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2025-07-01
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Dazai + PowerPoints = A Plan

Summary:

15 reasons why you should totally trust me, a PowerPoint by Beast Osamu Dazai. Helping cast: Chuuya Chibi Nakahara, Atsushi Nakajima, Kyouka Izumi, and Gin Akutagawa.

Or: Dazai tries to get the ADA to allow him to be friends/Allies with them through a PowerPoint so he can be friends with Oda and the others again (It definitely doesn’t involve bribes).

Inspired by the song: Not Evil from The Lego Movie 2

Notes:

Characters are super out of character. This was just an idea I got when listening to the song and couldn't get it out of my mind. This is also so I can take a small break from my other fic. Ask before doing anything with this fic! This is also the only place and account it should be posted under! Anyways, please enjoy! Kudos and comments are appreciated!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Chuuya was completely suspicious. Idiot Boss had been giddy all day. And he meant all day. It was really creepy. Dazai was never this happy, ever. So why was he now? Maybe it had to do with whatever the idiot was doing on his computer. The boss had been working on his computer for the last couple of days and hadn’t let Chuuya see what he was working on. Which made Chuuya worried. The last time that happened, it ended up being a five-hour-long PowerPoint about proper paint drying procedures. During the presentation, if anyone had fallen asleep, the bastard would restart the entire thing. It took 30 hours to get through the entire thing. Chuuya wasn’t sure how the bastard had stayed awake and talking through the entire thing, but he had.

So yes, Chuuya was concerned when the boss would hide his screen from Chuuya and then giggle like a maniac. At some point, Chuuya gave up trying to see what the insane man was working on and just accepted his fate. He got his answer a couple of days later when the bastard summoned him, Atsushi, Kyouka, and Gin to one of the training rooms in the basement. On the way down, they all shared a confused glance, not knowing why their boss had summoned them down to the room. When they entered, Chuuya felt his heart sink. Standing in front of a whiteboard labeled ‘ADA Friendship Goals’ was a hazed-looking Dazai. The bastard clearly hadn’t slept in at least three days. Chuuya was fearing for his life.

Atsushi was the bravest one amongst them and spoke first. “Um, Boss-san. Y-you called for us?” Hearing the boy speak, Dazai whipped around from facing the board to look at them, and he smiled. Chuuya was regretting following this idiot into the mafia. “Yes! Yes, Atsushi-kun! I have a new, great, amazing plan. And you all are going to help me!” Looking at the board and then back at Dazai, Chuuya could already feel a headache coming on. “And what if we refuse?” He asks. At this, Dazai grows a cold look on his face befitting the demon he is known to be. “I’ll cry.” Is all he says, and Chuuya and the others sweatdrop. Sighing deeply, Chuuya and the others agree. Because knowing the boss, that was the least he would do to them if they disagreed.

And really, what was the worst that could happen? A lot, apparently. The boss has officially gone insane, Chuuya thinks. Chuuya should put the poor bastard out of his misery while he still can. It is yet another PowerPoint, but this time, it's not going to be used to try and torture his poor subordinates, no. It's going to be used to befriend their enemies. Chuuya wants to bash his head against a wall. And it's not even just a PowerPoint, it's an entire musical number. And the bastard wants them to help in his crazy plan. They’ve already agreed to it, so there’s no backing out of it now. Dazai even has an entire battle plan for the thing, and Chuuya is seriously wondering how this evil weasel hid this from him. So, after Dazai had gone through the entire plan at least three times to make sure they knew it, practice started.

It. Was. Hell. Chuuya never wants to go through it again. Dazai literally had them practicing day and night to get the choreography down. On occasion, he would allow them a couple of hours of sleep before he had them up and practicing again. Throughout the entire thing, Dazai acted like he was a drill instructor crossed with an angry hornet mixed with a dash of sprinkles. He may have had a smily facade on, but he was anything but that. At one point, poor Atsushi broke down into a nervous breakdown and tears after he messed up a single step in the routine. After that mistake, Dazai had the poor boy practice that part of the routine over and over again until Atsushi could do it in his sleep.

