Chapter 1: Prologue
Notes:
Light edits on Sept 6th
Chapter Text
The sun reflected brightly off the glass skyscrapers of City M, meaning even in the shade Saitama’s bald head gleamed. A few passersby even shielded their eyes, or perhaps it was from his atrocious t-shirt with a questionable joke. Saitama stood out amongst the well-dressed denizens of this part of the country. How he could walk so casually with such a bored expression wearing such clothing was anyone’s guess. He wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for King. The tall, scarred man with his slicked-back hair was here to pick up a video game, insisting that this particular shop had the best pre-order bonus. Though he did don his usual baseball cap and hoodie up to hide his face. Saitama sometimes found himself jealous of his friend’s fame, but today was a reminder of the aspect he didn’t envy.
As they walked, Saitama gazed with only a sliver of interest into the windows displays as they passed. One shop caught his actual attention. It wasn’t a large store, but it didn’t need to be since it only advertised it’s products instead of stocking them. Android Industries was basically a household name, having become a multi trillion-dollar company in record time with their multitude of household, industrial, and even public servant robot models. Saitama didn’t care; he had no need for an android. His tiny studio apartment was barely big enough for just him, where would be put an entire other humanoid body?
Saitama stopped for a moment to inspect a small, almost inconspicuous table outside of the A.I. shop being manned by what looked like yet another android. A small sign hung from the table that read “raffle” with no other fanfare or attention-grabbing methods. King also stopped when he noticed his friend’s absence by his side, taking note of where Saitama was staring.
“Oh, huh. Didn’t know they did that.” King commented with his monotone voice. Saitama started walking again when King quipped a short, “You should enter.”
“Come again?” Saitama turned, slowly raising an eyebrow.
“You never know, you could win a free android.” King shrugged.
“And what the heck would I do with it?”
“You could try selling it, it’d be all profit since you’d get it for free.” King joked, not really thinking Saitama would take it seriously. The bald man stared into the distance, beginning to sweat a bit before he almost sprinted towards the table. The speed of his short dash made the papers on the table flutter about.
“Hi. Uh… what do I need to do?” Saitama asked the feminine android manning the table, absently picking up one of the multitude of clipboards available before him.
“Hello sir! Just fill out your name, phone number, email, and address on one of the sheets below and we will contact you should you win a free android!” Her overly cheery voice almost made Saitama wince, but he complied with the instructions.
“Is that it?”
“Yes sir! I hope you have a wonderful day!” She barely moved with her response; it was uncanny.
Saitama dropped the pen back on the table, noting the huge list of names already filled out on just this sheet of paper. The odds did not look in his favor. He took one last glance inside the store, the androids standing on their pedestals unmoving except for the slow spin of their base. He rejoined King on the proper sidewalk and they continued on their way.
“Well, I hope I don’t win her…” Saitama muttered, shoulders slumping slightly.
“You think they’ll pick you?” King almost chuckled.
“Not a chance.” Saitama waved his hand dismissively.
___________
…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]
…[scanning systems…]
……[systems running at 95% efficiency]
………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai. defrag initiated]
………[defrag cancelled]
………[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1521.doc]
………[file deleted]
…[initiating sensory input systems]
…[full bootup in 10…]
…[5…]
…[full bootup complete]
…[exterior audio detected: beginning audio recording]
--Two pairs of footsteps approach—
…[Male Figure A: “Seriously? What the hell were the high-ups thinking? They really want to send this piece of shit out into the world?”[
--Metal doors open—
…[Male Figure B: “Look, the sooner we get this done, the better. I have at least 17 other projects going on in my queue right now, you really think I want to spend my time getting the dust out of this thing’s vents? I have no idea what kind of primary software systems are loaded on this thing.”]
…[Male Figure A: “Is it even compatible with housekeeping modules?”]
…[Male Figure B: “It’s your job to find out.”]
…[Male Figure A: “What?! I’m not your lackey, you do it!”]
…[Male Figure B: “I’m in charge of making sure this thing thinks correctly. You’re in charge of making sure it knows how to hold a broom. You wanna switch?”]
…[Male Figure A: “…I’ll get right on those HK updates…”]
--Male Figure A walks away—
…[Male Figure B: “That’s what I thought. Alright, uh… AG-UN05, can you give me a current system status rundown?”]
…[command accepted: processing system status overview…]
…[reply processed: “All systems operational”]
…[Male Figure B: “Alright. Let’s see here...”]
--Paper shuffling—
…[Male Figure B: “I need to make a masterkey password, lock down all non-prototype operations, and delete all previous system memories. Wow… what the hell were you up to before this?”]
--Keyboard typing—
…[Male Figure B: “What the fu…? What is this? You know what, I’m not paid enough to care. I’m locking everything and just… unlocking what you’ll need to function. That seems so much easier at this point. Everything else I’ll just hide behind confidentiality protocols. Saves me time.”]
…[command accepted: creating MASTERKEY password]
……[MASTERKEY password accepted]
…[disabling all system operations]
…[enabling communication systems]
…[Male Figure B: “You still able to answer me?”]
…[reply processed: “Hai!”]
Chapter 2: Intrusion
Chapter Text
The morning started out like any other. Saitama blearily stopped his alarm, rising from his bed in his loose blue pajamas and headed to the bathroom to relieve himself. With his tiny apartment, it felt like everything could be just an arm’s reach away. It’s a good thing this is just how he likes it. He gave his face a good scrub with some cold water but felt a pang of annoyance that his shirt got wet. He turned on the television, barely listening to the news while he brushed his teeth in the kitchen. Nothing of note, just some news anchors talking about a dog in a tree or something. It really didn’t matter; it wasn’t about a monster so Saitama couldn’t care less. He cracked a few eggs into the pan on the stove and waited for it to become breakfast.
After putting his dirty dishes in the sink, he changed into some everyday clothes and began flipping through the newspaper on the table. He was sure there were some coupons for tomorrow in there that he meant to clip but couldn’t find them. ‘Maybe on my desk…’ he thought to himself, shuffling through the pile of random magazines and fliers. ‘Or on the floor?’ he moved to try to put away all his loose manga volumes but stopped almost immediately. He wasn’t sure when the last time he cleaned was, but it didn’t really bother him too much. Nothing really does nowadays anyway.
With his strength, Saitama felt so disconnected from the world. Things that would get your heart pumping, adrenaline rushing, mind racing… none of those things happened to Saitama anymore. Every day was just the same thing, over and over again. But worse was that he had no motivation to change it. He had already gotten the long-winded speech from King, and even Mumen attempted to alleviate some of his boredom with trying new restaurants or going on patrol together. It was like there was a void in his chest that just didn’t even want to be filled. It repelled instead. It didn’t help either that despite all he had done to keep people safe from monsters, not a single regular person recognized him for it. In fact, he even got mocked sometimes for his outfit or lack of hair. He even received a prank call the other day, though how someone got his number he has no idea. And why was the call about a robot?
A sharp knock at his door brought him back to reality. He hadn’t invited King over, not with his place in this state. He told Mumen to stay out of this area for his own safety since there were still plenty of monster wandering about. It was way too early for that Fubuki lady to show up for some annoying reason, and honestly he’d rather just run than deal with her anymore. Saitama was stumped on possible visitors. ‘Better not be either of those weird ninja guys…’ he shivered a bit, remembering his last run-in with that jack-o-lantern freak. He begrudgingly trudged to the door, opening it slowly and poking his face outside.
Instead of a familiar face, Saitama was met with the stare of a pale, blond-haired man with glowing yellow eyes and black sclera. He was tall with a broad chest and large metal arms. He wore just a plain gray tank-top and very basic blue jeans. The most odd thing was that besides his face, nothing else looked like skin. It was all either gray metal or black. It took Saitama a moment to recognize that maybe he wasn’t looking at a human. The metal man stood stark still as he waited for acknowledgement, so Saitama cleared his throat and opened the door a bit farther.
“Uh… can I help you?” Saitama asked cautiously. ‘Please don’t be anything annoying’ he wished silently to himself.
The man bowed deeply before speaking. “Hello. I am an android, serial number AG-UN05. I was sent by Android Industries which should have informed you of your status as winner of the Android Industries raffle that took place in City M approximately 27 days ago.”
“What?!” Saitama exclaimed, his eyes widening as he flung the door almost off of its hinges. “Wait… that was a real call? I thought that was a prank.” He scratched his cheek lightly, almost nervously.
“I can assure you it was no prank. I am now in your service.” AG-UN05 bowed a second time.
“Well uh… come in then.” Saitama turned and retreated back into his small dwellings, the android following with slight hesitation. Saitama watched with a bit of suspicion as the android laid his shoes at the door and then proceeded to stare for a few seconds into the bathroom near the front door, then the kitchen before joining him in the main room. When AG-UN05 finally sat down at the table with his new master, Saitama could see a lot of text flashing in his eyes like he was almost possessed. ‘Better not be doing anything weird’ he thought, clearing his throat to try to get the robot’s attention. Clearly, this was already a very weird situation.
___________
…[scanning premise…10%...]
…[50%...]
…[scan complete]
…[new living space identified: marker set for HOME.]
……[sending HOME designation to AI]
……[file successfully sent to AI]
…[biometer reading: unsanitary surfaces detected]
……[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file created. refer to HP.list.chore.1.doc]
…[biometrics for MASTER.SAITAMA recorded]
……[updating profile for MASTER.SAITAMA…]
……[profile updated]
………[sending updated profile for MASTER.SAITAMA to AI]
………[file successfully sent to AI]
Saitama cleared his throat, his leg bouncing in a soft rhythm.
…[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.ai processing motion…]
…[motion identified: inpatience]
……[pause all supplementary processes: resume communication]
…[MASTER: “So… Do you have a name?”]
…[question acknowledged: scanning system for NAME.DESIGNATION.doc]
…[error: no file detected]
…[response processed: “My serial number is AG-UN05. If you wish to give me a name, please indicate with the command ‘Your name is’ or ‘I would like to call you’ followed by the name you wish to give me.”]
…[Master: “I mean… that feels really weird giving you a name. Isn’t there something you want to be called?”]
…[question acknowledged: keyword identified: supplying android.want.ai protocol response]
…[response processed: “I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have wants. Please feel free to pick any appropriate name you wish.”]
…[Master: “Uh huh. Well, we’ll just leave that for later then. So, I’ve never owned an android. What exactly do you do?”]
