touch my bones

by neptoruru

Summary:

" Yosuke was nothing more than a disaster. Clingy, Loud, and too much to handle, who wouldn't get annoyed of him after a while. "

or

Yosuke hanamura gets left behind by the investigation team in the TV dimension.

Notes:

yosuke hanamura where do i begin ..........

Chapter 1: Humilation

Notes:

yosuke hanamura fic except im actually yosuke hanamura and he is me

Left behind.

Cold, numb, humilated.

His only friends turned their backs to him, why? he didn't even know himself.

Faint voices could be heard from the back of Yosukes head, replaying the endless sorrow he felt.

— " We're sick of you. "

Maybe it was because of his crude jokes, maybe it was because he couldn't understand them the way they understood eachother, but even so. Maybe they just got sick of how clingy he was.. huh. That sounds about right,
Yosuke was nothing more than a disaster. Clingy, Loud, and too much to handle, who wouldn't get annoyed of him after a while.

— " You're too loud. "

They still left him in the TV dimension. Alone and vulnerable.

— " Annoying, boring and awfully clingy, we should have left you ages ago. "

Only a faint memory of his partner, his best friend, looking at him disgusted, as if he were the dirt under his shoe.

Its too cold for him to focus, his eyesights gone blurry but in the mist of it all, he can make out a shadow.

Cold, numb, humilated.

A shadow reached down for his heart, as if he were going to rip it out.

Yet Yosuke didn't care, his world ended the second he realised that him and his only friends have grown distant.

— " You've already accepted it? how pathetic "
Mocking the brunett boy, taunting him.

Maybe he really was pathetic.
Maybe thats why they all left him.

— " All your friends left you, and you've just accepted it? they're right, you are just a waste of space. "
His shadow sneered at him, as if he were replicating his past.

The shadow was right. How could he ever blame them for leaving someone like himself, hes crude, loud, energetic and clingy. A mix of a disaster.

He should've known they would eventually get sick of him.

— " Its- its not their fault.. "
It hurt to speak— like his throat was full on teeth that gnawed onto him, biting away at any form of communication.

— " You're the one who let them in. "
Watching as the shadows body twitched and contort into a shape that resembled his own.

Everything felt numb, his music felt too loud, the shadow was loud, everything was too loud and there was no escape to this endless dread within him.

But even so, the shadow was right. He was the one who let them in, he vowed to himself that he wouldn't let anyone in, then they wouldnt be able to harm him.

— " I wanna go home. "
Words slid beneath his breath, as if he didnt really want to say it, as if there was something pulling him away.

He wanted to go home so badly, he wants to prove to his parents that hes worth paying attention too. He wants to go back in time where him and Yu werent friends, just classmates.

Maybe none of this would have happend if he just shut up for once.

He watched as the shadows expression shifted, joyful to shocked.

— " HOME ?! "
The voice broke out into a laugh, mocking him of all his vulnerable emotions.

— " Someone like you doesn't deserve a 'home' . "
Sneering with delite.

Maybe the shadow was right, someone like himself should never be allowed to walk the Earth as normal-ordinary people. He shouldnt have been alive.

Something so beautifully, undeniably human. He should have never been born.

— " They've already left, they wont come back anyways.. "
The shadow looked at him full of curiosity.

He's right. Nobody would come save him. Nobody in the world could repair his soul.

—" I don't care anymore..— just kill me already. "
Closing his eyes to lessen the pain or maybe to just run away from everything.

— " nah. "

.
.
.

what?

— " Wha'dya mean 'nah' "
He shouted, teeth grinding against eachother.

Yet there was no response. Only the feeling of being carried followed.

— " Where are ya' taking me? "
A pause between the two.

— " Dunno' "
Shrugging his shoulders slightly.

Though it didnt matter, Yosuke knew that he'd die soon, he'd die alone and cold like he'd alway thought he would die.

Hours passed till they reached a building, tall and mighty against the fog.

A music shop of some sorts?
It was bright, and loud, just like himself.

Yet before the boy could even take anything in— he blacked out.

.
.
.

