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As light as a feather.
People used to say that about Suho when he was fighting. When his nap in class would be interrupted by some angry, accusing classmate, and he was forced to sort it out with a few punches and the occasional kick, he would hear someone in the background frantically whispering that he moved swiftly and lightly, like you could barely catch his movements. There would always be a sense of pride building up in his chest after hearing that.
That’s how he wants to portray himself. Someone who doesn’t easily sink down after a few mishaps. Someone who doesn’t get dragged to the ground but rather gets back up without a struggle.
As tough as steel.
Beomseok told him that once. It wasn’t even about a fight this time. It was when he had to carry three boxes of beer during a shift. He didn’t break a sweat, and that was when Beomseok complimented him before glancing down at his own skinny arms.
Suho laughed it off and told him that it’s just how he is. He will always be tough. Maybe he should have noticed the jealous glint in Beomseok’s eyes back then.
As strong as a bear.
Sieun said that about his hugs, not him. But it still counts, right? It was during one of those days when the fondness in Suho became a little too overwhelming. He becomes impulsive sometimes, just like when he pulled Sieun into a hug randomly, squeezing him and telling him that he’s just such an amazing friend. Two seconds pass, and Sieun mutters those words.
But again, that’s just how Suho is. And he’s always wanted it to stay that way.
Is that too much to ask?
It seems so, Suho thinks to himself as he falls back on his bed, throwing a shaky arm over his eyes. His chest heaves, and his eyelids feel weak, like he can’t even hold up his own vision.
As light as a feather, as tough as steel, as strong as a bear.
Was it all just a lie?
He groans and tries to move his legs, but they feel fragile now, heavy. Especially that one. That one hurts more each day. One would think that waking up from a coma would be somewhat revitalizing with the amount of sleep he’s gotten. But it’s tiring and it hurts. He’s lost muscle, he’s thinner, and on some days, he can’t even pick up the food that he doesn’t eat because his stomach can’t seem to handle strong tastes anymore.
He reaches his arm out and lets his eyes run down its paleness and thinness. Then, his gaze finds his fingers, trembling and weak. He struggles with those often. Simple tasks like picking up a pen and using it only to find that somehow, his handwriting could be even worse than it already was.
He sighs and lets his arm fall back down as he stares at the ceiling. There are days that are good, especially when Sieun’s around most of the time, or his grandmother. When he’s feeling social, he considers it a good day when Sieun’s new friends stop by to tell him stories or just to joke around. But then, there are days that are bad. Those days are when Sieun’s too busy to stay by his side for a while, his grandmother goes home, or his social battery is too low to even comprehend what the others are saying.
He’s home now and has been discharged from the hospital. But it’s still a bad day. He has physical therapy appointments every week, and he has small exercises to perform each day. They’re usually alright and manageable enough to get through.
But today was different.
It started with the walking. He can walk already, but they insisted that he needed to build up strength, so he easily agreed. But then, he stumbled. And when he got back up, he felt his knees buckle as if all of his strength had left him in just a second. So much for being as light as a feather.
Then, he had to do a few stretches. It started off fine, but then his arms began to tremble, and the nurse had to help him back up. For someone who’s “as tough as steel,” he couldn’t even hold up his own body.
And what really topped it off was that Sieun wasn’t there. Usually, he accompanies Suho, watching him from the side or even helping out when the nurses ask him to. But today he had an important exam that he couldn’t miss. And so, Suho was alone. And that made every small step, every stretch, every movement hurt so much more. And judging by how much he struggled, he knows that he’s probably too weak to hug Sieun strongly like a bear.
It just hurts. It’s exhausting, and Suho feels tears build up in his eyes. But he quickly blinks them away, remembering that Sieun’s on his way.
Now, his heart picks up.
Sieun’s coming.
Even after taking a two-hour-long exam, after probably skipping a meal, he still makes the time just to see Suho. And just like that, Suho’s filled with enough strength to get up off his bed. Sure, his joints creak and his limbs pang with soreness, but he ignores it as he starts making the bed.
