Chapter Text
Everyone is looking at him.
Nerve-wracking on a normal day, today Buck is just exhausted.
His calves hurt from bouncing in place, he is sweating from the stress and he is bound to grow deaf at the high-pitched wails from his daughter.
It’s been an hour.
An hour of these heartbreaking sounds. An hour of wandering around the park under the looks of every other parent. An hour of Buck feeling like he’s the worst father in the world. An hour of despair. An hour of Buck’s own tears.
“Please, Dani,” He begs, shifting the wailing baby, cradling her on one arm with the other desperately caressing her head and face. “I’ll give you anything if you just stop crying.”
It’s been half an hour since Tommy said he was on his way.
It was Buck’s day of staying with the baby while Tommy went on shift.
It was going so well, she was giggling, absolutely giddy on the car ride over. Dani loved this park, liked to watch the children run around, giggling when they would shyly approach the baby carrier with careful tickles and quieter tones. She loved this park.
Not today.
As soon as Buck sat down on the bench, ready to wait, to relax, the wailing started. He tried everything - tried feeding her, tried changing her, the pacifier ended up on the ground, and his arms were getting tired from trying to soothe her.
Maybe it’s a sign.
It’s not a sign, a voice that sounds very much like Tommy argues and Buck sighs.
It could be a sign.
“I’ll get you a new toy,” And she gets that little bit louder, a high pitch cry. “A house, a car, a whole fleet of them, honey, please.” He is close to tears, can feel his eyes growing wet and blurry.
“That would get expensive.” A teasing voice behind makes him turn and he almost deflates in relief.
Tommy. A sight for sore eyes. More like tearful and blurry eyes.
“Thank god you’re here,” Buck tries to keep his husband from seeing just how panicked he had gotten. “She won’t stop crying.” His voice cracks and he knows he failed.
Tommy frowns and his lips part but Buck knows that if Tommy so much as tries to reassure him, he will start crying. He acts fast, shoving the still crying baby in his husband’s arms, her chubby hands gripping the tight t-shirt.
“I don’t-”
Dani hiccups a few breaths before her cries quiet down. Buck’s sigh of relief is like a physical weight has been lifted off him. He is sure everyone in the park appreciates the silence too.
“It actually worked,” Buck’s giggle sounds delirious and the sound is echoed on the baby as he watches her fingers cling onto a prickly beard. “You have a way with her, babe!”
He looks up to his husband’s face, notices his wide eyes, his haircut shaved on the sides, the parted lips, the dark t-shirt clinging to his body, on the frightened hold he has on the baby.
…Wait a minute.
“Y-You are not Tommy,” Buck says slowly, watching the stranger clutching the baby to him, not that experienced hold Tommy had perfected. “Are you?”
“Nope,” And it sounds calm, collected, not at all like the panic clear in his face, in his eyes. “You just looked like you were having a hard time. I was just trying to see if I could help…”
“I-I mean, you did help…” His laughter is more nervous now, his eyes glancing between Dani and the freaky copy of his husband.
“R-Right,” And the anxiety in his face is so different from when Tommy feels anxious, it’s like looking at a funhouse mirror version of Tommy and Buck remembers seeing Kim at the station. Remembers the Scooby Doo episodes Chris liked to watch and feels that urge again to pull their mask off, see who’s under it. “Can I give it back?”
“Yeah, you can give her back,” He points out, frowning at the stranger’s words. He grabs hold of the baby lifting her back into his arms when she sniffles in discontentment before a sharp cry bursts out of her. Buck puts her back into the Tommy-doppelganger’s arms until she settles again. “Okay, so this is upsetting.”
“I can't be holding a baby the whole day, dude,” The other man, the man who looks creepily like Tommy, widens his eyes, his voice cracking in panic and on any other day, Buck would have laughed. Not today. Not when he’s about to cry over the fact that Dani apparently hates him. “You have to take her back.”
