The One Where Everybody Finds Out

by crimsondora

Summary:

Regulus Black and James potter have been secretly dating for 2 months, with only Barty and Remus knowing, but when Sirius buys a new apartment with a window facing Regulus’ place, Pandora catches them in the act. They must keep it a secret from Sirius while also teasing Regulus and James.

Or

Season 5 Episode 14 of Friends as the Marauders.

Chapter 1: Secrets

Summary:

Pandora does not like the view from Sirius’ apartment.

“Oh my god, i love this apartment!” Sirius says as he passionately skips round his new place. “Isn’t it perfect?”

 

To say the apartment was perfect was an understatement. It had beautiful brown walls with golden lining round the corners and at the windows. The floor was made from oak wood that was so clean you could see yourself in it. Not to mention the apartment was massive and definitely not made to house only one person.

 

“It’s amazing!” Pandora practically gasped. “You better hurry up and fill out an application or i’m gonna beat you to it.”

 

Sirius begins to laugh but when he stares at Pandora and realises she isn’t joking, he quickly runs out the room.

 

“Well then,” Remus begins clasping his hands together. “I’ll be right back i’m going to go use Sirius’ new bathroom.”

 

Pandora smiles and nods at Remus as he walks out the living room, beginning to make her way to the giant window in the centre of the room facing across to street to Regulus’ apartment.

 

“Oh, look, there’s Regulus and James.” Pandora announces to the empty room, she begins waving her arm around trying to catch their attention.
“Hey! Hey you guys!”

 

Regulus and James were just talking, but that was soon over as they starting ripping each others clothes off.

 

Pandora has felt shock before many times but never like this. Never ever in her 23 years of living as she ever seen two of her best friends having sex up against a window. She doesn’t remember when she drops her hand and starts screaming.

 

“AAH! AAH AHH!”

 

Remus runs out the bathroom practically tripping over his trousers. “What!? What is it?”

 

Pandora is staring across the street with wide eyes poking her finger exactly where she is looking.

 

“James and Regulus! JAMES AND REGULUS!”

 

“Oh my God! Oh my god!” Remus shouts, gawking at what she was throwing a fit over.

 

“JAMES AND REGULUS!”

 

“OH MY GOD!”

 

“OH MY EYES! MY EYES!” Pandora, still screaming, covers her eyes and quickly jumps away from the window with Remus following grabbing her shoulders to make her look at him.

 

“Dora, Dora it’s okay! It’s okay!” Remus more or less shouts while shaking Pandora.

 

“No, THEY’RE DOING IT!” Pandora yells.

 

“I know! I know!”

 

“You know?”

 

“Yes, I know and Barty knows but Sirius doesn’t know so you have to stop screaming!” Remus ironically screams back at Pandora, still violently shaking her.

 

Sirius calmly walks back into the room with his hands tucked into his jean pockets when he sees Remus and Pandora clearly freaking out. “Hey, what’s going on?”

 

Remus turns around to face Sirius and begins jumping up and down while screaming, but this time with a smile over his face.

 

“What? What? Moony what-“

 

“Nothing! Oh we are just so excited that you might get this apartment!” Remus hugs Sirius and turns him around so he isn’t facing the window where his little brother is currently being bent over by his best friend.

 

Sirius turns around to talk to Pandora but she quickly starts screaming, again, and jumps on top of Sirius to turn him back around.

 

Remus and Pandora are screaming and jumping around like they are the happiest people on earth. “Come on Sirius, get in here!”

 

Just like that, Sirius joins in and starts jumping and screaming with them, all coming into a group hug and swinging each other around.

****

“You mean, whenever Reg and James were like cleaning his apartment, or going shopping, or all that time Reggie spent on the phone with ‘Sad Severus’ from school?” Pandora asks while she’s curled up on the couch of the coffee shop, holding her mug in both hands on top of her knees.

 

Remus quickly nods sitting down next to her looking as smug as ever “doin’ it, doin’ it, phone doin’ it.”

 

“I cant believe it! I mean i think this is great!” Pandora says with a huge smile across her face.

 

“Hey guys.” Barty says, taking off his leather jacket to reveal his grey nirvana top that has been cut just under his bellybutton and flopping down on the seat next to the couch.

 

“Barty!” Remus beamed. “Dora just found out about Regulus and James!”

