Chapter Text
Jackie stares at her reflection, toothbrush idle in her mouth, while her father's voice still echoes somewhere behind her eyes – sharp, certain, like he always is when he's disappointed.
It's another boring Thursday. Her alarm went off at 06:00, same as always, pulling her out of another night of not really sleeping. She doesn't remember getting up, not really. Things just happen. The water runs, the toothbrush goes in her mouth, out again. Rinse. Tap off. Back into the small pale pink cup to the left of her. Same as every morning.
She places her hands on the edge of the counter, leans in a little. The girl in the mirror looks tired. Blank and distant or maybe sad is more accurate. Jackie stares at her for a while, barely recognising it as her own reflection. She waits for something to change, like something will click. It doesn't.
Eventually, she sighs, shaking her head whilst turning away towards the door.
She moves to the wardrobe and opens the doors without thinking, her hand drifting across shirts, blouses, textures she doesn't really feel. Her fingers stop on a striped navy and white jumper. Confused, she pulls it from the hanger, the fabric soft and worn in a way that feels familiar. As she brings it closer, a scent hits her. It smells clean, warm, something like citrus and laundry sheets. It lingers faintly, like it's been there a while. Jackie pauses, eyes narrowing slightly as she holds it closer to her face.
It smells like Shauna.
Of course it does. She must've left it here at some point, maybe after practice, maybe after one of those nights she stayed too long but didn’t want to go home yet. Jackie doesn't put it back. Instead, she holds it against her chest for a second longer than necessary, something in her chest softening without her permission.
Her heart tugs unexpectedly. She shouldn't feel this way. She knows that. It's just Shauna. Just her best friend. She was tired, that’s all, and the jumper was soft, and Shauna had always smelled like that. It didn’t mean anything.
She moves to close the wardrobe door, jumper still in hand, and catches a glimpse of herself in the large mirror above her vanity. Her face is softer than before, a small smile tugging at her lips. The girl in the mirror looks much happier now, it's easier to look at herself like this, easier to recognise it's her.
Realising what she's doing, Jackie quickly pulls back the wardrobe doors and swiftly places the jumper back on its hanger, as if someone had just walked in on her. Shame prickles beneath her skin. She swivels around, grabs her bag from the floor and rests it over her shoulder, reaching for her usual denim jacket draped over the chair like it's the only real choice she ever had.
She slips on her shoes by the front door, still half thinking about the jumper she didn’t let herself wear. The house is quiet now, her parents having left earlier, leaving only the ticking of the kitchen clock and the faint hum of the fridge. She thinks about grabbing something quick for breakfast, but decides against it since there's only a squad meeting tonight and not training.
Then, outside – a short honk. Twice. Shauna.
Jackie glances up toward the hallway mirror. She steps closer, just for a second. Her fingers lift to smooth a flyaway strand of hair ensuring perfection, then pause beneath her eyes, checking the liner she applied without thinking. It's fine. It's always fine. But still, she lingers, adjusting nothing. Something in her chest buzzes. She breathes in, once, then grabs her keys from the dish on the sideboard and pulls the door shut behind her.
Jackie walks slowly down the driveway, the cool morning air brushing against her cheeks. Shauna’s car is already idling by the curb, windows slightly fogged from the heater. The low hum of the engine and sweet bird song is the only sound. Shauna hasn’t noticed her yet – she’s staring straight ahead, one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting near her mouth like she’s thinking about something. Jackie takes the moment, just a second, to look at her properly.
Her hair looks soft today, pulled back messily but in a way that suits her. The early light catches on the curve of her nose, the soft shape of it. She’s wearing that flannel shirt again. She notes it’s the red one, not the new red and black one, and Jackie doesn’t know why that matters, only that it does.
Her chest twists. Something aching and warm. She bites the inside of her cheek, hard enough to ground herself, to keep the softness from rising too far.
Then Shauna turns, sees her. She smiles. Jackie’s heart flutters, too fast and too much for something so small. She opens the door and slides into the passenger seat like nothing happened.
