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You were a royal, you had many subjects. Some of them were guards, cooks, musicians, the like. You of course didn’t control anything, you were the youngest of the family, ineligible to take the throne but no less royalty. Currently, you were sitting down against the railing and staring out. You turn as the curtains flow, you smile softly.
“Sister.”
“What are you doing out here so late?”
“Waiting.”
“Ugh, for that creep?”
“Who else?”
You sister sighs.
“He isn’t good for you.”
“That’s the appeal.”
She sighs.
“Don’t stay out too late, you know how father gets.”
“I know, I’ll be in soon.”
“Sure you will.”
You watch her leave with a sigh and then look away. You stare out at the sky, its littered with stars. It makes you feel insignificant. It makes you feel as though you’re nothing. You briefly wonder if you’ll ever make an impact, you briefly ponder about death. It-
“You always know how to make me come to you don’t you?”
You blink and then turn, somehow, some way, he’s on your balcony. You flinch and grip the railing, you almost fall back but he grabs you. Not out of kindness but not because he wants something from you. He stares at you, he’s something out of a book. He doesn’t look natural, his body is muscled but his head is just a circle, his head is practically blank. He looks completely different from anything you know but you smile anyways, he’s beautiful.
“It’s nice to see you again, what did you call yourself, existential dread?”
“Of course I did, can’t believe you’d forget. Really, you’d think someone like yourself is smarter.”
You huff and tilt your head.
“If you don’t mind, what is existential dread?”
“Ugh, you can’t put anything together? Okay okay, existential dread, or me, is when you feel despair or anxiety when you think about things like the heat death of the universe or things like what happens after death.”
You nod and tilt your head.
“And you go by that?”
“No I don’t, I guess we know each other well enough. My friends call me Doug.”
You laugh.
“Such a strange name…you’re strange as well. I’ve never seen anyone like you.”
“Or anything, think about it, what if there’s more than just me? What happens if you get attacked by something like me?”
You blink and think about it for a moment before he tilts your face. You snap out of those thoughts and stare at him as he leans forward.
“Everything you know can be fake, everything you love will eventually wither away and die. Do you ever think about that?”
“…from time to time…is that what you are?”
“Oh?”
“A reminder of things that are out of our control?”
Doug stares and then snorts.
“Wow, you actually have a brain in there. Some thoughts even, how impressive for such an idiot.”
You both stare and then he pulls away. You pull away from the railing and stand, watching as he goes into the open room. The curtains move in front of him as he waves.
“Well, I have to get going. Gonna make kids realize that their parents will die and entropy before they do. Even worse, when a parent outlives their children, yeesh. Good shit good shit.”
You blink and suddenly he’s gone. So many words you don’t understand, so many words you can’t understand but he was beautiful…he was perfect.
_________
You blink and tilt your head, there, on your couch was a man who seemed to be sculpted by the gods and yet…his face was so simple. He just sat there and stared back as you held a cig in between your fingers. You tilt your head and then slowly you walk over. Gently you sit down and stare at him for a moment before handing him another cig.
“Thanks.”
He places it between his lips and before you can grab a lighter he grabs your chin and presses his cig against yours. You blush as he lets go and leans back.
“…you’re…you only come by when I’m thinking about…unsavory thoughts.”
“I sure do.”
“Why?”
“Are you always this dense?”
You scowl at him as you turn away and let out a puff of smoke. You tilt your head as he scoffs.
“I’m your favorite thing in the world, existential dread. All those thoughts of death and those theories are exactly what I am.”
You hum and stare at him for a moment before looking away once more. You both sit in silence and then you turn.
“…you’re acting like…you’re acting like you know me.”
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. Maybe I’ve been watching you, maybe I knew you from a previous life.”
You just stare and then you lean back, you stare at the ceiling before sighing.
“You’re far too relaxed.”
“And you’re far too tense.”
Silence once more as you ponder, as you think. What an odd encounter.
_________
You laugh as Doug gently presses a kiss to your neck.
“Why are you so affectionate today?”
“Fucking christ, am I not allowed to be nice? Use your head or else you won’t get this again.”
He looks up at you as you laugh, your laugh is like the beautiful chime he used to know. Your laugh is so…mesmerizing…he huffs as you push at him. He merely leans forward and presses more kisses on your neck and then your collarbone. You eventually press a gentle kiss onto his cheek.
“Maybe I should think about you more often.”
“Try not to, I don’t do clingy relationships.”
You let him hold you as he clings on you, as he presses almost reverent kisses on your skin despite insulting you at every given point.
“You really don’t have many thoughts up there do you dork?”
“Wha-”
“You should ponder about something your head can actually manage like how cats built the pyramids.”
You blink and tilt your head, he can hear you thinking about it. Can feel you thinking about it and then you stop as he stabs your side, you hit him and then scrunch your face up as he starts pressing more kisses on you. You sigh and then giggle.
“So affectionate Doug~”
He ignores you. He doesn’t get to do this often…sometimes he doesn’t get to interact with you, sometimes your lives are just…to short. The longer ones, the ones where you let yourself just be is when he gets to see you more often. The last one he spent with you you had lived to be 76, the longest time was 103. He sat with you that morning as you gently held his hand. You had long since stopped thinking about what happens when you die, you were ready. You always seemed to be once it was almost your time.
That time was his…most detrimental. You had turned to him, stared at him and smiled. Your smile was so beautiful…and you opened your mouth. Your voice was quiet, raspy but just as beautiful and gently you said:
“Will you always come back to me?”
He had scoffed.
“Everybody eventually thinks about me, I’ll be forced to.”
You laughed, your voice just as beautiful as all those thousands of years ago.
“Good.”
Silence falls between you two and he sits there long after you’ve passed away once more. Long-
“Doug?”
He stares at you and huffs.
“I’m not sorry, some teens are taking shrooms right now and thinking about life. I love teens who do that, they’re the best ones.”
You snort.
“You can go if you want, that sounds fun.”
“Naw, I have a puzzle I want to see if you can do. I doubt it because you know.”
“I know?”
“Really? Are you seriously that fucking dumb?”
You blink and then groan.
“I didn’t-!”
“I can’t believe you’re so fucking dumb.”
You try and defend yourself but he picks you up and sets you in his lap before giving you the puzzle and a pencil. You start on the sudoku (god damn it) and he holds you…he’d cherish this life like he had the others.