Chapter Text
Ares III @ARESIII
Hello!
-Mark Watney
jared @pfftreak
@ARESIII mark you're back!!!
Ares III @ARESIII
@pfftreak I am! Anyone up for a Q&A?
penn @pennytacle
okay but i love how mark's first post is just "hello!" like i just find it really amusing. so casual. does he know i cried over him once a week
Leo H @GarryLeoH
I SWESR MARKS TRYING TO GIVE ME A FCUKING HEART ATTACK. JUST SHOWING UP ON MY TL. NO WARNING
DSD @fcrallheknew
mark coming online like
[ATTACHMENTS: GIF of a puppy waving its paw, excitedly]
b @veryoksy
mom: put your phone down
me: my son's doing a q&a
mom: you don't have a son
me: i do. his name is mark watney and he really hates disco music
ken doll @gretchenIewis
mark's such a sweetheart. he didn't just say "hello" he said "hello!" and that exclamation point means a lot to me
louis @DGoldInternational
@ARESIII mark why arent you doing this on your personal
Ares III @ARESIII
@DGoldInternational I forgot my password. Don't expose me
Genevieve @GennyWrites
@ARESIII OMG MARK HI HOW ARE YOU
Ares III @ARESIII
@GennyWrites I'M GOOD I APPRECIATE THE ENTHUSIASM
hoor @harrietts
@ARESIII mARK
Ares III @ARESIII
@harrietts hOOR (Is that really your name? If so that's a cool ass name)
hoor @harrietts
@ARESIII l m a o no it's harry @gcrdoned misspelled something in our group chat and i made it my display name to mess w her bc shes an ass
i hate harry @gcrdoned
@ARESIII @harrietts don't drag me in front of mark watney. sorry mark harry's a jerk
Ares III @ARESIII
@harriets @gcrdoned Don't fight, kids
jomny sun @jonnysun
@ARESIII i'm glad you're coming home mark! are you happy you don't have to listen to disco anymore
Ares III @ARESIII
@jonnysun Am I happy? Am I happy?! I'm ecstatic! Lewis is sitting here next to me scoffing but I'm just telling it like it is. Disco SUCKS
jo @jonahlippen
@AresIII why not do a video?
Ares III @ARESIII
@jonahlippen You'd throw up looking at me, that's why
jo @jonahlippen
@ARESIII aw okay well maybe you'll do a video sometime later?
Ares III @ARESIII
@jonahlippen Yes! As soon as I don't look like I've died and come back to life I'll definitely do a video
MARK IS OKAY @DentriVore
@ARESIII Mark!! For the Q&A how is the crew? What were some of the first things they said to you when they rescued you?
Ares III @ARESIII
@DentriVore I like your display name! I'll answer your question in a second, hang on. Fucking character limit. Here are some of the more memorable things they said:
Ares III @ARESIII
@Dentrivore Martinez: You smell like shit
Lewis: Sorry about the music
Beck said stuff to me during the rescue but afterwards he said: Shower. Now.
Lin-Manuel Miranda @Lin_Manuel
@ARESIII Mark Watney's back! We've missed you. How're you feeling?
Ares III @ARESIII
@Lin_Manuel A little faint since you tweeted me. Lin-Manuel Miranda just tweeted me. Fuck
Gina Karlton @MotherKarlton
@ARESIII wanna hear a joke Mark? what do you call a potato that smokes weed?
Ares III @ARESIII
@MotherKarlton The answer to that question is almost always yes. And oh God... I don't know... what do you call it?
Gina Karlton @MotherKarlton
@ARESIII a baked potato
Ares III @ARESIII
@MotherKarlton Shit
jackie @yoodaloo
@ARESIII how do u feel about the fans u gathered here on Earth? the whole world knows who u are and u have so many supporters that's gotta be weird
Ares III @ARESIII
@yoodalooo It is weird, yeah. I don't know. I guess I don't exactly feel worthy of all this praise. I did what anyone else would do: I tried to survive.
jackie @yoodaloo
@ARESIII yeah but u succeeded. and u haven't lost ur sense of humor. people look up to u
Ares III @ARESIII
@yoodaloo I still feel unworthy, but I guess I get what you're saying. Yeah. So, thank you all for your support. I'm sorry you blew so much money on me
quince @willyw
@ARESIII scariest moment on mars?