— " HYELLO BELLOW !! ITS YOSUKE HANAMURA HERE !!! "
Screaming into the mic, his real self cuddled in a corner, phasing through reality and a deep sleep.

— " N TODAY IN THIS EPISODE WE'LL BE BLASTING DIFFERENT SONGS !!!!! "
making sure to emphasise "blasting", yosuke could only wait and pray for his life to end soon, just like saki-senpai's.

The shadow had a knack for shouting.. was Yosuke always this loud?

huh.

.
.
.

The TV world felt ..

.. colder than usual, Yu thought.

Inaba hasn't felt the same since they left Yosuke in the TV dimension.

— " is anyone freakishly colder than usual "
A small voice broke out, belonging to Chie.

— " I agree... it seems quieter aswell... "
Yukiko proclaimed, both girls nodding in agreement.

— " Im getting a signal of some sorts... something.. "
The navigator proclaimed. BUT what is that something.

— " Let's get this over and done with... "
The leader stated, trailing behind the team.

Whipers sparked within the team as they approaced the building. It wasn't like anything they've seen before. The lights were flickering, some of the signs and posters were faded and tattered.

— " Geez its tall.. "

— " What is it..? "

— " Stinks too.. "

All thoughts and chatter stopped the second music started blaring from the building.

— " Yesterday, I met the postman
Bringing packages from England
I smiled as to not provoke him
Then asked, "What's up with the gun, man?".. "

Something familiar .. Yu has heard it before.. Yosuke made him listen to it.. but what was it..?

— " Now, I try to keep my head above my shoes. Especially in front of new wave hairdos" A dying man said to me, with his dead lips Selling crack in Eubonics, oh "

He can't quite recall it properly.

— " Wake up world, it's time to go
'Cause this life can bring you down, so down. Wake up world, it's time to go. And turn around the opposite way "

Upon entering the building, it was stacked with cd's all following artists Yosuke treasured, and the ones he showed Yu.

— " This is certainly strange... "
Naoto chirpped, looking around.

— " Are you man enough, are you man enough. Are you man enough to take the blame for this ? "

— " The music.. That song. Its on Yosuke's playlist. "
Yu stood silently, staring at the surroundings as if it was a threat.

Shadows crept in every corner, slain by the investigation team.

— " Are you man enough, are you man enough. Are you man enough to take the blame for this ? "

The music kept increasing in volume, then suddenly decreasing and once again blaring till it made their heads hurt.

— " Are we sure we want to save him at this point.. my head hurts alot "
Complained Chie whilst slightly rubbing on her temples.

— " I agree maybe we should- "

— " No. Let's keep going. "
Yu interupped the detective.

Something about this was different and Yu needed the answer to it.

— " Are you man enough, are you man enough. Are you man enough to take the blame for this ? "

— " We're getting close I- I can sence it.. "
Yu nodded as Rise looked around, panicked almost, yet they must continue.

— " Yosuke- ! "
Yu reached out, though it was never Yosuke, just his shadow.

The shadow looked shocked, eventually sneered at the team and ran away.

— " Maybe none of this would have happend if he just shut up for once.... "

Yosuke's words replayed. His last and final thoughts replaying like a cd.

— " Are you man enough, are you man enough. Are you man enough to take the blame for this ? "

Every step they take is cautious, almost like walking on egg shells. It hurts to breath, every painful step, yet its still a step closer to Yosuke.

Yu could never bring himself to admit it. Something about Yosuke changed the way he thinks.

— " We're almost there .. "

— " Nobody would come save him. Nobody in the world could repair his soul. "

Every painstaking quote, a replay of Yosuke's thoughts stabbed each member. This was the person they left here, the one they all thought they could forget about.

Yet the thought of him bounced back.

— " Are you man enough, are you man enough. Are you man enough to take the blame for this ? Are you man enough to take the blame for this ? "

.
.
.

The last floor, the floor with Yosuke. Standing tall and wide, a door, labled with bold and sharp letters
" EMPLOYEES ONLY. DO NOT ENTER. "

Despite all the warnings, taking a deep breath. Yu opened it.