Of course, the girls got it perfectly, and so they were yelled at less. Totally unfair. Chuuya should really file a complaint with the HR department. They were practicing once, one late afternoon, and Atsushi had accidentally dropped one of the props he was supposed to be handling. And Dazai, from across the room, screamed, “ATSUSHI!” Scaring the poor boy even further, and startling the rest of us. The idiot then followed that up with a “Get it together, sweety, we perform this in a couple of days.” Never had Chuuya wanted to punch the man more than, but no. Punching your idiotic, insane boss would only make you weaker than him. When the bastard finally seemed satisfied with all the practice they had done, he had Gin deliver the invite to the Armed Detective Agency.

—-------------------------------------------

It was a normal day in the agency. Oda was working at his desk, trying to finish his paperwork for the day quickly so he could go visit his kids. Kunikida was giving Akutagawa another lecture about why paperwork was important and why you should always complete it in a timely manner. Ranpo was boredly sitting in his chair, loudly munching on his snacks, and wishing for more entertainment. Though he had a sense that some was about to come his way. Fukuzawa was sitting in his office pretending to be doing his paperwork, but was really only looking at cat pictures. Yosano was in the medical wing of the office, cleaning her already polished chainsaw for the hundredth time that day, wishing for someone to operate on.

That’s when a polite knock sounded at the door. That drew all those who were in the room’s attention. Kunikida paused his rant to stiffly walk over to the door and open it. Only to immediately jump back and quickly summon a gun from his book and aim it at the person at the door. Gin only blinks a couple of times at the gun pointed at her as if not really recognizing it. Glancing back up at the crowded room, Gin holds up a bright, neon pink card with the words ‘You’re Invited!’ on it. It's also decorated with hand-drawn balloons and streamers in great detail. If they were to inspect it closely, they could tell that whoever made it put a lot of effort into it.
Gin showing the card causes Kunikida to falter for a moment before he raises his gun again.
“What business do you have here, Port Mafia Scum?” At this, Akutagawa makes a noise of complaint from behind Kunikida. Gin only blinks a couple of times before the words seem to register in her mind. “Oh, um. The boss wanted this to be delivered to your boss. Something about the magic of friendship, truces, and a guy named Odasaku? Anyway, the meeting place is in a neutral zone at a hotel plaza halfway across the city in neither of our turfs, so it should be fine.” With that, Gin hands a bewildered Kunikida the neon pink card, yawns, then turns around and leaves the building, mumbling something along the lines of ‘I don’t get paid enough for this’ and ‘I need more sleep’.

Within moments of Gin being gone, Ranpo got up from his seat and rushed across the room to snatch the card out of a frozen Kunikida’s hands. This causes Kunikida to unfreeze and start yelling about how ‘That card might not be safe’ and how it was ‘Meant for the president.’ Ranpo ignores him and opens the card. Confetti immediately burst out from the card and fell slowly to the ground. Completely ignoring the confetti, Ranpo quickly skimmed through the card, absorbing the information provided before he grinned. “We’re going. I'll go tell Fukuzawa.” And with that, Ranpo runs out of the room yelling for Fukuzawa like an excited child. He leaves behind a flabbergasted Kunikida, a shocked Akutagawa, and a bemused Oda.

Due to the commotion Ranpo caused, Yosano sticks her head out of the medbay and shoots a questioning glance at her colleagues. “What is Ran so happy about?” It takes Kunikida a couple of moments before he replies. “Someone from the Port Mafia dropped off an invitation card just now, and Ranpo opened it. Which he shouldn’t have done because it was for the president! After reading its contents, he decided that we should go, and he ran off to inform the President.” Yosano is intrigued by this; normally, Ranpo doesn’t get so giddy and loud about things. Whatever the Port Mafia may have planned must be something big. Hopefully, this doesn’t end with the destruction of the world.

