But every single Sonoro Sphere showing his memories and his memories alone?

Weird. Very weird.

He considered asking Jiyan about it. But although he had a right to know about such things as the general of the Midnight Rangers, it was his field of responsibility after all, Geshu Lin kept silent. Because he knew damn well that Jiyan would want to tag along. Either out of curiosity or concern.

Geshu Lin was in need of neither.

 

And so, he dispersed Sphere after Sphere. Diligently. Discreetly.

And he didn’t falter, even when he saw himself get injured over and over again, when his men fell to all his sides, their desperate cries for help, for mercy, echoing in his ears so loudly that he wanted nothing more than to throw himself into his own sword to enter the blissful silence of death.

He didn’t falter when he treaded through the muddy waters of a river which had run dry by now, crimson staining his clothes as the iron scent filled his nostrils, his tongue heavy with the bitter taste of bile.

He didn’t falter, when he saw the Ovathrax staring right at him.

When it shattered his weapon in two.

When its fangs pierced into his flesh and dragged him across the ground, right over the corpses of his fallen brothers.

When his whole body screamed in agony as flames consumed every last fiber of his, tearing apart the body which had held out for so long.

When the world turned dark, a golden eye staring at him in derision while shrill laughter rang in the air.

 

This was fine. He could deal with this.

Jiyan would be way worse off than him if he had to see this.

 

Jiyan did ask him about the content of the Spheres. More than once actually. But Geshu Lin had always been excellent at giving answers without saying anything of substance at all. Of course, he hadn’t overlooked the pout on Jiyan’s face which grew deeper with each further day. But he had ignored it. It wasn’t the first time that he had denied this curious brat the desired answers. Plus, Jiyan had more than enough to do. Even with Geshu Lin taking on most of the workload, the current General of the Midnight Rangers still seemed to be swamped with paperwork. His terminal was ringing at least every ten minutes when Geshu Lin was visiting him.

He had been so close to throwing the damn thing out the window altogether.

 

The Magistrate had no business annoying him all the time for minor trivialities. They could check on their stupid weapons before sending them to them, couldn’t they? Even though he had been fine (thanks to his Forte smelting the sand corns being hurled around by the wind), it had been quite a nuisance to walk through. So, what would have happened, if Jiyan hadn’t jumped over his shadow and had gone out there on his own?!

He really needed to have a talk with Sanhua sometime soon.

Jiyan was supposed to recuperate. And the Magistrate, of all people, should know this. After all, they needed Jiyan to be in service as soon as possible, didn’t they?!

 

Geshu Lin shouldn’t get this upset about this.

 

And yet.... He couldn’t help but look at Jiyan as he sat there by the sideline, resting on a makeshift bench they (yes, those flimsy excuses of recruits had been competent enough to help him build it) had set up after Jiyan had been caught staring at them from a nearby corner. He was happy to see him there, even if it wasn’t exactly ‘recuperation’.

The frown on his face was finally gone. No, if Geshu Lin wasn’t too bad at reading faces, he would claim that Jiyan looked happy.
Although Geshu Lin could still only laugh at how ridiculous it was that the General of the Midnight Rangers felt the urge to stalk his own men as if he were a worrying mother hen. If he were to make a point, surveil him, the fugitive, as his position commanded him to, he should have come up to them and face him directly. He should have barked orders from the sidelines, just like all of Geshu Lins predecessors had done so. Although on second thought, Geshu Lin had never been a fan of shouting. Well placed physical consequences were far more effective. Well… that was something Jiyan would only be able to resort to in a few months.

 

Jiyan smiled at him and gave him a little wave.

 

Shit, he had stared at him for too long.

Flustered, Geshu Lin turned back to the recruits and barked out a few orders to which they began their next session. Geshu Lin let out a sigh. And for once, it was not due to their lackluster performance. Okay maybe because of that as well, but the primary reason was far different…

 

Four more months ... fucking hell, how was he going to survive this?

 

 

Geshu Lin had accompanied him on the last doctor’s visit. Not on his own volition of course!

But Jiyan had insisted.

And he had had nothing better to do.

Accompanying him had been a surprise enough. Following him into the room hadn’t been part of the deal. He had been shellshocked when Jiyan had asked him to stay in the room. Even the doctor had paled at the proposition.

But Jiyan had stayed firm. And so Geshu Lin obliged.

 

It had been weird, sitting next to Jiyan on the stretcher so close that their hands were almost touching. Not by his own choice, of course. But sitting somewhere else when Jiyan had been patting the empty space next to him while keeping his eyes strictly placed on him... would have been awkward. Plus, he wasn’t going to defy the General of the Midnight Rangers in his own camp. 

He hadn’t commented when Jiyan had grabbed his hand as the doctor cut open his cast. Even Geshu Lin, who had seen more than enough people, counting himself, being sliced open by TD, had felt uneasy when the saw came down on Jiyan’s leg at a nauseating speed.

The doctor had told him that it couldn’t cut flesh. And Jiyan had reassured him. Or reassured them both?

Geshu Lin had no idea. He just remembered Jiyan’s Forte thrumming against his own fingertips, flickering like a candle in the wind.

He had been scared.

A doctor.

Scared of medical procedure.

 

Pathetic.

 

Geshu Lin had been so close to hugging him just to make him feel safe.

 

But of course, he hadn’t. Why would he? It was not his place.

And so, after the procedure they just left, bidding the doctor a curt farewell after he dropped the bombshell on them that Jiyan would be out of service for another four months.

Jiyan had been close to tears. And for once, Geshu Lin couldn’t fault him.

He shouldn’t feel bad for the man, it had been his choice, his mistake, after all. But still…

 

 

“Feeling alright? You’ve been walking slower than usual.”, Geshu Lin turned around to the man walking behind him (if you could even call this walking). It wasn’t far till they would reach the main building, but at this rate, even this little trip would be the journey of an hour. “You’re quiet today.”

Even from a few meters away, he could see Jiyan flinch. Then, the esteemed General of the Midnight Rangers quickly tried to catch up, almost stumbling over his crutches in the process.

Geshu Lin sighed.

“Easy.”, gently he held his hand out to stabilize Jiyan’s posture and keep him from tripping right into his arms. Although… deep down, this image didn’t seem half as bad as it sounded.

 

Fuck, was he still going on about this?

Hadn’t the shameful display at the shower been enough?

 

Hastily, he let go of Jiyan as if the other had burned him and he looked away. Since that day, one on hand it had been a bit better regarding his ‘cravings’, but on the other, he instead was now flooded with images of what he did that day every damn time Jiyan and him had some accidental skin contact. Brushing shoulders on the hallway? Right back to the shower.

It was frustrating.

Geshu Lin could just be glad that Qiuyuan didn’t know about this.

 

“S….SORRY!”

 

Geshu Lin was taken aback at the loud apology Jiyan suddenly blurted out. Confused, he stared at him. Jiyan’s gaze was glued to his hand. Did he… Did his former medic really think it bothered him that that brat had just now almost crashed into him?

“No need. But don’t rush, I told you to hurry, not to kill yourself.”

Jiyan’s eyes widened at this and it looked like he was fighting with himself to overcome the embarrassment. Only after prolonged moment of awkward silence, he spoke up again:

“Earlier, I shouldn’t have touched your hand. Please take my apologies... I...I was sca-“

“No need to say it.”, Geshu Lin shook his head, his heart swelling up in pity as he watched Jiyan beat himself up over nothing. He was literally trembling in front of him… Was it out of shame or fear? And how could he prevent this from happening again?

Geshu Lin let out a frustrated sigh.

But only when he noticed Jiyan wince and bite his lower lip he realized this might have been not the best sound to make at this moment.

“Really, Jiyan, you’re worrying for noth-“

“I shouldn’t have even taken you with me!”

 

Ouch. That hurt more than it should.

But just as Geshu Lin was about to hurl a spiteful reproach at him, Jiyan added to his previous statement, making his previous anger vanish into thin air: “You have enough at hand with all my daily tasks. And the combat missions! And don’t think I forgot about what you told me. I know you don’t want to babysit me and still I asked you something so outrageous. So please…just let me just say that I’m sorry for bothering you so much.”

Only at the last second, Geshu Lin was able to shoot a withering glare at the fire ball who was about to nuzzle Jiyan’s cheek to cheer him up. This was not his place. Even if his Forte loved to claim otherwise. ‘That boy likes me caressing his cheek, so surely it will be the same for you, owner!’ -What a load of bullshit.

Geshu Lin frowned and looked back at Jiyan who seemed to be growing even smaller beneath his gaze. “Because of some simple handholding?”, he scowled, “Jiyan that's the least of my worries. And that saw was fucking scary. Good thing I never had a cast or else someone would have lost their hand.”

His lips stretched into a grin. And thank the Sentinels, it seemed to cheer Jiyan up.

Slowly, he began smiling as well, albeit not as confidently as Geshu Lin and he asked innocently: “So… probably me?”,

Geshu Lin smirked: “Probably you, my personal medic.”

 

He gave a little wave to make Jiyan follow him, this time matching his pace, even if it was excruciatingly slow. But it gave him a chance to avoid eye contact. Because with his heart fluttering like this and seeing that Jiyan didn’t seem to fare much better at the mention of his old title, he knew he wasn’t able to keep a straight face.

 

“Thank you for cheering me up.”, the soft call made him nearly stop dead in his tracks.

“Cheering you up?”, Geshu Lin scoffed, glancing at Jiyan from the side with one raised eyebrow. “I’m setting you straight. You’re always so quick on helping others but never accept help yourself. It’s stupid. And infuriating, to say the least.”

“I understand your frustration, but still… I shouldn’t rely on you so much.“

“Why? I’m here anyways. Best make use of me. Right now, I’m nothing more than your blade. You know what I think of weapons?”

“Whatever weapon your handed, wield it. Don’t question it, just use everything at hand.”, Jiyan just stated flatly, not even meeting his eyes.

But Geshu Lin just chuckled, nudging his shoulder playfully as he stated: “Exactly. Look, you seem remember at least some of my lessons.”

“I remember most.”

 

Geshu Lin froze.

 

“Yet you heed almost none.”

 

His voice was hoarse, not more than a low whisper, sharp as if he intended on cutting through Jiyan’s warm words. This dangerous, way too kind statement that held so much more weight than Jiyan probably knew. It wasn’t supposed to be that way. And Geshu Lin had never wanted to hear it.

 

He felt Jiyan’s stare burning on his skin. At first, he wondered if he should just pick up the pace to escape it. But in the end, Jiyan was the one who spoke up first, mumbling quietly: “... I don’t want to fight.”

 

I don’t agree with your lessons.

Therefore, I didn’t heed them.

I didn’t agree that you wanted to kill us all for victory.

So, I left you to die.

 

Jiyan didn’t say any of these words out loud. But Geshu Lin was certain that he was thinking them. He should be angry. But somehow, he couldn’t help but feel that it would be easier for the both of them if Jiyan just said them, if he would finally be honest with him. But as always, Jiyan stayed silent. Maybe he wanted this dream to last a little longer. And Geshu Lin couldn’t blame him.

 

With a big sigh, he turned to his former subordinate, cringing at the pitiful expression he was wearing right now. Without hesitation, he reached out and ruffled his hair as he dramatically complained: “Why do I always get the troublesome students?” He could hear Jiyan whine as he thoroughly messed up his hair and his heart swelled up in happiness. But then, he calmed down again and let go of the younger man, settling on lifting his chin up with his index finger as he leaned in close.

“But let be clear here, Jiyan. Of all shit you've pulled, this is the least troublesome. I don’t mind helping you. “

“But I shouldn’t even need your help. I...”, Jiyan let out a shaky sigh before he abruptly freed himself from Geshu Lin’s touch, “I'm a disgrace.”

Shocked, Geshu Lin watched as Jiyan let his head hang low in shame and he couldn’t help but get angry at the sight. “What makes you think that?!, he rasped out, grabbing his shirt harshly and dragging him upwards, “Such bullshit-“

“The General of the Midnight Rangers doesn’t rely on anyone but himself!”

 

Static noise filled his ears.

 

A man in uniform on the ground. His pale, soft skin grazed. Smeared blood all across his cheek. A nasty bruise forming at his right eye.

And purple flames circling around him, on the brink of turning him to ashes right then and there.

 

 

Geshu Lin took a long, deep breath.

And another one.

Then, he met Jiyan’s eyes. The other looked at him, but his gaze was dull – desperate. He was begging for Geshu Lin to agree. And why wouldn’t he, when those were his very own words?

But once again, Jiyan had misjudged him.

“To think that I'd ever hear such words from your mouth. Weren’t you the very one who always talked about team spirit and trust in each other?”, he grabbed Jiyan’s shirt even harder and roughly dragged him upwards, until Jiyan’s eyes widened in fear. Geshu Lin didn’t drop him or toss him aside as he had done back then. No, he held onto him as if it were the last thing he would do.

He would keep Jiyan safe.

But this would only work if the other didn’t himself up all the time. ‘Only when you believe in yourself, you will be victorious’ – This was one of the first things Geshu Lin learned. If the Sentinels don’t gaze at you although you’re supposed to have their blessing, screw them. Your own gaze is enough. At least enough to slay a God.

“Or does this only apply to those you swore to protect and not yourself? Even though you’re a soldier just like them?”, he leaned in close to whisper in Jiyan’s ear, “What hypocrite you are, General...”

Geshu Lin’s stomach twisted in a mixture of delight and something far less pure when he heard Jiyan’s Forte fluctuate and felt his sharp gasp on his skin. Confident in his victory, he retreated a bit so he could look at the other’s face yet kept a strong grip on him.

Pain was written all over Jiyan’s face. Pain, Geshu Lin didn’t want to see. He hadn’t reached him at all. His grip loosened.

 

“You never relied on anyone.”, Jiyan hoarsely whispered.

“And you chided me for it.”, Geshu Lin instantly countered, “So why would you refuse to apply the same standard when it concerns you?”

When he let go of Jiyan, it was far gentler than intended. And usually, he wouldn’t prolong skin contact if necessary, but somehow, at this very moment, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So, his hand lingered on Jiyan’s shoulder, carefully brushing out the wrinkles he had created.

“Jiyan…”, he began softly but with his familiar firmness, “I might disagree with you on many things. But in one aspect you were - no doubt - right. Not everything I did was good, let alone admirable. I made mistakes. And my character… “, He laughed awkwardly as he traced Jiyan’s shoulder plate. “Well, it's questionable at best. I give you advice and hope you heed it. But you don’t need to strive to become the kind of general I was. It wouldn’t fit you. And it also isn’t what Jinzhou needs at this time.”

 

With this, he let go, ignoring the fact that Jiyan hadn’t uttered a word during his whole speech and turned away. He took a few steps towards the main entrance.

Silence.

Of course, there was silence.

As if Jiyan could answer anything to this.

He didn’t want his help.

 

Geshu Lin’s mouth opened before he realized it.

 

“Jiyan... don’t let shadows of the past deter you in your path. You're one of the most thoughtful people I know... why do you question your path if you were the one who chose it? Your judgment was always your strength. So have some faith in it. Okay?”

Jiyan stood behind him with an expression as if he had just turned into Sentinel Jue herself. But what happened next would be a sight that would haunt him for many nights to come.

Jiyan’s whole face lit up in happiness. And his eyes… Jue, his eyes were way too pretty like this.

 

“Okay...” The small whisper echoed through the hallway. It was quiet and yet it rang in Geshu Lin’s ears louder than the Ovathrax’s war cries.

 

Fuck, he had thought it had gotten better after that incident in the shower.
It had gotten worse.

 

“Now hurry up or I'll carry you again because at this speed, we'll never reach your damn room.”, he turned around on his heels and fetched his terminal as he marched onwards. Only to stop dead in his tracks.

“No fuck this, it’s already 17.45. We’re going directly to the dining hall, I’m not missing dinner.”

“But I can’t go there in my current clothes, they are sweaty-“

“We’re soldiers! You-“, Geshu Lin groaned in frustration when he saw Jiyan’s expression. That idiot was serious. He took a quick look around. Nobody in sight. The other soldiers were probably already at the dining hall.

Everybody knew that it was ‘First come, first serve’. And today, there were supposed to be Winterbell Mooncakes. Very, VERY limited Winterbell Mooncakes.

Geshu Lin had never been someone to lose.

“You’re In-Suf-Ferable.”

With this, he grabbed Jiyan and ignoring the man’s protest, he began sprinting, the little flame ball carrying the crutches as they darted through the hallways to secure victory.

Or in this case mooncakes.

 

 

“Sir?”

“Excuse me, Sir?”

“SIR!”

 

The shrill female voice made Geshu Lin finally snap out of his thought and made him land (or rather crash) on the hard ground of reality again. Trying to hide his embarrassment, he walked up to the young female recruit who had called out to him and snarled out: “What? And I have a name, you know? You can use it.”

“S…Sir, I wouldn’t dare…”

“Why? It’s a name like anybody else’s. Why is everyone making such a big deal out of it…”, annoyed he rolled his eyes and looked to the culprit in question, sitting on the bench a few meters away, but probably still in earshot. But when he met his eyes, he was surprised to see that Jiyan didn’t look as happy and peaceful as before. No… he looked pissed. Like REALLY pissed. And Geshu Lin had no idea why. If he didn’t know better, he would assume that he had just destroyed all of Jiyan’s medical equipment at once. Why was he making such a face…-

 

“Sir, could you help use with this sword technique? We watched your demonstration earlier, we really did, but when we try to imitate it, something feels very wrong.”

“Then show me.”, Geshu Lin huffed, swiftly turning away from the sulking brat behind him and shifted his attention towards his primary job at hand (which was also far easier!)

The woman and two of her friends which had come closer in the meantime showed him a few strikes. Which were all subpar to say the least.

Jue, even if he had chewed out Jiyan during their lessons so often that his voice had even been hoarse from time to time, he couldn’t deny that baby medic Jiyan had always been way better than any of these rookies. How on earth was he supposed to get them ready for battle in a year? Even if they weren’t going up against a Threnodian, with these kinds of skills even a Tick Tack would pose a challenge.

“You need to put your lower hand almost at the end of the hilt. It shouldn’t touch the other. This is not a greatsword, you need the extra power.”

“So… more like this, Sir?”

“No, that’s even worse!”, Geshu Lin groaned in frustration as the woman tried again and again to fix her positioning, only to screw it up even more.

 

Fed up with her incompetence, he lunged forward and grabbed her wrists, pulling them in position. Of course, he didn’t grab her too hard, only to lead her, not to hurt her. After all, Jiyan had pleaded with him to treat his beloved recruits well.

Otherwise Geshu Lin would have long beaten them all to the curb.

“Here. Just hold it like this, thumb down there, not upwards, do you want to break it? No? Seems like you fucking do.”, he huffed and then let go judging her with a keen glare as she looked at him with eyes that reminded him of a startled deer. The spring breeze was picking up, rustling his hair as if it had a personal grudge against it. Huh, maybe it would rain later in the day. Wind changes like this were rare in the desert…

“So, I just swing it down like this?!”

“NO!”, Geshu Lin cursed as his poor eyes had to witness the worst sword attack in all of Jinzhou’s history and he rushed forward to grab her arm.

 

Deep breaths, Geshu Lin.

 This is still Jiyan’s subordinate.

“Just…. Follow my lead, okay?”, he sighed, putting one hand at her shoulder the other at her lower arm. The woman went rigid as an ice statue, but Geshu Lin ignored it. He was teaching her – she should be grateful. “So… shoulder back, then start like this… yes and then do a wavelike motion with your elbow and wrist-“

 

This was fine, right? Jue, Geshu Lin hated teaching idiots. Especially when he had to be patient. But Jiyan was surely happy at how much he cared-

 

He locked eyes with Jiyan expecting a smile, maybe even a small sign of applause. He didn’t expect to be met with the most scornful gaze he had ever seen. Only now he realized that the wind was now howling around the camp’s wall, the tree’s shaking beneath the might of nature.

Only that this wasn’t nature.

This was a very angry Aero Resonator. Who was, for whatever mind-blowing reason, not capable of keeping his Forte at bay. Or he refused to. Which would confuse Geshu Lin even more.

 

But as quickly as the wind had picked up, they vanished again. And Jiyan looked away.

As if nothing had happened.

 

What the fuck.

 

Geshu Lin had no idea what on earth was going on, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to run after Jiyan if he really wanted to play petulant child. Frustrated, he looked back to the soldier and finished with her the strike. He could have gone over to Jiyan right then and there, but if the man wasn’t going to speak up about what bothered him, he wasn’t going to either. So, he just let the woman and her friends repeat the technique a few times until it was at least ‘passable’ (still trash but at least enough to disarm an Exile) before he gave them a curt nod of approval.

But what now? Go over to Jiyan? The man still didn’t meet his eye.

He sighed in annoyance.

 

If that brat would only communicate…

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed another soldier who seemed keen on getting his thumb broken. For a second, maybe partly due to his frustration, he was itching to kick the sword out of his hands and show him the consequences of his mistake. But in the end, Geshu Lin was still a man of self-composure and so he walked over to him.

“Your stance is shit.”

The man performed another strike, equally as bad as the first one.

“Hey, are you deaf? You’re holding it wrong. Thumb up or no thumb at all, your choice.”

Another strike. His leg was itching for a well-placed kick.

 

Jiyan is watching.

JIYAN IS WATCHING.

 

Frustrated, Geshu Lin tried to grab the man’s arm as he began another strike. But as he did so, the man instantly ripped free of his grasp. Geshu Lin had to do a double-take when the soldier turned towards him. He was not only annoyed, no, his face was contorted in anger, his eyes burning with hatred he hadn’t seen in such intensity for quite a while.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Geez, someone’s having a bad day.”, Geshu Lin yawned, keenly keeping an eye on the surrounding soldiers. The first had slowed dowqn in their movement. They were listening.

Usually, he would have kicked that brat into the ground long ago. But he wasn’t a General anymore.

“I’m always having a bad day when I have to see your face.”

“Ah, you’re that guy who first spoke up against me, when I arrived here. Lang Fei, right?”, Geshu Lin casually smiled and then pointed behind himself, “Y’know, if you have complaints, just go up to your General and tell him. Not as if I could stop you.”

The soldier’s expression only darkened. “Keep my name out of your filthy mouth. And spare me the mockery. There’s no use of talking to the General. Everyone knows that the he is forced to keep you here because of the Magistrate.”

“Well…”, Geshu Lin’s expression got grim and for the blink of an eye, he let his façade slip, and scorned the soldier with an expression of pure disgust, “If you want to believe that, then so be it. But you’re still his soldier, so act like it. You’re in training. I’m telling you to get better. For his sake, not for mine, I couldn’t care less about this shit country and its people.”

“Oh, I know that. Everybody knows. You never cared about this country and its people to begin with, didn’t you?”

 

Deep breaths, Geshu Lin.

Very. Deep. Breaths.

 

From the shocked gasps around him, he knew that the others must have heard everything. What about Jiyan? He craved to find out. But if he were to turn around, it would be a sign of him asking for help. Which it wasn’t. Not that Geshu Lin would be ashamed of asking for help (okay maybe he would be. But usually, he would have never asked for help anyways.), but he didn’t WANT Jiyan to help. It would only mean trouble. And that brat was supposed to recuperate.

 

No, Geshu Lin was perfectly capable of handling such a rude idiot on his own. There were many ways to show someone their place. Violence was the quickest one. But Geshu Lin hadn’t been a General for nothing these ten years.

“Then you can rejoice because you’re only alive because of a guy who hates people. Your home is still standing because of a guy who despised it all his life. If this is the case, how easy must it be for you to do better?”, he grinned darkly, feeling his Forte brim with rage beneath his skin. The next words were ice-cold and yet his face was nothing but friendly. “I await your results, recruit.”

He abruptly turned away and gave a curt wave. “Try not to break your thump one the way, will ya’?”

 

Countless stares were burning in his back when he stepped away, the whispers a choir of both admiration and hatred. Geshu Lin knew this feeling all too well. And just like back then, he stepped over all of it, without looking back. Only this time, he didn’t have to walk over the bodies of his dead comrades while doing so. So, everything was not only fine but even better than back then. He should rejoice.

And still, he felt as uncomfortable as back then, when moments of weakness washed over him, clawing at his still human-soul as the cruelties of war caught up to him.

He wanted to get out of here. Not because he was afraid of the soldier, no, that couldn’t be further from the truth. But he wasn’t sure whether he would be able to keep his cool if he tried to provoke him again. He could take insults about his faith in Jinzhou and its people. He was used to hearing tales about his bloodlust, his cruel and twisted character, it was nothing new.

But if that Ranger were to insult his attitude towards his men, sullied the bonds he had cherished along his way, those intricate ribbons of life he had treasured until fate had forced him to snap them – Geshu Lin knew that even if his body would have still been the same, he wouldn’t be able to keep his cool.

 

 

Geshu Lin tried to act as always as he paved a path through the chattering recruits. He wasn’t even sure where he was going, his feet moved on their own. Until something appeared in front of them. One black boot. One cast.

The wind gently brushed along his cheek as if it were caressing it. He looked up without a word. And was immediately met with golden eyes that looked at him with so much concern, so much care, that he was at a loss for words for a moment. There was no doubt – Jiyan had heard everything.

Geshu Lin should say something. Although he had urged Jiyan to proceed with caution, to stop reprimanding his men for scorning an official fugitive damned by both the magistrate and the public, Jiyan’s current expression was more than enough to have him concerned.

 

“Interested in my lesson as well, General?”, he smiled innocently, but deep down he knew that his words sounded hollow, even to his own ears. Jiyan’s frown only deepened.

“What did he say to you?”, Jiyan’s question was short, yet was accompanied by a frequency that left no room for interpretation. But where there was no room, Geshu Lin was always quick to make some.

“Nothing of importance.”, he swiftly answered, holding Jiyan’s gaze for a moment until he ultimately did grow uncomfortable with the golden embers boring right into him. Back then, Jiyan had never made him feel this uneasy… what had changed? Maybe he should just leave…-

“Geshu Lin.”

The hand at his wrist was unexpected.

The crutch almost falling to the ground as well.

 

In his mind, he quickly thanked his flame ball for catching it almost immediately.

“I’m not obligated to give you an answer. I may help you right now, but the command I heed is not given by you and will never be given by you.”, Geshu Lin made a point to keep his voice low, enough to make his point clear but simultaneously avoiding to attract the attention of the other recruits.

Well… or rather prevent them from listening in. Their attention had long been glued to them. And who could fault them when the former and current General of the Midnight Rangers appeared to be arguing?
Jiyan’s face fell visibly at his words and Geshu Lin almost chided him out in the open for having his shoulders slump like that. But he knew that this would make everything worse.

 

So, he settled on another strategy.

 

“I’m fine. I dealt with it. Keep doing your part and I’m doing mine.”, with a smile of reassurance he mustered Jiyan before he teasingly added: “And fix your face. Look any grumpier and the recruits will run away from you instead of me, Jiyan. This whole training, you’ve looked as if a Dreadmane shat on your plate this breakfast. What’s on your mind?”

At this, Jiyan’s eyes widened and for a moment, his composure seemed to crack, revealing a flustered mess Geshu Lin honestly hadn’t expected.

“I…”, Jiyan stammered nervously, before finally remembering his current position, “I just felt frustrated. I want to be part of the training. Sitting at the sidelines because I’m literally useless is annoying.”

 

Oh, so Jiyan had been so pouty earlier because he had wanted to participate as well? Was he perhaps missing their past sparring sessions? So this was why he had glared at the poor recruit! (And nearly robbed several trees of their leaves).

How could he cheer him up?

Sparring was out of the picture, that much was even clear to him. Although he mourned the absence of his favorite training partner. Even if Jiyan hadn’t been on his skill level back then, he had been the best Resonator at his camp. By far. Of course, because he had trained this brat so well! When Jiyan had arrived at the Midnight Rangers, he had only been able to hold a measly sword, even attacking had been a misery with him. Geshu Lin had been the one to teach him how to wield a broadblade, how to fight, how to attack, how to kill. And when he had awakened, Geshu Lin had taught him how to wield his Forte-

Wait.

Forte.

 

Geshu Lin just got a brilliant idea.

 

Confidently, Geshu Lin retrieved Jiyan’s crutch from the flame ball and returned it to its owner, before he brightly grinned at him: “Then let’s fix this problem. Get ready – we’ll be having some fun.”

“What do you mean…?”

“How about a spar?”

Just as expected, Jiyan’s face slipped in shock and Geshu Lin had to do his best to not burst out laughing. The younger man looked like a startled bunny before he finally uttered, shaken with disbelief: “A spar?! Are you insane?”

