Work Text:
Silver Morning Hours
The Sheppard-McKay family was on Earth. Aria had celebrated her third birthday a few days ago, and they were taking a little more time on Earth before heading back to Atlantis. Ally didn't like it when they were gone for too long, but John had just been promoted to full bird and was enjoying a little free time and getting a few things for the children before heading back. Oliver was five months old and was about ready to try to take on the world. The morning hours he'd had with his family were the silver lining he needed to face the two people he had in his home on Earth.
"John," came the voice of his brother.
John looked at his son, who was rolling on the play mat in front of him. "Why are you both here?" he asked, looking from David to Patrick, "I thought I made it clear years ago that I didn't want to know either of you. What made you think turning up unannounced on my doorstep was a good idea?" he continued.
"It's not like you're answering emails, or anything," David said, "How can we get to know you, talk with you, if you just-"
John just stared at him until he went quiet, "Does he know?" he asked Patrick, "Does he know of the shit you and her put me through as I grew up?" he looked at him, waiting for him to answer, "Does he know that the time I almost died when I was eight was because she beat me almsot to death. That she killed herself because she failed to kill me?" he carried on, his voice calm, almost void of the emotions that those words carried.
"What?" David frowned as he looked from his brother to his father.
Patrick said nothing.
"The reason why I got out of that house as quickly as I could was so I could escape the fact that he blamed me for your mother's death. Please note, as well, that I don't call him father, or her mother, because they were never that for me. They were my torturers, my abusers. She beat me, yelled at me, made my life a living hell for the first eight years of it, then he ignored me, yelled at me, and blamed me for things I had no fucking control over. All of it because she wanted a girl, and I was a damn boy instead. I was the disappointment, the unwanted son."
"You think she killed herself because she failed to kill you?" Patrick finally spoke, looking at him.
"Well, why else would she have taken her life?" John asked, "It couldn't be anything else, considering how she hit more times than not most days. I half expected to be dumped in a ditch that day. I was thankful I was dying, I was dying at eight years old, and I was glad of it. I would finally be free of the pain she put me through, how you ignored the abuse, and even verbally flayed me for not being better at everything. For speaking at one of those damn functions you made me go to."
"She killed herself because she almost killed you!" Patrick yelled out, "She killed herself because she had almost killed a child. You... when you were lying there after she had beaten you, you told her, Thank you for killing you. You said that to her before you lost consciousness. She told me, as we were at the hospital waiting for news, whether you would survive or not. When we knew that you would, and that you would recover. She killed herself, leaving a damn note saying that she couldn't be around you, as she was too dangerous to be around you. That she knew she would hurt you again, and she didn't want to do that. I-"
"Blamed me for her death, and it really was because I lived and not died. If I had died, she would have been fine-"
"No, she wouldn't have been fine," Patrick shook his head. "I ignored everything, every single day, I ignored what she did. You were a child, and I blamed you for her death, and I know I never should have said that to you, I never should have yelled it for anyone to hear."
"But I did," David said quietly, "because you blamed him, I did," he added, "and then-" he cut himself off.
"You yelled it at me and pushed me down the stairs. Telling me that if I wasn't there, then she still would be. I didn't even know she was dead. No one told me anything, not until after I tried to fucking kill myself, thinking if I did, that would bring her back for you. Because while I didn't love her, I did love you. I wanted you to have her back," John said as Oliver gave a little cry. He reached over, picking him up, "Hey, sweet boy," he murmured, "What was that for?" he asked as Oliver gave a grumpy look. "Ahh, you want cuddles," he said as Oliver flopped against him and huffed, as John wrapped an arm around him, making sure he was secure.
"I'm sorry, John," David said, "I never should have done that at all. You were my little brother, and you were hurting and had no idea what the hell was going on. Dad... he said not to trouble you with it. But when I found you, almost dead in your room, I wanted to take everything back. Everything I had ever said or done wrong from the moment you were a baby. I tried to be there for you, but you just-"
"Kept away from you. I already told you that it was more because you ahd been my safe space until that moment. Then you were like Dad to me. You were sixteen, David, and I was eight years old, and I had NO ONE I could go to for comfort or anything. I wasn't raised by them; I wasn't raised at all by anyone but myself. I exsited as a stranger in that house to the moment I left it for college at fifteen," he finished, his voice even again as he didn't want to shout at all with Oliver in the room.
"I don't need either of you in my life, I haven't done in twenty years. I know you reached out about your marriage. I was in a really bad place when you asked me that. I'm in a better place now, but I still don't need you, David. That time is long past."
"I know it is," David said, "And there's nothing I can do to change it. I wish I could, I wish I could tell my younger self to be there for you, to make sure you always had a safe space with me. I wish I'd done something when you went to college instead of ignoring the fact that you had left. You joined the Air Force and I... I was so damn scared when I learned that," he shook his head a few times, "I want to be there for you, I want to be family to you. I've wanted that all along, and I still do. I want my kids to know their uncles, I want them to know their cousins. I have three kids, and the thought of them being put through the shit you went through scares me. I try my best to never let it happen, and I hope I succeed in that."