Ares III @ARESIII
@willyw By far being on the Convertible Spaceship Hybrid From Hell
Ares III @ARESIII
@willyw @ARESIII NEVERMIND NASA'S MAD I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO MENTION THE SPACESHIP. THERE WAS NO SPACESHIP
Ares III @ARESIII
@willyw @ARESIII ABORT ABORT
b @veryoksy
half of my tl is mark and the other half is people yelling about mark this is a-okay with me
ginger @hmbrh
so,, mark doesn't think he's worthy of our support i'm not crying you're crying
Stef @RefStef
Okay but hear me out here:
Mark Watney. Was on an alien space ship
charlie @hamleyt
mark what the fUCK are you doing the conspiracy theorists are going mad
April @AHDanton
I bet you guys a thousand dollars Mark did that on purpose. He's trying to get the conspiracies circulating that nerd
charlie @hamleyt
@ARESIII mark what was your favorite thing to do on mars
Ares III @ARESIII
@hamleyt masturbate
Ares III @ARESIII
@hamleyt @ARESIII That was Martinez!! I swear, I stepped away from the computer for two fucking seconds
charlie @hamleyt
@ARESIII you're not saying he's wrong though
Ares III @ARESIII
@hamleyt ....
quince @willyw
@ARESIII omg mark is nasa okay with you cursing like this
Ares III @ARESIII
@willyw Haha no. They're pretty fucking pissed.
quince @willyw
@ARESIII you keep answering me i'm EMOTIONAL also they should know by now that they can't trust you not to
Ares III @ARESIII
@willyw They should, I agree! I don't know what they expected honestly
phoebe !!! @freebees
@ARESIII mark your #1 fan (my lil bro) says hi. he's wearing your face on his pajamas right now
Ares III @ARESIII
@freebees Tell him I said hello! I can't believe I'm on pajamas now. What else am I on?
phoebe !!! @freebees
@ARESIII omg you responded and you're on phone cases, lunchboxes, tshirts, jackets, magnets, that kinda stuff. theyre using your face to sell potatoes too
Ares III @ARESIII
@freebees They're using my face to sell potatoes. Huh. That's.... huh. I'm not sure how to feel about that
GG @GGVander
@ARESIII Did you ever lose hope?
Ares III @ARESIII
@GGVander Yeah. But that kind of stuff doesn't matter. You know why? Because I'm not on Mars anymore! (I'm pretty happy about not being on Mars anymore)
ned @nednednedned
@ARESIII Mark!! I have a super duper important question!! Are you a dog person or a cat person?
Ares III @ARESIII
@nednednedned Listen... I love dogs but I'm a cat person through and through
ned @nednednedned
@ARESIII Oh my God mark I can't believe you're a cat person! I trusted you!! This is war
Ares III @ARESIII
@nednednedned Fight me Ned
Beatrice Warren @BeaWarren
@ARESIII help what should I eat for dinner? My options are spaghetti, lasagna, chicken and rice or meatloaf
Ares III @ARESIII
@BeaWarren MY LASAGA (if you don't know what that's from don't talk to me)
FIGHT ME NED @jeswug
MARK "FIGHT ME NED" WATNEY THAT'S SO ICONIC SOMEONE MAKE A SHIRT
mpa @harrybuchannon
he's so funny i'm losing my shit
jordan @jordanbster
i have two essays due tomorrow and a final exam friday and i'm sitting on my phone going through mark watney's q&a. i'm not even sorry
Sharon @bertbotts
@ARESIII STOP THIS MADNESS MARK IM TRYING TO DO HW AND I HAVE YOU ON NOTIFICATIONS AND YOU KEEP DISTRACTING ME
Ares III @ARESIII
@bertbotts WELL WHO TOLD YOU TO PUT ME ON NOTIFICATIONS SHARON
Ares III @ARESIII
My mentions are overflowing! Holy shit, you guys. I might not get around to answering all of these, but I'll try.
