Chapter Text
(Link started a chat)
(Link added Mipha, Daruk, Revali, Urbosa, Zelda, Impa, and Terrako to the chat)
Link: 👋
Mipha: Link? What’s this?
Link: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Zelda: ?????
Daruk: whejkjkrjhhkhekjjhkjhk
Revali: you drunk or something?
Daruk: just figuring out how to use this thing
Revali: what’s this anyway?
Mipha: It looks like some kind of message group…
Link: 👍
Urbosa: first we’re all given sheikah slates, and then this… intriguing
Impa: My sister did say this was a new feature for the sheikah slate. It allows users to create message chats with groups of people. It’s what Link did just now.
Link: 👍
Revali: hey, you, are you just going to communicate in weird symbols the whole time?
Link: 👍
Revali: uuugh, just type words like the rest of us!
Terrako: 👋
Revali: Wait, you too? What’s the guardian doing on here?
Terrako: :)
Revali: ugh, it’s annoying, get it away!
Terrako: ********** >:(
Zelda: Terrako! Where did you learn all those swear words!?
Impa: He’s been talking to corrupted guardian stalkers again, hasn’t he…
Zelda: Terrako, I told you to stay away from them!
Revali: You’re swearing at ME!? I’ll let you know you’re a F***ING PEST! Wait– why can’t I swear?
(Purah joined the chat)
Purah: Sorry, we can’t have any of that foul language on here! There are children who use this chat!
Terrako: **** 🫵
(Robbie joined the chat)
Robbie: Goes for you too, Terrako! WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY!
Terrako: :(
Revali: What children!?
(Tulin and Riju joined the chat)
Tulin: yooooo!
Riju: heya!
Revali: oh my god… children…
Tulin: I’m playing a game on my sheikah slate rn!
Riju: u can do that??
Tulin: DUH!
(King Rhoam joined the chat)
King Rhoam: What is this?
Zelda: oh, father, it’s a group chat
King Rhoam: A what?
Zelda: you can send people digital messages on a chat using the sheikah slate
King Rhoam: I don’t see how this is going to be useful for preventing the calamity…
Tulin: ok boomer
(Teba joined the chat)
Teba: Tulin, are you off the sheikah slate yet?
Tulin: OH CRAP DAD’S HERE
(Tulin left the chat)
Teba: *sighs*
(Teba left the chat)
Impa: it must be hard to be a father
Zelda: yes, it must…
King Rhoam: it IS
(King Rhoam left the chat)
Zelda: father…
(Hestu joined the chat)
Hestu: hey guys! anyone want to dance!?
Link: 🥦!
Hestu: not what I’m called
Revali: as much as I’d LOVE space for more bows… I haven’t collected enough korok seeds for your scheme
Hestu: aw
(Hestu left the chat)
(Sidon joined the chat)
Sidon: Hello friends!
Link: 👋
Mipha: Sidon…?
Sidon: Hello, dear sister! It’s wonderful to see you again!
(Yunobo joined the chat)
Yunobo: h– hey guys, not quite sure how to use this thing, but… I’m trying my best!
Daruk: you’re doing great!
(Monk Maz Koshia joined the chat)
Monk Maz Koshia: Greetings.
Link: 🏍?
Monk Maz Koshia: Patience, child. I’m still working on it.
(Monk Maz Koshia left the chat)
Impa: …Purah, how many people did you give sheikah slates?
Purah: Everyone!
Impa: …everyone?
Purah: Yup!
Impa: You don’t mean EVERYONE everyone, right?
Purah: I DO! Everyone across Hyrule has a sheikah slate now!
Impa: hylia help me, how many people are there going to be on this chat?
(Master Kohga and Sooga joined the chat)
Master Kohga: what’s happening, everyone?
Sooga: it would appear half of Hyrule is on this chat…
(Astor joined the chat)
Astor: hello mere mortals
Master Kohga: YOUUUUU TRAITORRRRR! SCREW YOU!
Sooga: Master Kohga, please calm yourself. But… yes. Screw him.
(Ganon joined the chat)
Impa: Oh. My. Hylia. PURAH!!!!!
Purah: What?
Impa: YOU GAVE THE F***ING CALAMITY A F***ING SHEIKAH SLATE!?
Ganon: YOU ARE MORTAL AS WELL, ASTOR
Astor: what? nonsense, I can’t possibly be– AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH–
(Astor was disconnected from the chat)
Revali: HA! GET OWNED!
(Terrako was disconnected from the chat)
Zelda: oh no, he needs to be charged again… I must go, everyone!
(Zelda left the chat)
Revali: Why don’t the corrupted guardian stalkers run out of power?
Robbie: We think it’s because of Ganon’s power!
Riju: I have to go, Buliara wants to tell me about something!
(Riju left the chat)
Urbosa: Wait, how is she chief when I’m already chief?
Robbie: In a way, you both are!
Urbosa: But how is that possible?
Revali: This whole thing isn’t real. It’s BOTW, AOC, AND TOTK all at the same time.
Purah: Revali, don’t be a fourth wall breaker!
Revali: anyway, this is stupid, I’m going to refine my technique for Revali’s Gale
(Revali left the chat)
Sooga: Master Kohga, we should go too.
Master Kohga: You’re right, it’s lunchtime! I’m starving!
(Master Kohga and Sooga left the chat)
Robbie: I’m going to work on unraveling the mysteries of sheikah and zonai technology!
(Robbie left the chat)
Purah: Me too!
(Purah left the chat)
Ganon: GOODBYE.
(Ganon left the chat)
Impa: Jeez, caps lock much?
Urbosa: The Gerudo desert should get better signal… I have to go…
(Urbosa left the chat)
Daruk: Death Mountain too.
(Daruk left the chat)
Yunobo: ye–
(Yunobo was disconnected from the chat)
Sidon: Zora’s Domain does have good signal, but I should leave as well! Goodbye, friends! I have duties to attend to! I hope to chat with you all again soon!
(Sidon left the chat)
Impa: Well, since everyone’s going, I guess I’ll go too. Bye people!
(Impa left the chat)
Mipha: It’s just us now, Link.
Link: 👍
Mipha: I have to go as well, unfortunately… but we can talk more another time.
Link: 👍
(Mipha left the chat)
Link: 👋
(Link ended the chat)