“Mh, why not? You’re bored. I’m bored. And it’s been a while. Don’t you want to see how we’re matched nowadays? Or just to blow off some steam?”
“Gen-… Geshu Lin, you do realize that I’m at crutches? I can’t even walk properly, there’s no way I’d be any match-”
“I’m not talking about an ordinary spar.”, Geshu Lin drawled out casually, his smirk growing even wider.

“Then what-“

“Forte Tap.”

 

 

Jiyan froze. One second went by, two… “You can’t be serious.”

“I absolutely am.”, Geshu Lin smirked, leaning a bit closer so he was towering over Jiyan who still seemed at a total loss for words.
“Forte Tap. Of all things.”, he finally sputtered out, looking at him as if he had just claimed that their Sentinel had been a Threnodian all along.

“Why not? It’s the best way to train your Forte. And you didn’t have many Resonators to fight these past four years.”, Geshu Lin’s grin widened as he lazily drawled out, “Surely, you’re only acting this way, because you’ve been getting rusty.”

“I-I’m not rusty!”, Jiyan pouted, his body language screaming flusterment as he leaned a bit back as if he was trying to get distance between them without having to take as step. With a frown, he then nodded downwards towards his leg and asked glumly: “But even if the cast was just freshly redone, I’m not sure if it should be close to strong winds let alone fire! What if you accidentally burn it?”

“Jiyan.”, Geshu Lin gave him a deadpan stare, “You’re talking to the very man that set half of Deadfall Barrens ablaze without so much as singing a single hair of his allies. I believe your cast should be fine.”

And before Jiyan could evade him any further, he leaned even closer, momentarily ignoring the countless soldiers around them and invaded Jiyan’s personal space, his wrist innocently trailing from the crutches up to his wrist. For a short moment, he heated up his fingertips. Jiyan’s sharp inhale wasn’t lost on him.

 

Oh, so he liked that, didn’t he?

 

Geshu Lin did as well.

He wanted to do it more often.

 

“There’s no good reason why you should refuse me. You claim you’re fed up with sitting around yet you run away like a frightened bunny. Are you really that scared, little dragon?”, he whispered in a low voice, only for Jiyan to hear.

Oh, how he relished in the subtle flush that now spread on Jiyan’s cheeks. It was so easy to tease him-

Golden eyes met his own with firm determination, burning with tenacity and resolve like he had never seen in anybody else. A face flashed in front of his eyes – young and naïve, yet ready to fight the world to fight at the frontline, to stand by his side. It had been the first moment Geshu Lin had truly laid eyes on Jiyan, not just combat medic #4576.

 

“I’m not scared of you.”

 

The teasing remarks got stuck in his throat. Suddenly, the world which had felt so loud, was silent. Only him and Jiyan. The man was so close to him. His fingers were still lingering close to his wrist.

Oh, how easy it would be to grab it and to pull the other flush against him, to hold him, to kiss-

No. Jiyan had no idea about his thoughts. And he had no idea about him and what he had become.

Never once had the dissonant pulsing in his chest felt this nauseating.

His mouth felt awfully dry when spoke up again, his words far more hollow than he had intended to: “Good. Seems like you learned something in these past years.”

 

Hastily, he let go of Jiyan as if the other had burned him (funny, considering who of them was the Fusion Resonator). But it really did feel like Jiyan had replaced his Aero powers for Geshu Lin’s – his whole skin was tingling as if he had fallen in a bush of poison ivy. No, this brat wasn’t making him feel flustered, absolutely not!

 

“Geshu Lin.”

 

Oh, how could a simple call of his name make him feel so… weak?

 

Jiyan’s crutches clacked against the metal tiles as he followed him until he was back in earshot, guaranteeing that the soldiers, which were still staring at them in bewilderment or curiosity or awe – whatever you wanted to call it – couldn’t hear them.

 

“Just before we start, let me make this clear… I was never scared of you. And will never be.”

Bitterness welled up in Geshu Lin’s throat. His naivete hadn’t changed in all these years, huh? Glumly, he rasped out: “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

But Jiyan’s gaze was firm, his resolve unwavering just as Geshu Lin had always loved about him. “No. you don’t understand. This is a promise. I will be scared for you, never of you. I swear it on my oath.”

“The oath of the Midnight Rangers of doesn’t mean anything to me.”, Geshu Lin gritted his teeth, bitter memories of lonely moonless nights flashing before his mind.

 

 

“Sentinel, why do you forsake us? I did everything the Magistrate told me to, I even read your fucking scriptures! Jinzhou is your territory, these are your people! And yet you do nothing! Nothing!”

 

“Does it really not matter to you when those monster trample over their bodies, when they feed on the corpses of children, elderly, women? Why are you even a God then? Just who are we praying to?!”

 

 

“I’m not talking about that one.”

“Then the one about the Magistrate? Hah, that one means even less-“

“I’m talking about the oath I pledged to you, Geshu Lin.”

“I’m not a General anymore. It’s naught.”

“I swore to serve you, not the title around it. Weren’t you the one who always said that titles were nothing but show. That only actions mattered?”, Jiyan took even another step close so he was right up in Geshu Lin’s face, his eyes shining like the radiant sun. Geshu Lin felt sick to his stomach with an emotion he didn’t want to name.

“Those are nothing but words. I lost my faith in those long ago. And I’ve had my fair share of your actions, so do you really think you have the right to say this? But let us strike a deal: I’ll give you a chance. I’ll hear you out..”, his grin felt foreign on his face as he met Jiyan’s gaze one final time, before he took a few steps back to bring distance between them, “If you can hit me, even once, that is.”

 

 

It didn’t take long for the message to spread in camp that the former and current General would go up in a fight. Of course, no one wanted to miss this kind of spectacle. Soon, more people than probably should fit in there, were squeezed in at the yard, forming a circle around them as Geshu Lin positioned himself five meters away from Jiyan who sat on the bench on the opposite side. At first, Jiyan had wanted to do the battle while standing upright, but Geshu Lin (and the other soldiers) had quickly made him see reason. Geshu Lin knew that Jiyan didn’t like to admit it, but his Forte control was heavily reliant on guidance, either by his spear or his hands. So, unless he wanted to start swinging his crutches around, he shouldn’t follow this strategy.

“Ready, General?”, he called out to his former subordinate, the teasing smirk on his face brighter than ever as a rush of excitement filled his body.

 

It had been so long since they had sparred.

Oh, how he had missed this.

 

“One tap of the owner Forte on the other’s body and it’s victory, right?”

“Right.”

Geshu Lin beamed with battlelust. But he tried to muster up his politest tone as he added: “Oh and don’t worry, I’ll leave your cast alone. Everywhere is fine though, right?”

“You will not land a hit on me anyways, but yes.”, Jiyan grinned as well raised his hand to which Qingloong instantly manifested behind him. Around them, countless cheers erupted. The air hummed with rampant resonance frequency.

 

Oh, Geshu Lin loved seeing Jiyan like this. His former shy medic now ready to fight him as his equal.

Fuck, just the feeling before the battle was making him dizzy with giddiness. He would get addicted to this…

“Okay then. Soldiers, are you ready to give us a countdown?”, he yelled out to the Rangers, taking a battle stance as well.

Instantly the crowd perked up in excitement and obeyed his command. The air grew even warmer. Geshu Lin felt his Forte hum with happiness, yearning to clash with those frequencies that were so close and yet just barely out of reach, devour them and show the world who was on top.

“3.”

 

Geshu Lin closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, relishing in the energy thrumming all around.

 

“2.”

 

He opened his eyes. Jiyan was looking right at him. The wind was tugging at his hair, Qingloong swirling around him as if he were in total control of the almighty Loong. His golden eyes glowed faintly. Like a God.

The Sentinels couldn’t look more ethereal than this.

 

“1.”

 

His lips curved up into a bright smile. He shifted his weight onto his right left. The sand beneath his booth started melting. Jiyan was looking straight at him. And he was smiling, too. His lips formed a single word, one that made Geshu Lin’s whole body twist with violent desire.

‘Come.’

 

The world lit up in purple.

 

As expected, Jiyan had improved in the past few years, so Geshu Lin wasn’t surprised to see him block his strikes midway, clean winds shredding through his flames as if they were nothing but paper cranes. But Geshu Lin blocked his strikes with the same ease, crushing the winds with his flames as he surrounded and trapped them, only to devour them whole. Shockwave after shockwave flashed across the plaza, attacks shot from all angles at all speed, trying to find each other’s weak spots. Or rather find out if they were still the same. Geshu Lin’s heart raced in delight as he realized that the weaknesses Jiyan had had back then, those he had easily extorted again and again were mostly gone.

Oh, he had grown so much.

No, not just grown – he was his equal now.

 

‘He’s worthy of being my successor.’

 

He was shocked to feel the realization dawn on him. Too shocked. Just barely he managed to fend off Qingloong as it lunged at him ready to sink its teeth into his shoulder. Geshu Lin had nearly pulled out his claymore on instinct. Just at the last moment, he remembered that this wasn’t a normal spar, just Forte Tap and therefore no weapons or movement was allowed. His own fire prickled on his skin as the flame wall went up not even a hand’s length away from his face as it blocked Qingloong and then grabbed and flung it away as if it were nothing but a pesky animal.

“Close one, Jiyan. You’ve grown quite a bit.”

“Thank you, Gen-, Geshu Lin.”

Geshu Lin couldn’t help but chuckle at the title mess-up and he decided, even though he had corrected himself, it was a good moment to punish Jiyan for messing this up even after all the time he had stayed here already.

It only took a short moment of focus, of calling upon the violent, scorching hot surges of power thrumming in his veins as if they were lava before they ripped out from his arm, purple flames shooting forward as a giant clawing attack coming down on Jiyan like a rain from hell.

Back then, at the latest by now, Jiyan would have faltered. Blocking of all of these… no one had managed to do so. Yhan had come close, Sanhua as well, but never Jiyan-

 

Qingloong swallowed his flames whole in one swing.

 

Geshu Lin’s heart trembled with happiness.

“Wow.”, he whistled, rubbing his arm which was burning from the exertion as if someone had poured disinfectant on open scrape wounds. “Seems like your dragon is not so little anymore.”

“I told you, I’ll give you proof of my sincerity.”
“You did.”, Geshu Lin smiled warmly, before his face got stern again. He wasn’t going to make this easy. “But you need to try harder. I was just warming up.”

“So was I.”

 

 

Without a moment of hesitation, Jiyan raised his arm towards him, the winds instantly picking up in strength. The leaves of the trees around them rustled until several got even loose and started whirling around them as more and more wind currents gathered.

 

“Ready for me?”, Jiyan smiled.

“Always, Jiyan.”

 

That brat had definitely not taken his breath away with just three little words.

 

Sentinels, he was beautiful. Way too beautiful.

Geshu Lin had never been one to accept defeat. But right now… losing didn’t sound as bad.

 

The winds came down on him like a thunderstorm, violently clawing at him from all sides at mindboggling speed. But Geshu Lin hadn’t been the youngest General for nothing. Ten years of combat experience had been engraved into his movement, no, into his very soul and so the flames matched Jiyan’s speed. He did try to outspeed him, but after then twentieth strike blocked, he had to admit that it wasn’t possible.

Not any longer.

Jiyan was faster than him.

 

How exhilarating.

 

But Geshu Lin knew that speed came at a price. He might be slower, but he was stronger. So, he increased the firepower not only blocking Jiyan’s strike but actively pulling in the wind currents to absorb them, devouring those pristine refined frequencies Jiyan was so proud of. He might be wielding scalpel blades, but even the sharpest blade could be molten.

Geshu Lin’s whole body thrummed with battlelust and he slowly lowered his center of balance. Hot streams of energy filled his entire body. They were pulsing in sync with his heartbeat, a familiar melody which had accompanied him for so many days, had illuminated even the darkest night when all hope had seemed lost. The temperature around him increased to unknown heights. The cheers in the background became muffled.

 

What kind of face would Jiyan make if he saw this attack?

Had he ever shown it to anyone out of battle?

It was his most beautiful, yet also most difficult attack, the one he was the proudest of. Never once had he been able to go all out against someone from his past.

Jiyan’s winds perked up in alarm. And rightfully so.

 

Are you ready, my dearest dragon?

 

The blazing trails of fire sped through his body, countless scorching hot ribbons forming a long line spiraling around his legs, his torso, as they flowed upwards towards his arm.

 

He would win.

Oh, he would so win, and then he would tower over Jiyan, relish in the sight of the man admitting his defeat. He would help him up and drink up that beautiful smile-

 

Something cracked.

 

A cold claw ripped through the ribbons, followed by an excruciating heat wave that scorched all his synapses at once. Only searing pain followed, his whole body numb to whatever was happening to it. His once immaculate Forte Control…. Torn to shreds. The heat around him suddenly felt stifling.

Everything felt wrong.

For the first time since his death, Geshu Lin felt true panic.

 

 

And then laughter hit his ears. Mocking, painful laughter that instantly made his body clench up in horror.

 

OVATHRAX.

 

Nononono this couldn’t be happening, he wasn’t going to lose control right in front of-

 

The ribbons were reattached with hot strings. But they weren’t his to command. No, the hand that lead him, the hand that was pointing right now at Jiyan, wasn’t his own anymore.

 

Geshu Lin’s mouth opened to cry out a desperate warning.

But his lips didn’t move one bit.

 

Geshu Lin felt nothing when the purple flames shot out from his body.

He felt nothing when they lunged at Jiyan, far stronger and violent that he would ever allowed.

He felt nothing when everything was washed away in the purple fire, Jiyan, the soldiers, the camp-

 

I killed them all.

Jue, what have I done.

 

I KILLED THEM ALL.

 

No, no this can’t be real. I’m dreaming…

 

And yet his whole body burned with the flames he knew, hummed in a frequency that was so painfully his own until it wasn’t.

 

Bile filled his mouth but he couldn’t even puke. The one holding his body captive didn’t allow it.

 

I shouldn’t have come here.

No, I…. I shouldn’t have even come back from the dead at all.

 

 

A familiar jingle rang through the air. And then suddenly, all flames dispersed, returning to nothing but purple embers that were slowly falling from the sky as if they were weird, foreign, peaceful snowflakes. The winds gently guided them to the ground.

As if they were something to be cherished.

 

Geshu Lin nearly fell to his knees right then and there and puked his guts out.

And the urge got even stronger, when he finally managed to bring up the courage to look up at the man in front of him.

He should be glad that there was even someone left on that bench, not just a pile of ashes. But when those kind eyes stared at him with nothing but worry and care, he couldn’t feel worse. Shame gripped his heart so tightly that he thought that it would be crushed beneath it. Breathing was so hard.

 

I need to run away.

 

“Whew…. That was close!”

 

The words were light-hearted. But oh so fake.

 

I need to run away.

 

“But I guess, we can now clearly see how this man defeated the almighty Ovathrax, right, Rangers?”

 

The cheers felt like ridicule, piercing into his skin like thousand icy cold needles.

 

I NEED TO RUN AWAY.

 

Something wet ran down his cheek. Dumbfounded, he lifted his hand up to wipe it away. On his pale skin, the crimson red looked like the blood-soaked winterbells after the Battle against the Bellborne Geochelone.

It should be a sight to panic him. To make him feel embarrassed of his shortcoming.

 

Instead, Geshu Lin felt nothing but relief.

The laugh which echoed across the yard, must have sounded light-hearted to bystanders. In his eyes, it was just the hollow barking of a monster. It was supposed to be his laughter and yet…

Yet he could only hear the Ovathrax in his voice.

 

Instantly, the training yard fell quiet. All eyes were on him. Just like always.

 

Keep your body straight, your face perfect – everybody is relying on you.

 

Why have you come back if you are nothing but a danger to all of them?

 

“Seems like you won. Congratulations, General.”

He acted as if he was looking at Jiyan. But he was staring straight through him, his sight blurry as his body finally caught up with the overexertion of his Forte. Or was it the shame, blinding his vision so he couldn’t lay eyes on the one thing that had brought him solace in such moments back then?

He wasn’t allowed to use Jiyan that way ever again. Right now, he had nearly killed his camp, his men and Jiyan as well.

 

General Geshu Lin had never fled a battlefield. He had even refused to leave the training yard if a soldier had been so outstanding to land a hit on him. It had been one of his favorite compliments ‘General Geshu Lin isn’t a sore loser!’  The Magistrate had been in disbelief when he had kowtowed in front of the remaining families after a particularly hard battle which had taken out over a thousand men.

 

Today, Geshu Lin ran away for the first time in his life.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

“General, that was awesome!”

“How did you do that? It was so fast I couldn’t even see it!”

“Yes, I just saw the flames go whoosh and my face was so hot – I swear, any closer and those flames would have singed my hair!”
“Yeah, it was scary! General, your winds are awesome!”

“You fought off all of his flames at once!”

“And you managed to hit him!”

“He defeated the Bloodbathed General in just ten seconds! While not even being recuperated yet-“

“Yeah, he beat him! Even though he’s injured! Maybe you’ll go down in history as the one-legged General!”

“Hey you, cut the crap!”

“So rude. Look, the General is mad at you.”

 

The countless shouts and agitated chatter were nothing but background noise to Jiyan, slowly fizzling out as he stared after the white speck of hair disappearing between the buildings in the shade of the trees. Static noise began filling his ears as reality finally caught up to him and he just barely suppressed a shudder.

 

Jue, Geshu Lin nearly wiped out the whole camp.

 

Jiyan swallowed hard and let his gaze wander across the yard. Everything looked as always. But his eyes were sharper than most. Or maybe he just knew more.

The leaves which had fallen from the tree when his strong winds had tugged at the branches were no more. Most were nothing but ashes, inconspicuously lying around on the equally grey metal tiles. If one didn’t take a closer look, it was easy to think they were dust.

Hadn’t Jiyan reacted this quickly, hadn’t Qingloong allowed him to use his full power… his recruits would now lay alongside these ashes.

 

Had Geshu Lin intended to do so?

 

Jiyan knew that he should ask himself this question, it was his duty as the General of the Midnight Rangers. This could have very well been an assassination attempt on him, the Rangers, the whole camp.

But one glance at Geshu Lin’s face had been enough to know that the truth couldn’t be farther away.

 

Never had he seen Geshu Lin this… distraught. Even when he had rallied his men to go up against the Ovathrax, even when they had first encountered the Retroact Rain and had realized, just what they were up against, Geshu Lin had never shown this kind of raw panic on his face. A big, heavy ball of dread and worry weighed down on Jiyan’s stomach, making waves of nausea wash over him again and again.

 

He had to find Geshu Lin.

He needed answers.

 

 

But easier said than done. Firstly, Jiyan was bound by duty and so he couldn’t go up and leave his recruits who were now missing a trainer. It was easier to make up a flimsy excuse regarding some ‘urgent matters’ or ‘shipping incident’ to explain Geshu Lin’s absence, but it didn’t solve the initial problem. Jiyan was stuck. And so, he could only take his leave (or as malicious tongues would claim: ‘flee the scene’) an hour later when the training was official over. It was soon lunch time.

Geshu Lin had always loved lunch. It had been rare to get the chance during the war against the Ovathrax to eat lunch, especially a fulfilling one like the one currently served at the main camp. It had been one of the few luxuries Jiyan had promoted when he had risen to his position. Usually, he wasn’t keen on throwing money out the window. But good food kept the troop morale high and made his men energized.

And he really didn’t want to eat Bitberries ever again, if it was possible.

 

Since his arrival, Geshu Lin had only missed few mealtimes. Lunch had never been one of them.

Jiyan knew that it was stupid of him to worry about him. This was a grown man deciding not to attend lunch! He wasn’t even a soldier under his command, so Jiyan had no power nor reason to scold him for his absence.

And still, Jiyan wasn’t able to eat more than a few bites before he left the dining hall, as sneakily as possible, and began searching.

 

And search he did. If there had been any day when Jiyan had cursed the crutches existence, today would mark a new high. Jue, if he tripped one more time…

It took him three damn hours to cross the whole camp. Three!

In that time, Geshu Lin could have run a thousand lapses around it.

Or out the walls. Towards… who knows where.

 

Jiyan hadn’t dared to ask him where he had stayed before. ‘A wanderer’, Geshu Lin had claimed. But wandering where from and where to? Geshu Lin had never struck him as someone who would relish in the beauty of nature. At first, he had assumed that he had just misunderstood the man. But the more time they had spent together, the harder it was for Jiyan to see Geshu Lin as a wanderer looking at the beauty in this world. A sellsword? Sure. A rogue who was eradicating Tacet Discord just for fun? Absolutely.

But a wanderer?

And he still hadn’t found out who that mysterious black cat person was from Geshu Lin’s contact list. A while ago, Geshu Lin had left his terminal with him again. Unlocked. But this time, his gaze when he had handed it to Jiyan, had spoken more than thousand words. And Jiyan had done nothing but stare at the black screen until his door had finally opened up again and its owner had returned. The terminal had vibrated in the meantime a few times. And when the screen had lit up, the black cat icon had greeted him every single time.

Whoever it was, he was actively writing Geshu Lin. And the man seemed to listen to him, otherwise anyone with that kind of chattiness would have given up after a few days. Geshu Lin hated people spamming him with texts, Jiyan had seen this countless times in the past. So, whoever the black cat was… he seemed to be important to Geshu Lin.

Maybe, they understood him.

Maybe, they would have long found him by now.

 

Jiyan swallowed hard as he leaned against a wall for a moment, resting as his leg pulsed in angry pain.

“I can just hope that he hasn’t left the camp yet…”, Jiyan whispered crestfallen, closing his eyes for a moment until a cool, familiar touched brushed by his cheek. When he looked up again, Qingloong was nuzzling against his cheek as it silently encouraged him.

“Do you think he’s still here?”, Jiyan sighed heavily as he stared at the sky. The sun was already hanging low, almost touching the camp’s outer walls. 

This whole afternoon he had been looking for Geshu Lin.

Truth be told, it wasn’t the first time that he was stuck in this situation. Back then, Jiyan had always been the first person to be sent looking for his General when the man had yet again vanished into thin air. First and foremost, because Jiyan had been really good at finding people. Maybe it was due to his sharp eyes maybe due to the fact that as a doctor, he knew the habits of most of his patients by heart. And although Geshu Lin was certainly one of those he didn’t know as well, he still had some knowledge about his preferred hiding spots. Or rather what he was hiding from and where Jiyan would definitely NOT find him.

Secondly, Geshu Lin hated to be found. And he had always made a point of making the world know this. Jiyan personally had treated at least five soldiers who arrived at his infirmary with burns of varying degrees because they had disturbed the Geneal at whatever he had been doing while the whole camp was asking for him.

One day, it had been Jiyan’s turn.

Jiyan still remembered it vividly: a call from the Magistrate, a denied request for more weapons. When it arrived, the general was nowhere to be seen and yet someone had to relay the message. Twenty people had been present at that time. Each and every of them had refused to look for him almost immediately. And so, Jiyan had gone out to search him. And for the first time, that evening, a soldier had arrived not only without burns but also with Geshu Lin by his side.

Afterwards, Jiyan had always been the one to task with searching for his General. It even went that far that Geshu Lin made a point out ff it by disappearing on purpose, waiting for Jiyan to come get him, if something urgent had come up.

 

“General, the whole camp has been looking for you for four hours!”

“Yeah, I noticed. So what?”

“They demand your presence.”
“And I demand my peace. So, what are you going to do about it, medic?”

“… I brought you the papers. You just need to stamp them.”
“Kay.”

“You’re not even going to read them?”

“Why would I? You’re the one who delivered them.”

“You…Ah forget it…”

“Always happy to count on you, my dearest medic!”

 

Jiyan took a deep breath and a small smile formed on his lips at the fond memories.

 

He had done this so many times.

He could do it again.

 

...But with crutches?

 

Jiyan bit his lips in frustration as he glared at the cast. His leg hurt like hell because he had been running around for so long. The doctor had warned him to not overstrain it again.

Easier said than done with someone like Geshu Lin by his side. In the distance, he could the wind rustling the tree’s leaves.

Wind…

 

WIND!

 

Jiyan’s eyes lit up in excitement as an idea came to his head and he quickly turned to QIngloong which was still hovering next to him like a worried mother hen.

“Qingloong, can you help me out? I need you to scout the area. Everything in this camp, even the smallest gap between building!”

 Yes, he could have left the camp, but Geshu Lin has always kept his promises. He couldn’t leave the camp right now when Sanhua’s plea is still active.

 

Like chains of destiny tying us together. Geshu Lin , what do you think about this?

 

“But don’t let him catch you. If he finds out and runs away, I have no chance of catching him, okay?”

 

With this, he took a deep breath, letting the air in his lungs resonate with the currents around him as if he were sliding his fingers along a delicate silk ribbon. The ribbon got longer and longer dividing itself into countless parts.

When Jiyan felt all ribbons, he slowly opened his eyes again. All winds in the camp were at his command.

“Scatter. And return to me as soon as possible.”

 

‘As soon as possible’ was up to definition, as it seemed. Jiyan couldn’t suppress the urge to look at his terminal more times than it was possibly healthy as he sat down on a nearby container as he was waiting for his winds return. Never once had waiting felt this excruciating. But when the winds finally returned, all frustration was gone in an instant. Instead, Jiyan listened to their whispers with excitement, almost like a child giddily jumping up and down in front of the kitchen where behind the door cake and presents were waiting in celebration of their birthday.

Only that there was nothing to celebrate.

Wind after wind came to him, each one more crestfallen as they admitted defeat.

Jiyan almost gave up.

Almost.

 

But then, the last wind arrived, far later than the other ones. Its words were quiet, yet they rang in Jiyan’s soul louder than if someone had screamed at the top of their lungs. Instantly he stood up and picked up the crutches, hurrying along as the wind flew in front of him, leading the way.

“The highest tower… of course you’d be there…”, Jiyan laughed in disbelief as they drew closer and closer to the tallest building. It took a while for them to finally reach it, but in the end, Jiyan made it, although with a loudly protesting leg.

But that was as far as his happiness could get. When he stood in front of the tall tower, his heart dropped into his gut.

 

Geshu Lin was up there.

It wasn’t even far, just up the tower and he would be there.

 

Only that it wasn’t ‘just’ anymore. Usually, Jiyan would have just taken the ladder, it wouldn’t have been long. But in his current condition, this small distance could have been the biggest ravine in the Desorock Highlands and it would have been easier to cross.

What was he supposed to do now? Although he did a lot more than his doctors had expected (and probably hoped) him to do, climbing a fifty-step ladder was out of the question.

Should he just wait until Geshu Lin came down?

But who knew when that would be?! Maybe he planned on sleeping up there! And even if he came down, Jiyan knew Geshu Lin’s tendency to use any way but the conventional one. It wouldn’t surprise him to see the man use the grappling hook to catapult himself to the nearest building. A risky move, yet something Geshu Lin would always gladly do – with a big smile on his face.

 

Jiyan, the doctor at Jinzhou’s biggest clinic, would have scoffed at the stubbornness of the other, would have turned away and called it a day.

Medic Jiyan would have waited at the bottom of the tower until he either fell sleep or a displeased General would scowl at him when he finally returned.

General of the Midnight Rangers Jiyan wasn’t giving up. No, he wasn’t the same as back then, he had grown. Grown for his men, for Jinzhou – and for Geshu Lin.

And so, he had to be more daring as well.

 

“Qingloong, ready for another task?”

 

The dragon obliged, albeit with an expression that made it clear to Jiyan that it was not content with his decision. But it still listened to his plan and nodded, albeit hesitantly.

Jiyan straightened up, his breath trembling before he calmed it down as well.

Inhale.

Exhale.

 

He let go of the crutches. They fell onto the ground with a soft clonk. He spread his arms.

The winds began howling, circling around him like a river, no, a rampant storm tugging at his clothes.

“Windrider.”

 

The whisper fell from his lips just as the winds picked up. They were so strong that Jiyan nearly lost his balance at first, but the small stumble was intended. Slowly, the wind began carrying up from the ground towards the top of the tower.

Jiyan couldn’t deny that he felt nauseous when he looked down and say how small the crutches suddenly seemed.

But he continued. This ravine that had kept him from Geshu Lin – it was suddenly so small.

He would reach him.

 

“Wait for me, Geshu Lin.”

Notes:

Hi everyone!
Gosh, this week has been a busy one~ Plus the heat wave forced me to sleep at ungodly times e.e But I'm very relieved to present you this chapter - I hoped you liked it! While writing, I listened to Frieren's combat tracks, especially a mashup of Zoltraak and 'The Slayer' and it really hyped me up for the Forte Tap battle.
Oh and did you noticed the little quip I took at Rinascita with the comparison 'looked at him as if their Sentinel turned out to be their Threnodian'? ;)
As always, thank you very much for the comments and the support, sorry to those I haven't responded yet. Feel free to let me know about your theories for the story, it's always very fun to see what you think and often it's inspiring me for future chapters.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend and take care!
See you next Friday!