 

“You mean how they’re friends and nothing more?” Barty declares with wide eyes pointed at Remus.

 

Remus stares at him with his lips in a fine line as he slowly says, “Barty, she knows.”

 

Barty stares at him in confusion with his eyebrows pressed together.

 

Remus sighs. “We were at Sirius’ new apartment and we saw them doing it through the window.”

 

“Actually, we saw them doing it up against the window!” Pandora says with a smile, acting like her little fit earlier this morning never happened. “Okay so now they know you know but they don’t know that Remus knows?”

 

Barty looks up searching for the answer as he slowly states, “Yes..? But it doesn’t matter who knows what, now enough of us know that we could just tell them we know!”

 

“Or..” Pandora starts, “We could not tell them and have a little fun of our own!”

 

“What do you mean?” Remus asks, sitting up straighter.

 

“Well every time they say they need to do washing, we just give them a bunch of clothes to wash!” Pandora giggles biting her bottom lip.

 

“Oh yes, i would enjoy that!” Remus says with a smirk.

 

“Yeah, but you know what would be even more fun?” Barty says with a big smile before dropping his face completely “Telling them.”

 

“Yeah, no i want to do Pandora’s thing.”

 

“Listen Bats, you don’t need to do anything, just don’t tell them that we know.” Pandora added with a small smile, reaching over to place a hand on Barty’s knee.

 

“Baby, i cant take keeping anymore secrets!” Barty whined, throwing his hands in the air. “I got your secrets, i got their secrets. I have secrets of my own you know!”

 

“You don’t have any secrets.” Pandora states narrowing her eyes.

 

“Oh yeah? you don’t know that i’ve kissed Sirius!” Barty replied rather proudly before glancing over at Remus, completely forgetting he was there.

 

“You did what?” Remus hissed, staring daggers at Barty.

 

“That’s not a secret, i saw it happen in my dream.” Pandora stated, rolling her eyes and laying down on the couch to kick her feet over Remus’ lap.

 

“You- but i- when was- huh!?” Barty stuttered with that look of confusion back on his face.

 

“Listen both of you, we have more important matters to attend.” Pandora moves her arm from behind her head to point at Remus, “You can use your roll as a marauder, while i can use the strongest tool at my disposal - my sexuality.”

 

Barty starts waving his hands around in the air, “HUH?”

 

The sound of the coffee shop door opening catches their attention as James walks in looking ecstatic. “Hello children!”

 

“Hey!” They all reply, staring at James as he walks up to the counter.

 

“Okay, watch and learn my pretties.” Pandora spoke, patting both Remus and Barty on the head as she walks up to James.

 

“Hey blondie.” James sang as Pandora reached him at the counter.

 

“Hey!” Pandora responded, “Oh wow, this jacket looks great on you!”

 

“Really?” He asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

“Yeah, the material is so soft-“ Pandora smiles as she reaches out to grab James’ arm, “-oh hello Mr. Bicep! have you been working out?”

 

“Well you know i try to squeeze things.” James taunts with a smirk before Pandora breaks out giggling like a school girl in love, then his face shifts to look more concerned.

 

“You okay?” James asks growing more confused by the second. “What’s going on?”

 

Pandora sighs, “Well, i think it’s just that i haven’t been with a guy, properly, in so long-“ She slowly turns her head at Barty who is staring at her with his jaw on the floor. “-and you know how sometimes you’re looking for something and you just don’t see that it’s right there in front of you, sipping coffee…”

 

James glances down at the coffee cup in his hand and looks back up at Pandora with his eyebrow raised.

 

“Oh no, have i said too much?” Pandora smirks, bringing her fingers up to her mouth. “Well it’s just something to think about, i know i will.”

 

James is still standing there in shock as he grazes his eyes toward Remus and Barty who are sitting on the couch, looking as surprised as he is, until Pandora winks at them while walking out the coffee shop, making them go back to whatever they were just talking about.

Notes:

Hey everyone!! Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this fic!!

To be honest, i don’t really expect anyone to read this and i am TOTALLY just writing it for fun because of a tiktok i made on @crimsondora.

but if you DO read it, don’t forget to leave kudos and comments!! thank you 🫶🏼

Chapter 2: They Don’t Know We Know They Know

Summary:

Regulus and James begin to catch on that Pandora knows about them, Sirius tries to bribe the apartment owner with a basket of mini muffins and Pandora and Remus strike up a plan to get Regulus and James to confess their dating.