He can’t afford to show Sieun the rumpled sheets after he fell back on them in defeat, the sweaty clothes that he’d thrown off as soon as he got home, or the empty water bottle he’d chugged down because he couldn’t handle a simple walk back home.
Sieun’s seen all of him, the worst of him, yet Suho can’t bear the weird feeling in his chest at the thought of Sieun seeing more of that side. He should be his guardian angel, not the one to be protected. It’s almost embarrassing. He hates the worried look Sieun would give him when he stumbles. He hates how his pretty lips would pull into a frown, how his gorgeous eyes would be saddened because Suho isn’t as strong as he used to be.
With a loud exhale, he sits back down on his bed, smoothing the covers as he waits for the ring of the doorbell. Sieun should be here soon. He rubs his sore legs with a nervous grimace, wondering if Sieun will notice the pain he’s in. He sure hopes he won’t.
A few minutes pass and the ring comes. With a deep, shaky breath, Suho gets up and goes to the door to open it. Sieun stands there, bag slung over his shoulder, a bit out of breath.
“Yah, Yeon Sieun, did you run here or something?” He jokes.
But to his surprise, and it makes Suho’s heart skip a beat, Sieun nods. “The bus was running late.”
Suho’s breath stutters. “What? So you did actually run here? But what’s the rush?” He steps backward so Sieun can come in. He watches as he takes off his shoes and sets down his bag like it’s routine. Well, it is routine, considering the number of times Sieun’s been over.
Sieun turns back to him, looking at him like this isn’t odd at all, like this shouldn’t be making Suho’s chest tighten. “To see you, of course. I didn’t get to go to your physical therapy session.”
“Oh,” Suho dumbly replies. “Right.”
They head into the living room, and Suho inhales nervously before turning around to face Sieun. Sieun peers up at him questioningly and watches, eyes darting, as Suho reaches for his wrist. He tugs him a little closer, his movements hesitant and almost… scared.
And don’t get him wrong, Suho usually never hesitates to initiate physical contact with Sieun. It’s always been so easy for him to throw an arm around Sieun’s shoulders, to pull him into a hug, even lean close to his side. But it’s just today. Today, he’s afraid–afraid that if Sieun touches him, maybe he’ll feel the tremble in his hands or the weakness in his body.
Sieun seems to notice his hesitancy and he takes it upon himself to step closer. With a breath of relief, Suho finally leans forward and rests his forehead against the other’s shoulder, his broad shoulders almost covering his whole frame.
Sieun stiffens just the slightest before bringing an awkward hand to pat Suho’s back. It’s light, a bit clumsy, but it’s enough for Suho to relax.
“Are you okay?” Sieun asks.
Suho nods. “Can’t I give my Sieun a hug?” He jokes again, trying to cover the tremor in his voice. “I missed you, that’s all.”
Sieun hums. “Okay. I’ll be at your next session. So…” Suho hears him clear his throat, sounding almost shy. “Don’t worry.”
Suho smiles and nuzzles close to the side of Sieun’s neck. “That’s good,” he breathes.
A few minutes pass just like that. The clock ticks nearby and cars beep outside, but to them, the world is quiet and peaceful. But, much to Suho’s dislike, Sieun starts to lean away. He looks at Suho with a soft, sweet look.
“Do you want to go on a walk? The weather’s nice.”
Suho freezes at the question.
“Uh…” He feels his heart pick up and he steps away, which Sieun catches almost immediately and he raises an eyebrow. Suho so badly wants to say yes. He’s always enjoyed walks with Sieun, where he would listen to him ramble and they would enjoy the view, occasionally pointing out a cute dog. But he feels the ache in his legs, the slight shaking of his arms, and he just knows he can’t.
“We don’t have to,” Sieun whispers, eyeing him as if trying to read what’s going on in Suho’s mind.
Suho smiles, trying to put up a wall between them, high enough so that Sieun can’t see just how bad today has messed with him. “We could. But I’d rather stay home with you, Sieun-ah. I’m feeling a little lazy today.” He adds in a weak laugh, just to sound a bit more convincing.