Knowing Ranpo and how lazy he is, that might not happen. But if he gets motivated enough, well, she would happily accept her brother as the next leader. All hail Ranpo, and all that jazz. Still, she didn’t really trust the Port Mafia. “Is he really sure we should go? I mean, what if it’s a trap?” As Yosano is asking the question, the President, with Ranpo following him closely behind, bouncing with excitement, walks into the room. “While that may be true, if what this card says is true, it could be very beneficial for the ADA to attend.” Holding up the card, Fukuzawa allows his employees to read what is said on it. All the members present, besides Ranpo, whose already read it, gather around the outstretched letter to read it.

‘Dear Armed Detective Agency, I, the Port Mafia Boss, Osamu Dazai, would like to invite you to hold a meeting to discuss possible alliance plans. I have even compiled a PowerPoint in honor of the occasion. Please meet at (enter random hotel name and meeting room number) at (enter a day, a couple of days from when the invite was sent) at around 4:30 p.m.Also, this is totally not a trap. -Sincerely, Dazai, the least evil Port Mafia boss there ever was. P.S. Snacks and dinner will be provided.’ On the card is a chibi drawing of said boss, and it is smiling. “I don’t know, President, are you really sure we should trust anything this card says?” Kunikida questions.

Ranpo faces Kunikida with a pout on his face. “Didn’t you read the card? This is totally not a trap. It even says so! I’ve also heard about the legendary PowerPoints this guy makes, and I cannot miss them over you being suspicious. So yes, we can trust this. Also, free food. ” Oda nods his head at Ranpo’s words. “Everyone deserves at least a chance, though we shouldn’t bring everyone. Even though he says it’s not a trap, we can never be too careful.” Akutagawa looks at his mentor like he had just betrayed him. “You’re actually agreeing to meet with the Man in Black, the one who took my sister?” Yosano still looks skeptical, but she trusts Ranpo, so she says, “If Ranpo is sure this won’t end up badly, I’d be willing to go.”

Fukuzawa seems to contemplate his employees' words before speaking again.“It seems a majority is in favor of attending this meeting, so we will attend. We will leave Kenji and the Tanizaki siblings to guard the ADA building and call for backup if needed. If everyone dressed semi-formally that day, it would be great.” At Fukuzawa’s words, Akutagawa scowls, Oda hums in acceptance, Yosano nods her head, Ranpo giggles evilly, and Kunikida sighs before moving to add the intrusion into his planner. Kunikida also decided that, whatever the Port Mafia said, he would not believe a single thing the bastard said. Nothing the Port Mafia boss did came without an ulterior motive, and Kunikida would get to the bottom of it.

—----------Time skip—-------------------

The ADA were all gathered outside of a nice-looking hotel and were wondering if they were in the right place. Why had the Port Mafia Boss gotten something so fancy for just a simple meeting? Walking into the building, they immediately saw a tired-looking ginger holding a sign with ‘ADA’ on it. Looking at each other, they all shrug before heading over to him. Kunikida is the first of them to speak. “Are you our guide to the meeting room?” The ginger standing there looks them up and down, before sighing deeply and nodding. “If you would follow me this way so we can get this over with as quickly as possible, that would be great. Boss has been running us ragged to get this set up, and we want to be done with it already.”

With that, the ginger who hadn’t even introduced himself began to walk away, expecting the people behind him to follow. Ranpo happily followed after him, and the rest followed at a slower pace. The hotel staff pay them no mind as they walk towards the meeting rooms the hotel has. As they are walking down the hall, they can clearly see the door they’re supposed to go through. The main thing that gives it away is the large banner hanging above it with the words ‘Welcome ADA!’ When they arrived at the door, the ginger that had been leading them to it paused before it. “I honestly didn’t think you guys would show, but now that you are here, let me warn you, this will be a lot.” Not giving them a chance to respond, the ginger opens the door and walks in.