Notes:

Before this chapter starts i want to say that i AM Scottish meaning i use English terms, but instead of calling the apartments ‘flats’ i call them apartments because it looks prettier.
That’s all! Enjoy!

“You are so beautiful.” Regulus whispers while kissing down the nape of James neck. “Just so perfect.”

 

James grins while running a hand down Regulus back before pausing and saying, “You know, that is a popular opinion today.”

 

Regulus lifts his head and begins to sit up, straddling James. “What?”

 

“I think- I think Pandora was hitting on me.”

 

Regulus furrows his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I’m telling you. I think Dora thinks i’m foxy.” James says looking up at Regulus, moving his arms in the air to make a statement.

 

“No. That’s not possible.” He says rolling his eyes and climbing of James to lie next to him.

 

“Alright, ow.”

 

Regulus glares at him. “You know i didn’t mean it like that. Pandora just thinks your charming in a sexless kind of way.”

 

“Great! because you can’t hear that enough.” James pouts, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Don’t be a baby. I think you must of just misunderstood her.”

 

“No, love, i don’t think i did.” James sighs as he sits up against the bed frame. “I mean she touched my bicep for crying out loud!”

 

“Sure she did.” Regulus states sarcastically, rolling over to turn of the lamp. “Sleep it off, champ.”

 

****

“Hey Regulus, do you wanna come see a movie with me and Dora?” Remus asks, sitting down his book as Regulus walks into the living room.

 

“Oh.” Regulus pauses and turns to face James who’s sitting in the kitchen with his head propped up by his hand. “No thanks, i was actually going to go do some washing. James, would you like to join me?”

 

Pandora and Remus share a knowing glance at each other before Remus begins to smirk.

 

“Well, Reggie, I would love to join you.” James grind, jumping out of his seat.

 

“Hold on a second!” Remus cheered standing up and bringing out the biggest bag of clothes Regulus has ever seen in his life, and he shared a house with Sirius Black. “You wouldn’t mind would you?”

 

Remus can see Regulus grind his teeth as he scowls at him. “Of course i wouldn’t mind.” He grits out.

 

Remus hands the bag over while the door opens and Sirius skips in. “Hey.”

 

“Hey, pads,” James grins at him, “any word on the apartment yet?”

 

“Well turns out the guy who lives there is subletting the apartment himself and he’s already had like 100 applicants.

 

Everybody starts to make a bunch of sympathetic sounds before Sirius starts again and says with that Sirius Black smirk, “Oh no don’t worry, i sent him a little bribe. Check it out, you can probably see from the window.”

 

Sirius, Regulus, James, Remus and Pandora all quickly rush over to the window only to see a bunch of gifts in the apartment across the street.

 

“Oh is it that pinball machine?” James asks.

 

“No…” Sirius replies slowly.

 

“That new mountain bike?” Remus asks.

 

“No.”

 

“Jesus christ, then what did you get him?” Regulus asks, clearly getting bored already.

 

Sirius straightens up slowly and looks down at his shoes as he mumbles, “a basket of mini muffins.”

 

“But there’s a full table of mini muffins. What ones yours?” Pandora asks, tilting her head to the side.

 

“The smallest one.”

 

Regulus scoffs while crossing his arms, “You actually thought that basket of mini muffins was going to get you the apartment?”

 

“Well, yeah.” Sirius states dragging his feet across the floor to stand in the kitchen. “Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy over those little muffins. It was the best day.”

 

“Your work makes me sad.” James says.

 

“God, i really want that apartment. I was so sure that was going to work.” Sirius sigh’s walking to the door, “There’s 8 pounds i’ll never see again.”

 

“Well Dora we better go if we want to catch that movie.” Remus snorted, still laughing at Sirius’ meltdown.

 

Remus begins walking toward the door saying goodbye to Regulus and James with Pandora not far behind him.

“Bye James!” she smiles, until she gets so close to James and whispers in his ear, “I miss you already.” And grabs his bottom before she leaves.

 

The door slams shut and James’ mouth is still waiting to be picked back up. “Did you see that?” He whispers, even though Regulus is the only other person in the room.