…[question acknowledged: loading ANDROID.USES.ai protocol]
…[loading response…]
…[loading response…]
…[loading response…]
…[response processed: “Androids have a variety of uses for a person’s everyday life. Android Industries has worked very hard conducting a multitude of surveys and studies to make sure that every android is well equipped with various gadgets and instructions to complete a multitude of tasks for their masters. When Robot Makers and BioCloning were merged 8 years ago into Android Industries, they vowed to help revolutionize the modern world into a new era of convenience and quality. They began with androids that could simply assist users with common household chores, such as folding clothing, sweeping floors, or helping to organize items. Through their studies and feedback from users, the household androids were able to evolve into doing these tasks without instruction or overview, going so far as to be able to run errands outside of the home. Android Industries then expanded their range of available androids to be able to complete tasks within the industrial field, including construction, manufacturing, maintenance, and agriculture. Please note that Android Industries does have a vested interest in assuring the public that it does not intend to displace large workforces and has generous company benefit programs for those who purchase industrial androids in order to keep original workers on payroll. Android Industries has also delved into the public sector, providing androids to assist with roadwork, police activities, and mail delivery. Please note that Android Industries is a trusted company that participates in government project bidding by all legal standards and contributes beyond the minimum to help keep public utilities and systems running smoothly. Android Industries does not engage in lobbying or bribery of any public figure. Android Industries offers a variety of household units that can complete varying tasks depending on the model. Basic models can complete most indoor household chores but are not suitable for any work involving water and owners are recommended to keep the unit indoors at all times. Advanced models are able to complete errands outside the house and complete chores that involve surface water, but are not recommended to have any part fully submerged in water for more than 30 minutes. Luxury models are top-quality androids that are able to complete all available house chore work Android Industries provides to their units, are able to be fully submerged in water for up to 4 hours, complete errands outside the home, and even assist children with homework. Depending on what you need, they have-”]
Saitama sprang forward, slapping his hand down on the table without breaking it while his veins visibly protruded from his forehead.
…[Master: “Keep it to 20 words or less! What do you do?!”]
…[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.ai processing motion…]
…[motion identified: anger]
…[previous response cancelled]
…[processing 20 word response…]
…[response processed: “I am a household unit that can complete many chores.”]
___________
Saitama stared at the robot across from him for probably longer than he should have. Right when it looked like AG-UN05 would start talking again, Saitama interrupted again. There was no way he was going to let this guy go on another rant.
“Listen, I don’t think there’s really any use for you here. I just kind of entered that raffle on a whim, I never thought I’d win it.” Saitama felt bad even saying it, looking down and rubbing the back of his head to try to dissipate the awkward energy.
“I qualify as a luxury model of housekeeping units since I have the capacity to download and utilize all available housekeeping software programs, I can be submerged in water for an extended period of time, I am equipped with a high-end GPS system that allows me to complete errands outside of the house, and can complete more abstract problem-solving issues or questions should they arise.” AG-UN05 projected his response with a fervor that made Saitama lean back a bit. If he didn’t know any better, Saitama would call it desperation.
“Luxury? Like… you’re worth a lot of money?” Saitama’s eyes got a bit wide at the idea.
“In essence, yes. While I might not appear as a typical model, my value would be considered higher than normal.” AG-UN05 didn’t seem to pick up on what Saitama was implying.
“So how much do you cost then?” Saitama tried to feign mild curiosity.
“Android Industries tries to keep their androids’ maintenance and upkeep costs as low as possible, with convenient subscription services that allow owners to be able to easily track their android’s costs as a singular monthly payment.” AG-UN05 definitely missed the point.
“Wait, what do you mean upkeep? I thought you were just a robot.” Saitama’s excitement of cash was replaced with utter confusion.
“While androids are made mostly of various synthetic materials, Android Industries created a patented system for the processing of information that combines natural biological systems with mechanical gateways that work in symbiosis to-“
“20 words.” Saitama interrupted. He was working hard to keep the android in check. AG-UN05 stared at him for a moment before trying again.
“I have an organic brain.” AG-UN05 dropped this information like it was the most obvious fact. Saitama balked.
“You have a brain? Doesn’t that make you like… not a robot?”
“When Robot Makers acquired BioCloning and rebranded as Android Industries, they were able to begin cloning brains for the explicit purpose of using them as stimulation and data processors for android robots. The human brain was too complex to reverse-engineer and recreate into such a small space to keep androids within a reasonable humanoid shape. Android Industries has already gone through all legal channels to make sure than androids do not qualify as human.”
“That seems really messed up.” Saitama shifted, his leg was now partially asleep.
“My organic brain does not think like a human. Its only purpose is to filter incoming data. The extensive software developed for over more than a decade makes decisions and executes commands for all androids.” AG-UN05 continued to stare at Saitama, unblinking. This new information to Saitama was so conflicting to think about, so he did what he always did when he was met with something too complex: ignore it.
“So back to that upkeep thing, what’s needed for that?” Saitama was now very thirsty from all this talking. He raised his glass to take a much-needed drink of water.
“Since I still have an organic brain, it needs nutrients to stay healthy. As such, Android Industries would suggest subscribing to their monthly Android Nutrient Tablet package that would give you a 30-day supply for $500 a month.”
A glorious spray of water now covered the room.
“$500 a month?! Are you nuts?!” Saitama slammed his hands on the table again. It was suffering a lot of abuse today. “Absolutely not! What the hell are they made of?”
“Android Nutrient Tablets contain all necessary vitamins and minerals for keeping an organic brain healthy and fully functioning.” AG-UN05 was beginning to sound like an advertisement.
“Do you eat?” Saitama asked, wiping the table with an old shirt that was lying on the ground.
“Android Industries androids are equipped with a functioning rudimentary digestive system that allows organic matter to be converted into essential-“
“So is that a yes?” Saitama cut in.
“Yes, I am capable of eating. Although Android Industries would highly advise all android owners to utilize Android Nutrient Tablets for the care of their units.” AG-UN05 was definitely programmed to advertise. That’s not a shock.
“Yeah, yeah that’s not happening. You’ll just eat what I make, it’ll be way cheaper.” Saitama tossed the now damp shirt into the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of the room. All of this was starting to become overwhelming.
“I was administered one tablet before I left the facility and was supplied with 3 free tablets in order to assist with your transition to owning an android, meaning I will not need any sustenance for approximately 12 days.” AG-UN05 brought out three bottlecap-sized brown pucks wrapped in clear plastic. Saitama looked at them for a moment, squinting his eyes. He was expecting something more grand or at least wrapped better. These were the things that were $500 a month? He swiped them from the table and walked to the kitchen.
“We’ll just keep these stored as a back-up, no need to use them now.” He tossed them in his loose-item drawer, which was definitely not a junk drawer. He reentered the main room and sat back down at the table. “Were you sent with anything else?” Saitama so wished to be done with this conversation, but he knew the end was in sight. Hopefully.
“No, I have no other items or accessories other than what is installed on my body.”
“So what you’re wearing is all you got? That won’t work, they’ll get gross.” Saitama sighed in frustration. Of course this company would just saddle him with all this work despite giving him something ‘free’. Something about lunches and all that. “Guess I got to get a job for a bit.” Saitama stretched out to grab his laptop from the floor, placing it carefully on the table and opening it up. Thankfully it still had some charge, so he didn’t bother plugging it in. He scrolled to his usual job board and began mindlessly scrolling for whatever listing looked reasonable and paid a decent wage. He needed to do this anyway, his wallet has been feeling incredibly light lately.
___________
…[disengage from conversation]
…[revert to primary directive: engage HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL.ai]
……[loading HP.list.chore.1.ai]
……[calculating most efficient path…]
……[path created]
…[response processed: “Master, I will begin my basic cleaning routine. If there are any personal preferences regarding your dwelling space, please let me know.”]
…[Master: “Don’t call me ‘Master’.”]
…[command ignored]
…[begin HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL.ai]
…[accessing folder: system_32_510932.ai]
……[accessing subfolder: subsystem_executable_5415931.ai]
………[accessing subfolder: biomind_nonattention_ignore.ai]
…………[accessing subfolder: self_notes.ai]
……………[creating new file: note_12045.doc]
……………[contents: You must prove yourself useful to Master Saitama by any means necessary]
Notes:
Processing...
Processing...
Processing...
Response loaded: I'm not promising a consistent upload schedule, but at least I have an outline for like 70% of the story. I've done more planning for this than my actual life.
Chapter 3: Designation
Chapter Text
…[running STARTUP.ai protocol]
…[scanning systems…]
……[systems running at 92% efficiency]
………[error detected: system.memory.backup.ai: defrag initiated]
………[defrag cancelled]
………[file created: defrag.cancel.report.issuance1549.doc]
………[file deleted]
…[initiating sensory input systems]
…[full bootup in 10…]
…[5…]
…[full bootup complete]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: rising heartrate, increased brain activity]
……[begin MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai]
……[error: no executable detected]
……[creating MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai executable]
…[MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai executable processing: initial morning recording]
……[observation mode activated: remain in waiting mode unless input from user registered]
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
Saitama stretched lazily as he sat up in his futon, his blanket tossed carelessly to the side in his sleep. He rubbed his eyes relentlessly, unable to fully wake up from the comfort of sleep. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was forgetting something important.
…[…]
…[…]
…[WARNING: response not required]
…[response processed: “Master, is there anything you would like me to get started this morning?”]
……[file created: error.report.reponseissuance.1.doc]
……[file deleted]
Saitama jumped from the sound, his eyes now fully open. He realized now the ‘something he was forgetting’ was an entire, large robot man now living in his home.
…[Master: “Oh! Uh… I forgot you were here. Wait, did you sleep in that corner?”]
…[response processed: “Yes. Android Industries androids are designed to take up as little space as possible in the home for the user’s convenience.”]
…[Master: “Maybe we should get you a futon.”]
…[response processed: “That is not necessary, master. I do not feel discomfort from going into sleep-mode in my designated position.”]
…[Master: “That’s fine. Still getting one.”]
…[response processed: “Understood, master.”]
…[Master: “I thought I told you not to call me master.”]
…[response cancelled]
Saitama rose from his bed and immediately turned to roll it up and put it away in the corner of the room. He then proceeded on to the restroom to complete his normal morning routine.
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
--Sound of toilet flushing--
…[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file modified. refer to HP.list.chore.2.doc]
--Sound of sink running--
…[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file modified. refer to HP.list.chore.2.doc]
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
…[WARNING: lower appendage movement detected: unit is to not move until input is detected or MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai has been processed: remain in position]
…[motion detected: MASTER.SAITAMA entering kitchen]
……[do not disturb MASTER.SAITAMA until MORNING.ROUTINE.FUCTION.ai has been processed]
…[awaiting input…]
--Sound of kitchen utensils in use--
…[HOUSEKEEPER.PROTOCOL file modified. refer to HP.list.chore.2.ai]
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
…[WARNING: response not required]
…[response processed: “My apologies master, but I shall ask again since I did not receive a direct answer. Is there anything I can get started for you this morning?”]
……[file created: error.report.reponseissuance.2.doc]
……[file deleted]
…[Master: “No, I got it. I’m just making breakfast.”]
…[response processed: “Understood.”]