“Morning, Shipman,” she says, glancing over with a smirk that feels like muscle memory.
Shauna huffs a quiet laugh. “You’re late.”
Jackie shrugs, reaching for the seatbelt. “Blame your stupid jumper. It distracted me.”
Shauna raises an eyebrow. “My jumper?”
“Yeah.” Jackie keeps her eyes forward now, embarrassed by how she crumbled under zero pressure. “You left it in my closet. Smells like lemon and... whatever else you use.”
Shauna grins as she pulls away from the curb. “Guess you’ve been sniffing my laundry now. Didn’t know we were at that level of friendship.”
Jackie rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling too. “Shut up.”
The car rumbles gently beneath them, the roads still quiet this early. For a while, neither of them says much, just the low crackle of the radio playing something soft and forgettable. Then Shauna speaks.
“You think the cabin’s actually going to be nice, or are we spending a week surrounded by mold and dead bugs?”
Jackie laughs under her breath. “I think Coach said it was newly renovated.”
Shauna snorts. “That means one working toilet and windows that probably don’t open.”
Jackie glances at her. “You’re such an optimist.”
“I’m just preparing myself,” Shauna says, smiling. “Still... it might be nice. I looked up the area last night. There’s a lake nearby. Big trees, hiking trails... I dunno. Could be kind of peaceful.”
Jackie nods. “Yeah. Like a break from everything.”
“From Jeff?” Shauna teases lightly, grinning sideways.
And just like that, the warmth in Jackie’s chest cools. She forces a smile, keeps her eyes forward. “Yeah. I guess I’ll miss him... a bit.”
Her voice doesn’t match her words too flat, too easy, her tone betraying her. It should mean more. It doesn’t.
Shauna doesn’t say anything right away, just flicks on the turn signal and merges into the school lot. As they roll to a stop, Shauna glances over. “You okay?”
Jackie hesitates for half a second too long. “Yeah. Just my dad going on about college again.”
Shauna keeps looking at her, eyes searching. “You sure?”
“Yeah,” Jackie says again, too quickly. She pulls her bag into her lap. “I’m fine.”
Shauna doesn’t push. She just nods slowly, tapping the steering wheel once with her fingers. They sit in silence a moment longer before Jackie opens her door.
“Come on,” she says, half smiling. “Let’s go be normal high school students or whatever.”
“Terrifying,” Shauna mutters, grabbing her own bag. They step out of the car and start toward the school together.
The day passes slowly, a blur of lectures and lukewarm coffee, the kind of day Jackie knows she’ll forget by tomorrow. Lunch is the best part. Outside, the sun is soft and warm for once. Jackie sits on the bench with Shauna, watching her talk about something vaguely political between bites of an apple. She’s half listening, more focused on the way the light settles in Shauna’s hair, catching on strands like gold. She wonders, distantly, if Jeff’s hair ever looked like that. She knows it didn’t. Jackie hums in agreement now and then, smiling when Shauna laughs, even if she missed the joke.
Across the yard, Taissa and Van walk together, fingers laced between them like it’s the easiest thing in the world. Jackie watches them for a moment too long. Something stirs in her chest. Jealousy, maybe. But not of them. Just... something. She can’t name it.
Later, in class, Misty answers nearly every question, voice too loud, posture too straight. Jackie catches the eye-roll Jeff tries to hide beside her.
“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath. “Does she ever shut up?”
Jackie shoots him a look, leaning closer with a joking tone that’s more serious than it sounds.
“She’s making an effort. So we don’t fail. You could try it sometime.”
Jeff scoffs but drops it. Shauna sits just in front of Jackie, and now and then she turns to pass a note or whisper something snide about the worksheet. Jackie finds herself counting the times Shauna’s hair brushes her desk when she leans back. She doesn’t move her hand, even when the ends of Shauna’s hair brush against it like a dare.
By the time the final bell rings, Jackie’s half asleep. She walks with Jeff and Shauna toward the hall where practice is supposed to start. Halfway there, Jeff says something about catching a ride home with Randy and turns toward the car park.