“Places! Places! They will be here any minute now!” Is the first thing that greets their ears when the door opens. The first thing they see is a tall, lanky man standing at the head of the table in the room. He has a red scarf draped across his shoulders, the color of fresh blood. He seems to be focused on the three other people in the room. Kunikida recognizes the one second nearest to them as the one who delivered the invitation the other day. She looks slightly more rested than the last time they saw her. Aktugawa recognizes another person in the room, and he scowls when he sees Atsushi standing near his own boss. Of course, the white reaper of the Mafia would attend this meeting. Just his luck.

When the one they assume is Dazai hears the door open, he whips around to face them and scowls before brightening. “Chibi, you should have told me they had arrived! At least you were a good dog in fetching them.” The one they now identify as Chuuya scowls at Dazai’s words. “I’m not your danm dog! Let's just get this over with.” Chuuya’s words seem to snap the Port Mafia boss into action. “Come, come. Sit down and relax! I have the PowerPoint pulled up already. We’ll start when you're all settled in!” Fukuzawa steps forward and bows slightly. “Thank you for inviting us to this meeting today. We hope we can reach an agreement by the end of it.” The rest of the ADA follows Fukuzawa’s lead and bow with him.

Dazai bows back and thanks them for coming before gesturing for them to sit down. Ranpo is the first to skip towards the table, making himself comfortable within minutes. Fukuzawa is next to sit at the table, making himself comfortable at the table, just not as much as Ranpo. Oda and Yosano look at each other before shrugging and moving to sit down. Kunikida and Akutagawa are the last ones to sit down at the table. Akutagawa has been switching from staring at Gin & Atsushi to glaring at Dazai ever since he entered the room. Kunikida was still extremely suspicious of this entire thing. Why would the Port Mafia even want to do this? What would they even gain from this Alliance?

Seeing all the members sit down, Dazai feels himself grow excited. All was going to plan! He had been worried that the ADA wouldn’t show, but he had had a backup plan for that situation! He would have just sent some of his grunts to kidnap them and then force them to his PowerPoint! There was no way his PowerPoint skills were going to be wasted like that. Signaling Atsushi to begin the music, Dazai giddily gets into place right next to the screen. When the music starts, Kunikida’s face falls. “Oh no, is this a musical number?” Akutagawa’s face also falls. “I hope not.” Ranpo claps his hands together, giggling like a child on a sugar high. Fukuzawa keeps an impassive look on his face. Yosano is at a loss for words. Oda feels slightly confused and bemused.

Looking at the screen, the ADA sees the words ‘12 reasons why I’m not evil! By: Dazai Osamu’. Dazai stands next to it with a suspicious smile on his face that puts Kunikida on edge. Looking around, he sees that only Akutagawa seems to share the same sentiment. The others seem to be on guard, but are still listening. “Hello Friends! My name is Dazai Osamu, the Youngest Port Mafia Boss. Don’t worry, I’m totally not one of those evil Mafia bosses you’ve read about or seen in the movies. And there’s no reason to be suspicious of me!” The port Mafia boss begins by singing, and Kunikida has to give it to him; he does have a good singing voice. When the Port Mafia Boss finishes singing, the other members of the Mafia in the room start chanting ‘Not evil, not evil, no. Least evil person I know.’ over and over again, and it puts the ADA members in the room on edge, besides Ranpo, who has found popcorn from somewhere and is currently munching on it.

“I don’t know why, but it's very suspicious you’re leading with this.” Kunikida says as Dazai pushes a button on the remote he’s holding, and the PowerPoint switches to the next slide. At the top of the slide, it says ‘Things I’m not/things I don’t have’. Further down the slide is a list of things with a red X beside them. The list includes: A Villain, Evil Plans, and Ulterior Motives. Dazai brings out one of those pointer sticks with a pointing finger at the end of it and starts pointing to the things on the list. “I’m so not a villain, I have zero evil plans, no Ulterior Motives. I just want to help where I can.” At the boss's words, the one the ADA has come to know as Chuuya looks done with the world. Dazai clicks the button on the remote again, and the next slide comes into frame.