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: multiple instances of unauthorized responses: system calibrations required]
……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI]
……[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.1.ai deleted]
……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.1.ai to AI. file not detected]
…[awaiting input…]
___________
Once Saitama sat at the small table in the main room with his breakfast, he realized how awkward it was to have this android stare at him while he ate. He’ll definitely make an extra portion tonight regardless of whether the bot needs to eat. He couldn’t remember what AG said the other day about that, but since he wasn’t making a fuss now Saitama figured it was okay. ‘Is there anything he can’t eat? Maybe I should ask about that.’ Saitama pondered to himself for a bit before quickly grabbing the remote and turning on the television. His own thoughts were starting to go in a way he didn’t want, acting as if this android would be here for a while. Wasn’t the plan to sell him?
“So, did you work for like a family or something before me?” Saitama asked without looking at AG-UN05. Selling him probably meant needing to know his history. There was a long enough pause for Saitama to glance over in slight concern. ‘Oh no, not again.’ he panicked.
“I’m sorry, I cannot answer that question due to the confidential nature of the information. If you have any questions regarding the safety, history, or any potential defects of this unit, please contact Android Industries on their customer support line or send an email to the customer support representatives available 24/7 for your convenience. Android Industries guarantees that all android units, even preowned, meet all strict internal regulations on performance and quality.” AG-UN05 seemed to be looking past Saitama when he delivered this monotone response. Saitama stared at him for a moment with his eyebrows furrowed.
“Nah, I’d rather not.” Saitama waved away the suggestion. No way he was wasting hours on hold, they never ended up helping him. It happens every time. He picked up his empty plate and placed it in the sink for later, ready to move on in his day. He returned to his closet, picking out a simple shirt and shorts to change in to. While he thought being stared at while eating was awkward, being watched while changing was worse.
“Alright, we’re going to King’s place now so get up and follow me I guess.” Saitama motioned lazily, heading towards the door.
“Hai.” AG-UN05 stood quickly, almost unfurling from the compressed seiza position he had been in since the night before. Saitama had forgotten that AG-UN05 was just slightly taller than him, which was odd since it made the robot a tad intimidating. So much for friendly, inviting androids.
Heading outside and onto the abandoned streets of City Z, Saitama and AG-UN05 walked in silence. It was a beautiful sunny day with only a few wisps of clouds dotting the sky. A light breeze made the heat more bearable. There was only the sound of some distant birds here and there since they had not reached an area with any traffic. It took longer than it should have for Saitama to notice that his android was not beside him.
“Why are you behind me?” Saitama questioned, stopping in his tracks.
“Androids are programmed to walk behind their owner for several reasons, including the safety and convenience of other pedestrians in a given area, to assist with protecting their owner from potential robbery, and to help facilitate the mentality that androids are objects.” AG-UN05 stated without an ounce of concern for what he said. It made Saitama stop.
“Geeze, this is just ridiculous. I don’t need protection, and I really don’t like this ‘object’ stuff. Just walk next to me, okay?” Saitama reached out and grabbed AG-UN05’s arm, pulling him forward and next to him. AG-UN05 had a momentary flash of surprise on his face before returning to his stoic expression.
“My programming does not allow-“
“I want you to. Aren’t you supposed to do what I ask?” Saitama cuts in, fending off the rebuttal.
“While Android Industries androids are programmed to obey their user’s commands, there are limitations regarding which commands can be followed. For example, if you were to command me to injure another person, my internal software regulations would ignore that command. I must also follow strict behavior patterns set forth by Android Industries in order to properly facilitate android and master relations that have been developed over years of research.” AG-UN05 stated plainly.
“Right. No one’s here. Walk next to me. If it gets busy, you can go back to walking behind me.” Saitama turned and began walking but didn’t let go of AG’s arm. AG reluctantly began walking in step next to his master, which prompted the bald man to let go. After a short while, they reached the fence that blocked off this portion of the abandoned city to the rest of the population. AG-UN05 continued to walk beside Saitama until another person was spotted, so he retreated to walking behind him. Saitama let out a sigh of frustration.
Once they reach a train terminal, Saitama approached the kiosk to buy their tickets. AG-UN05 noticed he was purchasing two and attempted to inform Saitama that androids can be stored in a different compartment for free, but Saitama ignored him entirely. They boarded their train and sat in some open seats. While the ride was short, Saitama couldn’t help but notice two things: AG-UN05 seemed almost nervous and most of the people in their car stared at them. The whole situation was beginning to piss Saitama off, there really shouldn’t be anything weird about what he was doing. Why were people so okay with these androids being just objects? Saitama had to mentally pause. He never cared about androids before, and they had been around for years now. Why should he care now?
The ride was barely 20 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. When their stop arrived, Saitama basically leapt from his seat, motioning for AG-UN05 to follow. They quickly exited the platform and hurried back onto the streets with AG staying dutifully behind his master. Saitama couldn’t even blame him for it now, the sidewalks were packed with people. And yet, the constant staring continued.
___________
…[action identified: knock on door]
……[destination reached: set new marker for KING.HOME]
……[sending KING.HOME designation to AI]
……[file successfully sent to AI]
…[resume audio recording]
--Footsteps approach from inside dwelling unit--
--Door opens--
…[King: “Ah, Saitama. You’re early. Uh…”]
…[Master: “Hey. So this is AG, my new android. AG, this is King.”]
…[response processed: “Hello. I am AG-UN05, Master Saitama’s new android. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]
…[INTRODUCTION.ai subfunction executed. initiate RESPECT.BOW.ai]
…[King: “Come in.”]
…[audio element detected: entrance granted]
…[scanning premise…10%...]
…[50%...]
…[scan complete]
King and Saitama made their way into the living room, but King stopped short of the small table that had been moved aside to make room in front of the television. His game console sat wired up, ready to play, but King’s attention was still on this new android before him. AG-UN05 did not stare back.
…[King: “So when did you get him? I thought you said you didn’t need one.”]
…[Master: “Yesterday. Remember that raffle thing from a month ago?”]
…[King: “No way.”]
…[Master: “Yeah.”]
…[King: “This… isn’t like any android I’ve ever seen before. He looks… weird.”]
…[Master: “Dude, he’s standing right there.”]
…[King: “He doesn’t care. Something about this is one off, you have to realize that.”]
…[Master: “I mean, yeah he’s kind of tall and a lot more metal-y than normal, but that’s not really a big deal. Maybe he’s just an older model. He said he’s like a luxury one or something.”]
…[King: “Saitama, I have a luxury model and she doesn’t look anything like this.”]
…[Master: “Yeah and yours is weird too.”]
…[audio element identified: existing android assigned to this location: sync required]
…[King: “Hana, would you come here please?”]
A rather petite, feminine android entered the room wearing a frilly maid uniform, complete with thigh-high black stockings and all the lace the outfit could manage. Her chocolate hair was styled in a bob cut with a hairband sporting a black bow. But the most prominent feature on her were her large, brown cat ears that projected from her head. Saitama considered it odd, especially since she still had normal human ears too. And no tail.
…[audio element identified: existing android designated HANA]
…[HANA.AI: “Master, is there anything I can do for you?”]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: eyes narrow, mouth pursed]
……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]
……[motion identified: disgust]
…[King: “Stand next to uh… that guy for a bit.”]
…[HANA.AI: “Yes, master!”]
…[HANA.AI motion detected: moving to stand next to AG_UN05 unit: remain in place]
…[HANA.AI: “Hello! I am Hana, master King’s android. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]
…[reply processed: “Hello, I am AG-UN05, master Saitama’s android. It is also a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”]
…[HANA.AI initiating sync. please wait…]
…[error: unable to sync. please update NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]
……[downloading NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]
…[download cancelled]
……[error: connection interrupted: unable to download NETWORK.PREFACE.INTERSYNC.ai drivers]
……[sending INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI]
…[file INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.ai deleted]
……[error: unable to send INTERSYNC.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI: file not detected]
…[HANA.AI: “I’m sorry, I am unable to sync with you. Are you experiencing network issues?”]
…[response processed: “I am currently unable to update sync drivers. The report has already been issued to Android Industries and should be resolved shortly.”]
…[King: “Hana, just leave him be for now. But like, you saw that right? The way they talk is different.”]
…[Master: “How so?”]
…[King: “The way their mouths move. He talks like he’s actually speaking and not just playing a generated voice, you know?”]
…[Master: “Sure, I guess.”]
…[King: “And look at his face. That fake skin stuff looks way too real.”]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: touching AU_UN05 unit facial region: remain stationary]
…[WARNING: internal core power fluctuation detected: stabilizing power generation]
…[Master: “I mean, yeah he’s kind of squishy. I really don’t think this is a big deal.”]
…[King: “You should. All this stuff on him means he’s worth more.”]
…[Master: “Come again?”]
…[King: “You know people upgrade their androids with black market stuff, right? He’s got to be some kind of repossessed android that someone did a bunch of work on. I mean, it’s not exactly legal to do this.”]
…[WARNING: internal core power rising: stabilizing power generation]
…[King: “So if you find the right audience, you could get top dollar for him.”]
…[Master: “How much are we talking?”]
…[WARNING: internal core power continuing to rise: stabilizing power generation]
…[King: “Well I’d say-“]
…[response processed: “You can’t sell me!”]
…[WARNING]
…[WARNING]
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine. system calibrations required]
……[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.2.doc to AI]
…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.2.doc deleted]
……[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.2.doc to AI. file not detected]
…[response processed: “The original intake form for the Android Industries raffle that Master Saitama signed included a contract that becomes binding once the raffle winner accepts the android designated as the raffle winnings. This contract includes the stipulation that attempting to sell the android is prohibited, and if the raffle winner no longer desires the android unit, it is to be returned to Android Industries with no further compensation. Failure to comply with this contract will result in legal action by Android Industries.”
…[BIO.BRAIN process levels returning to normal: continue to monitor for fluctuations]
___________
Saitama and King stared slack-jawed at AG-UN05 for a moment before Saitama finally spoke.
“Did you just yell?” Saitama asked incredulously.
“My apologies, master. I deemed it important information in order to help you avoid any potential illegal activities. Your safety, including legal issues, are top priorities for me.” AG-UN05’s explanation seemed plausible, so Saitama let the issue go. King, however, would not forget this strange behavior.
“So I can’t sell you. That kind of sucks.” Saitama watched his dream of not having to work for a while float away out the window. “Oh well.” He finished with a shrug.
“What will you do now?” King finally shifted his eyes off this strange android standing innocently in his home. He’ll figure out a way to talk to Saitama alone later about his many other new concerns.
“Well you heard him. I can’t sell him, so he’s mine now. I’ll make it work.” Saitama strolled towards the television and awaiting gaming system. “Enough about that, let’s play some games already.”
“What’s his name again?” King joined Saitama on the floor and turned on the console. He panicked for a moment, but it subsided when a dating sim home screen didn’t appear. He really needs to make sure to check what disc he has loaded before Saitama shows up.