He leans in for a goodbye kiss, casual, like he’s done it a hundred times before. Jackie doesn’t expect it. She turns her head too late and his lips brush her cheek instead. She gives a tight, awkward smile. Jeff doesn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. She feels nothing. Not even the usual guilt about that. When Jackie glances at Shauna, Shauna’s already looking at her. Just a look. But something knowing flickers in it. Jackie quickly looks away.
They keep walking.
Just before the gym, Jackie catches Natalie’s gaze across the hallway. They aren’t friends, not really, but something passes between them. A half smile, half respect. Like they both know the other one sees more than they let on. Inside the gym, it smells like dust and old sweat. They take their usual spots on the raised benches - Jackie beside Shauna. Coach Ben’s voice calls for quiet, and the team starts to settle.
Coach Ben stands at the front of the gym, clipboard in hand, waiting for the chatter to die down.
“Alright,” he starts, raising his voice just enough to carry across the benches. “You all know we’re heading out Saturday morning. Coach bus leaves at 7 a.m. sharp, which means you’re here at 6:30 or you’re running behind it.”
A few groans roll through the group. Jackie just leans back a little, arms crossed.
“It’s about a seven hour drive, give or take, so we’ll hit the camp around midday. You’ll have time to settle in before we get started.”
He pauses, flipping to another sheet.
“You’ll get a copy of the itinerary and packing list. Misty’s got them - she’s been helping organise the schedule.”
Misty, who’s been standing rigidly beside him the whole time, beams and starts making her way along the benches, handing out printed sheets with a little too much energy.
“Thanks,” Jackie says softly as Misty hands her one. Misty nods like it means something.
A few seats down, Van raises an eyebrow.
“Wait... it’s a sports camp, right? Like, training and drills and all that. So... why’s Misty going?”
It’s said with a laugh, but there’s something sharp under it.
Jackie turns toward her.
“Because she’s helpful,” she says, not snapping but firm. “Unless you want to stay behind after every session to set up cones and write down lineups. Right now, that’s on Misty.”
Mari rolls her eyes.
“Whatever, captain,” she mutters under her breath. Lottie lets out a small laugh, but it dies quickly when she notices Laura Lee watching her. Jackie sees Laura Lee give a short, approving nod to her, and Lottie, still looking down at Laura Lee, gives a tiny nod too to match.
Natalie, sitting near the back, meets Jackie’s eyes again. A brief nod. Then she looks away.
Coach Ben keeps talking.
“The cabins have two bunk beds per room. You’ll need to pick who you’re sharing with. Threes are fine if it comes to that, but sort it out today so we can finalise the lists.”
Jackie barely has time to think before Shauna turns toward her with a grin.
“So,” she says, voice light and teasing, “who are you picking then?”
Jackie smirks.
“Hmm. Tough call.”
Their knees touch. It’s brief, but neither of them moves. Jackie notices. Sharp and clear. Shauna doesn’t say anything, doesn’t shift away. Jackie doesn’t either. She doesn’t know what it means, not really. But the warmth in her chest lingers.
Coach Ben says something else—something about meal times and curfews—but Jackie’s not really listening anymore. Everyone starts to get up, collecting bags and chattering as they head for the exits. Jackie and Shauna walk slowly, trailing behind.
“That whole thing with Van,” Shauna says casually. “You really went in.”
Jackie shrugs.
“She was being annoying.”
“Still,” Shauna nudges her shoulder. “Kind of badass.”
Jackie looks over at her, lips curving into a smile.
“Thanks, I guess.”
They keep walking toward Shauna’s car, steps easy and unhurried, the space between them not feeling like space at all.
The drive home is quiet, the sky outside dimming into soft grey, headlights casting long shadows along the road. Music plays low, something calm and wordless, filling the space without crowding it. Jackie sits with her cheek against the window, eyes unfocused, watching the trees blur by. They don’t talk much, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s just quiet in that way only certain people can share.
At one point, Shauna glances over.
“You really think the trip’s gonna be good?” she asks, her voice almost hesitant.