Chapter 10: Beneath the same sky

Summary:

Jiyan finds Geshu Lin on top of the tower and they finally get the chance to talk. There's just one problem.
One is willing to talk.
The other?
...Not so much.

Beneath the same sky

---

 

Sometimes, you have to get angry to get things done. – Ang Lee

 

Jiyan didn’t know what to expect when he first laid eyes on what was hidden on the top of the tower. Beneath a small roof, encircled by a metal railing, there was a small platform. And just as the winds had told him,  there was Geshu Lin. But if it hadn’t been for his striking hair color, Jiyan wouldn’t have recognized him. The once proud General of the Midnight Rangers, huddled in the corner with his knees pulled to his chest.

He looked terrible.

 

I want to hug him so badly.

 

“General!”

The title fell from his lips before he could stop himself. But it had the desired effect anyways. Geshu Lin’s head instantly shot up. For a moment, he seemed frozen in place. Then, his eyes widened almost comically in shock and he instantly jumped up.

“What the fuck.”

The curse fell from his lips as a toneless whisper, but it was nothing compared to the burning intensity of his eyes. Jiyan’s nervousness, which he had so meticulously swallowed down, now resurfaced with full force.

“Sorry, I mean, Geshu Lin, of course, I….”, Jiyan stammered awkwardly, his eyes glued to Geshu Lin’s face where emotion after emotion flickered across it at breathtaking speed.

 

This moment of inattentiveness should have heavy consequences.

Jiyan had never been the best at controlling his Forte. Good, yes, but not even close to people like Sanhua or Geshu Lin. And stabilizing someone when flying up a whole tower (with a heavy cast to top it off!) wasn’t as easy as it might seem.

A wave of panic washed over him when he felt the wind give out. Cold fear clawed at his body in an instant and he quickly tried to balance himself, only resulting in a strong gust of wind pulling him upwards, so he hit his head at the sill of the roof. He felt himself stumble back in the air.

 

He was losing balance.

 

Oh shit, this was bad.

 

 

Strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him abruptly over the railing.

He crashed into something warm. Something firm, yet far softer than the tiles of the floor.

When Jiyan opened his eyes, he stared right at Geshu Lin’s shirt. Geshu Lin… had caught him. Dumbfounded, he looked upwards.

Only to be met with the angriest scowl he had ever seen.

 

“Have you lost your fucking mind?”, Geshu Lin’s voice shook with anger like Jiyan had never heard before. Then, his arms pulled Jiyan closer to his chest, literally cradling him as if he were a small child. Jiyan’s heart fluttered at this and he relented, letting himself get pressed tightly against the rough fabric of Geshu Lin’s shirt. The thrumming of his Forte was louder than usual, fast-paced and frantic, like a candle flickering in the wind. His frequency had been rare to fluctuate. But right now, it was an utter mess, jumbled and in disarray. Jiyan had never seen him in such turmoil. The former medic quickly picked up on the loud thump-thump of the other’s heart.

Elevated pulse, erratic breathing.

Patient shows signs of emotional distress.

His hands held Jiyan tightly. As if he was scared that if he were to let go, even for just a second, Jiyan would slip through his grasp and fall to his death. Never once in his life had Jiyan been held like this. Not by his family, not by his friends and definitely not by Geshu Lin.

 

The first time Geshu Lin spoke up, it was muffled by his hands and his loud heartbeat, but the second time, when he angrily dragged Jiyan by his hair upwards forcing him to make eye contact, the question was impossible to be misunderstood.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?”

“I wanted to come up here.”, Jiyan smiled innocently, only for Geshu Lin’s scowl to deepen. Red with anger, he sat up, roughly pushing Jiyan off his lap, his face showing clear disgust (Or was it rage? Jiyan couldn’t properly gauge his reaction) at their previous position. Hoarsely, he rasped out: “Why? To enjoy the nice view? Are you kidding me? You almost killed yourself!"

 

Jiyan looked at him in stunned silence. Never once had he seen Geshu Lin this upset. Angry because of incompetence, defeat or misalignment in values, yes, but this rage seemed different. He was worried.

Worried for him.

 

Geshu Lin’s huffs formed little clouds of white in the cool evening air. A strand of hair fell across his face, his usually white smooth ribbonlike mane a mess after their unexpected crash onto the floor.

"Where's your usual responsibility? Such a reckless idea…”, he continued his rant, watching Jiyan with an expression which seemed torn between utter disbelief and rage. And a good chunk of disappointment.

Jiyan ignored all of it.

"Well, someone once told me to have more trust in my Forte.”

“But not like this! You could have literally fallen to your death! Or at least injured yourself gravely!”, Geshu Lin yelled out, grabbing his thigh without warning, right above the cast, before he looked back up to Jiyan shooting him a withering glare, “Who would even get this idea when they are already bedridden after their first idiocy?! Do you want to prolong my stay this badly?”

 

“…What if I did?”

 

 

The silence which followed could not have been heavier.

 

The hand at his cast twitched. Geshu Lin’s face seemed frozen. Just as the rest of the man. Only after what felt like an eternity, he finally seemed to get a grip on himself again, pulling away slowly as if he was afraid to hit the cast on the way. Confliction was written all over his face as he mustered Jiyan for a long moment, before the toneless whisper fell from his lips: “There are better ways to do this…”

 

Jiyan’s world came to a crashing halt.

The knot in his stomach dissolved into thousand butterflies in an instant.

 

Geshu Lin hadn’t said no.

There were ways he could make him stay.

Which also meant that Geshu Lin wasn’t opposed to stayi-

 

Jiyan was so deep in thought that he almost stumbled over his feet when Geshu Lin grabbed his lower arms and dragged him up. But without his crutches, which he had left at the bottom of the tower, he was but a straw of grass in the wind. His leg was angrily pounding against its confinements. Jiyan just barely suppressed a pained hiss.

But he didn’t fall.

Hadn’t it been for the two strong arms immediately holding him by the forearms in a sort of back embrace, he probably would have done so, maybe faceplanted right in front of his former general, just to make the day perfect.

He could feel Geshu Lin’s warm chest press against his back, his breath hitting the back of his head.

 

“Careful, you idiot.”

 

Jiyan’s heart fluttered with a long stifled hope.

 

Suddenly, he felt the chest press against his back even more, making it clear that Geshu Lin was very aware about their position. Long hair tickled the bare skin at his shoulder. His throat. And ultimately his cheeks.

Then, a warm voice hit the rim of his ear.

 

“Can you stand?”

“Barely…”

 

Geshu Lin took in a breath, ready to hurl another insult at him (Jiyan could literally tell from the way he breathed in – should he be worried about his sanity?). But then he froze. His Forte gave Jiyan a little angry zap and the grip on his waist grew tighter. Sturdier, as if it were whispering at him ‘Rely on me. I won’t let you fall.’

“Where are your damn crutches?”

“… They might be… downstairs.”, Jiyan smiled sheepishly, bracing for the incoming storm.

But instead, Geshu Lin stayed surprisingly calm, only letting out a long, exasperated sigh. “You’re such an idiot.”

 

Jiyan laughed awkwardly, knowing exactly what kind of face Geshu Lin must be making right now. But before he could enjoy being shielded from his gaze any longer, Geshu Lin suddenly dragged him backwards, catching him in the process. He sat him down far gentler than his previous tone might have made people assume.

Although… Jiyan had to note that there would have been so many ways to get him to sit down again without sweeping him off his feet.

“Never do this again. Or at least make sure that I can catch you.”

 

Jiyan’s eyes widened in shock, but at the same time, his heart couldn’t help but instantly cling to this small sliver of hope.

“You would catch me? Even after all of this?”, he whispered in disbelief, looking up at his former general, the very man whom he had betrayed.

And Geshu Lin… just rolled his eyes.

“Oh, don’t give me that look? Would you, in my shoes like to explain Sanhua why the General of the Midnight Rangers is lying plat as a pancake next to a patrol tower while I’m supposed to keep watch? Yeah, me neither.”

 

Ah.

That was the reason.

 

Geshu Lin was right. He was an idiot.

 

 

The silence which followed was awkward to say the least.

Jiyan knew that Geshu Lin most definitely was wracking his brain on how he was supposed to get him down again, he was actually surprised that the man hadn’t yet proposed something. But strangely enough, Geshu Lin seemed calm. Dejected.

And so, Jiyan used his chance and fetched the cookies from his bag he had taken with him at lunch.

He held them out for Geshu Lin to take far longer than he would have expected. Usually, General Geshu Lin had either swatted his hand away or had ignored him, if he had been unwilling. But right now, none of these things happened. The older man seemed genuinely lost in thought.

Until the edge of the plastic wrapping tickled his arm, instantly making him flinch as if he had been burned.

 

“What?!”, he rasped out, his face contorting into a deep frown when he laid eyes on the snack, “What’s this supposed to be?”

“Food.”, Jiyan gave him a deadpan stare before his tone got softer, his lips curving up into a slight smile, “You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”

“What makes you think that? Counted the plates?” Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed.

 

Oh, he was such a bad actor.

 

But Jiyan didn’t fare much better as he tried to hide the obvious answer. It seemed as if it took Geshu Lin just one glance at his sheepish expression to know that Jiyan, before heading out to look for him, had indeed counted all plates, just to be sure that Geshu Lin hadn’t taken one and eaten somewhere in secret.

 

“Seems like the Magistrate doesn’t give you enough paperwork. You’re such a nuisance.”

The snack was snatched out of his hand in the split of a second, not without a pointed eyeroll afterwards. Jiyan couldn’t help but smile when he watched how Geshu Lin’s frown eased up as he nibbled on the biscuit. He had always had a sweet tooth.

 

“Why do you keep holding that damn cookie under my nose? Do I look that starved?”

“No, Sir. I’m simply looking out for your health.”
“Then look somewhere else, medic.”

 

Back then, Geshu Lin had slapped his helping hands away more times than he could count. Whatever he offered him, whether it be food, drinks, cookies, painkillers or sometimes even just some peace and quiet – Geshu Lin had always rejected it.

Or so he thought.

 

“Doesn’t taste as good as your almond cookies back then.”

“My… my cookies?”, Jiyan repeated in disbelief, unsure whether to trust his ears or not.

“What? Forgotten about them?”, Geshu Lin drawled out casually. But Jiyan wasn’t blind enough to miss the visible hurt in his eyes.

Quickly, he shook his head. “Of course not. I just….”, Jiyan hesitated but then decided that after his reckless behavior earlier, it couldn’t get much worse, “I just didn’t expect you to remember.”

Geshu Lin’s following look was nothing short of indignant. “Well, I ate them.”, he huffed, taking another bite from the biscuit, only to shoot it a withering glare afterwards as if its taste had personally offended him. “Several times, actually.”

“You did?!”, shocked Jiyan scrutinized him while Geshu Lin shoved the remaining cookie all at once into his mouth and then licked the last few crumbs from the corner of his lips.

“Sure. Or who do you think cleaned out the bowl you left in the kitchen?”

Jiyan blinked once. Twice. He pinched his arm.

And then he decided that his ears did in fact work.

 

What on earth.

 

No, he hadn’t known. Yes, he remembered the bowl in the kitchen. He had placed it there after admitting his defeat, after offering Geshu Lin self-made almond cookies at the infirmary he had (as expected) refused to take. The next morning the bowl had been empty, even the last few crumbs had been cleaned out. Jiyan hadn’t been surprised, after all, many soldiers had a sweet tooth and cookies were always a welcome snack. But to know that Geshu Lin had been the one eating them…

Sentinels.

He had left at least five such bowls in the kitchen.

“You… You ate them every time?”
“Of course.”, Geshu Lin responded with a deadpan expression, “They were good. No way I’m letting the others get them.”

 

He paused for a moment, then a lazy smirk spread on his face and he leaned closer, purposefully breathing air against Jiyan’s face as he whispered: “Plus, you made them for me, am I wrong? Best to savor them fully.”

A cold shiver ran down Jiyan’s back and he swallowed hard. Help, Geshu Lin was so close. And this low, raspy whisper… good thing he was wearing his bracers or the other would have surely noticed his goosebumps.

“I’m happy you liked them.”, Jiyan muttered shyly, his heart loudly beating in his chest as Geshu Lin stared at him for a moment longer, before he suddenly pulled back and let out a loud, dramatic sigh.

“Yeah, me too. So, it’s a shame you’re now giving me this sorry excuse of a cookie. Haven’t we talked about compensation a while ago? Just bake some almond cookies as soon as you feel better, won’t you?”

“Of course!”

There was no way Jiyan would wait until he felt better.

At the next chance, he would bake those cookies, whatever his leg would say against it.

 

Even though the snack hadn’t been to his satisfaction, Geshu Lin seemed to be in slightly better spirits than before, stretching lazily as he leaned against the pillar behind him, his legs stretched out. The side of his leg was loosely brushing against Jiyan’s own. And he couldn’t help but wonder if Geshu Lin had noticed. Or if he even cared.

 

Jiyan gritted his teeth as he looked up at the older man who once again seemed to be lost in thought and he pondered on what to do now. There were many questions burning on his tongue and on this tower, it wasn’t easy for Geshu Lin to run away. And if he had really wanted to throw Jiyan down the tower out of anger, he would have long done so. Jiyan felt his stomach twist in unease.

He was scared.

But… someone had to take the first step. One could only leave the room they were trapped in, if they dared to walk through the door.

 

The door was open.

It was now up to him to step through it.

 

And so, Jiyan spoke up, quiet but with determination brimming in his veins: “Earlier, I didn’t hear everything that Lang Fei told you. But I asked the other recruits-“

“Of course, you did.”, Geshu Lin rolled his eyes, averting his gaze as he looked towards the horizon, as if Jiyan didn’t even exist, “Such a waste of time.”

“It wasn’t! I needed to hear what he told you! I’m so sorry. I… should have protected you from such words-“

“That’s not your job.”, Geshu Lin instantly cut him short, his voice cold as ice.

But Jiyan wasn’t so easily deterred. “It is! I’m their General. If they misspeak against you, then-“

“But did they? You heard what he said? Did you really?”, Geshu Lin scoffed.

Frustrated, Jiyan clenched his hand to a fist as he protested: “Yes, I-“

Geshu Lin instantly cut him off. “Then I don’t get why you’re upset. It’s not as if he was wrong. I do hate Jinzhou. I do hate its people. Even if you love to claim otherwise. I’d advise you to open your eyes for a change and take a hard look at lil’ old me.”, Geshu Lin met his gaze again, and this time his eyes seemed dull and yet strangely intense as they smothered Jiyan with a searing glare, “I’m not as good of a person as you think, Jiyan.”

“Nonsense.”, Jiyan angrily shook his head, “You saved us all at the cost of your own life.”

“I sacrificed myself to defeat the Ovathrax. Big difference.”, Geshu Lin corrected him sternly, only for his expression to grow grim. For a moment, his gaze wandered down to his chest, before he straightened up and huffed loudly: “Anyways, you should be glad that my presence here hasn’t caused more trouble so far. Not many would agree with you when it comes to my justification to be here. Hell, actually I’m surprised that none of them tries to punch me yet. Or that one of these orphaned kiddos tried to sneak in to my room at night to stab me in my sleep.”

“They would never?!”, shocked Jiyan shook his head vehemently.

“They would.”, Geshu Lin’s deadpan expression made his skin crawl as his former general reproached him with such confidence as if he were stating an undeniable fact, “To quote your own stupid words: they’re just human. Judging by their broody faces, it’s just a matter of time and chances until either me or them will find a dagger lodged between their ribs.”

 

At first, Jiyan hoped that he had misheard. Or that this was some kind of sick joke – Geshu Lin had always loved to tease him.

But no.

 A chill ran down his spine as he realized that Geshu Lin was serious about this. Usually, Jiyan would laugh at the absurdity of the proposition. His soldiers killing the very man he had announced as a guest. A guest not only officially here on behalf of the Magistrate but also at Jiyan’s personal request?

Could hatred really sit that deep that they would disobey him and try to enact their revenge?

Jiyan would have loved to claim that it was just Geshu Lin’s pessimism speaking. But he knew better. General Geshu Lin, even in the darkest of nights, had never been an pessimist. Yes, he hadn’t understood why Jiyan always tried to see the good in people and yes, he might have had not a lot of faith in humanity. But if he had warned about something, his warnings almost always, especially when weapon-related, had been correct.

Geshu Lin deemed his own death at the hands of the Midnight Rangers, Jiyan’s soldiers, as a very probable risk. Or rather he saw the risk of him killing the Rangers who attempted to cut him down. Which would be almost equally as bad, at least for Jiyan as he would have to punish, maybe even  fight him because of it.

Was… Was this the reason why he was up here? There had been several times the past weeks where no one had been able to find him. Had he been camping up here as well? Maybe even at night?

 

Jue, have I failed him yet again, even if I didn’t know?

“Don’t give me that look.”, Geshu Lin suddenly chided him and before Jiyan’s brain had caught up with it, a sharp pain already bloomed up at his forehead as Geshu Lin flicked his finger against it. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill them. Brats like these can’t even touch me. Of course, assassinating me in my sleep isn’t the best idea to preserve their survival chances, but I’m not keen on making you trouble. Trouble means stress and you told me back then that stress is the key factor to prolong your recuperation.”

“That’s not…”, Jiyan huffed, shaking his head in disbelief at Geshu Lin’s nonchalance, “They shouldn’t want to do that in the first place. You’re a Ranger just like them.”

“Was.”, Geshu Lin glared at him, before he let out a sigh and leaned forward, gently grabbing Jiyan’s chin and brushing his finger along his jawline as he murmured, “Dear General.”

 

Whatever protest had been forming in Jiyan’s throat, got stuck there in an instant. As if he were startled deer, he just stared at Geshu Lin as the man slowly caressed his jaw, traced the muscles of his neck, before his half-lidded eyes looked up at him and he let go without a word.

 

“You worry way too much about me.”

 

Nonchalantly, as if nothing had happened, he leaned back, sitting more casually as he noted: “And who am I to fault them? I’m used to having people around me who despise me. Do you truly think the soldiers followed me back then because they liked me?”,

He paused for a moment, a frown appearing on his face as if he had remembered something unpleasant, then he added: “Okay, there might have been some idiots who were different. But all in all, I was just the best pawn in this game. Betting on me, or rather my Forte was the best play they could do. The only play, if you were looking at it realistically. There was no one else who dared to go up against the Ovathrax, who didn’t crumble beneath the pressure. Well thank fate that I give a shit about human lives so I could march onward until the very end.”

 

Geshu Lin wore a content smile as he said this, but it felt somehow… off. But just as Jiyan wanted to call him out for wearing a mask, his face softened. Jiyan could see his shoulders relax as he let out a little laugh before he muttered: “The brat from training… it’s Lang Wei’s son, right? Looks just like him. Only a bit more mild-tempered.”

“Mild? He literally cussed you out in front of thirty people!”, Jiyan was flabbergasted.

“Lang Wei would have shot a bullet straight through my head, if he came back from the dead.”, Geshu Lin just wave dismissively, followed up by a laugh so carefree and yet so wrong in the face of what had just been said. But then, Geshu Lin grew somber, a soft warmth in his voice appearing as he added: “You know, Jiyan? I’m sure, his father would delighted to see what he's become. Even if his swordplay sucks, it has enough power to turn out great with some practice. He has determination. And, even if it was foolish, it takes courage to confront me in front of all the recruits, in front of you. If he learns to pick his battles responsibly, he might become a great soldier.”

Geshu Lin paused, his knuckles turning white as he clutched the hem of his shirt. His voice grew quiet. “His father would have had a great time watching him grow.”

 

Heavy silence hang over them, a stifling curtain out of thick, black, fabric.

 

“You’re not at fault for his father’s death.”

Jiyan’s words were soft-spoken and yet laced with determination. They should have been spoken ages ago. When they had first met again. When Geshu Lin had carried him.

No.

He should have said them the day he had broken every tie with his General, when he had hurled insults at his face that should have never seen the light of day, words he would regret his whole life.

Geshu Lin’s stare burned on his skin like the scorching midday sun. But then he went back to his apathetic, aloof faced and snarled out: “You think, I don’t know that.”, he rolled his eyes, “I’m not at fault, but I am responsible for it. I gave the command. That much is true and it shall never be forgotten. Forgetting means running away. I’m not a coward.”

“I didn’t mean to-

“Jiyan, I have no need for your soft words full of bullshit. Let’s face it: My hands are drenched with the blood of thousands. This will never change.”

 

For a moment, they stared at each in awkward silence, Geshu Lin’s withering glare weighing heavy on Jiyan’s soul.

But then, his gaze softened. Instead, he let out a little sigh and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, the façade fell. Revealed was a man who looked older. And incredibly tired.

 “I can only hope that my efforts spare you from the same fate. My death… you know, when I joined the army, I was prepared to die at any time. And even though I felt that rush of fear when the Ovathrax came down at me, I…I-“, Geshu Lin’s mouth opened and close several times, his hands fidgeting with the bag at his leg, before he abruptly rasped out: “I was only scared that I had failed. That my death had amounted to nothing.”

 

The confession rang in Jiyan’s ears, guilt instantly creeping up to him trying to tear at his heart. And maybe this was why he didn’t waste a thought before yelled angrily: “It didn’t! Your sacrifice paved the way to Jinzhou’s future, just like you always proclaimed!”

Geshu Lin stayed silent.

His gaze grew cold.

 

And Jiyan knew that he had yet again chosen the wrong words.

“Ah, how nice of you to say that.”, he drawled out, his voice sharp enough to cut through the shell of Hoartoises, “I guess at least in the end I could convince you that my word have not been just empty promises? That I didn’t lure everyone into my… how did you call it – delusion of victory?”

The iron taste of blood filled his mouth. Jiyan hadn’t even noticed that he had bitten his lips. His ears were ringing with static noise as he stared numbly at Geshu Lin’s face, the very face that had been contorted beyond recognition in anger before hot hands had grabbed him and… and slammed him against the shelf. And…

His hands gripped the belt at his waist tightly, knuckles turning white as a sheet of paper.

“Geshu Lin, about the Battle beneath the Crescent, I'm-“

“No need to talk about it.”, Geshu Lin instantly cut him off, knowing just as well as him which conversation they were referring to, “It's in the past. Today, we only need to take responsibility of the consequences of our choices. That's all that matters.”

“But-!”

 

“ Jiyan.”

 

This time, Geshu Lin’s tone was sharper and next thing Jiyan knew, a flame was already hovering dangerously close to his throat. In his mind, he heard Qingloong instantly hiss in apprehension, worriedly pleading with him to unleash it for protection.

But Jiyan knew that Geshu Lin wouldn’t hurt him.

Or rather… he didn’t care if he would hurt him. It was punishment long due.

But the flame stayed in place, an unmistakable warning, underlined by the next sharp hiss. “Do I need to make it clearer? I’m not in the mood to talk about it. Especially not with you.”

“Then... let me ask something different.”

Geshu Lin just let out an annoyed huff, shooting him a withering glare before looking back at horizon.

The flame ball quickly huddled away, not before nudging the palm of his hand as if it were sneakily encouraging him. Only for Geshu Lin to glare at it as he swatted it away at its return.

 

Jiyan knew that he could very well escalate this uncomfortable situation by asking another question .Geshu Lin was not in a good mood. But would he ever truly be in a good mood when it came to answering Jiyan’s question? They couldn’t dace around each other for all eternity.

No, Jiyan had to be brave.

 

“What happened at Forte Tap?”

 

Geshu Lin stayed silent. The flame ball hurried to hide behind a pillar.

 

“Geshu Lin.”, Jiyan called out to him again, this time a bit louder. On the inside, he cursed his cast. Otherwise, he would have long stood up and approached the other, oh so stubborn man. “I might have last seen your Forte five years ago, but I know that you would never let such an explosion happen. You were the best at controlling your Forte, you-“

“Stop talking.”

The air around them began heating up. The ground vibrated as remnant frequencies shook it.

Jiyan’s grip around the hem of his shirt tightened, but he commanded the winds to stay down. Angrily, he glared at Geshu Lin who still refused to meet his eye.

 

Who is the coward now, General?

 

“No! You owe me an answer!“

“I owe you shit!”

Just a hand’s length next to his face a flame crashed into the pillar, leaving behind a scorch mark. Jiyan could feel his body tremble at the sight. But it was just a natural body reaction. He wasn’t afraid. No, not because of this man. It would be a betrayal to all their shared time together.

Geshu Lin now finally locked eyes with him. And to Jiyan’s shock, his expression was way more open than he had expected. Yes, he was angry but there was no doubt that there was something else hiding behind it. The pulled up shoulders, the slight tremble in his voice – he was scared.

 

“Jiyan, it’s bad enough you felt the need to bother me when I just wanted to enjoy a quiet evening without having to babysit you for once. But you just can’t stop talking, can you?! Can’t you see I’m not in the mood for damn chatting?!”

“I can’t take that into account when you nearly set the whole camp ablaze, nearly killed all of my men!”
“I didn’t mean to!”

Jiyan nearly caved at the desperation which Geshu Lin’s yell was laced with, but in the end, he stayed firm, just as his position commanded him to. “And yet your flames were only stopped because I used all my power to block them!”

“Yeah, great job!”; Geshu Lin sarcastically barked out, “You saved them all, I’m so proud of you – Is that what you want to hear?”

Jiyan gritted his teeth. The mocking stung on his skin. Those words… how he had once craved to hear them. In his earliest recruit days, he had dreamed of being praised by Geshu Lin.

But not like this.

 

“I want to hear the truth!”

At Jiyan’s angry proclamation, Geshu Lin flinched back, almost as if the younger man had just physically struck him. The flame balls which had gathered around him, dispersed into countless embers. Geshu Lin seemed shocked at this, as if he hadn’t commanded them to do so. Back then, Jiyan had never noticed just how expressive his Forte was. Now he couldn’t be more grateful for it. Maybe he could pat it one day to express his gratitude.

Slowly, both not to set off Geshu Lin and because his leg cried out in protest, he dragged himself across the floor. Geshu Lin watched him approached with a rigid expression. But he stayed.

“Don’t.”

The whisper was quiet. Meek like Jiyan had never heard it before. Had someone ever asked him if Geshu Lin was even capable of such sounds, he would have probably laughed at them.

Now, Jiyan didn’t laugh. Instead he just looked at Geshu Lin as he crawled closer and closer, a single syllable falling from his lips. “Please.”

 

“Why do you need to know the answer? It‘s of no relevance to you. It will never happen again, I can assure you of it. Hell, I even give you my word on it!”, Geshu Lin rasped out, his whole posture queasy as Jiyan settled down next to him. His face fell when Jiyan didn’t respond immediately. “Ah I see… my word doesn’t mean to you much, does it?”

“It does mean the world to me.”

 

Just like you.

 

Jiyan shook his head, and gently caught the fireball, which fell from the railing next to them right after he had spoken the words. “But Forte malfunctions are dangerous. Not only to others, but yourself. As a doctor, I can’t-“

“I’m fine!”, Geshu Lin harshly cut him off, “And even if I weren’t – These are my problems to deal with. They have nothing to do with you. I don’t need your help, your warm words. I told you so many times by now: Stop worrying about shit, and focus on getting your act together.”

His hands trembled as he looked away, his jaw tight as he stared at the camp. “So I’m finally out this hellhole soon.”

 

Hellhole.

 

Jiyan gritted his teeth as he watched Geshu Lin stare through the poles of the railing down at the rooftops of the barracks. The very buildings they had spend so many years together, where they had trained, laughed, cried, fought and reconciled. Where Geshu Lin had taught him how to fight, how to brave the cold, hunger, despair, death. Here, they had formed their bond. A bod which may now seem shattered. But Jiyan refused to let go of the end of his red ribbons, even if it was torn to shreds. Meanwhile, Geshu Lin had forsaken this place. And Jiyan was unable to swallow down his rage.

 

“You once called this place your home.”, he spat out harshly, bracing for immediate whiplash.

But Geshu Lin just tiredly stared at him, his voice eerily even as he answered: “You once called me your light.”

 

“…You’re still my light.”

 

Jiyan faced Geshu Lin’s gaze without a shred of hesitation, a confident smile tugging at his lips as he watched how Geshu Lin’s carefully schooled expression received the first crack.

And another one.

And another one.

And then it shattered completely.

 

“What?”, Geshu Lin laughed in disbelief, but Jiyan didn’t miss the way his voice trembled, the way his boots slid shuffled across the metal tiles, kicking a small pebble away, “Don’t throw such blatant lies in my face-“

“It’s not a lie.”