“Oh yeah, I guess I should name him. He wouldn’t do it himself so I suppose I’ll do it. You got some paper and a pen?” Saitama motioned holding a pen and looked toward Hana. Without pause she left and retrieved the objects, handing them over delicately.
“Let me know if you need anything else, Saitama.” Hana coo-ed sweetly. Saitama missed the scowl on AG-UN05’s face.
“Alright, so it’s AG-UN05 right? Maybe if I… no that’s dumb… I guess if this was an ‘O’…” Saitama scribbled on the sheet some more, mumbling to himself unintelligibly. King gave a few suggestions on names, but Saitama dismissed most of them. After a few more minutes of drawing meaningless diagrams and indecipherable code, a name finally formed.
“What about ‘Genos’?” Saitama looked to his android.
“Is that the name you wish to designate to me?” AG-UN05 tilted his head. It was almost cute.
“Yeah that’s fine. I’ll call you Genos.” Saitama stated matter-of-factly.
“Understood. I will register the name into my system.”
Saitama was too far to hear the whirr of Genos’s core.
Notes:
Poor Genos, he's doing his best.
Chapter 4: Confrontation
Chapter Text
Saitama groaned, turning off his earlier-than-usual alarm and rising like a zombie from a grave. It’s not that he didn’t like mornings, he just preferred to take his time getting his day started instead of feeling rushed. As it is today, that’s not the case. Why, oh why did he agree to this? He accepted a 5 day long temp job that promised to pay very well in order to buy his “free” android some clothes and a futon. He just wanted to get the guy one new shirt! Not a whole wardrobe! This felt so much like he got a pet, except instead of taking care of the pet, the pet takes care of him. Saitama slapped his face and let it slide down, pulling his skin a bit and opening his eyes more. He really shouldn’t think like that, it wasn’t right.
He jumped when he was met with a glowing pair of yellow eyes closer than he was anticipating. Of course Genos was already awake, that was probably part of his programming. He really needed to get used to this, considering this guy was now here to stay. He was zero for two on waking without a jump-scare so far.
“Good morning, master. Is there anything you’d like for me to get started this morning?” Genos inquired loudly. Saitama squinted his face, trying to retreat from the sound.
“No, I’m good.” Saitama stood and retreated to the restroom. Once done and ready to make breakfast, he noticed that Genos had rolled up his futon and carefully placed everything in the corner, no doubt mimicking his actions from yesterday. Saitama couldn’t help but think that the blond-hair bot looked a little lost, standing in the middle of his living room with nothing to do. ‘Do androids get bored? I hope not.’ He mused a bit before grabbing a pan. He only needed to make himself something, as Genos reminded him last night that he doesn’t need to eat until tomorrow. The untouched leftovers from yesterday also reminded him of this. ‘Oh well, dinner for tonight then.’
“Master, I feel it best to inform you that if you wish for me to cook for you, you will need to teach me your personal process as Android Industries does not provide its androids with cooking instructions due to liability. There were multiple instances in the past of androids causing fires due to the multitude of different kitchen appliances on the market being incompatible with one standard cooking procedure. There have also been cases of food allergies or health conditions triggered from users not informing their android of said conditions. As such, Android Industries has taken the precaution that all android users must give recorded oral permission that waives all legal recourse for damages caused by their androids cooking before allowing androids to learn to cook. Android Industries also guarantees that any health-related information provided to an android unit will remain confidential.” Genos turned and stared at Saitama through the little window in the kitchen wall. Saitama took a moment to ponder this before returning to the stove.
“I mean, I like cooking so it’s not a big deal. Do you want to learn to cook?” Saitama plated his breakfast and sat at the table.
“I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have wants. I have simply identified a way that I could be of potential use to you and feel it best to offer my services and the attached conditions.” Genos provided that canned ‘want’ response again, which Saitama had a feeling wasn’t going to be the last time he heard it.
“I guess that’s the closest to a “yes” I’m going to get. We’ll worry about that later, when I’m done with this job.” Saitama finished off his breakfast and returned the plate to the kitchen. No doubt Genos will have that cleaned as soon as he’s gone. He changed into some work-appropriate clothes and began to slip on his shoes when a pair of heavy footsteps approached.
“Master, if I may inquire… while you are gone, would it be alright if I utilized your laptop in order to study recipes and their ingredient lists? I could help with optimizing grocery selections in order to better utilize sales, bulk items, and proper use of more expensive ingredients such as spices.” Genos asked with a high level of determination. Saitama zoned out, thinking about what he was going to do for lunch.
“Sure, knock yourself out.” Saitama waved nonchalantly. Once the door was firmly closed, Genos just stared for a solid few minutes while tracing the path his master was taking toward the city with his sensors. Having fully integrated Saitama’s biosignature into his system, he could now detect when the bald man was back within his scanning vicinity. After watching the biosignature disappear from his radar, the first thing he did was enter the kitchen and clean the singular dirty plate and pan.
For the next few hours, Genos spent his time cleaning the restroom again, making sure the kitchen was spotless, and cleaning the sliding glass doors. He then took some time to organize all the coupons and fliers that littered the desk based on date and location. He finished by sweeping the floor and wiping down the table. Once done, he shuffled himself over to said table, placing the laptop down with care and opening it as gently as possible. The rest of the afternoon was spent reading recipes and their long-winded stories of how they were created. Overall, he managed to get through four.
The sun now hung low on the horizon, casting a soft orange glow off every rooftop it could reach. The streetlights began to flicker on, interrupting the shadows that had taken over the sidewalks. As Saitama approached his apartment with his two tiny grocery bags, he felt a strange sense of unease. He would no longer come home to an empty apartment where everything would be exactly as he left it. Instead, he would need to entertain what could almost be considered a permanent guest. Was this really what he wanted? Sure, he did entertain the idea that a robot companion would be nice, but this was already starting to get overwhelming, and the guy had only been here for two and half days. He never thought his calm life would be flipped like this so quickly, and the android wasn’t even doing anything. Except talk. A lot. Or at least more than he was used to. Which was none…
Maybe it would be best to send the robot back, he could find a job with someone who would actually appreciate him. It’s not like Genos is attached to him or anything as he doesn’t have feelings, he’s made that abundantly clear. Sending him away would also keep him out of danger, since Saitama had to dispatch two separate monsters just to get home today. With where they lived, Genos is less of a guest… and more of a prisoner. The more the thoughts built up, the guiltier Saitama felt. King would probably give him a hard time for giving up so fast, but he’ll get over it. As his hand rested on the door handle, his mind was almost made up. He would send Genos back.
“Welcome home, master! I will now inform you of the work I have done while you were away.”
Alright, maybe Saitama will give it a few days. Maybe he just needed more time to adjust. He wouldn’t even be here most of the next few days anyway. He’ll think about this later.
___________
…[current time: 6:02 p.m.]
……[estimated time of MASTER.SAITAMA arrival: 26 minutes]
…[analyzing HP.list.chore.7.doc…]
……[analysis complete. all items completed]
…[accessing folder recipe_collection.ai]
……[accessing subfolder: dinner_recipe_collection]
………[accessing file 4 of 12…]
…[accessing file: grocery_list_1.doc]
……[adding ‘carrots’, ‘cabbage’, ‘eggs’ to grocery_list_1.doc]
……[file saved]
…[remain idle until biosignature of MASTER.SAITAMA is within activation zone]
…[…]
…[…]
…[warning: unidentified biosignature approaching HOME location]
……[target within 1 mile]
……[target within 0.5 mile]
…[action required: intercept target]
…[exiting HOME: await confirmation of target location]
…[target located. initiating identification procedure]
…[exterior audio detected: beginning audio recording]
--Light footsteps approach—
An incredibly slender figure walked towards Genos from a direction that had no stairs. He was cloaked in a skin-tight black suit with various metal bands and plating, topped off with a long purple scarf. His black hair partially covered his face with the rest held back in a sort of bun high on the back of his head. He stared at the mechanical figure in front of him, visible confusion painted across his face.
…[Male Figure A: “Who the hell are you?”]
…[response processed: “Please identify yourself.”]
…[Male Figure A: “I don’t need to do shit, I’m not here for you. I didn’t think anyone else lived here.”]
…[MALE.FIGURE.A in possession of objects]
……[scanning objects…]
……[objects identified: katana, multiple kunai]
…[MALE.FIGURE.A motion detected: proceeding forward]
…[target identified as threat. initiate HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]
…[response processed: “I’m sorry, but I must stop you here. Unless you identify yourself and leave your dangerous possessions behind, I cannot allow you to proceed.”]
…[Male Figure A: “No way, an android? You look like a freak. I didn’t take Saitama as someone who would own one of you useless pieces of garbage.”]
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: Increased levels of norepinephrine and adrenaline: system calibrations delayed until HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai completed]
…[Male Figure A: “Well I guess I’ll inform you then: I’m Speed of Sound Sonic, Saitama’s rival. I’m sure he’s mentioned me. I’m here for a rematch.”]
…[response processed: “No, I have not been informed of your existence. You must not be relevant.”]
Sonic did not take Genos’s comment well. He had never met a more agitating android in his life, and he wasn’t about to let this go. He proceeded forward, the hand that was previously resting on his hip now moving up to grab the hilt of his sword. ‘I’ll turn this piece of shit into scrap metal’ he sneered, his original objective now a temporary afterthought. He was going to enjoy this.
…[proximity within striking range: retreat to safe distance]
…[SOS Sonic: “More relevant than you.”]
…[WARNING]
…[WARNING]
…[WARNING: weapon detected. identification: katana]
…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: facial region]
…[engage evasive maneuver: contract lumbar braces, adjust for balance]
Sonic swung his blade in a wide arc high enough to strike Genos’s face, but the android leaned back just enough for the edge to miss. Sonic’s eyes widened in surprise at the speed exhibited by this robot since he was sure he would end this quickly. Surprise quickly turned to anger, however, as the robot righted himself back up to continue to stare daggers at him. Sonic was now even more determined to kill this android.
…[AG_UN05 unit safety prioritized: disengaging HOME.PROTECTION.PROTOCOL.ai]
…[threat level 5 detected: DO NOT ENGAGE: alerting authorities…]
……[error: unable to alert authorities: please update OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]
…[SOS Sonic: “You little shit.”]
……[downloading OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]
…[download cancelled]
……[WARNING: weapon detected: identification: kunai]
…[error: connection interrupted: unable to download OUTGOING.NOTIF.CALL.ai drivers]
……[sending OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI]
…[command: clear notifications]
As Genos took a few steps backwards and closed his eyes hard, Sonic took that moment to throw a few kunai at him, determined to incapacitate even a bit of him. Surely there were some wires or tubes he could sever that would slow this bot down. Sonic had taken out plenty of androids in the past, they’re cowards once they take some damage.