 

“Actually, i did.” Regulus states slowly as the gears start to tick in his head.

 

“Okay so now do you believe me?”

 

Regulus’ eyebrows fly up as he gasps, “Oh my god, she knows about us!”

 

“What? Are you serious?” James asks, then quickly drops his concerned face when he realises what’s coming.

 

“No, i’m Regulus.” Regulus replies with a small smirk before getting serious again. “Pandora knows and she’s just trying to freak us out. That’s the only explanation for it!”

 

James looks mildly hurt as he starts, “Okay, but what about my pinch-able ass and my bulging biceps-“ James flecks his arms next to him before shouting, “SHE KNOWS!”

 

****

James kicks the door open to his and Barty’s shared apartment across the hall from Regulus’ and storms in with Regulus right behind him.

 

“BARTY!”

 

“Y- Yeah?” Barty, who clearly was just awoken by James’ loud shouting, asks.

 

“Pandora knows about us.” James states, moving his hands between him and Regulus.

 

“Well i didn’t tell them!” Barty says as he stands up so fast it could of given him whiplash.

 

“Them?” Regulus snarled, glaring at Barty. “Who’s them?”

 

“Uh…” Barty rubs the back of his neck, “Pandora and…Barty” He says, looking proud and propping his hands on his hips.

 

“Barty.” Regulus demands in that serious and scary tone that sends a shiver down everyone’s spine when they hear it.

 

Barty sighs in defeat. “And Remus.”

 

“Oh god.” James croaks, running his hands down his face.

 

“Look, i’m sorry, but it’s over now right? ‘Cause you can tell them you know they know, and i can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!” Barty beamed as he threw his arms above his head.

 

“Oh, they think they are so slick messing with us.” Regulus says with a smirk riding up his face. “But see, they don’t know that we know they know!”

 

Barty has never been more confused in his life, but James seems to get it.

 

“Ah-ha!” James claps. “The messers, become the messees!”

 

Barty begins waving his arms around in the air and makes a noise that he’s beginning to make a lot these days. “HUH!?”

 

****

Sirius doesn’t know how long he’s been staring at the apartment across the street from Regulus’ with a pair of binoculars, but it’s been a while.

 

“Sirius, honey, you have got to stop torturing yourself.” Mary moaned, getting sick of Sirius groaning up against the window.

 

“Why don’t you just find another apartment?” Lily asks, feeling a little sympathetic.

 

“No!” Sirius barked, now standing in front of the red head. “I’ve looked at a thousand apartments this month and none of them even compare to that one.”

 

“Well maybe you should find out what that guys hobbies are and then use that to bond with him.” Pandora replied while braiding Dorcas’ hair.

 

“Oh yeah!” Dorcas chimed in from the floor where she is sitting between Pandoras legs. “Like if i want something from Marlene, i would start up a conversation about, um…” she pauses from a moment. “Football!”

 

Marlene pops her head up from where she’s lying on the couch next to Pandora.

 

“Or, uh, my underwear.” Dorcas says with the tiniest smirk on her lips.

 

Marlene sits up, becoming fully serious. “I’m listening.”

 

Dorcas side eyes Marlene before looking at Sirius and dropping her hands in her lap. “See?”

 

“That is a great idea!” Sirius beams at the girls in the living room. “Now, he does walk around naked all the time so i take it he doesn’t like clothes, but he did have a trampoline!”

 

“Yeah and he broke that.” Mary nods, head still stuck in a magazine.

 

“Right well i’m off to Andromeda’s, but i will figure something out.” He says picking up his coat and heading for the door at the same time Remus and Barty walk in.

 

“Hey ladies.” Barty grins walking over to the couch, giving Pandora a kiss on the cheek.

 

“Hey Barty,” The girls say before Mary stands up. “Well i better get going, i have another date tonight.”

 

“Hey, didn’t you have one like 2 days ago?” Lily asks, standing up and collecting her things as-well.

 

Mary chuckles to herself, “Yeah i did, jealous are you?” She asks, raising her eyebrow.

 

“What? No- why would i- what- i-“ Lily cuts herself off almost as if she’s aware of how red her face is getting. “Forget it, let’s go.”

 

Marlene and Dorcas laugh to themselves before standing up and saying their goodbyes to everyone, leaving Pandora Remus and Barty alone in Regulus’ apartment.