Geshu Lin physically flinched. “Then you’re a fool.”
Jiyan just smiled tiredly at the  hoarse whisper that intended to harm him. But he had dealt with Geshu Lin long enough to know that his insults were nothing but deflection.

“I’ll gladly accept that title, if it means you’ll believe me.”, he explained with a warm smile before he calmly held out his hands.

“… You…”, Geshu Lin seemed to look for the right words, his gaze flickering down to his hands for a moment, before he let out a heavy sigh.

 

He didn’t take his hand.

 

But the little flame ball didn’t waste the chance as it settled down in his hands and boldly nuzzled against his palm. Jiyan’s heart trembled at the sight. And even Geshu Lin didn’t shoo it away, as he would have normally done, at least judging by the past few weeks. Instead, he just leaned against the railing and closed his eyes, as if could make the conversation disappear.

 

He looked tired. Frail.

General Geshu Lin had never looked frail.

The little flame ball nudged his palm intently and when Jiyan looked down at it, he imagined it to be begging him to gather the courage to face its stubborn owner.

Jiyan was hesitant to approach him again. But ultimately, he complied with the wishes of the very insistent flame ball.

 

“Geshu Lin…”

“…What?”, the man just let out a tired sigh, “Can’t you see I’m tired of your bullshit. You say the weirdest shit and expect me to believe you…”

“Am I burdening you?”

“Are you really asking this?”, slowly Geshu Lin cracked one eye open. Its golden iris weighed heavy on Jiyan’s soul and the words got stuck in his throat. And they didn’t need to be spoken as Geshu Lin took it upon himself to fill the silence. “Everything about you burdens me. Honestly... I can’t believe that my promise back then meant so little to you that you would forsake it for four measly recruits lives.”

 

Jiyan flinched beneath his words, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Even if he tried his best to swallow it down, the words of the past rang in his ears, mocking whispers that reminded him of his failure, of his betrayal.

 

“Jiyan. Even if the whole world goes to shit, even if I’m not here anymore, I need you to march on, brave the darkest night. I need you to keep Jinzhou and the Midnight Rangers safe. Promise me this.”

 

Words whispered in the silence of the night with nothing but dead bodies surrounding them on countless stretchers after a gruesome battle to save their camp from the Mourning Aix. A hand which had always been so warm suddenly so cold that it still sent shivers down his spine at the memory. The iron stench of blood lingering in the air. Drenched bandages. Dozens of empty suture packs. And dull golden eyes that had lost their vibrancy, the only thing left that had made Jiyan believe that Geshu Lin still had hope in life.

That night, Jiyan had truly been afraid of losing Geshu Lin.

Maybe because of the fear, maybe because in his foolish naivete he had prided himself in even getting such a plea, he had foolishly given his word, taken aback by the sudden call of his name after his general had refused to call him anything but ‘medic’ or ‘brat
for years.

 

A year later, he would scream at the top of his lungs that this promise had been nothing but mockery. That he should never have asked him in the first place if he intended on doing the exact opposite in his lifetime. Because what was Jiyan supposed to do with this wish? Plea? Demand? Should he obey and defy Geshu Lin’s commands? Stop him from sending all the men to their certain death in the Retroact Rain?

Geshu Lin had only laughed at him.

And Jiyan still vividly remembered the painful bitterness clawing at his soul, the way his whole body went numb when insult after insult hit him and then…

 

 

“Why don’t you forget about our promise then, oh gracious, valiant medic who will save all people even if they are fucking dead because this shitty world ceases to exist?!”

“What good is a world with no people in it? You rob this land of its soul! And for what?”

“For victory! What else matters in this rotten world?!”

The hand slammed into the wall right next to his head, but Jiyan didn’t even flinch, fueled with the power and confidence of pure, blind rage.
“Humans matter! Humans!”, he screamed loudly, shoving his former General away, ignoring the way the air around him burned on his skin, “Did you forget what it means to care about others? What breathes life into Jinzhou? Did war blind you this much that you can only see the victory in front of you?! A victory you maybe won’t even reach? Or are you ready to forsake all of us just to prove you’re right?!”

He didn’t even attempt to dodge the next punch. It hadn't been the first one.

And it wouldn't stay the last one either.

Geshu Lin's fist hit his cheek full force. But strangely enough, his body didn’t feel pain at all. Or rather the pain in his soul was way too strong and drowned everything else out.
“I don’t have to prove anything to anyone! Listen, you brat…”, Geshu Lin rasped out, heaving with searing anger as he grabbed Jiyan’s uniform and slammed him against the nearby shelf, making the carefully stored herb containers crash to the ground, “The General of the Midnight Rangers braves the darkest of nights, he always paves the way for Jinzhou to follow. We are the sword of the Sentinel! And you expect me to dull my blade for what – humanity ?”

He laughed bitterly and for a moment, the grip on Jiyan’s shirt seemed to tremble, “I’ve long lost the last few shreds of my humanity. And you should too, if you don’t want to die on the way.”

“I’d rather die than follow you down on this path.”, Jiyan spat in front of his boots – boots that had long lost their color dirtied by the mud of the battlefield and the ashes of friends and foes alike, “The blood on your hands… When will it ever be enough?”

 

Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed and the air began thrumming with blazing hot resonance might. “Don’t you dare…”, the quiet yet dangerous whisper hang in the air.

 

But Jiyan didn’t fear anymore.

No, he was sick of it all.

 

“I DARE! I dare, because I have their blood on my hands as well! I try to save their lives day after day but you just keep taking and taking, throw those innocent souls into the fire as if they were nothing to you.”

“They are nothing to me! They are pawns! You are a pawn! I am a pawn! Open your damn eyes, medic!”

Geshu Lin’s breath was heavy, erratic as if he had just woken up from a nightmare and was desperately trying to get a grip on reality. Only that the nightmare hadn’t ended. Or maybe it was just a nightmare for Jiyan?

...Maybe Geshu Lin had never cared about this world to begin with.

 

“Forget about that stupid promise. Someone like you could have never understood it in the first place.”

 

 

Jiyan still felt the skin at his throat tingle when he remembered Geshu Lin letting go of him as he whirled around and left the room. That day, he had left the first and last scar on Jiyan’s throat. He had only noticed it the next morning, when the blisters painfully woke him up, reminding him whom he had screamed at the day before. That day, he had scorned Geshu Lin for burning him. He had hated him for making him promise stuff he had never kept to begin with.

A few hours later, he would regret ever screaming at his general to begin with. When the flames soared up to the sky and the rain followed them only to come crashing down all at once.

The burn mark had been the only trace Geshu Lin left behind. And Jiyan couldn’t even show it to the world. The world that vowed to forget that this white-haired flame demon had ever existed.

 

Subconsciously, Jiyan’s hand wandered up to his throat, only to be greeted by the fabric of his black shirt. Should he tell Geshu Lin about it? He hadn’t commented on it when they had been showering and Jiyan was pretty sure that he had missed it. It wasn’t easy to spot when he had his hair down. But he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Geshu Lin knew that he had left a permanent trace on his body.

Hah.

…If Geshu Lin only knew how much traces, evil tongues might call them scars, he had left on Jiyan’s soul.

 

With an exasperated sigh, Jiyan shifted his focus back to the man sitting next to him. It was hard to look him into the eyes, but Jiyan knew that if he wanted Geshu Lin to listen, he had no other choice.

“I know I shouldn’t have rushed to save them at the risk of my own life. It was irresponsible of me. You told me this enough times already. And even if you don’t believe me, I haven’t forgotten about your promise.”, he tried to explain as calmly as possible.

But Geshu Lin had none of it.

“So you just choose to disregard it? Want to rub it in my face so badly?”, he snidely commented.

“You told me to keep your men safe! And I did just that!”, Jiyan instantly snapped back, voice trembling with both anger and hurt.

“I told you to keep Jinzhou and the Midnight Rangers safe! Not just some random men who happen to be your subordinates. They weren’t even valuable fighter, just common soldiers! And don’t come around with ‘Oh but their families need them~’ – I couldn’t care less about their individual fates! It’s the grand scheme that matt-“

 “They are human! I’m sorry for breaking your promise, but I don’t regret saving them. I will never regret saving another person, whoever they are, whatever rank they may hold, what kind of person they are – Every human life matters to me!”

“Well, mine sure as hell didn’t!”

 

 

“Jiyan, we evacuated everyone we could!”

“But what about the General?”

“We need to hurry! The Tacet Discord are closing in-“

“ Jiyan, General Geshu Lin is still in there! What do we-“

“We will leave. He had his choice. And we made ours.”

 

 

…

 

…Never had words felt this heavy.

Jiyan needed a few pathetic tries to even open his mouth, but in the end just a croaked syllable fell from his lips:

“Lin-“

“No!”

His General, former General, immediately cut him off and before Jiyan could stop him, he had already jumped up, rage flaring up in his eyes. With an expression like this, he almost looked like… Jiyan quickly grabbed his gourd to calm himself while his mind was flooded with images of their fight leading up to the Battle Beneath the Crescent. His eyes were stinging and his whole body was trembling when he was looking at Geshu Lin.

No.

He wasn’t allowed to crumble just because he was reminded of the past. If he ran away now, he would be stuck in this hell of unanswered questions for all eternity. He had to face him! He… He had to-

 

 “You want truth? I give you truth! You’re a fucking stone tied to my feet. Weighing me down every step I take. That much didn’t change since you first started under my command.”, Geshu Lin snarled out, his voice dripping with venom as he approached Jiyan, ultimately crouching down in front of him and harshly grabbing his chin, “You act as if you care about me. You speak up for me. You’re worried for me. What did you say? You’re scared for me, but never of me?”

Geshu Lin harshly tugged at Jiyan’s chin, so their faces were even closer to each other than before, his hot breath ghosting over Jiyan’s lips leaving behind a prickling sensation. His grip at his Jiyan’s chin was hard. And it grew even worse. Jiyan clearly felt his fingernails piercing into his skin.

“What a joke. Do you even know how much I despise your unwarranted acts of kindness? It makes me sick. I’m not blind, I saw how you held your hand out to comfort me. How you smile at me every time something bad happens or at least something you deem troublesome. But you know what? I hate it more than anything. Because every single time I look at your stupid face, I can only see the damn smile of yours the day you waved me goodbye when I headed out to fight the Ovathrax.”

Geshu Lin’s voice trembled with anger and he shook Jiyan’s head slightly, as if he was barely holding himself back from straight up punching him.

“Tell me, was it fun? Smiling at me, the damned fool, trotting into battle like a lamb on their way to the slaughterhouse? Did you mock me as you watched me leave, knowing damn well that you’d betray me? Bet you felt good-“

 

“I smiled at you because I was afraid I wouldn’t see you again! I didn’t want our possibly last meeting to end with an argument!”, Jiyan cried out, only for the grip to tighten yet again, so much that his cheeks ached with dull pain, begging him to speak up and stop this man. But even if he heeded this plea… Geshu Lin wouldn’t listen to him anyways.

He had never listened to him.

Geshu Lin’s eyes were burning with rage as he stared down at Jiyan full disgust. Voice trembling with hate, the former general hissed: “As if I’d believe that! No, you smiled at me because you wanted me to feel safe in my advance! You wanted that I relished in the false sense of security, relying on men that would refuse to follow me in the end!”

“NO!”, shocked, Jiyan ripped free from his grip, slapping Geshu Lin’s hand away as disgust welled up in his throat with the taste of bitter bile, “No… how could you say that?!”

“Isn’t it the truth?! You gave the command to retreat!”

“Yes, because I thought you were dead!”, Jiyan’s yell echoed in the evening silence and they both tensed up at how loud it was. But in the end, Jiyan’s heart decided not to care. Not when he was faced with such heavy and frankly disgusting accusations. “How… how can you think this about me? I never wanted to kill you! I never wanted to abandon you!”

“But you never once decided that someone was dead! Every damn time, even when there was clear evidence of death, you still went looking for them, always insisted on the chance that they could still be alive! I know this, I was the very person who had to physically drag you back so you wouldn’t lose your own life in the process! And yet you just left me, ordered my men to save their shitty skins, even when the Ovathrax could have very much been still alive!”

 

Geshu Lin’s hands twitched as if he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to grab Jiyan or not. But in the end, his hands just fell into his lap, lifelessly, as if someone had cut the neurons.

 

When he spoke up again, his voice was surprisingly meek, laced with a desperation and with hurt like Jiyan had never heard before: “Why didn’t you come for me? Why was I the only person who wasn’t enough for your care? Because I wasn’t human enough? Because you thought I was wrong?”

“I…”
“Jiyan… just be honest with me. I… I can deal with it.”, Geshu Lin’s eyes grew even more weary than before and for the first time, Jiyan truly saw the face of a general who had fought ten long years without a single break, “Knowing an unpleasant answer is better than knowing none at all.”

 

 

You heard him~

So what’s it going to be, General? Another lie? Or are you finally ready to face the truth?

 

 

Jiyan swallowed hard at the teasing voice in his head. It would be so easy to lie. Or tell some kind of half-truth, an art he had perfected in his years as a doctor.

But he had lied to himself for so long. He was tired of it. And when Geshu Lin looked at him like this… how was he supposed to say anything but the truth?

For the first time in his life, Jiyan truly felt like was listening to the real person hiding behind the title of General Geshu Lin of the Midnight Rangers. The hurt, the rage, the betrayal, the loneliness… all of it was written across his face, his Forte carrying the sentiments to Jiyan so strongly that they prickled on his skin like countless icy needles. And Jiyan knew that even if saying the words out loud was hard, he had to, no, he wanted to give Geshu Lin the answer he had long deserved.

 

“That day… I truly believed you were dead. There were so many screams, for help, for a savior, for anyone… and then they slowly morphed into desperate pleas to make it stop.”

Jiyan’s voice broke as the screams began picking up in his minds, ringing in his ears as if someone were stabbing them with needles heated up over the fire. He felt his breath pick up. The air suddenly began smelling of mud and ashes. And blood. So much blood. Geshu Lin’s face was wiped clean. But Jiyan felt the golden eyes firmly staying on him as if he was watching him – or was it rather ‘watching over him’?

It took him several tries to continue, his body trembling as the memories grew stronger and stronger, clawing at his soul just like they had done so many nights, especially the first few years.

 But he owed this to Geshu Lin. He had to be strong.

 

“I…I have never once seen your flames get extinguished. So, when your fire went out, I… I just… panicked.”, Jiyan gritted his teeth, before he dared to do the unthinkable. He took Geshu Lin’s hands.

The other didn’t push him away.

The bandages felt so rough beneath his hands. And yet they were warm, comforting when an icycold-wave full memories was trying to drown him.

“Your flames have always burned brighter than anything else in this world. Whatever happened, however dark the night might have been, we could always look up to the sky and look for your purple flames, follow them and they would lead us to safety. To victory. But that day…”

“My flames went out.” Geshu Lin’s voice was cold.

“Yes, they did…”, Jiyan whispered, the fear of back then crawling down his back as if he had travelled back in time, “That sight… I don’t know what happened, but it was like someone had flipped a switch in me. I shouldn’t have been frozen in fear. I should have run onto the battlefield, should have looked for you. I’m a doctor, hell, I was the very person who always lectured you about your humanity. But in the end, I was the one who couldn’t deal with the reality of it. When I was the delivered the proof right in front of my eyes. I…  couldn’t deal with the thought that… that you…”

 

Jiyan’s voice broke.

 

The face in front of him was getting blurry. A framed photo flashed in front of his eyes, surrounded by countless Perillas. Flowers, Geshu Lin had always hated. A photo showing a way younger and healthier white-haired man. No one had bothered taking a recent picture of him. The speeches had been formal, just like the ones Geshu Lin had always ranted about with a passion.

A plain casket, ill-befitting of his rank. But who would want a publicly scorned general to have a beautiful casket, a proper resting place, maybe even a memorial? Jiyan had only stayed at the funeral so there wouldn’t even be more rumors about his former general. But that evening, he had planted an Emortia, watered with his own tears, as he decided that he would never visit the other sorry excuse of a grave.

 

The face in front of him was getting less and less recognizable as his eyes stung worse than when he had crossed a sandstorm.

His lips were trembling.

 

Ah… he…. He wasn’t allowed to cry in front of his general. He…

 

A sudden warmth against his cheek made him flinch. Only for him to realize that it had been a purple flame ball, probably the one that was usually following Geshu Lin around. But it wasn’t alone. A second one soon sat down on the other side, right on his shoulder before it nuzzled in the crook of his neck.

 

They were consoling him.

 

Jiyan almost burst out in tears right then and there. But the longer he looked at the happily wobbling flame ball which was now hovering right in front of him, performing trick after trick as if their owner wasn’t there, the stinging in his eyes got better. Ultimately, the fire balls both settled down in his palm. They were warm.

He was safe.

And Geshu Lin was as well.

 

 Jiyan swallowed hard as he looked up at the man in front of him against who was watching him, even if he pretended not to, casually drawing circles on the ground with his fingers.

He had been watching over him.  

 

Carefully, Jiyan chose his next words.

“Of course, I should have assumed that it had just been a hallucination by the Retroact Rain. I know. But as they went out, your resonance frequency disappeared as well. And just seconds before… Geshu Lin, I saw purple flames soaring high up into the sky. Like I have never seen before. I felt an insane amount of resonance energy. That… that could have never been a hallucination. I still remember how the whole world lit up in purple, thrummed with your Forte as the tune devolved into utter chaos. It’s a sight I will never forget.”

A sight that haunted me in my dreams for years.

“I… I don’t want to make assumptions, but something like this… could have only been caused by an Overheat, right?”

 

“I did overheat that day, yes.”, Geshu Lin let out small sigh, his fingers curling around Jiyan’s.

“…Did it hurt?”

“Getting half your torso ripped out by the Ovathrax’s teeth was worse.”

“I’m so-…”, Jiyan stopped himself. What was he apologizing for? Geshu Lin had been right. He was apologizing too much. No, he wasn’t sorry about his decision back then. He was sorry about how it had ended.

 

With a deep breath, he composed himself and carefully let go of Geshu Lin, somberly meeting his eyes as he admitted: “You’re right – I should have come for you. And with any other person before, I would have run onto the battlefield to look for them. You want answers and I owe them to you, but… Geshu Lin, I…I know you want a rational explanation, just as the many I have given you before. I should know what’s going on in my head or at least have an eloquent medical explanation for it. But I don’t. I don’t know what I felt back then. I remember the fear, the scent of blood, the screams… I remember my anger. Towards fate. Towards you.”

Jiyan felt the air thrum with resonance energy, he felt the urge in his body to flee, this natural reaction of primal fear. But he stayed. And he met Geshu Lin’s eyes with the determination of a man ready to die.

“Yes, I was angry with you. Oh so angry. I thought, you had doomed us all. The Rain had the exact same effects I predicted, the state of the soldiers was just as I told you… so I assumed that your fate ended up exactly like my expectations as well. I… I didn’t even consider that you could have survived it.”, Jiyan’s voice deteriorated into nothing but an ashamed whisper, “I thought I had been right all along.”

 

 

Jiyan had hoped that Geshu Lin would react to his admission almost instantly, just like he had always done when someone had confronted him in the past. Especially when someone was literally explained why they had left them to die.

But for the first time ever, General Geshu Lin stayed silent.

It took Jiyan all of his courage to keep looking at him, at the face which showed no emotion at all. He knew that it was a carefully set up façade. Not only because no man in this world could stay calm at such despicable reasoning, but also because his Forte was incredibly loud. But although Jiyan was trying his hardest to decipher it, the frequencies were way too chaotic, even more jumbled than the mess Geshu Lin’s Forte usually already was.

Geshu Lin’s gaze was directed forward. But he wasn’t looking at him. No, Jiyan knew this expression all too well from himself. In cold, lonely nights when he felt sick looking at his own reflection in the mirror.

 

It could very well be that Geshu Lin was about to smite him down.

And Jiyan couldn’t even fault him.

 

 

“Well, it was probably for the best. You saved many men.”

 

“Huh?”

Confused, Jiyan frowned, questioning if he had just imagined Geshu Lin’s statement. But as his expression grew more and more gobsmacked, he realized that Geshu Lin’s face had softened, just as his Forte had calmed down. He looked sad. But not angry.

 

Deep down, this expression hurt even worse.

 

 

“I failed to save you.”, Jiyan shook his head, voice quivering as guilt had his heart in a tight, ice-cold grip.

“You did.”, Geshu Lin nodded.

 

Another pause of awkward silence.

Then, a long sigh.

 

“But who knows, maybe you couldn’t have saved me at all. Maybe it was fated to be this way.”, fingers slowly reached out for his cheek. Their touch was gentle, so similar to the flame ball from earlier, as they caressed it for a fleeting moment, before they cupped his cheek as Geshu Lin calmly stated: “And Jiyan… I have to be honest with myself here as well. It was never your place to save me in the first place.”

Jiyan’s eyes widened in shock. Mortified, he pulled away from the grounding touch, his heart trembling in shame as he gripped his shirt, tugging at it as if it could make breathing feel less heavy. It amounted to nothing.

“No, it was my duty! I was your medic, it was my job to-“

“-to keep the Midnight Rangers alive so they could defend Jinzhou. Just what you did back then.”, Geshu Lin cut him off with a small sigh before he got up and walked up to the railing, looking down at the camp, illuminated by a few neon lights, below them. By now, the air had cooled down by a lot and Jiyan could see little white clouds form as he breathed out towards the night sky. “As a General, I don’t scorn you, Jiyan. We achieved victory. At quite the small cost, looking at it from a realistic point of view. If anyone were to write a book about this, they would probably be in awe at the perfect strategy of me throwing myself into battle, the men acting as decoy and you leading our soldiers back to safety so Jinzhou can live in peace for many years to come. Who knows…”, he shrugged as he turned around and pointed at the golden dragon insignia at Jiyan’s chest. The crest of the Midnight Rangers. The symbol of- “Maybe it was Sentinel Jue’s wish all along.”

“But what kind of Sentinel forsakes its loyal blade-“

“Jiyan, do you truly believe that Sentinel Jue is kind? After all these years of war?”

 

Jiyan swallowed hard.

 

Should…. Should he be honest?

 

The silver hair gently swayed in the night breeze. The pale skin shimmered in the moonlight, contrasting the dark clothes perfectly. Broad shoulders. Shoulders that had carried the world’s fate for so long and had never crumbled, had protected him without fail.

Shoulders Jiyan had always chased after, had always craved to reach out.

Shoulders that had always been out of reach.

Even now.

Even now…

 

“I… I honestly don’t know if I want to believe in Jue at all.”

“Jiyan.”, shocked, Geshu Lin whirled around to him, instantly marching towards him. But instead of hitting him for his disrespect towards the Guardian Sentinel of the Midnight Rangers, he just grabbed his coat firmly and rasped out: “You’re the current General of the Midnight Rangers! I’m allowed to say such blasphemy because I’m not tied to them anymore, but you-“

“What have they ever done for us?!”

“You…”, Geshu Lin’s eyes widened in disbelief and he shook him, as if it would give his jumbled braincells a kickstart, “Do you even hear yourself? Weren’t you always the one believing in Jue no matter what? Their most devout believer?! I heard about your inauguration speech, you kissed their ass in that one.”

“W…What, I did not!”, Jiyan sputtered at the crude choice of words, but then his mind caught up with a way more interesting fact. “Wait, you listened to my speech? How? Where you ther-“

“No.”, Geshu Lin instantly stomped his hopes into the ground. He then paused for a moment, looking suspiciously uncomfortable as he seemed to be searching for the right words, before he added slowly: “A nuisance pressed the newspaper right into my face. Had no other choice than to read it. At least parts of it. How did it go? ‘Protect our beloved home with the loving gaze of our Sentinel always resting on us? Serve Sentinel Jue with our mind, body and soul?’ – I thought my speeches were sappy, but yours…-“

“I was nervous and didn’t know what to say!”, flustered, Jiyan looked away, Geshu Lin’s amused chuckle burning on his skin. Frustrated, he stared down at his lap for a moment, before he mumbled shyly: “I could have needed some guidance there, you know?”

 

Geshu Lin froze. The chuckle got caught in his throat almost instantly. Worried, Jiyan clenched his hands up to fists, knowing that he had just treaded dangerous waters.

Geshu Lin’s next statement was spoken in that same eerily calm voice from before, but at least it wasn’t outright hostile.

“Well, you could have just asked Sanhua. Or your new beloved Madam Magistrate. Speaking of her – how can you question your Sentinel when the Sentinel finally gave y’all a sign and chose their subject? I mean, it’s a little late, but she seems to be doing a somewhat decent job.”

“She… She is truly hardworking, that much is true. And she is kind, witty and soft-spoken, yet resilient when needed.”

“Then where’s the probl-“

“What good is a Sentinel when it only shows its face in times of peace? They didn’t help when we fought the Ovathrax. They didn’t help when we fought the Dreamless. They didn’t even send us a sign when the earth was drenched with the blood of their so-called ‘subjects’!”

“Jiyan…”

“No!”, Jiyan shook his head vehemently and pointed to the crest on his coat. “There are times when I think that I should believe in Jue as they are our Sentinel. And since the Madam Magistrate’s appointment, they are rumored to be more active. Everyone says that they have returned. But… if they really have, why is there still a need for a general? Why do we still have to fight? And why did they let someone as upright and loyal as you succumb to one of the worst fates imaginable?”

 

Geshu Lin winced at his words and for a moment, his gaze quivered, the flame ball next to him wobbling anxiously as if it had turned into liquid for a moment. “There’s no use thinking about it.”, he finally muttered, “Just… just play your role and stop racking your brain on stuff that doesn’t matter to you anyways.”

“But it does!”, Jiyan shouted angrily, clenching his jaw as memories of rainy evenings flashed in front of his eyes. Evenings when he had bandaged Geshu Lin’s wounds while the man was on the phone with the Magistrate. The officials had been yelling so loudly through the line that Jiyan had heard almost every word. Failure of a General, waste of weapons, waste of soldiers – they had blamed him for everything. While he was the first General of the Midnight rangers to ever join battle personally. They had chided him for never being enough while he had been bleeding for Jinzhou – right on Jiyan’s hands.

Back then, he hadn’t dared to speak up.

Today, he regretted this hesitation.

 

Geshu Lin seemed stunned at his outburst, tumbling a few steps back until he leaned against the railing where he weakly asked: “…Why?”

“Because they failed you.”, Jiyan gritted his teeth, knowing damn well that he would pay dearly for the next words, but they had to be said anyways. “You are not a bad person. You never were. You fought for this land, for its people – Hell, you were more a Sentinel to this land than them!”

“Stop, don’t speak another-“
“How am I supposed to forgive them for forsaking you? I pledged my oath to the protector of Jinzhou! To be their sword and shield – isn’t this the vow of the Midnight Rangers? I pledged this oath, but it took me not even a year to realize that the protector was not Sentinel Jue, it was-“

“Jiyan, don’t-”

“YOU.”

Jiyan’s yell echoed through the night, met with shocked silence from the older man in front of him. Geshu Lin looked as if someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water on top of him. His mouth opened, but not a word fell from his lips. Even the flame ball had stopped bouncing in the air and hovered frozen in place next to its dumbfounded owner.

 

“It has always been you. And it was my shortcoming that I didn’t realize it sooner. Deep down, I knew, but I was too scared to voice my conviction out loud. But now, fate has given me this second chance. I know you didn’t take me serious when I told you this at the training yard. Maybe this all doesn’t mean anything to you, it is your right. You severed all ties to this country, to me, and it has been years. But I need you to hear this –My oath has always been meant for you. Nobody else.”

Firmly, he pressed his fist to his chest while keeping strict eye contact with the man in front of him who seemed to be shrinking with each further word.

“Geshu Lin, twenty-seventh General of the Midnight Rangers, please let me thank you for all you did. For Jinzhou, for the Rangers… and for me.”

 

Jiyan’s gaze didn’t waver. Not when Geshu Lin’s eyes widened in shock (or was it fear?), not when the others hands twitched as if he were deciding whether to take his grapple hook and throw himself off the tower or strangle Jiyan.

Ultimately, it was a shaky laugh that broke the silence.

“You…”, Geshu Lin huffed in disbelief, picking up the little flame ball that had crashed down on his shoulder on accident, before he shot Jiyan a withering glare, ”I can’t deal with you. I’m leaving.”

Instantly, he turned around on his heel and headed towards the ladder. Evil tongues would have claimed that he looked as if he was running away. And as his former General passed him, Jiyan felt his Forte prickle on his skin. It was fluctuating like crazy. Had his words angered him this much? He had expected that Geshu Lin wouldn’t be pleased with his words, but this lack of verbal reaction was alarming.

 

“Geshu Lin-“

“No.”