Sieun nods slowly, still looking at him with suspicion. “Alright. Then… do you want to play that video game? The one you always suggested.”
Suho wants to say yes to that too. But just sitting on the couch with Sieun right next to him still makes his stomach lurch. What if he notices the way his fingers tremble just from trying to use the controller?
“Ah, Sieun-ah… I’m pretty sure I finished the game. It’s kind of boring towards the end, so…”
Sieun steps closer, peering up at Suho’s face, gaze running over his features, lingering especially on his darker under-eyes.
“Ramen?”
Suho blinks. “What?”
“Do you want to make ramen with me?”
Suho bites his lip, his mind already making up scenarios of how he might stumble in the middle of the kitchen, even struggle to pick up the pot.
Weakly, he shakes his head.
“I’m not hungry.”
Sieun sighs. There’s a moment of silence before he says, “I’m suggesting all of your favorite things and you’re rejecting each one. I think that’s a little weird.”
Suho grimaces. “Sieun–”
“Suho-yah.”
And it’s almost embarrassing how Suho practically melts at the endearing version of his name. “Yeah?” He whispers, shoulders sinking with defeat. He just knew that Sieun would notice right away. He always does.
“Did something happen today?” Sieun’s face hardens. “Did anyone approach you? Hurt you?”
Suho’s heart practically breaks seeing the worry that consumes Sieun. But he knows that he can’t lie anymore. That’s what they promised to improve at anyway. “No, it wasn’t– anyone. It was just…” He looks down. “My session today.”
Sieun’s eyes soften just a bit. “What about it?”
“It wasn’t the best,” Suho forces a laugh as he tries to lighten his explanation, just to see Sieun’s worry dissipate. But it doesn’t work, as Sieun stays silent, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t know, I guess it was just harder than usual. The exercises and everything. But really, it’s nothing to worry about, so–”
Sieun interrupts him. However, it’s not with words or a single touch. It’s his eyes. His beautiful, large eyes that soften and fill with worry. He looks up at Suho with this… this look that says just tell me. I’ll understand.
And so, Suho sighs and finally gives in.
“I’m tired.”
Sieun’s lips pull into a small frown. “Suho-yah.”
“I’m really tired, Sieun-ah,” Suho whispers. Tears prick at his eyes, but he’s quick to blink them away. He’s already bared too much. “I’m sorry. I wish we could do more together, but today–”
“It’s okay.”
And that’s all Sieun says. He doesn’t tell him that he shouldn’t have lied earlier. He doesn’t scold him for pushing him away. Instead, he just tells him that it’s okay. It’s okay to let go with him.
“Are you in pain?”
Suho’s cheeks warm as he answers, “A little. Just sore. But really, Sieun. It’s okay. I’m–”
But he doesn’t get to say more as Sieun’s already leading him to the bedroom. Suho follows after him like a lost puppy, watching as Sieun seems to be in his element.
He turns around and gestures to the bed.
“What?” Suho dumbly stammers.
“You need to rest,” Sieun replies. Suho’s jaw almost drops and perhaps, he might just kiss Sieun right there. He looks so beautiful, dressed in his usual grey hoodie, eyebrows furrowed as his mind seems to be thinking of how else to take care of Suho.
“Okay, my sweet doctor,” Suho jokes as he climbs onto the bed, though his heart’s pounding. Then, Sieun sits at the edge.
“Where are you sore?”
Suho swallows thickly. “My…” He shakes his head, his face feeling incredibly hot now. So silently, he points at his thighs, which burned during the walking exercises earlier today. “...here.”
Sieun seems to be deep in thought, staring at his thighs and oh, Suho might just lose his mind. This is too much for him. He looks up and that’s when he meets Sieun’s eyes. His breath hitches.
“Can I…?”
Suho lets out a sound of confusion. Then, he watches as Sieun’s hand lifts up hesitantly, a little shaky before hovering just over Suho’s thigh. Suho’s sure his whole face is red now. He doesn’t even know what Sieun intends to do but he’s already nodding, almost eagerly.