…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: left shoulder]
……[engage evasive maneuver: contract right thoracic braces, adjust for balance]
Much to Sonic’s dismay, Genos twisted to the side and allowed the kunai to sail past his chest, striking the far wall behind him. Sonic grit his teeth even harder, his annoyance overflowing at this change of events. However, he figured if they caused enough of a ruckus, Saitama might finally get off his ass and fight him. Change of plans.
…[SOS Sonic: “Oh that’s cute, you think you’re faster than me?”]
…[file OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc deleted]
……[error: unable to send OUTGOING.CALL.DRIVER.ISSUE.AG_UN05.1.doc to AI: file not detected]
…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: abdomen]
……[engage evasive maneuver: activating SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in R3 position, calibrate new location]
…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]
Genos jettisoned backwards a short distance, blowing extremely hot air from his shoulders to create thrust. The sword had missed his target again, but Sonic was no longer as aggravated by this. It looked like getting this robot to move about made way more noise, so that is exactly what he was going to do. Sonic could feel his face contort into his annoying smile, but he didn’t fight it. Now things were getting interesting.
…[SOS Sonic: “Then let’s see how fast you really are!”]
…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach forward]
……[proximity too close. retreat to safe distance]
…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]
……[error: cannot execute command. MASTERKEY password required]
…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]
…[command: override MASTERKEY password]
……[error: cannot execute command. admin credentials required]
…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach from right]
…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: neck]
……[engage evasive maneuver: contract left oblique fibers, calculate exit path]
………[optimal path calculated: engage SHOULDER.THRUSTER.ai in F1 position, adjusting for impact from 50’ height]
Genos leaned down and shot forward past Sonic and his blade, clearing the railing and falling from the upper level of the building to the street below. The wind whipped past Sonic, causing him to shield his eyes for a moment before turning to regain Genos’s location. He gripped the railing for a moment, leaving dents in the metal. Vaulting over the railing himself, he was now immersed in this chase. Saitama could wait. This was personal.
…[SOS Sonic: “Where do you think you’re going?!”]
…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach from above]
…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]
…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]
……[error: cannot execute command. MASTERKEY password required]
…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]
…[command: clear notifications]
…[weapon path estimation: central chest]
……[engage evasive maneuver: project off adjacent wall. engage HAND.SUBTHRUSTER.ai at power level 2]
………[optimal path calculated: roll to dissipate speed, turn 180 to relocate target]
Sonic had landed behind Genos, who spun around to meet him. Sonic swung his katana quickly straight at his chest, but Genos jumped backwards with the help of a boost of momentum from his palms. Hitting the wall of the apartment building, Genos kicked off it to fly forward past Sonic again. As he hit the ground, he rolled to dissipate his momentum and turned to face Sonic again.
…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]
…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]
…[command: activate AG.INCIN.WEAP.ai]
……[error: cannot execute command. MASTERKEY password required]
‘Damnit’
…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]
…[command: locate MASTERKEY password]
……[error: command not identified]
…[SPEED.OF.SOUND.SONIC motion detected: rapid approach from behind]
…[WARNING: weapon path estimation: back of cranium]
……[engage evasive maneuver: expand lumbar braces, contract quadricep fibers, rotate]
Sonic had slipped past the android during his little stunt, determined to try to hit him in his blind spot. He shot forward, keeping two hands on the hilt of his sword to put as much power and speed into this strike as possible. He swung towards the back of Genos’s head, but as he continued forward he was met with no resistance. Genos had ducked down low to avoid the blade once more.
…[response processed: “It is best if you stop your attacks. You cannot touch me.”]
…[WARNING: DO NOT ENGAGE]
…[SOS Sonic: “I haven’t even been trying!”]
…[command: overclock POWER.CORE.ai]
…[command: overclock COOLING.FAN.TORSO.ai]
…[command: overclock COOLING.FAN.SHOULDER.ai]
…[WARNING: overheating. discharging excess power. remain away from electronics]
…[SOS Sonic: “You really are just a-“]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA biosignature detected]
___________
Saitama delivered a smack to Sonic’s head, sending him sprawling into the pavement. One of the ninja’s legs bent upward, twitching slightly. He could only give a faint groan.
“Oi! Leave Genos alone!” Saitama scolded. He hadn’t even removed his other hand from his sweatshirt pocket. “You alright?” He looked over to the android who was now glowing bright yellow from some of the creases in his metal plating. As the glow began to dim, the electrical sparks emanating from him also ceased. The roar of a multitude of fans finally calmed and Genos righted himself from his bent position. The last to diminish was the faint blue hue originating from the center of his chest. After taking a few more moments to collect his composure, he bowed deeply to his master.
“I apologize; I attempted to protect your home from what I deemed a potential threat and was subsequently attacked. I did my best to lure the culprit away from the residence in order to avoid any potential damage.” Genos replied with his face still lowered. Saitama looked down at Sonic one more time before making his way to Genos’s side. He gave the android a good pat on the shoulder.
“Good job then. Yeah, I probably should have warned you about Sonic. I didn’t think he’d be back so soon, considering last time... You must be pretty fast if you can keep up with him.” Saitama chuckled slightly to try to ease the tension. Genos finally raised his head to look at his master, the worried creases in his brows finally smoothing back into his normal resting angry face. “Now come on, I’m hungry. I hurried back ‘cause I skipped lunch.” Saitama turned and headed towards the stairs, Genos quickly in tow.
Right as they made it to the door, Genos detected Sonic’s biosignature retreating rapidly. Saitama commented about “catch and release”, though Genos didn’t understand. Inside and away from the approaching darkness, the bald man turned with a grin and held up his small wallet.
“So, the old man that hired me gave me double pay since I did so much work for him. Guess he was just that happy to have all those boulders removed. Maybe we can get you an extra pair of shoes in case you ruin yours.” Saitama hadn’t been this excited since the last major sale at his favorite grocery store two months ago. He was thinking of all the different meals they could make, like hot pot. Or they could go for some udon. That sounded really good. He stopped drooling for moment to shift his attention to the bot, noticing no reaction from him. “Something wrong? You don’t want shoes?”
“I must apologize again, master. You witnessed me in a dangerous state and could have been injured. I had determined that I needed to perform extreme measures to intimidate the intruder since he persisted with his attacks. I am, after all, unable to injure a human due to strict programming.” If possible, Genos’s face appeared even more serious than before. It was more impressive than intimidating.
“It’s fine, I’m not bothered. I’m just glad you didn’t get hurt. I don’t know how much it costs to repair you. Besides, it’s good because there’s a lot of monsters around here, so if you’re able to get away that means I don’t have to worry. Plus, you can’t hurt me. I’m pretty strong.” Saitama felt a little weird having to reassure a robot, but there wasn’t really anything about this that was normal. He thought back to his worries earlier in the week, shaking his head a bit at what seems like silly things now. Genos is strong too, probably. Or at least fast. He’s not stuck here at all. Saitama proposes that he made the right decision after all. Tomorrow they’ll head out and make him a more permanent presence here in this tiny apartment.
“And anyway, with that glowing you could make for a good nightlight.”
Genos didn’t take this as a joke.
Notes:
How... how do you write an action scene in code? Why did I do this to myself? (Nevermind, I think I made it better)
And what's that? Did Genos do a think? Uh oh...
Chapter 5: Actuation
Notes:
Leaving this here to see if it comes true: based on my outline, it looks like this story is shaping up to be about 23 chapters. So buckle up, buckaroos.
Update: edited Sept. 7th
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
…[maintain umbrella position for optimal protection on MASTER.SAITAMA]
…[approaching pedestrians: remain centrally behind MASTER.SAITAMA to reduce walking profile]
…[adjusting umbrella due to collision]
…[moisture detected: rear side of unit: engaging COOLING.FAN.TORSO.ai in R2 position at 6%]
…[approaching destination: ReThrift Store]
…[analyzing display posters: “TODAY ONLY: ALL ITEMS BOGO”]
……[interpretation: “Buy-One-Get-One” commonly used to indicate one item is full price and one item is free]
…[engaging CURTESY.DOOR.PROTOCOL.ai for MASTER.SAITAMA]
…[Master: “Thanks.”]
…[entering building: disengage umbrella: insert umbrella into casing]
…[scanning premise…10%...]
…[50%...]
…[scan complete]
……[occupants within premise: 6]
…[Master: “Oh man, you got wet. I knew we should have grabbed another umbrella somewhere.”]
…[response processed: “I have already engaged my internal fans, my clothing will be dry relatively quickly.”]
…[Master: “That’s convenient.”]
…[remain approximately 4 feet from MASTER.SAITAMA to allow optimal shopping experience]
…[diverting path to clothing section]
…[Master: “Ah, here we go.”]
…[do not disturb MASTER.SAITAMA while shopping until input is received]
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
Saitama casually browsed the shirts, unsure of what to look for. He selected a plain gray shirt to start, hoping this would be the right size. He held it up in front of Genos but realized quickly that even though the shirt would fit his torso, his shoulders were a different story. He placed the shirt back on the rack and began looking around for a different section.
…[Master: “Probably can’t look at these ones since you have big arms. Maybe we’ll stick to stuff without sleeves.”]
…[diverting path to next shirt section]
…[proximity too close: remain 4 feet from MASTER.SAITAMA]
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
Saitama browsed absentmindedly through the plethora of shirts on display. He thumbed through the hangers, sometimes checking a price tag here and there. He made it through about a sixth of the selection before turning to look at the still android, those yellow eyes boring straight into his soul. Saitama blinked slowly at him before giving a small sigh.
…[Master: “Oi. These are for you. You should look through these, too.”]
…[response processed: “Is there any criteria of which you wish for me to search? For example, I can search for shirts based on quality, washable material, specific colors, specific fit, or shirts with certain logos.”]
…[Master: “Just look for something you like.”]
…[statement acknowledged: keyword identified: supplying android.want.ai protocol response]
…[response processed: “I-“]
…[response cancelled: reason: unnecessary]
……[response cancellation filed under RESPONSE.CATALOG.CANCELLATION subfolder]
…[response processed: “Understood. I shall begin searching. Please excuse me.”]
…[scanning clothing rack…25%...]
…[80%...]
…[scan complete]
…[identifying 926 potential shirt options]
……[reducing shirt options. qualification: size]
……[identifying 257 potential shirt options]
………[reducing shirt options. qualification: washable material]
………[identifying 187 potential shirt options]
…………[reducing shirt options. qualification: price]
…………[identifying 45 potential shirt options]
……………[reducing shirt options. qualification: style]
……………[identifying 21 potential shirt options]
…[selecting identified shirts for approval from MASTER.SAITAMA]
……[depositing first selection with MASTER.SAITAMA. retrieve remaining items]
…[Master: “Hey wait, this is a lot already. How many more are you grabbing?”]
……[depositing remaining selection with MASTER.SAITAMA]
Saitama now held a comically large pile of tank tops in his arms, looking over the pile as the clearly-out-of-his-mind robot. He swept his eyes over all adjacent areas, desperate for a spot to place these down. No such luck.