Notes:

song for this chapter :

"placing the blame"

by self

Chapter 2: Emptiness

Notes:

posting this at school hihihii enjoy this chapter !!!!

— " OH HO HO !!!! WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE ??? "
Blaring through the mic, music still prompt.

Hands covering their ears. Blocking out all the noise produced by their surroundings.

— " leave.. "
A small voice broke out, a voice so small that they bearly heard it, a small voice belonging to Yosuke, Yu's once beloved partner..

— " Huh..? Whatd'ya mean lea– "
Before Kanji could ask, he was interrupted.

— " Just.. leave already.. "
His voice weak, eyes red from crying, cheeks soild with tears.

Cuddled up in a corner with his headphones on, looking away from them.

— " Yosuke, were here to save you ! "
Chie exclaimed, hands still covering her ears, voice almost unheard.

— " Stop.. just stop.. don't bother saving someone like me.. "
His voice hoarse, almost like a sob.

Despite all the time Yu and Yosuke have spent together in the past, Yu has never seen yosuke in a state like this..

Yosuke had always presented himself as a carefree person, often neglecting his own studies. But most definately the most free person in the team, and in Yu's opinion quite strong-minded.

— " Partner..? "

— " Shut up.. "

Oh.

Yosuke is still Yosuke however. The truth is that Yu has been blind to Yosuke's mental health.

— " Shut up.. and leave me alone. "
Voice slurred, tears already running down his face again.

— " HO HO HO !! HE'S RIGHT !! YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM AGAIN !!! "

leave him again..

The words rung in Yu's head over and over again, till it was the only thing he could hear.

Turning to Yosuke once more, maybe a sign of his old self is there.

But.. but he could never seek his old self again, backed in a corner, he passes out.

— " someone like you doesnt deserve Yosuke. "

The shadow was right, he neglected his and Yosuke's friendship and betrayed his one and only partner.

— " But...but..- "
Yu's body tensed, he wanted to say something, anything to get his beloved partner back. Yet, the words get stuck in his throat.

— " You're right. We misjudged him, left him behind. "
the room felt silent, tense even.

This only angered the shadow, fueled it.

— " PERSONA ! "

Long and grueling.. the fight. Everything put the team under stress. it was a pain.

The fight felt like a stab wound. Every slash and hit deepend Yu's thoughts on yosuke. Someone who he could hold dearly before taken because of his own actions.

He wanted so badly to cup Yosukes face once more, to hold him one last time, to even get the time to understand Yosuke.

But he will never get this time again because he was the one who broke him.

Tore him from himself, leaving him like some scum.

Yet here it is. The final blow, one last hit and it was over, Yosuke would return to him, and he'll be able to talk to him once more.

Is what Yu wants to think.

— " Give me back.. give me back my partner "
His voice slurred, his injuries marked his battles, every hardship he faced since unlocking his persona, much like Yosuke. Somebody who stood by his side since day one.

Someone who he had foolishy betrayed, and thrown away like he was trash.

.
.
.

— " How.. How could this be.. !! "
The shadow screeched upon his defeat.

In the same beat, yosuke slowly gained conscience.

Though upon locking eyes with Yu, it looked he never wanted to wake up in the first place.

He sat in silence as he stared at the shadow, he watched as it disipated into nothing but fog.

It was over.

A part of him wished it never finished.

Staring at the remains, staring at their faces. Yosuke couldnt handle it all.

— " Just go. "
His face twisted into his sorrows, looking away from them.

Trailing far behind them, watching them talk like it was nothing. The scars that adorned their bodies all felt like false achievements.

Staring at the old and tattered building once more, Yosuke is allowed to reflect on himself and the bonds he had formed since Yu's arrival.

He allowed himself to reflect on his own actions. Actions in which he could never forgive himself for.

Their voices mixed into eachother, echoing in Yosuke's head. Building up questions that would never reach his lips.

.
.
.

Outside the Tv dimension, Yosuke's world felt grayer, duller.

Nothing felt real, like it was in his range, but he couldnt fully grasp on it.

The voices of surrounding people made him want to rip off his ears, to claw at his skin. To reannounce his most vulnerable part.

But he wont, because after this day, Yosuke was never "himself" again.