The man didn’t even look at him. For the second time this day, General Geshu Lin was making an escape.  But this time, he didn’t come far. Right after he had hastily grabbed the railing at the ladder to take the first steps and turned around to descend, his gaze met Jiyan’s one final time.

 

He froze.

 

“…How are you getting down?”

 

Jiyan laughed awkwardly.

It was answer enough.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me…”

 

 

~

 

 

“We’re not doing this.”

“But what else are we supposed to do? You can’t climb the ladder like this; the entrance is too narrow-“

“You’re not jumping down the damn tower!”

Furiously, Geshu Lin stomped over to him after he had taken another good, hard look (the tenth one this past minute) over the railing down at the ground which was at least ten meters away.

“It was bad enough that you came up here, but down? You nearly fell to your death just after hitting your head against the roof; no way in hell I’m letting you float all the way down there! How am I supposed to explain to Sanhua why their General has turned into a bloody pancake next to the watchtower, huh?”
“Well, a suicide might be a good optio-“

“Why are you even considering this?!”

 

Geshu Lin slapped his hand against his forehead, the flame ball frantically flying from left to right as if it were looking for any other options. But in the end, it just hovered back to its owner, turning into a flat blob as if seemed to be whining.

Geshu Lin just rolled his eyes at it, but in the end gave it a little pat on the ‘head’, to which it immediately went back to its original shape with a small chirp.

“Yeah, I know, we can’t use the grapple hook. The distance is away too great. We’re fucked.”, Geshu Lin groaned and then angrily kicked the wall.

Jiyan laughed awkwardly. “I suggest not kicking our poor infrastructure. I hadn’t had the funds to renovate it yet and I don’t think I will get some anytime soon.”

 

If looks could kill, Jiyan would be so dead by now.

 

Jiyan watched Geshu Lin’s restless pacing for another good five minutes, until he finally decided that it was time to step up. Or else neither of them would leave this tower and although his heart perked up at the idea of spending the night beneath the stars with Geshu Lin, his mind made him painfully aware of the not so pleasant turn this would 100% take.

“I know you don’t like the idea, but we don’t have another choice. It’s just like with kids who climb up a tree and are too scared to come down to the ground again. …Just that it’s right now the parent who is too scared-“

“I’m not your parent! And spare me the shitty metaphors, you’re even worse than that damn black cat!”

 

Black… cat?

 

“Who is-“

“Okay, you’ve persuaded me. It was your fault to begin with anyways. So, get your ass up, we’re lifting you up on the railing. But you will not jump until I’m down there and ready to catch you, understood?”, Geshu Lin cut him off and impatiently stomped to him. Without even asking, he instantly dragged him up and before Jiyan could protest, he had already snaked his arms around him and hoisted him up as if he were nothing but a featherweight.

“You’ll… catch me…?”, Jiyan mumbled dumbfoundedly, barely registering how Geshu Lin helped him sit down on the railing while paying utmost attention that he wouldn’t accidentally slip.

“If you ask me this a third time, I won’t, brat.”

 

It took Geshu Lin a suspiciously short time to reach the bottom of the tower. Jiyan couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter when he saw his former general gaze up at him as he positioned himself right below him, ready to catch him.

 

Ready to catch him.

 

Oh, how Jiyan’s stupid heart soared at this, how quickly his hopes reached heights he had sworn himself to never touch. Geshu Lin hadn’t even responded to his earnest thanks. How could he succumb to the delusions than they could be more?

 

“Ready?”, he yelled down at Geshu Lin.

“Whenever you are!”

 

Fuck.

He would not get this memory out of his mind.

…Why did his stupid heart choose to fall in love with this very man?

 

Jiyan let out but a single sigh before he allowed the winds to carry him away, right off the railing.

 

 

Contrary to Geshu Lin’s expectations, his descend went far smoother than expected. The first five meters he floated elegantly through the air, the winds perfectly balancing his body. It felt as easy as breathing. Geshu Lin had been right. He should have had so much more faith in his Forte from the very start.

He almost succumbed to the urge to do a little flip just to show Geshu Lin how much his Forte Control had improved.

And maybe to show off. Just a little.

 

But even from this distance, he could spot the frown on Geshu Lin’s face. He also noticed the many flame balls hovering around him oozing a frequency full of worry. They stayed just out of Jiyan’s range so they wouldn’t interfere with his own frequency on accident, but were as close as possible so they could jump into action if something happened.

It was endearing, really.

So, Jiyan couldn’t help but smile brightly, as he passed another meter ready to cross the last part.

When he could touch the ground, everything would be over. Geshu Lin would just let out his usual huff, maybe clack his tongue in annoyance and then leave.

Jiyan didn’t want him to leave.

 

Maybe he could…

No, this was a daring idea. Crossing the lines with Geshu Lin was dangerous to say the least, life-threatening at worst.

 

But… I don’t want to see him go just yet.

It’s wrong of me to be selfish, I know but…

 

The winds caressed his cheeks gently before they gave him a little nudge as if they were telling him to go through with it.

 

And so, he obliged.

At the last meter, he dispersed his winds, right above Geshu Lin’s arms. He instantly felt gravity get a hold of him and truth be told, it was a bit scary to feel the speed of his fall abruptly pick up. But before the fear had properly manifested, he already landed in warm, strong arms, instantly pulling him close to a chest, he had rested against a few months ago for the first time. It was almost like a deja-vu.

“What are you doing?!”

“My winds gave out at the last meter, sorry…”, Jiyan smiled innocently at the older man whose scowl could rival Yhan’s when a trainee had once again broken the Training Simulation Sphere.

“After nine meters of no complications at all? Yeah, sure…”, Geshu Lin snorted snidely, but then he visibly relaxed. But he didn’t put Jiyan down. Instead, he wiggled his arms a little bit until he seemed more comfortable and then gave a little nod at the flame balls which instantly flew away to pick up the crutches.

“Lazy prick.”

 

Jiyan knew better than to stare.

But this smile… was truly beautiful.

 

 

 

 

The calm, steady steps echoed across the metal tiles, combat boots making heavy clacking noises when they scraped across the ridges of the plates, as Geshu Lin carried Jiyan back to the main building. It was quiet – well, except for them. Not that it was surprising, it was deep in the night and unlike the times when Geshu Lin had still been General, nowadays, the Midnight Ranger didn’t have to fear nightly TD attacks. Maybe a group of Prisms coming too close to the camp,  activating the automated defense system the Huaxu Academy had gifted them after their win against the Dreamless, but not much more.

 

“Geshu Lin.”

 

It took a moment for the older man to respond, almost as if he had been deeply lost in thought. Jiyan couldn’t help but admire his face, now way more relaxed than before, as it was dimly lit by the flame ball next to him. In the distance, another one was lighting up their path.

“Mh?”, the man hummed, raising his eyebrow slightly.

 

Always his left one.

This hadn’t changed, even after such a long time.

 

“You said you were wandering for the past five years.”

“Yeah…?”, Geshu Lin let out a pained sigh and quickly looked away, acting as if he was focusing on what lied ahead (but he was really just fleeing Jiyan’s gaze), “Jiyan, if you’re thinking about posing another stupid question-“

“Did you sometimes look at the sky?”

Geshu Lin paused.

“Yes. Sometimes.”

The flame ball next to him flickered for a moment, its size shrinking before it returned to its original one and quickly flew to Geshu Lin and nudged his cheek. He shooed it away with a withering glare.

The ball pouted.

Yes, pouted.

Jiyan couldn’t believe his eyes as well.

And he could believe them even less when the flame ball then decided to fly down to him and nuzzle against his palm. Jiyan frowned in confusion and tentatively placed a finger on it. The ball instantly hummed in delight.

 

Was it… asking to be petted?

How adorable.

 

“I did as well.”, Jiyan softly spoke up, nodding at the night sky, which tonight was without a single cloud, showing a breathtaking multitude of stars. “In the past, I didn’t really see its beauty, but after you were gone… I couldn’t help but wonder if you might be out there. Somewhere… living a totally new life.” He cursed himself on the inside for having an awkward tremble in his voice and he swallowed hard. “And I wondered if you were looking at the same sky as myself.”

 

Oh no, Geshu Lin was so quiet.

…Had his words been too bold?

But suddenly the arms around him pulled him closer to the other’s chest.

“I… I did.”, the soft answer rang in the night air, “There were days where I at least hoped so.”

 

Oh.

 

A weird numb tingling filled Jiyan’s chest and he looked up at his former general. His expression was unreadable, especially since the flame ball had decided that Jiyan’s palm was a far more comfortable resting place, but the tone of his voice had set Jiyan off. Oh, how he wished he could get a glimpse at the other’s thoughts, that he could finally understand this enigma of a man. Maybe he could ask-

But just as Jiyan opened his mouth, Geshu Lin pulled him close, this time hard enough that Jiyan’s face was pressed against the fabric of the other’s shirt, effectively silencing him this way.

“Don’t… comment on it. It’s embarrassing.”

 

Jiyan couldn’t help but smile at the flustered command and he was pretty sure that Geshu Lin felt it against his chest. The fabric of the shirt was quite thin after all. Of course, Jiyan would have loved to protest, being withheld from posing questions was something that usually irked him. But he decided that after all this trouble today, he would grant Geshu Lin the favor and stay silent. Sneakily he breathed in the other’s scent. Firewood. And a trace of ashes. The cool night air suddenly didn’t feel as cold anymore.

 

 

 

Jiyan hadn’t expected Geshu Lin to carry him back to his room. Hell, he hadn’t even assumed that his former general would accompany him any further than to the main building’s entrance. After all, his presence had seemed to annoy the man the whole time.

Nonetheless, Geshu Lin didn’t put him down.

He didn’t say a word either, but that wasn’t uncommon. But the atmosphere was different from his broody silence, maybe because of the way the little fireball nuzzled against his palms, warming him eagerly as if it were trying to make up for the earlier attack. It was sometimes astounding to see how fast Gesu Lin’s frequency could switch from heavily fluctuating and brimming with rage, oozing the kind of danger one immediately wanted to run away from, to this sweet, gentle warmth that encompassed one like a blanket in a cold winter night.

When Geshu Lin finally set him down in front of his room (thank Jue that at this time of the day no one frequented the hallways), Jiyan nearly pulled him back close to regain the pleasant warmth. But he was a general and self-composure was his duty. So, albeit with some deep-down hidden grief, he unlocked his room and entered it, laughing softly as the flame ball nuzzled against his cheek before settling on his shoulder again. Was it just him or was Geshu Lin’s Forte awfully touchy today? Not that he minded it, hell, if someone were asking Jiyan, he would wish for it to always be this way.

 

“Thank you for accompanying me back here.”

“See it as thanks for the cookies.”

“Even though they tasted like shit.”
“Yep.”, Geshu Lin laughed, but only for a moment.

 

Unusually quick, he then calmed down, clutching the door knob in his hand. Abruptly, he looked up and met his gaze with firm determination: “Thank you for coming to me.”, he paused, scorning Jiyan with a withering glare, “Even though I never want to see you fly up that tower ever again.”

“Are you up there often?”

Geshu Lin’s prolonged pause was answer enough. And the man knew it as well. With a sigh, he nodded curtly:  “Maybe.”

“Maybe?”, Jiyan raised his eyebrow at him, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

“The view there is nice… looking at the stars…”, Geshu Lin sighed as he leaned against the doorframe staring to the window at the opposite wall from where the moonlight was flooding the room, “When I look at the night sky, it helps me remind myself that I’m just one tiny speck of dust in this giant world, that the stars gaze down at me like at everybody else.”

He suddenly flinched, laughing awkwardly as he locked eyes with Jiyan. Flustered, he scratched his neck and mumbled: “I know, stupid, but-“

“It’s not stupid!”, Jiyan instantly cut him off, then wobbled forward without his crutches until he could take Geshu Lin’s hands in his own.

“It’s not stupid, Geshu Lin. I… I feel the same.”, he squeezed his hands, “Back then, I couldn’t understand the pressure you faced while being a general. And how sickening it can feel when everyone stares at you, but nobody truly sees you.”

Geshu Lin took in sharp inhale.

The pain in his eyes made Jiyan even surer in his decision to speak up. And tempted him to pull the man into hug. Only his few remaining shreds of self-preservation kept him from doing so.

 

“When I had to take over, I knew nothing. I did my best to act as if I did, but filling your shoes was almost impossible. And at the same time, everybody kept staring at me. Their praises… they did nothing but sting on my skin like acid because I knew that they were just nice words, a safety net the Magistrate carefully spun to keep their valuable pawn in place. A net they could snap at every time. I hate the pedestal they put me on. Was… Was it the same for you?”

Geshu Lin gave a slight nod. “You shouldn’t give a shit about them. Then, it hurts less when they cut you off.”

“Back then… their betrayal hurt like hell, didn’t it?”, Jiyan tried to show him an empathetic smile, but it instantly fell from his face when the next words cut through his soul like a thousand scalpel blades, shredding it to pieces.

 

“Your betrayal hurt more.”

Of course.

How could he have forgotten.

He had no right to show empathy towards Geshu Lin. Jue, how had he even dared to utter such despicable words, rubbing it in the other’s face how he had fallen, how he had been robbed of everything.

He had to apologize. No, he should kowtow immediately and beg –

 

“Jiyan, I’m not saying this to punish you.”

 

Geshu Lin instantly picked up on his mood change and before Jiyan could react, warm arms already wrapped around him.

A hug.

 

Geshu Lin… was hugging… him.

 

“I … Sorry, I shouldn’t have said it at all.”

Jiyan barely registered the words which were muttered into his hair. His heart was beating so loud that it drowned out all other noise. It was only him and Geshu Lin’s warmth around him.

 

Geshu Lin had never hugged him before.

Maybe on accident when he had been catching him.

Maybe when he had prevented him from falling to the ground.

Maybe when he tripped over either his feet or his crutches.

 

But never like this.

Never on purpose.

 

Finally, Geshu Lin’s statement sunk in and he realized that he had just received an apology he didn’t deserve in the slightest. Hastily he shook his head, knowing full well that he should pull away.

But his heart refused.

“No.”, he firmly rejected Geshu Lin’s apology and on instinct, he draped his arms across Geshu Lin’s broad back, pulling his close to underline his sincerity, “I needed to hear this. It is long due.”

“Is it?”, the wet laugh which followed made Jiyan’s heart clench up in sadness. But then, a sudden touch at the back of his head made the world freeze its place. Geshu Lin was gently running his fingers through his hair. His touch was tender and so unlike his previous words that had been sharper and more brutal than any weapon of his.

 

 “You choose way harsher punishments than anybody else would. But that’s just like you, isn’t it?”, Geshu Lin laughed softly as he gave Jiyan’s head a little pat before finally letting go of him. But instead of putting distance between them, he remained close, meeting Jiyan’s eye without hesitation. “Taking accountability at any price, huh? Most would have just named my death good riddance and would have moved on. And yet, even after all these years, you speak for me, you defend me in front of the men you cherish so much, you cling to me as if I was still your protector…”

 

With a small sigh, he observed Jiyan calmly for a moment, before he continued in soft, almost hesitant tone: “Tell me, Jiyan, what do you see in me? Don’t think I didn’t listen to you earlier when you talked about your oath. But it just…”, his shoulders trembled as his voice broke for a moment, “It just doesn’t make any sense. I’m not your General anymore. I can maybe understand why you admired me for my efforts back then, I really tried my best to save this shitty country. But today? I’m no more than a shell of myself with nothing to my name but shame and the Magistrate’s decree to bring them my head. And my Forte… My Forte is not to be relied on anymore.”

“What do you mean by that?”, Jiyan’s eyes widened in shock.

 

Purple flames exploding everywhere.

His winds barely able to keep up with them, shielding his men from certain damnation.

 

A chill ran down his spine.

 

“I…”, Geshu Lin hesitated, his expression growing even more nervous than before, until he suddenly shifted back to his usual, cold and somber expression. “It’s not of importance to you. Just know that you won’t be able to rely on me. And you also shouldn’t do that in the first place. I already told you, I’m not here for you, neither to fight, nor to protect. So don’t hail me as the hero I am not-“

“I don’t hail you as anything. I pay you the respect you deserve. Not just as a General, but as you. As Geshu Lin.”, Jiyan countered him with grim determination brimming in his veins.

Geshu Lin’s lips lost their color as the man pressed the  tightly against each other. His eyes narrowed. And yet Jiyan didn’t miss the way they became glossy for a moment.

This was enough fuel for his determination to keep pushing forward.

“I see you as you are. As Geshu Lin. Yes, you are also my former general and I will always respect you because of it. And I will always mourn the decision you made and cherish the times you kept us safe. But right now, the man standing in front of me… it’s just you.”

“You… and me… huh…”, Geshu Lin repeated, his voice hollow yet laced with something warm that Jiyan couldn’t decipher.
“Exactly.”, Jiyan smiled eagerly and without before giving it a second thought he grabbed Geshu Lin’s hand, clasping it tightly as he proposed: “So what do you say? Should we-“

 

BEEP. BEEP.

 

BEEP. BEEEEEEEEP.

 

…You’ve got to be kidding me.

 

Dumbfounded, Jiyan let go of Geshu Lin’s hand as his pocket kept on vibrating, the loud alarm blaring through the room and therefore effectively killing the fragile atmosphere he had given his all to create.

 

For a moment, he considered to just let it ring. The world had needed him long enough, couldn’t fate just grant him this one moment of peace and quiet to make up with Geshu Lin? Just one small chance? Please?

 

BEEP. BEEP.

 

Oh fuck you, fate. Sincerely, fuck you!

 

Angrily, he fetched the terminal from his pocket and unlocked the screen with a few swipes that were far harsher than usual. With a muttered curse under his breath, he waited for the screen to load.

“Who’s calling me at this hour…”

His hand froze in place, hovering right above the screen.

“…MADAM MAGISTRATE?!”
“Pick it up!”, Geshu Lin instantly urged him to, pacing around him in nervous circles as Jiyan took the call.

“Hello Madam Magistrate? Did something happen?”

“Oh, you’ve picked up so quickly! Greetings, General Jiyan. Please do not worry, it’s not an emergency. I  just wanted to inform you that I plan on visiting you for an in-person meeting? Would that be alright with you?”

“You… you want to meet up at this hour?”, flabbergasted Jiyan stared at the screen while ignoring the slightly amused, yet just as bewildered chuckle next to him.

“At this hour? What do you mean- OH GOSH!”

 

For a moment, the line fell silent except for some cracks and rustling, almost as if someone was frantically shuffling around. Only after a prolonged pause of awkward silence, Jinhsi spoke up again, the embarrassment clear as day in her voice.

“I’m so sorry, General. I didn’t realize that it was already 2 am. There has been some trouble the past few weeks and the paperwork… ah, what am I saying, surely you know this problem all too well. Please forgive me for calling at such an outrageous time. I hope I didn’t wake you…”

“Not at all, Madam. Please don’t worry, it’s alright. You didn’t wake me. And even if you did, it would still be my honor to take your call as your general.”, Jiyan politely reassured her, ignoring the dramatic eyeroll in the background, both from the flameball and its bratty owner. “Regarding an in-person meeting: Of course, it doesn’t pose any trouble at all. I’m delighted to meet you. Do you intend me to return to Jinzhou?”

“No, I want to come over to your main camp, if that’s okay.”

 

Jiyan froze in shock.

The flame ball crashed right against the open door of the wardrobe.

 

The main camp?! But the Madam Magistrate had never once visited the Midnight Ranger’s camp! Why now of all times?

Worried, his gaze wandered over to Geshu Lin.

Could it be… No. Surely, they wouldn’t dare touch him, when he was caring for Jiyan under Sanhua’s ‘command’.

…Right?

 

“General? Is everything alright? …Oh no, did I press the wrong button? Ah, I should have asked Sanhua to stay here and assist me…”

“Ah no, Madam, I’m sorry I was just… in thoughts.”, Jiyan quickly composed himself, cringing internally at his awkward wording, “I’ll make sure to receive you with the hospitality and safety you deserve. The Midnight Ranger’s camp has its doors always open for you. When do you plan on visiting?”

Jiyan smiled politely at the screen, much to Geshu Lin’s amusement, as if Jinhsi could see him through the screen.

 

But said smile froze on his face the moment her answer rang through the line.

 

“Tomorrow.”

 

In the background, the shocked flame ball slammed straight into his owner, owning it a hissed curse and an angry slap.

 

“…TOMORROW?!”

Jiyan just barely managed to conceal his shock (truth be told, it was probably only successful due to the Madam magistrate’s obliviousness and not his own skills…) while watching in bewilderment how Geshu Lin chased the flame ball around the room before finally grabbing it and stuffing it into his shirt.

“Yes, maybe at lunch?” Jinhsi’s question instantly brought him back down to earth, making him go back into business mode.

“Yes…. Yes that should pose no problem.”, he coughed awkwardly.

“Great! I look forward to it! I’ll bring Sanhua along, if it’s alright with you?”

“Y…Yeah of course!”

“Wonderful! Then rest well, my dearest General, and I’ll see you tomorrow?”, Jinhsi laughed awkwardly, “Or should I say today?”

 

A few crackling noises followed. The Madam Magistrate only managed to end the call after her embarrassed sigh had already reached Jiyan’s ears.

 

It seemed he had found a worthy rival for Geshu Lin when it came to technical inability.

 

“The Madam Magistrate is coming…”, shellshocked, Jiyan turned to his former General who just rolled his eyes.
“I heard it loud and clear.”, he shrugged, “What’s up with that face? You look like a frightened chicken! She’s just your boss, isn’t she?”
“Yes, but she has never once visited us before! Why now?”

“If you don’t know the answer, how is the fugitive supposed to know?”, Geshu Lin huffed and then, without a single explanation, turned around on the spot and marched towards the door. After opening it, he gave Jiyan a casual wave, pausing for a moment before deciding to speak up one final time:

 “You’ll be fine. I’m more worried that Sanhua will bash our head in if she hears that you’re out for another four months, because a certain someone couldn’t keep his legs still.”

Jiyan shuddered as angry heterochrome eyes flashed in front of his eyes and he could almost feel the bone chilling coldness of her Forte on his skin.

“Please don’t tell her!”, he begged without an ounce of shame, to which Geshu Lin only laughed.

“Mh…. I’ll consider it…”, he teased, a smug smirk spreading on his face, “At the right price.”

With another laugh, he gave a small nod, before grabbing the doorknob and pulling the door along.

“Goodnight, ‘my dearest General.’”

 

He didn’t even give Jiyan a chance to respond.

Notes:

Hi everyone!
Starting off, I want to thank everyone for your continued support, especially in the last few weeks when I haven't responded as much as usual (and as much as I wanted to) I must admit, I did have a little bit of a time struggle, as I'm currently working on a lot of things and this chapter didn't make things any better. As you might have noticed, it is quite long - 16k to be precise.
But it was all worth it.
This chapter is very dear to me as it deals with a lot of issues in geshuyan's relationship. Issues that they need to talk about, but at the same time, they are not easy topics. Not easy for them and especially not for me. I think the part I struggle dmost with was explaining Jiyan's decision back then. For me, Jiyan shows how he is just a human with flaws, with panic, with fear. And he really thought he was right back then. only to be hit with the crushing reality that he might have made a misjudgment (but to quote Geshu Lin: is that really true?) I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Did you like Jiyan's reasoning? Did you hate it?
Oh and forgive the lack of reaction in Geshu Lin. I honestly thought about it a lot, but I couldn't come up with an appropriate response. And truth be told, I don't think many would have an immediate response to this. In the end, I see Geshu Lin as someone who would seem 'fine' at first glance, but he will mull this over and the words will haunt him many nights.
Regarding the funeral: I really want to write a funeral oneshot with geshuyan. I fear I won't have time for it until this fic is finished but oh well. As it stands, Kuro seems to refuse giving us Geshu Lin anytime soon and I promised myself to write geshuyan at least for as long as they don't release him or he turns out to be Scar.
On the topic of writing: if you were wondering 'How long will this damn thing be? This is taking way too long author!" - I'm sorry. I honestly didn't expect this to be anything close to 150k words, but as of now I'll guess we'll end up just below 200k. Or at least I hope so... for my own sanity... and sleep.

As always, I would be very grateful for comments of whatever kind. I love to ramble about geshuyan (and next week, I hopefully have actually the time to write more again >.<) and your comments are not only the fuel for my motivation but also quite literally inspiration for this fic, just like the photoalbum scene for example. Or that there is a sudden mention of calji lol.

Okay, but now enough of my rambling: I wish you a lovely weekend, take care and see you next Friday! <3

Chapter 11: Bruises

Summary:

Geshu Lin has a nightmare triggered by the talk on the tower about the night before the Battle Beneath the Crescent. But even after waking up, his day doesn’t seem to get better…
Short trigger warning at the start: canon-typical violence. But considering it’s violence between Geshu Lin and Jiyan, I wanted to highlight it. Their fight is ugly. Really ugly. Just a small reminder: this is fiction. If anyone ever dares to treat you or someone you know in such a way like Geshu Lin does here towards Jiyan irl, get out and get out now.

Bruises

---

 

 

Violence can only be concealed by a lie, and the lie can only be maintained by violence. – Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

 

 

“Medic!”

“Medic, I know you can hear me! Stop!”

 

Two pairs of footsteps echoed through the hallways – one heavy, almost stomping as it marched onwards, ready to crush anything in its way. The other one was lighter, softer, chased and yet not frantic.

 

Long, teal-colored strands of hair disappeared behind another corner. Geshu Lin nearly reached them, nearly grabbed and tugged them back harshly. But the silky strands slipped through his fingers. Just like the person behind them.

Slipped between his fingers like water one tried to desperately gather from a puddle after a long, aimless travel.

 

“MEDIC, THIS IS AN ORDER! DO YOU WANT TO DEFY ME YET AGAIN?!”

 

At the latest by now, his favorite, and yet most loathed, medic would have stopped. After all, he was nothing more than a young, naïve brat whose backbone only shone as long as it didn’t threaten other lives.

 

A brat that always stared at him.

But not now.

Now, he couldn’t even meet his eye.

 

Jiyan didn’t stop. He didn’t even pause. Was this what was left of his loyalty? How foolish of Geshu Lin that he had ever seen a bond between them. He didn’t mean shit to Jiyan. As it should be vice-versa.

Only that it wasn’t. And there was no one to blame but Geshu Lin.

 

“First, you bark at me like the little pathetic dog you are and now you go into hiding with your tail tucked between your legs? Is that really all that’s left of your conviction?”, he rasped out angrily as he chased after the younger man, his fucking subordinate, but that brat was, much to his dismay, bold enough to use his Aero powers to speed himself up.

 

THE AUDACITY.

 

“You were such big talk in that meeting room and now you can’t even open your damn mouth? You ridiculed me in front of all my men and YOU KNOW IT! What was your big plan? That I would smite you down on the spot so you would be spared of that battle tomorrow? Or did you really think I would send you back home to your beloved mommy because of insubordination?”

 

Jiyan’s hand touched the doorknob. Geshu Lin already knew that it was locked. Jiyan fiddled with the key.

 

Three steps.

 

The key turned.

 

Two steps.

 

He wouldn’t let him escape.

 

One step.

 

The door opened.

 

 

Geshu Lin crashed right into Jiyan pushing them both through the door so they stumbled into the room. The faint smell of Pecok flowers was lingering around. Just as always.

Once, he had instantly felt at peace at this scent.

Now, it sickened him.

They crashed on top of each other, mostly because of Geshu Lin’s too powerful shove, partially because Jiyan had probably not anticipated it. Limps entangled as they went to the ground, a far too frail hand frantically latching on to his shirt for desperately needed support. With a dull thud they made contact with Jiyan’s floor.

Geshu Lin felt pain blooming up in his knee as it hit the tiles harshly, but he couldn’t care less. He hear a pained moan beneath him. Jiyan was rubbing his head. He was still not looking at him.

 

HE WAS STILL NOT LOOKING AT HIM.

 

Without a second thought, Geshu Lin grabbed the other’s hair tightly, pulling him harshly back so the younger man had no choice but to face his scorching gaze.

But to his surprise, Jiyan didn’t look as scared as he had expected. No, that brat had the gall to scowl at him, his eyes burning with anger he had never seen on his face before.

No… this wasn’t just anger.

It… it was hatred.

Jiyan… hated him.

 

Geshu Lin should feel at peace. Finally, clarity, after all these years that had endangered his conviction, had made him question his sanity more than once.

Instead, a hot surge of anger made his body shudder. His hands trembled as they gripped Jiyan’s hair harder. They weren’t supposed to tremble. A general’s hands never trembled.

“Why did you do this, Jiyan?”

 

His voice was hoarse from all the screaming, the endless barking of commands, day after day. And they had only grown in numbers. Just as the numbers of dead bodies lining up in the main yard.