And then Sieun’s hand lands on his thigh. The touch is warm even through the fabric of his sweatpants, and comforting, but it also leaves shivers that travel up Suho’s spine. Then, the hand squeezes. It’s not hard enough to hurt, but to release the tightness in his muscles. And that’s when it hits him.
“Are you giving me a massage?” Suho blurts out.
Sieun freezes and looks up at him with wide eyes. And then he nods softly. “I heard that it helps. Especially after physical therapy. I searched it up.”
Suho can’t help the smile that blooms on his own face. The fact that Sieun had researched for him fills his chest with this inexplicable fondness.
Sieun turns back to his thigh and continues. His hand continues to squeeze before he begins to move it up and down, pushing his thumb into the tighter spots. Suho can’t help the soft groan that escapes him. Sieun pauses at the sound briefly before continuing. Suho won’t mention how he’s noticed the reddening of the other’s ears.
Slowly, Suho feels himself melt. Sure, the massage is intimate, and definitely could result in other… natural bodily responses in certain regions, but right now, Suho doesn’t have the energy for that. Rather, he relishes in Sieun’s careful but firm touch and his pretty, focused face that he so badly just wants to press kisses all over.
Sieun looks up at him and Suho feels his throat go dry. His eyes are big, his lips pulled into an unsure pout. “Does it feel better?”
Suho smiles and he nods. “It does, Sieun-ah.” Sieun still looks a little unsure, so Suho flexes his other thigh. And sure enough, that one feels a lot tighter and more sore than the one that Sieun’s just massaged. “See? It’s working.” He grins.
Sieun nods. “I’ll do your other one then.”
Suho doesn’t quite fully register what happened, but now, Sieun’s climbing onto the bed. He gently pushes Suho’s legs apart so that he can sit on his knees between them. This way, he can better reach his other thigh. Suho’s lips part as he looks up at Sieun, who’s started to massage his other thigh, continuing the same method of pushing down on the tight muscles.
But Suho’s mind is completely short-circuiting. The sight before him is truly breathtaking and there’s no other way to put it. There’s something about the way Sieun sits between his legs; his face is still focused as he cares for Suho in a way that he would have never imagined. His hands are so warm and so soothing that Suho almost feels himself forgetting the struggles of the earlier hours of the day. His gaze never leaves Sieun, even if Sieun isn’t looking back at him, too focused on running his hands up and down Suho’s thighs. He admires the way Sieun’s hair falls over his eyes, the curve of his pretty lips, and the blush on his ears and cheeks, signalling that this position also has some sort of an effect on him.
Sieun pushes down particularly hard on a knot and Suho lets out an involuntary, loud moan. They both freeze and Suho shuts his eyes, completely mortified. “I’m sorry,” he grumbles.
But Sieun doesn’t say anything back as he continues, switching to the other thigh. But Suho, still embarrassed, brings his hands up to his face to cover it.
Sieun falters in his movements, seeming to notice what he’s doing. But again, he doesn’t say a word as he finishes up his massage.
With his heart calmed down just a bit, Suho finally has the courage to peek between his fingers. His eyes find Sieun’s face and that–that’s what does it. Because now, he’s noticed that Sieun’s smiling. There’s an amused sparkle in his eyes and a small huff of breath leaves him, almost like he finds it endearing that Suho’s become shy just from a simple massage.
“Sieun-ah,” he says, offended. “Are you laughing at me?” His hands fall as he stares up at Sieun in disbelief.
Sieun takes his hands off Suho’s thighs as he sits back. He tilts his head and although his smile has fallen again, his eyes still glint.
“No.”
Suho rolls his eyes. “You were. I saw it.”
“Really? Because I thought you were hiding your face just earlier.”
“You–” Suho groans. “Shut up.”
Sieun’s smile returns. Then he gets off the bed and sits back on its edge. Suho looks at him with admiration.
“Thank you,” he whispers. “You didn’t have to.”
Sieun shook his head. “I wanted to.”
“Pervert.”
Sieun rolls his eyes before nodding at him again. “Anywhere else?”