"I'm not in Colorado often," John said, his words hesitant, as he looked at Patrick, "I don't know how to even feel about you. You let her do that to me all the time; you never once stood up for me or helped me. Yeah, you might have gotten me medical attention when it was needed, but you never truly helped me; you never made her stop. I can't even imagine letting anyone hurt my kids like you let her hurt me. I would murder the person who even tried," he added, not letting on the fact that he had killed a few times to stop someone from hurting his children, and those on Atlantis when someone was able to infiltrate three months ago.
"There is nothing I can say or do that will change what I've done," Patrick said, his words measured and careful as he added, "I didn't know how to stop her."
"By getting her help, she needed help, and instead of her getting what she needed, you let her abuse a child," John snapped at him, "It was a simple as that. You could have had her committed to a facility to help her with whatever was going on in her head that broke when I turned out to be a boy and not the girl she wanted. You should have gotten her help right then. You failed her, and you failed me. You both failed me. David, maybe one day we can be in each other's lives, but I don't know if that will ever happen. Like I said, I'm not in Colorado often. I'm here for another couple of days, and then we're heading back to base. And no, I can't tell you where that is," he said as he heard the front door open and the running steps of his daughter as she rushed to him.
"Daddy!" she called out as she burst into the room, "look at my new shoes daddy!" she said as she held out one foot to show John, and then the other, hopping from one to the other, "Aren't they pretty!"" she giggled as they sparked in the light of the room.
"Really pretty," he smiled as he looked up at Rodney, who shot the two men in the room a silent glare.
"She wants sparkles to show off at the creche," Rodney said as he saw the questioning look, "Who am I to tell our little escape artist, no to sparkles?" he snorted, "It might make it easier for them to spot when she tried to get out again."
John laughed, smiling widely as he handed Oliver to Rodney, "he's going to want something to eat soon," he began.
"Yeah, I want something to eat, Papa," Aria said as she looked up at Rodney.
"I'll start lunch," he rolled his eyes, "And you, little menace, can help."
"Being a menace is fun, Papa, you should try it," she nodded wisely as she led the way to the kitchen.
John snorted at that, "I don't think she realizes that she gets that side of her from you," he said as he smirked at Rodney.
"I'm only a menace to the idiots that I work with, and yes, John, that does include you," he huffed as he followed his daughter to the kitchen.
John watched them with a fond smile on his face, "How you hurt me, I could never imagine doing it to them. To take the joy and laughter from Aria, or even Ollie. How you let it happen and did nothing, I will never be able to understand or anything. Patrick, I don't want you in my life at all. I've made my peace with that a long time ago. Hell, before I even left for college, I made my peace with it. The one that hurt was David," he said as he looked at his older brother. "It might take a long time before I ever feel fully comfortable having you in my life, David."
"I know, and I just want to try, even if it's the odd email or call. I'll take what I can get," David said, looking hopeful at his brother.
"I'm going to have lunch with my family, and I'll show you both out. I have your email still, if you haven't changed it," John said as he got up, waiting for the two men to do the same.
David nodded, "I never changed it, I... wanted you to always have a way to contact me if you needed to."
Patrick was silent as they were shown out of the house. Before John could close the front door, he turned to his son and said, "I am sorry, for what it's worth. I will never have the chance to get to know my youngest son. I will never have the knowledge that the man he is today is because of me. You did a fine job of raising yourself."
John frowned as he watched Patrick walk away. He still had no clue as to how to feel about the man.
David lingered for a few moments, "Email me, please, and maybe me and you can get together and have another talk, without dad. I'd like to know everything that happened, I didn't..." he shook his head, "I would say that I didn't know, but I think I should have."
"You were a kid as well, David. You may have been older, but you were still a kid," he told him.
David nodded, feeling like it wasn't a good excuse, "Take care of yourself and your family."
"I will," he nodded as he then watched his brother turn and followed Patrick to the car he was waiting by.
John watched them leave with mixed feelings. He followed the laughter back into the house and to the kitchen, where Rodney stood, looking at their daughter with an annoyed look on his face. Aria was giggling madly as John spotted the raw egg that was slowly running down Rodney's shirt. "Why don't you go and change, and I'll take over making lunch, while Madam will be sitting at the counter and not helping," he said as he plucked his giggling daughter from the floor and put her in the booster seat so she could sit at the counter instead of the table. Oliver was in his bouncer that had been put nearby so they could easily keep an eye on him while they cooked.
"Menace," he muttered. "Honestly, I don't think it's just from me either," Rodney added as he went to get cleaned up.
John laughed, feeling at ease now that David and Patrick were gone and it was just him and his family.