“Evan?” And now he feels even more silly with how he confused this stranger for his husband.
That was Tommy’s voice. Shit! That was Tommy’s voice. Buck’s eyes are wide and panicked and he faintly wonders how similar he looks to the stranger still holding his baby, as he turns towards his husband who’s approaching with a frown on his face. Oh boy.
“Evan, what’s going on?” And his eyes are locked onto the still wide-eyed stranger who’s got Dani’s fingers pulling on his bottom lip.
I suck as a dad, he wants to answer. He wants to say it but knows that it would not end well for him, and it would also not explain why there’s a weird copy of Tommy holding the baby.
“Sh-She was crying,” He explains, desperate, begging. “She was crying for an hour and then h-he shows up and I thought it was you and-”
“We look nothing alike, Evan.” Tommy interrupts, still frowning at the stranger while glancing towards Buck, receiving an agreeing nod from the other man.
“You do look alike, Tommy, any other day and this,” He points towards the two of them looking at him. “This would do it for me.”
The doppelganger snorts in surprise while Tommy looks even more exasperated. “Evan…”
He waves away the subject. “She stopped crying for him and I tried to take her back but she started crying again.”
“It’s true.”
Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “You were probably just stressed out, Evan, you know that babies can sense that.”
“I’ll prove it,” Buck is quick to grab hold of the babbling baby, pulling her completely into his arms. She squawks in surprise as she looks up at Buck and he’s not beating the terrible father allegations because he is almost begging for her to cry and almost sighs in relief when she does, high-pitched noises piercing through his ears and making that self-doubt louder in his brain. “See?”
Tommy sends him that look, that exasperated look that makes Buck want to press on the raising eyebrow and tug it down. “Give her to me,” His husband reaches out, taking the baby into his arms where she hiccups as she looks up at Tommy’s friendly face before she lets out a loud wail, crying like she’s going to hyperventilate. “I don’t understand, did you-”
“Fed her? Changed her? Tried on every single pacifier I brought? Yup, nothing worked,” He huffs before gesturing towards the stranger who is, for some reason, still around. “Except him.”
Tommy’s eyes land on the other man even as he bounces in place to try and soothe the wailing baby. “It’s not possible,” He mumbles, before letting out a sharp breath and taking advantage of the man’s surprise to place Dani into his arms.
Like magic, the baby’s cries dissolve into a stuttering breath and then a giggle as her fingers latch on to the fabric of the t-shirt and the hairs on the man’s arms.
“What is going on here?” Tommy looks ready to pluck his hair out as he watches the now-calm baby gurgling and spluttering all over this double’s chest.
“Rocker?”
The stranger’s eyes widen, recognition and panic, as he turns towards the voice. “Molly, I can explain,” Buck and Tommy follow his line of sight towards an approaching brunette - Molly?. “A-Actually, I don’t think I can.” And he glances almost pleading towards them.
“I can,” Everyone is looking at Buck again, it’s just nerve-wracking now. “I’m a terrible dad and I couldn’t soothe my baby and I confused this guy with my husband and he must be some sort of baby whisperer because I tried everything and all he needed to do was hold her and she stopped crying, so yeah, that’s it!”
Everyone is still looking at him. There is concern on everyone’s faces and he must look like a crazy man, crying in the middle of a park. Tommy’s large hand cups his cheek, his thumb caressing his skin while wiping away the tears and Buck wants to cry more.
“You’re not a terrible dad,” Tommy says quietly but in that firm tone he has that forces the words in Buck’s brain, forces him to look at things clearly, objectively. “She cried with me too. I guess, I’m now complicit if this guy decides to steal our baby-”
“I’m a SWAT officer, I wouldn’t steal a baby,” The other man - Rocker? - is quick to interrupt, chest puffing for a moment before he frowns. “I don’t know why I’m defending myself.”