 

Not long after everyone leaves the phone starts to ring.

 

“Hello?” Remus says as he picks up the phone. “Yeah hold on, she’s right here.”

 

Glancing over to Pandora he whispers, “It’s James.”

 

Pandora giggles, takes the phone and says, “Oh, hello you.”

 

“Hello, Dora, I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Well, you know that thing you said before. I’d be lying if i said i wasn’t intrigued.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, listen, Barty isn’t going to be here tonight so why don’t you come over and you could uh…feel my bicep. And more.”

 

“I’ll have to get back to you on that. Okay bye.”

 

Pandora yelps and launches the phone across the room.

 

“Oh my god! He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!” Pandora screams.

 

“Are you kidding?” Remus fumed, standing up from his seat. “I cannot believe he would do that to Regul-“ Remus cuts himself off and slowly turns his body to face Barty who is sitting on the couch, nervously chewing his nails.

 

“Barty.” Remus bends down to reach his height and talks to Barty like he’s a child that’s getting in trouble. “Do they know that we know?”

 

“No…”

 

“Barty.” Remus grumbled.

 

Barty sighs, “They know you know.”

 

“God, i knew it!” Remus hissed, coming back up to his full height.

 

“They thought that they could mess with us? They wanna mess with us?” Pandora says with her voice breaking at the last moment which Barty has noticed always happens when she gets too angry or too excited.

 

“Wait a minute.” Pandora starts, “They don’t know that we know they know we know.”

 

Barty sighs, again, and rolls his eyes.

 

“But, Barty, you cant say anything!” Pandora gleamed, pointing at Barty.

 

“Couldn’t if i wanted to.” Barty resorts, throwing his arms in the air.

 

Pandora and Remus smile at each other knowing exactly what they need to do next.

Notes:

Of course i had to add my girls Mary, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas in!! I have so much love for them it’s unreal.

hope you are enjoying this little fic 🫶🏼

Chapter 3: Pandora’s Dance

Summary:

Pandora and James set up a date, determined to break eachother.

“Look at them, they’re panicked!” Regulus says, standing in the kitchen with James while Pandora and Remus sit on the couch in the living room.

 

James is staring at them with a determined look on his face. “Oh yeah, they’re totally gonna back down.”

 

****

 

“Alright. If he wants a date, he’s gonna get a date.” Pandora whispers to Remus. “I’m going in.”

 

Remus nods, trying to act casual. “Okay, Okay. Be sexy.”

 

Pandora looks at him and laughs. “Oh, please.”

 

Regulus begins to walk away to the opposite side of the kitchen when he sees Pandora making her way up to James, with the strangest look on her face. He thinks she’s trying to be sexy.

 

“Hey, James.” Pandora flutters her eyelashes at him, “i’d love to come over tonight.”

 

“Huh?” James says, with Barty’s look of confusion spreading across his face.

 

Pandora smirks and begins to twirl a strand of her long, blonde hair around her finger. “Oh, absolutely. Should we say around 7:00?”

 

“Yes.” James croaks out.

 

“Good!” Pandora smiles widely. “I’m really looking forward to you and me having sexual intercourse.”

 

Pandora turns around leaving James standing like a deer caught in headlights, glancing at Regulus for help. Regulus doesn’t help, of course, and just stands there in confusion.

 

“Hey guys check it out!” Barty shouts from the window. “Ugly naked guy’s got a naked friend!”

 

Everyone rapidly runs toward the window, almost flying through it with the force.

 

“Oh yeah!” Pandora says with a little giggle.

 

“Oh my god!” Remus yells, “Oh my god! That’s our friend!”

 

“ITS NAKED SIRIUS!” James screams, covering Regulus’ eyes at the same time.

 

“IT IS SIRIUS!” Pandora yelps, hiding her face in Barty’s shoulder.

 

“Oh my god!” Barty wheezes out, not being able to control his laughter.

 

****

 

Pandora has her hair up in a bun with two strands down at the front to frame her face. She’s wearing a tight purple dress, which she borrowed from Mary, with one of her purple statement necklaces and her everyday rings on all her fingers.

 

“Hey, bats, could you get me a bottle of wine and some glasses?” Pandora asks smiling at him so preciously.

 

Barty rolls his eyes, throws down his fork and does what Pandora asks of him.