The boy who swore to help people, the one who sought light, gone and caged.

The once care free and happy boy died.

Quietly, and calmly Yosuke's life returned, Working at Junes, floating between reality and his imagination.

His fears of being alone haunt him, because in the end, he became the loneliness person he knew.

Nobody called him to see if he was okay. Nobody called him and they never will because Yosuke Hanamura is just a body to fill up space.

A body that wouldnt be found if he had died because everybody had forgotten about him.

But in the end, Yosuke did get his wish.

Him and Narukami werent friends or partners anymore. Just classmates. Classmates who retained memories of a once strong bond.

A strong bond that lay dead.
Because Yosuke would never allow himself to indulge in a relationship
Never again.

Notes:

all kudos and comments appreciated !!

Chapter 3: A letter to you.

Summary:

A few years after graduation, Yu writes a letter to Yosuke.

Notes:

this chapter isnt really necessary so unless you want to read it then you can !

+ Implied Soyou in this chapter

Years have flown since Yu's departure.

Yet, not a day goes by where he doesnt think about Yosuke.

Yosuke Hanamura..

Without even thinking about it, hes already started to write a letter.

Page after page, all garbage.

No words can define his feelings for him, but for the sake of him he wants to try, over and over again.

Because when it came to him and Yosukes..

No. Not Yosuke, he could never call him that after the incident.

Because when it came to him and Hanamura's relationship, actions trancended their words.

Till he gets a half decent letter.

.
.
.

7.13.14

To my dearest Hanamura,

My dearest friend, somebody who i could allow myself to be, well, myself.

Yet even now in this letter, I struggle to put my thoughts and feelings into words.

You're amazing, you have always outshined the brightest star in the solar system without even trying.

I know now that realistically we would have never stood a chance, I would have never had the chance to be with you.

Yet even so, I still ocassionally find myself praying to the moon for our paths to cross, to intertwine once more.

To be blessed with a smile more beautiful than the flowers that boom in an endless garden, a smile that overwrites the moon's glistening glow.

I find myself attached to it.

You're as beautiful as the morning dew, with a laugh so gorgeous that could bring salvation to my ears.

It's a rhythmic melody I pray to hear once more. Even when you spoke to me when our paths crossed then, my heart couldnt stop fluttering against the confinment of my body, you made me feel glad to be born.

If there was ever a chance to seek love, I would choose to find you in every universe. Every moment I spent with you, the sky seemed to shine brighter.

To be blessed to meet someone like you was the same as listening to a song, unknown to be my favourite to hear again and again forever.

Long hours of memories painted in my mind that even I find hard to forget, drawing, colouring my mind and soul, doodles that ill never have the heart to erase.

I replay these memories in hopes one day you'll forget who I am. Your silly calls have always made me smile and wonder what i did to deserve it.

But even without a word, all my thoughts, my sorrows temperally disapear because i'm with you.

Even if our fates intertwine once during this life time, I am glad that i had the fortune of meeting someone like you. One day, i'd like to hope that i'll stop falling for someone like you, but I cant.

Before you, life only had so much to offer till it became dull and empty, yet now that i've been given the chance to meet you and fall in love with you, I feel like somebody different.

Walking, talking anything really, I am thankful for these memories. Falling in love with you was one of my happiest memories.

In the end, I never truely had the heart to understand you, though i'm glad to say that I knew you, i'm glad to tell people about you. Anything really.

Yet if i had the chance to rewrite our friendship, I would have chosen to erase the part where I fell in love with you.

I hope that if we were to meet again, years after highschool, loving and understanding someone like you wouldn't be the hardest thing anybody has to do, because the truth is

You are worth everything.

I'm sorry I never got to give you everything you deserved. I'm sorry for foolishly leaving you. Im sorry.

You'll probably never recieve this letter. Maybe if i was more confident I would have confessed to you.

Unfortuently, I am a coward.

With love,

Narukami Yu.

Notes:

ahh it feels weird using my actual love letter for my crush for this chapter..

nyways all kudos / comments appreciated <3

Notes:

All kudons/comments appreciated!!!

Thank you for reading !