On it are several different pictures of the Port Mafia doing random things. In one of them, the Port mafia boss can be seen throwing a sandwich at Atsushi. In another, the PM boss can be seen enjoying a crepe with the one PM member in the room whom they haven’t been introduced to. In the third picture, the PM boss is standing next to the person who delivered the invitation with his thumbs up. Across the picture are the words ‘First day on the job’. The girl in the picture is also holding her thumbs up and is smiling. They are not really sure whose first day it is, but the people in the picture seem happy. The final picture on the slide is just an image of the Port Mafia boss petting a sleeping Chuuya’s head with an innocent smile on his face. When Chuuya notices the picture on the slide, an angry tic mark appears above his head.

Chuuya was really going to kill the bastard later for this. “I just want to make an alliance because I’m selfless and sweet! So there’s no reason to be suspicious ooooooof-” Dazai quickly pushes the button again, and the screen switches over to the next slide. On the slide is just a singular picture of Dazai standing in a dark, creepy basement cell, with a dead-eyed fish face, with his thumbs up, looking straight at the camera. The whole of the ADA shared a startled look. Are they sure this was the same man? “The Demon Prodigy, the least evil Port Mafia boss in history!” The Port mafia members around them do a little synchronized dance as their boss is singing. Dazai clicks another button, and the members of the ADA who aren’t at the meeting pictures are shown on screen. This causes all the ADA members in the room to tense and look at the man in front of the screen.

“And if you don’t believe me, I totally won’t imprison your fellow coworkers, cause that’d be evil!” Dazai looks at them with a proud smile on his face. “And that’s so not me.” The port mafia members around them start chanting again, and this time, the ADA members around them feel more threatened. Was the PM boss kidding, or was he actually serious? They were getting mixed signals here. Kunikida is the only one of them to voice his doubts about what the PM Boss says. “Really? Because I am getting super evil vibes here.” They see a brief moment of panic flit across the PM Boss’s face. In Dazai’s mind, he is panicking. They don’t believe him yet? He thought he gave great examples of himself not being evil!

Ok, he can fix this! Maybe trying to bribe them would work! Luckily, he had thought this outcome might happen, so he had prepared slides for this! Turning to the screen, he presses the button several times to get to the slides he wants. He also signals to his employees the change in plans. The ADA is concerned when the PM Boss flips through several of his slides quickly. They can only catch glimpses of what is on them before it changes to the next slide. They see several pictures flash by. One of them they thought was a house on fire. Another looked like the Port Mafia Boss with sock puppets on his hands. One of the final ones they glimpse is what looks like another guy who had the same red scarf Dazai had on, hanging above a pit full of alligators for some reason.

Chuuya groans internally. Of course, the boss is jumping straight to the bribes after one comment about how suspicious the bastard is actually acting like. Wasting all of the time they spent practicing on the parts he skipped. Reaching a slide with house plans on it, Dazai turns to Oda with a smile on his face. “Odasaku, do you like Orphans? Cause I think they are great!” Oda looks surprised and turns to look at his coworkers before looking back at the PM boss in front of the screen. “How’d you know that? Loving orphans is my one defining trait.” Dazai smiles happily that Oda was still the same in this world as well, “Well, now my good friend, you can raise them in your very own mansion of your very own dreams!” Oda looks at the blueprints with excitement as he gasps in surprise.

Kunikida looks at the man in exasperated shock. “Oh, come on. You can not be falling for this!” Oda turns to his partner with a look of excitement in his eyes. “Come on, Kunikida, haven’t you heard? There’s no reason to be suspicious of him!” As Oda finishes speaking, the other Port mafia members around them start chanting again. Kunikida tries to speak over them. “Yeah, I know he keeps saying that, but he’s clearly an evil Mafia Boss!” Yosano nods her head at Kunikida’s words. “Yeah, well, I’m not buying it.” Dazai grins as he presses the button again. On the screen is live footage of the same man they had spotted earlier hanging above the pit of crocodiles, sitting tied up in a room. “Yosano, another one of Mori’s victims. Not getting revenge on him is very cruel. It’s like Spider without a web, or a Mafia Boss without his dog.”