 

****

 

“Okay, listen, how far am i going to have to go with her?” James asks while fixing his shirt.

 

“Relax. She’s going to give in way before you do.” Regulus states while he starts fixing James’ hair.

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“Because you’re on my team.” Regulus remarked like it was obvious. “And my team always wins.”

 

“At this?” James questions, arms going above his head, eyes popping out of his face and eyebrows reaching his hairline.

 

“Just go get some!” Regulus demanded before quickly kissing James and running into his bathroom.

 

****

 

“Okay, now i’m going to try listen from right here.” Remus whispered, pointing at the side of James’ apartment door.

 

Pandora nods quickly before turning around to knock on the door.

 

Swiftly, the door swings open to show James in a white shirt, rolled up far enough for you to see his forearms with a knitted vest over the top.

 

“Pandora.” He says, attempting to sound seductive.

 

“James.” Pandora replies in the same tone.

 

James smirks and winks at Pandora, “Come on in.”

 

“I was going to.” Pandora says, smiling as she walks past him into the apartment.

 

“I brought some wine, would you like some?” She asks.

 

“Sure.” James replies walking ever so slowly over to stand in front of Pandora.

 

“So.” Pandora clicks her tongue after pouring the wine. “Nervous?”

 

“Me? No. You?”

 

“No. I want this to happen” Pandora declares firmly.

 

James thinks he’s starting to sweat and begins to chug the glass of wine down. Pandora does the same.

 

“I’m going to put on some music.” James says, hurrying away.

 

“Maybe i’ll dance for you.” Pandora preached in a tone that James, Regulus and Remus have never heard before, making them all violently freeze.

 

James turns around just as Pandora begins to sway her hips and bend her knees up and down in the strangest ways ever.

 

Everybody has seen Pandora dance, it was one of her many talents. She does the most whimsy and light dances anyone has ever seen but this? This was much different. She looked like a fish out of water.

 

She begins to move more and then starts to sway her way over to James, stopping right in front of him and moving her arms up to jerk her body, making it look like she was going to pounce at him. He jumps back.

 

This. James thinks. This is scariest moment of his life.

 

“You look good.” James grits out.

 

“Thanks!” Pandora giggles, still dancing. “You know, when you say things like that it makes me want to…rip that sweater vest right off.”

 

“Well why don’t we move this into the bedroom?” James asks with a smirk.

 

“Really?” Pandora stops dancing and looks incredibly startled.

 

“Oh? Do you not want to?”

 

“No. No. I do.” Pandora begins to panic, this isn’t good. “I just first want to uh- take off all my clothes and have you um- rub uh- lotion on me!”

 

James eyes are about to fall out of their sockets as he stumbles over his words. “Well, that would uh- that would be nice.”

 

Pandora is staring at him with wide eyes waiting for him to break. But he doesn’t. Instead he says, “I’ll go get the lotion from the bathroom.” And begins to sprint into the bathroom.

 

****

 

“Reg, love, this is totally getting out of hand. She wants me to put lotion on her!” James starts as he enters to the bathroom, fully startled.

 

“She’s bluffing!” Regulus wailed, pushing his hands out in front of him.

 

“Love, i promise, she’s not backing down. She even went like this!” James then continues to do whatever dance/pounce thing Pandora was doing.

 

****

 

“He’s- He’s not backing down!” Pandora says, standing outside with Remus on the verge of a panic attack. “He went to go get lotion!” She basically squeaked.

 

“Oh, man, aren’t go guys done yet?” Barty says, walking out of Regulus’ apartment. “I wanna sit in my chair!”

 

“Barty look at it this way. The sooner Pandora breaks James, the sooner this is all over and out in the open.” Remus assured.

 

“Ooh, i like that.” Barty nods. “Ah! Show him your bra. He’s afraid of bra’s, can’t work ‘em.”

 

Barty then reaches over to Pandora and undoes her top button, with one hand, revealing her breasts.

 

“Barty!” Pandora shrieked.

 

“Oh my god.” Remus groaned, covering his eyes with one hand.

 

“Hey, you didn’t rip any buttons off!” Pandora says, sounding surprised and almost proud, looking up at Barty.

 

“Not my first time.” Barty says smugly, crossing his arms over his chest and smirking at Pandora.