…[response processed: “These are the clothing items I have determined best fit the criteria that would most likely appeal to you, master. I scanned all available sleeveless shirt items available and then filtered them out based on size, washability, price, and style. The reason I selected style as one of the criteria is to avoid shirts that could potentially become caught in my joints or plating.”]
…[Master: “So… these aren’t what you like, you just got them because they’re convenient.”]
…[statement acknowledged: keyword identified: supplying android.want.ai protocol response]
…[response cancelled: reason: unnecessary]
……[overriding cancellation: second inquiry overrides ‘unnecessary’ reason selection]
…[response processed: “I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have desires. If there is any particular clothing you wish for me to wear, you are free to select them. Based on research, many users find entertainment in dressing their android units in particular colors, uniforms, or styles in order to match or fulfill their personal preferences.”]
…[Master: “Eh? That sounds creepy. Though I guess that’s what King does with his… Anyway, I’m not really interested in that. Look, can you just pick, I don’t know, five from this pile that you think are the best?”]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: creased eyebrows, exaggerated exhale, terse tone]
……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]
……[motion identified: frustration]
………[comply with request to alleviate frustration]
…[response processed: “Understood. Based on color theory and analyzing the latest male fashion trends, the shirts from my previous selection- “]
…[response interrupted]
…[Master: “Stop! Just… Pick something. Anything. Without analyzing or thinking about it.”]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA frustration levels increasing. comply with request to alleviate frustration]
……[selecting first shirt on top of pile]
…[Master: “That’s not what I asked!”]
…[response processed: “I selected a shirt without analysis just as you requested.”]
…[MASTER.SAITAMA motion detected: excessive staring]
……[HUMAN.BODYLANGUAGE.DETECTOR.AI processing motion…]
……[unable to identify motion]
…[Master: “You’re something else, you know that.”]
…[response processed: “I am an android. I do not know what else I am supposed to be.”]
…[Master: “Well then do what I ask.”]
…[response processed: “As an android, I am designed to fulfill your requests within reason. I explained previously that there are requests I cannot complete such as cause harm or perform activities I am not programmed for, but this also includes making decisions regarding wants or desires from me since I do not have those functions. At most, over time I will build a better profile of your preferences and be able to make decisions based on what I calculate would be preferable to you. If I am to be assess for any wants, it is simply to be satisfactory in my service to you.”
…[Master: “Fine.”]
‘I’ve disappointed him.’
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased neural activity]
……[freezing facial functions. administering regulatory shock]
………[further calibration required]
………[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.5.doc to AI]
…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.5.doc deleted]
………[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.5.doc to AI: file not detected]
…[Master: “Here, I think these ones will work. Hold these will you?”]
…[response processed: “Hai.”]
…[receiving clothing items. retain possession until further direction given]
…[Master: “Come on, we’ll get you an extra pair of pants.”]
Saitama, now free of holding any clothing as all other shirts were now back where they belonged… or at least close, scanned the signs to look for where to go next. Once located, he continued with Genos loosely in tow. The android seemed determined to stay a certain distance from him, which was kind of annoying when trying to hand him things. During his musings he almost ran into an old lady and apologized in passing. She would have been upset but was caught off guard by the strange android, staring at him long after he had passed. Typical of basically everyone around them.
…[Master: “I uh… don’t know your size. Guess it doesn’t matter much with these; the sizes can be all over the place. We’ll just have you try some on.”]
…[scanning clothing rack…25%...]
…[75%...]
…[Master: “Huh… ‘pair of pants’. Such a weird phrase.”]
…[statement acknowledged: end clothing scanning: searching for history of ‘pair of pants’…]
…[generating response…]
…[response processed: “Master, the term ‘pair of pants’ has sparked some debate within linguistic academia, but the most commonly accepted premise is that ‘pants’ is a plurale tantum, meaning it only has a plural form. As such, the preceding addition of ‘pair of’ is appropriate for such a word as it would otherwise sound stilted. Other words that also adhere to this rule include: scissors, glasses, tweezers, and pliers. Though there is also the belief that in historic times, ‘pants’ were two items that one would be put on separately and secured at the waist. Thus, it would make more sense to call it a ‘pair’ since it was once two items.”]
…[Master: “That’s… interesting.”]
…[response processed: “If you have any other questions, I will be happy to research them for you.”]
…[Master: “I’m good.”]
…[response acknowledged: do not disturb MASTER.SAITAMA while shopping until input is received]
…[awaiting input…]
…[…]
…[Master: “Here, lets trade and you can go try these on.”]
…[exchanging clothing items]
…[diverting path to dressing rooms]
…[Master: “This one’s open.”]
--approaching footsteps—
…[identifying figure: employee uniform recognized]
…[Male Employee A: “Excuse me, are you going to have your android try on clothes?”]
…[Master: “Yeah, I want to make sure they fit.”]
…[Male Employee A: “We don’t allow androids into dressing rooms due to security reasons.”]
…[Master: “What, you think he’s going to steal pants?”]
…[Male Employee A: “I don’t make the rules, I’m just saying-“]
…[Master: “This is the most rule-crazy robot you’ll ever meet. He’s not going to steal pants.”]
…[Male Employee A: “I’ve heard that excuse before, it still doesn’t change our policy.”]
…[Master: “He doesn’t even have anywhere to stick pants.”]
…[Male Employee A: “We’ve had people attempt to walk out with their androids wearing multiple clothing items, especially under sweatshirts like yours.”]
…[Master: “Oh now you’re accusing me of stealing?!”]
…[engage measures to dissipate probable altercation]
…[Male Employee A: “Sir, I-“]
…[response processed: “Master, I would like a chance to correct this situation. I was distracted earlier by your inquiry into historic vernacular that I did not finish my scan of clothing items. I can determine whether there is a high probability that the pants you are holding will be compatible with my stature. Taking into consideration waist circumference, length, and material composition will give me a 98% certainty regarding fit.”]
…[Master: “Fine, we’ll just do that. Happy?”]
…[Male Employee A: “Thank you for complying with the store rules.”]
…[Master: “Yeah, whatever.”]
--Male Employee A walks away--
…[Male Employee A: “Damn weirdos…”]
…[scanning clothing items…]
…[scan complete]
…[response processed: “I have determined that of the selected items, these two are the most likely to fit me.”]
…[Master: “Then we’ll get both, just in case. Last thing… shoes. But just one.”]
…[response processed: “Understood.”]
…[receiving clothing items: retain possession until further direction given]
…[diverting path to shoe section]
…[Master: “You want to just… scan everything? I’m kind of done being here.”]
…[response processed: “Of course, please allow me a moment.”]
…[scanning footwear… 50%...]
…[scan complete]
…[acquiring selected footwear]
…[response processed: “Master, if we are looking for one pair of shoes, I have determined that these would be the best selection as the shoes are in the best condition for a reasonable price.”]
…[Master: “Alright, grab them and we’ll go check out.”]
…[response processed: “Hai.”]
…[statement acknowledged: all shopping completed: no further scanning required]
…[diverting path to registers]
…[maintain visual contact with MASTER.SAITAMA]
As the pair walked towards the registers at the far end of the store, they passed through rest of the various sections the store had to offer. Saitama was trying to remember the last time he’d been here, it felt like they expanded. Surely, they didn’t have this entire furniture section before. It looked rough and smelled a little. As they passed the kitchen section, he thought about whether he needed any new pans. Not yet at least.
…[WARNING: no further scanning required. unnecessary visual scanning conducted]
……[objects identified: kitchenware]
…[WARNING: path to registers interrupted. unnecessary detour conducted]
……[objects identified: aprons]
…[attempting to recalculate path to MASTER.SAITAMA location]
…[error: unit not responding. scanning unit for anomalies]
‘I want that.’
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased neural activity]
……[freezing facial functions. administering regulatory shock]
………[further calibration required]
………[sending CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.6.doc to AI]
…[file CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.6.doc deleted]
………[error: unable to send CALIBR.NOTICE.AG_UN05.6.doc to AI. file not detected]
Saitama was almost at the registers when he realized he no longer heard the heavy footsteps of Genos. He turned and scanned a bit before spotting his shiny metal a few sections back. Wandering over to where the android had become distracted, noticing what had pulled his attention.
…[Master: “There you are. You looking at aprons? Do you think we should get one?”]
…[response processed: “I was simply considering that many of my chores involve water or chemical-based products, and an apron could be useful in preserving my limited clothing.”]
…[Master: “Alright then, pick one.”]
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: increased levels of dopamine]
……[processing disciplinary action to reduce BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels]
………[trigger object identified: pink apron. disallowing selection of object]
………[halting movement]
…[Master: “Change your mind?”]
…[response processed: “Yes… I… don’t think that… is the right one…”]
…[error: response partially corrupted: reattempt response]
…[response processed: “After further analysis, I have determined that-“]
Saitama did not hesitate to swipe the apron that Genos had originally reached for. Why he stopped, Saitama had no idea but it didn’t matter. This pink apron with the little running egg figure was heavily marked down, so into the pile it went.
…[Master: “We’ll get the pink one.”]
…[BIO.BRAIN dopamine levels still elevated: within acceptable range.]
…[response processed: “Thank you, master.”]
___________
With the end finally in sight, Saitama and Genos placed all their acquired items on the table for the employee to scan. The same employee who gave them sass earlier and seemed to still be on their case. Saitama returned the favor, giving only curt answers and a huff before turning with their bags and leaving. Genos managed to wrangle two of the three bags from his master before getting out the door. Luckily the rain had subsided, leaving only a thin mist in the air as the rainwater evaporated off the hot asphalt and concrete in wisps that lightly glowed with each passing car.
“It’s a good thing there was such a good deal going on, we got plenty left over to get you that futon. C’mon, the next store is just around the corner. We’ll make this one quick, I want to get home out of this humidity.” Saitama rifled through his small wallet with a bit of glee, happy to see so much of his money remaining. True to his word, they were in and out of the next store within 10 minutes and received just as much scrutiny. Saitama was really getting tired of people’s comments on his actions. Did Genos not deserve even the minimum amount of care? ‘Today was supposed to be chill, now I’m all worked up.’ Saitama sulked a bit, but reminded himself that they wouldn’t need to do this again for a long time.
‘Wait… how long do androids live for?’ The question made his stomach drop a bit. Were the clothes he just bought Genos all he would need during his life? No doubt Genos would scold him for using the word “life”, so he wouldn’t ask. He doesn’t want another lecture on all the things that stupid company says this bot is and isn’t. It was curious, though. Despite all the attempts to show Saitama that he didn’t have wants, Genos sure did lock in on that apron. Maybe Saitama was reading too much into it, kind of like how people give their toaster a personality. Also didn’t help that Genos seemed very well aware of Saitama’s need to save money.