“You know who I am, you served me long enough. And even if you don’t, you know damn well what the position of the General of the Midnight Rangers entails. Do you want me to kill you this badly?”

Jiyan’s lips quivered. But instead of the calmer answer, as expected of the usually composed medic, he finally yelled out: “Kill, kill, kill! That’s your only solution, isn’t it?”

“You leave me no choice! Are you even listening to yourself?!”

“You leave me no choice either!”, Jiyan’s voice trembled with a desperate rage Geshu Lin had never heard before, “I don’t understand you, General. Maybe I never did, but this… You’re going to kill us all! And for what?”

“For victory! Or as you love to call it: finally bring safety to Jinzhou?! Can’t you see it, medic? The enemy we’ve been yearning to destroy is finally right before us.”, Geshu Lin leaned closer staring deep into Jiyan’s eyes with the wretched hope to see some kind of realization in those naïve, delusional eyes.

But there was none. It was just the same as always.

Kind, hopeful Jiyan.

Who would never understand him.

 

“This is our only chance. And now you’re asking me to sit back and do nothing because of some phantoms?”, he laughed hoarsely, but the echo in the room reverberated with nothing but despair. A craving to have at least one person who truly saw his reasoning. Who didn’t blindly follow him, but stood by him.

 

Jiyan stayed silent.

 

Oh, why did he have to stay silent?

“Silence? Is this your response? Or is it fear holding your tongue?”, Geshu Lin spat out, venom dripping from his lips, but deep down he knew that there was a plea hidden between his lines, “I don’t care about your cowardice, but medic tell me – what about your brethren, friends, comrades? Those who you always, oh so haughtily, claim to love more than anything? As they get viciously slain before your eyes, one by one – Will you still remain silent, when their souls demand an answer?”

 

Jiyan’s jaw tightened. His gaze quivered.

But he remained silent.

 

And Geshu Lin?

Geshu Lin couldn’t do this anymore.

He was tired.

 

“Say something.”

 

Geshu Lin only realized that he had said the words out loud when Jiyan’s eyes widened in shock.

Fuck, this was not a tone befitting a General. Where was his dignity? He should-

 

“I thought you’d reconsider!”, Jiyan's voice was trembling even worse than his own. Geshu Lin froze in place when he saw that his eyes were getting glossy.

“Reconsider?”, he let go of Jiyan in disbelief and sat up, allowing the other to do the same, still in shock that Jiyan was close to tears. Shouldn’t he be the one who was hurt?! “What is there to reconsider? There is no other choice! We must trample the pile of corpses at our feet and push on. Just like we always did! Keep barking orders, keep fighting until every last one of these monsters is gone!”

“But at what cost?”

“At every cost! Jiyan, I fought ten long years in this war, I lost more brothers than you have even met – Trust me, I know loss better than anyone in this damn camp! You don’t have to tell me what my decisions ensue. And still you feel the need to lecture me?”, Geshu Lin shook his head then his tone grew colder, more calculating, “No, you knew about this…”

 

Without warning, he grabbed Jiyan again and pulled him up with him, kicking the door shut in the progress. There was no need for unwanted disruption. Not that anyone would dare approach them right now. At the earliest in a few hours, when some brave soul would probably be sent down here to check if Jiyan was still alive. And rightfully so.

 

“You didn’t want to lecture me back there, didn’t you? You intentionally choose this moment to speak up so that as many men as possible would hear your doubts. They love you, they admire your strategy, your sharp wits. They trust you. Did you feel confident enough that you truly believed you could persuade them to defy my orders? Were you that desperate to start a rebellion? Then congratulations, you thought fucking wrong!”

The fist landed right next to Jiyan’s head at the door, leaving behind a scorch mark that was still fuming when he pulled away, “But I commend you for your bravery. It was a good plan. You’re just not as right as you expected to be.”

Jiyan didn’t flinch as the smoke grazed the side of his face. Instead, he just vehemently shook his head before he angrily countered: “This isn’t about right and wrong!”

“Then what is it? “, Geshu Lin angrily punched the door again, but unlike all those times before, it wasn’t meant to intimidate Jiyan – he knew that it wouldn’t work. Instead, he craved to blow off some steam. He wanted to feel something, anything but this nauseating pain in his chest that grew worse and worse with every further word that fell from the other’s lips.

Oh those soft lips, always curved up into a gentle smile when he greeted him. Lips pursed in worry, sincere worry not for the General but for him – Geshu Lin – when he was forced to sit on a stretcher.

 

How did it come to this?

Jiyan, I… I never wanted this.

 

“I just want us all to be safe!”

 

Of course.

Of course, Jiyan refused to see his point until the very end.

…Why should he be any different?

 

“Safe?”, a mocking, but oh so bitter laugh echoed in the room. “Are you kidding me? In this war? Have you learned nothing these past years?”

“I learned enough to know that heading into unknown territory at unknown conditions defies every single one of the lessons you gave me!”

“Then you are too dumb to truly understand them!“, Geshu Lin grabbed Jiyan’s shoulder harshly, putting his thumb down right where the bruise from earlier should have formed. He pressed down hard.

And for the first time, he could see Jiyan’s gaze falter for a moment. He was biting down on his lip. So Geshu Lin wouldn’t notice his pain.

“Insult me all you want, but I stand by what I said!”, his stubborn medic there spat out, the moment of hesitation blown away in an instant, replaced by ice-cold rage, “And if you, just for once, would respect those around you and listen to their opinions, we wouldn’t have the highest death count in the entirety of Huanglong!”

 

Silence.

 

Geshu Lin’s mind fell… silent. His thought, all messed up and jumbled before suddenly vanished from his mind, replaced by nothing but eerie emptiness. The rage, the frustration, the hurt… all of it was suddenly so quiet.

His heart was beating so loud. So fast.

And yet he heard that flickering Wavelength more than ever. Fast-paced like the wind, soft like a gentle breeze.

 

Once, he had felt relief at hearing this tune.

Once, he had wished for nothing but run back towards it after a hard battle.

Once, he had prayed for this Wavelength to never fall silent.

 

And now?

Now he just felt… nothing.

 

In the distance, a faint bell could be heard.

Dinner.

Probably the last they would ever have.

 

Jiyan’s breathing was erratic, just like his own. It was so loud. Unbearably loud.

It would be so easy to clasp his hand across the other’s mouth or just grab his throat first thing and press down until it finally fell silent as well.

Golden eyes were staring right at him. But they never dared to truly meet his gaze, answer the questions lingering in the silence between them.

 

What had he ever seen in this brat?

 

Suddenly, he felt the young man shift beneath his grasp.

Geshu Lin didn’t let go, even when the other’s expression grew panicked.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Ah, how fucking laughable.

 

“Ges-,, General, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said-“

“You shouldn’t have said so many things then.”

 

Geshu Lin pressed down hard on his shoulder, slowly heating up his finger tips. Jiyan’s eyes widened in panic.

He didn’t let go.

 

“You speak of my death count as if I didn’t know of it.”

“It was a mistake. I know, you work harder than-“

“It does not matter.”, Geshu Lin instantly cut him short, roughly shaking Jiyan’s shoulder, ultimately hitting it full force against the door, “Who cares about how hard I work? The Magistrate? The Sentinels? Spare me!”

 

He took a moment to catch his breath, his skin tingling as his own Wavelength and Jiyan’s clashed again and again, the air thrumming with rampant resonance energy.

With an ice-cold smirk, he tilted his head and then proposed in an eerily calm voice: “Let me give you one final lesson, medic, even if you deserve nothing but my flames. I respect every one of my soldiers. You may not believe it, but I was once just a common foot soldier as well! And you know what? Contrary to your claims, I do not call them brothers-in-arms to mock their fates– I still see and treasure them as my brothers. I respect them! Every single one of them. When they join, when they serve me and when they die for me!”

 

With a dark smile, he leaned in close and pointed at the Midnight Ranger’s crest at Jiyan’s shirt. “You know why you failed today? Because you think you’re so much better, so much smarter than them. You claim that you want to protect everyone, that you want to keep Jinzhou safe, rescue all the village and on top of it avoid any losses! How righteous, how valiant! You think you’re so good, don’t you, doctor?”

He relished in the way Jiyan’s breath hitched when he called him by his old title. Like countless electric shocks, prickling sensations ran down his arms as he caressed the side of his throat for a moment. Beneath his fingertips, he could feel Jiyan’s pulse racing. His life… just millimeters away from Geshu Lin’s grasp. It would be so easy to just…

Roughly, Geshu Lin grabbed Jiyan’s throat and held it tightly as he barked out: “But now that the Rain And now that the Rain has caught up to us, the enemies crowd our horizons so we can’t even see the fucking sky anymore, you’re getting cold feet. And everyone can see it. Tell me, why should they respect you?”

The little flame danced right in front of Jiyan’s face, illuminating the face of a man that had just lost his light – and of a man who had probably never had a light to begin with.

“Why should I have ever respected you?”

 

 

“I don’t need your respect anymore! I don’t want it!”

 

Maybe it was the way Jiyan’s eyes flared up with such raw hurt like he had never seen before.

Maybe it was the single tear that rolled down his cheek.

 

He had never seen Jiyan cry before.

 

Geshu Lin didn’t pay attention. Just for a second. A second too long.

In one swift motion, faster than in any of their training sessions, Jiyan freed himself from Geshu Lin’s grasp.

…With a block technique, Geshu Lin had once taught him.

Oh, fate had truly a cruel way to laugh at him.

 

But Geshu Lin was not a General for nothing. He didn’t grant his subordinate even a second of freedom. In the blink of an eye, he had grabbed both of his wrists and skillfully pinned the younger man against the door, ruthlessly shoving his leg between Jiyan’s to make sure that this brat had no way to escape.

“Huh that’s news to me. Before, you always seemed so fucking desperate for it.”, Geshu Lin sneered, leaning in close, “Or was it all show?”

 

Casually, he blew some air against Jiyan’s face.

The younger man frowned.

 

Ah… Jiyan really smelled as strongly of Pecocks as he had imagined.

 

For a moment, his breath got caught in his throat.

Soft skin, slightly shimmering hair. His skin was warm. Not as warm as Geshu Lin’s but still… so full of life. His wrist… also perfectly slotted in Geshu Lin’s hands, same went for their legs.

Once, he had wondered how it would feel to be this close to Jiyan. Medic. Jiyan.

 

I never wanted us to end up this way.

Jiyan… did you want this to happen?

 

 

“You changed.”

 

Jiyan’s voice washed over him as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over him. Gone was the short moment of hesitation, the reminiscence of what they had had… of what they could have been.

 

And Jiyan knew nothing of it.

 

Geshu Lin let out a tired sigh. “I didn’t. You just never truly looked at me.”

“I looked at you more than anybody else.”

 

What.

 

Geshu Lin’s eyes widened as the shock returned, the slender wrist suddenly burning against his skin, the thighs pressed against his own feeling so heavy. Jiyan was staring right at him.

With that weird expression, that light he couldn’t decipher and didn’t want – he… he-

 

No… no he shouldn’t overthink this. Surely, he couldn’t have meant… no, not someone as pure as Jiyan. He meant in a mentor-pupil way, as someone who desired to take his position-

Geshu Lin swallowed hard. His Forte was loud. Hopefully Jiyan hadn’t heard.

His body screamed at him to let go. Or to embrace Jiyan further.

He did neither.

 

“Oh, is that so?” he just slowly drawled out, trying his best to fake his usual aloof tone while ignoring how stifling Jiyan’s presence felt. General Geshu Lin was not weak. Whatever Jiyan was trying here… it wouldn’t sway him. He had fought way too long to stop now. “Then you really did crave my attention like a fucking whore. How pathetic.”

“Don’t…”

 

Golden eyes widening in pain.

A moth begging for mercy.

Only to be swallowed whole by the flames.

 

“Or did you just refuse to see the truth? Who I really am? Is that how you also deluded yourself into thinking that humanity is still good? That this world isn’t rotten to the core?”, Geshu Lin’s smile was wiped off his face the moment he let go of his  Jiyan’s wrist, only to grab Jiyan’s armband as he rasped out: “Must be nice to live in such delusions. But then you should die in such as well. But that’s too scary for you as well, isn’t it? So, you just run away like a coward once the heavy decisions roll around? Are you that weak, medic?”

“Call me weak but at least I’m not a murderer.”, Jiyan spat out, but at the same time, the younger man seemed unable to withstand Geshu Lin’s gaze.

Not that it would have mattered.

“A murderer!”, Geshu Lin laughed loudly.

Then, without warning, he followed his impulse and grabbed Jiyan at his shirt, dragging him forward so his subordinate nearly crashed into him. Jiyan let out a surprised gasp, music to Geshu Lin’s ears, and he opened his mouth to protest, but Geshu Lin didn’t even give him the chance.

“Finally, you said it.”, he whispered, a wide smile plastered across his face which couldn’t have been more morbid, “Haaah... so that's your true face, huh. Took you long enough.”

 

And before Jiyan could react, he already hurled him around, right into the wardrobe, not even second-guessing his action, when Jiyan’s head hit right the edge of it.

A loud bang echoed through the room.

 

Surely someone had heard.  

But no one would dare interrupt. No, they would all flee the nearest hallways, frantic because they knew that they would be the next to face his wrath if they dared to cross him.

Everyone knew that Geshu Lin had no tolerance for disrespect. Jiyan had not only disrespected him, no, he had questioned his integrity as a General in fro t of the whole camp.

Not even one day before their decisive battle.

The only battle that had ever mattered.

The battle, he had sacrificed so many people for. Countless lives were laying in his hands, their bodies long gone or still remaining in this world, all ready to be placed on the scales of destiny.

 

And Jiyan had really tried to risk it all.

For what? A few lives?

Geshu Lin had long stopped caring about such trivialities.

He wasn’t allowed to.

He had never been allowed to.

 

A quiet groan snapped him back to reality, but not out of the haze that encompassed his mind, bitter like the vile breath of a Dreadmane. Blood was dripping down the side of Jiyan’s face. He watched wordlessly as the younger man wiped the blood away, his eyes glossy before the shock caught up to him and he stared at his bloodied hand in disbelief.

Geshu Lin didn’t care.

He had listened to this nonsense long enough.

 

A murderer, that brat had called him.

A murderer he shall be.

 

Why had he ever hoped that someone would understand his decisions, the weight of the sacrifices on his shoulders?

And why had he wished it to be Jiyan?

 

“General, please listen-“

 

The slap echoed loudly in the room, but strangely enough, he didn’t even feel it. His whole body just felt... numb.

And so another followed. His fingers were wet.

Jiyan's lip was busted.

But he felt nothing.

 

Jiyan tried to block the next punch, but the attempt was pathetic at best. Geshu Lin should relish in the pained groan that followed.

He didn’t.

Without a word, he kicked Jiyan in his stomach, making him slump down at the wardrobe.

 

What a miserable pile of trash he was, lying there on the ground.

 

The bright smile that flashed in his mind was so foreign, that he didn’t even recognize it.

He had craved for it.

But… whose was it?

 

Slowly, he drew closer and ultimately crouched down in front of the teal haired brat.

Who dared to look up.

He instantly slapped him again.

 

But to his surprise, the brat seemed more resistant that before, this time not turning his face away, enduring the full impact without as much as gritting his teeth.

 

"Beat me up for all I care, but you know I'm right!”, he then hissed, meeting Geshu Lin’s gaze bravely, “ The Retroact Rain -"

Geshu Lin’s eyes narrowed. "The Retroact Rain merely creates illusions of past events! My soldiers wont succumb to it, I wont allow it!"

"But how can you guarantee that? You're just-"

 

Not even waiting for whatever nonsense the medic was about to spill, he grabbed the other’s hair, pulling his head back. How pale the skin at his throat was. Just one flame of his and it would be over.

Then… maybe his mind would finally be silent.

 

Ah.

I’m so tired.

 

 

"I'm what." He felt his fingers tighten around the younger man's shoulder. A shoulder far too thin, far too frail to carry the weight of his position.

 

No response.

 

"I'm what.", he muttered lowly, his eyes resting on the other’s battered face, slowly following each little trail of blood. Each of them his hands had created.

 

No response.

 

"I'm what, medic?" This time, he took the liberty to shake Jiyan’s head a little, hitting it against the wall in the process.

 

Geshu Lin watched with an apathetic expression as the blood drop ran down his temple, his cheek, his chin, his throat. It dripped onto his palm. Blood as red as Belle Poppies against his white skin.

It was just blood like any other.

And yet his heart cried out in agony.

 

What did it say? Geshu Lin … couldn’t hear it.

Everything was so muffled.

 

____ was saying something. His lips were moving. Soft lips, now split at several spots, red and blue from the sheer force they had suffered from.

 

Another punch.

He felt even less than before.

Not even when he touched his skin.

 

The lips were moving again.

 

And this time… he could hear the words, no more than a whisper, muffled as he had made it hard for him to speak.

 

"Jiyan. My name is Jiyan, Sir."

"You don’t deserve to be called by your name."

 

 

 

Geshu Lin woke up in cold sweat. It wasn’t an unfamiliar sensation when he felt his body abruptly sit up, gasping for air even if there was no need to. Every doctor would tell him this. And even if he wasn’t one, he also knew that it was useless.

His body was totally fine.

 

Words couldn’t kill.

Thoughts couldn’t kill.

 

Only when the body acted on it.

 

Geshu Lin had always lived by these principles. Hadn’t he done so, he would have long been dead. Because even if his men, hell, the whole world had once believed otherwise, in the end, he was just a human. And human shells could only endure so much.

 

A choked up laugh rang in the room as Geshu Lin grabbed his throat, raking his nails across it in the hope that the tightness would soon disappear. Pain was the easiest and sometimes the only wakeup call.

 

Maybe this was why Jiyan had betrayed him back then.

 

Geshu Lin would love to claim that he had never wanted to hurt him, but he knew exactly that it would be a lie. That dream… nothing of it had been a hallucination. Even if it was a nightmare, there had been not a single sentence that hadn’t fallen from their lips, not a single insult that they hadn’t hurled at each other without mercy. That day, Geshu Lin had wanted to hurt Jiyan. His punches… not a single one had been done out of impulse or on accident. No, he had craved to feel the impact, to hear pained groans. To see red bruises bloom up on his skin, to know that he was finally leaving traces on him. Traces that would teach him to do better. Not to crumble beneath the war, just as he had done. To not follow in his footsteps.

 

Well… it had worked.

Just not exactly the way Geshu Lin had intended.

 

A sharp pain made Geshu Lin snap back to reality.

Fuck, his fingers hurt. What…

“Did you just fucking burn me?!”

Geshu Lin stared utterly dumbfounded at the flame ball in front of him which was angrily wobbling up and down. He could hear the chiding even though not a single word was spoken.

“Stop worrying about me. You’re slowly turning into a second Jiyan. I don’t have a need for even more headaches.”

With a huff, he swatted the flame ball, even through its vehement protest, away and got up from the bed. Groggily, he marched over to the window. His temples were pounding, his eyes stinging.

 

Ah… this would be a brilliant day.

 

Frustrated, he rubbed his eyes for a moment, ignoring the purple out of the corner of his eye jumping up and down.

There were times when he wished for everything to just fall quiet. But at second thought… he couldn’t deny that he was grateful for his Forte’s presence. There had once been a moment when everything had fallen quiet.

When he had truly been alone.

Until the Ovathrax had consumed everything.

 

And even now he could feel the golden core pulse in his chest, a rhythm so steady as if it were just a normal heartbeat. But Geshu Lin knew that it wasn’t. And if he could be sure that he had a second functioning heart at his disposal he would immediately rip this parasite out of his body, burn it for as long as it would take, so he could finally complete the task he had existed for.

“Hey, give me my terminal, won’tcha? M’too tired to get it…”

His throat felt sore. He must have been screaming again. Well, at least there was no Qiuyuan to mock him for it.

There was also no Qiuyuan to hug him, to soothe those rampant Wavelength fluctuations that were gnawing at every fiber of his body as if they were trying to tear him apart.

General Geshu Lin had never needed something as simple as a hug.

But Geshu Lin…?

…Geshu Lin had never once been hugged since he had joined the army.

 

His body felt strangely empty, a hollowness he was far too familiar with, eating his body away  from the inside-out. His hands tingled. He looked down at them.

Blood.

It wasn't his, he immediately knew. He shouldn't know that. But the whispers around him made sure that he knew that it was none other than Jiyan’s.

His punch against Jiyan’s cheek.

A busted lip.

Blood running down his temple.

Blood on his hands.

 

He had laughed at him.

He had punched him again. And again. And again.

Jiyan hadn’t blocked his punches. Not a single one.

And yet he had continued.

 

A wave of nausea washed over Geshu Lin and yet he knew that he wouldn’t be able to throw up. Fate didn’t grant him this kind of relief. 

He also didn’t deserve it.

 

What had he said to Jiyan yesterday on that damned tower?

 

“It's in the past. Today, we only need to take responsibility of the consequences of our choices. That's all that matters.”

Such a poetic answer. Qiuyuan would be proud of him. Geshu Lin knew that these words were the best advice he could heed. And he stood by them. At least when it concerned Jiyan. That brat, even after making choices that one might call cruel, had done the right thing in the end. He had always done the right thing.

 

Except when it came to caring about him.

Jiyan should have never gotten involved with him in the first place. Then, this all wouldn’t have happened. Then, Geshu Lin would have just died in some ditch – alone.

Because being alone was all that was destined for him.

 

A drop landed on his palm. Red. Warm. Oh so warm.

 Slowly, he looked up at the ceiling. Jiyan’s face was hovering right above him. Bloodied, bruised with eyes so hollow that Geshu Lin felt the sudden urge to claw them out, to make them disappear as they were a disgrace to the person they belonged to.

 

But General Geshu Lin wasn't weak.

 

He cracked a smile and stared down at his hands again.

 

Words couldn’t kill.

Thoughts couldn’t kill.

And images couldn’t kill either.

Only w__n the body act_d on it.

 

This was not real.

 

He blinked once, twice. Another droplet fell, this time hitting his forehead. Geshu Lin felt its warmth as it trailed down his cheek.

 

He had almost killed Jiyan that day.

And still, his stupid medic had bid him farewell the next morning with a smile. A smile that he now knew had been genuine.

 

“I smiled at you because I was afraid, I wouldn’t see you again! I didn’t want our possibly last meeting to end with an argument!”

 

What a foolish reason.

Geshu Lin had rarely been scared of something.

But this knowledge… it made everything so much harder.

 

 

Geshu Lin watched without a single sound as the blood kept dripping onto the ground. The familiar tiles were long gone, replaced by a thick red coat, the iron stench lingering in the air making Geshu Lin’s stomach churn.

But General Geshu Lin wasn't weak.

 

Words couldn’t kill.

Thoughts couldn’t kill.

Images couldn’t kill.

And smell couldn’t kill either.

__ly ___n the bo_y a___d on it.

 

 

From in-between the sea of red, something emerged.

Geshu Lin’s whole body went rigid when he spotted the teal color.

He wanted to turn away. But his body felt as heavy as lead and he could do nothing but stare as Jiyan’s hair strand floated in between the blood. He still remembered the way Jiyan’s bangs had turned red when he had bashed him repeatedly against the wardrobe. And he remembered the cold wave of dread that had washed over him when he had finally snapped out of his daze, back at his own room with a ton of cold wave splashed in his face when he had seen a few teal hair strands floating in the brown water in the sink.

Hairs, he had ripped out. On accident of course, but still… he had turn something off Jiyan’s body.

Jiyan had always prided himself on his beautiful hair.

 

And he had ripped it out.

 

That day, he had realized that even if he had pleaded with the Sentinels otherwise, he had always been destined to ruin Jiyan.

How could he have hoped for anything else? After all, his role in this world had always been to destroy. Destroy the enemies, destroy his men, destroy Jiyan… and destroy himself.

And still, Jiyan had always reached out for him. But had never dared to touch him.

General Geshu Lin had scoffed at him for even trying.

Geshu Lin had mourned in his last moments that he had never been able to taste this warmth.

 

How long did I beg for someone to hold me?

I… I wanted him to take my hand, to hold me, to pull me close…

 

Geshu Lin could hear a choked up sob somewhere in the distance. Or was it his own? Did it even matter?

He closed his eyes and counted back from ten.

When he opened them, his hands stayed as drenched as ever.

 

Hah. So, it was one of these days.

 

In the distance something purple appeared. It grew bigger and bigger. And then it flew straight through Jiyan, or rather the despicable illusion that had imitated him and dove into his arms. The little flame ball was flickering in pure panic and even Qiuyuan would have ‘seen’ its worry, if he had felt its frantic wobbling.

“Thank you.” He whispered hoarsely. He held up the terminal.

General Geshu Lin would have claimed that the thanks would have been given because of the terminal.

But he wasn’t a General anymore.

 

“Nice try, Ovathrax.”, abruptly he turned away from the bloodshed and the torn hair strands and faced the blinds again. He let out a shaky laugh. It was supposed to be confident. Good thing, ‘confident’ was up to definition. “But I’m used to this. You have to try harder.”

With slow motions as if he were an old man (but it would fit the dark circles beneath his eyes), he grabbed the blinds. But when he lifted them a small crack, he was flashed with such grating light that he immediately let it fall back down again.

The sun stood high in the sky.

He had overslept.

No, not overslept. He wasn’t on duty anymore.

He hadn’t slept enough.

 

Why even wake up at all?

 

Geshu Lin let out a dry laugh.

 

He knew that it was of no relevance what he would see on his phone screen, nonetheless, he raised his terminal and tapped it once. The screen instantly lit up.

09.47.

Wow. He did in fact sleep quite long. Not as long as when he had been with Qiuyuan, when they had relished in the fact that they were not needed anywhere and could spend their days – and nights – freely. It was actually quite the surprise that nobody had knocked at his door yet. Had Jiyan supervised training today? In the last few weeks, he had felt a bit better, so he had been sitting at the sidelines, but a full lesson? Surely not. Plus, Geshu Lin really didn’t like the thought that after their fight, discussion, whatever one wanted to call it, Jiyan had gotten up so early. He needed sleep more than Geshu Lin.

But nobody had knocked.

 

“That idiot…”, With a frustrated sigh, he glanced down at the flame ball, which was still nuzzling against his chest, “Tell me, how can I get this idiot to rely on me more? Yes, I want him to handle his problems, but not at the expense of his own health. But that stubborn brat never listens…”

He took one final look out the window. 09.47, huh. At this time, the breakfast was long over and getting anything to eat would pose quite the hassle. But maybe Jiyan had saved something for him, just. Like in old times. And he was still owed some cookies-

The terminal vibrated in his hands.

Tiredly, he glanced down at it, expecting another of Qiuyuan’s stupid poems.

 

It wasn’t a poem.

No. It was just a single word, four small letters.

Four letters that made all the blood in his veins freeze instantly, an eerie static noise filling his ears as he stared wide-eyed at the message.

 

Help.

 

 

He was already out the door, claymore in hand when his brain caught up with the situation. But he didn’t waste a second thought, no, he began rushing down the hallways like he had never done before, followed by the flame balls which couldn’t even keep up with their frantic owner.

 

Yes. Frantic.

Geshu Lin was ready to admit it.

He was scared. Oh so fucking scared.

 

The Sentinels had never once listened to his pleas.

And yet Geshu Lin could only pray again, even if he had told himself not to, as desperation thrummed in his veins, making him pick up the speed even more so he nearly crashed into a wall at the next turn.

Please let him be okay.

Please… please…

Don’t let me lose him too.

~

 

Geshu Lin didn’t waste a second when he crashed into Jiyan’s door, kicking it down  without a shred of hesitation. Whatever could have happened, whatever was awaiting him behind that door – he was ready to face it.

What he hadn’t expected was three pairs of eyes Immediately pointed at him. One grey, one golden - and one heterochrome.

 

Oh.

 

“Well that worked out better than expected.”

Sanhua waved the terminal in her hand from left to right, her face oddly relaxed for someone who was just experiencing a national crisis. At least, that’s what Geshu Lin expected that had happened when Jiyan was calling for help while sitting next to the two highest-ranking officials in all of Jinzhou.

 

“What the fuck Jiyan. Why are you texting me help when it's just-“

 

Something metallic reflected in the light coming from the window. A Gulpuff keychain swinging from left to right. A keychain attached to the very terminal Sanhua was holding right now.

 

Without another word, Geshu Lin angrily stomped over to her and snatched the terminal from her hand, completely ignoring the shocked gasp from the girl next to her, some white-haired brat he hadn’t seen before, but judging from her Wavelength had to be the current Madam Magistrate.

“Stop letting her bully you!”, he turned back to Jiyan without sparing Sanhua so much as a single glance, “You're at least the same rank as her, I dare say you even outrank her. Where's your honor?”