Jackie shrugs, half smiling.
“Better than school.”
Shauna huffs a soft laugh.
“You like school.”
Jackie turns toward her.
“I like being good at it,” she says.
Shauna just shakes her head with a smile.
A few minutes pass, the song shifts, and Jackie finds herself watching Shauna’s hands on the wheel, the way her fingers tap lightly to the rhythm. Something in her chest tugs. She doesn’t say what she’s thinking. Instead, she just asks,
“You don’t think it’s weird? Sharing a room?”
Shauna glances at her, then back to the road.
“With you? No. Why would it be?”
Jackie looks down, then back out the window.
“I don’t know.”
She wants to ask, Are you sure? But instead, she just nods, like that answers something.
When they pull into Jackie’s driveway, the house is dark. Jackie’s about to unbuckle when she pauses, suddenly remembering: her dad’s out of town until lunch tomorrow, some work thing in Hartford, and her mom’s staying late at the office.
She turns to Shauna.
“Do you wanna come in?” she asks, casual but hopeful. “No one’s home.”
Shauna smiles, soft and easy.
“Yeah. Just open the door. I’ll park properly.”
They walk through the quiet kitchen, the only sound the faint hum of the refrigerator and the soft thuds of their shoes on tile. Jackie moves toward the cupboard out of habit, half-reaching.
“Do you want anything?” she asks, voice low.
Shauna shakes her head, offering a small smile.
“Nah, I’m good.”
They don’t linger. Jackie leads them upstairs, the house still and dim in that way it always is when her parents are gone. They push into her room, and Shauna doesn’t hesitate - she shrugs off her flannel jacket and tosses it onto Jackie’s chair, then flops down onto the bed like it’s hers, arms folding behind her head.
Jackie watches her for a second, pausing halfway out of her own jacket. Shauna’s sleeves have ridden up, her arms bare and soft in the late afternoon light spilling through the window. Jackie stares without meaning to - at the smooth skin, the slow rise and fall of her chest, the way Shauna looks completely at ease in her room.
She swallows, turns away to hang up her jacket properly and drop her bag near the closet, then comes to sit beside her on the bed. They talk for a while, nothing serious. Stupid things. Comments about Lottie and Laura Lee being weirdly in sync, and how Misty might actually be excited to hand out the itinerary like she’s running the whole trip. They laugh. Jackie forgets herself, if only for awhile.
Then Shauna shifts slightly, turning her head.
“Hey,” she says, cutting Jackie off mid-sentence. “That jumper… the striped one. Was that mine?”
Jackie blinks, her breath catching just a little.
“Uh… yeah,” she says, standing too quickly. “Yeah, I think you left it here ages ago.”
She crosses the room, opening her wardrobe, rifling through clothes.
“I didn’t realise at first, I just - ”
She finds it and turns, holding it out awkwardly.
Shauna sits up a little, taking it from her with a playful smile.
“So you haven’t been secretly sleeping with it or anything? That’s disappointing.”
Jackie’s face flushes immediately.
“I - no! I mean. Maybe I wore it. Once.”
She hugs her arms around herself like the warmth of it might still be there.
“It smelled like you.”
Shauna’s smile softens, less teasing now.
“You can keep it,” she says, voice low. “I got a new one last week anyway. Red and black.”
Jackie laughs under her breath, embarrassed but weirdly happy.
“Okay. Thanks.”
They settle again - talking, quieter now. Jackie lies on her side, facing Shauna, their voices dropping as the sky outside deepens to evening. For a little while, it’s just the sound of their breathing and the gentle cadence of familiar words. Eventually, headlights sweep across the bedroom wall. Jackie hears the front door click open and her mother’s heels on the floor downstairs. Shauna checks the time, sighs softly.
“I should probably get going.”
Jackie nods, walking her to the door. Later, in the kitchen, her mother stirs something at the stove and says, almost absently,
“Shauna’s such a lovely girl.”
Jackie pretends to check her Motorola.
“Yeah,” she says, trying to sound normal. She feels the heat crawl back up her neck.
“She is.”