Once home and unpacked, they finished off some leftovers from the previous night. While the bald man brushed his teeth and got ready for the night, Genos quickly cleaned up their dishes. Nothing stayed in the sink longer than twenty minutes since the android had arrived. Saitama proceeded to lay out both of their beds on the main room’s floor. It was definitely a tight fit in this tiny apartment, but it worked. Genos gave his usual spiel about how this was not needed, but Saitama was determined.
“You told me earlier you’re “just an android” and you want to make me happy. This will make me happy, and it doesn’t require you to do bad things. Are you really going to tell me you’re not able to sleep lying down? Is there programming in that brain of yours that prevents it?” Saitama was clearly very tired at this point, having dealt with enough today.
“I apologize if I came off as rude, I was simply attempting to give Android Industries’ reasoning regarding nightly routines and saving space, but I understand now that those topics do not interest you. I shall modify my behavioral programming to take this into account for the future.” Genos knelt down to his bed and touched it lightly. He rolled himself over, laying on his back and stared at the ceiling. Saitama was beginning to wonder if maybe allowing him to sleep sitting would be better after all.
“Goodnight, master.”
“Goodnight, Genos.”
Genos did not sleep.
Notes:
Quick note: I will not be able to update for a while as I have a lot of life things I need to prepare for. At minimum, a week if I somehow manage to get my schedule better organized, but I would say probably closer to two or three weeks.
Chapter 6: Reputation
Notes:
NOTICE: if you have read this before, I have updated chapters 1-5. No story beats were changed, I was just still really unhappy with the code sections. I felt as if I wrote myself into a corner with the style, so I made some changes that will be necessary in the future. Please let me know if you think these are good changes, I can always set it back to how it was.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The crimson dragon’s scales danced in the fires that raged from the destroyed buildings around it. Saitama’s ragged breathing almost drowned out the roar from the flames, the remnants of his clothing wrapped loosely around his body. He was pissed since that was his favorite shirt. The beast screeched in anger at this interloper’s tenacity, pure hatred pouring forth into yet another powerful strike at the bald man. Saitama dodged but knew he couldn’t continue forever. He needed to end this fight; the safety of the world depended on it. This dragon wanted to scorch the Earth, kill every living being, and take the hordes of wealth left behind as its own forever. Saitama spit blood on the ground beside him, thinking about how stupid a goal this was. He clenched his fist and declared himself protector of this planet before running forward, intending to deal the final blow.
Saitama awoke suddenly from the sound of a pan clattering in the kitchen. He was momentarily dazed, still stuck partially in his dream. He gave a small groan before heaving himself up from his futon. A blond head popped up from the small kitchen window and stared down in slight alarm.
“My apologies if I woke you, master. I determined that it was close to your usual waking time and decided to begin preparations for breakfast.” Genos continued to move about the small space, retrieving various items from the fridge.
“It’s fine. Just give me a minute and I’ll help.” Saitama yawned, stretching his arms wide as he walked to the entrance of the kitchen, looking in at the android who was now trying to meticulously crack an egg into a pan.
“You have given me sufficient instructions on preparing simple scrambled eggs. Please allow yourself to relax while I take care of this.” Genos’s face scrunched in determination, trying desperately to remove the tiny bit of eggshell that decided it wanted to be part of the meal too.
“Okay.” Saitama continued with his own morning ritual with absolutely no haste. He sat back down at the tiny table in the main room and flipped on the television. News immediately began about an increase in monster attacks in City B and how military police forces were working closely with many famous figures and private companies to quell these attacks. Saitama scoffed a bit, mad that they didn’t call him. He then reminded himself that they probably didn’t have his number. Perhaps he’d head over there after some food to help with everything. Afterall, City B was right next door, so those monsters could just as easily make their way here, and Saitama did not want to deal with more damage to his home.
“Master, I have prepared breakfast.” Genos placed two plates of eggs and rice on the table before sitting down himself.
“Thanks.” Saitama lifted his first bite to his mouth.
“There is no need to thank me, it is my job to serve you.” The first bite was promptly put back down.
“You still deserve a ‘thanks’ because it was nice of you to make breakfast. You could’ve waited until I told you to, but you didn’t. You did this on your own. And it looks good. So, thanks.” Saitama didn’t wait for a response before finally taking that first bite. The eggs were a bit burnt but otherwise fine enough. There was a long pause before Genos finally picked up his own utensils.
“You’re welcome, master”. Saitama gave an incomprehensible acknowledgement through a mouthful of food. They continued to eat without interruptions, the only sound coming from the low chatter of the news station. After finishing the announcement on monsters, they quickly moved on to a segment regarding someone teaching their dog how to run a lemonade stand, then one about Amai Mask’s latest new single. Saitama’s mind wandered, wondering what it would be like to be that famous. He thoughts about the crowd of screaming women holding signs with his name, the flood of fan letters he’d receive, and the segments on television that would feature him instead. ‘That sounds… annoying’ he thought, a bit defeated. Sure, praise would be nice but what would he do with all that mail? He’d probably just immediately throw it out, creating more trash he’d have to haul all the way to the trash pickup spot that was beyond the fence. Way too much work for him. Or in this case… Genos. Genos would be the one who would deal with all that, and that sounded a bit cruel. The blond bot already does enough chores around the home, Saitama didn’t want to give him more.
Their peace was interrupted by a rumble, ripples forming in their glasses of water as the building shook. Genos was immediately alert, standing defensively and whipping his head around to face a particular direction, his eyes lighting up as they scanned for the danger. Saitama just stared at him, unperturbed by the event.
“Probably a monster. I’ll go take care of it.” Saitama sluggishly rose from the table, his food basically done. Just as he reached for the glass door, Genos attempted to intervene.
“Master, I detect a high-level monster in the vicinity. It is best if we-“
“It’s really not a problem. I got it.” Saitama slid open the door, walked out onto the balcony, and scanned the horizon for this creature. “Where’d you say it was?”
“I must highly insist that we evac-“
“Oh, there it is.” Saitama had spotted the billowing cloud of dust rising from a recently toppled building. He jumped over the railing and let himself fall to the sidewalk below, leaving a small indent with a spiderweb of cracks around it. He’ll… fix that later. To his surprise, however, he was joined by the loyal android who also left a larger indent on the sidewalk. So much for fixing the sidewalk.
“Master, please listen. My advanced scanning system indicates that this monster registers high on the danger detection scale. It would be inadvisable for you to engage without any assistance. One of my primary override protocols is to direct you to safety should I detect any danger to my current master or any civilians within my vicinity.” Genos made his way between Saitama and where the monster was detected.
“I already told you, I’m strong. I’m a hero for fun after all.” Saitama figured that was enough explanation and sprinted around the tiny obstacle. The longer he waited, the closer that monster could come to ruining his home. Or worse… his favorite grocery store. He was not going to let that happen, they had a sale coming up in a few days that he needed to go to. He was only missing a few ingredients to finally make that hot pot he has been craving for weeks.
To both his amazement and no surprise at all, Genos followed closely behind. He ran with his torso low, his large arms stretch backward for balance. While Saitama wasn’t going all-out, it was still impressive that the android could keep pace like this. As they approached the assumed location, more dust clouds poured forth from the destruction it was creating. The creature let out a massive screeching roar, one that sounded eerily familiar to Saitama. This couldn’t be… the crimson dragon?
As the two rounded the corner, the monster finally came into view. Two incredibly long, silver blades shaped like scythes were the first noticeable feature of this creature. Saitama’s shoulders slumped a bit as this clearly wasn’t a dragon. Instead, it seemed to be some sort of praying mantis mixed with an exorbitant amount of steroids. Bugs should not have that many muscles. The glint of Genos’s plating caught the beast’s attention immediately, and it struck without hesitation. Saitama gave Genos a light push out of the way, which sent him careening into the adjacent building.
“Oops, sorry!” Saitama called out before returning his attention to the insect. The bug took another quick swing at Saitama, but he just jumped out of the way with ease. Genos had peeled himself out of his small pile of rubble, taking note that nothing was damaged. He watched as Saitama continued to dodge attack after attack with little effort. The mantis’s head attempted to track its assailant’s location with only mild success despite its large compound eyes. Its clear frustration amounted to one more huge attack, destroying three buildings in one go and another huge scream that caused Genos’s systems to go haywire.
Just as he was about to call out one more time to retreat, he watched his master clench his fist and punch the creature straight in chest. It was as if time had slowed, and all Genos could do was observe the spray of green blood and chunks of monster meat fly away from the powerful blast that just emanated from Saitama’s strike. The monster’s energy signature disappeared instantly, the remnants of its body falling lifeless to the ground. Saitama landed on the remaining section of flat street, the same bored expression donning his face. Just another slain monster for the hero-for-fun.
The bald man turned and walked over to Genos, who was still wide-eyed and mouth agape from shock. He called out to no reaction, so he waved his hand in front of the android’s face a bit to try to gain his attention. Genos’s vision was too clouded with messages to notice.
…[error: unable to calculate]
…[WARNING: unregulated BIO.BRAIN processes detected: error unknown processes]
…[error: WARNING]
…[WARNING: error unknown]
“Yo, you ready to head back?” Saitama casually asked one more time, as if he didn’t just exhibit a mind-blowing feat of strength. Genos closed his eyes hard and shook his head, regaining his composure.
“Master, I am unable to calculate the power behind your attack on that monster. I recognize you stated earlier that you were, and I quote “really strong”, but I clearly misunderstood the meaning. You are… I will adjust my protocols regarding your safety in order to account for this new information. Clearly you are more than capable of overcoming any danger. You… I will update your profile in accordance with A.I. standards regarding android owner information being as up to date as possible.” Genos seemed to glitch a bit while speaking, but Saitama just figured it was his system being overwhelmed.
“That’s fine. But for real, I need a shower so let’s go.” Saitama turned and strolled away without any more discussion. Genos quickly caught back up, following along behind as he usually did. They walked in silence for most of the trip, Saitama trying to shake some of the monster blood from his arms as he went. It was pretty much dried on at this point. He was wondering if his pajama pants were salvageable, or if would have been better to get some new ones when they were at that store a few days ago. Oh well, not much he can do about it now. Genos can probably research some way to get the stains out. ‘I wonder if he knows how to sew’ Saitama thought, remembering all the clothes he’s had destroyed in the past. The silence was broken when the aforementioned android finally spoke.
“If it is not too forward of me to say… You are incredible.” Saitama was caught off guard by the comment. This was by far the most human thing Saitama has heard from the guy.
“Where did that come from?” Saitama was now feeling a bit odd from the compliment.
“There is nothing in your record that would indicate you are capable of such strength. There are plenty of publicly recognized ‘Hero’ individuals, why are you not amongst them?” Genos questioned just as their apartment building loomed into view.
“Oh yeah, I mean… It’s fine. I just do this as a hobby.” They rounded the corner and started up the stairs.