Suho gives him a faint, guilty smile. “My arms.”
And Sieun doesn’t show any signs of complaining. Instead, he nods and sits closer so that he can reach for one of Suho’s arms. Suho gulps and goes quiet because now Sieun’s so near, he can see his long eyelashes, his lips that are slightly chapped, and that pretty blush in clearer detail.
Sieun reaches forward.
And Suho’s heart just stops. He looks down and sees that Sieun has to use not one hand, but two hands to wrap around his bicep. A funny feeling pools in his gut at the realization. And then Sieun starts massaging, still with that endearing focused expression. He squeezes his muscles there, and to be completely honest, his arms weren’t as sore as his legs but Suho won’t say anything about it. Not when he can relish in the situation currently unfolding.
Sieun’s hands travel down to his forearm, squeezing slightly there too before sliding down to his hand. There, his touch turns gentle, almost hesitant, and Suho can practically hear the beating of his heart in his own ears. He didn’t even mention his hands, but Sieun took it upon himself to bring attention to them anyway.
Sieun hums softly before he begins pushing a thumb into his palm, rubbing circles into it. Then, with his thumb and his index finger, he lightly massages each of his fingers, starting from the base to the very tip. He treats Suho like he’s precious, like a treasure that could easily break, and it makes Suho’s throat close up just slightly. It’s weird to be treated like this, and sure, Suho doesn’t like to be seen as weak or needy, but when Sieun cares for him like this… It’s a different story.
Sieun finishes off at his pinky finger and he looks up, still holding onto Suho’s hand.
“Good?”
Suho nods, almost speechless. Well, only for a few seconds before he dumbly blurts out, “Don’t just stop there. Kiss it better.”
Sieun lets out a choked sound and his cheeks turn a light pink. “What?”
Suho grins as he continues to joke around. “You’ve already got easy access, holding on to my hand like that. So why not?”
Sieun’s jaw is still dropped but he clears his throat, bringing back his composure in only a few seconds. He doesn’t say anything after that as he hesitantly brings Suho’s hand up to his lips. And instead of romancing him like they do in those movies where he’d press a chaste kiss to the back of his hand, Sieun decides to gently hold him and press his lips to the very tip of his ring finger.
Suho’s breath hitches.
“Sieun–”
But Sieun pays it no mind as he continues on to the other fingers, pressing soft, warm kisses to each of them. Suho’s chest tightens again and it’s almost embarrassing how he bites his lip, how his eyes water because Sieun’s treating him so sweetly, so gently. He knows that Suho’s tired, that he’s struggled today, that he must look weak but that doesn’t seem to matter to him because he’s kissing Suho’s fingers like he adores him–like he’ll always adore him.
And then Sieun’s gaze finds Suho’s and he gives him a slight tilt of his head, lips still pressed to his finger. It’s a silent gesture, one that says, I’m here. Always. Suho swallows the lump in his throat. Sieun looks over to his other arm and hand, untouched and there’s a cute look of determination on his face as he makes a move to get up and head for the other side of the bed.
But Suho stops him, grabbing hold of his wrist.
“Wait.”
Sieun turns back to look at him questioningly.
“Just–” Suho gestures to his lap. “Sit here.”
Sieun’s eyes flutter, as if trying to process what Suho’s just requested. Quietly, he mumbles, “But you’re sore.”
“I’m not anymore,” Suho rushes to say. “So please.” He says please, but he doesn’t say the reason why. He can’t. Not when the truth is that Sieun being as close to him as possible, his body pressed against his, is the sole thing he believes can bring him the comfort he needs, the calmness to his heart.
Sieun exhales deeply before climbing onto the bed and onto his lap, straddling his thighs. He lowers himself down slowly, just in case he hurts Suho, but Suho smiles, cheeks flushing. Now he’s happy, now he’s okay with Sieun as close to him as possible.
And with better access, Sieun reaches for Suho’s other arm and resumes his massage. He takes his time, both hands running up and down his bicep, pressing down slightly before moving to his forearm, all the way to his hand. He massages his palm and his fingers, all while Suho watches Sieun’s face with wonder, lips parted.
