Chapter Text
@pandalilymicrofics July Challenge Day 31: Thunderous- Continuation of Day 9: Dazzling, CW: Anxiety, stage fright, Allusions to mental illness (WC: 463)
Part 1
The stage fright never really went away. It had been years since Lily started performing her music in front of a crowd.
The venue was different- no longer a dark, cramped bar. The band was different, now made up of talented musicians, and she called her family. Even her music was different. Over time, and with practice, Lily’s sound had evolved until she was sure it had been perfected. With four albums under her belt, she had genuine fans now, several thousand of them.
The one thing that never seemed to change? The nauseating knots in her stomach as the curtains were lifted. The sinking feeling of inevitable failure. She had been lucky. Sure, she had worked hard for the fame- for the luck, but all it would take is one small mistake for everything she built to come crashing down around her. The thought kept her up at night.
The sneaking fear that every time she performed might be her last suffocated Lily, doubt digging itself deep into the singer like thorns.
Even the accomplishment and pride brought by the roaring sound of thunderous applause was fleeting. A few drunk bikers had become sold-out stadiums of screaming fans, but Lily knew it could all disappear in an instant.
The lights were brighter than they had been a few years ago. Glaring, stifling, overwhelming, lights highlighting her every move. It was almost enough to send Lily running for the hills. Wishing her song had never caught the attention of a record label.
It was the music that kept her going, but even that didn’t always seem like a constant. Greater artists than she had lost their voices, fumbled live choreography, written albums so terrible their whole careers were forsaken and forgotten.
Lily loved music, and she loved her fans, but sometimes she wished she had never become famous. Maybe if she hadn’t been ‘discovered,’ she’d be happier playing in dark bars and empty rooms.
The platform was raised, bringing Lily up to the top of the stage at last. Looking out, she caught the familiar pale eyes of her biggest fan, her girlfriend, Pandora, and instantly knew everything would be okay.
The suffocating sensation of expectations had not changed, but neither had this. No matter how famous or underground Lily was, no matter how many fans she had, or where she performed, she would always have Pandora. And nothing could ever feel completely helpless with her muse in attendance.
Performing for Pandora had always been easy; so at times like this, when the overwhelming fear of failure threatened to drown Lily, she focused on the only fan that mattered. When Lily imagined it was just the two of them in the room, nothing else ever seemed important. Because somewhere in the crowd was Pandora.