That has Yosano looking between the screen and Dazai with a look of hope and understanding in her eyes. Kunikida is completely baffled. “Even his metaphors are suspicious.” Dazai grins evilly. “I’ve got a surprise for you! The bastard’s locked in a warehouse in Port Mafia territory where no one will ask questions about screams coming from it!” Dazai tosses a pleased-looking Yosano, who has a matching evil grin on her face, the keys to the warehouse. “His story checks out. He’s cool, not evil.” Ranpo raises his hand next, bouncing in his seat, wondering what he would be bribed with next. “Oooo me, what about me?” Dazai smiles as he clicks the button once again. On the screen is a picture of a timid-looking brunette, who looks similar to the Port Mafia Boss standing next to the screen, and a picture of Candy.

“Smartest Detective in the world, and strongest in the ADA, what type of person are you attracted to?” Ranpo immediately brightens. “Dark, brooding, timid, smart guys! Not you, though, you’re to you.” Dazai pouts at Ranpo’s words, before motioning to Kyouka to bring in the man they had kidnapped for this occasion. She does so and shoves the terrified-looking man at Ranpo, who immediately brightens and hugs the poor man. “Mix that with a warehouse filled to the brim with snacks!” Dazai continues as he tosses yet another pair of keys to a member of the ADA. “Woohoo!” Dazai then turns to Akutagawa, who had been brooding this entire time. “And Ryūnosuke-kun!” Akutagawa only glares at the Port Mafia Boss.
“Don’t even try it, Man in Black. I won’t accept anything you try to give me.” Kunikida smiles proudly at the young man's words. Surely he will stick by his words. “I know, that’s why I’m giving you unlimited access to both your sister and our little Atsushi-kun.” At the last part, the Port Mafia boss wiggles his eyebrows, causing Atsushi and Ryūnosuke to blush severely. Chuuya has to stop Kyouka from trying to run a sword through both their boss and Akutagawa respectively. Kunikida bluescreens at what the Port Mafia Boss is hinting at. Ranpo and Yosano look at each other and then laugh. Fukuzawa looks between the two mentioned boys before smiling and nodding his approval. Poe just looks around at all these crazy people and wonders what he did to deserve this. Gin just hides a laugh behind her hand at her boss’s words.

Oda seems just lost in his own world, planning out his new mansion. Akutagawa clears his throat before speaking again. “Like unlimited, unlimited access?” Dazai grins at the boy’s words, and he has to dodge a sword thrown at his head by Kyouka. “Unlimited, unlimited access.” Akutagawa nods his head, and Kunikida feels like he’s lost many of his brain cells. “He’s rad, he totally gets me.” Turning to the President of the ADA, Dazai just handed him a pair of keys and a note. After Fukuzawa reads the note, he keeps his calm, collected face on, but there is now a glint in his eyes that speaks of excitement. “I believe him. He is not evil.” Kunikida looks between the two bosses with a forlorn look on his face.

“Not you, too, President. He is clearly evil!” Dazai only smiles at the blonde before turning to Chuuya, who now holds some signs he got from somewhere. “And here’s some other adjectives people use to describe me! Unduplicitous, unmalicious, unconniving, unnasty.” As Dazai says the words, Chuuya throws the signs with the words on them off to the side before he runs out of them. Kunikida can feel a headache coming on. “You're clearly just adding "un" to words that describe you!” Dazai grins evilly at the man. “Who, me?” As he says this, he clicks the button once more, and the next slide pops up. The picture on the screen seems to only unnerve Kunikida and Poe. On the screen is a smiling Dazai holding the severed head of a man with rounded glasses with his free hand doing the thumbs up sign.