He’s beautiful.
He’s so beautiful that Suho might just lean forward a bit so that they could–
Sieun’s head snaps to look at him, almost with warning.
“I’m busy,” he scolds.
Suho grins. “I wasn’t doing anything.”
Sieun’s ears are red now, visibly so. “Just–” He furrows his eyebrows. “You were thinking of doing something.”
Suho tilts his head teasingly. “Mhm? And do you want to know what it is? So we can recreate the scene–”
Sieun narrows his eyes and turns back to his hand. And still seeming to be annoyed, he presses firm, hurried kisses to Suho’s fingers this time. He even shifts in his lap, getting antsy. He wears an agitated face, but Suho sees past all of it, knowing the truth.
Sieun’s shy.
And a little more teasing won’t hurt.
So, Suho stops him. “Ah-ah,” he breathes. “Rushing through it isn’t helping. Slowly this time, Sieun-ah.”
Sieun pauses and he glares at him. And instead of kissing his fingers again, he turns Suho’s hand over and presses the lightest kiss to his palm. He presses another. And he does this all while gazing straight into Suho’s eyes, never breaking contact once. Suho feels his mouth go dry. To make it even worse, Sieun brings Suho’s hand up to his own cheek. He turns to kiss his palm once more before nuzzling against it like a cat.
“Better?” Sieun asks softly, giving Suho an innocent look as if he isn’t sitting in his lap, nuzzling his cheek against Suho’s hand, and causing the poor boy a heart attack right now.
“Wow,” Suho breathes out shakily. “Wow. You’re awfully romantic today, huh, Sieun-ah? Do you like me or something?”
Sieun doesn’t reply immediately. But he does huff out a soft breath, a light laugh. The corners of his lip turn up as well and Suho gapes at him, baffled.
“What do you think?” Sieun mumbles.
“I– uh–” Suho stammers.
“Nevermind that,” Sieun sighs. “I’m not done taking care of you.”
Okay, but this topic seems really important, Suho sulks. But he allows himself to relax, exhaustion creeping up every inch of his body with the comforting weight of Sieun sitting in his lap.
“What else is there to do? I’m feeling much better Sieun-ah,” Suho whispers. And it’s partially a lie. Sure, his muscles feel less tense and his heart feels lighter than it was, but there’s still something pulling it down. The frustration, the weakness that he’s felt constantly today is hard to let go. He lets his hand fall back down and he shuts his eyes in hopes that Sieun doesn’t notice that he isn’t telling the truth. He’s already worried him enough, even made him go out of his way to take care of him.
Sieun hums.
“Is there anything else that hurts?”
Suho shakes his head and keeps his eyes closed. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
He hears Sieun breathe out. “Why can’t I worry?”
Suho’s eyes open at that and he looks up at Sieun, still in his lap, looking at him with the saddest frown. “What?”
“Why won’t you let me take care of you? You keep hiding and trying to look like you’re fine, but I can see past you, Suho-yah.”
Suho bites his lip and he looks away.
Sieun. His dear Sieun. As perceptive as ever.
He loves him.
Then, Sieun brings his hands up to cup Suho’s face, so gentle and with so much care. His thumb caresses his cheek over and over again and Suho can’t seem to breathe. His throat closes up for the nth time today and he already feels the tears that threaten to build up. He feels his heart shatter. Sieun’s eyes soften. He’s patient. He doesn’t even point out the hitch in Suho’s breath, that he so clearly looks like he’s going to break down.
“You’re so strong, Ahn Suho.”
And Suho’s heart is put together again.
“Sieun-ah,” he weakly gasps. The tears are reaching their finish line and it’s a losing game, he knows.
Sieun only hums, gazing at him, listening. One of his hands travel up to lightly comb through Suho’s bangs fondly.
“I’m hungry,” Suho says, a weak attempt.
Sieun widens his eyes in surprise. But a small smile graces his lips and he nods. “Okay. I’ll order ox bone soup for you.”