With a frustrated huff, he pressed the terminal back into the hand of its rightful owner. Who looked totally perplexed, almost as if he had forgotten that this thing had once been his belonging.

 

“Good to see you again, Lin.”

 

Geshu Lin did contemplate for a moment to just not turn around to the voice behind him. But in the end, even he knew that ignoring could only get him so far. Especially when there was clearly a bigger reason for the Madam Magistrate to make her first visit ever to the Midnight Rangers.

Wearing his best scowl (and hoping that it would scare off the Madam Magistrate enough so she wouldn’t bother them again – and maybe allocate some more funds) he slowly approached Sanhua, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“You're awfully early. Weren’t you supposed to arrive at lunch or so? The Magistrate has some weird eating habits...”, he drawled out, his tone mocking while giving no clear base to get Jiyan in trouble for his rude comments. Geshu Lin’s stance was casual, almost aloof. But everyone in this room knew better than to underestimate him.

Still, Sanhua only wore her usual enigmatic half-smile as she propped her chin in the palm of her hand as she mused: “Ah, so you knew when we were arriving even though you just woke up?”

“I was standing next to him when you texted him?”, Geshu Lin shrugged nonchalantly, “By the way, what kind of paperwork could keep you up at 2am-“

“Oh so you were standing next to him at 2 am? Interesting…”

Geshu Lin’s brow twitched in annoyance.

“Can’t a man give his reports at any time of the day or night? Unlike certain others, we're quite busy.”

“.... I see.”, Sanhua just hummed innocently. But Geshu Lin knew her long enough to not miss the knowing twinkle in her eye.

Hopefully, he would get some alone-time with her when Jiyan would talk with his beloved Madam Magistrate.

 

He had a bone to pick with Sanhua. And not just one.

 

With a sigh, he observed her for a moment, keeping also an eye on the slim girl in white next to her. She was young. Too young. Slender fingers, unscarred as they had never seen war. Her posture was elegant and graceful, but  it lacked strength. Confidence. Experience.

Why had Jue chosen her? And not him.

 

“Why did you even text me in the first place?”, he finally inquired to which Sanhua only shrugged.

“Figured, it was the easiest way getting you out of bed.”, she gave an appreciative nod towards the woman next to her, “The Madam Magistrate would like to have a word with you.” She paused, her expression suddenly faltering for a moment and Geshu Lin couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw an unfamiliar awkwardness in her posture.

“... But maybe you want to change first?”

 

Change?

 

A nervous chuckle, from both Sanhua and Jiyan.

Jiyan’s eyes slowly wandering to the side, too embarrassed to even look at him.

 

This was odd.

 

Confused, Geshu Lin stared down at himself. What were they talking about-

 

OH SHIT.

 

“I see.”

He was wearing only a tank top and shorts. Understandable, considering he had literally sprinted out of his room to save Jiyan from a potentially life-threatening situation. Just that it hadn’t been as life-threatening. And now this mess had happened.

Now, he finally understood why the Madam Magistrates face was redder than a belle poppy.

 

What a fucking start into the day.

 

 

“Not interested.”

“It won’t take long!”

“Not interested.” Geshu Lin didn’t even pause at Sanhua’s proposition, he just turned around on the spot, dragging his claymore along as he walked towards the door. The flame ball which had raced to Jiyan the moment they had entered the room returned to his side, albeit wobbling (or rather whining) a bit.

“She needs to talk to you!”

“And I don’t.”, Geshu Lin huffed, “I’m not a Midnight Ranger anymore. What do you want to do? Force me? I don’t recall you having any favors left.”

 

“Please!”

 

Just as Geshu Lin had grabbed the doorknob, ready to slam the door in their faces, Jiyan’s plea made him freeze in place.

 

Ah… when he called out to him like this…

 

The flame ball next to him snickered.

 

“J…Just hear her out, please… surely, it is important.”

 

How could this pathetic begging make his heart feel so fuzzy?

Why was Jiyan so good at crossing his plans time and time again?

He spared him a short glance. Behind him, there was the big mirror. A face stared back at him. Bloodied. Bruised. With a split lips.

The cracked lips bled even more as they curved up into a smile.

 

Geshu Lin gritted his teeth. It was as if fate was reminding him that he had committed enough sins that he hadn’t even deserved to see Jiyan again. Hadn’t deserved to drink the warmth of his radiant smile, feel his soft body pressed against his own, hear his bright laugh when Geshu Lin ranted about whatever had crossed his path.

 

Back when he had first returned to Jinzhou, he had told himself that he never wanted to see that brat again.

That brat now had a name again.

A name that had never left Geshu Lin’s body, etched into every fiber of his being like a scar that would never fully fade. And Geshu Lin didn’t want it to fade. No… he wanted to wear it with pride, present it to the whole world.

 

 

Jiyan’s pleading gaze burned on his skin, almost as if someone had peeled it off and poured disinfectant all over it.

And at the same time, he couldn’t tear his eyes off him.

 

Fuck, he was so pathetic.

 

The hand as the doorknob slowly slid down until there was nothing left to hold.

 

"Come on, Lin. I even get you some coffee.", Sanhua innocently proposed.

Geshu Lin just glared at her. "I prefer jasmine tea."

"Jasmine tea? You?”, she raised her eyebrow in confusion, “Didn't you h-"

"Jasmine tea.”, he instantly cut her off, the shock slightly tingling in his bones as he knew what she had been about to say. But not in front of Jiyan. Their little games wasn’t allowed to be over so quickly.  “At least an extra big cup. Otherwise, I’ll lose my shit when I return.”

He looked over to Jiyan who still resembled a deer in headlights. “But only one made by you.”

 

Geshu Lin didn’t even wait for the response. He also didn’t need to.

When he slammed the door shut behind him, he could feel Jiyan’s smile burning in his back.

A smile so nauseating, terrifying… and yet so addicting.

 

 

Notes:

Am I early? YES I AM! But you know, timezone and stuff and this is actually already my Friday. This week’s chapter is a bit… intense as you might have noticed. And I must admit, this chapter was very hard for me. Both to write and to proofread. I struggled massively with Geshu Lin’s nightmare, or rather the flashback of what he did to poor Jiyan. I already suffered through the words they hurled at each other (I had to come up with that stuff! THAT HURT. Writing mild fights is not a problem, but making characters hurt each other like this… uhg it’s hard to even dare think about it... and then I have to write it in detail...) but when Geshu Lin started hitting Jiyan … Don’t get me wrong – it is a very important scene. And Geshu Lin dreaming about it because the talk on the tower triggered it, was planned. It was just such a pain to write xD This might be the reason why this chapter is ‘only’ 7k words. But I wanted to have the Jinhsi/Geshu Lin and Sanhua/Jiyan talk separate, especially because of certain… loredrops.
Oh and did you notice the little snippets I used from the ingame cutscene? We need to explain what memory the Retroact Rain used back then in 1.0, right?
I’m not sure if I can say ‘Hope you enjoyed this’ with such heavy topics, but I would love to hear about your thoughts on this chapter. Your comments last week warmed my heart and I wanted to thank you all again for the support!
See you next Friday and have a lovely rest of the week!

Chapter 12: A favor returned

Summary:

Geshu Lin returns to Jiyan's room to realize that Jinhsi awaits him... on her own.
What could the current Madam Magistrate want from him?
And what are Jiyan and Sanhua up to?

A favor returned

---

 

 

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. – Albert Schweitzer

 

When Geshu Lin returned, the only thing that had changed seemed to be his clothing.

And the number of people in the room.

To his surprise, only the whitehaired woman awaited him. Jiyan and Sanhua were nowhere to be seen. He knew that this fact shouldn’t make him uncomfortable, he had been a General for long enough, but still he couldn’t help but feel slightly… unsettled.

 

“Where are the others?”, he asked with not even a shred of politeness in his voice as he flopped down into the chair opposite to the so-called ‘Madam Magistrate’.

“Sanhua wanted to talk to Jiyan in private regarding some military matters.”, the Madam Magistrate answered, before adding with a smile, “You don’t need to worry.”

Geshu Lin wanted to puke.

“Do I look like I’m worried?”, he spat out venomously, glaring daggers at her to which she just shook her head, keeping her disgusting, eerily serene smile.

“I do not mean to offend you, General.”

“Former General.”

 

With a frustrated huff, Geshu Lin let his gaze wander across the table until he spotted the cup of tea. It was still steaming. Had Jiyan filled it, with that usual worried, and oh so cute smile of his, before following Sanhua out of the room? Surely, she must have dragged him out of here – Geshu Lin could only imagine Jiyan’s antsy fidgeting.

The cup was placed with the handle turned to the left side.

Geshu Lin always picked up his cups with the left hand. A habit he had retained from his days as a general when he had signed paperwork with his right hand while drinking tea with the left one. One had to be efficient, after all.

He couldn’t help but wear a small smile as he picked up the cup and brought it to his lips.

 

“The tea is exceptionally tasty.”

He hadn’t even noticed her picking up her cup as well. Quite unsurprising, considering she wasn’t exactly attention-grabbing.

Geshu Lin just raised his eyebrow unimpressed at the woman in front of him while tasting the tea himself. To him, it just tasted bitter. But it didn’t matter, it still made him feel warm. Oh so warm.

“Well yeah Jiyan made it.”, he shrugged while taking another sip. The tea was warm. Soothing. Just like the one who brewed it. Geshu Lin was glad that Jinhsi had no way of knowing about the fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

“I didn’t know our general was this well-versed in tea brewing.”

Geshu Lin’s expression grew cold, and he sat down his cup. “I don’t expect the Magistrate to know anything about their General.”

 

The awkward silence which followed was so thick that he could have probably cut it with his claymore.

Did he care?

Not in the slightest.

If someone wanted to hear his opinion, he would gladly state that he could care less about that girl in front of him.

But unfortunately, this girl was still Jiyan’s boss and the one who tolerated his presence here. Not that he cared about her opinion, but he really didn’t want more trouble than necessary, so Jiyan could recuperate in peace.

 

“So....”, he drawled out lazily as he put his chin in his hand, his eyes always firmly placed on the woman before him, like a predator would stalk its prey, “You wanted to talk to me?

She didn’t shy away. No, she met his gaze – calm and composed. Well, that was at least something. Not enough to tolerate her as Jue’s successor, not even as Jiyan’s boss, but one couldn’t be too picky.

“Yes.”, she bowed respectfully, “I suppose you already know about me, but let me properly introduce myself: My name is Jinhsi, the current Madam Magistrate of Jinzhou. I’m pleased to finally meet you, twenty-eight Gener-.”
“Are you?”, Geshu Lin instantly cut her off with a sarcastic scoff, “Didn’t expect you to be as much of a liar as the rest of your Magistrate.”

“It wasn’t a lie.”

Geshu Lin just let out a bitter laugh. “As if I’d believe that. Name me on damn person who’d be pleased to meet the blood-bathed General of the Midnight Rangers, the very man responsible for the death of thousands of innocent souls. You can thank your Sentinel that Jiyan betrayed me, or I would have caused even more bloodshed.”
“I do not pay the past much heed. What’s important is your current standing. So tell me – Are you a danger to Jinzhou?”

Jinhsi’s gaze was firm and Geshu Lin couldn’t deny that he felt strangely uneasy as those grey eyes bored into him. It was weird. He never felt intimidated by the eyes of someone else (except for Jiyan) but something was different with Jinhsi. As if a god was staring directly into his soul, reading it in detail until there were no questions left.

Maybe the rumors about her being the rightful Sentinel Resonator were true.

Geshu Lin let out a derisive chuckle. No use in mulling it over. In the end she was just as human as him.

She bled if he cut her – That was enough.

 

 “You’re asking me questions, expecting me to give you an honest answer? Why would I do that?”, he snarled out, mocking her the best he could. It was just a band-aid to the resentment he held against her, or rather the Sentinel behind her, but it was enough. For now.

“Why shouldn’t you?”

Geshu Lin laughed in her face. “Hell, you’re even more naïve than I thought. No wonder Jiyan likes you.”

“I’m happy to hear that. I’m also very grateful to have him as my sword and shield.”, Jinhsi just calmy answered with a smile that made Geshu Lin’s urge to puke skyrocket.

 

What empty words.

 

Grateful.

Jinzhou surely had been grateful for his sacrifice. After all, they had been so happy to use him as a scapegoat.

Certainly, they had been grateful for this opportunity as well.

 

“Oh, how poetic.”, he rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair, sitting with his leg widespread, “You really memorized our oath? I must applaud you.”

“It’s only right. Every single day, the Rangers are throwing their lives on the line to protect us.”, Jinhsi lowered her head in appreciation before she looked up again with her lips curving up into a warm smile, “Just like you did back then.”

 

Geshu Lin’s blood turned cold in his veins.

 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

 

The sharp hiss cut through the peaceful atmosphere like his claymore, precise and ruthless. Geshu Lin hadn’t even noticed that he had raised his hand, reaching out for her wrist bit by bit, the air thrumming with rampant energy.

Slowly, he put it down again. The flames at his feet retreated. But there was no way, Jinhsi hadn’t noticed his warning. And still this presumptuous and utterly foolish woman kept smiling at him.

Oh, how he hated the Magistrate. Always smiling at him yet never having his back. Surely, she was no different. Maybe this was why the Sentinel hadn’t chosen him back then. Because he preferred such two-faced individuals – otherwise why would he let them govern this country?!

He took his sweet time to put down his hand again, stretching his arms as if he were a tiger as he leaned back in the chair. He watched her, his expression apathetic… and yet without a doubt dangerous.

 

“I fought to vanquish the Lament. Nothing more.”, he slowly drawled out.

 

A warning.

Or an invitation.

For her to mess up even more, to reveal her true face and give him the chance to enact his revenge-

 

“I understand.”

“Oh, do you?” Geshu Lin casually snapped his fingers, summoning a little flame to his finger tip. It danced along his fingers beautifully. It would be even more beautiful against her white hair, turning it into nothing but ashes.

Would her pained screams soothe this yearning in his soul for revenge?

Would her burning to death soothe his anger about the agony he had suffered through while overheating, while getting torn apart by the Ovathrax’s claws?

 

Geshu Lin wanted to answer with ‘Yes’ without hesitation.

 

The battered Jiyan in the window at the other side of the room made his tongue numb as soon as they locked eyes.

 

Meanwhile, Jinhsi paused for a moment, one she skillfully filled with a sip from her tea (it was truly a shame that Jiyan even had made her tea and not only him). Only after a prolonged moment of stiff silence, she sat down her cup.

 “Then what is your goal now?”

Geshu Lin shrugged nonchalantly, giving the little flame on his finger a flick so it made a little flip before landing on the next finger. “Do I need one?”

 

Jiyan was still staring at him from the window.

He knew.

He knew about the shameful feeling in his heart, the real reason that had brought him back to this hellhole.

Geshu Lin couldn’t bear to look at him any longer.

 

“So, you don’t have one?”, her question seemed to be led by genuine surprise, still Geshu Lin couldn’t help but feel strangely unnerved by the everlasting smile. It was almost like back then when he had to step in front of the families of his deceased soldiers and light the torch to represent the ever-burning light of Jinzhou.

This time, it was just one pair of eyes firmly fixed on him. And a second in the window.

But those were enough.

 

He felt his Forte flicker with the same queasiness that made his fingers twitch right now. Did he feel threatened by just one woman? Almost still a girl with a body that showed no signs of real combat experience?! It couldn’t be.

He was just angry. Yes, that must be it. He… He just had to prove it. Thankfully, he knew just the way to do it. He had planned on testing her anyways. And a little scare would do her well.

If she managed to impress him, nice. And if she didn’t… well, not his problem.

He had just agreed to talk to her, not to befriend her…

 

 

 

“Why don’t you consider it? Our Madam Magistrate is kind and benevolent! Really, I swear it on my honor, she is a truly good person. It’s no wonder the Sentinel-“
“Oh spare me your despicable sweet-mouthing. It makes me sick. As if I’d believe anything from the Magistrate again. Especially one blessed by Jue.”

Geshu Lin shot a withering glare at the woman next to him, her white hair swaying in the wind as she had taken off the bonnet, she usually wore all the time. She looked surprisingly peaceful like this. Younger. Happier.

Was this what peace did to people?

 

No wonder those brats in the streets had called him and old man then…

 

He skillfully ignored her frustrated sigh. It wasn’t her first one and it would surely not stay the last. Not that he cared.

“Lin, I understand your resentment, but maybe she could help you get back!”

“But I don’t want her help!”, he spat out angrily, “And I don’t need it either! Back when all of Jinzhou was on the brink of getting extinguished, I needed her! When I heard nothing but the last cries of those I called brothers day after day, I needed her. But she wasn’t there. That’s a fact. And spare me your spiel of ‘getting me back’ – I won’t return. Never.”

He scowled at the disgustingly peaceful city scenery in front of him, only to flinch in shock when he noticed that in his rage, he had accidentally molten the metal railing he had placed his elbows on. Sheepishly, he watched as the small smoke clouds were carried away by the wind. He should call himself lucky that here, right in front of the Grand Library, the highest spot in Jinzhou’s main city there was on one hand wind to quickly erase his traces and on the other not much other traffic.

He felt Sanhua’s gaze burn on his skin. He didn’t meet her eye. Instead, he proceeded to glare at the city below him. A beautiful panorama, any common traveler would say. He just felt searing hot rage… and a deep-rotted hatred.

He had once called this home. He had lived here, had been born in the clinic just a few blocks down the road. He had bled for this town. And for what?

To stand up here with hood and scarf at the ready just to conceal himself because he was a fugitive? What a deal.

 

“Then why are you here? “

Her question was short, spoken in a soft voice that was barely audible in the wind. But they both knew that Geshu Lin had understood her. And that he didn’t like to answer her.

 

Because it wasn’t just this simple question. No… it had never been this easy in his life, hadn’t it?

 

Geshu Lin, why did you help me - for four weeks straight - with tasks that purely benefit Jinzhou, not yourself?

Geshu Lin, why do you visit me almost every day even though you have no reason to?

Geshu Lin, if you hate Jinzhou and its people so much – why did you even come back at all? Why go through all this pain, if you’re not even enacting your revenge but lingering around like a shadow in the brightest sun, out of place and miserable?

Why do you ask about Jiyan although you claim that you never want to see him again?

 

Why did you go to the last military parade?

 

The longer he was scorched by Sanhua’s intense stare, only made worse by the flickering Tacet Mark in her eye, the more questions burned on Geshu Lin’s skin. It felt as if the gaze of the whole nation was weighing on his shoulders again, tearing away his very skin itching to reveal the ugliness, the humanity beneath it. His Forte was pulsing in his veins like boiling water, begging to be let out, either to comfort him or to annihilate whatever troubled him. But mixed into the familiar frequency, he also recognized something different. Dark. Sinister.

Quickly, he pushed it down, knowing full well that out of all people Sanhua was probably the least person in front of whom he wanted to have a slipup.

 

With a huff, he finally turned back to her, putting his chin in his hand as he made eye contact which she instantly accepted with her usual cool confidence.

She hadn’t changed in all these years. She didn’t treat him differently.

Geshu Lin still didn’t understand why.

He was not the same.

Neither was she.

 

And still, she had remained his friend.

 

“Sanhua, I’m here because Qiuyuan didn’t stop nagging me for the whole damn year. It’s surprisingly hard to get him to shut up once he has set his mind on something.”, he let out a tired sigh, “And trust me, you don’t want to hear poems about a lonesome wanderer yearning for his home. Every. Single. Day.”

He rubbed his temples in exhaustion, Qiuyuan’s obnoxious poetry still ringing in his mind.

“Which is utter bullshit, just for the record.”

 

He let out a frustrated huff as he let go of the railing for a moment and turned to his old friend.

“I’m not as tone-deaf as you think. I know that you just want to help me. And if not…”, he ignored the sweet whispers of temptation, of revenge, the core instantly showered him in, “Well, you wouldn’t be the first to betray me. Anyways, I commend your persistence, you’ve always been excellent at chewing my ear off… But I’ve made my point clear. On more than one occasion. That ‘Madam’ is nothing more than a girl to me. Sitting on her pretty golden throne, placed there not even on her own volition but a carefully spun web by the officials. She will only stay there as long as she is a fit scapegoat. And then? Then, she’ll be discarded – just like me. Maybe, then it’s your turn as well. After all, you do have some skeletons in the closet as well, don’t you?”

Before he could speak another word, Sanhua darted towards him and instantly pressed her hand across his mouth.

“Don’t talk about this in public!”, she angrily whispered.

Geshu Lin just rolled his eyes. Then, he stuck his tongue out, knowing full well about the effect. And just as expected, it proved to be the best way to get her to back away.

“You’re disgusting.”, Sanhua scowled at him while aggressively scrubbing her hand across the edge of her bag.
He just shrugged nonchalantly. “Thank you. Likewise.”

 

He couldn’t deny that he felt a tiny bit proud of himself for getting her to lose her composure. But he didn’t rest on his laurel’s for long. Instead, he just crossed his arms in front of his chest and went back to business.

“So, what am I not allowed to say? What you did when I laid in my blood in front of you? Or that your beloved Madam Magistrate is nothing but a spoiled brat-

“Do not insult her any further!”

 

Geshu Lin barely dodged the icicle aimed at his head.

 

“Phew, careful or you’ll have to think of a way to dispose of-“

Sanhua didn’t even give him the chance to finish his sentence, the next icicle turning with a hiss into nothing but droplets as purple flames blocked it right in front of Geshu Lin’s head.

“Madam Jinhsi is trying her hardest to deal with the destiny that was forced upon her – You should commend her for her efforts, especially at her age. Therefore, although I understand your resentment, I will not tolerate such behavior. She was nothing but a child back when you were… killed. So, do not disrespect her! She-“

“Oh, am I supposed to applaud her now?”, he scoffed, “Listen, I do not respect her. Respect is earned not given. And she has shown me nothing worth my attention. Hell, let’s face it – she is but a naïve brat who has never once proven herself in battle.”

“That’s not true! She fought valiantly in many battles!”

“Oh yeah? Then tell me –where was she when Jiyan nearly died against the Ovathrax?! Or was he just another scapegoat, a meaningless pawn in the Magistrate’s great game-“

“She didn’t know! She…. She had other matters to attend to.”, Sanhua gritted her teeth.

“Hah. Look at you fighting for just a single argument against me.”, Geshu Lin clacked his tongue in dismay while scrutinizing her bitterly, “How laughable.”

 

Tiredly, he leaned back against the railing, feeling the cold winter wind tug at his coat. Sanhua was still standing right in front of him, her shoulders pulled up, her hands clenched to fists as if he was readying herself for battle.

Looking at him like that… it should probably be the common reaction to seeing him, but somehow it irked him. Why was she so upset just because he didn’t want to talk to this oh so great ‘Jinhsi’?

Sometimes, he wondered if she still foolishly clung to the hope that he would return to Jinzhou’s army. A stupid thought. But even if he entertained it… what would that make him?

And what would it make Jiyan?

No… there was no delusion in the world that could blind him this much – he knew that Jinzhou had no place for him.

 

And still… still he couldn’t help but soften at the way she looked at him, her eyes pleading with him with such sincerity that it was hard to face her.

Annoyed, he rubbed his temples again, cursing the migraine which he had been tormenting him since Qiuyuan had greeted him this morning with a lack of breakfast but an abundance of poetry.

 

He was getting soft.

Or old?

Maybe both.

 

“Listen, it is not your place to tell me that I have to talk with your oh so lovely boss. Plus, there’s no need to. I’m content with how things are. I’m at peace. I don’t need anything.”, he explained with a deep frown. Which Sanhua just ignored. Instead, she unashamedly raised her eyebrows at him – her expression clearly stating ‘you’re full of bullshit’ – but then ultimately just let out a long sigh, leaving it for another discussion.

“I’m not telling you to do something. I’m just giving you advice. Just like your friend.”

 “He’s not my friend.”

Maybe it was the split second it took him to reproach this outrageous statement, maybe it was his answer itself, Sanhua seemed truly taken aback. Slowly, as if she were treading on thin ice, she inquired: “…is he more-“

“NO.”

Both Geshu Lin and the two flameballs hovering next to him scowled at Sanhua, clearly offended by her ridiculous assumption and he didn’t waste any time to shut down her wild fantasies.

 

Because Geshu Lin didn’t have a need for friends in this world. He didn’t need people to care about him, let alone love him. It would just mean that they would suffer, losing him sooner or later. And it would mean that he had to keep himself not only from killing himself but also killing others. Which was not a good base condition considering what was lurking inside of him.

No, Geshu Lin didn’t care about anyone in this world. And no one should care about him.

 

The mark at the side of his throat burned. A bruise. A very distinctly shaped bruise. Nothing of interest and yet neatly hidden beneath his cloak.

A pair of dazed white eyes flashed in front of his mind, lips slightly parted as erratic breaths tickled his skin. Lips bruised from kisses. His kisses.

 

Not a friend.

Not a lover.

 

“Qiuyuan is just an asshole. A very annoying one…”, Geshu Lin quickly stated, then turning away to look back at Jinzhou (or rather to escape Sanhua’s knowing, oh so knowing, eyes) “Listen, let’s strike a deal. For the good ol’ times. I’ll hear her out. Once. But not right now.  And if I find her to be lovely, you can laugh at me all you want. But if I don’t. you’ll never annoy me with this again.”

His grip around the railing tightened and he shot her one last, withering glare: “And just to be clear, I will not kowtow in front of her. I wouldn’t have even done that back when I would have actually served her.”

“I know…”, Sanhua sighed, but at the same time, Geshu Lin saw the visible relief go through her body. “You repeated your oath more than enough in front of the public assembly for me to know that.”

 

With a soft laugh, she approached him and ultimately took the place next to him at the railing.

They stayed like this for a moment.

Mutual silence. The very thing that had once brought them together – a quiet winter night beneath the stars watching over Jinzhou as they looked towards an uncertain future.

Sneakily, he looked to his side. From this angle, he could see the small wrinkles at her forehead starting to form, the deep circles beneath her eyes. The weary gaze.

How long had they known each other by now? Fifteen years?

Who could have thought that a cooled cup of jasmine tea would bring him both the first light in his life and also the only other person who wanted to stand by his side, even after he had turned the soil beneath him crimson-red.

 

“How many minutes do I have to talk to her?”

“Are you seriously haggling with me right now, twenty-eight General of the Midnight Rangers?”

“Are you making contracts with no clear conditions, right hand of the Magistrate?”

“…You can be such a stubborn ox from time to time, you know?”

“Rude.”

“The pot is calling the kettle black.”

 

A shared laugh got lost in the night.

 

 

Geshu Lin sat down the teacup without a sound. Slowly, he flexed his fingers. Jinhsi watched him, smiling as if the world was as peaceful as ever. She didn’t sense his fluctuating Wavelength. She also didn’t sense how he gradually increased the firepower, flames quietly creeping out from his feet along the ground, circling around him just waiting for his command.

He had promised Sanhua to hear her out.

He had done so.

And just as expected, she was utterly uninteresting.

He had indulged long enough. If Geshu Lin had learned anything in his life (and near-death), then that words didn’t mean shit. Only actions were to be relied on – power.

 

Coldly, he mustered the woman in front of him, her delicate and oh so young face. A skin without a single scar. While he was littered with them, some of them even so deep that the skin had grown numb. She probably didn’t even know the pain of getting sliced open. And she also didn’t know how much it hurt to get backstabbed. Just the way she was sitting there with relaxed shoulders, arms on the tables, it frustrated him beyond belief. This was the posture who had never once fought in a single life-threatening battle, someone who had never been afraid of getting attacked from behind.

And Jue had chosen her?

 

… Life could be so unfair sometimes.

 

She was still smiling at him.

And it looked so damn genuine that he also believed that she was truly interested in getting to know him. That she, unlike the government she lead, didn’t plan on using him and tossing him as soon as he lost his worth.

Geshu Lin was mortified when he realized that deep down, there was a part of him that yearned for this, for some kind of recognition after all he had done. Was Jiyan rubbing off on him? Shit, he had stayed with him for far too long. Soon, he would lose his fucking mind, wouldn’t he?

 

Then, it was time to go back to his old ways.

His lips curved into a smile.

And then a single snap echoed through the room.

 

The world lit up in purple.

 

In the blink of an eye, purple blazing claws came crushing down on the Madam Magistrate, ruthless and near unstoppable in their path.

…Only that they weren’t as unstoppable as expected.

It was just a split of a second, no more than the flickering touch of the rising sun peeking through the leaves of a tree, tingling on his skin.

 

In this moment, Geshu Lin, for the first time in his miserable life that had been devoted fully to a God he had never seen, laid eyes on Sentinel Jue.