The brunette sends the man a fondly exasperated look. It reminds him of the way Tommy looks at him when Buck has spent the last hour talking about seahorses. She sighs. “I mean, he wouldn’t steal a baby, that’s true, this,” She points between Tommy and the other man. “Is still freaky.”
“Apparently doppelgangers are a thing? My best friend almost hooked up with the doppelganger of his dead wife,” Everyone is looking at him again. Well, he prefers this look to the pitying one from before. “He didn’t actually hook up with her.” He adds in a quiet voice.
“I don’t think that’s the part we were stuck on, actually,” She presses her lips together in amusement. “I am still very confused on what’s going on here and you look freakishly like my boyfriend-”
“We really don’t look alike.” Rocker argues, causing her to raise a disbelieving eyebrow.
“You really do.” Buck argues back, exchanging a knowing look with the brunette.
“Anyway, I’m Molly, Molly Hicks,” She holds out her hand towards Buck and Tommy. “And this is Donovan Rocker, he goes by Rocker.”
The doppelganger - Rocker! - tries to hold out his hand when an unhappy squeak and a firm tug on his hand stops him. Dani takes hold of his fingers, holding them to her chest. He sends them a nod instead with a blush on his cheeks. Molly stifles a laugh against her hand.
“I’m Tommy Kinard and this is my husband.”
“Evan Buckley but everyone calls me Buck.” Buck waves quickly.
“And that’s Dani, who is very fascinated with your boyfriend’s hands.”
“I can relate.” Molly and Buck mutter at the same time, their eyes widening in faux innocence when their significant others turn to them.
“Maybe we can try and take our baby back now,” Buck adds quickly, hoping to distract the other two and hoping that the baby is not gonna reject him again. His hands go under her armpits and she’s quick to whine in disagreement. “Or maybe not.” He quickly takes his hands away wrapping them around his own chest almost in a hug. Tommy’s hand lands on his back and he feels like he’s about to shatter.
Rocker’s stomach growls and his concerned eyes widen in embarrassment. “Molly and I were supposed to meet for lunch.” He says in lieu of explanation, he shifts the baby in his arms, holding her against his chest.
“I was meeting Evan for lunch, too.” Tommy says and his stomach makes itself known loudly.
Molly laughs. “Well, since my boyfriend is currently stuck with your daughter,” She teases good-naturedly. “We could all go for lunch.”
“So you are just letting me hold your baby now?” Rocker raises an eyebrow and it’s really hard to take him seriously when an 6-month-old baby is pulling on his ear with a giggle.
“You’re a SWAT officer, you’re trustworthy,” Molly grins, leaning on his free shoulder. “Besides, this is working for you.” She looks at him appraisingly and Buck understands - Tommy and babies are his kryptonite.
“Tacos?” Tommy asks with a reluctant grin.
They go for tacos.
They learn that Rocker doesn’t like cilantro because it tastes like soap. They learn that Buck likes fizzy drinks. They learn that Molly is vegetarian. They learn that Tommy likes spicy things. They learn that Molly is a lawyer, that Rocker leads one of the SWAT teams. They learn that they met in a spin class. They learn that Buck and Tommy are both firefighters. They learn that they met when Buck and his team convinced Tommy to steal a helicopter.
“Maybe we should embellish our story, Mols,” Rocker grins at the brunette as she feeds him fries since he has his arms full of baby, Dani happily cradled on his elbow keeping his only free hand in her grasp. “Add a little municipal theft? A little hurricane?”
Molly laughs, shaking her head. “I like our story just fine,” She says, falling into baby-talk as she wiggles her fingers over Dani’s belly, making the baby laugh. “She’s so cute.”
Buck and Tommy notice the way she’s looking at the baby girl in Rocker’s arms, the way she’ll sneak a look up at her boyfriend with an intensity that they’re not even sure she notices.
Rocker does.
“We’ve only been together for a few months, babe,” Rocker says, making her look up in innocent surprise. “It’s too early for babies.”