And just as Suho wanted, he gets up off his lap to find his phone. Suho watches as Sieun scrolls through briefly before dialing the nearby restaurant. His back is turned now as he speaks quietly to the person on the other line, ordering one serving of ox bone soup and a side of rice.
Suho watches his back, the beautiful curve of his shoulders, his relaxed stature. He thought it would work–getting Sieun off his lap so Suho can breathe, so he wouldn’t burst out crying in front of him. But the words still ring in his ears and the memory of the sweet, loving look Sieun gave him tugs at his chest anyway.
You’re so strong, Ahn Suho.
Sieun, whom he’s always vowed to protect, still sees him as strong. He still trusts Suho, even when he isn’t the same, athletic fighter that he was before. And even if it’s clear that Suho struggles with simple daily tasks, even if it’s obvious that Suho stumbles, Sieun doesn’t bat an eye. Instead, he cares for him. He touches him gently, massages him carefully, orders food for him to make him feel that he’s still the same Suho that he adores, no matter the changes he goes through.
Suho feels a wet droplet land on his hand that’s resting in his lap. He looks down and a few more droplets fall. He brings a shaky hand up to his face and wipes at it and that’s when he feels the tears that are rolling down without stopping.
His face contorts as he tries to stop the tears from coming. Sieun’s still talking on the phone. If he turns around and sees–
“Okay, thank you.” A beep.
Suho freezes and he looks up, just in time to see Sieun setting the phone down and turning around. And as soon as his eyes land on Suho’s face, tears trailing down, eyes continuously welling up and lips reddened, Sieun breathes out, “Suho-yah.”
A sob rips out of Suho’s throat. At the sound, Sieun rushes over to him, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He peers at him with a worried look, gaze following the tears that drip down, landing onto Suho’s lap.
“I’m sorry,” Suho gasps. “I tried not to.” He lets out another soft sob, wiping at his eyes harshly. Sieun reaches over, grasping his wrist to stop him.
“Tried not to what?” Sieun speaks softly. “Cry? It’s okay to cry.”
Suho’s lips tremble as he looks at Sieun helplessly. He reaches forward, grabbing onto Sieun. He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for but when Sieun gets up and heads for his lap again, Suho feels himself calm, even when he’s still crying. Sieun settles back down, in the same position that he was before as he cups Suho’s face again, helping to wipe his tears, eyes soft and attentive.
Suho lets out a pathetic whimper, looking up to Sieun with eyes that still have tears falling from them. Sieun hums and his hands never stop moving, combing through his hair, wiping under his eyes, thumb brushing against his lips, salty with tears.
“Why are you crying?” Sieun finally asks, his voice nothing but a whisper.
Suho shakes his head, a weak sound escaping him instead of a proper answer. He tries to look away, to avoid Sieun’s watchful gaze, but Sieun holds his face firmly, still holding him together with so much love.
“You just–” He interrupts himself with another soft sob. “You’re just so kind to me. You make me feel strong again, Sieun-ah,” he whispers, voice breathy, full of yearning.
Sieun exhales shakily in relief. “I thought you were in pain again. Or you’re still tired.”
“I am,” Suho heaves out. “But it all feels okay when you’re taking care of me.” He sniffles, looking up to Sieun with a soft whimper. It’s probably embarrassing, awfully pathetic, but Sieun doesn’t seem to mind, his eyes sparkling with what can only be fondness and affection. “I’m sorry for pushing you away at first. And for trying to act like I’m fine. It’s harder than I thought.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Just let me take care of you next time too.”
Suho nods weakly. Sieun’s hands fall from his face, but Suho’s quick to grab onto them, bringing them right back, seeking the comfort in his touch. Sieun gives him a surprised look but he softens, wiping away the tears that still flow, slower this time.
“So you like it?” Sieun asks, slightly unsure, his cheeks flushed. “When I take care of you?”
Suho’s heart bursts. Yes, always. He thinks. Do you see the way I’m opening my heart to you, showing you my tears because of the way you care for me? Make me feel safe? And he might start crying all over again. Sieun seems to panic slightly.