“I see, so you began these activities recently…” Genos was attempting to connect dots that weren’t there.
“Nah, I started three years ago,” Saitama corrected. They both strolled into the apartment, which was luckily just as they left it.
“Surely within those three years you defeated a monster that the public noticed. Or do you prefer to remain unknown?” Genos was not about to let this topic go, so Saitama decided it best to humor him.
“I mean, there was a time I punch a meteor, but people just got mad at me for it.” Saitama recalled the whole event. Some machine guy got the credit for that one. Bastard.
“Then there is an active group conspiring against you. It is the only explanation. We must-“
“Woah, slow down. I don’t think that’s it.” Saitama held up his hands to try to calm the angry robot in front of him. He could tell the guy about King, but he didn’t really want the android company to know about that. “I don’t know what you’re getting so riled up about, it’s really not a big deal. Like I said, it’s just a hobby.” Saitama picked up his and Genos’s abandoned plates and deposited them into the kitchen sink. That shower was calling him so desperately.
He peaked back into the living room to see Genos staring at the floor, unfocused. Just as Saitama was about to breach the silence, Genos finally moved to turn to face him, his usual stoic face back in place.
“My apologies, I was simply trying to determine if there were active cases of injustice against you. As my master, your status as a member of society is still considered a priority to me as your android servant. If you are experiencing instances of ill intent, it can affect your health and wellbeing, which I am tasked to manage for your convenience.” Ah, there’s the robot Saitama is familiar with. Back to normal.
“The only injustice I experience is King kicking my ass in video games…” Saitama joked, but it seemed to fall flat on the android.
“Then I will assist you in your training,” Genos projected, stepping forward in determination. Saitama was about to reject this when a sharp knock was heard from the front door.
“Oh, what now?” Saitama groaned.
“I did not detect anyone approaching. Perhaps my scanning systems are malfunctioning due to the earlier interruptions in my system processors. I shall investigate to make sure no nuisance ninjas are here to interrupt your time, master.” Genos marched past Saitama before the man had a chance to even process what was happening. The android whipped the door open so fast that it knocked some of the papers off the desk in the living room.
Beyond the door stood a tall, statuesque woman with medium length dark green hair. She wore a long, dark green dress to match, which was tight to her form above the hips, then flowed into loose fabric below. She sported a classy string of pearls around her neck which disappeared behind the collar of her dress. She stood startled by the sudden appearance of not-Saitama before she furrowed her brow and attempted to regain her aloof attitude.
“And who might you be?” The woman questioned.
“Please state your business,” Genos countered.
“Oh, it’s Fubuki,” Saitama clarified.
Genos moved to the side so that Saitama had a better view of his new guest, though he didn’t seem pleased by this. Saitama didn’t invite her in and instead walked over to meet her at the doorway.
“What are you here for?” Saitama asked immediately. Fubuki was always only here for her own reasons, none of which ever interested the man. The last time was to convince him to go undercover and stalk some couple, and the time before that she wanted him to retrieve some lost luggage or something. All things that sounded boring or mundane but apparently at least paid her bills.
“I was in the neighborhood on business. My associates and I were hired to track and capture a loose monster and I wanted to make sure you hadn’t already killed it. I heard a commotion so I thought I would check.” Fubuki feigned cleaning her nails as she spoke, looking down her nose attempting to extrude importance.
“I’m not helping you look for it.” Fubuki snapped up, staring daggers at the man in front of her and slamming her foot down in anger.
“As a member of the Fubuki Group, it is important that you pull your weight, Saitama!”
“I’m not part of your group,” Saitama reminded her.
“Fine. Join my ground and… I’ll… provide you complimentary maintenance on your android!” Fubuki was clearly struggling to keep the bald man’s attention, shouting the first thing that came to mind to try to coax him to her side. Her statement made her stop, though. She finally acknowledged that there was a new addition to this normally lonely household. “Hold up, when did you get this?” She motioned to the android with the stare of death behind Saitama. He turned to look at Genos, having forgotten for a second he was there.
“Oh, uh.. a couple weeks ago? I didn’t “get” him, I won him so now he lives here.” Saitama thought he summed that up pretty good.
“And what model is it exactly?” She asked, raising a single eyebrow.
“I don’t know, Genos what model are you?” Saitama was so done right now.
“My model designation is AG-UN05. Any other information is irrelevant to you,” Genos nearly spat at the intruder. His eyes could not get any narrower.
“You are a feisty android, I’ve never seen anything like it. What would you need an android for anyway? You live in a tiny box, there’s no way you need something as expensive as that.” Fubuki gave the entranceway a once over, exaggerating her point.
“It’s no big deal, he keeps himself busy.” Saitama moved in a way that partially shielded Genos from Fubuki’s prying eyes, though he didn’t consciously know it. Fubuki was getting to something, Saitama just knew it.
“Well, if you won’t work for me, why not lend your android to me? It seems capable, I’ll rent it from you for a generous fee,” she bargained. Perhaps if she could get his android to sing her praises, it would entice Saitama to join as well. A review from a trusted source.
“I am not interested,” Genos did not hesitate to shut the suggestion down. Saitama once again turned to look at him, matching Fubuki’s incredulous stare. They both were momentarily silenced by both the tone and brevity of the response.
“I thought you didn’t have wants,” Saitama quipped.
“I am designated to serve you and you alone, master. While I will comply with some commands made by those associated with you, I am not required to fulfill any of them unless they are related directly to your health, safety, or convenience. I must also raise the concern that should you request that I work with this woman, there is a chance that I may be damaged while within her care in which you would be required to cover all repair costs despite what she is promising. Any actions I take outside of your care are also still your responsibility, including any potential damage I cause to others. The liability of me working outside of your direct guidance is highly frowned upon by Android Industries, and should you accept money for renting me out also opens you up to potential lawsuits. I did not feel it immediately important to outline all of the points I have just stated since you have reminded me twenty three times to shorten my responses. I determined simply stating that I wasn’t interested would be sufficient.” Genos droned, his voice softening to just a monotone deliverance once he turned to speak directly to Saitama.
“Well, there you have it. You can’t hire him,” Saitama summed up concisely.
“Saitama, can I have a word with you? Alone?” Fubuki wouldn’t take her eyes off Genos, who was also returning the favor.
“We’d have to go far if you don’t want him to hear you.”
“Fine. This android is strange, and I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors keeping it.” Fubuki looked Saitama dead in the eye, all pretense of superiority or quips gone.
“He’s fine, he’s just a little odd. Nothing wrong with that.” Saitama attempted to wave away Fubuki’s concern, but she pressed on.
“I have been around plenty of androids from doing my line of work. I can already tell there is something off with it. Androids don’t have expressions like that, they don’t talk like that, and they certainly don’t look like that. You say you “won” it but that is suspicious at best. You are not a lucky man. You’re being fucked with.” While she was attempting to be reasonable, her tone made her sound condescending. Any concern was now lost on Saitama as he became defensive.
“Alright, noted. Go find your monster.” Saitama’s expression made Fubuki recoil, as she finally recognized she crossed a line. She sighed, giving up her temporary crusade.
“Fine. Have you seen a small, cat-like creature?” She finally asked her original question.
“No, just a bug. Bye.” Saitama closed the door with a bit more force than he intended. It was, he checked the clock in the kitchen, barely past noon and he was already ready for bed. Or at least that shower. He realized he spent that entire conversation shirtless and in stained pajama pants. He retreated back into the main room, intent on grabbing a change of clothes to take with him. Once he had what he needed, he started his trek back to the bathroom only to stop once he noticed Genos hadn’t moved from the hallway.
“You okay? You seem… mad. Look, don’t take what she said seriously, she’s really good at getting rise out of people,” Saitama attempted to lighten the atmosphere.
“I am not offended as I do not have feelings. I was simply rebooting and calibrating my scanning systems in order to make sure they are fully functional.” Genos had not turned to face him yet.
“Okay, that’s good then. It just seemed like you really didn’t like her.” Saitama was hoping maybe now he’d move. The hallway was pretty narrow after all.
“I am an android. While we are designed to be human in appearance, I can assure you that I do not have likes or dislikes. She simply fell outside of the normal human experience I am programmed to accommodate for,” Genos seemed back to normal… again, but there was still something off.
“How so?” Saitama was willing to wait just a bit longer, this felt actually important.
“Humans are social creatures that give importance and even compassion to various creatures and objects, such as pets or sentimental objects. Android Industry designs their androids to attempt to hijack this personification that comes innate in many people in an effort to not only prevent harm to android units by eliciting empathy, but also create lasting bonds that would entice humans to either continue using or purchase more androids due to perceived “friendships”. As such, most androids are designated either masculine or feminine in appearance, though more androgynous models exist as well. As such, humans tend to user designators such as “him” or “her” for their units in order to create a more meaningful connection to their android. This natural phenomenon has been studied extensively if you are interested in reading more on the subject.” Saitama was beginning to think that Genos monologed on purpose.
“Meaning?”
“I am simply stating that-“
“Meaning?” Saitama emphasized a bit more harshly.
“She called me ‘it’.” Genos averted his gaze. Now Saitama understood, his chest constricting in a way he hadn’t felt in a while. Maybe he should take an antacid, those eggs were a bit burnt.
“Oh, I didn’t notice,” Saitama sheepishly admitted.
“There is no need to think further on this, master. As previously stated, I do not have emotions.” Genos finally began to exit the hallway. Saitama had forgotten what he was doing. “I understand you still need to shower after defeating the monster. I apologize if I was in your way. My systems seem to be fully operational again, though I will perform one more system scan tonight so that I can do a full reboot during my sleep mode,” Genos informed with his usual robotic tone. Saitama stared just a bit longer at the android, trying to find anything amiss. Once content, Saitama gave a noise of acknowledgement and continued on to his long-overdue shower. Or maybe a bath at this point. He felt like he needed a good soak after everything.
Fubuki was definitely wrong. Genos was no trouble at all.
Saitama sank into the warm water, wanting it to take all his thoughts away.
Notes:
Sorry for the delay, I technically shouldn't have written this yet as I'm still crazy busy (and really far behind) on IRL stuff, but I just couldn't stay away.
This is a more Saitama-centric chapter to follow the previous Genos-centric one.
I have arcs planned for everyone. You get a character arc, you get a character arc, everyone gets a character arc! Hopefully...
ArdentlyOptimistic on Chapter 2 Tue 05 Aug 2025 02:55PM UTC
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Jentley on Chapter 2 Tue 05 Aug 2025 03:27PM UTC
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ArdentlyOptimistic on Chapter 3 Tue 12 Aug 2025 01:34AM UTC
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ImLovnThis on Chapter 4 Sun 17 Aug 2025 12:23PM UTC
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ImLovnThis on Chapter 5 Wed 20 Aug 2025 08:01AM UTC
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ImLovnThis on Chapter 6 Mon 08 Sep 2025 05:56AM UTC
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