“I know that,” She defends herself with a petulant tone, making Buck share an amused look with Tommy. “I’m just pointing out that she’s a cute baby.” She raises her eyebrow like she believes her words.
“She is a cute baby,” Buck agrees, taking a drink of his soda. “That’s why we chose her.”
“That is not why we chose her,” Tommy is quick to disagree, like Buck expected him to. “We didn’t even choose her.”
“You’re right, you’re right,” Buck nods, faking a serious look. “The stork brought her to our door one night.”
“Evan,” Tommy sounds exasperatedly fond, that uptick in his lips and raised eyebrow and Buck can’t help grin at it. Tommy sighs, leaning back against the booth and wrapping an arm around Buck, pulling him close. “She’s a safe haven baby.”
Molly’s eyes show recognition and she smiles at them before looking down at the baby. Rocker doesn’t share the look. “What’s that?”
Tommy takes a sip of his drink so Buck takes it as a hint that it’s his turn to talk. “She was dropped off at my station. I was man behind and took care of her,” His eyes turn adoring as he looks at the baby playing with the couple’s fingers, one in each hand. “She just won me over, it’s impossible to spend a single minute with her and not fall in love with her.”
“I kept getting videos and pictures of Evan with the baby from our friends,” Tommy added with a chuckle. “And he’s right. All it took was five minutes and I fell in love with her.”
“We’re, uh, we’re in the process of adopting her, right now,” Buck confesses, tucking himself further into Tommy. “We had some trouble because we weren’t married but we are now. We have an appointment next week.” Tommy notices the nervous waver in his voice and kisses his head, tugging him close.
It helps. It always does.
“Does that mean that we’re gonna have to get married before we think about kids?” Rocker asks and that helps too, distractions.
“For someone who says it’s too early, you’re clearly thinking about it.” Molly raises an eyebrow with a smirk.
“I’m not thinking about it,” And it’s good to see a similarity. Tommy also sucks at lying. “I’m just saying.”
“Well, Dad is ready to give you his blessing.” She shrugs as if it wasn’t a big deal.
“What?”
“You did get shot trying to save me from those bank robbers.”
“What?!” Buck and Tommy exclaim reflexively. Dani screeches from Rocker’s lap in surprise, calming down with the weight of the officer’s hand over her chest, sighing in contentment.
“It was a normal day at work.” Rocker shrugs.
“Right,” Molly snorts. “I guess going against Hondo’s orders and sneaking into the bank to overpower the robbers was also a normal day at work.”
“...I didn’t go in alone.”
“Because Hondo figured out your plan. Dad was fighting between firing you or promoting you.”
Rocker laughs. “I’m glad he settled with a pat on my uninjured shoulder instead.”
“Apparently, putting your job at risk is like the most romantic thing one can do,” Buck teases. “I got this guy out of it. I couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone else.”
Tommy nods, his eyes saying everything he won’t say. “When you know, you know.”
And there’s a chirping sound from Rocker’s arms, almost like she knows. Maybe she does. Molly’s sigh is quiet as the side of her finger caresses Dani’s full cheeks and Rocker watches them with an adoring look. It reminds him of the picture Hen sent him - Buck and Tommy huddled together in the station’s couch, Chim’s back to the camera as he rants about responsibilities but they only have eyes for the sleeping baby, her little sighs and little facial reflexes.
Dani’s mouth forms a perfect O as she yawns, body tensing for a second before she relaxes, taking longer to open her eyes after each blink.
“She really is perfect, you guys.” Molly sighs in awe and Rocker sighs with her, his with more reluctance, almost like giving up and it feels like a win.
“I know,” Tommy reaches over to caress Dani’s hand, his big thumb dwarfing her small hand. “We were very lucky, she was a surprise,” Buck chuckles as he thinks about that day, a blush on his cheeks. “We had to have the whole baby talk with a newborn sleeping in our arms.”