 

****

 

“Now. You go out there-“ Regulus demands, giving James a bottle of lotion, “-and you seduce her until she cracks!”

 

“Wait-“ James pauses on his way out. “Did you clean up in here?”

 

“Of course i did! Now go!” He grunted while shoving James out the bathroom.

 

When James stumbles into the living room he find Pandora standing with her dress undone.

 

“So. this is my bra.” Pandora awkwardly smiles while pushing out her chest and walking towards James.

 

“It’s very, very nice.” James replies, looking everywhere but Pandora’s beasts. “Well, come here. I’m very happy we are going to have all the sex.”

 

“You should be.” Pandora says, ignoring James talking like a robot. “I’m very bendy.”

 

“I’m going to kiss you now.” James says.

 

“Not if i kiss you first.”

 

Slowly, they walk towards each other. Staring each other in the eye. Begging for one of them to break.

 

James’ hands are on Pandora’s waist while Pandora puts her hands on James’ shoulders. Their mouths are so close. James pouts and starts to lean in. Pandora does the same. Steadily, their lips press together in the most awkward and unattractive kiss ever until-

 

“OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! YOU WIN!” James shouts, backing away from Pandora, tripping over his own feet. “I cant have sex with you!”

 

Pandora is laughing, looking so proud. “And why not?”

 

“Because i’m in love with Regulus!” James blurts our before he even realises what he just said.

 

“You- You’re what?” Pandora asks, her mouth on the floor for once.

 

Regulus opens the door of the bathroom at the same time Remus and Barty open the front door.

 

“I love him! That’s right! I love him!” James roared pointing frantically at Regulus, not even realising he had walked out the bathroom.

 

Regulus is smiling. Smiling so wide. It’s the kind of smile that could light up cities.

 

James calms down as Regulus stands in front of, running his hands down his arms. “I love you, Regulus.”

 

“I love you too, James.” Regulus breathed before kissing James so gently, so softly, nobody would believe it was humanly possible.

 

“I just- I thought you guys were doing it, i didn’t know you were in love!” Pandora wailed with tears in her eyes, jumping on top of Regulus and James, pulling them into a hug.

 

Remus and Barty walk over and join in. All of them just standing there. Together.

 

Now, if you were to ask Remus and Barty about that night, they would tell you they weren’t crying, but they would both be lying.

 

They begin to break away, Barty wipes his ‘invisible’ tears and says, “So that’s it. It’s over. Everybody knows!”

 

“What about the girls?” James asks.

 

“Yeah, and what about Evan and Peter?” Regulus adds on.

 

“Oh, come on. They sussed it out ages ago, they just didn’t tell anybody.” Remus commented and received his favourite glare from Regulus.

 

“Well actually, Sirius doesn’t know.” James says, looking down at his shoes. “And we would appreciate it if no one told him yet.”

 

The smile on Barty’s face is gone in an instant and replaced with a scowl.

Notes:

Heyy!!

I’ve had so so so much fun writing this, even though i wrote it in one day…BUT i already have 90 hits?? like hello? that’s 89 more then i thought this would get!

anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter 🫶🏼

Chapter 4: Sirius’ Rage

Summary:

Sirius see’s something across the street from his new apartment.

“A new place for a new Sirius.” Sirius says, walking around his new apartment. “I’m gonna have you and all the guys from work over here once it’s, you know, furnished.”

 

“I must say, it’s nice to see you back on your feet.” Albus comments.

 

A few months ago Sirius was told to leave his job to get ‘professional help’ for his anger problems. He was confused to say the least and didn’t understand it, until the day ended and he had his coworker, Mulciber, in a head lock.

 

“Well, i am that.” Sirius agrees, “And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.”

 

Albus stares at Sirius with a proud look on his face, clasping his hands together. “I wonder if it’s time for you to come back to work.”

 

“Oh, Albus, that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to work. I just-“

 

Sirius stops himself. He freezes. Time freezes. Time stops as he looks out the apartment window, across the street, to see James and Regulus…”What?”

 

He walks up to the window with wide eyes. “No. Wha- What are you doing?”

 

Sirius is shouting when Albus catches on to what Sirius has seen.

 

“GET OFF MY BROTHER!”

 

****

 

“JAMES! JAMES!” Sirius barks, running up the stairs to Regulus’ apartment.