The words ‘Got the future traitor before he could escape. FU Ango!’ acompany said picture. Kunikida feels bad for the poor man who had clearly gotten on the wrong side of the Port Mafia Boss. “I’m the Demon Prodigy. I never trick people into trusting me by hiding my true personalities.” At this, Kunikida sees Chuuya give the Port Mafia boss an unimpressed stare he has ever seen. “So I can use them to accomplish my evil deeds. 'Cause that'd be evil and that's so not me.” At this, the music in the background begins to swell, and Chuuya and Atsushi walk forward before lifting the Port Mafia Boss onto their shoulders. “I never cheat, I never bribe, I never scheme, I never lie, and that wasn't a lie when I said just now that I never lie. 'Cause I never lie, and I never laugh when children cry.”

Kunikida just stares at the Port Mafia Boss in disbelief. If he barely even tried, he believed he would be able to find an example of the Port Mafia Boss doing what he just claimed he didn’t do. If the look on Chuuya’s face is to be believed, Kunikida is not far off from his guess. As the Music continues, the two holding the Port Mafia Boss on their shoulders begin to spin in a slowish circle. “And I never poison enemies of mine, and I never cry when I'm alone at night. 'Cause as I said, I love my life. I'm gettin' off track, let me get back to the point I was makin'.” As the music crescendos, Chuuya and Atsushi set Dazai on the meeting table. The man walks forward confidently despite what he had hinted at earlier. Fukuzawa narrows his eyes at what Dazai mentioned, sensing an orphan hurt by Mori in front of him.

He was sure it wasn’t too late for Ranpo and Yosano to have another sibling. Oda also looks up from what he’s doing, also sensing an orphan in need. The two of them make eye contact and narrow their gazes. That was going to their new son, and the other wasn’t going to stop them or get him before the other could. Chuuya shook his head and wished the bastard would talk to him more. “I’m the youngest Port Mafia Boss, the most least evil person you'll ever meet. And if you make eye contact with me, I totally won't have you executed immediately.” Kunikida gestures to the Port Mafia Boss at this. Trying to see if anyone else was listening to what the man was saying. Poe reaches over and pats the man’s back, trying to comfort the man just a bit.

“'Cause that'd be evil (evil), Evil (evil), evil, and that's so not me.” Dazai ends with a high note and is slightly out of breath. The Port mafia members had chimed in more towards the end when needed. Looking at the people surrounding him sitting at the table, he smiles at the boyishly and gets down from the table. “So? Are we going to have an alliance?” Fukuzawa takes a few moments to wipe the mental image of a happy black cat that caught the canary before answering. “*Cough, cough* Yes, yes. We should probably go work on the adopt- alliance paperwork right away.” Dazai physically brightens and turns to Chuuya with an excited smile on his face. He doesn't notice Oda glaring daggers at Fukuzawa for trying to take his new son. Fukuzawa only smirks back at him. “Chibi, did you hear that! Did you hear that! They said yes!” Chuuya just sighs, resigned to having to deal with an excited Dazai. At least it was better than a depressed one.

“Yes, you, mackerel bastard. I heard him.” Ranpo and Yosano look at each other before grinning. Looks like Fukuzawa was trying to get them a new sibling. Kunikida just stared at the ceiling in defeat. The Port Mafia Boss was clearly an evil guy. Why couldn’t any of the others see it? The rest of the Port Mafia members in the room were just relieved to finally be done with this entire thing. At least they wouldn’t have to deal with any more of their Boss’s PowerPoint’s for a while. As if sensing their thoughts, Dazai turned to them and smiled evilly. “Just a reminder that we have a meeting coming up covering the proper procedures for mopping the parking lot while it’s raining! Make sure to spread the word!” That caused a round of groaning from the Mafia members. They would never be able to escape their Boss’s blasted PowerPoint presentations.

Notes:

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the fic! Have a great rest of your day!