“It worked out pretty well for us.”
“I-uh,” Rocker starts, freezing when everyone looks at him. His eyes fall instead down to the baby in his arms, looking up at him with curiosity, and Rocker’s shoulders deflate. “I’m divorced,” Molly presses her shoulder more firmly against her boyfriend’s. “My ex-wife didn’t want children. I, uh, I thought we were working towards that, towards a family like I always said I wanted. For a while, I put those desires to the side b-because I loved her-” His voice cracks and Buck wants to reach out.
Molly does it first, her fingers digging into the hairs on the back of his head, leaving a lingering kiss on his cheek. “You don’t have to talk about this, babe.” And it’s soft, it’s leaving space, it reminds him of warm blankets around him, a paused movie on TV and tears running down his cheeks as he tells Tommy about Daniel.
“I just-What I mean by this,” Rocker clears his throat, takes a deep breath, takes time. “I’m glad that you two managed to make this work for you, that you got thrown this curve ball and rolled with the punches,” He chuckles embarrassed. “I’m mixing metaphors now.”
“Babe,” Molly interrupts, her thumb rubbing against his temple, tone reassuring. “We don’t have to talk about it yet. You’re right, it’s too early.”
“I know,” He nods and his eyes turn pleading as he looks at her. “I know that, it just-I’m just happy that we’re on the same page, even without actually talking about this,” He smiles, and it’s so bright and it reminds Buck of a night of logistics, arms bereft of baby, and Tommy suggesting marriage and fear and worry turning to blinding happiness. “We’re also talking about this in front of technical strangers.” His cheeks are red and Molly hides a laugh against her hand.
“You have been holding our daughter for about an hour,” Tommy points out, tone calm, not betraying the amount of information and emotion that has been shared. “We’re not strangers anymore.”
“Right,” Rocker chuckles and they all pretend that they don’t hear the sniffing sound at the end. Dani yawns again, eyes closing for a full minute before opening again. “She looks ready for a nap, I think.” His voice is quiet, considerate.
“I-I, uh,” Buck starts, wiping sweaty palms on his jeans. “I wanna try and take her, if you don’t mind.”
“It’s your daughter, man,” Rocker smiles, soft and gentle, and maybe it’s just the similarities with his husband but it does wonders to calm him down. “Take her.”
And Buck has held the baby a million times. He has soothed pre-nap cries, feeding time tantrums, has changed diapers, fed her, lulled her to sleep.
But he is nervous now.
It’s as if this crying fit brought to the surface all the fears and concerns that the calendar notification reminded him of. Knowing that their evaluation was approaching. That someone would be looking into their life, into their hearts, and judge if they’ll be worthy parents was making him rethink everything he has ever done in life.
Rocker adjusts the baby in his arms, Molly and Tommy making sure that there are no accidents during the handover. Buck takes her into his hands, holds his breath at her silence as she looks around.
He sits down slowly, tucking her into his elbow and looking down at her. Her brown eyes lock on his. His heart stops beating, his lungs burn from disuse and he feels his blood boiling in his veins.
She smiles.
She smiles and giggles and splutters in his arms. Her small hands latch onto his stubble and she splutters some more. His heart beats again, breath rushes into his lungs and his blood settles. Dani smiles and settles into his arms, makes herself comfortable in that way that means she’ll be asleep in minutes. She makes herself comfortable and he feels tears run down his cheeks.
“Evan…” Tommy’s voice is quiet, close to his ear, the only sound before his husband’s forehead leans against his temple, before a big hand cradles the side of his neck. “It’s okay.”
“I didn’t think holding my daughter in my arms could still make me cry but it’s been a long day, guys.” Buck tries to joke, tries to force some levity into his voice.
It doesn’t work. Not with the way Rocker and Molly look at him, with soft smiles on their lips and shiny eyes. Not with the way Tommy presses a firm kiss to his temple, right on top of his birthmark. It makes him cry, makes him feel comforted, seen.