 

He attempts to open the door, but the chained lock is keeping him from entering.

 

“JAMES! I saw what you were doing through the window! I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO MY BROTHER! NOW, GET OUT HERE!”

 

Regulus gets off the top of James and they quickly stand up and begin fixing some of the messed up clothes that remained on.

 

“Well, listen, we had a good run!” James states, out of breath. “What was it? 4 months? That’s more than most people have in a life time!”

 

Regulus scowls at him, his shirt still hanging open showing his upper body and the zipper on his trousers draped open.

 

“So, goodbye! Take care! Bye bye now!” James says in a rush, panicked, and quickly grabs Regulus’ face to give him a kiss before attempting to climb out the window.

 

“What are you doing?” Regulus starts, still flushed, trying and failing to hide the smile across his face.

 

“Oh, i’m going on the lam.” James states, halfway out the window.

 

Regulus swiftly pulls James back into the apartment, making James trip over his own shirt that remains on the floor.

 

“This is fine. I can handle Sirius.” Regulus says, making his way to the door where Sirius is currently trying to pick the lock.

 

Regulus bats his hand away before opening up the door.

 

“Hey, Sirius. What’s up bro?” Regulus mumbles, still out of breath and red in the face with clothes hanging half off.

 

Sirius pushes Regulus aside the moment he see’s James standing in the living room and begins chasing him around the kitchen.

 

“What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing?” Sirius shouts, running after James before he rapidly hides behind Regulus.

 

“Hey, What is going on here?” Remus asks, stepping into the apartment with Barty and Pandora right behind him.

 

“Well, i think- i think.” James starts out of breath, “I think Sirius knows about me and Regulus?”

 

“Dude, he’s right there!” Barty whispers, making a throat-cutting motion with his hand.

 

“I thought you were my best friend! This is my brother!” Sirius says, looking more frustrated than angry now. “My- My best friend and my brother. I cannot believe this!”

 

“Look, we’re not just messing around.” James says, lowering his tone to make him sound more soft. “I love him.”

 

Regulus gives Sirius a small smile before grabbing his hand. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way but it’s true, i love him too.”

 

Sirius stares at them both with a blank face. If anyone else saw this, they would think he was paralysed.

 

He breaks out into a smile, being all soppy. “My best friend and my brother!”

 

James and Regulus are shocked, standing there with crooked smiles, awkwardly laughing.

 

“I cannot believe this!” Sirius wails while pulling them both into a hug.

 

Remus, Barty and Pandora are standing at the door smiling at them when Sirius notices. “Oh sorry, sorry. You guys probably want to get some hugs in too!”

 

Sirius makes jazz hands before adding, “Big news!”

 

Pandora starts giggling, wrapping her arms around both Remus and Barty who stand at her sides. “That’s okay! We’ve actually known for a while.”

 

Sirius’ face drops. Now glaring at 3 of them standing in the doorway.

 

“You guys knew?” He starts, angrily walking towards them, making Pandora pull Remus and Barty in front of her so she can hide behind them. “You all knew and you didn’t tell me?” Sirius asks, raising his voice.

 

“Well, sweetheart, we were worried about you.” Remus adds, scratching the side of his head.

 

“Yeah, we didn’t know how you were going to react.” Barty agrees.

 

Sirius is staring at them with the same blank face again before breaking into that same, soppy grin.

 

“You were worried about me?” Sirius starts, “You didn’t know how i was going to react?”

 

Sirius pulls them into a hug, the same way he did to Regulus and James moments before.

 

“Alright! What do you say we all, clear out of here and let these love birds get back down to business!” Barty chuckles, pointing between Regulus and James.

 

Sirius stares daggers at him. If looks could kill, Barty would be long gone.

 

“Hey, hey, hey! I’m just talking here!” Barty starts, pointing at James. “He’s the one doing your brother!”

 

Before anyone even notices, Regulus grabs a knife from the kitchen and chases Barty out of his apartment.

Notes:

Hey hey! I hope you all enjoyed this tiny fic!!

If you did enjoy, don’t forget to leave kudos and comment! i would love to hear from you guys!

 

(Now i was thinking about writing something a LOT longer….like a zombie apocalypse fic 😛
It would be based loosely on TWD with Rick Grimes being James. What do you guys think??)