Suho notices so he rushes to force out a, “yes” even if his voice cracks. “I like it so much, Sieun-ah.”
“So much that you’re crying,” Sieun mutters, looking over Suho’s features with warmth.
Suho lets out an embarrassed noise. “Yeah, that,” he mumbles, cheeks flushing.
The atmosphere has significantly lightened now. Starting to feel clingy and unashamed, Suho leans forward, hiding his face in the crook of Sieun’s neck, shutting his eyes and inhaling his sweet scent deeply. Sieun’s hand cups the back of his head, holding him close.
“What, do you like me or something?” Sieun asks this time.
Suho freezes and his eyes shoot open. He isn’t sure if he’s joking or teasing, considering that he can hear, feel the way Sieun’s heart speeds up.
But then, Sieun doesn’t let him answer. Because he does so first. “Because I like you, Suho-yah.”
Suho’s own heart pounds and he pulls away. He looks up at Sieun with wide eyes, lips parted as he searches his face to make sure that this is all real. And it is, because Sieun’s looking at him with a small, hopeful smile.
“I like you too,” Suho breathes. “No, I love you.”
Sieun gasps slightly at that, as if his breath was taken away. And if it wasn’t already, Suho makes it his duty to do so because he’s tilting his chin, leaning up, and pulling Sieun in to kiss him. Their lips press together softly before Sieun deepens it. His lips part and he leans into Suho, still cupping his face. Suho’s hands find Sieun’s waist, gripping it tightly, as if to try to ground himself.
A few extra tears escape Suho’s eyes as he feels fireworks explode in his stomach. He’s kissing Sieun and Sieun’s kissing him back. The soreness in his body still lingers, the exhaustion’s still there, but with Sieun in his lap, kissing him softly with quiet, sweet hums escaping him, everything feels a lot more bearable now.
Sieun breaks the kiss, opting to press his lips to Suho’s cheek this time.
“You’re so strong,” he repeats against his skin. Suho shivers, leaning into his touch, another whimper escaping him as he holds onto Sieun’s body desperately. Tears well up again and Sieun notices, gently wiping them away.
“I’m sorry,” Suho rushes to say. It’s not like him to be this emotional.
Sieun shakes his head. He leans away to look at Suho, eyes warm and loving as if to silently tell him, you can cry. I’ve got you. Then, he leans back in, pressing a kiss to his forehead this time. “You’re working so hard,” he says this time.
Suho bites his lip, his whole face probably red by now. He knows that Sieun rarely voices his affection. But he’s trying, and he’s doing so well for Suho. And god, does it make him feel like a flustered mess.
Sieun leans down to softly kiss his jaw. He thinks for a moment before finally saying, “I love you too.”
“Sieun-ah,” he whispers weakly.
Sieun tilts his head. “Yeah?”
“I…”
But Sieun connects their lips again, interrupting him with a deep kiss. Suho’s grasp on Sieun’s waist tightens, eyes fluttering shut. And when they break apart, Sieun whispers one more thing against his lips, “you’re my whole life, Suho-yah.”
Suho’s heart clenches. “I’m seriously going to cry again. Stop,” he groans.
Sieun sighs and he fully pulls away. He gazes into Suho’s eyes so beautifully, so fondly, that Suho feels that he might melt right then and there. “Okay, fine,” he whispers with a sulky look.
Suho laughs and he lunges forward, pulling Sieun into a hug this time, clinging onto him with a happy heart. He doesn’t intend to let go.
“Your food’s probably here soon,” Sieun mumbles, patting his back.
Actually, Suho might just let go now. He’s starving after all.
But when he presses his ear closer to Sieun’s chest, feeling the pounding of his heart, Suho decides not to. At least not yet.
“Stay here a little longer, baby.”
Sieun’s heart pounds even louder.
And Suho smiles.
He smiles because he realizes that he doesn’t need to be as light as a feather, as tough as steel, or as strong as a bear. All he needs is for Sieun to be here, reminding him that he’ll be okay. No matter what happens.