“Tommy, I-”
“Evan,” His husband interrupts, knowing, always knowing. “You are a great father. I know it, our family knows it and the social worker will see that too.” His eyes lock in on Buck’s, gently forcing his words into him.
Buck takes a deep breath and nods, trying to hold the words in.
“He’s right,” Molly nods, making him turn to her. “It’s nothing to be scared of. I know you guys are going to do great.” Her smile is soft and Rocker nods from beside her. It feels good, the trust, the belief, it soothes him.
“And would you look at that,” Rocker’s face brightens and he points towards the baby in Buck’s arms. Buck feels tears looming all over again at the sight of the sleeping baby in his arms. “She knows exactly who her dad is, she knows she’s safe to sleep in your arms.”
Buck sniffles, blurry eyes latching on the way Dani is gripping his shirt. “You are going to make me cry again.”
“Crying is good for you,” Tommy teases in that soft tone that tells Buck he has that loving look in his eyes. “And he’s right, you’re her favourite,” Buck turns sharply towards him ready to disagree. “Don’t even try to fight it, you are her favourite and I love seeing that,” Buck deflates and accepts the quick kiss to his lips. “Besides, I’ll be her favourite when she’s older and she gets to fly on helicopters.”
Buck squints his eyes in a dramatic glare at Tommy’s smug look. “You’re lucky I have my arms full of baby right now.” Tommy joins Rocker and Molly in their quiet laughter.
“And you look damn good like that too.” Tommy adds in a hushed tone making Buck flush, like he always does.
Rocker’s watch beeps with a notification and he quickly taps it out. “My break is almost over, I’m gonna have to go.”
Molly nods with a sigh. “Yeah, I should head back too.”
“I’m really sorry for ruining your lunch plans,” Buck adds as they watch the couple get up and gather their things. “The food is on us.” He quickly adds, when he notices them reaching for their wallets.
“Then we’ll get it next time,” Molly holds out a commanding finger at them. “Because this was fun, it was so nice to meet you two and your little girl.”
“She’s right,” Rocker grins and wraps his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder. “This was not how I expected to spend my lunch time but it was great!”
“Well, if you ever want to spend more time with her, maybe babysit, we would appreciate it.” Tommy’s smile is teasing but holds some truth to it.
“What he means,” Buck sends a pointed look towards his husband who just grins at it. “Is that we’d love to spend time with you guys again, with or without the baby.”
“I was just broadening our babysitter pool.” Tommy defends with a teasing grin that is not mollified by Buck’s raised eyebrow.
“We should definitely spend some time in the ring, Tommy.” Rocker points towards his double.
“I’d be into watching that,” Molly grins, sharing a wink with Buck who can’t help but agree.
Tommy looks at Buck with that fondly exasperated look that makes Buck light up inside and don that innocent look he knows Tommy loves. “Just put your numbers here.” He says handing over his phone.
It’s a minute or two before they are exchanging careful hugs and Dani is getting a soft kiss on her head from Molly and a little cheek caress from Rocker. The couple waves at them on the way out and Buck smiles as he slumps against the booth. Tommy looks at him with a soft look.
“Hey,” Buck tilts his head. “Come here.” Tommy does, he always does, and Buck “steals” a kiss, a quick one, a press of lips that spells out all the words he won’t have time to say.
“What was that for?” Tommy asks with that soft tone, in a kiss daze.
“I love you and I’m happy that you’re my baby daddy,” Buck answers and Tommy gives him that look that is so fond but so exasperated and Buck knows he will want it for the rest of his life. “Also, I would never trade you for anyone. Not even Rocker.”
“Evan!” Tommy’s surprised laughter almost wakes up their daughter. They sigh with relief when she stays asleep. “I love you too, by the way.”
And Buck wouldn’t trade this for the world. Not even for two Tommys.
Well…maybe.