 

The golden dragon swallowed his flames whole.

No sound, no energy whiplash… nothing.

As if nothing had happened. His all-devouring, merciless flames… gone in instant. As if it were child’s play.

Geshu Lin’s body shuddered in primal fear, just like when he had first met the Ovathrax. But at the same time, a smile spread on his face.

“So, you do know how to fight-“, he let out an appreciative whistle, numbly brushing over his skin which still tickled as if he had been marching beneath the scorching desert sun for far too long.

 

This power was beautif-

 

 

Geshu Lin was abruptly brought back down to reality when the door flew open. It wouldn’t have even bee n necessary to look who the newcomer was.

 

“LIN!”

 

He just gave Sanhua a deadpan stare, innocently stretching in his chair as he had long made the flames disappear.

 

“What on earth are you doing?”, without further ado, Sanhua marched over to him, scorning him with a withering glare. Her furious hiss trickled on his skin like countless ice shard as if he had run straight into a blizzard. The room temperature was also dropping at an alarming speed...

“Quite the prejudice you’ve got there. Who says I’m the culprit and not her?”, innocently he pointed at Jinhsi who seemed slightly taken aback. But unfortunately, his near-perfect innocent disguise was not enough to fool her (or she was too infatuated with her beloved Madam Magistrate – he knew he had been right in teasing her for her overly obvious adoration)

“Spare me. I can still feel the traces of your Forte lingering around.”, she hissed and Geshu Lin couldn’t help but smirk in amusement when he noticed her hands twitching. She was trying so hard not to get into an physical altercation in front of the Madam Magistrate.

“Oh, whatever could have happened here…”, he hummed innocently and gleefully watched as her frown deepened even more.

“Lin, what did you do.”

Geshu Lin just shrugged. “We're just discussing.”

 

“Discussing.”

 

If anyone had to snap a photo to explain how someone looked like if they didn’t buy a thing, Sanhua would be the perfect model right now. Geshu Lin nearly burst out laughing at her deadpan expression.

Was this enough to make her snap?

Or should he tease her a little bit further?

 

But before he could settle on his strategy, Sanhua had already turned to Jinhsi and after a few seconds of the Magistrate’s serene smile, Sanhua seemed to calm down, letting out but a deep sigh before she shifted her attention back to Geshu Lin.

“Then do your discussions more quietly. Unless you want Jiyan stumbling in here in a few seconds.”

Geshu Lin just frowned at her scolding. “That brat isn’t supposed to be up at all. He has no business wobbling all over the place with his damn crutches when I’m not there to catch him.”

 

The short silence which followed was awkward to say the least. Jinhsi’s smile seemed even wider than before, now more surprised almost appreciative while Sanhua just raised his eyebrow at him. But then, her gaze softened and Geshu Lin couldn’t believe his eyes when her lips curved up into a small smile of her own.

“Alright, I’ll tell him.”

“Yeah do so. Maybe he listens to you.”, Geshu Lin huffed in annoyance and momentarily let his gaze wander towards the window. In the distance, he could see the tower where he had just yesterday almost witnessed the first General of the Midnight Rangers falling to his death.

Just because he had wanted to find him and talk to him.

What a menace this man was….

“Fucking hell, one day he will kill himself with that stubbornness of his...”

 

Thankfully, Sanhua didn’t feel the need to comment on this and neither did she nag him about his small ‘test’ any further. Instead, she just exchanged a few (unfortunately whispered) words with her superior and then left them room with a short, polite bow. Of course not towards him.

 

As the door clicked shut, silence filled the room. It seemed as if Jinhsi was still shocked by his sudden attack. He would have loved to shout a curt ‘I don’t care. Bye!’ and enjoy his day afterwards, but he knew that he owed her an answer for almost swallowing her whole in his flames.

But just as he wanted to look up at her again, his terminal suddenly vibrated. Usually, he would have ignored the messages, knowing full well that the only person who contacted him this frequently was Qiuyuan.  But the alarm was different. So, curious albeit a bit disgruntled, he fetched the terminal from his pocket and took a glance at it. One second later and he hoped he hadn’t done so.

 

<Lin, don’t you dare hurt the Madam Magistrate in Jiyan’s camp. It’s his jurisdiction, you know what consequences he might face.>

 

His frown deepened. Ignoring the woman in front of him, he typed (while quite aggressively smashing the keys) out his response at breathtaking speed:

 

<So what? Trying to coerce me by using him as leverage? You need to go about this a smarter way, Bodyguard. I’m not that dumb to not notice your sneaky attempt. It won’t work anyways. I couldn’t care less about what happens to him or what he thinks of me.>

 With a frustrated huff, he sat the terminal down, but at the same time, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off it. After all, he had to battle of words and wits to win against Sanhua.

 “You’re quite different from the tales.”, a soft voice there cut through the silence, the amused smile very clear to spot in her light-hearted tone.

He didn’t even look up at her. “Yeah? The tales are bullshit. Thought Sanhua might have told you.”

Just as he was about to throw another insult at her, the terminal vibrated again and he promptly ignored Jinhsi again. Only to wish that he hadn’t done so.

<Oh, then surely you don’t mind me telling the story about a certain General refusing to lend their common medic to another division even though it would have posed no trouble at all? An obligation he rejected at the risk of getting his pay cut for two full months?>

 

…THE AUDACITY.

<And people call me cruel. You’re ruthless.>

<I prefer efficient. Just talk to her, won’t you? She’s nice, trust me.>

 

<The last time I trusted you, I ended up with a brat sleeping in my arms for three hours straight AND a damn walk through the desert.>

 

<Ohhh, a sleeping Jiyan in your arms. What a harsh punishment.>

 

“General?”

 

<Fuck you, Sanhua.>

 

“General?”

 

<I thought you’d prefer Jiyan for that kind of thing.>

<Anyways, Jiyan is starting to ask questions. Gotta go. Be nice to the Madam Magistrate for us, alright?>

 

ALRIGHT?!

Nothing was alright!

 

With a frustrated clack of his tongue (and a muttered ‘that bitch!’ under his breath) he slammed the terminal on the desk, just as another “General?” was thrown his way.

Why was everyone addressing him by this damn title that wasn’t his own anymore?!

 

“What?”, he snarled out, barely concealing his frustration.

Jinhsi’s expression immediately turned nervous and Geshu Lin nearly groaned out loud when he noticed her fidgeting with her hands. “Sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you. But you seemed concerned-“

Geshu Lin instantly cut her off. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

 

Oh, how her stupid pretty face fell just at the slightest counter. She had never known rejection, had she?

And he was supposed to listen to this goodie-two-shoes any longer… Fate truly hated him.

Well… at least her Forte was not half bad. This golden dragon… although he knew that she had been chosen by Jue and she wielded the power of Spectro, there should be no Forte in the world that could perfectly mimic the creature from the books faithful people like Jiyan had studied diligently.

He still remembered when he had first laid eyes upon Sentinel Jue. Back when he first joined the military, when he swore the oath in front of the giant golden statue of their supposed ‘God’, the very thing they should be gladly give their life for. Back then, Geshu Lin had still shown a shimmer of optimism, of this naïve hope that everything would be fine with the almighty Sentinel on their side. The golden statue had shimmered beautifully in the warm orange light of sunrise.

It would stay the first and last time he ever saw Jue. Even in the darkest of nights, even when he had screamed to the skies until his voice went hoarse… even when he had been bestowed with the title that insinuated his blessing by the Sentinel – Jue refused to show themself to him.

Until now.

 

This petite, oh so frail girl had shown him in just a second, with a single wave of her hand, what he had begged for for so many years.

 

He should be angry.

But instead, he just felt this small tremble in his heart, the one back from the inauguration and wanted nothing more than to see it again. Was this the true power of the Sentinel? Why everyone followed them without question?

….Was this why he was drawn to Jiyan, General of the Midnihght Rangers under the blessing of Sentinel Jue, as well?

 

Ah… this was pathetic.

 

Geshu Lin gritted his teeth and looked up at Jinhsi again.

 

He would talk to her.

 Not because Sanhua and Jiyan asked him to, not because they were right. Absolutely not. This was his choice.

Qiuyuan had always laughed at him for getting coerced way too easily, whether it be obnoxious merchants at the side of the road or sellers at stalls trying to scam him out of his few remaining coins.

 

Right now, losing all his money right now sounded like an excellent deal.

 

 

~~

 

 

“Are they okay????“

 

Jiyan didn’t waste a second when the door to the meeting room – or rather his prison – opened again. It had probably been not even five minutes since Sanhua had stormed out of the room, yet Jiyan couldn't recall when he had last felt such terror in the past years (apart from fighting the Dreamless) – which had only been made worse when Sanhua decided to freeze the door.

 

Earlier, it had been but a faint flicker of resonance energy, but enough for both of them to instantly stop their discussion, frozen in shock. Jiyan had been the first one to jump up, ready to rush to his room where he had left Geshu Lin with the Madam Magistrate. But Sanhua had been first to reach the door. Usually, Jiyan had no problems adhering to orders, but when he nearly crashed into the ice wall accompanied by Sanhua's curt ‘Stay here .’’, he had been close to tear apart the ice no matter the collateral damage.

But even after all his years of hard training, cutting through Sanhua’s ice was no joke. And she had always been right in her decisions – and he always right to rely on her.

 

…Had it been the right decision this time as well?

Sanhua’s grumpy expression made him fear otherwise. In anxious silence, he waited as she slowly, oh so slowly, closed the door. The sigh she then let out made his skin crawl.

 

Driven by impatience, Jiyan huddled over to her, his fingers twitching with worry as he rasped out: “Sanhua, what happened?!  Talk, please, I-“

“Jiyan. Stop.”, with a flick against his forehead she ordered him back to his place, before she plopped down on the chair opposite to him.

“I rarely agree with him, but Lin is right: you worry too much.”, she paused then shot him a withering glare, “Stop it. You’re hurting my eyes.”

Jiyan didn’t even need to ask her to elaborate, he instantly knew what she was talking about. Embarrassed, he quickly tried to soothe his spiking Wavelength which must have looked like a flickering traffic light doing break dance in front of Sanhua
s sensible eyes.

“But you were just as worried.”, he then pointed out, a small pout sneaking its way onto his face as he added: “That energy peak was.... something. Don’t tell me it didn’t send shivers down your spine! You sprinted so fast out of the room that I couldn’t even say something!”

Sanhua just blew air out of her noise, clearly fed up with the whole situation. “I didn’t want to clean up the mess.”

“So you were worried!”

 

 This time, Sanhua seemingly decided that she had indeed lost the argument. But much to Jiyan’s dismay she then fell back into her usual silence staring out of the window as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

She was even worse than Geshu Lin when it came to addressing problems. No wonder they were acquaintances.

“What.... what happened? Did they fight?”, Jiyan nervously fidgeted with his hands only to freeze when a terrible possibility came to his mind, “Is somebody hurt? Do they need my help?!”

Sanhua just let out an exasperated groan. “They are fine. I don’t know what they did, but as long as Geshu Lin doesn’t pull some stupid stunt, everything will be okay. “

“What even does the Madam Magistrate want to talk to him about? I thought it was allowed for him to stay here as you asked him to! Yes, he helped me out by fulfilling some of the more physical duties, if that’s what you want to hear. Yes, he trained the recruits in my absence. And he even took on some missions, but that’s only because I couldn’t stop him from doing so! I thought it would be better to let the documentation stay on my name? Was that wrong of me? Should I’ve put his name on the mission record? I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”, Jiyan frowned as the bitter taste of suspicion spread on his tongue.

What if there was some kind of greater play at hand?

What if Sanhua sent Geshu Lin here on purpose, what if the Magistrate planned on using him in some sick kind of way?

Was this why Geshu Lin had been worried that the Rangers could start preferring him as General? Back then, Jiyan had just assumed that it was Geshu Lin’s mistrust in people speaking, but maybe….

 

 “Jiyan.”

 

Suddenly, a cool hand wrapped around his own and in an instant, the roaring storm of thoughts in his head quieted down. Sanhua’s face was open as if there was nothing she had to hide from him. Jiyan’s mouth felt dry with shame.

 “Madam Jinhsi just wants to get to know him. At least that’s as much as I know. I understand that you’re worried about him, but I think of all people, Lin can handle himself just fine.”

“I… I know that!”, Jiyan muttered awkwardly, “I’m more worried that he’ll hurt the Madam Magistrate!

Sanhua only scoffed. “Unnecessary. Jiyan, your noble worry in all honor, but the Madam Magistrate is perfectly fine on her own.”

“Yes, but Geshu Lin can be quite brash…”

Jiyan laughed awkwardly and glanced shyly at her. But Sanhua just gave him and deadpan expression.

“You think I don’t know what kind of person he is? We don’t need to sugarcoat it. He’s a rude asshole more often than not. But the Madam Magistrate, even if she’s kind and friendly, is capable of dealing with him. Trust me.”

“But what if they really fight?”
“Worried about your base? Or the paperwork?”
“I’m worried that he’ll kill her!”

 

Frustrated, Jiyan freed his hand from Sanhua’s grasp, the touch suddenly stifling to his skin. Anybody else would have flinched at his yelling. Or at least been taken aback.

But Sanha’s brows merely furrowed into a slight frown before she inquired almost amusedly. “Kill? Jiyan, she is Sentinel Jue’s proxy. Do you really think that she’s that weak? She’s the closest thing we have to a God!”

“Geshu Lin has slain a God already once. He could do it again.”, Jiyan paused, his throat feeling awfully tight with worry, if not even fear, “And you saw his face earlier. He’s in a bad mood… Just one wrong word and he may snap.”

 

Sanhua stayed silent for a moment and Jiyan would have almost believed that she finally saw reason, if it hadn’t been for the sudden nonchalant shrug and the slightly curved up lips.

“She’ll be able to deal with him.”, Sanhua gave a little wave at the door, “Plus, they are still in your base. Do you truly believe that he would cause such ruckus in the area you’re responsible of?”

As expected of Sanhua – a sound argument. If it had been any other person but Geshu Lin.

“Maybe.”, Jiyan stared down at the table as the glum admission fell from his lips, “Not as if it mattered to him. Just yesterday, he called it a hellhole.”

Sanhua stayed silent for a moment. Jiyan didn’t dare to look up. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to deal with the pitying expression on her face.

A sigh cut through the stifling atmosphere.

 

“That idiot.”

 

He could hear the chair creak as it was pushed backwards. Steps. Quiet and even as ever, almost like a snow leopard. They came closer. Jiyan didn’t even feel the slightest trace of a Wavelength, when she sat down on the table right next to him.

And then, something soft patted his hair.

Jiyan froze, his throat choked up with all the frustration and sadness that had bottled up in the past months.

“You don’t need to tell me, how much this must have hurt you. I’m sorry…”, Sanhua’s hair slowly combed through his hair. “Ah, he can be such a douche sometimes, can he?”

“It’s not his fault. After all that happened it is a miracle that he even agreed to put a foot back in here.”

“It is his fault for throwing words at you as if they were weapons.”, Sanhua huffed and gently detangled a knot in one of Jiyan’s longer strands.

“But Jiyan, even if his words are harsh, even if we are both painfully aware that he can be a mean asshole, you do know that he mostly curses to distract, right? So, let’s be honest: Even if he’s really pissed off today, even if he hates the Magistrate more than anything, he wouldn’t cause this kind of trouble to you. And if you believe otherwise, you’re an idiot just like him.”

Jiyan just shook his head in frustration. “How can you be so sure about it? I…. I don’t matter to him. Probably never have mattered at all…”

 

Shit, his eyes started stinging.

Of course they did this in the worst moments possible…

But he wasn’t allowed to cry. He was the General of the Midnight Rangers. He had to keep a straight face, he-

“Are you kidding me?”

Sanhua’s surprisingly loud groan made him flinch and he couldn’t help but look up at her in confusion, only to watch her slam her palm against her forehead.

 “That guy came running in this room not even half an hour ago, ready to set the world on fire – just to protect you. In his underwear no less!”

Her initial exasperation vanished as a smile snuck its way to her face. With a slight chuckle, she mused: “I must say, even I hadn’t expected that good of a response.”

“You scared him! That was mean of you-“

“Exactly!”

 

 Sanhua’s face instantly switched back to serious and pointed at his chest.

“SCARED. What was he scared of? Me?”, she snorted, “Jiyan, if you still try to play the ‘He doesn’t care about me.’ -card after that kind of reaction, I can’t help you. Nobody can.”

 

She paused and for a moment, it seemed as if she was lost in thought.

Jiyan was flabbergasted when a small chuckle echoed in the room.

 

“What?”, he mumbled, his cheeks warming up in embarrassment.

“Nothing. Just a fond memory. You both are such idiots. Always dancing around each other, never saying what you think. And don’t get me started on the tea…”

“What about the tea? He likes that kind of tea! So I offered him one yesterday and-“
“Yeah. Sure. Likes. “

Sanhua just chuckled once again and then ruffled his hair, much to Jiyan’s dismay.

“What do you mean?”, he whined while desperately trying to get her off.

But unfortunately, Sanhua decided that this was the moment to go back to her usual, reserved, stoic and oh-so-tightlipped personality.  

“Let’s leave that to another day. Or rather to him. It’s not my story to tell.”, she pointed to him, “Furthermore, we have more relevant things at hand. You look better than last time. One might even say ‘well’. At least, I don’t remember the circles below your eyes being so few since you first entered the army.”

She leaned closer, calmly scrutinizing his face before retreating with a content shimmer in her eyes.

Flustered beneath her obnoxious stare, Jiyan looked to the side, fiddling with his zipper. “I… I did my best to recuperate. Geshu Lin was quite adamant about it.”

“Bet he was.“, she hummed, “Oh yeah, he wanted me to tell you that you aren’t allowed to walk around when he’s not there to catch you.”

“D…Did he tell you this out loud?!”, Jiyan rasped out in shock, to which Sanhua just nonchalantly shrugged.

“Not only to me, but also the Madam Magistrate. He was quite… vocal about it.”

“Dear Jue….”

 

Mortified Jiyan buried his head in his hands, trying to convince himself that there was some kind of way he could later face his boss without dying from embarrassment. It seemed very improbable.

 

“Ah don’t worry. She found it endearing, I saw it in her gaze.”

“This is embarrassing…”, Jiyan groaned as he slowly came out of hiding again and tiredly looked back at Sanhua. “Why is he always like this?”

“Because it’s you.”, Sanhua just stoically replied. Then, she relayed a little, leaning back as she stared at Jiyan for a moment before she inquired: “So, how was it? Living together with him for now what? Four months?”

 

Four… months?

 

Had it already been that long?

Jiyan still remembered like yesterday how he fell right in front of those heavy black – and always muddy- combat boots. How he had looked up and locked eyes with those golden embers that had haunted him so many nights. At first, he had thought that he was hallucinating. It wouldn’t have been the first time and surely not the last. But then Geshu Lin had turned away from him.

 

Not a single illusion had done that. No, they had ridiculed him, challenged him to fights, tormented him. Never had they looked at him like this and then turned away. When he had first heard his voice again, Jiyan had nearly broken down on the spot, dissolved into an utter mess of tears.

Geshu Lin had come back.

He wasn't gone. Dead.

Fate had granted him one final chance to see him again.

The first few weeks after Geshu Lin’s return had felt like a dream. Or a nightmare? Jiyan wasn’t sure what he wanted to call it. Because whatever it was, dream or nightmare, one would usually wake up from it. And Jiyan didn’t want to wake up, even if Geshu Lin’s words cut deep wounds into his soul on more than one occasion.

He was ready to bear it all. If it just meant holding this warmth in his hands for a little while longer.

 

Having Geshu Lin back in his life was a blessing. Even with all the hardships surrounding it. But humans also called the rose the prettiest flower, yet it was the hardest to pick up.

Jiyan would persevere, through all the thorns, the hurtful insulted hurled at him. Even if, in the end, his feelings were nothing but a thread without needle, a tree without leaves or a glass without water . he was ready to bear the price of unrequited love.

He just wanted Geshu Lin to stay by his side.

 

Only when Sanhua cleared her throat, Jiyan snapped out of his thoughts. Flustered, he realized that he must have been distracted for quite a while. So, hastily he came up with an answer about their daily life.:

“Weird. But… not bad.”, he sighed as he looked for the right words, “I tried not to bother him too much. And failed at it. Several times…”

 

When Geshu Lin had helped him get out of Jinzhou without being seen.

When Geshu Lin had carried him through the desert.

When Geshu Lin had caught him after he had stumbled over a box.

When Geshu Lin had trained his recruits even though they insulted him to his face, not laying a single finger on them.

When he had helped him check the patrol towers and weapon storage, cleared Sonoro Sphere, did whatever Jiyan asked him to without even questioning the requests.

When he had consoled him on top of the tower even though he should have been the one to cry.

 

Sanhua just looked at him with a slightly bored expression. “You call everything ‘bothering someone’, even if it’s just a normal interaction. Plus, I’m sure Lin wanted you to bother him!”

Her dismissive wave stung on Jiyan’s skin. “I’m serious about this!”, he corrected her, “I was burdening him. He complained about it every time!”

“Of course, he did! He’s even more nervous than you!”

 

Jiyan stilled.

“Nervous?”

 

Someone like General Geshu Lin… nervous?

No way-

 

A loud sigh made him stop dead in his tracks.

 

“Oh Jiyan…”

 

Why was he looking at him with such pity?!

General Geshu Lin couldn’t possibly be nervous around someone like him, right?!

 

“You…and me, huh…?”

 

Geshu Lin’s hands had trembled when he had hugged him. His voice had been soft.

Maybe…. Maybe Sanhua did have a point?

 

 “So… did you talk?”

Jiyan just barely caught her next question, but he decided it was best to not overthink he insinuations any further and focus on the discussion at hand.

“I…. tried to.”, he quickly answered, hesitating for a moment whether he should tell her the whole story before he added: “Actually, we had a kind of talk yesterday. About… everything that happened.”

“Oh? You did? How did it go?”

“He wanted to know why I abandoned him.”

Sanhua didn’t utter a word. But her subtle flinch and the way her shoulders tensed up was answer enough.

With a sweet smile, Jiyan held up his hands to calm her down. “Oh no! It was a completely normal question. And we didn’t fight! Okay, he might have thrown a flame ball at me, but –“
“What?!”

 

This time, Sanhua did react and oh how she did. Jiyan couldn’t remember when he had ever seen her this angry.

 “That idiot-“, he could hear her mutter under her breath as she closed her hand to a fist. The room felt colder by the second.

Wait, was his breath forming clouds?!

“Nono, no need to get angry! He had every right to!”, Jiyan frantically tried to calm her down, but it was fruitless. No, his response seemed to have made everything even worse.

Sanhua now shot him a withering glare as she hissed: “And I have every right to smack him in the face right here and there. I sent him here to help you, not to fry you alive!”

“He did help me!”, Jiyan winced, noticing with slight panic the little snowflakes beginning to form in the air, “He… He actually helps me everyday. Sometimes, it’s so much that I honestly don’t know what to do with it. I… I don’t deserve it.”

“That’s nonsense.”

“No!”

 

Jiyan vehemently shook his head and this time, he dared to grab her fist, gently brushing his thumb across the white knuckles to soothe her but also to plead with her to see reason.

 

“Sanhua, I nearly killed him! He should hate me! He… He shouldn’t even be here. I know you told him to, but I feel so bad for him. Forcing him to return to a place he hates, a person who is responsible  for his downfall, who robbed him of his position – the guilt is gnawing at me every day.”

Jiyan gritted his teeth as he felt his throat tighen up once again, but at the same time he knew that he had to get this over with. He owed it to Geshu Lin.

 

“Jiyan, I’m not here because of you but because Sanhua begged me to. Or rather coerced me into it. If you want to feel sorry, feel sorry that she likes you so much that she would use the one and only favor she has with me and forced me to babysit you.”

 

“So please – I’m sorry that you had to waste your favor this way, but can you free him? I don’t want him to be chained to me, especially now when my cast needs to stay on for another month.”

Sanhua’s eyes narrowed but her voice remained calm when she carefully inquired: “You really think he wants to leave you?”

“I don’t ‘think’ it, I know it! Hell, he yelled at my face that he can’t wait to be out of this hellhole, that I’m a burden to him, that I should recuperate faster so he can finally leave!”

Jiyan felt his eyes sting more and more and he quickly blinked, hoping that the blurry shapes would disappear. They did. But the pain in his eyes remained. But it was nothing compared to the aching hole in his chest.

Yet he was no stranger to this pain. This hole… had been there for a long time. Cruelly ripped out by blazing hands, pulling him out of the narrow cave before carrying him all the way through the inferno to safety.

 

A recruit and his general.

 

Once, things had been so easy.

Now, they were not.

 

… Where did he go wrong?

Had there ever been a right way to begin with?

 

“Yes, I may hope that things were different. Yes, there’s nothing that I wish more for than to wake up and know that he’s still here, that he will soon knock at my door and be my company, even if it’s just a few minutes. But I’m neither blind nor deaf. Sanhua, he rubs it almost daily under my nose that he doesn’t want to be here! That he only returned to this 'hellhole' because of your favor.”

“My favor, huh…” Sanhua stared at him for a long moment and Jiyan felt strangely irritated and at the same time frightened at the weird expression on her face. He didn’t recognize it. But he knew that he was missing something.

 

And suddenly Sanhua’s posture shifted, her demeanor getting softer as she scrutinized him, almost like an older sister would, before she said: “Jiyan, I think we can both agree that Geshu Lin is no one to be forced. He doesn’t owe me, Jinzhou, you, anyone shit. That favor… Do you truly think it exists?”

 

The world came to a crashing halt.

 

“What?”, the toneless whisper fell from Jiyan’s lips, only to be answer with a soft sigh.

“So, you truly believed him. I shouldn’t be surprised but still… after four months….”, Sanhua shook her head in disbelief, “That whole favor was a farce. A convenient excuse used by him to return.”

“This… this can’t be…”

“And yet it’s the truth. Jiyan, think. Not with your heart, but your brain. What did he even tell you how I was warranted this favor?”

“He… He said you saved his life.”

At this, Sanhua could only scoff. “Of course he did.”

 

An ice-cold ball of dead slowly filled Jiyan’s stomach, and he couldn’t help but feel more and more nauseous.

“Is it not the truth? Wait ... Did he lie to me?”

Sanhua grimaced at this question and she seemed to ponder on the answer for a moment before she slowly pressed out: “Its not a total lie.... but not the full truth either.”

“What do you mean by that?”, Jiyan whispered, trembling with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

All this time he had assumed Sanhua had used her Forte as some kind of Cryostasis technique, preserving Geshu Lin’s body after the battle Beneath the Crescent. It wouldn’t have been her first time. And it would have explained why he had first met Geshu Lin in her office again, with both of them being completely unbothered. But what if-

“Well, how would you call someone who just refused to kill someone they were obligated to?”, Sanhua’s fingers, which before had always softly tapped against the edge of the table stilled.

“You... you didn’t save him after the Battle beneath the Crescent. You just refused to kill him? You didn’t take him with you?”

“Correct. I found him and didn’t fulfill my duty. Would you call this ‘saving’? I wouldn’t. “

 

Sanhua’s gaze got distant as she took a glance at the window where the autumn winds were tossing up leaves into the air, their soft rustling the only noise before she finally spoke up:

“No… the one who saved him… would be Qiuyuan.”

 

 

Notes:

Hi everyone!
Early chapter again because I was very diligent with proofreading. (Although I'm really tired. So if you find typos or something that absolutely doesn't make sense, feel free to point it out. My brain is fried)
I must say, I'm a bit frustrated at myself because I planned on finishing this 'plotpoint' in the current chapter. Which... I didn't. Now, I've punished you with a horrible cliffhanger.
So, I pondered what to do and decided I wanted to give it a shot and finish the 'second part' of this chapter this week. As of now, I have about 70% finished, so I should be able to do it. (Or at least I hope so)
Therefore: extra chapter on Monday?! (this one will end a bit heavy, so I'd advise you to eat your breakfist/dinner first and then read it, because I myself was pretty gutted when setting up the dialogue.

Finally, thank you all so much for the warm responses last week - you made me so happy >.< I have been quite stressed in the last few weeks and feeling a bit down, especially in terms of writing as I thought my writing could be lacking especially in terms of pacing. So hearing that you still enjoy this story, even though it's far longer than you and I anticipated, gives me a breath of relief.
It would make my day to hear your thoughts on this chapter, if you want to ramble about your theories or whatever you like. Will you pull for Qiuyuan? Any theories for him?
(And omg the Galbrena splashart >.< I was blushing)

See you on (hopefully) Monday!

EDIT: Feeling rather sick today so I'm unable to complete the chapter on Monday! I'm very sorry for getting your hopes up q.q