Ares III @ARESIII
@ARESIII Also I've gotten messages from like twenty different celebrities and can I just say I'm about to pass out
fortner @jesmil
@ARESIII describe each of your crew members using only one word
Ares III @ARESIII
@jesmil Johanssen: Nerd
Lewis: Bad-ass
Martinez: Who?
Beck: Tender (he knows what I'm talking about)
Vogel: Supervillian
Pat @PatriciA
@ARESIII Hey! I hope you're doing okay. My aspiring astronaut 7-year old daughter loves you and she has a very important question: what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Ares III @ARESIII
@PatriciaA Greetings! I appreciate the love and I wish her the best of luck in becoming an astronaut! My favorite ice cream flavor would have to be mint chocolate chip.
jocelyn @hjoclyn
@ARESIII mark were you ever really on mars or was this some sort of government conspiracy?? i'm onto you bro
Ares III @ARESIII
@hjoclyn You got me. I was never on Mars. This whole thing was a sham. Sorry guys! We just wanted your money!
jocelyn @hjoclyn
@ARESIII MARK i was joking i didn't think you'd actually respond. fuck. sorry
Ares III @ARESIII
@hjoclyn Don't worry about it! I was joking too (or was I?)
[SOME TIME LATER]
Ares III @ARESIII
OKAY GUYS they're mad at me now so for the record I was, in fact, on Mars. This was not a conspiracy. Apparently the geniuses at NASA don't understand sarcasm
gpreg @jvstleaves
@ARESIII you should go through the #BringHimHome tag!
Ares III @ARESIII
@jvstleaves I just did and I got about twenty tweets in before I started crying. Wow. That was seriously emotional. Thank you all
Monica @MonDeTigre
@MarkWatney Algunas historias divertidas?
Ares III @ARESIII
@MonDeTigre Yo sé un poco español, pero no sé lo suficiente como para contar una historia. Lo siento
Rick Martinez @RickMartinezAresIII
@ARESIII who is your favorite out of the crew
Ares III @ARESIII
@RickMartinezAresIII Fuck off
Rick Martinez @RickMartinezAresIII
@ARESIII that's no way to talk to your friend
Ares III @ARESIII
@RickMartinezAresIII Who are you? I don't even know a Martinez
lw @haroldtj
@ARESIII mark be nicer to martinez
Ares III @ARESIII
@haroldtj Who?? I don't know a Martinez (I'm kidding) (he knows I'm kidding) (he's sitting right next to me as I type this)
lw @haroldtj
@ARESIII oh wow okay tell him i said hello
Ares III @ARESIII
@haroldtj I did. He said, and I quote, "Hello. Why are you tweeting Watney? He sucks" so you can see the kind of treatment I get around here
gg @fykcitup
@ARESIII mark how's the crew. are they all with you rn
Ares III @ARESIII
@fyckitup Martinez is right here, being an ass. Vogel's still asleep. Lewis is reading in the break room. Johanssen and Beck are still in bed *wink wink*
happy bday percy @theodcsias
@ARESIII What's been going on on the hermes since your rescue?
Ares III @ARESIII
@theodcsias Lots of pain medication. Lots of sleep. When I'm not sleeping I'm hanging out with the crew. We watch movies and play board games
happy bday percy @theodcsias
@ARESIII Don't they have work to do? Also, how are you physically? What kind of treatments are you on? (sorry that's a weird question haha I'm a doctor and I'm curious)
Ares III @ARESIII
@theodcsias Yes, but they're never all busy at once. And I've got broken ribs and some other stuff (which I won't disclose). I'll be doing lots of PT when I get home. I'm also on a pretty strict diet plan
Ares III @ARESIII
An actual conversation that just happened:
Martinez: Stop fucking cursing
Me: I fucking won't stop fucking cursing
Martinez: You little fucking shit
Ares III @ARESIII
Alright guys! It's been fun talking to you but I've gotta go get some shut eye. Thanks for your time!! Sleep well stay hydrated